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bitletsanddrabbles · 4 years

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WIP Wednesday, Morning Edition

Since a good portion of my vacation was dedicated to doll customization, there will be a second one of these later, after I’ve snapped some in-progress pictures. For now, though, for my usual Downton audience, a longer-than-usual chunk from one of my novels-in-progress.

I thoroughly blame @alex51324 for writing the wonderful “Jeeves and the Inferior Valet” and thus introducing me to Wodehouse. While this isn’t in anyway related to that fic, other than the obvious subject matter, I feel that is absolutely credit that should be given. I’ve been working on this piece, off and on, for a couple of years now. If we all live to be 90, you may get to read it complete! As it is, I’m trying to nudge it along right now, so here, have the opening:

It seems to me that one must never be too glad to be alive. That is to say, whenever one is feeling his best, his most topping self, Fate seems to take it as a personal affront and sets about correcting things. On the morning of which I speak, I woke perfectly refreshed. I felt so all together zippy that if someone had barged into my bedroom and insisted on a conversation before I’d downed a single cup of tea, I might well have nearly managed. The weather was clement and with the help of a horse named Dark Secret who had managed a rather impressive win the day before, so was my bank account. Of course, a Wooster never has much to worry about when it comes to affording life’s niceties, but it is always nice to come out on the proper side of these things. Yes, it was with this sunny outlook on life that I applied myself to breakfast and was tucking into the eggs and b. when Jeeves appeared with two clouds to shadow my good cheer.

“Mrs. Travers called earlier, sir,” he informed me.

“Aunt Dahlia?” The news was somewhat surprising, I admit, but no cause for alarm. After all, Aunt Dahlia is my good aunt. That is to say, my better aunt. That is to say the aunt who isn’t Aunt Agatha who could turn a gorgon to stone with her glare and is forever trying to shackle me with a job or a wife, preferably both. “What does she want?”

“As the owner and editor of Milady's Boudoir, she has been invited to spend the weekend in Yorkshire at the estate of the Earl of Grantham,” Jeeves reported dutifully. “The Earl’s younger daughter, the Marchioness of Hexham, runs the Sketch and has apparently organized a small gathering of women in the profession.”

“Hexham?” The Woosters might be gentlemen, but none of us can boast of hobnobbing with the upper echelons of the peerage. Once you get past the honorable misses and misters, we find ourselves a bit outclassed, no matter how noble our hearts. Still, one hears of people, in the right circles, and nothing I’d heard about the Marquess of Hexham had lead me to believe he’d be married before the age of sixty, and then under great protest. “When did the Marquess of Hexham find time to get married? Isn’t he the one who’s always off in Tangiers?”

“That was the previous Lord Hexham,” Jeeves corrected my error. “If you’ll recall sir, he died last year. Malaria, I believe.”

“Oh, that’s right. Dashed sorry to hear that.” Admittedly, I never actually met the man in my life, but there are some things you simply feel sorry about. Forgetting someone has died is one of them.

“He was quite well liked in certain circles and will be missed. His cousin, the current Marquess, was married this past December.”

Clearly I was on the right page now, but something still seemed a bit rummy about it. “But isn’t the family home in Northumberland? Why wouldn’t the Marchioness have it there?”

“I have no idea, sir.”

The only thing I could think of was that the size of the building was more accommodating to the cause. “I can’t imaging an Earl having a grander house than a Marquess.”

“It would seem odd, sir.”

“Still, I suppose if you’re a Marchioness who wants to have a to-do at her father’s house, and he’s only an Earl, you can jolly well do as you please and not much he can do about it, what?”

“I would imagine so, yes sir. Whatever the lady’s reasoning for the location, Mr. Travers has been taken ill, and so Mrs. Travers would like you to come with her to help make up the numbers at dinner.”

“That is straight out,” I replied, with a fair amount of relief. I like Aunt Dahlia well enough, but spending more time with her than it takes to enjoy a dinner from her French chef Anatole is generally courting disaster. A fellow could easily find himself in chokey for the theft of a cow creamer, for instance. “I have a very important dinner at the Drone’s club tomorrow night and it is imperative I don’t miss it.”

“Very good, sir. Mrs. Gregson also called.”

“Aunt Agatha?” I nearly choked on a piece of bacon. The day suddenly seemed less sunny. That is to say, while the first cloud didn’t look so alarming, this one promised rain, thunder, and possibly a lightening strike or two. “And the purpose of her call?” I asked, once I’d cleared the old palate.

“She wishes you to have dinner with her tonight,” Jeeves replied, making it seem like a remarkably mundane event. Meals with Aunt Agatha are never mundane, and not because she has an extraordinary French chef. Her chef is of the perfectly ordinary, English variety. “Apparently there is a young lady by the name of the right Honorable Miss Proops she believes you should meet.”

If there is any announcement perfectly calculated to make the Wooster blood run cold, it’s hearing that Aunt Agatha wants me to meet a young lady. The woman is determined to see me married off and churning out offspring like crumpets from a bakery. I hardly see why since she makes no attempt to disguise the fact she doesn’t like me. I’d think she’d prefer me to die a childless bachelor, rather than populating the world with little Bertrams. What’s worse, she seems to think I should be attached to an ‘improving’ sort of woman, the sort that keeps up on Freud and the other philosophers and carries on the sort of academic conversation one avoided at Oxford. “Grim business, Jeeves. Very grim.”

“I can not imagine it would be a pleasant evening for you, sir.”

“No, not pleasing in the least. Especially since there is only one reason that Aunt Agatha ever wants me to meet a Miss anyone. If I’m not careful, I’ll be engaged by the dessert course. ” I prodded at my e., suddenly devoid of appetite. “Still, I daren’t not attend, not without jolly good reason. What do you suggest?” I gave him my most imploring look. If ever I was in need of that amazing brain of his, it was now.

“I would suggest you go to Yorkshire with Mrs. Travers, sir,” Jeeves replied with a promptness that bespoke forethought. I began to suspect he’d presented the phone calls to me in the order he did for a purpose, and I was soon to be proven correct. “Since you learned of her offer first, Mrs. Gregson can, with a reasonable amount of truthfulness, be told it was a previous engagement. It has the further advantage of being well away from London and, according to an acquaintance of mine who happens to live in the very village we will be visiting, has lovely weather this time of year.”

“The old Metrop. does get a bit oppressive around this season,” I agreed, quickly warming to the idea. There was still only one point of hesitation. “This Earl, though. He doesn’t happen to collect antique silver, does he?”

“No sir. Lord Grantham is known for collecting snuff boxes, which none of your family is interested in, and favors Labradors over terriers for canine companionship. Also, his two living daughters are both safely married.”

I needed no further convincing. “Right-ho, Jeeves! Call Aunt Dahlia and let her know we’d be delighted to accompany her. Then pack my cases for the country. This will be a perfect chance to wear my new tie!”

“Not the Macclesfield, sir, surely.”

I did not like the tone in which he said that. Largely, I have come to accept Jeeves’s view on the contents of my wardrobe, hidebound as it is, but there are days it seems he’s going absolutely backwards. “And what’s wrong with it?”

“While it is a fine tie in many regards, it does not suite your complexion-.”

“Hang my complexion, Jeeves,” I countered gamely, before he could add his customary ‘sir’. “Every once in awhile a man’s complexion needs something new, something zippy to shake it up.” He looked ready to protest, so I fixed him with my steeliest gaze. Absolutely unbendable. “I will wear it, Jeeves!”

“Very good, sir.”

As he was turning to leave, a thought occurred to me. “By the way, you said Lord Grantham’s two living daughters were married. Has he any others?”

“His Lordship’s youngest daughter, Mrs. Sybil Branson nee Crawley, died in childbirth back in 1920. Her husband, Mr. Branson, lives at Downton with his in-laws.”

“Ah. Good to know.” Storing that information away in my head as something not to bring up over dinner, I turned my attention to finishing my breakfast.

So there you go! The suitably improbable intro! At least, I feel it’s pretty durn unlikely, even before the movie, that Edith would hold a writer’s conference at Downton, or if she did that she’d invite Aunt Dahlia, etc. But this isn’t about realism, it’s about having an excuse to write Bertie being an idiot and Thomas being a snark face in the same story. Who says you can’t have everything?

In other news, I fully understand why Wodehouse spent so much time writing Jeeves and Wooster stories. Bertie’s a blast!

#downton abbey #jeeves and wooster #p.g. wodehouse #crossover #fanfiction #crossover fanfiction #wip wednesday #bertie wooster #reginald jeeves

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gloves94 · 4 years

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To Be So Lonely [Draco Malfoy] 2

Rating: PG-13 Pairings: Draco Malfoy/OC Chapter warnings: Abuse!

Raised as an orphan, Nel Saintday, endured years of torture from the Slytherin House. The Dark Lord only allowed her existence for her to serve a very specific vile purpose for him. Her birthright dictates for her to choose a side in the Wizarding War… But what would happen if she dares defy the Dark Lord and his wishes? And what happens when she falls for her tormentor? Will Nel fulfill her life’s purpose? And what side will her tormentor, Draco Malfoy, choose? The light that calls to him or the darkness…

CHAPTER MASTERLIST MY MASTERLIST

1 9 9 1

"Oi! You said you'd give me five quid for it!" A young girl accused with a stern expression at an older boy. "A quid per pound."

This had not been a fair deal.

The boy wore a smug expression on his fox like face. On one hand he weighted a fat paper bag filled with Dairy Milk chocolate bars and Maltesers amongst other chocolatey goods. The rest of his squad, all just as tall and hulking snickered as they greedily ate the candy.

"I said five quid per pound of quality candy, this is all rubbish. Besides, I hate chocolate! You get squat Dots." He laughed loudly before chewing on a mouthful of chocolate bars.

"But you're still eating it!" She pointed upset.

The group laughed cruelly.

"You better give me my money Nico!" She threatened both fists clenched at her side, eyebrows furrowed into a scowl.

"Or what?" He huffed towering over the eleven-year-old poking her chest. "What are you going to do about it?" He challenged pushing her. "Go and cry to Ms. Wool about it?" He pushed her to the ground, and she fell back to the pavement on her behind glaring at the bullies. She should've really thought this out more thoroughly.

"Just you wait-" She growled out rolling up her sleeves, looking as menacing as she could.

It was then that a startled look crossed Nico's face. He turned white. "Let's get out of here!" His friend slapped the other on the chest and looking terrified as the three scrambled away quickly even dropping the bag of candy on the alley way.

"Ha!" She bounced to her feet triumphantly.

Yeah! That'll show them!

It was then that she felt a strong grip seize her shoulder.

Uh-Oh

Her legs moved but she felt an object come down hard on her shoulder. She spat a curse and looked over her shoulder to see Mr. Cowell, the owner of the General Store she had just stolen candy from, and the bitter old man did not look pleased. His black cane buried on her arm.

"Oh! You're going nowhere this time you scantly thief!" He pulled her to him and grabbed her shoulder with his hand.

Head sunken low, he walked her back to where she came from. All the way grumbling and muttering insults and curses.

"Should've known you were up to no good, same as always," he muttered more to himself before ringing the doorbell of the old building.

Ms. Wool opened the door. A plump woman with a pig's face that always seemed to be wearing the dreaded color pink. A cloud of gagging perfume usually wafted around the middle-aged woman. Her face immediately morphed into a deep scowl that made her fat bottom lip stick out.

"Can't let you out of my sight, can I?" She glowered at the girl.

"Caught her with her sticky fingers looting my candy jars this time," the upset man pushed her forward making her stumble towards the entrance of the orphanage.

"Oh Phil," Ms. Wool shook her head slightly before digging into a coin purse. "What's the damage this time?"

"'S just candy Cordelia," The old man said gruffly leaning on his cane dismissing her offer. "'Ust make sure this one 'ere stays out of my store!" He pointed his cane at the girl's chest making her inch back.

Ms. Wool's sharp hands sank into her shoulders as she apologized to the store owner and brought the girl inside of the orphanage. Nel didn't feel her stomach sink until the door closed.

"Can't let you out of my sight, can I? You little thieving tyke!" Ms. Wood's polished hand reached for the girl's ear and she angrily pulled on it as she dragged her away into her hellish office. Other children that lived in the home laughed and pointed as they saw the much familiar scene unfold before them. Ms. Wool's office was a damp place, colored in warm pastel shades and drying flowers with floors and ceilings from the 1910's the time when Wool's Orphanage had originally been built.

"I'm not scared of you!" She declared stupidly. "Oh, you should be! You stupid girl!" Wool scolded. "I've had it up to here with you!" She crossed an arm over her forehead. "I've tried being nice, I've tried being patient. Seems like this is the only way you'll understand." She said opening a door next to her office and tossing her in. "In the Chokey you go!"

The door slammed on her nose.

The Chokey was a narrow cupboard that was filled with broken glass sticking out of the walls with nails on the door. It was a place of utter terror that the mere threat of it was enough to make children tremble in fright and fall straight into line. The cupboard was so narrow you couldn't sit or squat in it without being hurt. Sometimes kids were kept here for hours. Nel presently had the record for the longest lock in having been kept in for a whole day. Something she was awfully proud of and she felt gave her some pomp and superiority over the other children in the home.

"Let me out of here you wretched witch!" She shouted at the door bending her hand on a glass free spot on the door.

"You will stay in there until you finally learn your lesson! Even if its tomorrow!"

She heard a door slam signaling that Wool had exited her office.

Nel stood in the dark room. Eyes peeled; angry fists clenched at the sides. All she had wanted to do was to make some money to buy some art supplies for her own. After all she was an orphan, not possessing a single penny to her name. It wasn't fair. No matter how hard she tried to hold on to any material possession - every time she got something, anything nice be it a candy bar, socks or a sweater, the gift was usually always picked away by the older, stronger kids in the home. Sometimes she wondered what her life would've been like if she hadn't been dumped in this doldrum.

Nel stayed locked up for hours. Her bored eyes attempted to find shapes in the darkness through a strained vision. Scratching a nail against the door's paint she attempted to carve her name into it as she carefully calculated and planned her next scheme to make money. Perhaps she could scam some local kids into buying pet rocks or swindle them into some equally ridiculous scam. She made a mental note to next time make Nico and his goons pay her before engaging in business with him.

That was until the door opened. The light momentarily blinded her.

"There you are!" A younger voice spoke and the eleven-year-old was brought into a warm embrace. "Are you okay? If you know that Nico Shaffer and his gang are going to do you dirty why do you keep hanging out with them?" Lucy, Nel's absolutely favorite person in the world, said holding on to her arms with care.

Lucy was only a couple of years older than Nel. The young girl couldn't remember a time in which anybody else that had ever cared for her. Certainly not Ms. Wool. The girl was more of an older sister than just a fellow housemate.

"I have to show 'em who's the boss around here," Nel said with a huff before sticking her hand into her pocket and handing her friend some candy. "I got you some Whoopers," she grinned handing over her friend the candy.

"Sometimes I think you enjoy setting off Ms. Wool," Lucy shook her head and regardless took the candy and pocketed with a smile.

"Only sometimes," the girl smiled cheekily.

The two girls made out of the office quickly hand in hand.

"Stealing is wrong Nel. Don't do it again." the older one scolded to deaf ears that would most definitely do it again. "What did you even want that money for?"

"I wanted to buy some paint. You know? So that I could paint my walls."

"Your walls or Wool's walls?" the Lucy rolled her eyes knowing that the young girl would probably paint a splash or horrendous colors in the cafeteria which would mortify matron. "You know Ms. Wool would most definitely not allow that."

The younger one smirked slightly having been caught in her mischievous plan to bring some life into the dull building. "We practically live in a jail Luce, it's not fair. Maybe just- maybe some color would make everybody's day better? It was for the greater good!"

"Hey Nel! Heard you stole some candy from old man Cowell!" A younger boy called from the corridor. Enjoying the attention, the girl turned and threw a candy at him "You bet!"

"Stop it! You're going to get in more trouble," Lucy slapped her hand as they reached the small room were the young girl was kept to herself. Nel didn't care. That boy owed her now. She'd think of what favor she'd bug him with later. Maybe she'd ask him for his bread if she was ever locked up without dinner again.

Her room had once been the laundry room and broom and storage, but a bed had been added for the girl to sleep in. She slept there alone, mainly for the safety of others… You see, weirdthings tended to happen around the girl -

"Ms. Wool!" A loud sing song voice called. "Nel still has some candy and is keeping it to herself!" A most pesky snitch alarmed loudly.

Both girls turned to glare at Aisha by far Wool's favorite and a total kiss ass. Always wearing pink in an attempt to please their matron.

"Shut your mouth Aisha or I'll shut it for you!" The other shouted angrily from across the corridor.

It was then that Wool came stomping by from around the corner.

"SAINTDAY!" She bellowed her surname angrily. Her eyes scanned the corridor for the young girl before focusing on her. "Ah, there you are!" Her eyes turned into slits.

Aisha smirked looking pleased with herself.

Nel shrunk a little, hiding behind Lucy. She was bracing herself for the scold that would come from exiting the chokey when she saw that a tall man with a long white beard and peculiar lavender robes was trailing behind the wide matron.

Ms. Wool sank her hand into Nel's lower arm and dragged the girl inside of the small room, the man tailing behind entered as well. Lucy was locked out; she hung her shoulders lingering around ready to press her ear against the door. What a most peculiar looking man… She thought to herself.

Wool knowingly stuck her head out before Lucy pressed her ear against the door and barked at her to get lost which sent the fourteen-year-old skulking away.

Back inside Wool turned her attention to the brunette. "What have you done now you wicked child?" She glared hands on hips demanding an answer.

"I did nothing, swear!" She said innocently raising up her hands looking at the older man with the half-moon glasses with an innocent expression.

Albus Dumbledore looked at the expression on the child's face that was sitting in the small bed. Despite the pout on her face there was an air of mischief that made him aware that he should know better when trusting her. It had been decades since the last time he had been to Wool's Orphanage. The last time had been under similar circumstances instead visiting a student with the last name Riddle.

"You will apologize to the man and tell me what you did!" Wool knelt and pinched the tender part of the girl's arm making her painfully hiss at the sensation.

"That is enough Ms. Wool," Dumbledore said sternly glaring at the Muggle woman.

"I am here on official school business," the man with the twinkling eyes said stroking his beard. "My name is Albus Dumbledore, I am the Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardly and I have come to personally deliver Ms. Saintday her letter of acceptance."

"School of wizzah which what?" Wool cocked her head at an angle and narrowed her eyes in mistrust.

She took the letter from the man eyeing the parchment sealed with an official wax stamp with wary eyes. Nel never received any mail. As far as she knew there was nobody outside of the orphanage that would write to her.

Miss E. Saintday, Laundry Room, Wool's Orphanage, London.

Blinking twice she ripped the envelope open. Curiously reading the contents of the green letter head.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY Underneath was the Headmasters name. Followed by an acceptance, instructions for admission and a list of texts and materials that would be required by the school. The letter was signed by the Deputy Headmistress, Minerva McGonagall, in a curvy signature.

Nel hadn't even bothered to listen to what Wool was bickering about with the Headmaster.

"Is this real?" She asked the man with her eyes growing wide. "This is not a joke is it?"

"As real as you and I Ms. Saintday," The man smiled down at her kindly.

The man who had introduced himself as Albus Dumbledore explained that there was another world which was unknown to, to regular or non-magic people that were called Muggles and the Nel was a witch. A powerful being capable of magical powers. He explained this was all extremely secretive and that nobody must or should know. He explained that Hogwarts was a most prestigious school and the Wizarding School of the UK were most witches and wizards attended for seven years to earn their education.

"You don't want this one I'm telling you!" Wool suddenly laughed loudly. "She's brought me nothing but trouble since the day she was left in my doorstep!" Nel ignored her with a glare. "Set my curtains on fire, once somehow made a student magically appear on the roof, made my teapots sing! Summoned snakes out of cookie jars! Lightbulbs explode around her! All sorts of devilish things! I know she bullies the other kids. I don't know how she does it, I just haven't caught her yet. And school-" She laughed woefully. "Not a single knot or bolt in this one's empty head." She knocked on the back of her head, which made the girl rub the sore spot. She turned to look at the Headmaster with fearful eyes. Would he withdraw his invitation now that he knew this?

"I believe I myself once set fire to my dorm's curtains. An atrocious shade of red. Accidentally of course," he smiled once again which brought some comfort to the orphan.

"Forget about it!" Wool exclaimed getting ready to exit the room. "I'm not going to fork a single penny over so that this one can go to a fancy boarding school to learn how to pull rabbits out of a hat!"

"I assure you that money will not be a problem Ms. Wool. There is a special fund set aside to assist students with financial needs. Of course, Ms. Saintday will have to maintain an outstanding average to maintain this scholarship."

"Ha! That's a lost cause," Wool huffed humorlessly.

She was ignored. The older Wizard stood up and met the girls' dark brown eyes. Eyes that to him seemed distantly familiar.

"So, what do you say Elowen? although I believe you go by Nel," he inquired.

"What do I say?" She repeated. If anybody had asked her what she really thought, she would've said this entire thing was a hoax. Maybe this funny looking man was actually a child napper, but anywhere was better than Wool's. However, he did not seem harmful, not like the type of man to be vile or malicious. "Of course!" She jumped to her feet. Worst case scenario Wool had always warned her that if she was ever kidnapped that the kidnappers would have to pay her a ransom to take her back.

"Very well then," Dumbledore bowed slightly at Wool. It was then that he pulled out a wand from inside of his long shimmering sleeves. He turned to her little belongings and flicked his wand opening a suite case and made all of the clothes, shoes and other little objects leapt in, in a neatly folded manner.

Nel's mouth gaped a jar at the magic in fascination. Wool looked terrified.

"It's real!" She exclaimed with disbelief.

"I'll be waiting for you at the entrance Ms. Saintday, so that you may bid your goodbyes and gather other belongings," he said as he headed towards the exit. "Wait!" Nel stopped him tugging on the back of his robe. "Can my friend Lucy come with us to? She's brilliant, much better student than I am!" She pleaded.

The man stopped and looked back at her kindly with his twinkling eyes.

"Nel," he began. "I'm afraid that Hogwarts is real for us, but it is not real for Ms. Bonilla," he began to explain. Somehow already knowing Lucy's last name. "Ms. Bonilla is a Muggle, and only witches and wizards can attend or see the school."

"But-" She pleaded. "Can you make an exception? She'll work hard I promise!"

Dumbledore placed a hand on the girl's head. "I'm afraid not child," he rested his hand there for a moment before vanishing into thin air.

Nel looked at the ground sadly. What would she do? She couldn't leave Lucy behind like that.

"Don't look so sullen," Wool's voice suddenly made her snap out of her thoughts. "You'll be back soon. I give it a day before that man is back begging me to take you back from who knows where," she said sticking her nose up in the air. "Very well then, say your goodbyes, Ta-ta." She clapped her hands and pushed her out of the room.

She looked at the austere corridors and the dirty floors recording them all into her memory. She would've really loved to splash them with some bold greens and yellows just to bring some life to this decadent place. Ms. Wool passed her in the hallway.

"Clown's come to take you back to the circus?" A voice called from one end of the corridor making her head snap in the direction. "'About time Freak Show," It was Aisha and Alf, two other members of the house who frequently taunted Nel.

"At least I'm getting out of here unlike the likes of you!" She shot back.

"At least we weren't abandoned here. Even your own parents didn't want your wart-face," Aisha laughed cruelly.

Nel stayed silent. That one hurt. The fact that she was an unwanted child hurt her more than she would ever let on. After all most kids living at Wool's belonged to parents that had lost custody of them, had been deported or had even passed away. Nel had been one of the few that had willingly been surrendered at an abbey's doorstep without a single hint or clue of who she was.

The day she was found they sought for records of her or the people who could be her parents yet found none. She was named by a Cornish nun and given the surname Saintday having been symbolically found on November 1st, All Saints Day.

"Yeah, nobody's going to miss your ugly spotted face 'round here," Aisha stuck out her tongue making a reference to the dotted beauty marks that marked the girl's face; which was considerably her most striking feature. She had managed to count at least ten of them. The marks were scattered in the figure of something, but she didn't know exactly what it was.

Angry she rolled up the sleeves of her black jumper.

"Want a souvenir so you don't miss me too much?" She threatened with a raised fist.

She was about to walk forward and put the bullies in her place when two hands reached and turned her around.

"Is it true?" It was Lucy kneeling down to her level to meet her eye. "That you're leaving?" Her dark eyes were wide with concern.

Nel looked down, almost in shame avoiding Lucy's eyes. "I know it's sudden, but I've been accepted to a school in Scotland. That funny looking man, he's come to take me," she wanted to tell Lucy she was a witch. Wanted to explain what it meant, but the vow of secrecy kept her from doing it. "But- I'm not sure if I want to go," she said feeling a sudden emptiness inside her. "You won't be there-"

"Nonsense!" She exclaimed. "You're going."

"I asked if you could come but he said no!"

"Doesn't matter," Lucy smiled at her encouragingly. "Just promise you'll call. Yeah?"

With her eyes brimming with rare tears Nel nodded and hugged her tightly. "Go," Lucy ushered her off. "Make the best of it, learn and most importantly be good Elowen Saintday."

The girls beamed at each other. "I'll see you during the holidays!" The younger one cried. She didn't know what she would do without Lucy.

"Oh," Ms. Wool crowed looking down at the troublemaker. "You'll be back," she added smugly. It seemed like the woman was getting ready to enjoy the peace and quiet that would come. For now, Elowen Saintday would be somebody else's problem.

xxxxx

STARRING THE ORIGINAL CAST OF THE HARRY POTTER SERIES with ADAM DRIVER as SEVERUS SNAPE

Xxxxx

AN: Any "To Protect" fans out there? Shoutout to you!

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v-thinks-on · 4 years

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Raffles and Bunny Get Caught

Part 4 of Jeeves and the Amateur Cracksman

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It was a bright and cheery morning; the bird was on the wing and the snail on the thorn, as Jeeves would say, not that I had risen with the bird or the snail on that particular m. It was rather getting on toward noon by the time I had shimmied upright and Jeeves shimmered in with the restoring oolong.

It took a few gulps of the stuff before I felt equal to any manner of conversation. By that time, Jeeves was busying himself with the raiment in preparation for a day about town.

“The blue?” I piped up when I was sufficiently braced. “Why not the yellow?”

“Yes, sir. I believe the blue brings out the color in your eyes,” came the reply.

And who was I to argue with the man. “Right-o! Carry on, Jeeves.”

“Very good, sir.”

We didn’t linger long in the companionable silence of our morning routine before I asked, “Anything of interest in the news, what?”

Jeeves stopped messing with my wardrobe and stepped solemnly over to the side of the bed, and he only does that if there’s something serious afoot.

“Out with it, Jeeves! Has someone died?”

“Possibly, sir.”

“What? Really? Who? Not my Aunt Agatha?” I added hopefully.

“No, sir. Mr. Raffles is missing, presumed dead.”

I pushed myself fully upright. “A.J. Raffles? The cricketer - and your cousin?”

“Yes, sir.” Jeeves seemed less than affected himself, but one never knows with the man.

I fell back upon the cushions. “A fellow like that, in the prime of his life, what? I suppose it just goes to show it can happen to anybody. Poor Bunny, he’s so devoted to Raffles, he’ll be devastated. But you said he’s missing, that they don’t know for sure? Isn’t he just the sort of chap to make a sort of miraculous return, just like how you said Sherlock Holmes made it out of Reichenbach after all? Gives a sort of impermeable impression, what, not so different from yourself.”

Jeeves raised an eyebrow a fraction of an inch at the comparison, but seemed to let it slide. “I would not be surprised, sir.”

“Well, out with it! What happened? How did he meet his Professor Moriarty?”

“If I may speak frankly, sir-”

“Of course, Jeeves,” I said with an airy wave.

“Sir, I fear Mr. Raffles may bear more of a resemblance to Professor Moriarty than to Mr. Holmes.”

“What do you mean?”

“According to the morning paper, Mr. Raffles was last seen diving off of a vessel - its name left unreported, but I expect it is the steamship Uhlan of the Norddeutscher Lloyd.”

I waved him along with a touch of impatience. “Forget the name of the vessel! What was Raffles doing diving from it? Some sort of daredevil act?”

“Hardly, sir. On their voyage, Mr. Raffles and Mr. Manders-”

“Bunny was there too?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do go on, Jeeves.”

“Very good, sir. Accompanying Mr. Raffles and Mr. Manders was a priceless pearl; a gift from our beloved monarch to a Polynesian sovereign. According to the latest report, in the course of the voyage, the pearl went missing and was found in Mr. Raffles’s possession, hidden inside a bullet, you may be interested to know. Mr. Raffles dove into the sea to avoid capture and Mr. Manders, who assaulted an officer to aid in his escape, is currently imprisoned awaiting trial.”

“I say! There’s only one thing to do, Jeeves! if there was any time to rally round a pal, it’s now. What’s that gag you always say?”

“Sir, I’m afraid it will not be so simple.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sir, if I may speak freely-”

“Go on,” I said with a touch of impatience.

“I expect that Mr. Raffles and Mr. Manders are guilty as charged, if I may use the expression.”

“What do you mean? You think Bunny and Raffles, your own flesh and blood, stole that pearl?”

“Yes, sir. In fact, I would be most surprised if Mr. Raffles and Mr. Manders were not aboard that vessel with the express intent of purloining the pearl.”

“Where did you get a bally notion like that? I wouldn’t’ve thought it of you, Jeeves. Surely it’s all some misunderstanding. You don’t by any chance have an aunt like my Aunt Dahlia who’s always sending some hapless nephew on errands to steal various ill-fortuned antiques?”

“No, sir. I have suspected for some time that Mr. Raffles and Mr. Manders have been living off of ill-gotten gains.”

“Ill-gotten gains, Jeeves?”

“Theft, sir; burglary. Mr. Raffles has developed quite a taste for jewels.”

“Why, Jeeves, that’s bally rot! I say, you’ve lost your touch!”

“It may come as something of a surprise to you, sir,” Jeeves said dryly, “but Mr. Raffles has been under investigation by an inspector of the Scotland Yard for some time.”

“What for?”

“The theft of the Melrose diamonds most notably, sir. He is suspected of having perpetrated a series of high-society burglaries over the past several years.”

“And you suspected all this?”

“Yes, sir. Mr. Raffles and Mr. Manders have been living well beyond their means for some time.”

“But surely!” I protested.

“I can assure you, sir, that they have no inheritance, merely a small allowance generously set aside for their benefit. Mr. Raffles’s only legitimate occupation is cricket, which he plays as an amateur. Mr. Manders has published some small writings, but his earnings are hardly enough to account for their current lifestyle.”

“You really do know everything, Jeeves,” I said, caught between skepticism and marveling at his infinite fount of knowledge - whatever a “fount” is.

“Thank you, sir.”

I leaned back against the pillows and took another bracing gulp of oolong, swishing the warm liquid about in my mouth as I thought it all over. It seemed absurd, and yet, what reason would Jeeves have to lie, to slander his own cousins’ names? And I had never known the fellow to be wrong yet.

“Well, Jeeves, I’ve never known you to be wrong yet,” I admitted. “Does that mean Raffles and Bunny really were here as burglars when they came in through the window that night?”

“I am afraid so, sir.”

“And you knew all along?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then why didn’t you say something, dash it! I look like a real fool now, welcoming them in.”

“I considered the risks to be negligible, sir. I, of course, observed Mr. Raffles and Mr. Manders while they were here, but lacking a lady’s collection of jewels, you have few possessions that Mr. Raffles would consider worth abstracting.”

“If I don’t have anything worth abstracting, as you say, then what were they doing here?”

“Your comparison of Mr. Raffles’s behavior to a childish prank was not entirely inaccurate, sir. Our childhood was a competitive one, and I fear it is on my account that Mr. Raffles and Mr. Manders endeavored to burgle your residence.”

“To get one over on you, you mean?”

“Not precisely the expression I would have employed, but essentially yes, sir.”

“But they really were thieves?”

“Yes, sir.”

“It’s a rummy thing. None of my other pals are thieves, are they?”

“No, sir, not to my knowledge.”

“Raffles hardly ever hung around enough for me to get to know him, but I wouldn’t’ve thought it of a chap like Bunny. You wouldn’t think he’s any cleverer than I am, just looking at the fellow, would you?”

“No, sir. I expect their efforts were primarily to Mr. Raffles’s credit.”

“Bunny was just telling me how Raffles never lets him plan anything, but I didn’t think he meant anything as bally as all this.”

“Mr. Manders’s greatest strength is his appearance of innocence.”

“He sure had me fooled. Was it all just for the goods? A taste of the high life?”

“I could not say, sir.”

“Of course not, Jeeves.” I sighed. “Did you really try to nab things from each other when you were kids?”

“On occasion, sir.”

“Training to be thieves, what? Is that how you learned to break windows and conk out policemen?”

“Sir?” His eyebrow raised a good half an inch at the implicit accusation.

I hastily clarified, “Sorry, Jeeves, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, if someone just met my Aunt Agatha, it wouldn’t be fair to assume I also howled at the moon and devoured orphans for breakfast, what? Even looking at my own cousins, Claude and Eustace, I don’t think anyone would invite me ‘round just knowing them. There’s nothing you can do about being related to a pair of cracksmen like Raffles and Bunny, what?”

The corner of Jeeves’s lips twitched upward. “No, sir.”

That settled, I took another pensive sip of the oolong and mulled it over a bit. “So that’s it, what? They’ve been hauled in? Well, Bunny, at least - you say Raffles is out at sea?”

“Yes, according to the most recent post, sir.”

“I say, after everything, I still feel bad for the chap, for Bunny I mean. He’s hardly the sort to do time in chokey, what? And it’d be a bit more than 30 days without the option.”

“If I may say so, sir, even Mr. Manders is somewhat more resilient than he may appear.”

“You think so?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oh, well, I suppose that’s all right then, if he really did steal all those things.”

“Yes, sir. Will that be all, sir?”

“Is that all, Jeeves?” I asked.

“Yes, sir.”

“Right-o then!”

Jeeves eyed me a moment longer before rippling off to resume readying the raiment.

Part of The Mysterious Mr. Jeeves

#v writes #Jeeves and Wooster #Raffles #The Mysterious Mr. Jeeves #Jeeves and the Amateur Cracksman

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antialiasis · 5 years

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Matilda

Matilda was one of my favorite books when I was little. I got it as a present, with a cover based on the 1996 movie, and immediately decided it looked stupid and I wasn't going to read it. Then one day I was sick with nothing to do, and I reluctantly reached for this book that I hadn't read yet, and whoops I loved it. (This was also my reaction to the first Harry Potter book, and to the Pokémon games. My actual tastes were not a great match for my stubborn contrarianness.)

So when I heard Tim Minchin was writing the songs for a musical based on the book, I thought that sounded pretty cool. I'm not sure I actually went and listened to the soundtrack until after I'd gotten into Groundhog Day, though. Either way, once I did a couple years back, the changes it implied from the book fascinated me, and I dug up my copy of the book and reread it. Later, I went on to see the musical in London, then the Icelandic production of it earlier this month, and finally the other day we watched the 1996 movie adaptation, the one piece missing from my Matilda experience before I could write a lengthy Tumblr ramble about this book and its adaptations, as one does.

It never occurred to me reading it as a child, but from an adult's perspective, and a writing perspective, I have a strong suspicion that it was written on the fly - that Roald Dahl did not know what would happen later when he was writing the earlier parts, and the draft was only minimally edited from there. I actually think that's kind of neat - it provides something of a raw window into the author's process. But it does lead to the book having some noticeable flaws that the adaptations try to fix.

Structurally, Matilda the book is split into distinct sections. It starts with a bit of an intro where the narrator vents their frustration with the way that parents are annoyingly convinced their children are perfect, adorable angels, even when they're actually total little shits - complete with hypothetical acidic reports with colorful metaphors that they'd love to give some children's parents if only they could. It's funny, and educational (this is where I first learned about cicadas), but undeniably kind of mean-spirited, and has very little to do with the rest of the book - from there, we just segue to introducing Matilda, the very opposite of these children, who is genuinely brilliant and delightful but treated with contempt and derision by her deeply unpleasant parents. She's left to fend for herself a lot of the time and becomes very independent, and she begins to visit the library to read books, starting with finishing all of the children's books and moving on from there, with the help of a kind librarian, to an extensive list of literary classics.

Here we start the first major section of the book, Matilda's efforts to strike back at her parents when they wrong her. For several chapters, we follow the Wormwoods (well, mostly Mr. Wormwood) being awful and abusive, followed by Matilda thinking up a prank to play in retaliation - the iconic superglue in the hat and bleach in the hair tonic, plus one involving borrowing a neighbor kid's parrot and stuffing its cage into a chimney that both adaptations leave out, probably wisely. Roald Dahl loves thinking up pranks and karmic punishments - this is a recurring theme in his children's books - and basically all of this section is extremely him, but doesn't have much of a sense of progression to it and isn't leading towards much of anything.

Then, we're quite abruptly off to the next section, where Matilda goes to school. She's enrolled in Miss Honey's class, Miss Honey recognizes her talents, and we follow Miss Honey's unsuccessful attempts to convince first Miss Trunchbull and then Matilda's parents that she should be moved straight up into sixth grade. Then we get back to full Roald Dahl form as for several chapters we see/learn about the various outrageous ways that Miss Trunchbull abuses students - Chokey, the hammer-throwing, the iconic Bruce Bogtrotter cake scene, lifting a boy by the ears, etc. - and how the students have tried to fight back. ...And then, as Matilda is being unfairly accused of something she didn't do, she tips over a glass with her eyes.

The story takes a sudden swerve away from being a series of inventive over-the-top pranks and punishments. Matilda confides in Miss Honey about her newly-discovered telekinetic powers, proves them to her by tipping the glass again, and comes with her to her house - which is a tiny cottage. Miss Honey reveals that she grew up with a horrifically abusive aunt after the death of her mother and later her father's suspicious apparent suicide, and that the aunt commandeers her wages, and that the aunt is Miss Trunchbull. We're the vast majority of the way through the book now and it just suddenly got real. Matilda formulates a plan; she painstakingly practices using her powers at home until she can levitate and precisely control one of her father's cigars telekinetically; and the next time Miss Trunchbull teaches their class, in the middle of her abusing the children further, Matilda telekinetically uses some chalk to write a threatening message from Miss Honey's late father on the blackboard, and Miss Trunchbull faints on the spot and is taken to the infirmary.

The next day, Miss Trunchbull gets out of town, and Miss Honey's father's will turns up unexpectedly, allowing Miss Honey to move back into her family's house. Matilda becomes a frequent guest, and reveals one day that she's no longer able to use her powers - which Miss Honey suggests might be because she's finally getting the mental stimulation that she needs. When Matilda heads home that day, though, her parents are in the process of packing everything for a move to Spain. When Matilda returns to Miss Honey, upset, Miss Honey reveals that it was well known her father was in with some shady people, selling stolen cars from all over the country, and they're probably moving to escape the police. Then they run back, Matilda asks her parents to please let her stay with Miss Honey, and they basically go "Whatever" and leave, leaving Matilda and Miss Honey to finally have found a loving family with each other.

It's a fantastic story and I love it, but there are definitely some noticeable oddities in how it plays out, likely thanks to being written on the fly, and the adaptations take a couple of different approaches to addressing these things.

First, structurally it's weird how long we spend on Matilda's library adventures and then the prank war with her parents, when the main plot turns out to revolve entirely around what happens at the school, and specifically the increasingly terrifying Miss Trunchbull, with the early stuff almost entirely irrelevant. In my Icelandic copy, we're a hundred pages in (out of 240) before we even properly begin to hear about Miss Trunchbull's atrocities. We learn late in the book that Miss Trunchbull is Miss Honey's aunt, who abused and terrorized her to the point where she meekly agreed to let Miss Trunchbull receive all her wages and leave her with pocket change - but in the early scene where Miss Honey goes to see Miss Trunchbull, it jarringly doesn't read like she's confronting someone with that sort of control over her: Miss Honey is stated to be kind of terrified of her, but it only sounds like it's in the way that anyone would be terrified of a person like this, and she's perfectly willing to argue with and object to her until she gives up, seemingly just because Miss Trunchbull is completely unreasonable and refuses to listen. Matilda's telekinetic powers come out of nowhere two thirds into the book, with nothing foreshadowing them even in hindsight; Miss Honey's explanation of the powers as having come about simply because Matilda wasn't using enough of her brain rang false and annoyed me even as a child, when her discovery of her powers had seemingly arisen specifically out of this intense justified rage at this person who was such an awful, despicable monster; and after Matilda's father had in the first half of the book been portrayed merely as a sleazy used car salesman who sells his cars as newer than they actually are, the sudden revelation a couple of pages before the end that actually he was involved with organized crime this whole time is quite jarring and feels distinctly pulled out to get rid of Matilda's awful parents for good and let her live with Miss Honey as they both so clearly deserve (and don’t get me wrong, that’s so satisfying that it’s hard to care that it took a weird asspull for it to happen).

The 1996 movie is really quite faithful to the book, more so than I expected, but makes some reasonable modifications. Some of the early stuff about Matilda's reading and so on gets told nicely in the form of montages, it cuts the parrot prank, and instead Matilda at one point remotely shuts off the TV after being forced to sit down and watch it - foreshadowing her telekinetic abilities early. There's also a scene at a restaurant that reads as simply wacky comedy logic as it's happening but is probably also foreshadowing her telekinesis, in hindsight. The cops are after Matilda's dad from the start, with scenes added where the cops are watching their house, trying to gather information, and one where Matilda, now in control of her powers, sabotages their warrantless search of the garage and sends them fleeing. The discovery of Matilda's telekinesis and Miss Honey's backstory happens significantly earlier in the runtime, relatively speaking; a subplot is added about Matilda and Miss Honey trying to retrieve some of Miss Honey's possessions from Miss Trunchbull's house following this, and Matilda then using her powers to scare Trunchbull in her house, setting up her belief that the ghost of Miss Honey's father is haunting her. Matilda's powers, which are considerably more potent than in the book, don't disappear at the end at all - but they're also clearly established as being linked to her sense of justice, with her needing to tap into that feeling specifically to activate them. The theme of her sense of justice is emphasized in general and works pretty well to tie the story together - a scene early on where her father offhandedly says "When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson!" inspires her retaliation against her parents and then subsequently Trunchbull. And there's a really cute montage at the end where Matilda and Miss Honey goof around together and it's great because they're both basically getting to be children for the first time. Trunchbull is also more extensively humiliated before she bolts (in the book she only faints and a student dumps some water on her "to wake her up", but her real punishment is the conviction that she will be watched for the rest of her life by the vengeful ghost of the man she murdered, which I think is plenty, honestly). The tone of the film is largely pretty silly and goofy, similar to the tone of most of the book; the plummeting darkness of Miss Honey's story in the book is toned down, though we do learn in the movie that Trunchbull broke Miss Honey's arm when she was seven years old, so it’s not as if she gets off easy either.

The musical, on the other hand, has its own approach and takes more interesting liberties with the story; it allows itself more tonal range, ranging from extremely silly and over-the-top to some truly heartwrenching emotional moments, which I think may be easier to pull off in a musical than a regular movie.

The first time I listened to the musical soundtrack, I heard the first song, "Miracle", and realized that - oh, wow, they adapted the intro. In the opening number, spoiled, untalented children sing proudly of how their parents call them miracles and princes and princesses, while a hapless children's entertainer takes on the role of the book's narrator:

One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days It seems like there are millions of these one-in-a-millions these days Specialness seems de rigeur Above average is average, go figure Is it some modern miracle of calculus that such frequent miracles don't render each one unmiraculous?

Tim Minchin absolutely read the first chapter of the book and just straight-up adapted that irritated musing on how somehow every parent thinks their children are extraordinary into a song, and I love it.

What's even cooler about this, though, is that the musical actually goes on to deconstruct the mean-spiritedness of that intro. The children in this song are the same children who will end up being Matilda's classmates - where they're made likeable and sympathetic. Their parents may have pampered them, but they're just kids who don't deserve Trunchbull's abuses, and in the end they're brave and stand up for each other, in a Spartacus-like scene where every child stands up to deliberately misspell a word to force Trunchbull to punish them as well as the student who'd failed her spelling test. In "Revolting Children", their triumphant victory song after chasing Trunchbull away, we actually explicitly call back to "Miracle" and turn its cynically parodesque opening line into an empowering affirmation:

Never again will the Chokey door slam Never again will I be bullied and Never again will I doubt it when my mummy says I'm a miracle!

It's great and I think this is one of my favorite things in Matilda the musical. Maybe these children weren't as inherently special as their parents were convinced they were, but they aren't just props in Matilda's story; they're pretty cool in their own right, and maybe they actually deserve to be called miracles.

The musical's solution to the Wormwoods' sudden move to Spain is to set up throughout the show that Mr. Wormwood is specifically trying to sell a bunch of cars to these particular Russians that he's swindling, and at the end the Russians turn out to be gangsters, who are all set to beat him to a pulp when Matilda impresses them by speaking perfect Russian and pleading for her father's freedom (well, saying that she's had enough of revenge) - leading to the Russians threatening Mr. Wormwood, and thus to the Wormwoods leaving to get away somewhere they'll never encounter them again. It's a pretty funny scene, and just by making Mr. Wormwood's customers throughout the story all be this same group of Russians, it becomes clear to the viewer that they're going to come back in some way, making it all work out pretty satisfyingly.

In the musical, Trunchbull being Miss Honey's abusive aunt is absolutely telegraphed. Miss Honey's first solo song is "Pathetic", where she brutally berates herself for the sheer panic she's feeling at the thought of facing Miss Trunchbull:

Look at you trying to hide, silly Standing outside the principal's office like a little girl, it's just pathetic!

Look at you hesitating, hands shaking You should be embarrassed You're not a little girl, it's just pathetic!

Not only is she clearly terrified out of her wits about this - she's clearly a victim of emotional abuse, someone who's been told over and over that she's pathetic. It's not obvious it's Miss Trunchbull herself, of course - that'd give the game away - but in hindsight you can clearly see it, in a way you couldn't in the book, and it's heartbreaking. Miss Honey also has a bit later in the song “When I Grow Up”, echoing some lines originally sung by the children, but they take on a new meaning when you know what the creature beneath her bed actually is:

When I grow up I will be brave enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight beneath the bed each night to be a grown-up

The first time I listened to the Matilda soundtrack (the original London version, nota bene), I noticed this better setup of Miss Honey’s past, and that was the first thing to make me really interested in how this adaptation was done - and then "I'm Here" started, and it just instantly punched me in the gut emotionally. I had no idea what on earth this song was on about - Matilda was telling some story about an escapologist's daughter, which sounded suspiciously like Miss Honey's story, and why was Matilda telling that??? - but man, I felt things.

What turned out to be going on was that the musical took a whole different approach to presenting Miss Honey's story. Throughout the story, the musical solves the structural problems by interleaving the parent stuff and the library trips with the school storyline - so at several different points, Matilda goes to the library, where she tells a serial story to the librarian, Mrs. Phelps. When Mrs. Phelps asks her about her parents, Matilda always maintains they're so wonderful and loving and they probably miss her so much while she's away - and the story, though kind of silly and over-the-top, is heartbreakingly clearly also a wish-fulfillment fantasy on Matilda's part: it's about this perfect, wonderful couple, an acrobat and an escapologist, who are the most wonderful people and the greatest circus performers in history, and all they've ever wanted is a child. Only then it takes a dark turn: when they're finally expecting a child, they're forced by the acrobat's sister to perform a horribly dangerous circus act, which fatally injures the acrobat so that she only lives just long enough to deliver their daughter, and from there the acrobat's sister begins to abuse the daughter when the escapologist is away. In "I'm Here", a distraught Matilda just out of an explosive confrontation with her father retreats to her room and then abruptly, without an audience, begins to tell the final part of the story, where the escapologist manages to come home early and find his daughter crying, locked in the cellar. He breaks the door open and tells her not to cry, apologizes tearfully for leaving her behind, and promises he'll spend the rest of his life making it up to her and they'll be together forever, while giving her a scarf that her mother used to own - and then she, softly echoing the same melody, tells him not to cry and starts apologizing to him, and guh I'm a blubbering mess what did you do to me Tim Minchin. When she's asleep, though, he's filled with righteous rage and goes to confront the aunt - and he's never seen again.

Later, when Matilda first discovers her powers, we get the song "Quiet", which is also excellent - Matilda just trying to explain what is happening to her in a way that's frantic and disorganized but plainly brilliant, talking about these ideas of philosophy and physics buzzing in her head all the time, and:

But I wonder if inside my head I'm not just a bit different from some of my friends These answers that come into my mind unbidden These stories delivered to me fully written

These aren't stories at all - it's her powers. She's not just telekinetic, she's telepathic - she picked up this story of the acrobat and escapologist in some paranormal way, and a little later, in the song "My House", Miss Honey turns out to own the scarf from the story, and her parents were an acrobat and escapologist (in the book her father was a doctor and her mother's line of work is never specified, I believe, but presumably they were given more extravagant, unique professions to add flair to the story and make it more unmistakable that this is no coincidence), and Matilda realizes it's Miss Honey's story she's been telling the librarian.

There's probably still a made-up element to it - Matilda's story as she tells it, especially the first couple of parts of it, is pretty over-the-top and ridiculous and hard to take entirely seriously. But I think the point is just that it was emotionally true. They were an acrobat and an escapologist, they desperately wanted a child, maybe the circus act didn't literally involve the acrobat being on fire with dynamite in her hair but it was still pretty dangerous - and the final part of the story, told in "I'm Here", is devoid of these over-the-top elements and was probably entirely literal.

This is a pretty brilliant adaptational choice, I think. In the book, we had to hear about Miss Honey's story in a big exposition dump where she told Matilda the story - it worked pretty well there, though it was very late in the book, but I doubt it would in the theater. This way, we get to hear this story pretty innocuously, get kind of invested in it as a fairy tale sort of thing, then get this incredibly emotional song that's simultaneously a reenactment of Miss Honey's past and a fantasy sequence where Matilda finally gets to be comforted by a real parental figure who cares about her - and then all we need once Matilda gets to Miss Honey's house is to link these things together. And once we do, we realize the story has been setup for her powers and for Miss Honey's story all along, tying everything together. It's beautiful and I'm really impressed they came up with this.

In the musical, Miss Honey's proposed explanation for Matilda's powers being lost becomes that she no longer needed them. Overall, with the telepathic element added, it gains a bit more of a feel of the universe granting Matilda these powers specifically so that she could set things right with Trunchbull and Miss Honey - less apparently connected to Matilda feeling righteous rage, as in the movie, and more about the intervention of greater powers. And I'm okay with that too. One might ask why a skeptic would feel that way - and to that I say, come on, we're talking about psychic powers, we're kind of beyond the scientific. Still, though, I did think the movie actively and explicitly making it about Matilda's justified fury was pretty powerful, and though she ultimately ended up being able to use her powers casually there, if I were adapting the story myself I think I’d go with her powers being driven by righteous fury but she hasn’t been able to use them since her life became normal and happy and she stopped feeling that way.

All in all, Matilda the musical is a super-interesting adaptation and I’m quite fond of it. There are definitely bits I like less, but the good bits are really good.

(One of the bits I like less: the musical adds a curious subplot that doesn’t quite go anywhere about Matilda's mom, who is very obviously cheating on Mr. Wormwood with her "part Italian" dance partner Rodolfo. In "Miracle", there's a silly bit with Matilda's birth, where when Mr. Wormwood comes along and sees Matilda, he's completely baffled that the baby doesn't have a "thingy". It's a ridiculous gag about how ignorant he is, but also sort of implies that Mr. Wormwood just doesn't understand human reproductive anatomy at all, and along with the way that Mrs. Wormwood is clearly having sex with Rodolfo but there's no sign of intimacy between her and her husband, it may be implied (for the adults in the theater) that they've just never actually done it and Rodolfo, or someone else, is the father of her children. Possibly the idea here is that Matilda's biological father was someone significantly smarter than Mr. Wormwood. I may be reading way too much into this, and I'm kind of iffy on the implications of this if it's actually the intention, but either way I think it's kind of a weird part of the show and wonder what lay behind it.)

#matilda #matilda the musical #adaptations #ramble #review #oh boy this is long #me and my musical rambles

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songwriting315 · 3 years

Text

“Thoughts Of Nothing” album

“A Matter Of Choice”

Now that you've gone away (Now that you've gone away)

I don't know what there is to say

They broke my heart in two (I know this can't be you)

There's nothing left to say or do

I know this can't be a matter of choice

I'm not gonna judge 'til I've heard your voice

Though I may not ever understand

Things don't always go as planned

And though it's in the past (Though it's in the past)

These hateful faces will not last

Though they can't forgive (No they won't forgive)

You've still got all your life to live

I know this can't be a matter of choice

I'm not gonna judge 'til I've heard your voice

Though I may not ever understand

Things don't always go as planned

“Nothing All Day Long”

As the clock ticks on

It's a quarter to one

But there's time for hours in bed

It may be half past two

And there's plenty to do

But I'm rolling over instead

It's my top priority

To do it efficiently

And nothing will be done

On a day like today

I'm wasting time away

Doing nothing all day long

As the time flies by

I will keep an eye

On all the nothing that has gone

And on the days that follow

The cares of tomorrow

Can wait 'til today is done

It's my top priority

To do it efficiently

And nothing will be done

On a day like today

I'm wasting time away

Doing nothing all day long

“Frown Upside Down”

Floating through the ages

And all the different stages

It will seem to be a dream

When turning all the pages

Pouring all the laces

In all the different places

Never try to poke their eye

On either of their faces

No goodbyes, there’s too many

Dry those eyes. If there’s any

Need to cry, I will try

And turn that frown upside down

Take away all the fear

Those who stay will be here

Wipe away any tear

And turn that frown upside down

Ah, ah-ah, ooh-wah!

Doo ba doo, doo ba doo.

Fingernails need cleaning

Socks have lost their meaning

If you see a little bee

Tell him to stop the screaming

Spending many hours

Hugging all the flowers

Never drink from any sink

When singing in the showers

No goodbyes, there’s too many

Dry those eyes. If there’s any

Need to cry, I will try

And turn that frown upside down

Take away all the fear

Those who stay will be here

Wipe away any tear

And turn that frown upside down

Ah, ah-ah, ooh-wah!

Doo ba doo, doo ba doo.

“Wiggle Wiggle”

Well, turn a blind eye,

Neglect the stares

Pretend you don’t see

So many glares

They never will be

Quite as happy

As the person

Who never cares.

Keep on dancing

It only proves

That they are jealous

Of your cool moves

If they’re too lazy

To dance so crazy

Then maybe they need

To lose the blues

Turn around and wiggle, wiggle

Up and down and jiggle, jiggle

Hands upon your knees

Shimmy-shake and freeze.

Turn around and wiggle, wiggle

Up and down and jiggle, jiggle

Hands upon your knees

Shimmy-shake and freeze.

“Tiddely Pom”

Take a trip to East Sussex

And grab a handful of Pooh Sticks

An expotition has been planned

While Roo is playing in the sand.

Look out for Woozles on the trail

As we search for Eeyore’s tail.

No Heffalump will hold us back

As we have set a Cunning Trap.

No adventure is complete

Without a little something sweet

A place to get a little warmer

Make a journey to Pooh Corner

There’s a rumbly in my tummy

Time for a smackeral of honey

A place to get a little warmer

Make a journey to Pooh Corner

Tiddely Pom - Let’s bounce all day long now

Tiddely Pom - Let’s bounce all the time

Tiddely Pom - “Don’t bounce near my house

Tiddely Pom - Not much but it’s mine.”

Plant an oak tree with Haycorns

Don’t climb a tree with many thorns

The Backson won’t take you away

Within our hearts you’ll always stay

Fly balloons up all around

Balloons will never make you frown

Beware of doors that are too small

You might get stuck within the wall.

“Let The Music Carry On”

Stories that you are sharing

Shocking and very daring

Pretending you are caring

All you do is patronise

All that time without leaving

Sorry but I’m not believing

All the cries are deceiving

I don’t really sympathise

You can try to tell us lies

And hypnotise us to believe

We can see through your lies

You can’t disguise them or deceive

Ding Dong, sing a song

And let the music carry on.

Ring Ding, here us sing

And do not fret about a thing.

“They May Be Cruel”

They had all day to come here

They had all day to cross

But they waited ’til we came

Just to show us who’s boss

They may be cruel

But they’re the fools, not me.

They had all day to pass here

Coz the weather’s been fine

But they waited ’til we came

Just to waste our time

They may be cruel

But they’re the fools, not me.

There’s been nothing on the road

Until we got there

Coz the people in the cars

Are not being fair

One day they’ll walk

And they will see

That they’re the fools, not me.

“Hands On Head”

Don’t talk or don’t breathe

Don’t laugh, don’t sneeze.

Don’t move a muscle

Blame Mr Russell

No fun at playtime

Hopscotch is a crime

Cane smacked on your hand

Bulldog is now banned

Look out, here comes Trunchbull

Marching into the hall

Even with your lunch full

You’ll be put on the wall

Look out, here comes Trunchbull

Throwing a kid around

You’ll be in the Chokey

If you make any sound.

Hands on head or lips instead

Don’t ever question why

Live in fear when Trunchbull’s here

Get in the line or die

Hands on head or lips instead

Don’t ever question why

Live in fear when Trunchbull’s here

Get in the line or die

“Ding Dong Christmas Song”

All the bells are ringing

Festive carol singing

All the robins calling

And the snow is falling

Gaining a new dress size

Tucking into mince pies

Singing gospel choir

Warming by the fire

Santa will be in his sleigh

On his way for Christmas Day

He’s got a list and checked it twice

With advice who’s bad or nice

Ding, Ding, Dong,

Ding, Ding, Dong.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Ding, Ding, Dong,

Ding, Ding, Dong.

Peace On Earth for Everyone!

Early in the morning

Christmas Day is dawning

Tinsel wrapped round the tree

Children playing happily

Time for Christmas Dinner

For both saint and sinner

Family spending time

With Mistletoe and Wine

Santa will be in his sleigh

On his way for Christmas Day

He’s got a list and checked it twice

With advice who’s bad or nice

“Thoughts Of Nothing” (Instrumental)

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sk8ergurlgeenuh · 3 years

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richgirlk0urtney ♛ is OVER the dress code !!!! i got a DETENTION for showing my shoulders...my SHOULDERS!!! WTF is distracting about that???? . six hours ago

Mood: fuming 😡

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princ3ss0fdarkn3ss //_^ is DETENTION suckzzzzz (-.\) juST gOT dEtEntiOn fOr bEINg L8 2 my 1ST period...tHey'Re noT gonNa miss me in english !!!! . six hours ago

Mood: annoyed 🙄

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st0nybigr3d ¯\(°_o)/¯ is getting detention for apparently being high in class??? all bc i went whooooooaaaa bc mazarra used fancy transitions in his powerpoint :\ if i WAS high, it would be oBVIOUS!! . 4 hours ago

Mood: confused 🤨

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ninibeaniebaby :p is curious how detention goes?? bc i watched matilda tOooooOooooOo many times and i'm thinking it involves ms. trunchbull and the chokey... o.o . 3 hours ago

Mood: scared 😱

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E.J. Caswell ლ(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ლ) is sad i g0t caUgHT dItChiNG bc NOW i got detention and no mcdonalds :( . 2 hours ago

Mood: hungry 🤤

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sk8ergurlgeenuh >:( is n0t afraid to call mr mazarra a limpdick again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he can give me a THOUSAND detentions i do not give a FUUUUUCK . 43 minutes ago

Mood: unbothered 😴

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sweetlifetownsville · 5 years

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The Local Government Godzilla: Should The CCC Be Taking A Closer Look At The Money-Grubbing Activities Of The LGAQ?

But even if the CCC isnt bothered, you should be. The Magpie has a beak around to warn of actual or threatened raids on the ratepayers piggy banks with money-spinning schemes that really benefit no one but the LGAQ itself. Also, a look back down memory lane at solicitor Barry Taylors efforts to bring to Townsville a business urger who is now awaiting sentence next month for corruption connected to the Ipswich Council. And not unrelated, in a moment of clarity, The Magpie realises that this sorry episode was the catalyst for Taylors pathological hatred of the old bird, which continues to this day with a spiteful legal vendetta. The Pie will explain how it all fits. Some sobering statistics about the real Real Estate situation in Townsville, with some graphs the Bulletin is too coy to share with you. And for those who enjoy our now regular Trump gallery, A BONUS a few select pictorial comments on Britains Brexit fiasco. But first Even Buffoons Can Occasionally Be Funny (as The Magpie Knows) Theres been a lot of huffing, puffing and posturing about Clive Colonel Blimp Palmer during the week. First there was the hissy fit by some over Palmers text message saying if he gets back onto the parliamentary plush, he will move to ban such political texting as this.

The Magpie got one, and the old birds instant reaction? Roaring laughter. Lets give Ol Lardarse a couple of brownie points the text is one of the funniest, and surely intentional, jokes of the current election campaign. Unsurprisingly, there was instant babble about hypocrisy which came thick and fast from the pompous chatterati navel gazers, but the Pie will take his laughs where he can get them, and salutes whoever thought up this one for Palmers doomed campaign (possibly someone called S. Sokolova, who authorised the text for the UAP). In fact, doomed causes seem to be a recurring theme this week for Clive, who announced he was giving a dinner dance for a select few Towns-villains to celebrate Titanic ll the return of the legend. Sad when someone has to promise free food and booze to get them to just turn up. And the general feeling is whatever sort of guest selection process that was bubbling around behind the Palmer brow, if you didnt get an invite, then you were not considered of merit or value to Clive.

But when it became known amongst our movers and shakers who was in and who was out, it was a matter of do we laugh or cry was it a hot ticket, or a hot potato ticket, to be dropped immediately? Being favoured by Palmer is something many would like to be quiet about, but then, neither is being left out of a fabulous free food fight, ones ego can be buffeted by such neglect. Many would have loved an invite if for no other reason it have the unlikely option to RSVP sod off. But Bentley for one believes it will a unique experience, with special attire for dancers.

The highlight of the night for Clive will be when the adoring and grateful throng gather around him to sing what he will think is a fitting tribute to him, a rousing rendition of the Titanic hymn, Nearer My God To Thee. What Starts Out As A Good Idea Doesnt Always End Up That Way.

The Local Government Association of Queensland has been around since 1896, and for the most part, has been a valuable and necessary lobby group for all Queensland councils. Councils pay an annual fee to belong to the LGAQ (Townsville pays around $250K annually), membership is voluntary but all 77 Queensland councils are members. In total, they pay $35million annually in membership fees. The smaller outfits get value from matters such as insurance deals and other areas where the Associations clout can be brought to bear. But about 10 years ago, under the leadership of former Townsville council executive and now the Association CEO Greg Hallam, it was decided that there were more lucrative fields in which the Associations leverage with such a captive (albeit voluntary) membership could be used to build a significant commercial operation. Put simply, the organisation decided to become commercial entrepreneurs.

LGAQ CEO Greg Hallam And boy, did they ever. Figures for 2016 show there was a massive bump in revenues, jumping from $46m to $73m, a goodly chunk of this coming from their commercial procurement arm Local Buy (that includes the $35m membership revenue). In simple terms, Local Buy has screened and listed (for a fee) various businesses from across the state, all of whom can then by-pass the tender process and submit direct quotes for contracts to any of the 77 council members. On the face of it, this saves councils money in avoiding the costly procurement work of tendering and so on. But it also sounds like an invitation to corruption on a grand scale. The Pie has no evidence of or suggesting there is, such activity, but looking at the process, there doesnt seem to be a foolproof safeguard against some expensive jiggery-pokery if someone wanted a new spinnaker for the yacht. But does it save councils money? Local Buy is anything but since it opens up work to the whole of Queensland, often bypassing truly local businesses in the highly selective process which requires a fee for ticking the right boxes (literally, apparently). Local Buy takes a cut of the contract amount of the winning quote usually 10% but The Pie is told sometimes more. Of course, since this is all above board and known, what do the quoters do? They of course factor the 10% in and add it on to their quote, in many cases wiping out any significant savings for the council involved, as well in some instances, as denying many a rate paying, money-spending locals a job . This has caused a great deal of angst here in Townsville, whose mayor is a $32K plus a year LGAQ director, and whose sidekick (now on what seems permanent leave), Stephen The Screaming Midget Beckett, is reported to have had loud abusive outbursts with local business people who have complained about the situation. And to what end is all this? Theres a great deal of money flowing into the coffers of the Association, and they arent shy of shouting themselves lavish overseas jollies disguised as work studies. Why does a lobby group want to be so entreprenurial? Do they want to reduce council membership to zero on the user pays basis (yeah, right), or some witty cynic might suggest, as a lobby group, for a bribery pool? (Just a joke, Mr Hallam, put down the phone.) But there is a more troubling aspect to this arrangement, apart from freezing out local contractors and permanent local workers rather than special workforce brought in for a set amount of time before disappearing back wherever they came from.

If you care about strong local voice in Townsvilles affairs, it would well to be wary of a crowd called Propel Partnerships, who appear to be getting into bed with the LGAQ. Propels buzz-word blurbs try to disguise their activities by describing themselves as a shared services company and pepper their media releases with such euphemisms as fully integrated customer services; Propel Partnerships is simply a profit-driven, out-sourcing business. Current (or possibly former by now) chairman Jim Soorley, that old Labor stager from way back in Brissy, had his mate Carl Wulff, the then CEO of Liverpool Council in Sydney (now awaiting sentence in chokey for bribery in the Ipswich scandal) enter into an agreement that has ended up with the NSW Crime and Corruption Commission. This sort of thing can cost local jobs and introduce a totally remote, sometimes hostile letter-of-the-law approach to dealings with staff and with the local community in such areas as rates, payroll services (shades of Qld Health yikes!) and licensing. And not a chance of a face-to-face session of negotiation. This is an extension of the popular Big Brother move in business, a model that even further removes the public from reasonable (and reasonably expected) interaction with their council. To understand what happens in both these centralisation scenario, one need look further than the dear old Townsville Bulletin, which has been so savagely ravished by Ruperts money-hungry minions and sloppy reporting staff directed from Holt Street in Sydney, a paper which hilariously subbed in NZ, Mumbai, the Phillipines or Brisbane. Of course, one attraction for councils in this model is that it does away with the necessity of either engagement or accountability with the people who elected them or provided their jobs. This is the rapidly emerging tip of a massive iceberg, with Greg Hallam and his board deciding rather than try and fight off a competitor in an money-sinkhole business battle, instead join forces and share a cut of a captive pie. This is obvious when Hallam gave this ringing endorsement : The work of Propel Partnerships ensured that councils were ableto realise efficiencies in their operations while remaining in touch with the needs of their communities. Im confident that Propel has the right formula to bring success to any local government wanting to havethe best customer service, he said. This type of service clearly does no such thing as remaining in touch with the needs of their communities quite the opposite . Mr Hallams self-serving ideas of best customer service and that of the general public may widely differ laughably so. Saving money, especially public funds, is in most instances an admirable goal, but in this case, it is just another legalised rort of dubious value: and it is actually doubtful that the average ratepayer gets a single cents benefit therell always be reasons found not to lower ratesand charges. So be wary of this sort of further alienation of individual communities by the robotic, rorting remote control of more aspects of our lives. More Lessons To Be Learned From Post-Pisasale Ipswich Before we leave this subject, check this out.

Those figures are mind-boggling and it could easily happen here unless we are on our toes after all, before his downfall, Pisasale was lionized by Jenny Hill, who said she wanted Townsville to be more like his Ipswich. It probably is, but the CCC just hasnt found out about it. And this sort of lark dovetails nicely with the cold, callous restructure advocated in the Jenny Hill-0commissioned Nous Report. And boy, hasnt that Ipswich decision put Hallams panties in a bunch. The LGAQ chief seems somewhat spooked by the Ipswich scandal coming so close to home, and used Trumps favourite trope to discourage any close examination of local government in Queensland.

That mentioned head is of course Hallam, and it could be said, on the evidence of other corruption in councils, that the word pinhead could also apply to him. Maybe the CCC might start taking an interest in the LGAQ and all those tens of millions. Now that would be interesting. Historical Snapshot: Barry Taylor And One Of His Mates Yesteryear

On the left, the bloke that looks like his got the loser of a cat fight on his head, thats the Carl Wulff that was Jim Soorlys pal at Liverpool Council before Wulff headed north to Ipswich. And of greater interest to us here in the ville is the bloke on the right. Thats Wayne Myers, a seriously well-connected go-between linking corporate life to a number of movers and shakers in the Queensland ALP. Mr Myers has pleaded guilty to corruption in connection with the Ipswich council he has admitted he facilitated bribes to go to his co-offenders who have also pleaded guilty. He will be sentenced next month when well see just how well connected he is. But heres an interesting little bit of nostalgia Mr Myers is no stranger to Townsville, or to legal fee gouger Barry the Legal Foghorn Taylor.

Back in the early noughties, maybe 2004, Meyers rode into Townsville with the hope of siphoning a good chunk of public money into his community telco business, which was being driven out of non-performing mining minnow Rennison. It was a classic case of the Mates Economy. Myer recruited local Labor fundraiser and Mooney confrere Barry Taylor to corral a bunch of bizoids into his boardroom to hustle the dollars. Each chipped in $20k (including apparently Mrs Foghorn more on that in a minute) and then Myers went about trying to convince His Radiance Mayor Mooney that the ratepayers should (1) chip in an interest-free loan of $250k, (2) $20k of straight-up equity, and (3) commit to a long-term deal for all of the Councils telecommunications needs to the new company.

As things transpired, His Radiance, in his pre-meltdown years, had the good sense to have the matter properly researched by his then IT chief Anthony Wilson, who quickly nixed the deal offered by Myers and Taylor. Despite a lot of aww, cmon, mate, old buddy, pal entreaties, Mooney said no. In fact, The Pie was told that Mooney thought the whole thing a bad joke. The deal on the table was a dud. Myers model guaranteed fees to Rennison first and before anyone else; would have delivered sub-par service and cost outcomes to Council (Council could and did do much better); never budgeted for a repayment of the proposed loan; and didnt have a cent of interest for Council. Poor old Richard Spiderman Ferry had become the chairman of a local business he knew nothing about. He was left carrying the can, when the business model proved a failure. There is no information about what happened to any monies that may have been handed over, but you can bet Bazza put in a bill for any legals. What Myers (and Taylor, who mustve surely twigged to what Myers was up to if he hadfnt twigged, doesnt say much for his legal or business radar) tried to get away with was an arrangement where Rennison re-sold Optus Services to NQ Telco, and took a clip. Too many layers with too thin a set of margins doomed the activity from day one. Myers went on his way, and Bazza carried on his hosting of other southern white shoe brigaders and their dubious schemes, notably the disgraced fraudster Craig Gore (currently fled to Sweden in the hope of avoiding jail on multiple charges of financial fraud), who risibly said he would put in a canal estate in the duck pond in front of the casino. Considering what happed later with Port Hinchinbrook, Townsville really dodged a bullet there when that all fell flat, but no thanks to Mr Taylor. But All This Has Led To A Personal Revelation For The Pie The Magpie has never fully understood the seething animosity that has driven Taylor on a vendetta against him that continues in the courts to this day. Barry on several occasions over the years, had threatened to sue me, but was never able to say for what (he was drunk on two occasions). Of course, he was all hot air at that stage because Bazza was never brave enough in his bluster to take on News Ltd, for whom I worked at the time. When Peter Gleeson came to town, he was in Barrys pocket even before he arrived, with his wife pre-promised a cushy job with Enema Legal. I was puzzled that a boisterous boofhead like myself could attract such venom. At one stage, Taylor had Gleeson direct me to delete a quite harmless mention of him he had heard I was to include in the Magpie column (the comment simply said he had bought a multi-million dollar property in Noosa, and Barry said it could damage his reputation in Townsville his what, you laugh?) that was only time any editor interfered in any of my opinion columns for personal and not legal reasons. In that incidence, Taylor sent in a handwritten letter which Gleeson showed me (appalling writing and grammar) that strangely said that I was waging a campaign against his family. I didnt, and dont know his family, and quickly proved in the papers computer system that I had mentioned Taylor a total of 7 times in 8 years, none of them derogatory. I mentioned his wife in passing once when I wrote that she was the director of a company THAT HAD PUT $20k INTO A DUBIOUS TELCO BUSINESS WITH THE COUNCIL! Nothing illegal or even untoward was suggested, except that I didnt think it was a good idea. So there we have it. That must have been the start of it all, Baz not only being caught out in the subsequently failed telco venture, but that I had revealed he had inveigled his missus to whack up some cash as well (through a company of which she was a director, as I remember). Totally harmless, just a bit of local gossip, but somehow, Barry became as jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. His bluster continued down the years, including threatening to arrange a boycott of Michels restaurant if they didnt drop their advertising on this blog. (They did drop the ads, he was a valuable albeit much disliked customer, but were happy to let me keep the couple of hundred they had paid.) And so it goes on still, he talked poor old Rabieh Krayem into suing me for alleged libel, knowing full well that I have no money or assets to pay 100th of the ludicrous $300,000 claimed. Well, Baz, hatred comes at a cost, because you didnt reckon on two highly principled and incensed lawyer friends who offered to defend me because they cannot abide bullying, especially legal bullying like trying to spuriously involve my daughter on a technicality in matters that dont even remotely concern her. That alone was a clear measure of your craven behaviour and that of the ninny Venesa Gleeson (Typos wife) as a mother herself, youd think she might have some scruples, but alas, she will use the Hitler excuse I was just following orders least the Court of Appeal has chucked out that bit of vicious nonsense. Rabieh, make sure you have it in writing that Barry is doing this for nothing for you, and that it really, as a mutual friend told me, purely Barrys show. Otherwise, those Nudgee fees for your two lads may well end in up in the Taylor bank account in Noosa. The Townsville Property Market Will Be Hunky Dory In 2019, Says The Astonisher. As the Hotels Combined teddy bear says on telly Really? Dont believe everything Mr Convincing tells you.

Since the City Economist, David Lynch, seems largely silent, heres a chart showing building approvals for 2018 (December numbers not available yet). The data is from the Councils own website.

One could do some extra work and show the comparisons for the previous year, or two for that matter, but why take work away from Lynchy. To summarise: to the 11 months, in 2017 there were 641 dwelling approvals. In 2018 there were 432. For those numerically inclined thats 209 fewer or 30.2% less in number. And gee, I thought the stadium was going to be the one catalyst that would turn the whole show around. The one catalyst claim came from none other than the muppets at Enterprise House (where Mr Lynch used to work.) And to cap things off, The Pie offers these self-explanatory charts.

However, the Astonisher persists with its cheery inanities, but raises an interesting pictorial question. One of the spangled cheer leaders of this self-serving guff is this bloke

Propertyology managing director Simon Presley A propertyologist sorely in need of a psychologist and some serious sartorial advice. Seriously, are you going to believe a bloke who decides to sit in the middle of a busy Brisbane road, with an empty chair next to him to signify that no one else is that dopey. Keep it up, Mr Presley and youll soon be joining your namesake. Captain Towns May Have Been A Blackbirder But At least we have tucked his statue away in a discreet corner, but not those right-wing race-baiters up in Cairns. They have even got Captain Cook throwing a big Nazi salute.

Finally, Not One But Two Mini-Galleries On Overseas Matters The first is the Brexit hullabaloo, which is far from over, but has been a cartoonists cornucopia. Heres four of the best.

And That Leads Us Into The Week In Trumpistan What a difference a few hundred metres makes. Because of his tantrum induced government shut-down, Trump was without catering services to entertain a visiting football team. So as a man addicted to whoppers, he called in Burger King to provide the food for the boys (he couldve just as easily gone with Maccas, asking his guests You want lies with that?)

And just down the road in DC at the very same time, there was a food line of Federal employees who havent been paid that stretched around the block of this massive federal building.

So its true what they say about America being a land of contrasts. That issue continued to dominate the visual commentary of the week, but the New Yorker knew who was needed to sort out demon Donny.

And so it goes .. Thats it for this week, Nesters, and remember that comments run throughout the week, have your say, there was a very lively thread on the council getting involved in the citys mental health work (some hilarious) and theres plenty of fodder in this weeks Nest. And The Pie is loathe to say it, but times are a bit skinny in the Nest at the moment, with a few blog bills hitting the deck since Christmas, so any help with a donation would be greatly appreciated. The how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/the-local-government-godzilla-should-the-ccc-be-taking-a-closer-look-at-the-money-grubbing-activities-of-the-lgaq/

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likeivesailed-blog · 7 years

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Brisbane Matilda Trip- January 14 2017

So I haven’t written a review before but I haven’t seen or heard too much about the Brisbane Matildas so I thought somebody might be interested in hearing about my wonderful show experiences. WARNING- this ended up being a very very long and detailed post!! I was lucky enough to see the show a few times in Sydney but it’s been almost a year since I saw my last show (Sydney closing) and I was having Matilda withdrawals. So in November I booked a trip to Brisbane with my mum to see the show again. It’s quite a trip to Brisbane for me- a 5 hour drive from Canberra to Newcastle to meet my mum and then a flight to Brisbane- so I booked cheap restricted view seats in order to be able to afford to see two shows. My mum had seen the show with me once in Sydney and had not particularly enjoyed the actress’ portrayal of Matilda in that performance. She’s quite critical and hadn’t enjoyed the stoic, expressionless take on the character. I was definitely hoping she’d enjoy the show a bit more this time around because I wanted someone to be as excited about the show as I am. The Matinee performance featured Annabella Cowley as Matilda, Ethan Beer as Bruce, Alice Lowther as Lavender, Reuben Rivalland as Nigel, Caliese McEachern as Amanda, William Todd as Eric, Romme Williams as Alice, Emma Cobb as Hortensia and Zac McCulloch as Tommy. All the main adult cast were on except Rachel Cole was on for Mrs Phelps. I’ll start by saying that our seats for this performance weren’t great which I knew in advance. They were on the far right of the stage and about a third was obstructed from view. That being said I wasn’t bothered by it and we were only about 6 rows back so we had a close view of all of the front of the stage. However being school holidays there were lots of young kids in the audience and it was a bit noisy. I had a 4-5 year old girl behind me and she struggled to understand most of the show. She was constantly asking her mum questions and although she was super cute she was pretty loud. At the end of the show, just before the Wormwoods and Rudolpho rush in Matilda is standing quite close to the front of the stage on the right looking out over the audience. The little girl comes out with “Mummy, why isn’t she waving at me? Why isn’t Matilda waving at me?” It took all my might to hold in my laughter it was so sweet but I’m pretty sure the entire audience (not to mention the performers) could hear her. Annabella was very good. I can’t work out exactly how to describe her portrayal of Matilda. She was fearless but a little bit aloof and softer than some I’ve seen. I personally really enjoyed her version of Quiet (my favourite song in the show) and some of her line deliveries were particularly good. She did stumble on a few of her lines and although her accent was quite good it was a bit forced and I could see her concentrating on it for most of the show. I’d love to see her again a bit further into the run to see what she would add to her performance once the accent comes more naturally. Ethan Beer as Bruce was the stand-out of the other children. His monologue before Bruce was the clearest, and best-timed/articulated that I’ve heard. His vocals in Revolting Children were excellent and his dance moves were outstanding. I was really impressed with him. There were no other real standouts amongst the kids in this performance. When it comes to the adult cast I always leave feeling awestruck. I know I’m biased but I feel like we are incredibly lucky to have these talented performers in the show. Elise McCann is such a warm, soft and gentle Miss Honey and you can really feel the connection she has with each of the children. Her voice is also beautiful. Marika Aubrey is faultless. Seriously I can’t imagine seeing anyone else as Mrs Wormwood she’s just so incredible. For me Loud is a song that I think could be quite annoying but she sings it with the perfect mix of spoken lines and variance in volume, inflection and tone that it’s supremely confident and patronising without going over the top or being screechy. James Millar also never fails to impress me. His comedic timing with line delivery, paired with his physical comedy skills are so brilliant. I think he gets more laughs out of the audience each show than the other cast members combined. This was my first time seeing Rachel Cole as Mrs Phelps and I quite enjoyed her portrayal although quite different to Cle Morgan’s. Rachel’s Mrs Phelps has a very endearing, and in my opinion, convincing Irish accent and comes across as much more child-like and excitable than Cle’s. She just seems so enthralled and amazed by Matilda and her stories and she seemed to interact with Annabella a lot more which I enjoyed. Overall both my mum and I thought the performance was very good and we were excited to be going back to see the evening performance. Although I had tried not to see or hear too much about the Matildas before going I had listened to a recording of Venice and I hoped to get the chance to see her. When I walked into the lobby of the theatre for the evening performance and saw Eva’s name on the screen I’ll admit I was slightly disappointed... that feeling did not last long. After seeing 5 different Matildas in 6 performances (and numerous other musicals) I have to say that I have never experienced such a powerful performance. I feel so privileged to have witnessed this show. It was absolutely phenomenal!!! Besides Eva the evening performance featured the same adult and child cast with the exception of Exodus Lale as Bruce. The audience for this performance was so much better than the one earlier in the day and right from the first lines of miracle they were involved. The whole show was filled with laughter, applause and cheers and it really changed the energy and the atmosphere in the theatre. The same child cast I hadn’t been particularly impressed with were so much stronger and energetic and every cast member on stage fed off the audience’s enthusiasm. It’s amazing how much the audience’s interaction and attitude can influence a performance (for better or worse). Our seats for this show were also better. Although billed as restricted view I could see 90% of the stage and we were only 3 rows back with no seats in front of us. Those seats had been removed to allow for the stairs to the stage that the performers enter and exit by so we got a very good view of James Millar as the trunch during the Bruce scene where he pauses to declare chokey as the second part of the punishment. I could have literally reached out and touched him (I didn’t of course in case you were wondering). From the moment Eva rose from below the table in Miracle I had a sense that the performance was going to be strong. There was just something about the way she carried herself and she had such a determined look in her eyes. Right from the outset it was clear that there was no vulnerability to her Matilda and neither Eva, nor her Matilda lacked any confidence. A few things about her Matilda became apparent in the first couple of scenes and it made me incredibly excited to see what she’d do next. - Her British accent was effortless and flawless. I very much enjoy the sound of this accent and I’m so glad the Australian production decided to teach it to the girls however it doesn’t come naturally to all the Matildas and it can sometimes be distracting when it’s obvious they’re concentrating so hard on not dropping the accent. It’s such a big ask and I find it so impressive that they’re able to do it at all. Eva’s accent was so natural that it enhanced the performance for me instead of detracting from it. - She was very responsive and reactive to everything that was going on around her. Even when she wasn’t the main focus of a scene there was not one minute on stage that she wasn’t completely present as Matilda. This made her Matilda incredibly easy to relate to. - Her face and eyes are incredibly expressive and her ability to show exactly what she’s feeling through facial expressions and actions is the best I’ve ever seen. It was difficult to take my eyes off her because I felt so invested in her story and how she was feeling. - Her line delivery, timing and the choices she made in portraying Matilda were incredibly well thought-out, considered and natural. I also found some of her choices unique to her which is always interesting. No line was ever rushed, felt contrary to her chosen portrayal or mumbled and as such nothing felt out of place or false. It was very easy to follow the story in this performance. Ok so now to all the details. So many line deliveries and choices were unique from what I’ve seen so far, and in my opinion, perfect that I almost want to describe the entire show. Her Matilda was angry. At the beginning of the first act it was very subtle, bubbling below the surface and only noticeable in small expressions and the intonation and tone of some lines. By the beginning of the second act it was more pronounced, but never exaggerated or over the top, shown in a few clenched fists, a clenched jaw, and some very scathing and pointed looks. This built very strongly and cleverly right up until The Smell of Rebellion where you could see the anger written all over her face and it just boiled over into “big, fat bully” and “Quiet” when she just couldn’t control it anymore. Every Matilda I’ve seen has practically shouted/yelled/declared indignantly the “I’m a girl” lines. Eva instead very firmly and evenly states “I’m a girl”, giving the impression that she’s said it so many times in her life that she’s simply resigned herself to the fact that her father is never going to acknowledge that she’s a girl. There’s also a very subtle hint of anger and frustration in her voice about this. Naughty- the part on the shelf was the strongest I’ve seen largely due to her facial expressions. Her ninja moves were also very sharp and strong which is something that fits my personal preferences. The only thing that could even remotely be considered a mistake on her part happened during the first library scene. There was a slight hesitation from what I imagine was a lapse in memory but she ad-libbed so quickly, and resumed the correct dialogue so seamlessly that I would have had no idea if I wasn’t so familiar with the show. When I spoke to my mum about it during intermission she had no idea what I was talking about. In the scene at the Wormwood house, where Mr Wormwood tears up the library book, Eva’s facial expressions and acting choices were so good. Instead of just sitting silently she chooses to open her mouth to appear as if she is about to talk back to her father but she gets silenced when he rips the book from her hands. She then goes from looking shocked and appalled, to looking downright incredulous when her father acts like an idiot (especially when he slams his face against it and shakes it in his mouth) and can’t even work out how to ruin the book. Rachel Cole’s more child-like Mrs Phelps really complemented Eva’s Matilda who seemed like the adult in all of their scenes together. She was so enthralled and enthusiastic about the stories. Eva’s stories were inspired- her intonation, tone, volume and facial expressions changed so appropriately that you couldn’t help but be sucked in by them. Quite a few of the other Matildas I’ve seen have been caught up with the accent, a bit rushed/mumbled or seem to be concentrating so hard on remembering the words and accompanying actions that it’s hard to stay in the moment. With Eva I couldn’t wait for the next part they were so expressive and engaging. Her reactions to Mrs Phelps’ interjections and interruptions were also played differently from what I’ve seen before. Her “I don’t know, not yet anyway” was quite drawn out with a slow and considered “I don’t know” like she was surprised by that and a 2-3 second pause before the “not yet anyway”. You could see her really trying to think about it and work out what might come next, like she was just as interested to know as Mrs Phelps, but she just didn’t have anymore. It felt very realistic. And all of her exit lines “Bye Mrs Phelps see you tomorrow!”, “yeah I’d better go” were also delivered differently. They’re often played for laughs but Eva’s deliveries were very serious. You got the sense she was very much trying not to burden Mrs Phelps with the reality of her situation. There was also a heartbreaking hint of sadness, especially after Mrs Phelps declares it “must be nice for a child to be so wanted”. She held her face and tone even (with slight forced positivity) during her “Yes, wonderful. Goodbye Mrs Phelps” but after she’d turned around her face dropped, her shoulders dropped and there was deep sadness in her eyes. I felt like crying. You could just see the weight of the effort for such a little girl to be so strong all the time against all the bullies in her life. Her delivery of “Mrs Phelps, It’s just a story” was also quite unusual. Mostly I’ve seen Matilda appear quite incredulous that Mrs Phelps could think it was real, or it’s played for laughs. Eva didn’t do either of these things. Instead she calmly and slowly said, “Mrs Phelps?” with a questioning intonation. It came across as very concerned, trying to make sure she was back in the present moment, and led into a reassuring “it’s just a story”. She spoke to Mrs Phelps in a very similar manner to how a mother might speak to a frightened child. It was interesting and quite effective given Rachel Cole’s Mrs Phelps. It might not have felt so believable with Cle Morgan’s portrayal but I obviously haven’t seen this and I wouldn’t be surprised if she adapted her delivery to suit. In the playground scene when Lavender introduces herself you can see she’s very confused and not quite sure how to take such a happy, bouncy, outgoing child. You can practically see her thinking “Who is this kid and why is she talking to me?” She starts to soften after Lavender declares her her best friend after the success of the narcolepsy scene. Another thing I really liked was her reaction just before the “biggest hug in the world”. Often I find that after Miss Honey explains her plans for the selection of books to challenge Matilda’s mind there’s just an uncomfortably long pause. While I know what’s supposed to be happening in Matilda’s head it’s mostly not very clear and the pause seems to stretch out too long. Eva’s eyes, however, initially showed some confusion- it was obvious she wasn’t used to such kindness and didn’t really know what to do. Her expression then changed very slightly, it was almost a twitch, and I don’t really know how to describe it… gratitude perhaps… and then she launched herself into Miss Honey. She managed to convey in this performance what has been lacking in most others I’ve seen. Now I should probably also mention Exodus Lale as Bruce at this point because he matched Eva in his strength in this performance. They are an incredible pair together. His Bruce is very funny and his timing and expression in the Bruce monologue was great. He also did something I’ve never seen before. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve always sat straight on to the stage and haven’t been able to see it but just after he’s sat in front of the cake he looked around the classroom and mouthed “help me” with an incredibly desperate/pleading expression to a few of the other kids. I thought it was funny and very clever. His delivery of “thank you” after the Trunch appears to be letting him off the hook was also different- very incredulous but obviously relieved. Overall the strongest Bruce performance I’ve seen and I was overall very impressed with the two Brisbane Bruces I saw! Ok I promise I’m up to the last few points. Eva’s quiet is one of my favourite renditions I’ve ever heard and certainly one of the best 2 I’ve heard live. The first part of the song is incredibly strong and angry, her face, her voice and her hands/arms (forced trembling) all show how much she’s struggling to contain it and her articulation of all of the words is very clear and controlled. All of this anger builds up to a very strong, clear and controlled belt. The second part of the song is strong but incredibly smooth and beautifully sung. It seems effortless. I wish I could listen to it over and over. Her delivery of the “Am I strange?” line was also very unique. It was delivered fairly slowly with the “strange” spoken very softly, almost whispered. It gave me the impression that she was a little bit in awe of her powers and slightly scared of the way her overwhelming anger had manifested. It led to the next exchange with Miss Honey being quite sweet and you could see how much they cared about each other. It became quite a powerful scene for their relationship and fed very nicely into what is the most interesting My House scene I’ve witnessed. You can just see everything Eva’s thinking and the lines are so well timed with her taking in her surroundings and also processing what Miss Honey is telling her. You can practically see the moment she understands how Miss Honey sees her small, modest house as her sanctuary. She’s also very focused on Miss Honey during the actual song when they’re sitting side by side… there’s no wandering eyes or moments with no expression on her face. The “but she’s got everything that’s yours” is almost pleading as if she knows Miss Honey is going to be averse to doing anything about it. She’s practically looking into Miss Honey’s eyes, trying to read her and understand her, for quite a bit of the song. As a result the two characters interact quite a bit more and I felt more of a connection between the two in this scene than I have before. During the whole show she only made three choices that didn’t really appeal to my preferences. I felt she emphasised the “shiny, white scarf” a bit too hard in the first part of the story. It was very slow with a pause between each word. She did turn to Mrs Phelps and look her directly in the eyes at the time- almost as if to make sure she didn’t miss what ends up being a key part but I would have preferred it to be more subtle. She also played the “could have heard a fly burp” for laughs a little bit which just isn’t my preference. I like the line delivered seriously as If she doesn’t realise that her story could maybe be funny. She also exaggerated the “That was badgers, it was a program about badgeeerrrrrsssssss” line and drew out the last badgers quite long. Marika Aubrey’s adapted response of “same thiiinnnggggggggg” with the same drawn out delivery and tone almost makes me like it. And Eva’s expression of sheer disbelief when her mother days “Russians are nocturnal you know” was just priceless. Well you’ve made it to the end. I think you can see how much I enjoyed the performance and my mum was completely blown away. She couldn’t stop talking about how amazing Eva was and she doesn’t believe the show could ever be done any better than that. Regardless of personal preferences her performance is so strong, and so totally present that you can’t help but appreciate her brilliant performance. She’s truly incredible. It was also lovely in bows to see her smile after seeing only negative emotions during the show. The whole crowd also loved the performance and rose to their feet for a standing ovation but it happened while they were turned to acknowledge he orchestra so she did this delightful little bounce and giggle when she turned back around to find everyone on their feet. She practically skipped off stage in joy. Every single performer on stage for this performance was absolutely on the top of their game. So if anyone is lucky enough to see Eva as Matilda be prepared for a phenomenal, and emotional, show.

#matilda in oz #matilda #matilda the musical #annabella cowley #eva murawski #matilda brisbane #qpac

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seercayder · 4 years

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I just slept from 4:00 to 18:00 and the only dream I had was that Matilda (the Roald Dahl film) had her dad beheaded in a mysterious accident (he was like, her real father not the adopted one from the film) after going to his wife’s family gathering (she died in a plane accident seven years prior) and so Matilda went to a boarding school that was exactly like the school in the film with Mrs Trunchbull and the cake-eating scene and the pigtail girl and the Chokey (those scenes all played out in my dream like they did in the film) and Matilda found out that Mrs Trunchbull had killed her father for money since her father had met Miss Honey at the gathering and had fallen in love and they had a ballroom dance scene and Trunchbull was worried that if they married Mrs Honey’s inheritance money would go to Matilda’s father instead of her. So she killed Matilda’s father, and when Matilda found out she got her uncle, who was her father’s near-identical twin, to come to the boarding school to help out in a school play in which he has a scene where he dances with Miss Honey who’s in a wedding dress. Matilda hopes this would force Mrs Trunchbull to panic and confess, but instead she runs off into the snowy night (the school is in the canadian wilderness) with a locked trunk she keeps with her at all times. Anyways, Mrs Honey now owns the school and falls in love with Matilda’s uncle and they marry and live happily ever after and adopt Matilda. Then Matilda thinks back over the trunk and realises it’s the same one her mother used to own that came to her mysteriously, and it disappeared in the plane crash. In an epilogue scene, two hikers find Mrs Trunchbull’s frozen and disfigured body with the trunk and decide to take the trunk to see if they can open it. Turns out the trunk makes the people it’s around turn paranoid and/or kills them in mysterious accidents. The end.

#I could send that off as a b rated horror film script

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sweetlifetownsville · 5 years

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The Local Government Godzilla: Should The CCC Be Taking A Closer Look At The Money-Grubbing Activities Of The LGAQ?

Since the City Economist, David Lynch, seems largely silent, heres a chart showing building approvals for 2018 (December numbers not available yet). The data is from the Councils own website.

However, the Astonisher persists with its cheery inanities, but raises an interesting pictorial question. One of the spangled cheer leaders of this self-serving guff is this bloke

Finally, Not One But Two Mini-Galleries On Overseas Matters The first is the Brexit hullabaloo, which is far from over, but has been a cartoonists cornucopia. Heres four of the best.

And just down the road in DC at the very same time, there was a food line of Federal employees who havent been paid that stretched around the block of this massive federal building.

So its true what they say about America being a land of contrasts. That issue continued to dominate the visual commentary of the week, but the New Yorker knew who was needed to sort out demon Donny.

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sweetlifetownsville · 5 years

Text

The Local Government Godzilla: Should The CCC Be Taking A Closer Look At The Money-Grubbing Activities Of The LGAQ?

Since the City Economist, David Lynch, seems largely silent, heres a chart showing building approvals for 2018 (December numbers not available yet). The data is from the Councils own website.

However, the Astonisher persists with its cheery inanities, but raises an interesting pictorial question. One of the spangled cheer leaders of this self-serving guff is this bloke

Finally, Not One But Two Mini-Galleries On Overseas Matters The first is the Brexit hullabaloo, which is far from over, but has been a cartoonists cornucopia. Heres four of the best.

And just down the road in DC at the very same time, there was a food line of Federal employees who havent been paid that stretched around the block of this massive federal building.

So its true what they say about America being a land of contrasts. That issue continued to dominate the visual commentary of the week, but the New Yorker knew who was needed to sort out demon Donny.

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