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jasonblaze72 · 2 years

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Overlord Season 4 Episode 11 Release Date: The War Against Re-Estize Kingdom!

The year 2022 is one of the most hyped months for anime fans as they get to see their favorite anime returning and each quarter of the month was full of popular titles. It's certainly true that we enjoyed a lot in most of the month and the upcoming months are going to be even more hyped up for anime fans. From Attack on Titans to Kaguya Sama: Love is war, to Bleach, nothing can be more satisfying for anime fans than watching their favorite characters on the big screens again. One of the fan-favorite anime, Overlord returned with its season 4 and made fans crazy for each of the episodes. The series is entertaining us with 10 episodes as of now and fans are eagerly waiting for the 11th episode as they are very much anticipating to know the future sequences. As we are very well aware of fans' anticipation and we even know the struggle it took to gather each bit of information from the Internet, that's the reason, we have decided to put every single thing, including release date and spoilers related to Overlord Season 4 Episode 11 in this article itself. All you need to do is to keep reading this article till the end. Overlord is a Japanese animation series based on the fantasy and science fiction genres. The series features the DMMORPG game which is popular for its user interactivity however the game servers are about to shut down after running for straight 12 years. The popular guild in-game named, Ainz Ooal Gown, consisting of 41 members came into the picture however only 4 members were still active and the rest of the 37 players quit the game. Momonga, the guild's leader, continues to play the game and before the shutdown, he invites the others as well to play. When Momonga was playing the game, the server got shut down and he found himself in a whole new world with completely different mechanics. Now, his life is at the stake and he must win the game to find his way to the exit. Overlord Season 4 Episode 10 Recap: Overlord Season 4 episode 10 was one of the most anticipated episodes of the series and most of the chapter revolved around Ainz and his calculations of the battle. The tenth episode titled,' The Last King' featured Ainz's plans and the best possible path to reach the optimum outcome. Prince Zanac is anxious about the Sorceror Kingdom's fierce attack and he is trying to come up with the best possible strategy as well. Ainz's initially decided to attack cities and villages in the North but after seeing his men being killed by Vermillion's solder, he changed the plan to attack the royal capital. Ainz was certain that the sequences would be led to this conclusion and he was ready for the worst as well. The episode again focuses on Prince Zanac and his anxiety toward his kingdom. The major thing that happened in the episode was when Prince Zanac visits Ainz's place to meet him and Ainz praises Zanac's bravery on firsthand. Zanac wanted Ainz to surrender instead but the scenario got wasted successfully. In terms of animation quality, the episode did a great job and fluid animations made the episode even more exciting to watch. The best thing about Overlord is its OST and the same happens here as well. Creators used a perfect blend of music to match the scenarios running on the screen. Overlord Season 4 Episode 11 Release Date & Spoilers: Overlord Season 4 episode 11 is all set to release on 13 September 2022 for the fans in Japan as well as for most of the International audience. The raw format of the episode will be out at 10:00 PM JST whereas the subbed version will be able to stream at 11:00 PM. The full spoilers of the episode can't be predicted at this point in time however as we saw in the preview, the episode might feature the war against the Re-Estize Kingdom. We might also get to the mystery behind Red Drop's member getting the power of Yggdrasil. We will let you know in case of any major updates regarding the episode's release date and anime itself via updating this article. Make sure to follow us for future reference. How to watchOverlord Season 4 Episode 11? Overlord Season 4 Episode 11 will be available to watch on Crunchyroll. All the released episodes of Overlord are available to stream on Crunchyroll. You would be able to stream the upcoming episodes, as well as Crunchyroll, which supports simulcasting. It is to be noted that, if you are a fan from the Indian region, you can now stream Overlord from Disney+ Hotstar as well. Also, read The Devil is a Part-Timer! Season 2 Episode 8: Release Date & Streaming Guide Read the full article

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blackvelvetallure · 4 years

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MARS THE TWELVE SIGNS

The sign in which Mars resides in the birth chart shows the expression of energies. Mars suggests the projection of self. Your energies must be evaluated in four different ways, and the sign that Mars occupies at birth largely signifies the type and degree of energy in all four. These four are first, Physical energies, which might show how hard or diligently you work, aptitude for sports, and just generally having the go power to get what you want in life. Next is mental energy; the energy spent thinking, communicating, and pursuing intellectual goal and ambitions. Then, comes the practical energy that is necessary to make your way in life; planning and organizing, holding down a job and padding the old nest egg, being responsible and dependable. Finally, Mars defines emotional energies which usually show up first as sex drive, but may include other aspects of emotions such as feelings, and setting emotional boundaries, and drive toward artistic endeavors. The Mars position suggests whether your energies are going to be largely physical (fire signs Aries, Leo, Sagittarius), material (earth signs Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn), mental (air signs Gemini, Libra, Aquarius), or emotional (water signs Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces). Here then is Mars in the twelve signs:

🐏 ARIES MARS

Mars is at its strongest in Aries, its natural sign. This placement represents high energy, initiative, courage and impulsiveness. Most of the energies seem to come out as the physical and emotional type, but in Aries, Mars is very active and assertive in demonstrating enthusiasm for all four types of energy. This is a very powerful position for Mars.

You have an unrestricted drive to get projects done, to start new projects, and to act decisively. Your enthusiasm is contagious. An individualist with quite an ego, you always want to do things your way. Based on the influence of this planet taken by itself, you are not good at compromise or teamwork. There is a major part of you that always wants to charge out ahead of the pack and be the leader. Despite your apparent leadership abilities, you may function best when you are working alone and independently because of your demand to have your own way. If you are in a group, you will aspire to be the leader. Headstrong and independent, you won't tolerate opposition or interference and your temper can get you into trouble at times. Mars in Aries makes you very competitive in a variety of ways. This is perhaps the most courageous and enterprising Mars position.

You have a very strong sex drive which is spontaneous and easily aroused. Self-control can be a problems in this regard. As on the physical side, you are often unrestrained and very demanding emotionally.

The negative side of Mars in Aries is a lack of patience and discipline. Self-control and humility can be hard lessons, and often they are never mastered.

🐂 TAURUS MARS

Mars in Taurus denotes plenty of practical and emotional energy, while the physical side is often rather flat, and the interest in the intellectual is also a strain.

The planet of energy is not very active in Taurus, as the physical drive is reduced to a low gear. You may lack thrust and mobility, but make up for this deficiency with outstanding endurance. You are obstinate in many ways, yet practical, determined and very stable. You pursue your material goals with intent determination. Results are based on dogged persevering after a course of action is determined. Once you finally get rolling in one direction, it is nearly impossible to change your course. In Taurus, the energies of Mars are indeed channeled into a practical mode that may center on acquiring money, creature comforts and material possessions. Much your energy is apt to be aimed at securing wealth and a very comfortable lifestyle. Patient and precise in all that you do, you are a natural crafts person and the fruit of your efforts is likely to produce a quality product.

Also high on your list of priorities is the satisfying of physical desires. You are very sensual and sexual partner. Your approach to sex is straightforward and uncomplicated, without fantasies or fetishes; never rushed or over-anxious. Emotionally stable, you are apt to be a devoted and loyal partner.

The negative side of Mars in Taurus is often the lack of flexibility. Taurus is a fixed sign and energies expressed here sometimes come out looking like stubbornness. Even emotions can be held on to too tightly and then released with a major blow up.

👭 GEMINI MARS

In Gemini, Mars produces mental assertiveness and mental energies are highest here. As wonderful as this seems, on the practical side, you may be somewhat lacking, and emotionally, this placement is prone to big swings and is best defined as erratic.

You have an active and critical mind that may be inclined toward going off in many directions at once. You love to debate and engage in all types of intellectual contests. A satirical wit is often a hallmark of this Mars in Gemini. Frequently, this placement attracts persons to careers as reporters, journalists and critics. Periodic job changes or handling a variety of jobs simultaneously, are not uncommon with this placement since there is much restlessness in your nature. Since so much energy is channeled into mental and verbal activity, you are apt to be quite a talker. You may make use of this strength by becoming a teacher, a lecturer, or a related field that takes advantage of your ability to express yourself. You pride yourself on your intelligence and verbal dexterity. To you, a person's worth is based on their intelligence, and you want to be respected as a formidable thinker.

Several of your romantic relationships may be superficial. You eagerly pursue new experiences in romance, but it may be difficult for you to remain constant to any one special partner. You're apt to be an incurable flirt. Your mind, however, is your most active erogenous zone.

Mars in Gemini is high-strung and produces much nervous energy, but it is lacking in physical vitality or endurance. There is a tendency for you to burn yourself out through stress and mental strain. You may need to force yourself to get more exercise as a way of balancing the physical with the mental.

🦀 CANCER MARS

In Cancer, the Mars energies are largely of the emotional sort. While physical endeavors and practical affairs may find the energy to function satisfactorily, mental energies are apt to struggle.

This placement often causes actions to be tinged with a very sensitive flavor. You express your energies in a very emotional fashion. Much of the assertiveness of Mars is turned toward the domestic scene. There is a cautious side and much defensiveness in your nature. This placement of Mars is not very physical or competitive, and not inclined to any sort of combat, physical or mental. Mars in Cancer has a very positive side, as it often shows a quiet, peaceful nature. While being very protective of your "turf," you are never too assertive or demanding. In your work, you rarely compromise your views, and prefer working independently and in control of affairs. You are ambitious, and a hard worker. Since you are not, by nature, an aggressive person, you pursue your desires in a round-about or start-stop manner. You frequently change your direction and your goals. You strive for security, and a good deal of your energy goes into this effort. In this regard, you are fiercely protective of family, co-workers, organization, or to whatever you devote yourself. You may be known for the strength of your patriotism and loyalty.

Because of these strong moods and feelings, you are a very sexual and sensual person. You are also very loyal in relationships, and certainly demanding of the same from your partner. Infidelity threatens your sense of security and is therefore unacceptable.

There is an intensity of these emotions that often results in moodiness and discord in your domestic relations. Your digestion is strongly affected by your moods and feelings. With energies tied to feelings, you are prone to become very angry inside. If this anger is suppressed it can result in ulcers and stomach upset.

🦁 LEO MARS

Mars in Leo is noted for its physical energy, and it manages reasonably well in the mental and practical departments, as well. The ego and need for recognition make the emotional energy somewhat restrained.

In Leo, Mars displays exceptional will-power and creativity. With this placement, you project an air of confidence, self-sufficiency, and vitality that cause people to sit up and take notice. Activity is expressed in a dramatic fashion, suggesting that you may be well suited for the stage. You love being on "center stage." You are confident in most roles before an audience. This position couples positive initiative, with stability and determination, producing excellent leadership qualities. You have a definite charismatic and gregarious flair. This also makes you a natural leader. Ambitious and maybe a little egotistic, you want to lead. You'll do whatever you need to do to be recognized and appreciated.

You take pride in your sexual prowess. Affectionate and physically demonstrative, you enjoy the drama and excitement of a passionate affair. As much as it bolsters your ego to have several sexual partners, you're constant in love while your partner pays plenty of attention to you and is devoted. In romance, jealousy and possessiveness are often by-products of this placement.

The strong, fixed opinions and the overbearing manner of this placement may often stir opposition. The pride and need to dominate others, often sets up a degree of stubborn egotism. Excessive pride can be your pitfall, if you haven't learned to control it. The emotional side of Mars in Leo can cause to you to periodically over-react with anger when affairs don't go your way.

♍ VIRGO MARS

In Virgo, Mars focuses its energy into the job, and thus, the energies are primarily practical and useful. This placement will also produce high or at least adequate mental energies, reasonable physical energies, but on the emotional side, there is a severe limit to the energy and the interest.

As one possessing this placement, you are usually considered a very conscientious worker. Much of your energy go into careful planning before you charge ahead on any project. When you do act, it's usually based on practical reasons, with every detail carefully thought out. You are highly critical, and very exacting in all that you do; in many respects, the perfectionist and the organizer. Painstaking and dedicated in your work, you may lack imagination and innovation, but never attention to detail. In the work place, you can be a difficult person because you are so particular about everything being done correctly. But indeed, you are the one that can be depended on to get the job done right.

Virgo is associated with the health fields. Doctors, surgeons, nurses and social workers often have Mars placed here. There is much associated with this placement that involves helping people. You may be especially concerned with helping the sick and handicapped. You need to feel needed, and you can be very tireless in such a role.

Mars, the indicator of passions, is not very passionate in Virgo. Your sex drive may be strong, but your willingness to express it can be somewhat weak. Sometimes Mars in Virgo can even be a bit puritanical. You also may be a little bit afraid of letting your passions loose, and even be critical of those that do.

The negative side of Mars in Virgo may be the sometimes lack of tolerance. It's hard for you to get emotionally worked up over anything, but you can be very demanding of yourself and others. This placement often holds force and aggressiveness in check, releasing it as irritability and nervous habits. And finally, you have to be careful not to become the classic workaholic for this is a real possibility with Mars in Virgo.

⚖ LIBRA MARS

In Libra, Mars is curtailed by the rules of social behavior and the need for the cooperation and approval. Energies are very controlled and overwhelmingly favor the mental. A reasonable degree of physical energies may also be present, but this is not what this placement is noted for. Emotional and practical energies are usually rather low, if noticeable at all.

You are charming, generous, amiable, and cooperative owing to the persuasiveness of Mars in Libra. The normal assertive behavior of Mars is tamed down in Libra, and passions are never allowed to rule thinking. Yet you can become upset when your perception of justice is not served. You aren't one to push matters to extremes, but you do become very assertive when you experience injustice. You are ready to take up arms against anything that would destroy harmony, or that appears wrong or unfair. Your objective, unemotional approach could enable you to be a good judge, manager, or diplomat.

You are likely and wise to select a very assertive and energetic partner. You may need someone to push you along, as Mars can be somewhat lazy in Libra. You often need motivation. Though you are never pushy or very forceful, you do exert gentle and continuous efforts toward a solid relationship. Although you are very affectionate and romantic, your sex drive is somewhat low, and you expect more emotional satisfaction than physical passion.

You are not the type of person who goes after what you want with much conviction. You have difficulty asserting yourself at times, and it can be hard for you to be decisive. Aggression in any form threatens you, and you don't deal well with confrontations, arguments, or physical combativeness. You want to make friends, not adversaries.

🦂 SCORPIO MARS

In Scorpio, Mars displays powerful emotions and desires. Mental, physical, and practical energies are are, likewise, also very high. Indeed, the level of energy with this placement is high in all respects.

You are strong, self-reliant, extremely efficient, and highly self-disciplined. An intensity of purpose surrounds all that you undertake. This position illustrates the "do or die" principle very well. You may have an innate ability to transform other people in some significant way. You think of yourself as a "take control" person and a force to be reckoned with. You probably are.

Intensely passionate and sensual, you put much of your energy into sex. You are apt to be especially attractive to the opposite sex, whether or not you physically attractive. You may be fascinated with sexuality in all its expressions, certainly your interest is always keen. You're jealous and possessive of your sexual partners. Being trustworthy yourself, you expect the same from others. You're a loyal friend, or a bitter enemy, you never forget a betrayal.

Slow to anger, you rarely loose control, but when your ire is raised, you get even, and you can do so with frightening detachment. Proud, dignified, strong-willed, and stubborn, you have the sort of presence that is always felt by others even when you say nothing.

🏹 SAGITTARIUS MARS

Mars in Sagittarius produces some of the highest levels of physical energy and enthusiasm. The mental and emotional side seems to function fine as well, but unfortunately, this is not the most practical of Mars positions.

In Sagittarius, Mars often produces strong philosophic convictions. You are one to stand up and fight for any cause you believe in. The sense of justice is very strong. Your idealistic motives always seek to be improving society and those individuals in your immediate environment.

You are an outspoken debater, often lacking diplomacy or appreciation of the opinions of opponents. Nonetheless, your ever-cheerful presence makes you welcome in any social gathering. For you it is unrestricted freedom at all cost, with rhythm and tempo that comes naturally to you. You are a person with a zest for adventure and having a good time. You have trouble sitting still for very long, and you want to be on the move physically.

The hallmark of this position is the feeling that you are invincible. Your irrepressible confidence and optimism usually gets you through tough times. You may have been born under a lucky star. You often succeed because you don't think much about failing. In many respects you are a born gambler.

Mars in Sagittarius is not known for being particularly constant in love relationships. You approach sex as though it was a sport, and it's hard to tie you down to one person. You may be afraid of serious love affairs and being "trapped" in a relationship. This is a position that really likes sex, but at times can be too bold or crude in asking for it.

The negative of this position is a lack of endurance and consistency. Because your attention span is so short, and your interests are so many, you start many projects, but often fail to finish them. And even when you do get finished, the work can be a little sloppy. You have a tendency to scatter your energies and try to take on too much at one time.

🐐 CAPRICORN MARS

In Capricorn, the energies of Mars are channeled into the arena of personal attainment, and thus, the practical energy is highest here. Physical and Mental energies are sufficient, too, but emotionally, this placement may lack spark.

You are hard-working, very determined. Since much of your energy is focused on your career, you have a tendency to become something of a workaholic. There is a drive to satisfy professional ambitions. This is likely to manifest with innate managerial skills and good old-fashioned common sense. You have strong material urges, but even stronger is the need to get status and recognition. To attain these ends, you use your energy in very practical and profitable ways. You have little use for laziness or a lack of ambition.

Your sex drive is strong and you have a full appreciation of sensual pleasures. It's likely you conceal most of these feelings behind a stiff and conservative demeanor. Your public image is very dignified and reserved. It is as though you feel you must always be in control of yourself and your emotions. Mars in Capricorn is known for the ability to retain sexual vitality until very late in life. In these later years, you are apt to be less restrained than in your youth.

Your weakness in the action department is the tendency to be too cautious and skeptical. You are apt to miss some real opportunities on this account. You have difficulty breaking out of old habit patterns and you are slow to pick up on new ideas. Somewhat pessimistic, you go looking for problems and expecting the worst. You take responsibility seriously, often too seriously.

🌊 AQUARIUS MARS

In Aquarius, the energies of Mars are focused on intellectual pursuits, and therefore, mental energies are highest here. While Mars is focused on theory here, practical energies are usually found in adequate levels. The physical and emotional sides may struggle a little when Mars is in Aquarius.

The placement suggests the presence of very high principles and a modern outlook. You are concerned with the world of ideas, particularly those of an unconventional or progressive nature. Here the powers are independent, aggressive and enterprising.

You have good organizing abilities and calculated direction. You are a very good leader who can meet challenges with serenity and poise. Aquarius is a fixed sign and you are stubborn most of the time. If you believe in something, you put the idea forward with the zeal of an evangelist. You think of yourself as open-minded; willing to discuss the issues. Yet your discussions often get to be heated arguments, and you rarely give in to an opposing view. You can never work well under authoritarian direction, being one who is always out to upset the establishment. You are an active reformer with little respect for traditional ways. You can even be contemptuous of tradition unless it is substantiated with logic. You demand the freedom to speak frankly, and operate in your way.

Like the many other aspects of your life, sexually you are intrigued by anything new or unconventional. For you, variety is the spice of life. Yet somehow you are usually stable and dependable once you have found a mate.

The negative side of Mars in Aquarius resides in nonconformity. Indeed, you tend to lecture more than discuss, and you tend to demand compliance with your agenda. Your way is sometimes way out of the ordinary. At the same time, your energies are apt to produce more thought than action. You are the rebellious type, and you can become very impatient.

🐟 PISCES MARS

In Pisces, Mars produces emotions that are unpredictable and often intense. Emotional energy is high, sometimes too high. Mentally, Mars in Pisces does well, but on the physical and practical side, this placement often comes up short.

The strength of Mars in Pisces is found in the arts. You may find yourself very much attracted to music and the arts. You may relate to many of the world's fine artists who need the isolation and introspection so much a part of this placement. You have a natural sensitivity to color, tone and rhythm that may be of benefit to you in artistic endeavors.

In this sign, Mars responds in a confused manner. Assertive action is drowned in this sign that is so receptive, emotional, sensitive, and even psychic. The result of the placement is often a quiet exterior, but with much restlessness inside. Physical strength is rare with this position. Resentment runs high. Excessive emotions are a constant problem and a good deal of solitude is frequently necessary to sort matters out. Mars in Pisces has trouble asserting itself, and it is likely that you are somewhat shy and withdrawn.

Action is expressed in "behind the scenes" roles where you can work with subtlety, and your naturally intuitive sensitivity. Much of your attitude stems from your keen sensitivity to the feelings of others. You clearly know what the other person is feeling, and therefore you are always ready to render assistance to those who are most in need. You are apt to express the energies of Mars most actively in support of the defenseless or the underprivileged. In this regard, Mars in Pisces is often found in fields such as psychology and medicine.

Mars in Pisces is not a highly sexed sign. Certainly, you are romantic, but in order for you to be satisfied, the greater need is emotional rather than physical. You're very idealistic about love and relationships. In many ways, you view of sexual matters is more like a fantasy with such high expectations that it is rarely achieved in real life.

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yostresswritinggirl · 3 years

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Antinomy

Part 1; establishing grounds. VIBE

"Do you know the spiritual meaning of 11? What about in numerology? You'll find it quite intriguing, funny even... until it starts making sense." You've witnessed and harnessed the way and days he had grown to be; this fic enumerates the trials of the 11th before he became a Harbinger under your care. From strangers to mentor to friends to love- Childe made a grave mistake, now you’re once again strangers.

Pairing -> Childe x Harbinger!Fem!Reader

Word Count -> 3277

Themes -> Friends to admirers, slow burn, mentor, fluffy, suddenly ANGST

Series -> #Sojourner Specials (600 Followers Event) Part 2

Warning -> Blood and injury, decent? amount

The biblical meaning of number 11 comes from one's understanding that it is associated with things that would be considered imperfect, a disorganization of systems, and the disorder or chaos of things. The 11 carries a vibrational frequency of balance. It represents male and female equality. It contains both sun energy and moon energy simultaneously yet holding them both in perspective separate-ness. Perfect balance.

act i. first sighting

The first you've heard and the first you've seen the likes of him was long before you were anyone important in the organizational structure of the Fatui. You were a simple agent making rounds around Snezhnaya's city borders, nothing more, nothing less.

During these parts by the winter forest of Morepesok where time seems slowed down as the snowflakes flutter without urgency, it reminds you of what home feels like, and you felt more free to delve into a sense of relaxation away from other chatters from your co-workers.

You were ready to lean on a tree and just dissociate from the world of stress you had put yourself into— and then you heard a distant cry, accompanied by the pants and howls of wolves. Your body immediately lunged forward, finding your ankles sinking deep into snow as you trudged through the terrain as fast as you can. A child, a literal child somewhere in the forest getting chased by wolves.

When you've arrived by the scene, you registered a tuff of orange hair almost topple you over as they smack into your body, a startled cry eliciting from them as you throw him behind you in quick succession, your polearm manifesting to throw off the wolves that had locked in on the sight of him, "Go! Get out of here!" You urged at the sound of his silence as you carefully swung the first hit on the lunging wolf, being a tad too late to hit it with the edge's blade only for it to be knocked to the side by the shaft. At the sight of the battle you finally relieved a sigh when you heard him and hope that he knows his way back. But your work was not cut yet, you thought as you realized how the pack of four now encircles you with hungry gazes and drooling jaws.

The moments after that was filled with song and dance as you fought hard to overcome the might of four ferocious beasts, the polearm swiftly twirling in your arms to counter attacks from all sides. You twist your arm behind, lodging the tip of your spear in the throat of the wolf before delivering a kick to the head of another one lunging from the front. You made quick work to disengage your spear from the dead wolf, but the two idle wolves had noticed this as they lunged in coordination.

Now bloodied and bruised, exhausted from fatigue and frostbite, your final wolf to slaughter was inches away from your face. Its jaw had locked around your weapon in muffled growls and you can only keep him there with your arms losing its strength. Your blood sprayed around the battlefield of once white snow as the third wolf's sharp canines had lodged itself around your leg before you killed it through a stab.

You humored yourself with a wry laugh at the thought that it would leave a pretty nasty scar. The amount of blood you lost is already taking its toll at your consciousness and the last thing you saw before you finally succumbed to oncoming death was the wolf's awaiting maw, and a prickle of ice.

You only wish then that the kid you saved, only a few years younger than you, had left the forest in safety.

act ii. second assignment

Zapolyarny Palace was a magnificent architecture that towered all other manmade structures in the nation of the Cryo Archon. Now you, the most recent addition to the Harbingers roams these hallways regularly with agents following your trail. Lady Columbina, the 10th Fatui Harbinger, wields a peculiar job within the ranks of the organization.

It was years after the incident in Morepesok on which you came out with a nasty scar on your leg, but a proud Cryo Vision stuck to the side of your torso. When you donned it after the Tsaritsa had called for your presence (she must have sensed the bestowal of the elements) and reported your rounds during that mission, the Cryo Archon's piercing gaze had softened in intensities that washed over your whole soul with the warmth you would not expect of her element. Ever since then she had regarded you with attention to spare, your potential and line of work exposed, and had you easily rising up the ranks at the guidance of the 9th. Despite the gruesome and painful trials you had to go through before you can proudly walk on your own.

The informant by your side had handed you a thick folder earlier and you had been pacing around the hallways the whole time you had been investigating the contents. Said agent feebly and awkwardly following you as if expecting you'd walk away or disregard him for his absence. It was stupid from a bystander's perspective, but you were too focused on work to worry about it.

Well, focused, because you were interrupted by the sounds of clashing and sparring by the quadrangle within the Palace. You stopped your pacing and look up to see a batch of agents training with a few skirmishers in routine. A majority of them easily getting body slammed to the dirt floor in martial combat, and some are working on weaponry. But at the very middle is where your eyes linger with a flash of familiarity—

A tussle of orange hair unhidden by the Fatui hood clashes with a giant of a man, weapons and Vision drawn at the sparring. The agent moves with quick succession, and you can see Pulcinella getting overpowered pretty quickly. As expected of his form, of course, but he still bit back with his delusion now equipped. Cheater, you scoffed to yourself, as the orange-head agent still managed his footing to strike consecutively at the bigger man.

You watched on for a little while longer as the orchestration of the match continued. Your observant eyes clearly noticing how the Harbinger could barely leave the area he had been standing on as he was barraged by blades from every direction, fully defensive. The match ended indefinitely when the Harbinger had noticed you, and quickly ended the match as an escape to his obvious downfall. "Halt," his voice reverberated from the sheer authority it brought and the agent stopped only a few centimeters from slicing the gloved hand in front of him, "We have a guest."

"Hardly," you scoffed at the end of your temporary entertainment as you sauntered over to the edge of the veranda, waving your hand dismissively at the training agents that had kneeled to greet you. With this they all went back to their training away from your side to give the privacy of a talk, except for one person. You can feel his intense stare even if it was hidden behind the standard protocol Fatui mask. You wondered if he had recognized you, "Pulcinella." You nodded.

"Columbina, it has been a while," he made a move to swipe the sweat at his forehead and you murmured an affirmation at his statement. It HAS been a while since you had lingered in the Palace, much less the country. As the head of the information brokers department of the Fatui, you're frequently found in missions beyond the headquarters where you soldier your subordinates in field missions. At this thought, you felt conscious at the fact that you still had your dancer outfit on.

To avert your embarrassment you shifted your attention to the agent with a tilt of your head. You swore you saw him gulp as subtly as he can. "This is Ajax," at the mention of his name, he had bowed his head, hand across his chest in greeting. "He has the potential."

Your mouth formed into an 'o' at the mention of the special word, eyes slightly widening at the intonation as you continued to look at Ajax. When he raised his head to meet yours once again, you found yourself averting in newfound fluster. "You mean to tell me..."

"Yes," the way you gingerly placed a hand to quietly hide the redness of your cheek had Ajax amused, the edge of his mask hiding the slight quirk of his lips. "The Assembly ceremony would be called upon soon."

act iii. 3 pm assembly

The 3 PM Assembly comes before the Dusk Convention which is not the current point of the information. You've only been in it once and it was in a different circumstance, yet your nerves still stayed the same, if not more perfectly hidden than the first occasion.

Ajax, now dubbed Tartaglia alias Childe, stood kneeling by the steps of Your Majesty's throne at the information of his ascension to the ranks of the Harbingers. He was the final piece to the puzzle, and his addition to the ranks meant multiple things. The start of the war against the divine, the Tsaritsa worded after Childe has received his Delusion from Pedrelino.

He almost seemed starstrucked- dazed after the chance meeting of finally seeing the great Tsaritsa face to face. You gulped as the words of the first continues upon mention of his new arc of training in honing his skills and exposure to the ways of the Harbingers. Next to you, in silent and slight comfort, Innamorata simply touched elbows with yours without sparing a glance as she stared straight on. You smiled at the gesture.

"During the phase of your training, you shall be commandered by the Harbinger that had come before you. And she will be your last test to show that you had earned your ascension," Childe followed the trail of Pedrelino's sight as he spun to watch the end of the line up of the Harbingers.

A figure layered with multiple chiffon and flowy cloths and yet seemingly underdressed in the winter nation steps on the red carpet of the throne room, a spear polearm manifesting as she twirls her hand to catch it mid-integration, the action suddenly producing a blast of icy wind enough to reach him and make him stumble.

Childe felt the tingle of excitement twitch his fingers at the apparent power difference. When they both finally made eye contact, masks off and irises laid bare, a petrifying glint of amusement lies within them both. The female offers a toothy grin as she lodges the spear's point into the ground, the metal clanging through the room in piercing reverbs.

"Meet Columbina, the 11th Harbinger, your last mentor."

act iv. counting crows

It had been a while, a very long while, since you had gone stationary in a nation. Much less Snezhnaya. While it is home the removal of your olden routine to put yourself in the shoes of a mentor had really been maddening you, more so with the inclusion of your line of work still in operation and a certain someone as your trainee until who knows how long.

Your brows furrowed as you watch the annoying caws of the crows overhead, four of the black birds making symphony as if to rejoice over your repeated victory. Underneath your thin shoe laid a gasping Childe who was just as irked at the piercing interaction.

You had just finished a 'spar' or what you could call an opportunity of ascension. When you explained to the newest addition as to how his true ascension works (which involves beating your mentor in a fair fight) he had been nothing but a thorn on your side with his repeated requests to spar. He was really, really adamant for a fight, something you had come to realize a day after he ascended to your care.

"Shoot them down," you ordered as the man finally got his grips enough to stand once again, his outfit filled with marks of dirt and obvious footprints from your numerous kicks to make him stay back. At the order he shoots you an amused grin, as if to say 'really?' but succumbed when you continued eye contact.

"Master Columbina," Childe started as his bow and arrow materialized. You knew full well just how inefficient he is when it comes to bows compared to other weapons, and you tasked him such challenge to use it more under your supervision, topping his oath to master it already. "Do you know what four crows mean? I'm not really adept with crowology but I'm pretty sure they have significance in numbers."

The first shot fires and kills one. The action had startled the other birds and they scrambled to flap away, but Childe was already materializing three new arrows to fire at once, this quirked your eyebrows in amusement. Something he noticed and smirked at, eyes still focused as he fires his shots- one missed. "Four crows may mean many things," you watched as he desperately chased the crow with a barrage of arrows and you had to stop yourself from laughing at his failed attempts, "It could mean birth of a male newborn, highly unlikely. Aaand, wealth and prosperity, and finally..."

His arrow finally pierced the poor vertebrate, an emphasized sigh of relief escaping his lips as he whips his head to look at you for affirmation that you had seen his victory. You gave an amused yet soft smile, his eyes twinkled in double-layered delight, "New beginnings."

act v. his siblings

Childe had a mentor once, who fuelled the flame of his reckless spirit through countless beatings and repeated dangerous encounters. When he was given an opportunity of once again being under an official mentor, with his newfound lust for battle, he was extremely ecstatic over the idea. But unfortunately, as he walks around with you through the familiar streets of Snezhnaya, it was not all fun and games as he'd expected it to be.

"You look so disappointed for someone who just received one million mora under their name." Appropriate to the occasion, you don now a traditional Snezhnayan winter attire yet with details that alerts everyone of the price of the genuine fur that's stitched on the edges of the lining. It was over the top since you had developed an immunity.

"I didn't expect being mentored to be a killing machine requires knowing about taxation and interest rates," was his childish grumble. Which received a frosty laugh from you. You had reiterated again and again just how powerful money is to a nation just as information, which Pedrelino and you operate in order. Thankfully Childe was ever so smart to pick things up easily (if it was viewed as a challenge) despite his early recruitment into the Fatui that surely would have hindered his education.

You opened your mouth to reiterate over the fact that perhaps his main concern would be in the issue of debt collection when a scream had resounded through the crowd, one of which belongs to someone Childe would recognize, you thought as you observed how he had perked up and looked around. When his eyes settled on a direction, you suddenly realized a crowd of five coming your way, you immediately took a step away as three younger figures latched onto him and started chatting him up like there's no tomorrow.

You hummed to yourself as you watched with hands intertwined behind your back. From what you can hear and gather, they were his siblings, all five crowds with one probably missing. One seemingly older to the 11th yet not donning the same striking orange hair spots you and offers a sorry smile at the inconvenience, observant, you thought as you flashed a polite smile too. He's probably Andrei, the one who's the same age as you, if you remembered his oversharing correctly.

"Big brother, please join us! We haven't seen you for so long, we're preparing a huge feast for mother and father's anniversary, it would be really good if you can attend!" Wow, these children are really good at bargaining. You can already see Childe's resolve crumbling the more they fluttered their eyelashes with such doe eyes.

Whether a plea for help or look for approval, his ocean orbs had found his way to you, begging that you be at least a considerate Harbinger to offer him this once in a lifetime break. You were about to open your mouth (to let him be, of course, you're not the heartless Harbinger everyone had generalized the ranks to be) when suddenly all six pair of eyes had fallen on you. It wasn't the same tantalizing or spine-wracking gaze the Tsaritsa holds, but the attention made you gulp either way.

"Hi," your voice reached a sudden meekness neither you nor Childe expected nor heard before.

And suddenly you found yourself around a table with plentiful dishes scattered all over it, your crowd of five (seven if you count you two) had turned to a staggering, solid 10 as the whole family had forced invited you into their abode to share the meal. Thanks to the nature of your work and training, your social skills commandered any suspicions or questions off easily, and you behaved just like a girlfriend meeting her boyfriend's family for the first time.

Childe watched as you clenched your jaw and offered a hooded, tilted glare when you met eyes. He gulped. That look looked very much like Scaramouche.

act vi. sixth nation

Childe barely knew the world beyond the frosted wasteland, past the outskirts of Snezhnaya. Yet from the stories his father had adopted to him ever since he was able to remember, he views the world outside with a sense of familiarity, longing and relieving satisfaction. It was such a pure look you felt like barfing from the intensity of the innocent aura it held in comparison to your line of work.

His eyes would then land on you where you once again don your master dancer outfit, yet unlike your homeland, this setting matched it better. The sun at Fontaine hits the golden sequins at a certain angle to make it glitter, and the thin white veil that hovers over the back of your hair flutters gently in the soft breeze that comes by. You'd look angelic if you wore more white, he bites back the words when you met his eyes.

His first look at your line of work and his first visitation outside of the nation. And into the land of entertainment. This was your main land of operation and the way you dwelled with the citizens brings about a sense of replicated home at the nostalgia. Many recognized you as a simple entertainer and many of the citizens look upon Childe with intrigue and wonder.

"Based on my network, this would be his last stop," you adjusted the bangles that holds on to the thin cloth that runs over your arm, "Again, we are here to observe and get information, not look for a fight."

"Yes, master." He grumbled flatly but his eyes were wide and wandering the marble walls and statues that littered the nation. He's distracted, just like a true child. "What's the name of that rogue vigilante again? The one that keeps busting down the doors of the Fatui headquarters everywhere."

You hum, hand wrapped around his wrist as you guide his distracted self through the crowd.

"Diluc Ragnvindr, and try to remember it this time please."

To be continued.

Accidentally posted so now it's a freakin two parter.

@zelos-simp @legionqueensav @moaa @dandelion-dreams @snackgod @rxsalinee

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #childe x Reader #genshin impact oneshots #exile.flower #sojourner special #followers special #diluc was here #god i hate myself #why did i accidentally post this #female reader

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adobe-outdesign · 3 years

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The Big Grand TIOL Review/Critique

I’ve been covering my thoughts on this a bit during my liveblog, but I figured I should punch out a proper review.

No spoilers review: This one’s a bit tricky in terms of reviewing it. The reason for this is that, in a way, I feel like some its weaknesses are part of its design, so it’s not fair to critique them.

Basically, DCTL is the essential BATIM novel, in that it does exactly what you’d expect a BATIM novel to do. Don’t get me wrong, it was by no means paint-by-the-numbers, but you had all the BATIM staples in there. Game-canon characters, the machine itself, people getting turned into cartoons, the Ink Demon killing shit, ect ect.

TIOL is different because it’s basically an in-universe memoir written by Joey about his life and philosophy. So the thing is, when you boil this book down, it’s kind of almost not a BATIM book in a way. It features a game-canon character and dives deep into his backstory, but most of the book has little to do with the studio until like the last 4/5s or so.

So on the one hand, I feel like that’s a problem, and we needed more game-canon characters, more about the cartoons, ect. But then again... it wouldn’t make sense for Joey to spend his entire life rambling about the studio instead of talking about his early years at all, would it? So in a way I can’t really fault the book for it.

In terms of flaws, it honestly has less than DCTL--while DCTL had some major glaring problems, TIOL is fairly solid all around, but is less of a satisfying read due to its premise, making it hard to compare the two.

In terms of whether or not you’d enjoy the book, I guess it’s most important to know what you’re going to get out of it. If you’re like me and like extreme character studies and backstories, de-fictionalized in-universe media, and long philosophical talks, you’ll probably really enjoy it. If you don’t and want something more standard for BATIM, stick with DCTL.

Overall, I enjoyed the book, though I do like DCTL more at the end of the day. I’ll give this one a solid 6/10.

Spoilers below the cut:

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Okay, I lied. I’m not gonna include an ugly section this time, mostly because, as I said before, this book has less glaring issues than DCTL did. With that said:

The Good

If you like Joey, you will love this book. I’ve said before that Joey is the best character (strictly speaking) in BATIM because he by far has the most depth, showing a layered and interesting character. This book takes that and runs with it, giving a deep look into his psychology, philosophy, and overall explaining a lot about why he does what he does and his way of viewing the world. It’s legitimately well done and makes you look at his character in a new way, and as someone who loves character studies this whole thing was a real treat for me.

They do a very good job making this feel like an actual memoir. Nathan is editing and leaves footnotes, he wrote a foreword explaining this is a reprint, Joey blatantly lies a few times because that’s what he’d do, ect.

Also, if you enjoy foreshadowing dialogue--which I do, very much--there is more than enough of that here.

This one might be cheating because it’s probably unintentional, but there is a ton of Joey being gay in this book, some of it really overt. I’m not going to go into it much here as Dreamfisher already summarized everything for me, but yeah, there is no way this man is straight.

Everyone who was OOC in DCTL seems to be better here. Sammy, while still an asshole, is neither as big of an asshole as he was in DCTL nor is he being racist. Bertrum is still affable towards Joey, but here it makes sense because they literally just met, and unlike in DCTL he even corrects him on his name.

Other characters get some screentime, and while brief, it’s nice to get some more characterization for them, especially because a few of them never showed up in DCTL. Jack Fain in particular gets some much-needed characterization and really shines here, as well as Nathan.

While it’s not overtly ha-ha funny, I did chuckle a few times. Most at Nathan’s notes, as half of them are just blatantly contradicting Joey’s lies.

We get a bit more info on Henry and Joey’s relationship, as well as how the cartoons were made.

The Bad

As mentioned above, there’s weirdly not a ton of BATIM content in this. Sure, it’s about Joey, but the bulk of the novel features book-canon characters only and is more focused on how he got where he ended up than stuff regarding the studio. It doesn’t really feel like a BATIM novel until about 4/5s of the way through. Like I said above though, I don’t know how much I can critique that, as it’s kind of inevitable with a memoir.

There is a lot of navel gazing in this. If you like philosophy you’ll enjoy it, but if you don’t it might get irritating, especially when it’s just Joey’s opinions over and over.

While we get more info about Joey and Henry and how they met, there’s not much info given on their relationship. Joey just talks about how much he totes didn’t need Henry while Nathan indicates that it was way more personal than that, but we never learn how personal. It makes sense as Joey’s the one writing this, but it still would’ve been nice to hear some more remarks from Nathan on the matter or something.

There’s like a 50 page or so detective mystery that I didn’t really care for. There was nothing really wrong with it, but it didn’t feel like it told us a ton about Joey, and there’s not a lot of emotional investment as we don’t know these people. Combine that with the mystery being unsolvable to the reader (because Joey leaves out crucial information until the reveal) and it just kind of felt like a pointless side detour, and like that time could’ve been spent on something more interesting. Most we get out of it is the origin of Bendy’s name.

There’s a weird inconsistency where Joey claims he made Bendy (not surprising), but he also goes over the moment when Bendy was made and it blatantly shows the two collabing, so at best he would’ve been Bendy’s co-creator. It’s just strange that he would describe the process like that instead of changing it to fit his lie. I think the implication is that the process itself is fake--that Henry had nailed Bendy’s design when he first showed it to Joey--but like I said, the scene contradicts Joey’s claims regardless.

There’s not really a... plot? Not surprising as it’s a memoir, but some memoirs do a good job of building a climax by showcasing an important moment in the person’s life. Here, because things are being told out of order, we never really get a climax, as there’s no action and Joey’s little emphianys are scattered throughout. There’s kind of just a lot of people standing around and talking and not much actual action going on.

I was kind of hoping this book would go into Joey’s black magic stuff. I need to make this clear: I don’t think BATIM should ever go into this too much, as it’s really just the macguffin that explains the plot, and it wouldn’t make sense for Joey to sit there talking about all the cool satanic bullshit he’s been doing lately anyway. However, Joey’s mentioned the “Gods” before, so I was kind of hoping for something about his thoughts about religion or something that would hint at the demonic stuff. He thinks about the afterlife a lot, but that’s about it.

Overall

Like I said, you have to know what you’re getting into when you pick up the book. If you read this and it sounds like something you’d enjoy, then grab it. If not, then don’t bother. For me, personally, I’m glad I read it, even if it wasn’t quite on the same level as something like DCTL.

#bendy and the ink machine #batim #batim: illusion of living #the illusion of living #joey drew #liveblog #kind of #outdesign posts things #outdesign analyzes things #also I didn't include this one because it's more of an aesthetic thing but it is nicely printed and presented

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twistedapple · 4 years

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On Pomefiore

[Note: Tumblr being Tumblr, I’ll put the links and due credits in a reblog; also, partially under the cut because it’s a bit long]

This post is something that has been brewing for a while now – my more observant followers will know when it started based on a certain tag. To preface this write up, I’d like to precise that I have been motivated in working on it because of the way Pomefiore was being received when I joined the fandom. Since then it has been followed by certain beliefs that – while being qualified as headcanons, which is perfectly fair and fine in itself – tend to be treated as actual gospel. It’s not a thing specific to the Twst fandom mind you, it happens in most fandoms – heck I still keep an eye on the KHR fandom and there are still people regularly making posts about mischaracterisation, and that fandom has been around for at least ten years. So I’m not here to preach, but to clarify a few things regarding what Pomefiore represents as a dorm, as well as provide a comprehensive commentary on its associated characters.

First belief: Pomefiore is the shallow dorm of pretty people.

But is it? The very first thing we learn about Pomefiore is that it’s the dorm of Hard Workers and other Overachievers, right in the prologue. This dorm is presented as built on the hard work of the Fair Queen, and she’s regularly taken as an example of how one should conduct oneself – especially by Vil, who expresses a lot of admiration and respect in his lesson chats, and clearly treats her as a model to follow in order to reach perfection.

Now you may think “but Crow, the very first thing we learn about the students is that they look impeccable and polish their appearance”. And you would be right; it is indeed how the students of that dorm are presented. However, let me expand a bit on this thought by making something clear: there’s what the dorm is defined as, and then there’s the path each dorm leader decides to follow. To give a few examples, we see Riddle follow the rules of the Queen of Heart to the letter, and dole out punishment whenever these rules are broken – to the point it impedes the students, who can’t use their magic in an environment where it is required. We see Leona applying the Might is Right type of thinking, which leads to Savanaclaw students being often depicted as bullies (and let’s not talk about the Magift tournament...). Azul, under the pretence of benevolence, is actually ruthless in the way he binds people to his contracts – it’s also shown that the Leech brothers act as his enforcers, either by forcing people into deals (during exam periods, as shown at the start of Episode 3) or by reclaiming the due payment of the contract in more or less pleasant ways (Jade being the local master manipulator, while Floyd canonically states that he finds the breaking of bones a more efficient method). Are you seeing where this is going? As a dorm leader, Vil applies his own views on his fellow Pomefiore students; his views happen to include appearances because he aims to be perfect in every way and has a professional background that justifies it. Is it fair to go as far as he is going when it comes to pressuring other students? Of course it isn’t, it’s the whole point of showing him slapping Epel for what he deems an inappropriate behaviour (see Epel’s Ceremonial Card). It sets the conflict of the dorm – and I personally dig how this major narrative bit is hidden in a story... Which brings us to the other point, the meta aspect of Pomefiore. It’s based on Snow White, a story that relies heavily... On appearances. Now let me ask you: is it really surprising to have a dorm based on such story have a focus on appearances as well? And we even get to see different aspects of it: Vil focuses on the tiniest details to be as polished as possible, Rook has a deep love for change and fleeting moments, Epel can turn something nobody wants into something highly desirable (carving damaged apples to sell them better). Pomefiore is the dorm of transformations – both literal and metaphorical -, a fascinating concept in my opinion and a brilliant idea for a solid narrative arc.

Second belief: Vil is a horrible, narcissistic person, but he will also play dress-up/makeup

Let’s sit for a second there, because there are many things to unpack. Now, what do we know about the fairest of all dorm leaders? Well, quite a lot, for someone who has yet to properly appear in the main story! The very first thing we learn about him is that he has a whooping 5 million followers on Magicam – which is massive and not a number you reach while sitting on your hands and waiting for something to happen. This is such an impressive number that we even get to see various reactions to it, from being very impressed to trying to use that fame for personal purposes. Through reading the stories in which he appears, we get to learn some interesting things about Vil: generally speaking, he fits perfectly the image of the consummate professional. In Jade’s SSR story, we get a solid peek into his life and the man has a busy schedule. He juggles daily with his duties as a student, a dorm leader, an influencer and a professional model – these things take time and he manages to go from one duty to the other with both the ease of someone who’s used to it and the precise organisation of someone with a solid head on his shoulders as well as an incredibly strong work ethic and drive. Speaking from personal experience with the modelling part and an informed opinion on the influencer part, these two fields alone aren’t easy to handle at all. Being an influencer can be very cutthroat (as a certain beauty community has been demonstrating since last year...), and being a professional model requires a lot of drive and dedication, as well as major self-care in regard to both your body and your mental health, because those are the tools of your trade as a model. In consequence, Vil as a dorm leader focuses on appearances as a result of heavy intellectual work to honour the Fair Queen he so highly respects (he says so in his voicelines: “True beauty is determined by strong intellect. You can always doctor your looks, but your true colors will still shine through right away.”), but Vil as a person is also extremely focused on his appearance because he’s doing his job. It’s not narcissism, it’s professionalism. And with his Ceremonial Robes story, we even get to learn that he was ostracised in his hometown for being a performer, yet he kept going and working to reach his goals. For someone who’s only 18 years old, this is an exceptional display of drive, discipline and maturity.

Vil has the highest standards for himself, but because he comes from pretty damn far, he also expects other people to be capable of showing the same degree of determination to achieve their goals. He expresses that in various ways, from being openly displeased with Leona’s general negligence (with Ruggie doing all the work in the background – see Leona’s school uniform story and Ruggie’s lab coat story), to being unimpressed by the new Pomefiore students and getting ready to whip them in a shape he’ll deem desirable as soon as he lays his eyes on them. He’s also highly critical of people going for the easy way out: in his school uniform story, he not only criticises Cater for trying to use him for his own five seconds of fame by buttering him up, but he also emphasises the fact that his services aren’t free. Emphasis on that: Vil isn’t a charity. He isn’t the sort of person with whom you’ll mutually brush your hair while sharing smoothie recipes. Rook is more likely to be the one up to that sort of thing, because Rook is nice and a good senior (see: Rook’s ceremonial robes story). Vil, on the other hand, encourages a lot to try and learn on your own, to use your own head in order to create your own brand (see his lab coat voicelines). He’ll be more enclined to help only after you started doing a part of the job independently and showed you can think and act for yourself. And even then, he’ll likely kick your ass to push you to keep up, because behind all the sparkles and lustre Vil is very much depicted as an overbearing Drill Sergeant. Like I pointed out earlier, it’s heavily hinted that he didn’t get where he is by waiting for good fortune to come by. He works for his success daily and expects other people to do the same. Does it seem like a rather unfair treatment? Sure, but at the same time it provides a great learning opportunity for those willing to put up with it, and Vil offers it in a surprisingly selfless manner: there is an open concern about the way people present themselves, and how they can do it to be their best self at all time.

Interestingly, it creates a peculiar dynamic with his vice dorm leader, Rook. There’s a constant sway between them, with Vil bluntly telling him he can be easily replaced if he fails in his duties, while still relying on him more than Rook relies on him in return – in fact, Rook pretty much follows his own path, and Vil happens to be a very nice view along that path so Rook decided to stop and hang out for a bit, but he still checks his surroundings for other nice views. So while Rook puts up with Vil’s tight requirements (see Rook’s ceremonial robes story, where Floyd cleverly observes that he doesn’t seem that fond of the perfume Vil created for him and forces him to wear during ceremonies), he’s also the one taking actual charge of the new students (see when he checks on Epel in his ceremonial robes story, or when he offers his support during the Ghost Marriage event) and trying to smooth things out when Vil is being too rough (see Vil’s ceremonial robes story). Interestingly, it leads to a communication issue between these two, fueled by what looks very much like a unilateral dependant relationship on Vil’s part, no matter how much he denies it. He rejects Rook through threats of replacing him, yet fully trusts his eyes and sincerity, yet this very sincerity is the reason why Vil doesn’t fully open up to Rook (see Vil’s lab coat story, he goes to Trey to vent about Rook’s lack of consideration) and uses a Harsh Commanding Queen attitude to hide his own insecurities from the eyes of the person who can see them best. It’s likely not helped by the fact that Vil is aware that he needs Rook more than Rook needs him – it’s obvious when reading the latter’s profile: Rook likes his privacy, and while he keeps putting his nose in other people’s business (not out of malice, but genuine curiosity), he’s notoriously deemed annoying by characters like Leona and Malleus because of his overly curious yet inconsiderate nature. There’s a selfishness in Rook which protects him from getting fully controlled by Vil, I’ll repeat myself here but I’d rather insist on that: Rook willingly decided to follow Vil, it means he has the power to refuse him as well (which is very much like... Oh, the Huntsman in Snow White – though in his case specifically, there’s also variations in which his family is held hostage and all, while Rook makes his own decisions).

This entire situation is heavily fueled by Vil’s need for control. As aforementioned, he focuses on the tiniest details and holds complete control over everything that makes his life what it is: from the type of makeup he picks to every single component used in the meals he prepares himself, Vil has a clear need for full control, and it’s reflected in the way he interacts with other students, as well as in the way he handles even his club activities. Vil isn’t just a model, influencer and even actor, in the film study club he works as a director and in one of his stories (lab coat), he’s even shown to create the special effects himself, because only he can provide for his own desires in the most exact fashion. This is where his little “I can replace you easily” becomes funny, because it translates his need for control without really holding since Rook is the one with the most agency in the relationship. In comparison, in Silver’s PE uniform story, Silver is treated like a pawn and Vil even berates Malleus in front of him because Silver dares deny him (how dare he have his own agency instead of being a nice prop who should feel honoured to be selected). Interestingly, Silver also compares Vil’s way of doing things to something martial. AhemDrillSergeantVilahem. In this story, the interesting point is that things finally start working well when Vil stops considering his own vision and decides to look beyond it a bit: taking Silver’s actual abilities into consideration, he finally has a scene that works. It works because he loosened the control a bit – while Silver went along with it but remained vocal the whole time about where his own skills lie.

While the relationship between Vil and Rook, as well as Vil and the rest of the Pomefiore dorm, have been holding through a quietly tense status quo, there is one pebble - dare I say, one potato - who is more than willing to challenge the whole situation through open defiance and a strong will: Epel. He has been set by the narration to be the catalyst to an incoming breaking point, because he wants to live his life to the beat of his own drum, yet remains a teen still in need of a journey of self-discovery. It’s illustrated in how he misunderstands the point of Pomefiore by only looking at the surface - something Vil reproaches, which is why he even talks about his need for more self-awareness in the lesson chats. Of course, Vil uses his own language (beauty) to get his point across, but the underlying point is that Epel has yet to reach a certain degree of self-realisation - such as the fact he is free to try and work hard to become beefier (Vil wouldn’t object as long as he puts in the necessary efforts), or that he is a good fit in Pomefiore because he has the drive to reach his goals and gives himself the means to do so (high awareness, anyone?). Basically, he’s the example of Vil’s communication issues: Vil’s martial nature tends to drown the actual meaning of his motivational speeches. Paradoxically, when dealing with someone like Epel, it actually fuels the teen through spite, which is both comical and quite impressive given Epel’s results (reminder of his own lab coat story, in which he manages to impress Crewel, a man made from the same fabric as Vil, with his formidable results through hard work). However, this form of motivation isn’t healthy, and just like with Rook, a good, long talk is needed to create a better understanding - instead of forcing his Tyranny of Beauty on others.

Bonus point, because I really want to address it

For some time now, I’ve been vocal about my personal feelings regarding the reception of Pomefiore and its characters. While it became more positive since June, it still tends to miss the point for a reason I’d like to address: the Not Like The Other Girls mentality and how it specifically affects the way Vil and his own femininity are perceived.

While I am not invalidating this thinking as part of a larger growth process, I think it has been unfairly used against Pomefiore. In a way, it’s very much the way Epel reacts: it’s just a Pretty People Dorm led by an Annoying Pretty Boy, and Savanaclaw is cooler. However, this is not only superficial, it puts a judgement of value that means that one has to be put down for the other to shine. In other words, Vil as a character is undervalued because his way of life - which matches traditionally feminine occupations, hell he’s even using a feminine pronoun - has been associated with vanity, narcissism, and superficiality by the fandom. To get my point across, let me provide you with quotes from some of our most brilliant minds:

��Woman wants to be independent […] this is one of the worst developments in the general uglification of Europe. Woman has so much reason for shame; in woman there is concealed so much superficiality, petty presumption and petty immodesty – one needs only to study her behaviour with children!” - Nietzsche

“What is truth to a woman? From the very first nothing has been more alien, repugnant, inimical to woman than truth - her great art is the lie, her supreme concern is appearance and beauty” - Nietzsche (again)

“A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” - Oscar Wilde

“All the pursuits of men are the pursuits of women also, but in all of them a woman is inferior to a man.” - Plato

“As regards the sexes, the male is by nature superior and the female inferior, the male ruler and the female subject” - Aristotle

Do you see where I’m going with that? Because he has an occupation focused on appearance, something historically associated with women, Vil should be… Less? Should be negative? Even though he is quite vocal about it being a mere result of a much deeper work on himself, throughout his voicelines, lesson chats and personal stories? It’s not vanity, it’s not narcissism. It’s Vil expressing himself through the age old art forms of fashion, skincare and makeup. How, and why it being focused on something external should be less? It’s especially obvious when you stop and consider Vil’s own testimony: he has been ostracized by his own community for being a performer. His appearance is as much a mask as it is a proof of everything that preceded it – him saving himself with his own means and work. It’s both a protection and a result that he proudly brandishes – and he absolutely can afford the arrogance to do so, considering his achievements at such a young age (reminder, again, that he’s 18 years old, despite being very disillusioned with life already). Why should it be less that? Vil’s inclination towards appearances is both his truth and his fiction, that’s what the narrative tells us - and there’s nothing bad about that.

I guess I’m especially tired of this point because I’ve had to deal with that thinking pattern myself irl, for evolving in similar fields/similar hobbies, and it’s frustrating to see that sort of close mindedness. It’s infuriating. So, that’s a more personal aspect of my rant... But here we are.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #pomefiore #vil schoenheit #rook hunt #epel felmier #now that pomefiore is deemed a fashionable dorm by the fandom lol

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monstersdownthepath · 3 years

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Monster Spotlight: Larva

CR 1

Chaotic Evil Medium Outsider

The Complete Book of the Damned, pg. 241

A little bit of a different article today, mostly focused on lore rather than stats! Why? Because today we’re looking at Demon Larva, also known as Abyssal Petitioners. These writhing, pathetic, maggot-like creatures which wallow about in their own slime and excrement and feed upon filth and garbage were once the final destination of all Chaotic Evil souls, a fitting enough punishment for their destructive wrongdoings. They lurked in the topmost layers of the Abyss, spilling into its lower levels only by accident or through the machinations of the Qlippoth, who saw them as little more than food. Bereft of any ability to defend themselves--aside from a 1d6 bite attack and a honestly generous amount of elemental resistances--the Larva were condemned to inevitable destruction at the hands of the Beasts from Before and other ancient, Abyssal life.

But one day, that all changed. An ancient, forgotten member of the Four Horsemen took it upon themselves to begin experimenting with the Larva, injecting them with Abyssal matter taken from its many layers, including from the Qlippoth themselves. It was a single fateful combination of qlippothic genetic material and the Larva born of an especially sinful mortal that birthed the First Demon, and the unfathomable, alien intellect of the Abyss took note.

The Book of the Damned states that the results were immediate, dramatic, and destructive on a scale that can scarcely be conceived. Trillions of demons were born “in a span of heartbeats,” and one must be made aware that these creatures are the tormented remains of uncountable Chaotic Evil souls who, thus far, have been stuck in pathetic, nearly-insensate bodies. They relished in their new forms and sought to explore their new bodies in whatever ways they could be allowed to do so, which--mercifully--meant that the vast majority of the new fiendish scourge was killed by its own uprising.

That still meant that millions upon millions of vile, homicidal, and completely unexpected bodies crashed against every lower plane at once. From the banks of Abaddon, to the gates of Hell, to the depths of the Abyss, and even at the doorstep of the Boneyard itself the demons surged and raged and fought. Within one day of the first demon’s birth, Abaddon had lost almost its entire outer rim (and nearly all of its standing army), Hell had suffered a grievous wound and barely avoided sustaining another, and countless planes and worlds now had to contend with yet another breed of fiend seeking the downfall of all that is.

All because of one former Horseman, who’s name and position among the Four have been forever stricken from memory. Whether they fell at the hands of their own creations or to the works of the other three Horsemen is unknown, but if I had to guess, Charon likely had some very choice words to say in regards to making their job of extinguishing all life so much harder.

To this day, Larva are still a critical part of the Abyss’ wretched economy. Being viewed as livestock, currency, and spell components by the same fiend you’re destined to become is by no means odd in the lower planes, but in the Abyss, it’s an especially wretched affair due to the inherent grossness of the Larva. Like grotesquely filthy pigs, Larva squirm through the gutters and rot of the Abyss, consuming all they can and hiding from predatory demons until they have gorged on enough Abyssal matter to undergo their fateful transformation into a demon... or, in rare cases, many demons, hatching like the world’s ugliest butterflies.

Isn’t the circle of sin wonderful?

You can read more about them here.

#Monster Spotlight #CR 1 to 5 #body horror #Pathfinder #Dungeons and Dragons

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choices-binglebonkus · 3 years

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Choices Standalone Books: Did it need a sequel?

Most Wanted: Yes. Definitely. With Hayley Tull’s murder at the end of the book, they left a lot of questions unanswered that could have been addressed and expanded on in a second book. Hell, maybe even a third, if they did it right.

The Haunting of Braidwood Manor: No. It was short and sweet, and there wasn’t anything else that needed to be resolved in the book.

Hero: Oh god yes. In the interest of time, all I’ll say is that there were so many unanswered questions and so many different directions they could go with this series.

Home for the Holidays: No. Again, it got the conclusion it needed. Also, why the hell would there need to be a sequel for a holiday special?

Veil of Secrets: Definitely not. As I’ve mentioned, I’m still very confused as to why people think it needed a sequel. The plot wrapped up nicely and all the characters got conclusions fitting to their story arcs. Believe me, there did not need to be a second book for this.

A Courtesan of Rome: Also no. The end goal was to kill Caesar, and the whole book’s plot built up to that. It ended quite nicely imo.

The Heist Monaco: ...Actually, this really could go either way. Depending on your ending, it’s implied you, Eris, and Rye are all ready to go on one last job, or you’re down for the count. I think the book resolved itself really nicely in that we achieved the goal of stealing the Crown Jewels and ruining Ansel, but at the same time, there was a lot of wiggle room for more heist books.

Across the Void: No. The book had so, so, SO much potential. The art and music tracks were amazing. They really bungled the storyline though, especially since most info regarding what the fuck was going on was locked behind paywalls. If PB had done this book better, they absolutely could’ve made a banger series out of it. But they didn’t, and the book was a major flop, and a sequel couldn’t have salvaged it.

Ride or Die: No, and I’m not just saying that because I despised the book. It would’ve been incredibly unrealistic for the MC to meet up with the crew again considering how things left off. It seemed to me that her affiliation with the crew was a phase where she needed thrill in her life, and having filled that craving, she was perfectly content to move on and go to Langston like she always dreamed.

Passport to Romance: Absolutely not. They could have made a sequel. But this book didn’t need a sequel. Throughout its air dates and chapter releases, this book got panned all around. It was, as many phrased it, “aggressively mediocre”. Making a sequel for this book would’ve been an incredible waste of resources, especially with how unpopular the first book was.

Wishful Thinking: Possibly. The book was mediocre, but many other fans and I were pleasantly surprised at how decent it actually was when it picked up. They could have done a hell of a lot more with the mind-reading, though. I mean, look how far some of these other books have gone in their plots. You literally save the president in PM. I think a sequel could’ve really put the main character’s mind-reading to use.

Nightbound: Yes. This book had a ton of potential. Part of the reason it flopped was because they focused on world-building just a little too much and left the plot pretty lacking in comparison. Had there been a sequel, though, the world-building would have already laid a good foundation as long as PB didn’t fuck up the plot.

Platinum: Kind of tough, but I’d have to say no. The main character was world-famous by the end of the book. Where else could you go from the top in a way that wouldn’t be underwhelming or disappointing?

Sunkissed: No. It was really Hallmark-y, and making a sequel would be really silly.

Bachelorette Party: I’m on the fence for this one. I originally thought they could do a bachelorette party for each of the main characters in a different book, but when the book ended the way it did, I couldn’t see how it would work.

Save the Date: A resounding no. If they kept going the way they did, any sequels would just be copy pastes of book one’s tired wedding planning plot formula.

The Royal Masquerade: I’m on the fence here, leaning more towards no. The way it ended made it basically impossible to set up for a decent sequel since Fabian became king (and you determinantly married him) and the epilogue explains what happened to all the other characters.

Distant Shores: Hmm...yeah, why not I guess? The book was pretty mediocre in my opinion, but the ending set up a possibility of working with Robert to get back to the past that I really liked. They could’ve gone a lot of different directions here.

Witness: I don’t even need to explain why this one doesn’t need a sequel.

Hot Couture: No. A sequel would’ve definitely just become a recycled plot formula.

Rising Tides: No. The book was handled really poorly throughout and the ending was sloppy. Any sequels spawned from this would inevitably suffer.

My Two First Loves: NO. It lasted 100 chapters and got to a semi-satisfying conclusion of the main character settling in with her two first loves, her love interest and photography. And scene, all done here.

With Every Heartbeat: I think this one is fairly obvious that it’s a no. The book was amazing, but a sequel just wouldn’t make sense since Dakota inevitably passes away at the end. The conclusion was bittersweet but very well done.

Foreign Affairs: ...A hesitant no. The plot was at a snail’s pace and the book had so many problems. If this book had done well, they definitely could have made a sequel since there were a lot of possibilities. But if a first book does poorly, a sequel can’t honestly hope to salvage it since it has such a shitty foundation.

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theanimeview · 3 years

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My Nitpick Issue with Sherlock in Moriarty the Patriot

By: Peggy Sue Wood | @pswediting

It may surprise some of you to know that I have degrees in book reading and writing. While earning those degrees I studied one specific time period more than the others--that being British Literature from late-17th/18th century through the early 20th century. This is to say that it is a time period I know a little more about than you might think. And early 1900s is probably my favorite period out of that timeline, particularly England under Victoria’s rule.

And, perhaps, because of this strange obsession I have with the period, I presently have a small bone to pick over Moriarty the Patriot.

It’s not the minor inaccuracies of the clothes, nor the adaptation of character designs. It’s not even the adjustment to social tendencies depicted that are more Japanese than British-English of any period thus far either--because those kinds of things happen frequently in adaptations. And it's not Moriarty or his backstory too! Because, again, this is an adaptation, and liberties will be taken to fit the new story (besides, even in the original works by Doyle the man’s backstory was inconsistent).

My issue is with the character of Sherlock and his supposed “deductions.” Well, maybe more accurately it's with the writing of Sherlock.

You see, Sherlock is almost always introduced the same way in an adaptation. He makes a judgment about someone (usually about Watson or the Watson stand-in) and then proves it using his observational skills. This introduction is important because it clarifies that the world of the characters is one based on where common sense and science not only work but make sense. His deductions are logical and based on some semblance of rationality. Here is an excerpt from the original novel:

“I knew you came from Afghanistan. From long habit the train of thoughts ran so swiftly through my mind, that I arrived at the conclusion without being conscious of intermediate steps. There were such steps, however. The train of reasoning ran, `Here is a gentleman of a medical type, but with the air of a military man. Clearly an army doctor, then. He has just come from the tropics, for his face is dark, and that is not the natural tint of his skin, for his wrists are fair. He has undergone hardship and sickness, as his haggard face says clearly. His left arm has been injured. He holds it in a stiff and unnatural manner. Where in the tropics could an English army doctor have seen much hardship and got his arm wounded? Clearly in Afghanistan.'

How does this prove we are in a world where common sense and logic works? Well, because he didn’t pull any of these deductions from thin air. He just used his eyes and common knowledge to make a quick judgment.

In the example above, everything that Sherlock assumes is true and based on reasonable assumptions about the time period and about what he can observe of the person before him.

The tan of Watson’s skin is something he notes because London is usually dark and wet around this season, so you’re unlikely to get a tan. The way the man walks and stands is also a thing he can observe, and fresh military men walk very differently from the average citizen or gentleman. These two observations, coupled with noticeable injury and limp could lead one to think that maybe he has just come back from the current war (the First Anglo-Afghan War). Of course, maybe he wasn’t injured in the war at all--maybe something else happened; however, you can make a pretty good guess that an abled bodied soldier would not be home and looking for a room in the middle of war-times if something hadn’t happened to him on the battlefield.

My point is that all of Sherlock’s deductions come from observing details, paying attention to the basics of the world (such as the ongoing war or understanding rigor mortis), and using your senses. Sure, there may be a few things the average person doesn’t know that Sherlock does, but that’s because Sherlock has studied different things and to a more serious degree. The level of understanding is different, but not impossible to achieve in one’s own time or effort. And, as another note, Sherlock is not perfectly observant all of the time. There are plenty of examples of him needing to take breaks, of him closing his eyes to block out distractions so he can better focus on what someone is saying, and of him smoking to zone out for a bit so that he can come back to a problem with fresh eyes at a later time.

It’s absolutely vital to Sherlock’s character, and the original story, that all of the deductions are based on the “possible,” which is why the introduction of Sherlock in Episode 6 of this adaptation immediately irritated me. Here is the scene:

Side note: I’m sorry it’s shown as a poorly made gif--I literally could not find a copy of the clip with English subtitles on YouTube so I could not include it as a video. If you want to look at it in the episode itself, it starts at about the 13:00 minute mark. EPISODE LINK)

Here is what bothers me so much. Why would a mathematician be checking to see if the staircase on a ship fits the golden ratio? More importantly, why would that in any way matter to Moriarty as a character? Based on what we’ve seen so far of this character, and we’ve had 6 and 1/2 episodes to define him so far, none of Sherlock’s statement makes sense here.

Like, at all. (And I know that this also happens in the manga--doesn’t make sense there either.)

You know what would make sense though? For the time period and the character development we’ve seen of Moriarty thus far? A pause to consider-- and maybe even compare--staircases on the ship between the main steps for passengers and the steps for commoners or staff.

Why would that make sense? Oh, thank you so much for asking. Time to get real nerdy here for a minute:

Class issues were a serious problem in Victorian England (as they are now, though in a different way). These issues were not necessarily the same as depicted in the show but it was still consistently present throughout the society as a whole. (A good, short read on the subject can be found here for those of you interested: Social Life in Victorian England.)

One way that this issue came out was in the very architecture of homes. In Victorian England, nobleman homes and estates were built with main staircases, where the residents and guests walked, and servent staircases, where the staff and other temporary employees walked. The difference in these stairs was huge, as the servant staircases were basically death traps.

In the late 1800s, a mathematician (and architect) named Peter Nickolson figured out the exact measurements that would generally ensure a comfortable and easy walk upstairs:

BTW: Here is a great video on the subject and how they were death traps: Staircases in Victorian England

However, Nickolson’s math and designs were not used regularly in the design of houses for years to come.

By the setting of the story, and given Moriarty’s interest in maths, his understanding of class issues, and beyond--this kind of knowledge would make far more sense than searching for the golden ratio in a man-made set of stairs.

Moreover, the golden ratio is generally interesting to mathematicians (to my understanding) because it can be seen in nature frequently. It is a pattern found everywhere, from the way that petals grow on flowers, to how seashells form, to freaking hurricane formations! So why on Earth would Moriarty be interested in an architect's choice to use such a ration when planning a staircase?

He wouldn’t, I believe. Nor would Sherlock generally be able to make that assumption based on his time gazing at the staircase, distance from said staircase, nor angle.

So what can he deduce, if not that? Well, he may be able to deduce that Moriarty is a nobleman based on his attire. He may also be able to deduce that the man is a student based on age, as in an earlier episode we were told he’s quite young to be teaching in university and appears close in age to his students. Maybe he’s a student of architecture? But, if he’s a nobleman--as we suspect he is based on his attire--then it's unlikely he works a labor-intensive job or one close to it. So, he must be in academia for academic reasons such as mathematics. Physics during that time, as an academic subject, focused more on lighting, heat, electricity, magnetism, and such. And, Sherlock notes that Moriarty is specifically looking at the stairs, not the lights of the ship.

So, BAM! I’ve deduced Moriarty is a young nobleman who is likely a student of mathematics. Perhaps he’s recently had a lesson on staircases or another algebraic concept that’s caused him to pause with momentary interest.

It makes a heck of a lot more sense than finding a “golden ratio” in a man-planned and man-made staircase... don’t you think? And, maybe, we can even deduce that rather than a student he’s a professor who has just thought up an interesting lesson--though that would be a BIG jump from the data we’ve been provided here.

Deductions that come from major leaps in logic make it seem like Sherlock is doing magic... and he is--because it is magical that people find it impressive or believable. It’s not. And I would argue that the original character would find it insulting based on his comments to Watson regarding being compared to other fictional detectives.

Pay in mind, I have this feeling about several adaptations, so my judgment on Moriarty the Patriot isn’t technically exclusive. It just hit me so hard in my first viewing that I felt I needed to share because generally, this issue of deductions becoming magic rather than stemming from logic doesn’t happen in the first two minutes of meeting Sherlock Holmes.

So... yeah. Thanks for coming to my absurd history/lit lesson through Moriarty the Patriot. I appreciate you sticking with me to the end and hope it was enjoyable.

You can watch the series on Funimation.com right now at: https://www.funimation.com/shows/moriarty-the-patriot

Overall, it’s a pretty good series; although there was a lot more child-murder than I expected...

#Moriarty the Patriot #Yuukoku no Moriarty #funimation #analysis #character analysis #character #sherlock holmes #james moriarty

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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I ask you because you’re good at articulating your thoughts but why do you like BB? I just wanna know the hype behind this ship, I’ve seen people outside the fandom either say they’re waiting for it to be canon to get into the show or they claim it’s the only good thing about it.

Hey, anon! Ah, getting a lovely compliment about articulating thoughts while I sit here struggling to articulate my thoughts lol.

Okay, I want to start by saying that I personally like Yang/Blake about as much as the majority of the ships I have. Meaning, the 95% of fictional characters I enjoy seeing as a canonical couple and/or imagining as a potential couple, excluding the 5% that I get really, really into. I've got OTPs and I've got casual ships. BB is the latter. Why is this important? Because I think BB has been under an extreme amount of pressure over the years, with that pressure only increasing as time goes on and that... kinda sucks. They represent the growing demand for explicitly queer relationships. They're tied to a webseries and a fandom rather infamous at this point for its heated, controversial content. They're a part of an era where fans are more focused than ever on canonical status, whereas back in the day you just enjoyed ships for the hell of it, regardless of their chances of getting together on screen. It used to be that people unironically adored ships for characters who had never exchanged a single greeting. Nowadays, you need a ten page essay explaining why the ship is supposedly The Best. Blake/Yang is bound up in all of that, resulting in a community that, yeah, hypes things up to an arguably unnecessary degree. We've reached a point where this couple supposedly makes or breaks the entire show; it's either the greatest ship to every grace the small screen, or it's the ruin of the entire franchise. In reality, Blake/Yang is just... a ship. Like any other ship. Some people like it. Some people don't. It should be far more casual than it is. Which isn't to say fans aren't justified in being invested in the politics of the queer relationship — I am — or even just emotionally invested in a ship they really enjoy, but rather that I think the hype is due more to these external factors than the relationship itself. Blake and Yang arguably aren't unique in what makes them an attractive couple. Are they important in terms of that representation for an American webseries? Yes. Are they exceptional in regards to these two character types being shipped by a fandom? Not by a longshot. I could give you hundreds of ships that look just like Blake and Yang.

And that for me is part of the appeal. I like many of the same sorts of things in my ships. One of those is the "opposites attract" setup, where we have the brash party girl coupled with the quieter bookworm. They balance each other in a number of significant ways, from fighting styles to their backgrounds. And, for fic purposes, that balance can also provide great conflict for them to work through, resulting in a stronger couple down the line. Going off of that, I enjoy that they're already partners at the (near) start of the show. The different definitions of "partner" is always fun, but beyond that — and despite the before mentioned shipping of characters who have never interacted — there's a tendency to pair of the duos who have already been paired up by the story. There's a sense of inevitability about it (fate, perhaps?) alongside the practical benefit of them getting a lot of screen time together. There's a reason why Blake/Yang and Ruby/Weiss got popular, with the former arguably surpassing the latter only because of its likelihood of becoming canon. We reached a point where the show is actively pushing Blake/Yang in a way they never did Ruby/Weiss — their coding is far stronger — and that creates a snowball effect: popular ships keep getting more popular the more attention they're paid; you pay the popular stuff more attention. Round and round we go. But I also enjoy their awkward flirting and tender moments, no matter how many problems might be attached to those in the story's context. I like how they tease and push one another — even if, again, the story has largely failed in that regard. They have a lot of good potential, shall we say, which is all a fan ever needs. Whether you're analyzing one of their clearly coded moments, or just running with the balanced color scheme — Yang has purple eyes with Blake wearing purple, Blake has yellow eyes with Yang wearing yellow — there's a lot in the show to connect them together, making the already easy job of shipping even easier.

Blake/Yang is a solid ship. They just also happen to be a ship bearing most of the weight of their show. I've made the comparison before, but it's not unlike Dean/Cas becoming the cornerstone of Supernatural. You reach a point where the story itself is such a mess that the most popular pairing becomes the supposed answer to all these problems: it's either the saving grace, or the reason for the show's destruction. It'll either save RWBY or function as the explanation for its downfall. Yang/Blake is heading more and more in that direction, either built up or torn down to an extreme degree as it tries to bear that weight. But honestly? I don't think it's any better or worse than those hundred other ships I could toss out. Ignoring the f/f rep, they're a pretty classic setup, a dime a dozen, and the important takeaway is that there's nothing wrong with that. There's a reason pairings like Blake/Yang got popular in the first place. Saying "I've seen it before" isn't a bad thing because fans like familiarity. But it simultaneously means they're not the best thing since sliced bread. They're neither the devil nor the angel the RWBY community has made them out to be.

So basically, my own casual enjoyment aside, I don't think the external factors propelling the love/hatred for the ship means the ship itself is actually that astounding or horrific. In a better written show, a less controversial show, setting aside those fans who have Yang/Blake as their first OTP and are pouring all that intense love into it, etc. I think the ship would still be popular... but we wouldn't be in this "it's the only good thing about the show"/"this was the show's downfall" territory. Pretty much every large fandom is going to develop that one, popular ship — just look at how fast Loki/Mobius happened — which shows that Blake/Yang is not unique in regards to getting the majority of a community's attention. It's just that other shows are solid enough to let ships be ships, without expecting any one ship to prove the show's worth. Or herald its downfall.

#rwby #mymetas

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battyaboutbooksreviews · 11 months

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🦇 Will They or Won't They Book Review 🦇

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

❝ She suddenly understood, with a nauseating surge of regret, what a precious thing she'd been so careless with all those years ago, too blinded by distrust and self-loathing to see it standing right in front of her, if she'd only been brave enough to reach for it. ❞

❓ #QOTD Who is your celebrity crush? ❓

❝ The point was that he loved her now...The kind of love that cast a warm glow back through time, all the way to their first meeting, reframing the past through the lens of the present. Powerful enough to illuminate the protective shell she'd thought surrounded her heart, revealing that it wasn't a shell at all, but a cocoon. Her heart hadn't been calcifying, it had been biding its time, breaking down and rearranging at the molecular level until it was finally safe to burst free and reveal itself, trembling and brilliant and brand new. ❞

💜 From the first chapter, Ava Wilder does an outstanding job at creating the type of sizzling tension and undeniable chemistry of a book you would expect with this title; the type of chemistry that will keep you reading page after page, starved for more. The true feat here is Wilder's tendency to take, restructure, and defy rom-com tropes that easily would have made this story predictable. There's insta-love, but not in the boring, obvious, or nauseating sense we're accustomed to. Focused on the present, the story is an enemies-to-lovers second-chance romance, but when you rewind to the true beginning, it's far more complex than that. There's even a third act break up (which, at the first indication of it, made me put the book down for a second), but NOT; a twist that's so beautifully compromised that I'm shocked I didn't see it. Lilah and Shane have layers upon layers of characterization, making them real and painful and raw in ways that make empathizing with their decisions easy (once you see the whole picture). Lilah's social anxiety gives the story a mental health focus that seems natural amidst the behind-the-scenes chaos of the film industry (and my gf works in film, so I hear about it plenty). Meanwhile, Shane's people-pleaser demeanor is a guise for his insecurities. While they've both earned their fame, we see the double standard between men and women, too. Wilder touches on so many real-world concepts without blatantly telling, instead showing through Lilah and Shane's shared (and separate) experiences. The character growth between them is stunning, but better yet, Wilder leaves them in a place that demonstrates they'll KEEP on growing—whether together or apart.

🦇 Though I have a long list of pet peeve tropes, a miscommunication-powered plot is one of the biggest. The entire story relies on Lilah and Shane failing to express how they're feeling, or saying the wrong things out of anger, or making assumptions because of their failure to communicate. However, I deeply appreciate the solution to put them into couple's counseling, to force them to recognize what they're feeling, and how to communicate it. They progress from therapy to saying the smallest things unprompted outside of therapy—you see their growth and willingness to try as time goes on. However, anyone who's watched Ted Lasso knows good stories don't need to rely on miscommunication; there's real talent in writing adult characters who are beyond that.

🦇 Recommended to fans of sweet, blistering tension, the harsh but tantalizing bite only enemies to lovers can provide, and second-chance romances you can't help but root for.

✨ Vibes ✨ 💔 Lovers to Enemies to Lovers 🎥 Dual POV & Timeline 🎬 Mental Health Focus 🎥 Immediate, Constant Chemistry 💔 Second-Chance Romance

🦇 Major thanks to the author Ava Wilder and publisher Random House for providing an ARC of this book via Netgalley. 🥰 This does not affect my opinion regarding the book.

#book review #book lover #book blog #book aesthetic #book photography #books and coffee #coffee and books #battyaboutbooks #batty about books #book: will they or won't they #author: ava wilder

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starstruck-critter · 2 years

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i did a little fake statement for my tma oc (not the statement giver, the roachy guy hehe). i think it turned out pretty cool so im posting it here hehe. i fucking love writing about the Corruption, i love me some buggies

Statement of Karine Petros regarding a pest infestation in her current place of residence.

STATEMENT BEGINS

I guess i’ll start by telling you a little bit of my life, just for y´know, a little bit of context. Maybe it’ll help you find a reason why this all happened, why it happened to me in particular. I used to be an undergrad student, a-uh-psychology major. Had to quit after a few years in though, it all just got too much. I felt like I couldn't study for even the things I really liked, organization was a nightmare, and on top of all that, I didn't manage to make a lot of friendships with the people there. So i just.. quit, there was really not a lot left to do other than that. I tried to get a job, maybe get enough money for a cheap flat somewhere or a shared house, but it turned out to be almost virtually impossible.

I had to move back in with my parents. They had sold the house I used to live in when I was younger for a smaller one. I guess they thought i would never return, heh, that i was going to stay in those musty dorms until i finished my studies and then move out into a grand old mansion. I don’t blame them, I had big dreams for me too, but they just all had to crumble down to pieces. They welcomed me in regardless, although I did notice a small flicker of disappointment in their faces when I waltzed in through the door. The only room available for me was a small basement room that they had used as a storage room until now. It was humid and warm, on top of being just a few square feet long, but it was better than nothing.

I got comfortable in there, I've got to admit it. Too comfortable perhaps. I kept looking for a job or anything to make money with for a few days after settling in, but after a week or so I just gave up on it completely. It was really hard to find anything that would take me in and also not be the absolute pinnacle of boredom and my parents seemed to be doing just fine in their own finances even with me again under their belt. So I just stopped trying altogether, trying to do anything at all. I just stayed in that moldy basement room the whole day, doing nothing at all, and watching time fly by, watching my life fly by. That mediocre and undistinguished thing that called itself my life at least.

That was when I saw him, when I was coming back from one of the super rare occasions where I actually decided to go take a walk outside. He looked like a homeless man, just your local hobo, covered in ragged clothes and with the dirtiest hair u can imagine, and he was just sitting there, almost at our doorstep, looking sadly at the ground. If I focused hard enough on his skin and clothes, I swear I could see things twitching beneath, like little lumps moving around every single part of his body. Once or twice I could even see the slightest hint of brown things coming out from behind him, though I can't really place what the hell they actually were, because the second I turned my gaze onto them, they scurried back into the shadows of his back. I think he noticed me staring, because he raised his head to look at me, and smiled. There were thin hair looking things coming out from the gaps between his teeth.

Now, I'm not one to be scared easily, especially not by little freaks on the street like him, but there was something so very wrong with him, that I just felt the need to run away and call the police. Still, I fought that urge for a little bit, there was probably a better way to deal with him and get him out of our porch than just calling the police on him. So i slowly approached, telling him, hell almost yelling at him, to find another place to waste his life in. I think he could hear the slight shaking on my voice. He waited until I was almost right beside him to finally decide to get up and go. Just before he did though, he clenched my wrist tightly, not letting go. That is when I noticed a thing crawling, quickly, all the way from behind his neck to his hand and onto mine; it was a cockroach, one slim brown little bastard. I screamed and pulled back the second it touched my arm and it fell straight to the floor. I swear I saw at least a dozen more of them coming for me from every single part of his body before I finally managed to get out of his grasp and run as fast I could.

I went back home and to my basement room a couple hours later, when I finally managed to calm down and make sure he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. After a couple days, I managed to almost forget what had happened and just kept living my unremarkable life as normal as possible, except maybe for a couple more cockroach sightings than normal. Living in such prime living conditions for those hellspawns, you managed to see them every once in a while, usually hiding behind furniture or in the creaks of a wall. But now they were starting to appear more and more often, usually standing in the middle of the room , for all the world to see. And they always showed up when they knew i couldn’t do anything to stop them being there, either because i was in bed or just distracted doing some meaningless task. Every single time I finally decided to stop what I was doing and try to kill them myself, it was always too late and they always managed to escape back into the shadows. I tried to ask my parents to buy any kind of pesticide or even call in an exterminator, but they didn’t really see the need for that, and I didn't have any money to actually do that myself. I don’t think it would have really worked either though.

It was a couple nights ago that it happened, the thing that actually made me want to come here and give a statement. I’m a very light sleeper, so any noise, as quiet as it can be, wakes me up. This was not a very pleasant noise to wake up too though. It sounded like a million of light steps on ground, too small and quiet to listen to if it was just one, but audible now just by sheer quantity. Like a hundred dozen things crawling slowly or quickly sometimes, bolting out until they were not able to be heard or meticulously walking on every surface that made their noises as loud as possible. And on top of all that cacophony there was twitching, the slow movement in place of wings opening, or antennas moving from side to side. I didn’t want to open my eyes, I knew what was on my ceiling, on the ground and all around me. I tried to stay still like that for as long as i could, maybe if i didn’t move, they were going to go away on their own, or someone was going to come in, and clean up all this mess. Maybe the world was going to solve itself without me moving a single finger. I could hear my breath, they could hear it too. And then I felt it, small and thin as a strand of hair, one leg coming up from the blankets into the exposed skin on my arm, and then another, and another. Six of them I counted, and then besides, a dozen. All moving slowly and feeling every single inch of my flesh.

I got up and bolted out of the door, into the house above, eyes still closed. I felt them in the handle when I opened the door. And all over me too, when I ran screaming to my parents bedroom. They didn’t believe me when I told them about the infestation. Maybe it was because when they actually came to check over me and my room, there was not a single roach in sight. Even though I can still feel them, crawling all over my body.

#tma oc #tma

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dwellordream · 3 years

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“…The complex design of the Victorian house signified the changing ratio between the cultural and physical work situated there. With its twin parlors, one for formal, the other for intimate exchange, and its separate stairs and entrances for servants, the Victorian house embodied cultural preoccupations with specialized functions, particularly distinguishing between public and private worlds.

American Victorians maintained an expectation of sexualized and intimate romanticism in private at the same time that they sustained increasingly ‘‘proper’’ expectations for conduct in public. The design of the house helped to facilitate the expression of both tendencies, with a formal front parlor designed to stage proper interactions with appropriate callers, and the nooks, crannies, and substantial private bedrooms designed for more intimate exchange or for private rumination itself.

Just as different areas of the house allowed for different gradations of intimacy, so did the house offer rooms designed for different users. The ideal home offered a lady’s boudoir, a gentleman’s library, and of course a children’s nursery. This ideal was realized in the home of Elizabeth E. Dana, daughter of Richard Henry Dana, who described her family members situated throughout the house in customary and specialized space in one winter’s late afternoon in 1865. Several of her siblings were in the nursery watching a sunset, ‘‘Father is in his study as usual, mother is taking her nap, and Charlotte is lying down and Sally reading in her room.’’ In theory, conduct in the bowels of the house was more spontaneous than conduct in the parlor.

This was partly by design, in the case of adults, but by nature in the case of children. If adults were encouraged to discover a true, natural self within the inner chambers of the house, children—and especially girls—were encouraged to learn how to shape their unruly natural selves there so that they would be presentable in company. The nursery for small children acknowledged that childish behavior was not well-suited for ‘‘society’’ and served as a school for appropriate conduct, especially in Britain, where children were taught by governesses in the nursery, and often ate there as well. In the United States children usually went to school and dined with their parents. As the age of marriage increased, the length of domestic residence for some girls extended to twenty years and more.

The lessons of the nursery became more indirect as children grew up. Privacy for children was not designed simply to segregate them from adults but was also a staging arena for their own calisthenics of self-discipline. A room of one’s own was the perfect arena for such exercises in responsibility. As the historian Steven Mintz observes, such midcentury advisers as Harriet Martineau and Orson Fowler ‘‘viewed the provision of children with privacy as an instrument for instilling self-discipline. Fowler, for example, regarded private bedrooms for children as an extension of the principle of specialization of space that had been discovered by merchants. If two or three children occupied the same room, none felt any responsibility to keep it in order.’’

…The argument for the girl’s room of her own rested on the perfect opportunity it provided for practicing for a role as a mistress of household. As such, it came naturally with early adolescence. The author Mary Virginia Terhune’s advice to daughters and their mothers presupposed a room of one’s own on which to practice the housewife’s art. Of her teenage protagonist Mamie, Terhune announced: ‘‘Mamie must be encouraged to make her room first clean, then pretty, as a natural following of plan and improvement. . . . Make over the domain to her, to have and to hold, as completely as the rest of the house belongs to you. So long as it is clean and orderly, neither housemaid nor elder sister should interfere with her sovereignty.’’ Writing in 1882, Mary Virginia Terhune favored the gradual granting of autonomy to girls as a natural part of their training for later responsibilities.

…Victorian parents convinced their daughters that the secret to a successful life was strict and conscientious self-rule. The central administrative principle was carried forth from childhood: the responsibility to ‘‘be good.’’ The phrase conveyed the prosecution of moralist projects and routines, and perhaps equally significant, the avoidance or suppression of temper and temptation. Being good extended beyond behavior and into the realm of feeling itself. Being good meant what it said—actually transfiguring negative feelings, including desire and anger, so that they ceased to become a part of experience.

Historians of emotion have argued that culture can shape temperament and experience; the historian Peter Stearns, for one, argues that ‘‘culture often influences reality’’ and that ‘‘historians have already established some connections between Victorian culture and nineteenth-century emotional reality.’’ More recently, the essays in Joel Pfister and Nancy Schnog’s Inventing the Psychological share the assumption that the emotions are ‘‘historically contingent, socially specific, and politically situated.’’ The Victorians themselves also believed in the power of context to transform feeling.

The transformation of feeling was the end product of being good. Early lessons were easier. Part of being good was simply doing chores and other tasks regularly, as Alcott’s writings suggest. One day in 1872 Alice Blackwell practiced the piano ‘‘and was good,’’ and another day she went for a long walk ‘‘for exercise,’’ made two beds, set the table, ‘‘and felt virtuous.’’ Josephine Brown’s New Year’s resolutions suggested such a regimen of virtue—sanctioned both by the inherent benefits of the plan and by its regularity.

As part of her plan to ‘‘make this a better year,’’ she resolved to read three chapters of the Bible every day (and five on Sunday) and to ‘‘study hard and understandingly in school as I never have.’’ At the same time, Brown realized that doing a virtuous act was never simply a question of mustering the positive energy to accomplish a job. It also required mastering the disinclination to drudge. She therefore also resolved, ‘‘If I do feel disinclined, I will make up my mind and do it.’’

The emphasis on forming steady habits brought together themes in religion and industrial culture. The historian Richard Rabinowitz has explained how nineteenth-century evangelicalism encouraged a moralism which rejected the introspective soul-searching of Calvinism, instead ‘‘turning toward usefulness in Christian service as a personal goal.’’ This pragmatic spirituality valued ‘‘habits and routines rather than events,’’ including such habits as daily diary writing and other regular demonstrations of Christian conduct. Such moralism blended seamlessly with the needs of industrial capitalism—as Max Weber and others have persuasively argued.

Even the domestic world, in some ways justified by its distance from the marketplace, valued the order and serenity of steady habits. Such was the message communicated by early promoters of sewing machines, for instance, one of whom offered the use of the sewing machine as ‘‘excellent training . . . because it so insists on having every-thing perfectly adjusted, your mind calm, and your foot and hand steady and quiet and regular in their motions.’’ The relation between the market place and the home was symbiotic. Just as the home helped to produce the habits of living valued by prudent employers, so, as the historian Jeanne Boydston explains, the regularity of machinery ‘‘was the perfect regimen for developing the placid and demure qualities required by the domestic female ideal.’’

Despite its positive formulation, ‘‘being good’’ often took a negative form —focusing on first suppressing or mastering ‘‘temper’’ or anger. The major target was ‘‘willfulness.’’ An adviser participating in Chats with Girls proposed the cultivation of ‘‘a perfectly disciplined will,’’ which would never ‘‘yield to wrong’’ but instantly yield to right. Such a will, too, could teach a girl to curb her unruly feelings. The Ladies’ Home Journal columnist Ruth Ashmore (a pseudonym for Isabel Mallon) more crudely warned readers ‘‘that the woman who allows her temper to control her will not retain one single physical charm.’’ As a young teacher, Louisa May Alcott wrestled with this most common vice.

Of her struggles for self-control, she recognized that ‘‘this is the teaching I need; for as a school-marm I must behave myself and guard my tongue and temper carefully, and set an example of sweet manners.’’ Alcott, of course, made a successful career out of her efforts to master her maverick temper. The autobiographical heroine of her most successful novel, Little Women, who has spoken to successive generations of readers as they endured female socialization, was modeled on her own struggles to bring her spirited temperament in accord with feminine ideals.

So in practice being good first meant not being bad. Indeed, it was some- times better not to ‘‘be’’ much at all. Girls sometimes worked to suppress liveliness of all kinds. Agnes Hamilton resolved at the beginning of 1884 that she would ‘‘study very hard this year and not have any spare time,’’ and also that she would try to stop talking, a weakness she had identified as her principle fault.

When Lizzie Morrissey got angry she didn’t speak for the rest of the evening, certainly preferable to impassioned speech. Charlotte Perkins Gilman, who later critiqued many aspects of Victorian repression, at the advanced age of twenty-one at New Year’s made her second resolution: ‘‘Correct and necessary speech only.’’

Mary Boit, too, measured her goodness in terms of actions uncommitted. ‘‘I was good and did not do much of anything,’’ she recorded ambiguously at the age of ten. It is perhaps this reservation that provoked the reflection of southerner Lucy Breckinridge, who anticipated with excitement the return of her sister from a long trip. ‘‘Eliza will be here tomorrow. She has been away so long that I do not know what I shall do to repress my joy when she comes. I don’t like to be so glad when anybody comes.’’ Breckinridge clearly interpreted being good as in practice an exercise in suppression. This was just the lesson of self-censoring that Alice James had starkly described as ‘‘‘killing myself,’ as some one calls it.’’

This emphasis on repressing emotion became especially problematic for girls in light of another and contradictory principle connected with being good. A ‘‘good’’ girl was happy, and this positive emotion she should express in moderation. Explaining the duties of a girl of sixteen, an adviser writing in the Ladies’ Home Journal noted that she should learn ‘‘that her part is to make the sunshine of the home, to bring cheer and joyousness into it.’’ At the same time that a girl must suppress selfishness and temper, she must also project contentment and love. Advisers simply suggested that a girl employ a steely resolve to substitute one for the other. ‘‘Every one of my girls can be a sunshiny girl if she will,’’ an adviser remonstrated. ‘‘Let every failure act as an incentive to greater success.’’

This message could be concentrated into an incitement not to glory and ethereal virtue but simply to a kind of obliging ‘‘niceness.’’ This was the moral of a tale published in The Youth’s Companion in 1880. A traveler in Norway arrives in a village which is closed up at midday in mourning for a recent death. The traveler imagines that the deceased must have been a magnate or a personage of wealth and power. He inquires, only to be told, ‘‘It is only a young maiden who is dead. She was not beautiful nor rich. But oh, such a pleasant girl.’’ ‘‘Pleasantness’’ was the blandest possible expression of the combined mandate to repress and ultimately destroy anger and to project and ultimately feel love and concern.

Yet it was a logical blending of the religious messages of the day as well. Richard Rabinowitz’s work on the history of spirituality notes a new later-century current which blended with the earlier emphasis on virtuous routines. The earlier moralist discipline urged the establishment of regular habits and the steady attention to duty. Later in the century, religion gained a more experiential and private dimension, expressed in devotionalism. Both of these demands—for regular virtue and the experience and expression of religious joy—could provide a loftier argument for the more mundane ‘‘pleasant.’’

…The challenges of this project were particularly bracing given the acute sensitivity of the age to hypocrisy. One must not only appear happy to meet social expectations: one must feel the happiness. The origins of this insistence came not only from a demanding evangelical culture but also from a fluid social world in which con artists lurked in parlors as well as on riverboats. A young woman must be completely sincere both in her happiness and in her manners if she was not to be guilty of the corruptions of the age. One adviser noted the dilemma: ‘‘‘Mamma says I must be sincere,’ said a fine young girl, ‘and when I ask her whether I shall say to certain people, ‘‘Good morning, I am not very glad to see you,’’ she says, ‘‘My dear, you must be glad to see them, and then there will be no trouble.’’’’’

…No wonder that girls filled their journals with mantras of reassurance as they attempted to square the circle of Victorian emotional expectation. Anna Stevens included a separate list stuck between the pages of her diary. ‘‘Everything is for the best, and all things work together for good. . . . Be good and you will be happy. . . . Think twice before you speak.’’

We look upon these aphorisms as throwaways—platitudes which scarcely deserve to be preserved along with more ‘‘authentic’’ manuscript material. Yet these mottoes, preserved and written in most careful handwriting in copy books and journals, represent the straws available to girls attempting to grasp the complex and ultimately unreconcilable projects of Victorian emotional etiquette and expectation.”

- Jane H. Hunter, “Houses, Families, Rooms of One Own.” in How Young Ladies Became Girls: The Victorian Origins of American Girlhood

#history #victorian #jane h. hunter #how young ladies became girls #gender

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ladymaigrey · 3 years

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In search of a true filter

This is a personal and rambling thought-dump. Enter at your own peril.

TL:DR my daughter might have ADHD. And, maybe, so do I? The meaning of this label in our lives is a choice for me to make. The choice itself doesn’t scare me nearly as much as the concept that it is a choice.

I am supposed to be writing at the moment, but my brain cannot settle down into the comforting niche of torture and angst that is Matt Murdock's brain. Or, rather, maybe, it's no longer comforting? (why it ever was/can be - is NOT the question I am going to be dissecting here!)

The fact that perceptions change, though, is something that has been occupying me in the past few days, in a rather obsessive and, yep, torturous way.

See, late last week, a counsellor who has been working with my 7yo daughter to help her with some anxieties and difficulties making friends, told me that I might consider having her assessed for ADHD, because some of her behaviors were consistent with that syndrome, as it presented in girls (which is very different to the way it normally presents in boys, i.e. hyperactivity is not necessarily a feature at all). The counsellor made the comment almost offhandedly: it wasn't a big deal. If she had ADHD, it was probably on the milder end of the spectrum as it didn't drastically impact her school work and, really, in terms of the counselling work, nothing would change because counsellors deal with the presentation as is and do what works with that particular individual regardless of what label might be attached.

Which is great, as far as my daughter's counselling journey is concerned.

But it threw me for a loop, and out of kilter, and totally twisted my knickers (and what other aphorism can I throw into this?) It sent me down a whirlwind of anxiety-ridden thoughts and questions. See, after just a little research, it became bleeding obvious that, yes, my daughter certainly has some of the behaviors, but so do I. And I always had!

And, on one hand, knowing that there is a possible neurological explanation for the troubles I had as a child and still have as an adult (including my pervasive anxiety) - did spark an "ah huh!" moment, and a feeling of vindication. On the other hand - that punitive self-loathing-but-maybe-true "other" hand - what I always considered to be unique and subversively delightful about my personality - things that I took pride in even if they often triggered a condemnation (or, at least, dismissal) from the rest of the society - well, they weren't things to revel in. They were signs of "brokenness".

Yes, that's a big part of the fight that neuro-diverse community has had: to NOT be considered "broken", to stay proud of who they are and their differences and their strengths, to demand a change in the society that functions with and for neurotypicals only while dismissing the inconveniently-different.

Still, I see that most people simply don't have enough self-insight to identify their own emotions and thoughts, let alone admit to themselves their own ingrained prejudices, and be able to modulate their responses. I see that neuroatypicality means a lifetime of battling uphill against those prejudices and against the lack of accommodations/understandings that our society, by and large, has no motivation to change. The way of the majority does rule in a society - that's what a society IS. I see that, whatever I am, whyever I am so - I am struggling to function every single day, I always struggled to find people who understood and accepted me, and I do not wish that for my daughter.

And, now, I am also questioning all of my perspectives (excuses?) regarding my daughter. For example, her talkativeness. Is she a "miss chatterbox" because her dad and grandmother are just Like That, and she inherited it from them, or is that a "red flag"? Are her difficulties with spelling a sign of abnormal lack of ability to stay focused, not just the fact that she is half-a-year younger than the rest of her classmates, and that English is a truly stupid language to write in, and that she will catch up in time. Her wish to hug people, even those who are not close friends, whom she met maybe five minutes ago - is that an endearingly optimistic view of the world, which she sees as mostly kind and deserving of embrace - or is that a "hyper-social behavior"?

And, beyond all of that, I question the malleability and impermanence of "one's truth", and, though that, question any human's ability to determine the truth of anything. After all, nothing has actually changed in the last week. Nothing, but strumming of air molecules in the space between two people; nothing but a label placed on a cluster of common actions of a bright little girl in the now, and of another bright little girl in a middle-aged woman's memory.

And yet, it changed the whole filter through which I see... well, almost everything (now that I am hyperfocusing and stressing about it, and is that a symptom, too?)

I am going to speak to my counsellor about it all this week. But, I am a (trainee) counsellor, too. So I can almost predict that through questions and soft suggestions, she will nudge me towards making what probably is the healthiest choice for me: to choose for the label to Not Matter. To look at what IS in my daughter's behaviors and how it affects her right now, not what it might or might not mean underneath or in the future.

That's probably what I will have to do, for my own sanity and to continue being a mum who tries to accept her daughter as she is not as I'd like her to be.

What bothers me, though, is that it IS a choice. All our perceptional interpretations are a choice - a choice of what thoughts and emotions we nurture and listen to. The filter which we look through the world on is a choice (often one that we made before we knew we had a choice to make, but one we made as the most optimum means to survive in the environment we were born into).

And, if it's a choice - then it does not necessarily reflect objective reality (if there's even such a thing; metaphysics makes my brain leak out my ears, so I am not going there).

There's a type of 3rd generation cognitive-behavioral therapy which has proven to be quite helpful with a number of different psychological disorders: acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). One of the ideas of ACT is to identify goals that are congruent with your personal values and learn how to keep your eyes on the goal, while managing any thoughts/emotions that are unhelpful to you from reaching your goals. There's no judgement on what the goal is, nor focus on unearthing why particular emotions are triggered. So, essentially, it's about helping you craft the filter of your choice which you think is most likely to benefit your wellbeing.

It is something I believe often works, I can see its appeal - it's a comfort and gives a sense of control.

I use emotion/thought controlling techniques every day to help me function (without them, I don't think I would be able to keep my job or continue studying, and I would be even harder person to be around for my family). I remind myself of having a choice to shape my reality, despite what anyone says (and damn the "society")...

And yet, I fear I am lying to myself every single day, and I have no way of finding the "truth".

#adhd #tw: ableism #psychology #personal #mypost #I am OK #I just needed this out of my head and I wanted to write #this is the result #I wish I was writing DD fics instead

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