#missing when life was just easier

[bunny-banana]

something so extremely loser-core about not one single ghost being present when Cap died. Like they could have known how he died all 80 years ago but somehow literally all of them missed it😭

#i just imagine them walking into the house HOURS later and #and caps probably sitting somewhere having a panic attack or smth #and they walk in like. huh whats this guy still doing here #and ofc cap hears that and just. screaches upon seeing the lot of them #and the others are like OH? OH? he can see us? wh- Since WHEN do we have a new guy here???? #And then they kinda start arguing with each other who is to blame that they missed the new arrival which is so bizarre to watch- #-that it takes Cap's mind of the perhaps worst day of his life. #its easier to forget what one went through when theres this group of scoundrels who seriously need to be brought to order #bbc ghosts

[everysongineverykey]

don't hug me i'm scared episode 6 electricity is really something when you're autistic, huh. yellow guy is made fun of all his life by his only friends and laughed at for being "stupid" when all he needed was a change of batteries but no one would listen to him and give him the accommodations he needed and deserved and when he finally did get new batteries and become more clearheaded his friends didn't like him any better. they stopped making fun of him, sure, but they didn't like that he was "smart" all of a sudden, because they'd gotten used to him being "the stupid one". and he looked in the mirror and saw his former self, and his reflection asked him, "have we gone wrong? they seem upset with us" because the truth is even if the way you are now is more comfortable for you, even if it doesn't hurt to think anymore, people will only ever like you if you're the Right Kind of autistic/adhd/traumatized/whatever. have we gone wrong? have we gone wrong? that's what you always ask yourself. "maybe they're not in charge of us anymore." "maybe they never were." and his reflection walks away, as if accepting that the others will think what they will think, and it won't matter, because yellow guy is his own person, no matter how difficult it is for him to articulate his thoughts, and he doesn't need their approval to think. "maybe they never were."

#dhmis #don't hug me i'm scared #yellow guy's conversation with his reflection lives in my head rent free just so you know. #it's so important to me that although he's 'awakened' now- the part of him that's sensitive to what other people think #is still represented by his former self. the 'stupid' version of him. the naive hopeful kid who was mesmerized by a butterfly #and wanted to work with coworkers in a factory and missed duck so much when he died he dug him up #and hated himself for being 'stupid in the head' when he forgot the computer password. #even when yellow guy is clearheaded enough to see through the fabric of his reality #that part of him is still very much present and important in his life and thought processes. #it confuses me that some people seem to see the batteries as a metaphor for a 'cure' for autism or whatever. #to me the batteries are like adhd or schizophrenia medication or antidepressants. they make life easier #while you're dealing with a condition that would normally make moving through a neurotypical world pretty hard. #yellow guy is still the same person. he still cares about his friends' opinions. he's just much more clearheaded and articulate than usual.

[mayhemspreadingguy]

Today I woke up and chose silliness!

(yes, the mood of my posts is all over the place but this is what you signed up for, it's literally in the name x'D)

This is another contribution to the silly rabbit au (by @cuubism ) featuring @magnusbae 's Dream in a hoodie.

#silly rabbit au #dreamling #well hob did say that he can fake is own death if needed but how many times will he have to do that? xD #at some point hob starts to attend his own funeral as a guest. and if anybody asks questions he's all like: no sadly i am no robert gadling #(/or whatever name he's been using) and i will miss that man dearly #(and he's speaking the truth because he's practically burying a life that he has built up. he's burying the person #he has been for past decades) #it's a slow process but hob starts to sprinkle the small but outrageous truths in conversation and let's others take it however they want t #he very inconspicuously adopts Dream's attitude and starts to play along with Dream's misleading truths #and then he starts to spin the tales in different directions - derailing Dream's stories #and THAT'S when the chaos really starts xD #why make dream's storytelling easier when he can twist it and basically fight fire with fire right? :DD #also. don't listen to me im just shitposting here

[designernishiki]

y3 has made me feel many things but one of the things that lingers with me the most about it is how majima takes every possible opportunity and makes every possible gesture to say “please don’t leave me alone again, please take me with you when you leave, I WANT to be right next to you when you need me, I’ll literally do anything for you, just don’t leave me alone again” always indirectly but in strong enough ways that i think it’d be obvious to anyone paying attention EXCEPT Kazuma Kiryu, The Densest Man On Earth, who he’s pleading to in the first place. it’s. frustrating to watch. someone needs to grab kiryu by the shoulders and tell him. for the love of god. this man loves you so much and you keep leaving him when all he wants to do is help you and be with you please just take him to okinawa oh my god

#kazumaji #it’s FRUSTRATING #specifically thinking about the scene in the bar after the pink truck debacle #where majima finally says like. if you’re going to Okinawa to deal with this whole assassination thing or whatever comes up I’m coming #with you. you don’t have a ton of support down there and me and you together are basically unstoppable #pretty much completely outright #and kiryu. the dense stubborn motherfucker he is. is like. i don’t have No One down there I have a few friends (missing the point). I’ll be #fine. I don’t need your help there. you should stay here #I’ll give him some credit because then saying ‘someone has to stay here and keep the Tojo clan from total collapse’ is a good point and it #does mean something that he trusts majima to be that person (especially given I don’t think anyone else on earth would trust him with that) #(despite him being totally capable- you know mad dog persona and all that blah blah blah) #like that’s a good point idk who else would be a good choice to do that considering daigo’s out of commission and who’s even left after that #obviously mine is Sketchy. kashiwagi is (supposedly) dead. everyone else kiryu trusts in the yakuza is dead or injured more or less. #not gonna leave fuckin DATE in charge or something #so. fair enough point. but nonetheless it doesn’t erase the fact that kiryu overlooks what majima means in the grander scheme of things #and still believes first and foremost that he doesn’t need/want his help when he does and he should #he’s just. allergic to making life easier for himself #among other issues #sigh #yakuza 3 #y3 #goro majima #kazuma kiryu #kiryu #majima #rambling

[sciderman]

i relate to peter parker because i’ve had six crushes this year alone

damn son save some for the rest of us!!

#sci speaks #i think i've only ever had one crush in my life. wilding. i wish i fell in love easier. it feels wonderful. #oh the people with hyperactive hearts... #i wish i had felt this way at some point when i was younger. it kind of felt like my heart wasn't fully developed yet. #holds my heart in my hands. why were you such a late bloomer. why didn't you feel more things earlier on. #i'm kind of sad that i didn't have teenage crushes or anything. i feel like i missed out. #is it because nobody around me was appealing. or is it because i was too busy on my own planet. #i think i wasn't really close with a lot of people when i was younger. i kind of never came out of my shell. #so nobody got close enough to me for me to like them. #not that it's necessarily how it works. but it takes a lot for me to get there with somebody i think. #i think a lot of the relationships i've been in i'm still To This Day not even sure if i actually liked them back in that way. #squeezes my heart in my hand. why are you so fussy. #i wish i had more experiences under my belt. i really do. but also i don't want to be in situations that are uncomfortable either. #and i don't want to just be there for the sake of it. #lies on the floor and stares at the ceiling. i don't know what i want. #is love the answer? #i don't know. sometimes i want it more than anything. but it's such a ball-ache to get. sometimes you think you're better off without it. #i wish i knew what i wanted. i think i just want to be brave enough to find out. #why do i ramble so much in my tags. it's like tumblr is my therapist or something. #i'm feeling weird about myself lately. just kind of a little tired. i don't feel bad. but kind of perpetually low-energy. #like i never have the time to do things that make me happy. and when i do get the time i don't have the energy. #is this what it's like to live in this world. i need like. a year's break from work. i think. #i need like a year-long vacation. i need a gap year. i need a year to live life. #i wonder if it's financially viable. i think i'd eat through everything i have if i did that. but. #you can get money back. you can't get your time back.

[silenthillbunni]

🐰💬

#sooo now when the surgery is 3 days away im starting to get very nervous nd anxious T-T #i know it's like a minor surgery nd i mean im gonna get to go home the same day so it's not supposed to be super bad #and the recovery time isnt supposed to be that long either. so like i know this is an easier surgery #im still sooooo scared nd nervous omg. i've never even broken a bone so this is like crazy for me sksksk #but i try to think positively #and i try to focus on the positive: many ppl say that they 'get their life back' after gallbladder surgery #so i can hopefully start feeling better and more normal again. nd regain my physical health #i miss going for long walks everyday. i miss being able to eat. i miss not being scared of the pain nd feeling uncomfortable everyday #so yeah.. trying to focus on that instead of being scared of the surgery itself. but i cant help it im just an anxious person #i just rlly wanna live normally again. i wanna go to the gym. i wanna eat well nd also yummy nd healthy. i wanna go for walks. #i wanna not be depressed anymore nd start writing again nd reading more nd watch shows nd be able to work on functioning as a normal person.

[melto]

my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.

#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy #which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself #but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible #and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them #and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them #and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it #and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about #but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me #even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around #And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes #somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much #but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself #so everything they had said about me has been true for so long. #every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car #every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart #i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god #im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up. #i think im going to throw up right now. #deeply pathetic. #news with isaac

[britneyshakespeare]

I don't know who needs to hear this but the Black Parade isn't even a tad bit overrated

#it's one of the best rock concept albums of all time let alone the 2000s #if that decade weren't so recent it'd be easier for ppl to see that #in fact since it's been getting further away in time more people do #but its acclaim is not just nostalgia for a second #if you were unfortunate enough to miss having an mcr phase as a teenager #i need you to do me a favor and go listen to that whole album. or do it again if it's been awhile #you will FEEL FEELINGS again #text post #mcr #also i will just never get over gerard way #he's just too much to be believed #if he were to have existed in a time before technology. what an injustice that'd be #not to be able to go and relive his performances of songs like wttbp and helena etc #locked in place in time forever. immortal and always compelling #gerard way is not something to describe but something to experience #makes me wonder when ppl describe famous actors and musicians from before the recording era #(well i always wonder about that) but if gerard way were sarah siddons #it would be a shame i wouldn't be able to enjoy gerard way at any moment in my life #if gerard way were fleeting... momentary... that would suck. suck so much #if these tags sound funny to you im just gonna let u know im being 100 percent fr rn

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Ooooo if we’re talking Ashikai- what did you think of her Childe inspiration analysis? I’m not asking about how it may or may not apply to ur fic (though that sounds fun if your up for it!! I just love ur star foxes. Then again… not mutually exclusive ig) but what u thought of it!! I hardly get to talk to anyone about them and ooooough theyre such good videos and leave me reeling everytime.

her childe video was so fucking good holy shit. also i absolutely agree, her videos always leave me sitting there like 'holy fuck', even if sometimes i knew half the stuff she was bringing up, but the way she mixes it with the real-life research and stuff has me,,,,,,,, it's so good,,,

i think the only video that never like- surprised me? or told me something i didn't know or hadn't already like- figured out myself? was the latest one, the one about adepti and their visions. but that's bc i've uh. read xianxia before. so like. you read one xianxia, you know how it's going to go. when she said genshin was a xianxia i was like thank you, that's what i've been saying hahah,,, it was still such a good video, i really liked it;;

#almost choked when she pulled up jc's life falling apart just to use the golden core imagery tho #like ow #you could've just used wwx holding wzl's core :( no need to stab me #anyway #i love all her theories and when i agree with some wholeheartedly i will like- add the headcanon to a fic? #not to say i disagree with most of her theories. p sure i agree with most #but like- #some rely far more in things we don't yet know about the game and adding them to a fic would only really overcomplicate things #hence why i just normally stick to basic headcanons and our current understanding #like logically i've always known we have no confirmation that zhongli is actually a dragon at all #but it's just so much easier to go with the headcanon that he is (even though it's likely incorrect) #than to like- overcomplicate by trying to come up with a brand new explanation #and missing out on the potential characterization from just taking it at face value and going ok. assuming he's a dragon #same with childe #so uh #yeah lmao thank you!

[eldrichthingy]

my dear moots. I love you so fucking much I hope you all know that I adore you & I'm endlessly thankful for being here with you in this little corner of internet! 💞 you all make me feel so much love and joy I'm literally sobbing right now 🫶🏾🥺 you're all so important to me and I literally. I adore you!!! you made my year so much less miserable & I just... I'm so glad to be here with you I'm sorry I sound like a broken record but. but I truly am! genuinely. I hope your holidays season is going great! 💞 I love you!!! I'm giving you the biggest hug right now 🫂🫂 happy holidays!! :з

#I MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH. and I miss interacting more because you know. shadowban #but it's not the point of this post!! if you're reading this: GET LOVED! get absolutely loved!! 💞💞🥺 #also. since being here... it became so much easier for me to be myself & be open with people and in general. interact (even irl!!) #I met so many great people this year and being as closed as I am it's a lot of progress for me and you just.. idk how to phrase it im dumb #but thanks to you I was able to 🥺💞 #no literally. as idk unserious? It may sound but being here with you made it so much easier for me to be more social #you're all wonderful I'm so glad we met!!! and I can't emphasise it enough!!! #so much things in my life changed when I met you. no literally- if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be playing dnd with my little irl circle #right now :') you're such wonderful people I want to hug you all #eldrich.rambles

[roseworth]

thinking about the first issue of quiver. feeling: inconsolable

#''theres always time to wait. remember that' thanks dad. i do.' #'ive spent years trying to clean the mess you made of my life ollie. but it doesnt make missing you any easier.' #'as the soil accepts the seed i pray i will accept that i will never know my father' #AND IM JUST SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THAT????? #literally everything about connor's inner monologue drives me insane actually #the way roy and dinah's were spent (at least partially) talking 'to' ollie #while all of connor's was spent praying about how he never knew him bc he never really got to talk to ollie when he was alive #'i pray for an end to the silliness of hope that i might one day know my father as my father' FUCK.

[pennyserenade]

for the past, say, three or four years of my nephew’s five year life i’ve been taking care of him pretty regularly. it’s not been entirely fair to either of us but i’ve grown hopelessly attached to the kid and for better or worse i’m in this for the long haul with him. my sister is present, but she’s a bit insane and not exactly as stable as she ought to be for him. a good example of this lies in the fact that i’ve got to go to the first day of kindergarten with him so i can talk to his teacher, because my family is worried that my sister won’t (he’s got a speech impediment she’s done nothing to help him with and i want him to get help before he gets teased for it). anyways the other day i was talking to my friend group and the topic of me not going out because of him came up. they told me he wasn’t my kid and it isn’t my problem. which is true!! he isn’t my kid and it shouldn’t be my problem, and realistically i know i can go out and he’ll be okay, but a part of me aches a little because while that’s true, it’s also true that in many ways he is mine. i couldn’t explain to them in a way that they could understand that he needs me and i know i deserve to live my 20s but here is this little boy who has done nothing wrong and i’ve got to be there for him. even though i dont, even though his mom is there, because she isn’t, not always, and i need him to know he’ll always have someone. i guess it was just kind of frustrating because i couldn’t explain it and they couldn’t understand it and it hurt my feelings a little that they acted as though he was something i could just push aside (even though realistically i could)

#misc. #idk like i know this is partially brought on by myslef #but they haven’t been through what i’ve been through #with him. i know he’s not my kid and it isn’t fair to me and their hearts are in the right place #but it just sucks when i try to tell them i have him and i can’t just not have him #bc he needs me and i won’t ever not be there for him #he’s always going to be my number one priority. i’ll miss my whole life for that kid if need be and it isn’t right #i know. and i know i don’t have to do this but i guess it’s frustrating and hurting me so much bc it’s like: if not me then who? #he’s had a terribly rough life for a five year old and i just can’t bring myself to not help him #even though i know i’m making my sister’s life easier and not teaching her any lessons. i can’t at his expense and i won’t

[fourteenthz]

Been thinking abt thesa/thancred and how long it took her to take her feelings seriously. Sometimes, you repress a part of your heart for so long that when it's reawaken, it feels like a dream. Or a nightmare even. And it's painful at first and just genuinely seems morally wrong for someone, so duty bounded, but then.... once he takes a step forward, it flows so easily. It's like he's giving her his hand and saying, "I'll teach you how to deal with it," and if it was spoken by any other soul in any other tone, she'd take offense. If it was anyone else but him. And when they are together at first, it just entirely feels like puppy love. And for some reason she knows that past-thesa would scoff at this and how childish it looks - how she acts like a teenager in love sometimes when they are alone - and she loves it because Thancred doesn't think that. And slowly, she isn't thinking that anymore. She's learning with him, you know.

#its 6am what am i even doing with my life #i should be asleep. i have 1 day free and instead of sleeping and stay awake all night with thoughts abt thesa/thancred #and for some reason i still can't write anything im happy with. i miss writing. #whats wrong with my word doc and why did this text post came easier than anything I've been trying the last month #anywah THEM...... #thinking about them at the beginning of their relationship so hard rn. cant stop the thoughts. #how they are so used to understand one another by looks but then when it comes to romance it changes the dynamic #how she is a lot more vocal but still so bad at conveying her feelings and truly understanding that kind of his #and shes always like 'i think you will have to tell me what is it' and how she gets ready for it to be annoying thing to say #but instead of reacting like that he goes 'once you stop distracting me I'll try' and kisses her and and and 🗣🗣 #its the person who thinks they are hard to love x person who loves them like breath etc etc...... u get me.. #its abt her slowly opening up to love and how just bc its hard doesn’t mean it's bad.... #thancred being surprised about how cheeky and talkative she is once they are comfortable in a relationship.... #and her not being surprised at all with how gentle he is. because some things change but other's are intricately theirs #and its abt learning the new things and getting used to love the old ones and just. love is so nice. im having feelings rn excuse me. #throwing up etc etc how do i sleep with my head so full of wolcred this is unfair truly. almost 7am. how. #sorry just really can't stop thinking abt how thesa I'll never forget the look in thancred's eyes when their first met and how thancred saw #a very similar one once she said ily out loud for the first time. being sane and normal and not unwell at all #kelly says #dl #thesa/thancred #wol posting #x: together to the bitter end #(just for tagging/blacklist means) #<- just noticed i drafted this out of shame YOU KNOW WHAT.............. POSTING IT TODAY SORRY #i'm having thoughts about them i can stop I miss them I miss them I miss them I miss you writing wolcred save me save me etc etc #i really wrote that text post with my whole chest and drafted it at 7am. 🫵 shame on you prev kelly 🫵 #posted today's vierapril with them well get this too. being annoying and making it everybody's problem today. have at it.

[nerosdayinanime]

more jjk sillies bc theyre fun

#neros art tag #jjk #spoilers in tags #oc: icarus #oc: aether #jjk oc #'dead guy' being potato junpei whos actually still alive to their surprise #drew/redrew a few of the incorrect quote things we made of them #didnt get to do the misery/reeses puffs/cpr joke [pensive] (junpei icarus aether respectively) #also all of the old ones had the hair parted to the wrong side lmao #explanation/context again: icarus has a ver of the gojo special eyes and can see how cursed energy flows- mahito cracks the soul open to #transfigure people(not canon- my interp) h icarus can mold the souls he's cracked open. they resuscitate junpei and become a little curse #user trio- they teach junpei how to properly use cursed energy and such- then during the culling games #yuuji & junpei reunite- them & aether go to find hakari while icarus offered to go find megumi for him #megumi does not trust strangers #its been fuckin ages since ive read the manga i havent kept up w it outside of snippets i see on tumblr i have no clue whats going on #'HEY MAN WHAT THE FUCK. DUDE. I WAS SENT BY YUUJI YOU DICK- i stfg if my appendix ruptures bc of that youre paying my medical bills-' #oh yeah also i missed it when i was looking back Aether can also bite people to sap cursed eneegy. when she bites tho it becomes Hers #instead of just withering away. void & icarus do their own thing- run a little shop that dissuades small cursed spirits from ppl & makes #life a little easier for some. theyr not anything big theyre just trying to have fun & help a few ppl out along the way #oh ya first set they were watching yuuji & nanami go ham on mahito #'we probably shouldnt fuck with that..'

[median-culture-is]

Median culture is wanting to come out to your bf who is accepting of systems but didn't think you were a system when he found out you were questioning :(

.

#Putting my feelings in the tags so it's easier to ignore if you don't want my opinion but that feels really shitty just “hey i think i #might be a system“ ”no you don't seem like one“ pardon? no matter how long you have been together he does not know your brain and life #experiences as well as you do and plurality is meant to be hard to detect and unless he had been looking for signs he most likely would have #missed any sign you were plural because a lot of traits people will just shrug off especially if they are unfamiliar with plurality it #feels like telling a parent you are queer in some capacity and they just say no they would have noticed or you never seemed queer like they #cant accept they just ignored the signs or didn't notice something about you #you can definitely try to talk to him about your plurality but go in prepared for him to react like a parent in denial of a queer kid and #explain to him that refusal to accept or even consider your lived experiences when you know yourself better than he does is shitty #if he doesn't get better even if it hurts it might be best to just dump him when we came out as a system we lost several friendships for #being endo but it feels better now than keeping that part of myself hidden because of fear #actually median #actually plural #actuallymedian #median system #median culture #plural system #actuallyplural #median culture is #median #plural

[galecgun]

God I love to Log On and Be Transsexual

#i forgot my text post tag #‘queer communities save lives’ is sort of just a given but also it just makes you happy to talk to people.. #even outside of just survival like damn i did miss going On Here and just talking about life… and transition… #its way easier to talk about when you are letters on a screen for me and i did not have this for a while #its still meaningful. thank you internet