#pEoPlE wHo sEnD gM aNd gN tExTs >

[love-advice-on-call]

Hi! This is like my first time asking any advice so sorry if this is a bit tmi or a weird ask 😬 So for religious reasons I'm not doing the do until after marriage. The problem here is, all the guys wont really date you unless your down to do smth with them ( which i'm not!!! ). I know i shouldn't really rush into a relationship cause i'm literally only 15 and their overrated and romanticized by the media anyways, but i'm an absolute hopeless romantic 😔 I just really wanna have a romance book typa relationship. I wanna send gm and gn texts w/ someone and be on ft with them for hours just talking or doing nothing and just basically have someone to obsess and rant over to your friends. But I don't want to have the superficial relationships that my friends/others have in my school.

Like majority of the guys in my school are racist, colourist, homophobic and are just mean people in general. I would NEVER wanna date a person who acts like that, let alone be friends with them! But it seems like everyone doesn't really care in a sense because they're cute/popular. I feel like the odd one out because everyone has been in a relationship or had a crush or like a fling and I haven't. I'm always left out of these conversations and just feel like i'm missing out on the high school experience! ( i'm literally finishing grade 10 in 2 weeks and haven't even talked to a guy romantically )

In a sense i feel like because of that ( and since i went to an all girls private school from gr 3-8 ) I tend to romanticize the smallest things a guy does or says to me which is such a big problem!!1! Like you crack a joke with me? In love. Pick me first in gym when making teams? Brb i'm writing our wedding invites. Even my cousins around my age were shocked when I said I haven't talked to a guy romantically before. Its even worse that I'm so shy around guys and just overly insecure considering I NEVER had any boys in my school. Everyone always calls me a grandma already because of the way I talk and act and now i'm really starting to believe it.

My parents are pretty strict about this kinda thing and my sisters are all older then me/are naturally extremely pretty so they didn't have to worry about being unlikeable ( people had crushes on them in high school AND they were in relationships ). I just feel really lost and unlikeable :(

Hi,

So I think waiting till marriage is a totally fine thing and waiting in general would be a good decision for a lot of folks, not just you. I didn't wait till marriage, but I did wait a long time for the right person and in my personal experience it made it significantly more fulfilling when comparing it to how almost all of friends lost their virginity during teen years. I really wish that more folks had the opportunity to wait.

Wanting to be in a relationship this badly I think is something MANY people your age feel and I think it is totally normal. This feeling you're feeling, doesn't really ever go away I think. It may come and go in intensity, but if you at this age feel like wanting to be in a relationship, then you can expect to buckle in for a lifetime of this being at the back of your thoughts.

"Like majority of the guys in my school are racist, colourist, homophobic and are just mean people in general." Unfortunately, this is just "Welcome to Teen Boyhood", most of these guys (God willing) will grow out of it, though I've met a lot of men who never emotionally/mentally went past age 16.

There are some dudes who are not terrible people at ~15, but usually those guys do not attract girls easily. Less popular guys definitely, but solid dudes at heart. It could be that maybe you are also just hanging around the wrong crowd? I doubt your whole school is like this and you should be able to find someone your age who shares your values. They wont be the perfect guy, no one is at 15 or really any age, but they'll be better. I know it is SUPER incredibly indescribably tough to shift social circles and meet people within your own school, but I suggest that you try to simply make more guy friends in general and look for the sweet spot of dudes that are decent guys. It will also help with your anxiety around boys and may help smooth you out so you're used to talking to them. Once you find a guy you like, then you can work on building up the courage to ask him out.

Maybe join clubs at school, look into after school programs (tutoring, co-ed sports, etc.), or check with your friends to see if they know anyone they can introduce you to. When I was in high school, some people would also just date guys from other schools because they weren't down with the ones who were immediately around them. They usually met through mutual friends or at non-school events.

Also, you telling me that you don't want to date guys because they want you to be down for something while your sisters were in relationships at your age. I mean, I feel like put two and two together. It's not JUST because your sisters are pretty 👀. But gossip aside, your parents can't be that strict if they let your sisters see guys or if your sisters found ways around not telling them. So I wouldn't worry about them too much. As a former teen, there are always ways to getting around parents.

All in all, I think it sounds like you do have a good head on your shoulders and you know what you want. Being a grandma isn't always a bad thing, it just means that you don't take BS from other people and you know what will make you happy. That's something that takes almost a life time of development and you've got that now at 15 so I've got confidence in you that you're going to be alright.

As a side note: I do appreciate you listing out how you romanticize the situations. It gave me a laugh and this is definitely one of my favorite asks I've gotten in a while. Talking to people about navigating teen dating is like one of the funnest topics period.

June 13, 2023

#advice #love advice #relationships #relationship advice #relationship help

[boredompaw]

Words are hard. We agreed on this. You said a lot of times you don't bother writing long because it'll never quite convey everything you need it to. But I try, regardless. I woke up this morning and everything felt fuzzy around the edges. Fell asleep with the lights on, face and teeth unwashed. Phone in hand and when I opened it, there was the snap screen, staring back at me. I'd fallen asleep without sending you a well wish for your plane trip, but you had a gn/gm waiting for me. I'm afraid of losing whatever this is. The quiet hmms over the phone and the scratch of stubble as you press your face into my neck and the press of eyelashes brushing against my cheek and being able to push my fingers through your hair and brush it out of your face and the way my hand barely shows when our fingers are knit together. Your smell. On my clothes. On your hoodie you gave to me. The presence that lingers. When you leave. It'll disappear eventually. I can't think about that right now. The way you don't know quite what to do with your arms and how (you better thank god I'm flexible) I can bend myself just a little more than other people so that we can still cuddle together even when you sit in that stupid awkward position. All of it cliche in the ways that would always push my button in books, but it doesn't bother me the way it would've before all this.

The way we fall silent after long hugs and the way you always go along with it when I break the silence with a mundane observation about lighting or colors, stupid memes I reference, or impulsive talk of the future. The way you tried drawing and reading more just because I like to. Or the way you're ok with me tracing the ridges of bones along your upper body and telling you about why I'd collect them. The way you put up with my chaos over text even when you're trying to be sweet and sincere and meaningful but I'm not having it. How you try and cater to my needs and make note of the smallest things I say, and even when I try it fall so much shorter of everything you do. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and being the first person outside of my friends I felt safe coming out to an I will never. ever. forget your words telling me it was fine and you'd take me for who I was. Thank you for never being pushy and taking it in stride when I know you want to keep kissing but it's too much for me and I push your face away. Thank you for your tolerance. For every sacrifice of your own. Whatever this is, whatever it could've been (something special, I'm sure). I'm going to miss it all so god damn much. I don't want it to end.

You asked me yesterday, "when do we cry?" I'm glad it was you this time to broach the topic because it hurts so bad after last time it went numb after Monday. You know I want to continue, and you do, partly. You spoke from the heart last time, I think. Your first words in answer, before you had too much time to process the emotional strings. You don't want it to end badly, and you want to see what the world has to offer. And that's the most reasonable answer there is, the best way forwards, objectively. But it's not like that ever stopped something from hurting. And again, this time around, when we talked, you said we should try continuing into the fall. But it's because you know I want to. Another sacrifice, another tally. That count, whether you know it or not, is being kept track of, in my mind and yours. That breeds resentment. I told you this and we talked more. Into the night. Who cares, that our parents would ask questions later, the why's the where's the who's. It falls away.

This is now. This is important. There's still three weeks. Just sit and think on it, you don't need to have an answer right away. It's enough. It's not enough. I don't know what I want. It's immobilizing. Don't grieve now. I'm here for you. Fuck. Look at me. Look at me. It's going to be ok it's going to be ok it'sgoing to beokok it'sgoingtobeokit'sgoingtobe-- I told you I sound like I laugh when I cry. There's no right way forwards. But forwards we march, even as every step taken tears something from you and leaves you wondering what could have been. Pick one door, and close ten others that you hadn't realize had been open and beckoning. But I know this relationship won't work if we don't mutually agree on it.

I told you to flip a coin, and you looked wounded. No, not like that. I told you to assign an option to each side, and whichever your gut tugs towards, that's what you really want. You broke down and cried the whole way back. Cried, because you know deep down which way your scales tip. And it's not the way mine goes. Maybe not the way you want yours to go. But I'm not ready to accept that yet. Neither are you. For now, we can pretend. I keep telling myself if I hope hard enough we can go on into the unknown, the next four years, who knows. The one thing's that guaranteed is that we have more hard conversations coming. But your answer doesn't change the way I'm going to interact with you or how we proceed for the next twenty-something days (thinking about the time passing feels like death by a thousand cuts). And every time I think about it, it hurts in that way where your hear palpitates and you feel the pressure in your chest and behind your eyes and in your throat build and build and build until you feel like you could burst. Being able to cry on command has never been this easy. I'm afraid of what comes next. That fear of losing something unique and irreplaceable. That fact that it's never going to be quite like this again. The permanence. All the never's and forever's because no matter which way we go, we can't go back. It's an obvious fact of the world, and I hate it.

It hurt so bad yesterday. But at the very least, even when the heart loses its sense of self preservation at least the mind stays rational. It's so strange to feel so damn numb-- even seeing the stupid spider that decided to inhabit my sock drawer elicited only a small twinge of disgust this morning, as I closed the drawer to deal with later. I feel a little guilty but maybe we cna be brothers in arms in this sense. Numb grievers, for a little while longer, even if my dam breaks so much more often then yours does. I still don't know if I'd call it love. "I love you" seems to come quite easily for you. Not for me. Words might be hard but they hold a lot of weight to them as well. I think you'd agree that nothing really encompasses the meaning of anything fully. But for everything I said earlier about my selfishness and your sacrifices, maybe it's time for me to pull my own weight. From what I could tell, you're not going to have the willpower to end things. It's going to be so fucking hard. But, whether you yourself know it or not yet, we're going to part ways. It's for the best. But getting this off my chest helps, and maybe I'll sleep just a little bit better tonight.

#personal vent #cw vent #boredompaws journals #honestly really feeling the gif tho

[sunshinee0-0]

Random Skz boyfriend headcannos :)

Paring: ot8 x Reader

Warnings ⚠: Mention of sexual interaction, twerking on objects, water spit into somebody's face, ass slapping, rap battle, fights, play fights, bugs, mention of skipping meals.

AN: ah!! I thought this would be fun so here you go! Two of these are inspired by songs and some of these are things i've done before :) Oh also, i got courage to post it @pipiripi Enjoy!

Jisung's the type of person who dislikes when people don't fully write out texts, he hates when people text, 'Gn' or 'Gm' he would much rather have you write it out.

Felix bakes you cookies whenever your stressed about school or work and hides them in your bag for you to find later.

Changbin had once put on a scary movie for your date night so you could cuddle into him only for him to also get scared. You guys still cuddled but scaredly

Hyunjin takes pictures of you when your not looking only to show you after and watch you get all flustered.

Minhos lock screen is you with his cat

Whenever Chan's driving he always has his hand on your thigh. Doesn't even have to be in a sexual way, he just likes knowing your still there.

Jisung sometimes forgets to take of his glasses when he goes to bed so you have to remind him.

Chan sprays his hoodies with his cologne before giving it to you.

On your first date with Seungmin you guys went to a pet shelter and played with puppies.

Hyunjin will take you out for ice cream really late at night if he cant sleep.

You and Felix got kicked out of walmart for playing spies

Jisung got ban from chuchy-cheese for tweaking on chuchy. A least he made you laugh.

You and Changbin found a tennis ball on the side of the street, his name is bally and its your guys child.

Minho likes slapping your ass randomly. You could just be laying down in bed watching YouTube and he would just come up and slap your ass.

Seungmin really likes to braid your hair, doesn't matter how long it is or how short it is. He just really likes doing it. He likes it even better if you braid his hair.

Hyunjin always has one or more hair ties on his wrist just for you.

Jeongin like using your shampoo and conditioner. But it's only because your conditioner is better then his! That's what he says anyway.

Jeongin also likes 'borrowing' your chapstick.

Felix likes to send you little audio clips of him playing piano and singing.

Seungmin sometimes sings to you whenever you cant sleep.

You and Changbin had a rap battle in an empty IHOP parking lot. (He won but only because he kept using 'yoh')

You Jeongin always do your morning and night routines together.

Seungmin knows that you hate ordering for yourself so he orders for you

You and Felix will play the 'punch buggies, no punch backs' game whenever you guys are driving. He'll lightly pouch your shoulder and go, 'punch buggie no punch backs, red!'

You Jisung once did the 'Try Not laugh challenge' with water in your mouth. And with the first few seconds Jisungs laughs and 'accidentally' spit water into your face. You guys never played again

Minho likes it when you wear his rings.

When you and Chan had your first fight, he left just to let you cool off and came back with a bunch of chocolates and a big ass teddy bear. That bear is still in your room to this day.

Jisung calls you 'Bub' or 'Bubba'

Hyunjin waits for your goodnight text every night because he can't fall asleep until you do.

Changbin loves wearing matching outfits with you.

Minho loves spoiling you (they all do) but Minho he just loves to see the look on your face whenever he gets you something you've been looking at for a few months now.

Once you and Felix went to the park together and you both thought it was funny to you into the baby swings only for the both of you to get stuck and call for help.

While making breakfast you and Seungmin put on a bunch of soft and cheesy love songs.

Also Seungmin would love to go on Bugs dates <33

The first time changbin said 'i love you' to you, he let is slip while you guys where washing dishes.

You and Minho always have tickle fights. He always sometimes wins >:(

Chan hates it when you skip meals, he's generally offend that you forget to eat. Your his baby, why wouldn't you feed yourself? :( He even has a reminder set on his phone so he can remind you to do so. (Another one who gets so offend when you skip meals is Minho and Hyunjin)

All of the boys love it and I mean LOVE it when you take their favorite hoodies.

#skz x reader #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #han jisung x reader #changbin x reader #hyunjin x reader #jeongin x reader #lee know x reader #Minho x reader #minho x reader #Kim seungmin x reader #skz x gn reader #ot8 x reader #bangchan x gn reader #minho x gn reader #changbin x gn reader #hyunjin x gn reader #han x reader #felix x reader #seungmin x reader #jisung x gn reader #han x gn reader #felix x gn reader #seungmin x gn reader #jeongin x gn reader #ot8 x gn reader #ot8 #skz #stray kids #skz boyfriend

[the-bugs-under-ur-skin]

Yandere Sunny, Basil and Mari w an affectionate reader HCs - Omori

nghgggggh so cute :,) also sorry to the one person who asked for clumsy and affectionate, i just didn’t think there needed to be two different posts about it. thank you guys sooo much! i’m so glad you like my headcannons!!

[yandere Sunny x reader]

-Sunny is one of the most touch-starved of the group

-affection was always a must for him, so you being extra affectionate on your own is basically heaven for him

-he gets very flustered by the sudden affection from you but never pulls away, just soaking it all in with a red face

-he’ll let you give any affections you want at any place

-he doesn’t care about other people and would be able to intimidate them if the did try to bother both of you

-Sunny is very happy that you’re okay with pda, and can’t help but have a proud smirk on his face whenever he catches people staring at the two of you

-he also finds the texts adorable

-he always gets a little blush in his cheeks whenever he gets the notification that you’ve texted him

-he has trouble falling asleep and waking up so the gm/gn texts he gets from you actually helps him feel better

-i think he’d be an awkward texter though, so don’t expect much more than a thumbs up emoji or an “ok”

-but please don’t get discouraged by the lackluster responses from him, those texts are some of the best parts of his day

-you’ve spoiled him at this point, he just expects you to shower him in affection and would throw a little tantrum if you were to suddenly stop giving it to him

-and if he throws tantrums just because he doesn’t get enough affection, he’d certainly get upset if you were affectionate with others

-even just hugging one of your friends as a greeting can get him angry

-if you’re ever just cuddling against your friends and wonder why they suddenly seem unnerved, it’s probably because they just noticed Sunny’s intense glare from across the room 

-most of the time if your friend just backs off, he’ll leave them alone (for the most part)

-of course, if they’re persistent than a few cuts should have them back off

-but no matter what, you’re not going to be chatting with those friends for a long while

-and if one of your affections you show to your friends is a kiss, however, it’s going to be more than just a glare and a punch

-like, it’s nice that you made such a nice friend but you’re definitely never going to see that friend again unless you’re going to their funeral

-he wants all of your affection for himself, even if you claim you have “so much love to give to everyone”

-he can handle any affection you throw at him, so don’t start being shy now!

[yandere Basil x reader]

-despite being very shy, Basil would be quite affectionate himself

-he hopes that you’ll let him hang off of you for the rest of time, because that’s all he wants to do

-any affection you give him, he’ll return, albeit shyly

-if you though Basil would absolutely obsess over an affectionate s/o you must be crazy

-it’s the validation he’s always wanted and he gets it through hugs and kisses from his favorite person? he’s perfectly ready!

-honestly, he would mind if you suffocated him from all the affection he gets from you

-he also gets really giddy whenever he receives texts from you

-you constantly texting him will never fail to make him blush; he absolutely adores that he’s on the front of your mind

-you aren’t bothering him at all! he always responds to any of your texts immediately and hopes that you send him even more

-he’ll basically have a meltdown if you suddenly don’t give him a goodnight text as usual

-and Basil will definitely get upset if you’re affectionate with others

-he thought that you were only affectionate with him because he’s special, and your just giving away your valuable attention to just anybody?

-he definitely sits and cries in his room or under a tree or something

-he’s so pitiful, wouldn’t you do anything to stop him from crying?

-Basil just really hopes that you and a friend don’t suddenly start catching feelings for each other 

-an affection s/o would also worsen his tendencies since he’s basically getting praised for being a toxic boyfriend

-not only will he get more clingy, he’ll also get slightly more manipulative

-i mean, since you love affection so much, why not give him some?

-you’re holding hands with someone else? but he thought you loved him! you know... if you want to break up with him you can just say so...

-but, you’re not actually going to do that right? PLEASE don’t do that...

[yandere Mari x reader]

-Mari was affectionate with you right when she started to have some sort of feeling for you

-even if you and her are still technically friends she is absolutely sure that this means you’re both in love

-it just makes sense to her; you’re both always hugging and sometimes even a kiss on the cheek? there’s no way that this isn’t love

-she’ll even talk to her family and friends about you like you’re both dating each other

-and don’t even get me started with the texts

-every time she responds she’s always adding a heart at the end or calling you “honey” or “sweetie”

-she’ll probably send even more texts than you do

-oh, you give her a little good morning text? that’s cute, anyway here’s this two paragraph long message about how lucky she is and how excited she is to see you this morning

-but, whenever you’re affectionate with others, this breaks Mari’s fantasy about you both being in love

-she was so sure you were absolutely dedicated to her and that you would get married to her after you both finally graduate, and you’re giving someone else a hug?

-honestly, even simple affection could ruin her so you being really affectionate with others will send her into despair

-at first, she’s mad at you

-she trusted you and you’re out here snuggling with another classmate? how could you!

-but once you start acting confused on why she’s ignoring you, it starts to click for her

-it was never your fault, it was your friends!

-she’ll apologize to you profusely and then go straight to whoever was “manipulating” you into giving them affection

-so don’t worry, darling! those awful people will finally leave the two of you alone forever!

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere x y/n #yandere x darling #yandere headcanons #yandere hcs #yandere omori #yandere omori x reader #yandere sunny #yandere sunny x reader #omori x reader #sunny x reader #yandere basil #yandere basil x reader #basil x reader #yandere mari #yandere mari x reader #mari x reader

[thenaughtyguy]

Dying Love

*this is a fictional story, matching any of its characters with any real person would be just a coincidence, and the place name and date have been just used to make it look real.

I think I should pen the dying love of two and a half years.

Let me first tell you something about the protagonists of this story, I, Mayank, 18 at that time, my hometown is Burhanpur and I study in Bhopal, and my hero, Virat- he was 20 at that time, he is properly from Bhopal.

It started on 27th November 2018, we met on Grindr, we both were new on that app, I was still exploring what is gay, what is bisexual, what is straight, I had never seen any porn, so I was totally unaware of sexual stuff, even today I'm untouched of all those things, I just knew was that, I feel attracted to boys and I never feel the same for girls. I got one friend who was member of QueerMitra, he helped me in knowing my feelings, I was graphic designer and content writer for them for few posts, I was trying to find my seniors and batch mates on that app, and one day- it was 27th November, (Exactly one month before I started using Grindr), a guy sent me "hi", I didn't know how to chat with people, after all I have got my first smart phone and I was not used to it. I sent "Hi" too. I said I'm in MANIT, 1st year CSE student. He said he is commerce student. he was 20. everything was going very nice. I had no knowledge of sex... I was just looking for someone with whom I can talk on my personal topics. so pics never mattered for me, so I didn't ask. but he sent his pic, I was shocked to see, I said send your real pics, he send another one, He was looking so hot, I was unable to believe, for few days I was offline, I came to Burhanpur, It was winter vacations for 1 month. One day I opened Grindr, and He never asked for my pic, he asked for my number and I gave him, I have started sharing everything with him, I had ordered my laptop, and again I was offline for few days, my laptop arrived on 5th December, and I was very happy, on 6th December, he texted me "hi" on whats-app, he sent me his pic, but I never believed on him, we talked after everything, I was very happy because of laptop and I was facing problem while starting it, I was updating him with every single thing, those days are literally so memorable to me, I was a lil kid.

Then on 7th December we made a call, I heard his voice, it was so mesmerizing, I asked him, do you sing, he said how did you know, actually I had become fan of his voice. I used to laugh so much, I was so happy, there were no words,  just my blushing and happiness and laughter that he can listen to. I was so happy while talking with him, But always I had to go to terrace, and as like always, it used to be night time, so darkness and he never saw me, even I didn't believe on his pic, I never had dp too, so everything was like blind date, I was not using Grindr then, one day we made vc, but it was terrace and too dark, he hadn't got to see me, but I had seen him, he was so handsome and exactly the same as I saw in his pics. But I was fan of his voice more than his looks, and to be honest in our whole journey, I never praised him for his look, just I praised him for his voice, he used to love singing and cooking, so I started having interest in cooking, I used to ask him for recipes.

In no time he had become my very good friend, my secret box, and the surprising thing was he didn't had seen me, on 30th December I clicked one selfie and edited it, and keep it as my dp, he saw me first time in that edited pic. and even today I have the same dp on whats-app, I think it is the sign that my heart is still waiting for him.

Then I came to Bhopal, but we didn't met in real, we just used to talk day and night. everyday my first message used to be "gm" and last message -"gn and tc"

Whole day whenever I got time we used to chat, soon he got a job in Dainik Bhasker, he got busy, so we chose to chat instead of calling, and as our timing didn't match, he used to reply when he got time.

I was so happy. and finally after 8 months, we met first time in real on 19th July 2019. it was just 10 min meeting, but I remember every second of it. we shake hands, his that soft hands, and his voice was so nice in real, he was dressed up in formal dress, white shirt, black pant, we were of same height, he was looking fit and so cute, but I didn't say a word, I was a kid, I was so much blushing, I didn't say anything but after that, I text him my all feelings, I was so shy to speak out anything. but he was praising me, and the most memorable moment was that hug, he tried to hug me while we were leaving, that soft touch, not a tight hug, just the way friends hug each other, but there was a softness and love in it.

We had become more than a friend to me, we started using love emojis, everything was slow but everything was memorable, we were too happy.

I had learnt graphic designing, I used to be very busy with the work of all different societies, but the messaging was all same, I remember, the whole day, whenever I used to have free time, I used to message him.

He started being busy, his timing of job changed, it was from afternoon to late night 11-12. He used to get tired, so replying every single message become tough for him, but he used to read my all messages, He used to care a lot.

Even every Sunday he used to go job, he didn't had a fixed day for holiday, it could be any day in a week, so it become tough for our meeting.

We started having little bit of fighting much often, always it was me who used to get mad at him and he used to be so busy that he didn't even understand that I'm mad at him. Actually I was in love so deep that I couldn't able to get mad for long time and finally I myself had to approach him. I could understand but really not having time for me. He used to say, I'm busy you can search someone for you, I won't be mad. That single sentence was too enough to feel his care.

But still I'm a human, I used to get mad at him because he was not having time for me.

For me, he was the only person whom I could say everything, whole day I used to tell him whats going on in my life, but now he didn't had time for reading those too too long messages, he used to say, I'm too tired and I can't type, So I let him go. he used to watch you-tube video before sleeping. Facebook has option to choose what to do after your death, who can access your account, I chose Virat as that person who can access my account after me, there was a option to write down something with that permission and so I wrote one big letter to him saying, I wanted to see him while dying, I wanted to say thank you to so many people, I wrote down everyone's name- my family, my friends, i wrote everything, it was literally a very long letter, It was too kiddish too.

I was in love, I used to create and graphics for impressing him, but he never praised anything, I was not a graphic designer, I'm a coder but I did that for him and he never commented anything on it. But still I tried to do whatever I could do,

There one time came when I started using Grindr again, and one guy started hitting on me, I used to tell Virat everything, so he could be jealous, but was such a rude, he was always okaywith everything.

I start having weak feelings for him

But when it come to choose between those two, I chose Virat, and same thing happened many times and I always preferred him over everyone, because It was not totally his fault, and fighting, getting mad, getting sad, crying all these are just part of love.

He was always special for me but in between a period came when I became more closer to my bestie- Parv, he was my crush but we were strangers in starting, but with time we had come so closer that he become my best friend and then my roommate we used to study together, he was so protective and caring for me, I start feeling for him, I used to tell everything to Virat and while chatting I never felt that he is jealous but later one day when we were on call he used the word "Tumhara Parv", I could feel that little jealousy, I was so happy. but still I was feeling something for Parv. I was so confused because I was feeling something special about two persons parallely.

And soon a day came when lots of things happened, my friends knew about me that I'm gay, they even knew that Parv is my crush, they started teasing me and Parv, everything was so nice, but one day my roommates other than Parv changed the hostel for the sake of study, I was crying like a baby, and in that sadness I speak out everything to Parv even about having crush on him and he said don't tell other friends that he knew it, and in just 2 days my other friends came back, (when todsy I think about it, it looks so dramatic,) now my all friends knew everything, it was so fun, I was so happy, everywhere were just happiness,

But Virat was less involved in it, my friends never liked Virat, they did so many mischievous things for our breakup, but every-time we understood each other, once my friend Hardik hacked my mobile he used to read everything, all my lovey dovey conversations with Virat, then we decided to talk little bit for some time and in those days my friends tried to bring Parv and me closer, Parv become my so special friend but still he was straight, we used to go on long drives and every dream that I have imaged with Virat, was coming to true but with Parv, and in those days Virat started becoming more like my friend than my love and one day I dared my friend Hardik to do whatever he could, and he sent the message to my brother the one which I wrote for my brother to tell him everything about me. I was so afraid what will happen now, but after an emotional conversation with my brother on call, everything got fine, he accepted me, it was a great party time, I was very happy, my friends were more happier than me, but Virat was worried about me, he was worried that problems may come with this, but my friends and my Daa were with me so I had no worries.

One day I confessed my feelings (that Parv already knew) to Parv, he start behaving uncomfortable, I was so sorry for that, but he was afraid of me because I crossed my limits in the text. That day Virat made me a call and said don't worry, he is straight, he was too loving that day, he was treating me very nicely, I was so worried about me, his those lovely words let me move on over everything, and he finally made me smile.

Due to pandemic, we were said to go home, and the day came when I was leaving for home, -17 march 2020, our second meet- and I asked him to come to meet me, he was so angry because I have wasted so much of time that day, he had to go somewhere else, but for me he came, because I was going home, and I asked Parv to empty the room but Parv didn't, he didn't leave the room, It was feeling like, he did it on purpose (I hope it was not jealousy), But Virat himself didn't wanted to come to my room because he didn't want to face my friends those who didn't like him.

so we met in jungle- the MANIT jungle, we had private time there, it was on my demand, because I wanna try something, but to be honest, it was me who denied for something special ( I think you can understand what I mean), because I was afraid of pain (I think you got it, whst I'm saying) but still I had my first kiss, the most memorable moment, I can't forget those moments. then I left for home.

we used to chat, but things were going bad, I used to get angry, I used to block him again and again, It was so  kiddish, I used to unblock and send him message and again block him, so he was not able to reply.

Everything was still nice, becsuse everything was our love, I were not serious about our fight, it was just fun. But suddenly one worst day of my life came- 26th April 2020 - It was the birthday of my di, for me my Di is the most special person, I prepared lots of things for Di, pani poori, cake and lot... I was texting him and updating him about everything whats going on here, but I realized no message is going.

I tried fb, insta, calling, everything but I have blocked from everywhere.

I had tried all different numbers that I had in my home, I used all whats-app but he blocked everything.

No reason- just I was blocked from his life, I cried a lot, for many days I tried many things, then one day he didn't blocked that number and said, he is not interested-- I asked for reason but he said, I'm not interested- might something that happened but he said nothing. I said I will always wait for him, I promised him few things, and I keep texting him, he never seen them, But I knew he might be reading in notification, I never loose hope, But one day that whats-app was blocked, I tried other and it was also blocked, I started using insta, I keep on changing account but he never accepted my message request but I was thing he might be still reading, but I was not sure he might have deleted my message request so I keep on changing insta account, everyday or in few days I used to have a new account, even today I have different accounts to text him, I never loose hope.

It's already 8 months, day night I tried to contact him, I tried to listen the reason, what happened that, that he had to block me from everywhere while before the day, we were totally normal. Then the day came I thought to move on and I started hitting on someone, and as Virat is my bestie too, I used to share everything with him through texts which he never seen, and I’m sure he might be reading everything, he was aware that I'm hitting on other guy,(I was wishing him to come back, I was widhing him to feel jeslous, but nothing happened), and again my bad luck, that guy I'm hitting on, said I'm like a brother to him, And so I thought it is what Bhagwan wants and My new year was spent with him- with Virat- ( that I thought I'll be spending with the guy I'm hitting on but happened something else, I was with the guy I was hitting on on 31st but my mind and heart were with Virat), I texted Virat a happy new at midnight 12, I knew he will definitely see this.

But he never replied.

And what a dramatic situation it was, one the same day, in new year party I had met a guy, I had crush on a him in first sight, but he was straight, I was texting everything to Virat, I was thinking, he might feel jealous, I never thought I will approach that guy, but lil bit flirting and things were going in favor, I used to say everything to Virat, but on 21st April 2021- I got a reply and he said “you are just wasting your time over me”, I replied his all messages with hard words but got softened and I said, “I love  you”, but till the end of conversation, my all hope and my love had come to its weak point. I was broken. But I didn't let myself break, I diverted my mind and that new guy started taking Virat's position, I know it's not easy, But it's on me, I could control my mind to let it think anything.

But later on, I realized he is straight so whatever I’m thinking is impossible, and it’s again a heart break, but it was hurting not because of the later one but it was because of the former - Virat.

I never forgot him, My feelings for him got weaken but they are still in existence.

My heart still says "Virat, plz rok lo mujhe".

Today it's two and half years of our journey that basically started from whats-app, that pic of his that took my heart away. I think it is not dead, it might be dying, it might be too much injured, it could be in comma for some time, but it's not dead.

Because I believe, there is a part of story that is unheard, the story from Virat’s side. After all what happened that day, why did he suddenly blocked me from everywhere? 

It might be just me, who is thinking there is a something that I don’t know, and may be it’s only me who thinks he loves me, and it is possible that he really got bored of me, so he took this way, but if he loved me, I don’t want to loose him, for that lil possibility, I’ll be keep waiting, I won’t loose the hope.

#gay gaylove love 2andhalfyear hope dyinglove

[clownpool]

*whispers all the kyjae texts thanks 😈*

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “✆” for a MORNING text. 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 06:46: gm

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 06:47: i woke up eoarly ot text you good morning since i know you wake up around this timev. 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 06:47: but now i’m going bacik to sleep because bi ccan’t be awake this early. so gm and gn. 🙂

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 19:50: The reason why I haven’t told you about our kiss is because I keep thinking like what if it didn’t mean anything to you and thats why you havent remembered it. and if thats the case, I dont want to remember it either because that hurts... but I also know that something traumatic happened to you so I dont want to flood you with more concerns because thats not cool and also theres the fact that if I tell you then that means we both realize we actually like each other and that is scary because your my favorite person in the world and I dont know how i’ll be able to handle that news i may just die of happiness

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “☎” for a RUSHED text. 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 17:05: I can’t explain, but if you’re there, you have to leave HQ. 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 17:05: NOW.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 17:06: Something bad is gonna happen, and you can’t be there. Just trust me.

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 22:36: you ever think about how cute oyu actuaally are? like do you ever sit and tahink about it because xi do. not with me i onxly think aobout you.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 22:36: y

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 22:37: uo kneow? asol i'm sorroy ii electrocute you somet.smie.. i just get excited ahnd i can't help it.i apctually kind of liek it a lot.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 22:37: i laso think you aer gprcnie charming. yare you prince charming

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text. 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:45: I just told Nemo that DND night is cancelled. 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:45: Andres already knows, so you gotta tell Gabs and Bry and we’re all set.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:47: Since your Mom has that date tonight... I figured we could hang out in the astral plane or on the actual plane... 🤔

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:48: Only if you think we’re finally ready 🙂

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 00:28: My dads not mad by the way he was just very suspicious.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 00:28: and made me sit down with him and talk about awkward things again. I was directed to the fish bowl again too.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 00:30: also we’ve gotta keep the door open now-- not just five inches.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 00:31: when he said that I short circuited a little 😬

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 12:31: Sometimes there’s not answer for things Ren. Life isn’t always pie graphs and charts and you can’t always plan for things to go your way. it’s not like that! you can’t sit there and try to analyze everything and you can’t just put me in a box of situations that you’ve previously handled

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 12:32: You can’t fix something that isn’t broke. 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 12:33: There isn’t anything wrong with me or you, we’re fine. and I’m not avoiding you, so stop overthinking it. can’t you just forget it and stop being weird already because it’s not me.  

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “#” for a RANDOM text.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 11:51: ayYYYYYY lmao

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 11:51: [Image attached]

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 11:53: Do you like my new alien face?  

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “@” for a SCARED text.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 23:41: I know it’s late, but I don’t have anywhere else to go.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 23:41: I just found out my entire family has been lying to me this whole entire time. And I have a sister? And my dad left her behind...?! and Scout knew and Judith knew... maybe even Edie knew? I don’t know...

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 23:42: Can I just come over? You’re the only person who feels like home right now.

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “&” for a LOVING text.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:02:  hey boy, with that face, you must have +10 Charisma 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:02: are you a bard?

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:02: cuz you're plucking at my heartstrings.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:04: Ren give it up, you can’t win. I hold the title for the best DND pick up lines, and you hold the title for actual thief of my heart. 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:05: Ever been with a rogue...?

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:05: We like to do it...

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:05: from behind.  😆 🤣 😂 🤫

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 13:06: but also, no really, you pluck my heartstrings right of my chest. 

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 20:05: Since our bodies don’t really exist in the astral plane...

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 20:06: Like it’s just our souls it doesn’t really count until we actually... 🙃

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 20:06: –do you catch my drift?

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 08:16: Guess who has the car today because Scout’s off in another timeline again? 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 08:17: This guy!

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 08:17:  [Image attached]

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 08:18: So... chicken nuggets in the car for lunch? 🤔

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 14:20: Ya... that’s really nasty Scout. I don’t know how those crumbs got there...

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 14:21: Maybe you should ask Nemo for some cleaning supplies to clean up Dad’s mess.

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 14:21: I agree, we shouldn’t be eating in the car anymore...

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 15:00: Ren, I was obviously lying to get her to stop asking me about it. I’m sorry hahahahahah.

–––––– KYLE ; ( @Renjae ): Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text. 

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 19:34: You’re right. I lied, because I didn’t think you could handle the truth and because I knew you would judge me either way. you want everything perfect in your stupid perfect life. your dad wasn’t perfect so you kicked him out, nemo didn’t perfectly fit in either so you pushed him away, and now i’m not fitting in either because i’m a liar?

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 19:35: I know I’m not perfect, I was stupid to try and be that guy for you

𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 19:35: I just hoped that maybe you would try and understand. –I don’t like being the bad guy. I don’t like hurting people, but I have to.

#dnd is the new black texts #dnd is the new black ft; renjae #asks–✧

[entropystudy]

to riri

You know i’m no good when it comes to actually typing serious things but I really want to try my best this once so that you can understand what I mean perfectly and never ever forget it.

I was speechless while reading everything you wrote for me, really... i was crying (out of happiness of course) and just feeling one of the luckiest people in the world to have you by my side. However, my heart fell to my feet when I read “thanks for pretending like i’m good”. 

Riri, I’m really not pretending. I have no reason to lie about that, every single day you give me more and more reasons to want to get closer and closer to you and you just make me so incredibly happy. I’m awful for not making you see the little things you do that make you the wonderful person that you are, I have this bad habit of just thinking “it’s so cute when riri does that” but not acually saying it. Well, i might say it, but it comes out as “wtf you’re so cute me wife !” which I can expect you not to take seriously because well, it doesn’t actually sound very serious. I’m rather bad at expressing my feelings and right now I’m double checking everything I type, going back and forth changing things because I want this to get to you, I want my feelings to reach you. 

I love you, Riri, and I love everything about you. Doesn’t sound very genuine, does it? Nowadays everybody throws those words like they’re nothing, right? Want to hear what I actually mean when I say them then? 

I mean that I love e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g about you. I love how excited you get over small things, like a cute dog, a funny gif or a song. I love how we end up having three conversations at the same time because we keep bringing up different topics but you always respond to everything I say... it makes me feel really appreciated and so far I’ve never met ANYONE who did that. I love how humble you are, I feel like sometimes you’re too hard on yourself but I really admire how you don’t get all high and mighty despite everything you do. Because that’s another thing; while I *am* fascinated by your talents and how hardworking you are, at the end of the day the thing I love the most about you is how regardless of everything you do, you never brag or make me feel “inferior”. Hearing you talk about your hobbies is SO enjoyable precisely because YOU make it enjoyable for the other person, you talk about it passionately, I can almost feel your excitement when you show me a choreo or song but you don’t shove it down my throat as if saying “haha look at how great i am”. It’s more like “I LOVE THE THING!!!!!!” and it’s so incredibly cute, I’m glad you’re starting to share those with me more and I hope you’ll be able to do it more in the future!! 

Have I also mentioned how soothing you are? I probably have because that’s the best word I have to describe you. Let me tell you one thing: this week’s been a shitty ass week for me. I don’t want to go into detail too much but I’ve been really angry and sad and honestly when we mentioned spending some time together I saw it as a saving grace, for my soul at least. I was like!! yes!! FINALLY something I can enjoy and relax and have a good time laughing and being cute. Even when I get out of class feeling really pissed off and tired when I see your cute texts it just softens me and makes me go “aw... whatever’s making me angry is not worth getting angry about”. I really cannot see myself ever getting mad at you, everything about you just makes me want to hug you and never let go.

This is getting me emotional as ever but I often think about how amazing it would be to actually be able to hang out with you, I imagine myself going with you to practice so that i can see you dance and cheer you on and then treat you to ice cream or something on the way back!! i also imagine us going shopping and trying out matching outfits and taking pictures and. generally being cute and I KNOW for a fact that I would feel more at ease than ever because your company is the thing that would make me the happiest and I can’t imagine us not having a good time even if we just stayed home watching a movie and holding hands or hugging with a blanket. I would be able to hold your hand when you’re scared of something, hug you when you’re feeling down, or kiss your cheek when you do something cute. I would try to make you feel like the most beautiful person in the world, because I honestly think you deserve no less.

you’re also really “energizing” i really don’t know how to put it but ive realized that I approach classes with a different attitude since I’ve started talking to you more, you REALLY make me want to do my best partly because I don’t want to let you down partly because I feel happier and happier usually means more productive for me. I don’t think i told you about this but i’m currently looking for a part time job (for the summer) and I was so scared about it at first but your support made me feel like I could do it and get out of my comfort zone, which I usually have a hard time doing. 

I don’t want you to feel like i’m some type of super woman, I get insecure about the things I like, I feel down, I feel embarrassed and it’s normal, but you’ve been a HUGE help because I know I have someone with me that will always accept everything I like, someone that will listen to me and not judge me and not make me feel boring. You always talk about how patient I am but honestly? I always feel like you’re the patient one. Do you think I don’t appreciate how you never fail to send me gm/gn texts? Do you think I don’t find it the most endearing thing in the world and it makes me smile every time I open my eyes? You probably don’t know because i am a dumb ass fucko who doesn’t tell you but I’ve never seen anyone be more patient with me, so accepting of me and my schedule and so supportive of everything I do. 

In short, you make my heart feel warm and safe and cozy. Talking to you feels like home to me, I really don’t think I could ever do without you. 

After knowing this, I hope you’ll stop apologizing to me for no reason, I hope you’ll stop feeling like you’re not a important part of my life. Every time you say things like “it’s fine if you don’t talk to me”, it makes me want to hold you and say that it’s not fine with me, because I need you. 

Your wife isn’t the best at expressing herself but I hope that was clear enough for it to get to you. I love you, and I want you to remember all of this every time I say it and understand exactly what I mean. 

#riri #i'm starting a riri tag and every time I see something that reminds me of you I can tag you in it #let's call the tag #molang girlfriend #because i am unoriginal and i love molang and you are my girlfriend #by the way i've never had a tag for anyone this is a first for me #I love you you're so beautiful and bright