#oh well too late to back out now

[hotcheetohatredwastaken]

Local writer bullied into drawing, it is now 11 so you get the full story.

Anyways the prompt was draw your blorbo looking in a mirror before and after trauma. I drew fanart of my own fic in the hopes that it would motivate me to write (it did not). Anyways, in BDOR, Wild already had trauma, but he gets more trauma by the end of the story. So uh, spoilers? He smiling now he eventually becomes happy. Probably.

Anyways, here it is. Might color it one day if I figure how to color digitally. I don’t draw XD I was told to scan it, and I did, but I don’t know how to upload the scan itself so I took a screenshot of the scan, sorry for the bad quality. Wow, that is blurry fr XD. If anyone knows how to upload a scan to tumblr, tips are appreciated

#if I am able to edit it digitally I am fixing that hair XD #anyways #cheetotalks #linked universe #lu #linkeduniverse #bdor #cheetowrites #not really me writing but it’s about my fic sooooo #lmao am I allowed to do fanart of my own fic? #I mean I assume so??? #wild linked universe #Lu wild #bdor fanart #fanart for Cheeto? #by Cheeto #cheetodraws #again #not sure we need to be making that a tag #but okay #fanart #Lu fanart #linked universe fanart #fanart Lu #I am uh #not an artist #why oh why did I do this #oh well too late to back out now #POST #HIS SCAR IS ON THE WRONG SIDE

[manasurge]

Got Mourynn's first fullbody ref done! (I mean first as in chronologically). Not much to say here, just getting some early year fullbody refs done so I can have them to start on some scenes and lore stuff (just gotta finish her Orchid outfit next since that's her main Sapling outfit before she makes her own custom one). I'm also not used to drawing this small so I messed up the face a bit, on the side there, but oh well.

Below the cut is just the line art and the transparent that I'm hoping will work properly on her Hero Panel profile on Toyhouse:

#Mourynn #Mourynn art #sylvari #sylvari OC #gw2 #gw2 OC #gw2 fan submission #the side of her face still bothers the hell out of me; I am so used to drawing on a larger scale and might have to again to avoid this #ugh it looks so awkward and bad; but oh well. Not much I can do about it now. #also I know all i've really been doing lately is refs but #i'll chip away at them slowly. I'm just really self conscious about things I guess lasjkdf #I just kinda have no choice since I can't properly make her in game klasjdf #but I wanna get to actual lore stuff soon so hopefully I can make that happen soon too #I'm also updating her other look to add the Orchid wings back onto it once I get to her custom outfit #I also wanna update that one a bit anyways (I know it'll be the 3rd time of me updating it - #- but these will be my solid refs bc I'll be using them for Toyhouse (just gotta check the sizing). I'll update that a bit later lol.

[spacecrows]

me (diagnosed with ADHD): *talks about little funny/annoying things my brain does (because of the ADHD)* my mom (not diagnosed with anything): wow that's so funny, the exact same thing happens to me too! i've never heard anyone else describe that. so random that you get that too. genetics, huh? :))

#sure mom. funny. funny coincidence. #this happens every time i see her #it happened like 6 times today alone #meanwhile my dad and my sister are staring at us like 'your brains do WHAT now???' #she doesn't really know much about adhd #i only got diagnosed a few years ago and she wasn't part of that process at all because she was living in another country back then #and like. i've gently mentioned to her before that genetics seem to play a big role in adhd too #and that actually many people get a late diagnosis when their child gets diagnosed #and it's fine. i won't pressure her to look into it more because she's doing well! #i don't think she needs meds or therapy or whatever at this point #but i just feel like it might help with how she sees herself? because it's so deeply engrained into her that she is Not Smart??? #because she flunked out of school as a teenager??? #due to bad grades #and like. oh i wish i could talk to that girl #things turned out well for her and she's generally a happy person #but still. i know part of her think she's stupid. and i fucking hate that #anyway i mainly just think this is really funny when it happens #adhd #nd

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[mewkwota]

At an even smaller scale, I have even more Smash poses I redrew. Fitting because they're in very compact spaces, but challenging as I had to figure out how to do the perspective on those thighs.

#simon's head tilt should be more towards us in that first shot but oh well too late #I can't take back what I already drew in pen :V #gosh perspective is hard-- but you'll never get it until you try! #and y'know what~ the coat foofies turned out nicely on these tries so I'll take it! :D #now I must stop (for now) or I will never get rest before I return to work #doodle-daas #castlevania #simon belmont

[horrorwebs]

why are men literally the fucking worst

#theres a guy in one of my uni friend groups who has a crush on my friend also from the friend group #and she feels so so uncomfortable plus she hasnt done ANYTHING thatd give a hint that she likes him back. bc she doesnt #and now she doesnt feel ok around because hes so attached to her and so so needy and its like. well. way to fuck it up dude. fuck you #he has been acting so strange lately and not in a good way. strange awkward and needy and like. possesive. #her and i also have another friendgroup where frankly i feel much better with and she does too. and its like. well the guy is always like #butting in but now really being part of anything? like its not like he comes over to the grouo to be with all of us hes just sort of . there #talking only to her or sometimes me but its like not nice its weird and annoying #ALSO HES SO PATRONIZING TOWARDS HER ITS AWFUL #AND hes like. a bit older.... where its not like. the weirdest age gap i dont think so. but it IS a bit weird considering some of the things #he has said. like the other day he made a comment about how my friend 'well shes so young like people her age sometimes dont get [x]' like? #if you think she is SOOO young and SOOO out of touch with people your age well why the fuck are you asking others if you have a chance w her #get away from her really #sidenote: today she was telling me and a different friend about this problem and my other friend said it was really uncomfortable and bad + #that he used to think the guy had a thing for ME BEFORE??? and i dont know if he also thought -i- had a thing for him but please god no. #even the hypothetical made me feel super uncomfortable. also i used to feel like that a bit like he might like me and it was bad and gross #so i dropped a comment that let him believe i was a lesbian i think? also got much colder towards him . like. thats what you get fucker #about the lesbian thing i meant that he told me about a friend of his that had it hard coming out as a lesbian and i said like oh yeah being #like that was hard for me also. finding out i was not straight was tough etc . #dont remember if i said the word lesbian i dont think so but i did say i like girls and i didnt mention boys at all so i hoped itd be enough #also people dont really -get- what being asexuas means + didnt want to tell him im ace + techically i Can like boys bc romantic attraction #is undefined to me but i was definetely not going to tell him that bc 1. im much more prone to like a girl and 2. not trying to get his hope #up. #so anyway it was gross to realize other people saw it too so i mightve actually not been insane to think he had a crush on me but it was bad #and also. i really need for my friend to be comfortable in class so i might have to kill him who knows. well see #spikeposting #personal

[gayandvibin]

Some of the final illustrations for my last uni project of the semester! For brevity I haven’t included everything lmao, but these are my favourites of the 20 I ended up doing

I was looking at adapting Sir Gawain and the Green Knight to more of a storybook format and these were the illustrations to accompany the text!

(Animal characters because I was initially going for a fucked up medieval manuscript animal thing but that got lost along the way, rip </3)

#sir gawain and the green knight #the green knight #gawain #at a loss on how to tag this tbh lmaooo #arthurian literature #like 90% sure it was the burton raffel translation i used in the end but i read a few so ill get back on that #swapped out the stags that bertilak hunts for hares because um. well he's a deer and i didnt think about the implications #until it was too late #honestly just dont think too hard about any of the implications #half my major project decisions are 'oh that would be funny' #vibes art #i just got everything printed and bound this week but oof 2 weeks left to get everything documented #the bind was going so well and then i crushed the spine in the final press <//3 shes a lil busted now #never drawn animals properly until this project but you learn fast on the job lmaoo #they do the job #tw blood

[perenlop]

pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:

the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon

to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)

the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon

pretty much everything about that gible

blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)

boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen

pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character

#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit #the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league #but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle #i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/ #that battling didnt even come up once #ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one #but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me #and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just #had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we #but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc #where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass #she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask #the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy #but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own #have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent #like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward #rewarding #imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show #as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all #was kind of a shitty move #like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th #which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself #by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!! #like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there #so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall #echoed voice

[nostalgia-tblr]

btw next update i think my WIP will go back down to 15 chapters cos i've changed my plan a bit, not much but it means two chapters can probably merge into one, so i suppose the good news is it'll be finished faster i hope.

#am still a bit worried about ability to do Actual Plot Stuff but oh well too late now to back out #“que sera sera” as they say in espana (pls pretend i used the correct letters where applicable) #fic related #the sylki arranged marriage au

[arklay]

WIP DAY.

tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡

tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡

i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.

started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]

it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo

never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.

everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk

i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe

actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not

Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.

#tag games. #keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying) #i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day #or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words #are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i #still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to #sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just #like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how #i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then #disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your #creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about #being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually #filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm #rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not #i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted #the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but #also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or #leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well #because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations) #but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg

[vcrnons]

man. why was yuta in my dream again

#shut up j #this time he was a cool older guy whose car had broken down and he asked me if I could drive him to work #so I pulled up at his place at 8am and there are like 30 people all dressed UP in these clubbing fits #meanwhile im in my fuckin JIMJAMS AND FUZZY SLIPPERS. #and one of his friends came to my car and was like heyyyy come inside he’s just getting dressed. And I was like :| look at the state of me #hair scraped back. hormonal acne all over the joint. it was BAD but for some reason I did go inside anyway #asked this girl how on earth she looked so good at 8am and she just laughed and shook her head saying I had nothing to worry about #LIKE MAAM I WASNT WORRIED UNTIL NOW WHAT DO YOU M E A N. anyway I get inside and yuta finally comes downstairs and is in a whole suit #pressed trousers white shirt tie jacket. a whole SUIT. and he’s like ‘oh did you bring the Jack Daniels’ and I was like bitch NO GET IN THE #CAR ALR YOURE GONNA BE LATE #also WHAT fuckin jack daniels. ITS 8AM WHY DO YOU NEED WHISKEY #never did find out but 🤷🏻‍♀️ anyway #so then I drove him to work and he was being a menace the whole time. just. making fun of my driving and saying the pyjamas were cute #and then he was like ‘can u pick me up at 5 too? and bring the JD with u. thanks’ kissed my cheek and skedaddled #I don’t know what triggered this I just know im gonna tear down a house over it. I hate him😭😭😭😭 #I DONT KNOW THIS MAN WELL ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE UP IN MY DREAMS LIKE THIS😭 #can I pls have five minutes peace. good god

[silverselfshippingchaos]

hmm... let's talk s.oulc.alibur characters

#okay so. i have a lot of fankids! i need to talk about them more- #the one thats most developed is rowan! rowan is 19 when he appears for the first time in f.f13-2 #that also means that his mom is in her late 40s but- f.f13 s/i is a story for another time. she's a pretty wild character #anyways he has silver hair like his dad (he often makes jokes about how he doesn't have a dad 💀 he was born after he died) and freckles #and a sword and he's really funny and also may or may not have a gay ass crush on n.oel #anyways i've also been playing s.oulc.al since i was a very little ash #and so. the best way to get to know someone is to ask them who they play- #rowan is a dedicated t.aki main #and he's forever upset that she's kinda mid in 6 💀💀 #another fankid of note is a.qua's kiddo! her name is violet! #because... you know.. ash's color pallette is red... a.qua's is blue... They're a red/blue couple... so their kiddo.... is named... violet- #anyways violet mains a.my :) #i could see them playing s.etsuka on the side as well #ash rambles 💚 #anyways yeah 👍 i really love this series #oh also- i was taking a break from k.ingdom h.earts to play some rounds and then spaced out a little to scroll around on this hellsite #and then i looked up and saw m.axi's stupid smirk on the victory screen- i wasn't ready 😳 hello to you too- #anyways now that i've repaired my sense of self worth by beating up cpus #i shall go back to k.h3-

[ironmanstan]

one of these days my dad is gonna realize what my school schedule is in the meantime he will continue to exist adjacently to me and never in the same space

#guy who brags constantly about me getting into my program and didnt realize th school im going to is like good #until he told one girl and she recognized the name and freaked out #and now he wont fucking quit with it #meanwhile: keeps complaining its gonna get real old driving me to school and please please learn to drive #i have class. 3 days a week. technically 2 bc one class is online and i only go in that day really late in the afternoon lmfaoooo #does he know this. no not at all. has actually not asked a question about what im gonna be doing #instead keeps worrying i have no future and keeps asking what career i want to go into and also is it animation its animation right #why not animation... oh well maybe you can transfer into animation later : ) #yeah ok. sure. why dont i transfer into animation so i can fucking smash a brick into my skull #screaming and dying he needs to go back to forgetting i am real he is paying too much attention to goings on now #idk how to relax and everything is coming up now and i feel like im dying slightly lmao. sitting at my desk working all weekend #working on what. who knows bc i hurt my shoulders too bad to do anything real. stressing myself out further for nothing #dies and explodes i should be excited and be doing fine but well lmao. lmao. i will probably feel better when i go in tomorrow #i dont know man ptsd brain is like nothing good can happen for long! standby for the other shoe to drop #and well it sure is coming to a head now bc getting in would be really. really good. so ofc the other shoe will drop right #i know it wont but my brain doesnt know that so fear sits in my whole body all day all night stress dream city baby #vent #ig #dies and explodes

[noxtivagus]

eulmore ost makes me so happy 🥹

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ] #both day n night themes r both so comforting for me. i have. a lot of memories in eulmore #with msq.. shadowbringers is very very special to me :c n then raiding i. i remember w the static we'd sit n just chill there n #talk or emote on each other or wtvr. i still remember those nights so clearly #i remember an old friend. how i'd always be shy to talk to him haha i never initiated any convos but i remember we met there n #yeah. n. he affected my life quite a bit months after in that week we talked quite a lot bcs i was really in a bad time then n.. #he was there ig. a friend back then. #with the static yh. i remember listening in to vc. sometimes we'd have guests too #like our friends who. was our static leader's friend first yh n he's one of the best ninja's w uhh ffl*gs >.> #n then our static lead's old friend from his old static joined us from time to time to i think he's from na???? #nyways the latter dude i can barely remember his voice but he was my co-tank several times during prog n i wld be so intimidated omg #i miss those days a lot. last year i was really disconnected from reality but i had a lot of friends n memories in ffxiv #this year was.. this year confuses me so much. n it's precisely bcs it's been so long since i've been connected w reality like this #i really don't want to mess it up n i think lately i haven't been doing well bcs i can't help but feel like i have #do you ever think of the past and wonder whether if you did better would things be different (& also better) now? #i'd rather not dwell on the past n instead look towards what i can do in the future but i've been feeling lost for so long now #ff calms me down so much oh my god i'm listening to some ffxv rn too n it brings back a lot of memories #all these memories really mean so much to me but it's so bittersweet bcs. i can't return to them. just remember n remember n remember #one day i'm afraid i'll forget. or all this would be too far out of my reach #n that day feels far too near. but this dread this anxiety this fear is normal. human. but so very tiring n i don't know what to do #i miss those days.. even yesterday i miss so much. even earlier today. thinking n lately i've been too tired to reach out in any way n oh #IM RAMBLING WAIT 😭😭 #i really don't know how to put it into words at this point but it just feels so bittersweet n cold n confusing n hdlkfjsdflkds :c #christmas is so near.. 2023 is so near n i'm not sure what i've done at all. lately life just feels so empty. #but eventually i'll find myself again. so please tell me you'll still wait. please tell me you haven't forgotten. #n so i'll forge ahead unto the morrow. with a heavy heart.. mind full of thoughts n hands too tired to write. but i'm still here. #even if it weighs heavy even if it hurts. tomorrow so long as there's tomorrow there'll always be another chance for smth better. #n i'll hold unto that hope forever

[airbenderedacted]

got everything done that i needed to today but not as much as i wanted to :’D

#translation: i went to bed stupid late last night got to work late today - only had 1 lil thing left to do that was due tonight #did it! have one last big VERY IMPORTANT assignment due on friday that oh shoot i should get started on #since i got the bigass pile of work i had due on sunday done a with a really nice chunk of time to spare!!! wowie!!!! #i took forever to actually get.. gOING on working on that today. just. ahaoauasghhgbhhs. #and then after finishing that 1 whole introductory powerpoint slide i went to take a shower. got out relatively quick-ish... #and then oh shit oh fuck spent the next ummmm 3 hours doing Nothing hHGHGF #granted i only had like maybe an hour or so (AT BEST) of Meds Working time left but still ahgsfdbnmbn #i always tell myself... i'll go take a shower and i Won't Be Like That when i get back. and then nUUHHGUH lol.. f #anyway nothing sucky but hoooo boyyy i feel way too like. calm? good? y'know when you finish a ton of stuff #and it went WAY better than expected.... and the NEXT STUFF you have to face you feel very um #well off? on? like yeah i'm gonna tackle that no prob it's all gonna be good BUT AT THE SAME TIME #IT'S LIKE. IT'S NOT THAT IT FEELS LIKE A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY PER SAY. MORE LIKE #ME @ MYSELF ''DO NOT GET COMFORTABLE DO NOT GET FUCKING COMFORTABLE YOU ASSHOLE THHAT';S HOW YOU PISS TIME AWAY-'' #lmao #anyway. hii #😊 it's almost 2 AM now what teh fvuck #i need to finish eating and go to bed in a min.. i'm. i feel like i very much do want. would like the sleep yeah #do not stay up stupid late watching netflix like last not dO NOT STAY UIP LATE BC NETFLIX AGAIN

[nexus-nebulae]

hmm

#weird thing ive noticed #so when i was Really Severely Depressed in high school #i used an app called daylio to journal my emotions n shit #and my most common entry was 'neutral' #which i always defined as ':/' #but then later when i was more recovered i realised that that 'neutral' was actually Bad #idk how else to describe it other than- feeling nothing or less than nothing or simply an absence of happiness #i just thought 'well i dont feel Good™ so clearly this is neutral' #when really my 'neutral' should really be Okay instead of Meh :/ #took me a long time to say 'i feel okay' #like genuinely that was a massive milestone was saying 'i feel *okay*' #not 'i feel happy' or 'i feel good' but just. okay #turns out 'okay' is the neutral for most people. not :/ #so now whenever i get days where i'm :/ #i'm able to say 'i feel Bad' without even having to think hard #(honestly I say a lot of 'i feel' phrases a LOT. it's like.. the only way for me to process shit?) #(like- 'i'm tired' or 'i'm hungry'- i'll say them out loud without even physically noticing the feeling) #(and my brain goes 'oh yeah! we are! we should fix that' that's how i exist) #but i've noticed i've been saying 'i don't feel good' way more frequently lately #probably the seasonal depression idk #idk if i actually have acutal seasonal depression tbh coz my depression was way more general and not time-based #but i've been calling it seasonal depression coz it's just #mounting anxiety and dread bc i know winter is Bad For My Health #idk. #you know. i was supposed to be set up with a therapist back in august. #fuckers never called me back. #sucks too coz that counseling center actually had a booth at Pride when i went so i was really excited to go there :/