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redisriding · 4 years

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Tell us about yourself!

Yikes! So I didn't really know where to begin with this one, Well I was born on the banks of the river... Nah! So I googled “fun get to know me questions” and the resulting questionnaire had 371 questions. I decided to answer the first 100!

Strap yourself in, because HERE WE GO!

1. What is your full name?

Red is Riding ;)

2. What does your name mean?

Funny story, so I actually created this alias to partake in some underground hedonistic activities. When I went to start my Tumblr I just decided to use the same one because I’m not very creative and didn’t want to make up a new one. I never thought that this blog would become as popular as it has, and now I couldn’t be bothered changing the name. It does make me laugh though, if only you people knew what I used to get up to under this alias.

3. Are you named after anyone?

Little Red Riding Hood?

4. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?

I don’t think so, but maybe someone smarter than me could figure it out.

5. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

I would probably change my real first name if I could as unfortunately I share it with a reasonably well known facist.

6. Where are you from?

A small European country.

7. Where were you born?

In the capital city of that small European country.

8. Where did you grow up?

In the suburbs of the capital of that small European country.

9. Who did you look like growing up?

A member of the band Hanson, if they had red hair and wore those terrible 2000’s wire rimmed glasses.

10.What are your best characteristics?

Oh gosh, isn’t it embarrassing to talk about your good traits? Especially when the way you see yourself is often so different from the way others see you.

11.What are your favorite things about yourself?

Honestly, I’ve great boobs.

12.Which of your parents are you closest to?

Depends on my mood.

13.Which of your parents are you more like?

I think physically I’m more like my mother, but my character is closer to my father.

14.Are your grandparents still married?

Yep, on one side. On the other side my grandad is dead and has been for a very long time.

15.What relative was important to you growing up & why?

I guess my grandparents, they are the only members of the extended family I ever really saw growing up. I was never close to my uncles, and my aunts and cousins all live in different countries.

16.What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents?

Anything about my love life, we just don’t talk about it. Ever!

17.What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

I’m actually not sure. I know they had lots of other traditionally female names picked out, but I don’t know any male names they had for me. I’m not sure if they knew early on if I was going to be a girl, would make sense though.

18.What do you call your grandparents?

I call one of my grandmother’s by her first name, and my grandad, grandad.

19.What is your best physical feature?

My boobs!…I have pretty eyes too.

20.What is your biggest accomplishment?

Probably getting into University and graduating top of my class.

21.What is your biggest fear?

Having all my joints simultaneously dislocate.

22.What is your biggest regret?

The way I’ve treated certain people over the years.

23.What is your eye colour?

Blue.

24.What inspires you?

Hope that tomorrow can be better.

25.What is the most important thing in your life?

My family, and my future.

26.What has required the most courage of you in your life so far?

Hummm, I’m really not sure about this one.

27.Who is your favourite actor?

I truly could not name a single actor.

28.Who is your favourite actress?

As above.

29.Who is your favourite celebrity?

I genuinely have no idea.

30.Who is your favourite musician?

Lorde has been getting me through this quarantine, but my favourite singer/band is/are Florence + the Machine. Maybe that dates me.

31.Who’s your favourite person in the world?

I can’t choose just one!

32.What is your favourite childhood memory?

I’m very lucky, I had a really marvellous childhood. I guess I have some great memories of playing with my brother as a child, but I’m not sure I have a favourite memory.

33.What is your favourite colour?

Teal.

34.What is your favourite cultural activity?

I love going to the theatre.

35.What is your favourite drink?

Water is the thing I drink most often. I don’t like tea or coffee, and I only drink alcohol in social settings not alone of an evening.

36.What is your favourite fairytale?

I’m actually not sure. I know it’s not quite the same but I was never allowed to watch the Disney princess films growing up (a lot of which are based on fairytales) so I can’t say I am particularly attached on any. Although, in answering this question I have remembered by blog name so I probably should say Little Red Riding Hood.

37.What is your favourite food?

Potatoes, they are so wonderfully versatile, I will never get bored eating them.

38.What is your favourite holiday destination?

There is so much of the world I have not yet seen and I cannot wait until we’re allowed to travel again. The last big trip I was on was to Canada, Vancouver, and it was amazing.

39.What is your favourite ice-cream flavour?

Ice cream does not agree with me at all, I always thought I was lactose intolerant because of it (I’m not), but I did love a pistachio ice cream as a kid.

40.What is your favourite music genre?

According to Spotify my most listened to genre is “alternative” whatever that means.

41.What is your favourite physical activity?

Hiking.

42.What is your favourite quote?

I don’t believe I have one. I do know someone who has “live laugh love” tattooed on their foot. Take from that what you will.

43.What is your favourite snack?

Tbh I don't really snack (am I coming across as awfully boring in these questions?) I love three big meals a day. I will eat an apple or something if I need something pre dinner.

44.What is your favourite song?

Either Fascination by Alphabeat, Prayer in C by Lily Wood and the Prick, and Robin Schulz, or Brimful of Asha by Cornershop, the Fat Boy Slim Remix. Those songs never fail to put me in a good mood when I need it.

45.What is your favourite sport?

To watch? Rugby. But I am OBSESSED with the Olympics, especially the winter olympics.

46.What is your favourite time of the day?

Early evening.

47.What is your favourite type of clothing?

Dresses…with pockets! Or jumpers, I love a big wooly jumper.

48.What is your favourite way to pass time?

Read.

49.What is the name of your favourite restaurant?

My favourite restaurant is called Dishoom, but unfortunately it has yet to make it to my little European country, so it’s a real treat if I get to eat there.

50.What is your all-time favourite town or city? Why?

I don’t have one.

51.What is your favourite candle scent?

Probably a classic vanilla, but not an overpowering one. The vanilla candle from IKEA is the NICEST.

52.What is your favourite social media channel?

Probably Twitter, although Tumblr is my place for escape.

53.Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest?

Ugh I hate being the one to choose where we go. I think it’s because I’m a Libra.

54.What was your favourite subject in High School?

Okay now this is a fun fact, I didn’t actually go to school. I was “Home Educated” which is ideologically different form being Home Schooled. There was no curriculum for me to follow so I could basically dick about doing whatever I wanted during the day. I did study Law which I really enjoyed, and I went onto study it at University.

55.What was your least favourite subject in High School?

Again see above. Although I do remember crying every time my father tried to teach me maths. To this day, I’m still not sure how to work out a percentage, let alone anything more advanced than that.

56.What was your favourite TV show when you were a child?

Sabrina the Teenage Witch (the Melissa Joan Heart version) or anything with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen in it (have I dated myself again?)

57.What do you love about your favourite TV Show?

They were fun. I wanted to be them!

58.Are you scared of heights?

Nope, but I’m scared of falling and shattering all the bones in my legs.

59.Are you high maintenance?

Definitely not.

60.Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?

I don’t know what this means, but fuck imperialism.

61.Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?

Ugh, I hate conflict, like I go all trembly, but if there is something amiss I can’t not confront it.

62.Are you a dog person or cat person?

I really adore animals, I had hoped to get a cat during this long and lonely lockdown but my landlord wasn’t keen. If I had more time and space I would love to get a dog, it’s just not feasible in my life at the moment.

63.Are you a fan of any sports team?

Just my national team no matter what the sport.

64.Are you a good cook?

I like to think so.

65.Are you an early adopter or late-adopter?

Depends. I don’t always love change.

66.If you had more courage what would you do differently in your life now?

I don’t think having more courage would change anything in my life right now.

67.What is good about how you are living your life right now?

Oh gosh, I’m so incredibly lucky to have the like that I am living right now. Truly blessed, but at the same time, I have got here because of all my hard work and determination.

68.If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be?

I’m not sure if this strictly answers the question, but I wish I could be kinder and more sympathetic to people. I can be harsh on people I care about because I want to see them do well in life and get frustrated when they are doing things that so obviously curtails their ability. I’ve lost friends because of it.

69.Who has left the most impact on your life?

I don’t think I can name just one person.

70.What aspect of your life needs tremendous improvement?

My love life. It’s not existent. Truly. I don’t even have a far away crush on anyone at the moment. I desperately want to experience romantic love, but it’s scary and you have to allow yourself to be soft and vulnerable which is not something that I am very good at. I also have a lot of negative thoughts/self doubts about whether I am good enough to be in a relationship, or worthy enough for love. It’s stupid, obviously, everyone, flaws and all is worthy of love, but because of things that have happened/been said to me I do kind of have this negative chatter of “who could ever love me” or fear people thinking “god love the poor guy who ends up with her.” All that said, I have never actually met anyone who I’ve really liked, let alone anyone who has liked me back. The closest I’ve got, is I’ve been in lust twice in my life with guys, who objectively speaking, I would never think I would be attracted to.

71.What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in your life?

I’ve see a lot of weird things tbh, but the first one that springs to mind is that every year we used to go to these big gatherings of families who home educate their children. Now, there are two groups of people that tend to home educate their children 1) EXTREMELY religious families who don’t want their children going to secular schools, and 2) new age hippies who don’t want their children to have to conform to the rigours of school. When these two groups meet…it is interesting. The religious families usually have a lot of children (10+ in many cases), while the hippy families wander around semi-nude and breast feed their children until their grown (7+ years in many cases). So at these home education conferences, the hippy parents would be wandering around, leaky boobs out, and the religious babies would be wandering around because their parents have too many children to keep track of. Whenever one of these babies wandered within range of the hippy parents, they’d take them, and latch them onto their breasts. Absolutely bizarre stuff.

72.Who is the best teacher you’ve ever had?

Myself.

73.Who is the biggest pack rat you know?

I don’t know what this means.

74.Who is the first person you call when something exciting happens?

If it’s a big enough deal to call someone, I’ll call my parents, but usually if something exciting happens I’ll just message my friend group.

75.Who is the first person you call when something horrible happens?

Same as above.

76.Who is the worst boss you’ve ever had?

I had to sue her to get her and her husband to pay me for the work I did.

77.Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?

Yep? Can you not?

78.Can you do a split?

No, but I want to learn! I have really tight hamstrings so that would be good to stretch them.

79.Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No. Can you?

80.Can you whistle?

Yeah.

81.Can you dance?

Everyone can dance, the question is whether you can dance well or not! I have no rhythm or style, but get me on a dance floor and I’ll bop my socks off.

82.Do you remember your dreams?

Sometimes.

83.Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away?

I save them for a while, but I’m not overly sentimental.

84.Do you sing in the shower?

Never.

85.Do you sleep with the lights on or off?

Off.

86.Do you spell the colour as grey or gray?

Grey you weirdo!

87.Do you take any pills or medication daily?

Never.

88.Do you prefer kissing or cuddling?

I like kissing because it’s hot and fiery and I think I’m reasonably good at it. Cuddling is the best but it’s something I struggle with as I find it far too intimate. See my answer to Q70.

89.Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why?

Hit me between the eyeballs with the truth, please! I just like people who are clear and direct about their intentions, it means everyone knows where they stand.

90.Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

I saw a black and white documentary about the Titanic when I was a very small child (maybe about 5 or 6) and for a long time I thought that was the movie Titanic! I have seen neither the real film Titanic nor the Notebook, although from what I know of the latter I don’t think it would be my thing.

91.Do you have a catchphrase?

I don’t think so, but maybe people in my life would be better at answering this question. What is it that I say a lot?

92.Do you have a garden?

I wish!

93.Do you have a hidden dream that you’ve never shared with anyone?

I’m taking this to mean a goal or aspiration, and not something that I have subconsciously dreamed and been too embarrassed to share? I would love to write a book one day. I’m work on something periodically but I’m not sure if anything will ever come from it, a gal can dream though!

94.Do you have a tattoo?

None! I’m kind of a commitment-phobe, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed?

95.Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why?

Both! I know lots of people in passing, but the people I consider actual friends, who know what is going on in my life at any given time, I could count on my fingers.

96.Do you have any allergies?

Not that I’m aware of…

97.Do you have any birthmarks? If so, where?

I used to have one on my back, but it’s faded as I’ve aged.

98.Do you have pets?

Not at the moment.

99.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?

That is a big question. I think however, if there was a guarantee, that sacrificing my life would make the lives of others immeasurably better, I would be scarified. I have plenty of convictions that I’m willing to protest/riot/go to prison for.

100.Do you carry a donor card?

Bit ominous after Q99 but yes I do, and my driver’s licence states that I’m a donor.

I’m not sure if this is at all what you were hoping for in asking this, but I honestly had the best fun answering these questions! :)

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rushingheadlong · 3 years

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This isn’t exactly Queen-related, but since this is my “bandom” blog y’all are getting this post over here instead of on my main so. sorry about that I guess lol.

I mentioned this a little bit in my post about the sale Tim Staffell is having on his bandcamp right now, but I also want to talk about this in it’s own right too: Music artists, especially independent creators, earn hardly any money from streaming services and it’s important to actually buy their products to support them!

I know there are other posts going around talking about the problems with Spotify’s payment model right now, but a) I can’t find them to reblog at the moment and b) I think it’s easy to get confused when you look at “average amount paid per stream” because that’s not actually how streaming sites pay out their artists at all.

Rolling Stone did a breakdown in August 2020 of what Spotify most likely pays out to artists, based on the available revenue information. If you don’t want to read the whole article, the long and short of it is that:

The conservative estimate for the number of artists on Spotify is 3 million - of which only about 43,000 artists account for the top 90% of streams on the site.

Spotify doesn’t technically pay artists per stream. All the revenue that it distributes to artists each month is pooled together, and artists are paid out from that pool based on popularity of individual tracks.

As this separate Rolling Stones article explains, if five hit new songs by one artist pull in 2% of all the streams in December, that artist (and everyone with rights to those five songs) gets 2% from that pool of money. But that means that if you listen to nothing but small, independent artists the money Spotify makes from you is going first and foremost to top-name artists and not the people you actually listen to.

Here’s a breakdown from that first article that makes this a little clearer: The top 43,000 artists make about $22,000 per artist per quarter. Everyone else (over 98% of all artists on Spotify) averages $36 per artist per quarter, or roughly $12 per artist per month.

You can also see that in breakdowns of what artists with high stream numbers actually make. Just over 1 million streams earned one group just under $5,000 across three months. Although to be clear, this is not a problem with only Spotify and buying digital copies of albums from places like iTunes and Amazon also doesn’t result in high profits for artists - usually netting them less than $1 per album, or about 9 cents per track downloaded.

Here’s the thing, though: If you buy directly from the artist themselves that percentage of profits goes way up.

That should be obvious, but it’s easy to rail against how unfair Spotify and other streaming sites are and lose sight of the fact that there is a very clear way to support independent and/or less popular artists and it’s by simply buying their stuff without using a middleman!

Not to keep talking about Tim Staffell but that’s exactly what we’re going to do for a moment here: He sells his music and limited merch through Bandcamp which takes 15% of each sale of digital downloads and 10% of each sale of merchandise.

His albums are priced a little more expensive than a $9.99 iTunes purchase, but you can buy digital copies of his entire discography for £24 and he’ll make about £20.40 on each sale. If you buy a physical copy of one of his albums for £20, he makes £18. Hell, even if you buy a CD during his 50% sale he’ll still take home about £9 from it and that is still a significantly higher profit than what either streaming sites or iTunes pay out.

This article talks more about how much more money artists earn selling through Bandcamp than they do through streaming sites. One example given is a band who made $4,200 releasing a new album on the site, vs maybe making $100 a year in streaming.

From a broader ethical standpoint, that same article talks about some of the charity donations that Bandcamp makes from their revenue and the fact that since the COVID-19 pandemic started Bandcamp has launched “Bandcamp Days” where they waive their percentage from each sale entirely so all profits go directly to the artists. (There’s also the fact that Bandcamp simply pays out artists faster than streaming sites do, so they aren’t waiting for their money to be released.)

It’s also worth noting that Bandcamp requires artists to set a minimum amount, but you can also choose to pay more if you want so if you have some extra cash to burn you can, in fact, give it directly to that small indie artist whose music you fell in love with if you so choose!

And the thing is, it can be really easy to look at a group and see that they have their music on iTunes or Amazon or whatever and just buy from there out of habit, but I guarantee that if you look at their website they’ll also have a link to their Bandcamp page - but you do have to go looking for it!

If you follow my main blog, a few weeks ago I was waffling over whether I wanted to buy merch from The Longest Johns (yes, you’re getting a real glimpse into my musical tastes today). I spent well over an hour looking through their store and I was so tempted by the vinyl copy of their newest album. And I’m still tempted by it but y’all, I live in the US and conversion from £ to $ plus international shipping is not always the kindest so I didn’t buy it. And I will never judge anyone for not having the money to pay for international shipping to support independent artists.

But here’s the thing: The Longest Johns also have a Bandcamp page, which I never went looking for because I’ll admit that I found their music to stream and I just did that and never looked further into it. But now that I know that I can buy digital copies of their albums for £10, of which 90% of that is going directly to them, I am definitely going to be doing that instead.

I get that not everyone has the money to do this, and I fully understand that streaming sites are sometimes the only way that people can listen to the music that they love. If you don’t have the money to spend on something, then of course that’s fine!

But if you do have the money, considering spending it to directly support an independent artist!

Look, Queen is a multi-million dollar enterprise. It’s one thing to advocate for supporting new album releases, like Live Around the World, because that can influence future projects that they might release - but at the end of the day, I genuinely don’t care if you illegally download their music or stream it or anything else. (Seriously, I don’t care if you stream Queen, because the issues with Spotify’s payment structure don’t matter to them when they’re that rich already and there needs to be a massive overhaul* across all streaming platforms anyway in order for smaller artists to make a reasonable profit off streaming sites.)

But if you have an independent artist that you love - be in Tim Staffell or The Longest Johns or Omnia or anyone else - how you engage with their music does matter a lot more. And if you’re financially able to do so, look into buying their music or their merch from them directly, either through Bandcamp or whatever other storefronts they may use. They’ll get a much larger share of the profits if you do that than any amount of time you could spend streaming them on Spotify.

*If you want to do something to start forcing changes with how streaming sites pay out artists, the Union of Musicians and Allied Workers has a list of demands for Spotify specifically which includes paying at least one cent per stream, adopting user-centric pay models, revealing existing payola and then ending it altogether, and crediting all labor in recordings, among other things. You can sign on to support them and read more information HERE and there’s a tumblr post you can reblog HERE as well.

#long post //#text #not queen //#ramblings

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kkulmoon · 3 years

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Freaking Dumblr :(( absolutely good for nothing. Didn't send me a notif, if i didnt check your blog and scroll thru i woulda miss it >:( tumblr fite me!!

And yeah!! I do scanslation, been doing it since i was 12 😂 it been a while. I used to own a pretty big group too but then I quitted cuz dramas in scans are abundant and i rather waste my times on something else. Nowadays i'm pretty much do work for whichever groups that need help. I would tell which group it was but... that would reveal me 🤫

Okay things i love about myself part 3/10: I like my height. I'm 150cm so i am very short, and i used to HATE being short cuz i get tease a lot but now i learn to love it cuz i get call cute while hiding my evil side hehehehe 😈

Hehehe they says "be careful what you wish for" and I wish for PAIN!!!! I lost my shit over them all the damn time but blood sweats and tears.... i will never get over it.... THREW ME STRAIGHT BACK INTO MY VAMPIRE PHASE THAT I THOUGHT I GOT OUT OF AND I HATE THEM FOR IT

Hmmm, do i like the current version of myself? In some part, i do like how much I've matured. But i do wish to change a few things, maybe able to articulate my thoughts better. The way I say things tend to be from A straight to C instead of from A to B to C (does that even make sense?) So people misunderstand me oftens, and I may cause some unintentional hurts so I want to fix that in the future. What about you?

I'm glad you had a productive and healthy day!! Joon would definitely been proud 😤 i spent my day trying to win back my kitty's affection cuz she recently got a surgery and is wearing the collar of shame and is hating everyone 😭 she won't let me pet her just stand up and sashay away, what a brat >:(

I swear we're both writing novels and taking up people's timeline 😔 #sorrynotsorry.

Question of the day is: what are some of your pet peeves? -Valley's Lilies @valley-lilies

i sent a petty email to support about it and they fixed it so now i am happy lol, well until next time it happens 😔srry about having u scroll i rb a lot 😭

OH DAMN 12??? wow, what was i doing at twelve 🤔?? nothing productive i know ;(( oohhh i am srry about the drama that must rlly suck ;// i have so much love for scanlation groups tho especially the ones who share their conversations on the manga. then you must speak japanese, right?

awwww you’re so tiny and fun sized uwu, i’m literally almost 20 cm taller than you 😳, short people rlly are cute tho at least all the ones i know, except for this one kid in high school who i played soccer with, he was sooo annoying like pass the goddamn ball once in a while 😠O.O you have an evil side you say? what is it you’re hiding 👀??

anon valley’s lilies you lost some rights after putting me through the mental torture that is joon in a crop top but you’ve earned them back cause bst was just WOW SUCH A COMEBACK!!! hey i’m telling you, you never truly get over ur vampire phase, NEVER 🤪i still go back to it once in a while and they pulled it off so well, such a visually pleasing cb, you know that joon scene with the smoke ,that was when joon being my bias was CEMENTED for eternity ughhhhh

oh yeah you’ve definitely matured if you’re able to look at the way you communicate and find flaws... and yes it does make sense, i mean you know what B is in your mind, it might even seem so obvious that you don’t mention it and end up at C directly, or at least that’s how things have appeared to me. hmmm i want to change my behaviour, like conceptually i know what i should be doing but actually getting to it is a big hassle, i have a tendency for self destructive behaviour in certain areas of my life ;(( i’ve gotten much better but there’s still a way to go, like saying no, i NEED to start saying it more often, i’m way too lenient at times 😩

namjooning activites are the most healing, plus i am interested in learning how to pick mushrooms cause we’ve gotta a lot were i live. speaking of healing, what are your favourite healing activities? awww poor kitty ;((( she’ll come around, all cats have attitude problems according to me lol. i hope she’s feeling well, despite the collar ;))

folks you heard what she said, typing novels i shall continue to do lol

#valley's lilies 💞#asktrail #anontrail

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let-it-raines · 5 years

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Not Your (soul)Mate {12/16}

Killian Jones doesn’t like the idea of soulmates. He sees how happy his friends are with theirs, but he still doesn’t like the idea, not when he’s found love and lost it time and time again only to still not know his sign. He has no markings on his skin, no voices in his head, but then one day he meets Emma Swan and everything changes. Because, well, he may not have ink on his skin to tell him who to love, but the very first time that he hears Emma’s voice he knows that she’s the one for him. Then again, that could simply be his desire talking. After all, for every word she speaks, he becomes aroused.

It’s not the worst thing in the world to be incredibly attracted to a beautiful woman, but things aren’t that simple when she doesn’t have any interest in being his soulmate.

He’s screwed. And not in the good way.

Rating: Mature

A/N: As always, thanks to @captainsjedi for all of the time and effort she put into making all of the wonderful artwork for this story! It’s the coolest thing to get to have❤️ And thank you to the organizers of @cssns!

Also, look! I add a chapter! You guys now get an epilogue! Woohoo!

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

Tag list: @snowbellewells @karenfrommisthaven @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @a-faekindagirl @emmas-storybook @searchingwardrobes @spartanguard @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @dreameronarooftop15 @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @xellewoods @thejollyroger-writer @galaxyzxstark @cssns

-/-

Killian: But categorically, you cannot tell me that cold pizza is better than fresh out of the oven pizza.

Emma: Ugh. I’m not saying that. I’m saying that if you get nasty delivery pizza, it’s just as good cold as it is warm.

Emma: If you’re getting wood fired pizza, obviously you eat that shit warm.

Killian: ‘Eat that shit warm’ is not a sentence I ever wanted to read.

Emma: Don’t make it gross.

Killian: It’s too late for that.

Emma: I seriously want Ariel to get a pizza oven in her house because I have to put on a bra to go to Eric’s restaurant.

Killian: I mean, I wouldn’t complain if you didn’t.

Emma: Again, don’t make it gross.

“Are you texting your boyfriend again?”

Emma jumps in her office chair, her phone tumbling out of her hands and onto her desk, bouncing around until it lands on top of her computer’s keyboard, jamming down on several keys all at once like a toddler that just got one of those toys that make too much noise when you press a button. That’s not going to mess the database she was going through up or anything. They finally got the funding to computerize their files, so she spends all of her days doing just that. She’s really regretting putting in that request right about now. She won’t in a few weeks, but she does now.

(At least they didn’t have to make a calendar or do a bake sale. She really doesn’t need to see a picture of David wearing, like, a “Kiss the Cook” apron and nothing else just to raise a little money.)

She also regrets tossing her phone in the air and how quickly her heart is beating. David’s going to see the nerves all over her face, going to see how frazzled she is, and he’ll see right through it. Hell, he pretty much already does. At least he’s a hell of a lot more chill than Mary Margaret.

Not like that’s hard.

(What, like it’s hard? Elle Woods for the win, always.)

Last night she was eating dinner with them at the farmhouse, and for approximately three seconds she looked down at a text on her phone and apparently smiled. She’s sure it was nothing more than a slight curve of her lips, a whisper of happiness, but Mary Margaret practically threw her fork across the table (which is a great way to stab someone in the eye) and demanded to know who she was talking to.

It was Killian. It always seems to be Killian.

She’s not sure how she feels about that even if she’s admitted to herself that she kind of (definitely, really, truly) likes him. It’s a very odd feeling that makes her soul feel like it’s not connected to her body.

She told Mary Margaret that it was Ariel complaining about how much it sucks to be eight months pregnant in the summer heat. The fact that Mary Margaret didn’t call Ariel right then and there and offer up every bit of advice was a miracle. Honestly, looking back, Emma knows that she should have said that she was talking to Ruby about a date that she has. Mary Margaret rarely asks for more details on Ruby’s dates than what Ruby offers up, not that the girl leaves a lot to be desired. It’s one of her best and worst qualities all at once.

But Mary Margaret believed her and got carried away talking about the joys and sorrows of motherhood, and if it weren’t for David, she would have gotten away with her lie unnoticed.

She feels like a freaking Scooby Doo villain thinking something like that.

If only she had a creepy mask to take off too.

Or maybe not. That could be weird. No, definitely weird.

“I don’t have a boyfriend, and you know it,” she says as calmly as she can, reaching forward and grabbing her phone only to look up at David and the smirk that’s plastered on his face with his hands behind his back. “What’s with the creepy look you’ve got going on there?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a horrible liar.”

“So are you.” He moves his hands from behind his back to reveal a small vase full of yellow roses and whatever that white filler flower is. It’s some weird name like breath of a baby or baby’s breath because that’s totally what a flower should be called. “Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t send baskets of baked goods and flowers to my friends.”

She’s definitely going to kill Killian. The word is in his name, so it’s basically fate.

Murder should not be where her mind goes.

That is probably not the reaction most people have when they’re sent flowers by the man they may possibly have some major feelings for, but she is not most people. She thinks of murder when she should be thinking of...romance? Is that the word she’s looking for? Do these flowers signal romance?

It’s all confusing. Seriously. She has no idea what’s going on. She has no idea if there should be feelings of romance or murder or even friendship.

Okay, friendship seems like the best option. Murder seems like the worst.

“Those probably aren’t for me,” she lies, knowing that it’s a horrible one, especially since David already knows who sent them.

David rolls his eyes before placing them on her desk. “Your name is on the note.”

She glances toward the flowers and at the note, Killian’s handwriting largely penned across the envelope, before she looks up at David, nerves working their way down her arms. Which, technically thinking, that’s how nerves work, but she was never really very good at biology.

“Did you read it?”

“I can be an ass, but I’m not going to read the closed note that your not-boyfriend sent you.” David shrugs his shoulders and sits down in his desk chair, rolling it up underneath the desk. “And I’m not as nosy as my wife.”

“Which is why I can spend so much time with you.”

“You have to spend time with me. Did you notice that we’re missing the hard copies of the files for the Anderson case from two years ago?”

“Yep. I’ve already emailed the records office at City Hall to see if they have anything. I don’t know why it would be there, but it always could be.”

“If this town ever had serious crime, we would be screwed.”

“Hey no, I kick ass. We could totally work that thing out.”

“You’d intimidate everyone until they confessed.”

“I am a very intimidating woman.”

“Who receives flowers from men who are pining after her.”

She huffs, not wanting to even respond to that, but she grabs her empty to-go cup from her coffee this morning and throws it at David, hitting him in the back of the head. He doesn’t even acknowledge it, letting the paper fall to the ground and clatter against the tile floor all while he hums to himself a theme song that she recognizes from one of Leo’s shows…which means she’s heard that theme song far too many times since it’s not her kid.

Seriously.

And Killian Jones is not pining after her. Definitely not.

(David knows far too much, but at least he doesn’t know that Killian is her soulmate.)

They fall back into work after that since they are technically supposed to be competent professionals in a very loose sense of the word, and she tries not to look at the vase of flowers on her desk for the next few hours, telling herself that it’s not a big deal and she absolutely will not read the note until she’s finished getting through this section of files. She will do her job first…whatever it is with Killian can come second.

Surprisingly, working on her computer keeps her busy until her shift is over, and since it’s Friday, she picks up her vase of flowers and holds them in her lap as she drives home, hoping that there’s not pollen or anything to get onto her shirt since she knows from experience that it’s hard to get out. Plus, she really likes this shirt. And it’s not until after she’s changed out of it and into some shorts and a t-shirt that she remembers to check her phone and the note that came with the flowers.

The note with the flowers comes first. Priorities and all that.

Swan,

So I couldn’t decide between sunflowers and yellow roses. And before you get any ideas as to why I’ve sent you flowers (besides the fact that I imagine whoever delivers them to you will tease the hell out of you. I’m hoping for Dave.), just know that Luis and Luca made me buy a voucher booklet from their school, and the one to the floral shop was about to expire. So it was either you or Will, and Will isn’t quite as pretty as you are.

I hope they bring a little extra sunshine to your day.

Killian

She pulls out her phone and sends of a quick text, unable to stop the small smile that’s formed on her face. Unable to want to stop it, really, as she falls back against the couch, her legs hanging over the end.

Emma: I’m glad you used your flower shop voucher on me.

Killian: Yeah, well, like I said, the other option was Will.

Emma: If he comes over tonight, I’ll tell him they’re for him.

Killian: They viewing apartments still?

Emma: Yep.

Emma: I have ‘All By Myself’ playing on repeat.

Killian: That’s very fitting.

Emma: I thought so. Any fun plans for you tonight?

Killian: I am wrapping all of the gifts for tomorrow and then going to sleep early to celebrate the near end of summer and my mildly busy season.

Emma: You are the life of the party.

Killian: Just wait until the baby shower tomorrow. I’m going to crush all of those awful games. No one can change a diaper as fast as I can.

Emma: Is that on your resume?

Killian: Yep. Liam is a bloody stickler of a boss. The skills we have to have here are insane.

Emma: I thought you were co-owners? I don’t think of Killian Jones of ever being anything other than a boss.

Killian: I have that commanding of a presence, do I?

Emma: Well, your ego does demand a lot of the space in the room.

Killian: Luckily for you, I’m happy to share the space so your ego can have a little room to breathe as well.

-/-

When she wakes up the next morning, it’s to the sound of movement in Belle’s bedroom, and she instinctively pulls her pillow over her face. Maybe it’s to cover her ears. Maybe it’s to smother herself over the sounds that she’s hearing in the next room. Who knows? She certainly doesn’t. And as sad as she is to be losing Belle as a roommate whenever she and Will find a place of their own, she is certainly not going to miss the muted sounds of Will’s dirty talk.

Seriously.

A woman can only take so much.

(Belle can apparently take a lot. She keeps asking for more.)

Instead of suffering in silent misery, she gets up out of bed and slips into a pair of sandals, figuring she can go check her mail just to get out of the apartment while Belle and Will finish. She and Killian have mostly been texting over the last few weeks, their conversations going deep into the night and throughout the day, but they’re also still sending letters. It’s a weird thing, she knows, and every internal instinct that she has is telling her to burn the letters and run, but something keeps her from setting it all aflame.

Someone.

She’s lost her mind. She really has. Killian is…he’s Killian. He’s a nice, handsome guy who makes her laugh and causes the bricks weighing down her shoulders to lift one by one until she’s not feeling quite so weighed down anymore. He’s her – they match up well, and she still doesn’t know how to feel about that. She knows how she feels about him, she knows that she likes him, that she enjoys talking to him in the limited way that they can, but then, in the back of her mind that demon comes out and whispers in her ear that he only likes her because they’re soulmates, that the knowledge is tainting their...relationship thing.

That’s been one of her worst fears ever since she found it.

Because what if she falls in love and he doesn’t? What if they break up? What if it doesn’t work out? What does she do then? What happens if the one person she’s supposed to be with forever doesn’t want to be with her? Is she supposed to then live out the rest of her life as the poor girl who was too broken for even the universe to help out?

The ‘what ifs’ kill her.

Not really. She’s obviously still alive and breathing and all that fun jazz, but they still keep her up at night wondering of all the ways this could go wrong. And she doesn’t really know how any of this can go right. She likes sex. It’s a great time, it feels freaking fantastic, but she and Killian can’t possibly live out the rest of their lives wanting to constantly have sex whenever they have conversations. Logistically, that’s not possible. And, like, she knows it’s better now than the first time they met, than the second time too, but every time she spends an extended amount of time with him, especially when they talk, all she wants to do is grab him by the collar again and kiss him.

Just without the clothes and all.

Definitely without the clothes.

If she could put into words how she’s feeling, she’d write it in one of these damn letters and never mail it simply so that she can maybe understand.

Understanding is never going to happen.

There’s no one at the mailboxes or in the laundry room, so before she even gets her mail, she runs back upstairs and grabs her basket of clothes and detergent, humming to block out the noises still happening, and then walks back to the basement, putting her clothes in the washing machine before getting her mail, taking the one letter that resides there, and propping herself up on the wall of unused machines as she reads.

Emma,

I’m going to blame the rum for this letter. I really am. It’s around two in the morning, the moon high in the sky. We’ve just spent the day together, which was bloody wonderful by the way, and I can’t seem to stop thinking of things. Even as I write, it seems rather foolish to put my thoughts onto paper, but hopefully I won’t think to mail the letter. Or maybe I should. I honestly don’t know. This is all uncharted territory for me, and I seem to be diving in headfirst even if I am wearing a life jacket.

You see, I rather fancy you, Emma (No Middle Name) Swan, and it’s been a long time since I fancied a woman for more than one night or possibly a few weeks. The last time that I did, I had my heart broken so horribly that I retired from the Navy and moved across an ocean. Quite dramatic, don’t you think? I’ve been told that I’m a dramatic ass. That may have been Liam, but it also may have been you. I can’t recall at the moment.

Her name was Milah. She was beautiful, absolutely stunning, and I loved her with what felt like every beat of my heart until her heart was no longer mine to love. We met at a Naval Christmas ball. She was there with her brother, and I’ll never forget the black dress that she was wearing. We danced, and as they say, the rest is history. But as you know, I’m a bit of a history buff, so I like the details. I imagine you might too. I always knew that she wasn’t my soulmate. I didn’t have a sign, but she did, a simple tattoo on her hand. It was something we didn’t talk about in our three years together until one day we came across a man with a matching tattoo. She didn’t leave me, not at first, but as she got to know him, she fell for him. And who was I to keep two soulmates from having each other?

I think that’s what makes it worst of all. There was nothing wrong between us, but she had someone who she belonged with. It wasn’t me.

So you may think you’re the only person with an aversion to soulmates. You’re not. We all have our issues, our baggage, but I’ve found that since spilling that iced water down your dress (you should wear that dress more often by the way) the weight on my shoulders seems to have lessened. I’m…happier, I guess. I have such a wonderful life, but lately, I’ve had more reason to laugh. I think it’s because of a certain blonde with a penchant for mismatching her socks and junk food that no sane person would ever eat so regularly.

But who knows? This could all be the rum speaking.

Love,

Killian

She reads the letter three more times before she truly allows herself to let all of it sink in. It’s been three weeks since Labor Day, three weeks of the two of them going on and continuing to text and write letters – ones other than this one – and yet this one has shown up in her mailbox this morning. Either the US Postal Service really sucks or Killian didn’t send this the night he wrote it. He was likely drunk, at the very least tipsy, but he’s the most well-spoken (written) drunk man she’s ever seen.

And he bared his soul to her.

Because she makes him happy.

She does that.

Her gut feeling is to run, not really sure where she’d run to since this town and these people are her family and she’d never leave them, but she wants to run from her feelings, from the way that her insides unpleasantly twist and the way her heart squeezes. She knows that she feels the same way about Killian, that he makes her happy, but seeing it written out like that, seeing the words in Killian’s handwriting, that’s an entirely different story. And it doesn’t matter that he was drunk. Drunk words are sometimes the most truthful.

How in the world is she supposed to handle any of this?

Does she push it away? Pretend she didn’t get the letter? Does he even know that he sent it? Does he remember writing it? Should she write something back? What the hell would she write back? How would she even do that without having a little liquid courage too?

She can’t get drunk today, not with Ariel’s baby shower, but she really, really wants to.

That’s the thing too. She’s not even sure if she wants to get drunk for herself or because Killian’s letter brought back every feeling of abandonment she’s ever experienced. He was left, just like her yet again, and whether she likes it or not, they do understand each other.

(Of course she likes it, likes being understood.)

Her brain never quite turns off after that, reading the letter over and over again so many times that she might as well have it memorized, and she only knows that she moves because she changes her clothes over into the dryer, cleaning out the lint filter before twisting the knob and listening to it rattle to drown out all of her thoughts.

Goodbye shower. The laundry room is now the place to have an existential crisis.

But she does somehow manage to turn her thoughts off enough to know that she really does need to shower, so while her clothes are drying, she heads back upstairs and takes one, quickly washing her hair and her body, shaving her legs up to her knees since her dress for today only really shows half of her calves. She’s got three hours until Ariel’s baby shower, but she needs something to do, so she tugs on her dress, letting the blue and white striped print hug her body, and takes the time to apply her makeup, going through an actual routine instead of simply slapping some mascara onto her lashes.

Today really must be shaping up to be a day.

“Why are you already dressed?” Belle asks when she walks out of her bedroom, making her jump at the sight of Belle sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal in pajamas that she definitely wasn’t wearing an hour ago. “And why do you look like a deer in the headlights?”

“Oh, I, um…”

She tugs at the waist of her dress, pulling the tie a bit to tighten it as she thinks of a lie. As much as Belle knows about she and Killian, she doesn’t know the half of it. She purposely hasn’t told anyone. She can’t. If everyone thinks that she and Killian are flirting and maybe fucking, that’s fine with her. That’s nothing. But if anyone were to know that they were soulmates, it’d make everything far more complicated. There would be expectations and hopes, and if others have those, how could she not? And why can she not figure her brain out?

But Killian told her he wouldn’t tell anyone, so no one else is going to know.

“I’m doing laundry,” she finally says, knowing that the best lies are routed in truth. “I needed something to pass the time, so I went ahead and got ready. Well, with everything but the mess of my hair.”

Belle’s brows pinch together, but she doesn’t say anything else, scooping her spoon into her bowl before taking another bite. “So Will and I think we found an apartment yesterday.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she smiles, nodding her head. “It’s downtown, in that cute little complex across the street from Granny’s with the pink awning. I loved it. I mean, it’s bigger than this place, but it feels very homey. And there’s this built in bookshelf that I think I might love more than I love Will.”

“Oh good. That means I can keep the one here.” Belle rolls her eyes, and Emma walks forward to pull out her chair from the table before sitting down. “I’m so happy that you guys found a place. Like, obviously I’m going to miss you, but after the show I heard this morning, I think we might need a little space.”

Belle doesn’t even blush. All she does is reach into her bowl and pick up a dried strawberry, flicking it at her. “In all fairness, you never wake up that early on a Saturday.”

“I mean, how could I sleep through such a performance? Whatever you’re doing, you’re obviously doing very well.”

“You’re going to share all of this at the wedding, aren’t you?”

“Oh absolutely. And if you put a little tequila in me, I might even act out my own version of the events.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll get arrested for that.”

“I’m on good terms with cops. Where is your partner in crime, by the way?”

“I left Ariel’s present at his place, and he went ahead and went home to get it and get ready. You want to drive there together?”

“Absolutely.”

-/-

“Why do you look like you’re dying?” Ariel asks, wrapping her arm around Emma’s waist as she stands in Ariel’s kitchen looking at the spread of food out ahead of her, Max wandering around the table in an attempt to get scraps.

“Because I am. What’s up with the creepy pigs in a blanket snacks that are made to look like babies? Am I supposed to eat those?”

“No, no.” Ariel rubs her hand up and down Emma’s back, and if she wasn’t already thinking about the fact that one of her best friends is having a baby while the other is getting married, she’d definitely be thinking of all of the motherly instincts that Ariel possesses and how she has likely never had those even if she thought that she did at one point. “That’s just a weird thing that Mary Margaret brought. I think she saw it on Pinterest and thought it would be cute, but it’s super creepy.”

“I mean, like, the creepiest. And the deviled eggs are the same way.”

“I’d stick to other foods if I were you.”

“Anything not baby related.”

“Ah, yes, but save room because I believe there’s a game later where we have to eat baby food.”

“Just kill me now.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

She rolls her eyes and leans her head over to Ariel’s shoulder, wrapping her arm around Ariel’s waist knowing that she’s taking up too much time from the guest of honor, but everyone else seems to be just fine milling around the kitchen and living room, most of Ariel’s regular furniture pushed aside to fit in table cloth covered tables with flower centerpieces sitting in the middle of all of them. It’s cute, and she has to admit that Mary Margaret definitely knows how to host a party, weird food choices aside. But it most definitely hasn’t been the worst hour of her life, especially since she knows every single person here. The only real issue was when Killian showed up because she thought that she was going to have to stop talking, which isn’t the easiest thing in the world when she’s with her friends. But he stayed away from her, making sure to speak quietly instead of being his usual commanding presence.

His words, not hers.

And mostly she was thinking about how refreshing it is to have both the father of the baby and male friends at a baby shower. She gets that the woman pretty much does all of the work (she’d like to speak to someone about that because it seems fundamentally unfair), but both Ariel and Eric are having a baby. It’s not simply Ariel’s to raise. It’s Eric’s too. And yet most fathers don’t show up to showers, don’t put in the effort, and no part of her has ever understood that. But maybe she’s simply hoping for something that’s better than most people’s reality. She doesn’t know. She never had parents, never got to see it first hand, but when she thought…no, it doesn’t matter. None of that was real, and there’s no use in thinking of it now even if thoughts of Neal have been niggling themselves into her mind since this morning.

She’s simply glad that Ariel has Eric, that they have each other and baby Fisher.

They have a family.

“I’m not eating pureed food unless it’s, like, pureed donuts or something.”

“They don’t make pure sugar for infants. That would be a fundamentally awful idea.”

“Eh, I don’t think so. The babies would probably be super happy.”

“You’re going to be the person who gives the baby sugar right before you send them back to me, aren’t you?”

“You bet your ass I am.”

“Alright,” Mary Margaret claps, making Emma turn her head to look in the living room, “who wants to play a game?”

The game isn’t eating pureed baby food, but somehow it is much, much worse. In reality, she knows that it’s really not that bad. It’s cute and funny, and if she wasn’t who she is, she’d be thankful that this is the game that Mary Margaret picked out because it’s damn fun.

Who’s That Baby?

She’s got a large board full of baby pictures, some of them adorable, others a little scary (not that she would ever say that out loud), and everyone is having to guess which baby is who. She hasn’t guessed a single one because, really, she’s selfish and can only think about the fact that her picture isn’t up there.

And she knows this because, well, Mary Margaret never asked her for one. While Mary Margaret can work wonders, it would be pretty much impossible for her to gather baby pictures of everyone without anyone knowing, so she must have asked everyone to send them in. But Emma was never asked, not at all. Sure, she could pass it off as an oversight, as a mistake, but she knows that none of that is true.

Mary Margaret didn’t ask for her baby picture because she knows that she doesn’t have any.

Today was not supposed to be emotional like this. Today was supposed to be…a sob suddenly catches in her throat, one she has to force to keep down, and when she feels hot tears forming in her eyes, threatening to escape, she quietly excuses herself from the room, knowing that she won’t be missed if she ducks into the bathroom for a moment. But the bathroom is locked, and since she sure as hell isn’t going to go into the nursery right now, she opens Ariel’s bedroom door and collapses against the wall, letting her legs bend until she’s sitting on hardwood and pulling her legs to her chest as she tries to breathe.

Breathing is seeming pretty difficult at the moment.

So is not crying.

Why does she want to cry?

That’s a dumb question. She knows why she wants to, why she’s about to, but it’s been almost eight years. Things like this shouldn’t hurt anymore, should they? She should be over it. She has to be over it.

She isn’t over it.

Another sob rumbles through her, this one escaping from the confines of her throat, and when she hears it, even she notices how ugly of a sob it is. It’s one of those where she can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t do anything but let her shoulders tremble and tears fall down her cheeks. The more she tells herself to calm down, the more uncontrollable she gets, the more she feels like she has no control over anything.

And then there’s a click, a turn of a knob, and she’s paralyzed in fear and embarrassment that is only exacerbated when she sees tight blue jeans over muscled legs and a simple white button down with small light blue stripes that she knows belongs to Killian.

Words don’t come out of her mouth even though she’s got an excuse on her tongue, a pathetic one about being allergic to the weird baby themed foods, and while she expects him to be snarky, he’s not. It’s so much worse because after she takes one look at the raised brow on his forehead, he slides down on the wall next to her, their thighs hitting each other as his arm wraps around her shoulder so tentatively that she nearly grabs onto it and pulls it over her shoulder herself.

She definitely has gone crazy.

But when she doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move away from his embrace, he moves closer to her, his embrace a little tighter, and she can feel the heat of his body all over her as his hand rubs up and down her shoulder while she buries her face in his shirt near the slight exposure of his collarbone and the chain that resides there. He smells like the spice of his cologne, something warm and comforting, and even though it’s ridiculous, that’s what calms her, what makes her stop crying, just the smallest of whimpers and hiccups occasionally escaping her lips.

It should hit her that she’s having a meltdown in her best friend’s bedroom at said best friend’s baby shower in front of the man who she has…something with. But honestly, she feels puffy and exhausted, and she’s more concerned with the fact that her mascara is going to ruin Killian’s shirt and the way that his hand seems to be large enough to cover every inch of her as he comforts her.

And she focuses on the fact that he’s silent.

Well, he was.

“You know, darling, I think that you should cry in here a little longer so that Ariel and Eric can get some practice with someone crying in their bedroom at weird times.”

She huffs into his chest, rubbing her nose into his collarbone as his scent consumes her. “That’s bold of you to assume that there’s not already someone crying in here on a regular basis.”

There’s a thud against the wall as Killian’s head falls back with laughter, his chuckles deep but light, and she hiccups again in response, not really able to do much else.

“Now, Swan, I don’t think their sex life is that bad. They are having a baby.”

“Believe it or not, an orgasm is not required for conception.”

“No, it’s not.” He rubs his hand up and down her arm again, squeezing her bicep before continuing and moving along her back so that his nails trace patterns into her skin. She must be really upset and out of touch with herself right now because they’re talking, and she feels no shivers running down her spine or heat curling between her thighs. Maybe all it takes is for her to be having a meltdown. That makes it even worse. It’s probably just that they haven’t talked enough. “Would you like to talk about what’s got you hiding away in here, or do you want to talk about our friends’ sex life for a little longer?”

“Can I have the option of neither?”

“No.”

“That’s unfair.”

“So is life.”

Emma rolls her eyes knowing that Killian can’t see it, and maybe that is the reason why she rubs her eyes into his shirt some more. “Aren’t you going to get a boner if I talk too much?”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Ridiculous man.

(Sweet man.)

“I got your letter about Milah this morning.” Killian’s hand stills and his tongue clicks, but she keeps going, knowing that if she’s going to talk, it’s got to be while she can’t control her body and emotions and her tongue basically has free range. “I don’t know if you knew that you sent that, if you did it on purpose or got drunk again, if the mail was just late. I don’t know, but I read it while washing clothes and I hated it. I hated that you were screwed over, that you were screwed over by the whole soulmate thing. I mean, you were in love, and it ended because of what? Because she had a tattoo that matched another man? That’s such bullshit.”

“It’s okay, love.”

“It’s not. Nothing about any of this is okay. But, like, that’s not even why I’m having a meltdown. I mean, you definitely put me in a confused mood because you talked about your heartbreak and how I’m helping with that, and I – I can’t deal with any of that right now when all I can think about today is the fact that there are all of those baby pictures up on that board and not one of them is of me. Mary Margaret didn’t even ask because she knows that I don’t have one, that no one cared enough about me to take a picture and give it to me. And obviously I’m spiraling because then I get upset about a baby that never even existed. I’m not even one of those people who desperately wants a baby or something.”

“What are you talking about, Swan? What baby?”

The only reason she has the bravery to say this is because she’s not being forced to look at Killian, to look at the blue of his eyes, and if she can’t see his eyes, none of this is real, right? It’s like the texts. They’re separated enough that it’s not all overwhelming for her.

“When I was seventeen, I met a guy, Neal. You’ve probably heard of him from our friends. They’ve never met him, but I guess…he’s kind of a legend in the group. Anyways, we dated for three years, and when I was twenty, my period was late. So obviously I’m freaking out, probably having a panic attack, but then I take a test that says I’m pregnant. And weirdly, I feel calm. I feel calm because, you know, I’m going to have a family, have something I’ve never had.”

“Swan – ”

“I wasn’t pregnant,” she interrupts, not wanting him to stop her and ask any more questions. “It was a false positive, a cheap test. But I didn’t know that until after I told Neal, and he basically told me that I should have kept my legs shut before packing his bags and leaving to go live with his father in fucking Tallahassee. So I was left alone with no boyfriend, no kid, and a hell of a lot of bitter thoughts because I thought the man was my soulmate and I’d never have to feel alone again. I thought I was done being abandoned. The joke was on me.”

She’s not crying anymore, not even sniffling, but she feels cold and stiff and like she can’t really breathe through her nose. Here she is baring her soul to this man who has all of the power to break her, and yet she still told him, still let the words pass her lips are they were spoken into his skin. But he did tell her about himself too, tell him how he was broken too, and maybe that comforts her.

Maybe it also comforts her that she knows Killian’s got to be pitching a tent right about now. She’s been talking for ten minutes at the very least with her long pauses and ramblings, and there’s no way that he isn’t struggling. And yet he’s sat in almost silence listening to her and comforting her all the while he wants to fuck her.

What the hell even is their lives?

And that’s why she starts laughing, a chuckle bubbling up through her throat while her shoulders shake, the corners of her mouth curving into a smile, and she moves her head up to look at Killian even though she knows that she probably looks like a raccoon would after a night out at the bar.

That thought is unsurprisingly not the weirdest thought she’s ever had, not even the weirdest this week.

“There’s that smile,” Killian encourages, nodding his head and thumb at her chin while his own smile appears on his face, making eyes crinkle. She likes that a lot. It makes her stomach twist in unfamiliar and yet not entirely unpleasant ways. He complains about them only being there because he’s older than her, but she doesn’t mind in the slightest. “The sun would rise early to see your smile.”

“But then I would literally get less sleep or have to spend money on blackout curtains.”

“I’ll buy them for you.”

She chuckles again and shakes her head even as Killian’s thumb moves from her chin to beneath her eyes, wiping away the tears that remain and probably still continue to flow. She feels like jelly or a blob or something else shapeless, something else that can’t be contained. They haven’t been this close since…she wants to say since she kissed Killian on the fourth of July, but it’s most likely as close as they were on Labor Day.

Summer holidays seem to be a pattern for them.

But it’s nearing autumn now, and her breath hitches as she looks at the scar on his cheek, the freckles near his nose, the long, dark lashes contrasting against blue eyes. He’s such an attractive man, almost so much that it would take her breath away if it wasn’t already gone. She’s not going to kiss him now. She knows that he’s not going to kiss her. But their breaths are intermingling, and she can still feel the warm presence of his hand on her arm.

“I’m sorry that you were hurt like that,” he whispers, her gaze flicking up from his lips to his eyes. “I’m sorry that you were hurt by Neal and Walsh and your parents and every other person who doesn’t deserve you and your funny sense of humor and kind heart.”

“It’s fine. It was all a long time ago.”

“Wounds made when we’re young tend to linger, and it very obviously isn’t fine. You’re having a bit of a time hidden away in our friends’ bedroom, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to be hurt. I wrote you a drunk letter about my ex because I was hurt. I still get angry over my dad leaving and my mom dying. The universe has fucked me over in a lot of ways, but I think it did something right in letting me meet you.”

Oh well damn. That’s just not fair.

“No one should be as good with words as you are. Like, even your drunk letters were basically professional novels.”

He shrugs at the same time that he reaches forward to tuck her hair behind her ear, the warmth of his touch sending shivers down her spine. “I was a wonderful English and literature student if I do say so myself. And for someone who reads as many books as you do, I’m surprised you’re not always speaking in limericks.”

“Yeah, well, besides the occasional historical romance, I read a lot of books about murder and mystery. They’re not exactly teaching me to speak like Shakespeare.”

“All I got out of that was that you know how to murder me and get away with it.”

Emma chuckles, shaking her head as she gently pats his chest, their faces still impossibly close. “I’ve told you before, I’m not someone you really want to mess with.”

His brows raise in the way that they always do, the lines on his forehead appearing. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’ve told you how I quite fancy with you even when you’re yelling at me, haven’t I?”

“You fancy my ass,” she deflects.

“I am a fan of every part of you,” Killian sighs, rubbing his hand over her back in the way that he does where his hand nearly covers all of her, his forearm pulling her closer. “If that includes your ass, so be it. Though, I always considered myself a breast man. You seem to have converted me to both.”

“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or completely and totally disgusted.”

“You can compliment my ass if it makes you feel better.”

Rolling her eyes, she pulls back from him, putting more space between as she moves back to sit a little closer to the bed, her limbs still a little shaky. “I’m not falling for that.”

“Damn, I really could have used the ego boost.” Killian stands from the ground, and she’s not at all distracted by the way his thigh muscles look under his jeans. But maybe she kind of is as she doesn’t notice the way he holds his left hand out, the one covered in scars from the accident, until he’s looking down at her expectantly. She takes his hand, the warmth and roughness overwhelming her, and he helps her stand so that her legs are a little more stable. “Do you think you’re ready to go back to the party? I’m sure they’ve moved onto A opening up breast pumps and someone doing something entirely inappropriate with them. How could we miss that?”

“I mean, the only thing that could top that would be if there were more weird, baby-shaped food.”

“Isn’t that bloody disturbed?” Killian laughs, his face lighting up with joy in that way that makes her stomach twist yet again. Her intestines must really hate her. “I mean, why would I eat that?”

“Because it tastes good.”

“You should not say things like that. I can’t look at you the same way hearing those words come out of your mouth.”

“Hey now.” She holds her hands up before reaching back and tucking the hair that keeps falling in her face behind her ears. “At least there’s not one of those cakes with the baby’s head coming out of a frosting vagina.”

“Swan,” he groans, leaning forward and resting his head against her shoulder while his own shoulders heave with muted laughter, “please don’t talk about that. I’m rather fond of that particular area, and I’d rather not imagine things coming out of it.”

“That sounds kind of painful for all of your sexual partners if you can’t pull out.”

“Well, the baby does have to be made somehow.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said.”

“You can’t say that about everything that I say.”

“I can if you keep getting that ridiculous.”

Killian laughs once more before leaning back off of her and wrapping an arm around Emma’s shoulder, the weight heavy and comfortable while he opens the bedroom door with his free hand. “Come on, love. Let’s go see if there’s a cake depicting Ariel giving birth. If not, I hear Mr. French takes requests.”

Ridiculous.

Such a ridiculous man who is making her laugh and feel comfortable with his arm around her shoulder after she just spilled her guts to him about some of the darkest parts of her life. She should feel uncomfortable, awkward, ready to run. She’s been waiting for all of those things since she read his letter. They’re not coming. They could later, but for now, all she can do is laugh at Killian telling her about Liam nearly passed out when Elsa gave birth.

In all of this, all that has happened, all that she has revealed, only one cohesive thought truly remains.

She and Killian are inevitable, always have been, always will be, and she’s fallen into the trap of liking him much more than she ever intended to.

Maybe even loving him.

That’s the craziest thought of them all.

But she has to wonder about the fact that she didn’t feel aroused once in that conversation when she always thought that was the thread that was holding the two of them together.

#Not Your (soul)Mate #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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beneaththetangles · 4 years

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10 Year Retrospective, Month #5: Throwback to May 2014

As we celebrate our tenth anniversary on Beneath the Tangles, we want to take some time each month to look into the past, not only to commemorate our ten years, but also to see where we were and how far we’ve come as a site and collectively as anime fans. For most months this year, we’ll do that by looking back at a particular year and at the month corresponding to that year. For instance, we started this off by looking at January 2010. Today we throw back to May 2014.

TOP OF THE CHARTS: MAY 21, 2014

We’ll dive into anime a bit, but I want to us to look at what else was happening at this time in 2014. Here are the most popular songs, movies, and series on this day or during this week six years ago.

Top Selling Album: Frozen, Soundtrack Number One Song: “All of Me,” John Legend Top Movie: Godzilla ($93.2 mil) Most Watched TV Show: The Big Bang Theory

CURRENT EVENTS: MAY 2014

youtube

Here’s what was happening in the world eight years ago this month…

Demonstrations are held across the world for the recovery of 280 Nigerian girls kidnapped by Boko Haram.

More than 2,000 are killed in a mudslide in Afghanistan.

Fighting escalates and a presidential election is held in Ukraine.

Narendra Modi becomes the 15th prime minister of India.

“Gangnam Style” reaches 2 billion views on YouTube.

POPULAR ANIME in 2014

Six years. It seems that this might be the line of demarcation, the divide between “old anime” and “anime the younger generation still watches and appreciates.” At least that’s the sense I get from endless hours posting and looking through social media. Series that should have slid further into oblivion remain in vogue, like Monthly Girls Nozaki-kun, Ao Haru Ride, Noragami, Love, Chuunibyou, and Other Delusions, No Game No Life, and Parasyte. As I get older, it’s hard to really keep track of the differences between years, but I feel like it’s practically twice as likely that someone in their teens to early twenties will have seen one of these series than a random one from a year or two before.

The year also provided some of biggest hits of recent years, like Free (the last series that was an Internet sensation before it aired?), Seven Deadly Sins, Your Lie in April (recently covered by the TangleCast), Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, and Haikyuu!! (which by the way narrowly defeated Violet Evergarden in our Caitin Glass Review and Watch poll). Some of the most well-reviewed (or at least well-covered) shows of the year also included Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works, Yona of the Dawn, Terror in Resonance, and Shirobako (the next series our podcast is covering—a little info drop for those who are reading!). These series stand out so well to me because I was knee deep in Tumblr at the time, the so many fans were clamoring about them. It really made these series stand out, whether or not they truly deserved the attention.

WHAT WE WERE BLOGGING

At the end of our last article in this series, I hinted at how I would leave the blog. But although burnout was coming, I wasn’t there yet, and most probably because 2014 was a really good year for Beneath the Tangles, especially the first half. During that time, leading into the summer, Beneath the Tangles was exactly how I hoped it would be. I slowed down my output because our writers were doing so much. It really felt like a partnership, a group of about eight of us who were writing regularly, including Lynna who started to do some episodic posting; Kaze, whose pieces were always far different from anyone else’s; Goldy, who was so skilled with her words and knee deep in convention and Christian otaku life; Hansha, who covered a variety of series but espoused the grace that could be found especially in shoujo shows; Zeroe4, who became a Swiss army knife of sorts for the blog until he departed for greener pastures; Emma, who came on as our webmaster but also helped out with social media and writing, too; and Japes, whose Anime Today column was as a strong any we’ve ever had on the blog. Speaking of Japes, it was in 2015 that he started The Tangles podcast, which he would later retool as the TangleCast—unfortunately, those early recordings have become lost.

It’s strange for me to see what I wrote during that year. I’ve written so many posts now that I’ve forgotten, maybe, what a majority of them were about. It’s weird to see my spending so much time writing about series that I was meh about, like Golden Time or Nisekoi or Blue Spring Ride, the last of which I mused for almost every episode during season one. Looking back, doing episodic looks was a bad idea, one that helped speed along my burn out. In fact, browsing through those posts is like taking a mile high view at my blogging life. Ah…I see what was happening there! It’s too bad that I couldn’t or refused to take that kind of look at the time. Writing about each episode of Terror in Resonance was fun, but it was also challenging and, again, not the best idea.

Taking this viewpoint also helps me see how I was trying to spread my wings. An article I sold to Christianity Today was posted on our site that year. I haven’t revealed that name before, but I worked closely with one of their editors at the time who encouraged me greatly with an article that would be almost an introduction to anime for that site’s audiences. It was accepted, I was paid, and then I waited. When it wasn’t published, I checked back and found that my editor had left; the new one wasn’t as interested in anime and rejected the article. I proposed another one about Miyazaki, also rejected, and also later posted on this site. The weird timing on the first one was especially painful to me, as I thought that would help launch Beneath the Tangles to a higher plane among Christian readers. It was hard to absorb having gotten my work where I wanted it, and then seeing it fall away.

A lot of times, life can be see as these series of “what might have beens.” In retrospect, I wouldn’t have been ready for the attention that posting on Christianity Today might have brought, nor was I strong enough of a writer to continue to put out work equivalent to that I prepared for the magazine. God, after all, does seem to know best.

I hope enjoyed this look into the recent past, both on a bigger, societal level and at Beneath the Tangles. We’ll keep up this throughout 2020. Read the other posts in this yearlong series.

#Anime #20 20 in 2020 #10 Year Retrospective #2014 #Beneath the Tangles #Flashback Friday #Articles #Author: TWWK

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nossbean · 4 years

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I was tagged by @sarahoftarth, @ajoblotofjunk, & @cytarabi for two different versions of this meme but! they’re substantively pretty much the same, so doing the most recent XD thanks so much for tagging me❣️

Rules: Answer 21 19 questions and tag 21 19 people you would like to get to know better!

Nickname? karlsbean is probably the most common atm, but also k, kepps, kells. my sister and i call each other ‘twu fwen pearl’ or 🌿⚪️ Someone referred to me as noss once on here which was new and cute too 🥰

Real name? Kelly

Zodiac? Gemini.

Favorite musicians or groups? In no particular order: Dessa, Janelle Monae, The Decemberists, Vienna Teng. Of these, though, I probs feel the strongest about Dessa 💕💞💖(so maybe there was a slight order there but shh)

Favorite sports teams? Ahh hmm... I am vaguely interested in watching swim races? So I’ll say not a team but a general favouritism to all the swimmers out there, whether pro or just for funsies ✌️

Other blogs? Not anymore! Oh, actually, if it counts, I v, v occasionally write for a local feminist non-profit’s blog.

Do I get asks? Rarely, but I am always open to them and love each one <3!

How many blogs do I follow? 161

Tumblr crushes? Platonically several!

Lucky numbers? Erm, none particularly.

What am I wearing? I am pottering around in an off-white tank top and green-blue plaid pj bottoms

Dream vacation? Oh boy. Well. Probably one of those open plane tickets, all-expenses paid, and like a four-month stretch where I could go to all the places in Europe that I didn’t make it to when I was more conveniently located to do so, then hop around the rest of the world from there. Wrap things up with a chill week or so somewhere with waves and sand and sunshine and then curl up at home for another week or two to recover. And as we’re talking dreams, I also echo sdw’s sentiments about everyone being properly compensated for their labour in any and all locations for any and all work they’re doing, pls and thx. ideally also with fancy things like paid sick leave, and a proper number of holiday days, and reasonable working hours.

Dream car? Welp. I spent too long thinking about this one and deleted a tl;dr answer to narrow it down to: maybe a sports coupe? Something agile and fun to drive!

Favourite food? hot carb with melted dairy. << this was @ajoblotofjunk‘s answer but honestly I am right there too.

Drink of choice? I mostly drink mango juice mixed with water because I never grew out of my juice phase. Also love a cold, blended coffee though, and collect tea like it’s my job.

Instruments? ... voice? Not that I’m particularly good, but I can’t play anything else and I sing all the time.

Languages? English, with a bit of high school Japanese. By rights, I should know French, as I was taught it between grades 2 and 10, but to demonstrate my shameful lack, a story! I spent a month on exchange in Germany as a teen and my host family once asked me to read the French side of my Canadian passport. When I finished they were all staring at me blankly, before finally my host brother said, with the unerring and inoffensive directness only a German can manage, “Why are you so bad at French?”

Celebrity crushes? my blog... reveals me... NCW is by far and away my most rebageled bloke. I’m also celebrity!crushing on Oscar Isaac, Pedro Pascal, Gemma Chan & Tessa Thompson atm.

Random facts? Through a strange series of events, I was once invited by Norwegian Eurovision winners, Bobbysocks!, to come to Norway and they’d show me around. They were very cool and very political in all the best ways and I remain bummed that I lost their contact before I could take them up on the offer.

So 19 people is so many people and honestly it intimidates me lmao so here’s half that which feels more reasonable and less intimidating! @theopensea, @amuserobin, @brynnmck, @firesign23, @djeli-beybi, @beesreadbooks, @anniegetyourbubblegum, @klingofff, @kurikaesu-haru, @wildlingoftarth & anyone else who wants to play! honestly, i want to get to know you too, so consider yourself tagged! and pls tag me so I can find your answers <3!

#play with me tag

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nohshinwoos · 5 years

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survey results 🥳

so a few days ago i did a follower survey and now i’ve gathered the results so it’s time for some stats 📊

some general info

this survey was made just for fun and there might be mistakes in it.

i can’t do math, so i apologise for that in advance.

216 people participated in this survey.

answers were submitted between august 17th and august 21st via google forms.

some questions allowed for participants to choose more than one answer, which means the total might be more than 100% on those questions.

the number of people who chose each answer are in brackets.

if i get asks about this everything will be tagged “fp survey 2019” so if it gets annoying just blacklist it!

the results (with some comments from me) are under the cut!

about you

what’s your age?

32.4% (70) 14-17

27.8% (60) 18-20

21.3% (46) 21-23

9.7% (21) 24-26

4.2% (9) 13 or under

3.2% (7) 27-30

1.4% (3) 31 or over

* i’m so old hhhh 😳

what do you identify as?

70.8% (153) female

20.4% (44) formless blob

6% (13) male

2.8% (6) other

* i didn’t wanna exclude anyone, which is why i chose to have an “other” option to allow people to express whatever they feel comfortable with identifying as.

sexuality

37% (80) bisexual

19.9% (43) lesbian

17.1% (37) asexual/anything on the ace spectrum

13% (28) i don’t use labels

10.6% (23) pansexual

9.7% (20) other

out of which:

4.7% (10) queer**

6.9% (15) heterosexual

3.7% (8) gay

* as this was a question where people could choose multiple options, the total percentage is more than 100%.

** queer wasn’t originally an option in the survey, but i added it in the results as there were so many that wrote it when choosing “other” as an option.

what’s your zodiac sign?

13% (28) pisces

12% (26) taurus

10.6% (23) sagittarius

10.2% (22) scorpio

9.3% (20) capricorn

7.9% (17) aquarius

7.4% (16) libra

6.9% (15) leo

6.5% (14) gemini

6% (13) virgo

5.6% (12) aries

4.6% (10) cancer

* shoutout to all my fellow pisces! i was actually surprised that so many of you who took this are pisces, didn’t expect that.

where are you from?

44.9% (97) united states

22.2% (48) other countries/unable to count

8.3% (18) canada

5.6% (12) united kingdom

4.6% (10) australia

4.2% (9) germany

3.2% (7) sweden

3.2% (7) finland

1.9% (4) russia

1.9% (4) ireland

* these are just the top 9 countries from the survey. if you wanna know a number for a specific country, feel free to ask me!

** oh and a shoutout to my fellow swedes! (i wanted to write something in swedish here but i didn’t know what sdkshjgkl)

dan & phil

do you watch dan & phil?

97.2% (210) yes

1.9% (4) used to but not anymore

0.5% (1) who?

0.5% (1) other

0% (0) no

* i don’t know why i had an other option for this question, but it was fun reading this one person’s rant about how the last question (”dannie or phillie :)”) of this part scared them. love you, you’re valid!

when did you start watching them?

25% (54) 2015-2016

24.5% (53) 2013-2014

24.5% (53) 2017-2018

16.7% (36) 2011-2012

5.6% (12) 2019

2.8% (6) 2009-2010

0.9% (2) 2009 or before

0% (0) i don’t watch them

do you think they are together?

90.7% (196) yes

8.8% (19) i don’t know

0.5% (1) i used to but not anymore

0% (0) no

dannie or phillie :)

59.3% (128) dannie

40.7% (88) phillie

* shoutout to all my fellow dannies!

about me and my blog

when did you start following me?

51.4% (111) 2019

35.6% (77) 2018

13% (28) 2017 or before

* it’s wild that some of you have been following me since 2017 or before - wow! and thank you! i feel like you have seen a lot sdhjsfjkl

how did you find me?

37% (80) honestly no idea

31.9% (69) from someone else’s blog

27.3% (59) saw your gifs/edits

14.4% (31) tumblr recommended

2.8% (6) read a fic of yours

2.5% (5) other

0.5% (1) from a friend

* as this was a question where people could choose multiple options, the total percentage is more than 100%.

fav content of mine?

75.9% (164) gifs

26.4% (57) edits

13.4% (29) icons

17.6% (38) fics

40.3% (87) text posts

3.5% (7) other

* as this was a question where people could choose multiple options, the total percentage is more than 100%.

** didn’t know ppl liked my text posts that much but thank u! and shoutout to the one person who said “memes” sjdkskfjkgl

*** also seeing 38 (!!) ppl say fics really boosts my confidence in writing, which is very much needed for me rn, so thank u!!

anything you wanna say about me as a person/my blog 😳

this was an open question, where people could write whatever they want about me and my blog.

there were quite a few answers and i’m not sure if i should publish them or how i even would in that case, but just know i’ve read them all and cried (good tears, i promise) and i really do appreciate every single one of you so much.

will try to remember all your kind words on days when i need to cheer up and i will save them and look back at them if i ever need motivation for anything 💖

anything else? suggestions? or if you wanna reveal who you are that’s okay too

this question was another open one as well. some chose to reveal themselves, while some just said something nice.

notes for myself

in a potential future survey i’ll have less of the “other” option, as it can be hard to group some answers together.

for a potential future survey i will definitely phrase the questions a bit differently and maybe add other questions for a more precise result.

i just generally feel like i learnt a lot - both about who my followers are and also what they think of me. it was very interesting to go through and reflect on!

i’ve only ever done one survey for an essay in school, so making a “not so serious one” was fun and i think i learnt a lot from that aspect as well. might be useful in the future, who knows!

#mel talks #fp survey 2019 #honestly i have no idea what i'm doing skjdjhjkg #i love statistics but i didn't think i'd need to do math for this but i had to and i hate math ://////#sorry this took a few days my brain hated me so i both got distracted and have just felt like shit #but i'm a bit better now dw #why am i nervous about publishing this? idk but yeah here it is

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ask-the-dancing-demon · 5 years

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Alright, time for an explanation

Or as best of an explanation I can give at this point.

So, yeah I’ve been pretty much absent from this blog for like what? 2 years? 2 and a half?? I’m not sure of the exact time frame, but needless to say, it’s been a hot minute.

So, where to start?

Well, I should probably say why I got so sluggish with this whole thing.

So, one reason is that I had started working as I had some tuition I needed to pay off and just to get some income in general. The hours , though supposed to be part-time, got weird. Like, work 8-10 hours one day and an hour and a half the next. This not only made my pay really fucked up, but also (and more importantly) had me just too dead to do anything else once I got home.

In fact, even my days off were just me resting and not really wanting to do any big art projects. Which brings me to my next reason:

If all of you who’ve been here remember where we left off, I was working my way up to revealing a very important character. And how I wanted to do it, was I wanted to have this entire comic laid out to introduce him the way I wanted to, drop some exposition, and set up future character arcs.

However, the little project balloon up a little too much. And by a little too much, I mean it took ages just for one strip of panels. Like a couple of weeks for like 5 panels-which there were 5 panels for each part, and there ended up being more 20 parts- I also had very little skill/experience with making anything in a comic structure (I still do, but I’m branching out and am better at it) so everything is in a top-down format and it added to how time-consuming it all was.

So, with everything moving at a snail’s pace, and the number of people coming aboard to see what this blog had to offer I started getting anxious about doing anything on here knowing that the more time I stalled, the more I was just disappointing everyone here. And then, the project ended up needing more panels than I was anticipating, therefore extending my workload tenfold. At some point, that anxiety spread to what I was working on and I could barely focus on what I was doing and kept worrying about how much I wasn’t getting done, how I wasn’t able to do anything else, all the details I was trying to put in that weren’t going well , etc., etc.

Eventually I just kinda sat around worrying about what I was gonna do about this whole thing while simultaneously getting absolutely nothing done.

And then that, combined with my shitty work situation making me practically depressed basically had me sitting on the whole project barely touching tumblr at all. for like two years. I mostly just kept to DeviantArt for a lot of my stuff.

Of course, during those two years, Bendy and the Ink Machine continued, ended, and is getting another game. And through all that time with the progression of the plot and such, I kept getting more and more headcanons and ideas that all tied into this blog’s AU

But I couldn’t show them, because they would be spoilers and would take place after what I was doing. Which meant I’d have to do that first. Which brought back the problems I mentioned before.

Now, even my DeviantArt content is starting to dry up, because of all the things I have to withhold until the stuff is finished.

Finally, I just go fed up with putting the ideas on hold and not getting shit done. And I finally came to the conclusion that I had been too inexperienced to try taking on a project that fricking big and honestly shame on me for that

So, here’s what I’ve decided.

I went ahead and decided to condense the project down to something that I could accomplish. I was originally going to have this character exit at the end, and only sometimes be available to for asks, but the amount of work that entail, if I wanted to get the points I wanted across, would basically put me back to square one. So, instead of doing that, everyone will get to ask him all the stuff they want in order to further this story.

Also, the way I’ll be doing answers will be slightly different; in that it’ll be a bit less of just answering questions with a bit of lore thrown in, and more of asks helping to guide the story. I’ll still give you guys a lot of fun input, though don’t worry! ;)

Next, the characters won’t be quite the same as we left of. You know, having a thousand and two ideas bouncing around your head for a while tends to lead to a few changes in how you do these characters. There’s been a good deal of character development, and a few dynamics have changed, so these characters may act a bit differently than expected.(how many times can i say characters in one paragraph???)

Next, fair warning about how the comic will look. I did have a few parts of it finished before trimming it down. Some parts had all the shading and dialogue and stuff finished, while some parts just had some lineart done (i did lineart for the fudkigng background why did i do that that was such a bad idea D:) Some panels will have the original lineart from 2 years ago-that i did not touch outside of cleaning- and others will be my recent style, so it might look kinda wonky with my old art and current skill right next to each other so just bear with me on it.

And finally, the last thing I need to say is that the amount I had condensed everything down to is almost finished- like, ready to go up within the next week finished. Hell, it could maybe even be finished within the next few days(but probably not because i nitpick like a mofo so it’ll probably be next week)

Sorry for the wait, all this time guys, I promise your patience will be rewarded

I might open the asks for anyone who has anymore questions for me, about this, or about the blog. What do you guys think?

#mun speaks #shut up grem #thats a lot of words 0.0

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franeridart · 5 years

Note

Merry Christmas!! I hope you are happy, and have a good New Year! 😁

Thank you!!! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and will have a wonderful New Year too!!

Anon said:aaaaawwwnnn the good ol' platonic (or not, depending on the interpretation) bak*deku

I’m not anti anything anon, so you never gotta worry about that! I have ships I like and ships I don’t and ships I’m indifferent about, but I’m a firm believer in the ship and let ship principle~ sadly bkdk is strictly platonic for me (I see them too much as sibs for it to work in a romantic way, at this point), but I do adore their relationship and the way Horikoshi is writing it TT^TT it’s def one of my favorite Bakugou relationships, such a wonderfully complex story 💕

Anon said:Have you ever thought about drawing Bakushima as different ships? Like, from different shows. Put them in their outfits and such? I thought that wouls be pretty cool. Sorry if someone has already suggested this! I thought maybe Black Butler style ? Fruits basket, Death note, ect. ❤

I have in the past drawn them in AUs inspired by characters from other fandoms, if that’s what you’re asking! At the top of my head I can remember drawing them as Black⭐Star and Tsubaki from Soul Eater, Doumeki and Watanuki from xxxHolic and Jacuzzi and Nice from Baccano!, but I’m sure those are not the only ones... I’m never against that sort of AUs, if you have anything you’d like to see ask and I’ll see if I know the fandom you’re thinking about! :D

Anon said://squints// did your.... Did your lineart imPROVE??? holy maples Fran ur killing me with ur art I wanna survive my last 7 months of high school--

If you think so, then I’m seriously happy and glad to hear it! Thank you so much!! I feel like I’ve been getting sloppier actually, ngl, but I have been trying new tools for the line, so maybe that’s the difference you’re seeing!

Anon said:Gonna say anonymously caz' i'm too embarrassed to reveal myself for now, but I love your blog and art so damn much!!! Been following you for two years and you really inspired me to draw and really to stay in touch with bnha. Again, love you so much and hope you a merry Christmas!!!

Ahhhhh anon thank you so much!!! I’m happy I can make you keep up with bnha, ngl!! And I hope you’ve had a wonderful amazing christmas too!!!

Anon said:Sero with the long hair can murder me

He wouldn’t!

Anon said:what do you think of bakukamijirou 👀

I don’t ship it, sorry :( as far as shipping Bakugou goes, I only ship him around if Kirishima is involved - I do have a few Baku ships I like just for the aesthetics (like with Jirou, or Todoroki!) but I wouldn’t really call it “shipping”, I just like to see them next to each other cause their designs work well together haha

Anon said:Hello? Yes. Hi. Dave I love. Thank you.

I’m so happy to hear that!!! TT^TT thank you so much!!!

Anon said:Kamijirou cures my depression :3

WELL IF THAT ISN’T A MOOD!!

Anon said:Have you every considered a voltron au for your ocs? I know youve made a voltron au befores so i was wondering if you ever did it for anything else (i really love all your art have a lovely day

I’ve never, actually :thinking: the vld fandom is very scary to me so I try to keep away from it, ngl! I’ve also not watched past the first season of the cartoon itself so by now I don’t think I have the necessary information to make AUs based on that fandom, but the concept of my kids in space or piloting mechas is a wonderful one nonetheless haha

Anon said:Ah man I love dav so much. It makes me so happy when you post your sweet green haired boy. Day: brightened.

:sob: thank you SO MUCH!!!! TT^TT it makes me so happy to hear you like my boy!!

Anon said:I love and appreciate every variety of your ocs

THANK YOU!!!💕💕

Anon said:You: This is my boy. | Me: I love him so much and his hair and his shirt- 👌

Thank you so much!! His hair and clothes make less sense every time I draw him, but I have fun with it so I’m glad you like them anyway hahaha

Anon said:Hey! Who is he? He looks cool

Thank you so muuuccchhhh!!! His name is Dave!! He doesn’t really have much of a story, but he’s a uni student and likes music, philosophy and cats! He has a bunch of friends I draw him with now and again, and they mostly spend their time avoiding studying and being generally ridiculous :D

Anon said:Just wanted to let you know your art style is GORGEOUS. You're one of the few people on this site whose art always makes me excited to see it. I'm a huge Bakushima fan to begin with but your Bakugou is just...oof. lol I don't know if it's the hooded eyes or the undercut but you make him HAVE it!

That’s such high praise oh my god! TTOTT I’m glad you like how I draw my boy, he makes me so happy to doodle !!!!! 💞💞💞

Anon said:The two art post with "An unexpected sappy thought" and "Bunch of stuff from yesterday I finally managed to finish" were both flagged. i tried to send them to u, but couldn't. Just thought you should know if you haven't been notified yet! sorry that i cant be much help. (also the protest starts in like 10 min for me, so youre probably off already if youre doing it) sorry for bothering!

Anon said:hey your post (a colored fanart) of kirishima and bakugou cuddling w/ song lyrics as the caption got flagged, just thought i’d let you know if you didn’t see it :( stupid tumblr

These are pretty old asks at this point but I wanted to thank you for the heads up anyway! I have gone through my posts twice already and new flagged things always pop up, so the fact that you took the time to let me know was seriously huge help! Thank you so much!!

Anon said:hi i just saw your year summery-thingy and i just realized that i have followed you for more than a year now and i just want to say thank you for all the beutiful art i have seen !! you are truly one of my favorite artist i hope that you are well

Ah man thank you so much!!! I’m so so happy to hear you’ve been following me that long, it’s incredible to me!! I hope I’ll manage to get out of the slump I’ve fallen into soon enough orz meanwhile thank you for sticking around!! 💕

Anon said:Seeing your art summary makes my soul feel the urge to have your beautiful kiribaku art in a book. Have you ever thought about making a little zine with some of your illustrations? Or selling prints ;___; You're absolutely amazing!

Oh heck thank you so much for being interested in something like that! I’ve actually thought about something of the like, but if I ever did it would be a small zine with pieces made specifically for it! I have to research the whole thing a bit more, but in case I’ll reach a point where it’s a concrete possibility I’d first post something to check the actual interest in it between everyone! ;^;

Anon said:... Why BakuJiro tho?

Why not! They are good friends, have a nice dynamic, and their styles match together well! And Jirou’s so tiny next to him, I like the idea of Baku hugging her a whole lot as it might have become obvious by this point haha

Anon said:7w7r I see you there

I dunno what this is about but !!! neat!!

Anon said:Soooo,,, DabiHawks or Hawks single? I have curious for how would a drawing of them be made by you

I’ve said this a couple of times before, but I’m really only interested in dabihawks if Dabi is Touya at this point! I might change my mind if Hori develops their relationship more, but right now that’s how it is... and until I have more concrete proofs of Touya and Dabi being the same person I don’t wanna get too involved with the ship, in case I end up disappointed haha

Anon said:Fran, have you ever posted a selfie before? For some reason, I imagine you looking a little more like Kuroo from Haikyuu!! Haha.

I haven’t! I prefer being behind the camera instead of before it hahaha a couple years ago you would have been right! By now I have too much hair for it, tho lol also, I wear glasses and have a bunch of piercings and earrings that Kuroo doesn’t have (but should have, cause it’d be hot 👀👀👀)

#fran answers #i wanted to post something colored today but my health said no #*sad*#instead i finally got around to answering the asks #a lil bit of productivity is always better than none at all haha #anonymous

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pancakecakes · 6 years

Text

Beautiful Mistakes.

You can read it here: AO3

Chapters (Tumblr) : | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Summary: Marinette has a habit of sending asks to her favorite Tumblr user, telling him seeing his blog makes her happy, and that she’s glad he’s alive. It’s been a while for now and people have started to ship them, even though Marinette has never had the courage to reveal her true identity. One day, she forgets to switch to anonymous and sends one of her usual asks.

Tags: Ladynoir, Adrinette, fluff, Tumblr AU, Crush, Platonic Love.

Marinette’s face felt hot. Maybe she was dreaming, there was no way she had been texting Adrien Agreste for almost two years. She wasn’t that lucky.

Or at least that’s what she thought up until that point.

She knew who Adrien Agreste was mostly because he wore his father’s designs. Gabriel Agreste was her favourite designer of all times, and he was probably the most prestigious fashion designer around the world. Alya had interviews with Adrien time to time and she always tried to make Marinette get interested on him, or at least it seemed like it. Alya only stopped when she admitted she was Ladybug.

Alya would always tell her how nice Adrien was despite being extremely handsome and rich (And best friends with Chloé) and hinted he would be a perfect fit for her. At that time, she already knew she liked Chat Noir, so even when Adrien was handsome and maybe shared significant interests, her heart belonged to someone already. Adrien could be the most amazing man on earth and still, she would prefer Chat Noir. This had nothing to do about looks.

But the reality was Chat Noir was Adrien Agreste. She only felt intimidated by it because he was the son of her favourite designer. What if people thought she had planned everything from the beginning, so she could have special treatment on contests? No, that’d be impossible since it was unknown Adrien was Chat Noir. She was overthinking.

She took a deep breath.

Chat Noir’s real-life identity was Adrien Agreste… She finally could put a face on Chat Noir.

She had a vague idea of how Chat’s face would look like because of the memes and questions he answered. He was supposed to be really handsome (well, he didn’t lie), green eyes, blond hair and athletic body. He just never mentioned he was also a model but hey, she could have guessed it.

Marinette smiled.

“Adrien…”

Chat Noir

10:03 P.M.

Buginette? Is that you?

Miraculous Ladybug

10:56 P.M.

Hey, Chaton. You didn’t have to put that photo online, you know. The world wasn’t ready to see how beautiful you are.

Chat Noir

10:57 P.M.

OMG IT IS REALLY YOU.Pardon me, my lady. A gentleman always fulfils his promises. And I think you meant handsome. You, in other hand, are indeed beautiful.

Miraculous Ladybug

10:57 P.M.

Tbh I accidently sent that message without activating the anonymous option… I didn’t really want to reveal myself like that.

Miraculous Ladybug

10:58 P.M.

But please don’t get the wrong idea, I’m really happy. I’ve been thinking on telling you who I am anyways, but I wanted it to be special… I’m sorry kitty.

Chat Noir

10:58 P.M.

Please don’t apologize, it is perfect because it is you, no matter how it happened.

Miraculous Ladybug

10:58 P.M.

Awww, Chaton [heart emoji]

Chat Noir

11:00 P.M.

And I wanted you to know that you don’t have to push yourself. I’m glad we know each other’s real names and all, if I could I would go anywhere to meet you right this instant… but I want you to feel comfortable with me first… All I want is you feeling comfortable with Adrien Agreste, the way you are with Chat Noir.

Miraculous Ladybug

11:01 P.M.

I am comfortable with you, whether you call yourself Chat Noir or Adrien Agreste… it’s the same to me. I hope you can be comfortable with Marinette as you are with Ladybug.

Chat Noir

11:04 P.M.

The thing we call a rose would smell just as sweet if we called it by any other name. Ladybug would be just as perfect even if she wasn’t called Ladybug, lose your name. Trade in your name—which really has nothing to do with you—and take all of me exchange.

Miraculous Ladybug

11:05 P.M.

You dork [heart emoji]

Miraculous Ladybug

11:07 P.M.

I trust your words. Just call me your love, and I will take a new name. From now on I will never be called Ladybug again.

Chat Noir

11:07 P.M.

This is why I adore you [heart emoji] But technically I should be the one telling you that line, Juliet.

Miraculous Ladybug

11:08 P.M.

I don’t want us to end like Romeo and Juliet…

Chat Noir

11:09 P.M.

We won’t. its not Romeo and Juliet’s story. It is Chat Noir and Ladybug’s love story. Exactly who we are is just enough.

Miraculous Ladybug

11:10 P.M.

Hahaha. There’s a place for us <3.

Miraculous Ladybug

11:11 P.M.

Can we meet?

Chat Noir

11:11 P.M.

11:11 My lady. Make a wish. I wish for us to never be apart.

Miraculous Ladybug

11:11 P.M.

I wish for the same thing.

Marinette wanted it to be perfect. They agreed on meeting on a Sunday at a café during the afternoon. She had some deadlines coming up, so she didn’t sleep for two days. She was happy because she finished everything on time. She just needed to make some adjustments after her date with Adrien and then she could sleep a whole day.

She put on makeup, used her favourite perfume and her best white and blue dress. She had everything planned and her friends were kindly enough to help her organize a private meeting, since the media was focused in Adrien during that week.

Rose and Juleka worked together at a café during the weekends, and they agreed to keep the café open for a couple of hours after closing that Sunday, so Marinette and her mysterious lover could meet in private and have their date without anyone noticing it. Marinette was well known in that café due to her work as both designer and a baker, so the owners were more than welcome to allow them to use the place after closing.

“And where did you meet this guy, Marinette?” Rose asked in a dreamt voice.

Everyone was finishing painting some wooden boards. The view was Paris at night seen from a balcony, decorated with red roses and warm coloured candles. They would put them in the walls to make it look as if they were having a date outside.

“We knew there was someone already, by the way you stared and smiled at your phone all the time, but it’s the first time we see you planning one of your dates” Juleka added “and this is way more romantic than I originally thought it would be”.

“Yeah, Marinette” Alya started to say, teasing her “It’s almost as if you’ve been secretly dating this mysterious guy for almost two years now. Is this your anniversary dinner or something?”

Rose squealed in excitement and Juleka smiled.

“You have been dating him for two years????” Rose asked way more excited than Marinette thought possible.

“We are not dating!” Marinette blushed and started to move her hands in front of her in a strange way.

“That’s what’s she’s been telling herself all this time” Alya said.

“Woah, so there’s really a guy Marinette had been seeing all this time” Juleka was a little surprised.

“I can’t believe this day finally came!!!” Rose was really excited.

“But I’d be lying if I tell you I didn’t hope we ended up being family. You know what I mean?” Juleka giggled.

Marinette immediately thought of Juleka’s brother, face completely red every time he saw her when they met.

Marinette blushed “I already told you, your brother and I are really good friends, but just that”

“Who knows, you met him after you met your secret prince. Maybe if things happened differently you would be having a dinner with Juleka’s brother instead” Alya teased.

Luka was amazing. They met some months ago and they instantly became friends. But it was the same case as before, it didn’t matter how perfect Luka could be, her heart belonged to Adrien and Adrien only.

“I thought you and Nathaniel had something going on” Rose added.

“Nathaniel? What… no, no, we’re friends and we’re both artist. We never had anything going on, we just had some projects together” Marinette blushed again. Nathaniel was a really nice guy, people always told them they would make a beautiful couple, but she noticed every time someone said it Nathaniel went serious and quiet. Poor guy, maybe he was really bothered by it.

“Besides, Marinette deserves the best boyfriend ever. Both Luka and Nathaniel are nice but, are they nice enough to be the future husband of the next top fashion designer of the world?”

“Alya, stop” Marinette blushed even more.

“What a shame, Nathaniel and you looked so good together”

“I think you got the name wrong, Rose, my brother’s name is Luka”

“Well, are you going to help me to get everything ready or are we going to keep talking about other boys when I’m about to have dinner with my… my…” Marinette froze. What were they? Friends?

“I’m sorry Marinette I couldn’t hear that last word… You’re what again?” Alya teased.

Marinette choked, and everyone laughed.

‘This will be the best dinner ever’ She thought as she they started hanging the freshly painted boards in the walls.

Maybe she didn’t reveal herself in a special way, but she was going to make sure their first time meeting in person was perfect. She was nervous, but everything was well planned and when she planned something, nothing went wrong.

An hour before the date, everything was finished. They were taking a break when the main door suddenly opened. It was Chloé. She had two cellphones in her right hand and she seemed tired and pissed.

“I’m sorry, but we’re closed. You can come tomorrow if you—” Rose was quickly shut up.

“As if I would come here to drink coffee” Chloé said in the rudest way possible “Then, who’s the one.”

“I’ll have to ask you to leave” Juleka said in a strong tone, taking a step forward.

“I won’t leave until I met her” Chloé fixed her eyes on Marinette. She frowned as she stepped in “Marinette Dupain Cheng, why am I not surprised” Chloé’s eyes went from Marinette’s feet to her hair. Chloé made a disgusted face.

“Chloé…” Marinette whispered. There was fear in her voice. Every time Marinette met Chloé something wrong happened. She didn’t know why Chloé hated her so much, or when did it started, but she noticed it in a contest when Chloé accidentally pushed her and she hit the refreshments table and got all wet before the presentation.

“Chloé Bourgeois, we’re close. Unless you want to see your face in every news paper tomorrow morning talking about how the only daughter of the major trespassed a closed establishment and acted rude towards the staff, get out of here” Alya intervened.

“I won’t leave until I hear Marinette admit he’s making a fool out of my sweet Adrikins.”

“Adrikins? You mean Adrien? Adrien Agreste?” Rose gasped. Everyone knew they were best friends.

“No one is making a fool out of anyone. Now leave” Alya pressed.

“Adrien is a famous model, and the only son of the most prestigious designer of the whole world. Do you seriously want me to believe he suddenly wakes up someday and tells everyone he’s in love with someone? And that someone is no other than Marinette Dupain Cheng, future fashion designer who has been applying to every contest the Agreste brand has guested for the past years and don’t think that’s a little suspicious?”

“It’s not…” Marinette tried to explain everything before Chloé fully entered to the café and pulled the tablecloth, throwing everything in the table they just fixed for the date to the ground “Chloé, wait…”

“What is your deal with Adrien!? I won’t let anyone hurt him because some wannabe fashion designer wants to use him to get preference in the contests” Chloé was furious. She tried to grab Marinette by the hair when Alya took her by the arm.

“You’re going to leave this instant Chloé, or else I’ll call the police”

“This is none of your business, Cesaire”

“If you come and try to hurt my girl in any way, it is my business, Bourgeois”

Chloé took a step behind, getting free from Alya’s hand “I will ruin her if she gets close to him.”

“You have no idea what’s going on Chloé, I advise you to go and talk with him first before you come and throw a tantrum and get yourself into trouble” Alya stepped forward, leading her to the exit.

“Wait, Alya it’s ok. I am not doing anything wrong, let me explain it to her” Marinette approached Chloé, making Alya step aside “I understand you can’t trust me, you’re Adrien’s best friend, but I assure you I have no intention of hurting him or playing with his feel—”

Chloé took one of the paint pots they used to paint the wooden boards and poured it all on Marinette “I don’t want to hear any of your lame excuses. You leave Adrikins alone or I’ll ruin you and your career, are we clear?” Chloé then turned and left the café.

Marinette was covered in red paint. Her hair, face and her beautiful white dress was ruined. The table was a mess, and everything was wrong.

“Are you ok Marinette?” Juleka hurried to see Marinette the moment Chloé poured the paint on her.

“Girl it’s ok, we can clean everything, and you can get ready before the date starts, there’s still time.” Alya put an arm in Marinette’s back.

“I don’t understand why Chloé is so mean…” Rose sobbed.

“No, I can’t see him like this…” Marinette said, with a broken voice.

“What? No, babe, we still have time, this is not ruined”

“This is wrong Alya, our first meeting has to be perfect. My dress, hair and make up is ruined, I need at least two hours to make it all right again. There’s paint to clean and we need to decorate the table again” Marinette tears started to fall as she trembled “I can’t meet him like this”

“We’ll clean everything while you go home to take a bath and get ready, we can do this Marinette” Rose added.

“No, I’ll change the day”

“You’ve been waiting all week for this day, we won’t let Chloé get away with this, babe” Alya was frustrated, not knowing what to say to make Marinette don’t give up.

“Please, just… let me make this my way. I am tired, and I need this to be perfect. I really do. Thank you so much for everything but I need to move the date to another day”

“Are you sure? Is there anything we could do?” Juleka asked.

“Everything’s ok, let’s start to clean this first…” Marinette walked towards the ruined table before Rose stopped her.

“We’ll take care of this. Alya, could you take her home?”

“Sure. Are you sure you both can clean everything on your own?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about us we can handle it. Just take her home safe, ok?” Juleka said and Alya nodded.

“Let’s go Marinette.”

They took some paper to clean most of the red paint that was stuck in Marinette’s body and hair. She texted Chat Noir telling him she had to cancel because of a sudden emergency, but they could see each other next weekend. They walked home, not talking at all.

Alya stared at her, trying to say something and then regretting it before even saying something at all. She was worried, Marinette knew. But this time she needed to go home, cry, take a nap and get some work done before she could start planning her date again.

Marinette bit her lip. Everything was planned, everything was going smoothly. She wanted to meet Chat Noir in real life so bad… Tears came back and suddenly she was sobbing and then crying loudly. Alya hugged her and Marinette kept crying, as loud and heartbreaking as she had never cried before.

“I’m so sorry babe, I’m sorry I couldn’t do more” Alya’s voice sounded a little broken too. She was on the verge of crying as well.

“Why I am so unlucky?” Marinette cried and hugged her as if she was falling apart and only Alya could make her pieces stay in place. “Should I really stay away from him?”

“No, no, no dear, don’t say that. He loves you, you both deserve to be together. You both want it so much”

“I’m sorry Alya”

“You have nothing to apologize for, babe”

“You’re my best friend”

“You’re my best friend too, Marinette”.

Alya walked Marinette home and after staying for awhile and made sure Marinette was feeling better, she left. Marinette was tired and sad, but she couldn’t sleep. In the end she decided to work on some freelance she had to have her mind busy after fixing a couple of things in the project she worked on in the past two days. She would take a bath after she finished everything, or after she felt better and regained her need to get some sleep.

Alya called a couple of times during the night, to see how she was doing, and sent a lot of texts.

Chat Noir’s reply sounded a little disappointed, but he wasn’t mad at her for cancelling at last minute. She wanted to talk with him, but every time she saw his username she remembered what happened that afternoon with Chloé and she started crying again, so she just put her phone away and worked all night.

It was 9 AM, she was almost finished with her work and she was feeling a little better. She promised herself she would send a message to Chat Noir, take a bath and then go to sleep. She was not in the mood for school, and it wasn’t completely wrong to take a day off every once in a while. She had told her parents she would be working all night, and that she’d help them in the bakery during the evening.

Marinette heard a distant yell from her mother saying she had a guest, and a couple of knocks on her door.

“Come in” Marinette said in a defeated tone. She told Alya to not come to check on her if she didn’t want her to die from anxiety. But well, its Alya we were talking about, her best friend.

Marinette heard her door opening and closing.

“I told you didn’t have to come. I am alright, I’m about to finish these designs and going to bed” Marinette said with a tired voice, not even bothered to turn and see her friend.

“O-Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you…” a masculine voice said.

Marinette froze. She stopped breathing and turned as fast as she could and there he was, Adrien Agreste himself. Her face turned red. She tried to say something, but she freaked out and ended up stuttering. She quickly covered her mouth with both hands and tried to calm down until she could finally say, in a broken voice.

“Chat Noir….”

Adrien blushed “Ladybug…”

They just stood there for a while without saying a word.

Marinette didn’t know what to do. She was wearing her pyjamas, had the makeup from last night, some red paint still in her hair, and she hadn’t slept for three days by then. She must be at her ugliest. How did Adrien know her address? It had to be Alya… and why did he come all the way here without telling her? They could meet at a café, after she took a shower and wore cute clo-

“You’re beautiful”

Marinette couldn’t fight the tear that crawled down her cheek. Everything was wrong.

First, she didn’t want to tell Chat Noir she was Ladybug with some random message when she forgot to switch to anonymous. Second, she tried to meet him under the perfect circumstances and everything went wrong. She was ugly, tired and… he thought she was beautiful.

Adrien frowned in concern the moment he saw Marinette crying. He walked towards her and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Are you ok?” Adrien’s voice was warm and she could tell he was really worried.

Marinette put both of her hands on her face and started sobbing. Adrien got closer, hesitating on giving her a hug.

“I’m sorry, I just-” Marinette tried to sound as clear as she could, trying at the same time to stop sobbing “I just wanted to look pretty when we met for the first time… I wanted everything to be perfect, but in the end, nothing came up the way I wanted it”

Adrien’s hand ran through Marinette’s hair. He smiled, and his cheeks blushed a little.

“You are beautiful just the way you are. And just because we’re both here in the same room makes it special and perfect. I’m here and you are in front of me without the screen of my phone between us”

“I look ugly”

“You don’t”

“You just say that because you love me”

“Yeah… I…”

Adrien’s face turned completely red. He held Marinette in his arms. He took a big breath before he softly whispered into her ear.

“I love you”

Marinette started to cry for real this time. She ran her arms around Adrien and cried as she hide her face in Adrien’s chest.

“I love you too, I love you so much!” Marinette was trembling, trying to hold her tears “how can you not be mad? The memory of us meeting for the first time will be me crying in my pyjamas as you hold me, telling me that you… that you…” Marinette sobbed.

“That I love you, that I completely adore you and that it didn’t matter how it happened it’d still be perfect because meeting you is the best thing that could happen in my entire life”

“Why do you have to be like this??”

“Because I love you. I’m deeply and desperately in love with you”

“Stop! Hearing it makes me want to cry even more!”

“Do you love me, my lady?”

Marinette remained silent. She started to tremble even more.

“Don’t you love me… Marinette?”

With her heart racing faster that it had ever did, she slowly looked directly into his eyes, her eyes filled with tears and face completely red.

“I love you, Adrien” Marinette pouted, big tears ran through her cheeks, slowly and thick like in those Ghibli movies “I’m sorry if I ever told you meeting you was a mistake. I was wrong, it was the luckiest thing that could’ve ever happened to me”

“I don’t know, maybe it really was a mistake”

Marinette’s face tensed “Why would you think that?” a million reasons crossed her mind in a second.

Adrien smiled “it was such a beautiful mistake, isn’t it?”

Marinette smiled. He remembered.

Maybe sometimes mistakes would lead you to a path where you can meet amazing people, such as Adrien Agreste… no… such as Chat Noir. Such as him.

Sometimes you don’t know how the real lives of people in the internet are like, but there is something completely certain, and it’s that behind all those posts, all those reblog, likes, videos and memes, there are real people, with feelings, amazing people that can change your life.

“Yeah” Marinette answered as she lost herself in her thoughts.

Have she had done something different? Maybe she would’ve. Maybe she would’ve told him her real name sooner, maybe she wouldn’t have been so afraid to tell him the truth. She could’ve done several things differently, but she knew deep inside of her she did exactly was she was supposed to do so she could be with Adrien in that precise moment.

“Chloé told me what she did to you, I’m so sorry” Adrien said nervously “I’ve told her everything now, she’ll never do anything like that again in the future, I promise”

“It’s ok… she was worried about you”

“You were hurt, you were crying for what she did”

“Did Alya told you that?” Marinette was embarrassed.

“She didn’t have to, I know you” Adrien smiled, pressing his forehead in hers “She told me your address though”

“I’ll make her pay for it” Marinette giggled.

They stayed like that for a moment, forehead against forehead. Adrien caressed Marinette’s cheek before softly closing the gap between their lips. He just pressed them of a couple of seconds and then he pressed his forehead against hers again. His face was red, and his lips formed the most beautiful smile Marinette had ever seen.

It was all worth it, all the bad things that happened to her, the bad decisions she made through those two years and all the change that came after she followed him that day, after she sent the first ask, after she made it a habit out of it…

If it was a mistake, it was the most wonderful mistake that she could’ve ever made. Marinette smiled, and after sighing in relief she finally whispered.

“You are my most beautiful mistake”.

#miraculous ladybug #Adrinette #ladynoir #tumblr au #au #fics #fanfics #crush #platonic love #romantic love

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