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laurmaus · 2 months

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my rant (analysis????thing about that one scene in Our Fears Mcd thats been hidden in my notes app for like 2 years sorry it’s a little long

ok so it’s been a few days and i completely forgot most of what i was gonna say about the whole dante aphmau illusion bht the whole thing was so ?????????? liek the way garroth and ESPECIALLY laurence’s reactions to their “worst fear” and their worst fear itself is SOOO FUCKING WEIRD and out of character becayse that’s NOT what their worst fear woulld be ????)))))) starting with garroth because his whole personality as a guard is that he wants nothing but happiness and safety for aphmau and like we don’t know a lot about his personal life and struggles besides like zane and the whole dispwnment thing ok maybe we do but what i’m trying to say is that aphmau holding hands and Kissing a guy is Not his worst fucking fear………. the whole scene could’be been so much better if the illusion was aphmau Dead or like extremely hurt or fake dante threatening the two to hurt aphmau right in front of them or something like the whole shipping bait was so unnecessary I KNOW ITS NOT THAT DEEP BUT 😑😑😑 ok now for layrence he was done SOOOOO DIRTY like Extremely dirty from the way he reacted to the fact that his worst fear was aphmau just kissing dante too…….. starting with how he reacted it was INSANELY out of character for the time that it was written there was no build up to his personality suddenly switching to anger ridden like he’s never been seen like this before ?????? skimming through the moments hes had since he’s still generally New to the series he has NEVER lashed out like that??????? even when zane was insulting aphmau and he had to lie to make it seem like they were together he is Cool Calm and Collected it’s so weird so see him get so mad so quick like he was YELLINNGGGG thad was some unnecessarily. Possessive reaaction personally it makes more sense when i add the fact that my theeory is rhag he believed aphmau was under hypnosis or a spell or something but this is COMPLETELY a theory like it’s the only explanation to him acting out like that PLUS THE FACT THAT HE TRIED TO ATTACK DANTE ????????? he CONSIOUSLY WENT TO ATTACK HIM JUSF BC HE WAS GONNA KISS APHMAU I GET THAT HE THIUGHT SHE WAS IN DANGER UNDER THE PREMISE OF A SUPPOSED SPELL BUT OTHERWISE THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE…. i KNOW for a fact aphmau ddint think that far through and just wanted a ooooh my guards are Jelous☺️☺️moment and its aggrivating bevauuse i KNOW that he should have been asking if she was ok instead of just arguing at a ghost i get that hees protective but😞 you can HEAR HIM SLASH HIM REPEADLY TOO LIKE I KNOW HE STABBED THAT SWOORD STRAIGHT THROUGH HIS BACK OR WRM OR SMEHTING UOOU HEAR IT GO IN EEUEUUEGH the cheap sound effect is So😦(samsung version) THIS PLUS HIS GENERAL AREGIVATED DEMEANOR ENCOURAGES THE IDEA THAT LAURENCE CARES MORE ABOUT GOING AFTER WAHTEVER IS THREATENING HIM INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON GETTING WPHMAU AWAY (which is the OPPOSITE of what happened in the nether when saving the chicken sha man+ MAKING SURE SHES OK ANF FURTHER SUPPORTS GARROTHS SUSPICIONS i could say that the remnants from him being a shadow night like made him be way more violently impulsive but from the videos canonicity itself i know aphmau wasn’t thinking of that when writing this scene… personally i gues i see how this could be in character i just cannt sincerely undedstand how laurence’s morals and beliefs coincide with attempting to harm a possibly innocent man it’s so ARURRGGGGGDDD (sound effect sounds better in my head trust me☹️

ok now to the fear itself layrence is not even officially apart of the guard he hasn’t known aphmau for too long INCLUDING the Months(?) that he was trapped in the nether for and i KNOW they’re really close now and he apparently has a crush on her (WHICH WAS SUPER SUDDEN TOO AND ALSO OVERWRITES PREVIOUS LORE ABOUT HIM NOT LIKING SASHA AND THAT SHE WAS THE ONLY ONR THAT HE COULD BE “normal with” ((SUPER COOL IDEA BTW I REALLY LIKED THAT!!!!!!! THEN HE SUDDENLY ANNOUNCED THAT HE SNOULDNT HAVE LET SASHA GO ???????? i guess it could just be chslked up to him lying but what need was there for that….. the switch up is so random and like she’s suppose to be dead when he said that why not just admit you loved her i guess it could’ve been laurence still not accepting the fact that he actually loved her but i don’t think aph meant for his words to be so deep seeing how she writes mcd😭😭😭😭 if they geniuenly wanted to develop the idea that laurence has a crush on aphmau then wouldn’t it make more sense for him to say he had a crush on her and after she died it was difficult blah blah blah BONDING!!!!! and then at the end he couldve been like oh…. speaking to you right now reminds me of how we use to t- nevermind. IDK ITS CONRY BUT IT MAKES SO MICH MORE SENSE STORY WISE/// THE WHOLE THING SO FUCKING WEIRD AND ALL TO BUILD UP TO HIM HETTING A SPONANOUS CRUSH ON APHMAU FOR NO FUCKUNG REASON. HIS ENTIRE PERSONALOTY IS BASED ON A MAN THATS A CASANOVA BUT DOESNT ACTUALLY FEEL ANY ROMANTIC ATTRACTION TOWARDS THE WOMEN HE CHASES!!!!!!!!! laurence canonically struggles with expressing himself sincerely and ended up coping by making hismelf out to be a douchebaggy man who feels the need to flirt with everyone in order to feel validated by people that (in his mind) wouldn’t like him otherwise!!!! this chatavyer concept opened a HUGE DOOR for development which we actually started ti see when he opened up about his persona and started to interact with aphmau as less of a fake love interest but a friend!!!!!!!!!! but knowing that he DID indeed love sasha AND loves aphmau makes their development into closer friends void because it was a supposedly a crush the whole time i really don’t think it’s that serious i juus feel like SO MUCH WAS THROWN AWAY FOR A FORCED CRUSH THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BUILT UP MUCH BETTER THAN IT WAS!!!!!!!!!! i’m like skimming through old episodes right now and have rewatched that one section in Our Fears like Twenty times so far to analyze but watching laurence and aphmau banter is really silly and☹️☹️☹️it sucks how they cant just be funny friends with and loving eachother geniuennly with the /r jokes here annd there not because laurence has a not so secret crush on pahmau but because they’re wacky friends!!!!!!! bffs where one (Phmau helps the other (L heal and overcome his struggles !!!!!! their dynamic is so fun and lively annf laurence’s character development up to this point had been really satisfying minus the crush😞😞 everuhtingg is so susaauuauaaaaaaaihh jusf BE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!! BE FRIENDS PLEASE but anyways he’s not even apart of liekt he pheonix drop guard i guess ????? at this time which makes his worst fear beign aphmau being kissed by another man so Pathetic he has cadenza and the nether people and him being a shadow guard and just so much more to worry about than aphmau same with garroth!!!!!!! i feel like there’s so much mroe that could’ve been explored if they had just considered making the illusion more Personal ?????? i was also thinking that making them both see a completely different illusion I DONG KNOW HIW TO EXPLAIN IT LIKE oooh smoke Sparkles Boom they’re in a different place and see the fear like it was done for aphmaus fear and dante’s fear!!!!!!!

going back to garroth too a few episodes ago he was talking about how he was afraid that something might happen with laurence now that’s he can see so maybe the illusion could have been laurence attacking aphmmau right in front of him and like his armor and weapons are gone when he goes to fight and hes like 😦😦 or replace laurence with zane or whatevver or he’s like married to his fiancé and aphmau is Gone what i’m saying is there was SO MUCH POTIENTIAL OOOH O AND LIKE LAURENNCES PERSONAL ILLUSIOKN COULD HAVE BEEN HIM HRUTING ALHMAU OR CADENZA AGAINNDT HIS WILL AS LIKR A SHADOW NIGHT!!!!!!!! OR IDK IMAGINNE “we should split up and look around for……” BOOM garroth looks to the left and lauurence is GONE….. it’s all like ?$)&!???!?? until he looks fowaard at the steeps and 💥💥😨😨😨 LAURENCE is STANDUNG there with APHMAU HURT ON THE SCENE!!!!!!!!!!! n he’s like laurenncz….??????? thannk irene you found hLAURNECE!!!!??!;???;??🤯🤯🤯 actually BETTER IDEA THIS IS THE BEBEST ONE ITS ONE ILLUSION NOT TWO SEPERATE ONES!!!!! RIGHT SO GARROTH IS JUST THHERE AND SEED LAURENCE AND HE LIKE SUDDENLY GAINS CONSIOUSNNES AND LIKE LOOKS DOWN BOOM SHADOW KNIGHT ARMMOR HES GOT A SWORD IN HIS HAND AND ITS COVVERE IN BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!! loook doen Aphmau There she’s Gone in that one pose you know the one i’m talking about and then he turnns around 2 c the garroth thags just in taht one standing emoji pose and he like seees the blood on his dacve and OOOH IT WOUKDVE BEEN SO COOL… i understand the limitations that come with making a roleplay series with npcs ghat have like limited movement obvsiosuly it wouldn’t be as elaborate as this but i see it in my Mind…… ONE LAST THING BEFORE I FORGET it not sure if this is a typo or intentional or just a little fact that wasnnt meant to be taken all that serious but when malachi was explaining his backstory he mentioned how he could show peoples “fears” not exclusively their “greatest fear” WHICH might excuse this entire scene (minus the inaccurate character portrayls ) and make most of what i said void but i still stand by all of it!!!!!!!!! i’m not taking this excuse from someone who mistyped one of their MOST IMPORTANT character’s name MULTIPLE TIMES to the point where a misspelling became their canon name😭😭😭😭 but overall i jsur feel ike this entire episode and concept of a “greatest fear” being watered down to throwing some wood into a Shipping Arguement Fire for the two most important characters right after aphmau could have been so much more!!!!!!! like i get that aphmau getting with someone else might just be one of garroth and laurence’s shared fear but that doesn’t excuse how laurence acted and ESPECIALLY how uncharacteristically their dialogue was after the whole debacle OH MY GOD I DIDNNNT EVEN MENTION JOW THEY ACTDD ATTERWORDS ok i’m getting tired of this Long ass essay but basically afterwords they kept questioning aphmau and dante on whether or not they kissed or whatevver and i feel so dumb right nowow this is unrelated but i’m just laying here on mymt bed Wirting this at 11:32 am instead of drawing or beingpeoduxtive or skemtjjngnevevrmind i joined a. Friend Call😊😊😊😊

ojay i left nothing interesting was happening but getting back on topic the fact that only laurence seemed to be concerned about aphmaus well beign when the whole illusion was over seems so weird especially since i would’ve expected garroth to say something about her aswell ?????? this is definitely nitpicky i just feel like i should mention the emphasis on dante and aphmau kissing instead of aphmaus wellbeing like they Shouldvve been douign…… like maybe ask about the next course of action or who dante is and what theyvve gone through or if theyre hurt wspecially laurenc before this episod he was more a less soft spoken i LOVVVE his Sassy Man persona just not before his actual character beliefs IDK HWO TO FEEL ABOUT THIS ANYMOORE yes i get theuure in shock i just feel like therees something off about this whole thing and i CANR EXPLAIN IT IN WOORDS I XANNT!!!!! i need teb notes all to be plugged into my mindndohmtmtgoodoss cddbdsdxxxcccccc cbc but yeah laurence is funny while he’s questioning them though so it’s ok and then afterwards when garroth is lik “especially the vision we saw now… that was, hard to take.” seems so out of place and weird wny doesn’t he question what happened or how they even found the child of wahetever the more the series goes on everythign seems to shift to focus more on the shipping aspects of things instead of going towards what the characters would realistically be worried about yeah yeah it’s her show i just wish that a little more was out into the dialogue during this bit to flesh them out more maybe i’m completely misinterpeting their characterrs because i’m Wacky but woudlnbg aph b like telling him everurjjng i DONNT JNWO!!!!!!!!!!!! overall i dont think the entire confrontation scene should have happened i thjnk they would have talked to aphmau eprsonally about what happenend instead of just Lamboding idk the word but that’s what i said in my head on dante and him kissing apjmau as guards that should not be their priority and i praay this is a one time thing otherwise scene was fine by itself i love❤️ Aph Mau team garmau forevver though (as of now(

no but srs i know this all sounds really corny and imm sure i look crazy right nowwhile you read this all out but this is liek directly from my brain to the paeer these are my Thoughts live not includdinng the ones i coudknnt add bc i was somehehrre else and then jsut Forgot about it!!!!!!!!!!! it’s crazy too becwysue this scene has always had such a special place in my heart (Gross) ever since i watched it when it first came out i ate this shit up!!!!!! annd now to look back and realize everything that was wrong with this part of the video and i know that there’s a BUNCH of more off moments like these but this one is just SO imporrynant to me i Sont know why and i can’t remmeber anymore because my okd notion of the video has been replacced eith me watchingn it from a few days ago but to seee myswlf continue to be interested by this straange but charming continuity annd story it’s just so important to me and was a HUGE part of my childhoood i would watch new videos from aphmau when they came out n eveerutnjng i remmeber hetting on the couch at like 9am to watch her new fnaf series videos i explicitly remember the one with the puppet jumpscare i was so fuckign scared😭😭😭😭 and i remmebr watching this one early in the morning too i thjnk idk jf this is me misremmebrjng and my brain being jumbled up bevauus that Happens sketimems and mixing up which videos i watched but i KNOW i would wake up early in the mirnirng to go to the livingn room and watch Aphmau i feel the need to critique it for what it is now and juust be Hinest with msuellf since i just saw so kuch wrong id dinnt know where i was going with this but i care for thier characters so much i just wnnat them to b real and Happy☹️☹️ love u guuys

#15 yo me was MAD AS HELL i was re reading this like DAMNNNNN #I don’t know if any of this makes sense sorry if it doesn’t talk it out with past me😭#shout out to @xerith-42 for reminding me of my UNNECESSARILY LONG notes app bullet point doc where i would write every single thought i ha #during every episode that was kind of annoying but i have no regrets bc now i get to look back😊#I geniuenly think i’m gonna rewatch mcd from tbe begining bc the version of me who wrote this sees everyone COMPLETELY differently than how #i currently do and that’s definelty because i don’t remember a lot from what i rewatched over a year ago so i should probably get on that #Thank you notes app #mcd #minecraft diaries #aphblr #No but i remember thinking about this shit as i was trying to sleep Shaking my fist to the sky in my brain like”Jessica bravura…..what have #you done….. i knew i was mad but i didn’t know i was THAT serious about this Oh my god

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perfectly-uncapable · 3 years

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ik wil geen zotte zomer met activiteiten om mee te stoefen ik wil gwn viben met mn vrienden en rusten...pls laat me ns rusten

#idk elke dag this close om insta te verwijderen #ja ik zou het leuk vinden om wereldreis te doen #maar heb ik het nodig idk #aaagh #tuurlijk lijkt parachutespringen mij wel ns leuk #maar moet ik dat deze zomer doen #moet ik dingen doen omdat ik het dan kan sharen #online of gwn in gesprekken #is het niet gwn oke om daar helemaal geen behoefte aan te hebben???#wrm moet alles er goed uit zien wrm moet ik iemand (mezelf??) impressen #ik wil gwn chille middagen zonder 100 euro te spenderen #maar zelfs niet van het geld #ik wil gwn die druk niet van dat er iets zot cools moet gebeurd zijn #idk idk

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unopenablebox · 4 years

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AARGH WORM CRISPR

#time to crisp a wrm #time to be BAD AT PROBLEM SOLVING #ok this prblem did get solved it just took me like an hour bc i had to manually enter gene sequences from a photo of a printout of an email.#doctor worm #box opener

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faerociousbeast · 2 years

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OK so i watched a lets play of a short little indie game called pumpkin eater (its less than a game honestly its more like a . book. but still) and. oh ym god its so. ok so basically the story is that a family accidentally runs over their son with the car (the son was playing on the driveway and the dad didnt see him) and. his head gets compeltely destroyed and . well he dies . and the family has pumpkins in their garden and the mom decides. to put a pumpkin on the sons head. and basically she cant accept that the son is dead and keeps the corpse with the pumpkin head around the house and pretends everything is ok and the daughter, is the only one that is like "what the fuck" the dad is also for a bit like that but later, shit happens and he ends up siding with the mother. anyways wooooah fuck man im having so many wrms about this story. the creator studied something emdicine related so the. parts about decomposition are very accurate. anyways im sad that its just a little short game its a one-off thing i wish i could. consume more contenT haghskdksjsjhdjd oughhhhhhhhh. anyways yeah. pumpkins

THATS REALLY REALLY COOL but also it vaguely reminds me of this.. folk story i read once?? i cant really remember but there was also pumpkin head people. i think they grew out of the ground or something yeah. thank you for sharing. pumpkins

#ask to tag #tw death

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bluestwitch · 4 years

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Rules: It’s time to 💛 yourselves! Choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the 🌍 in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the 💛 and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by @celtics534. As I’m not working today and I need to distract myself from the current situation (hubby and I are Spanish nurses) I thought well, I’ll give it a try.

Trouble is, I’m not a very prolific person, in terms of things I can link. I can’t post all my work on the school parents’ association and it has been huge, and believe me, it’s been nothing related to bake sales. More like fighting for my school so it can have all it needs. I can’t post what I do at my ward. So all I have is one multi chaptered story and a one shot. Soooo:

Diva Dave. I think this is the chapter of What Really Matters that I’m prouder of. I still read it sometimes when I’m in need of mood uplifting. I really wanted something different for the hen party, something with female empowerment and sorority which is what this should be really about, while having fun of course. Plus Davinia’s character just had a life of its own, it came out almost fully formed and I just love him 😍 . And about the boys, I wanted to show that there are a lot of ways to be a man. So he’s a virgin and it’s ok, sex for him is something that comes hand in hand with love and it’s perfectly normal and respectable (and I was tired of fics depicting him as a Casanova)

That Look In His Eyes. My first ever one shot and written in just three days! I don’t think I can ever do it again. I had to post it UnBetaed, it order to submit it to the SIYE challenge. It was precisely @celtics534 who suggested that I should write it. I’m a sucker for pregnancy and birth fics (maternity plays such a big role in my life) and the story was already developed in my mind, but it was very difficult to write nonetheless, and show what a rollercoaster of emotions a birth can be for both parents.

A Wedding To Celebrate. Another WRM chapter; I’m sorry. It’s very special for me because Hinny’s wedding has been written and rewritten a thousand time by more talented writers than me, buuuut... amazing as they were, they simply weren’t my choice for the characters. I wanted a chapter with the right amount of fluff, tastefully done, just a touch of emotion, some laughs and a very, very simple scheme. Not an elopement, but with the bare indispensable things. And I am very proud of the result (and my Beta complimented me about it so I felt over the moon)

The Applause Of Their Loved Ones. My first dance with hubby was Flying Without Wings, too. I love that song so I was dying to include it. This chapter took a lot of research because I’ve never been to an English wedding and we don’t usually do speeches in Spanish ones. Just a lot of eating, drinking and cheering the couple to kiss. And dancing. And did I mention eating? Anyway, after writing Arthur and Harry’s speeches I was exhausted and I knew that Ron’s was going to go unfinished. I had an idea for the interruption but I swear, the story had a mind of its own. Do you know the feeling when inspiration strikes all of a sudden and you can’t stop writing? It was amazing.

Let’s End This Party In Style. Do you know how difficult was for me writing this? I had this chapter in hiatus a lot of days because nothing worthy came to my mind. I knew what I wanted but struggled to put it into words. And then, the final took me ages. In the end, I think it wasn’t bad.

It’s quite embarrassing for me to tag unrelated people, so I will just leave the invitation open!

#hinny fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #what really matters #that look in his eyes

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nekkyousagi · 5 years

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Wow, WOW! Guys, I just found a bit of Godzilla trivia! Ok, so I was listening to the original “Gojira” (1954) soundtrack the other day and right in the middle of the music from the final scene...I suddenly heard the some very haunting notes and familiar notes. After a while of thinking about it and listening to it again...there was no mistake. The music was exactly the same as the tones played when the final form of Destoroyah appeared in “Godzilla vs Destoroyah”!!!!

https://youtu.be/ZudUh5l-WRM?t=1927

If you skip ahead to 32:08 on this video, you’ll be able to hear it!

It’s hard to hear when these tones are played during the original “Gojira” film. But judging by the timing, I would guess they sound off at the exact moment when Godzilla comes up out of the water for his final agonizing roar before disappearing beneath the waves and turns to bone. It’s the exact same music they used for the final form reveal of Destoroyah!!!

https://youtu.be/Zpe3PmFusNY?t=4480

Skip to 1:14:40

I am just amazed at finding out this bit of trivia, so I thought I’d share!!!

Just curious, have any other long time Godzilla fans noticed this before?

#usagi blabs #godzilla movie marathon #gojira 1954 #godzilla vs destoroyah #godzilla movie trivia #movie soundtracks #actually now that i think about it #alot of the music in Godzilla vs Destoroyah is from the original 1954 movie!!!!!!

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b-e-a-u-t-y-of-being-n-u-m-b · 4 years

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About Me

Tagged by @richard-is-bored to answer 21 questions. Thank ya!

1. Nickname: Mainly Chan or Rana/Lana-chan from my hub and close friends or Lala from my dad.

2. Real Name: Lana.

3. Zodiac: Virgo.

4. Height: 5′5″ and a half.

5. Time: 1:56 AM.

6. Favorite 🎶 Group: Primarily Queen and anything from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and sooome early 00s.

7. Favorite Sports Team: I don’t care for sports.

8. Other Blogs: r-i-p-e-with-d-e-c-a-y. That was my first blog I started in early 2011 as a personal blog, then I converted it into a Trent Reznor blog, but now it’s inactive as of 2016. Had this one since early 2013.

9. Do i get asks often: I used to, but now hardly any if at all.

10. How many blogs do i follow: 1,429.

11. Tumblr Crush: @elite-four-wrm and almost all the Queen/ Queen fic blogs.

12. Lucky #: 15.

13. What am i wearing: Navy denim bell-bottoms, my Tool 2020 tour tee and hoodie that I got at last weeks concert.

14. Dream vacation: Sweden or anywhere in Europe mainly the UK. Or even New Zealand.

15. Dream Vehicle: Any classic muscle car, uhh or any classic car for that matter.

16. Favorite food: Hmm, I have too many to list or even remember but pasta mainly.

17. Drink of choice: Hmm, Barqs Root Beer.

18. Languages: English, some Swedish, some Spanish, and some French.

19. Instrument: Violin, drums, piano, and some guitar.

20. Celebrity Crush: Brian May, Viggo Mortensen, Liv Tyler, and Kate Winslet.

21. Random Fact: Uhhh, if we’ve talked/ interacted once I hope y’all are doing ok and that life is treating you well.

#tag game #tagged #about me

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weronika-kaweccas-blog · 5 years

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WRM

Ok, may someone kindly tell me why is this place so stuffed with volunteers? I swear, it’s before noon on a weekday and these people find their activity of choice to be sitting in a museum? I mean, I appreciate it but this is too much. If during my shift I meet more people working than those they are working for it is too much. And I thought I would be able to peacefully watch that movie on the mezzanine for the n-th time. Oh no, not with all these ”colleagues” of mine I’ve never even seen before watching and judging my every move.

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esotericable · 3 years

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AUIUUGH ok, ok . i;m going to puke if i do, wrms typucal,ly are attracted to lighjt and STRONG semmls. promise me you’ll keep rgem awau frome. m.e

#id #drunk posting //

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led123123 · 4 years

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https://youtu.be/WEwbyCW7yrk

my video.. would be uploading.. 46 minutes..

it’s 2.5 GB

lol okay.. so.. you know.. this dude.. was 1v1 ing this dude.. so.. like.. I though that he did some damage to him.. but he didn’t do any damage.. he was shooting him with a pistol and he was in caustic gas.. so he didn’t hit him at all. so that’s why he had full hp..

https://youtu.be/EBaa1lJwUNg?t=387

jumpu!! jumpu!! xD

https://youtu.be/ounAOxMBLzA?t=632

good upload

https://youtu.be/r7KiXlkReVw

https://youtu.be/e6Tfnv5Jf7Y

https://youtu.be/WVmnPMS7Z_0

fuck.. придётся покупать суб за 5 доляра... god..

the wingman game lol.. I am a f*cking god in this game with this gun

I found.. it on the start.. with lvl 3 heavy mag and best sight for this gun I mean though.. it’s better than the default sight.. with default sight I probably wouldn’t hit as many shots

and lvl 3 mag on the start

today I peeled potatoes.. I got a little bit faster.. at peeling potatoes

I wish I was really fast at doing that

it takes time.. but they taste very good

https://youtu.be/WVmnPMS7Z_0?t=11

https://youtu.be/HWXPy_9gUD4

https://youtu.be/HWXPy_9gUD4?t=160

https://youtu.be/HWXPy_9gUD4?t=176

https://youtu.be/HWXPy_9gUD4?t=207

I wonder if I’m gonna sleep after eating

the rain happens when cold air meets warm and wet air I think

https://youtu.be/pr5_6U2Mh2w?t=82

https://youtu.be/fypnwxKfpNw

https://youtu.be/EBaa1lJwUNg?t=12

jumpu

leave console gamers alone. they already have difficult lives already

https://youtu.be/3FWrpzgZhoI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FWrpzgZhoI&lc=UgxmqE3I6xV0gOBC3gN4AaABAg

“Япония: -10 конец света

Россия: -43 пиздуй в школу “

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FWrpzgZhoI&lc=UgzvjqS8ZueHMFNGcQB4AaABAg

“ -30 мы не выживем

Якуты: В - 45 дети едят мороженое🖖🏻

Сама якутка “

https://youtu.be/1E1No6rkR4Y

https://youtu.be/aHGd6LqAVzw?t=149

https://youtu.be/2OHtZMbBxi0?t=373

omg. I feel so sorry xD

that’s so sad

https://youtu.be/aHGd6LqAVzw?t=233

impostor?? he called elon musk impostor??

https://youtu.be/7UORSe9y5f8?t=132

that’s so heartbreaking that he won’t go to mars

send elon musk to mars right now

https://youtu.be/7UORSe9y5f8?t=290

I bet she would want to eat potatoes.. but she doesn’t have time to make them

https://youtu.be/7UORSe9y5f8?t=349

she could just eat good meal in a bar or any cheap restaurant

I went once to canteen.. near school..

https://youtu.be/7UORSe9y5f8?t=392

“the weather was warm and the sky was very clear”

https://youtu.be/7UORSe9y5f8?t=400

“autumn seems to be just passing by”

same thoughs

https://youtu.be/4P-OdjnbdvA

fUck I hate this game!!!!

so hard to get points

what do people have in their heads.. to go 1v2.. guys.. what the f*ck do people like that have in their head..

they go 1v2 and die.. and they leave me 2v3

he literally scanned people with bloodhund.. so he saw them.. and goes 1v2

1 person dies solo.. 2nd person goes 1v3 dies solo.

2nd game same teammates that die solo 1v3

no.. that’s actually 3rd game.. god.. jesus..

“go fight” xD

they die solo and tell me to fight 2 squads.. xD

he shoulesn’t even go in knowing that our teammates is dead

trash teammates.. 3rd time in a row..

omg.. I don’t even know what is go0ing on in this game..

I got burned with 2 termite nades.. how could I be so unlucky.. god..

2 kills.. 2 assists.. top 4.. only 64 points.. what more do you need.. so little points.. god.. I lose 36 points 3 times in a row.. because my teammates die on start.. what am I supposed to play 1v fucking 3??

this time I was only lucky that I didn’t play with platinum 4s.. I was lucky I got platinum 3 players in team..

fucking platinum 4 players..

the hell with this hoe

I don’t even wanna play honestly..

wow.. diamond and plat 1 ez

ez.. I got fried with hemlok..

so pointless.. time time.. platinum 4s.. but.. top 5. they wasn’t as bad as other teams..

1 kill top 5.. +9..

but it’s platinum 4s..

but.. tbh.. diamond 4s.. is the same..

if I play too much then my fingertips are gonna.. not have bloodflow.. and they gonna get hard and bleed..

and my teeth would also start to hurt.. because I would not move and become numb.. if I play

it seems super pointless to me.. but.. I’m alone and bored.. you know.. nothing else to do..

fuck.. I was supposed to own people with wingman.. god.. not running with hemlock all the time.. god..

dude 2 burst shot me.. with hemlock last game..

disco bania wraca dzisiaj

każdy czeka

https://youtu.be/7Wd9A32T0TU

w wielkim stylu

omfg these comments..

“ xBosokx trzymaj mnie bania wraca wale salto “

“ Młody FeRoX bania wraca ołł jea “

“ Sebx20032 days agoLegenda powraca “

“dawać mi tu krula banie!!!!”

“ pvdzian1 day agoPieniadze sie skonczyly to baniak powraca xd “

“ Dawaj mi ten film już “

“ On wrucił król polski nareszcie “

“ Powrót następcy Masnego Bena “

disco bania. ostatnia nadzieja polskiego disco polo powraca

https://youtu.be/lzB2DblN6BY?t=30

https://youtu.be/H-18Xiligoc

what else am I supposed to do..

watch videos all the time??

I have 2 options.. to watch videos.. and to play game.. but I could go outside today honestly.. I’ve been thinking about going outside.. doing something.. like.. doing whatever

https://youtu.be/lzB2DblN6BY

impossible.. it’s like.. impossible.. she really outsmarted all geeks in cambridge??

to be honest.. that’s just another university tbh.. just like any other university.. I though it’s like.. impossible.. but turns out that that’s just another university.. and.. to be honest.. like.. all the university knowledge is bullshit anyway...

wow.. that is so revolutionary

this was the content I asked before.. when I mean.. “revolutionary”

they can’t teach anything else.. than anyone.. like.. knowledge is.. subjective.. I mean.. like.. everyone is a human.. and people are subjective.. like.. like animals.. they are driven by emotions..

so all the teachers.. they’re not robots.. they are no better than any other person that lives on a countryside.. they’re not smarter.. than a person who lives on a farm.. they’re not smart

they’re not any better than a farmer..

they both eat..

https://youtu.be/wcFLyPb9m3I?t=62

https://youtu.be/wcFLyPb9m3I?t=103

bedside table. this is what I miss

how is she able to be top 1.. if I spent so much time learning.. then I would be super negative..

https://youtu.be/wcFLyPb9m3I?t=226

stretching in the morning.. that’s a good start. I think it’s important to do that. I mean.. for me it’s true too

https://youtu.be/wcFLyPb9m3I?t=242

she has flat stomach what the heck

wow she looks as fit as like.. some really fit fitness instructor

top 1 cambridge university. that’s revolutionary

https://youtu.be/wcFLyPb9m3I?t=430

yes.. I mean.. plain paper makes it look clearer

I liked plain paper..

https://youtu.be/wcFLyPb9m3I?t=464

nobody needs this.. university knowledge..

nobody needs to study this.. I mean

if you want to learn you can learn anything you want or anything that you need on the internet.. or by yourself.. university is shit.. useless..

https://youtu.be/wcFLyPb9m3I?t=507

https://youtu.be/1s64AR_-8SY?t=536

chill out. xD

these dudes don’t miss..

dude who downed me with hemlok

now I eat my cake.. it’s sweet.. and I like sweet right now.

https://youtu.be/wcFLyPb9m3I?t=604

puffed rice

it looks like worm’s cacoons

I didn’t even see wingman at all in all these last 10 games that I played right now..

I didn’t even see one wingman.. god..

maybe I saw it once.. ye.. I saw it once.. I didn’t hit as many shots as I wanted..

I had it once.. it was pretty good. I didn’t hit as many shots as I wanted.. because I haven’t played like.. idk how much.. and.. that was my first game..

so I didn’t hit as much

damn.. I don’t feel.. I mean.. I feel.. like.. I need to feel something.. and if I play game.. then..

I need to feel another

I’m gonna play music..

https://youtu.be/Jyi-b8lalTU

https://youtu.be/HFiV5yVZaiA

https://youtu.be/26u657MfFJM

https://youtu.be/U0rorLEzxsQ?t=113

https://youtu.be/z88_26M2xQk

this played on random shuffle. xD

https://youtu.be/oBFbR2B5yU4

https://youtu.be/RSQqVDmNaj0

https://youtu.be/QUnuG6iOxZk

https://youtu.be/QUnuG6iOxZk?t=76

https://youtu.be/qoKKx4OIk5M

https://youtu.be/IbKmIpTfKeo

https://youtu.be/IbKmIpTfKeo?t=214

top 1 lol

lol we just.. didn’t fight.. and they fought.. and we just rotated to the ring first.. and they fought each other. xD

we just rotated to ring early.. lol.. this dude.. of course.. he hit all wingman shots on me.. and hit a headshot.. of course..

ok.. that wasn’t a headshot.. what the fuck.. he hit all hit shots.. what the fuck..

he hits all wingman shots on wraith.. of course..

4 shots

on full speed.. 1, 2, 3, 4 and I’m dead..

on full speed.. he hit all. what kind of superhuman does it have to be.. to be able to do that..

we just rotated first.. lol..

https://youtu.be/j1v0xUeZSMQ?t=836

I hate rice with eggs..

but it’s just one egg..

https://youtu.be/j1v0xUeZSMQ?t=892

and yes.. next time I’m gonna make rizotto I’m gonna cook rice in pot..

because I don’t have a cover for a pan.. and.. it also.. gets burned a lot.. on pan

I forgot that wraith.. takes.. +5% more damage.. 47 damage.. so it wasn’t a headshot.. he hit 4 wingman shots in a row.. shooting at full speed..

how are these cheaters so good..

finally a win.. lol.. we did an early rotation.. and they kept sitting.. outside the ring.. and they started fighting each other..

noob team keeps fighting when ring is closing..

fuck disco bania is starting..

idiot pathfinder

wingman on zipline is not accurate.. g7 scout too

https://youtu.be/fFlDoutuooI?t=96

“cały ten internet śmiga” xD

https://youtu.be/aQWZY-j9Lqw

https://youtu.be/fFlDoutuooI?t=461

shit.. my brother did that..

https://youtu.be/fFlDoutuooI?t=507

instead of playing i can meet these new people damn

2 interesting people in a row

https://youtu.be/n11Xp6gKkos

my last game was not my proudest moment..

https://youtu.be/n11Xp6gKkos?t=82

omg she looks so chinese f*ck

she looks like geisha here

fuck..

I know this hairstyle.. that’s japanese/chinese hairstyle..

she looks like from a “hero” movie

https://youtu.be/Cpxv-wrMz0s

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw?t=34

jumpu

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw?t=45

wow she looks like.. hm.. japanese ammo with misa

no.. more like.. jinna.. kim.. even the last name fits.. wow.actually.. but.. jinna kim.. said she’s.. like.. korean.. is kim.. is kim.. I think kim is like.. chinese.. name.. chinese or korean.. there’s probably not much difference

wow she looks like jinna kim.. kim like kim-chi.. lol and kimchi is like korean or something..

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw?t=123

so much like jinna kim

I mean.. she’s probably her age..

in this movie.

wow I have such a heartburn today.. shit.. all day.. since like.. 6 hours.. ago.. when I ate cake..

and for some reason my legs feel like a spent all day at the gym doing leg day..

I can barely get up.. ffs..

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw?t=188

jinna kim

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw?t=200

that looks like strawberry syrup

omg. I have such a f*cking heartburn.. all day..

I know.. I actually know why.. last time I had it.. was when I was wearing a belt.. and this time.. I know what I did.. I pulled my pants high so it was pressing my stomach.. and that’s why it pushed.. stuff from my stomach to my throat..

I need looser pants.. my sister gave me some tight pair..

look in waist.. or more adjustable..

I need looser pants..

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw?t=67

hero is chinese

I told you

jinna must also be chinese maybe

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw?t=85

wow all the asians have shiny black hair

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw?t=90

they’re always shining the same way

https://youtu.be/4ZDh180hAl8?t=74

shitty mic

crappy mic guy

https://youtu.be/hkcxvD1VsDk

“we all have that one friend”

with a shitty mic

https://youtu.be/4ZDh180hAl8?t=83

oh f*ck.. I can’t heard this bullshit

shitty mic friend

“tech deals uploaded: Ryzen 9 5950X @ 5GHz — Radeon RX 6000 Details — 1000 HP Hummer EV Revealed — Rogue One News 10-23-20 “

wow I need to get interested in the.. pc parts market.. after recent.. updates.. sh*t.. my shit is gonna get obsolete

thank god I never buy expensive stuff.

but ddr4 at least won’t get obsolete at least.. I checked it

https://www.youtube.com/c/TechNewsNetwork/videos

what the f*ck they have 2nd channel what the f*ck..

well.. probably nothing changed.. the 2080 got cheaper.. and that’s it probably..

because 2080 competes with 3080 etc 3070 3090 etc.. but if they release.. 3060.. god.. that may be an issue

3070 is not even out yet.. but it’s gonna get released together with 3060.. f*ck..

f*ck.. I should have actually sold my old card

I need looser pants..

f*ck.. but I know how to send stuff.. I know how the delivery company works.. what wrapping they accept (there are many companies some accept only normal boxes)

so I can sent it already.. now I know how to do that

https://youtu.be/WVmnPMS7Z_0?t=33

I learned that one company would accept everything

https://youtu.be/WVmnPMS7Z_0?t=168

and I have a printer now.. but.. like.. I don’t have wifi.. on my computer.. so.. only in laptop.. ok.. I’ll use laptop maybe

and I also wonder how to send packages without printing the sticker.. also.. because there’s also something like that possible in this company

thank god that only 3080 release is most popular.. nobody is gonna wait for 3060 and 3070.. lol.. I just can’t wait to see that I was wrong..

https://youtu.be/WVmnPMS7Z_0?t=181

each bag has registrar.. which registers if the bag landed in the correct bag.. after being pushed to the bin..

if it doesn’t register then it would light red

if it ended in the wrong bag

and they have to check.. if there aren’t any red lights

https://youtu.be/n11Xp6gKkos?t=81

she looks like geisha

https://youtu.be/n11Xp6gKkos?t=183

wow I mean.. I didn’t realize.. that anna akana also has normal dark asian shiny hair

f*ck I didn’t even realize that before

https://youtu.be/n11Xp6gKkos?t=194

they are very dark

https://youtu.be/uSjS_l3wGu8

https://youtu.be/499Aiwh_If0

https://youtu.be/jTCJiWT8avo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTCJiWT8avo&lc=UgiPB_q4Q_QrIHgCoAEC

“ 240p - the metalest of resolutions. “

goulish language.. that's really old obsolete language that nobody is using any more

https://youtu.be/jTCJiWT8avo?t=211

her instrument is really cool.

https://youtu.be/pr5_6U2Mh2w?t=82

I didn’t have internet for 2 hours.. or 1 hour..

https://youtu.be/fypnwxKfpNw?t=125

https://youtu.be/rjy_bgrHZDI?t=41

https://youtu.be/n11Xp6gKkos?t=31

anna’s songs

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N

she’s a good singer

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=150

wow. her songs are insane

her songs are on the same level as avril lavigne and britney spears

wow.

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=83

interesting music writing. she had very good writer

the person who wrote the music..

https://youtu.be/7Wd9A32T0TU

https://youtu.be/GiOYo-OSANw?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N

she had a good music writer

and producer post producer and everything

https://youtu.be/n11Xp6gKkos?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N

all her songs are just 3 minutes :/ that’s a bit disappointing

https://youtu.be/fnVQHuqrqsA?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N

oh. I was listening to this one.. this one was the first one I heard

I really liked the U sound

https://youtu.be/fnVQHuqrqsA?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=35

that’s how I started liking her singing

but the other ones that I heard right now are also really good.

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=86

this one is her biggest release right now

but I saw the thumnail long time ago already and the song is really good

but it’s short. shooting footage.. is.. like.. it’s difficult to get enough footage so she makes short songs

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=70

they should do long version just for listening without video

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=117

this is not the best cut scene in example

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=131

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=158

jesus christ she’s amazing

who wrote these songs. that must have been some really good musician

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=126

this is a really good take

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=126

her hair look like one kpop artist here

https://youtu.be/xKMT44GBaUI

https://youtu.be/xJkFZmVfSaI?list=PLyVaF6bvPQ-R84s8_qr69WM-PyjB2qs3N&t=131

she’s so good

I watched a video today from a person who does modeling.. about modeling for clips like these

https://youtu.be/4ZDh180hAl8?t=108

https://youtu.be/mClOxgyWLs8?t=25

is that the same girl??

https://youtu.be/watzMSbA0Cw?t=170

wow she played in both movies.

https://youtu.be/Bl4_BbYMZEo?t=51

she looks like jinna kim 4 real

https://youtu.be/Bl4_BbYMZEo?t=162

plastic rubber swords.. lol..

https://youtu.be/Bl4_BbYMZEo?t=169

lol.. steel doesn’t bend like that..

they assumed that viewers don’t know that they’re using rubber swords??

1 note · View note

vergankelijkheden · 5 years

Text

Een donderdag in Gent

Het is zondagavond. Donderdagavond ben ik in Gent gaan feesten. De charlatan. Felix, Sarah, Nele, Jerre, Eli. Alle vrienden van M waren er ook en ik was in mijn element.

Ik sta aan de bar. Ik moet even wachten. Naast mij staat een jongen, een kop groter dan ikzelf, met een gestreept hemd. Ik leun naar hem toe en zeg, ze zijn met te weinig. Hij lacht, we lullen wat. Ik vind hem aantrekkelijk. Ik zeg tegen Sarah, hij is fucking lekker. Ik kijk nog wat in zijn richting, hij grijnst. Ik wil hem spreken.

Ik kom van de rokersruimte en loop richting de menigte. Ik kruis hem, we lopen tegen elkaar aan. Hij kijkt naar beneden en grijnst naar mij. Ik leun naar zijn oor en spuw het eruit: Ik heb een vriendje, maar ik vind u fucking lekker. Hij begint te praten en goddamn da Brussels accent. Gholala, da’s ni ideaal. Hij kijkt naar beneden, naar mij, en als hij mijn blik ziet, kijkt hij naar rechts (voor mij links) in de verte, een grijns op zijn gezicht. Ik speel ermee, en ik geniet ervan. Ik kijk weg, ik dans, ik voel zijn ogen op mij. Draai me om, kijk over mijn schouder.

“Godverdomme maat. Jullie tension is echt unreal. De vonken spatten ervan af,” zegt Sarah, en het geeft me extra plezier dat het opvalt. Ik beeld het me niet in.

Ik weet nog dat hij op een bepaald moment zei, “Ik heb hier een appartementje he,” waarop ik antwoordde, nee nee, ik ben ni stout. Hij doet dat ding weer, en wanneer zijn ogen terug op mij landen schiet ik in brand. “Enfin ni stout, ik zie dat aan u.” Hoe, vraag ik. “Ik zie da aan uw ogen gewoon, maat toch...”

Hij is speels in zijn aanraking. Ik voel mij er levend door. Mijn bloes hangt van mijn schouders, ik weet dat hij mij wilt. Het is een streel door mijn haar, alsof hij mijn goede vriend is en mij pestte om mij erna te “Moh ale, was maar een grapje”. Zo’n aanraking was het. Het is een kneepje in mijn zijde, exact waar mijn taille overgaat in mijn heup. Zijn hand beweegt dan nog tot aan mijn rug. Ik voel me klein in zijn hand. Dan laat hij los. De warmte en de elektriciteit van een andere, ongekende, ongeëxploreerde persoon.

Had ik maar meer genoten. Had ik hem maar aangeraakt.

Dat mag niet.

Had ik maar. Had ik het maar beter vastgelegd, gevoeld. Kon ik het maar vasthouden.

Dat mag niet.

Ik voelde me gewild. Sexy. Ik dans nooit, maar onder de blik van deze jongen voelde ik mij een godin. Ik hou mijn hoofd recht, leun het naar achter, sluit mijn ogen, maar ik weet dat hij kijkt. Ik beweeg mijn nek zodat mijn haar van mijn schouders naar achter valt.

“Da moet ge nu ni doen,” hoor ik in mijn oor. “Dan krijg ik het helemaal moeilijk.”

Ik word bevestigd - hij was aan het kijken.

Ik dans met hem, zijn vingertoppen dwalen langs mijn nek en sleutelbeen. Ik voel hem. Dit duurt twee seconden, maar ik moet stoppen. Ik wil niet in gevaar komen - iedereen kent mij hier. Maar wat ik zeg kan niemand horen.

“Mijn seksleven is gewoon ni zo...” hij leunt dichter, hij verstaat mij niet. Onze gezichten draaien wat rond elkaar, wie gaat aan welke kant? “goe. Nu. En ik zie u en ik wil het.”

Hij draait weer terug zodat we elkaar aankijken. Hij praat zo dichtbij dat ik zijn adem ruik - zoet.

“Da’s... ni oke. Moest ik de kans hebben,” hij leunt naar mij en ik voel zijn adem in mijn oor, “zou ik u kapotneuken.”

Vanuit zijn ogen zie ik dat het waar is. Ik bijt op mijn tanden. Ik hou mijn handen omhoog, alsof ik schuldig ben, en zeg, ik ga mij gewoon ontrekken uit de situatie. Ik sluit mijn ogen - ik wil hem zo graag.

Ik vind Sarah niet. Ik ga door de mensen heen, ik zie hem. Hij lacht van, “Da meende ni, maak het mij ni ook moeilijk, blijf weg”.

“Ik ben haar kwijt,” zeg ik. Hij zegt weinig. Ik ga op het podium staan om te zoeken, maar ik zie hem kijken. Hij komt naast mij staan, ik stap een trede naar beneden. Ik wil hem ontwijken. Ik wil dat hij mij volgt. Hij gaat achter mij staan en zijn vingers gaan opnieuw langs mijn hals, duwt zijn duimen in mijn nek. Ik wil naar achter leunen en smelten onder de aanraking. “Doet da ni,” zeg ik. Hij verontschuldigt zich. Ik ga naar buiten.

Na mijn hart te luchten tegen Sarah, besluiten we nog één drankje buiten. Hij staat daar, en zonder woorden gaan we samen aan een tafeltje staan.

“Ik moet iets vragen,” zeg ik. “Wat studeert ge?” Psychologie, antwoordt hij. Mijn frank valt.

“Roan de Bruyne,” zeg ik. “Ik ben Julie Cramm.” Gelach, da meende nie, ale jong. Is het mijn ding? Ja. Het zijne? Hij had een jaar handelswetenschappen gedaan. Psychologie is interessant maar muziek... mensen zeggen hem dat hij eigenlijk goed kan zingen. Elektrische gitaar. Ik wil huilen.

Heeft hij een vriendin? Nee, nu enkele maanden na een halfjaar gedaan. Vaginisme. Moeilijk. Stond hij daar met zijn bloemen, had zij twijfels. Doet ge mij pijn, is het gedaan. En daarvoor? Drie jaar fuckbuddies. Het was goede seks. Ik weet niet meer of er een maar was. Had ik zijn tekort maar beter bevraagd in plaats van direct te vragen - Wat is goede seks?

“Weet ge wel, waar ik toch een beetje... mijn ding kan doen. Ale, dominant zijn. Ni da een meisje da ni mag,” “soms wel,” zeg ik, “ja, maar gewoon. Ik neem voornamelijk het voortouw. Enfin, da wil ik.” “Interesting,” zeg ik. Na 3 jaar wordt dat allemaal moeilijker, dat begrijpt hij. De inzet, enzo. Dat ik meer orale seks moet geven dan krijgen, steek uw hoofd een keer tussen mijn benen ook. “Ge moet uw tijd daar voor nemen,” hoor ik, “da’s belangrijk.” We kijken elkaar aan, schieten in de lach. Ik wil hem.

“Ik wil u,” zeg ik, en hij zegt, “nee, ja, alleen al toen ge dat daarstraks zei. Verboden vrucht, ge kent da.” Ik zeg, zou ge het nog spannend vinden dan moest ik single zijn? “Bwa nog wel wa spannender waarschijnlijk”.

Het is zes uur. Het is tijd. Ik zeg hem, tot nog eens. Geef hem een kus op zijn wang en vertrek. Als ik wakker word heb ik een vriendschapsverzoek.

We hebben gepraat. Kater? Nee, ik heb daar geen last van, en gij jongedame? Jawel, maar niks beter dan dafalgan op de trein. Ben ik er zo eentje? Ik zeg dat noemen ze lichtgewicht, “ik zou wel weten wat doen met een lichtgewicht”, ik stuur screenshot Dorien “hebt gij gekust”. Nee, da’s ni gebeurd. Ge hebt u schonekes gedragen. Maar zou ge da volgende keer kunnen? Schuldgevoel weegt zwaar. Ik moet wel. Snap ik, bent ge nog wel zeker van uw relatie ook? Er zijn altijd moeilijke periodes, maar wil nog ni opgeven. Balen, maar volledig begrijpelijk. Ik weet ni wrm ik gestuurd heb ma ik vind u chill, en das op al die jaren nog ni echt voorgevallen. Kwou da gewoon zeggen I guess. Insgelijks, hij is ook tot mij aangetrokken, ni enkel fysiek, ik lijk een vrolijke verstandige dame. Koffie sometime? Sta ik zeker voor open. Gesprek stopt abrupt, hem hem ni meer gesproken. Ik wil het, ik wil het niet. Ik laat het lot beslissen maar dit heeft iets losgemaakt. Ik wil hem zien, kijken of het nog zo voelt. Ik wil hem nooit meer zien. Ik wil dat hij een bericht stuurt. Ik wil hem verwijderen. Hij heeft veel vriendinnen, ik heb het meisje gevonden waar hij fuckbuddies mee was. Ik ben zeker dat zij het is. Ze is mooi. Ze is niet zoals ik. Ik voel me weer zwakker. Ik wil me voelen zoals die avond. Ik wil me levend, sexy, zelfzeker voelen.

P.S.: die ene dude “ik ben heel kieskeurig ma gij bent oprecht het mooiste meisje dak al gezien heb vanavond” ik zeg zeveraar, nene echt, kzeg ja kheb vriendje, oh balen. Heeft Sarah en Felix nog geapproached en was blijkbaar heel oprecht, en zei ja ik ga haar dat gewoon nog wat vertellen om haar confidence te geven. Schattig. Maar lelijk.

Ik moest dit van mijn hart. Misschien om het gevoel weer te kunnen voelen, maar ik weet dat ik het niet meer zal kunnen helemaal. Bij Maarten voel ik dat niet. Die daagt mij ni uit op die manier, die flirt ni me mij. Ik wil da. Ik heb er gisteren mee geslapen en ik zat me mijn hoofd in een andere vibe, maar da was de beste seks in tijden. Ik voelde mij zo fucking geil, ik wou likken, kreunen, praat verkopen. Als ik me hem bezig ben krijg ik hem dan ook echt zo ver, maar alst dan mijn “beurt” is is da gwn saai. Vreet mij op ofzo. Kwenie. Ik wil het gevoel ni kwijtgeraken. Hij was zo lekker fucking. Hell. Ma gewoon die houding... neem mij. Ik wil hém, ma ik wil nog liever da gevoel me M hebben. Ma M is ni zo. Ma M is ook ni zo me andere meisjes en die gast wel en da zou mij gek maken. Ma ik zou mij wel levend voelen. Ma ik zou ni weten wa da me mij zou doen. Ik weet echt ni wa da was en ik wil eig da da voor hem ook speciaal was ma wrs ni, deel van het ding was ook gwn da ik voelde da hij MIJ echt wou. Ma wa is echt. Ale ik zal het wel plaatsen over de dagen heen ma ik heb effe iets gevoeld da ik nog nooit gevoeld heb bij iemand fucking lekker die ni onbereikbaar/kgaunooitmeerzien is, en kheb een vriendje, en kwil die helemaal ni kwijt, ma ik besef wa ik mis. Ma ik besef ook wa ik wel heb. It’s really confusing.

M zei ook van ja kheb het wel gehoord van Timon, ze was in haar element. En hij had mij door ofzo, ale, en erna ook ja stuurde u sidehoe al? En kwas zo ma neeei, en dan zei hij ook “ma sni erg da betekent da ik da ook mag” en legit excited, ma ik wil da helemaal ni. En dan denk ik ok dan doe ik da ook wel gwn terug, want dees was ook halve payback. Initieel. Ma dan weet ik ni of ik da gevoel ga terughebben want kben in die jaren echt wel gaan feesten ma deze gast was. Wtf.

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