#one I'm holding onto for later TM

[tcfactory]

Broken System

I love it when the System breaks and gets shut down permanently, but what if it left its marks on its main user? Shang Qinghua won't be able to get out of explaining this even if he really, really wanted to.

#svsss #shang qinghua #I may or may not have a fic idea with this premise #one I'm holding onto for later TM #I need to finish some of my other ideas first #but anyway the idea was that one eye turns into something like cracked glass #if you have ever seen a fried marble it's kinda like that #he can still see out of it fine it's just weird #the cracks extending over his skin will eventually heal but not the eye #also the hairstick was just randomly stuck in his hair as a 'do not eat me' marker #because wouldn't it be funny if he was in the demon realm when the system died on him and left him with this mess #let's give MBJ something to fuss over #mun art

[coldfanbou]

TM IS Sode Stories: Prepping

Sana is really looking forward to the baby in this side story.

Sana lay on her bed, looking at her belly and poking it gently. "You're growing so well. I can't wait to see you." She thinks to herself. 

Her phone buzzes with a message from her mom, "Honey, did you get the magazines I sent you?"

"I did; thank you, Mom," Sana replies. 

"Here's what I think looks good." Her mom messages back with items from the magazine circled in red. 

"Mom, I want to choose."

"Okay, okay. I'll talk to you later, sweetie."

"Talk to you soon," Sana says, ending the brief conversation. Putting her phone down, she stretches her arm out to the nightstand and picks up one of the magazines her mom sent her. It was full of baby clothes and other things a mother might need. Sana kicked her feet as she saw all the small cute clothes. "I wonder if you're going to be a boy or a girl." She says aloud. She makes mental notes of which designs she likes for all the clothes. "There's so many choices; I wish you were here already. My little baby." Sana says with a smile. She puts the magazine down on her chest and pats her tummy. "If you're a boy, you'll grow up to be big and strong just like your daddy. If you're a girl, you'll be cute and amazing, just like me."

"Did you just compliment yourself like that?" Sana lurches up and looks to the door, surprised by the comment. In the doorway, Jihyo stands holding Ari. "Mina wanted me to ask you if you wanted to try breastfeeding. You've been watching us all the time, and she thought it would be good if you started to learn, even if you're not producing milk yet."

"Yes! Yes! I'll do it! Sana says as she stands up. She stretches her arms out for Ari, ready to take her.

"I'll hand her off in the living room. Mina doesn't want to have you alone."

Sana pouts before rushing to the living room and sitting on the sofa. Jihyo follows behind, handing over Ari. The small girl is happy to be with her former caregiver again. Raising her arms and rubbing against Sana's chest. "Aww, I missed you too, Ari."

"You've seen her nearly every day." Jihyo points out.

"I…" Sana gets quiet, not having a response for Jihyo. Sana raises her shirt enough for her breast to poke out. Ari instinctively latches on to Sana's chest and starts suckling after the nonexistent milk. Mina laughs, seeing Ari so eager. "This isn't so hard," Sana says aloud to the mothers.

"Just wait until you have to do it every few hours; you'll be very sensitive and tired of it," Jihyo says. Mina nods along as she feeds Hina. 

"Make sure to support her head and neck." Mina points out as she moves Sana's hands to help Ari better. The session is cut short as Ari unlatches herself and lightly smacks Sana's chest. The women laugh at Ari's frustration.

"Here, let me take her," Jihyo says as she pulls out one of her breasts. Sana sadly hands over the child and watches as Jihyo feeds Ari. 

"You did well, Sana. She's just being a little fussy." Mina says to reassure her. Sana nods her head and stands up. She's on her way to her room when an idea hits her. She turns around and heads for your office where you were working.

 She knocks on the door, "Oppa!" 

"Come in, Sana," you reply. Sana walks into your office and stands before your desk turning from side to side. "What is it, Sana?"

"I'm hungry."

"Ask Jeongyeon to make you something to eat."

"No, not this mouth. This mouth." She says while rubbing her slit.

"Sana, I can't help you with that right now. I'm working." 

Sana fills her cheeks with air and pouts. "Then at least cuddle with me."

"Fine, fine. Come here." Sana climbs onto your lap, adjusting herself so you can still work. After a minute or so, you feel her fish your cock out of your pants. "Sana, I said not right now."

"I just need it inside me. That's all." Sana says as she slips your cock into her cunt. You feel her pussy welcome you, cradling your cock as it pushes further inside. Sana lets out a low moan and wraps her arms around you. "This is all I need." She says quietly while resting her head on your shoulder. She falls asleep in that position; her occasional movement makes you shudder as you feel her walls move around your cock. When you're done with work, you nudge Sana awake. "Hmm, five more minutes…" she says while squeezing you as if you were a teddy bear. You capture Sana's lips, and after a few moments, she's wide awake."Oppa, are you done with your work yet?" 

"I've been done for a while now, but you were sleeping." 

"You could have fucked me while I was asleep. I don't mind." Sana's words turn you on, and she feels you get harder. "Let's do it right now, Oppa." She says, taking advantage of the situation. You lift Sana and drop her on your cock, making her moan loudly. "Ahh, Oppa. Fuck me harder." You hold onto her ass while you begin thrusting; Sana's walls clamp down on your cock, trying to milk despite having just begun. While you're pushing your cock deeper into Sana, she begins whispering in your ear.

"Aren't you lucky for breeding me? For putting a baby in my tight body." She moans as she forces one of your hands to explore her body. "I know just how much you love pumping babies into us, and I'll let you pump as many babies into my tummy as you want," she continues. You moan Sana's name as you press her against the wall. Her dirty talk is enough to push you into your first orgasm as you fill her womb with baby batter. "Ahh, fill me, Oppa!" Sana cries as she climaxes. Sana wastes no time in wanting more. "Fuck me from behind next," She commands. You let Sana down and get behind her, slapping her ass with your cock before ramming it in. 

"Pull my hair." You do as Sana wishes and pull her hair, "I love when you're rough with me." Sana moans as you plow her from behind.

"You know we won't be able to do this so roughly when you're a few months along. It could be bad for you." You continue thrusting into Sana, your hand snaking its way under her shirt as you grab her breasts. Sana's moans grow louder as she feels you pinch her nipple.

"I'm cumming!" She yells. 

"Me too. Here's another load for you." You groan as you plant yourself in her womb and give Sana more cum. You both continue like this for some time.

At the end, Sana looks at you. "When I have this baby, I want you to breed me again. We'll keep having them back to back." You chuckle at this but then see Sana's face completely serious. It sends a shiver down your spine.

"I-I can't do that, Sana. Jihyo would be mad."

"I'll talk to her, Oppa," Sana says with a smile. You both rest in your office for a while before leaving the room.

[shadowcatzone]

but i really like xingyue child things, both angst as well as comedy,

One day, xingyue child just randomly stands in the astral express, letter in hand,

And then welt reading the letter like "dear dan heng, please look after [child] for a while, it seems they got into trouble but as of now, i have no time to come and console them myself. Please take care of them, thank you very much. Signed by jing yuan."

Welt: ps. You're gonna love them, they used to be your- i mean, dan fengs child.

Cue dan heng groaning and not immediately liking this random child, but also;

Dan heng: vidyadhara can't get children?

Xingyue child: i followed them home was adopted

But it's okay because the others like the child, but they won't let go of dan heng. (I'm never sure where to set the age. For this one they're maybe a head taller than bailu.)

They have lots of fun, but its also an awfully shy kid (curtesy of trauma) and they're staying overnight. Since welt has experience with kids, the child will sleep in his room. But the child doesn't want to. They shake their head and hold onto dan heng tighter. (They were just reunited with their "father", they're not leaving.)

SO in the end they sleep in the archive. While holding onto dan heng. Who does not sleep, but instead reads a book.

I do not know the premise, but for some reason, blade breaks in. Just levers the door open, manic grin on his face, [here's Johnny Bladie~] enters the room and just. Stands there. For a solid minute with the most conflicted look on his face.

On the other side, the child, lying on dan hengs arm, while he holds a book with the other, looking at blade, terrified-

And they're just staring at each other. Then blade moves and lies down next to the child. Staring at it.

Dan heng: ...what the-

Blade: -shhhh... language. Don't wake the baby.

Meanwhile in the subconscious(tm) dan feng is freaking out "don't fucking cuss near my poor baby you piece of shit what if they fucking hear you"

So dan hengs not getting any sleep, either way, anyways. Blade has no problem falling asleep right then and there. What's dan heng gonna do? Kill him? They both know that doesn't work. And blade leaves like. 10 minutes before the child wakes up, but not before pressing a kiss to their forehead and whispering something nice to them but like, dan heng hears. Vidyadhara ears yk.

Blade: out of five, three must pay the price. You, my child, are not one of them.

Dan heng, looking a little disturbed: what? Why would you say that to a child??

Blade, putting a finger to his lips: it's soothing. Remember, no cursing.

So the child wakes up a bit later, they leave the room and jing yuan is already here. Has been here for an hour and didn't wanna cut into blades parent time. He picks them up and they just let go of dan heng. Like it was never an issue.

Jing yuan: aw, did you have a good time?

Dan heng: n-

Xingyue child: yeah uncle! I slept really well and i dreamt that father and daddy were with me the whole time!

Jing yuan, now lookin mischievously at dan heng: and you?

Dan heng: ...it was alright...

And then dan heng can't sleep for a week at least because every time he has to think about the child. And every single time his fucking heart throbs. (Not because dan feng is laying into it with "oh my poor baby" and "growing up all alone". Nope not at all)

Until after a week blade tries to murder him and he gets so exhausted from the whole spiel that he just. Falls into bed and sleeeeps.

On another note, jing yuan now has dan hengs number saved as 'emergency babysitter #0003'.

#i'm eating gilbird #//xingyue child #honkai star rail #hsr blade #hsr dan heng #hsr dan feng #hsr welt #hsr jing yuan #xingyue #renheng #hsr imagines

[intersexdabi]

civilian dabitwice au where touya's ice and fire are both activated by distinct emotions. while touya's fire flares up in joy, rage, and profound sadness, ice is chiefly fear. and touya just never activates ice because fear is just not an obstacle for him, i.e. he's never felt it strongly enough that he's even accidentally used that part of his quirk.

all this to say that one day he does use it, already hitting the mid 20s milestone. endeavor's campaign for "i have changed for the better and now i am a Good Father(tm) and i believe i am entitled to that spot in your life i previously forfeited and you should be giving me a second (or 12309348th chance if you're touya lmfao) chance" is not going over very well, at least in the touya demographic. and something has set the two of them off. touya is doing something he's never done before and sending his Very Good Friend jin bubaigawara his home address and asking him to pick him up (which is a bitch because now he's gong to have to explain that yeah, he's related to endeavor and yeah he never planned on saying anything bc fuck that noise) because he thinks that this is really it and he can't fucking take it anymore and if he doesn't leave now he's going to blow his top and really go up in flames for a second time in his life.

and idk. the fight drags on and touya is angry enough to fuck off outside in the dead of winter with no protection from the cold. and endeavor follows, exasperated, holding in his fist a jacket that he demands touya put on (under the guise that he's being a "good dad" by doing so)

they carry on and on as they get further from the home. and enji is truly dumbfounded because his worldview is abysmally narrow. he just can't wrap his mind around touya in general. years of neglect his own ego can't build the bridge between the kid who worshiped the ground he walked on and the young man who has enough metal in his face to cast a small knife and a permanent scowl scrawled across his features. surely touya of all people would forgive him and they could be the Father and Eldest Son duo fantasy he's let himself imagine since becoming No. 1

anyway. mistakes are made. in the middle of a heated exchange, jin pops into view. and to make a long story short, jin's city slicker ass does not recognize in time that he's on a frozen body of water and only manages to say "uh. that doesn't sound good" at the audible crack under his feet before he falls through the ice and into the river that will sweep him under the rest of the ice and drown him.

it happens so quickly that touya literally never realizes it happened at all. it's only enji that sees it and recognizes it for what it is. touya shoots out onto the ice like lightning before enji has a chance to stop him. there's another loud crack and enji is sure he's about to see touya drop like a stone through the ice, but it isn't so. the ice is far sturdier now than it was just a few seconds ago, and shards of it poke out of the ground like needles.

it's pure luck that touya's ice only stops jin from being carried down river and doesn't outright kill him. in a rare use of quirk, touya uses his flames where he can see jin struggling and shocks the ice enough for him to break through, slicing his hand up and somehow helping drag jin out of the ice, though much of that goes to the credit of enji who's snapped out of his stupor. and the ice that is creeping along and snagging at touya's legs go unnoticed by touya, but not by enji. the ice does not fail all three of them in such close proximity, and enji does not venture a guess as to just how thick it's become.

it's mostly enji who gets jin back to the home. touya just isn't that strong and he's bleeding anyway. and now it looks like jin will be spending the night as they stave off hypothermia. and some sweet stuff happens between jin and touya but i'll talk about that later because i'm sleepy.

#dabitwice #dabi #jin bubaigawara

[humorisstoredinthetits]

The Heathers+Veronica Trip to Disney World

I guess I should probably introduce myself, hello people I'm Heather and I talk about Heathers and thats about it

I made some earlier headcannons about this but I'm gonna be expanding upon them

Now onto the gays TM

PS I'm gonna explain all the Disney stuff for the people who haven't been

Mac had always wanted to go to Disney World since she was little kid

Her parents wouldn't take her because 1 they didn't want to deal with each other for that long and 2 they didn't want to spend all that time and money to go only for Mac to have a meltdown and not want to do anything

But now Mac is an adult and can do what she wants and she wants to go to Greedy Rat Park (also Disney implemented DAS which is for people who for whatever reason cannot wait in line for extended periods of time, it lets people come back to rides at certain times and skip the line)

Veronica was all in for it, she thinks it would be fun and a good time, and despite the fact they have all this money they don't really go on vacation that often

Duke was pretty iffy on the whole thing, it sounded like fun on paper but they would be in the heat and have to wait in lines and people, but she also knows it would make Mac so happy to go so eventually she gets on board

Chandler is the big holdout

She knows that to get to Disney World they would have to go on a plane and she is super afraid of planes, plus she's also not a huge fan of amusement park rides

It gets to the point that Veronica and Duke planned a surprise trip for as a gift for Mac's bday and they just told Chandler they're going, suck it up buttercup

Chandler throws a hissy fit but they remind her that it would make Mac so happy to go

Mac is like Chandler's kryptonite so when they brought that up Chandler decided to just deal with it

They also decide to take a trip to the beach for her at a later time to make up for this

So her bday comes around and it comes down to the final present

Mac opens it and there's 4 Magicbands (Its a bracelet that acts as a park ticket, payment method, room key and more) in their signature colors and a small note saying 'We're going to Disney World!'

She starts happy crying and pulls them into a big hug

She hugs them so tight that it starts to hurt

They plan to go in October bc it won't be super hot but also not super cold, and most of the kids will be in school so there won't be as many people, both of which are chosen to make the trip as least stressful for Mac as possible

Over the next few months Mac spends all day watching Disney World videos on youtube to know what to expect

She orders everyone matching shirts for every day so they can have cute group photos

She packs her suitcase months in advance and it just sits in the corner of her room

In the meantime Chandler is regretting her decisions

She's afraid of planes and Veronica spends a-lot of time reminding her that planes are safer than cars but she's still afraid

She also shows Chandler videos of the rides to show her exactly what they are gonna be when they get there

Fast forward to the night before, Mac is so excited she is bouncing off the walls while Chandler is internally freaking out because she doesn't want to go on the plane

Veronica seriously considers putting some NyQuil in her coffee so she sleeps the whole flight

They drive to the airport and go through TSA and Chandler is still freaking out but she doesn't wanna ruin it for Mac

Mac finally notices Chandler looking upset and they talk

Chandler confesses that she is afraid of planes but she wants to go on this trip bc Mac has been looking forward to it for months

Mac comforts her and when they get on the plane they get out the split headphones and watch Disney movies the whole ride there

Of course they watch Frozen bc it was their favorite movie during their childhoods

In a weird role reversal its Chandler being the one holding on to Mac's arm during takeoff and turbulence

Veronica and Duke sleep the whole way there bc between dealing with the ball of sunshine who barely slept last night and kept tossing and turning and giggling and the nervous wreck who did the same neither of them got much sleep either

They get to Florida and get their luggage and get on the bus to Disney World

The plan is to spend 5 days not including the day of arrival and departure, one for each park and a free day

They're staying at the Grand Floridian (Biggest, most expensive and fancy hotel) bc they have the money so why not

They arrive at their room and get settled

There's 2 queen sized beds so they have to decide who gets to sleep with who

Duke and Veronica quickly take one of the beds for them bc they would like to sleep and not deal with the other two not being able to sleep

They go have dinner at 1900 Park Fare (Restaurant, weird name ik) where they get to meet Aladdin, Cinderella, Tiana and Mirabel

One of the things they decided while planning was to get as much character dining bc they thought it would be something Mac would enjoy, and they were right

Mac makes a plan there to try and meet as many characters as possible and take pictures with all of them

After dinner they go take a dip in the pool before going rest for the night

Day #1: Magic Kingdom

They decide to go to Magic Kingdom 1st because both it and the Grand Floridian are on the monorail so it would be the easiest to get back to the room if Mac starts to not be able to handle it

They get up super super early bc Mac physically cannot contain her excitement

They have breakfast reservations at the Crystal Palace where they can meet the Winnie the Pooh gang which makes Mac excited (Pooh is her favorite bc he's yellow)

From there they go to Tommorowland

I'm not gonna go over every ride bc if I did that we would be here all day and I would have to make 10 posts to contain it all so I'm just gonna do hilights

Chandler usually stays outside the rides bc she's scared but there's a few that she will go on, usually those that are slow

She does go on Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin (shooting ride) and obviously she goes with Duke bc she must beat her

They both fight over who gets to control the spinny stick in the middle

They have special spots that give more points which Duke looked up in advance so when they get to those sections her points skyrocket

Chandler is mad butthurt whenever they exit the ride and Duke is gloating

Veronica actually got more than her but she lets Duke have her victory (She also looked up the special spots in advance)

Mac tries to do literally everything which takes a minute

They go on the Carousel of Progress (show) which occasionally spins to the next scene but Chandler didn't realize this was gonna happen so when it does she screams

After they go on the Tommorowland Speedway (You drive a little car) which is hard to control and Chandler's life flashes before her eyes while Mac goes as fast as she can

They move into Fantasyland where they see Gaston

Gaston goes to Chandler and starts flirting

Mac intersects and asks for a pic and when Gaston poses with his flexed muscles she pulls down her sleeves revealing her toned cheerleader muscles and Gaston's mouth drops

Veronica and Duke are off to the side dying of laughter

When they get to the Haunted Mansion Chandler gets so scared that she has to go through the 'chicken door'

Veronica has never looked more embarrassed in her life when her 20-something-year-old gf has to leave a theme park ride bc she's scared when they went over it before they left

They have lunch at Cinderella's Royal Table (in the Castle) where Mac gets pics with Cinderella (duh), Aurora, Ariel, Snow White and Jasmine

When they go on Jungle Cruise (explanatory) Duke laughs so hard at all the stupid Dad jokes

They finish up the rest of the park and still have some time to spare so they go shopping

Chandler finds a couple of shirts and some cute Disney jewelry but not much else

Same with Veronica, but she buys a couple of pins and other random collectibles

Duke buys some pins of her favorite characters for her office at work plus a few other things

Mac buys so much stuff that she can barely carry it all, shirts, collectibles, pins, stuff for their home and so many stuffed toys

Thankfully they can get it all shipped back to their resort to pick it up when they get back so they don't have to carry it for the rest of the day

They have dinner at Be Our Guest (Beauty and the Beast restaurant) where they meet Belle and Beast

They try the grey stuff (its delicious)

Afterwards they go back and ride some stuff again

Chandler looked up where all the special spots were while everyone was on other rides so she goes for a rematch and she beats Duke and is celebrating but then Veronica shows that she got 100,000 points over her

Duke and Chandler mope for the next 15 minutes that they got beat by Veronica

They go find some of the characters that Mac missed on the first go round like Buzz Lightyear or Jack Sparrow who only come out randomly

They then go get a spot for fireworks which they watch

Mac happy cries again

They then go back to the resort and pick up their purchases

They have to make 2 trips because Mac bought so much crap

They all pass out because as much fun they had, they are exhausted

Chandler's Favorite Ride: Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin

Duke's Favorite Ride: Jungle Cruise

Mac's Favorite Ride: Under the Sea; Journey of the Little Mermaid

Veronica's Favorite Ride: Haunted Mansion

Day #2: EPCOT

They get to EPCOT early

Mac wants to stay at each park from open to close and bc this is her trip everyone agrees

Veronica enjoys the more educational rides like Spaceship Earth (the globe) and Living with the Land (shows off EPCOT's farming) but Chandler and Duke are bored out of their minds

They go to Cosmic Rewind (Guardians of the Galaxy rollercoaster) which obviously Chandler sits out of but while she waits she goes into the gift shop

In there they sell Infinity Gauntlets and she decides why the hell not

She gets one of the Iron Man ones bc its red and thats her color

When they get out of the ride they see Chandler with the gauntlet on her hand they start laughing bc the sight of Chandler with this oversized thing on her hand is too funny

Chandler goes up to them and does a terrible Thanos impression and goes "I am inevitable" and tries to snap but she didn't realize that it physically cannot stop

She gets mad that she spent all that money on it and it can't even snap which is like its whole deal

Of course the other 3 buy one too

They go on Test Track (car ride) where you can design your own car and they create the dumbest looking car possible

The wheels are bigger than the rest of the car, it has all these stupid add ons like spoilers and giant exhausts and stickers

They dub it the Heathermobile

They have lunch at Space 220 (it simulates being in outer space) which is cool but Mac is disappointed there are no characters for her to see

They go around the countries on the World Showcase which also bores Chandler and Duke bc its just learning

When they get to Japan Duke and Veronica buy so much anime crap

They all get kimonos in their own colors

Duke debates buying a samurai sword but realizes that she probably wouldn't be able to put that on the plane

They buy a bunch of Japanese snacks including some pocky

Mac and Veronica play the pocky game, Mac loses bc she's giggling the whole time

At each Pavilion Duke makes a terrible impersonation of that country's accent and Veronica just facepalms every time

They go to the Norway Pavilion and Mac and Chandler are excited bc they have all the Frozen shit

They're slightly disappointed bc on the Frozen ride the faces of the animatronics are projected and they look kinda creepy

But after they get to go meet Anna and Elsa and this was like a dream come true moment for kid Mac and Chandler and they take a really nice picture

When they get home they frame it and put it on the wall

They have dinner at Akershus (princess restaurant in Norway Pavilion) where Mac meets most of the princesses she had already seen plus Aurora

Chandler takes a picture with her bc that's her favorite Princess and Disney movie

They get done with everyone pretty quick bc EPCOT is alot smaller than Magic Kingdom so they decide to go drinking around the world

Drinking Around the World refers to going to each country and doing their favorite activity, drinking alcohol

Veronica stays sober bc one of them has to make sure they get back to the room

By the time they get halfway around the Heathers are all wasted and Veronica basically has to drag them back to the room

Chandler's Favorite Ride: The Seas with Nemo and Friends

Duke's Favorite Ride: Cosmic Rewind

Mac's Favorite Ride: Frozen Ever After

Veronica's Favorite Ride: Living with the Land

Day #3: Hollywood Studios

The Heathers wake up hungover as hell

Veronica prepared for this and got some water and other makeshift hangover cures she could make with what they had in the resort gift shop

By the time its time to leave they feel mostly better

They get to the park and go straight for Toy Story Land

They go on Toy Story Mania (similar to Buzz lightyear) and Duke and Chandler had been researching to see what they can do to cheat and win

Upon finding nothing they both try new tactics

During the third section Chandler realizes she's down so she keeps ramming into Duke to try and throw her off balance

Seeing that Chandler is playing dirty, during the next round Duke kisses Chandler which stuns her for a few seconds which allows her to regain the lead

Duke gets the win but then Mac gets more points than her to the shock of everyone

She takes a victory picture and orders a shirt off of Etsy saying "Toy Story Mania champion"

They head to Galaxy's Edge (Star Wars Land)

They got reservations for the lightsaber building and droid making

They each build a lightsaber, Mac is upset bc she can't get a yellow crystal but she finds out she can buy one so it all works out

Once they realize that if they fought with those they would break they go to another gift shop and buy the cheap toy ones

They also all make droids in their signature colors

They go on Smuggler's Run (Millenium Falcon Ride)

Mac and Duke take the pilot role and Veronica and Chandler are the gunners

The two other people unfortunate enough to be with them have to deal with them all yelling at each other bc the gunners arent shooting fast enough and Duke keeps ramming the Falcon into things

They get a low score and they're all kinda upset with each other but not really, they get over it in like five minutes

They go on Star Tours (Star Wars simulator ride) and Veronica is the rebel spy

After they get off the Heathers keep calling her a traitor to the Empire and shit like that

Mac fucking loves the Muppets and nearly happy cries during MuppetVision3D (muppet show)

They have lunch at Sci Fi (you eat in cars and watch old 50's scary movies

Chandler and Duke sit in the back and are scared of the cheesey old movies while Veronica and Mac just laugh at how obiviously fake they all are

They go watch all the shows like the Indiana Jones and Beauty and the Beast ones

Mac goes meet Olaf which is also a childhood dream of hers

They all go to the Frozen Sing a Long and Mac sings along

The rest of them think its cute

Duke is the only one who isn't scared of the Tower of Terror and she goes on alone

There's a great picture of her screaming her lungs out on the ride that they wanted to hang on the wall but Duke wouldn't let them

They have dinner at Hollywood and Vine (just a regular restaurant tbh) where Mac meets Minnie, Goofy, Pluto and Donald

They go see Fantasmic! (Nighttime Show) at the end of the night

When they leave they're just in awe, Mac is happy crying

Chandler's Favorite Ride: Toy Story Mania (even if she lost)

Duke's Favorite Ride: Tower of Terror

Mac's Favorite Ride: MuppetVision3D

Veronica's Favorite Ride: Rise of the Resistance

Day #4: Animal Kingdom

They get there early like every other day

They get in line for Flight of Passage (Avatar flying ride) and they are just in awe of how amazing of an experience it was

Even Chandler who doesn't normally like rides through it was an amazing ride

They buy little Banshees which sit on their shoulders and its really cute

They have breakfast at Tusker House where Mac gets to meet the whole Mickey Mouse gang

Next is Kilimanjaro Safari (self-explanatory)

Mac has an amazing time seeing all the different animals, especially the stuff they don't have back in their local zoo like hippos and crocodiles and she takes a bunch of pictures

Afterwards they has reservations to go on a closer tour of the ride where they can get a whole lot closer to the animals and they even get to feed some of them which makes Mac so fucking happy

They go to the Tough to be a Bug show and right as the show ends the seat moves like bugs are crawling under it and it scares the crap out of all of them

There's several shows involving birds where they can see him up close and afterwards Mac talks to the handlers about the animals

They go on Kali River Rapids (raft ride) and they all get soaked except for Chandler who wisely sat that one out

They all come back with wet clothes and Chandler just has this 'i told you so' attitude

Mac is pretty disappointed with the Dinosaur area and how low quality the whole thing seems

Animal Kingdom is pretty small and there isn't a whole lot to do so they call it an early night

Chandler's Favorite Ride: Flight of Passage

Duke's Favorite Ride: Expedition Everest

Mac's Favorite Ride: Kilimanjaro Safari

Veronica's Favorite Ride: Na'vi River Journey

Day #5: Free Day

They decide to sleep in and just cuddle when they wake up

Even Mac, who wants to go out and just do things is tired and in desperate need of physical affection from her gfs

They decide to spend the morning at Disney Springs, the shopping center for Disney World

There's plenty of non-Disney shopping to do there like Uniqlo, the Coke Store, M&Ms and their favorite, the LEGO store

They all get a plush M&M with their signature color and they snack on a giant bag of them that they bought

They buy just so much Disney crap bc its their last day

Clothes, Collectibles, Duke buys like 20 different pins, Home decorations

Mac gets a bunch of plushes

When they go checkout at the World of Disney (main store at Disney Springs) the cashier just sees 4 women all carrying as much stuff as they physically can and has to call someone to help them bring it all to the area to ship it to the resort

Then they go to the LEGO store and buy the 400 dollar Disney Castle plus other Disney sets

They go around and eat a bunch of different treats and snacks

They go back to the room to rest for a little while before deciding to go to putt-putt golf

Obviously Duke and Chandler make it a competition which Mac wins

Mac is really good at putt-putt

Then they go back to the room, take a dip a the pool and get some drinks

In the following morning they have to arrange the shipment of all of their purchases to their home which is made more difficult bc Disney needs their receipts to be able to ship so they are just scrambling to find all the necessary ones before the bus to bring them back to the airport gets there

They do manage to figure it all out and they get on the bus and eventually the plane back to Ohio

Despite everything they all had a good time and they're thinking about making it a yearly trip, much to Mac's delight

#heather chandler #heather duke #heather mcnamara #heathers #heathers the musical #veronica sawyer #heathers headcannons #poly!heathers+veronica #poly!heathersxveronica

[shallowseeker]

SAM, if I were your brother, I'd have hit you in this episode. Or at the very least put hair-dye in your shampoo!

Ok, so I finally finished re-watching Don't Go Into the Woods, and I noticed that Sam is doing the same thing he did with Claire Novak a little bit!

///

So, at the start of the episode, he doesn't even seem all that aware of the stress Jack, Dean, Cas are under. In the previous episode, Peace of Mind, Sam is wrapped up in his own grief and failings, and Cas steps in to mentor him (note Cas also wanted to let Dean get some much-needed sleep).

Here, in Don't Go Into the Woods, Sam starts out gung-ho about the hunt, but by the end of the episode, he's clamped onto his moral-fixation-of-the-moment, inspired by the case-of-the-week, where a Dean-and-Cas coded sheriff has lied to a son to protect him.

///

And here's the thing. I's a little bit true, right? Dean is tiptoeing around Jack, chipperly telling him that "his mission is SHOPPING!"

BUT.

Sam's being sanctimonious-Sam here.

Dean's been the one trying to take care of Sam AND Jack when Sam was running everyone ragged by diving into case after case...when Sam was trying to forget about losing the AU hunters.

Now, weeks later, Sam checks back in to trying to be apart of the co-parenting village.

I'm impressed Dean is keeping patience enough to listen to him. I'd have laid on Baby's horn and screamed, probably. Or turned on heavy-metal and let it rattle the windows.

DEAN: So telling the kid--you think that's the best idea? SAM: What? You don't? DEAN: It doesn't make his life any better, you know?

Oof. Ow.

Dean is so sad.

He knows something is wrong with his kid, but he doesn't know how to fix it. BECAUSE it's not simple.

But Sam? After weeks of being "out of it," Sam has hyper-focused on The Thing (TM) he thinks is gonna fix it.

For Sam, it's simple. Don't lie, and everything else solves itself! :D Talk, and all your problems just melt away.

DEAN: I took care of it, okay? We took care of it. SAM: No, no Dean. We did not take care of it.

(BRB, hitting Sam with a newspaper.)

Sam is framing this as a "Dean is so controlling" issue, when in fact, it's a part of the larger "Sam is checking out," one.

And hey--we are absolutely sympathetic to Sam checking out, to using hunting to ease his turbulence.

He's not the only character to do so!

However, Sam is a character that tends to check out, come back, and immediately go into sanctimonious LECTURE mode:

SAM (judgily): No, no Dean. We did not take care of it. You did.

Yeah, Sam. That's kind of the whole friggin' point here!!!

For weeks now, Dean and Cas having been taking trying their darnedest to care of YOU, of Jack, of everything! Dean is even the one who checked in on the phone with your friend ROWENA.

Cas is going the other direction, taking on too much. He's out trying to take care of things ON HIS OWN AS YOU SPEAK. Dean's on the -hold-down-the-fort-homefront, and Cas is on the big-solution-oriented-battlefront.

All Dean does is exhale a little. "Ha..."

SAM: And do you think you really took care of it the right way?

....

......................................

Sam. Sammy.

....

Anyway, so Dean. He's hit with this...blunt, hamfisted unkindness rom Sam after his Michael-possession and superhuman efforts to take care of everyone, so he scrambles.

DEAN: "Jack said he was fine."

And obviously, Dean knows Jack isn't fine.

HE'S the one that was wanting to give Jack more space and time before hunting, after all. And in the beginning of this ep, Sam wasn't even thinking about Jack's wellbeing at all. It just...hasn't been on his radar. He was the one berating Dean for not wanting to bring Jack along and sassily reminding him that Jack was (via Donatello) "is in the clear."

And so, Sam pushes the lying issue:

SAM: "He's a kid. And when we were kids, how many times did we tell dad we say were fine just to make him happy?"

...

Oh.

Like you did earlier this very episode, Sam?

*coughs*

Sigh.

///

In the context of the last few weeks and his cluelessness in the beginning of this episode, wanna know why Sam is using this issues to throw such a bitch-fit?

Because now that Sam's checked into the village parenting club again, he's latching onto something that's easier to control than everything else: words.

Cause Sam's simplifying the whole sitch.

(It's why Sam's boundaries with Jack tend to be "easy-mode" parenting, like his berating Jack's sugary sweets/diet. These are tasks that allow Sam to remain "the good guy in Jack's corner" without doing the "hard-mode" parenting that turns the parent into a Bad Guy.)

And Sam he thinks talking out "the truth" will magically fix Jack's complex issues...ones Sam's been conveniently ignoring for weeks.

///

And Dean is being so beautifully understanding about it. Acquiescing and trying things Sam's way.

///

Sam slinks in the background at first, letting Dean do the greeting and the talking at first, waiting for his moment to swoop in and provide "sage, Sammy-time advice" That he has no doubt been rehearsing silently in the car.

And Dean...despite shielding Jack from the truth, is being honest in other emotional ways. He emphasizes how he didn't particularly like the gross parts of the hunt.

[[Remember, in the very beginning of the episode, Sam judgmentally raked Dean over the FUCKIN' COALS for jumping at the sight of the dead body. "How many years you been doing this job, Dean? You're embarrassing me here.")]]

///

Enter Sam. Parent mode activated!

God help us.

DEAN, comically annoyed that Jack didn't get the beer...

....and MAYBE wondering if Sam's bull-in-the-China-shop parenting is going to work right here at this ill-timed moment or not.

The thing is, Sam is right about some aspects of this! It's a good thing to talk to Jack about his powers! Like how Cas needs to talk to Jack about the snake! How Dean needs to stop being so afraid of the truth that he goes into denial mode.

BUT!

At its base, the Sam method tends to chafe.

Jack's been INCREDIBLY defensive lately, something Cas and Dean know well and have clearly talked about with each other freely. In Peace of Mind, they both used the snake to talk to Jack soas not to trigger Jack's defensiveness.

But Sam? Sam's been way outta the loop. And it shows.

SAM: Jack LISTEN. Dean and I wanted to talk to you about your powers.

And again, I'm not saying Sam's wrong. He's just...unfortunately very Sam about things even when he's right. He's able to occasionally give good advice, like to Mary about AU Bobby!

There's no real...100% wrong stance here.

After all, maybe it would've been better for Jack to come along with them (or maybe it would've gone terribly)?

And Dean may have good intention in wanting to lie to protect his son Jack, but Dean definitely doesn't want his partner to lie to him to spare him pain.

(Or, actually, via the script, that's not quite true. He SIMULTANEOUSLY wants Cas to tell him about the snake, and he DOESN'T want Cas to tell him about the snake. Lol, oh the humanity.)

///

ANYHOO. Dean gracefully enters the conversation, trying to be frank but IMHO clearly having misgivings about this approach and timing:

DEAN: It was crappy of us not to tell you. You know, we were trying to be nice. 'Cause we care about you. But because we care about you, you deserve the truth.

And Jack has a moment of indecision here, clearly thinking about his own lie. Ordinarily, Jack might come clean about how his powers injured someone (and then healed them). But not now. Not with how things have been lately.

But here...psychologically wounded from consuming Michael's grace, feeling flat inside, feeling guilty and disconnected from everything...he remains quiet.

Not to mention, Sam's up in his face like this:

///

Jeebus. No wonder Jack didn't say anything.

Make no mistake, Jack is annoyed by the constant hovering. He says as much in Game Night, but something about this cerebral-scripted-Sam-method IMHO works the least with Jack.

(We see that in Tombstone, too.)

I think Dean realizes that Jack's withdrawing here, that this method, despite it's moral clarity, wasn't entirely effective or successful for getting through to Jack:

At least with Cas, Jack allowed himself to get mad, to speak freely. (Same with Mary in Game Night. He lets his real emotions show.)

But this? Sam's pushing?

He shuts down:

Dean tips his head back, like "Oh crap." Perhaps thinking to himself, HOLY MOLEY THAT DID NOT WORK AT ALL.

He even makes a Cas face about it:

And the fun part is: Jack knows that Dean knows.

You can see it in the flash of eyes he gives him here. But when Jack looks back to Sam, he does this little "I'm so innocent" act.

And Sam? Sam looks overjoyed because he's a dumbass who missed...everything.

Dean on the other hand...is...more understanding of the fuck-all progress that actually made here. Which is basically none. He swings his arms like, "Whelp. That was useless."

Sam is like YISSS I HAVE DONE IT I HAVE CONQUERED PARENTING IN ALL MY WISDOM

DEAN (sarcastically): Great. And I guess I'll go get some beer.

#sam stuff #spn parenting #jack stuff #dean stuff #season 14 #bad parent sam

[utilitycaster]

🔥 the fanon interpretations of both Caleb and Essek as individuals, and shadowgast as a ship

oh good one, and I'm going to keep this brief but I could elaborate outside this meme should you wish to keep it going at a later time.

First off I'd sell almost any fanon interpretation of anything for a single corn chip, and that's facts; also I like the canon of all three of these things.

Specific to Caleb: fanon interpretation suffers from the same issues that plague all Liam characters which I've touched on before which is that people are like SAD BOY and ignore every single other quality about him(and also ignore any like, tragedy, pathos, subtle horrifying details, etc in every single other character present) and Liam is usually like, putting in quite a lot of work to make a character who is more than just Sad (TM).

Specific to Essek: really the crux of why fanon sucks so much is that he is both a young smart person who was given really inadequate answers and is very relatable to anyone who has been a grad student; and also he did make a number of immensely selfish and short-sighted decisions that fanned an already smoldering ember into war; and also that he is very endearing once he starts to reckon with what he's done but that it doesn't negate what he did. And a lot of people cannot hold this all in their head so they either are like SWEET BABY WAR CRIMINAL which is boring or they're unironically saying he should be executed for treason which is an overreaction given that he is fictional when the answer is that he is a good fucking fictional character who plays a fantastic role within the story.

Specific to their relationship: meanwhile, the reason fanon on their relationship sucks so much is literally people do NOT engage with the relationship as it is (frequently long-distance; possibly open; ends due to lifespan differences though likely not for many years; Matt and Liam did not in fact break social distancing to openly make out on the nonexistent table which bothers people for some reason) and they overlay literally every other nein relationship onto it. Like, every other relationship has some degree of white picket fence and kids (and I mean this neutrally, not as a bad thing). I have seen fics in which Caleb and Essek fight Uk'otoa and Fjord is like...barely there and it's like guys do you give a shit about Caleb and Essek (Essek, who...probably doesn't know who Uk'otoa is)? or do you actually want whatever Beau and Yasha, or Fjord and Jester, or Veth and Yeza have going on but for some reason need to puppet this through Caleb and Essek. (not exclusive to Caleb and Essek in terms of how again, like, the vast majority of fanon sucks, but bc they have an actual unique and interesting relationship that defies molds it's particularly rough out there).

#answered #Anonymous #unpopular opinions ask meme

[heytheredeann]

Hi :)

For the end of year emoji ask:

🥰😪📝

(I'm greedy, so I asked three, but feel free to pick only one or two from them)

Hope you'll have great day/night!

Thank youuuu, you can definitely ask for as many as you want <3<3

🥰 a piece i’m really proud of and why

I really like how Goodbye gift came out. It's just a little piece of Illya whump from a non-linear Napoleon POV, I don't know what it is about it but I was really inspired when I wrote it and I feel like the fic somehow reflects that, though it might just be in my head looool

😪 a piece that was meant to be short but took on a life of its own

It's not technically very long (to be fair, in general I don't write very long fics to begin with, so loool but this isn't even of the long-ish variety), but I'm picking Mistletoe because this was supposed to be a very small ficlet, like 500 words max, and it ended up being more than 1200 words instead loooool

It really did come to life on its own, I was just along for the ride.

📝 a line or paragraph i’m really happy with

From Kindness:

(Later, she will pretend to be asleep, tucked into an armchair at a close enough distance from them that her heart can sit still, and she’ll hear Solo sigh, likely still hunched over the side of Illya’s bed, hand holding tight onto his, the way she last caught sight of them. “I’m sorry. I’m a terrible partner,” he’ll say, sad but resigned, and there will barely be a breath of pause before Illya will counter: “Of course not. You looked for me.”)

I really like the mental image here, and writing about Napoleon and Illya sharing a Moment(TM) from Gaby's perspective, idk, I think it came out nice looool

.

send me an emoji!

#thank you so much for playing asdfghjkl #i did have a lot of trouble choosing but i knew that walking in looool #gapollya #napollya #the man from uncle #tmfu #illya x napoleon x gaby #napoleon x illya #not spn #ely replies #ikeepwatchinghelicopters

[tryst-art-archive]

Context: 2010, pt. 3

Hot Girl Phase (TM)

I really like high heels. I'm drawn to them, I like wearing them, I like how I look in them, but for a long time I would buy them and then not wear them because I didn't have anywhere fancy to be that I could wear them to.

Leading up to sophomore year of college, I'd been doing a lot of shopping therapy to cope with my massive, undiagnosed depression. The depression spending eventually became A Problem, but it wasn't quite there yet in 2010. What was a problem was that I'd run out of space in my closet because it was full of heels I never wore.

One day when I wanted to buy more shoes, I found myself standing at my wardrobe, staring at the shoes and thinking how I couldn't buy more without getting rid of some and anyway I really needed to stop sinking money on things I didn't wear because I never had occasion to--

--Wait. Did I need an occasion?

Dear reader, I did not need an occasion. I started wearing the goddamn heels.

For the next ~two years~ I wore high heels every day without exception. I mean that. I full-on hiked in wedges. I walked down Mission Hill in three-inch pumps while it was icy. When I eventually, finally, had a day that I wore a sneaker again it turned out that my hamstrings had massively shrunk. Walking flat hurt like a bitch.

The realization that I didn't need a reason to wear the things I liked was basically a renaissance moment. Everything I'd been setting aside as "special clothes" I just started wearing, and with some guidance from friends I began to wear some very light, easy-to-do makeup (although I never got remotely good at it due to lack of genuine interest). I swiftly entered my Hot Girl Phase, taking a weird kind of pride in drawing attraction and a much less weird pride in feeling good about my appearance, which had never been the norm.

These were my Femme years. They were also my Constant Cat Calling years.

Anywhere I went alone, I got cat calls. I learned to ignore them, learned to ignore the men screaming and yelling at me for ignoring them, learned how to pretend music was playing in my headphones when it wasn't--the things any (presumed) girl learns. I was just learning later than most.

One time a full-grown man tried to follow me home while chatting me up in a way I couldn't quite escape from. I managed to get out of the situation by ducking into a part of the college's buildings that a security guard was stationed at. I avoided the street that occurred on for years afterwards, and walking around there still makes me nervous, even twelve years later.

These are things I think about a lot now with reference to my being trans because the thing is, a lot of what I did at that time isn't that different from what I do now. I'm a femme-y kind of boy, and it turns out I like wearing the kinds of dresses I wore then a lot better when I don't have visible boobs.

So it's strange because there's a simultaneous joyousness to the agency I took over my own appearance and life at that time, but in the photos there's a visible discomfort with the trappings of femininity--with the role--too.

An additional wrinkle was that I was the smallest I'd ever been in my life, just 125 lbs. It scared me, so I fixed it, but it was one of those things that got complimented constantly while I knew that it had happened because of depression. I stop eating when I'm depressed, so naturally I get smaller.

Obviously there's a lot of fatphobia at play in why those compliments happened, but there's also a sense that no one actually cares about you when you keep getting complimented for a side-effect of an illness that's been trying to kill you for the better part of a decade. It didn't help, you know?

Left: Me in 2011, in the dress I wore to everything and really wish I hadn't given away. Right: Me in 2022, putting on a similar dress while binding and wearing a packer just to see how it would look. I'm going to hang onto it to see if it holds up for post-medical-transition!Trystan.

My Hot Girl Phase was also my Party Years, and I miss my party years so bad. The greatest tragedy of not figuring out I was trans until I was 30 is that I didn't get to be a gay little twink during my Party Years.

Anyhow, 2010!me had now started living, going to parties, having a grand old time with my friends, getting laid, and just generally enjoying myself. I was still depressed out of my mind, and the stupidest things I ever did were still ahead of me, but I'll be damned if it wasn't getting more and more apparent that the depression had almost nothing to do with my actual circumstances.

Therapy Attempt 1

During the summer of 2010 I finally convinced my mom that my depression was a real thing. She'd always been very adamant that it was just teenager stuff and would go away when my teenager-ness went away.

When the depression wasn't magically cured by college, though, she finally conceded that something might be wrong. She found a therapist in-network for our health insurance and was my ride while I was seeing that therapist.

I didn't see the therapist for very long, just a few sessions during that summer. A strange thing happened where I got this sense of panic about the therapy sessions that I can only characterize as my depression itself trying to defend itself against eradication. It was like a terror of being cured, in a way, and so I made my excuses and dipped out of the situation before any progress could really be made.

I didn't wind up in a therapist's office again until I was 26.

#trans man in a dress #just in case that bothers you #like i was having fun but that doesn't mean you will #hot girl phase #college #therapy #depression #context #me #10s #2010 #Age 19

[oldgooddaysoldgooddays]

188

Tuesday I am beginning to lose patience with my temporary studio, its harsh lighting. I smell something odd while I paint and learn my infrared ceramic heater has begun melting my ergonomic swivel chair. J sends a photo of a paper craft project he made and K says I need to overcome how horrified this makes me and have sex with him when I next go to New York. V and I catch up on what feels like 6 weeks of absence, despite only being 10 days. Her birthday had multiple chapters and we agree her best gift was perhaps the Brazilian antibiotics from M that you can’t get in the U.K, specifically for UTIs. V says she has been through one of those phases where she scrolls Companies House to look at turnover and profits of other businesses. I didn’t know this was something she did, but who amongst us hasn’t checked in on our rivals in some form or another to feel sturdier by comparison? We argue about which nation is scarier, USA or China. Swap tales of artists complaining about their galleries. I bring to her the greatest hits of New Orleans and New York, she manages to unpick all the knots without effort. We smoke dozens of cigarettes, then do our evening TM together and I feel lucky to have someone who nourishes both sides of my wellness journey Later I will entertain a text conversation with J who decides to begin insulting me, proving that flirtation is a dying art. He is holding onto some resentment about what he thought was a deep conversation we shared at H's wedding being no different - in terms of candour - to interviews I've given. "I thought I was getting some open up faced off conversation", he writes, "but you basically told me the same thing [as in your interviews". Sorry to disappoint, I write back. "Your deep talk is actually veiled small talk", he continues, "rehab eating disorder painting bla bla [sic] I'm nothing". He ushers in a new era where I have to account not only for my direct contact but my Google results too. I don't care for it. He then tells me I have brown teeth. He wants to feel special and has chosen the asshole route. I think to blacken my teeth deliberately for when I next see him, if I ever see him, and learn my interview quotes by heart so I can reel them off. Maybe with a different person I might order crest white strips in a panic, but this man is a skater. I double down. I stop responding and leave him to stew, watch Ryan Murphy's OJ Simpson docuseries for the 450th time, go to sleep. Actually maybe I brush a little harder than I normally would, if I'm being completely honest

[intimidating-fettuccine]

If it's okay, can I request a slenderman reaction/headcannon to their partner wanting to have a child with him? As in would slender be excited, or scared about being a dad?

How they'd be having the child was not stated to keep this GN for you guys~

Slender's never really thought about having children of his own all that much. After all, he's so focused on his work, and he has the residents of the mansion to look after, so having kids has never really been at the top of his plate. He'd never considered it, at least, until you brought up the prospect of the two of you having children together someday, and he got punched in the face with Reality TM.

He sits and thinks on it for a few days, I'm sure. After all, having a child is expensive no matter how the little one comes into your lives, and it would definitely change both of your schedules, and it would be a lot more work which could get tiresome but- but he doesn't mind doing that if it's with you, he realizes. He realizes that despite all of his apprehensions about it, the second he imagines the two of you, with a child or two running around you, smiles shared between everyone there- the thought is quite addicting to him.

And it doesn't matter HOW the two of you bring a child into your family, either. Whether it's normal pregnancy, or a surrogate, or adoption, it doesn't matter to him. He knows that with you, the two of you would love and raise that child as your own regardless, and when he tells you as much a few days later, it nearly has him getting physically emotional from how excited he is. Holding onto you, the two of your practically jumping from joy at the prospect of starting a family together. Of course, he'll want some time to prepare, to organize his life and work to make adjustments for a child, but he's absolutely certain that this is something that he wants.

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta headcanons #slenderman #slenderman headcanon #slenderman headcanons #slenderman x reader

[broken-balance-baby]

a meta post for an AU playlist

this post goes out to @swearingcactus for managing to read all of forgotten idols and their intertwined destinies while simultaneously screaming at me. last night was a blast homie, now i've been plunged back into au brainrot, enough to deduce that i still love this playlist. Please, enjoy it as you play it, kids, there's a lot to delve in with my mental illness being projected onto this story. This post contains spoilers from the fic, though if you're planning on reading that fic I assume you can wait until you finish to finally understand the context I'm explaining behind this.

So without further ado, here we go!

The Setlist(TM):

Karma - Sarah Kinsley

Hard Feelings/Loveless - Lorde

American Money - BORNS

Reset Me, I Was Just A Kid - Nothing But Thieves

Teenage Fantasy - Jorja Smith

Cure, Gold - Felix Rabito & Saint Dismas

From The Gallows - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Body High - Mystery Skulls

Sideways, Primavera - Santana

Misery - Maroon 5

Still Don't Know My Name - Labrinth

It Will Come Back, Arsonist's Lullaby - Hozier

Sex n' Drugs, Somebody to Love - Abhi The Nomad

Swoon - Beach Weather

Poplar St. - Glass Animals

Jesus lived in a motel room - HYUKOH

Old Soul - Saint Motel

Enchanted, My Prayer - The Platters

Fly Me To The Moon - Bobby Womack

Excuses - Shakey Graves

Superposition - Young the Giant

Cuz I Love You - Lizzo

1. On Heartbreak/Betrayal and Trust Issues

Karma - Sarah Kinsley | Hard Feelings/Loveless - Lorde | Somebody to Love - Abhi The Nomad | Up To No Good - The Hoosiers | Jesus lived in a motel room - HYUKOH | Excuses - Shakey Graves | Teenage Fantasy - Jorja Smith

Tell me, fortune teller Will I let another broken heart in?

I think this one holds up an obvious choice of words. We'll be going back to this later on in the essay, but I'd like to preface these lyrics as a way of understanding what being broken, surrounded by broken people does. Bhadra fears that the next person in her life will be broken; crooked, all wrong, someone who would fuck her up in the worst ways possible, as well as also unable to let herself relive the kind of heartbreak she went through as a child. This goes the same for Diego; after the events of part 2 it began to become unbearable to just let himself be. Will he let himself get his heart broken again? Will he let his fears get to him? Who knows.

'Cause I remember the rush when forever was us Before all of the winds of regret and mistrust Now we sit in your car and our love is a ghost Well, I guess I should go, yeah, I guess I should go

This song was honestly too good not to put into this playlist. Aside from the fact this will come back in multiple points later on, this verse specifically highlights the calm before the storm, the multitude of "it's over, this is the past, and I have to move on," details upon details that paint how much the love was still there even if it was going to be gone forever. The death of a loved one will never truly leave when their things still remain, after all. This is Bhadra's acceptance of never getting the time she had hope for Ajay to the fullest extent, for him to be the man that would save her and her country, so she decides, yes: she has to go. She has to move on. At least by the final chapter/epilogue, she finally says a proper goodbye to him and the life that she'd known for the past 32 years of her life.

Yeah, I don't wanna live like this Where were you when we needed you the most? I know exactly what you think So I'll push 'till I see you no more

Diego is tired. He's sick of psychosis, he's sick of the repetition that his life gave him. Where the most important figures of his life were were long dead and gone, he still sees them as hallucinations and delusions, people he thought he was allowed to need were simply there to haunt him. So what does he do? He works it out, unable to take medications at first, goes about his life as El Presidente like it's normal. But then, as Eric and Gary rolled into Yara, he realized something: he wanted to break this cycle. He wanted to break this repetition, this mundanity like he did before, even if his demons sat on his shoulders while doing it. He needed them, lost them, and they came back to haunt him until he couldn't take it anymore.

Words drip like honey dear how sweet it is to hear But not everything that you are presented is as it appears So he tells you love you now?

Oh, you think he's looking lovingly at you But it's nowhere near the truth

Another one for Bhadra's distorted affections for Ajay, but it comes with the price of having to deal with a man blind to his own volition. Bhadra's perception of Ajay prior to his betrayal is a warped one, idolizing and pressuring him to be something that he couldn't possibly achieve as a man on his own. She loved him, Ajay loved her too, but he also ripped her apart and never put her together again.

She asked him, a man she loved, a man who had given her hope, a man who belonged, if he could save her.

In her heart, he says yes.

In his lips, there was silence.

Now time to go back Ocean of tears Before the sailing gonna turn back Now it's the time to go back My tongue can make or break Before I slip and realize

There's something about the anxiety this entire song brings. Broken in thoughts, you only ever get Hyukoh's lyrics in this form, a strange poem that gives off the same thoughts-only lyricism from e.e. cummings. It's something that happens when you think fast, when everything goes out of hand, suddenly everything feels far removed from one another and you're just feeling all sorts of emotions. It's what Bhadra feels and thinks every time, she's a fast thinker, but she isn't coherent when you put her out there in the world if you want her to speak what she thinks. This comes from the fact that this is just a constant thing in her life. So what does she do, if her tongue "breaks"?

'Cause I don't have time to fall in love I don't have time to fall in love No no no, not today Maybe tomorrow is too far away Can I change before my time runs out?

The fear of having to love in both part 1 and 2 are pretty evident, but both Diego and Bhadra can't help surrender to the feeling no matter how much it actually gave them the risk. They don't have the time to fall in love, but as the song goes, they can't wait to either. I think it also complies with the idea that they just won't have it different when they die, you know? So they beg for something different. Something to find love with. In turn, it changes them.

2. Sex and Taste, Who Knew That Was Love's Base?

Sex n' Drugs - Abhi the Nomad | Poplar St. - Glass Animals | It Will Come Back - Hozier | Swoon - Beach Weather | Body High - Mystery Skulls

Born faceless Please save me My soul's tainted It's how I've been born

With the song discussing about how the persona craves sex and drugs (as per the title) I thought it'd be appropriate to center this around Diego's adult life and how sex had become one of his many unhealthy coping mechanisms as he grew older. See, he doesn't use sex as a way to get his feelings of repression out, he uses it as a way of escaping from the things in his head as a substitute for drugs. Dissociating as you have sex just isn't a pleasant experience and chapter 1 of part 2 reflects that in this excerpt. He knows that something is wrong with him, but he just thinks that this is what he has to live with now.

His head may have been on his shoulders, but the further he went, the more his body had disconnected from the frame of reality. It was as if he was looking at a picture of himself, watching a moaning woman getting thrusted into a dinner table, something that should’ve been so thrilling but ended up with something too empty. Far too empty.

I feel like a new man Red flowers in my bed Breathe straight through the crisp air Dead flowers in the sand

If I were to put this in another manner, I would say that Diego coming into the gripes of sex as he gets older makes him into a new man. Petals fall in an image that falls fleeting, he sleeps, in love with sex, but it all dies with him even as he grows to love the woman he sleeps with.

Don't let it in with no intention to keep it Jesus Christ, don't be kind to it Honey, don't feed it, it will come back

Well, to put it into more words, it's within Diego's lust. He's happy Bhadra returns the sentiment, but it becomes more apparent that the more they play around, teasing each other in the middle of the war, the harder it is to try killing each other if they actually want each other. Still, when you have a big beefy guy who has rage as hot as the elephant's foot of Chernobyl lusting after you, chances are he might have to know how fucking dangerous (and exciting) it is.

You're my cannibal lover I feel it when you're underneath the skin Creepin' in again Well I know this chemical feeling Is making me forget about the drugs You poison with your love

It's pretty straight forward. Love can eat Diego alive, and he knows this when he's literally been poisoned and drugged, lmao. But anyway, it's an addicting thing to him altogether. Falling in love and getting to be involved is scary though, but love was also the reason he ended up having Bhadra in his life. Some things were meant to be no matter how cruel the circumstances were. The fate was intertwined, lmao.

I try to make my baby understand Move my hands like an analog Make you forget 'bout every other man Tell you stories with my body love

If you guys didn't already know, I have a thing for hands. Hands tell stories: they're the catalysts of creation, after all. Diego's hands are damaged from having to deal with the amount of death they inflicted upon people; his hands are wrapped to protect him from breaking his wrists when he punches people, and also so that the blood stains the fabric of the wraps, not his knuckles. So using his hands on Bhadra, he touches her as gently as he did with Isabel, but then takes a swing like he did with Carlos and ends up showing his history of violence with her like Mateo. It's enough for Bhadra to forget about Ajay for a moment, to make sure that he's the enemy she needs to take out, and she knows what kind of man Diego really is with how he uses his body against her.

“That’s my question.” She hissed. In the light of the day, he noticed how her eyes were colored brightly. They shone almost like gold, but upon closer inspection it seemed to have become green.

He tightened his hold on her head.

“You will answer me. You will tell me who you are working with. You will tell me,” Diego said, running his hand down her hair before pulling it up, making her wince as he spoke. “What. I. Need.”

“Or what?” she replied in a harsh whisper. The grip on her head tightened and she was met with a punch to the face.

[...] As Ajay let go of her head, Diego carded his fingers through her hair again and pulled it back, exposing her face. “Aren’t you lucky that your papa doesn’t want to hurt you?”

3. Superstitious Associations and Other Fantasies

Still Don't Know My Name - Labrinth | Superposition - Young the Giant | My Prayer - The Platters

I'm dreamin' of all of the possibilities I'm kissing all over your body, my Nefertiti And every time I think the planets aligning You're still so close, but yet so far

Aside from this song being one of those "songs to put a music video into" for this AU, but this verse blatantly opens up something for Diego and Bhadra. I think it's important to distinguish that this song is about not being able to have the love you've given, considering how Bhadra loved Ajay in a way that made her forget what he was, while Ajay loved Bhadra in a way that made him forget who he was. This also goes out for Diego, whose love has been betrayed many times in the process: losing his father thanks to his own fear, and losing someone he wanted so badly to love but ended up killing off because he couldn't drown in his paranoia and be correct about it in the process. Nefertiti is an Egyptian queen, her name meaning, "A Beautiful Woman Has Come", and the fact that Bhadra is brought up as beautiful when Diego first tries to strangle her is what provides evidence for his first instance of attraction to her. We're also bringing this song back in the next point.

It occurred to him that Bhadra was beautiful; it would be a shame to kill someone like her.

But he would do it again.

I don't believe in fate No psychic vision But when things fall into place, superposition In any universe you are my dark star

I want you to want me Why don't we rely on chemistry? Why don't we collide the spaces that divide us? I want you to want me

Basically:

I'll just leave this section from chapter 25.

“Do you believe in fate, Diego?”

Diego blinked. “Why?”

“I just think,” Bhadra said, “maybe there was a reason for us to meet.”

Diego could feel himself smile. He didn’t know why. “To kill each other, maybe.”

“But there’s always more, isn’t there?” Bhadra asked. “We were kids when everything went wrong.”

“And a revolution came upon us.” Diego finished for her. “I think I understand what you mean. What, you think it was destiny?”

“I’m not religious, but there are some things that…” Bhadra trailed off. She let out a laugh, as if disbelieving her own theory. “I don’t know. I could be wrong.”

“Maybe there is a reason,” Diego said, “especially when one of us hasn’t died yet.”

“What do you think it is?” Bhadra asked. He pictured her green eyes on him, shining against the moonlight.

“I don’t know.” Diego admitted, hair draping over his tired face. He wonders if she thinks of him too. He heard a snicker.

“Okay. I don’t know either.”

My prayer is to linger with you At the end of the day in a dream that's divine My prayer is a rapture in blue With the world far away and your lips close to mine

Prayers are always such meaningful actions of worship towards your deities; but to wish and hope for someone to be with you is a pretty big request from the universe. Obviously, both Bhadra and Diego aren't religious people, but they show a curiosity towards it, towards their coincidental situations. As per the excerpt above, it's a simple wish to be close to each other despite everything that's happened to them both. In the end, they could make their own world together.

In each other’s arms, they moved on to a future together.

4. Parallelism is Never Individual

Misery - Maroon 5 | Gold - Felix Rabito & Saint Dismas | Reset Me - Nothing But Thieves | Loveless - Lorde | Still Don't Know My Name - Labrinth

I am in misery There ain't nobody Who can comfort me, oh-yeah Why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me, oh-yeah

Listen, I know we like to meme a lot on this song thanks to the fucking CPR remix, but listen. I added this song in before it got ruined. As much as this both represents Bhadra and Diego together, I like to lean a little further into Diego's side of the story since he's burdened with having killed people he's cared about for a really long time. It's hard to comfort someone like that when he knew what he was doing. He's trying to pray for something good, something different in that universe of repetition and silence, so he works on it rather than boil in his misery. Unlike Ajay, who carries a thing for being unable to do anything about his pain but take it out on the others around him, but they're both in parallel to that need of calling for Bhadra to pick up the fucking radio, to let her presence be known in their life, to let them know she's okay. It's very evident that Ajay just has nobody to help him in this time, not even Noore.

Of course I swore that next time i’d be better but it was all over before it began, cause i am dying to feel so important that now I can't even become my own friend

I think we can all agree that Ajay's canon motivation for bringing Ishwari to Lakshmana was that he also wanted to do the only good thing he would ever do in his life for her, trying to do right by her one last time as an apology for the lifetime of hell he gave her when she was still alive. Similarly, Diego is trying to do right by his country, to feel important, but in that range both characters end up losing themselves, unable to know remember who they are, but unlike Diego, Ajay suffered the consequence of it.

'Cause what if you reset me? What if we restart? What if you reset me? Before it falls apart

Pretty self explanatory, but I'll expound anyway. You know what I'm happy about? Ros pretty much brought up the parallels drawn between Bhadra and Ajay throughout the story of forgotten idols. The fact Adhrit represents as both Amita and Sabal (honestly gender goals though), Divin represents the innocence of Bhadra, but then you break the cycle as it actually does fall apart. Life is getting better even though sometimes you'll do the same things that ruined your life in the first place.

Bet you wanna rip my heart out Bet you wanna skip my calls now Well, guess what? I'd like that 'Cause I'm gonna mess your life up Gonna wanna tape my mouth shut

For Bhadra? She's blatantly threatening Ajay with this. Isabel falls into this category, even if she means it unintentionally to fuck Diego over. Pain. Smiling through it all.

Still don't know my name You still don't know my name And I would die your slave

Ugh, we're back on this song again and I've played it far too many times to count today. This part makes me think of scenes past Bhadra and Diego, really. This one goes out to the trials and tribulations on Bhadra's end, losing Ajay in the process while Noore echoes this. See, I have plans for Noore and Ajay's relationship which will later come to be revealed in part 4 and part 5, but this one pretty much parallels Noore losing Ajay to his insanity. They're losing him, doc.

She wanted for him to be part of that life. She wanted to be together with him for as long as they could have, instead of spending years upon years trying to reach and get closer to him without the burden of Pagan in the way.

5. Childhood Trauma

I Was Just A Kid - Nothing But Thieves | Arsonist's Lullaby - Hozier | Old Soul - Saint Motel

I was just a kid I needed answers I found a screen Promised adventure Just as I thought I had it all I pulled the trigger And nothing happened

You know how the reality of being a child in comparison to the fairy tales of stories always managed to make it suck? Yeah, make it the state of childish innocence, in a state of war and suddenly BOOM, the reality of war sets in! The reality of like, the promises of escape are suddenly slipping through your fingers greatly. I like to believe this revolves around Bhadra, but if we're being honest this also has a lot to do with Diego too. They both thought things were going to change if they had their finger on the trigger.

It didn't.

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

The boiling point. The culmination of matter. The repression, the anger, and the agony of being alive, it all culminates into one being and it's a taste for violence that gets both Diego and Bhadra riled the hell up. They use it as a weapon after years of having to suffer, and you know what? Good for them, good for them.

'Cause the more I get to know you Well, the more I feel I knew you In a lifetime a long time ago

Relatively self-explanatory, but I feel like this scene would suffice.

“I just… I wish that I met someone who wasn’t trying to ruin my life. I’m tired.”

Diego squeezed his fist.

“You will meet them one day.” Diego tried.

Then, Bhadra laughed. “Do you tell yourself that, Diego?”

“I gave up, but you have hope.”

6. It Hurts To Love

From The Gallows - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME | Somebody to Love - Abhi The Nomad | Cuz I Love You - Lizzo

You're beautiful And evil too Sinister and vile For you, I'd die Or kill myself Whichever makes you smile

Vibes, man, vibes. It's the cynicism of this song that has me thinking; love is a hard and complicated thing for both Diego and Bhadra, they fear the things that might get them killed but would do it for love (or do it because it's love) in this primarily fucked up way because that was how they were taught to love.

I need something that'll get you out my eyes Take off my jacket and my tie I need something that'll get you off my mind Somebody to love me

Their lives have been intertwined in a way that provides this like, repetition of doing the same shit over and over again. It's time to break that cycle especially when you have no one to love you over it.

7. Yearning For A New Life

Fly Me To The Moon - Bobby Womack | American Money - BORNS | Primavera - Santana | Enchanted - The Platters

Oh, I wanna see what spring is like On Jupiter, on Jupiter and Mars In other words, hold my hand In other words, darlin', I love you, oh

Bhadra snorted, moving to punch him in the shoulder. “You’re annoying .”

Diego laughed, then winked at her. “You love it.”

“I don’t,” Bhadra said, looking away. Diego tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. Then, as Bhadra pursed her lips, she kissed his palm and held the hand close to her.

“I see.” Diego remarked.

He leaned away as Bhadra took a swing at him. Then, he threw an uppercut that she shoved away, kneeing him in the stomach.

As he fell down on one knee, he looked up to find a hand grabbing him by the necktie. Bhadra stood above him, so tall, and so beautiful. He yanked her by the wrist as he hopped upwards, pulling her close as their lips pushed against each other.

The kiss was long, inexperienced on Bhadra’s end— something that made the blood rush through Diego’s veins as he pressed his tongue against her mouth and was allowed to slip in for a moment before they had to pull away.

So take me to the paradise It's in your eyes Green like american money

If you noticed Isabel and Bhadra's appearances, you'd probably realize that they bare a resemblance to each other, especially in the eyes. Diego has a thing for brown girls with green eyes, that and the fact the shade of those eyes happen to shift whenever Diego focuses on her. But who's her? Gradually, the chapters where Diego looks Bhadra in the eyes changes from being reminded of Isabel to being reminded of who exactly Bhadra is, and it's an intense one.

Green eyes, dark skin, but a certain stubbornness to that woman named Bhadra made something itch under his skin and he didn’t like it.

[...]

In reaching out to take her by the neck, though, something happened. He saw curly hair, tan skin covered in freckles. He heard a sweet voice overlapping with Bhadra’s, and soft, gentle hands touching onto his callous palms.

[...]

But there was always more, wasn’t it? Something about those green eyes, the color of her skin, there were darker colors in another woman who had a fire lit in them.

Como la semilla Lleva nueva vida Hay en esta primavera una nueva era En el aire de este nuevo universo Hoy se respira libertad En primavera ya

As the seed brings new life there's in this spring, a new era. In the air of this new universe today there is freedom in spring already

Another case of self-explanatory lyrics, but I think the part that gets to me is the concept of a new world that Diego and Bhadra step into together once the story comes to a close. This song is real fun.

Living is a dream when you make it seem enchanted Lovers take for granted all the world's aglow, they ought to know When you touch a star then you really are enchanted Find a seed and plant it, love will make it grow

I remember during a depressive episode, I played this song so many times I was drowned out by my own cries as the song just kept going and going and going. I think I just find it to be a good, dissonant song, but it's also a world that Diego and Bhadra find themselves in, being that they're both people who've gone through constant episodes, living became a nightmare until they found someone they could build a paradise with. And yet, within the events of part 1 and part 2, you find that they've lost it prior to the events of part 3.

8. Identity

Teenage Fantasy - Jorja Smith

I need to grow and find myself Before I let somebody love me Cause at the moment I don't know me

Something for Bhadra, in reference to this excerpt of chapter 7 of forgotten idols. To Kyrat, she had been Sakshi Bal. If she was herself, as Bhadra Najjar, this country would have eaten her alive long ago. Nobody else knew her, not even Noore, not even Ajay, for fuck’s sake, because nobody wanted her to stay alive long enough. [...] So today, for now, from yesterday to next week, she was Sakshi— the hero of Kyrat. The fighter for freedom. She made sure of that as she shot down one soldier after another during a package drop in Utkarsh.

#anyway to conclude #yes im insane this took me around 13 hours to write down and my background music had a lot of fuckin labrinth playing #last part is to be edited since this might have to shift with ajay being involved #but yeah to anybody thank you for sticking around for this au its super slay of yall to enjoy my baby my masterpiece my WORK #far cry 4 #far cry 6 #diego castillo #bhadra #ajay ghale #noore najjar #crazy old tyrant au

[promisedneverwrite]

Until Dawn

A Vamp! Poppy x Werewolf Bea fic

A retelling of Queen B with added story plot

Tag list: @somewillwin @veenast @stanzoeywade @shows-simp-card @barnibumblr @tragic-tm @baexpoppy @noixngn @ashleyfenner @zeusasterion @captainpowerless @louvmin @maskedalienfreak @thescarycatishere @feliiix @depressedfrenchfry @spoonanarmadillo @amswanmills @frozelemonade  @waterinathermostat @rayvenz3 @wolfietheduckyou @chipo1804 @soft-round-bees @lazynightmareblaze @somin-yin

Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Chapter XVII

The next day Bea wakes to the sound of pounding on her door, and Bubbie barking at the noise. Bea groans burrowing further into her pillow, closing her eyes once again ignoring it.

"Beatrice Naomi Hughes," Bea's eyes snap open quickly, scrambling to the door as she hears her full name. "If you don't open this door in-" Bea flings the door open, Bubbie darting out as it does. 

"I'm up!" Zoey amusedly looks at Bea's bed head, hair sticking up at odd angles. 

"Hmm, get ready, we're leaving in an hour." Bea looks at the clock rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"But it's not even 10 yet." Bea looks at Zoey pitifully. 

"No babe, you're gonna want to leave after what Poppy just posted." Bea blinks at her. Poppy? 

"What about?" Zoey takes out her phone and shows her the video.

"Oh hey! I remember this." Bea smiles as she watches herself on her phone then frowns. "I could have done better." Zoey pinches the bridge of her nose inhaling and exhaling.

"Babe no, just… no. Get dressed. Bubbie is staying with Penelope."

Penelope happily accepted watching Bubbie for the day, already babying her furry nephew. Bea promised her dinner at a later date, thanking her profusely as Zoey pulled her away to the mall.

Bea was left sitting by the center fountain in the shopping center kicking her feet like a kid on time out. She got bored waiting so when saw a vendor guy who had a station of moving cart animal things Bea paid the dude whatever amount. Hopping onto the blue colored wolf, she rode it around cackling maniacally scaring a nearby family. She could hear the song  Ridin’ playing in her head as she put her shades on driving around until she stopped with a squeak at Zoey who looked really mad holding two green drinks in her hands. 

“I literally left you for five seconds.” Bea chuckles nervously. “Put it back.” 

“B-but I paid good money for this!” Bea whines pouting and gives her a sad look, lip trembling. Zoey squints.

“Fine, but after this we’re going.”

“Yus!” Bea cheers and drives around grinning happily as Zoey watches, shaking her head with a sigh but amused smile. 

Bea thanks the man after her go-around. She had convinced Zoey to ride with her and then she got kicked off as Zoey took over. Turns out the one thing Zoey wasn’t good at was driving. Either that or Zoey purposefully ran her over every chance she got, but Bea liked to believe the former. 

“Now, what did I say when I had the genius idea to take you on this fabulous shopping spree?” Bea pouts as she answers. 

“That we’re going to ‘ignore the haters’ and try to forget about my… ‘hella embarrassing and honestly questionable past life choices.’” Zoey pats her head and Bea preens.

“And I mean that with all the love in my heart. Now hold the bags, my arms hurt.” Bea laughs holding the bags easily in one hand. 

“Yes dear.” Zoey smiles, handing her one of the smoothies which Bea takes, sniffing it curiously. 

 Zoey strides away and Bea follows, sipping on her drink. Bea makes a face of disgust as does, looking at her drink. Who the heck mixes vegetables in a smoothie. Bea stares at it for a second longer then shrugs, she’d still drink it though.

They make their way into the Octavia Oliver boutique and Zoey bee lines to the new arrivals just off the Paris fashion week rifling through the racks.

“It’s fine. It’s fine! This will all blow over, and everyone will… maybe not forget, but they’ll get over it!” Bea looks at her amused.

“Are you convincing me or yourself?” But Zoey ignores that and continues on her spiel.

“Do you know that video of Chloe full on snotty crying when Miley and Liam broke up, the second time?”

“...No.”

“Or that video of Carter doing the Cluckin’ Good wing challenge and barfing on Seth Rogen’s shoes?” 

“Sick. But no.”

“Exactly. Belvoire is replete with scandal. It’s basically the foundation the school was built on.”

“I get that but like I wasn’t here during those times. And I just wanna talk to whoever put my video of me getting second place instead of first place.” Bea’s smile was chilling. Zoey backs up a bit. 

“Whoa, scary energy coming off you right now.” 

“I wasn’t in my best game that time.” Bea pouts. Zoey sighs a bit fondly at her. 

“I admire that you’re proud of that, Babe. That’s what makes you Beatrice ‘Bad Bitch’ Hughes and one little setback like this isn’t gonna keep you down for long, right?”

“Nah, cause I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me!”

“That’s right baby, so can we please focus on what’s actually important here? Like… how bangin’ I would look in that dress, oh my god, hold my smoothie.” Zoey all but shoves her smoothie in Bea’s hands as she dashes over to a satin-lapel tuxedo mini dress. She holds it up to her body, posing and pouting.

“So?” Bea hums.

"Try it on, I need to make sure it hugs all your curves perfectly.”

“Girl, you're so right."

They make their way to the changing area and Bea sits on the leather Ottoman sighing in relief for her knees while Zoey slips into a changing room. Bea’s phone chimes and Zoey calls out to her from her changing room as Bea looks over the email.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Professor Kingsley talking about grading papers and such. She has a fancy gala to go to tonight, so she left the work in my care.”

“But you just finished grading last week! You couldn't even join me in commenting on the looks in Project Runway!" Bea felt a little bad.

"Sorry Zo, I promise I'll watch with you next time.” The curtain suddenly slides open which startles Bea a bit as Zoey stands before her half dressed and absolutely beaming.

“Really?” Bea blushes, caught off guard before coughing and regaining her composure.

“Yeah… but first clothes?” Zoey looks down, noticing her state of undress.

“Oop. Good call.”

A few dresses and suits later Zoey finds this last one as the winner for Bea. 

“Do I really need to try on this many clothes for a possible event that hasn’t even been made yet?” 

“It’s best to be prepared at all times. Okay, now come out slowly. Really make a meal out of it.”

“Really? This is like...outfit number nine.”

“And if you don’t wear it like it's the first one you tried on, how will I appreciate its ‘wow’ factor.”

“Fine.” Bea walks out wearing a tailored and well fitted burgundy suit and vest over a black button up. She struts out like she’s on a runway, turning side to side giving Zoey all the angles with a straight face before laughing. 

“Oh… my god, Beatrice. Seriously. I might cry. This is totally the one.” Zoey fans herself like she's hot and bothered. “I mean damn, even I feel a touch of cardiac arrest coming on.” Bea winks at her before turning to the mirror.

“You don’t think it's too well fit do you?” Bea turns in the mirror and finds that her butt looks really good in them before she drops into a squat and moves side to side.

“Stop! You’ll crease it!” Bea stands back up with a smile after not hearing any rips, yeah this was a good one. Zoey goes to fix and adjust her clothes and moves her hair half up and half down, making sure Bea's neck tattoo was on display before taking her phone out.

“Okay, stand right there. Shoulders relaxed, tilt your chin. Ugh, gorgeous. Okay, look at the camera.” Bea gives Zoey a winning grin before looking into the camera a small smirk at the corner of her lips. Then a buzz sounds on her phone, she checks it to see that Zoey sent her the pics and posted it on Picta. Bea goes over to see heart eyes already pouring in.

“Wow, my jawline looks good.” Bea rubs her face happily.

“Alright, you get changed and I’ll wait for you at the register.” Bea salutes a goofy grin on her face.

“Yes ma’am.”

 A while later she emerges changed and quite hungry. 

As Bea and Zoey head to the check out Bea spots something from across the way. It captures her attention and she glances at Zoey discreetly then she averts her eyes from it. 

“Hey Zo, you should go ahead on home without me. There’s something I just remembered I have to do.” Bea feels bad as Zoey pouts at her.

“Aw, really? We were gonna go home, get drunk, and keep going on our Half Light hate-watch-a-thon. What’s more important than that?” Bea smiles, kissing her cheek. 

“Don’t worry I’ll come home in time for that. I just got to buy something for Bubbie.” Zoey squints and observes her and Bea starts to sweat.

“Okay, Bring home dinner on your way back? All we have in the fridge is like nine bottles of champagne and a single avocado.” Bea chuckles and nods. 

“I will, promise.” Bea watches and waits till Zoey’s out of her radar before bee lining to the store that caught her attention. “I’d like to get those two matching friendship rings customized please.” 

Bea smiles happily having gotten what she wanted, as well as getting some treats for Bubbie at the gourmet treat shop inside. Bea just got out onto the busy street when she spotted Veronica and called out to her to say hello.

“Yo Veronica!” Veronica turns confused but she spots her and squeals rapidly approaching on her phone. She comes up to her wrapping an arm around her shoulders. 

“Bea! I’m so glad you’re here! This is the perfect chance to show you the filter I made in your honor.” With a single tap they both have pig ears and snouts as the audio from her video plays. “Isn’t it everything?” Bea makes a few faces at the camera and then giggles. 

“It’s a piggy.” 

“I know, right? It’s just too cute.” Bea smirks. 

“But not cuter than you.” Veronica smirks at her and her eyes light up as more viewers enter and follow. 

“See that, everyone. I told you Bea’s got a sense of humor, and a great sense of taste too.” She winks at the camera. “Make sure you follow her! Ta-ta for now, Veronicats!” After she closes the video she turns fully to Bea, her face back to its neutral tone. 

“What do you want, Bea?” Bea quirks an eyebrow.

“Just wanted to say hi, though I admit I had been hoping for a chance to get closer to you since I saw you at the party. And now that I am, I admit I like what I see.” 

“As much as I love attention, and trust me, there’s nothing I love more than attention… we really shouldn’t be talking. Poppy might be a bitch, but she can still make my life a living hell.” Her neutral face morphs into a smirk. “But maybe I can give you my snap and we can continue this conversation in a more… private matter.”

“You don't say?” They exchange snaps and then Veronica’s face goes back to neutral. 

“So… is that it? I’m supposed to film a PR video in a couple of hours, and I have to get ready for it.” Bea raises a brow, eyes flicking down her lips then back up to her eyes. Veronica looks amused as she catches her. 

“Do you need any help?” Veronica smirks.

“I doubt ‘helping’ is the last thing you want to do with me.” Bea smirks back with a shrug.

“Who knows. But it doesn’t hurt to ask.” Veronica hums.

“TBH, I only wear that crap when I have to for a video. It totally sucks for how much it costs and it makes me breakout like crazy.” Bea tilts her head.

“Then why rep them?” Veronica looks at her like she is looking at a poor naive baby.

“Because they pay so highly.” 

“Sounds like you need to vent, it’s pretty cathartic if you ask me… and I know you won’t do that online. So?” Veronica looked at her surprised.

“I…I guess that’s true. Like that time I did a whole rant about what a fraud Jimmy sun is before I had to shoot a tutorial with him. I never posted it of course, but I did feel a hell of a lot better afterwards.” Bea grins.

“Perfect! Let’s let all those bad vibes out so you can focus on the video instead of trying to hold in your grimace talking about it.” They reach the front of an amphora store seeing the brand Veronica is selling. And Veronica visibly shudders.

“Ugh just looking at the display is totally depressing.” Bea laughs, slinging an arm around her and heading inside when she sees a cardboard cut out of Poppy. A smiling Poppy mind you. A rare occurrence, but Bea would blame it on Poppy’s poor sense of humor.  

“Well that’s… new.” Veronica stands beside her looking at it as well. 

“Yeah. Her parents like, paid or something so she could be the face of the new line or whatever. Guess they put her pics up today. Her face looked like a pepperoni pizza after the shoot, though. She took two weeks off school to quote ‘recover from the flu’.” Bea chuckled.

“Pizza Pizza.”

“Ugh, she doesn’t even have to film any of those stupid PR vids either.” Bea raises a brow.

“So you're saying you're getting your cute face sacrificed and she gets paid for being on cardboard? Wack.” Veronica bumps her shoulder on her’s with a smile. 

“She said that this stuff is worse than the knockoff luxxe garbage that Chloe bought on canal street one time.” Bea hums then looks towards all the colorful shades of makeup, then to the cardboard. A grin slowly climbs her face, like the grinch who stole christmas. 

“I always say expressing yourself through art is a good way to get out all the pent up frustration.” Bea takes a black colored lipstick and smiles deviously. Veronica shrugs.

“I dunno, it sounds like work. What are you thinking?” Bea draws a large mole on Poppy’s face and looks towards Veronica with a grin. “Shall we?” Veronica smiles.

“I always knew I saw something in you, Hughes.” 

They spend a good amount of time putting art over Poppy. With Veronica fully venting it all out. Bea had a bit of her own frustration with Poppy to get out too, and this was better than beating up trees. Soon enough the store clerk came round.

“Hey! What are you two doing.” A security guard was flanking her side.

“Oop, that’s our que.” Bea grabbed Veronica and swiftly pulled her out of the store and far away laughing all the while.

When they got to a safe enough space Bea grinned at her.

“So how do you feel?” 

“Better, thanks.” Her eyes take her in observing her and Bea chuckles a bit nervously as to why she’s staring.

“That’s great! I gotta jet, my babies are getting hungry. Maybe we’ll see each other again.” Veronica narrows her eyes at her and then picks at her cuticles.

“Whatever. You won. I’m in.” Bea is confused.

“What are you in?” Veronica rolls her eyes before smirking subtly.

“That possy you’re building. I admit I’m kinda curious, I guess. I’d like to see how things play out for you, Bea.” Bea opens her mouth only to close it then opens it again.

“Uhm ok, cool!” Bea grins. What was she talking about? Maybe she’d ask Zoey when she went back home.

“Things are finally starting to get fun around here.” Veronica hums tapping her phone on her chin then walking away. Bea stands there confused but shrugs as she goes to Spicey’s to get Zoey and herself some dinner. She should head to the grocery store as well for stuff. 

That weekend Bea lounges on the couch taking a break from grading papers when she gets a text from Poppy with a picture of an apple tree in front of her dorm room. 

Didn't see you around campus today. Bummer I had a little gift delivered to your dorm room. 

Bea gets up and opens the door and lo and behold, a little apple tree greets her, already bearing fruit. Bea carries it inside and shuts the door with her foot sitting back on the couch. 

Thought you and your little friends might appreciate the snack now that you've been completely eviscerated by yours truly. 

Bea looks at the tree and plucks a fruit biting into it. Bea takes a picture of herself with the apple and texts it back.

Thanks for the snacks Pop, we were running low. I knew you still care about me!

 Bea snickers as bubbles appear as Poppy prepares her text when something moves in her peripherals. Bea snaps her head to the window to see someone clinging onto it looking in, red eyes widening in surprise before letting go of the window. The window was on the third floor. 

“Uh I think the fuck not.” Bea rushes over, opening the window and jumping out. Bea lands on all fours onto the pavement, the vampire hissing and scurrying off. Bea gives chase, her mind focusing on catching the vampire that she believes was watching her. “Get over here!” Bea’s voice comes out in a gravely growl as she can feel her body beginning to shift before bursting. She knocks over trees and kicks up dirt as her form grows. Bea runs on on all fours bounding after the vampire till they reach a secluded area, and Bea lunges at him knocking him flat onto his stomach.

“Who do you work for!” Bea’s voice was harsh, deeper in it’s tone and sounded more like a growl. The vampire only hisses, bucking wildly to try and escape. Bea snarls and picks him up by the back of his neck, slamming him back onto his back snarling in his face. “Who!” a twig snaps and Bea snaps her head up, clawed hand keeping the other one still. Her eyes narrow as the person emerges from the shadows. A man, an older one and familiar. The man bowed, one gloved hand in front of his stomach and the other at his back. He stood straight then, red eyes boring into her own in that same narrowed look. 

“I suppose that would be me, wouldn’t it?” 

Next

#queen b #bea hughes #zoey wade #veronica lombardi #poppy min sinclair #poppy x mc

[luobingmeis]

"i'm...i'm trying. i really am" with hurloane OR "i can't think straight with you" with sweet flips?

im writing this on my phone bc that hurloane prompt is too good for me to wait on, so let's see how this goes and if any errors are missed ill fix them tm omg

--

It wasn't a breakup.

It had been two weeks since Hurley had quit racing with Sloane, and it had been two weeks since the ram mask went untouched on the hook in her garage, and it had been two weeks since Hurley slept peacefully because she could no longer cope with the single-room apartment that she used to find solace in, but it had been two weeks and it wasn't a break up.

It had just been two weeks since the Raven and the Ram stopped racing together.

A breakup required mess and shouting and pathetic tears inbetween hurtful words, all shared between people who didn't care for each other anymore (or people who were trying to convince themselves that they didn't care anymore).

It wasn't a breakup. It was an "I didn't sign up for this," and a "Hurls, I don't know what happened," and a "Sloane, I- I can't do this anymore. Wont do this anymore."

It was two people walking away knowing that they cared too much for their situation to handle.

It wasn't a break up- couldn't be a break up. Too much love and longing and heartbreak were in every step away, aching to turn around and run back towards each other.

It wasn't a break up, and Hurley tried to believe it when she opened her door to find Sloane on the front porch.

She was unmasked, though her clothes gave her away. Black leathers and cloths, ripped and dusted; her knuckles cracked and red from gripping a steering wheel to tight.

A woven belt that hurt Hurley's brain too much to think about.

Sloane was shaking.

"Sloane," she whispered, and almost reached out to her. Almost.

"Let me in," Sloane croaked. "Please."

Hurley stared up at her.

It had been two weeks since Hurley last saw Sloane, and it wasn't a break up, but Sloane looked like she was having just as rough of a time as Hurley was. The dark circles under her eyes, her gaunt face covered with dirt and dust-

Hurley opened the door wider and stepped back.

Sloane pushed herself in, gripping onto the door frame for support but deftly avoiding Hurley.

Hurley wanted to reach a hand up to Sloane, to hold her like she had so many times before, but instead she thought about asking what Sloane was doing here after a race, or how she could be so careless to walk in her gear without her mask.

And then Sloane collapsed to her knees, her chin tucked to her chest, and all that was able to escape Hurley was a choked, panicked, "You're hurt, aren't-"

"It happened again, Hurls."

Sloane's voice was strained and trembling almost as much as her body was.

Hurley wanted to ask what it was again even if she had a sickening feeling that she already knew the answer, but then Sloane looked up and the wet tracks running down her cheeks were enough to render her silent.

Hurley had never seen Sloane cry before.

She never wanted to see Sloane cry again.

"I'm- I'm trying," Sloane choked out. "I really am. I'm trying for you, Hurls. I want to be good for you. I want- I want-"

"Sloane," Hurley whispered, taking a step forward.

As if acting on instinct, Sloane suddenly whipped out her arm, her palm facing Hurley and, maybe it was the dark lighting, but Hurley thought she saw a dark green light bubbling from her hand. "Stay back!" Sloane hissed and then, right after, softer, "Stay away."

Had her eyes always been so green? Or her skin so grey?

Sloane then sucked in a deep breath that caught in her throat and the colors, perhaps out of place, faded.

Hurley, slowly, took a step closer.

Sloane let her.

A step closer, and another one, all slow and cautious, until Hurley was close enough that, if she really wanted, she could reach out and brush Sloane's hair away from her face.

She wanted to.

She didn't reach forward.

"What's going on, Sloane?" Hurley asked, her voice barely loud enough to fill the space between them.

Sloane shook her head and looked away, off to the side. She worried her bottom lip, scrunching her face up, before finally making out, "I- I don't know. People keep getting hurt. I keep hurting people. I don't know what- what-"

"It's okay," Hurley said even though they both knew it wasn't. "Just stay here, okay? We can- we can fix things, and-"

Sloane shook her head, ducking her chin back to her chest as she took in another ragged breath. "There's nothing we can do. Nothing you can do. Nothing I can do."

"You don't know that!"

"I know that you don't understand!" Sloane snapped, clenching her fists tight and her eyes shut.

Hurley couldn't tell if the pain in her chest was anger or heartbreak. "Then help me understand!" She didn't mean to raise her voice, too; she didn't mean for her shoulders to start shaking, too.

"I can't." Sloane, pained and tired, deflated. "I just- I want-"

"What do you want, Sloane?"

Sloane's eyes met her own. Hurley wanted nothing more than for them to shine again.

"I want something more powerful than this. Than me. I... I'm scared, Hurley. I just... I just... need to know that this isn't it for me."

Correction: Hurley wanted nothing more than for the world to be kind to them again. It just needed to begin with Sloane.

"Let me help you," Hurley pleaded. She reached her hands out.

Sloane ghosted her fingertips over them. "You can't," she said with a weak laugh. "I don't think anyone can."

"Sloane, no one isn't- you aren't helpless."

"Didn't you and the other coppers hear about the race? Battlewagon exploded after a wave of vines crashed into them. Four dead."

"That wasn't you! That was just-"

"If it wasn't me-" and Sloane's voice was harsh with enough bite to kill "-then who? If it wasn't me, then who the fuck was just driving that wagon? Maybe you just don't know me anymore." With a sharp turn, she looked away and, quietly, said, "Maybe I don't, either."

Hurley didn't know what to say.

Sloane, with her frame still trembling, abruptly stood. "I shouldn't have come here-"

"Sloane, wait-"

"I'm not thinking right-"

"If you just stay-"

"This was a mistake-"

"I want you to keep making it," Hurley blurted out. "Coming here was a mistake? Fine. But make it again. Come back, and regret it later, and then come back again."

Sloane, now with her hand on the doorframe again, sighed and shook her head. "I don't know how much longer I can hold out," she said. "How much longer before I really hurt you."

Hurley shook her head. "No- no! You never would!"

Sloane, for the first time in a long time, smiled, and it was pained and sad and Hurley thought it would be the end of her. "We don't know that anymore," she said. "And I... I can't stay around long enough to find out. You deserve something better than that."

Hurley wanted to say that she didn't care what happened, she just wanted Sloane to stay the night, but the words got caught on the lump in her throat.

This isn't a breakup, this isn't a breakup, this isn't a-

Sloane sighed and turned away, looking out into the dark Goldcliff night. "I'm sorry."

And then she walked away, letting her form be swallowed by the Goldcliff night.

Hurley would watch her leave forever if it just meant that she would come back again the next night.

Then, to herself and to Sloane, with no one to hear it, she whispered, "I'm sorry, too."

It was the only way either of them knew how to say I love you anymore.

#i made myself real sad #taz balance #hurloane #taz hurley #taz sloane #the raven and the ram #answered #stuff i write

[dyker-farmer]

Ok this was supposed to be a quick draw and a description to go with, that blew into a full chapter and now it's also on Ao3 SO happy reading ig idk

I never see Shane works that don't go all in for romance nor explore the more realistic ugly parts of recovery, and I kind of crave That TM. So let me have at it too with the self-insert whump mumbo jumbo; no romo version.

Set post-8 hearts event, Farmer Uidelsib is two years or so in, full house built and married to Emily. They/them pronouns, same as me.

Diverges from then on, Shane-centric from an outside POV for the most part.

[[MORE]]

Take that can away if you can.

Gulp it down. Chapter 1/2/3/4

There's a few to-know to survive life in society, in the valley; there's no good way to comment on the age nor weight of both resident housewives, you can't say no to Evelyn's homemade cookies- and why would you, you fool-, you do not fight at the Saloon or you'll get no cheese anymore on your pizza and only sparkling water for drinks, and-

And you don't mess with Shane's alcohol related ritual.

Except I did, that night, because you do that, when your two-years long friendship with the guy taught you better than letting his impulses overcome yours, when your buddy is trying to recover from teenage long-lasting into early adulthood, trauma-enhanced heavy addiction, and you know, you know tomorrow he'll feel like absolute shit and question his right to therapy the moment he'll stop his pounding skull from splitting. Wonders what a three-dosage paracetamol can do. 

At least he doesn't drink it out anymore.

So yeah, when you're in my shoes, you get that Joja store-bought crap out of Shane's hand, and you brace yourself for the incoming lash out.

The first fractions of seconds are always those to look closely into most. It's only a glimpse, but before the scowl slips on like a well-worn boxing glove ready to strike, there is always this open page I learned I needed to decipher as quick as I could.

Tonight, it's heartbreaking. When I peck his forehead- doting big sibling habits die hard, even when you're actually the youngest of the pair- the eyes I catch looking at me are so confused and bare of any emotion, except for the sorrow that goes beer-soaked tears, it pangs. I get used to the breakdowns, working in the fields I do when I'm off the farm's, but it's not the same when it's a friend.

When I straighten back, offensive beverage in hand, it's already gone in a flinch, away from the empty space behind the chair and onto the table, as he snarls.

"Wha- giv'me back- 's mine!" I don't know how much he drunk before he met up with me, but from the slurring, it's a Lot. A season and a half into sobriety. That's harsh.

I ignore him and walk behind him, pondering where to put the beer for now.

"Y-you can't just do that! It's my booze I got with m'money, not some- who d'you think you are?-" He sputters indignantly, angry tears fewer than the sad ones but still there. He tries to turn around and grab behind his back, but the wild movement is way off and only gets the chair to nearly topples down. I rush in time to stabilize it, and profit off the moment to set a strong hand on his shoulder.

"I can just do that, 'cus it's my house I got with my money, and I think I'm your pal who knows when you've had enough. Dude, I trust you to be an adult, but minutes before, you were already so torched I had to keep your neck upright so you didn't faceplant into the table, and you nearly just kissed my floor good evening. Not to mention you clung to my arms the whole way from the little entry stairs to the kitchen because, quoting, 'If I don't I'll fall in the hole and won't get up'."

I turn to the fridge again, going to open it, before I think better of it. Likely enough, we'll both forget it was there in the first place, it'll stink up my fridge- it's Joja's- and it'll be money out of Shane's pocket for nothing. I set it on the counter, with the rest of the pack. He'll put it to cool down when he's back to Marnie's. Or he won't, probably. 

That's not a worry for now.

When I caught up with him, it was a few feet below my doorstep; he'd probably slipped up trying to climb the three steps up to it, and settled for it. He was nursing that same can, muttering to himself, head down, curled up on himself. Except for that leg sticked out, he probably hurt it when he fell, I'll have to look at that and work on it if it's too swollen. Hopefully that'll spare us from a visit to Harvey's.

Bad memories. Not mine, and it's warm and not raining outside, but. Déjà-vu.

Anyways, he looked the picture of "help I've fallen and I can't get up- and even if I can I won't because Fuck You", and it's been a hassle to have him cooperate. But when I asked if he wanted to leave, he shook his head with a fervor no somnolent drunk should have. That resulted in a lovely streak of vomit down the wall right next to the door. That's also for later. If Eryza doesn't lap it up. Ew. This cat's never predictable.

Now, he's staring at his hands, sitting at my table, contemplating something too far down for me to see- or maybe just zoning out with a sleeping brain. Then he mumbles. "Sorry."

I get back to the table and sit at arm's length across of him. "Nah, 's okay. I don't mind being a helping hand or touchy-feely, must be the frog-eater in me. Not for the helping part." I'd chuckle but my quip falls on deaf ears.

I go to put my hand over his. When he doesn't blink at it, I try and shake a reply out of him, gently. He startles and hawkeyes our joined fingers. When he's finally looking at me, I raise a single eyebrow. He doesn't say anything, but when he pulls back his arm, I let him. We both straighten up, and it's hard to keep up the eye contact.

"So…" There's a heavy air on us. Suddenly, like the last year didn't happen, we're sitting a stride away of each other, and yet it feels like he's all the way back to the forest, looking down at waves.

"Do you want me to do something?" I bend myself a little closer to him, not moving otherwise.

He puts his head in his hands, shivering. Can't tell if it's the AC or his system kicking the alcohol out, or itself, in stress. I think I hear something, but it might as just be his shuddering breath.

"Shane" I insist, voice level, not pressing. "I need words. I want to help, I truly don't mind, but I need words to know what to do." He's never shown signs of going nonverbal before. If he does, I'll improvise. Until then… I need words.

Time ticks slowly as we wait. Then, with great effort and deep fatigue, he drags his palms up from under his nose to his temple, spreading some snot and wet tears across his face from his scrunched shut eyes. Lips trembling but finally showing, that attempt to let out a sound that's not too garbled. He coughs, sniffles a bit, breathe in again, sounding like a sick dog, and blows through gritted teeth before his jaws go slack. Eyes still closed, he whispers, and I have to lower myself some more toward his crouched form to catch it.

"Can I get something to drink…?" His voice is hoarse.

The demand could be comical, if we were into sour humor. And we usually are. But right now, we're not finding the joke in the lines. I stand silently, and as I walk to the fridge again, I let my hand brush his shoulder- same spot as before.

I take a minute to choose, look into the pantry. When I'm back at the table with my items of choice, he's still sitting there, his cheek is cushioned on his arms, face hidden from view. His shoulder, except for the occasional tremor, rise and fall in rythm with his snores. Breaks my heart to interrupt that, but not really. Hangovers are mean bitches with the sharpest nail art on the blackest of boards.

"Psst, dude. C'mon." I rustle his hair backward. He hates when I do that, says it tickles, and it makes him sneeze. So I obligatory do it once a day if I can. Let's say today's my late quota for the last four days I haven't seen him.

He gruffly tells me to kindly refrain from such pleasantries, and raise bleary eyes back up at the table. I can also guess he tried to bat a hand at me, but his coordination is off and he slaps himself lightly on the ear. Then he glares bewildered at his hand for a few seconds, obviously insulted. I profit of this moment to grab a small basin from under the sink, on second thought.

When he brings his attention back to me, I'm sitting again. Between us, a jug of fresh milk from this morning, a small sack of peppers, and a juice carafe sit aside a green glass bottle. There's also some bread, mostly for me to munch on. Because, hmmm dough. He squints at it all, especially at the bottle. Probably trying to read the label.

"Yeah no, didn't get you one of my best wine, not sorry."

"Hot pepper… juice?" He looks at the actual peppers next to it. "With actual peppers?" And then I get the squint too.

"Hmph, I know you like your elongated hell tomatoes, man, what can i say."

At that, a feeble snort.

I decide that it is the highlight victory of my soirée.

"Welp, have at it." I gesture to the half-liter liquor glass right by his left.

He fumbles with the drinks and some splashes around, but I lay back on my chair, arms crossed, letting him do his thing. While I don't hold back from growing downright doting on him when I got to- or even when I don't- I don't see how more devotion right now would be not smothering. He can break my fancy glass cups if he wants and spill my milk, so long he doesn't cut himself or cry over it.

Now, you could be thinking that plain water would have done the trick just fine, if not better, in rehydrating him. Here's the thing, though; going from booze to tasteless liquid, for Shane, that's a sure way to puking his heart out. And I'd rather not have us deal with an acid bile throat burn on top of near alcohol poisoning. Sorry to not spare you the squeamish details, but his oesophagus is pretty sensitive ever since that stomach pumping back at the clinic. Hot fiery hell fruits he can do just fine, with relative moderation and hydratation- hence the milk and juice- but liquor bursting its way back from his guts? Nuh uh. 

It had taken lots of coaxing, but he'd explained the plain tastes, or lackthereof, were very hard for him to deal with, especially when contrasting with strong ones like beers and whiskeys. I'd shackle it to gustative hypostimulation, but I don't know enough about him that way to say. He'd said sparkling water was a good compromise.

But I don't have sparkling water, because I do not like suffering.

I might buy a pack for when he visits though.

And I do know a handful about him already. Shackle that to perceptiveness and a stubborn streak on top of a year and so long camaraderie.

And having a certain uncontrollable fear of failing to act quick the next time coped with by accumulating information and patterns compulsively.

I shake my head to focus on the present again. He's switched from juices to soaking bread in milk to eat it small portion after small portion. He pauses in mid-bite when he catches me staring. He's still hunched on himself and red-faced and a tad bloated. His cheeks are drying and he's blown his nose. I smile calmly. Worst of the storm passed, unless I screw up and blow it.

"Ywou wan' chom'?" He offers a dripping piece of bread. In moments like this, when he's sobering but not quite, the resemblance with Jas are unmistakable. The glint in his reddened eyes that open wide, and his blank-but-not-quite wondering expression, it's all here to paint a scrutinizing but vulnerable picture of tired but bright minds.

"Nah thanks. You done with that milk?"

"...Sure." He eyes it, wary. He knows where this is going, and he doesn't like it. I take the drink off the table, and his gaze follows my movement until I bring it to my lips.

He frowns. A silent warning. 

And as I lock onto him with a dead stare, not blinking a millisecond, I down the rest of the 2 liters jug in three, five gulps. I even take the time to lick my new mustache away, and close my mouth with a click of my tongue.

His expression is the macabre marriage of beffudled horror and pure affliction, disgust if you will. The face of someone who doesn't hate milk, but has grown out of it enough to not be able to live off the stuff like the brave souls I'm apart of. And probably with reason, as I actually can't, like most 20+ years old, digest the liquid in large amount. But I smile like a smug cat, perfectly content.

Cats really can't digest milk once adults, it's all social mythos.

We silently judge and fuck with each other like that for a while more, as more time passes, until the room's elephant gets it all humid with its prancing around. Enough that tears and nervous sweats start again, for no apparent reasons but the residual anxiety from the whole chain of events that led to this.

"I think we should talk about this."

--- to be continued.

#alcohol cw #emetophobia cw #self hatred cw #stardew valley shane #sdv shane #stardew valley #stardew valley farmer #sdv farmer #1!Dow Farm #Farmer Uidelsib #☆my art☆ #♧Shane #*watch me push my autistic headcanons onto chicken boi* #*just you wait for the trans and hispanic ones* #*i'm about to destroy this man whole career of self depreciation* #*highly functionning dumbass energy vs immovable but movable force of sadness* #food cw #*fuck tumblr for not letting me put a read more on mobile rip ur dash y'all* #☆writing☆

[muwi-translates]

why u should love sanada fucking yukimura

man, this character... is one of the most lovable otome bois i have encountered in a long time,,, because he’s such a loser.

i wouldn’t even call this a character analysis anymore i just spilled all my feels and love for this stupid wholesome boy. thank you to my two biggest sandman supporters, this is all yuu’s fault. @sea-reiusly @snow--blanket

LET’S START. so,,, aside from the fact that he’s cute-dumb; you should love him because he loves you a lot and he deserves love too.

he is the literal embodiment of boyish selfless love.

if iI had to describe him I would describe him as a big red blanket you can wrap around yourself and make you feel safe and warm. or a big spoon of honey; slightly bitter but also sweet.

1) he is mega Friend for Life

first things first; he would be, and is, a good friend - if not to you then to the people he cares about. his whole concept is ‘boy next door’. he is soft, he won’t disappoint you because he cares about you as a person and he worries sometimes even if he doesn’t show it. for example in Shingen’s route he plays messenger for you - he thinks you’re ‘cool’, you’re his pal. he seems like the type who could develop feelings for you but is content just being close to you as your friend and see you happy. despite being told that he’s ‘tactless’, Yukimura actually, not surprisingly, has the ability to read other people, but just sucks at expressing it to you. so occasionally, he ends up proper advice to other suitors if you’re not on his route:

like the time Kenshin was excited to bring you home with him to Kasugayama and you were torn about leaving the home you’ve come to love and your warlord family. to Yukimura, family and friends are important, that is what one of his 'wants' are, after all. he does it for shingen, he does it for his men and the men in the Takeda army.

in a way he’s a bit like your brother too. except Hideyoshi is the clearly caring, wise older brother and Yukimura is your bratty younger brother who would throw a banana at your face, and pretends he doesn’t give a shit about you but that one time he sees you carrying heavy stuff down the hall he takes it from you and calls you ‘weak’ but he just doesn’t want to see you hurt.

if he's not established to be quite as close to you in other routes (Ieyasu/Masamune), he continues to help you on behalf of sasuke. even though you’re a complete stranger to him and he barely knows anything about you background - especially considering sasuke gave him a coverup story and not what or who you actually are. it's moments like these where he is willing and able to separate 'his job' and 'enemy' and do things that would otherwise produce results the opposite of what he’s supposed to be doing (which is actually a point of conflict in his OWN route, which will I will talk about later uwu)

2) ultimate Fam man

Yukimura is inherently a selfless character. he doesn’t care about himself, he only cares about the people around him and what he can do for them. he overworks himself and shoulders all the stress by himself, to take weight off shingen (it's always 'leave it to me, lord shingen!!' from him). 

I believe he has a mild form of ptsd as well; he mentally and emotionally cuts himself away from feeling anything in battle to perform his best, he has trouble sleeping at night, and he ends up holding things he’s sleeping with very tightly (eg. you). we also learn from Shingen that:

he was raised to be strong and upstanding, but has problems with adapting, so he puts all he has into what he does, meaning he gets hurt more (EN)

when he has his heart set on things, his conviction lasts for a long, long time (CN)

so, he likes it a lot when he gets to surround himself with people he cares about. he comes off as an ambivert leaning on extrovert, based off how he seems to like hanging out with his men not just as their field commander but as their friend, he enjoys parties and even entertains Kenshin. it’s been noted that he is visibly more relaxed and laughs often around his soldiers - so it’s safe to assume he gets energy by being around the people he cares about, because at least he knows that they’re alive.

in fact, the idea of people around him dying makes him angry. he’s willing to put aside his hatred of Nobunaga to ensure that no unnecessary lives are lost, even if he’s sacrificing himself in the process. they all share the simple dream of one day being able to return to their homeland, and Yukimura expects almost all of them to be able to fulfill that dream together.

so when Shingen insinuates that he won’t be able to be there for that, Yukimura gets understandably worried and angry.

okay, so now we know that he's a selfless iron woobie. what else? as stated above we know that he is actually a closet Sensitive Guy(TM). Yukimura is sensitive to his own feelings, at least. he's a Thinker, he thinks a lot and even overthinks. he is a tsundere to himself - because he's hardwired himself to sacrifice other needs and wants aside from the goals he's set for himself. if it’s not something for the benefit of his dream or Shingen or Sasuke - does he really need it?

he clings onto all the light he can hold onto no matter how small for the sake of his dream - it’s literally defined his life, he’s somewhat dependant on using his body to fight for something or someone and that’s why he’s always moving around doing something. Yukimura also respects other people who have a similar mindset (also his highest criteria when it comes to women; he gotta have something to respecc). 

if he didn’t have anything to fight for what do you think would happen? :thinking:,,,, check out chapter 13 of his dramatic route for the answer,,,, it is not pretty :( 

3. 95% giver 5% taker (and only after some self-deprecation)

of course his selflessness also applies to his love interest?? 

even as a lover he's such an adorable loser that makes me want to cry. he is selfless love in the form of a man. he is basically a dog boi. he only wants to take care of you, your happiness is his happiness. he always offers to make YOU happy and not himself first- it's like as long as you're smiling he can keep going, even if he's tired or if he worked all day, he always has time to spoil and coddle you-- if you want all his attention he'll give it to you, no matter how tired or busy he is. in fact, he thinks that its part of the job description, that its his duty to indulge in your desires. even on his birthday, you know the day where HE'S supposed to get something, he goes out of his way to get YOU a present.

the conflict in his route is literally him coming to terms that he wants something for himself, denying himself from his own goddamn happiness. he finds out that you are on the side of his enemies, yet he still wants you because he’s fallen for you - but he tells/forces himself to think that he doesn’t need you after all, because “it wasn’t meant to be” and that he doesn’t deserve you because he brought you to the battlefield. even though he can do exactly what he needs to if you were simply just ‘friends’ or ‘acquaintances’ - the idea of giving himself true happiness by being with the person he loves? nah, fam.

literally the only time he wanted to be selfish for once he slapped himself and said ‘no’. if you didn’t chase after him, the regret would eat at him for a long time, regret that he’ll eventually learn to squash down inside himself and only add to fuel of performing only for others - and not himself.

👏 👏  related analysis: why does he come off as insensitive when it comes to his route? why has he demonstrated that he is actually not Stupid but is also a butthead to you?

answer: defence mechanism - he thinks women are bothersome because they cry. and when women cry he lacks the confidence(?) to use words to comfort them. they embarrass him, he’s a tsundere, he only says things truly from his heart under Very Specific Circumstances where he is completely vulnearable and open (like pre-spice or... some angst situation).

so instead he just falls back to being selfless like he normally is. all he knows is how to care about other people, carry their burdens and wanting them to rely on him. that's why when you're upset at the festival, he just keeps shoving food at you instead of asking 'what's wrong' and going off on that. because his mind is literally just thinking food = good = makes people happy = ok, let's do that then. that's also why he'd rather you be angry than sad. sad is bad because he doesn’t know how to deal with bad except being physically intimate - pretty sure Yukimura would rather die if he had to hug every crying woman he ever encountered.

conclusion: he’s just a lost, lost boi who doesn’t know how to comfort people so he sacrifices himself and puts others ahead of him using actions - he pampers, he lets people vent out on him, the works. what a fucking wholesome loser who needs to love himself for once.

👏 👏 end of insensitive boi in love analysis

there’s a part of Yukimura that is actually a bit insecure. it's odd because he’s usually so confident in himself, and so proud, but he’s also so self-deprecating? under that tough boy exterior is just a boi who wants to be loved. he wants someone who will be there for him and support his stupid ass. he uses himself to hold up everyone else's burdens, but sometimes there's nobody that might be able to do the same to him. he wants someone to come home to, when he's stressed and wants some loving because otherwise he'd hole up his emotions and explode-- if he didn't have Shingen and Sasuke there with him.

his route sort of expresses the fact that Yukimura has never experienced a ‘mature love’ before, or a love where he imagines a life together with them. crushes, probably at some point in his life. sexual experience? how can he not have any??? but mature love? questionable.

these moments are few and far between because its not explored quite as much, but when they do...

he says things like "don't leave me, i'll prove that i'm the man for you." (bitch doesn't have to prove jack shit, he literally radiates with Care and Love) and “I need you”. he just doesn't want you to disappear on him. 

why’d you think you decided to leave without telling him? bitch would fucking fight the sky to keep you with him.

he's scared to lose you because he's finally found someone who is willing to accept him and taught him that its ok for him to be selfish for once and do things for his own sake and his own happiness. what he wants most is to just come home and eat food with you together. every encounter with you is precious to him because you rarely see each other. he wants to spend time with you. he doesn't like it when things cut into plans that seperate the two of you- but he doesn't mind it if plans didn't run as expected as long as he still got to spend the day with you. even if he's busy, he lies to go out with you to do things that YOU want. 

he’s finally come to find some happiness outside of work and outside of how he already copes - that alone is special to him, whether you end up as his friend or as his lover.

so basically:

you should love this guy bc he is mega Lovable and radiates warm Energy,,, he will always care about ur dumb ass one way or another.

#ikemen sengoku #cybird #ikesen #ikesen yukimura #Sanada Yukimura #by the way i fucking love this loser a lot #if you couldn't tell #i stan him so much #he deserves so much love #big loser muscly boi