#maybe this is the exhaustion talking idk

[lilybug-02]

Bribed with Chocolate. The way it should be.

Part 22 || First || Previous || Next

--Full Series--

More to come as this is a two-parter. But you know how I am with schedules.

Bonus:

I think this was an equally possible reaction from Chara.

#Chara and Azzy have another talk #Finally Chara shows their mischievous side. #and Azzy knows Chara's language well #my art #deltarune chara timeline #art #bread #deltarune #ngl im so happy with how that chocolate shake came out. I want to eat it so bad #yay 6 pages of taking :') i hope you guys like that lmao #Glad I got this one done in basically a month and a week! Hah. I'm trying me best :') Halloween.. Exams and a ton of other things came up #surprisingly these backgrounds weren't terrible to do... I mean took more than two hours but you know what I mean #i struggled with how to frame the background though. I actually liked drawing it. But because both the background and my characters-- #--are super colorful I have to make sure I don't muddle the whole page. #Ive been thinking of doing the overworld in black and white recently... may help me actually finish the comic lol. idk i may make a poll #gonna try and get the new part out in maybe a month again? sorry. Thanksgiving and Christmas get me exhausted.

[breadandblankets]

Thomas family dinners, everything from lazy meals on TV trays when everyone is too tired to cook to extended family meals for holidays, memories stocked to the brim with laughter filled kitchens and food made with love, dinners of hope and recovery and mourning and joy

duke who feels awkward and alone even surrounded by other bats because where is the warmth and love? duke who still now feels like an outsider because he is reminded that this is not his family, that his family may never come back

Thomas family dinners in the recovery process, the tentative poking around each other's new found traumas turning into a new familiarity, a new kind of living, a living that has his fellow ex robins and his parents and some of his fellow bats all milling around cups of kool aid in hand as his dad regals a gaggle of teens with his stories

a warm place where laughter echoes on the walls

home

#duke thomas #batfam #bread talk #idk what this is it's 30 to midnight im exhausted #However i am full of softness #my culture is a food culture #and to me feeding someone is the highest form of care and love #a lot of duke's appearances center around him feeling like he doesn't belong #and i want that wrapped up in my little bow #cause i don't think to him (or to me for that matter) that wayne family dinners would leave must room for feeling loved #maybe duke needs to just join the arrowfam lmao #anyway im tired take this

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[llitchilitchi]

I get hating certain political systems and trying to abolish totalitarian regimes but at the same time many of them are so interwoven with our history and society they have become tropes and when I consume media with a setting where the monarchy is absolute and revered then I am playing my part and sucking that princeling off

#litchi.txt #there are games that address this kinda stuff! and thats good! its good that there are games talking about how this is bad! #but at the same time when I go into a game knowing I will be the prince's sword and shield I dont expect the game to be anti-monarchy #despite having pretty strong opinions on many a thing I tend to put most of them away the moment I engage with media #imperialism bad. monarchy bad. doesnt mean I cant enjoy roleplaying in a game where I help these systems #because guess what its fictional and not everything needs to be a strong statement about politics #sometimes we just... wanna vibe with a setting #I am so very thoroughly exhausted from the politics in this country and where things are going I just kinda need that no brainer gameplay #even if it means working as the secret police for an emperor #even if it means replacing one dictator with another #because its still a game #a lot of people talk about imperialism-monarchy-colonialism with these things because they are a big issue even today #and they are important to talk about!! in real world!! #but I rarely see people be this upset about like religion etc which like. thats also a massive problem. #idk Im just tired of trying to look at fanart of all my fantasy medieval games and people being upset that the games #are not super anti-monarchy despite the marketing being literally 'you are the emperor's bestie. you help him out and go on a quest.' #'your quest is to manipulate local government to support the emperor and do his bidding' #like idk how That is supposed to be a game that addresses it properly #and maybe it does but ig since the MC doesnt look at the player and go REMEMBER KIDS! THIS IS EVIL AND BAD AND WHY MONARCHY SUCKS #it doesnt count??? I guess???

[a-dragons-journal]

Hi, I'm kinda paranoid about this because I know kff are Bad, but I'm pretty sure my kintypes (Velociraptor and alien) are involuntary, but I'm terrified that they secretly aren't and I'm a kff without knowing and I'm harming the otherkin community without knowing. Is this possible, or have I misunderstood the issue?

Short answer: no. The literal meaning of KFF, "kin-for-fun," is calling something "kinning" when you explicitly do not identify as the thing and are just "doing it for fun" (whether "it" be roleplay or faceclaiming or whatever - as long as it's not identification). It's in the literal name of the thing - "kinning for (the purpose of having) fun." If you identify as the thing in question, it by definition cannot be KFF, no matter what else is going on.

Long answer: I want it to be clear that I mean all of this frustration in an "I am so sorry this is happening to you" way, not a "you are in any way at fault for this" way, but: this is perhaps the single worst side effect of the whole KFF debacle, and I hate it, because I genuinely don't know how to fix it when I and most people I see arguing about this are already making every effort to be as clear as possible that this is not what we're talking about and we are still chronically misunderstood, and I cannot figure out how to make it any clearer because it's literally in the name of the thing. It's why we stopped using the word "kinnie" and started using "kin-for-fun," and it's STILL misunderstood.

Being unclear on whether something is really an identity or not is not KFF (otherwise literally everyone who's questioning would be).

Not being sure how voluntary or involuntary a given identity is does not make it KFF.

Identifying as something voluntarily and calling it 'kin does not make you KFF (even if you want to argue that it's not proper to call it 'kin and it should only ever be called 'linking instead, which at this point I disagree with, it's still not KFF).

Having fun with being 'kin and not taking it super seriously a lot of the time does not make you KFF.

Identifying as something "weird" or in a "weird" way - whatever that means - does not make you KFF.

If you understand the meaning of the word, and you find that it fits you, it is none of my business to tell you not to use it. The only time it becomes remotely my business is when someone clearly is working off of misinformation to begin with - ie, "oh, it just means relating to something, I don't ACTUALLY think I'm a wolf lol," which is traceably misinformation stemming from misunderstandings.

#otherkin #kin for fun #rani talks #forgive me if i sound a little frustrated #again the frustration is in no way aimed at you anon #but it's a little exhausting to have to repeat this over and over #and i can't tell if it's bc it's actually unclear or bc there's a game of internet telephone happening or bc people who are pushing - #- for the acceptance of kff as ''''valid kinning'''' are deliberately misrepresenting us to make us sound like asshole gatekeepers #or bc of the long history of actual gatekeeping in the community that leads to conflicting messages maybe. idk. #or fuck it maybe there actually ARE people out there pushing this in a significant way #fuck knows i haven't seen 'em but i'm not god. they could be out there #that's not true. i've seen em. i've seen like three of them. it's not a significant number. #it does not correlate to the number of asks along the lines of this one that i get #asked and answered #anonymous

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit #we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today #luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying #so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem #canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine #think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say #but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart #i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here? #what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this? #why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess #its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks. #idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad #it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl #like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this #i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away #i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster #unrelated

[silenthillbunni]

._.

#no to be mean but sometimes i just dont have the energy to make myself like reply to ppl nd try to interact #continiously ppl block me bc i dont reply fast enough or etc etc #nd it's just like damn i tried just to get blocked???? 🥴🥴🥴 #also funny thing in my experience it's mostly girl mutuals who lose patience nd block me #hmmm inchresting 🧐 #anyway im wording this clumsily but like im just so exhausted nd my heart's tired #im tired of building some sort of light online attachment to someone #just to feel crushed when i notice they've blocked me nd i dont even know why??? #also wanna be clear that im referring to ppl i've talked to. not just interactions. sksks 🥴 #i know not everyone will block me nd i know there r nice ppl here but like i dont have the energy to sort thru it all #or take chances bc im tired 😭😭 #i feel bad bc there r ofc very kind ppl who reach out to me nd stuff but in my bones im dejected #like what if i actually do start talking nd i start feeling affinity to u nd slight healthy attachment nd then boom one day u block me??? #i feel mean nd oversensitive complaining abt this but idk 😣 #i liked this mutual nd talking to them but they blocked me nd idk whyyyy what did i do i always do smth y'all gotta fill out a form telling #maybe if i had irl friends i wouldnt care tho im aware im a loser

[newvegascowboy]

might use that companion template to write a script for Red

#fallout #kal talks #or other ocs. if i did it for all of them it would take a thousand years #maybe cato too bc i really need to develop him #idk man i had a super emotionally exhausting conversation last night and i dont have the energy for art today #so i wanna do something that is... not art

[lvebug]

i know i've been letting threads sit and pile up and there's a lot of starters that i haven't replied to yet so i just want to say — i enjoy and am excited to write with everyone! even with people i only have a few or maybe even 1 thread with! even if i take forever to reply, even if you are waiting for me to reply to our one thread or even to reply to the starter you posted. even if we don't talk much or at all! i am excited, i promise! no matter how long the wait is! i don't ever want anyone to worry that oh maybe she doesn't really want to write with me because i do, i really do! i mean this genuinely for every person i am following so if we're mutuals then i mean this about you

#this isn't prompted by anything other than my not wanting people to worry. i haven't been writing a lot ans have been writing very out of #order. i know we all deal with various anxieties and whatnot so sometimes its helpful to just put it out there even if its known. now you #know again! and if you're ever worried or unsure why i haven't replied really pls come talk to me #chances are im just busy but also maybe discussing it will help spark a really good idea! and i'll get back to it asap! #idk i just dont want ppl to worry idk idk. love you all! #a little reminder is helpful sometimes i think #okay goodnight ive had a very exhausting few weeks sorrys loves #THERE'S A LOT OF BEAUTY IN ORDINARY THINGS — ooc

[moe-broey]

Also the implications of Sharena putting on the bunny suit in that Nerthuz FEH comic are SO FUNNY like.

Plus this castle dialogue!!

LIKE....... I'm not gonna lie the 40 convo was the ultimate betrayal for me LMFAOOO (I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL HAVING FUN!!!!!!!! At least me and you....... 😭😭😭😭😭) but I do think that and this implies she IS at least a little embarrassed about being in a bunny costume.

And yet

LIKE. I do know there's some funky multiverse/more than one of each specific hero going on, but imagining this as a quick costume change is so fucking funny WHILE keeping that lore in mind. She will do ANYTHING to bring cheer to people and goddesses alike. Yes this was also a high stakes situation but also she's just like that I think

#fire emblem #feh #the bunny betrayal HAS LIVED IN MY MIND. FOR FUCKING YEARS. BY THE FUCKING WAY #BOTH siblings talking about how sharena prepared a costume for the summoner too. how canon kiran rejects it over and over again #MOVE OUT OF MY WAY‼️‼️‼️ COWARD‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ I WANNA DRESS UP I WANNA HAVE FUN WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING WHIMSEY‼️‼️‼️‼️ #AND THEN. THE BETRAYAL. i would expect this from alfonse but SHARENA???? YOU TOO????????? #i'm never trusting either of you with anything ever again. goodbye. #DESPERATELY ACTUALLY I HAVE WANTED TO MAKE A COMIC ABOUT THIS FEAT MOE #bc one thing i NEED to impliment more is alt outfits and how i think moe is SUPER involved in the process #bc it's something of a seamstress itself!!!!!!! it has HUGE fun designing/making outfits/costumes i think #so all of this combined i DESPERATELY wanted to make a moe bunny alt and make that comic #AAAAUGHHHHH I WILL. SOMEDAY. but i'm still hard at work on my nagamas project....... #i do think i need to take a break though maybe.... but idk if i have time for it.... but i am. so exhausted. #sharena

[apersononearth011]

Except at break and lunch (only an hour in total), i don't talk to people at school at all. Maybe the odd word or two to a teacher. So the holidays are hard because i have to talk to family all day and i am not used to it at all.

#could i have selective mutism #or maybe they are just verbal shutdowns #idk but i hate talking to my family ALL DAY #it's exhausting

[heffrondriving]

soooo. that new big time rush album huh

#how we feeling today rushers (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ #also yes i've come back from the dead just to post abt this like. i owe this blog *this much* at least ykyk #anyway its like 3 in the morning here and ive just woken up after a vv long and exhausting day yesterday so this was a pleasant surprise :> #i haven't really listened to it in full yet bc idk adhd things but when the mood hits right y'all know i'll be VIBING #i never talked abt it but waves and can't get enough were great earworms so i'm excited to see how the rest of the songs will turn out #also hope everyone's doing well here on the btr side of tumblr hehe y'all been absolutely fed this year <3 #is this gonna be allen's 2k23 tumblr comeback??? nah prob not i'm too in love with the fooo conspiracy atm but hey maybe also who knows 👀 #(*heckler from the back of the audience* NO ONE CARES ABOUT U AND UR TRASH CONTENT IDIOT STFU FOREVER ACTUALLY!!!!!) #but yep. life has been fuck work has been a headache and so many unwanted tragic plot twists this year. but at least we got new btr lezzgo! #also happy pride month y'all!!! just saying this for absolutely no rhyme or reason related to this post at all wdym lmao ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯ #okay thats all promise i'll shush now and it's time for old grampa to disappear into the darkest recesses of the internet yet again hejdååå #btr #big time rush #another life #album #stop it forever #lmao i hardly remember my dumbass blog tags;;; it's for the best hdbfkgk

[gregmarriage]

really think i need to make more irl friends, but it feels so impossible. like most of the ppl my age seem to only hang out in bars, and it’s like sorry, i’m uncool and can’t drink, bc i’m on medication. and making friends via dating apps or something similar is abysmal. so, i’m kinda stuck imaooooo

#i’m aware not everyone hangs out in bars but might have reasons why they can’t hang out #elsewhere like in coffee shops or restaurants or parks or something #bc i certainly do #maybe there’s people who feel the exact way i do and can’t or don't want to leave the house bc of extenuating circumstances #like it’s difficult for me to leave the house #do i want to? yes but that doesn’t negate the difficulty #trying to make friends in general feels like pulling teeth #after a lifetime of autism and social anxiety i’m literally not fully convinced i even know how to communicate i just fell ass backwards #into stuff a lot of the time #trying to put myself out there in any way is literally so incredibly cringe to me #even if i do want to but again doesn’t negate the difficulty #but also again don’t know how to talk to people so even if by some miracle i make friends i might not get to keep them #idk it’s all just so frustrating #i envy the people who can make friends no problem and can talk to people and talking to said people doesn’t wear them out even if you really #like them bc social interaction is exhausting with anyone #but like it’s obviously worse when it’s new #bc small talk actually makes me want to stick forks in my eyes #i wish it were easy but it isn’t #idk i want my independence back and i want my freedom and i want irl friends again #and i want the world to stop feeling so closed off bc i know it isn’t #it’s just hard to see it that way from being bed bound most of the time #and that isn’t gonna change anytime soon #but i wanna open up the world again and i wanna go outside #and making irl friends is part of but i have absolutely no idea where to start #and the cycle continues #christ i almost wish i were back in college with the ‘girl gang’ #i mean i felt like a huge outsider to them but at least i kinda had people to hang out with #idk desperately need to open my life up again bc literally no one can live like this and i’ve already been manic once this year #and i’d like to not be in that bad of a place again if i can help it #but idk what to do currently so 🤷🏻‍♀️

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[dockaspbrak]

you know whats soooo fucked up, i never thought about how photos would someday be the only thing i had left? like I knew it about everything else but not him yakno. cherish your pets guys just cherish them every day

#ohhhh man like #i feel like i have nothing to live for tbqh #idk like...im measuring my life in before and after #and the after just seems like nothing #like it could have been yesterday yet it also feels like an eternity #so irrationally idk how im going to deal with it being a separate year (when 2024 comes) from the last time i got to talk with him #i feel like i need to do things to mark myself as living beyond him but i just have like. zero ambition to do anything #i just MISS him #i suppose i should journal more thats always helpful for dealing with shit #id rather type post tags though hahaha #i hate talking abt it out loud bc its double exhausting to like navigate people being so fucking awkward abt itlike #i know its weird im still so sad!!! i know youre sad too! its sad to lose a cat but also like i dont know if like maybe any one gets it #fully #at least for me

[side-of-honey]

solarium precure

Karmic kip knockout!!!

#urf #designing magical girls is fun but also exhausting #was gonna do priamus & jareb too but im too tired #maybe if someone really wants be to idk #also these are making me realize how non-precure-compatible my color palettes are LOL #Solarium #Bee's OC Dungeon #Original Character #Abbi is the little like tiny floating animal mascots they always have yeah you know what im talking abt