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#mom can’t afford it on disability

froody · 1 year

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please help my scruggly cat

Tommy, Tumblr micro-celebrity famous for featuring/being the muse for hit posts such as ‘father is…evil?’ and ‘my cat can tell when I’m sad and instinctively bites my toes’ and ‘frustrating each other is our love language’ needs a little financial support. Please consider donating to my ko-fi or buying something from my teespring store.

Tommy was diagnosed with diabetes earlier this year under dramatic circumstances that involved a week long intensive care vet stay. She has stomatitis (an inflammation of the gums and mucus membranes) that she was on steroids for and the steroids may have damaged her pancreas. Since her diagnosis we’ve had a hard time controlling her blood sugar. Her insulin dose goes up and up. The vet thinks she has a good chance of stabilizing, that diabetic cats can and do live long, healthy and happy lives. She’s only 5. Her 6th birthday is later this month. She’s fighting. She wants to live.

Each insulin vial costs $160. Her prescription cat food is $35 for a 4 pound bag. She’s also on gabapentin for her pain and neuropathy and she’ll probably need another course of antibiotics. She currently goes to the vet every two weeks and the cost of that varies immensely. Basically, she’s a much more expensive cat than she was before and the cost of living for me has risen as well. It’s not an immediate emergency but we need funds. I’m disabled, I have an autoimmune disease that attacks my colon, I have a hard time working outside of the home or even at all because my health fluctuates and my energy levels are low. I’m trying so desperately to get better but for now I’m living in my mom’s house and sponging off my loved ones and tapping into my meager savings.

I know what you’re thinking, the thing people always comment on donation posts about pets, “if you can’t afford to care for your cat, why do you still have your cat?” and as biting as that question is, I know it’s a valid one and I’ve thought about it myself. I still have her because I need her and she needs me. She’s like my soulmate animal. We met when I was 16 and she was about 4 weeks old. There was no way I could have known we’d both be struggling sick moneypits in 5 years. I’m trying to give her the best life I can and she’s trying to give me her best self. I’m her person. I’m home 24/7 so we’re so used to having each other. She brings me immense joy and I know she’s brought a lot of other people joy. If you’re one of those people, please consider giving a couple of dollars. If you can’t afford to, that’s fine. Thank you for reading anyway.

TL;DR: cat sick. I’m sick. please help.

#cat health chronicles #tommy #signal boost #important post

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iguinn · 7 months

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Urgent Donation Please Read

Hi this is Cross we're remaking our old post because it's losing traction and we still need a lot of money before October comes so we don't have to scramble for even more money. Which we will need to do anyway because of computer related issues, so we're bumping the goal a bit higher. Here's the situation:

We're out of our mom’s insurance and we can’t get our own because of various reason, we need money to get the necessary paperwork for our disability to be back in our mom’s insurance asap and it will take months to arrive, until then we need money for our meds and our yearly ear doctor consultation, our mom who needs monthly eye injections because she had a stroke last year and it deeply affected her eye and she only has one and because her request to have the injections done for free at the hospital will take months to process she needs to still pay for months worth of injections plus some even more disability paperwork she requested for us and her hasn’t even gone through yet and we need that for better disability aid since that is the only income we have plus some that helps us pay a bit of our rent cause our mom isn't working at the moment and we are starting college this month and cant work, thankfully the money to pay college isn't a huge issue cause we got a huge disability scholarship cause they accepted our old paperwork but we will need update ones before the semester ends to keep it which is ideal since while we have no income other than aid we would still have to pay less than normal it would still be over the money of our current scholarship and therefore less affordable and we need all this before October. And also we recently found out that the previous owner of our computer kinda fucked it up severely and we need to buy some more up to date components so it work's properly and doesn't just randomly break down like it has happened before and we need this computer for school too.

paypal: https://paypal.me/froilovemail?country.x=PT&locale.x=en_US

goal:

38€/2000€

#canções do rei #boost

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goldenlikedayl1ght · 6 months

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the lakes - m. murdock

a/n: hey guys so i've been struggling a lot with the fact that i might have hearing loss (i'm going to the doctor next week) and as always i am projecting, but i am not 100% sure everything in this fic is accurate and for that i apologize. but it's my little passion project and i hope you enjoy <3 as always, comments and reblogs are always loved and appreciated! warnings: hearing loss, hearing aids, tinnitus, reader struggling with being disabled, some parts are more vulnurable and don't have the reader being like overly confident in their disability, matt being soft, some suggestive behavior at the end, kissing, nicknames, pretty pg-13 honestly word count: 3.0k summary: your hearing aids run out of battery, and you're forced to struggle through a day of ringing ears and being deaf. matt helps, as he always does. pairing: matt murdock x hard of hearing!reader now playing: the lakes - taylor swift "take me to the lakes/where all the poets went to die/i don't belong/but my beloved, neither do you."

“Are you deaf?”

“What?”

You’re eighteen, home from college for the first time since fall break. Your family sits around for Thanksgiving, and there are so many people talking. There’s about thirteen people at this long dining room table, and they are all talking at once. You’re sitting next to your sister, but you can’t hear her well.

You know she’s speaking, and you’re sure you’re yelling, but you’re frustrated.

“I said, are you deaf? I repeated myself like, four times!”

You feel your face flush.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you. You’re mumbling, and it’s loud in here.”

Your sister looks at you like you’re crazy.

“I’m right next to you, and I’m not mumbling. In fact, no one is yelling, either.”

You poke your fork at your sweet potatoes and feel hot, angry tears in your eyes as you avoid everyone’s gaze.

Your mom sits across from you, and frowns, planning to tell you to make an appointment at the student health center when you get back to campus.

She doesn’t even have to. You’ve booked one by the time she says it to you.

At the student health center, they administer a hearing test, and then refer you to a specialist for further testing. You call your mom, crying and she gently comforts you, before driving to the nearest bookstore and picking up a book on hearing impairments and a copy of ASL for Dummies.

At the specialist, they do another round of tests. Your doctor tells you that you do in fact have hearing issues and that you should come back in a year for more testing, to see if your hearing gets worse. For now, you get a doctor’s note that requires all your professors to take your hearing impairment into consideration. The process for getting that applied at your university is painful, and only gets worse through your years there.

Before you get to law school, your doctor tests you again, and tells you how your hearing has been decreasing in quality in the past few years. He says that you’ll need hearing aids to regulate it. You cry because you cannot afford that.

You get captioning accommodations throughout law school, as well as a note taker for certain classes that are entirely lecture based. You still try to take your own notes, but it frustrates you that suddenly you need all this help. Your own notes are incomprehensible and often miss key parts of the lecture as you sit for a few minutes trying to decipher what your professor had said a few minutes prior.

You go into corporate law after law school, choosing to stay out of court initially because you find yourself frustrated that you wouldn’t be able to process all of what’s going on due to the many voices.

You stay at this company long enough to get your hearing aids, long enough to pay your loans, and long enough to save up a good fund for your hearing aid needs.

You quit your job and get hired at Nelson, Murdock & Page as an interim while you decide what you want to do.

With your hearing aids, life isn’t so frustrating anymore. You find yourself enjoying casual chatter and not worrying about processing what your friends are saying. At family dinners, you take your hearing aids out when you’re mad at your family, to which your stepdad, another hearing aid user, always laughs.

And, despite the pay not being stellar at your job, you love it. You love working with people who need help, love fighting injustice, and you love your coworkers.

...

If only Matt Murdock would reciprocate your feelings towards him.

You’ve been dancing this dance for months. You come into work with coffee and stutter when you get to his doorway.

You wonder if he’ll ever know how desperately you want him.

You go about your days quietly, going to the bar with them at the end of a long week. You love your friends and find yourself hoping they know how much you love them.

Karen and Foggy, as well as Foggy’s fiancé, know about your hearing aids since they sit sort of clunkily on your ears.

You don’t tell Matt, though, not at first.

You know how bad it is, to not even tell your blind crush that you have hearing aids. But you’re embarrassed. It makes you sound like an old person even though you’re in your twenties.

But when Matt crawls into your window late at night, bleeding, you don’t even flinch as he crashes onto your floor behind you. You’re reading, your hearing aids out, and he’s unsure why you can’t hear him. Your heartbeat had no reaction, it’s like you don’t even realize he’s there.

He taps you on your shoulder and you turn quickly, and gasp, before starting to sign at him. Even in his disoriented state, he knows you’re doing something with your hands and moving your mouth. At first, he thinks that he might have stuff clogging his ears, but then he realizes you’re signing, probably because you think Daredevil isn’t blind.

He takes off his helmet.

“Matt?” You say, and it comes out a little louder than it should, because you can’t hear yourself to gage how loud you’re being.

He says something, and your gaze focuses on his mouth, where you can barely make out what he’s saying.

“I can’t hear you.” You say, softer now. You reach over to your bedside table and put your hearing aids on. By the time you look back, Matt has passed out on the ground. Oh fuck.

You get your first aid kit and begin to work on his wounds. When you’re done, you pull him onto your couch, now stained with his blood, and watch as he sleeps. Blood covers your hands, and you listen to him breathing.

When he wakes up that morning, you’re asleep on the couch, and when you feel him start to stir. You grab your hearing aids, and turn them on, before watching him wake.

He says your name softly, and you take his hand in yours.

“Hey.. You.. You’re Daredevil...”

“You’re deaf.”

“Hard of hearing. Not fully deaf, just… My right ear is a lot better than my left, but without my hearing aids I’m close to deaf, yeah…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were Daredevil?”

“I was scared. Scared that… That you would view me differently, scared that you wouldn’t like me as much.”

“I was scared too..”

“When did you start losing your hearing?”

“In college. I realized it when I went home for Thanksgiving, and then it got worse from there..” You tell him. A hand reaches out to your face, and you lean into it, letting your cheek rest in his palm. His fingers trail up towards your ear and gently run his fingers over your hearing aid.

“Thanks for stitching me up.” He says softly.

“No problem.”

“The hearing aid does explain the buzzing I always hear when you’re around.”

“You can hear my hearing aids?”

“Apparently. I can hear a lot of things. I have heightened senses. You use pomegranate shampoo and had red velvet cake for dessert tonight. Your heart is racing.”

Your face flushes.

“I can turn them off if it’s bothering you.”

“How would you hear me, then?” He has a point.

“I just don’t want them to bother you.”

“Don’t offer to hide your disability just to make other people more comfortable.”

You kiss him when he says this, in a careful way. You’re gentle, making sure not to hurt him as you do. He lays there and lets you kiss him, his hands on your face. You realize you had no reason to be scared that Matt might reject you for your disability, because he is the only person in your everyday life who really gets how it is to have a disability that affects all aspects of your life.

You trace the healed scars on his skin as you kiss him gently, careful not to hurt him. You promise that you’ll kiss him more passionately when he isn’t freshly stitched up.

• • •

A few weeks passed after that night. You and Matt start seeing each other more and more as you fall deeper in love. You find it silly that you wasted so many days, afraid of talking to each other and maybe disappointing each other over the fact that you both lack a vital sense.

But Matt never views it that way. You wear hearing aids and it’s perfectly fine because most of the time, you aren’t struggling to hear him and cannot communicate with him, and he can’t see when you can’t hear him.

Instead, Matt loves that he can hear your hearing aids buzzing softly because it always alerts him that you’re there. He can hear your heartbeat and smell you, too, but it’s not quite the same as this soft little buzzing that reminds him often of a bee.

Except for this one day.

You slept over at Matt’s on a Thursday and really, you should have known better. You knew your hearing aids were going to need a battery change soon, but you’ve been so busy with work and with Matt, and worrying about him at night, that you’re tired. So tired that you forget to pick up batteries before your hearing aids die.

You sneak out of Matt’s apartment early, sending him a text that you needed to go get changed before work. Really, you want to avoid the fact that you wouldn’t be able to hear him. But he didn’t respond to your message. You decide that you don’t care at this moment and head out to work, debating the right way to tell your coworkers about your predicament.

When you get to work, Foggy is immediately talking to you, and you are tense.

“Foggy—” He’s not stopping. It sounds like he’s mumbling, and there’s this ringing in your ears. “Foggy, I can’t hear you.” He finally looks to you, and says something, you make it out to be a phrase of confusion. “My hearing aids died.” You tell him. You’re frustrated, and Matt isn’t in the office yet.

You deem this as a blessing and a curse. Foggy goes to tell Karen what’s going on and as you’re settling down for the day, you get a text. You hope it’s from Matt, but when you see Karen’s name, you falter slightly.

‘Hey! Foggy told me what was going on. We’ll have your calls redirected to one of us and you can spend the day doing housekeeping and paperwork.’

‘Thanks’, You respond, “Sorry about all this. I’m usually on top of my battery life.”

“Don’t worry about it. These things happen.”

“Still, thanks. Did you hear from Matt at all?”

“No, he probably just slept in late. He should be in soon.”

You try to ignore your anxieties over his absence even though you know that when he does come into the office, you’ll have to struggle to communicate with him all day.

So, for the first hour or so of your day, you try to get some work done but there’s a light ringing in your ears that’s getting worse and worse as you attempt to try and focus on other things. Everything sounds so muffled. You’re so focused that your teeth grind against each other, your muscles tense, as you attempt to try and block out the ringing in your ears.

You have a feeling that by the time you leave today, those hot frustrated tears will be threatening to pour once more.

You don’t hear Matt as he steps into your office and stands by your left side, where you’re almost completely deaf. He stands there for about ten minutes, trying to get your attention before he realizes the light buzzing of your hearing aids are not there.

You must not have them in.

So his hands find your shoulders gently, and instead of tensing, you actually relax under his touch, because you realize that it has to be Matt. A slight turning of your head confirms it and you lean into his touch.

Neither of you say much for a while, deciding to let your frustration slowly dissipate as you lean into his warm hands. They stay on your shoulders and upper arms, rubbing gentle patterns into your skin.

After a good ten minutes of this, his body shifts to your right side and he leans down, before speaking at full volume, maybe even a little louder, just to make sure you can hear him. It still sounds like he’s mumbling, but you can hear him.

“Forgot your hearing aids?”

“Batteries died.” You tell him. “You never answered me.”

“My phone died. I forgot my charger, too.. Are you gonna be okay to work all day?”

“Mhm..” You smile softly, “You’re gonna have to help answer calls, though.”

He kisses your cheek, and you lean into the warmth.

“Anything for you, sweetheart.” He says, a soft smile on his face.

The day goes by pretty much as you expect it. You spend it doing paperwork and dodging phone calls, your tinnitus gets worse as the day goes on. By the time the day is finally winding down, Karen sends you one final text.

“Matt’s staying a little late to catch up on some work. Want me to walk you home?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

You realize that because she and Foggy are heading home, you’ll be able to sit with Matt, maybe get a little bit of peace. You’re thankful, too, because you’re about to lose your mind over all of this. The ringing is just getting to be too much.

You wait a few minutes after Foggy and Karen head home before you go into Matt’s office. He smiles at you and gestures for you to come in, and you do. You lean against his desk, as he speaks loud enough now that you can hear him.

“I’ll just be a few more minutes, Bee.” Even the soft-spoken nickname doesn't get you out of your funk, too busy wanting to get on your hands and knees and beg God for your hearing back.

That doesn’t usually happen, but every once in a while you ask him for a normal life.

God sends you a blind man as your soulmate, because he must think that the whole thing is quite funny.

“Okay…”

You feel hot tears pooling in your eyes as you bite your tongue and dig your fingernails into your skin. You almost draw blood.

“What’s wrong?” He can tell that something is wrong. He can always tell, and you’re foolish to think anything less of him, and even more foolish to forget his super senses. A part of you bites back a bitter feeling, since you wish you could’ve had super smell, super sight, super taste, anything in exchange for your hearing. You were not given an exchange, only forced to give, with nothing in there for you.

You forget that your boyfriend has super senses and can taste and smell your salty tears and blood in the air. Damn him.

“Loud… Ringing in my ears, my tinnitus is always really bad when I don’t use my hearing aids for a while..” You say softly. “It’s just.. it really hurts...” You confess, tears slipping down your face.

“Sweetheart..” He takes off his glasses and rests them on the desk in front of him. “C’mere..” You can’t hear that last part, but the way he opens his arms gives you the hint.

You sit on his lap, burying your face in the crook of his neck with a shaky sigh. You feel the thumps of his heartbeat and hold onto it, the ringing in your ears slightly muffled by his skin. It doesn’t fix the problem, but it helps.

His hands linger on your body, gentle caresses of your knee or thigh happening here and there. He just wants you to know he’s there, in the same way he desires when everything becomes too much for him.

“”m sorry..” you say gently, and he just hushes you softly, kissing your head. He traces patterns into your skin. He traces words into it as well.

L-O-V-E.

S-W-E-E-T-H-E-A-R-T

He traces your name, his, and your last names.

You kiss him softly, realizing that you might never be 100% okay with your hearing, but Matt will help. He’ll understand. He loves you, and it’s enough to be confident in your future again.

You spend only a few minutes more in the office before you decide to head home, his hand never leaving yours.

You make it back to his apartment and Matt plugs his phone in in case you need to text him and get his attention. You wind up stealing a pair of sweatpants, a tee shirt, and a pair of fuzzy socks. The two of you wind up tangled together on his couch.

Your ear is pressed against his chest as he gently caresses your skin, occasionally moving your hair from your face. He mumbles sweet nothings, and while you can’t hear them, you feel the rumbling vibrations in his chest, and you relish in them. You bathe in the feeling of his heartbeat thumping against his skin.

You fall asleep like this, with Matt touching you and talking in this low tone to make sure you can feel the vibrations of his voice in his chest and in his throat. It’s enough just knowing he’s there. That this thing you thought would deem you unlovable is no match for Matt Murdock, who on your wedding day will throw up the sign for ‘I love you’ in ASL.

For Matt Murdock, who, when you’re taken for loving the devil, will find you and take you into his arms and kiss you so that you know he’s real.

For Matt Murdock, who touches you in all the right ways so you can hear the sounds of your own pleasure.

For Matt Murdock, who will gently trace patterns into your skin when you need to be grounded. For Matt Murdock, who feels himself slipping further and further in love with you and finds himself searching for the soft buzz of your hearing aids when you walk into the room.

#matt murdock #matt murdock fic #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x y/n #matt murodock hurt/comfort #matt murdock angst #matt murdock imagine #daredevil fic #daredevil x reader #daredevil fanfiction #hoh!reader #hard of hearing!reader #deaf!reader #self indulgent

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meeowerzz · 19 days

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I genuinely hate doing this but I need help. my family had to pack up and escape my house friday due to my dad getting violent over my parents divorce.

we were reliant on his income because my moms disabled and I can’t get a job anywhere and I’m terrified of what’s going to happen if we aren’t able to afford being out the house

if ur able to help please donate to my kofi here or commission me here, I’ll do my best to draw when I can, I just don’t have any other options right now.

please reblog if u can’t help directly, share or anything to boost, I’m so scared for my siblings and mom

#meowzzmewz

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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i know this one is close to breaking one of the rules in the FAQ but it’s been on my mind for months so i’m crossing my fingers and asking anyway.

AITA for house shopping while white?

I (32x) have never been very well off but I’ve wanted to have a home my whole life. I mean who doesn’t right? As I’m sure we all know, USAmerican housing prices in almost any city are completely ridiculous, and I am in a state that’s known to be especially bad. But my grandparents recently passed and left my mom enough money for a good sized down payment. We want to get a home that can be multigenerational so she doesn’t have to age alone, and she’s already disabled enough to need someone around.

Here’s where the problem is. Even this substantial chunk of money isn’t enough to get anything too fancy or large. All the houses even remotely within our price range are in historically/current POC neighborhoods. I’m afraid that looking to buy a house I can afford and grow into is like, gentrification in action, since I am white. I don’t want to take housing opportunities from anyone, especially out of neighborhoods that are arguably not mine to live in. But I can’t talk myself into renting for the rest of my life and can’t ever see myself affording much more than I can now.

I’m absolutely not looking at homes that are clear flips, because I know that house flippers are a huge driving force behind driving marginalized people from their neighborhoods. But is shopping for a home at all under these circumstances not a good choice? The rentals I have lived in have all been in similar neighborhoods, so is it any different if I own?

WIBTA if I bought a home I can afford or am I just struggling with white guilt here?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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transsexualprions · 1 year

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Disabled and stuck in an abusive hell in the backwoods of wv, with no water or heat. About to be thrown out into freezing temperatures.

I’ve put this off, but I can’t anymore. I need your help.

I’m currently stuck in very rural wv on top of a mountain, with snow and ice storms now constant. I’m in a small trailer with my dog and cat on my stepdad’s property, and he is an evil, abusive, homophobic/transphobic drunk. After systematically abusing and dehumanizing me for months, even when I had a broken ankle, he’s now about to lock me out and leave me for dead in the middle of winter when I can barely walk.

For context: I never thought I’d end up back here with the man who made my childhood a living hell of fear and abuse, but unfortunately I lost my apartment and had nowhere else to go. I’m disabled and I was illegally evicted, but that’s another story…

Over the past few months he’s turned off the water, turned the electricity off when I displease him, stopped allowing my mom to bring me food or even see me, made countless threats, and has been drunkenly threatening me and calling me slurs (I am a trans/gay man), as well as making me perform demeaning work for him. It only gets worse as he finds new ways of torturing me, and my mother is the only thing that’s stopped him from kicking me out. But that’s no longer stopping him as he abuses her cruelly every day and she’s being worn down.

I have no wifi. I have no phone of my own. No contact with anyone who can help me (my boyfriend lives several states away and can only do so much). My family has abandoned me. I haven’t bathed in months and food is dwindling. My mom sneaks me her phone (what I’m using currently) so I don’t go insane, but it usually has one—maybe two bars and I can’t usually make calls with it. We’re also 40 miles from the nearest town which is just a Walmart and a shitty strip mall of nothing. On top of that I broke my ankle a little while ago and I still can barely walk. My doctor urged me to get physical therapy but I’m not allowed to go, as my stepdad doesn’t believe I even broke it in the first place.

The last straw was last night. He dragged me outside while I was in nothing but a t shirt and shorts, and forced me to shovel snow and ice around the property well into the night. He screamed at me the entire time in a drunken rage, laughing and calling me a fatass dyke, saying he hoped I’d break a leg too or my neck so he could leave me at the hospital, while forcing me to trudge through icy snow on my damaged ankle. And he will surely do it again as he takes great pleasure in my suffering.

At this point, my only hope is that my older brother will pick me up and take me back to Michigan, but his family is wishy washy as hell and have been making excuses right and left as to why they can’t actually come get me. Right now it’s because they “just don’t see how they can afford it during the holidays”. Either that or I need to somehow move to Minnesota with my bf. This is my only hope, and I am in desperate, desperate need of money to make it happen.

I’m freezing. I’m in pain, and suffering. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me or my pets and it’s terrifying. I just have to get out of here or I’m not going to make it. Please, if you have any money or kind words to spare, or even if you can only reblog this, it would mean literally everything to me.

Please don’t tag this as d*n*tion post. And, if you need further information, feel free to contact me.

P.4ypal can be found here.

#I just wanted to post this before the blackouts happen and I don’t even have this phone anymore #wv situation

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butterflyinthewell · 9 months

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Behind a cut so people don’t have to see me rant about my disabled, emotionally abusive dad.

So my dad fell twice in the last five days due to not listening to me and mom. He has Parkinson’s and if you dig through my posts you’ll see me talk about it, so I won’t go into it.

I don’t hate disabled people, just him. I don’t hate him for having Parkinson’s, I hate him for the abuse he inflicted on me and still inflicts on me with his disability as a crutch to get away with it. And I call out ableism when the problems we have with him are caused by the medical care system, because sometimes it’s not his fault.

But THIS situation IS his fault.

SO ANYWAY…

Last Friday, he fell because he wouldn’t stop rocking sideways every time he got up. He gets up with help and uses a walker, but he throws his weight around when he knows me and mom are two tiny women compared to a hulking huge man.

And he fell.

We had to call my aunt and uncle over to get his ass off the damn floor and onto his toilet commode so he could take a shit. Then they got him into bed. He claimed he was fine, and then on Tuesday he started griping that his lower back and buttcheek hurt on the left side. But he could walk and didn’t complain much after the initial gripe.

Today, he was all scrunched up in bed in a way that guarantees his back will hurt and made his pain worse, like I told him it would (and he wouldn’t listen to me).

Mom took him out into the living room and he fell on the way, AGAIN, because he kept rocking his weight around.

Now get this, he doesn’t throw his weight like that when therapists would come over. Dad will be an angel for them, but a nightmare for me and mom. He cooperates for professionals, but not family. He does everything in his power to make life as hard as possible for me and mom. I’m not kidding when I say that.

He goes to the doctor on Monday to find out what the fuck he did to himself, but it’s going to be a nightmare.

My birthday is coming up and of COURSE he does this right before it, and ruins any excitement I had.

Before you attack me for that, keep in mind that he pulls shit like this all the time. He knows everyone will be sympathetic to him while looking at mom and me like we’re evil for being exhausted, angry and burnt out.

The fact that we can’t afford to put him anywhere or get help into this house means we have no lives outside of caregiving. Every waking moment until we sleep is him and all his emotionally abusive bullshit, every day with no breaks, forever. He has ruined holidays, birthdays and plans because his only joy in life is making everyone around him as miserable as he is.

I’ve managed to eke out a few moments of joy here and there, but for the most part my life is a slog that never ends.

I laugh at the people who acted like COVID lockdowns were depriving them of life. I won’t deny that it was a traumatic experience, and this is not aimed at people who got sick anyway and now have long covid. This ain’t you, don’t worry.

But the people who acted so inconvenienced that their social lives got interrupted? Fuck off.

I’ve lived something like the COVID lockdowns for over a decade. No life outside of my house, no life outside of being a caregiver for someone who is sucking away all my compassion and love.

I can’t leave because I’m disabled too and all the legal shit is inaccessible to me.

I’m trapped, mom is trapped, and we are eventually going to die from the stress while he sits there yelling at us for not jumping to his every whim.

My only escape is writing fanfics and staring dead-eyed at my ipad screen, interrupted constantly by him demanding things.

I have accumulated so much trauma from him, and COVID, and mom having medical crises that were resolved, and my needs not being met, that I’ll be surprised to see 45. I will be shocked if I wake up alive on my 45th birthday.

I turn 43 this July 29, 2023, so yeah.

If I don’t die, my mom is going to, and if she goes we’re all dead.

I just hope I go first. Either heart attack or stroke will probably do it, but I don’t want to outlive her and be alone with him.

No child should be trapped as a caregiver for a disabled abusive parent, but it happens and nobody talks about it.

#Dad issues #disabled abusers #swearing #emotional abuse #ongoing drama in my house

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seraphicleanings · 1 year

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FEBRUARY 2023 CROWDFUND: i wanted to avoid crowdfunding on here again but several things have happened since november. 1. i had to fly to the state my mom is in because her cancer has worsened. i was assisting with handling getting her moved out of her apartment as she is now in a care facility, all of this cost money 2. on january 20th i had a physical altercation with a family member resulting in me having to get a hotel room for 2 nights then fly back to the state i live in (the flight change was $400 which i can’t afford to have that lost) 3. my mental health physical disabilities are worsening due to stress and compounding trauma so i need to seek treatment($75 physical therapist copays + any possible copays for therapy and psych/meds) 4. i have not worked since january 20th (it is now february 2nd) because my job has to replace my work computer and the situation has not been handled efficiently so my next check will be almost nothing. i am quite honestly on my last resolve and have practically given up. i do not have much hope for my physical and mental recovery currently so i haven’t been saving the little money i have because it’s felt pointless. i am begging for help, because i don’t want to give up on myself. i believe i deserve better than what the world has given me. my c*sh app is $JSMNRN and the best option for donations under like $25. thank you for any help

like my work computer got delayed again an hour ago.. i have missed 9 consecutive shifts now. i get paid biweekly so my check will be literally abysmal. at the very least i’d like to raise $400 to replace what i had to spend on my flight change 2 weeks ago after i was punched in my fucking jaw, and had nowhere else to stay

#mutual aid #disability crowdfund #black history month

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chrollohearttags · 8 months

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gonna get a lil personal and rant bc therapy is expensive and talking to black parents abt mental health is a fate worse than death. ☠️☠️

negl, I feel like I’m in need of a self care day or some time off. Don’t remember the last time I’ve traveled or gone somewhere besides the grocery store. Like I’m feeling super isolated and lonely as of late. It’s frustrating seeing all of these people get to do things. Watching people have groups of friends to hang out with and partners while I’m just circling my house/town with no one to call a friend and def not a potential relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super grateful to work from home and run my own business + I really wouldn’t trade it for a thing but it seems to be all I do, and there’s no reward tbh. Granted, I’m blessed to be able to do so and I’m more than glad to help my family bc if I were living with roommates or by myself, I’d be screwed so I really don’t mind that. I’m blessed to have my family. But I feel a little frustrated because it feels like I’m the only one who does. Both me and my brother still live at home and it’s bc of that, that I can afford to run a business, work shorter hours, etc but I’m also the only one that works, buys groceries, helps with bills and house expenses…and he has pretty severe Crohn’s disease so I try to be empathetic and understand that he can’t do physical work the way he used to but it also feels as if he doesn’t try to do anything to take care of himself or anyone else. And admittedly, I’ve enabled a lot of his behavior bc I’ve felt bad that he can’t get out of the house as much. I paid for his gaming computer, I buy him food, games and pretty much anything else. I even sacrificed getting my vehicle fixed so that he could have a $300 computer part bc it made him happy. My parents are essentially disabled (my mom’s been dealing with complex migraines for years and my dad had horrible COVID) but even so, we all pull our weight except for him. Idk, I don’t wanna sound selfish or ungrateful but sometimes, I wish I could pour a little into myself. I wish I had somebody to take care of me and tell me it’s all good. I just want to be helpful and useful so I feel as if I’m not contributing then I’m doing something wrong but for once, I just want to have a little something left for myself.

#sorry for the long winded rant #and sadness #I just needed to vent #and get this off my chest #literally had a breakdown Thursday night lmaoo #cherry chats 🍒#I’m just a little burned out #but I’m good!!#don’t worry about me #cw vent #cw rant

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talkethtothehandeth · 2 months

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Why is everything medical so expensive (aside from the fact they want us dead) like $1.5k to get my lungs tested, $880 for fucking blood work and my endo surgery??? My endo surgery to remove pieces of uterine tissue throughout my abdomen and off of my organs??

People say I’m lucky for being on Medicaid and receiving the bare minimum of SSI aid (I couldn’t live on it at all, I cannot save because of bills) and I am so privileged to even have these services. I am SO thankful that I can get help for free, but I am not receiving adequate care; my body is trying to, quite literally, kill me again.

I am so fucking blessed to have no medical expenses, it is something I will forever be grateful for because I’m probably never going to get off of it. I’ve been on Medicaid since I was 3 when they declared me “legally” disabled (yes, really).

Also the government is so horrible with disabled people. The only reason I have this is because my mom fought for me as a kid so hard just so I could be okay. I appreciate her always and I can’t express it enough, the level of gratitude I have for this.

I would die without having Medicaid, but I cannot get certain aids, I cannot have access to doctors unless they approve it, I cannot have any medication they don’t approve, any braces medicaid pays for fall apart and lose their stability because it stretches too much. I cannot go to doctors outside of my main hospital without a referral and approval. I cannot afford to be sick, that is the biggest problem.

Free healthcare seems like a dream, but it is not. Yes you get coverage, in exchange for only being able to have $2k at any time for any reason, not being able to marry your partner, you cannot choose a doctor on your own or where you need to get treated, you don’t have access to eye or ear care, you cannot get into a dentist because there are such few places that accept it and it is full because everyone is fucking poor which means the waiting lists are so long that by the time you’re able to see a doctor, they send you to a new one since your symptoms got worse and out of their field. There is a reason I’m on Medicaid, and it’s not because I have thousands of dollars in my bank account.

Although it is absolutely a privilege, without financial aid I would die. And I fucking hate that this is a reality for so many people. It makes my blood boil knowing we have enough resources to take better care of people, but the government literally refuses to do anything unless they think you’re bad enough. And when you are bad enough to their standards, it’s a whole other type of price to pay.

Tl;dr: people deserve low cost or free healthcare and it is incomprehensible to me how the American health system can just charge you whatever they want for whatever reason when all you want to do is live

#personal #endometriosis #I’m so thankful for this and I just wish more people had access to it #chronic pain #disabled #chronic illness #cripple punk #arthritis #ehlers danlos syndrome

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thebluemage · 5 months

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RANT!!

TW: Unhealthy home life, anxiety, depression, co-dependency, parental arguments.

I wish I was able to afford my own place. Because of my disability I’m only able to work for 13h/week in two days. I just want to evolve in life and live independently from my parents, but unfortunately I can’t. I don’t have enough financial aid to support and sustain myself, so I’m still stuck living in my parental home.

My home situation isn’t ideal either, my dad has a disability too and had to go to the hospital 4 times, in a span of 5 months, and my mom has a severe depression and experiences recurring blackouts. At home I have to do all administrative paperwork, that of myself and of my parents. Which takes a lot for me, because I have to understand it first, before I’m able to translate it (my mom is Thai and I communicate in Thai to her) and then I have to explain it to my dad too, which is not an easy task because it overwhelms me oftentimes.

My mom also has an anxiety disorder and regularly asks a ton of questions to me, to the point she gets co-dependent on me. She’s scared of the most trivial things and I have to reassure her that everything would turn out well.

My mom and dad’s relationship with each other isn’t harmonious either, so I constantly hear them screaming at each other, arguing about stuff. I’m often their relationship counsellor and help mediate the situation.

I just feel like I have too many responsibilities to take upon, taking responsibility of my parents and that of myself. It sets certain unease for me, and the environment I currently live in isn’t healthy for me, to progress further and evolve in life. And I’m scared that I become more rigid in my thinking and handling and less stable with my own emotionality (due to my own depression) within my current living environment, if I don’t get a place of my own.

So, it’s just hard and difficult for me right now. 😞😭 I wish someone could help me!! 🥺

I’d be so appreciative of any support for my content, a euro or less makes a huge impact! I am so grateful for all of you!! ❤️🥺

#thebluemage talks #mage.txt #personal txt

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coyfox · 1 year

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🚨 EMERGENCY DONATIONS 🚨

I’ve made a few posts about this, but I wanted to compile it for the sake of simplicity. To keep it short, my family is having some major medical issues right now with my grandmother passing, my grandfather needing open heart surgery, my mom needing a full hysterectomy to remove her cancer, among other things.

I’m the only person who is working full time within my immediate family at the moment, as my grandparents and mother are disabled and my brother has decided he’s leaving. I work two jobs and freelance on the side, but I cannot keep up with supporting myself on top of all this. I can’t afford groceries for another week, and I have overdue bills I can’t catch up on.

I currently have a $300+ phone bill I need to pay of ASAP to avoid disconnection, and I really cannot afford to not have a means of contact with my family right now. If anyone is able to help us out in any way, I really, really appreciate it and cannot thank you enough.

GOAL: [ 0 / 300 ] P@YP@L: neonteen

#mutual assistance #donations #tumblr please dont nuke me again over this Please #V.#ask to tag

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mezmer · 5 months

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Alright guys my sister in law asked me to do a photography session for her family Sunday and she would pay me. She wants me to get a nicer camera and make a Facebook page for my photography. She thinks I’m a talented photographer. I never thought to do this professionally because I always kind of thought of it as a contrived profession… I think it would be wise to market cheaper sessions to poorer families who can’t necessarily afford photo sessions. This is an untapped market becuase most pro photographers charge 150-300 for one hour session. I think it would give me an opportunity to build a portfolio.

I’ve been waiting for somebody to come to me and say they see something in me, besides being an epileptic stay at home mom, very much useless. I am grateful she came to me with this offer and complimented my ability. After 3 years unemployed, my mother in law has only suggested I get a disability lawyer. I should have established my own vision for myself. I considered at home medical transcription work. Maybe being my own boss would also elicit leadership, confidence in myself, and interactions with others would do me good. I also love the idea of making money from art while making something families can share for generations

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