#maybe sell some if i get enough idk

[guinevereslancelot]

my saffron crocus didn't die :0

#i planted them last spring and they were supposed to bloom in the fall but they didn't so i thought they were dead #bc they were iffy in my growing zone and i jist planted them in the lawn w no protection like if they die they die #bc they were super cheap and im lazy #anyway they put up leaves!!! they're alive!!!! #probably they just needed time to establish #hopefully they flower this year!! #they're fall blooming :) #plus i can harvest the stamens to cook with #maybe sell some if i get enough idk #but they should flower late fall when stuff is dying back :) #would be so nice to have flowers at that time of year #i know someone in a warmer zone who's been growing them in a cold frame and not had any flowers for like 2-3 years as they establish tho #so possibly a failed experiment if they live but never flower idk #but hopefully they'll live and flower #my logic was basically that i got 30 for 12 dollars and planted them in a wide variety of locations in my yard #hoping for at least a few to thrive without protection bc im lazy #and for 12 dollars it would be worth it if most of them died to get even a couple flowers #they're hard to find in the grass but i think i have close to 20 at least! #i will share in the fall if any of them flower this year <3 #horticulture tag #gardening tag

[moldspace]

its that time again boys

time for another shop update! i’m announcing it on my mailing list but i’ll pop it into social media as well - next shop update is gonna be in exactly a week, on OCTOBER FIRST at 2:00 PM MT :^) it’ll just be a mid-sized update, with lots of my paper mache creations, some ceramics, and maybe some wooden cut-outs if i get done painting them in time! i’ll keep y’all updated, and if you want a day-before email reminder/preview pics of the wares you can sing up to said MAILING LIST. but i’ll also be yelling about it on here as the time approaches

#idk if the mailing list is very helpful given how much gmail likes to filter it into my promotions tab that i never check -__- but hey #maybe some people are more in control of their email programs than i am #me i am begging on my knees for google to not hide my dracula daily emails away from me #anyway! shop update! i'm excited it's been a sec since i got any sculptures up and i've accrued enough to sell :^) #i hope yall dont mind just getting a week of notice... my planning ahead skills are so bad that i have trouble setting things #much further in advance LOLLL :'^)

[heirofnepeta]

Heyyyyyyyyyy do ANY of y'all who follow me play Warframe and by chance have an Octavia Prime Chassis blueprint you're willing to sell to me and if so what's the uh. price?

#im too scared to uh. use warframe.market or trade chat #i got the systems and neuroptics blueprints which are building rn and ive got a couple relics to crack that might give me the Octavia Pr Bp #if i dont get the actual octavia prime blueprints ill have to sell some shit to get enough platinum to buy that too #but for now im gonna hope i get them and just buy the chassis #so uh #any of yall got one? #also i should um. say #i only have 13 platinum to offer #which SEEMS to be a bit above average for what it goes for (from Warframe.market [I could be wrong as always]) #anyways if one of yall dont have it could you at least teach me how to trade effectively? im scared but willing to learn :3 #i should probs maintag this as warframe so maybe someone who doesnt follow me can help #warframe #also uhhhhh dm me if you have one and will take my 13 plat for it #ill tell you my ingame name and we can figure it out from there #ok? ok #also sorry if im asking for too much for too little plat idk how the market is on Octavia Prime Chassis blueprints aside from looking at #warframe.market yknow?

[rosicheeks]

Can I buy pics from you on here

Would anyone be interested in something like that?

#idk I’ve mentioned I might start a fansly for all my classic rosie content #but until then maybe I could do some pics/gifs bundles of some kind #I’ve thought about doing like a Dropbox thing I don’t fully understand it but I could look more into it #I made my first and only custom and sent it to him on there #sigh I miss making content so much #I had SO many ideas but I never did them :( #anywayyyyy #eventually I’ll make a fansly or something #but until then if you’re interested in maybe buying some content from me directly through here lmk #maybe I can figure something out 🤭 #honestly think the only realistic way of me getting my own place any time soon is if I do a full time job / dog sit / and sell content #hopefully that’ll give me enough to pay for rent and bills and groceries and all that bullshit #just wanna be a stay at home house pet 😤 #no responsibilities #just meow meow or woof woof 😤 #ask #anon

[minimoefoe]

decided i wanna start on another cardigan and this is the plan i have so far

- the colour pattern is probs gonna change a bit bc there’s already some placement i’m not 100% happy with but this is pretty close

- i’m gonna just buy some yarn from a shop near me instead of ordering stuff online like i usually do bc it’ll be cheaper and bc this is just for me it doesn’t matter much about the yarn quality. if i manage to make it good enough to sell then i’ll order some better stuff and make a new one

- these colours aren’t based off of any yarn, they’re just basic rainbow colours so chances are the actual colours i get will be a bit off from this

- added an extra row of squares along the bottom bc the first one i made was a bit short for me

- i’m not doing a different stitch for each colour this time around. it’s all going to be garter, so i can focus more on making it tidy and generally better made rather than tryna do different stitches i’m not very good at and having to deal with lopsided squares

#Nat knits #i can’t get the yarn yet so won’t be starting it for a bit #but I’m glad I have a plan-ish now #i feel like if I end up being able to do it well enough to sell #imma need to figure out different sizes and all that shit and maybe give ppl a bunch of options #bc other than the length which was a bit short #the original cardigan I made was already oversized on me #and I’m not Small #so on some ppl it might be too oversized #idk #I’ll worry about it when I get to it #i feel like this cardigan is gonna be better tho #I’m excited #i haven’t actually done any knitting #in over a month lmao

[dragonlights]

Sometimes you see a post that makes you want to sleep for a century cause of the sheer 'missing the point' of it all.

#dragontalk #eat the rich isn't about shitty content creators who are charging A Fee to access their content #unless they're exploiting the folks they hire to produce or host that content #alienating their fans sucks but THAT'S NOT WHAT EAT THE RICH IS #y'all say eat the rich and be like 'i you say eat the rich and expect us to spare you' like #i don't think the ghost bros are fuckin ellen tier #or even Fucking. Markiplier tier of wealth? #like. it doesn't mean to just eat folks who landed in a nice spot making art or a nice job who could afford a house and a yard #it's the ceos of companies who report record profits while laying off their workers by the hundreds #it's creators who TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEIR WORKERS TO MAKE A PROFIT #or even take advantage of their Fans to make a profit #the dumb ghost bros aren't taking advantage of folks or selling some sham pyramid scheme thing or anything #it sucks putting their shit behind a paywall especially when folks are looking for that entertainment but #of all the entitled bullshit #you aren't. Owed. access to a Creator's work. even if they've gotten more popular. #you are owed transparency and honesty and maybe even the vague assumption that those involved in the endeavor are being treated fairly #but if fuckin hussie put homestuck behind a 10 dollar a month paywall thay would stil suck but it STILL wouldn't be eat the rich #y'all gonna to after neil gayman for charging for books now? for good omens and shit??? #just. i GET the frustration but if there is a revolution we need to tie these folks up for a bit (loony toons style. not like. prison) #and be like #' y'all. y'all. chill. rip out the throat of idk. netflix CEOs or paramount or whatever' #just. thus post was initially going to be gauging my eyes out with marx's rusty spoons but i haven't read enough marc myself #to feel comfortable making that joke

[mexashepot]

Idk if you need SO MANY big names, several of which have a big fandom of their own, on your solo concert and you STILL cannot sell 80 tickets in another city than the one you normally work in then maybe idk, don't try to go big at this point of your career? Maybe wait a bit until you have more recognition and then try your hand at things like that?

#and I actually think she's a fantastic vocalist btw #one of the best her theatre scene has to offer #but if she cannot sell so few tickets for such little price with SUCH big names in the big city maybe she shouldn't do it at such an #early stage of her career? like girl you are truly a fantastic vocalist but not enough people know you #you have what only one big role? #give it time. #you had a tiny sold out concert in your own city where you actually have some roles in theatres #but in the big city where nobody knows you yet? #get a role in a theatre there. get the public to know you. and THEN try to have a big solo concert #bc seeing all of these big names from the outside seems a bit pathetic ngl #esp. since girl you are definitely talented enough to fill such a tiny hall all by yourself #you just don't have enough clout yet to do that IN A DIFFERENT CITY WHERE YOU DON'T WORK IN ANY OF THE THEATRES. #idk maybe it's mean of me but i actually get sad seeing so little tickets sold when i know it's just bc of the timing.

[theood]

I get why of course but I also really do not care about trying to force people to sign up for rewards and push donations on them and then also force app downloads all to match a quota/set number because some guy in the Big Office said so like. Not to sound like I'm old and hate technology but the fact I've now been on both sides of this 99% of the time I can guarantee you the customer wanted to get out of there 5 minutes ago and nobody likes doing this and if they REALLY wanted to join the rewards program they'd of done it on their own already.

Or.

They're old and ANOTHER app in their name and on their phone is just going to confuse them more. Where I am working now they STOPPED and or are stopping sending out physical coupons like. I don't know who you think your main customers are but not doing mail out coupons for people and or rewards members is making you lose a good chunk of your customers but okay

#like im already being uhm pressured? to Do It More and I was also pushed super heavily yesterday to push our donations even more bc we had #to get rid of them and thats just. its not me man. its technically part of my job but im not a persuasive person i dont have the skills or t #alk to transfer someone to our app. I really truly just want to scan their items and get them out bc thats what 99% of people want sorry #for not Pushing Myself and Going Above And Beyond #it's like. Im selling warranty's wrong. And I get that one more but also. People dont really want to spend more money. I ask if they would #like to purchase a warranty to protect the item. But thats wrong amd I need to be saying its a Total Protection Plan and a Money Back #Guarantee and covers Everything. Oh and yeah its almost half the product. Yeah ik those headphones were 6.99 um the warranty is 20.00 dollar #s. Yeah. Oh also join our app. Are you an app user? Yeah everything's on our app you need to download it. Nothings physical anymore. LOL! Al #so can you donate today? Donate. Donate now we NEED to get rid of these. No we can't just give them away!! We can't profit from that! LOL! #elias.wip #ig it's that #capitalism is a hellscape and sorry for being a peak doesnt want to work entitled zoomer who doesnt care and only wants to do the bare #minimum but I just..... I dont want to do this. no one does and also some people just arent persuasive and that shouldn't mean i cant work #there. the quota shouldn't rely on Just Me. It should be achievable if even one worker is doing it. #idk -_- maybe im just a bad worker actually and I'll never make it in a corporate setting and i should just go into fast food and want t #o kill myself everyday instead but then I'm not pushed to upsell products and services as much #i was made to download the app to be 'able to help new members' i dont fucking shop here/i/ didnt want it. #maybe this is just my depression lol! and I'm just not motivated enough but man. if youre gonna have me on register again all day just let m #e make the idel small talk and 'do tou want a bag :)? Havw a nice day!' and not. pushing 3 different things to every customer

[heylinfanclub]

I got the monies for GAME. But. I also. Wanna be careful. WHAT IF UNCLE ISNT BACK THIS MONTH? I'm prone jumping the gun with stating ultimatums ('last time i ask for consecutive monetary assistance', 'i got a job in the bAG (before interview)', 'ill dO THE SINGULAR BORING TASKS I PROMISED TO'). hffhfhhffhfh. I don't wanna back track if i end up needing $60 at the beginning of the month or somethin... MRHGHGHGHGHG..... but.... The Game.... BARKBARKBARKBARK---

#me. #[i get $200 off my rent check for bills #[i got a phone bill thats $70. the pet insurance is $30. So $100 is already tAKEN #[I could spend $60 on GAME..... #[and then i got $40 left for?? idk weed? i dont wanna resubscribe to nuthin if its gonna cOST #[maybe maybe if i get the game and smoke some weed i'll finally be regulated enough to fuckin sell some shit on craigslist #[Hah. heh. hooo.... *lays on side and grOAnks* #[i could just ask if he rly isnt back this month its not like we can hELP OUR HEALTH #[cause i rEALLY wouldnt wanna ask for money in october #[THATS MY FAVORITE MONTH. I WANT HIM BACK. I WANT MY OWN SPENDIN MONIES. I WANT TO GO TO SPIRIT HALLOWEEN. #[vampire survivors is only $2 per DLC maybe i could get distracted on that for a few more weeks....

[sanchoyo]

ik i said i wanted to do at least 2-3 personal solo zines this year aside from the one i already put out but im having such a hard time deciding on a topic?? 'random art zine' or 'sketchbook zine' feel too random kadhfkj. and the only thing ive been MEGA into lately have been my own ocs but making a zine with them would feel weird..also very niche lmao

#also i really dont like the idea of putting my silly oc stuff behind paywalls if im being real ajsdkf theyre goobers free to the world #if i didnt need money i wouldnt even consider any of the zines being paid zines #id just make em all free forever bc i rly do just enjoy sharing stuff like that #but alas...the horrors (being poor + severely mentally ill so i need money sometimes for things) agh... #everytime i sell stuff or make some money with comms something happens like i need to buy pet stuff (food or litter or my dogs expensive #flea pills but they NEED those bc ticks and fleas here in the summer are actually SO bad he needs the vet grade tablets to handle them) #so basically my debt isnt necessary getting too much worse which is good! but its also not..improving bc i keep havin to buy necessities #im not buying anything crazy or nyhting just absolute must haves yk..and yet #oh well at least ppl buying the clothes means ill free up a lort of space if nothing else like even if theres no actual..profit HSDKF #theres two boxes worth of clothes haha...it makes me happy to think ppl will wear them tho since im not anymore #ive been very unhappy w my own clothes augh :( i want to be happy wearing things but idk. idk. nothing i have is sparking enough joy lately #ive bene living in pjs...going to public places in pjs... #very out of character for me but god lol my brain lately #i got some more books at the libraby today when i was picking my nephew up tho :) so that made me happy #theyre all art related !! so mostly pictures + artists talking abt their techniques #all landscape related bc i wanna do more complex painted bgs this year and dip my toes into traditional art a lot more. my sister is #actually a great painter so maybe ill ask her for pointers. but then again thats kinda embarrassing so maybe not #sanchoyorambles #BASICALLY YES MORE ZINES ARE MTH I WANT TO DO BUT IDEAS. NOT WORKING RN

[autisticlee]

I bought a bunch of compression things and braces for my horrible painful joints, and i'm such an awkward size in everything that nothing fits right 😭

well, except the wrist ones because they're velcro and can be tightened. I got gloves previously and they're extremely loose on my wrists so I got wrist compression braces to go over them.

I also decided to get an elbow one because sometimes an elbow hurts really bad. but my noodle arms are too small for xs 😭 they it's loose and just kind of falls off.

then I got 2 knee ones and i'm not sure if I measured wrong or they messed up the sizes when making them, but I can't even get them over my calf 😭 I tried super hard to get it up to my knee and got it partially over my knee and then it got stuck and took me 10 minutes to get it off.

I ordered from a small business owned by a single person who doesn't do refunds/returns (understandable) so it's not like I can do anything about it 😭 it just sucks because in total I spend almost $100 and my joints need help 😭😭😭😭 so i'll have to spend more to get either a bigger size from the same place or somewhere else (these ones look nice tho so maybe i'll just order bigger ones 😭)

#i just needed to whine sorry #i dont want to bother them and say their things dont fit me so im not sure what to do about them....I'd feel bad selling them #maybe ill just give them at some point idk #sighs now i have to buy new knee braces. the elbow one i get a little compression when i bend my arm so #maybe it will do when im at my desk playing games because arm is bent then #but these knee ones i was looking forward to the most and i'm so sad they dont fit me 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #i wokder if it's possoble to stretch them out enough to wear....the one thar got stuck did stretch out #it's a bit bigger than the other one now 😅 so maybe its possible to do it more and then i don't have to buy new ones?? #but it also might just cut off my circulation lmao #maybe i'll mention it on twitter and see if they have any advice but if not then i have to deal with it 😅

[jyoongim]

I have a brainrot to share and maybe it's a request idk but I feel like I have to preface this by saying I swear I have normal non-horny alastor thoughts he's just really taking up so much space in the brain rn.

Anywaaay, can you imagine Alastor with an extremely cautious darling? He wants her soul to keep her tied to him forever but no matter how good his offer is, reader turns him down and Alastor is just like sick of the rejections and the scheming so he's just gonna stoop to some other ungentlemanly methods.

And the night starts off as their normal fuckery in the sheets but Alastor starts denying them their climax and as reader gets more and more desperate Alastor proposes the deal again. Sell him your soul or he's just gonna pull out and go to sleep and he'll never let you finish ever again. and just

i swear i swear im normal i swear im not always like this 😭😭😭

Themes: rough sex, orgasm denial, alastor being a little shit, dealmaking, hair pulling, pet names, plot if you look hard enough, soul possessing

Title: Deal of a Lifetime

Alastor had always made it known that you were his.

It took you a while to figure it out from the subtle lingering touches to the way he acted. No matter how much time you had spent with the Radio Demon, you were still wary of him.

its not like you could help it through. 

Does were naturally skittish anyway.

And when it came the smiling demon, you had every right to be cautious.

Tonight Alastor made plans for the two of you to go out on a date for dinner.

You finished preening your hair and rushed to the lobby to meet Alastor.

”O-okay I’m ready. Sorry if i took so long” you said nervously as you approached the tall red demon, a blush bleeding into your cheeks as Alastor let out a low whistle as he took your hand and spun you around.

”my my Darling, what a pretty Doe I have” he purred, kissing your hands.

Your nerves were going haywire, fighting your instinct to back away you smiled “so what do you have planned tonight?”

what do you have planned tonight? Alastor grin widened at the thought as he watched you happily look at the menu.

How pretty you were in your black dress. Gloved hands excitedly tapping the menu. A bright look in your eye as you honed in on what might be your dinner.

You even wore the necklace he had gifted you.

Alastor was content with the looks you got as you strolled around with him.

you were his and everyone knew.

But you weren’t his officially.

At least in his way.

For years, Alastor had offered you a deal; Be his. In body, mind, and soul.

He wanted you by his side forever and a deal would solidify that.

But each and every time, you rejected the notion.

”I dont need to make a deal to be yours Alastor” was always your answer.

And quite frankly, he was getting sick of it.

But he was nothing if not resourceful. After all, how else do you capture a Doe?

Make them drop their guard.

The two of you chatted and ate to your hearts content.

When the waiter suggested dessert, Alastor simply declined, stating he had other ideas sending you a wink.

Back at the hotel, Alastor whisked you away to his bedroom.

Once the door was closed, he pounced; lips on yours and claws tearing at your dress.

You were flustered and aroused. Your hands massaged at his undercut as he laid you on your back on the bed.

His lips trailed your neck, sharp teeth nipping at your flesh, causing you to gasp.

”Alastor”

He hummed as he kissed your torso, tweaking and sucking at your nipples.

His claws dipped to your pantie, finding them soaked.

He chuckled “such a needy Doe” he tore off your panties to toy with your puffy clit and circle your slit.

You tugged his hair to bring his lips back to yours and moaned in his mouth as a finger dipped into your cunt.

Satisfied with how you began grinding into his hand, he discarded his pants and his heavy cock slapped against your mound.

You panted breathlessly as he teased his cock along your slit. You hooked a leg around his waist and threw your head back as he sunk into you.

Soft thrusts opened you to allow him deeper into the warm canal.

You arched as he steadily picked up his pace.

Your nightly rendezvous with the demon always made you feel exhilarated.

Alastor was very attentive to you. Always knew what made you tick.

He knew your body better than anything, so when he saw those pretty eyes flutter and how you cried out in pleasure, he knew how to handle you.

Your cunt was clinging to him with each thrust he gave you.

The sound of him sinking into your warm depth was music to his ears.

”On your knees dear” he said, patting your thighs.

Happliy, you turned over and lowered yourself into a deep arch, presenting him with your adorable ass and wet cunt.

Alastor admired you.

how submissive you were.

He growled as he lowered his weight on you and guided his cock by to his haven.

You gasped, feeling a hand wrap your hair into a fist, pulling your face up out the pillows “You sound so lovely doe, i wanna hear those tunes of yours”

His thrusts were hard, jolting your body as he rutted into you.

Subconsciously, you tried to meet his thrusts, whining as he hit that spot that has you seeing hearts.

”A-Al-Alastor i-I’m gonna…” you moaned feeling your cunt be wrecked.

Your insides tingled with the telltale signs of your orgasm.

But your sweet release was ripped from you when Alastor slowed his pace.

You tried to wiggle your hips against him, to seek that explosive pleasure.

Alastor was having none of that.

”Not yet darling” 

over and over he teased you right to that delicious edge, just to rip from you.

You were sobbing, ears flat to your skull as your cunt fluttered from your orgasm being denied.

You reached for him, whether for a anchor or a silent plea, you didn’t know.

You whimpered “Alastor please!”

His smile creased his cheeks, feigning a concerned tone “What ever the matter my dear Doe?”

He started thrusting into you, relishing in the soppy squish and how deep he was able to sink into you.

”Please please let me cum. I can’t..I-Ill do anything!”

A harsh thrust made you squeal

”Anything?”

You nodded, a moan ripping from your throat as he teased your throbbing clit.

”Then be mine. Submit your entire self to me my sweet doe. I already your sweet body and heart, but give me your soul. Let me own your very essence. Grant me that darling and ill grant you the sweet relief you so desperately crave” 

your insides clenched as he kissed your shoulder, beginning to pound into your soft cunt.

”or i empty myself inside this sweet cunt of your myDoe and you’ll never be granted a taste of my cock every again”

His lips at your ear, “your choice so what do you say Mon Cher?”

his hips grinded his cock into.

”Do we have a deal?”

You cried out, feeling your orgasm teetering “yes! Yes!Yes! YES! Please Alastor! Alastor just let me cum please please”

You felt your ring finger burn as he chuckled deeply

”why of course sweet Doe, cum for me”

A high pitched scream racked the walls as your orgasm clashed into, sending you in a babbling mess.

Alastor rode out your orgasm as he thrusted into you, before emptying himself inside you.

You shook as he wrapped you in his arms, bringing your hand to his lips.

A shiny gold ring adorned your hand.

He pressed a kiss to it and then an affectionate kiss to your forehead.

”Sweet sweet doe, my sweet Doe, all mine” 

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor the radio demon #alastor #alastor x reader #alastor x y/n #hazbin hotel fanfiction #alastor smut #jyoongim

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

It's a Match! || 141 x reader

[ Chapter 1 ] || [ Chapter 3 ]

Pairing: Soap x Reader || 141 x gn!Reader Words: 1K~ cw: a bit of dirty talking/innuendos Summary: While overcoming recent heartbreak, you decide to join Tinder in search of a rebound. Your friends advise to just Swipe Right indiscriminately... What happens when 4 soldiers from the same squad match with you?

Chapter 2: Johnny

“Oh, hello…” You remarked to yourself as your eyes locked into a stunning pair of blue eyes on your screen, stopping your mindless right-swipping. “...Johnny.”

“You’re 29… A soldier… Scottish… Are you friends with Kyle?” You mused playfully. “Let me guess, you’re a gym bro, aren’t you?” You asked sarcastically as you tapped your finger on the right side, skipping through his pictures. The first one immediately after was him lifting while wearing a weightlifting belt. “Yup… Mandatory gym pic.”

Chuckling to yourself, you snap a screenshot of his profile to the girls as well, sending it quick.

leah: @/mia Whatever good energy you sent its working. second hot guy in the last 5 minutes! mia: i lit a CANDLE for this!!!!! leah: there weren’t any handsome guys like this when i was on tinder?! 😫 UNFAIR. 🙄 you: blow it out then cause this is the 3rd actually. leah: 3rd??? Where’s number 2??? you: didn’t think to snap a screenshot. hasn’t matched me back yet. mia: has he posted a shirtless pic? you: kyle did and this one idk but probably. need to check. leah: Don’t forget to send it over.🥴

Shaking your head and laughing in amusement, you went back to Tinder, checking on ‘Johnny’. The mandatory gym pic was there… a couple of them in fact! And then the mandatory shirtless selfie. Or rather… The mandatory shirtless SELFIES. Plural.

Three of them… The first one was him just straight up wearing just a towel… And the next was him in a kilt… And the next was him with a button-up very much so unbuttoned. 

“Oh, my, Johnny-John-John… You sure know how to woo a bird…” You joked to yourself.

You dragged your finger down to check his bio and immediately frowned. “Of course…” You trailed off with a disappointed frown as you snuck another spring roll into your mouth.

He might be stupidly attractive, but his personality… Gosh, he doesn’t know how to sell himself. Boring, boring, boring. “I work out and like video games!” You quipped mockingly and scoffed a bit.

“Artist.” You remarked when you reached the last of his profile’s tags, spotting that word in the hobby section. “An artist? You?” You asked your phone screen as if Johnny would come alive in it and answer you. 

You’d admit, him calling himself an artist was intriguing enough, but normally that wouldn’t be enough to make you Swipe Right on him… But you’re not under normal circumstances. You promised your friends you’d Swipe Right on everyone so…

Your phone almost dropped out of your hand as soon as the ‘It’s a Match’ screen showed. “Of course… He’s probably swiping right on everyone as well…” Rolling your eyes, you go to click off the screen but accidentally enter DMs.

Johnny: ye have any scottish in you? you: not that i know of. Johnny: would ye like to? 🫦 Johnny: wait. wdym not that ye know of??? Johnny: i was trying to be filthy and now got me curious bonnie

“Fuckin’ hell…” You said as you set down your phone and covered your face before breaking into a fit of giggles.

The fact you had accidentally ruined his pick-up line and succeeded in stumping him got you very, very amused. Okay, maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as boring as you thought.

you: story for another time. you: i walked right into that one tho. good job. Johnny: no ye cant do that Johnny: gotta tell me all about it now you: i mean werent scottish people everywhere in the uk at one point? you: i might be 1/370232103484320th scottish. Johnny: would ye like some MORE scottish in ye then? 🫦 you: solid attempt again. you: if you keep trying you might just get there. Johnny: i intend to dont worry you: soooo… Johnny: so? you: were you wearing underwear under the kilt? Johnny: no Johnny: why want a peek? 😏 you: i’m good you: so ur an artist? Johnny: i am Johnny: ur fast at typing fuck you: what kind? you: keep up then! Johnny: drawing Johnny: im trying 🥴 you: can i see some? Johnny: hanging with my mates difficult to text fast 😤 Johnny: idk if ull be in the mood to see anything after im done with ye you: why? 🤨 Johnny: might be too tired and need to be cuddled to sleep 😏 you: oh fuck off. Johnny: u just cursed me out Johnny: i think m in love 😫 Johnny: gonna tell my mates i just met my spouse 🥴🥴 you: don’t give them any ideas. you: haven’t even agreed to meet up with you. you: haven’t been invited in the first place. Johnny: meet up with me 🙏 Johnny: meet up with me 🙏 Johnny: meet up with me 🙏 Johnny: meet up with me 🙏 Johnny: meet up with me 🙏

Your eyes widened at his enthusiasm and persistence. Okay, he was definitely not boring… It was actually kind of endearing and funny!

you: jc r u copypasting that? Johnny: yes Johnny: are ye going to or not you: can i get back to you on that? Johnny: ill wait for ye you: sure you do that johnny Johnny: ow the sarcasm burns

Concealing a chuckle, you clicked off the DMs page for the second time tonight… but, this time, you closed the app and focused on eating dinner.

Sure, this whole dating app thing was stupid, but at least you were enjoying yourself. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF THE GIF DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU: CLICK HERE

taglist: @daisychainsinknots , @bunnysdaydreams , @iite-cool , @lahniu , @pagesfalling , @tapioca-milktea1978 , @live-love-be-unique , @thelaisydazy , @littleghosthoney , @bossva , @emotion-no-hot-yes-hotel-trivago , @chamomiletealeaf , @ghosts-hoe

#ikea writes 💚 #it's a match! fic #cod modern warfare #cod fanfic #captain john price #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #text story #cod x reader #call of duty x reader #soap x reader #johnny soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish x reader

[astonmartinii]

i don't wanna be funny anymore | daniel ricciardo social media au

pairing: daniel ricciardo x fem podcaster!reader

i don't wanna be funny anymore, i got a too short skirt, maybe i can be the cute one. is there room in the band? i don't need to be the front man, if not then i'll be the biggest fan

based on i don't wanna be funny anymore by lucy dacus (this song speaks to me, i love lucy (she's also AMAZING live))

MASTERLIST | TIPS

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1 and 341,203 others

yourusername: hey girl hey, new ep coming at you fast this friday all about rotting. as the twilight weather rolls in and it becomes the season of all too well, we'll talk about rotting, how we can do it right and how not to lose your mind this october (a cautionary tale, i've already lost mine)

view all comments

user1: my queen hands down five stars already

user2: the bag is so real and the way i know it's a tote that does NOT stay on your shoulder

yourusername: it's the enchante tote, shameless plug for my man

danielricciardo: you singlehandedly sell out my totes every time baby

user3: not this actual fan erasure 🤨

user4: babe be real, she has a massive platform and there was a direct correlation between the first time she plugged a tote and the fact that they sold out that day you guys just love being mean

user5: i'm mean cause i don't want some leech taking credit for dan's hardwork and his fans?

user6: he fucking said it? you guys grasp at straws every time so try and justify your agenda against her

maxverstappen1: idk what rotting is but i'll still listen to every second

yourusername: thanks maxy, though i'd say going on the sim for up to 14 hours of the day is bordering on rotting

maxverstappen1: productive rotting !

yourusername: yes, i guess your sweet little treats are trophies?

maxverstappen1: that would make sense (don't tell my trainer but i do enjoy the little fruity drinks from starbucks)

user7: yall wanna say we're mean but she's literally invalidating max, saying he's rotting on the sim is so invalidating to everything he went through when he was younger

user8: how did we get there? this grasp on straws has to be studied... from a joke about the sim to invalidating abuse?

user9: i honestly thank the lord for dan and max because they're so supportive no matter the shitstorm that yall throw at y/n everyday

user10: literally max is even listening to podcasts... real friends, i hope one day she feels confident enough to come to races

danielricciardo

liked by maxverstappen, georgerussell63 and 1,034,239 others

tagged: yourusername, enchante

danielricciardo: buckle up, enchante is going to the rodeo 🐎

view all comments

user13: i shall be breaking the bank

user14: dan so smart, he looks like a good boyf for including y/n but didn't include her face

user15: yall ever listen to yourself talk, you need to be put in time out for real

yourusername: we all know the phrase, save a horse, ride a...

danielricciardo: daniel?

yourusername: YUP

user16: ugh there are children who are fans of daniel, she's so gross

user17: do you ever get tired of doing all of that mental gymnastics?

yourusername: can't wait for the tote drop for this collection, yall WON'T be disappointed

user18: yes, i will always trust mother's tote recommendations

user19: anyone who carries that much shit knows what makes a good tote

yourusername: this one has survived two dostoevsky book, an unreasonably large water bottle, a laptop and microphone

user19: thank you ma'am

maxverstappen1: real love is dressing as a cowgirl for your needy boyfriend

yourusername: the things we do for love (i actually had so much fun)

user20: here y/n goes doing all the publicity, but never going to races, clearest gold digger attention whore wag of all time

user21: surely a real attention whore would go to every race to get the screen time and papped and all that jazz?

excerpt of y/n y/ln's podcast where she addresses her absences in the paddock.

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1 and 412,349 others

yourusername: life recently lol, the enchante tote is taking a beating

view all comments

user24: she's such a crybaby making dan use up an entire portion of his interview to coddle her

user25: she doesn't come to races cause of people like you invading her privacy and being rude and here you are ... proving her point

danielricciardo: pretty lady i can't wait to be back in your arms

yourusername: waiting outside the airport now

danielricciardo: we haven't even taken off yet babe

yourusername: i know i just miss you and can't wait to see your handsome face

user26: dan must be saying this shit at gun point cause there's no way he actually thinks she's pretty

user27: are you clinically blind? cause we must not be seeing the same girl

maxverstappen1: the aperol rawdogging the bag, you are SO brave

yourusername: living life on the edge, is this that thrill all you drivers talk about?

maxverstappen1: i may drive at over 200 kmh but i'd never risk my tote like that

yourusername: is it worse that i have a jar of olives in there as well, one drop and it's so over for me

maxverstappen1: OLIVES? remind me NOT to hug you when you pick us up

danielricciardo: if you want that hug you gonna have to get in line boy

user28: she picks them up from the airport? that's so cute

user29: someone tell her the gross girl aesthetic isn't cute

user30: babe don't worry no matter the aesthetic you have daniel will never want you x

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, christianhorner and 982,344 others

tagged: yourusername, danielricciardo

maxverstappen1: finally went on my bff's (no 1 in the world) podcast after i finally convinced her yall ain't shit - oh and dan was there for emotional support x

view all comments

user31: SO ICONIC

user32: ep on repeat forever, they're so funny

yourusername: for a man who hates podcasts, you were a star i think the memes hit you hard

maxverstappen1: i enjoy the PROFESSIONALS could you imagine doing a podcast with lando

landonorris: why am i catching strays

danielricciardo: i wouldn't say that too loud, i got about 20 texts as soon as you posted this demanding i ask y/n to be on the show

yourusername: oooooooooo the girls are fighting

landonorris: so can i come on?

yourusername: i'm sure we can schedule something

maxverstappen1: don't say i didn't warn you y/n

user33: ugh now she's going to whore around the rest of the grid

user34: for real wasn't dan enough? she's not even pretty enough to whore herself out

user35: you people have no reading comprehension cause you see how dan says yall are insane and yall keep proving him right

danielricciardo: i'm so proud of you pretty girl

yourusername: i love you cowboy

danielricciardo: forever obsessed with you

user36: i'm living for y/n basically telling all these insecure weirdos to fuck off

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, christianhorner and 603,451 others

tagged: danielricciardo

yourusername: who was gonna tell me these cars are loud as shit irl

view all comments

user39: someone tell sky to stop zooming in on her i don't pay to her her ugly ass

user40: cry your heart out bro everyone else is happy

danielricciardo: oops i think you're my lucky charm you now have to come to every race ever sorry not sorry

yourusername: gosh i think that might be true - i'll be there! (but for real you are so so talented and don't need a lucky charm)

danielricciardo: i'm just so happy to share this with you, i love you so much, i'm sorry people have been so cruel

yourusername: people are passionate about you and rightly so, but i appreciate you protecting me baby

user41: imagine being this irrelevant and demanding protection in the paddock ... the audacity

user42: you finally came to the paddock and this is what you wore?

user43: she's wearing danny merch? if she didn't yall would have a problem with that as well so please just be quiet

maxverstappen1: i need you to come every weekend cause you're the only one drunk danny will listen to

yourusername: we had practice with all the wine tasting we did for his wine line

danielricciardo: i am NOT that bad

maxverstappen1: tbf it's usually him just crying about how much he loves you

yourusername: AWWWWWW (i also cry about how much i love you)

user44: gosh this is my favourite f1 couple

user45: hopefully now she has her dose of fame she'll fuck off

user46: HAVE A DAY OFF

danielricciardo

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 1,451,677 others

tagged: yourusername

danielricciardo: as we're nearing our two year anniversary i wanted to say a couple things. one. i love you so much. when you came into my life i was in a bad place and you truly taught me to love myself again and how to love my sport again. you're the most amazing woman ever, the kindest soul and the most beautiful girl ever. two. i am so thankful for the support i have, i do not allow the disrespect some have given y/n. you guys have no real perception of relationships between athletes and fans. you do not have the right to comment on y/n in the way you are. you take extremely low blow and have the gall to confront her in public as well. do not call yourself a fan of mine when you treat the people i love like this. my team will now begin to monitor comment sections and will seek to block and report accounts doing this. thank you and i love you y/n.

comments on this post are turned off.

note: hope yall enjoyed!! i love danny and i saw the danny ric honky tonk this morning and had to write about him. i'd also had this idea for a while but didn't know who to write for lol. please listen to the song i love lucy so much and the song is so relatable xx

also anyone who has requested - i am working on them (but as per some questions in my asks, as for right now i do not write for footballers, if i become less disillusioned with the sport (thanks chelsea) this may change)

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #daniel ricciardo instagram au #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo #astonmartinii

[rosicheeks]

Rosie darling just a reminder that you are a gorgeous goddess and my favorite ❤️😍🥰😘😁

🥺❤️

#ahhhhhh stop it #you are way too sweet to me #my lovely secret admirer 🥰😘 #your paints have been getting a lot of use lately! #my roommate counted all of my paintings and I think in total she counted 30+ #idk if all of them are good enough to sell and put on Etsy #but at least half are! #so I’ll have a FULL stock #all thanks to you 🥺 #also also also I got the lingerie finally! #I need to wash it when I do laundry next #and then I’m going to do a little Cinderella shoot with my tiara 😇🥰 #maybe even get some sort of flowers to go with it 🥰🥰 #but seriously you are so so so so so amazing! I can’t thank you enough for all of your kindness #sending you all my love sweetie! #also before I leave #and I’ll reply to your other ask soon #but but but I wanted to ask a few questions #hmmmmm #if you could combine two different animals what would they be AND what would you call it? #uhm where are you from (you can be vague if you want us/uk/etc) #how old are you #and uhhhhhhhhhmmmm #do you have anyone you can be completely yourself around? if so- who? #darling anon #❤️❤️❤️ #ask

[savannahsdeath]

hi savannah! i love ur writing a lot!! 😭

can u write something about reader getting high with ellie and.. you know how some people get high and horny? yeah. you can add more if you want, i’m not really good at writing ideas sorry!

- 🐻

DEALER!ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

summary: you leave your little party with friends in order to visit your favourite dealer..

warnings: 18+!! weed n just smut

writers note: i have another bbf!dealer!ellie idea (the one i made a poll abt) but i still didnt write it and omg idk💔i swear itll be posted soon

you already smoked, quite a lot, but you and your friends agreed that's not enough. and since ellie, the best dealer in your college, likes you the most, you proposed you'll go for more.

and so you were walking through one of the biggest buildings in the campus, as close to the wall as possible, so if anything, you won't fall in the middle of the hallway, after the curfew.

you knocked on the door to her room, messier than anyone elses. you heard her swear under her breath, but she smiled as soon as she saw it's you. she softly, but firmly, dragged you inside, before anyone could notice your strange behaviour.

"look, i won't sell you anything." she immediately annouced, sounding almost disappointed.

you frowned, looking around and swinging your arms. "why not?"

"you had some already." she pointed at you, your red eyes and widened pupils. "plus, i don't trust your friends. i won't take any risks."

you smirked and playfully nudged her. "come on, i bet i'm the most responsible client you've ever had."

"maybe the prettiest one, but you're far from responsible." she shook her head with a shrug. "none of you knows when to stop."

you looked down, biting the inside of your cheek in thought, before catching her gaze again. "but you know. maybe you could-"

"no way." she cut you off with a chuckle.

you sighed and, without asking, sat on her couch, tapping your nails on your thighs, trying to come up with something.

she was visibly surprised by you - not only your visit, but the fact you still didn't leave. she said no, what else was there to talk about?

"look, you gotta give me a small amount, i'll take anything, i don't care." you replied, desperate.

you knew there's no convincing her, and you already felt the itch of a need you could barely suppress. she stared right through you, amused. your eyes already dilated. your hands shaking. the smell of her stash maddening.

you looked back at her and you knew that she was about to let you have it. but not because you asked. she was going to enjoy this.

"what if.. i'll give you one more." she smiled, rummaging through her drawers. "but you'll share it with me, not with them."

you pouted, raising your hands in confusion. "what do you mean?"

she held out a joint for you, but she moved it away as soon as you reached for it. "i mean, someone has to keep an eye on you. and i know how to, you said it yourself."

"but-"

you sighed and agreed. why not? no matter how she puts it, you knew you're going to enjoy her company, and she does have that good stuff.

"whatever you say, ellie." you replied, still pouty that you had to now share your hit. but you knew she's right, plus, you'd have to share it with all your friends otherwise.

⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

your head was spinning and you were breathing harder. she laughed again as you coughed a little. her hand rested on your thigh, the couch you were sitting on surrounded by dirty clothes.

"feels good." you whispered.

you had weed in mind, but you realised it sounded like you were talking about her touch too late, after these words already escaped your mouth.

she looked at you with a smirk. "feeling good, huh?" her hand ran up your thigh a little more.

your mind was blown and you were way too high to figure out what to do. if that was her plan all along, it was working out perfectly.

you wanted more.

your head was clouded. you were giggling, giggling at yourself, giggling at the world. everything felt so funny and wonderful at once.

you wanted more.

you looked up at ellie and your eyes grow wide as you stared at her. she stared back at you for a few moments. you've never seen her like this.

no, that's not true. you've never felt her like this.

ellie smiled and moved a little closer to you. you could feel her presence and that's all there was.

you took another hit from the joint. and ellie was there to hold it as you did so.

you could feel her lips brush gently against your ear. you weren't sure what she was whispering. you just focused on how her hot breath tingled your neck.

she smiled. she knew exactly what's going to happen next, and she liked the fact that you could barely form any coherent thoughts, even though she wasn't much better, not at this point.

she took the joint from your lips as she looked up at you and smiled, not saying anything. she didn't need to.

she held the joint up and took a long, slow drag as you watched. sometning about it, about how the smoke drifted away when she exhaled, was just so attractive, you instinctively licked your lips. you focused on her soft breaths, making yours synchronize with hers, what helped you stay conscious.

she moved closer and you closed your eyes. you could feel her hair against your face, smell the scent of her hair.

as you opened your eyes, you realised that the world was spinning, and you and ellie were now on her bed. she had her mouth pressed up to yours.

you didn't know how long it's been going on for. maybe you just didn't care. but it felt good.

you gasped, right into her lips, as you noticed one of her hands is beneath your cotton panties. you didn't remember how it happened, but you were glad it got there. it moved synchronously to the rest of her body, but you figured out it was there just to test the waters as she started going down on you with her mouth without actually working with her fingers.

"you're even prettier when stoned." you giggled, not sure if you formed the sentence correctly, but basing on ellie's smile in response - it was understandable.

her tongue laid flat on the wet spot on your cotton underwear, making you realise your pants are on the floor. god, when did all of this happen? you didn't know there's a 'skip' button in real life, but at least you managed to come to your sense in the best moment possible.

"awh- do i really make you feel this way?" she chuckled against your clothed pussy. "i start to doubt you came here just because 'your friends picked you'.."

you hummed, twirling a strand of your hair around your finger. "you called me your prettiest client."

"and i don't take that back." she traced the hem of your panties, before sliding her fingers slightly down and caressing the outlines of your slit, barely visible through the soaked fabric. "mmh.. why does it matter now?"

"i'm just telling you- god." your hips uncontrollably raised, pressing against her hand. "just telling you, you shouldn't be surprised by this," you pointed at the surroundings of your lower stomach with your chin, "if you say things like that."

she finally, slowly took your underwear off, humming a little; "mhm". you weren't sure if it was supposed to be an answer for you, or an act of satisfaction at the view, but either one was fine.

she kissed your clit, pressing her tongue followed by her lips against it. the little touch had you moan, feeling a weird feeling of electricity starting from your core travel around your whole body. you didn't know if it was really that magic, or did the weed made you feel so much details.

she repeated this move a few times, each earning a moan or two from you. the knot you had in your head while trying to think of a way to make her sell you some more of her stuff was now in your stomach, loosening with every lick of her, now flattened, tongue. you tugged on the little bun she always had, pulling her closer to you with every small energy boost you got from time to time. you heard the sounds of your juices flow out, right to her mouth.

you squirmed under the bruising grip she had on your thighs, sometimes moving it to your lower stomach to gently press on it. when she did, you could see a spot in the shape of her hand, way lighter than the rest of your body, on the place she just left.

her eyes would sometimes look up at you, looking extremely innocent, what seemed weird compared to how her tongue fucked in and out of you.

ding!

you thought you heard sometning, but you quickly forgot about it, focusing back on ellie.

ding!

now, you were sure you heard something, but still didn't know what.

ding!

you saw your phone, laying on the floor near your pants, light up. your friends were spamming you, but your vision was all blurry and you didn't see anything. before the screen turned off again, you managed to notice one notification;

luccyy💞: idk about you, but for me, buying weed takes less than one hour

#⭑ ָ࣪ ۰ ꒰ 🐻 ꒱ ָ࣪ ۰⭑ #sav n anons ૮꒰ྀི⸝⸝> . <⸝⸝꒱ྀིა #reqs open #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #wlw smut #ellie williams smut #ellie smut #ellie williams x female reader #dealer!ellie williams x reader #dealer!ellie x reader #dealer!ellie williams #dealer!ellie #sav w anons ૮꒰ྀི⸝⸝> . <⸝⸝꒱ྀིა