#please!!! need to hear about him and ada all the time please and thanks (it would also be great for diana lore if i actually had any idea

[arklay]

found the connections note mentioning hcf. skin cleared crops watered etc etc

#leah.txt #leah plays: resident evil 7 #shouting into ethan’s ear like hey bestie do you know it’s talking about my lil freaks? do you?!? #i wish they did more with hcf. big sigh. like we only saw them in cv with funky lil guy and this mention was nice to be like oh ofc he’s #connected to all the shady black market groups but like just gimme more organisation content!! i need it!!! enrichment for my enclosure #please!!! need to hear about him and ada all the time please and thanks (it would also be great for diana lore if i actually had any idea #wtf they were up to beside trying to make synthetic life or whatever that one thing said about them and their concept logo) #wait i just went and looked again and my bad but Studying abnormal and synthetic biology. anyways

[rootsofdread]

you can't handle the uber instinct of my uber autism, observe

i love your writing so much i've been binging them until i've caught up with everything 😭 it's sooooo good i wanna save it and read it whenever i feel bored

if possible could i request hcs with danny, wesker, leon and ada with a gn!reader who often unknowingly rambles about their interests despite any circumstances?

truly we are all autistic about dbd (<- also autistic about dbd)

anddd thank you so so much!! i'm so glad you enjoy my writing that much! <33

Leon S. Kennedy:

Leon honestly admires your ability to enjoy any situation by talking about the things you like. It lifts his spirits, too, to see you so carefree and enjoying the moment. Even if the killer is a few feet away and you two are hiding in a locker.

You’re great at helping kill time while doing generators like this, always having something to say and something to chat about. It can be boring doing generators, especially if the killer is busy with someone else, so having someone to talk to is nice.

He may not really know what you’re talking about — he doesn’t know much about a lot of things, he never really had the time to be reading about different things before being taken due to his job — but he enjoys learning new things from someone as passionate as you. You make it fun.

When you realize you've been rambling to him and apologizes, he tells you that you don't need to. He appreciates the company and the conversation you provide, even if you don't realize it.

Ada Wong:

Ada may seem like she’s not paying attention, and sometimes she may be devoting a little extra focus to looking out for the killer, but she always is paying attention to you. She’s just a little aloof and has trouble getting along with others, but she loves you and listens to you even if it may not look like it.

She enjoys the “background noise” you provide while you two work on generators. By focusing on your words more than the work, you help her a lot by relieving the pressure of getting it right. And she’s grateful for that.

You quell her nerves by whispering to her when the two of you hide. The adrenaline tells her that she should tell you to keep quiet so you’re not found — but her love for you compels her to do the opposite. You being so carefree helps her calm down in stressful moments.

She never wants you to feel like you shouldn’t talk about things you enjoy. She tells you that you never need to apologize for rambling, that she enjoys it, and she asks you to keep going if you’d like to. She’s soothed by the sound of your voice.

Danny Johnson / The Ghostface:

Danny absolutely loves you being such a chatterbox. Information is his bread and butter, and knowing more about you and what you like is one of his most favorite things. So he happily lets you talk whenever you like, even if he’s attempting to sneak around with Night Shroud. He just reminds you to whisper and let him do his work.

He’s surprised when you even try to strike up a conversation about your interests while on the hook. Doesn’t that hurt? But he shrugs and decides to let you continue. Who is he to stop you after all — and there’s no rules that say you can’t talk while on hook. He just hopes you don’t accidentally give him away.

Truth be told, he probably already knows a lot about what you enjoy. That's his job, after all. He still lets you talk, though, of course — he would never deny you that. And he just loves listening to you, and surprising you by knowing precisely what you're going on about.

He thinks it's adorable when you realize how much you've been talking and get embarrassed. He always encourages you to go on and keep talking, he's riveted, he would love to hear more, please.

Albert Wesker / The Mastermind:

Wesker always loves learning, and believe it or not, he probably doesn’t know much about what you’re rambling about. He doesn’t have the time to waste on silly mortal things, you know, so chances are he wouldn’t already know anything about it. And if he’s nothing else, Wesker is a seeker of knowledge.

He finds it amusing you’ll always seek him out during trials to talk to him. And he always pays attention to you when you do, even while he’s trying to hunt down the other survivors. He finds it especially amusing when you run to catch up to him after he rushes to slam someone into a wall.

He tells you to hold on for a second when he carries someone off to a hook. When he returns to you, he tells you that you may continue. He needs to be focused to hook someone and doesn’t want you thinking he’s not paying attention to you.

Every time you apologize for rambling, he insists that you continue. He won’t have you feeling ashamed for enjoying yourself. You deserve to know that your rambling isn’t an issue and that he always has time for you, much more than seven minutes.

#inbox #leon s kennedy #ada wong #danny johnson #albert wesker #gender neutral reader #dbd imagines #dbd x reader #dbd x you #leon s kennedy x reader #ada wong x reader #danny johnson x reader #ghostface x reader #albert wesker x reader #the mastermind x reader

[yokohamapound]

Hello there! I absolutely love your content you write the boys so well 😭 if you are taking submissions could you do one convincing the BSD boys to have a massage? These guys are so touch starved istg 💖💖

Ooh, I love this! I know some guys who could really do with letting go of some tension...

Characters: Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Kunikida Doppo

Contents: gn!reader

Dazai Osamu

Dazai doesn't need much prodding to laze around and let someone pamper him, but he will balk at paying for it. The ADA pays okay, but Dazai's a cheapskate at heart. He doesn't see why he should pay for someone to give him a massage when his darling partner could just do it for free.

He pouts when you insist he should get a proper massage. Who knows what kind of muscle tension he's carrying? Dazai doesn't exactly look after himself—he sleeps in strange positions, regularly stuffs himself into bins and barrels, and generally has terrible posture.

The only way to convince him is to buy the massage for him as a gift or something.

"Thank you, bella, but they won't be able to get all the kinks out."

Terrible puns aside, Dazai falls asleep the minute he lays down on the massage bed, only waking up to squeal when the massage therapist digs into a particularly deep knot. You can hear him from the waiting room.

"H-harder!"

The receptionist at the massage place gives the door an alarmed look. You stare at your phone and pretend not to have heard anything.

When he comes out, he's as limp as a wet noodle, practically sparkling with relaxation.

Nakahara Chuuya

The only problem with getting Chuuya to have a massage is him finding the free time. He's also picky about who he lets put their hands on him. Not that he's worried about anyone being able to hurt him, of course.

He chooses an expensive treatment, probably a deep-tissue massage followed by hot stones or something. And it'll be a couple's massage session. If he's doing it, you're doing it too.

Probably at an onsen or some kind of spa place. A Port Mafia executive doesn't go to the dodgy place down the street, after all.

He grunts whenever the massage therapist finds another tense muscle, gripping the edge of the bed so hard the wood creaks. It feels like the therapist is drying to grind his muscles to dust. When he looks across at you, he scowls.

You're lying there in a state of bliss, your massage therapist's oiled hands gliding gently across your back. Why are you getting the light treatment?

Fuck it. He's a man. He can handle this.

Despite the therapist trying to roll him out like bread dough, he is pretty relaxed by the time they've laid hot stones on his back.

"Guy's lucky I didn't deck him," he grumbles sleepily.

"Sure thing, babe."

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

Okay, so there's no way you're going to convince Aku to let some stranger lay their hands on him. It involves three things he hates:

1. Being vulnerable.

2. Strangers touching him.

3. Being naked.

The only way this is going to work is if you take a massage course, maybe throw in some aromatherapy too, and learn how to give a proper massage yourself. Even then, it's going to take a lot of wheedling and reassurance to convince him.

"No."

"Please? I really need to practice."

"Use someone else."

"Do you want me touching someone else's naked body?"

"..."

And so on and so forth.

When you finally wear him down, his thin, pale back is as rigid as a bowstring, practically vibrating with tension when you put your hands on him. He flinches, then grows even more tense. You warm some scented oil between your hands—mint, because he doesn't like citrus smells—and smooth them gently down his back.

It takes a while of that for him to start to relax. He keeps his head twisted to the side, watching you out of the corner of his eye.

Aku doesn't like you seeing him without his clothes. He knows he's scrawny, and doesn't see what the appeal is. He's always waiting for the other shoe to drop and for you to mock his appearance. It takes a lot of patience.

By the time you've worked your way up to his neck, gently kneading out the sailor-worthy knots from the amount of tension he carries, he's breathing easier. He might have let his eyes drift shut, although one hand will still be clenched in his coat, just in case.

See, Aku, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Kunikida Doppo

My god, does this man need to find some way to unwind. You may have noticed that he can be highly-strung and neurotic. Honestly, hard to blame him with his coworkers, but he's also very Type-A as a person.

Thankfully, Kunikida's ideals mean he is also very focused on maintaining his health and wellbeing. He won't ignore aches and pains, because they could well develop into more serious issues further down the line and that's not very ideal, is it?

Sadly, he's also wary of taking suggestions because of Dazai's penchant for coming up with bogus health advice. Kunikida is rather gullible, sometimes. Massage does have well-documented health benefits, though, so this shouldn't be a problem to convince him.

Just make sure it's pencilled into his schedule.

The main issue comes when it is actually time to relax. I'm convinced that Kunikida doesn't really know how. He has a couple of relaxing hobbies, like fishing, but even then he keeps a straight back and his mind is usually busy while his hands are idle.

He finds it very difficult to switch off, and the poor massage therapist is trying to massage the equivalent of a plank of wood. And when they look up, Kunikida is still trying to work—he needs to maximise every possible moment, after all!

"Sir? Sir! Are you checking your emails??"

"Yes, I have to keep on top of my inbox."

"Put the phone down, sir."

#bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanons #bsd imagines #Dazai Osamu #Nakahara Chuuya #Akutagawa Ryuunosuke #Kunikida Doppo #Dazai x Reader #Chuuya x Reader #Akutagawa x Reader #Kunikida x Reader

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

Hi! I just saw your recent dazai x reader post and saw that the request is open soooo I want to request something.

Uhh if by any chance you know Tokyo revengers could you do Reader as Emma Sano? Dazai as Draken and Ranpo as Mikey like the scenario takes place during the prison arc and the vampire thingy and during that time Reader died the same way Emma Sano died and she was killed by Fukuchi in order to weaken the ADA and Dazai was informed by Ango about her death , you know just some good ol angst ehehehehe. I hope this request somehow makes sense and Thank you in advance! 🥰(⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

Last Soul

Summary: They swear as they see, she will be the last soul they will sacrifice for the battle. Dazai x Fem!Reader ft Ranpo's SisterMasterlist Tysm for the request! I have watched tr a little and I mainly surfed the web, Hope this doesn't disappoint you, I tried to co-relate both the scenarios as close as possible! Hope this fulfill your request

Atsushi and Y/N were on the way escaping Fukuchi, Akutagawa helped them escape, but on a cost of what? His life.

Everything was spinning and going to fast. They merely escaped the attacks by Fukuchi. Y/N couldn't help out much except for the fact she didn't contribute much of defense and combat skills.

She was didn't own any ability, just like her brother Ranpo, who was too denial to say he didn't own one too.

They were running through the forest with Poe's book in hand which had her brother trapped.

This was going to much for her, she wanted to live normally for god sake.

It happened so fast.

One moment she was beside Atsushi running away, and the next moment her body lied on the ground beside where Atsushi stood.

She was injured by Fukuchi's sword.

It came ripping through the thin air, and before either of those two could react, the sword pierced through her body and Y/N could react nothing but cough blood as she fell down in the pool of blood that was hers.

Ranpo didn't know what to say

He came out of the book solving the mystery to see his sister, lying on the ground as Atsushi stood still. He caught the light of the sword that reflected in his eyes, knowing damn well what had happened. He dropped on his knees as his body weakened to see his sister's body on the ground.

"Atsushi What happened...?"

"I AM SORRY RANPO-SAN THE SWORD JUS-JUST CAME THROUG-GH AND-D"

"ATSUSHI PICK HER UP WE NEED TO REACH YOSANO......DONT WORRY Y/N"

Ranpo was beyond angry.

Y/N seemed to gain conciseness when they reached near the base, and Ranpo was relieved a little, but his happiness didn't seemed to last long as she took her last breathe almost saying 'take care' right at the entrance, smiling.

Silence.

That was what could they all hear. Eyes diluting, tears streaming down as a silence scream escaped Ranpo, as he stared at his sister, who's soul completely slipped her body, which now was dropped on the ground, where Atsushi regained his human form.

" Tell me this a sick joke you pull Y/N, You know Dazai Loves you back right? Y/N-" Ranpo said, his voice cracking as he spoke.

"Y/N please, wake up you wanted to start a family right? With Dazai, and you even thought so far on picking the colours of the walls for your kid, Please Y/N, you cant throw away all of this you cant-" Ranpo's voice cracked, as he held his sister's body in denial.

Atsushi could only place a hand on ranpo's shoulder as a sign of comfort, unsure of the next motive of either parties.

Ango, Who watched the scene unfold, didn't say much but still shed a tear, knowing well he had to be professional in the battlefield.

Now the problem for Ango was, to convey this message to Dazai.

As the usual time passed, Ango sat once again to decode and code the messages between him and Dazai

Sending the coded Message to Dazai, Ango could only hope that this doesn't change the direction of the war.

Dazai didn't know how to react.

Y/N L/N was dead. The Y/N who he spent time with, who actually cared for him other than his late friend Odasaku , and The Y/N who he never confessed his love to.

"Say Dazai, didn't you hear it yet?" Fyodor smiled, who sat across him in another cube smiling wickedly seeing his enemy in denial.

"If this didn't exist, I would have made sure you didn't see another day" Dazai announced as his head slowly raised up and you could see the maniac beast he held close rise up, little by little just like it had when he made his first kill.

"I will make sure you pay the prize of this act Fyodor Dostoevsky, she will be the last soul sacrificed for this battle."

Help i went through my notes the other day for this request and

Welcome Dazai Sazai

#bsd #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd fluff #bsd headcanons #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #dazai hcs #dazai fluff #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs spoilers #bungou sd #bsd dazai #bsd manga #bungo stray dogs dazai #bungou stray dogs manga #bsd anime #bungo stray dogs headcanons #dazai #bsd s4 #bungou gay dogs #anime #port mafia #osamu dazai #dazai x yn #requests to sbd #sbd dazai asks

[a-random-weeb]

hi ive never requested like anything from anyone before so my DEEPEST apologies if this is really bad..😭😭

so like this idea has been eating at me for WEEKS but i cannot write at all so.. here i am in requests 🙏🙏

imagine a reader who works in the port mafia,,, but she’s dating ada dazai, she’s knew him since he was in the mafia and once he left they never really separated like chuuya and dazai did… eventually they start dating and it’s so obvious… they obviously try to hide it from everyone but chuuya eventually catch’s on and isn’t even surprised, even after he left they constantly reminded chuuya of all the things they did together before he left, and how much fun they all had (chuuya absolutely argued on having fun with dazai) AND I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW TO END IT OFF BUT ITS BEEN EATING AT ME AND I NEEDED SOMEBODY TO KNOW 😭😭🙏

Haha, thanks for thinking I'm a good enough writer to help with your idea ♥️

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Chuuya confronts you about dating Dazai you freeze, completely shocked

"H-how did you know?!"

"I'm not surprised, you two had chemistry anyway." He shrugs. You stay silent, astonished that he knew

"please don't tell anyone, Chuu!"

"I won't I won't." He sighs, flopping down on your bed. Chuuya had texted and asked to come over to hang out, which you agreed, completely forgetting you invited Dazai over as well. When you hear the doorbell ring, a wave of confusion washes over you. You answer it, only to see dazai.

"I completely forgot I invited you! I also have chuuya over, is that ok?" He nods and comes in, you jump up the stairs and lead him to your room "Don't you remember when we all hanged out like this? We had so much fun!" You smile

"Fun?! I've never had fun with someone like Dazai!" Chuuya pouts as you giggle.

"What about all the selfies we took? You looked pretty happy in those!"

"THAT WAS FOR THE SAKE OF THE PHOTO!"

"What about the ones we took when we caught you off guard? You were happy in those" Dazai buts in, smirking.

"SHUT UP!!" Chuuya screams, embarrassed. You laugh, "I really did miss these times..." Dazai pecks you on the list "But it's better now that we're dating~"

"GET A FUCKING ROOM YOU TWO!" You and Dazai burst out laughing, "Technically this is her room so..."

"BE QUIET WORTHLESS GOOD FOR NOTHING!"

"Oh? But you're the one screamin-"

"Both of you shut up!" You hiss while Chuuya sends Dazai a death glare. "it's just like when we were 15... let's all hang out more, just the three of us..."

˚+* ♡˚.°˖✧‧˚+* ♡˚.°˖✧‧˚+* ♡˚.°˖✧‧˚+* ♡˚.°˖✧‧˚

I hope this is the kind of ending you were looking for, if you were hoping for something different or I misunderstood something I could rewrite it for you! Though, it might take awhile because it took me awhile to think about this one how it is

#bsd x you #bsd dazai #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #bsd fluff #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #Bsd #bungou stray dogs x you #bungou stray dogs #chuuya nakahara x reader #bsd chuya #chuuya bsd #Chuuya Nakahara #chuuya nakahara bsd #Dazai x you #dazai osamu x reader #bsd dazai osamu #Dazai Osamu #BSD skk #soukouku #dazai x chuuya

[writingcold]

Welcome to Chapter Nine and Ten of Best Laid Plans

A/N:  I know.  Just trust me.  I have said that it will have a happy ending.  Just not yet.    

This is a complete fiction - totally made up.  I do not, nor will I ever know Jake or any member of GVF.  That said, this story is mine.  Please respect that.

Are you starting to understand the barrage of bullets that @takenbythemadness has taken while proofreading this thing for me?  Yeah.  Send her all your positive vibes and forehead kisses, please and thank you.

Content warnings: Language.  Deep depression.  Poor view of self.  Poor mindset.  Talk of adultery.  Misogynic character.  Verbal arguing.  Divorce.  Be ready for a big reveal.  It hurts.  It’s not horrible, but it hurts.  Well... maybe a little horrible.

Word count: approx. 9500

Chapter 9: May, 1990: Jake POV

     Life was a sham.  My life was less than the frail mist that hung amongst the branches of the tree that I could see out my back window.  I had sat for hours, the bottle between my fingers steadily grew lighter while my spirit grew atrophied and heavy.  She was gone.  Amanda carried everything out with her like she did not realize what she had taken from me.  And I allowed it.  Just like always.

     I stirred against my better judgment.  My vision was blurred and my body was full of ache.  A familiar hum stuck my ear from the void beyond the couch that made me want to retreat into the bottle to hide my embarrassment.

     “Dear lord, it moved,”  Josh’s voice rumbled in my ears without humor, but it also lacked malice.

     I coughed as I leaned forward, my fingers reaching for a bottle that was no longer on the table before me.  I frowned as I realized that everything before me had been cleared away leaving only a tall glass of water.  “How long have you been here?”  I asked as I oozed back into the couch.

      “Couple days.  Henry called Ronnie…”

      I grimaced as Josh ran through the line.  I had forgotten my parents were in Hawaii for an extended vacation.  I could just picture Ronnie pounding on my door, to which according to Josh, she wanted to kick my ass for not answering.  

      “But then, she got scared, so she used the key to find your nearly naked ass passed out about where you are now,”  he explained with a shiver through his shoulders.  

      I scrunched up my face as the heat of embarrassment flooded my system.  “Fuck,”  I sighed as my innards started to jiggle in protest.

      “So, she called me and I happened to have some time,”  Josh remarked as he was swiping at the counter with a disgusted look.  “Jesus, Jake, when was the last time you cleaned this kitchen?”

      I could barely hold my head up as my mouth started to flood with spit.  

     “Anyway, I’ve been covering what I can at the shop.  Sam got here yesterday and has been covering as well.  He brought Danny with him, so between Danny and Henry, all your lessons are covered for a few more days.  Dan’s heading out on tour,  so we really need to get your ass back into your shop.”

      My brain felt like toasted marshmallow and my mouth felt like it was filled with paste.  Josh continued to clean, peeking into the oven to reveal the smell of food.  He said that Ms. Ada sent a casserole - well, actually had sent many over.  One for each day of this week.  My stomach soured with the smell and produced a round of nasty burps that sent me flying to the bathroom.  I retched everything out as if all the alcohol was fleeing my system by any means possible.   I could hear Josh’s ramblings as I thought for sure my internal organs were next to exit my mouth.  I was shit.  I was lower than shit and did not deserve any kind of help in the matter.

      “Let’s get you into a shower,”  he said softly, pushing me by the shoulders to rest against the wall.

      I had no fight left in me.  I watched as he turned on the spray, holding his hand under the water just like our mom used to, even did the little toe tap as he waited.  He ordered me to take off my rags and helped me over the ridge of the bathtub.  The water was like an acid spray as it struck my skin like hot sandpaper.  I sputtered and choked as I made a show of doing what he wanted me to do while he stood protectively at the edge of the tub.  I pushed my face under, allowing the sensation of heat and clean to consume my ravaged skin.  Josh, satisfied that I was not going to fall over like an idiot, walked away for a few minutes.

      “This is clearly not about Georgia,”  he said, returning with clothes to set on the vanity.  “You danced a fucking jig when you signed those papers.  What gives?  I thought everything was going good.”

     “I can’t talk about it,”  I whispered, allowing the water to pour down and beat upon my back.

     “Bull shit,”  Josh remarked loudly.  “The last time I saw you like this was with…  god dammit.  Please don’t tell me you did something stupid and Amanda is involved.”

     The stab in my chest was brutal.  I inhaled water and sputtered through a cough before regaining my senses.  “You’ve been at the shop.  Have you seen her next door?”

     Josh stayed silent for a long time, leaving my guts to twist.  “She stopped in yesterday afternoon with treats for us from the morning poetry reading.”

     I rolled my eyes shut, fighting myself from asking if she inquired about me; wondered if she noticed my absence.  Another strangled breath as I waited for more from him.

     “I guess it makes some sense, now that I look at it,”  Josh remarked coolly.

     His words toiled in my belly as I heard him leave the bathroom for a few minutes.  The sound of the closet door opening and drawers being forced to shut matched the cogs of my thoughts.  He could not hide, however, the exasperated sound that he ground out in my room.

     “You’re the reason that poor woman looks destroyed,”  he said, his voice full of a hard edge.  “Meg and Bugger thought it was because her husband was back in town...”

     I kept completely still.  I could feel it.  The pieces were falling into place slowly, each clicking with a metallic click that I could feel happen for my twin.

     “Fuck, no, Jake,”  Josh growled, incredulous.

     I shivered despite the heat of the water and steam all around me.  “Go make a pot of coffee.  I’ll tell you everything.”

     I waited for him to argue with me right away.  Instead, I realized that he actually listened to me.  Finishing up my shower, I found that he had left a set of clean clothes for me on the vanity along with a new razor and shave cream.  It did not take long to feel human again, though my innards begged to differ.  

     Josh had the hot dish waiting on the kitchen table and the coffee was just finished brewing.  Just the smell of real subsistence made my body beg for respite.  Josh gave me a double portion along with the biggest mug of coffee, smoking a cigarette while he waited as I ate.  The food felt good in my belly, I could not lie.  

     “Okay,”  Josh remarked as I pushed my near empty plate away.  “Spill it.  What the hell have you been up to and how are you going to fix it.”

      “There is no fixing it,”  I answered, feeling the exhaustion creep over me like a monster.

     It started with a word.  Her name.  Amanda.  Followed by another word, followed by another until it was all falling out of my mouth like a wave.  Josh asked no questions, gave me no interruptions.  Just sat and listened.  When I felt my breath escape me as my shame rose, he waited.  When my face turned red and my voice curled with anger, he leaned away, but did not stop me.  He let me spill all of it onto the table between us like a demon that needed to be exorcized.  When I finally collapsed back in my chair, a cigarette between my fingers and my mouth quiet, Josh let out a long, low whistle.

     “Damn, Jake,”  he whispered, his face full of emotions.  “That’s more than… a lot.”

     I rubbed a hand across my face.  It was not all of it.  I took a long, deep drag before stretching my neck.  “And all of it is because of a lie.”

     His brows furrowed as he picked up my dishes and moved to deposit them in the sink before refilling our cups.  “How’s that?”

     “Liam was not mine,”  I whispered.

     His face hardened.  “What the hell, Jake.  How is that true?”

     “Georgia lied.  She was already pregnant when we…”  I refused to be crass, even if it was Josh.  

     “How do you know?  Did she tell you?”

     I shook my head as my words tripped over a sob.  “She’d go off on these rants when she was really out of it.  But I got the gist of it - she pretty much said I was not his dad.”

     I felt the emotion swell and bubble until I couldn’t hold back the tears that pushed from the corners of my eyes.  I swiped at them as Josh sat back down before me.  His eyes were full of love and compassion as his hands reached for my shoulders.

     “You are that little boy’s dad.  Do you hear me?”  he said, voice full of tears, the same as my own.  “You loved him.  We all did.  We all wanted him to stay.  Jake, I’ve never seen you so full of life as I had when I saw you holding him.  Your boy.”

     I was nodding as we cried together.  My heart wept daily for Liam.  Just because he was not of me did not mean he was not mine.  I knew this.  It was a burden that was carried for so long already.  To be able to share the burden with Josh was a relief.  

     “Do you think Mandy will leave her husband?”  he asked after a long silence.

     I shrugged.  The beauty of my previous week lay as toxic sludge in my chest.  For her to walk out, I understood.  It took me a while to figure it out - she was leaving me so as not to allow Roger the satisfaction of throwing me into her face.  If she left him, she could have no mar to find that would allow him to have an advantage.  I got it.  I understood it.  But goddamn to have our brief time twisted into something wrong shoved me into a hole that I was struggling to climb out of.  

     Josh folded his arms with a troubled look.  “It won’t be an instant remedy, Jake.  If Mandy leaves her husband, their assets are more than what you and Georgia contended with.  Roger doesn’t seem like the kind of man that is going to be amicable no matter what situation he was caught in.  Mandy could lose her Sparrow.”

      I felt the line of my mouth harden as my teeth mashed together.  “Motherfucker,”  I grumbled.  “I didn’t think about it.  Fuck.”

      Josh’s expression told me he was already miles ahead of me.  He began to tap the table with thought.  “You’re going to have to keep your distance, Jake.  For her.  During all of this - you’re going to have to keep your distance.”

     I kept my mouth shut for I knew something stupid would fall out if I said anything.  All I could do was shake my head ‘no’.  My teeth buried themself into my lip as if I was an angry toddler ready to drop a fit.  

     “I mean it.  You keep your distance.”  

     I was back to the shop the next morning, my shell back in place despite it feeling like it was two sizes too big.  Bugger was on shift, his eyes watching me like I was going to either explode or evaporate into the fog.  I had closed myself into one of the practice rooms with one of the new acoustics that we had gotten in to give it a spin.  I heard movement on the other side of the shared wall.  I imagined that it was Mandy, setting up for the Tuesday brunch crew.  I smiled as I landed on “It Hurt Me Too” by Hound Dog Taylor, my fingers digging into the frets in hopes that she would hear me.  I added in all my loud flourishes and soft touches until drawing into “These Arms of Mine”.  I just needed her to know we were okay.  That we would survive.  

     I was in my office when I heard the buzz of the door chime and Bugger’s voice flowing through the shop.  I stood up when I realized it was not just a customer that he was talking to.  Stepping beyond my door to find Mandy handing him the leftover treats  from her group with a shy smile made my chest tighten.  Josh was right, she was not out in the world like everything was fine.  She had not noticed that I was there, so I took the time to collect myself and keep Josh’s sentiment of keeping my distance in my thoughts.

      “Glad to see you back, Jake,”  she said with a wave.  “Feeling better?”

      I nodded, playing along.  “Yeah.  Much better.”

     “Josh stopped in earlier on his way out to your parents,”  she replied as she watched Bugger make off with double brownies, chocolate chip cookies and Bailey bars.  “It was nice to get a chance to catch up with him.  Sounds like he’s got a huge project coming up.”

      She was keeping to safe talk, though her eyes kept traveling to mine with a threat of tears.  I wanted to reach out to her.  I wanted to tug her into my office and hold her until it was better for us both.  I could only hope that she could see the broken heart that was within me.  We continued to chat for moments only before I saw the quiver in her lip.  I sucked in a breath knowing that I was about to lose my composure.

      “I’ve got a call I need to get to,”  I said, glancing back to wherever Bugger had dragged the food away to.  “Are we up for coffee tomorrow?”

      She swallowed and nodded.  “See you before open?”

     “I’ll be there.”

      Routine was my saving grace in my life with Georgia.  It could be once again through whatever the hell it was that we had moved into between me and Mandy.  I could set a routine and keep to it if it meant that we could share a space.  If we could share a love.

Amanda POV

     When I left Jake’s house, I made it to the bottom stair of my building before I had to sit down.  It was like all my breath, all my blood, all my fight had been leached out of my skin.  I left my entire being with him in hopes that he would use it to keep himself strong.  I left nothing for myself.  My body was racked with sobs so painful I thought for sure I would disappear into the ground.  

      Instead, my cries softened.  My pain sunk deep within.  A single word stuck me - yet.  I could not be Jake’s - yet.  I could not openly love him - yet.  I could not show the strength that he imbibed into my flesh over the week - yet.  I tucked the three letter word into my spirit and branded it in my mind.  Something so small could be just the armor that I was going to need for the fight that was to come.

     Monday morning thankfully was quiet.  In the evening, over a lovely cup of tea, I started to put all of Roger's clothes, neatly folded, into a large shipping box.  His personal items, the bank and credit cards, all the important papers between us went into the singular box.  I took down all the pictures of him and us together and emptied out the frames, leaving the photos on the table.  I scoured the apartment, erasing any evidence of Jake’s presence from both the physical space and myself.  I hid away my feelings - both the hurt and the love.

      Though I was half of myself, I forced myself to move.  I forced myself to do what I expected of myself.  I was in the shop for each group and customer.  I presented my smile and professional self, all the while, my spirit was weeping.  I noticed that Jake was not next door.  My concern, however, had to be buried with everything else.

      Thursday rolled around.  The morning’s poetry reading thankfully went quietly.  I took the leftover danish into Martin’s, moreso as a way to see Jake, but to my surprise, Josh was manning the counter.  I caught sight of Mr. Henry in one of the practice rooms with a client.

      “Amanda,”  Josh said warmly as Bugger practically ran him over to grab the tray I held.  “It’s good to see you.”

      “I - I’m sorry, Josh.  I wasn’t expecting you to be here,”  I said, my eyes scanning for any sign of Jake.  

      “That’s okay.  Jake’s been sick,”  he said quickly, his hand coming down on my arm with a comforting pat.  

      I could not hide the urgency in my body as his words stuck my ears.  “He’s okay, right?  I mean, nothing serious?”

      “Just a bad bug.  I’ll have him back on his feet soon,”  he said with a flash of a smile.  “You doing all right there?”

      “Oh,”  I squeaked out.  “Yeah.  Just.  Rough day.  I better get back.”

      At that point, I notice that both Bugger and Meg are watching me from the counter.  I waved and headed out, hoping to god to regain my composure.  Jake.  Sick.  It had put a crack into my composure.  I needed to fill it with concrete.  I needed to shut off the worry and just…

      When I returned to the shop, I noticed that Mick was looking confused at the counter.  “You all right?”

     He nodded as he cleared his throat.  “Uh, Roger just told me that you are head upstairs.”

     “Mick,”  I said, moving directly in front of him, “what did he say exactly?”

     He grew even more uncomfortable, unable to meet my eyes.  “He told me to tell that bitch to get her fat ass upstairs.”

     Involuntarily, my lips rolled between my teeth.  The embarrassment on the man’s face was hurtful.  I reached out and touched his arm, just a brush of fingers.  “Thank you.  I’m sorry he did that.”

     “I don’t think you should go.  He was really angry,”  he said quietly.

     I nod before I place one pat on the counter between us.  “It’ll be fine.  Really.”

     I did not allow the blaze of my anger show as I smiled and headed for the back door.  I took a moment to notice that at least no one else was in the shop to hear what was to come.  I walked the steps, noticing that the door was ajar.  He had found what I had done.  I could hear movement, but could not discern what he was doing.  One more breath.  One more thought of…

     I pushed the door open to find that he was pulling everything out of the box that I had so neatly packed for him.  His eyes flashed at me with absolute fury.  I leaned against the doorframe with no intent of closing the door.

     “What the fuck is this, Amanda?”  he raged, digging out his clothes.

     “Your things.  I got them ready to go to your home.  Your home with Lydia,”  I said, keeping my tone level and calm.  

     He straightened.  His eyes darkened with threat.  “Get in here and close the damn door.”

    “No,”  I said, making sure to keep my body still.  “I should tell you that my employee downstairs will be contacting the sheriff’s office if this gets out of control.”

     It was not a lie.  The way I left Mick, I knew that he would be on alert.  I realized that I felt strong.  I felt strong in this man’s presence that had made me feel like I was only part of his shadow.  I folded my arms across my chest and decided to remain right where I was.

     “This is ridiculous.  Get in here and get my shit back to where it belongs,”  he said sharply.

     “No.  You will be removing your stuff and getting out of my apartment.  You are not welcomed here.”

     A flash of memory.  A flash of Jake and I laughing across the kitchen table that all of his stuff was cluttering up.  A warmth filled me like I was finally moving in the direction I was always supposed to be moving in.  I just needed to trudge through this maze, this obstacle course that was stretching out before me and Jake would be waiting for me on the other side.  The prize that I so dearly wanted.

     “If you think you can leave me -”

     “I’ve contacted a lawyer, Roger.  This - this bull shit of a marriage is over.  I’m done.”

     “You can’t be serious.  Mandy - that girl you talked to was lying.  I don’t know this - “

     “I’m not an idiot, Roger.  I will not be treated that way.  Not by you, not by anyone.  You have made it abundantly clear that you hate it here.  You don’t like my shop.  You don’t like my life being here.  This is where I am and where I need to be.  I’m done.  I’m done with you playing my husband for thirty days of the year.”

      His mouth twisted as he stared at me.  “So I’m right, then.  You’re already fucking someone else.”

      “No.  Not that it matters, Roger.  You have never been faithful.  Our entire marriage-”

      “I’m a man.  I’m on the road.  I have needs, Amanda.”

      “You had a wife at home to provide for those needs.  You chose to do otherwise.  You chose this path.  And I’m done walking it.”

      “Don’t think that I’m going to make this easy.”  

      I shrugged.  

     “Don’t think I won’t take this place from you, you bitch.  When I’m done, you’ll have nothing.”

      I shrugged.  It wasn’t my job to make him aware that it was not mine.  It was in a family trust that belonged to my family.  Protected.  I had scoffed when my father suggested this step, and then my lawyer backed it up.  I thought it was an unnecessary step.  And yet, I did it because a tiny voice said what would be the harm of taking that advice.  What wasn’t protected, I was quickly finding I did not care.  My lack of emotional response only infuriated him more.  I forced myself to keep cool.  I continued to keep my distance.  Little snippets of my interlude with Jake played behind my eyelids.  The loud laughter, the softest of touches.  It was like he refueled my skin, and recast my armor.  I could do this. I could survive this fire that the man before me would cause.

      But then I returned to the minutes before.  Jake was sick.  My heart constricted as I silently watched Roger shove the items removed back into the box carelessly.  I offered to ship the box wherever he needed me to, to which he just glared at me.  I was going to have to have a long conversation with my parents.  I was going to have to talk with my sisters.  My brain was making lists of what I needed to do, and yet, my heart wanted nothing more than to go to Jake.  

      Roger nearly threw the box over the railing as he huffed down the stairs.  I followed at a distance.  Before he could open the backdoor to the store, I stopped him.

     “The key.  I will be needing that key back,”  I said, keeping my voice void of feeling.

     I watched as he yanked the keys from his pocket and threw them at me with intent.  I let them fly past and he bumbled through the store.  Poor Mick was standing with a customer in the mystery section, his face blanching of color.  I caught his eye before I went behind the counter to fetch the yellow pages.  A quick call to Mr. Peterson, and I was on the schedule to have all the locks of the building changed before the end of store hours.  

      I was on my way.  I had finally been strong enough to take those steps that would allow me to grow my broken wings back.  I apologized to the two pairs of eyes that watched me before I excused myself with the promise to be back after lunch.  I grabbed the discarded keys on my way back into the apartment.  I closed the door behind me to just take a moment to digest what I had done.  Echoes of Jake continued to pull me through the minutes bobbing through the wake of Roger’s departure.  The memory of him shoving the couch to the side so we could dance stupidly and fall against each other in a moment of heat and passion made me calm. 

      I put the kettle on with a smile.  I breathed out an embarrassed laugh as the next thought struck: Jake setting us up with coffee and pancakes when I had been so thoroughly fucked into the matress that I couldn’t move without laughing hysterically.  Yeah, he had been proud of himself that morning.  He was humming Cheap Trick and the swagger was oh so real.  

      Friday arrived and life continued.  Jake was still not in his shop, but neither was Josh.  Mr. Henry waved and accepted the coffee that I had brought.  Sam waved from behind the counter as he was talking with Bugger.  Sparrow was busy that day and just when I thought it wouldn’t get busier, it did.  It was all right though - it made the day go that much quicker.  

      Saturday morning there was a tap on my door, well before it was time for the store to open.  I was surprised to find Josh on my stoop, waiting with a warmth plastered to his mouth and concern etched in his eyes.

     “I brought breakfast,”  he said, holding up a little pastry bag from Blaine’s.  “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

     “I happen to have coffee, come on in,”  I said after a few beats.  “You’ll have to excuse my mess…  Been a little crazy around here.”

     He barely glanced around as he took the seat at the table I pointed to.  “It’s quite lovely up here isn’t it?  It’s very calming.”  He paused, his eyes tracing over the shared wall of Martin’s Music.  His eyes rolled closed as he chuckled.  “Probably not so calming when there’s a band up here though, is it?”

     “Your brother is very strict about the schedule.  Of course, that didn’t happen until I threatened to kick his ass after the first time I was in here with some garage band with way too loud amps and way too late,”  I laughed as I sat down with him.  “Of course, he might have just been afraid of the Siouxsie Sioux  t-shirt and bed head.”

     I was graced by one of his infamous belly laughs that set the air between us to a comfortable level.  He set out fresh apple turnovers before me with a grin.  The fact that he remembered warmed me.  We had had breakfast way before I left for college and the three of us just about turned ourselves inside out on these down at the diner.  I believe we cleared the case and Cindy just obliged to keep them out of her own mouth.  He took the first bite, letting out a groan of delight.

      “Lord, I’d be like three hundred pounds if I still lived here,”  he complained through a mouthful of apple.  

     “Well, there is a reason why these are only available once a week now,”  I pointed out.  I took my own bite and breathed through the amazingness of the pastry.  I knew he was stalling.  Totally not a Josh move.  A sip of coffee, a bite into my lip and I sat back in my chair.  “Is he okay?”

     He shrugged.  “He’s not sick.  I’m sorry I lied, but it’s our cover story.”

     “I thought as much.”  But that was a lie.  I was scared.  Jake never missed a day.  “Well.  I had hoped, really.”

     He gave me a sideways stretch of a smile.  “I’m worried, that’s why I’m here.  There’s only two people that put my brother into this kind of tailspin - Liam and you.

     “I had to watch him fall apart with Liam.  He had made so many sacrifices for him, Mandy.  He had lost so much weight I was afraid that he was going to be ill in the worst way.  He was giving her everything and it didn’t make a difference.  But you -”

     He was shaking his head as he pushed himself back from the table.  “There are only two people that he would literally bend himself inside out to protect.  Do you understand that?  Two.  I’m worried that you are walking a road that is going to be torture for him to have to watch.  Do you understand me?”

      “What did he do?”  I whispered the words, knowing that Jake had tripped into a hole because of me.  Because of my words and actions.

      The hesitation returned.  I watched him swallow down a gulp of coffee.  “He will be fine, Mandy, that’s what is important.  I’m not going to lie though, he’s fragile.  He was finally beginning to stand on his own - truly on his own, just taking care of himself after the divorce.  It’s been good.”

     My heart tripped.  My spirit faltered.  I knew what he was asking of me before he got to the words.  I was going to have to get through this trial without Jake.  I released a burning breath as I hid behind an interested gaze.

     “I am worried.  You see where I’m going with this, Mandy?”

     I nodded.  “I was trying to figure out how…  I mean.  His friendship has been so very important.  I don’t think I can move through this without it.”

     “I am not saying to disregard him completely.  But he needs to heal more - on his own.  Just as you are going to need to, as well.  There may be a day where it is possible,”  he said with a nod.  “You two seem to always find each other.  It just may not be in the manner than you think.”

      My lips rolled into my mouth as I stifled a sob.  Josh was sure that we were wrong to be together.  He reached out and laid a hand on my arm.  A touch that was meant to be reassuring, comforting.  And it burned like hell.  I chewed the inside of my cheek as I fought again saying anything.  I knew he was right.  He was so damn right about it all.  I had had my chance.  Jake had…  

      “Accept it for what it can be, Amanda.”  Josh stood up, his touch still heavy on my arm.  “Friendship is about the only thing that is fine between you at this point.  Accept it.”

      I watched as he left, leaving my heart in shreds.  In less than thirty minutes, he had taken every stitch of strength that Jake had given me.  I breathed into my empty apartment.  I was going to have to do this without Jake.

Chapter 10: September, 1990: Jake POV

      My precious week with Mandy had been erased.  I would wake each morning haunted by the love that we had shared.  My heart would bleed out as I tried to stuff it back into my chest so that I could carry on without her as a normal human being.  I had survived the summer tourist season.  We had fallen back into our routine - I would meet her for morning coffee.  I would keep to safe talk, topics ranging from her book readings to my sponsoring the summer concerts in the park on Thursday nights.  With the Autumn Street Fair approaching, I worked on the committee to help plan and organize the event just like I had in years past.  This time, with the addition of Mandy, our time worn event got some fresh perspective.

     Josh pretty much ordered me to go out and date.  Jeanette, the sweet soul that she is, had called to invite me to dinner, but I just couldn’t.  I wasn’t shutting myself away.  My wounds were too deep to find anything but a false smile.  So, like when I was surviving my time in my marriage, and after the divorce, I fell into routine.  I woke, I worked, I slept.  It took three months just to be able to go out for beers with Bugger and Meg.  I pretended that my time that I had felt the most free never happened.  I pretended that Mandy did not reside under my skin and within my very being.  And it was killing me to have to watch her struggle.  

      I could hear the frustration she was living through.  Roger was making her life hell, fighting the divorce every step of the way.  She had grounds of infidelity.  She had grounds of neglect.  But apparently Roger was able to procure a better lawyer who was making every day a nightmare for her.  She admitted to feeling like her every move was being watched.  She was convinced that Roger’s lawyer had someone watching to record any interaction with friends, family - men, women, it did not matter.  

      By the first of October, I had begun to feel strong enough that I could stand in Mandy’s presence and still be okay.  I started to go out with Henry and Ada, Ronnie and her husband, David.  I was like the kid who was just learning how to roller skate - holding onto the wall for dear life because I was afraid to fall on my ass - again.  I started meeting for beers with a few of the soccer dads a couple of times a month.  Before I knew it, the holidays were storming through in the typical chaotic manner.  Josh and I were having a drink at Miller’s when Jeanette was walking in with a group of friends.  It was not lost on my twin that she had once again caught my attention.

      By the end of February we were dating fairly regularly - once again, not exclusive.  And it was enough.  I felt like I was returning to that person that I could be while I watched Mandy grow thin and weary of her situation.  I did all I could while remaining at my distance, to support her, to love her.

      Jeanette was kind.  Josh pointed out in our phone calls that I needed to ‘do right by that woman and make it serious’, but in truth, she was setting our boundaries.  I know.  I know, but it’s true.  She was on the same plane as my own, broken by experience and unsure if she really wanted to share that deeply with anyone.  So really, we were each other’s support system.  A way to have that human contact and interaction without the intense emotional tethers  that were required for a serious relationship.  And it was better than trying to shack up with Tessa again.  That woman… just no.

     We survived the rest of winter and the spring thaw without too much drama.  Jeanette and I were spending weekends away after discovering that we actually traveled together very well.  I felt healthy.  

      “I don’t think it’s a good idea to see you right now, Georgia,”  I had said, trying not to let my impatience show as I shuffled papers across my office desk as a way to keep my hands busy.

      Georgia had called out of the blue.  It had been years since I had heard her voice and I was fine with that.  I had moved on from what we had and healed, mostly, from our time together.  My hands came to a full stop when she fell silent and I found myself listening to her breathing across the receiver for a long moment before she continued.

     “I know you’ve heard this from me - many times, Jake,”  she said, her tone even and present.  “I’m trying.  Really trying.  I’ve been sober a full fifteen months this time.  I’ve been trying to…  I’m trying to really do it this time.”

     I rolled my eyes to the ceiling.  This was the same conversation that I had heard too many times before.  The only difference was that the hurt that once had been attached to her words was absent.  I blew out a long breath and was shaking my head like she could see my answer across the phone.

     “Jake, I need to make amends,”  she whispered.  “There are things that I need to say to you - for you to hear from me.  You owe me nothing, and I get that.  I do.  But I think if I allow myself to just-”

     “Allow yourself?  Do you hear yourself right now?  How absolutely selfish that sounds, Georgia?”  I let the words go before I thought them through.  I was once again buying into her game and I needed to just stop.

     “Sorry.  Sorry.  Really.  I don’t mean to sound selfish.”  I could hear the tears in her voice and I forced myself to soften.  “Please.  Just give me a half hour of your time.  It will be good for both of us, Jake.  Please?  I can meet you after your soccer practice at the park.  You still do that, right?”

       June first and I had my team running their asses off up and down that field starting at eight in the morning.  Each and every one of those kids loved it, too.  I had brought out the big box, booming music across the grass.  I let them pick the day’s band and I supplied the tunes.  I noticed Georgia waiting at the edge of the field.  She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, looking too thin as her blonde hair fluttered in the wind.  I could have been kind and wrapped up practice on time, but the kids were having too much fun, so I let it run over by nearly twenty minutes.  The parents were joining in at the end, their smiles wide as they bounced around with their children.  

     To my surprise, she waited until after I had cleaned everything up and packed the car before she moved towards me.  Her dark eyes were clear and healthy.  Her smile was honest.

     “Thank you for seeing me, Jake,”  she started, her voice even and strong.

     I nodded once, my guard up and locked tight.

     “Do you want to walk, or sit, or…”  she laughed nervously.

     “Just say what you need to, please,”  I said as I folded my arms across my chest, wary of what was to come.

     “Right to it, then,”  she said, hands sliding into her pockets as she let out a nervous laugh.  “I wronged you from the start.  I know this is going to be hard to hear, but Liam…”

     I swallowed hard.  My eyes flattened as I looked at her.  “If you’re going to tell me that Liam was not my son, Georgia, I already know.”

     She flinched.  “When did you know?”

    “I don’t know - maybe I started believing it after one of the several dozen times you begged for his ‘real daddy to stay’, or if his ‘daddy was a better man he would’ve stayed’?”  I did not attempt to hide the heat of anger that was spiking in my brain.

     “If things would have been different…  If he was still here,”  she was struggling, faltering across her words like the only thing that could save her was a drink.  I knew it.  I knew that stammer and that look of need too well.  I slowed down, she did not need to be provoked.  “If he was still here, Jake, you would’ve been his daddy no matter what.  You would’ve loved him-”

     “I love him still, Georgia!”  I shouted, all my venom leaking through my mouth with bitter accuracy.  “I was there in the hospital.  I held him.  I touched him and sang to him every moment that he was with us.  He’s with me every day.  Every day!  Do you hear me?  I talk to him, sing with him.  My son.  No matter what.”

      She wiped at her face.  I wiped at mine.  The rage was not simmering down as it normally would.  It pulsed through my veins at a dangerous pace.  I needed to walk away.  I needed to just be rid of her presence.  

     “If that’s all you have to say, I’ve got to go,”  I said, digging in my pocket for my keys.

     “Jake, stay,”  she said through her jagged breaths.  “That's not all.”

     “The fuck,”  I growled, unable to hide my emotions.

     I watched as she shored herself up while I felt my whole foundation begin to crumble beneath my feet.  Her eyes turned to the ground for a long moment like she was gathering her words.  

      “I listened to you talk about your Amanda all that night,”  she said quietly.  Too stunned, I found my chin sliding forward so my ears could hear better.  “How in love you were.  How good of a man you were.  I knew I was pregnant.  What you all didn’t see was I was in full panic that whole night.  Clint had left me the day before once he knew about the baby.  I knew I couldn’t do this alone.”

      She paused.  I felt like all my air was being wrung from my lungs as I tried to keep my focus.

     “I knew you would be the kind of man to take responsibility, Jake,”  Georgia said, her voice warbling across each syllable.  “I watched you leave the party.  You had had too much to drink.  I made sure of it.  I helped you out of your clothes and got you into bed.  We never had sex, though.  You blacked out.  It was so easy to make you think otherwise.”

     Shock would not begin to explain what happened in my system in that moment.  My world gave way as my knees buckled beneath my weight.  A sound emitted from my gut that came close to the pain of losing Liam.  It was a sound that carried the loss of a life that should have been.  It carried every ounce of dreams and hopes and wishes for a life that was concrete and real and full of love and possibilities.  A life with Amanda.

     Georgia knelt down beside me and my broken frame.  She tucked her hands in her lap.  There was shame and remorse etched across her breath for what she had done.  We cried together, but for different reasons.

     “Jake, to say I’m sorry is not enough,”  she whispered, her back bending because of the pain she had caused.  “There is no excuse other than the fact it came from a place of absolute fear.  I was so desperate-”

      “You fucking took my life,”  I mumbled.  I stared at a blade of grass as my brain tried to clutch at the devastation that had been put upon me.  “You didn’t just do this to me.  You did this to her.  You did this to hurt her.  And I was faithful.  You made me believe that I hurt her.  That I fucking broke our relationship.  I…”

      The breeze against my flaming skin did little to cool me.  Georgia sat with me as I tried to put two words together that would make a lick of sense, to make what she did okay.  But it was so wrong.  All of it.  Quiet tears leaked from the corners of my eyes and I could hear her beside me stifling sniffles.  My eyes shifted to her, honing in on the guilt that bubbled from every pore of her.  There was no fix.  There was no repair that could ever return me to my path that should have been.

     “I don’t ever want to see you again,”  I whispered, my voice void of me.  “Do not call.  Do not come back here - at all.  If you were looking for forgiveness-”

     “I was not looking for forgiveness,”  she said, her voice quivering.  “I was only looking to give you a truth that has tortured me for all this time.  Maybe give you back a piece of you that you thought I had ruined.  This is the amends that I extend to you, Jake.  Somehow a way to forgive yourself.  To-”

     “You didn’t just ruin me.  You obliterated everything.  How is that giving me back anything?”

     She blew out a soft breath.  “I said that wrong.  What I mean was that you were always a good man, Jake.  You were always good.  I know what you thought you had done to Amanda, how you thought you had broken her trust…”  She let out a fractured sob as she shook her head.  “You were always hers.  Mine sometimes.  But you were always hers, Jacob.” 

     I watched as she stood.  My body fought against my wish to rise up with her but I did.  I held my arms out to her.  It was not forgiveness.  It was acceptance.  I hugged her for a moment before letting her go.  I moved my feet towards my car and did not look back at her.  That book was closed.  It will stay closed this time. 

Amanda POV     

     If I thought that I was lonely before, I was sorely wrong.  The absolute isolation was crippling as I began my filing for divorce.  My lawyer, Mr. Upton, was very good, very empathetic.  But Roger’s lawyer, Mr. Roburn, was more expensive with more resources at his disposal.  Sparrow, of course, became the first point of contention.  Roburn argued that it was my original plan to leave Roger, hence my reasons for placing my store into a trust.  Mr. Upton, utilizing all fiscal records and legal precedence, that regardless of reasoning, the shop did not belong to me, but to my family and was not a joint asset as Roger had assumed.  Of course, then it was argued that I had used my husband’s money for the down payment of the building… 

      Back and forth.  East and West.  Round the circle once more.  Roburn’s whole strategy was to wear me down.  Mr. Upton, on the other hand, stayed in step with the correct argument that kept me protected and Sparrow in my hands.  Then came the implications that I had been unfaithful.  Pictures were presented of me having coffee with Jake, along with Mick and Robin, Bugger and Meg.  It was totally innocent of course, but it led to other pictures where I was talking just with Jake.  That was an uncomfortable conversation with Mr. Upton - one where I was not truthful.

      Jake was called into a deposition by Mr. Roburn, to which it was suggested, as well as pictures shown, that I had an ongoing relationship with him.  Jake explained that we had had a relationship over the summer of 1981 and that we were merely close friends.  He then pointed out that the pictures that were showing just me and him talking were actually just a zoomed in photo of the previous ones, in his music shop with plenty of others present.

      He had become distant.  It was fine.  It was enough that I could still share a space with him as I struggled my way through my day to day.  The nights were hard.  Too often, I tried to manifest him to be with me.  Be in my bed holding onto me so that I might not fly apart.  But he never came to me.

      I retreated.  It was all I could do.  I kept my social circle to my family only.  My parents were beside themselves and were absolutely stunned as my dirty laundry was being dragged out for everyone to see.  They let me cry about it behind their closed doors, though.  I came to realize that it was not just me that was the topic of Frankenmuth’s hot gossip tongues, but my family as well.  It was gross and wrong, but I had to just keep my head up and live through it.  I had done nothing wrong to warrant such loose tongues.

      As the weeks passed, I watched from the sidelines how Jake healed and returned to his life.  It was nice to just be friends again, to talk and laugh.  It hurt when I was out at the farmer’s market with Jenni and her little boy and I saw him with Jeanette Williams.  He did not see me.  His whole attention was on her.  At first I was anxious, my skin feeling like it had been stomped on.  But then…  I stilled and watched as he smiled at her.  Really smiled.  His whole body was relaxed and at peace.  And it was not because of me or my presence.  Jeanette had been in Ronnie’s class in school.  She always had a reputation of just being kind.  I knew she had always been well liked.  Perhaps it was something that nurtured him in his time of need without me…

     What a selfish thought it was and I knew it the moment that it struck.  I tried to move away.  To allow my nephew to tug me towards the homemade candy, but I chanced a glance back to see what had been there a year before - happy.  Jake was happy.  There was no denying what I saw because it was so lovely to see.

      The months lingered on like the calendar refused to shed its days and weeks in a timely manner.  It hurt.  Everyday there would be a call regarding this or that from Mr. Upton.  I watched as those around me seemed to move with such life.  With such pleasure.  I was rooted to my spot.  Not allowed to drift amongst the stars or through the leaves that scattered across my path.  It was truly the first time that I had no idea what my tread would look like when I emerged from this blackened tunnel that I had found myself wandering through.

      My Sparrow was my salvation.  No matter what - she was there providing my steady company and sure footed companion that continued to grow and evolve and bear fruit under my care.  I could hide amongst her books and hold up new ideas that would take on a life of their own for those who entertained such fancy things as the offerings of a soon to be divorcee’s book shop.

      Yeah.  The opinion I entertained of myself was pretty low.  I was not coping well with all the punishing gut punches that the divorce was dishing to me.  It was not like I was asking for anything other than for my marriage to be over.  I did not want his money.  Roger was very, very comfortable.  He worked hard to be so comfortable.  I did not deny that.  I had worked excruciating hours at Franklin and done well, myself.  I did not care that a portion of my funds were still residing in our joint accounts.  I would have gladly given him it all just to walk away.  During mediations, I even blurted out the fact that I wanted nothing.  I questioned why he was dragging his feet on the matter.  He had another woman.  He had not one, but two kids with her.  In the wake of the silence that followed, I excused myself with the last bit of what he had done to my body against my own wishes.  Was that not enough to wish to escape that marriage?

      August of 1991 was hot.  It was the kind of hot where you would shower, towel off and be wet before you reached the bathroom door.  It was gross and sticky and smelly and I was wishing for the weather to break.  The thunderstorms were coming like crazy, but as soon as one would bring relief, another cycle would start up.  The a/c in Sparrow was down.  I sent Mick and Robin home and hung a sign that we were too hot to function.  I had to wait a few days before I could get anyone out to actually look at the unit.  I stayed in the hotel at the other end of the street as the apartment was like a twenty four hour sauna.  I watched as my precious books were beginning to buckle under the humidity.  I had to invest in a window unit just to keep the moisture from ruining my stock.

      It was one of those weeks where I had not heard from Mr. Upton.  I was not sure if that was a good thing or not.  Perhaps it was too hot in Detroit, too, and he decided to distance himself for a respite from my idiot case.  The 14th found me on the phone once again with my a/c man in hopes that he would be there before the end of the day.  I had just crossed my fingers when the chime on my door rang out admitting Mr. Upton.

      I watched quietly as he pulled a large manilla envelope from his briefcase and held it out for me.  “You asked for nothing but the dissolution of your marriage.  He has finally given it to you.”

      The relief that rushed across my body left me breathless.  Sparrow was safe in my care.  I asked for nothing and nothing was given.  I carefully opened the sheath of papers and took the extended pen from Mr. Upton.  His kind eyes met mine for the briefest of moments before he began to point to each spot that required my signature, explaining each passage with a patience that exuded a comfort.  On the last page, the moment swelled.  I stared at Roger’s huge, elaborate strokes across the heavy paper.  He had relented.  I licked at my lips before I leaned over once more and slowly scratched my name into the paper that would untie the chain that had kept me locked in place.  

     I shook the man’s hand and watched as he loosened his tie before leaving the shop.  I looked around and absorbed the stillness.  I may have wiped a tear or two away.  My gut told me to go next door and tell Jake.  But my spirit told me to stop.  Take in the stillness a little longer.  I sat down at one of the cafe tables and just breathed.  I allowed my chest to rise and fall uninhibited.  I was free.

      Instead of telling anyone in the family, I called Mick, followed by Robin.  They agreed to take care of the shop and make sure the a/c repair was finished and assure them the bill would be paid upon arrival.  I walked up the steps to my apartment and found my bag.  Within thirty minutes, I had packed a few outfits and everything that I would need.  I jumped in my car and I left Frankenmuth - alone.

      I drove.  I took breaks at rest stops.  I stayed in shitty motels.  I had called my parents from some town west of Toronto and assured them that I was fine.  I just needed out for a few days.  It was the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done, but I drove all the way to Maine, finding a little cottage motel that I stayed in for three days, right on the ocean.  It was like all the heat, all the damage, all the injury was relieved.  I walked the beach.  I drank the sea breeze and fed on the wildness of the landscape.  I landed in the bar and got picked up by a very attractive man who said he was on his way out to sea.  Didn’t matter if it was true or not.  He fucked me sideways and made me cum hard for two damn days.

      I celebrated myself for twelve days.  I took my time getting home, taking in the first hints of the autumn as I was passing through Pennsylvania.  When I got home, I relished it.  My parents welcomed me, my sisters laughed with me.  It was two days since my arrival back and I dared to walk into Martin’s to find Jake.  I knew he had heard the news the moment he looked at me.  His smile welcomed me into a hug that my body had been screaming for for months on end.  

     And he held on.  I was sure Bugger and Meg were drifting away from just being uncomfortable, but I didn’t care.  I breathed him in and let him hold me while my trials over the past year settled into my bones and across my flesh.  It was a victory.  It was a victory worth savoring.  As he let me go though, I knew I wasn’t ready.  I looked into his face and it was a whispered agreement.  A ‘maybe’, but not yet. 

I’ll see you next Wednesday.  💚  

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#jake gvf #jake kiszka #greta van fleet #gvf #jake kiszka fan fic #greta van fleet au #gvf au #greta van fleet fan fic #jake kiszka au #best laid plans

[chososchalupa]

wish that it was me

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The last person you wanted to see at this meeting was your older brother. The same brother who left you in the hands of Chuuya Nakahara and the Port Mafia years ago, but all you can see now are the pleading eyes of Osamu Dazai begging for forgiveness.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Chapter one - Deep breath

warning,, slight mention of anxiety attack

wc - 1.1k

Chapter two

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You blink slowly as you process the words coming out of Chuuyas mouth. 

“Huh?”

Chuuya lets out a loud sigh as he looks between you and Akutagawa, “I said, it would be good for both of you to come with me to the meeting. We’re going to be working with the ADA a lot more often now. You need to get familiar with them” 

“I’m all set, Chu. Thanks for thinking of me though” You spoke with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. 

“Listen, if it’s because of Daz-”

Chuuya was cut off by the sound of your phone ringing, you glanced down to see Mori’s caller ID flashing on the screen. “Boss calls. You two have fun at that meeting though” 

You turned quickly to walk towards Mori’s office before Chuuya could argue the issue anymore. You knew where he was heading with it, ever since the Mafia and ADA joined forces, you’ve been quick to avoid any interaction with them. Always coming up with an excuse to avoid joint missions and meetings but Chuuya could see right through you. He had been there for you the night Dazai vanished without a goodbye, not bothering to text or even write a note to you about where he was going. Chuuya took over the role of older brother and trained you to be one of the strongest alongside Akutagawa. The three of you growing closer together using the hurt your brother had caused to give you all something to relate to. 

Unfortunately for you, Chuuya forgave Dazai. It was soon after the two organizations had joined together, Chuuya had texted you to come over to his apartment and once you were there, he tried explaining why Dazai did what he did, why he left without a word but you weren't hearing any of it. You hadn’t spoken about your brother in over a year, his name alone made your stomach drop and eyes water. “Please stop” was all you managed to say back to Chuuya that night before breaking down. You had barely heard what Chuuya said besides a couple words, “Detective” “Happier” and “He had to”, knowing Dazai was happier with the ADA than he was with the Mafia made sense, but what you couldn’t understand was why he was so much happier without you. 

You shook your head trying to erase the memories swarming your mind as you reached Moris door. 

“Hellloooo” You announced, walking into his office. Most people would think you’re out of your mind for walking in without permission but you had been alongside Mori for eight years, he was used to this behavior by now. 

Mori raised his eyes from his desk as you made yourself comfortable in the chair across from him. 

“Hello to you too” He smiled, “I needed to talk to you about tomorrow”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Tomorrow?”

“Yes, tomorrow. Chuuya had requested you and Akutagawa join him for a meeting with the Detective Agency and-”

“No.”

“And I knew you’d give him a hard time about it so this is now an order. You will be attending this meeting.”

“Mori-” You started

“I know. But you will have to see Dazai at some point. We might as well get it over with, right?”

You took a deep breath as your eyes began to water, “I can’t”.

“This isn’t a question, you are going. That is all I needed to discuss. You’re free to go”

You nodded, standing up from your chair. 

“Chuuya is waiting outside,” Mori spoke, not bothering to glance up from the paper he was reading. 

As soon as you stepped into the hallway, Chuuya was by your side rambling about how he didn’t want to go to Mori but you left him no other choice. You tried to focus on his words but your heartbeat was pumping loudly in your ears.

“Hey, you okay?” was all it took for the tears to finally fall down your face. Your chest growing tighter and tighter with every gasp you take. 

“I don’t want to see him, Chuuya. Why couldn’t you respect that?” You spoke through your tears.

“I’m sorry. Look, you can spend the night at my house tonight. We can watch a movie or something to calm you down. If Dazai tries anything tomorrow, I’ll be the first to knock him down, you know that”

You nodded, following Chuuya towards the exit of the building. “I hope he just keeps his mouth shut”

“I think everyone hopes for that,” Chuuya laughed.

The night went by fast, Chuuya and you watched movies until you fell asleep on the couch. You had forgotten all about seeing Dazai until Chuuya was shaking you awake at seven in the morning. 

“Come on. We have an hour until the meeting” You could hear the slight irritation in his voice as he shook you

“Five more minutes”

Chuuya ripped the blanket off of you, “No. You said that five minutes ago. Get up”

You grabbed the blanket back from his hands with a glare, “I’m sick. ‘m not going” 

“Bullshit. If you’re not ready in 15 minutes, I’ll carry you there in your pajamas. We still have to go get Akutagawa.”

So now, here you are. Standing in front of the ADA building alongside Chuuya and Akutagawa. 

“Yeah, I can’t do this” You spoke, turning to walk towards the car.

“Akutagawa, you know what to do,” Chuuya spoke with a sigh.

“Wha- Akutagawa! Let go!” You shouted, as Rashomon wrapped around your waist, keeping you from walking any further. 

“No.” Akutagawa replied, staring at you with a straight face.

You huffed as you tried pulling yourself out of the strong grip.

“Not going to work. Stop being a child, we’re going to be late” Chuuya spoke, glaring from his watch to you. 

You rolled your eyes, mumbling a ‘fine’ as Akutagawa released you, allowing you to follow them into the building. 

You stood outside the meeting door, glaring daggers into the back of Chuuyas head as he spoke to, who you now know as, Kunikida. 

“Ready?” He asked, turning towards you.

“Do I have a choice?” You asked, side eyeing Akutagawa who gave you a small smile in return.

“Just take a deep breath. You’ll be fine.”

You closed your eyes, breathing in deeply as Chuuya opened the door. You opened your eyes and scanned the room, no sign of Dazai. ‘Maybe this anxiety was all for nothing’ you thought as you sat beside Akutagawa and a younger blonde boy. 

Kunikida stood, scanning over the seats as he spoke. 

“Where is Dazai?” He asked

The boy beside you began to answer before the door swung open revealing the last person you wanted to see. 

“Sorry, Kunikida~” Dazai sang as he strolled into the room, “I was-” He stopped mid-sentence as his eyes locked onto yours. 

“What are you doing here?”

taglist

AO3

masterlist

#bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs imagine #bungo stray dogs angst #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #atsushi nakajima #akutagawa ryuunosuke #gin akutagawa #mori ougai #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bsd atsushi #bsd akutagawa #bsd gin #bsd angst #bsd imagines #bsd mori #dazais sister #brother dazai

[spacexseven]

break the charm

NOTE: platonic yanderes are still unfamiliar territory for me but i love a challenge so i hope you like this anon :> everyone say thank you domi bc without their help this would be an incoherent jumble of words :O title from come to me by björk

SUMMARY: oda thinks you're drifting away, and it wounds his soul

REQUEST: platonic yandere! oda w/ gn! reader who gets a job at the ada, and he feels like they're replacing him

CW: (platonic) yandere character, manipulation, lying, deceit, unhealthy dependency, jealousy, oda considers himself to be a parent to reader

I.

oda couldn't just sit by and watch you waste away without feeling the guilt eat him alive.

you claimed that you were perfectly fine, but he noticed it, the constant unhappiness in your eyes. for the past few weeks, you had always seemed...bored and dissatisfied. like something pivotal was missing, the key to unlocking your bright-eyed expressiveness again. oda saw it in your new behaviour; the dragging of your feet when he watched you leave the restaurant, the uninterested response when he asked you to taste a new meal he had just cooked up, the empty gaze when you stared out the window in between bites. it broke his heart, to see you become a shell of who you once were.

he swore to do anything to make you happy again, but all his attempts were in vain. spending hours making your favourite desserts, offering to bring you on trips outside the dreadful concrete walls of yokohama, just...spending time with you—it felt like no matter what he did, it was never enough.

so when you finally came bouncing to him with joy, radiating all the wonderful enthusiasm you had been missing for a long time now all the while rambling about the super cool job you landed at some detective agency, he was crushed. he knew he should be happy for you, glad you were alright, but he was devastated that it wasn't him to relight the spark in your eyes and cause you to smile so widely again.

his disappointment turned into concern the more he heard about your new job; for starters, he didn't think you needed one. as far as he was aware, you were still trying to figure out what you wanted to do with your life, and you never told him anything about wanting to become a detective or working with the law. it wasn't like you had any financial troubles, and if you had he would have handed you everything you needed in a heartbeat. you used to be content with only him; hanging around him in the restaurant and going for walks by the river. but now you were seeking friendship elsewhere, and he didn’t know how to handle it.

and then he heard about the actual workplace—how would anyone in their right mind be at ease after hearing about it? you excitedly recounted your 'entrance exam' where you risked your life to be accepted into the agency. they already had you in dangerous situations before actually hiring you? you tried to reassure him, after sensing the anger simmering in the silence that surrounded him and the reluctance in his vacant gaze, that it wasn't that dangerous at all; you told him that everyone with you was very capable of stepping in and saving you if anything did go south, but he was already convinced that this new change, this job, it would bring you no good.

when you smile up at him expectantly after your long recollection comes to an end, he can only offer a forced smile in return. you, unaware of the storm brewing within him, take it as a sign that he was pleased. but he was numb to everything, haunted by the images of you hurt without him. his mind played a never ending loop of ‘what if’s’, all involving you being taken away from him. 

but your sudden excitement, it made sense to him now, after hearing you enthusiastically rave about the agency—you were obviously seeking out some thrill in your life. maybe it was just the foolishness that came with youth. the desire for adventure, and a fast-paced lifestyle that would only leave you hollow. he knew it would eventually die out as you realised how much nicer life was before the unnecessary risks and troubles, but he couldn't let it go on now, even if things would eventually sort themselves out.

he couldn't ignore the creeping feeling of dread and fear when you didn't pick up his calls and the hurt when you turned down his offer to have lunch at his workplace in favour of your new friends. resentment pulsed through his veins as you told him about how cool you thought that one detective was, how awesome everyone was with their abilities and the latest case you had worked on. the few times you could spend with him, and this was all you talked about? he would have been happy for any indication that you missed him, but there was nothing. not a single sigh, or frown, not a word about how much you miss his food and how you wish you had more time to spend with him. the only thing occupying your mind now was that godforsaken company. oda despised it.

he couldn't pretend like he was unaffected when you, in the middle of devouring a hot plate of curry rice—that he painstakingly prepared—told him that the president was almost like a father to you. he felt his heart constrict when you smiled at your food, thinking back on all his kind gestures that showed you he cared, even if it was so subtle and easy to miss. he felt his stomach lurch when you confessed that the care he showed you made you feel all warm inside. happy, you said, like you had a family. they all cared for you there. and with them, you were happy.

maybe you hadn't meant it like that, but he believed that this meant you were unhappy with him. had all his efforts to take care of you gone unnoticed? was he boring, compared to the dramatic companions you had made and the cool exterior of the ever-elusive president? what was wrong with his calm conversations and lovingly prepared meals that you found solace within such a reckless bunch instead?

he couldn't sit by unconcerned when he was aware of your new lifestyle. you were putting yourself in harm's way, chasing down criminals and the like. he knew what the armed detective agency did, and most importantly, he knew your involvement with ability users would only make you a target for their enemies. even oda had heard people grumbling and cursing out the ability users of the agency, all of who were infamous in the wrong circles. the new fear that you would leave him for them helped cement this idea in his mind. you might think you were happier now, but it didn't mean this was any good for you. it didn't mean you were safe. you were wasting away, and it felt like he was the only one who wanted to help.

he was the only one who could help.

II.

oda fondly looks back on a certain memory with you, a year ago or so when you were tired and hungry and he had offered you a warm bowl of noodles and a promise that his doors were always open for you. to you, lonely, hungry and cold, he appeared to be an angel. you thanked him then with tear-filled eyes and a trembling voice. oda never realised how lonely he was until that day when just your presence by his side soothed his aching heart. he didn’t realise how wonderful it felt to save someone that depended on him so much.

back then, he knew that nobody would have cared for you. you were just another scruffy-looking kid with nothing to offer, just like every other child left by the streets. nobody would have looked twice at you, but he did.

he stopped beside your shrivelled-up form by a dirty wall, taking in your dishevelled appearance and the confusion in your eyes—realising you must not have been there for long. you were so trusting of him then, eagerly accepting his offer for dinner despite not knowing him. he had thought it was a good thing he came across you before anyone else. if it was anyone else, perhaps, you would not have lived for so long. you definitely would have never been as happy. all those faceless strangers walked by without a care in the world for you, but he saw you. he helped you, when nobody else did. he had always taken care of you.

so why did you want to leave him now?

III.

oda speaks from experience when he sits you down with concern laced into his tone, gently explaining to you that this life wasn't for you. no, you were too young to be throwing your life away so recklessly. how was it right for you to be tasked with tracking criminals and dealing with whatever strange requests the agency received? what if you got hurt? would those coworkers of yours really have your back, then?

and then, you snap and tell him that it didn’t matter what he thought. you so cruelly rip apart his already bleeding heart when you tell him it was none of his business. as though he didn't save you all those months ago. as though he hasn't only wanted the best for you, treating you with so much love. as though...he meant nothing to you.

and that possibility, it's too much for him to even consider.

he knows now that this has gone too far. he can't let you walk away from him, not when you brought him so much joy and purpose. you meant so much to him; he had always put you first and yet, you were willing to toss him aside for a new job. the betrayal stung but he knew better than to blame you. you were gullible to the lies uttered by others. they had taken advantage of your willingness to trust them, and he was the only one who could bring you back home. 

he thinks back to how you used to hold his hand when crossing the street, relying on the steady movement of his feet and his firm grip to get you to the other side. now you scowl at him and turn away when he only wants to guide you to safety, as he always has. no matter how much your bitter words wound him, he knows it’s his duty to see that you don’t find yourself in harm’s way.

he had to protect you, no matter what it took.

IV.

it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. regardless of how excited you were at first, it wasn't difficult to convince you into quitting. he was perched a safe distance away when the port mafia busted into the little office, shooting all around the place. sure, they were easily taken down by your coworkers within moments, but what mattered was the fear in your eyes. the single moment when you were terrified for your life, as those armed men stormed into the place. that one instant when your life flashed before your eyes and you realised how easily you could die. that was all he needed. 

he knew, for all your show of bravery and determination, that you were still a kid. rash, careless, and unheeding of advice because you thought you had nothing to fear. ultimately, you only needed to be shown a fraction of the real terror that awaited you, something more than the stacks of paper you had to fill out and the signatures you had to collect, to realize that you were wrong all along. he didn’t have it in him to be mad when your immediate response was to run back to him, just as you always had. regardless of your scornful words, you still turned to him when you were frightened. 

as he planned, you called him soon after, sobbing. your voice wavered pitifully over the phone, breaking as you admitted your fear, how you thought you were going to die. in between sniffles, you whispered that maybe he was right, about the danger. you weren’t cut out for this kind of life. you weren’t that selfless or strong. he didn’t let his pride bleed into his tone or the satisfaction show between his words, only promising to pick you up. he glances back at the message he received a few moments before your call, and buries the little inklings of guilt. this was better, he reasons with himself, than you leaving him. he couldn’t have borne that pain.

but when you run to him like he’s been away from you for years, holding onto his hand so tightly like you always did in his memories, his doubts are relinquished. as he looks up and locks eyes with the man he identifies as the president, he knows he didn’t imagine that flicker of recognition or that questioning look. but right now, he can care less when you are finally back in his arms. finally safe again. he had already considered the risk of a fellow employee picking up on his plan and warning you, but after weighing out the possibilities, oda had long concluded they couldn’t spend time trying to save you from the very man who wanted to keep you safe. there were few places better for you to be than in his arms right now, and there were more dire calamities awaiting them. nobody would do anything to take you away from him.

when you cry to him about the guns and the noise, the flying shrapnel and broken furniture, he squeezes your hand reassuringly. he doesn’t tell you he was watching as the incident went down, glad that you were finally going to learn. he doesn’t tell you, either, that it was him who gave that call to the port mafia, nor does he mention the favours he’s owed by them. he doesn’t tell you that he only did this for your own good, but he reminds you that he could and would always keep you safe. he would do anything for you. he loved you, after all, and he thought of you as family. 

what more could you want?

#yandere bsd #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere oda #platonic yandere #platonic yandere bsd #bsd odasaku #yandere odasaku #bsd oda #bsd 🐟 #req 🐟 #os 🐟 #oda 🐟 #wow thats a short list of tags #idk how to tag this. like x reader feels wrong considering the context #so we will stick to this !!

[hellowhisperingstars]

Epilogue: The Good Girl

Summary: Things get back to normal but Eddie has a few surprises for you.

Pairing: Rockstar/Bar Owner!Eddie Munson x Baker!Reader

Words: 4.7K

Warnings: 18+, Y/N used, dom/sub dymanics, light bondage, cussing, fluff. Let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: This is it! The last chapter of Sugar Cloud. Thank you all for taking the time to read this story and showing it love! I appreciate each and every one of you! I am also thinking of doing some time stamps for these two. Please let me know if you are interested!

See you in the next story!

Likes, comments and reblogs are always greatly appreciated! <3

Previous - Masterlist 

Months have passed since that day at the courthouse. All the money your Nana gave you went into savings for a rainy day, while the money your father and the Malloy’s had to pay you went to keeping up the bakery. Tiffany and Ada had been begging you for new ovens and you really wanted to get rid of the old storage coolers to bring in two new bigger ones to hold more orders. So you made it happen. Even the display cases and the cafe tables in the front got a makeover along with new shelves to hold the fresh baked bread that you were going to start selling. It was refreshing to see your shop look all sparkly and new. 

You smiled at Marty and Emma as you placed the last basket of freshly baked rolls onto one of the shelves and waved to one of your regulars when you turned to start pulling a call in order from the display cases. Yeah, life had definitely gone back to normal and you were loving it. Though there was a small part of you that was waiting for something to happen, over all the drama of your sham wedding you completely forgot that your Nana was the deed holder to the building that Sugar Cloud was in. With her gone, who owned it? Did your dad have it? Would he find a way to sell it out from under you as payback for embarrassing him the way you did? He didn’t need to be within 100 feet of you to do that. Shaking your head you tossed the idea away. Now wasn’t the time to think about it. This was your new start and you were going to live in the moment with your Rockstar. As soon as he got back from another trip to New York. 

Turns out he and the rest of the band had put their album on hold to deal with the mess your father had created and now that it had been taken care of you had urged him to get back to it. Eddie had tried his best to convince you to join him on the trip not wanting a repeat of what happened last time but you really wanted to spend time at the bakery to get back in the swing of things. The night before he left he finally relented and made you promise to call him every day when you got up and every night before you went to bed. You couldn’t wait to see him again and hear their new music when it was done. 

Eddie pulled his car into the back parking lot of the bakery and took a moment to look at the building with a grin, his heart pounding with excitement knowing you are just behind those doors. It had been weeks since he last saw you and he was more than ready to have you back in his arms. This trip had gone significantly better and you sounded just as excited to talk to him with every phone call which made him breathe easier as time went by. No more scheming dads and fake fiances to make your life hell while he was away.

Grabbing the demo CD of the new album from the passenger seat he pulled the keys from the ignition and stepped from his car taking the cigarette from his lips and dropping it to the ground so he could smash it under his boot. Making his way through the lot he blew the smoke into the air as he quickly grabbed the door handle and pulled it open so he could enter into the kitchen. Taking a moment to let his eyes adjust he greeted Ada and Tiffany when they looked over at him. 

“Welcome back!” Ada smiled from her spot by the sink, a pan and sponge in her hand.

“How’d it go?” Tiffany asked as she pulled a tin from the oven the smell of warm bread filling the air mixing with the sweet scent of cakes. “Did you finish it?”

Waving the CD in the air Eddie smiled at the girls. “Got the demo right here. Probably got a few tweaks to make, songs to cut, that kinda thing but I wanted some more opinions before we make changes. Where’s my girl?”

“Can’t wait to hear it!” Ada said, putting the pan in the drying rack. “She’s up front.”

“Thanks,” He grinned and started towards the door that would lead him to you. Eddie smiled as  he ducked into the front of the store and leaned against the door frame as he watched you move around behind the counters, your apron around your waist as you pulled items from the fridge displays to pack orders to give to the customers in front of you. Back in your element. Moving up to you he grabbed your waist and leaned down to kiss the side of your head before he spoke into your ear. “Miss me?”

Jumping at the sudden touch you turned your head quickly and let out a sound of excitement when you saw who it was and almost dropped the box in your hands. Putting it on the counter you turned and jumped into his arms. “You’re back!”

Laughing, Eddie pulled you as close as he could, burying his nose in your hair. “Hi baby. Fuck, I missed you.” 

“Missed you so much.” You mumbled into his neck as he swayed you a little before pulling you back to give you a proper kiss. The feel of his plush lips on yours made you sigh in contentment. Moving back you looked into his eyes. “Did you finish it?”

“Got it right here.” He smiled showing you the CD. “Wanted you to be the first one to hear it.”

Smiling, you looked at the plain white disc excitement bubbling up in you with the need to hear what the band had done, when a small cough got your attention. Turning around you stared wide eyed at the customer who just chuckled at you, they didn’t seem annoyed thankfully and you quickly dropped your arms from around Eddie, moving back to do your job. “I’m so sorry about that. My boyfriend just came back into town and I couldn't help myself.”

Your customer waved your worry away with a smile. “It’s no problem, I’m almost done then I’ll get out of your hair.”

Eddie grinned at you before kissing the back of your head, “I‘m gonna grab some coffee, is that okay?”

“Of course baby.” You smiled as you went back to packing an eclair into the lavender box that was once again in your hand. Eddie turned, placing the CD on the counter for later, and started to fiddle with the coffee machine behind you when a few different young muffled voices called from outside.

“Holy shit!” 

“Is that Eddie Munson?!”

“No way! What's he doing here?!”

“He’s from Hawkins you idiot! The whole band is!”

Everyone looked to see a group of three young teens standing on the sidewalk outside looking through the glass of your shop window. They were staring wide eyed at Eddie who waved at them with a shit eating grin before he turned and finished his coffee. 

“You have fans, babe.” You chuckle smiling over your shoulder at him, giving him a wink before you hand the now full box to the customer in front of you after they paid, apologizing again for the interruption. Turning to look at the window you waved the three teens into the shop, a little laugh leaving you as they stumbled inside, holding the door open for the customer to exit. The kids who looked like little rockers themselves, with their long hair and black Corroded Coffin band shirts, they were completely starstruck by your boyfriend. It made you giggle. Looking over at Eddie, you bumped his hip with yours when he came to lean against the counter next to you. 

Grinning, Eddie took a sip of his coffee before he greeted the boys. “Heya fellas.” 

“You’re Eddie Munson.” One of the boys stated his eyes still wide as he stared at Eddie. “Lead singer and guitarist for Corroded Coffin.”

“That’s me!” He laughed, placing his coffee down on the counter behind you. “You guys want an autograph?”

“Hell yeah!”

“That would be awesome!”

You watched, giggling as the boys freaked out practically rushing the counter as you handed Eddie some blank receipt paper and a marker from the register before he gestured them to the new cafe tables to get out of your way. Turning back to the boy you smiled at them, “You boys want a treat? It’s on the house.”

The three boys were incredibly polite and thankful for the free sweets and they sat at the table with Eddie for a while, after they got his autographs, just talking. He was so nice to them, answering questions and getting excited when they told him they also had started a band. You think it’s because they reminded him of himself and the rest of the band when they were around that age. It was sweet and made you smile. That’s something you love the most about metalheads, sure they look scary and unapproachable, but deep down they are the nicest dorks you could ever meet. 

At one point you moved around the counter to hand Eddie a fresh cup of coffee since his original one had been forgotten when the boys came in. He introduced you to the kids as his girl as he pulled you onto his lap by your waist, telling them that you own the place, and they complimented the treats they had. 

You sat there for a few minutes chatting before a new customer came in and you excused yourself to take care of them since both Marty and Emma were on their lunch break. Greeting the soccer mom you started on her order as the four metalheads chatted for a little longer. 

“Thank you babe.” You smiled as you looked up at him. “I think you deserve a reward.”

Later that night it was just you and Eddie in the bakery, everyone having gone home to their families earlier in the evening, it was as you were standing at the kitchen island prepping some ingredients for tomorrow's haul of freshly baked goods that you suddenly got a craving for cinnamon bread. Fuck that sounded so good right now. Moving around the kitchen quickly you got your supplies and started on your bread.

While you were doing that Eddie had just finished sweeping up the crumbs on the shop floor, wiping down the café tables, and double checking that the front door was locked with the closed sign turned to let everyone know to come back tomorrow. Putting the broom back into its designated spot he wandered back into the kitchen to see you wrist deep in the bread dough as you had just dropped it from the bowl onto the floured countertop. “Front’s all clean and locked up, pretty girl.”

“Oh?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned on the counter by the door. “And what would that be? A cookie? A cupcake? Oh or maybe one of those blondies I love so much?”

“I was thinking more like a kiss…” You smirked at him, beckoning him over with a nod of your head before you gave an over-exaggerated sigh and dropped your shoulders as you continued to knead the dough. “Buuuuut if you want a cookie, I guuuuess yo-”

“No. Nonononono,” Pushing off the counter he waved his hands in the air as if he could toss the idea of not wanting a kiss away from him and rushed over silencing you with a kiss, his hands cupping your cheeks, his nose brushing against yours. “Kisses are good. Kisses are great.”

Laughing, you lean back your hands still in the bread dough and give him one final peck before you turn around to knead the dough again for a few minutes. 

“Whatcha making baby?” Eddie asked as he moved behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, his chin landing on your shoulder.

“Cinnamon bread. Thought it would be good breakfast bread for tomorrow. Cinnamon bread french toast is the best.” You exclaim, looking over your shoulder at him. 

“That sounds good.” He smiled, kissing the side of your head still watching you knead the dough until you rolled it into a good sized ball.

Grabbing the clean bowl you greased it up with a little bit of oil before you plopped the dough ball inside, placed a towel over the top, and moved it to a warm spot in the kitchen to let it rise. “Now we leave that for an hour.”

Leaning back against the counter again, Eddie watched while you collected the mixing bowl, measuring cup, and spoons from the counter turning to place them in the sink to clean. Grabbing the sponge you move back to the island to wipe the countertop down, before you turn back to the sink to wash your hands a look of worry on your face as you start to think of losing the bakery again. Glancing around the kitchen you frowned a little, you loved it here, you lived here, you didn’t want to lose it. Where would you go if you had to leave? Scrunching your brows together you dropped the sponge back into the sink resting your hands on it as you thought. 

“I know that look,” Eddie said, sidling up to you. Bumping his arm into yours he bent down a little to look at you. “That’s your ‘I’m worried’ face. What’s goin’ on in that pretty little head of yours?”

“It’s stupid,” You said, shaking your head as you turned the sink on to wash the dishes you made. “It’s nothing to worry about.”

“No, tell me.” Eddie mumbled giving you that look that made your thighs clench, that ‘you’re going to be in trouble if you don’t tell me’ look, one of his brows going up to hide under his bangs. “Come on, out with it.”

Sighing, you shut the water off again, dropping the sponge into the sink. “I was worrying about the future of the bakery.”

Moving so he could face you better, his brows scrunched together. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Waving your wet hand in the air you looked over at him. “I just realized earlier that I don’t know what happened to the deed to the building after Nana passed and I’m scared that as like a last fuck you dad is going to sell it out from under me. I don’t want to lose this place, it’s my home, it’s my livelihood, I have worked too hard to let him fuck me over anymore.”

“Well that's an easy fix babe. He can’t,” Eddie smirked, smiling down at you. After all that had happened he had totally forgotten to tell you about the deal he had with your Grandma. “I own the building.”

That stopped you in your tracks and you looked up at him in surprise. “What?”

Nodding, he picked at a string on your shirt. “When your grandma was in the hospital she called the bar and asked me to come see her. So we met up, chatted a little, and we made a deal that she would sell me the building to keep it out of your fathers hands as long as I continue to let you live and work here. I said yes, I wanted to protect you anyway I could, so I bought the building from her. Your dad can't touch it.”

You floundered for a moment as you tried to think of something to say but all you could get out was a breathy. “Holy shit.”

Laughing a little Eddie tugged on your shirt pulling you closer to him not caring that your hands were still wet from washing your dishes when you grabbed the front of his button down shirt. “Not mad at me are you? For doing that behind your back.”

Shaking your head you placed your forehead against his chest, a little smile on your face as you started to chuckle a bit. “No. No, I’m not mad at you. I'm really happy actually. But it looks like you’re my landlord now and I will be paying you rent for this you know. In full and on time.”

“The only payment I expect is you.” Eddie laughed, his hand cupping the back of your head tangling his fingers in your hair to pull your head back a little so he had access to your neck, his words breathy against your skin. “Preferably in the form of your ass in my bed, tied up, and struggling.”

You let out a gasped moan as Eddie latched his lips onto your neck sucking a hickey into your skin. His teeth give you a little nip as he pulls back to look at you. You blinked up at him, your breathing a little heavy now and you squirmed a little in his hold, your thighs rubbing together at the thought of you bound and waiting for him to take you. Taking in a slow breath you smiled at him. “How about I pay you with rent and my ass. That way I don’t feel like a freeloader in your building and you still get to be mean to me.”

“Sweetheart,” He said, his voice dropping down into this dom tone that he liked to use when he was being serious with you. “As your boyfriend and your dom I want to help you. So let me deal with the payments for the building. You just focus on the bakery. I have more than enough money to take care of this place, just tell me when somethings wrong and I’ll handle it.”

“Eddie,” You started to say something else but he placed his fingers over your lips to silence you before he dragged his fingertips down your chin to lift your head up with his knuckles. 

“Let me take care of you.” He said looking into your eyes before he leaned down to kiss you one more time and against your lips he mumbled. “And if you fight me about this anymore I will drag you upstairs and tan your hide with my belt. You understand me?”

Swallowing the saliva that collected on your tongue you nodded your head, even more excited now. “Yes, Sir.”

“Good girl,” Eddie smiles as she gives your ass a firm slap that makes you gasp again. Looking over towards the bowl with the ball of dough he smiled. “How much longer for your bread to rise?”

Glancing over at it, you looked at the clock, and shrugged your shoulders a little as you started to finish up the dishes you still had in the sink. “Maybe another thirty minutes? Then I have to roll it out, fill it with cinnamon sugar, make it into loafs, and then let it rise for another hour to an hour and a half.”

“Then since we have time…” Eddie said as he wandered back into the front to grab the demo CD from the counter behind the register where he had left it and turned back into the kitchen holding it up in the air so you could see it. “I would love your opinion on this.”

“Oh! Yes! Put it in, put it in!” You nodded enthusiastically pointing towards the stereo that sat in the cabinet by the backdoor. 

Laughing, the metalhead moved around the island and fiddled with the stereo until he was able to pull out the mixed CD you had created and pushed the demo in and pressed play. The first few seconds were quiet until you heard the strings of a guitar being plucked at a fast pace, then the drums, and the rest of the band started and the very first song on the new album bumped through the speakers. Nodding your head to the beat, you smiled over at Eddie when his voice came out over the speakers. 

By the time you had the two cinnamon sugared loaves of bread into their designated pans and set aside to rise again you were halfway through the album. Washing your hands again you turned wiping your hands on your apron to look at Eddie who had one arm crossed over his chest while the other was held up to his lips, his thumbnail between his teeth, he looked nervous about your reaction to the song. It was about two lovers who were separated but were able to come back together. When the song was ending you heard your voice start to fade in as the guitar riff faded out. It was a simple little sound bite of you saying ‘I fucking I love you, you dork’ and then you laughing. You remembered that conversation from the first week he was gone. He had called you one night and it seems he had recorded a part of it. 

“I wrote that for you.” He said looking at you. “Gonna call it ‘Souls Intertwined’ or something like that. Titles are still being worked on.”

Walking over to Eddie you put your hands on his chest, a smile on your face as he put his hands around your waist. “You wrote that about us? And you used my voice?!”

“I did!” He nodded as he laughed. Pulling you flush against him he looked into your eyes. “Did you like it?”

“I loved it!” You nodded your head. “I love it. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He smiled, placing his forehead against yours, his eyes squinting a little as he tried to recall something. “How long did you say for the bread to rise this round?”

“About an hour, hour and a half.” You said looking over at the bread and then back to him.

The smile that grew on his face was one of trouble as he started to kiss your face, first your forehead, then your nose, your cheeks, and then your chin. “Good, good. Then we have more than enough time. So why don’t you get your cute butt upstairs, get undressed, and into first position, I’ll be right behind you.”

Nodding your head you bite your bottom lip sensually, taking a few steps back towards the stairs to your apartment and right when he had turned around to turn off the stereo in the cabinet you took the chance and smacked him straight on the ass, a laugh leaving you when he turned around to stare at you in surprise.

“Really?” He said turning and slowly making his way towards you, one foot in front of the other. His hands come up as if to grab you. “You are in so much trouble right now little girl.”

“Me?” You whisper at him, your hands going up to your chest and you make your eyes impossibly wide as you feign innocence as you start to back up some more. The game was on and quickly you turned around running towards the stairs and then up them. The sound of his feet chasing you through the kitchen and up the stairs making you laugh hysterically as you swung your apartment door open running to stand behind your dining room table by your bedroom door.

“Oh sweetheart,” Eddie said as he ran into the room after you, coming to a stop on the other side of the table, his hands landing on the top so he could lean towards you with that look in his eye that you loved so much. “You’re only making this harder on yourself. You know that right?” 

“Mhm,” You nodded with a smug smile, watching him carefully as you both moved around the table first one way then the other making sure something was between you at all times. It was a cat and mouse game and you were completely content with being the mouse. At one point you even ripped your apron off and threw it at him to distract him but he just batted it out of the air like it was nothing. 

This only lasted about three turns before he faked you out and when you went right to dodge his movement on the opposite side he quickly stepped left grabbing you around your waist and hoisting you onto his shoulder giving your ass a firm punishing smack. “Gotcha. You are in for it now.”

Laughing you struggle in his grip, your hands on his back as you try to push yourself up. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“No you’re not.” He snarked, kicking your bedroom door open. Eddie moved to your bed and dropped you down on it so he could straddled your waist, making sure to keep his weight off of you, and grabbed your wrists pulling him above your head. “Now are you going to take your punishment or are you going to be a little brat that I have to tie up?”

You shrug a little with a smirk on your face. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“I see,” He nodded, letting your arms go so he could pull your shirt over your head leaving you in just your bra and jeans. The pick on your collar sitting in the hollow of your throat. Leaning back he looked down his nose at you and pointed at you with one finger and gave you a serious look, “Do not move from this spot.”

Nodding, you bite your lower lip a little as you look up at him. “Yes, Sir.”

Smirking, he got off the bed and moved to the duffle that he had grabbed from his car earlier in the day, unzipping it slowly to mess with you. He took his time moving a few things around mostly for dramatic effect, cause he knew exactly what he was looking for. His fingers grazed across the red rope that sat waiting in his bag. “Now, I was going to tell you that because you've been so good lately I was planning on graduating you from cuffs but since you were being such a bad girl I don't know if you deserve it.”

That piqued your interest quite a bit and you fought the urge to sit up on your elbows. Quickly you say, “No please, I'll be good. I promise. I’ll be good.” 

“Mhm. You gotta prove it to me.” Eddie hummed as he grabbed the rope from the duffle and stood up, unbundling it in a showy way so you could see the end of it fall to the floor with a little thud. He smirked when your eyes widened and you took in a deep breath of excitement, your thighs clenching together again. He could watch you squirm like this all day. “Come here sweet girl.” 

Quickly you got off the bed and moved towards him. Your eyes were stuck on the rope. 

“Eyes on me.” He muttered and when you looked up at him he smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You smiled up at him. You really did love this man.

Holding one finger up in the air he twirled it around in a circle. “Turn around babe. Arms behind your back.” 

Slowly you turned, putting your arms behind you, and you hummed when you felt the first brush of the rope against your skin. It was softer than you expected. Closing your eyes you let out a little sigh of contentment as he expertly tied your wrists. Soon you felt him push a finger between your skin and the rope making sure it wasn't going to hurt you. 

“Too tight?”

“No, Sir.” You said, shaking your head. It was just right. 

You closed your eyes as he wrapped his arms around you, one hand splayed out against your stomach while the other wandered up to cup your chin pushing it up so it was leaning against his chest. 

“Safeword?” He whispered into your ear. 

“Red.” You breathed out 

“Do you trust me?” He asked as he started kissing your neck, leaving little nips as he went. 

“With my life.” 

“Good girl.”

Tag List:

@eddiesprincess86 @haylaansmi @micheledawn1975 @chloe-6123 @wendyfawcett

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson fanfic #dom!eddie munson #sub!reader #rockstar!eddie #barowner!eddie #stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things fanfiction #st s4 #sugar cloud series #multi chapter

[adasknife]

notes: so i feel like matpat explaining ada wong's character. but here's what I meant with my words because I don't want people to misinterpret my words over and over again. first of all: i personally headcanon ada is a woman who tries to get better, but she... can't really. she grew up (implied) in this world. she doesn't know how to properly care for people (that includes leon). just like Leon and the others: ada has trauma (headcanon) but given the context of the story. Ada doesn't change. Or changes properly for the better. anyways because she betrayed wesker... people forget that not everything is ABOUT leon. she is person who wants to save her own skin

if you don't agree. it's fine. don't attack me. this is a mix of og and remake with the given context of both stories. I like Ada as a character. I think she is fun. and this for me to understand her character for me. and for the others, it's unfortunate that I keep say this, but I am not treating leon as a baby. he has his only faults and this is just focused on ada as a character.

ada hates being a butterfly. a pathetic insect that flies around and declares itself with its beautiful wings. people just see them and want to oogle them, and for her... it's her body. ada is beautiful. it's all she hears from herself. her body, her face, her voice. people love to hear her speak, and they love to have their faces caressed by her. obviously, by the way she grew up in this cold world... it made her cold. she is a mercenary. her beauty saved her ass so many times. that's when wesker comes in and gives her a mission.

in that mission, she pretends to be a scientist, and during that time, she meets john clems (canon character). john was her first curious case in her life. he was in umbrella because he wanted to cure people. he was blissful, unaware of the world around them, and ada hated him. but he was the first one who actually cared about her. he trusted her smart head, her stubbornness. and... she fell in love with him. he was just a cute blond. john made her to his password and ada... ada took pictures with him. he was her maybe. but was he really? or was she using him. ada didn't know anymore.

when john was sent to the spencer mansion, ada didn't expect the rest of it to happen. john was her heart, and he died in a pathetic explosion. she didn't know the details, but she felt it had to do with STARS.

leon s. kennedy came into her life and she ruined his life. it wasn't on purpose. leon, like john, was blissfully unaware of the cruel world. but she wasn't. she knew the world. she made a mistake by kissing him because something snapped inside of him. he wasn't dumb. ada had underestimated him.

when she kissed him, she pulled close to him despite her running away from his touch.

that was probably the red flag.

"please?" ada asked him.

leon didn't answer like she wanted.

when leon discovered she was a mercenary, she immediately raised her gun without thinking twice. fuck no. this idiot. this dumb rookie won't win against her. she needed to calm down, she took a deep breath and lowered her gun. that's when annette shot her in the shoulder. how ironic, the bullet leon saved her from... came again. she fell and leon grabbed her. leon. the wonderful idiot still had kindness in him.

ada longed for that for herself. but kindness is a weakness. it's payments. if ada is saved by leon. she owes him, and he didn't stop it. it will be an endless line of payments.

now, six years passed. unaware of her, ada had cursed leon. leon is a broken man. not all caused by her, of course. they met for less than a day. not even a full night. but he doesn't trust people thanks to her. leon though sees ada as something. a bad reminder of the worst day of his life. he trusted her and after knowing her. he was blackmailed into working with the government. sure, it wasn't her fault. but he connected them together like a dumb child. it wasn't his fault. he is still suffering from his trauma.

ada on the other hand got to see her former co-worker. luis was different from john. luis was more aware of what umbrella did. however, he felt guilt of his actions. ada didn't understand it but supported his actions.

repaying for your sins. that's sounds harder said than done. and besides, luis was her only connection she had with her former life with john. it... meant something to her for some reason. then, when luis died. she wanted to honor him.

but new habits die fast. ada helped leon to save herself once again.

"have you changed ada? Or do you wanna use me again?" leon asked her. ada smiled. leon is a pile of people she had used, she just told him hours ago to leave ashley. ada doesn't want to be selfish but how else would she live? but... she forgets there is kindness in her. thats the flaw of ada wong.

she uses leon as her protection because of his survivors guilt. his guilt of letting people die, he protects ada yet they will never choose each other. would lovers always point a gun to each others faces? what had leon tried to learn about her? he didn't try. but it was fine. they owed it to each other.

when ada saw her clone. ada... ada felt sick. she felt like a damn pinned up butterfly in display. she will never be free.

#resident evil #ada wong #this like pure rambling from yours truly

[graywrites5567]

Detective Trio (Poe x Ranpo x PM (neutral) reader)

since season 4 is out and I’ve already binged it all hehe I thought some cute fluff of a little mystery gang. Also just saying Ranpo has been one of my favorites from the beginning so seeing his backstory made me so happy. Might add a part two if asked… Anyways here you go filthy animals!!!!

You messaged the groupchat, “Hey fellas! A new bookstore opened up in town and they have a cafe! Please come with me I don’t want to go alone ☺️” with a small grin on your face, you pressed send. 

The phone immediately dinged as you just closed it, looking at message Ranpo was the first to respond, “Do they have sweets? If so I’m down fr” a little giggle. All that boy ever cared about was food. Poe’s response was very blend, “I wouldn’t mind going.” Typing out a reply to Ranpo’s question to make sure he won’t skip. 

“I believe they do, Ranpo. But if we are all down to go I’m available tomorrow evening.” Pressing send and placing my phone on my work desk trying to finish my latest case. Seeing as all of my mystery buddies are from different organizations some would believe it was awkward but it wasn’t, we never brought up work only books and Poe would show his new project. It felt so refreshing to have friends that share a liking with my hobbies. 

You grab your bag with files and got ready to leave. As you were leaving the warehouse, you decided to check the chat,

     5 new messages 

P - “Evening, like what time evening because I don’t want to be too early?

R - “No need to stress Poe, actually bigger question how can I get there? I hate buses and trains they’re to complicated!”

P - “I don’t have a car but maybe Ranpo we could meet up and go together via Taxi” 

R - “Yeah but we could just force (Y/N) to take us because they have a car and then we wouldn’t have to pay!!” 

P - “mm I guess we could ask but from the lack of replies they probably are finishing work.” 

“Wow these moochers” you whispered under your breath giggling  as you’re walking down the corridor to leave. “Ahem Mx. (Y/N) what’s the giggle about?” The man spoke but you didn’t want to look up and see his face. “Hello boss… nothing just a few personal thoughts…” looking at Mori’s shoes trying not to break underneath the stare he has. “Hm that’s nice. Did you finish the case I’ve assigned you?” You nodded at the boss’s question trying to finish this interaction as soon as possible. “Ah thank you I’ll take the files now then, also take tomorrow off if you already finished..” You finally made eye contact with the man and reached into your bag taking out the file. Handing it to him with a question,  “Are you sure you don’t need anything tomorrow?” It wasn’t that you like working it was that you needed the money. He nodded his head and walked off, you should have known not to question his judgment. You just walked out to your car not wanting to look stupid.

Finally in your car, you felt safe enough to answer the messages.

“Okay moochers I’ll give you two a ride, I’ll pick you up at the ADA if that’s fine with you Ranpo.” Pressing send and putting the phone in a car holder to speed out the parking lot. 

3 new messages 

P - “I am not a moocher! It wasn’t my idea to force you to drive, I asked nicely”

R - “ Yeah I’m fine with being picked up from the ADA as long as we don’t have to PAY 😈”

P - “Thank you very much 

(Y/N)” 

Being home was such a nice atmosphere, the feeling you get from coming home after working with a deadly mafia that constantly overworks and threatens you is a different type of relief. You planned on checking your phone after making dinner, showering, and getting ready for bed. But that didn’t work after you kept hearing it go off in your bedroom. Walking over and seeing new 6 messages from the chat. 

R- “Wait I FORGOT I DON’T HAVE MONEY” 

R- “POE pleaseeeee pleaseeeee pay for me I’ll pay you back”

P- “The other day you were bragging about having enough money for snacks”

R- “EXACTLY I SPENT IT ALL ON SNACKS” 

R- “IT WAS A GOOD CHOICE I HAVE NO REGRETS!”

R- “POE I KNOW YOU ARE READING MY MESSAGES!!! ANSWER ME!” 

Goodness these two boys could never get enough of their own little games. You made sure to put extra money in your wallet before going to bed for the night. Deciding what time to set your alarm and finally hitting dream land. 

  One new message 

P- “Last time you said you would pay me back, it took 5 months just to convince you to pay me back” (sent 3am)

    * The next morning *

Finally ready, you looked in your full body mirror to check your outfit. Grabbing your keys and heading out the door. Opening your sliver SUV driver door ready to head off for your trip. Starting the car, reading your mental list of everything you have to make sure you didn’t forgot anything. 

Outside the ADA office honking your horn to tell Ranpo you’re here about 5 minutes early.  Ranpo walked to the window looking at the window waving seeing you wave back. With a loud giggle from the shorter boy he says,”Come on Poe, they’re here” before the boys can leave, Dazai looks out the window seeing you hanging out your driver window. Dazai makes an ahem to catch Ranpo’s attention, “Ranpo what are you doing with a detective from the Port Mafia?” Dazai’s glare was sweet but laced with questionable intentions. “Oh (Y/N) I don’t see a problem with their occupation. I’m the world’s greatest detective I would be able to see if they had bad goals. So (Y/N), Poe, and me are going on a trip.” Ranpo set things straight and walks out with Poe. “Let’s not tell       (Y/N) about what Dazai said. My friends care about me so they have the right to ask questions, but (Y/N) shouldn’t feel as if their job affects our friendship…” Ranpo tells Poe before walking out the building to your car. 

Connecting your music to the car radio and waiting for the boys to figure out seating arrangements. Ended up in a fight and you had to pick. Ranpo in the backseat in the middle which left Poe the passenger seat. “OH Come on (Y/N) again with (fav artist) don’t you have any better taste!!!” Ranpo whined as if he didn’t compliment your music a few days ago when you sent him a song. “I think this music is quite good..” Ranpo said quietly. “WOW don’t be a suck up POE BE YOUR OWN MAN!!” Ranpo said with a grin and you couldn’t help howling with laughter.

Pulling into the parking lot of the library, which to our pleasure was mostly empty. You and Poe share a dislike for public eyes to stare. Turning off the car and hoping of the car with the boys, putting your keys into your pocket, “What genre of book are we getting first?” You say thinking really hard. “I want to look into the mystery of course” Poe said walking behind the car to be beside us. Ranpo made a face then spoke, “Maybe thriller I don’t know first I’m checking the menu” with a laugh you three walked in.

#ranpo x reader #ranpo fluff #ranpo x poe #bsd x reader #bsd imagines #bsd season 4 #bsd anime #ranpo x you

[alrightbuckaroo]

ada!!! i was thinking about your post with poems you think the lone star characters would love, and for nice ask week i was wondering if you have any others you’d add to that list? or if there’s any you really love that you think capture certain characters/relationships on the show? always love to see your recs :’) <3 —maddie/reyesstrand

Maddie!! I love this question so much so thank you for asking it!! <3

I actually planned to make a part two, especially since it's National Poetry Month, but it got a bit away from me so I'm taking this opportunity to just ramble (godspeed to whoever reads this):

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver is one of the most Carlos-coded poems you'll ever have the pleasure of reading. Or maybe it's not, but after using it as basically a thesis for tender eyes that shine, I've decided that it was written for him. Especially:

You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Hello?? That's Carlos Tomás Reyes in his purest form!

Oh TK, our hopeless romantic self deprecating boy. I think I'm going to give him Molly Brodak by Molly Brodak, one of my favorite poems that makes me want to burst into tears each and every time I read it. When I think of him, I specifically think of the ending, but I think the whole thing could ring true to him:

I am a good man.  The amount of fear  I am ok with   is insane.   I love many people   who don't love me.   I don't actually know   if that is true.  This is love.   It is a mass of ice  melting. I can't hold   it and I have nowhere   to put it down. 

Nancy is absolutely getting Aileen Wuornos Takes A Lover Home by Olivia Gatwood because it's one of my favorites and Nancy's one of my favorites, it only makes sense! I think the ending would really get to her in a way she didn't expect, and I don't blame her, because this is the ending:

In a phone call tapped by police, Aileen called Tyria her right arm, her left arm, her breath, how all Tyria could say back was Please tell them, please say it out loud. But Aileen didn’t want to talk about it. She wanted to talk about love. So Tyria would hang up, unsuccessful, and the officer would tell her to Say it like this, tell her she’ll get off, tell her it won’t be so bad. But how, each time, for three days straight, the police listened to Aileen talk about love. About her right arm. Her left arm. Her breath. Her breath. Her breath.

Actually going to tag @sznofthesticks because I feel like you would love this poem as well, and you'll agree that Nancy would love it too.

This is cheating but this song is so poetic I'm going to call it a poem. Owen would listen to You Are Your Mother's Child by Conor Oberst and he would want to sob but then he'd get cry lines. I think the whole thing is so Owen-coded but this part especially:

Out on the diamond, and you're up to bat Chewing your Big League, adjusting your hat Taking a swing and hearing it crack Look at that apple fly Tears will dry if you give them time Life's a roller coaster, keep your arms inside Fear, that's a big emotion But you are your mother's child And she'll have you for a while But someday, you'll be grown Then you'll be on your own

You could tell me Judd wrote I Am Offering this Poem under the pseudonym Jimmy Santiago Baca and I'd believe you. I'd believe he wrote while looking at Grace when she wasn't even looking at him because it has Judd all over it like:

Keep it, treasure this as you would if you were lost, needing direction, in the wilderness life becomes when mature; and in the corner of your drawer, tucked away like a cabin or hogan in dense trees, come knocking, and I will answer, give you directions, and let you warm yourself by this fire, rest by this fire, and make you feel safe                         I love you,

That's Judd!

Tommy would adore Every Job Has A First Day by Rebecca Gayle Howell. There's a cozy feeling to it, but the final words hold such a heavy weight that I think Tommy would appreciate and carry with her:

I listened as he taught me to relax the hand just enough. They can smell, he said, the oils our pores release when we tense to catch. You have to believe it, he said. You don’t mean any harm.

Speaking of Rebecca's, Marjan is giving me You Are the Penultimate Love of My Life by Rebecca Hazelton vibes in the best way. Maybe it's the romanticizing of something that has an inevitable ending but I feel like this would be Marjan's approach to a break-up, especially this part:

                                             The garden you plant and I plant                               is tunneled through by voles,                                                              the vowels                                                              we speak aren’t vows,                but there’s something                               holding me here, for now,

I feel like Paul, like me, would love the work of Cameron Awkward Rich, but specifically The Child Formerly Known As____ and even more specifically, the ending:

 & in the end, isn’t that what we all want?                         To not feel so split?                          To carry an image of ourselves                                                 inside ourselves & know exactly what we mean             when we say I—         .                      I—                               .                              I— ?

I think Mate would love getting the chance to read Prayer for Werewolves by Stephanie Burt because I think he would see so much of himself in it. Stumbling and tumbling trying to find himself somewhere and eventually finding the place where he belongs. I also feel like he loves the supernatural and the first part of this poem would feel like a gut punch:

Someone will probably love you for who you are.    If not, you’ll still find friends, friends who, given time, or given warning,    will probably gather around you, hold your hands, and wrap you in soft coats and blankets till the violence    inside your body ends.

Finally, my beloved Grace, is things i want to ask you by Helga Flores because I feel like the poem is just a list of things running through Grace's mind when she only knew Judd by voice, but that first one in particular:

i want to ask you what god feels like.

You've reached the end of my exhaustive essay that would probably keep going if I didn't reign myself in. I hope you liked these, they're some of my favorites <3

#“i can't hold it and i have nowhere to put it down” will never not make me short circuit UGH! #anyways this was such an amazing question thank you so much for asking it! <3 #do you have a favorite poem??? #asked and answered

[peakyscillian]

Family Ties | Modern!Tommy Series

Summary: The Shelby’s will do anything for family. Warnings: Smut, 18+ Minors DNI, Mature themes, use of the word ‘Whore/Slut’ , mentions of unconsenual sex.Part: 13 Pairing: Modern!Tommy x Fem!Reader Requested: No Notes: If you read a series/story and you like it or even love it, please comment, like & reblog so writers know they’re getting the interaction they deserve! It means so much to see someone reblog your work! I also want to thank everyone who has shown me so much love on my work!!

Family Ties | Part Thirteen

Masterlist | FT Masterlist

Part Thirteen.

It had been a week since the incident at the club, you’d finally left Ada’s, coming home to Tommy, you were still making him work for forgiveness, but you couldn’t bear being away from him for too long, even after that night he was still your safe place. 

You’d noticed the flash of guilt fall across his face every time he noticed the newest mark on your skin, the mark that was caused because he wasn’t there to protect you, Ada had been going on about you getting it checked out, it looked sore but you hadn’t wanted to go, to admit someone had hurt you in such a way, you didn’t want Tommy to get the blame for something he would never do to you. 

Tommy was trying his hardest to make everything up to you, it started with flowers delivered to your office, coming home to freshly prepared meals, baths run in the evening with your favourite bubbles and a glass of wine.  

The night before he’d taken you out to your favourite restaurant for dinner, once you were home he’d carried you up to bed, made love to you, pulling whines and moans from your mouth over and over, letting you know how much he loved and appreciated you.

-

You’d told Tommy you’d go back if he needed you too, he hadn’t asked, but you knew all three of them were downstairs in the office making plans.

You’d spent the morning in your study, catching up on work. You could hear Tommy talking in his office as you made your way to the kitchen for some food.

Polly sat at the table, looking up at you as you made your way in “Afternoon” she smiled, “What are you doing sitting here Pol?, You should have come up” you smiled, grabbing two mugs to make tea, “I had to leave the office, those three were bickering like children. I was just trying to get some paperwork from your husband” she sighed. 

You rolled your eyes, they would always end up bickering after too long in the same room, “What did you need? I can grab it” you offered, she shook her head “I’ll get it later, come here” she beckoned you over.

You frowned, walking over to her “you’re pregnant aren’t you?” she smiled, hand on your stomach, “No, uh well I haven’t checked” you stumbled over your words, you had stopped checking after the appointment after being told it would be impossible.

Polly gave you a nod, she understood, “Check” she urged, you bit at your lip “I can’t be, the specialist said” she shook her head, stopping you mid sentence, “they couldn’t guarantee could they?” she pointed out, you shook your head “I have tests upstairs” Polly ushered you out of the kitchen with a beaming smile on your face.

-

"We need to stop this right now" you barged into Tommys office, John and Arthur whipping their heads round at you, "but y/n we're so bloody close, you said you’d go back" John tried to reason, you threw him a look "send Esme then John" you retaliated

"She's got kids at home" he frowned, you were in front of him in seconds finger jabbing at his face "right because I'm fucking barren I should do the dirty work eh?" you spat, you never had this tone with your brother in-laws, but after the events of the other week, your patience was wearing thin.

“All that talk about stopping when I say, was that just a lie?” you turned to Tommy, “Y/N” he went to speak, but you shook your head “Don’t try to justify yourselves, all three of you are enjoying this too much, but I promise you right now, you won’t be getting me back in there” you were out of breath, body shaking with anger. 

You’d given them Sam’s entire schedule weeks ago, but they were keeping you in there for their own selfish revenge. Now this, John arguing that you needed to stay there, needed to let them end it their own way. 

Tommy hadn't said a word that was fueling your anger, you chucked the pregnancy test on his desk, all three men looking at the digital display 'pregnant' clear as day, you fished another one from your pocket chucking that with it.

You stopped at the door “just hurry up and kill him". You were calmer now, holding your husband's stare. He gave you a small nod before you closed the door.

-

Minutes later the door opened, Tommy rushing over, kneeling down in front of you, “I’m sorry, so sorry” he was taking your hands in his, kissing at your knuckles, you watched him, pulling your hand away slowly.

“You’re always sorry Tommy, you’ve been sorry so much the past few weeks” you were trying to keep your composure. 

Tommy frowned, moving to sit next to you, you were aware of Polly slipping from the room “Y/N, I-” you shook your head “No, you’ll listen to me for once” you fixed him with a stare.

“We’ve been together for five years, I shouldn’t have to feel like I’m always repaying for you for taking me out of that shithole, I’m your wife, you wanted me to be your wife and now I’m carrying your child, our baby and you don’t get to apologise over and over for how you behave, you need to think of us, of this” you gestured to your flat stomach.

“Think of us before you think of the business, of revenge and making people scared of the Shelby family for once, we are the most important things to you and if you fuck, if you can’t see that then I don’t think I can stay” you felt your lip quiver as you finished your sentence. 

Tommy looked shocked, he grabbed for your hand “No, Y/N fuck you are the most important thing to me you and this baby, this baby we’ve wanted for so long” he looked worried, squeezing your hand.

“We have, but I’m worried, I don’t want to do this on my own” you took a deep breath, Tommy moving to sit next to you cupping at your chin “Y/N, please I promise to keep you and this baby safe” 

“And when you just don’t come home one day? Then what?” you bit at your lip, “You don’t have to worry, I’m always coming back to you” his thumb ran across your bottom lip “always coming home for you” he repeated.

You nodded slowly “just be fucking careful” you warned, with a small smile, letting him kiss you softly, “Fuck baby, what made you test” he asked, pulling back from your lips.

“Polly sitting in the kitchen and announcing to me I was pregnant” you laughed lightly, Tommy nodded knowing his Aunt so well, “Tommy, this needs to be over with” you were so anxious. 

Tommy moved so he could pull your back against his chest “Arthur is sorting things, we’ve got a plan” his hand fell to your flat stomach “Don’t listen to John, he’s an idiot” he added, you nodded turning your face to look at him “I love them Tom, but they do the most stupid things” you laughed lightly.

You placed your hand over his “Our little human is growing in there” you giggled, you couldn’t believe it, you were going to have his baby, “half me, half you” he hummed, moving the material of your shirt up slightly, fingers tickling against your skin.

-

Once again thank you all for the likes, comments & reblogs - if you love this series let me know in all the normal ways! appreciate you all!

-

Taglist

@cillmequick @runnning-outof-time @look-at-the-soul @gypsy-girl-08 @heidimoreton @thomasshelbee @forgottenpeakywriter @shelbydelrey @allie131313 @cillixn @midnightmagpiemama @zablife @queenshelby @missymurphy1985 @janelongxox @cloudofdisney @being-worthy @vhscillian @radioheadgirl @elenavampire21 @datewithgianni @magicalpieex @camilleholland89 @cilliansangel @uchihacumdump @inkandpen22 @ysmmsy @lyarr24 @anotherhitandrun @alreadybroken-ts @flyingjosephine-blog @moral-turpitudes @duckybird101 @lostgirl219 @blyanyan @flippittygibbitts @stevie75 @already-broken144@lespendy @lovemissyhoneybee @pocket-of-possibilities @otterly-fey @gotohellandbackforyou

-

#Tommy Shelby #Tommy Shelby Content #Modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader #Modern!Tommy Shleby x Fem!Reader #Modern!Tommy Shelby x Y/N #Tommy Shelby Series #Modern!Tommy Series #Modern!Tommy Shelby Fic #Tommy Shelby x Reader #Tommy Shleby x You #Family Ties Series #Family Ties #Family Ties Masterlist #Masterlist #Taglist #Requests Closed #My Writing #Peakyscillian #Peakyscillian Updates #Laura's writing #Fic #Series #Peaky Blinders

[wizardfrog69]

Hello can i have please a gn X fyodor who where childhood friend and know gn work zt Ada and meet fyodor, what will be his reaction! And how would he feel about it?

Thank you for your request!

'•.¸♡what happened♡¸.•'

Fyodor x gn!reader

Fluff

Masterlist

Enjoy!

A little note before you start reading: the two of you are hypothetically speaking Russian but since I don't know the language and I'm not gonna constantly translate everything it's in English, Enjoy!

It was your day off and you decided to take a walk round the city, enjoying the views and perhaps visiting a museum or an art gallery.

While on your walk you noticed a man wearing a weirdly familiar hat when you remembered that your old best friend has the same hat.

You walked up next to him to see if it was really true but before you could get to him he turned around and it really was him. He noticed your beaming face and the memories of your time together flood his mind in an instant.

'What are you doing here?' He questioned while he walked up to you. 'I work here now, c'mon let's go talk somewhere else. I saw this cut coffee shop near by, we should go.' You said enthusiastically and took him to the coffee shop.

You ordered some coffee and sat down while you awaited your order. 'So, why are you here?' You asked and so the conversation started.

You revealed that you worked for the ada, when you had done so Fyodor froze for a little while and continued talking

The ada was the last thing he expected to hear, you must have been a relatively new member because he knew all of the members and your name or face never showed up so how could you be connected to them?

He never told you where he worked, not like he would say anything if you didn't work for the ada.

He didn't want to ask any questions about the ada, expect the typical ones like how is it working there and stuff.

Whenever you asked where he worked he just made up a job he would likely work at.

You also talked about other stuff ofc and decided to meet up again in the future.

After talking with you he knows where you live, work, how long you've lived there, if you have any one else living with you or if you have any pets, and a lot more. His silly brain dissected every sentence you said to know anything and everything about you.

Somehow you don't know about Fyodor being in the doa and think he's working somewhere doing something, he never went into too much detail, he never did.

Basically Fyodor would be surprised and he would try to find everything he could about you and if push comes to shove he will kill you if he needs to.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

Have a wonderful day/night and don't forget to do something you enjoy :)

-love, Az

#bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs #fyodor x y/n #fyodor x reader #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor fluff #fyodor headcanons #fyodor

[kyouka-supremacy]

Good day/evening!

Sorry for the long post, but I was wondering what your opinion is on whether BSD is critical about law enforcement? I saw people on twt saying that BSD is a story that is critical abt the government, and that the Hunting Dogs (especially Jouno) proves Asagiri has criticisms of police.

But personally I disagree since BSD also has positive depictions of police, like Ranpo's friend. And a major plot point was relying on 'good officers' to turn against the 'bad ones' when it comes to believing the ADA. There's also the way the ADA is also a law enforcement agency (albeit a privately owned one). And the way Fukuchi is an antagonist not because he is a member of the military but instead secretly a terrorist. Jouno explicitly bringing up police brutality is probably the best evidence that bsd is critical of police, but it's also the same chapter where he fought against the real antagonist Fukuchi, sort of giving him a redemption (and also Tetcho saying Jouno is actually good)

I guess I'm cynical about whether BSD is really as critical as people believe. But I liked your previous posts on BSD's treatment of female characters and nationalism, so I wanted to hear your thoughts on this too

Have a great day!

Hello, thank you for your question! I need to preface this by saying that I'm not an expert on the subject, so please forgive me - and feel free to correct me - if anything I say is misguided by possible misconceptions I may have internalized.

For the most part, Anon, I must agree with you. The first time I read the take about bsd beingcritical of police brutality - if I remember correctly, it was from a screenshot from Twitter that made some rounds here when chapter 100.5 was released -, I thought it was a huge case of erroneous recontextualization. Very likely, it was coming from an usamerican person projecting a very usamerican issue to a book that is not american, nor destined to an american audience, nor intended to make of american issues its focus. Not saying police brutality is a phenomenon exclusive to the usa, but, as far as my limited knowledge goes, it definitely isn't in Japan to an extent that goes close to what it's like in the usa (it's also a phenomenon deeply rooted in a kind of racism Japan simply wouldn't have the chance to know, because Japanese society doesn't know the kind of multiethnicism that is present in the usa).

I don't think bsd is, at least intentionally, critical of any police or military structure. You already pointed all the most relevant arguments on why it isn't: most police officers are usually framed sympathetically (hell, even when they are criminals they're framed sympathetically, see chapter 6 (although there the criminal being an officer was more of a coincidence than anything) ), a good chunk of police is supporting the main cast by now, and even the part that isn't isn't doing so because they're police specifically, but rather because the whole world think they're terrorists due to reality-rewriting powers of this magic book™. About the Hunting Dogs, at first they were introduced in a mostly villainous light; but, now that we got to know them, they hardly use as critic of military police. Tetchou is undoubtedly honourable and just. Teruko has been established to always be putting civilians safety before anything (chapter 75), and it's also stated that despite her methods she helped drastically decrease criminality (can't remember where for the love of me but it's there somewhere). Tachihara has always been a character that is vastly sympathetic to the audience, and by now his loyalty doesn't even lie with the government anymore so I don't think I need to get to him. About Jouno, I think a point was made even before his redemption: Jouno is not military. I mean, he may wear the uniform, but as stated in chapter 93 he was recluted by Fukuchi appositely because he was a criminal, and he was never supposed to become a rightful paladin; the fact that he ended up being one is but a mere unintentional coincidence, and even then he isn't there to be representative of military police, nor is his sadism. I'm not counting Fukuchi as military because his loyalty clearly belongs to the cause / the doa, but let's take a moment to acknowledge how ironic it is that he's also the only character who openly crticicizes the military system, and he's the big villain.

I don't think bsd is critical of law enforcement or government (Special Division for Unusual Powers is framed positively and, as you mentioned, the ada itself is an organization affiliate to the government); if anything, I think the military and police systems in bsd are once again expressions of bsd's main core, that there's nothing completely good or completely bad, and just like people constantly oscillate between the two, law enforcement structures also have both valorous and corrupt members in their ranks.

Also like, peoples, bsd is kinda right wing, and right wing is historically very close and supportive of military circles (see, for example, how fascism goes hand in hand with military imaginary). The biggest enemy of the biggest arc in bsd so far is literally an anarchist who among other things vastly criticizes the military system, so take that as you will. I feel like the overall implicit take away of this arc will be “it's true that law enforcement agencies do horrible things, but we must accept it because it's necessary to mantain peace and stability”, but feel free to disagree with me on this.

#Defund the police now. Peace ✌️ #bsd #bungou stray dogs #people asks me stuff #It makes me so happy to hear you liked my other posts Anon you're so kind! I hope you have a great day too!!!