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akechiguro · 8 months

Text

to see you again.

oneshot | shuichi saihara x kokichi ouma

alternate universe - postgame, simulation

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Synopsis | Shuichi Saihara and Kokichi Ouma meet again after the events of the 53rd season of Danganronpa.

Word Count | 3.0k.

Author’s Note | i don’t usually write in first person so this is a change of speed ^^ this is also from january so it’s pretty old, i feel bad for not posting :,D

also posted on ao3! (with minor changes)

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I still remember our last conversation. It rings like a fucking melody in my ears every time I go to sleep and I hate it. Every time the ear worm starts replaying in my head, it makes me forget about her, she’s the reason I even put myself out there and yet I find myself thinking about his and I’s last conversation rather than hers and mine.

“But, y’know…I…wasn’t boring, right?”

He wasn’t. He never was. He kept me on my feet like a real detective and pushed my limits so far over the edge I was sure I’d come crashing down at some point, but I didn’t. In a way, he saved me from doing that— or did she? Both of them? It doesn’t matter. One way or the other, I’m a better man because of them. Better, sure, but whipped out of my damn mind because of that little scumbag who preferred to play the devil’s advocate in serious situations rather than actually being of some real use.

I thought— no— I knew he died. Investigated his own death with my own eyes, forced another one of my best friends to his execution because of it, and found myself becoming a sobbing mess all over again. Not just for him, but her as well, even if she was some number of months between the two cases. I wasted too much of my time crying over someone I swore up and down I hated. Was it for nothing?

It had to have been. He’s sitting right in front of me right now.

There’s an awkward silence to the room, an unresolved tension lingering in the air so thick you could cut it with a knife. His hair is still the same shade of purple, if not a bit darker, maybe a little longer, and he looks taller since we last talked. Ironic. The outfit is near unrecognizable— the strangest feeling of deja vu, and yet, neither of us can remember where we’d seen each other in these clothes.

“So,” he started, taking the liberty of starting our conversation. God knows I can’t. Not after everything I’ve seen, argued for, cried over. He leaned his head against his hand with that certain admiration in his eye I could never quite figure out during the game. I’m glad he’s casual. It helped me calm down a little bit.

“So?” I retort shakily. My hands are trembling, fiddling with the hem of my school uniform’s jacket. I know I said Kaede helped me grow as a person, be more confident, but for some reason I can’t meet his eye.

“How’d you do? You know, after I was gone?” He asked. His tone is more…calm? It’s different from the game’s, whatever persona he took on. He doesn’t seem like a malicious person anymore. Or at least, not acting like he is. But he doesn’t seem totally different, either.

“What do you mean?” I mumbled, and I felt like an idiot. You know what he meant. How’d we figure out it was Kaito, who survived and how we did it, stuff like that. I clenched my teeth and averted my gaze to a wall— plain white with a bit of grime. Well, can’t expect every room in this facility to be squeaky clean.

Kokichi laughed, softly, a strange unfamiliarity striking right through my ears. It’s nothing like how it was in the game. It’s intriguing. “You know what I mean! How did you figure out my plan and all that? Who was the mastermind you and Kaede tried so hard to uncover? I want all the details!”

I blinked. “Oh, uh— right. Well, it took, uh…a lot of probing, I guess, to figure out it was Kaito in the exisal and not you,” I started, gazing off in a random direction to gather my thoughts. “I…well, neither Maki or I could really handle the aftermath of that. For two different reasons, I think,” I chuckled nervously, and this caught his attention.

“Two different reasons? Maki was affected? I didn’t think she cared about anybody!” He laughed again and my heart started beating faster. Why did I have to catch feelings for someone who purposefully made themself out to be a bad person in a game of life and death?

“Yeah, believe it or not,” I smiled, catching his eyes for no longer than a second before deciding the painting behind him was a lot more interesting. Some sort of wave, I think the picture was. “She had a crush on him I guess, ended up threatening Monokuma and all that. Kaito didn’t actually die in his execution, either, it was his sickness that ended up killing him. Had he not had it…” I trailed off, feeling my features soften, “…he would’ve survived with the rest of us. Maki, Himiko, and I.”

“Woah, woah. Slow down,” Kokichi grinned. “Himiko survived with you but not Kiibo? What, did he kill Tsumugi or something? And an execution failed?”

“Yep. His execution failed and that, uh…really pissed off Monokuma,” I smiled. Enough time has passed where names don’t make me flinch anymore, they don’t send my lunch up my throat like they used to. “…You’re not far off from your theory about Kiibo, though. I guess Miu installed lasers and stuff inside of him and he ended up destroying the End Wall so we could escape. The final trial was a redo of the first one, and we figured out Kaede’s plan…”

No. You swore you wouldn’t cry to him when you found out this opportunity was something that could happen. Stay strong.

“…Kaede’s plan failed. Her shot put ball missed,” I explained, voice shaking with each new word. “It was Tsumugi who actually killed him, and who ended up being the mastermind. It…it wasn’t an easy trial,” I laughed bitterly, staring down at the table. I know Kaede is still alive. I know it was a simulation. But that means Tsumugi also lives; the one who orchestrated all of their deaths, left a far deeper cut in my core than any murder attempt ever could, is still walking and breathing. Something about that made it worse.

Kokichi fell back in his chair with a look of shock. “Dang. So how did her and Kiibo end up dead while you, Maki, and Himiko didn’t? Wouldn’t Kiibo’s lasers have killed you, too?”

“Nope. He destroyed the Ultimate Academy while breaking the End Wall, and a piece of rubble ended up falling on Tsumugi. Kiibo, he…he made sure we were safe and protected before self-destructing.”

“So a robot did have some humanity after all,” Kokichi giggled, crossing his arms on the table and letting his head follow. He still looked just as childish as he did in the simulation, yet there was more of a sense of…maturity, maybe? Was that the word? I don’t know. When it comes to him, it feels like no words even come close to describing him.

There’s awkward tension in the air again. There’s so much I wanna tell him and yet none of it is coming out. So much I wanna ask; why put on such an…interesting front? Why sacrifice himself the way he did, especially with the show he’d put on just before his death? Was everything he’d told me about hating me true?

I can’t get anything to come out. I’m just staring at him like an idiot, or maybe admiring, I can’t really tell, myself. I think he notices, too, because he seems totally comfortable in the silence. At least he seems like he does. If I’m not in tune with my own emotions, then I don’t think I ever will be with Kokichi’s, even outside of the game.

“You’re still insecure, aren’t you?” He asks suddenly.

I blinked. “What?”

“I can see it in your eyes, y’know. I may not have the same confidence I did in the game, but I can still read you like a book, Shuichi,” he smiled, something soft in his gaze while he stared at me. Maybe even sincerity. I fully believe him, too. Even the tone of his voice is softer, meeker, and his eyes don’t hold the same mischief and judgment they used to. Is this the real him? What he truly feels? No, not that— he’s not done anything out of emotion. He’s just…talking. And yet somehow my assumption seems correct. “I thought you got over your emo phase,”

I want to counter that. But he’s right. I guess I don’t really have the same confidence I had in Danganronpa, either. “I, uh…I thought I did, at least. Why bring that up?”

“I dunno. You look like you wanna say something.”

“Oh,” I breathed, mentally beating myself up. At the very least I thought I was better at speaking my mind. Well- this meeting should’ve made it obvious to myself that I’m not. “I guess I’m kind of just wondering…how to word this…why? Why were you the way you were? You seem so…” I trailed off, not letting myself finish that. That’s not the only thing I want to ask. Not why I contacted Danganronpa asking for this meeting. But it’s all I can get out right now.

He laughed. “You’re not the first to ask, y’know? I thought my favorite might be more original, but you’re asking such a boring question.”

So others got to him before I did…somehow that’s not surprising. “You’re surprised? I thought you could read me like a book,” I smirked, “I thought you of all people should know why I’m the most interested,”

“Fine, you’re right,” He smiled, adjusting so his cheek laid against a fist. “Welp! I don’t have a good answer to that. I wanted to be the antagonist. Nagito was my favorite in all 52 seasons I saw before applying to Danganronpa,” He laughed.

“Is that…it?” I asked, mentally cringing. That came out rude.

“Yep.”

“I don’t…really believe you,”

He barked out a laugh. It’s the most familiar thing he’s done this whole time. “Wow! A whole couple months after we last talked and you still don’t fully trust me?” He’s weirdly amused, I noticed. Was his in-game personality the real thing? No— somehow this feels like an act.

I shook my head quickly, flustered. “No, no! It’s not that! It’s just, well- it’s not just your attitude I was referring to. You seemed to have it out for me specifically. And Kaito and Miu, I guess, though I can probably assume for them…”

He hums, leaning back in his chair. His arms rested comfortably behind his head, the darkness of his uniform making his hair pop to a lighter purple than it actually is. “Yeah, those two are idiots. I’m surprised Kaito lasted so long,” he giggled quietly to himself, “but as for you…I don’t really wanna tell you that.”

“Huh?” Now that actually surprised me.

“I didn’t hate you or anything if that’s the answer you’re after,” he continued, averting his gaze elsewhere, “but the exact reason..eh,”

I can’t complain, that is the answer I was after. But now I’m just more curious. “Is there a, uh…a reason you can’t tell me the reason?”

Kokichi shrugged. “Nope! Maybe I’m lying though, huh?” He smiled. That itself was a lie. I could tell, somehow.

Another moment of awkward silence.

“Well, what did you think of me?” He asked, adjusting his position back to resting his head on his arms again. Could he always not sit still for this long? Or had I just never noticed in the game?

“Do you not know?” I asked, cautiously. “I…I told you that you’ll always be alone. I- I don’t mean it now, in fact I wanted to apologize for that-“

“Don’t worry about it, Shumai,” He laughed. “It was easy to hate me in the game, y’know? I hated myself!”

“Er…” I glanced down, picking at my nail beds.

“Oh, not to traumadump or whatever the word is,” Kokichi shook his head quickly, “I already knew, actually. I just wanted to hear it come from your own mouth.”

“But I still want to apologize! That was- that was rude of me. What you did was horrible, but it was still uncalled for on my part.” Plenty of people had murdered in the game. Too many, far too many. Was I justified to say that to someone who, more or less, did what he did in self defense?

“But is that all you felt about me?” Kokichi asked, the same cautious tone I’d used earlier. Like he’d said it accidentally, almost.

It kinda shocked me, to hear him ask that. He’s right. That’s not all. It’s the safe answer, the one I’d assumed everyone else had told him. But should I even admit to that other feeling? The one still eating at me, the one I can’t get out of my head no matter how hard I try? He can’t feel the same. Not him.

I took a second to think of a response, holding unsteady eye contact. It was Kokichi who’s eyes darted away momentarily, only to return with the same hesitation. “…No. It’s..it’s not.”

Why not come clean? What are the chances I ever see him again after this? We both will become just another face in the crowd, going about our school lives as though we hadn’t gone through someone so horribly traumatic.

I don’t think Kokichi was expecting my response. His eyes widened slightly, the micro movements of his mouth and eyebrows revealing to me a sort of surprise. I know I’m not a detective anymore, but I’m still attentive. He definitely wasn’t expecting it.

He licked his lips, ever so slightly. They’d gone dry. “What’s that other feeling, then?” He leaned forward, slightly, his eyes falling somewhere else. Lower to my face. The tension’s changed.

My breath caught in my throat, mimicking his actions. “I’m…sure you can guess.” I mumbled, meeting his eyes again. I feel like I’m running a fever, I feel lightheaded, this is a horrible idea…I shouldn’t have said that, I should’ve lied, I should’ve…

…His hand sliding gently over mine, his body to lean further across the table… Should I?

What other chance would I get?

I stood, cupping his face gently and closing the distance. His skin is just as smooth as I remember it being, so strangely soft, yet I can still feel the bones in his cheeks. He’s thin, sure, but it doesn’t seem too unhealthy. His lips are chapped, dry, almost uncomfortable. He chews at his lips, a nervous habit. It’s more endearing than I should think of it being.

He’s quick to kiss back. He tugged at my uniform’s collar, almost needily- hungrily?- like he’d been waiting for this. None of this explains anything that happened in the game. I think it just raises more questions, if anything. But my mind’s too fogged and my face is too hot to think of anything else but our proximity.

It’s only when he starts to fidget with the buttons on my jacket that I pull away, and I can think of absolutely nothing except how much I’m going to regret that. Not because I don’t like Kokichi, honestly, it’s the opposite. I refused it for so long that I think I’m actually in love with him. But I thought it earlier; what are the chances I’m going to see him again after this? I don’t think I can handle a long distance relationship, but I don’t think I’m ever going to get over him. No, no, I don’t think, I know I’m never gonna get over him.

He looked nervous, hand lingering on my clothes for a moment longer before he brought them to his chest nervously. He looked so out of character from what I remembered of him in the game…that Kokichi would probably keep going. This one looks like he’s on the brink of tears. “Pausing for air, or..?” He asked, trying to laugh it off.

I shook my head. “We can’t do this, Kokichi.”

“Why not? You kissed me!” He’s getting defensive. I should’ve seen this coming.

“I know! I know, that was…my mistake. It’s not that I don’t want this,” I started, grabbing his hand and slinking my fingers through his, “I…I’ve been denying how much I’ve wanted to do that for entirely too long. But it’s…I don’t know where you live. We don’t go to the same school, hell, we might not even live in the same part of Japan. I don’t…want to commit to something I can’t maintain.”

He looks defeated, for far longer than I would’ve liked. I feel horrible. But quickly perks up. “Well, where do you live?”

“Huh?”

“You can’t just kiss me and then go on this whole rant about why we can’t be together and then expect me not to ask where you live!” He smiled. “Where you from?”

“Oh.” I take a second to think. Are we even allowed to tell each other that? Fuck, of course we are- why wouldn’t we be? “Uh, Okinawa. I wear…probably too many layers for how warm it is compared to the rest of Japan,”

He smiled. A lot brighter than I would’ve imagined. “And you’re not lying?”

“No! Why would I?”

“I’m from there, too! No way that’s a coincidence!” He giggled like a child, freeing his hand to wrap them around mine. “I don’t live with my parents, they’re from Aichi. Just my older brother. But it’s crazy lucky I do, right?”

I stood there, dumbfounded. I was worrying for nothing? “So…so that means—“

“If you break my heart, Shumai, DICE is a real organization. They’ll kick your ass!” He laughed, dropping my hands to grab me in a hug. It’s so unfamiliar. In game Kokichi…no, I need to stop thinking about him.

“Y-yeah..! Yeah, I’m sure Kaede or Kaito will have your head in seconds if you, uh..break mine, too.” I laughed, awkwardly returning the action.

I still don’t know a lot about Kokichi. I don’t know about his family or how his school is or even if this version of him is the real one. There’s still so much I need to learn about him, that he needs to learn about me, but somehow, I know it’s going to be easier with us. I don’t think I’ll ever forget our last conversation as characters in a television show. The game, I think, forever changed who we are as people. But it’ll work out. We’ll be okay.

We’re gonna be great.

#saiouma #oumasai #postgame #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #shuichi x kokichi #shuichi saihara #kokichi ouma #kokichi ouma x shuichi saihara #heart to heart #conversation #i’m incapable of writing a sad ending sorry #i care them too much #i mean who said that i hate them #drv3 #drv3 shuichi #drv3 kokichi #oneshot #gay pride

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