#my brain half depends on this

[sysig]

Ohh I would love to request a redraw of one of your strangels sketches ♥♥♥ if it's not too much trouble hehe, thanks!

Day 19 - The privilege ✨

#Requestober #Vargas #Edgar #Scriabin #Depending on your time zone it still might not be tomorrow yet! It's tomorrow for me tho #I just had no energy today lol I could not get my brain to focus on drawing at all #All that fun data - here's more! #Anyway lol #This happens to be the first redraw-request! Nice #Also for the record Brusk did specify this drawing behind the scenes lol I didn't just pick a random one #Lots of Scriabin resting his head in Edgar's lap around these parts #This was actually a way more challenging redraw than the ones I've done in the past :0 #Since it's only been a few months - considerably less than half a year even! - my style hasn't developed much in the meantime #You'd think that would make it relatively easy to translate from paper to digital but no actually lol #Not me thriving on novelty and recent art is too familiar lol #It's good to know though ♪ #And I'm still rather proud of the original so I was half like ''What can I improve here'' - I did improve some stuff! So that's neat #Plus I got to do weird stuff like with Edgar's halo and Scriabin's horn and tail! Neat #And kind of finally drew his wings digitally! Ah! #Still definitely want to return to that when I have time to dedicate to them properly haha

[six-of-cringe]

hey so your soc takes iceberg. specifically the "matthias autism" bit.

i got one of my friends (who doesnt know anything about the grishaverse) to guess/assume things about the crows characters based on their wiki page pictures, and my friend took one look at matthias and said

"Just a normal person, no special 

Might have autism or ADHD

Or in a gay couple"

and your iceberg reminded me of that

Well in my opinion, your friend could be right about the autism. It's easy to just place Matthias in the common trope of gruff, reserved, down-to-earth Nordic strongman and call it a day, but beyond the overall Fjerdan culture and his repressive training, Matthias seemed to have traits that transcend those things that certainly would not apply to all the druskelle boys. His thinking was very black-and-white - when things are good they are good, when they are bad they are always bad. He acknowledged that he enjoyed the discipline and regularity his place in the Druskelle gave him, but didn't make many friends (he also admitted he was essentially a teacher's pet. Cult leader's pet??). His sense of justice was extremely strong, to the point where it was the axis around which his world revolves. His whole arc was about seeing beyond the patterns that form his life and reworking his rigid mindset, but at the end of the story he's still a determined, literal, strong-hearted person.

One could argue this is just a product of his indoctrination into the Druskelle, but I feel like these traits may well have already existed in him, and they just made it easier for Brum to prey on him. Brum praises him for having such "pure" faith in SoC - Matthias's all-or-nothing understanding of the world and his extremely strong sense of justice made the perfect conditions for Brum to package his loss at the hands of Grisha as an action item, a clear purpose for Matthias to internalize and enact. Also he tells Nina that she can't cry in a corner because the room is round.

#obligatory 'all autistic people aren't the same and this might not reflect everyone's experience' etc etc #but like. it makes some sense dont it. AND he can have ocd scrupulosity too. as a treat. #also obligatory 'people can be all those things without being autistic' yeah i know #the nice thing about fictional works is that half the time he can be autistic in my brain and the other half he's just Like That #i can change it depending on what feels most fun in the moment bc it's not real! wheee #playing w my little characters like dolls #matthias helvar #soc take iceberg #six of crows #soc #tgt #soc headcanon #no. soc CANON. #matthias helvar autism

[snickerdoodlles]

things i would change in lita if i were in charge:

put Rain in a dorm room instead of living at home

a large part of why Phayu/Rain doesn't work for me is because we don't get to see Rain develop on his own...ever, really. he's in college, but he's living at home, living off his parents' money, still updating his mom on his where abouts like he's in high school. he goes from being closely entwined with/dependent on them to being highly dependent on Phayu. Phayu/Rain didn't come off as "Rain's making stupid and risky decisions but that's part of growing up," which i would've enjoyed, it comes off as ".....no, seriously Rain, can you make this decision?"

moving Rain into a dorm would've given him some much needed independence. even if though he would've still been reliant on his parents financially, there's still the growth that comes from being away from your parents' daily influence, managing your own space, managing your own personal well-being, etc. that would've been Rain's starting point for independent growth. vs canon, where Rain's start in independent growth was an intensely sexual relationship with a highly independent guy (nooot really anything i'm comfortable with myself). Rain can enjoy being coddled/spoiled/etc (which i like! good for him!), but the writers never gave him a chance to figure out who he was on his own, so the relationship as is doesn't land for me :/

more Phayu interacting with the garage family

i really like the glimpses of Phayu's character that we get. he has a lot of contradictions that look like so much fun to explore, but his characterization often gets shuffled to the side in favor of kink. the most interesting Phayu scenes are always the ones where it's not just him and Rain which......really sucks. the Prapai/Sky sex scenes reveal a lot about them as individual characters as well as how they interact with each other. Phayu/Rain sex scenes kinda touch on how they act together, but the main thing they do is tell me more than i want to know about the writers' personal kinks. hell, most of what Rain learns about Phayu as a person is discovered through other people--which is really annoying! i want to be learning more about this guy through his interactions with Rain, not primarily the gossip other people tell Rain. that doesn't happen until like, ep6-7, which is the literal end of their personal arc and mostly spent away from each other. sighs.

more Saifah

quality character, highly underutilized. i love his eyerolls, but the writers never really did much with him to bring him past that point :( i can extrapolate a lot, but canon developed Sig in the second half of the show more than they did Saifah for all of it. Saifah is Phayu's literal twin brother and business partner, and some random architect student got more of a character than him. this is not a complaint on Sig, i fucking adore that guy, but it's a bizarre writing choice.

more kidnapping aftermath

seriously. what the fuck. TWO kidnapping scenarios, the entire reason why i watched this show, and you guys couldn't cut out any of the 1905t59488993e repeated scenes to give me more than 2 minutes of kidnapping aftermath? who the fuck even cares about trucks driving on roads

things i would not change in lita if i were in charge:

Chai showing up to rescue Phayu and Rain wearing a zebra print shirt. sensational. 10/10, no notes

#love in the air #didn't mean for this to be so heavy on phayu/rain but there's not really anything i'd change about prapai/sky #their arc has settled in my brain and rattled me to my bones #the only thing i'm >:( on is the lack of kidnapping aftermath #and the way the mafia was utilized but thats what crossovers are for #but phayu/rain........sighs #the writers clearly have a big/little kink #not my kink but cool for them #but college graduate / college freshman isn't a huge age/experience difference #so they massively exaggerated it by making Rain as literal childish* as they could while making Phayu over competent** #by not developing the first part of Phayu/Rain properly the second half doesn't land #*childish as in still dependent on parents/still living at home/still hugely naive like a child with little *chance* for independent growth #**except in rescuing boyfriends from kidnapping. i have no complaints its fucking great i wouldnt change a single thing #the other odd thing about the Phayu/Rain big/little kink is that it clashes badly with the fantastic point they made with Sky's arc #and how his age+gen isolation+lack of grown experiences #left him extremely vulnerable to Gun's manipulations and grooming #SIGHS

[sillybouquetoflillies]

i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk #i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting #but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it #so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life #wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around #so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length #how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg #ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most #i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway #i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!! #i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well #i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately #I DUNNO #i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out #i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems #n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me #i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want #while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰 #i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts #i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!! #its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there #i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl #i just dont know what yet #concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent #ok i think this ramble is ovr #im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!

[oceandiagonale]

I did it.......................... I’m completely free from graded assignments................ I never have to write another research paper unless I want to................

#oceandi speaks #I might stream tonight if I don't fall asleep it REALLY depends on what my brain decides in the next half hour or so #god I don't think I've been free from graded assignments since kindergarten #it's been 20 years......... kind of surreal #EDIT: okay I'll have to stream tomorrow my I brain says it's time to sleep

[werewolf-transgenderism]

zoom really does suck the life out of you. accessible to me but at what cost

#just spent an hour and a half giving a workshop on citation styles and my brain is now soup #I love zoom i would hate doing this in person more but dear lord it does just sap all of my energy #also the vending machine in the library was out of diet coke AND coke zero which I was depending on for caffeine :/

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

[theinfinitedivides]

quick someone talk me out of getting an Ancestry DNA test

#to delete #they are having a Mother's Day. it is going to be at a reasonable price #normally i would not jump at this but uh. my half off Ancestry subscription expires in July and i'll have to cancel it #plus i don't know how hectic this fall is going to be depending on my academics so i don't want to buy another subscription #when the holiday sales come back again only to not be able to use it #there is the voice in my brain saying i might open up the results and find nothing other than what i already know #and that sucks to be honest but still #at least it will be confirmed???? idk idk #help me out here sksksksk

[tvrningout-a]

IMAGES OF HISAKAWA CHIYOKO

" over and over again, i sink my teeth into my weakly self because in this world riddled with mistakes, i want to make sure you can smile. i don't want to lose anyone anymore. "

pg. 3/∞

#did i get distracted immediately after cleaning out open tabs and finding this character creator? maybe asdfg #this is as close as i'm getting to chiyo's design without commissioning her spider suit and it's still pretty far off tbh #i like the mandibles on the mask like that but it just wouldn't be functionally practical considering she spits venomous/paralytic webbing #i still think she'd have a half mask #but! the coloring is accurate at least asdf #also i'm weeping that there's a bg option where miguel's coming for them oh my gosh #visuals | chiyoko #inserting my lil brainworms here and saying that i think chiyo would have a love-hate relationship with miguel #she'd hate his approach to certain things but i do feel like their personalities would mesh okay -- she tends to switch it up #depending on who she's interacting with anyway but the dry humor and whatnot would be fun for banter #and tbh i still think the guy's got a soft spot for kiddos who feel lost #but lemme stop now bc these tags are long as heck and my brain is too mushy to explain this stuff properly #your friendly neighborhood jorogumo | across the spider verse | chiyoko

[calamitys-child]

I don't HAVE my own money to spend on not getting migraines it's A FULL DAYS PAY. Bitch I'm already on minimum wage the least this job could do is not directly contribute to my chronic insomnia and pain. Cunt.

#ughhhhhh #i guess i can probably hang on til it gets brighter outside? #theyve been a big problem recently because my work is very dependent on outside natural light sources about half the time #so when it is very dark outside such as. scotland 4pm winter. #every time i look between my mandatory big bright screen and my doing my job. thing which happens SO MUCH. bc its my JOB. #my light sensitive brain goes OUCH #like i physically wince so much at it even on good days where im not chugging ibuprofen #every day i get closer and closer to quitting i swear to god. i love my job but the pay and working conditions are driving me mad

[heffrondriving]

Can I plz request some solo phone backgrounds of the guys more specifically Kendall and Logan?! 🤩🤩🤩

just posted it here!! i'm not sure if this is exactly what you had in mind, but i threw in a little bit of both babie and manband kendall + logan for funsiesヾ(•ω•`)o although if you were looking specifically for showverse!kogan, i'm so sorry i didn't get to include any (；′⌒`) nonetheless, thank you for the request and i really hope you like them!!! 💜

#apologies for the delay :'< i promise i'm also working on other requests but i'm just dealing with an injured wrist so it's taking slower #plus i'm tied up with work for the weekdays from 9 to 5 and spend half my free time carked asleep bc idk hashtag old man things ykyk #whatever the case i'll try to finish them before the end of the week. and it does really help out to be more specific with the requests 😅 #anonymous #btr #big time rush #kendall knight #logan mitchell #gif #mine #requests #all the windows down #do pretty girl don't speak #depending on the type of edit it usually takes me a minimum of 3-5 hours to get a set done. even longer if i get all pedantic about it rip #so my usual gameplan is just plug in 4-6 hours of sleep wake up at 2 AM bc that's when my brain functions best then spend all night making #stuff. after that it's straight to work which i have to prepare for at 8 AM. i am not going to survive in this planet long but oh whale #(stfu allen no one asked abt ur life hashshahs sorry for ramblies i'm so heady from exhaustion rn)

[mcrololo]

okay now i’m curious, bc you reblogged that “every writer has their own brand of themes” post and you’ve read most if not all of my stories and i know how your brilliant mind works so - what’s mine? 👂🍿

Oh man that is a very interesting question. I would love to give you a more in depth answer to this some day because for this I think I would need to reread some of your work (you know, poor memory et al), but with a short trip down memory lane from your page I can say for one thing is your strongest brand is opposites.

Not just Beca and Chloe, there was one particular fic you started with grumpy Beca and her dad being in a good mood, and it was a very strong start imo. That in and of itself was already an opposite. But you emphasize the opposing characteristics in Bechloe really well!

That being said, while you have made their differences your own, you have also mastered the art of mirroring these two characters, and I think playing these two things off of each other is a fine line to walk. There needs to be a perfect balance, and you manage to find it every time.

I don't really have the right words right now, but mirroring is also hard to do at the risk of making it inauthentic to both characters. You might blend them too much together. But with you, Beca still feels like Beca and Chloe still feels like Chloe, because they do things their own way, even if they have the same problems, you know?

Anyway, I'm not really used to analyzing fanfic this way lmao. Usually I do this through character analysis so I hope this is at least a bit like what you expected 🙏 but again, I'd have to reread (and sadly I'm going through a readers slump)

#it took me years to realize my own Brand in characters lmao #and even now I still learn new things about it!! #so even if i were to find something in your writing now there's a chance i'd have a big brain moment in. say. half a year from now #it also depends on how you know someone on a personal level i guess? #idk that's just my own experience in it #answered #anastasia 93 daybidaylove

[cursedfortune]

sorry i got extra slow. been an unpleasant week or so between bad brain and being busy with some personal stuff. but i got my to-do list updated so i feel more organized at least.

#to-do list including: people i need to answer ooc. starters to make. replies i owe. replies i may drop depending. and general cleaning up of #things and stuff and all that junk sdgfdhjf #sometimes i think i'm dealing with a gemini curse of some kind and all my positive energy goes to my other half #if i believed sincerely in astrology (beyond it being a fun subject to ponder) i may feel more comforted x'D #least there would be some possible explanation for how shit my brain is so regularly beyond the usual reasons

[frozenfiances]

[dangling a pocket watch in front of you] you wanna join me in a wrestling au, you wanna join a wrestling au sooooooooooo baaaaaaaaad

#*outoffiances #two things a) it's been in my brain since like 2016 not sorry #and b) also not sorry it's WM season and the next 11 and a half months of wrestles will depend entirely on #what happens in the next 72 hours. a good rumble can fix me i think and if it's mid i'm going to #stanford and i'm going to start fucking biting people. i know hunter skips leg day all i gotta go is go for the knees #sorry if this how you find out i'm a mark btw but frankly i'm the most normal one you'll meet <3

[lecliss]

I think I have to finally catch up with Serv@mp. Idk just been thinkin about gluttony pair and I know shits goin on and I finally need it actually.

#also thinkin a lot about sham and shu but i know they havent come back yet so. pain. suffering. agony even. #i also need to catch up with dear d00r. its probably done by now. i miss sid as well. #definitely serv@mp tomorrow. DD the day after depending on insane the sv chapters drive me #dont worry tho my brain's still infected with ben 1O too. #personal #*how insane #i was just not really interested in what was going on in london and by the time i saw we got that good backstory shit #i just didnt have the motivation #AND WE STILL DONT HAVE FUCKING PRIDE PAIR BACK DO WE!?!?!? ITS BEEN LIKE A YEAR AND A HALF BRO!!! WE WILL NEVER GET PRIDE PAIR BACK #TETSU'S FUCKING DEAD BY NOW!!!

[miksunko]

how do people wake up at 6 in the morning every day without being tired all the time??

sleep deprivation has become part of my personality because I haven't had a good night's sleep since starting my job. at work I am the snoozer. I'd love to talk to people but I'm either too busy nodding off or talking about not getting enough sleep last night help

#i convince my brain it's not tired and sometimes it's stupid enough to believe it until i get home #half of my wage goes into energy drinks i am becoming increasingly dependent on #at least I don't snore when I nap at lunch