#my home screen is so hot and i wont pretend that its not

[obsessive-ego]

Just go with it

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Lewd mentions

Beetlejuice needs you to pretend to be his fiance or he's in trouble

"Babes?"

...

"Babes, wake up"

....?

"Y/n wake up"

What?

Was your first thought as you are shaken awake by the ghost who has made your home his, you mumble out something unintelligible as you grope around for your phone, you cringe as the bright light of the screen blinds you, as your eyes adjust to the light you groan, 4am.

"Beetlejuice, what-"

"Okay, babes, no time to explain but I need you to pretend to be my fiance" despite the odd statement beetlejuice sounded a tad worried.

"What?"

"Long story short I may have said a few things to some guys, and if we dont pull this off I will be dragged back to the netherworld" the ghoul whispered dragging you out if bed.

"Oh" was all you could muster is your drowsy state.

"So theres a suit from the netherworld waiting to meet you, in your living room, now" beetlejuice continued rubbing the back of his neck.

You sigh and shuffle about your room, slipping on slippers and giving your hair a quick once over, as you reach for your housecoat beetlejuice swats away your hand.

"Bee-"

Beetlejuice drops his jacket around your shoulders "this will work much better babes, we need to sell this"

You groan, you were too tired for this, thank god you didnt work in the morning, who knows how long this shit is gonna take, but as tired as you were you couldnt let whoever take your ghost back to the netherworld.

"Okay you're my fiance, I proposed a week ago, and you're head over heels for me, that last part wont be hard to fake huh doll?" The ghoul gives you a wink, you sigh.

"Wait, almost forgot" the ghoul snaps his fingers, you feel a light squeeze on you right handed middle finger.

Upon your finger appears rather tacky, pretty ring, the band was black and white, and resembled a snake, the gem was a brilliant green, you honestly felt your heart squeeze when you saw it, to be honest staring at the ring felt like a dream, maybe because you just woke up? It was beautiful, and the idea of it being for real kinda hurt knowing it was for pretend, but those feelings didnt matter right now, Beej needed you to help him avoid being dragged back to the netherworld, you can think about those depressing emotions later.

The two of you leave the bedroom, beetlejuice takes the lead as you shuffle behind.

As the two of you enter the living room you could help but pause and stare at the 'suit' beej claimed that was waiting for you.

In your little arm chair sat a fairly tall skeleton man, his bones a blueish hue, wearing a lime green suit that looked fresh off the rack, guess not all dead guys wore dirty clothes, in all honesty this was your first time seeing another dead person aside from the maitlands and beetlejuice, they were human, beej was humanish, but this guy looked like he walked out of a cartoon.

"Sorry for the wait, you know breathers, they need to sleep" beetlejuice cackled snapping you from your thoughts "well there's y/n, theres the ring, and theres the door, feel free to use it" beetlejuice snears, wanting to get this whole thing done with, yes he adored messing with you, and with different circumstances this could have been funny, but too much was on the line for him and you were an awful liar, he loved you sure, but theres no way you could pull off lying.

"Y/n I presume?" The skeleton gestures to you, completely ignoring beetlejuice, you nod "its pleasure to put a face to the name, I apologize for the rude awakening, when you've been dead for as long as I have, you tend to lose the meaning of time, my dear this wont take long, we just need to clear up some loose ends then you can get back to your rest" the skeleton gestures you to sit on the couch next to beetlejuice who has already made himself comfortable.

You gently sit down next to BJ who was quick to drape an arm over your shoulders and pull you into his side.

The skeleton pulls out a clipboard from his jacket and flips through the pages

"Lawrence B Shoggoth, y/n m/n l/n, I have requested an audience with you two to clear up some issues with Lawrence's recent updated paper work, not to mention a handful of rumours that need to be put to bed" the ghoul flips through the papers "it says here the y/n you are Lawrence's spouse, is that true?"

You nod

"You see y/n, Lawrence here cant be trusted at face value, so that is why I must converse with you on the matter, so you are his fiance correct?"

"Yes"

"I see, now how long have the two of you known each other?"

"About a year or so" you shrug

"Mmmhmm" the ghoul scribbles down something and continues "now when did he propose to you?"

"Last week" this was so anxiety inducing, for a man with no eyeballs it sure felt like he was staring into your soul.

"Now what drawn you to such a, oh how do I put this, such a man?"

You hear beetlejuice huff out as if he was insulted.

"Well, beetlejuice may be rough around the edges, and can be a dick at times, but he's great company, hes funny, witty, has great taste in movies, and he makes me smile, hes also, well, he's also good looking too" you look away from both parties, as you were clearly embarrassed over what you said, it was the truth, but it still made your face burn.

Beetlejuice leans forward, looking in your direction, eyes wide and mouth a gape, his hair now a bright pink.

"Mr Shoggoth, you look surprised at y/n's words" the ghoul grabs Beetlejuice's attention.

"Heh, you see y/n is the shy type, hearing that type a thing is rare and ALWAYS gets my attention". Beetlejuice slicks his hair back removing the pink and resetting it to its default green.

"Mmmmhmmm" was the ghoul's only response as attention was drawn back to you.

"So y/n you truly are betrothed to Lawrance, you want to be wed to him on purpose?" The skeleton's tone was almost surprised, as if beetlejuice was the most revolting creature in existence and you wanting, out of your own free will to be bound to such a thing, was the most insane thing he has ever herd.

You nod, beetlejuice gives the skeleton a smug toothy grin.

"This isnt a joke, nor is he blackmailing or threatening you?" His tone sounded desperate, as if he needed to prove beetlejuice was lying for his own good.

You only shake your head, while beetlejuice surpresses a laugh

"Ya see bone head? I'm innocent~" he chuckles, squeezing you close to his side.

"Y/n you are aware of what you're doing for Lawrence correct?" The skeleton sounded almost smug, you only stare back, waiting for him to elaborate.

"You see y/n, you are doing Lawrence here a huge favor, when the dead marry the living, they are able to walk the earth like you do, you are granting him life, something he has never had, this is why we must confirm with you, that you understand what he's doing" the skeleton gestures to beetlejuice, the demon only rolls his eyes in response.

"I know"

Attention is drawn to you

"I know all about that life giving thing, beetlejuice told me about it"

"Well you see y/n, this isnt the first time Lawrence has-"

"I know, I was told, by him and the person he tried to marry the first time, small world huh"

The skeleton pauses for a moment then coughs into his fist, as if to regain his composure after being surprised, he continues "I see, Lawrence has been honest with you, I didnt think he had it in him"

Beetlejuice snarls at the comment, tips of his hair turning red.

"Just a few more loose ends y/n then you can return to your rest" the skeleton flips through his papers "ah, Lawrence, y/n may have been couched, and since you seem so eager to speak, I do have a few things I need to clarify with you, if the two of you are in love as you say and this isnt a farce, you would know plenty about your future spouse, when was y/n born?" The skeleton snears as if hes caught you two red handed

Beetlejuice snorts out a laugh "easy *birthday day and year* hell I woke them up with some early morning birthday head"

You cover your face in embarrassment at that comment, yet you were surprised he knew the year.

"Correct, and might I saw congratulations on a LEGAL partner this time"

Beetlejuice rolls his eyes at the low blow before grumbling "it was a green card thing"

The skeleton ignores Beetlejuice's comment and continues "what drew you to this breather? And please keep it out of the gutter"

Beetlejuice huffs "spoil sport, y/n here is one of the kindest, sweetest, softest breather I ever met, they let me do whatever I want, they want me around, no stings attached, they got great taste, just look at the company they keep, and let me tell ya, the first time we met they sucker punched me in the jaw for scaring them, and I've been dreaming of that swing ever since"

You just stare at the ghoul, he remembered that? He remembered how he first met you? When lydia locked you in the basement and he jumped out at you, successfully scaring you but earning himself a fist in the jaw, wow. Your face felt hot remembering that, what a frist impression.

The night droned on and on with dull questions the suit had lined up to prove beetlejuice was lying, but every question had an appropriate answer, and the skeleton knew he could not prove anything as the night went on.

Low on patience and time he decided call it quits.

The skeleton pushes his clipboard back into his jacket and sighs "I appreciate your time y/n, thank you for your cooperation, and Lawrence, I look forward form your departure of death, a short vacation from you is the pick me up I deserve" the skeleton raises up from your chair and walks over to a wall on the other side of the room, you watch him draw a door, and knock 3 times, you're livingroom wall opens up to the netherworld. You freeze at the sight, you always felt uneasy seeing the netherworld portal open up, maybe it was a living thing? As if beetlejuice felt your discomfort he pulls you into a side hug, grounding your anxiety, you give a sigh of what feels like relief.

The skeletontirns to face the two of you "Before my departure, y/n I do have one final thing to ask you, can you kiss Lawrence for me?"

"What?" You gawk in confusion

Beetlejuice snorts out a laugh "what? You the type of guy who gets off on watching others get hot and heavy, I mean I feel ya, but if you insist, I can help a guy out" beetlejuice is quick to cup your face "give daddy some sugar~" he purrs puckering up to go in for the kiss.

"Lawrence you misunderstand me, I ask y/n, if you two are truly betrothed, shy or not, y/n shouldnt have any issues kissing their lover" the skeleton gestures to you, without eyeballs or eyebrows he sure wore a smug face, as if he found you two out.

Beej snorts out his nose, great, he's fucked, theres no way you could sell this now, the ghoul had to take the lead and try to steer this away from what this bureaucrat wants "Shy or not, my little sex pot here isnt too keen on others watching, believe me, I tired, the only thing they wont do in the bedroom-"

"Bee, it's fine" you interject, gently grabbing the demons sleeve, he looks at you mouth agape, green slowly blossoming into pink in his face and hair.

"You mind leaning down honey?" You ask softly, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach, yes beetlejuice has kissed you more times then you could remember, and yes, youd be lying if you didnt enjoy them, but taking the lead? That was new, and to have someone watching? Not to mention if you dont make this look good he's gonna take beetlejuice away.

Beetlejuice on the other was practically glowing pink, and vibrating with excitment, not to mention drooling.

You gently cup the demons face, running your thumbs across his stubble, you swore you could hear the demon purring, you take a deep breath through your nose before closing the gap between the two of you.

Beetlejuice's hands find homes for themselves, on in your hair, the other on the center of your back. Your hands move from the demon's face and bury themselves in his messy hair, gently giving his head a scratch, you squeak with surprise as the ghoul lifts you up from the ground, instinct kicks in nd you wrap you legs around his waist, lips still locked with his, you feel his tongue probing at you mouth, begging for your permission to enter, you oblige, his tongue wasnt new to you, you felt it a handful of times, running up the side of your face when the ghoul was trying to get your attention mostly, but in your mouth?

It was long, and big, and kind of cold, it easily took the lead, exploring your mouth.

You push on Beetlejuice's chest to notify him you needed to breath, the two of pull your lips part from each others, a thin line of saliva still connecting the two of you.

"Oh Lawrence" you sigh

The demon now completely electric pink, still holding you up growls before asking "couch?"

You hum out "yes"

Before the ghoul flops backwards on the couch, having you sit on top of him, you give his tie a quick yank and he groans in response.

"Oh doll, you're lucky you dont work tomorrow, cuz I want you to ride me all night~"

"Ahem!"

The two of you freeze for a moment, beetlejuice snickers at your face, clearly embarrassed, you pause for a moment, swallowing your shame before addressing the ghoul who was still here

"You're still here?" Was all you manged to breath out

"I mean I'm into it, but y/n? Not so much, and they clearly arent into you watching so" beetlejuice snorts, trying to wave the skeleton off so the demon could relax.

"I see, y/n you clearly are attracted to him, and understand all the consequences of marrying the dead, I declare that Lawrence B Shoggoth was, in fact, telling the truth, this should be a holiday, such a rare occasion" the skeleton trailed off as he walked into the netherworld, you only watched as he vanished and the walls of your little apartment rearranged themselves like it never happened.

You sat top beetlejuice for a moment, sighing over dodging the bullet of losing your, very dear friend, you may or may not be head over heels for.

You're reminded of where you were sitting  with a familiar pinch on your butt.

"Hey honey~" the ghoul purrs

You jerk up at recalling the situation you're in, beetlejuice groans at you movement

"Careful sweets, keep moving like that and you'll turn this semi into a boner" he snorts out a chuckle.

You're quick to get off the demon, though he did grunt in protest, before sitting back up and pulling a couch cushion over his lap, despite how crude he was, he did have SOME common courtesy.

As much fun as it would have been for the demon to tease you on your rather hot actions, he noticed how your attention wasnt on him, rather then you were staring at the wall that was once the door to the netherworld.

"So we did it?" Was all you seemed to whisper

"Yup, I got to hand it to you babes, you did quite a good job fooling that stiff"

You turn back to the demon and give him a soft smile feeling completely relieved.

"You know it's funny y/n, you're a terrible liar, and you sure as hell cant act, you got way too many tells, but yet, I didnt see a single twitch nor did I hear a single stutter, why's that?~" you knew that tone oh too well, it was the 'I know something embarrassing about you' tone, it was smug yet made your legs turn to jelly.

"I guess when it comes down to really important stuff i guess i can-" you stammer while fiddling with the hem of your shirt

"I dont think so dolly" beej was quick to interrupt "babes, you've been wearing my jacket the whole time, I've seen you keep glancing down at the ring, and fuck me, the amount of fire in that kiss, someone like you cant fake that" 

You refuse to look his way, this was one hell.of a way to come clean with your feelings, a heavy silence fills the room, though you're pretty sure beetlejuice could hear your heart pounding away.

As if the ghoul could sense your discomfort, he sighs "ya know babes, it's pretty late, and breathers need to sleep, so how bout you head back to bed and I'll finish grilling you in the morning"

Glancing back at beetlejuice you could see the flicks of purple appearing in the pink mess of his hair, you give the ghouls half hearted smile, as you go to take off the jacket he raising his hand motioning you to stop

"Its gonna be cold tonight babes, how bout you keep it warm for me?"

"Oh, alright, night Bee, glad I could help you" you wave off as you head to your bedroom to over think what just happened.

Beetlejuice groans when he hears the familiar sound of your bedroom door closing, he was so close to getting a real confession out of you, but tomorrow morning is gonna be pretty dangerous for you,  he sighs removing the pillow from his lap, he had a more pressing matter to attend too, and with your taste on his tongue and the beautiful imagine of you on top of him yanking at his tie, this 'problem' wont take long to deal with.

Bonus

The next morning was quite awkward, beetlejuice wasnt kidding about grilling you in the morning, but at least what felt like an interrogation last night, now felt like childish teasing

"Bee, can I ask you something about last night?"

The ghoul beams with excitement at your question "anything you want babes"

"If we would have failed, what would have happened to you, you said you would have been dragged back to the netherworld and" you pause hoping the ghoul would fill in

"Oh, yeah, if we would have got caught I would have had to spend a week in the netherworld with my mother fixing this paperwork and just being chewed out, a nightmare babes, we dodged a bullet" he raises his hand for a high five as if to congratulate you on helping him out

"What, I'm sorry what"

Beetlejuice lowers his hand and frowns at your response

"Beetlejuice I was worried sick, I thought they were gonna take you away forever, i was terrified if i fuck up I'd never see you again, like what am i supposed to do without you?! I dont want you to leave me" you practically screamed

Beetlejuice only started at you, slowly soaking in what you said

'I dont want you to leave me'

His blank stare slowly shifts to a smile, flicks of pink appearing in his hair "dont worry sugar, you're stuck with me"

#beetlejuice x reader #muscial beetlejuice x reader

[ikesenlemonadestandstories]

Level 32

Oh my gosh I didn’t think I was going to ever finish this! My week has been insane! Hope you guys are all doing well, enjoy the update :)

Tagging: @loudartanimeeclipse, @ihavenotfallenyet

Master List Here

Happy Reading Honey Bees! <3

Level 32

It had been a productive couple of weeks, excited over the recent developments you took off for home, hoping Edo would be online. Your research was going well, but you’d managed to have an intelligent conversation with the super cute doctor at work, and you had to tell someone. Sure, Edo was one hundred percent not going to enjoy the gossip, but you were sure he’d listen or at least pretend to.

With your game console turned on, you put in an order for a pizza and made your way to the couch to get comfortable. Not even five minutes had gone by before you got a rush of notifications on your phone, all thanking you for signing up for the partner’s battle tournament that was happening tomorrow. Confused and concerned, you stared at your phone, wondering if there had been a glitch, or worse, someone you were trying to avoid has signed up and listed you as their partner without saying anything.

Crap.

You couldn’t log on faster, the moment the game loaded you dove into your game’s notifications looking for clues on who could have possibly signed you up. Then your controller vibrated off of your lap.

EdoPorcupine5661 → Hope you’re free tomorrow. If not we’ll find a time to destroy my meddling friends… Well that may solve one mystery ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → There’s more than one? Yes actually. First question ← WildCyt0m3try What meddling friend do I need to thank with a smack? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → OneEyedDrag0n, turned around for five minutes… Sounds like a wonderfully chaotic friend you’ve got ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → That’s one way to put it. Next Question! What were you going to do if I wasn’t free???? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Forfeit? That would have been the only option….any other questions… What’s our plan? ← WildCyt0m3try

For the better part of three hours, you and Edo put together a strategy that would hopefully cover all your bases. Not that you could predict what every other player was going to do, but you had the advantage of understanding what the major contenders were going to do, which would hopefully give you both a leg up in the tournament. It wasn’t until you had logged off and were crawling into bed that you realized you’d been so concentrated on purchasing new equipment and salves, telling Edo about your week had utterly slipped your mind. Oh well, maybe you’d be able to slip it in tomorrow.

When your alarm went off the next morning, your first thoughts were those of confusion. You didn’t have to go into work, did you? Aggravated, you smacked at your phone until the noise stopped, and you rolled yourself right back over in bed. It wasn’t until your eyes were closed, and you were nearly asleep again that you remembered you had a tournament to attend. Thanking the gods you didn’t have to be anywhere physically, you shot out of bed and ran down the stairs to turn on your console. While you are waiting for the login screen to pop up, you scrounge around your kitchen, looking for anything that would suffice for a decent breakfast. Finally, settling on a comically tall glass of chocolate milk and a bowl of your favorite cereal, you settled onto the couch and readied for battle.

EdoPorcupine5661 → I was beginning to wonder if you’d show. IM NOT THAT LATE OMG! ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Oversleep? Coffee? Boyfriend? First off, good morning to you too sunshine ← WildCyt0m3try Secondly, I’m not late, so even if I did oversleep we’re good ← WildCyt0m3try Third of all. I DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → So you asked, and he got mad and ditched? Has anyone ever told you how pessimistic you are? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → All the time. What about it? As long as you know lol ← WildCyt0m3try I’ll have you know, he said he knew we weren’t exclusive. ← WildCyt0m3try Said with how long it took for me to agree even to date he knew better ← WildCyt0m3try Then proceed to decide how much free time I was going to have based on work commitments ← WildCyt0m3try I forgot my chill pills that day so yanno...haven’t spoken to him in a hot minute ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → sounds like you What’s that supposed to me? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → That you didn’t deviate from my perceived opinions about your character That literally sounds worse… ← WildCty0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → It isn’t, I just complimented you Pffff, if you say so ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 →  I do. Now let’s get ready. Roger that best friend ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Stop No, you deserved that ← WildCyt0m3try Also, I mean it <3 ← WildCyt0m3try Now let’s kick some digital ass! I want that prize!! ← WildCyt0m3try

The tournament bracket was released early that morning. Your first battle wasn’t until round three based on their tiering system, and for that, you were grateful. Sure Edo had already come up with a pretty solid plan, but it was nice to see who you could potentially be facing. Fortunately, you knew OneEyedDrag0n wasn’t participating today, so you didn’t have to worry about being surprised by a wayward ax again. The plan was to trick people into being overly confident for as long as possible since Bow Knight and a Pegasis Knight didn’t look like a problematic duo to overcome. That’s why this was going to be fun.

After hours of competition, it boiled down to the final round. You weren’t sure if you were excited or terrified of this. Everything had gone according to plan; you had managed to keep the extensive and unexpected arsenal of weapons and magic hidden just long enough to get you through the less challenging rounds. If everything went the way you had expected it to, the two would be facing off against Kenshin and Sasuke, a formidable duo.

EdoPorcupine5661 → Ready? I think so? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Not good enough, you’re either ready, or you’re not. I’m ready then ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Good

When the controller vibrated, signaling the start of the battle, you sucked in a breath. Part of the tournament was about getting around the map and collecting specific items. Navigating the map was easy enough with Edo a mounted unit and yourself a flier, but you didn’t want to get too cocky. Sasuke had picked up the lockpicking skill in his previous class, meaning he’d take any treasure he could get to without fail or need for a key, and Kensin’s unit had enough brute strength if your dexterity faltered once you were a goner.

The idea was to split up and take any treasure in your immediate area, once those were in hand the both of you would mount a generally weak attack on Kenshin. Sasuke would hopefully round back after completing the collection mission, which is when Edo planned to break off and corner him—leaving you to deal with Kenshin by yourself until Edo could take out Sasuke. The entire plan hinged on Sasuke being sent to open all the treasure chests and Kenshin being too excited to fight either of you.

Fortunately, it seemed to be working. Your fingers furiously tapped at buttons, trying to will the game into cooperating with your skillful button mash. It didn’t have to be pretty right now; it just had to be a useful distraction. When Kenshin finally landed a hit, you sucked in a breath; quickly, you ran the scenario. You were stuck between healing yourself or bet on your stats and take another crack at Kenshin.

Decision made, you closed your eyes and held your breath, hoping your lance would activate its ability. You didn’t want to look, having decided you’d keep your eyes closed until the next turn you waited. It wasn’t until your phone started vibrating off the hook you thought to look around. Kenshin’s avatar was no longer visible on your screen, and the more you looked, the more you realized that nobody’s stats were available anymore.

Oh gods, had your wifi crashed in the middle of the tournament? Panic rose in your chest, but it was shut down quickly when WINNER flashed across the screen in bold. What? That couldn’t be, right?

EdoPorcupine5661 → Well done Thanks? I honestly don’t know what happened though ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → I hit him with a long-range bow skill, and you delivered a critical hit Oh, really? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Don’t believe me? Not really. ← WildCyt0m3try I’m convinced this is a fever dream ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Who’s the pessimist now? Still you ← WildCyt0m3try It will always be you lol ← WildCty0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Whatever EdoPorcupine5661 → Don’t forget to accept the prize money I wont ← WildCyt0m3try This was fun. It’s been a good week ← WildCyt0m3ty EdoPorcupine5661 → I guess it has EdoPorcupine5661 → I’m getting off now Same, enjoy your evening! ← WildCyt0m3try Eat something fun to celebrate :) ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Sure EdoPorcupine5661 → you too I guess…. Awe, you do care!! ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Whatever

#ikesen #ikemen sengoku #ikesen ieyasu #ikesen reader insert #ikesen afk #ikesen gamer au #ikesen modern au #ikesen self insert #i don't feel like tagging today

[homorashi]

Day 13: At the beach

Free! Iwatobi | Haru x Makoto | On the Count of three. 

Haru, Rin, Nagisa  Makoto and Rei decided there was no better way than to spend a hot summers day than taking the train down to the local beach town and getting in some rays and waves. Makoto being less than comfy around crowds and not the biggest fan of the ocean, suggested they go to a private beach about a forty minute taxi ride from the station, they all agreed because they wanted to make him as comfortable as possible. 

Being so far away from the main town, only surrounded by ocean and a few wealthy peoples beach homes, the boy brought a picnic to quench their mid-after noon munchies and thirst. After downing a few sandwiches and drinks the boys sat and chatted on the blanket taking in the sun. 

“Race you to the water?” Nagisa was the first to perk up after eating the small boy has so much energy.

“Im gonna stay here, you guys go ahead.” Makoto gave them all a smile, 

“Ill stay too.” Haru looked over at makoto as the other three boys got up and sprinted into the ocean down shore from where the two stay seated. 

Haru and Makoto just sat and watched the boys play, hearing the occasional laugh and scream, Haru looked at then yearningly, Makoto had a feeling Haru was only here staying dry because he knew he had a fear of the ocean.

“Im gonna go put my feet in, if you wanna walk down and join them?” He looks over at Haru. He isn’t ready to dive in head first like the others but cooling off after these already many hours in the sun would be nice. 

The two boys get up and run over to the other, Haru wading out deep with the boys. 

Makoto walks up to the water, waiting for a big enough wave to get just enough power to lightly run over his feet, When it happens, the cold burst of water on his toes sets off a chair reaction, he feels a twinge in his bladder, He needs to pee. He looks around, looking for a restroom to go excuse himself when he realizes, because they are at such a deserted beach, there are none. Everyone who comes here owns a house nearby where they can just run and relieve themselves. 

He looks out and see’s Haru and the other are having so much fun, he cant disturb them for something as stupid as needing to pee. He feels another wave crash on his feet, this time up to his ankle, another twinge is felt in his bladder. He decides he was better off back on dry land, as he didn't even have to go when he was there. He turns around and walks back, leaving the other boys to play in the waves. 

Around half and hours has passed sense Makoto realized he needed to pee, Sitting on dry land helped at first but now that he realized he has to pee, and there is no place to go, he cant seem to shake the urge. He looks out at his friends, and all the empty bottles of water around where he is sitting, he isn’t stupid, he knows they are probably peeing in the water left and right. 

“Hey!” Makoto is startles by Haru suddenly walking up to the towel, sitting down next to Makoto.

“You alright?” Haru shakes his hair off, the wetness landing on Makoto’s legs, he once again have the overwhelming urge to pee, this time more nagging, more urgent. 

“Yeah.” He manages to squeak out a response, He wishes haru would go back into the water soon, the sudden urge to grab himself, to squeeze him junk is unbearable. 

“Im so tired. Im gonna rest a bit.” The boy lays back onto the towel closing his eyes. Makoto takes this as an opportunity to stick a hand between his legs, grasping at his light green swim shorts. He looks down into the ocean, Rin, Nagisa and Rei and sitting down in the shallow end, digging for sea shells. 

“Do you know where the sunscreen is?” Makoto is started by Haru’s voice, He looks over at the boy, he is sitting up, looking at Makoto.

“Uhh, it’s in Rei’s Backpack.” Makoto removes the hand from his crotch, Unsure if Haru saw him. 

“Why don’t we go get in the ocean? We don’t have to go that deep, we can just sit down?” Haru ask Makoto, 

“Im fine.” Makoto tries to smile, He doesn't want to admit to Haru that he has to pee, hell that he is desperate. 

“Im just gonna ask, because I think I already know the answer.” Haru pauses “You have to pee don’t you?” Makoto feels his face go red. 

“I do, but Im fine I can hold it.” He tries to reassure Haru, even though, he is pretty sure the boy saw him grabbing his crotch for dear life a few moments ago. Haru drops the topic, puts on some sun screen and goes back to laying down. 

Makoto grabs himself again, This time putting a towel over his lap, to hide it incase Haru, or anyone see’s. He contemplates his options. Looking around there is nothing he could walk to that would give him privacy, And just finding a tree or a big rock is out of the question, Makoto doesn't tell anyone but he is extremely bladder shy. He often waits till the swimming pool locker room at school is empty before pissing. He usually can wait till swim practice all day to use the restroom as its the most quiet bathroom, so he is used to holding it for a long time, but today he can say its never gotten this bad. Could he even make in back in the taxi without wetting himself? He isn’t so sure. 

“ah-” He yelps as he feels a leak moisten against his palm, His dry swimsuit now feeling a little damp. He is now sure he wont last in the Taxi home, let alone until they wanna leave. 

“Makoto?” Haru is awake once again, sitting up, looking at the boy. “Can I borrow that towel, the sun is too hot on my face.” The boy gestures to the towel in Makoto’s lap. 

“Uhh- sure.” Makoto slips his hand out from under it, and hands it to Haru, Revealing a soft ball sized dark green wet patch on his swim trunks. 

“Makoto Do you have to Pee?” Haru asks again, the answer is obvious.

“No.” The boy is in denial. 

“Better question, Did you have an accident?” the boy points to Makoto’s lap. He gives in at this point and grabs himself with both hands. 

“I Have to go really really bad.” his voice gets more serious

“Okay, let’s go into the ocean, for just a second.” Haru grabs the boys arm. Makoto looks out into the dark blue abyss in front of them and just shakes his head violently.

“Okay, then let’s go find a tree or behind a house.” The black haired boy stands up but Makoto doesn't budge.

“Haru, I can’t. I wont be able to go.” The boy sits back down.

“What do you mean? you clearly have to go.” He once again looks down at Makoto’s crotch, he can still see the darkened patch threw the boys fingers. 

“Im shy about these kinds of things.” Makoto blushes

“I see.” Haru thinks

“Haru!” Makoto shouts, leaking again. “Help me.” The boy begs, his bladder throbbing, begging to be released, all this talk about it had made him have to go even worse. 

“Nobody is gonna judge you if you piss in the sand.” Haru breaks his silence.

“I already told you haru, I can just get up and go somewhere on the beach its-” Haru cuts him off.

“No, like sitting here, where you are, in your swimsuit.” Haru pauses looking at the boy. 

“I-I don’t want too.” Makoto’s eyes fill with tears, He wishes he could just go pee in the ocean like the others, but no. He is too afraid he is gonna have an accident like a child. 

“I really have to go as well.” Haru says shifting in the sand.

“Ill be fine, go down to the water.” Makoto winces as another leak threatens to escape his grasp. 

“I don’t pee in the ocean, thats dirty.” Haru looks out into the sparkling water

“What!?” Makoto is shocked “ah! No” He lets go for a second not thinking and feels the stop on his suite re dampen. “Have you not gone all day???” The boy is amazed, Haru seems completely fine. 

“Im used to this, I usually don’t pee for all of swim practice, or meets. Sometimes I don’t go during a while day at training camp. None of the other boys take breaks, cause it’s obvious they are peeing in the water, so I would be the weird one If i got out just to pee.” He shrugs. 

“Lets go get the other and call a Taxi, we can leave and get you-ahh” He winces again. “No-no.” This time a longer stream escapes him, he leans forward to get more pressure on his crotch, he stops the flow. 

“Makoto, you cant get into a Taxi like this, I do have an idea though.” Haru looks over at the boy, Haru is now sitting with his legs crossed, All this talk about peeing must not be helping him either. 

“When I was little and I had to pee, at the beach or even the pool, I would be too afraid to ask my parents to go, so I would just sit on a chair or in the sand and pretend I was on the toilet and just go, Usually the wetness of my swimsuit would hide it and then I could go back to playing.” Haru says

“Haru, I already to you, I cant.” Makoto cries

“What If we did It at the same time?” Haru wiggles in his seat. 

“What?” Makoto is shocked at what he is hearing, Both of them peeing themselves at the same time? 

“Hurry up and decided, I don’t wanna loose anymore swimming time.” Haru looks out into the ocean, The other boys are now back into the water, splashing around. 

“Haru, I don’t think I can, I’ll just hold lt!” Makoto is insistent, he knows better than anyone else unless he is completely alone he just cant let go. Haru gives the boy a concerned look. 

“Fine, I will to then.” Haru now takes one of his hands and shoves it between his legs. Makoto looks over at his friend, then back at himself. He adjusts so his hands are now gripping at a better angle and tries to focus on something else. 

Ten or so minutes go by and its impossible to focus on anything else when Haru wont shop shifting, and re adjusting, constantly refolding and unfolding his legs. His face looks uncomfortable. Makoto feels bad. Haru is in pain and its all his fault. 

“Haru?” Makoto questions 

“yes?” The boy squeaks out with gritted teeth

“You should go, you’re hurting yourself.” 

“So are you.” He replies “Im not letting you suffer alone. We’re friends.” Haru says squirming. 

“Hey! Come swim!” They hear the boys yelling from the water. 

Haru waves back with his free hand, luckily they are far enough away, the other boys shouldn't be able to tell the compromising positions they are both in. 

“Okay.” Makoto yells

“Okay?” Haru takes a second to realize what he is saying. “thank you.” Haru blushes and Makoto see’s his face relax. 

“Wait!” Makoto yells, Haru tenses up, He didn’t pee yet, but he was about too. 

“What!” The boy is startled.

“I tried and nothing happened.” Haru looks down at the boys laps, his hands are away but the old wet spot isn't remoistened. 

“Okay Makoto, Im gonna count down and on three were both gonna just pee, like its nothing, just a normal thing.” Haru’s legs are bouncing up and down in the sand, Makoto knows if he doesn’t pee when Haru reaches three, He is doomed, He will be too pee shy to go if Haru has an accident before him. 

“one.” Haru counts Makoto tried to relax, for a second a stream starts but his body instinctively cuts it off. 

“Two” Haru’s toes curl, the boy trying hard to wait for his friend, looking down at Makoto’s crotch, it’s still dry as in the sand. Haru waits looking at the boys face, and back at his crotch, he see’s a little bit of wetness glistening on the green fabric. 

“Three!” Haru yells and relaxes his body, letting the pee forcefully fun out of him into the sand between his legs, In mists of the relief he looks over at Makoto who is looking down at his own crotch. 

Makoto hears the three, and couldn't believe he felt a rapid wetness growing, He was doing it he was peeing! It felt so good, he didn’t even care he was having an accident. He stared as his whole swimsuit trunk harkened in the front, Looking over at Haru they met eyes, Haru’s swimsuits was darker now as well, the puddle between his legs was far bigger then Makoto’s he could see the pee from haru pooling, not being absorbed by the sand fast enough. 

Haru finishes before Makoto and looks down at the mess he maid and just chuckles. He can hear the faint buzzing of Makoto’s accident die down as the brunette boy stops looking at his crotch and looks up at Haru. 

“Thank you.” Makoto smiles. 

“Now you wait here, While I go fill this sand bucket up with water, you will need to rinse off before we get into the Taxi.” Haru runs over to the water. 

“Haru Did you piss yourself?” Makoto heres rin yell, and all the others laugh He look as Haru plops himself into the water, filling the bucket and washing himself off in the mean time. He runs back over and dumps the bucket right into Makoto’s lap. 

Makoto laughs as the cold water hits him, Haru just smiles at him before running back into the ocean, Splashing Rin in the face when he Arrives. 

ahhhhh this was good I love when two people are desperate together. I need MORE like this.

#omorashi #omovember #omo #Free! iwatobi omorashi #swimsuit omorashi #swimsuit fic #Writing #This is so long #PLEASE give me feedback!

[sarahegerton96]

practice

Warnings: Smut

an: sorry its long, also one if the paragraphs is quite long it wont let me separate it into shorter one sorry, hope you enjoy, sorry if you don’t enjoy I’m only starting out with smut :)

Summary: Y/N and Taron have been paired together to do a sex scene, little does Taron know that Y/N has been infatuated with him since he starred in the TV series The Smoke and never in her wildest dreams would she ever had imagined that she would meet him let alone be casted to do a sex scene with him in his latest movie, when he notices her obvious nerves after finding out he invites her to his trailer to try and comfort her, she declines his offer but somehow finds herself there by the end of the night, when all her fantasies finally come to life...

"Ugh" I groaned leaving the office after our production meeting had finished this evening, I have just been informed that the filming of me and Taron's sex scene is due to start tomorrow, I know what your thinking why was I so bummed about it? Well in actual fact I wasn't 'bummed' at all I was frustrated, you see I have had a little crush on him, oh who am I kidding a HUGE crush on him since I laid my eyes on him in The Smoke and now I was less than 24 hours away from having to do a freaking sex scene with him, when I had been offered this role I didn't expect to have to do a sex scene let alone with one of the hottest welsh men I had ever laid my eyes on, I rubbed my temples as I made my way towards my trailer to try and prepare and get some sleep for my impending intimate scene that was to take place in the morning.

Apparently Taron had noticed my groaning and mood change after the meeting as he approached me as I was heading towards my trailer, "oh great just what I need" I thought to myself " the very last person I needed to be approached by right now,this isn't going to help my nerves at all right now" "Y/N are you okay, you seem distracted after leaving the meeting?" he said as I turned around to answer him we were standing inches apart I could feel his warm minty breath on my face, my head was spinning all I wanted to do was grab his face and pull his lips to mine in a very heated kiss, "oh god Y/N concentrate" I shook my head ridding it of the thoughts I was having, obviously realizing how close were he took a step backwards and cleared his throat, " yep,just tired" I said trying to sound convincing knowing all to well that he wasn't buying it, what else was I supposed to say " that I just spent the last hour in that meeting fantasizing about having your face between my thighs?" "you sure that all that bothering you?" he asked amusingly "oh shit, I was doomed" I thought to myself as his words went straight to my core his accent was so god damn sexy, "Mm hmm" I nodded my head hoping he would believe me.

"C'mon Y/N I can tell there's something else bothering you,your not your usual bubbly self, why don't you come to my trailer and we can talk about it, yeah?", " thanks but no thank you" I politely declined " I think I'm just going to have an early night" I said smiling "Okay well you know if there's ever anything bothering you, you can always come talk to me, my trailers always open" he said, " thank you" I said smiling, god he's gorgeous and sweet, "no worries, I remember what it was like filming my first movie let alone having to do a sex scene in it too, it was always good to have someone to talk or vent to, I cant imagine what its like for you having to do a sex scene in your first ever movie" he said as he smiled genuinely I smiled back at him, "well goodnight then Y/N sleep well, I'll see you in the morning" he said as he turned around "goodnight Taron, you too" I said as we both walked in the direction of our trailers.

"why can't I just do this without letting my feelings get in the way" I sighed to myself as I rid myself of my clothes stepping into a hot shower hoping that it would help me relax so I could get a good nights sleep and be focused for tomorrow, images of Taron flashed in my head as I shampooed my hair "well this isn't helping any" I murmured rinsing the strawberry scented shampoo out, turning the shower off after thoroughly shaving all my appropriate parts in preparation for tomorrow, I wrapped myself in a towel stepping into the small bedroom section of my trailer drying off, moisturizing with my coconut body lotion(which left my skin feeling and smelling amazing) and getting into my silky pj shorts and tank top, slipping into bed hoping that I would soon be drifting off to sleep, 45 minutes later I was still laying there wide awake consumed with my nerves and worries about tomorrow, looking over at the clock on my nightstand it read 11:45pm, I wonder if Taron would still be awake I thought to myself, no harm in checking I said as I stood up pulling on my matching gown and slipping on my slippers, I grabbed my phone making my way out the door locking it behind me and shuffling across the set to the door of Tarons trailer, I knocked lightly hoping it was enough for hum to hear, what am I doing I thought to myself as I was about to walk away when the door to Taron's trailer swung open to reveal him standing there in nothing but a towel hung very lowly on his hips, my eyes were level with his waist I couldn't help but stare and the bulge that was present, my eyes trailed up his body taking in every detail of it from the v that traveled under under his towel to the toned muscles of his abs and up over his pecks that had a small amount hair covering them, his body damp from the shower he had obviously just gotten out of.

"Oh hey Y/N, what has you here" he said surprised to see me standing in front of his trailer after declining his offer earlier in the evening, "H-hey Taron, s-sorry for interrupting your evening, c-can we talk?" I stuttered out "don't be silly your not interrupting, of course we can,come in" he said moving to the side to let me in, I stepped in looking around his trailer it was surprisingly clean and tidy for a man to be living here I thought to myself, " please sit down" he said gesturing towards the sofa, I made my way over sitting down, "I'll be back in a few,I'm just going to pull some clothes on, make yourself at home" he said as he disappeared into the bedroom, I sat there nervously waiting for him to come back out wondering how I'm going to proceed, do I just come out and tell him how I feel about him? oh god I should have never came here maybe I could just sneak back out quietly while he's getting dressed, I was interrupted from my thoughts by the sound of a door opening and Taron stepping back out pulling a t-shirt over his head and down his torso, "shit there goes my plan of sneaking back out" I thought as he walked towards the fridge pulling out a beer "would you like one Y/N?" he said holding the bottle towards me, "Yeah please" I said nodding, he popped the cap off handing it me grabbing another one for himself and sitting down next to me, "are you okay Y/N?" he said placing his hand just above my knee, my skin immediately heating up from his touch, I cleared my throat and took a deep breath before speaking, " I-I-I " I stammered unable to get out what I wanted to say my mouth going dry,"Hey,hey it's okay relax there's no need to be nervous" he said soothing me rubbing my leg gently trying to calm me down little did he know it wasn't helping at all. his touch was like fire against my skin sending nothing but arousal straight to my core, "why don't we try that again, hmm?" he spoke softly. I just nodded clearing my throat once again hoping I could get out what I needed to say this time,downing my beer, Taron's eyes went wide as he just witnessed me practically down a bottle of beer in one, " I-I'm  just so nervous about tomorrow, I-I've never done anything like this before, the most intimate I've ever gotten on screen was making out with someone" I blurted out letting out a sigh of relief I didn't know I was holding, Taron just nodded his head acknowledging me, "listen Y/N I completely understand where your coming, I was a nervous wreck the night before I had to film my sex scene with Richard, it's completely normal to feel this way, I was that bad I went out and got absolutely smashed the night before" he confessed letting out a small laugh to lighten the mood, " really?" I said feeling relieved knowing that I'm not just overreacting, "Of course, it wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel somewhat nervous, your getting naked in front of cameras and only god knows how many people and pretending to have sex with someone your bound to feel vulnerable" he said, god how can one man be so intimidating but yet so caring,soft and understanding, I couldn't help but just stare into his gorgeous emerald green eyes, getting lost in them only to be snapped out of my daydream when I heard Taron speak, "How about something stronger, to help you relax?" he suggests, I nod my head "the stronger the better" he laughs standing up walking over to the press and pulling out a bottle of Jack Daniels and two glasses walking back over setting them down on the table in front of us pouring the liquid into the two glasses I grab mine downing it in one I shiver at the feeling the warmth of it running down my throat setting the glass back down for a refill, looking over to Taron who now had a cheeky smirk playing on his lips, what was he thinking?

An hour and almost a a full bottle of Jack Daniels later we were sitting there talking about anything and everything that came to our minds, my nerves were non existent at this stage and my body felt so relaxed although that probably had something to do with drinking nearly a full bottle of Jack Daniels between myself and Taron, "Oh god, is it just me or is it hot in here" Taron said as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, my eyes went wide as I eyed his toned chest and abs up and down hungrily, I could feel the wetness pool in my pants, "Mmm" a moan slipped past my lips before I could stop it, "Oh crap" I thought to myself, "like what you see babe?" he said with his eyebrow cocked slightly obviously my moan not going unnoticed by Taron, " what the hell, was this really about to happen" I thought to myself, biting my lip I nodded my head slowly looking into Tarons eyes they were dark with lust, I gulped watching him move closer to me, his lips parted ever so slightly his tongue darted out to lick them, "why don't we get some practice in for tomorrow babe" he said as he brought his lips to mine in a hungry yet passionate kiss, our lips moved in sync with each others, I moaned into the kiss as he deepened it one of his hands dropping to my waist to pull my body flush to his the other hand going up to the back of my head his fingers tangling themselves in my hair, I instinctively wrap my arms around his neck, he tugs on my bottom lips earning a moan from me, slipping his tongue into my mouth as he pulls me into his lap straddling him, I instinctively grind my hips against his feeling him harden against my pussy I grind harder trying to relieve some of the throbbing between my thighs, which earns a almost growl like moan from Taron, his hands move to the tie of my robe tugging gently as it comes undone, sliding it down my arms I shiver as I feel his hands brush against my now bare arms as the robe pools in a ball on the floor, we break apart gasping for air, it feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room,I arch my back my chest pressing against  Tarons as his lips attach themselves to my neck sucking and nipping as he makes his way down my neck stopping as I suck in a sharp breath when he hits that spot on my neck "Ooh" I moaned he continues his assault, "Mmm you tastes amazing babe, can't wait to see how the rest of you tastes" he mumbles against my neck, mentally patting myself on the back for choosing to put on my coconut body lotion after my shower earlier on, Taron pulls his lips from my neck with a pop, licking and kissing over the spot where he left his mark to soothe it, knowing that I'm going to be questioned on the whereabouts that mark came from in the morning, "Taron I'm going to be questioned about that mark tomorrow and the whereabouts is came" you groaned as his hands made there way down your back and cupping your arse and harshly squeezing it earning a  growl from you, " well then tell them where it came from babe and wear it with pride because when I'm done with you, you'll be limping to the set tomorrow and that mark will be the least of your problems" he growled as he stood up lifting you with him, his hands having a firm grip of your arse you wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck as he makes his way through to the bedroom.

Falling onto the bed with you on top of him his hands sneaking up the front of you pj top as he cups your breasts in his hand he moans in satisfaction to discover your not wearing a bra, " Mmm naughty little slut not wearing a bra" he says as he squeezes you breasts and pinching your nipples causing them to harden under his touch, you arch you back and grind your hips into his erection through his shorts at his actions, his hips thrust up against your now very damp center, he grabs the hem of your top pulling it up over you head, biting his lip and throwing his head back in pleasure as your naked chest is revealed to him, " Such beautiful, plump perky breast you have" he say as he leans up taking you nipple in his mouth sucking and biting on it while playing with the other, moving to the other one to give it the same attention, flipping you over without warning, so your back is now against the soft mattress, staring hungrily at you he dips his head down kissing over the swell of your breasts , down between the valley of them, grabbing them and bringing them together with his face between them motor boating you, " just the perfect size, and a nice handful" he moans against you and he leaves sloppy kisses down your stomach stopping just above the waistband of your shorts, you squirm beneath his as his fingers trace teasingly sown your sides and hooks into the waistband of your shorts and panties dragging them down your legs in one swift motion dropping them to them, you gasp and arch your back as the cool air hits your now dripping pussy, Tarons face is now between your thighs admiring the sight of your arousal dripping down your thighs knowing that its him causing you to be this wet has him palming himself through his shorts, you can feel his hot breath against your pussy, "Taron please" you began to beg but before you could finish your sentence he brought his lips to you pussy licking a strip from your opening up to your clit and sucking harshly on it, he pinned your hips to the bed to prevent you from thrashing around under him as he continued his assault on your clit, a combination of nibbling and sucking had you a moaning mess beneath him, "Shit" you cursed as you felt him plunge two fingers deep inside curling them and brushing against that spot inside you, your orgasm crashed over you without warning pulsing around Tarons fingers he continued to moved his fingers  in and out of you while still sucking on your clit until you went limp from the pleasure you had just experienced,"Oh shit babe that was so hot, I almost lost it while watching you", he said while staring at you his lips glistening with your arousal, "Hmm babe you taste so sweet" he hummed bringing his fingers to his mouth to clean them off,bending down kissing you, you could taste yourself on his tongue, you whimpered at the loss of contact as he stood up from the bed ridding himself of his shorts, his cock sprung free standing proudly oozing with pre-cum, he wasn't wearing any boxers underneath his shorts, you sat up reaching your hand out towards his throbbing erection, he hissed at the contact when your hand grasped him pumping him slowly, your thumb ran over his slit collecting the pre-cum on your thumb and bringing it to you mouth sucking it off, " Hmm you taste delicious babe, exactly how I've always imagined you would" you purred, watching him gulp slowly and shudder at your words you loved the affect you had on him,"So you've fantasized about me hmm?" he mused watching you intently, "Only since you were in The Smoke" you confessed which earned a smile from him,"Well babe I'd be lying if I said I hadn't fantasized about you as well from the very first day you stepped foot on the set, why'd you think it's you who's doing this sex scene with me hmm? I haven't been able you get you out of my head, I've lost count the amount of times I've jacked off to the thought of having you bent over moaning my name as I pounded into you" he confessed your eyes went wide at the thought of Taron personally requesting that it was you who had to do the sex scene with him, before you could process anything further he had flipped you over onto your stomach and pulling your arse towards him, "As much as I'd love to feel those gorgeous plump lips around my cock babe watching as I face fuck you it'll have to wait for another time I can't take it anymore I have to feel that delicious tight wet pussy around my throbbing cock" he whispers as he teases the opening on your pussy with his tip, you back against him trying to push him inside of you, he pulls away, " Now now patience babe, bad girls get punished" he whispers in your ear you were about to protest when you felt his hand come in contact with your arse, "Aah" you moan out the pleasure more overwhelming than the stinging pain, "Ooh you like that you kinky little slut" he said as he slammed into you without warning, "Oof Jesus Christ Taron you fill my tight little cunt so good" you moan out as Taron starts to thrust in and out of you at a steady pace,"H-harder, F-faster Taron" you stutter out, with that he starts to pound into you relentlessly, reaching down between your thighs he begins to rub your clit in circles applying the perfect amount of pressure, "I-I'm close" you moan out not caring who hears you, "Me t-to babe" he growls out, "cum for me babe" he says pounding into you, your sure the trailer is rocking and anyone passing by knows whats going on inside, you feel your pussy begin to clench around waves of pleasure course through you body as you are overcome with your second orgasm of the night, your orgasm sets off Taron's as you feel his movements slow down he stills in you as he spills him cum in you the after waves of your orgasm milking him of every drop he has to offer "Shit Y/N that was even better than I could have ever imagined" he moans as he pulls out of you, falling down beside you on the bed pulling you into his chest as his arms wrap around your waist nuzzling his head against your hair inhaling the scent of your strawberry shampoo humming in contentment, you wince slightly as the loss of him the pain now beginning to set in but are on to much of a high to even care, you had just has the most mind blowing sex with thee Taron  the man who you've been in love with for years, Taron pulls the duvet over the two on you as you drift off into the most relaxing amazing sleep in the arms of the most amazing man.

The next morning you wake up your eyes flutter open taking in the unfamiliar surroundings, until you realize that what happened last night was not a dream you had actually had sex with Taron, you smiled happily to yourself rolling over seeing Taron sprawled out snoring lightly, with his hair messed, yet again another smile breaks out on your face that you cant help, you sit up slowly trying not to wake Taron, "Ooh shit" you hiss at the pain between you legs, Tarons words from last night ring through your ears, "Well he was right I will be limping onto set today" you laughed to yourself as you lay beck down not able to stand up, Taron begins to stir in the bed beside you, he groans as his eyes open slowly you watch as he tries to adjust to the brightness, "Morning babe" his voice is raspy and oh so sexy in the morning, " good morning" you say, "I thought I the most amazing dream then I woke up to discover it wasn't a dream it was reality" he says as he pulls you towards his chest kissing your hair, you wince as he pulls you to him, " Oh shit babe are you okay?" he asking guilt and concern laced in his voice, "just a tad bit sore" you say laughing, " I'm sorry babe I didn't realize, you should've told me I would have been more gentle" he says, " don't you ever apologize for making me have the most earth  shattering orgasms, that was amazing last night and thrust me it's worth every bit of pain I'm feeling" you say genuinely rubbing your hand up and down his jawline feeling his stubble against your hand, "Happy I could be of service to you" he smirked, "Now why don't we get washed up and grab some breakfast" he said, you nodded he helped you up out of bed carrying you to the bathroom running you a nice hot bubble bath helping you in and slipping in behind you, you sigh as you relax against his chest enjoying the feeling of the water and bubbles Taron washes you and helps you out and helps you get dried slipping your pj's, robe and slippers from last night back on you lay on the bed watching him get dressed and he helps you to your trailer to get dressed

As you's step out of his trailer there's a few people around who turn to you's whistling and cheering as they watch you limp towards your trailer with Taron's arm wrapped around your waist helping you, your blushing so hard your sure face is a red as a tomato Taron just laughs and helps you into the trailer, he gets your clothes out for you and helps you get dressed, 45 minutes later your ready and yous begin to make your way towards the hair and make-up trailer, yous walk on set hand in hand passed everyone who yet again start wolf whistling and cheering at yous, you hear comments like "Jesus Taron be careful with her next time you don't want to brake her" you's walk up to Dexter "I see yous two must have done some practicing last night for your big scene today, judging from the way Y/N's limping and that Mark on her neck" he said with a wink while laughing, "Oh god" you groan putting your head into Tarons shoulder to try and hide your blush, "It's okay babe don't worry, there just jealous that  know how to make my girl feel good" he said as he pulled you in for a kiss it was a sweet kiss nothing like the hungry ones last night, " your girl?" you say question him, "Yeah my girl, that's if you'll have me?" he says smiling widely at you, your heart could burst your so happy right now, "Of course I'll be your girl" you say and he kisses you smiling into the kiss, nothing could take the smiles off your faces right now :)

***THE END***  

#taron egerton smut #taron egerton

[otheroutlandertales]

A/N: This story was inspired by Brianna showing off her shooting skills with Jamie in The Birds and the Bees.

“I used to go barefoot all the time when I was little. Daddy—Frank—took us to the mountains every summer, to the White Mountains or the Adirondacks. After a week, the bottoms of my feet were like leather; I could have walked on hot coals and not felt a thing.”

-----------

“Daddy—Frank—taught me to shoot when I was eleven or twelve. He gave me a twenty-two when I was thirteen, and by the time I was fifteen, he was taking me to shoot clay pigeons at ranges, or to hunt doves and quail on weekends in the fall.” Roger glanced at her in interest. “I thought Jamie’d taught you; I’d no idea Frank Randall was such a sportsman.” “Well,” she said slowly. “I don’t know that he was.

The Fiery Cross (Chapter 20)

Meant to Be

by @futurelounging

It was easy, in the beginning, to hold his daughter in his heart as his own. As if his blood truly mingled with hers. Her skin was smooth and pale, freckles dusting her nose. Her tiny fingers wrapped around his thumb and squeezed. He could lift her with her fingers gripping his, hanging like a monkey from a tree. Her hair, though nothing like his own or his wife’s, was only a minor irritation, and only if remarked upon. For he found the image of her was simply her. Her face as familiar to him as his own, until the lines and shape of her no longer felt distinct from her essence.

She toddled and fell, scraped her nose, bruised her knees, drooled on his shoulder while she gnawed with her gums like a puppy. She threw her small body from chairs, trusting he’d reach out and grab her at the last second. Being a child, he thought, was about doing without consideration, letting your body learn the consequences. Being an adult inverted it, the consequences ever etched in one’s vision, until doing felt impossible.

He had not expected to think about her quite so much. When he’d imagined fatherhood before Claire had gone, he’d pictured waving goodbye to his wife and child in the morning, going about the business of his day, then later, when his work was finished, conjuring them in his mind as he ventured home. But his daughter was not so easily dismissed. She invaded his thoughts throughout his days, appearing in the bit of cereal crusted on his trouser leg, in the tiny orphaned sock he found at the bottom of his briefcase. She must have pulled it off and tossed it in there last night, he’d think. And she appeared in the corners of his mind always, as he watched the students walking with oblivious confidence, imagining her grown and barreling through these halls.

As she grew older, his fantasy of her being merely his faded. It wasn’t so much that she was physically resembling the mysterious man who shared her DNA. It was in her manner, a presence, a confidence that felt entirely different from his own or Claire’s. The tilt of her head and the hum of her thoughts as she contemplated a problem. How could blood be so strong, he wondered.

This change spurred him to pull her closer, to leave his imprint in some way. His suggestion to begin spending a week in the mountains each year might have seemed deliberate in hindsight, but in truth, it was a whim in the beginning.

“The Adirondacks?” Claire looked up from the journal she had folded over on her lap. Her hair had loosened from the pins and had begun to fall across her brow as she read. She pushed it back behind her ear with a sigh of exasperation.

“I thought perhaps you’d like some time away from the city, but if you’re too pressed with work I can go alone with Bree.” Frank pushed his glasses higher on his nose and glanced at her.

“No, I… No, that sounds wonderful! It’s been so long since I’ve gone anywhere.” The strain that normally pulled on her face began to loosen and a smile tugged at her lips.

“Work won’t be an issue?” Frank asked dubiously.

Claire’s brow furrowed, her lips pursing. “How long?”

“A week.”

“Hm. Well, I don’t know if I can do a full week at the moment, but at least a few days. Perhaps I could drive separately so you and Bree can stay a bit longer.”

He’d not expected such an enthusiastic response from her. He knew she adored nature and longed for time away, but still, time with him didn’t seem a good selling point. While he was relieved that she was receptive, he felt a pang of guilt for how pleased he was to hear that she’d not be with them the entire time. He cherished his alone time with Bree and if he were to examine his feelings a bit deeper, he’d find that he worried Claire’s presence would somehow resurrect the other man, the one who seemed intent on haunting them.

“Why would this man let us stay in his cabin, Daddy?” Bree asked as the car rattled over the bumps in the narrow road snaking through thick forest. Claire’s car followed close behind and Frank glanced in the rearview to make sure she didn’t blow a tire on the rocks.

“Why?” he laughed. “Well I daresay he considers me a friend, darling. Is it so hard to believe I might have friends who want to do nice things for me?”

Bree snickered from the seat next to him. “No! It just seems like lending someone a house is a bit more than lending someone your… power saw.”

“Well then, my dear, that is my challenge for you. Become the sort of person who is offered houses rather than… hand mixers.” He smiled widely at her, tightening his grip on the steering wheel at a particularly deep pothole.

“I’d rather be offered a power saw over a hand mixer, if those are my options.” She smirked and winked at him. Or, more accurately, blinked. She had not yet mastered the art of winking just one eye and instead blinked with a slight dip of her head, something he found utterly charming.

“Here we are,” Frank said, leaning forward to see the cabin as he pulled the car to a stop at the top of the drive.

Frank and Claire unloaded the cars and gave up trying to get Bree to help as she ran through the cabin chattering about how perfect it all was, especially the screened sleeping room off the back. She bolted out the door, leaping over a steel wash basin, her voice swallowed by the forest.

The cabin was small, but modern enough that they had running water, a wood stove for heat, and a bathroom. Frank’s shoulders relaxed as he dropped a stack of shirts in the dresser drawer. The place was a bit musty, so he pushed open a few windows and ventured back toward the kitchen where he’d left Claire to organize. He found her standing at a window, looking out through the trees, her eyes seeing something else. He hadn’t seen that distant look in a long time and felt a panic rise in him. He couldn’t let her slip away now. He couldn’t pretend what they had was ideal, but if she let herself drown in her past, she’d be lost not just to him, but to Bree as well. That fear gnawed at him.

“Shall we go for a hike? Stretch our legs and get the lay of the land? Bob said there’s a creek a half mile or so away. Good for fishing.”

“Hm?” She turned to him, eyes slowly refocusing. “Yes, let me find a basket.”

The trail to the creek was well worn, but the summer had been wet and new growth began to crowd the edges, pushing tiny branches and brambles into their path. Frank made a note to bring the hatchet next time to clear some of it away. Once settled in with their fishing rods, feet propped on smooth stones along the edge of the water, Claire began wandering, crouching now and then and dropping herbs into the basket hanging from her arm. Bree lost interest in staring at the water with Frank and joined her mother.

“What are you going to do with these, Mama? Are we eating them? They don’t look very good.”

“Ha! No, I suppose they aren’t all that appetizing. I might use some in our food this week, this thyme for instance. But some I will take back with me to the hospital.”

Bree looked at her mother as if she’d spoken another language. “Why?”

“Well, some herbs have healing properties, settling stomachs, soothing pain, all sorts of things. I like to have options.” She spoke matter-of-factly, but her smile was nervous, having been on the receiving end of suspicious looks from her colleagues when introducing herbs to her treatment plans.

“Did you learn about them in medical school?” Bree asked.

“Hmm, no. No, I had read some books before I went to medical school and… Well, I spent some time using more natural… remedies.” Claire’s voice trailed off, catching her words before they shattered the walls she’d built to keep the past at bay.

“‘Learn by doing.’ My biology teacher says that all the time.” Bree added a handful of yarrow to the basket and brushed her hands on her pant legs.

“Books cannot always prepare you for the reality of things. That is very true.” Claire leaned forward and kissed the top of her daughter’s head, pulling a leaf from her curls.

The days at the cabin were long and peaceful. The fresh air and exercise knocked them all out cold before the sun fell below the horizon. Bree woke on the fourth day and found her mother setting her bag on the front porch.

“Do you really have to go?”

Claire turned back to her daughter, a sad smile on her face. “I do. I’m sorry, dear. But I’ll see you in three days. And you will have a wonderful time with your father. Although you are in charge of extracting any splinters he gets now. Think you can manage?”

“Ugh no! I hate splinters. Daddy will have to live with them. I think I’ll pass out if I have to pull any out,” she said, half-joking.

Claire kissed her daughter goodbye and slipped away before Frank woke.

After breakfast, Brianna washed the dishes and went outside to find Frank. He wasn’t out front chopping wood where she’d expected him, but rather behind the cabin, about twenty yards into the woods. He held a rifle at his side, and Brianna’s eyes went wide.

“Bree. Come here.”

“Really?” she asked, disbelief shadowing her face.

A conspiratorial smile answered her.

“You’re going to teach me how to shoot?” she asked when she reached his side.

“Well, yes. I was thinking, Bree, about what you said in the car. That you are not the kind who will be pleased to borrow a hand mixer. You get that from your mother, I think. But you are bright and meticulous and determined, which are all good qualities for a marksman. Or markswoman, as it were. And based on your glee this week, I suspect you may find yourself living in the woods someday so this skill might come in handy.”

She grinned back at him, bright and eager, and his heart swelled with pride. So much of his life as her father was lost to the mundanity of existence, the unrecognized coming and going, the tiny steps that led to big leaps with little to remark upon if only because it was merely part of life. But in this moment he felt the gentle nudge of time, that he, and she, would look back on this memory, distinct and pivotal. That when she thought of him years from now, after he was long gone, she might think of learning to shoot with him in the woods.

It was not deliberate. He did not know when he taught her to shoot that she truly would find herself living in the woods someday. But he did consider, later when he found proof of his wife’s return to the past, that perhaps there had been some subconscious truth behind it all, that he was meant to take her shooting in the woods. That he was meant to come to America. That Claire had to go through the stones and return to him. That it all was meant to be.

#outlander fanfiction #otheroutlandertales #mod fulo #pair: frank x claire #ch: bree #ch: frank #ch: claire #canon compliant #missing moment #oot #*

[kounfetti]

Heyyy~ I’m back since I finally got my games in the mail! For Kou’s birthday I’ve translated his Care for Vampire from Lunatic Parade with audio! Thank you so much for 200 followers! Enjoy~♥ And as always, please dont repost this onto other sites, link back to this post-and ask before translating this into other languages! 

おめでとうございます、無神コウ！

Scene: Black screen

Kou: I'm home---......Ah---I'm tired.

Today's photoshoot was so difficult---....

Hm? Whats wrong? Whats up?

Ah? This? I got a small injury on my arm

It looks bad, but I'm fine really. It doesn't hurt.

I'm telling you its fine~. M Neko Chan doesn't need to worry about me.

I'm a vampire so I'll recover in no time! Dont worry about it.

Eh! Wait Wait! Where do you think you're taking me so suddenly..!?

So~ what, you dont need to take care of anything.

...Well, since its you telling me, I guess I'll have to listen.

Well then....show me where I guess,  please.

Kou: Uwaa....in this shower, it makes my cuts look worse....

I've got to clean up my cuts, I know, but....

I guess its nice after all.

And, I guess I've got no other choice.

Uh...can you hurry up!

---Ee!?...hm--, I think I'll be able to endure this, but, I'm still mad.

Hey, can you go slower?

Eh--, until you're done? But, I'm fine---.

Haa....Well, I may be distracted but, I can still mess with you.

Hm, is this narrowness your true intention?....Hey!

Touch: You turn on the shower

Kou: Uwaafuwapu!! Wai--The shower! Lower it, lower it!

Shower turns off

Kou: *cough, cough* You didn't need to turn it on!

I was surprised you'd go to that extent! I'm drenched!

The water was cold too! If I catch a cold, it'll be M Neko Chan's fault! *cough*

Huh?  Is this a cold...*cough, cough*

Hm--....This isn't good at all. Why's my head like this...

Touch: You touch his shoulder

Kou:...Ah! I think it would be fine if something like that happened! Hey, wash my hair.

...Ah. Perhaps, you dont want to talk to someone who's sick....?

My physical condition is awful because of these injuries. I cant even move my arms all that much because of it. You can't expect me to do this on my own?

Hey, Is it alright?

Ah--, ok. It'll be unpleasant if there's shampoo all over my clothes.

Well then, M Neko Chan, can you take it off for me?

There's no problem, right?

Eh--? Its no use--? You're a shy person?

You're already familiar with my naked body though, aren't you?

So, come on? Its not hard taking off clothes?

Hm--, M Neko Chan is pretty stubborn---.

Come~on...*kiss*

Kou: I kissed you, so taking off my clothes shouldn't be that embarassing now, right?

...Hm? Why's your face so red?

You're getting red just by this? So cute~♪

I guess it cant be helped. Its ok to leave it on, wash my hair?

Hm, thanks. Looks like I'm saved---.

...Ah, but before that----

Fufu, caught you. I'm getting more cheerful....You've got small hands.

Hey...put them in my hair?

Properly, go through it.

Feels nice--..... I want you to do this more often.

But, Why...*yawn* It'd feel so nice to fall asleep like this....

Hm--... I'm not feeling great, but, lets stay like this for a while.

...I understand, wash my hair. I'd be happier if you did it softly.

Dry my hair once its washed.

Continue doing this until I fall asleep..

Its a promise. I'll have to punish you if you go off to sleep early.

Why?...Its a secret. You dont want to break your promise right?

Touch: You put shampoo in his hair

Kou: Wah, Thats ticklish! Do it more firmly.

You wash his hair

Kou: Hm...more to the right.

Now, to the left.

Yep, there, there.

Next, can you wash the back?

Eh--, I dont wanna face backwards, I wont be able to see M Neko Chan.

Hey, If you get closer and turn your arms you'll be able to do it, right?

I want to see you wash my hair and face.

Is that fine with you?

Yep, well now to see~, please.

Hm-....It feels nice, M Neko Chan's hand is amazing....

Now, a bit more to the left.

Yep, that feels nice.

Wh- The shampoo got into my eyes. I cant see....

By the time you apologize, the foam will sink back.

You turn on the shower

Kou: It cant be helped. Because M Neko Chan is worried---

Yea yea. Sorry, I cant see it by your words, but I see it in your attitude.

Will you say sorry to me?

...Come on, quickly.

Thats dull, trying to get me to say all of it for you.

You're making me be all nice? So~

...I'll kiss you.

Fufu, is this embarassing? But, I can't wait any longer.

I want a kiss from you, M Neko Chan....Come on, please?

Screen goes black

Kou: Hm..fufu...you're a good girl..but I want more...

*kiss* more...and more...please.

Yep, good job.

Pu...Hahaaha! I wonder why you're always like that---.

I kissed you so many times, your face is as red as ever. So cute~.

 Ah, why're you looking away? Maybe--....

Since I look different from usual, I wonder if you're getting excited?

...Fufu, you calmed down. After all on this planet, water also drops?*

If you want, I can calm your excitement, is that okay with you?

Eh, my condition? Its embarassing talking about it.

....I was lying about being sick, and you still believed it?

Its true about my arm injuries but...now I feel bad about putting on the act.

M Neko Chan always looks so cute when I mess with you.

The reason why? I really like you and I didnt want to be seperated from me. Is that bad?

But... I'm really sorry about lying to you....will you forgive me?

Hm, Thanks.

...Hm--.... My shirt got wet, I'll have to get rid of it, but,

Can you take it off for me?

I really want you to...is it no use?

Ah--, your face got red again, M Neko Chan is straightforward, aren't you?

Well, its okay. Take it off yourself.

Ah--? My arm? I wonder if it recovered from before---

Come on, I'm a vampire so If I said it already healed, would you let go?

So, your own---....weakness is pretending!

You turn on the shower

Kou: Fufu. Isn't it a bit unfair that M Neko Chan isn't getting wet?

Since you didn't remove my clothes, I have to get some payback.

You wouldn't get angry about that would you? Its ok, my clothes are stuck to my skin, are you happy?

Well, next time, I'll wash M Neko Chan's hair.

Eh--? But you dont have to hold back?

Come on, get closer.

Kou: Hm? M Neko Chan's body, is a bit hot isnt it?

Was it always like this? Even your clothes is hot.

...The kiss just now, did that make you excited?

You're really so cute....!

You're getting all wet since I hugged you...but you were already sweating....

We're so close, I dont think I'll be able to endure looking at your expression, have you shown that face before?

So, lets stay like this for a while more.

If we're like this....I wont get tired or sleepy.

Holding on to me, this will be fine for a long time.

Over whatever or whoever, you're the only one who makes me feel better.

I honestly love you....*kiss*

You're surprised just by a little kiss on your ears....

I think I'm getting used to your cute face....*kiss*

Hey, tell me...that you like me, Yui.

Hm, Thanks. You're mine. *kiss*

I think I'll give you a break after....just a bit more----

Yea yea. Are you gonna get angry? I'll be done soon.

Hating it is selfish, M Neko Chan.

I'm Kou, a top idol and a handsome guy, who you get to order around.

Out of everyone in the entire world, its you alone. *kiss*

Well now... thanks to M Neko Chan, I feel at ease.

The cuts are disappearing....and you were making a fuss about it.

Anyways, I feel weird about going into a bathtub with clothes on.

Wait, what're you talking about? You decided that too.

Well, I'm taking a bath. You can leave--bye,bye---Or do you not want to?

Thanks for washing my hair just now, this time, I'll take care of it. ♪

I've got to wash all of my body properly, you know?

Screen goes black

Kou: Hey, come on. Take a bath with me♪ *kiss*

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers lunatic parade #lunatic parade #lunatic parade care for vampire #kou mukami #mukami kou #kou mukami translation #care for vampire #care for vampire translation #diabolik lovers lunatic parade translation #kaetranslates #the audio was too long to upload it so there's the soundcloud link #didn't think id be able to get this out in time but miracles happen i guess #gonna start on subaru's dark fate route sometime this week hopefully #in my timezone im 3 hours from the 28th so hah #habby bday 2 my fav idol

[kaliqueenofeverything-blog]

∞✗—TASK 1 : “Excuse you?”

“Girl I am ready, New York summers smell like hot dog water and ass” I roll my eyes then take a sip of my mai tai. Dylan laughs her usual sultry laugh covering her mouth doing her best not to spit out her own drink. “Girl you think New York sucks? Vegas is 120 at all times, you can bake cookies in a car here. We need this vacation…..especially after all the craziness at my house”

Our glasses clink softly off each other as we cheers to that. She looked down at her glass and I could tell she was thinking. My heart ached for my lil baby, she had hoped she could come out to her parents but instead they flipped the script trying to send her away.But we had a plan, we were gonna head out to the DR and spend some time partying and enjoying ourselves before they shipped her off. “Come on, we gotta head to the shops” I hop up out of my seat, as her bestfriend its my job to keep her mind away from the drama and thats what Im gonna do.

15 min later

Roaming through the mall, supposed to be only picking up a new swimsuit for our trip  but who can resist a good sale. Our arms now a bit full with the extras we picked up along the way. “2 more stores then we have to head out, we’ll never get packed in time. My parents will be home then I wont be able to sneak away.” Dyl thought aloud while she twirled a curl of shiny ebony hair around her index finger. “Why dont you have Rosa pack for you?” I reason as we pass the food court, my stomach suddenly announcing its hunger with a gargle. “I think she getting old, man last time she washed clothes and put some of my moms clothes in my closet…..and you know she wear scrubs, all the time. Like how can you mess that up?” She makes a face finishing her sentence making me giggle. “Dang… poor Rosa but youre right” My eyes wander away from a store front, only to land on this really pretty brown skin girl giving me the eye, a playful smirk painted on her features, before she saunters into Nordstroms. Snatching Dylans hand I swiftly drag her into the store with me. Dylan already knew what going on so she just laughed. “Why you always do this? You see a fine ass chica you would date, Then I always have to dare you to go get her number, then you do and you never call these chicks” She shook her head as I continued to check shorty out as she pretended to look at shoes “Cause its fun” I shrugged though I knew 65% of that was because I needed someone I was comfortable busting my girl cherry with. And the other 35% was not knowing how far I would actually go if it gets there. “Go get her, tiger” She playfully pushed me toward her, hesitating slightly before I take a deep breath. We talked. We flirted. She played coy……but I got the number and the insta.

As if it couldnt get any better,there were a pair of Balenciaga pumps were back in stock that Id been wanting for so long. Dylan beside me now at the counter,I recount for her how I got the girls number and hand over my card for the cashier to swipe. “I might take her to-” a small sound of disapproval stopped me mid sentence.The young cashier frowned at her screen,causing me to raise a brow. She swiped again and waited for far too long. “Youre card is being declined.” She said bluntly setting my card on the counter “Excuse you? Run it again.” I slid it back to her. Dylan grabbed my hand, squeezing it softly “It says youve reached your limit” Her tone and the small smirk on her lips, the people in line behind us suddenly made it feel like less air in the room, this was beyond embarrassing. “I dont have a limit! Thats a black card,Becky” I waved the card in her face and Dylan began to tug harder at my hand. “My name is Shelby and youre card is still declined” She corrected me, Lord how I hate being corrected. “Bit-” “Punkin lets go!” Dylan forcefully pulled me out of line because I was seconds now from really making a scene. My card never gets declined, she had to be swiping it wrong.

My neck and face were hot then cold, flushing through waves of anxiety and embarrassment as we rushed from the store. To keep tears from rolling down my face, I called my Dad as soon as we were in the mall’s atrium. Nothing. Voicemail through 22 calls, back to back. We headed to Dyl’s car at the valet. Finally a ping.

iMessage from Daddy’O

Im so disappointed Punkin. I cant help you anymore, no more parties, no more trips, no more crazy shopping, no more money. Its done. You are a daughter of the Chief I cant allow you to continue on in these wild ways, what will my country think of me? No husband, no career. And this Youtube is not a career. I am headed out of town for business but your mama will there in the morning to pick you up. When youre better we will speak, but right now I am too ashamed.

Scanning the words repeatedly but my mind wouldnt read them and soon my eyes were too blurry to see the screen. Dylan read the message over my shoulder, her voice a whisper just barely audible. She couldnt even finish the message “Im so sorry sis”She embraced me tightly though my arms wrapped around her too they felt so weak I wasnt entirely sure I was actually hugging her back. “Me too”  was the only thing I could say

#KaliMoments #this kind of long but I think I did good lol

[fireblight]

a force of mind & circumstance.

IT IS LATE AUGUST, going into September; the turning point of the season. The world, at least her hemisphere, is shedding summer like a skin. Gone are the sticky hot, halcyon days of the previous months. No more shirts sticking to her skin. No more sweat-frizzed hair. No terrible plague of insects. Gone, until the next year returns them, as it is wont to do. In the meantime, Karin can rest at ease knowing her favourite season is arriving. Detectable in the brittle air, the bright splodge of orange dotting and blotting each tree bar evergreen, the quietness that possesses the small town she resides in.

Though as the days pass by, there is a steadily growing unease settling in her marrow. Perhaps it’s only the gloom that comes with autumn, all grey skies and orange moons, that has set her somewhat on edge. Or perhaps it’s the worryingly high amount of disappearances. Worryingly high for this town, anyway; back home, they’d eclipsed the numbers in the hundreds. Here, in some Southern little town in the forgotten end of America, the trinity of disappearances was enough to knock the atmosphere off-kilter entirely.

Everyone knows somebody here, is the thing. Even she, an outcast, knows somebody, even if distantly. Colleagues, mostly. The woman who makes her coffee. Nobody from her short list of contacts had disappeared, yet though. It was her boss’s sister, the receptionist’s aunt’s friend, the local gossip. Nobody she gives a shit about, but it certainly does something to the office mood. Her boss, a big-bellied man with jowls that’d rival Hitchcock, sits in his office, sullen, and pretends like he isn’t drinking. The receptionist talks more than she’s ever talked before, practically getting off on the undeserved sympathy, like she’s trying to take the dead gossip’s place.

Nobody mourns the gossip. Rather, her disappearance exposes the ugly vein that lays dormant, hidden behind closed doors. The inane death-wishing of people, their mockery of a woman who may be dead. Karin has no fondness for her, but there is something to be said about the cruelty of the oridinary man. She sees them as vultures, circling, waiting for death so they can tear and devour.

Karin is not above this fascination with hollowness, however. In fact, she’d dare say hers intensifies and eclipses those around her. No, where others dumbly accept this as coincidence, she sees an unsolved puzzle. This town is not a hub of violence nor mystery. Last year, there had been three disappearances not in the span of a month and a half, but the entirety of the year. All had been solved rather easily: the standard pattern, the abusive drunk of a father, the vicious wife, a disillusioned teen who left home in escape of the drudgery. Here, however, her gut tells her something different. Not a man-made design, as seen by the lack of pattern in the victims. It lacks both the order of a serial killer, or kidnapper, and the attempt at enforced chaos. This is truly random. Otherworldly random.

Of course, she has brought this idea up to her boss. Perhaps not the wisest idea, especially after she detected that the almost drained glass of scotch was definitely not his first (judging by the stains on his tie, the glaze in his eyes), and the dreary stink of mourning that clung to him like bad cologne. Her empathy borders on the supernatural, at times, which only worsens her paranoia with the concept… and furthers her vitriol.

“I think there's something going on with the disappearances,” she had said to him. Maybe it was cruel, to bring it up, but it would be crueller still to let her theories sit. Why risk another disappearance? He didn't even look at her. Merely tapped his glass, golden wedding ring gleaming against the wrinkled brown of his fingers. “I think they're connected.” She straightened her back, bold, head upright in the way she had learned to do so, to make herself seem bigger. Stronger. A defense mechanism originally picked up after her family's death, though it proved more than useful in this backwoods town. Not a town accustomed to a woman nor especially a woman of colour in their parts. It is perhaps why she feels some semblance of kinship with her boss, yet a simultaneous alienation. She doesn't have very many female friends. None at all, unless the receptionist and her shallow small talk counts, or the woman who does her coffee order.

Her boss, named Detective Harvey, was silent for a moment, as if waiting for her disappointment to force her back to her station. Instead, she persisted, stubborn as ever. She remembers the weathered gravity of his sigh, the way his fingers lingered nearer his drink. “Why do you think that, Detective?” Even now, she doesn't begrudge his weariness; it was not her first theory. But this was—is—different.

This was when she pointed out her theory of true randomness; a sign that it was not a human psyche behind it, but something a little more… beyond human's comprehension. Something capable of seeing patterns that they had not yet even begun to evolve to understand. He stared at her, or rather through her, as she whittled away. Her passion slowly deteriorated as she saw no change in his eyes. Only… exasperation.

“Anything else… something we can use?” he drawled, not mockingly. Tired.

It was there she had faltered the most, but had replied anyway. “I… I feel it, sir. In my chest. In my stomach. Real as an organ.”

He stared at her with something like pity, with something like hope, but it was dulled as an unused knife by grief. “That may be enough for you, but we can't reasonably create a theory based on a gut feeling, Detective. Get me something tangible, something we can use, and come back to me. Until then...” a dismissive motion, his eyes become glazed and haunted, “please… leave me. I need time alone.”

“I understand, sir.”

And she had left, and kept her mouth shut, but she stares at her computer screen with unfocused eyes all the same. Harvey's not wrong. She needs something, anything, to reaffirm her suspicions. She stares longer at the screen, its files, and sets her mouth in a firm line. Her standing is abrupt, and she dons her jacket in tandem with her rapid leaving of the office. Perhaps unprecedented, but she could say that Harvey's advice were interpreted as instructions, permission, if need be.

She has to go to the last site, the last known location of the local gossip: her tarot reading shop.

#destructiveglitch #thread: a force of mind & circumstance #v: untitled #here we. here we. here we fucking go #long post

[lilmissmousey]

Stirrings (Denial (AKA: this is sooooo not a date prologue)

Bzzt.

Vegeta’s fingers stilled over his laptop keys, eyes sliding to his now illuminated phone screen.

It was her, “Hey hot stuff. What you doin’? ;)”

He grunted, rubbing the tired eyelids under his glasses. Vulgar woman. Had she no shame? He’d only been working at Capsule Corp for less than six months and she was already way to friendly. Didn’t she know he had better things to do? Like, hm, save their asses from a lawsuit recently filed by a rival company? Vegeta knew he should just ignore her, go back to typing and try to not think about aqua-colored eyes and slender legs, but Bulma Briefs was persistent.

The phone buzzed again: “I have sandwiches.”

“Why do I keep doing this to myself?” Vegeta wondered as he hit the elevator button to the lab. He shouldn’t give into her. He had way more productive shit to do than entertain a spoiled heiress. The song playing over the loud speaker was some kind of grating pop music, and it did not help in quelling his agitation. Huffing, he shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and leaned against the elevator wall. At least the dress code at Capsule Corp was lax. Suits were itchy.

The numbers flashing the descent of the elevator into the lower levels of Capsule Corp mocked him. Bulma’s private lab was in the basement, far away from the prying eyes of the other scientists employed here. While the “regular” people worked on mundane everyday things, Bulma’s work was top secret and hidden behind numerous keypads and doors. Every time he made the trip to the lab under her request he’d feel the increasing amount of nausea and primal surge to run as far away as he possibly could. Feelings were horrible, unnecessary things that only got in the way-

The elevator doors slid open, and there she stood, sub sandwiches in hand and beaming at him.

There was always that cliche moment in films where time stood still, the handsome protagonist locking eyes with a beautiful woman from across the room. The both of them knowing instinctively that this person would change their world forever. For Vegeta, this had happened the first time he’d ever met her.

And it only got worse every time she’d cross his path.

The air around elevator was heavy; Bulma was covered in grease, long blue hair piled on top of her head and held in place with a pen. Her lab coat was stained and open revealing a black tank top and blue denim shorts. She was a vision, the perfect woman…

Which is why Vegeta scowled and snatched the sandwich out of her hand, brushing past her shoulder and not giving her a second glance as he powered towards the lab door.

He heard her huff in agitation, her footsteps echoing in the hall behind him as she struggled to keep up with his longer strides, “UM, you’re welcome!”

“I didn’t ask you to buy me lunch.” He grumbled, still walking forward and already ripping into the wax paper keeping him from the sandwich.

A low whistle came from her direction. Vegeta paused, turning around with an annoyed stare.

Bulma was surprisingly close to him, within arms reach and she waggled her eyebrows suggestively, “I hate it when you go, but I love watching you leave. You should wear jeans more often.”

“Wha-damnit woman I’m going to sue you for sexual harassment!” Vegeta felt his cheeks flame red, “why do you insist on being so pervy? Have you no shame?”

Bulma laughed, “Not when it comes to you!” She reached up and gently pulled the glasses from his face, putting them on instead, “I didn’t know you wore glasses!”

Left eye twitching, he took back the eyewear and tucked them into his breast pocket, “Not that it’s any of your business, but my eyes get tired cleaning up all the messes around here.”

“Pffft,” Bulma rolled her eyes, walking past Vegeta and tapping her code into the keypad, “What I was going to say is that they make you look smart.”

“Well, of course they-Hey!”

Bulma giggled, waving him inside the lab, “Hurry up grumpy. I’m starving.”

-

He devoured the first sandwich within moments of settling himself on the swivel chair near Bulma’s desk, she already handing him a second one. She knew well enough by now that despite Vegeta’s shorter stature that he could eat anyone under the table. He’d had Ju Jitsu practice the night before and his hunger was especially fierce today.

Bulma’s own sandwich lay unattended beside her, still primly wrapped as she pulled a pencil out of her coat pocket and carefully followed the lines of the ruler she had placed against a large blueprint nearly engulfing her whole workspace. Vegeta chewed thoughtfully, eyes narrowed as he watched her work, “What’s that?” He asked around the mouthful.

“Hm? Oh, I made the modulator in the space pod too small. It wont accept the amount of wires needed to actually propel the dumb thing. I’m just adjusting the pod accordingly.” She continued to measure, her firm bare calves teasing him as she shifted footing.

“Hmpf, some genius.” He teased.

“Hey bucko,” Bulma wagged the pencil at him, still not looking in his direction, “it’s beautiful, stunning, amazing genius to you. And don’t you forget it.” she went back to the blueprint, getting absorbed into her work.

Vegeta was only slightly irritated. If she wasn’t going to engage with him, then why was he even here? She could have easily dropped the sandwiches off at his office, but no. Instead he was sitting in near silence watching the prodigy of Capsule Corp doodle. He had at least three pending lawsuits against this crazy company he had to deal with, and being treated like a personal assistant was definitely not in his job description. The anger within him was building, threatening to end his patience then and there until…

…She smiled at him.

He hadn’t caught her staring, didn’t even realize that she had stopped working to watch him.

Bulma tilted her head, a free tendril of aqua hair escaping her messy bun and brushing down her slender neck, “What?” She asked. Heart thundering, and before he could stop himself, Vegeta reached out and tucked that wayward lock of hair behind her ear. Bulma blinked, cheeks flushing an obscenely pretty shade of pink.

Clearing his throat, Vegeta crossed his arms across his broad expanse of chest and glared at the floor, “It was pissing me off,” he grumbled, “the hair, I mean. I’m going to buy you some proper hair clips so that way you don’t look like a damn mess. It’s a health hazard around here anyways.”

“O-oh,” Bulma smiled, “don’t worry about it. I’ve uh, got plenty of them at home. Thanks though. Nice to know you care.”

“I don’t!” Vegeta barked, surprising himself with his own level of volume, “It just, its-”

The damn woman snickered, shaking her head. That same tendril of hair came loose, almost taunting him to touch it again, “Whatever you say hot stuff.” She smiled at him again, and she went back to her blueprint, once again getting lost in her own mind.

How did he not piss her off? How did she even stand to be in his presence? There was a reason Vegeta was alone; and he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t his fault most of the time. Now there was this beautiful woman (incredibly out of his league) who not only put up with his permanently aloof attitude, but had gotten him this job. He’d owned his own law firm, but it was really just a small studio in a shitty area of town. Business usually consisted of petty crimes and at least attempting to get reduced sentences for the scum of society. It really didn’t matter to Vegeta who he was representing as long as it paid the bills. He’d been called in for a gang deposition for the Icejin gang and somehow Bulma had heard about him from there. He was called into her fancy office wearing a second hand suit and had wanted to melt into the floor. From the way her father and other members had looked at him he was sure he’d be kicked out. Vegeta didn’t mince words, and had told the fifteen people sitting at that long interview table exactly how he felt about their methods of defending themselves.

Shitty. It was all shitty. How could they look themselves in the mirror when all they did was pay people out for lawsuits that were unjustified? How had they not gone bankrupt? Why was a company so willing to fail wanting to hire him? What was the point? A mouse fart could have been heard after his rant, the faces of all the old men at the table sallow and horrified.

He knew he’d done it then; had ruined his chances of ever having a good client.

Fuck.

Vegeta had turned to leave when he saw the blue haired woman standing in the doorway looking amused, “And where do you think you’re going tiger? You’re starting right now.”

“B-Bulma!” Dr. Briefs had stammered, “This young man had made it quite clear that he doesn’t wish to associate with us-”

Bulma’s blue eyes narrowed, and she peered around Vegeta’s shoulder to grin at her father, “Daddy, he is JUST who we need.”

“B-but princess-”

“Nice to meet you,” the woman had held her hand out to Vegeta, “I’m Bulma Briefs, co founder of Capsule Corp and head scientist. It’s a pleasure to have you as the newest employee. You’re office is down the hall, it’s the door right next to mine. You start immediately.”

Stunned, Vegeta shook her hand and she winked coyly, “Nice to have someone who will get things done. And you’re cute to boot.”

And that was how this whole crazy thing started. Because this certifiably insane, stunningly beautiful genius and business mogul had had given him a chance when all his life he’d been told no. They’re upbringings couldn’t have been more different, and yet here he was. Watching her work was like watching a painter, completely in their element. He had a thought that disturbed him and caused him pause, but was still not enough to stop him.

Vegeta pulled out his smart phone, pretending to check emails when in reality he was opening his camera app.

This was wrong. He could get in so much trouble. But if one day she got sick of him and kicked him out on the street and he never saw her again, he wanted to always remember her like this: Leaned over her desk, blue eyes fixated on her own genius taking shape and stunningly gorgeous despite not even trying. Vegeta hit the button and captured a single silenced photo before quickly tucking his phone back into his pocket.

Bulma kept working, blissfully unaware of what had just transpired. Vegeta pretended to glance around the room, then noticed the still unopened sandwich beside her. He knew she wouldn’t eat unless forced to at this point. Sighing, he stood and went to her side. Bulma glanced at him questioningly as he plucked the pencil from her hand, instead thrusting the sandwich into it, “Eat.” He said firmly. Blue eyes blinked, but Bulma obliged, finally sitting and unwrapping her lunch. Vegeta nodded, before turning and walking out of the lab doors.

He’d stare at that photo for minutes at a time in his office behind closed doors for the rest of the work day and even months after. It reminded him of her kindness, and it caused stirrings in his belly he didn’t know possible. There was no chance with her, Vegeta knew. So, this picture and dreams were all he had. He was okay with that. This single snapshot of a moment in time was his little secret. She’d never even know.

Besides, what harm could one little photograph do?

—

Here is is my friends; the prologue to Denial! Thank you all for the encouragement and kindness you have shown my stories. This is for all of you ❤️

#vegeta #lawyer vegeta #bulma #scientist bulma #vegebul #vegeta x bulma #dbz #dragonball z #au #mouse wrote a fic

[aestheticsalathiel]

On the rocks in a hard place

Why should i murder myself if im already dead inside? There's nothing left in me but memories and mistakes, im a bleeding, bruising, deteriorating shell. Almost completely hollow if it weren't for the vital organs keeping my body alive. I want to drink alcohol, drink untill my body becomes numb, numb enough to where i wont feel the vomit fill what's left of these empty spaces inside of me and overflow into my lungs until i choke. Is that suicide? At this point im not sure if i mean it to be, i just want to drink and sleep, dream of better things, happy things. If i wake up ill drink again, the sleep potion, happiness in a bottle, i don't care what it tastes like because if it i smile, if i don't have to be awake, if i can drift away for as long as there's liquid in the glass, the red cup, the flask, ill be at peace. Its considered selfish among many to want to wash the world away with a simple percentage of alcohol. So i ask this question, What the hell was it made for? To be coherent? To be observant? To provide means of stability? Hard to imagine when you're on all fours trying to climb the mount everest of 15 steps to your friends bedroom or bathroom or wherever the fuck you want to go because you're drunk and have no idea what you're doing. Maybe ill go for a walk today, maybe I'll read a book, maybe ill take a shower to wash off the days or hours of bad choices and regret, but when i get home, when i sit on my couch, when i stare at the black tv screen because i didn't turn it on before i sat down. Im going to want a glass of something on the rocks and im going to want to go to sleep, im going to want to pretend the day never happened and im going to want to take a sip, close my eyes, and have a genuine smile because no matter how hot it is outside, the drink is cold and that for no good reason will make me the happiest being on earth.

[spongeekat]

The 6 Times Peter Wanted To Reveal his Identity (And the 1 Time He Did) Chapter 2

read on ao3

Masterlist Here

As always, HUGE thank you to my beta reader @alurkerofnote who was super patient during my busy ass weekend! 

Day 2- Monday

“Peter?”

“Five more minutes, May…”

“Peter, dude, your phone won’t stop buzzing and the professor is getting annoyed.”

Professor? Shit.

Peter shot instantly awake, the blurry image of Mary Jane’s fire red hair permeating his sleep-heavy eyes. He gingerly picked his sore body up until he was sitting up, wiping the moisture that had gathered on his forehead away. As promised, the professor was making direct eye contact with him while she continued to speak, and her finger pointed sharply at Peter’s cell sitting on the edge of his desk. Sheepishly, he retrieved it and mouthed an apology. His thumbs drug the notification screen down, finding a few texts from an unknown number. He absently tried to listen to the lecture, but he must have slept through quite a few key concepts, because he had no idea what was being discussed. Well, just another night he’d have to spend teaching himself from the textbook.

Curiously he swiped until he arrived at his texting app, and the harassment he was receiving suddenly made sense.

hey petey-pie checkin in since u didnt message me

luv dp

u getting these???????? is this a fake number?

pls tell me u didnt die.

hellooooooooooooooo

im gonna sing until you answer

since uve been gone i been lost without a trace

i dream at night only i can see ur face

i look around but its u i cant replace

i feel so cold and i long 4 ur embrace

i keep cryin baby BABY PLEASE

OH CANT U SEEEEEEE

holy fuck balls this dude wont put down his gun ill finish the song later but pleeaaaaseee text me back <3 or ill come over

That last text was sent 3 minutes ago, and Peter could only imagine his poor next door neighbors’ faces if Deadpool decided to show up at their door. He hurriedly typed up a reply before that chance even came close to becoming reality, trying to ignore the romantic connotations of the song.

Sorry. In class. I’m doing fine. Not dead. Please don’t stop by. I live next to an elderly Hispanic woman that would have a heart attack if she saw you.

There was a uniform page turn in the rows surrounding him, and he took that as his cue to flip the page in his book. Wade hadn’t responded yet, and Peter briefly considered dipping out of school to make sure Mrs. Moreno wasn’t calling the police if Wade really had decided to show up.

i was calling my ride but im glad to hear back from u

do u need anything??

warm milk, a big hug, an xbox one?

“Who are you texting? You look like a dork.”

Mary Jane’s whispers distracted Peter from his stupor, and he realized then he had a grin tugging at his lips that had only appeared upon reading his texts. He wiped the stupid look from his face and sucked in a breath to give a well-thought out reply. “No one.”

“Ah.” The redhead pressed the tip of her pen against her rosy lips, giving Peter a knowing smile that had heat crawling up his neck. “A guy?”

“Oh my god, MJ, it’s not like that. I’m just on an app.” Peter whispered back more insistently, flipping his phone over on the desk. “Just funny pictures.”

“Mhmmm.” Mary Jane’s hum was too insincere, and it was clear she wasn’t about to let this go. “Well, you should get back to your ‘funny pictures’ before they disappear.”

“I will.” Peter murmured and swiped his phone from the desk, tucking it back under the edge of the desk. His eyes read over Wade’s texts a few more times, a few different responses dancing on his fingertips, before he finally decided to type.

I’ll be fine. Thanks for checking in.

In truth, these past few weeks had been brutal. Between tensions building in the city, accompanied by the rise of crime, and the press being hot on his ass every time he missed an opportunity to bring someone in to justice, he had been missing sleep and stressing harder about trying to become a more efficient hero in the city. The meal that Wade had forced on him was the first time he’d even touched real food in almost 2 weeks. Being pressured to have a ‘night-in’ had taken quite a lot of stress off of Peter’s shoulders for at least a day, but it also meant his body realized he was willing to let it rest for a little bit and was fighting him to try to catch up on more sleep. While the night before had been completely humiliating, it had been relaxing to be taken care of. For a little bit he and Wade had acted like more than a set of heroes, and the memory of his kindness was still burning hot in his mind.

But he wouldn’t let this go on for longer than a day. It was wrong to lie to him, even if it felt this good to pretend.

----

Being Spider-Man was simultaneously the biggest stressor and most freeing part of Peter’s day.

Saving lives and stopping crimes ranging from petty car thieves to mutant bank robbers was difficult. Balancing two lives that intermingled more often than Peter would have liked was even more difficult, often lying to the people he cared about the most just to keep them safe. It was hard navigating the grey-area between morally just and lawfully sound, and there were multiple occasions in which he felt like a criminal running from police after just busting a potential felon doing potentially bad things. He operated more along the lines of a vigilante than a hero in most cases, and it took a severe toll on his mental health. Especially lately, when the city seemed to be getting more dangerous as the presence of superpowered people increased, he had been slandered in media every which direction. Even Mary Jane praising his decisions had stopped helping. He felt like he was starting to become completely alone in the heroing thing.

And then there were the nights he was over the moon with ecstasy; adrenaline buzzing low in his ears, wind rushing up the corners of his mask and breezing over his lips, his webs snapping out from his wrists and catching his fall in perfect rhythm so he soared through the low city buildings like a bullet, his worries and stress melting off every second he spent in the air. Peter’s own personal drama and angst seemed to matter less when his focus was on helping others. No matter what was happening in his own life, he left it on the sill of his bedroom window. When he was out on the streets he was Spider-Man, not a kid struggling to keep his head above water. He had strength, allies, and a will to do good. Grades and sleep felt way less important than his obligation to New York.

Still, there were slip ups. Sometimes his lives intermingled uncomfortably close and he was left covering for both of his personas.

Peter didn’t expect Deadpool to be at this fight. His fists were preoccupied knocking a goon on his ass when the sharp zing of sharpened metal cut close to his ear. His spidey senses hadn’t gone off, warning him of the impending sword, and when he jut his chin back to check who was behind him, he knew why. They never went off when he was around Wade anymore, because he wasn’t in danger around him.

That didn’t stop the anxiety that flooded his chest cavity a second later, however. He had gotten close to making a smartass comment so they could commence their banter that took place during every fight, when the memory of who he was under the mask- who Wade was now acquainted with- hit him hard.

Shit.

“You weren’t planning to keep a good fight like this from bad ol’ me, were you? Spidey, I’m shocked!” Wade greeted as he kicked back one of the men running at him with a bat, slicing the object in two. He’d gotten pretty good at the injuring and the take-downs without the actual murder. Peter grunted in response, maintaining his focus on jabbing, webbing, and jumping out of the way when his instincts called for it. “And here I was, hoping I’d see that tight butt come swinging past me tonight.”

“Not now.” Peter muttered, ducking just in time to miss getting his skull bashed in by a dude with a crowbar. Why crowbars? Why were henchmen so obsessed with their crowbars?

“Aww, okay, I see. You’re mad at me. Was it for ditching you last night? Because I swear, I was doing good! See, there was this kid about to do a triple flip face plant into the asphalt behind my apartment, and I really wanted to make sure he was okay, ‘cause he was alone and it was late and stuff, and-”

“Can you not talk for like, a second?” Peter didn’t mean to use such an aggressive tone, especially not on Wade who deserved it the least, but hearing Wade talk about him to him when he didn’t even mean to… it was making his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He slammed his knuckles into the jaw of one of the larger men surrounding him, receiving a crack in return. Oof, that would leave a bruise.

“Oooookay, Spider-ooni. I’ll let you focus.” Wade forfeited easily, catching a heavily swung and splintering 2 x 4 with his forearm.

Peter released a satisfied sigh that he didn’t really mean, his lean body hopping out of the way of a kick to the side before he shot a web at the attacker’s face.

---

The fight only lasted another few minutes. The goons, that had decided to test their pride rather than flee the scuffle they were at a clear disadvantage in, ended up face-down on the pavement, hands bound in web-handcuffs, and with a few broken noses or crooked arms scattered among them. Peter had been a bit too forceful tonight, he could admit, but it had been hard enough to focus on reeling in his strength when there was someone else on his brain.

And then said man had showed up and blew his head right open.

They were currently kicked back on a vacant apartment balcony, Peter sitting on the rails while Wade stood a few feet away but very much present, pulling off his gloves to assess the extent of the blood stains on his armor. It was chilly, and Peter knew he’d have to head home soon, but he couldn’t really deny Wade’s invitation to hang out for a little bit after all he had done for him the night before.

Even if Wade didn’t know he was the same kid he’d been ‘saving.’.

“Soooo…” Wade cut into his thoughts, his voice drawing Peter’s attention back to the surface. He glanced over at his fighting partner, surprised to see his face aiming off somewhere else. Wade acting timid was an odd sight. “You okay?”

“Huh?” Peter’s stomach churned and he blinked, even if the action was hidden by lenses. “Yeah?” No. “Why?”

“You’ve been acting funny, that's all.” Wade shrugged, and tucked his arms up against the balcony to lean on the rails. “You avoided me like all last week.”

“What? No I didn’t.” Peter said defensively, confusion clear in his voice. He had been making his plans for days, and sure, that may have lead to him feeling too awkward to really hang around Wade, but they just hadn’t seen each other that was all.

He hadn’t made an effort to find him until that night, though, either.

Wade paused, as if he was thinking of responding but decided against it, before his tone changed and he seemed to drop it all together. “Well, it’s okay, I did a lil’ heroing on my own anyways.”

“Oh really?” Peter asked with awkward amusement, tucking his ankles between the vertical railings to keep his balance a little better.

“Yup. I stopped a kid from killing himself and I’ve been checking up on him every day. I figured you’d be proud of me since you like all that righteous stuff.”

“So you only did it to impress me?” Peter asked flatly.

“What? No no no, Spidey, I did it because I didn’t wanna watch another good person die alone. Plus, if he was like bad or something I wasn’t gonna try very hard, but he was really hot- which I know, is totally shitty to think since he was getting ready to dive, but he just seemed like a depressed nerd and I guess that might kinda be my type. Actually, that’s not entirely true, because I like when someone can make me laugh, and long walks on the beach, and...”

Peter felt a tinge of jealousy in his stomach at his description of the boy he’d saved, which was ridiculous, considering it was him. He tuned out of Wade’s ramblings and squeezed tighter onto the railing, feeling the metal bending under his fingers. Maybe it was better to keep his identities secret. After all, Wade seemed so proud of himself for ‘helping’ Peter. Was it worth taking that away? He could just avoid Wade in his personal life. The man would give up if he realized his efforts weren’t being reciprocated and Peter stopped serving as entertainment.

That’s probably all he was. Charity fused with an audience.

“...But I guess that’s why I dated that crazy chick two years ago. She had a super cute face but she was also obsessed with ending the patriarchy and killing men. I think she stabbed me a few times in my sleep, too. But I guess crazy and crazy make a great match. Even if we ended pretty badly.”

“I think I’m gonna head back.” Peter announced, tucking his toes underneath himself until he was stood on the fence. Wade straightened, looking up at him inquisitively from the balcony floor. “I have an early morning.”

“We’ll meet up tomorrow night, though, right?” Wade asked hopefully.

“We’ll see.” Peter murmured, before he shot web fibers off into the dark and took off with a leap.

#spideypool #spiderman #deadpool #fanfic #spideypool fanfic #marvel #spideypool big bang 2018

[samanthasroberts]

Genius Gifts For Dads Who Say They Don’t Want Anything

On Valentines Day, you can always buy your partner chocolate. For Mothers Day, a spa gift certificate is asafe bet. But gifts for dads?The standard go-to Fathers Day gift is a tie, and its pretty lame. Then again, dads usually make gift giving even more challenging by insisting they want nothing this year. So, what can you do for the dad who doesnt want anything?

Thankfully, there are lots ofgenius products any dadwould lovethatgo way beyond Number 1 Dad mugs and novelty T-shirts. You can actually find Fathers Day presents that seem to do the impossible be something your dad would actually use.

Whether your dad is into unique grilling tools or having a robot clean his floors, get him something he actually wants so that when he opens up the Worlds Best Farter (I mean father) T-shirt you mistakenly thought would be funny, youre not the only one laughing. Better yet, you wont ever have to relive the day when you called his bluff and actually got him nothing. (Ive done that, and the look of disappointment is gut-wrenching.)

This year, really do Fathers Day right and get your dad one of these genius gifts he didnt even know he needed.

1. A Bottle Top That Gives YouInstantly Cold Beer

Amazon

Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, $20 (2 Pack), Amazon

For Fathers Day, give him the beautiful gift of an ice-cold beer. I dont mean pick up a six-pack and put a bow on it, but get your dad these instant beer coolers. Keepthe Corkcicles in the freezer, and when a warm beer emergency strikes, just pop the Corkcicle into the bottle, and boom, instantly chilled brew. Its perfect for barbecues, parties, or anytime your dad forgot to put his beer in the fridge.

2. An Expandable Stand For His Electronics

Amazon

PopSockets: Expanding Stand and Grip for Smartphones and Tablets, $10, Amazon

Your dad might not be aware of the glory of watching Netflix on his phone or tablet, but with this stand, hell be converted. The stand can also be usedas a grip for easier texting and calling. Italso folds completely flat, so you can keep it on your phone and still fit yourcell in your pocket.

Plus, its way easier to hold onto your phone with this grip, so therell be way fewer instances of dropping the phone and cracking the screen. (And if youre asking if you should buy a second for yourself, the answer is.)

3. A New Card Game For The Political And Hilarious Dad

Amazon

Trumped Up Cards: A Multi-Player Card Game for Adults, $25, Amazon

If your dad loves Cards Against Humanity and also hates Donald Trump, this game will be perfect.

One Amazon user wrote: This board game prompted the first time Trump and fun appeared in a same sentence of mine. Playing it on a number of occasions, with different crowds, each time it delivered laughs, catharsis, and knowledge I grew up in New York and I didnt know Trump did all of those things, said one of our guests. Besides holding up as an enjoyably competitive board game (players take turns being all-powerful CEO), is full of fascinating, funny, and yes, sometimes frightening facts about the 45th president.

4. An External Battery So HisCell Stays Charged

Amazon

EC Technology Power Bank External Battery, $33, Amazon

No matter how technologically savvy your dad might be, hell sometimes get caught with a dead cell battery. This high-capacity external batteryfeatures three USB outlets to charge your electronics quickly. If thats not enough, it also features a strong LED flashlight, so if hes ever caught in a blackout, this battery will make him the most popular person in the room.

5. A Travel Mug Thats Insanely Popular

Amazon

Contigo Autoseal West Loop Travel Mug, $17, Amazon

OK, a coffee mug doesnt sound like a genius gift, but this is a pretty exceptional mug. This lid seals super tight, so youll never have a leak or spill. Plus,vacuum insulationkeeps drinks hot for seven hours (perfect for when he inevitably forgets he poured himself a cup.)

On Amazon, this mug hasalmost 14,000 reviews, and one user wrote: This is the best coffee mug I have ever owned. bottom line: lives up to its promise. I actually forgot this mug in my office before a meeting and when I came back for it six hours later the coffee was still STEAMING.

6. Claws. Yep,.

Amazon

Grillaholics Meat Claws (Set of 2), $13, Amazon

If your dad loves to grill, hell love it even more when he can tear it apart with these meat claws. You can use these to lift hot meal off the grill, shred it, or just pretend to be a grilling beast. The clawsare BPA-free, so you dont have to worry about melting or any kind of plastic contamination. Since theyre dishwasher safe, clean up is easy and wearing claws while you cook just makes everything more fun.

7. A Backpack Suitable For A Grown-Ass Man

Amazon

Mancro Business Laptop Backpack, $29, Amazon

The days of briefcases are over and your dad needs something thats comfortable and professional looking to carry his laptop. Thats where this backpack comes in. It can hold any laptop under 17 inches and has 15 pockets to keep all his things separate and organized. Fully waterproof, he can carry his laptop in the rain without worry. Plus, the bag is extra futuristic with its external USB port to keep his electronic charged.

8. A Travel Coffee Press

Amazon

Espro Coffee Travel Press, $32, Amazon

If your dad doesnt have a lot of time in the morning but needs his coffee, this travel press will make his day. Just throw in grounds and some boiling water and the travel press brews the coffee on the go. It has a double micro-filter so he wont end up drinking bits of grounds and the double-walled stainless steel cup keeps the coffee warm all day.

Plus, its BPA, BPS, and phthalate-free, so you dont have to worry about a side of chemicals with your morning brew.

9. A Book For The Scientific Dad With A Silly Side

Amazon

What If: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, $14, Amazon

If your dad loves to drill you with crazy hypothetical questions, he will love this book.Finally, we all get to know the answer to the question, How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? The book is full of very serious, scientifically accurate answer to insanely crazy questions.

Based on the questions from fans of the webcomic Randall Munroe compiled the most fascinating questions and gave incredibly thorough answers.

9. A Handheld Console For His Favorite RetroCartridges

Amazon

Retro-Bit RDP Portable Handheld Console, $90, Amazon

Whether your dad used to love his Gameboy or always resented Santa for never getting him one, give dad a taste of childhood with this handheld retro gaming console. This console plays almost any old cartridge (Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Genesis) and the player is light enough to take anywhere. You get about eight hours of playtime per charge, so itll get your dad (and lets be honest, )through any future road trips or train commutes.

10. A Super Strong Bottle Opener You Can Stick On Your Fridge

Amazon

SUCK UK Bottle Opener Fridge Magnet, $13, Amazon

Bottle openers have a magical way of disappearing every time you need one. Dont let your dad fish around the kitchen drawers for an hour, get him this bottle opener magnet. Stick in your fridge and youre done. The super strong magnet will stay put and youll never lose your opener again.

The magnet is non-scratch, so it wont mess up the high-tech fridge your dad spent a fortune on, and can easily take it on and of if you ever need the bottle opener elsewhere. Plus, its made of stainless steel, so itll hold up to years of steady bottle opening.

11. A TabletMount That Brings The Internet To Your Kitchen

Amazon

CTA Digital 2-in-1 Kitchen Mount Stand, $29, Amazon

Its surprising how often you need to use your tablet in the kitchen, but dont want to lay it on the counter to get immediately covered in hot spaghetti sauce. This kitchen stand solves the problem.It can hold any size tablet or even a Nintendo Switch, just in case your dad has a game going that he really cant put down. You can attach it to a wall or cabinet, or remove the mount completely and use it as a table stand.

With easy release buttons, you can get your tablet in and out of the stand quickly as dadlooks over recipes or gives Facebook a quick check to do some light spying on his kids.

12. A High-Tech TurntableFor Your Dads Record Collection

Amazon

Jensen 3 Speed Stereo Turntable, $51, Amazon

If your dads record collection is gathering dust, get him this new turntable. The turntable features three speeds and speakers, so you have everything you need to play all your vinyl plus, it comes with an input jack, so you can hook up a smartphone or MP3 player to its speaker.

But the best part is that this turntable comes with a USB port and audio software so you can transfer your records to MP3s. This gift is the best of old and new school and will suit all of your dads musical needs for years to come.

13. A Project That Turns Any Room Into A Home Theater

Amazon

DBPOWER 1500 Lumens LCD Mini Projector, $110, Amazon

For a movie-loving dad, this mini-projector will make his day. Its a compact size but 50 percentbrighter than a standard LED projector and only a portion of the price. You can connect your phone, tablet, computer, USB drive, or HD setup boxand see it projected on a screen or blank wall. Forget about a 75-inch TV, this can give you up to a 176-inch projection.

If your dad plays the Super Bowl this year at that size, hell be the most popular guy in the neighborhood. (And youll have more screen space to freak out over Beyonc.)

14. A Massager To Instantly Soothe HisAching Muscles

Amazon

1byone Shiatsu Deep-Kneading Massager, $47, Amazon

Dad might be a little shy about asking for a massage or a gift certificate to a spa, but hell definitely appreciate this deep-kneading massager. Use it at home, in the car, or at the office to reduce shoulder tension, neck aches, or back pain. The rotating nodes imitate a professional shiatsu massage, so those troublesome shoulder knots will be gone in no time.

Plus, it heats up for even better relaxation. The only downside of this gift is that you and everyone else in your family will immediately want one after they see how amazing it is.

15. A Family Board Game Your Dad Will Actually Love

Amazon

The Game of Things Board Game, $23, Amazon

The Game of Thingsis a great board game thats easy to play and helps you get to know all the players better. Everyone playing gets a topic on a card, each player writes down an answer, and you have to guess who said what. This isnt about trivia or getting an answer right, but trying to come up with a fun answer and seeing how well you know the players at hand.

The game is more innocent than Cards Against Humanity since you get topicslike Things you would do with a million dollars or Things you shouldnt do in an elevator. So, you can play it with the whole family without hearing anything too embarrassing, but its also really fun and you might find out how hilarious your dad really is.

16. The Acupressure Mat That Brings Immediate Relaxation

Amazon

ProSource Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set, $20, Amazon

Dads often like to pretend that theyre so strong that nothing gets to them. But everybody gets stressed sometimes, and dads are no different. This acupressure mat and pillow set is designed to trigger pressure points to relax the muscles and relieve tension and stress. The product claims that laying on the mat for 10minutes a day can help release endorphins that block pain and youll feel shoulder, back, and neck issues slowly melt away. Plus, the pressure points increase blood flow so muscles repair faster and you feel a little more energized.

17. A Tie Rack For All Your Previous Fathers Day Gifts

Amazon

Primode Motorized Tie Rack with LED Lights, $33, Amazon

Your dad needs something to contain the multitude of ties from previous Fathers Days. This motorized tie rack holds up to 72 ties and eight belts. It rotates with ease at the touch of a button, so your dad can look through his prodigious collection to pick out only the best tie for his day. To make it even cooler, the rack had LED lights, so he wont have to worry about selecting a tie from the back of a dark closet.

Yes, tie racks are lame Fathers Day gifts, but light-up, electric tie racks? Awesome.

18. Collar Stays That Keeps Your Dad Looking Classy

Amazon

CLEVERFIT the Adjustable Collar Stay, $30, Amazon

If your dads a man who rocks a suit and tie, keep him looking clean and classy with these collar stays. Though collar stays soundpretty old-timey and you probably dont know WTF they do, they actually make a huge difference. These stays are designed to fit all collared shirts with eight adjustable positions. In just a couple seconds, your dad can pop these on and never have to worry about having a floppy or sloppy collar ever again.

19. The All-In-One Face Wash

Amazon

Rugged and DapperDaily Power Scrub All-in-One Facial Cleanser for Men, $25, Amazon

A good face wash isnt just for women. Most dads might not be up for adopting a thorough skin regime, but they can definitely use this all-in-one cleanser. This does everything its a face wash, toner, and exfoliating scrub all in one bottle. It has natural ingredients like aloe vera, vitamin C, willow bark, and burdock root to cleanse and tone the skin.

No matter your dads skin type, this face wash works and works well.

20. A Beer Dispenser That Gives You Draft Quality Brews At Home

Amazon

Fizzics Waytap Beer Dispenser, $130, Amazon

If your dad is a true beer lover, hell be overjoyed with this beer dispenser. It was featured on, and it turns any old can or bottle of beer into a draft-quality brew. You can use any style of beer from stouts to IPAs and there no gas or chemicals used in the product. Just pop in four AA batteries and your canned beer is transformed into a full flavored draft.

Since its light, portable, and doesnt use any wires or tubes, your dad can take it to any backyardparties, tailgating events, or camping trip.

21. An Alarm Clock With A Million Uses

Amazon

Hale Dreamer Alarm Clock Speaker Dock, $20, Amazon

If your dads not a fan of getting up in the morning (guess we know where you get it from!), this alarm clock will make his life a lot easier. Its easy to set, and you can completely customize the sound, volume, and frequency of your morning alarm. Plus, it works as a smartphone dock and speaker, so you can play music at night or in the morning without leaving your bed. (And if it just so happens to find its way to your room instead of your parents, we wont tell.)

Dont worry that a phone call will come in a ruin your sleep, this alarm uses Smart Silence which automatically blocks all but emergency calls. Plus, you can use it as a white noise machine to help you drift off.

22. A Shampoo With A Morning Caffeine Boost

Amazon

ManCave Caffeine Shampoo, $12, Amazon

This caffeine shampoo isntmade to give dad extra energy in his morning shower, but to help withhair growth. The shampoo contains Vitamin E and shea butter to moisturize the scalp and hair, while the caffeine stimulates the roots of the hair to encourage growth.

If your dad isnt into fancy bath products, hell still love this. You use it every day, just like a normal shampoo, and there are no added scents, just natural cleaning power.

23. A Fascinating Book For The Adventurous Dad

Amazon

Atlas Obscura: An Explorers Guide to the Worlds Hidden Wonders, $21, Amazon

is an amazing website with tons of interestingfacts about bizarre places and stories from around the world. Thankfully, the site put their very best stories into thisbook. If your dad loves travel, adventure, or even weird history, hell absolutely love this book.

24. A Backup Cell Battery With A Delightful Design

Amazon

Lankoo Power BankUSB Charger, $18, Amazon

First of all, how many backup batteries come in fake sardine cans? Just this one. Inside the cool 3-D printedcase is a powerful USB charger that works with almost any smartphone or tablet.You get about two iPhone charges out of this battery, so you dont have to worry about constantly plugging it into a charger.

A backup battery is something everyone needs but most people forget to buy, so this is a great go-to for difficult-to-please dads.

25. A Cast Iron Pan For Perfect Pizza

Amazon

Lodge Seasoned Cast Iron Pizza Pan, $41, Amazon

If your dad loves making pizza as much as he doeseating it, this cast iron pan will make a perfect gift. Cast iron is the best material forheating evenly and staying hot, which makes it a great choice when making pizza. The reason cast iron pans arent used more often is that they can be a pain to season, which is the process used to prepare the cast iron for cooking.

But this pan is pre-seasoned and ready to pop in the oven. Cast iron is incredibly sturdy and never bends out of shape or loses even-heating capacity, so itll last a lifetime. Plus, if you get this for your dad, you can guilt him into making you pizza every time you come home. A win-win if Ive ever seen one.

26. A Pen That Does Everything

Amazon

EdgeWorks Screwdriver Multitool, $11, Amazon

Your dad will feel like James Bond will this badass multitool. It looks like a simple pen, but it also works as a tablet stylus, ruler for metric and imperial measurement, a bubble level, and comes with a Phillipsand flathead screwdriver.

Since its bright yellow, theres no chance your dad will lose it (but hey, you never know) and hell probably want to show it off any time theres a screwdriver or bubble level emergency.

27. A Shaving Kit With VintageCharm

Amazon

Gentleman Jon Complete Wet Shave Kit, $55, Amazon

If your dad is more of a Ron Swanson type, hell appreciate this old-school shaving kit. This kit is made with all super high-quality, long-lasting material and gives your dad the experience of a class wet shave. You get an impeccable safety razor, badger hair brush, alum block, stainless steel shave bowl, shave soap, and five extra blades.

If, like me, youre about to google alum block, let me save you so time: its a stone that helps stop bleeding from small cuts and also works to fight razor burn. This stuff is all top of the line and super classy.

28. A Kit For Customizable Hot Sauce

Amazon

DIY Gift Kits Hot Sauce Kits, $40, Amazon

If your dad is hooked on hot sauce, give him the chance to make his own with this kit.You have everything you need to make up to seven bottles of custom hot sauce. With bags of spices, peppers, glass bottles, labels, and easy-to-read recipe cards, your dad will be making sauce like a pro in no time. It even includes a pack of the super hot Ghost Pepper, so your dad can finally get the spicy mix of his dreams.

29. A Super Slim Wallet With A Minimalist Look

Amazon

SimpacX Genuine Leather Slim Wallet, $20, Amazon

Is your dad hanging onto a George Constanza-style wallet? Get him this slim billfold to help keep him organized. Made of real leather, this wallet features a minimalist design. You can hold up to 10cards plus cash and the wallet still lays flat and slim. Plus, its equipped with RFID technology to protect your valuable information. Sleek, simple, this wallet is a definite dad pleaser.

30. A Gaming Console Thatll Take Your Dad Back To Childhood

Amazon

Pac-Man Connect and Play 12 Classic Games, $15, Amazon

No matter how advanced video games get, theres something about the classics that are just delightful. If your dads into video games, hell seriously love this throwback collection of games. First of all, the whole thing is shaped like Pac-Man, so its already awesome. Then, you just plug it into your TV and play Pac-Man or 10other games like Galaga, Dig Dug, New Rally X, or the extreme Super Pac-Man.

The controller also opens up to store its A/V wires, so itll stay clean and neat on dads gaming shelf.

31. A Book Light He Can Use Anywhere

Amazon

LuminoLite Rechargeable LED Book Light, $15, Amazon

If your dad cant put a book down at bedtime,get him this book lightand save your mom from another sleepless night. The four LED lights are incredibly strong for their size and the lamp can clip anywhere. Dont worry about finding weird little batteries, this light is fully USB rechargeable. Plus, its super light, so dad can take it on trips and keep up his midnight reading wherever he goes.

32. A Foldable Exercise Bike That Dad Can Take Anywhere

Amazon

Stamina InStride Folding Cycle, $25, Amazon

Its tough to stay active when you work at a desk, so if your dad is looking to add a little exercise to his work day, get him this foldable bike. This cycle fits under the desk and folds away for easy carrying or storage. Whether you want a light ride or some heavy tension, the bike offers different resistance levels.

With its sturdy rubber base, your dad wont have to worry about the cycle slipping around as hes riding. Plus, theres an electric monitor so dad can accurately brag about his long work time workouts.

33. A Magnetic Wristband For Dads Workshop

Amazon

Mag-Band Magnetic Wristband, $10, Amazon

If I bought my dad a bracelet, he wouldnt be thrilled. But, if I bought him a magnetic wristband that makes working with tools even easier, hed be cool with it. This wristband features powerful magnets that can hold screws, nails, nut, bolts, basically all the small things that typically fall on the floor when your dads trying to work. Now, he can keep all the bits at hand and not have to worry about searching the floor for the one tiny washer he desperately needs.

34. A Portable Green So Dad Can Putt Anywhere

Amazon

Putt-A-Bout Grassroots Putting Green, $33, Amazon

This isnt a scientific fact, but from my experience, pretty much every dad loves golf. My dad always hated the sport growing up, but now he picks vacation spots based on who has the best course. So, give your dad a chance to practice more often with this portable putting green.

With three practice cups and built in sand traps to keep your putts from going all over the place, your dad will get a chance to seriously up his skills. Plus, its made from lightweight foam, so its easy to carry and only takes seconds to install.

35. A Robot To Clean YourFloors

Amazon

ILIFE V3s Robotic Vacuum Cleaner with Smart Auto Cleaning, $159, Amazon

Ive never met a dad wholoves cleaning the floors, butIve met a lot of dads who love robots. Finally, its all come together with this robot vacuum cleaner. It vacuums, sweeps, dry mops, and removes pet hair all while youre sitting on the couch. When the battery runs out, the robot automatically goes back to its charging station and uses smart sensors so it doesnt fall down the stairs or bump into everything.

Best of all, your dad will feel like hes living in the future with this robot helper automatically cleaning his floors.

Elite Daily may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Elite Dailys editorial and sales departments.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/

[jimdsmith34]

Genius Gifts For Dads Who Say They Don’t Want Anything

On Valentines Day, you can always buy your partner chocolate. For Mothers Day, a spa gift certificate is asafe bet. But gifts for dads?The standard go-to Fathers Day gift is a tie, and its pretty lame. Then again, dads usually make gift giving even more challenging by insisting they want nothing this year. So, what can you do for the dad who doesnt want anything?

Thankfully, there are lots ofgenius products any dadwould lovethatgo way beyond Number 1 Dad mugs and novelty T-shirts. You can actually find Fathers Day presents that seem to do the impossible be something your dad would actually use.

Whether your dad is into unique grilling tools or having a robot clean his floors, get him something he actually wants so that when he opens up the Worlds Best Farter (I mean father) T-shirt you mistakenly thought would be funny, youre not the only one laughing. Better yet, you wont ever have to relive the day when you called his bluff and actually got him nothing. (Ive done that, and the look of disappointment is gut-wrenching.)

This year, really do Fathers Day right and get your dad one of these genius gifts he didnt even know he needed.

1. A Bottle Top That Gives YouInstantly Cold Beer

Amazon

Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, $20 (2 Pack), Amazon

For Fathers Day, give him the beautiful gift of an ice-cold beer. I dont mean pick up a six-pack and put a bow on it, but get your dad these instant beer coolers. Keepthe Corkcicles in the freezer, and when a warm beer emergency strikes, just pop the Corkcicle into the bottle, and boom, instantly chilled brew. Its perfect for barbecues, parties, or anytime your dad forgot to put his beer in the fridge.

2. An Expandable Stand For His Electronics

Amazon

PopSockets: Expanding Stand and Grip for Smartphones and Tablets, $10, Amazon

Your dad might not be aware of the glory of watching Netflix on his phone or tablet, but with this stand, hell be converted. The stand can also be usedas a grip for easier texting and calling. Italso folds completely flat, so you can keep it on your phone and still fit yourcell in your pocket.

Plus, its way easier to hold onto your phone with this grip, so therell be way fewer instances of dropping the phone and cracking the screen. (And if youre asking if you should buy a second for yourself, the answer is.)

3. A New Card Game For The Political And Hilarious Dad

Amazon

Trumped Up Cards: A Multi-Player Card Game for Adults, $25, Amazon

If your dad loves Cards Against Humanity and also hates Donald Trump, this game will be perfect.

One Amazon user wrote: This board game prompted the first time Trump and fun appeared in a same sentence of mine. Playing it on a number of occasions, with different crowds, each time it delivered laughs, catharsis, and knowledge I grew up in New York and I didnt know Trump did all of those things, said one of our guests. Besides holding up as an enjoyably competitive board game (players take turns being all-powerful CEO), is full of fascinating, funny, and yes, sometimes frightening facts about the 45th president.

4. An External Battery So HisCell Stays Charged

Amazon

EC Technology Power Bank External Battery, $33, Amazon

No matter how technologically savvy your dad might be, hell sometimes get caught with a dead cell battery. This high-capacity external batteryfeatures three USB outlets to charge your electronics quickly. If thats not enough, it also features a strong LED flashlight, so if hes ever caught in a blackout, this battery will make him the most popular person in the room.

5. A Travel Mug Thats Insanely Popular

Amazon

Contigo Autoseal West Loop Travel Mug, $17, Amazon

OK, a coffee mug doesnt sound like a genius gift, but this is a pretty exceptional mug. This lid seals super tight, so youll never have a leak or spill. Plus,vacuum insulationkeeps drinks hot for seven hours (perfect for when he inevitably forgets he poured himself a cup.)

On Amazon, this mug hasalmost 14,000 reviews, and one user wrote: This is the best coffee mug I have ever owned. bottom line: lives up to its promise. I actually forgot this mug in my office before a meeting and when I came back for it six hours later the coffee was still STEAMING.

6. Claws. Yep,.

Amazon

Grillaholics Meat Claws (Set of 2), $13, Amazon

If your dad loves to grill, hell love it even more when he can tear it apart with these meat claws. You can use these to lift hot meal off the grill, shred it, or just pretend to be a grilling beast. The clawsare BPA-free, so you dont have to worry about melting or any kind of plastic contamination. Since theyre dishwasher safe, clean up is easy and wearing claws while you cook just makes everything more fun.

7. A Backpack Suitable For A Grown-Ass Man

Amazon

Mancro Business Laptop Backpack, $29, Amazon

The days of briefcases are over and your dad needs something thats comfortable and professional looking to carry his laptop. Thats where this backpack comes in. It can hold any laptop under 17 inches and has 15 pockets to keep all his things separate and organized. Fully waterproof, he can carry his laptop in the rain without worry. Plus, the bag is extra futuristic with its external USB port to keep his electronic charged.

8. A Travel Coffee Press

Amazon

Espro Coffee Travel Press, $32, Amazon

If your dad doesnt have a lot of time in the morning but needs his coffee, this travel press will make his day. Just throw in grounds and some boiling water and the travel press brews the coffee on the go. It has a double micro-filter so he wont end up drinking bits of grounds and the double-walled stainless steel cup keeps the coffee warm all day.

Plus, its BPA, BPS, and phthalate-free, so you dont have to worry about a side of chemicals with your morning brew.

9. A Book For The Scientific Dad With A Silly Side

Amazon

What If: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, $14, Amazon

If your dad loves to drill you with crazy hypothetical questions, he will love this book.Finally, we all get to know the answer to the question, How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? The book is full of very serious, scientifically accurate answer to insanely crazy questions.

Based on the questions from fans of the webcomic Randall Munroe compiled the most fascinating questions and gave incredibly thorough answers.

9. A Handheld Console For His Favorite RetroCartridges

Amazon

Retro-Bit RDP Portable Handheld Console, $90, Amazon

Whether your dad used to love his Gameboy or always resented Santa for never getting him one, give dad a taste of childhood with this handheld retro gaming console. This console plays almost any old cartridge (Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Genesis) and the player is light enough to take anywhere. You get about eight hours of playtime per charge, so itll get your dad (and lets be honest, )through any future road trips or train commutes.

10. A Super Strong Bottle Opener You Can Stick On Your Fridge

Amazon

SUCK UK Bottle Opener Fridge Magnet, $13, Amazon

Bottle openers have a magical way of disappearing every time you need one. Dont let your dad fish around the kitchen drawers for an hour, get him this bottle opener magnet. Stick in your fridge and youre done. The super strong magnet will stay put and youll never lose your opener again.

The magnet is non-scratch, so it wont mess up the high-tech fridge your dad spent a fortune on, and can easily take it on and of if you ever need the bottle opener elsewhere. Plus, its made of stainless steel, so itll hold up to years of steady bottle opening.

11. A TabletMount That Brings The Internet To Your Kitchen

Amazon

CTA Digital 2-in-1 Kitchen Mount Stand, $29, Amazon

Its surprising how often you need to use your tablet in the kitchen, but dont want to lay it on the counter to get immediately covered in hot spaghetti sauce. This kitchen stand solves the problem.It can hold any size tablet or even a Nintendo Switch, just in case your dad has a game going that he really cant put down. You can attach it to a wall or cabinet, or remove the mount completely and use it as a table stand.

With easy release buttons, you can get your tablet in and out of the stand quickly as dadlooks over recipes or gives Facebook a quick check to do some light spying on his kids.

12. A High-Tech TurntableFor Your Dads Record Collection

Amazon

Jensen 3 Speed Stereo Turntable, $51, Amazon

If your dads record collection is gathering dust, get him this new turntable. The turntable features three speeds and speakers, so you have everything you need to play all your vinyl plus, it comes with an input jack, so you can hook up a smartphone or MP3 player to its speaker.

But the best part is that this turntable comes with a USB port and audio software so you can transfer your records to MP3s. This gift is the best of old and new school and will suit all of your dads musical needs for years to come.

13. A Project That Turns Any Room Into A Home Theater

Amazon

DBPOWER 1500 Lumens LCD Mini Projector, $110, Amazon

For a movie-loving dad, this mini-projector will make his day. Its a compact size but 50 percentbrighter than a standard LED projector and only a portion of the price. You can connect your phone, tablet, computer, USB drive, or HD setup boxand see it projected on a screen or blank wall. Forget about a 75-inch TV, this can give you up to a 176-inch projection.

If your dad plays the Super Bowl this year at that size, hell be the most popular guy in the neighborhood. (And youll have more screen space to freak out over Beyonc.)

14. A Massager To Instantly Soothe HisAching Muscles

Amazon

1byone Shiatsu Deep-Kneading Massager, $47, Amazon

Dad might be a little shy about asking for a massage or a gift certificate to a spa, but hell definitely appreciate this deep-kneading massager. Use it at home, in the car, or at the office to reduce shoulder tension, neck aches, or back pain. The rotating nodes imitate a professional shiatsu massage, so those troublesome shoulder knots will be gone in no time.

Plus, it heats up for even better relaxation. The only downside of this gift is that you and everyone else in your family will immediately want one after they see how amazing it is.

15. A Family Board Game Your Dad Will Actually Love

Amazon

The Game of Things Board Game, $23, Amazon

The Game of Thingsis a great board game thats easy to play and helps you get to know all the players better. Everyone playing gets a topic on a card, each player writes down an answer, and you have to guess who said what. This isnt about trivia or getting an answer right, but trying to come up with a fun answer and seeing how well you know the players at hand.

The game is more innocent than Cards Against Humanity since you get topicslike Things you would do with a million dollars or Things you shouldnt do in an elevator. So, you can play it with the whole family without hearing anything too embarrassing, but its also really fun and you might find out how hilarious your dad really is.

16. The Acupressure Mat That Brings Immediate Relaxation

Amazon

ProSource Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set, $20, Amazon

Dads often like to pretend that theyre so strong that nothing gets to them. But everybody gets stressed sometimes, and dads are no different. This acupressure mat and pillow set is designed to trigger pressure points to relax the muscles and relieve tension and stress. The product claims that laying on the mat for 10minutes a day can help release endorphins that block pain and youll feel shoulder, back, and neck issues slowly melt away. Plus, the pressure points increase blood flow so muscles repair faster and you feel a little more energized.

17. A Tie Rack For All Your Previous Fathers Day Gifts

Amazon

Primode Motorized Tie Rack with LED Lights, $33, Amazon

Your dad needs something to contain the multitude of ties from previous Fathers Days. This motorized tie rack holds up to 72 ties and eight belts. It rotates with ease at the touch of a button, so your dad can look through his prodigious collection to pick out only the best tie for his day. To make it even cooler, the rack had LED lights, so he wont have to worry about selecting a tie from the back of a dark closet.

Yes, tie racks are lame Fathers Day gifts, but light-up, electric tie racks? Awesome.

18. Collar Stays That Keeps Your Dad Looking Classy

Amazon

CLEVERFIT the Adjustable Collar Stay, $30, Amazon

If your dads a man who rocks a suit and tie, keep him looking clean and classy with these collar stays. Though collar stays soundpretty old-timey and you probably dont know WTF they do, they actually make a huge difference. These stays are designed to fit all collared shirts with eight adjustable positions. In just a couple seconds, your dad can pop these on and never have to worry about having a floppy or sloppy collar ever again.

19. The All-In-One Face Wash

Amazon

Rugged and DapperDaily Power Scrub All-in-One Facial Cleanser for Men, $25, Amazon

A good face wash isnt just for women. Most dads might not be up for adopting a thorough skin regime, but they can definitely use this all-in-one cleanser. This does everything its a face wash, toner, and exfoliating scrub all in one bottle. It has natural ingredients like aloe vera, vitamin C, willow bark, and burdock root to cleanse and tone the skin.

No matter your dads skin type, this face wash works and works well.

20. A Beer Dispenser That Gives You Draft Quality Brews At Home

Amazon

Fizzics Waytap Beer Dispenser, $130, Amazon

If your dad is a true beer lover, hell be overjoyed with this beer dispenser. It was featured on, and it turns any old can or bottle of beer into a draft-quality brew. You can use any style of beer from stouts to IPAs and there no gas or chemicals used in the product. Just pop in four AA batteries and your canned beer is transformed into a full flavored draft.

Since its light, portable, and doesnt use any wires or tubes, your dad can take it to any backyardparties, tailgating events, or camping trip.

21. An Alarm Clock With A Million Uses

Amazon

Hale Dreamer Alarm Clock Speaker Dock, $20, Amazon

If your dads not a fan of getting up in the morning (guess we know where you get it from!), this alarm clock will make his life a lot easier. Its easy to set, and you can completely customize the sound, volume, and frequency of your morning alarm. Plus, it works as a smartphone dock and speaker, so you can play music at night or in the morning without leaving your bed. (And if it just so happens to find its way to your room instead of your parents, we wont tell.)

Dont worry that a phone call will come in a ruin your sleep, this alarm uses Smart Silence which automatically blocks all but emergency calls. Plus, you can use it as a white noise machine to help you drift off.

22. A Shampoo With A Morning Caffeine Boost

Amazon

ManCave Caffeine Shampoo, $12, Amazon

This caffeine shampoo isntmade to give dad extra energy in his morning shower, but to help withhair growth. The shampoo contains Vitamin E and shea butter to moisturize the scalp and hair, while the caffeine stimulates the roots of the hair to encourage growth.

If your dad isnt into fancy bath products, hell still love this. You use it every day, just like a normal shampoo, and there are no added scents, just natural cleaning power.

23. A Fascinating Book For The Adventurous Dad

Amazon

Atlas Obscura: An Explorers Guide to the Worlds Hidden Wonders, $21, Amazon

is an amazing website with tons of interestingfacts about bizarre places and stories from around the world. Thankfully, the site put their very best stories into thisbook. If your dad loves travel, adventure, or even weird history, hell absolutely love this book.

24. A Backup Cell Battery With A Delightful Design

Amazon

Lankoo Power BankUSB Charger, $18, Amazon

First of all, how many backup batteries come in fake sardine cans? Just this one. Inside the cool 3-D printedcase is a powerful USB charger that works with almost any smartphone or tablet.You get about two iPhone charges out of this battery, so you dont have to worry about constantly plugging it into a charger.

A backup battery is something everyone needs but most people forget to buy, so this is a great go-to for difficult-to-please dads.

25. A Cast Iron Pan For Perfect Pizza

Amazon

Lodge Seasoned Cast Iron Pizza Pan, $41, Amazon

If your dad loves making pizza as much as he doeseating it, this cast iron pan will make a perfect gift. Cast iron is the best material forheating evenly and staying hot, which makes it a great choice when making pizza. The reason cast iron pans arent used more often is that they can be a pain to season, which is the process used to prepare the cast iron for cooking.

But this pan is pre-seasoned and ready to pop in the oven. Cast iron is incredibly sturdy and never bends out of shape or loses even-heating capacity, so itll last a lifetime. Plus, if you get this for your dad, you can guilt him into making you pizza every time you come home. A win-win if Ive ever seen one.

26. A Pen That Does Everything

Amazon

EdgeWorks Screwdriver Multitool, $11, Amazon

Your dad will feel like James Bond will this badass multitool. It looks like a simple pen, but it also works as a tablet stylus, ruler for metric and imperial measurement, a bubble level, and comes with a Phillipsand flathead screwdriver.

Since its bright yellow, theres no chance your dad will lose it (but hey, you never know) and hell probably want to show it off any time theres a screwdriver or bubble level emergency.

27. A Shaving Kit With VintageCharm

Amazon

Gentleman Jon Complete Wet Shave Kit, $55, Amazon

If your dad is more of a Ron Swanson type, hell appreciate this old-school shaving kit. This kit is made with all super high-quality, long-lasting material and gives your dad the experience of a class wet shave. You get an impeccable safety razor, badger hair brush, alum block, stainless steel shave bowl, shave soap, and five extra blades.

If, like me, youre about to google alum block, let me save you so time: its a stone that helps stop bleeding from small cuts and also works to fight razor burn. This stuff is all top of the line and super classy.

28. A Kit For Customizable Hot Sauce

Amazon

DIY Gift Kits Hot Sauce Kits, $40, Amazon

If your dad is hooked on hot sauce, give him the chance to make his own with this kit.You have everything you need to make up to seven bottles of custom hot sauce. With bags of spices, peppers, glass bottles, labels, and easy-to-read recipe cards, your dad will be making sauce like a pro in no time. It even includes a pack of the super hot Ghost Pepper, so your dad can finally get the spicy mix of his dreams.

29. A Super Slim Wallet With A Minimalist Look

Amazon

SimpacX Genuine Leather Slim Wallet, $20, Amazon

Is your dad hanging onto a George Constanza-style wallet? Get him this slim billfold to help keep him organized. Made of real leather, this wallet features a minimalist design. You can hold up to 10cards plus cash and the wallet still lays flat and slim. Plus, its equipped with RFID technology to protect your valuable information. Sleek, simple, this wallet is a definite dad pleaser.

30. A Gaming Console Thatll Take Your Dad Back To Childhood

Amazon

Pac-Man Connect and Play 12 Classic Games, $15, Amazon

No matter how advanced video games get, theres something about the classics that are just delightful. If your dads into video games, hell seriously love this throwback collection of games. First of all, the whole thing is shaped like Pac-Man, so its already awesome. Then, you just plug it into your TV and play Pac-Man or 10other games like Galaga, Dig Dug, New Rally X, or the extreme Super Pac-Man.

The controller also opens up to store its A/V wires, so itll stay clean and neat on dads gaming shelf.

31. A Book Light He Can Use Anywhere

Amazon

LuminoLite Rechargeable LED Book Light, $15, Amazon

If your dad cant put a book down at bedtime,get him this book lightand save your mom from another sleepless night. The four LED lights are incredibly strong for their size and the lamp can clip anywhere. Dont worry about finding weird little batteries, this light is fully USB rechargeable. Plus, its super light, so dad can take it on trips and keep up his midnight reading wherever he goes.

32. A Foldable Exercise Bike That Dad Can Take Anywhere

Amazon

Stamina InStride Folding Cycle, $25, Amazon

Its tough to stay active when you work at a desk, so if your dad is looking to add a little exercise to his work day, get him this foldable bike. This cycle fits under the desk and folds away for easy carrying or storage. Whether you want a light ride or some heavy tension, the bike offers different resistance levels.

With its sturdy rubber base, your dad wont have to worry about the cycle slipping around as hes riding. Plus, theres an electric monitor so dad can accurately brag about his long work time workouts.

33. A Magnetic Wristband For Dads Workshop

Amazon

Mag-Band Magnetic Wristband, $10, Amazon

If I bought my dad a bracelet, he wouldnt be thrilled. But, if I bought him a magnetic wristband that makes working with tools even easier, hed be cool with it. This wristband features powerful magnets that can hold screws, nails, nut, bolts, basically all the small things that typically fall on the floor when your dads trying to work. Now, he can keep all the bits at hand and not have to worry about searching the floor for the one tiny washer he desperately needs.

34. A Portable Green So Dad Can Putt Anywhere

Amazon

Putt-A-Bout Grassroots Putting Green, $33, Amazon

This isnt a scientific fact, but from my experience, pretty much every dad loves golf. My dad always hated the sport growing up, but now he picks vacation spots based on who has the best course. So, give your dad a chance to practice more often with this portable putting green.

With three practice cups and built in sand traps to keep your putts from going all over the place, your dad will get a chance to seriously up his skills. Plus, its made from lightweight foam, so its easy to carry and only takes seconds to install.

35. A Robot To Clean YourFloors

Amazon

ILIFE V3s Robotic Vacuum Cleaner with Smart Auto Cleaning, $159, Amazon

Ive never met a dad wholoves cleaning the floors, butIve met a lot of dads who love robots. Finally, its all come together with this robot vacuum cleaner. It vacuums, sweeps, dry mops, and removes pet hair all while youre sitting on the couch. When the battery runs out, the robot automatically goes back to its charging station and uses smart sensors so it doesnt fall down the stairs or bump into everything.

Best of all, your dad will feel like hes living in the future with this robot helper automatically cleaning his floors.

Elite Daily may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Elite Dailys editorial and sales departments.

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont.html

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Genius Gifts For Dads Who Say They Don’t Want Anything

On Valentines Day, you can always buy your partner chocolate. For Mothers Day, a spa gift certificate is asafe bet. But gifts for dads?The standard go-to Fathers Day gift is a tie, and its pretty lame. Then again, dads usually make gift giving even more challenging by insisting they want nothing this year. So, what can you do for the dad who doesnt want anything?

Thankfully, there are lots ofgenius products any dadwould lovethatgo way beyond Number 1 Dad mugs and novelty T-shirts. You can actually find Fathers Day presents that seem to do the impossible be something your dad would actually use.

Whether your dad is into unique grilling tools or having a robot clean his floors, get him something he actually wants so that when he opens up the Worlds Best Farter (I mean father) T-shirt you mistakenly thought would be funny, youre not the only one laughing. Better yet, you wont ever have to relive the day when you called his bluff and actually got him nothing. (Ive done that, and the look of disappointment is gut-wrenching.)

This year, really do Fathers Day right and get your dad one of these genius gifts he didnt even know he needed.

1. A Bottle Top That Gives YouInstantly Cold Beer

Amazon

Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, $20 (2 Pack), Amazon

For Fathers Day, give him the beautiful gift of an ice-cold beer. I dont mean pick up a six-pack and put a bow on it, but get your dad these instant beer coolers. Keepthe Corkcicles in the freezer, and when a warm beer emergency strikes, just pop the Corkcicle into the bottle, and boom, instantly chilled brew. Its perfect for barbecues, parties, or anytime your dad forgot to put his beer in the fridge.

2. An Expandable Stand For His Electronics

Amazon

PopSockets: Expanding Stand and Grip for Smartphones and Tablets, $10, Amazon

Your dad might not be aware of the glory of watching Netflix on his phone or tablet, but with this stand, hell be converted. The stand can also be usedas a grip for easier texting and calling. Italso folds completely flat, so you can keep it on your phone and still fit yourcell in your pocket.

Plus, its way easier to hold onto your phone with this grip, so therell be way fewer instances of dropping the phone and cracking the screen. (And if youre asking if you should buy a second for yourself, the answer is.)

3. A New Card Game For The Political And Hilarious Dad

Amazon

Trumped Up Cards: A Multi-Player Card Game for Adults, $25, Amazon

If your dad loves Cards Against Humanity and also hates Donald Trump, this game will be perfect.

One Amazon user wrote: This board game prompted the first time Trump and fun appeared in a same sentence of mine. Playing it on a number of occasions, with different crowds, each time it delivered laughs, catharsis, and knowledge I grew up in New York and I didnt know Trump did all of those things, said one of our guests. Besides holding up as an enjoyably competitive board game (players take turns being all-powerful CEO), is full of fascinating, funny, and yes, sometimes frightening facts about the 45th president.

4. An External Battery So HisCell Stays Charged

Amazon

EC Technology Power Bank External Battery, $33, Amazon

No matter how technologically savvy your dad might be, hell sometimes get caught with a dead cell battery. This high-capacity external batteryfeatures three USB outlets to charge your electronics quickly. If thats not enough, it also features a strong LED flashlight, so if hes ever caught in a blackout, this battery will make him the most popular person in the room.

5. A Travel Mug Thats Insanely Popular

Amazon

Contigo Autoseal West Loop Travel Mug, $17, Amazon

OK, a coffee mug doesnt sound like a genius gift, but this is a pretty exceptional mug. This lid seals super tight, so youll never have a leak or spill. Plus,vacuum insulationkeeps drinks hot for seven hours (perfect for when he inevitably forgets he poured himself a cup.)

On Amazon, this mug hasalmost 14,000 reviews, and one user wrote: This is the best coffee mug I have ever owned. bottom line: lives up to its promise. I actually forgot this mug in my office before a meeting and when I came back for it six hours later the coffee was still STEAMING.

6. Claws. Yep,.

Amazon

Grillaholics Meat Claws (Set of 2), $13, Amazon

If your dad loves to grill, hell love it even more when he can tear it apart with these meat claws. You can use these to lift hot meal off the grill, shred it, or just pretend to be a grilling beast. The clawsare BPA-free, so you dont have to worry about melting or any kind of plastic contamination. Since theyre dishwasher safe, clean up is easy and wearing claws while you cook just makes everything more fun.

7. A Backpack Suitable For A Grown-Ass Man

Amazon

Mancro Business Laptop Backpack, $29, Amazon

The days of briefcases are over and your dad needs something thats comfortable and professional looking to carry his laptop. Thats where this backpack comes in. It can hold any laptop under 17 inches and has 15 pockets to keep all his things separate and organized. Fully waterproof, he can carry his laptop in the rain without worry. Plus, the bag is extra futuristic with its external USB port to keep his electronic charged.

8. A Travel Coffee Press

Amazon

Espro Coffee Travel Press, $32, Amazon

If your dad doesnt have a lot of time in the morning but needs his coffee, this travel press will make his day. Just throw in grounds and some boiling water and the travel press brews the coffee on the go. It has a double micro-filter so he wont end up drinking bits of grounds and the double-walled stainless steel cup keeps the coffee warm all day.

Plus, its BPA, BPS, and phthalate-free, so you dont have to worry about a side of chemicals with your morning brew.

9. A Book For The Scientific Dad With A Silly Side

Amazon

What If: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, $14, Amazon

If your dad loves to drill you with crazy hypothetical questions, he will love this book.Finally, we all get to know the answer to the question, How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? The book is full of very serious, scientifically accurate answer to insanely crazy questions.

Based on the questions from fans of the webcomic Randall Munroe compiled the most fascinating questions and gave incredibly thorough answers.

9. A Handheld Console For His Favorite RetroCartridges

Amazon

Retro-Bit RDP Portable Handheld Console, $90, Amazon

Whether your dad used to love his Gameboy or always resented Santa for never getting him one, give dad a taste of childhood with this handheld retro gaming console. This console plays almost any old cartridge (Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Genesis) and the player is light enough to take anywhere. You get about eight hours of playtime per charge, so itll get your dad (and lets be honest, )through any future road trips or train commutes.

10. A Super Strong Bottle Opener You Can Stick On Your Fridge

Amazon

SUCK UK Bottle Opener Fridge Magnet, $13, Amazon

Bottle openers have a magical way of disappearing every time you need one. Dont let your dad fish around the kitchen drawers for an hour, get him this bottle opener magnet. Stick in your fridge and youre done. The super strong magnet will stay put and youll never lose your opener again.

The magnet is non-scratch, so it wont mess up the high-tech fridge your dad spent a fortune on, and can easily take it on and of if you ever need the bottle opener elsewhere. Plus, its made of stainless steel, so itll hold up to years of steady bottle opening.

11. A TabletMount That Brings The Internet To Your Kitchen

Amazon

CTA Digital 2-in-1 Kitchen Mount Stand, $29, Amazon

Its surprising how often you need to use your tablet in the kitchen, but dont want to lay it on the counter to get immediately covered in hot spaghetti sauce. This kitchen stand solves the problem.It can hold any size tablet or even a Nintendo Switch, just in case your dad has a game going that he really cant put down. You can attach it to a wall or cabinet, or remove the mount completely and use it as a table stand.

With easy release buttons, you can get your tablet in and out of the stand quickly as dadlooks over recipes or gives Facebook a quick check to do some light spying on his kids.

12. A High-Tech TurntableFor Your Dads Record Collection

Amazon

Jensen 3 Speed Stereo Turntable, $51, Amazon

If your dads record collection is gathering dust, get him this new turntable. The turntable features three speeds and speakers, so you have everything you need to play all your vinyl plus, it comes with an input jack, so you can hook up a smartphone or MP3 player to its speaker.

But the best part is that this turntable comes with a USB port and audio software so you can transfer your records to MP3s. This gift is the best of old and new school and will suit all of your dads musical needs for years to come.

13. A Project That Turns Any Room Into A Home Theater

Amazon

DBPOWER 1500 Lumens LCD Mini Projector, $110, Amazon

For a movie-loving dad, this mini-projector will make his day. Its a compact size but 50 percentbrighter than a standard LED projector and only a portion of the price. You can connect your phone, tablet, computer, USB drive, or HD setup boxand see it projected on a screen or blank wall. Forget about a 75-inch TV, this can give you up to a 176-inch projection.

If your dad plays the Super Bowl this year at that size, hell be the most popular guy in the neighborhood. (And youll have more screen space to freak out over Beyonc.)

14. A Massager To Instantly Soothe HisAching Muscles

Amazon

1byone Shiatsu Deep-Kneading Massager, $47, Amazon

Dad might be a little shy about asking for a massage or a gift certificate to a spa, but hell definitely appreciate this deep-kneading massager. Use it at home, in the car, or at the office to reduce shoulder tension, neck aches, or back pain. The rotating nodes imitate a professional shiatsu massage, so those troublesome shoulder knots will be gone in no time.

Plus, it heats up for even better relaxation. The only downside of this gift is that you and everyone else in your family will immediately want one after they see how amazing it is.

15. A Family Board Game Your Dad Will Actually Love

Amazon

The Game of Things Board Game, $23, Amazon

The Game of Thingsis a great board game thats easy to play and helps you get to know all the players better. Everyone playing gets a topic on a card, each player writes down an answer, and you have to guess who said what. This isnt about trivia or getting an answer right, but trying to come up with a fun answer and seeing how well you know the players at hand.

The game is more innocent than Cards Against Humanity since you get topicslike Things you would do with a million dollars or Things you shouldnt do in an elevator. So, you can play it with the whole family without hearing anything too embarrassing, but its also really fun and you might find out how hilarious your dad really is.

16. The Acupressure Mat That Brings Immediate Relaxation

Amazon

ProSource Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set, $20, Amazon

Dads often like to pretend that theyre so strong that nothing gets to them. But everybody gets stressed sometimes, and dads are no different. This acupressure mat and pillow set is designed to trigger pressure points to relax the muscles and relieve tension and stress. The product claims that laying on the mat for 10minutes a day can help release endorphins that block pain and youll feel shoulder, back, and neck issues slowly melt away. Plus, the pressure points increase blood flow so muscles repair faster and you feel a little more energized.

17. A Tie Rack For All Your Previous Fathers Day Gifts

Amazon

Primode Motorized Tie Rack with LED Lights, $33, Amazon

Your dad needs something to contain the multitude of ties from previous Fathers Days. This motorized tie rack holds up to 72 ties and eight belts. It rotates with ease at the touch of a button, so your dad can look through his prodigious collection to pick out only the best tie for his day. To make it even cooler, the rack had LED lights, so he wont have to worry about selecting a tie from the back of a dark closet.

Yes, tie racks are lame Fathers Day gifts, but light-up, electric tie racks? Awesome.

18. Collar Stays That Keeps Your Dad Looking Classy

Amazon

CLEVERFIT the Adjustable Collar Stay, $30, Amazon

If your dads a man who rocks a suit and tie, keep him looking clean and classy with these collar stays. Though collar stays soundpretty old-timey and you probably dont know WTF they do, they actually make a huge difference. These stays are designed to fit all collared shirts with eight adjustable positions. In just a couple seconds, your dad can pop these on and never have to worry about having a floppy or sloppy collar ever again.

19. The All-In-One Face Wash

Amazon

Rugged and DapperDaily Power Scrub All-in-One Facial Cleanser for Men, $25, Amazon

A good face wash isnt just for women. Most dads might not be up for adopting a thorough skin regime, but they can definitely use this all-in-one cleanser. This does everything its a face wash, toner, and exfoliating scrub all in one bottle. It has natural ingredients like aloe vera, vitamin C, willow bark, and burdock root to cleanse and tone the skin.

No matter your dads skin type, this face wash works and works well.

20. A Beer Dispenser That Gives You Draft Quality Brews At Home

Amazon

Fizzics Waytap Beer Dispenser, $130, Amazon

If your dad is a true beer lover, hell be overjoyed with this beer dispenser. It was featured on, and it turns any old can or bottle of beer into a draft-quality brew. You can use any style of beer from stouts to IPAs and there no gas or chemicals used in the product. Just pop in four AA batteries and your canned beer is transformed into a full flavored draft.

Since its light, portable, and doesnt use any wires or tubes, your dad can take it to any backyardparties, tailgating events, or camping trip.

21. An Alarm Clock With A Million Uses

Amazon

Hale Dreamer Alarm Clock Speaker Dock, $20, Amazon

If your dads not a fan of getting up in the morning (guess we know where you get it from!), this alarm clock will make his life a lot easier. Its easy to set, and you can completely customize the sound, volume, and frequency of your morning alarm. Plus, it works as a smartphone dock and speaker, so you can play music at night or in the morning without leaving your bed. (And if it just so happens to find its way to your room instead of your parents, we wont tell.)

Dont worry that a phone call will come in a ruin your sleep, this alarm uses Smart Silence which automatically blocks all but emergency calls. Plus, you can use it as a white noise machine to help you drift off.

22. A Shampoo With A Morning Caffeine Boost

Amazon

ManCave Caffeine Shampoo, $12, Amazon

This caffeine shampoo isntmade to give dad extra energy in his morning shower, but to help withhair growth. The shampoo contains Vitamin E and shea butter to moisturize the scalp and hair, while the caffeine stimulates the roots of the hair to encourage growth.

If your dad isnt into fancy bath products, hell still love this. You use it every day, just like a normal shampoo, and there are no added scents, just natural cleaning power.

23. A Fascinating Book For The Adventurous Dad

Amazon

Atlas Obscura: An Explorers Guide to the Worlds Hidden Wonders, $21, Amazon

is an amazing website with tons of interestingfacts about bizarre places and stories from around the world. Thankfully, the site put their very best stories into thisbook. If your dad loves travel, adventure, or even weird history, hell absolutely love this book.

24. A Backup Cell Battery With A Delightful Design

Amazon

Lankoo Power BankUSB Charger, $18, Amazon

First of all, how many backup batteries come in fake sardine cans? Just this one. Inside the cool 3-D printedcase is a powerful USB charger that works with almost any smartphone or tablet.You get about two iPhone charges out of this battery, so you dont have to worry about constantly plugging it into a charger.

A backup battery is something everyone needs but most people forget to buy, so this is a great go-to for difficult-to-please dads.

25. A Cast Iron Pan For Perfect Pizza

Amazon

Lodge Seasoned Cast Iron Pizza Pan, $41, Amazon

If your dad loves making pizza as much as he doeseating it, this cast iron pan will make a perfect gift. Cast iron is the best material forheating evenly and staying hot, which makes it a great choice when making pizza. The reason cast iron pans arent used more often is that they can be a pain to season, which is the process used to prepare the cast iron for cooking.

But this pan is pre-seasoned and ready to pop in the oven. Cast iron is incredibly sturdy and never bends out of shape or loses even-heating capacity, so itll last a lifetime. Plus, if you get this for your dad, you can guilt him into making you pizza every time you come home. A win-win if Ive ever seen one.

26. A Pen That Does Everything

Amazon

EdgeWorks Screwdriver Multitool, $11, Amazon

Your dad will feel like James Bond will this badass multitool. It looks like a simple pen, but it also works as a tablet stylus, ruler for metric and imperial measurement, a bubble level, and comes with a Phillipsand flathead screwdriver.

Since its bright yellow, theres no chance your dad will lose it (but hey, you never know) and hell probably want to show it off any time theres a screwdriver or bubble level emergency.

27. A Shaving Kit With VintageCharm

Amazon

Gentleman Jon Complete Wet Shave Kit, $55, Amazon

If your dad is more of a Ron Swanson type, hell appreciate this old-school shaving kit. This kit is made with all super high-quality, long-lasting material and gives your dad the experience of a class wet shave. You get an impeccable safety razor, badger hair brush, alum block, stainless steel shave bowl, shave soap, and five extra blades.

If, like me, youre about to google alum block, let me save you so time: its a stone that helps stop bleeding from small cuts and also works to fight razor burn. This stuff is all top of the line and super classy.

28. A Kit For Customizable Hot Sauce

Amazon

DIY Gift Kits Hot Sauce Kits, $40, Amazon

If your dad is hooked on hot sauce, give him the chance to make his own with this kit.You have everything you need to make up to seven bottles of custom hot sauce. With bags of spices, peppers, glass bottles, labels, and easy-to-read recipe cards, your dad will be making sauce like a pro in no time. It even includes a pack of the super hot Ghost Pepper, so your dad can finally get the spicy mix of his dreams.

29. A Super Slim Wallet With A Minimalist Look

Amazon

SimpacX Genuine Leather Slim Wallet, $20, Amazon

Is your dad hanging onto a George Constanza-style wallet? Get him this slim billfold to help keep him organized. Made of real leather, this wallet features a minimalist design. You can hold up to 10cards plus cash and the wallet still lays flat and slim. Plus, its equipped with RFID technology to protect your valuable information. Sleek, simple, this wallet is a definite dad pleaser.

30. A Gaming Console Thatll Take Your Dad Back To Childhood

Amazon

Pac-Man Connect and Play 12 Classic Games, $15, Amazon

No matter how advanced video games get, theres something about the classics that are just delightful. If your dads into video games, hell seriously love this throwback collection of games. First of all, the whole thing is shaped like Pac-Man, so its already awesome. Then, you just plug it into your TV and play Pac-Man or 10other games like Galaga, Dig Dug, New Rally X, or the extreme Super Pac-Man.

The controller also opens up to store its A/V wires, so itll stay clean and neat on dads gaming shelf.

31. A Book Light He Can Use Anywhere

Amazon

LuminoLite Rechargeable LED Book Light, $15, Amazon

If your dad cant put a book down at bedtime,get him this book lightand save your mom from another sleepless night. The four LED lights are incredibly strong for their size and the lamp can clip anywhere. Dont worry about finding weird little batteries, this light is fully USB rechargeable. Plus, its super light, so dad can take it on trips and keep up his midnight reading wherever he goes.

32. A Foldable Exercise Bike That Dad Can Take Anywhere

Amazon

Stamina InStride Folding Cycle, $25, Amazon

Its tough to stay active when you work at a desk, so if your dad is looking to add a little exercise to his work day, get him this foldable bike. This cycle fits under the desk and folds away for easy carrying or storage. Whether you want a light ride or some heavy tension, the bike offers different resistance levels.

With its sturdy rubber base, your dad wont have to worry about the cycle slipping around as hes riding. Plus, theres an electric monitor so dad can accurately brag about his long work time workouts.

33. A Magnetic Wristband For Dads Workshop

Amazon

Mag-Band Magnetic Wristband, $10, Amazon

If I bought my dad a bracelet, he wouldnt be thrilled. But, if I bought him a magnetic wristband that makes working with tools even easier, hed be cool with it. This wristband features powerful magnets that can hold screws, nails, nut, bolts, basically all the small things that typically fall on the floor when your dads trying to work. Now, he can keep all the bits at hand and not have to worry about searching the floor for the one tiny washer he desperately needs.

34. A Portable Green So Dad Can Putt Anywhere

Amazon

Putt-A-Bout Grassroots Putting Green, $33, Amazon

This isnt a scientific fact, but from my experience, pretty much every dad loves golf. My dad always hated the sport growing up, but now he picks vacation spots based on who has the best course. So, give your dad a chance to practice more often with this portable putting green.

With three practice cups and built in sand traps to keep your putts from going all over the place, your dad will get a chance to seriously up his skills. Plus, its made from lightweight foam, so its easy to carry and only takes seconds to install.

35. A Robot To Clean YourFloors

Amazon

ILIFE V3s Robotic Vacuum Cleaner with Smart Auto Cleaning, $159, Amazon

Ive never met a dad wholoves cleaning the floors, butIve met a lot of dads who love robots. Finally, its all come together with this robot vacuum cleaner. It vacuums, sweeps, dry mops, and removes pet hair all while youre sitting on the couch. When the battery runs out, the robot automatically goes back to its charging station and uses smart sensors so it doesnt fall down the stairs or bump into everything.

Best of all, your dad will feel like hes living in the future with this robot helper automatically cleaning his floors.

Elite Daily may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Elite Dailys editorial and sales departments.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/162688933712

[allofbeercom]

Genius Gifts For Dads Who Say They Don’t Want Anything

On Valentines Day, you can always buy your partner chocolate. For Mothers Day, a spa gift certificate is asafe bet. But gifts for dads?The standard go-to Fathers Day gift is a tie, and its pretty lame. Then again, dads usually make gift giving even more challenging by insisting they want nothing this year. So, what can you do for the dad who doesnt want anything?

Thankfully, there are lots ofgenius products any dadwould lovethatgo way beyond Number 1 Dad mugs and novelty T-shirts. You can actually find Fathers Day presents that seem to do the impossible be something your dad would actually use.

Whether your dad is into unique grilling tools or having a robot clean his floors, get him something he actually wants so that when he opens up the Worlds Best Farter (I mean father) T-shirt you mistakenly thought would be funny, youre not the only one laughing. Better yet, you wont ever have to relive the day when you called his bluff and actually got him nothing. (Ive done that, and the look of disappointment is gut-wrenching.)

This year, really do Fathers Day right and get your dad one of these genius gifts he didnt even know he needed.

1. A Bottle Top That Gives YouInstantly Cold Beer

Amazon

Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, $20 (2 Pack), Amazon

For Fathers Day, give him the beautiful gift of an ice-cold beer. I dont mean pick up a six-pack and put a bow on it, but get your dad these instant beer coolers. Keepthe Corkcicles in the freezer, and when a warm beer emergency strikes, just pop the Corkcicle into the bottle, and boom, instantly chilled brew. Its perfect for barbecues, parties, or anytime your dad forgot to put his beer in the fridge.

2. An Expandable Stand For His Electronics

Amazon

PopSockets: Expanding Stand and Grip for Smartphones and Tablets, $10, Amazon

Your dad might not be aware of the glory of watching Netflix on his phone or tablet, but with this stand, hell be converted. The stand can also be usedas a grip for easier texting and calling. Italso folds completely flat, so you can keep it on your phone and still fit yourcell in your pocket.

Plus, its way easier to hold onto your phone with this grip, so therell be way fewer instances of dropping the phone and cracking the screen. (And if youre asking if you should buy a second for yourself, the answer is.)

3. A New Card Game For The Political And Hilarious Dad

Amazon

Trumped Up Cards: A Multi-Player Card Game for Adults, $25, Amazon

If your dad loves Cards Against Humanity and also hates Donald Trump, this game will be perfect.

One Amazon user wrote: This board game prompted the first time Trump and fun appeared in a same sentence of mine. Playing it on a number of occasions, with different crowds, each time it delivered laughs, catharsis, and knowledge I grew up in New York and I didnt know Trump did all of those things, said one of our guests. Besides holding up as an enjoyably competitive board game (players take turns being all-powerful CEO), is full of fascinating, funny, and yes, sometimes frightening facts about the 45th president.

4. An External Battery So HisCell Stays Charged

Amazon

EC Technology Power Bank External Battery, $33, Amazon

No matter how technologically savvy your dad might be, hell sometimes get caught with a dead cell battery. This high-capacity external batteryfeatures three USB outlets to charge your electronics quickly. If thats not enough, it also features a strong LED flashlight, so if hes ever caught in a blackout, this battery will make him the most popular person in the room.

5. A Travel Mug Thats Insanely Popular

Amazon

Contigo Autoseal West Loop Travel Mug, $17, Amazon

OK, a coffee mug doesnt sound like a genius gift, but this is a pretty exceptional mug. This lid seals super tight, so youll never have a leak or spill. Plus,vacuum insulationkeeps drinks hot for seven hours (perfect for when he inevitably forgets he poured himself a cup.)

On Amazon, this mug hasalmost 14,000 reviews, and one user wrote: This is the best coffee mug I have ever owned. bottom line: lives up to its promise. I actually forgot this mug in my office before a meeting and when I came back for it six hours later the coffee was still STEAMING.

6. Claws. Yep,.

Amazon

Grillaholics Meat Claws (Set of 2), $13, Amazon

If your dad loves to grill, hell love it even more when he can tear it apart with these meat claws. You can use these to lift hot meal off the grill, shred it, or just pretend to be a grilling beast. The clawsare BPA-free, so you dont have to worry about melting or any kind of plastic contamination. Since theyre dishwasher safe, clean up is easy and wearing claws while you cook just makes everything more fun.

7. A Backpack Suitable For A Grown-Ass Man

Amazon

Mancro Business Laptop Backpack, $29, Amazon

The days of briefcases are over and your dad needs something thats comfortable and professional looking to carry his laptop. Thats where this backpack comes in. It can hold any laptop under 17 inches and has 15 pockets to keep all his things separate and organized. Fully waterproof, he can carry his laptop in the rain without worry. Plus, the bag is extra futuristic with its external USB port to keep his electronic charged.

8. A Travel Coffee Press

Amazon

Espro Coffee Travel Press, $32, Amazon

If your dad doesnt have a lot of time in the morning but needs his coffee, this travel press will make his day. Just throw in grounds and some boiling water and the travel press brews the coffee on the go. It has a double micro-filter so he wont end up drinking bits of grounds and the double-walled stainless steel cup keeps the coffee warm all day.

Plus, its BPA, BPS, and phthalate-free, so you dont have to worry about a side of chemicals with your morning brew.

9. A Book For The Scientific Dad With A Silly Side

Amazon

What If: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, $14, Amazon

If your dad loves to drill you with crazy hypothetical questions, he will love this book.Finally, we all get to know the answer to the question, How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? The book is full of very serious, scientifically accurate answer to insanely crazy questions.

Based on the questions from fans of the webcomic Randall Munroe compiled the most fascinating questions and gave incredibly thorough answers.

9. A Handheld Console For His Favorite RetroCartridges

Amazon

Retro-Bit RDP Portable Handheld Console, $90, Amazon

Whether your dad used to love his Gameboy or always resented Santa for never getting him one, give dad a taste of childhood with this handheld retro gaming console. This console plays almost any old cartridge (Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Genesis) and the player is light enough to take anywhere. You get about eight hours of playtime per charge, so itll get your dad (and lets be honest, )through any future road trips or train commutes.

10. A Super Strong Bottle Opener You Can Stick On Your Fridge

Amazon

SUCK UK Bottle Opener Fridge Magnet, $13, Amazon

Bottle openers have a magical way of disappearing every time you need one. Dont let your dad fish around the kitchen drawers for an hour, get him this bottle opener magnet. Stick in your fridge and youre done. The super strong magnet will stay put and youll never lose your opener again.

The magnet is non-scratch, so it wont mess up the high-tech fridge your dad spent a fortune on, and can easily take it on and of if you ever need the bottle opener elsewhere. Plus, its made of stainless steel, so itll hold up to years of steady bottle opening.

11. A TabletMount That Brings The Internet To Your Kitchen

Amazon

CTA Digital 2-in-1 Kitchen Mount Stand, $29, Amazon

Its surprising how often you need to use your tablet in the kitchen, but dont want to lay it on the counter to get immediately covered in hot spaghetti sauce. This kitchen stand solves the problem.It can hold any size tablet or even a Nintendo Switch, just in case your dad has a game going that he really cant put down. You can attach it to a wall or cabinet, or remove the mount completely and use it as a table stand.

With easy release buttons, you can get your tablet in and out of the stand quickly as dadlooks over recipes or gives Facebook a quick check to do some light spying on his kids.

12. A High-Tech TurntableFor Your Dads Record Collection

Amazon

Jensen 3 Speed Stereo Turntable, $51, Amazon

If your dads record collection is gathering dust, get him this new turntable. The turntable features three speeds and speakers, so you have everything you need to play all your vinyl plus, it comes with an input jack, so you can hook up a smartphone or MP3 player to its speaker.

But the best part is that this turntable comes with a USB port and audio software so you can transfer your records to MP3s. This gift is the best of old and new school and will suit all of your dads musical needs for years to come.

13. A Project That Turns Any Room Into A Home Theater

Amazon

DBPOWER 1500 Lumens LCD Mini Projector, $110, Amazon

For a movie-loving dad, this mini-projector will make his day. Its a compact size but 50 percentbrighter than a standard LED projector and only a portion of the price. You can connect your phone, tablet, computer, USB drive, or HD setup boxand see it projected on a screen or blank wall. Forget about a 75-inch TV, this can give you up to a 176-inch projection.

If your dad plays the Super Bowl this year at that size, hell be the most popular guy in the neighborhood. (And youll have more screen space to freak out over Beyonc.)

14. A Massager To Instantly Soothe HisAching Muscles

Amazon

1byone Shiatsu Deep-Kneading Massager, $47, Amazon

Dad might be a little shy about asking for a massage or a gift certificate to a spa, but hell definitely appreciate this deep-kneading massager. Use it at home, in the car, or at the office to reduce shoulder tension, neck aches, or back pain. The rotating nodes imitate a professional shiatsu massage, so those troublesome shoulder knots will be gone in no time.

Plus, it heats up for even better relaxation. The only downside of this gift is that you and everyone else in your family will immediately want one after they see how amazing it is.

15. A Family Board Game Your Dad Will Actually Love

Amazon

The Game of Things Board Game, $23, Amazon

The Game of Thingsis a great board game thats easy to play and helps you get to know all the players better. Everyone playing gets a topic on a card, each player writes down an answer, and you have to guess who said what. This isnt about trivia or getting an answer right, but trying to come up with a fun answer and seeing how well you know the players at hand.

The game is more innocent than Cards Against Humanity since you get topicslike Things you would do with a million dollars or Things you shouldnt do in an elevator. So, you can play it with the whole family without hearing anything too embarrassing, but its also really fun and you might find out how hilarious your dad really is.

16. The Acupressure Mat That Brings Immediate Relaxation

Amazon

ProSource Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set, $20, Amazon

Dads often like to pretend that theyre so strong that nothing gets to them. But everybody gets stressed sometimes, and dads are no different. This acupressure mat and pillow set is designed to trigger pressure points to relax the muscles and relieve tension and stress. The product claims that laying on the mat for 10minutes a day can help release endorphins that block pain and youll feel shoulder, back, and neck issues slowly melt away. Plus, the pressure points increase blood flow so muscles repair faster and you feel a little more energized.

17. A Tie Rack For All Your Previous Fathers Day Gifts

Amazon

Primode Motorized Tie Rack with LED Lights, $33, Amazon

Your dad needs something to contain the multitude of ties from previous Fathers Days. This motorized tie rack holds up to 72 ties and eight belts. It rotates with ease at the touch of a button, so your dad can look through his prodigious collection to pick out only the best tie for his day. To make it even cooler, the rack had LED lights, so he wont have to worry about selecting a tie from the back of a dark closet.

Yes, tie racks are lame Fathers Day gifts, but light-up, electric tie racks? Awesome.

18. Collar Stays That Keeps Your Dad Looking Classy

Amazon

CLEVERFIT the Adjustable Collar Stay, $30, Amazon

If your dads a man who rocks a suit and tie, keep him looking clean and classy with these collar stays. Though collar stays soundpretty old-timey and you probably dont know WTF they do, they actually make a huge difference. These stays are designed to fit all collared shirts with eight adjustable positions. In just a couple seconds, your dad can pop these on and never have to worry about having a floppy or sloppy collar ever again.

19. The All-In-One Face Wash

Amazon

Rugged and DapperDaily Power Scrub All-in-One Facial Cleanser for Men, $25, Amazon

A good face wash isnt just for women. Most dads might not be up for adopting a thorough skin regime, but they can definitely use this all-in-one cleanser. This does everything its a face wash, toner, and exfoliating scrub all in one bottle. It has natural ingredients like aloe vera, vitamin C, willow bark, and burdock root to cleanse and tone the skin.

No matter your dads skin type, this face wash works and works well.

20. A Beer Dispenser That Gives You Draft Quality Brews At Home

Amazon

Fizzics Waytap Beer Dispenser, $130, Amazon

If your dad is a true beer lover, hell be overjoyed with this beer dispenser. It was featured on, and it turns any old can or bottle of beer into a draft-quality brew. You can use any style of beer from stouts to IPAs and there no gas or chemicals used in the product. Just pop in four AA batteries and your canned beer is transformed into a full flavored draft.

Since its light, portable, and doesnt use any wires or tubes, your dad can take it to any backyardparties, tailgating events, or camping trip.

21. An Alarm Clock With A Million Uses

Amazon

Hale Dreamer Alarm Clock Speaker Dock, $20, Amazon

If your dads not a fan of getting up in the morning (guess we know where you get it from!), this alarm clock will make his life a lot easier. Its easy to set, and you can completely customize the sound, volume, and frequency of your morning alarm. Plus, it works as a smartphone dock and speaker, so you can play music at night or in the morning without leaving your bed. (And if it just so happens to find its way to your room instead of your parents, we wont tell.)

Dont worry that a phone call will come in a ruin your sleep, this alarm uses Smart Silence which automatically blocks all but emergency calls. Plus, you can use it as a white noise machine to help you drift off.

22. A Shampoo With A Morning Caffeine Boost

Amazon

ManCave Caffeine Shampoo, $12, Amazon

This caffeine shampoo isntmade to give dad extra energy in his morning shower, but to help withhair growth. The shampoo contains Vitamin E and shea butter to moisturize the scalp and hair, while the caffeine stimulates the roots of the hair to encourage growth.

If your dad isnt into fancy bath products, hell still love this. You use it every day, just like a normal shampoo, and there are no added scents, just natural cleaning power.

23. A Fascinating Book For The Adventurous Dad

Amazon

Atlas Obscura: An Explorers Guide to the Worlds Hidden Wonders, $21, Amazon

is an amazing website with tons of interestingfacts about bizarre places and stories from around the world. Thankfully, the site put their very best stories into thisbook. If your dad loves travel, adventure, or even weird history, hell absolutely love this book.

24. A Backup Cell Battery With A Delightful Design

Amazon

Lankoo Power BankUSB Charger, $18, Amazon

First of all, how many backup batteries come in fake sardine cans? Just this one. Inside the cool 3-D printedcase is a powerful USB charger that works with almost any smartphone or tablet.You get about two iPhone charges out of this battery, so you dont have to worry about constantly plugging it into a charger.

A backup battery is something everyone needs but most people forget to buy, so this is a great go-to for difficult-to-please dads.

25. A Cast Iron Pan For Perfect Pizza

Amazon

Lodge Seasoned Cast Iron Pizza Pan, $41, Amazon

If your dad loves making pizza as much as he doeseating it, this cast iron pan will make a perfect gift. Cast iron is the best material forheating evenly and staying hot, which makes it a great choice when making pizza. The reason cast iron pans arent used more often is that they can be a pain to season, which is the process used to prepare the cast iron for cooking.

But this pan is pre-seasoned and ready to pop in the oven. Cast iron is incredibly sturdy and never bends out of shape or loses even-heating capacity, so itll last a lifetime. Plus, if you get this for your dad, you can guilt him into making you pizza every time you come home. A win-win if Ive ever seen one.

26. A Pen That Does Everything

Amazon

EdgeWorks Screwdriver Multitool, $11, Amazon

Your dad will feel like James Bond will this badass multitool. It looks like a simple pen, but it also works as a tablet stylus, ruler for metric and imperial measurement, a bubble level, and comes with a Phillipsand flathead screwdriver.

Since its bright yellow, theres no chance your dad will lose it (but hey, you never know) and hell probably want to show it off any time theres a screwdriver or bubble level emergency.

27. A Shaving Kit With VintageCharm

Amazon

Gentleman Jon Complete Wet Shave Kit, $55, Amazon

If your dad is more of a Ron Swanson type, hell appreciate this old-school shaving kit. This kit is made with all super high-quality, long-lasting material and gives your dad the experience of a class wet shave. You get an impeccable safety razor, badger hair brush, alum block, stainless steel shave bowl, shave soap, and five extra blades.

If, like me, youre about to google alum block, let me save you so time: its a stone that helps stop bleeding from small cuts and also works to fight razor burn. This stuff is all top of the line and super classy.

28. A Kit For Customizable Hot Sauce

Amazon

DIY Gift Kits Hot Sauce Kits, $40, Amazon

If your dad is hooked on hot sauce, give him the chance to make his own with this kit.You have everything you need to make up to seven bottles of custom hot sauce. With bags of spices, peppers, glass bottles, labels, and easy-to-read recipe cards, your dad will be making sauce like a pro in no time. It even includes a pack of the super hot Ghost Pepper, so your dad can finally get the spicy mix of his dreams.

29. A Super Slim Wallet With A Minimalist Look

Amazon

SimpacX Genuine Leather Slim Wallet, $20, Amazon

Is your dad hanging onto a George Constanza-style wallet? Get him this slim billfold to help keep him organized. Made of real leather, this wallet features a minimalist design. You can hold up to 10cards plus cash and the wallet still lays flat and slim. Plus, its equipped with RFID technology to protect your valuable information. Sleek, simple, this wallet is a definite dad pleaser.

30. A Gaming Console Thatll Take Your Dad Back To Childhood

Amazon

Pac-Man Connect and Play 12 Classic Games, $15, Amazon

No matter how advanced video games get, theres something about the classics that are just delightful. If your dads into video games, hell seriously love this throwback collection of games. First of all, the whole thing is shaped like Pac-Man, so its already awesome. Then, you just plug it into your TV and play Pac-Man or 10other games like Galaga, Dig Dug, New Rally X, or the extreme Super Pac-Man.

The controller also opens up to store its A/V wires, so itll stay clean and neat on dads gaming shelf.

31. A Book Light He Can Use Anywhere

Amazon

LuminoLite Rechargeable LED Book Light, $15, Amazon

If your dad cant put a book down at bedtime,get him this book lightand save your mom from another sleepless night. The four LED lights are incredibly strong for their size and the lamp can clip anywhere. Dont worry about finding weird little batteries, this light is fully USB rechargeable. Plus, its super light, so dad can take it on trips and keep up his midnight reading wherever he goes.

32. A Foldable Exercise Bike That Dad Can Take Anywhere

Amazon

Stamina InStride Folding Cycle, $25, Amazon

Its tough to stay active when you work at a desk, so if your dad is looking to add a little exercise to his work day, get him this foldable bike. This cycle fits under the desk and folds away for easy carrying or storage. Whether you want a light ride or some heavy tension, the bike offers different resistance levels.

With its sturdy rubber base, your dad wont have to worry about the cycle slipping around as hes riding. Plus, theres an electric monitor so dad can accurately brag about his long work time workouts.

33. A Magnetic Wristband For Dads Workshop

Amazon

Mag-Band Magnetic Wristband, $10, Amazon

If I bought my dad a bracelet, he wouldnt be thrilled. But, if I bought him a magnetic wristband that makes working with tools even easier, hed be cool with it. This wristband features powerful magnets that can hold screws, nails, nut, bolts, basically all the small things that typically fall on the floor when your dads trying to work. Now, he can keep all the bits at hand and not have to worry about searching the floor for the one tiny washer he desperately needs.

34. A Portable Green So Dad Can Putt Anywhere

Amazon

Putt-A-Bout Grassroots Putting Green, $33, Amazon

This isnt a scientific fact, but from my experience, pretty much every dad loves golf. My dad always hated the sport growing up, but now he picks vacation spots based on who has the best course. So, give your dad a chance to practice more often with this portable putting green.

With three practice cups and built in sand traps to keep your putts from going all over the place, your dad will get a chance to seriously up his skills. Plus, its made from lightweight foam, so its easy to carry and only takes seconds to install.

35. A Robot To Clean YourFloors

Amazon

ILIFE V3s Robotic Vacuum Cleaner with Smart Auto Cleaning, $159, Amazon

Ive never met a dad wholoves cleaning the floors, butIve met a lot of dads who love robots. Finally, its all come together with this robot vacuum cleaner. It vacuums, sweeps, dry mops, and removes pet hair all while youre sitting on the couch. When the battery runs out, the robot automatically goes back to its charging station and uses smart sensors so it doesnt fall down the stairs or bump into everything.

Best of all, your dad will feel like hes living in the future with this robot helper automatically cleaning his floors.

Elite Daily may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Elite Dailys editorial and sales departments.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/