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zootopiathingz · 3 years

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Welcome Home

(A/N: ok sOO I barely talk about my Pixar AU on here and ik no one really cares but if you are interested I’m willing to post more. Or you can just check it out on my wattpad, whatever floats your boat. Anyway this is just a quick one-shot I wrote when I officially added Ian and Barley in the mix back in March. Hope you enjoy!)

The previous night should've been a well-enough preview of what the Pixars were like. At first, they were calm and civil, posing for pictures on the red carpet, making casual jokes, sitting calmly in the audience. They were extremely polite to the new guys—Ian and Barley Lightfoot. Two teenaged elves (despite their ages, they would be joining the adult household as opposed to the adjoining kids' home).

But by the time the celebration party for the Swearing-In started, the Pixars, as a whole, went wild. After the paparazzi left, so did their sobriety. The Pixars danced (often inappropriately) to the music, made many dirty jokes (in front of the kids, no less), and had completely lost any sense they had. Barley didn't really mind it, but he didn't appreciate the fact that they didn't let him drink anything besides the fruit punch. Ian, however, was unexplainably uncomfortable with the experience. He expected the adults to get tipsy, sure, but he didn't think that any of them would grind each other on the dance floor or dip their heads in a punch bowl to bob for apples (by apples, it was really just a bunch of decorative fruit—to which some of them ate anyway).

Yes, the Pixars were a crazy bunch, and that was made painfully obvious at the party.

But it was unavoidable for the two elves. Luxo Sr. made them and they'd sworn into the family of his creations. There was no going back now.

Barley was the first to wake up the next morning, and not just because he was one of the few that wasn't completely hungover. He woke up due to his enthusiasm. He couldn't wait to explore the town, decorate his and Ian's room, meet new people. It was his first day of actually being able to experience the world. He wanted to make it count.

He was able to leave the room without waking up his brother, and surprisingly no one else either when he walked down the hallway. He couldn't help but briefly observe everything he passed—pictures, figurines, the dozens of Pixar merchandise on the shelves in the living room. After coming home last night, he wasn't able to really see the house since it was late and everyone else was too tired to give a tour.

Barley then walked into the kitchen, being nosey by rummaging through the cabinets and pantry. He wanted to try to make the others breakfast, but he knew it wouldn't be successful if he even tried to cook, considering he didn't know how. So instead, he did what he knew how to do.

He grabbed the many boxes of cereal from the pantry and began to pour them into separate bowls. "This should do the trick." He said to himself with pride. "Not everyone needs fancy eggs or tasty pig meat to get their nutrition."

He grabbed spoons for the bowls, but then it occurred to him that they probably didn't have enough milk for every bowl. After checking the fridge, his thoughts were proven correct, since there was only one carton. "Well, I guess some of them will have to be dry." He shrugged, pouring the milk into certain bowls while he left the rest alone. "Eh, they can always buy more."

His pointy ears twitched when he heard a door open from the hallway. The enthusiasm grew, now was his chance to prove himself a good roommate to them! Being kind and offering breakfast for them after having a crazy night? Who wouldn't want to live with someone like that?

Barley puffed out his chest, holding up one of the bowls in a dramatic stance. Not a second later, the exhausted and hungover Woody entered the room, holding his temples with his fingers. "Good morrow, my fellow Pixar gentleman!" The elf said in a 'proper' tone, which startled the brunette man at first. "May I offer you your first meal of this glorious day?" He held the bowl out for him to take.

Woody eyed him oddly, slowly taking the cereal bowl. "Uh, thanks." He said. He didn't want to be rude to the new Pixar, especially not on the first day. But he was in no mood to deal with the naive excitement right now. "I didn't think you'd be up so early." He said, moving the spoon around as he sat on the stool at the counter.

"I could say the same thing to you." Barley joked, running a hand through his short blue hair. "But anyway, I wanted to get up and surprise you all with a little treat. But uh, I hope the rest of them don't mind soggy or dry cereal." He said, realizing that pouring the milk in so early might not have been the best idea.

Woody shrugged, "Eh, we're hungover now. We're not picky." He said, putting a spoonful of cereal in his mouth. "So, how'd you sleep?" He asked, deciding to make conversation with the new guy, despite his horrid headache

"I barely slept at all." Barley answered honestly, "I kept thinking about all the stuff I want to do! After being kept in a test tube all my life, I'm finally able to see the world!"

"You weren't awake in the 'test tube', don't make it so dramatic." The brunette man laughed, "But hey, I get that. We were all as excited as you at one point."

Barley paced in a circle, "First, I'm gonna try that meat sandwich thing, then I'm gonna go run on that white dirt by the ocean, and then I'm gonna drive, and then I'm gonna learn a dirty joke and tell it to the kids!"

Woody eyed him, smiling in amusement. Ah, I remember being that excited about life. He thought to himself, Oh take me back to those days...please.

"First, it's called a hamburger. Second, the dirt is called sand. Third, you have to learn to drive first. And finally...knock yourself out, we've all done it."

The new Pixar put his fist to his hip in confidence, staring off outside from the glass door. "Ah, there's a whole lotta world out there. I bet you've had fun experiencing it all." He said with a sigh.

"Uhh sure. Fun." Woody said dismissively.

They both turned their heads when they heard a toilet flush, followed by a door opening. Barley grinned when seeing who'd just walked out from the bathroom. "Ah, there he is! My dear brother!" He said dramatically, much to Ian's dismay. He walked over to drape his arm over the smaller elf's shoulder. "Welcome to the first day of the rest of our lives." He said, gesturing with his hand.

"Barley, we've been alive for a month now." Ian said dryly.

"Shhh, don't ruin this glorious moment." The older brother whispered, putting his finger to Ian's mouth. He then left his side and grabbed a bowl, handing it to Ian. "Would you care for some soggy Froot Loops?" He offered.

"Uh, I'm good. Thanks." Ian said, smiling weakly.

Barley shrugged, "Suit yourself."

Woody continued to eat the cereal as he listened to the new Pixars' conversation. He found it pretty cute, the dynamic was so fitting for the household. They were definitely going to fit in with the others.

"You know, if you guys want, we can take you for a ride, show you around San Clemente." He offered them casually, "We can start with the beach house."

Barley gasped, "You guys have a beach house?!" He laughed, "Oh, this keeps getting better and better!"

The three suddenly flinched and looked over at the hallway, having heard a loud crash coming from one of the rooms. Then it was followed by banging on the walls and many cuss words.

"Can y'all not fuck right now?? It's too early for this shit!"

"Shut the fuck up, whore!"

"QUIET I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

"WE ALL ARE!"

"I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU!"

They turned away, Ian incredibly disturbed while Woody was completely unfazed. Barley sighed and hugged his brother at his side. "Ah, I love it here already."

"I HOPE YOU GET CORONA!"

#pixar #the pixar au #fanfic #one shot #pixar fanfic #barley lightfoot #ian lightfoot #woody the cowboy #onward pixar #toy story #humor #alternate universe #human au

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rogerina-yee-haw · 5 years

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Joe Mazzello - NSFW Alphabet

a/n: I'm dedicating it to @starfleet-wannabe💓 babes, you make my days better!!! ily!!!(also I promise you that those imagines abt Joe x Reader will see the light once...I promise you, Erin)

I can't insert the "Keep reading" link from the tumblr mobile app, cause I'm really dumb, so if you don't want to read it - just scroll down k thx

this was requested many times and I'm sorry, my dudes....this is really bad....

warnings: obviously smut lmao, typos (sorry I've read it too many times just to check on errors and I can't look at this text right now, and there are obviously still bunch of mistakes, sorry, fellas)

Joe if you ever see this I'm sorry I hope it never happens

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Joe is the softest human being ever (well, mostly). It doesn't matter whether the sex was romantic and tender or rough and passionate, the aftercare is always the same: he helps clean you up and then make you both tea, while you lie in bed, talking and just spending time with each other.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of their partners)

As it was considered on this website, Joe is an ass man. You can count the times his hands were off your bum; he always keeps his hand on your lower back, and then, if he's in the mood (and he's always in the mood) he starts caressing your butt through your clothes, grabbing and tapping it when he can. It's not like the ass is the only thing he admires - Joe loves all of you, every part of your body and soul. But your ass is just so squishy and soft, and he can't get enough of it.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

If the sex is unprotected, he cums on your ass. Period.

D = Dirty Secret

Joe doesn't have dirty secrets. If he wants to try something, he'll tell you about it; there isn't something you two can't discuss.

E = Experience (How experienced are they?)

Joe is very experienced. He knows exactly what to do to make you scream his name in the bedroom.

F = Favourite Position

Doggy (unbelievable, right?). He also loves reverse cowgirl for obvious reasons. But it doesn't mean that you don't change positions while having sex. He loves seeing you on top, riding both of you into orgasm; he enjoys missionary and every other sex position, simply because he gets to try them all with you.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Come on, it's Joe we're talking about here. Sex is sometimes filled with him telling you stupid jokes, and always it turns out to be just like he's having a stand up show, while you lie down naked under him. He may crack up some dad jokes during the most tense moments, like when you're on top of him, and you're gasping and moaning, "I'm cumming", he'd say breathlessly, "Hi, cumming, I'm Joe", and you'll just burst into crazy laugh, even though the joke is stupid and not funny.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He doesn't like to be completely bare down there, so he just keeps it trimmed.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

Joe is very romantic (we been knew). He just loves you so much that, even if the sex rough, he still wants and needs you to feel loved and comfortable. The man is so in love with you that he can't stop kissing and touching you, whispering how much he adores you.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

It's a must, if he's away filming. You two like to get yourselves off while talking on the phone, breathing and moaning messily while telling each other the filthiest things. Joe is actually an expert in dirty talk.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Joe's got hella lots of kinks. He's most preferable ones are:

Daddy kink. Do you really think this man doesn't like to be called daddy? If you do, you're wrong. Seeing you twirling in ecstasy when "daddy" is the only thing you can weakly whimper makes him bust a nut right then and there.

Edging. He's an asshole sometimes, alright? Joe enjoys it when you desperately beg him to fuck you. He loves when you're being restrained all day, and you walk around frustrated and horny. Not to mention that the thought of fucking you hard later turns him on immediately. (You love all of it too, even though you don't admit it sometimes; you're also fond of the idea teasing Joe like this later).

Slight voyeurism, but he likes to watch himself fuck you. He's bought a huge mirror for the bedroom, so that you two could have sex in front of it. He loves to pound into you from behind, holding your hair, slapping your ass and saying the dirtiest shit, like, "Watch yourself being wrecked by my cock" or "Look how pretty you look, look at your pretty tits boucing like this cause I'm fucking you so hard"

Dirty talk (it's considered as a kink, right?). Come on, Joe is a master at this. He'd spill the filth at random places; like you two are doing grocery shopping and he comes to you holding a watermelon, leans in and whispers in your ear, "I wish I could bend you over this shopping cart and fuck you till you can't move". And you just stand there bewildered, while he continues his routine. Or when you're on some fancy event, he'd put his hand on your waist and say to you quietly, "You look so sexy like this with this red lipstick. Can't wait when these pretty lips are wrapped around my cock". And your eyes go wide as you choke on your drink, while everyone looks at you weirdly.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Um, anywhere? Joe's just turned on by you 24/7 (as well as you are by him), so he doesn't mind having sex with you in restrooms, closets, empty hallways, in his trailer, your childhood bedrooms... Once you were at the party and caught your friends having sex; no wonder that fifteen minutes later you and Joe were doing the same thing in the bathroom, of course, in front of the mirror. Sex in his car is a must too, especially when you're driving - he thinks you look really hot while doing so. One time you were almost caught doing it in the car by the police, and since then you can't stop giggling like two teenagers while remembering about it.

But Joe loves sex in your bedroom. He just feels like this is the most intimate place on the Earth, where you two can be sincere and sensitive.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything. He's got the crazy sex energy, and literally anything can make him go. Once, when you were brushing your teeth, and wearing one of his old tee-shirts and baggy pajama pants, he decided it was a good idea to start teasing you, by leaving wet, mouth-opened kisses on your neck and by fingering you slowly. You evidently couldn't brush you teeth normally at that moment.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Joe wouldn't do something that'll harm and hurt both of you.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He's a pro in giving. You'll be screaming and grabbing his hair tightly, even though he barely touched you. And as you love giving too, he wouldn't ever be against it.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

You can experience every pace during the time you have sex. He may start roughly, pounding into you harshly, and then go slower, stretching you gently and whispering sweet nothings against your skin.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Joe loves quickies. Once when he was on set and had to leave for shooting in five minutes, he pinned you against the wall of his trailer and fucked the soul outta you. "It's just a preview of what you're getting at night", he winked at you while leaving and you just gasped. This man is something, y'all.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

You both love taking risks. Joe enjoys having sex when the guests you invited to your party may come at any moment; he once decided to start fingering you while you were at dinner with your family. "Such a good girl, taking me so well", he whispered in your ear when you struggled not to moan loudly in front of your parents. "I'm gonna fuck you so good when we get into the car. I'm gonna reward you for being such a good girl and not cumming here".

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last)

If he and you are feeling alright, 2 and more rounds. But if one of you is not okay, and the sex is just full of love and reassurance, there'd be just one round.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

You own toys. And Joe's using them on you. Especially when he's being a little shit - means when he's edging you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Once you were having an unplanned and sloppy sex in the secluded bathroom at one after-party of the awards, and he pulled out right when you were about to cum. He initiated the sex and denied you both. That's how much of a "tease" he is.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He's loud when he's in the mood. He can moan loudly, and sometimes when you feel incredibly good he comes while screaming your name.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Joe's got a breeding kink. (It's not really surprising, though, this man radiates dad energy). He gets hard just thinking about you being pregnant with his child. Man wants to have a family with you, and that's why he can barely keep it in his pants when you're around (always).

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

His dick is a perfect size to make you scream. That's it.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Joe's sex drive is immeasurable. You have no idea how this man can always be horny and ready to fuck.

Z = ZZZ (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He falls asleep as soon as you two cuddle; when you start breathing in unison, he nods off pretty quickly, still holding you tightly.

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