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notthatgirlfrcmculiacan · 4 months

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A Gamble

Self-Para Length: 1490 Words Show: Queen of the South Season: 5 Characters: Teresa and James (Also published on AO3 under the penname hedarakoon) Gif credit: @countrysong-x

The moon hung high in the sky that seemed to be otherwise unusually dark. Crickets chirped and somewhere off in the distance a bullfrog croaked loudly. The water from an artificial waterfall fell over the pool it was attached to creating a trickling sound. And the soft breeze that pushed through the night ruffled curtains hanging over the balcony door, blowing them into a room where they were largely ignored by the woman standing on the balcony.

Dark hues were focused on the glistening water of the pool below. Mind set adrift to everything that had happened that day and in the days previous. Betraying Dumas, giving the order to kill Gamble, sending Boaz back to Miami. She could explain away everything she had done. It was all thought out, nothing was decided on quickly. It was a game she was playing, a game she had gotten exceptionally good at in the last year. And that, that scared her. It all scared her. She had sworn to do things a different way, but those morals were being pushed away quicker and quicker as the days dragged on. She had never wanted to be like Camila, yet she felt herself slipping that way.

Teresa looked up when she heard someone approaching from behind, almost jerking back to the present. Her jaw set when she realized it was James, gaze turning back to the pool. She wasn’t letting herself get close to him again. She couldn’t let herself get close to him again. Everyone she loved died. And second most to that was the fact he was always the one to question her, always the one to act as a sort of moral compass to guide her back to that promise she’d made herself. But now… now was not the time. She was already questioning herself, she didn’t need his questions as well.

James came to stand beside her on the balcony, arms resting on the railing as he followed her gaze out to the pool. He didn’t speak and she wasn’t going to break the silence either. Let them both enjoy it. After a moment, James moved to retrieve a cigarette and put it to his lips. He lit the end, taking an inhale before offering the lit cigarette to Teresa. She hesitated a moment before taking it, raising it to her own lips.

“You asked if I had a problem with it now,” James spoke, glancing over at Teresa who steadfastly kept her gaze cast to the pool even as she offered the cigarette back, “with carrying out the hit on Gamble. The honest answer, Teresa, is that I do.”

The silence lingered between them for a moment, neither speaking, for what felt to be several seconds. James thought perhaps she was too lost in her own thoughts, maybe she hadn’t heard him. Or better yet, maybe she was ignoring the question. She had always been the one that would assure that she would do things differently and it was why he had agreed to work for her in Phoenix. He was getting to a point in his life where he no longer wanted to carry out orders blindly. Camila had used him as nothing more than a weapon, Teresa had at one point been different. Now, James wasn’t so sure.

He pushed away from the railing, stubbing out the half-finished cigarette. Teresa finally looked over to him and James could see the pain reflected back at him through her eyes despite the fact that her face remained impassive.

“You did this type of work for the CIA,” she reminded, a repetition of what she’d told him earlier in the day. What she had told him right before leaving the conversation. That was what she did best anymore, leave before anyone could question her, leave before guilt could get the better of her and make her second guess herself or before her morals could swell back up.

This time it was his turn to fall quiet as he leaned backwards against the railing and folded his arms over his chest. He stared at her and she could see the cogs turning over in his head. He was thinking hard and she was sure it was about what to say or what not to say. She turned her gaze back over the pool.

He dragged a hand over his face as he let out a sigh, “you say that as if you think I chose to work for Finch for the hell of it, Teresa. I didn’t want to, but I did. I did for you. To protect you. To keep the CIA and DEA from sniffing around in your business. None of it was for me. And this… Gamble, it was an unnecessary risk.”

James watched her, noticing the way her shoulders tensed. That wasn’t what bothered him though, instead it was the lack of anything that he found in her gaze when she looked back to him. He could read her better than anyone, even when she put up all her walls and hid behind an emotionless mask. He knew what to look for in her eyes. It had been the way they had communicated without words when in the thickest of dangers Camila had sent them into. But now… now there was nothing and it concerned him.

“Then keep doing it,” she replied, rubbing her nose between pointer finger and thumb and then sniffing. She looked over her shoulder, up at the house a moment before meeting his gaze with a level stare. “You chose to stay. I told you that you were free to leave. The offer still stands, you can leave at any time.” Though she didn’t want him to. She wanted him to stay, but she wouldn’t voice that want again. “But if you stay, you need to know shit has happened and things are run differently now.” No matter the guilt it placed on Teresa or the weight on her shoulders. “He would have gone to the DEA or the CIA for the right amount of money.

James didn’t miss the motion, pushing it off on perhaps an itch due to allergies. He put the thought away for later evaluation before mulling over what she said. Things were indeed different. She was different and it was never more obvious than in that moment. Was she becoming like Camila? Ruthless with a thirst for blood and power? He hoped not, but he couldn’t help but to think about the man he’d killed and his wife’s screams, or the fact Boaz was still alive when he had beheaded the judge.

“Why’s Boaz still alive, Teresa? He directly defied you. He is a liability.”

It was Teresa’s turn to push away from the railing. She was tired of being question. Tired of the emotions it brought up. She’d sworn to kill Lafayette. He’d killed Tony. But she didn’t want it drawn back to herself or her familia and the beheading was clearly not something Americans did - the Russians, the Italians, even the Chinese preferred a clean hit, a bullet to the head. The beheading was so obviously tied back to the Mexican cartels. She should have killed Boaz, but at the same time she couldn’t.

“I need him alive. He halted everything in Sinaloa with a word. And with a ten second phone call got Sinaloa running again. If I loose Sinaloa, I loose the corridor. I can’t loose the corridor.” Not yet. Not with so much business left unfinished. Not when she had no one else to put into power in Sinaloa or Miami.

It was only when James let out a scoff that Teresa broke the stare she’d leveled on him. “Lafayette deserved to die.” Was her last response before she turned on her heel and made her way back into the house.

James watched her in silence, not moving to follow her with anything but his eyes. He watched as her fingers were dragged through her hair as she walked across the open living room. He didn’t miss the way her hand then dragged over her face, rubbing at her nose once more. He couldn’t help but feel a little helpless. She didn’t want his help unless it was to use him in the same way Camila had, but it was so obvious that she needed someone. She needed someone to question her and her motives, question where her morals lie before she lost herself. And the little twitch, the itch at her nose - he’d been in the game long enough to put the pieces of the puzzle that was Teresa Mendoza together. He watched her disappear up the stairs and then turned his gaze back out to the pool. He relit his cigarette and let himself get lost in his thoughts. He’d promised he would do whatever it took to protect them, to protect her, and he was a man of his word.

#teresa mendoza #james valdez #queen of the south #qots #qots rp #queen of the south rp #jeresa #jamesxteresa #teresaxjames

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roleplayfinder · 1 year

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22F looking for writers 18+ to RP the following canons/fandoms against my female OC:

John Wick, as John Wick/Jardani Jovonovich

Queen of the South, as James Valdez

American Assassin, as Ronnie/Ghost OR Mitch Rapp

DC Comics, as Hal Jordan/Green Lantern

Marvel/X-Men as Remy LeBeau/Gambit

I RP on Tumblr or Discord. Like if interested. Comment which fandom(s) you want to write for, please.

#eighteen and over #john wick #john wick roleplay #john wick rp #queen of the south #queen of the south roleplay #queen of the south rp #american assassin #american assassin roleplay #american assassin rp #dc #marvel #x-men

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yetanotherrpfinder · 10 months

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22 enby queer mun, looking for someone 18+ to RP as the following canons to interact with my female OC:

Xenk Yendar from D&D: Honor Among Thieves

Jace Herondale from the Shadowhunter Chronicles (book/movie)

James Valdez from Queen of the South (U.S. show based)

John Wick from...John Wick

Thor Odinson from Marvel (movies/comics)

Mako from The Legend of Korra

I have no problem doubling up--in fact, I love it (as long as we have different love interests)! I welcome muses of the LGBTQIA+ community. These RPs will include smut, fandom-typical violence, and profanity, though we can discuss our personal limits and kinks. I can RP on Discord or in Tumblr posts/replies. Like if interested.

Like if interested!

#fandom rp #d&d: honor among thieves rp #shadowhunter rp #queen of the south rp #marvel rp #the legend of korra rp #discord rp #tumblr rp

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findroleplay · 2 years

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21F looking for writers 18+ to RP the following fandoms:

The Covenant (2006 movie), as Pogue Parry

John Wick, as John Wick/Jardani Jovonovich

Queen of the South, as James

American Assassin, as Ghost OR Mitch Rapp

I RP on Tumblr or Discord. I DO double up. Like if interested. Comment which fandom(s) you want to write for, please.

#the covenant rp #john wick rp #queen of the south rp #american assasin rp

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caseythebunnyboy · 1 year

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! MINORS, HOMO/TRANSPHOBES, TERFS/RADFEM, PRO-ANA, DETRANS/MISGENDER KINK, STRAIGHT MEN, STRAIGHT WOMEN & LESBIAN ONLY BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT !

!! WARNING !! this blog will contain hardcore kinks. please don't scroll through my blog if you are sensitive to these things, prioritize yourself.

hello, my name is casey! iam an 18 y/o, 5'4, south-east asian trans boy (he/him exclusively) that is going to be running this tumblr blog! im a bottom switch, which means that i prefer to be the one getting penetrated, but i can be both dom and/or sub while doing so.

taken emoji anons: 🗝️ || 🚂 || 🧸 || 🍅 || 👁️ || 🐺 || 🐦 || 🏹 || 🥀 || 🍡 || 🎸 || 👑🖤 ||

what i will be posting: mainly kinky text posts, nsfw art of myself, and sometimes ill show off my body in a nice outfit when im feeling more confident!

rules & info:

if you cross my boundaries 3 times, i will block you, no exceptions. depending on the severity of the crossing, i might block you instantly with no second chances.

if your blog makes me uncomfortable or i get a bad feeling from it, im blocking you.

sexting and roleplaying with me in my dms is allowed, but i will not send photos to you in dms! i dont feel comfortable doing that. so only strictly texting! i am fine with people sending me videos and photos though, but it depends on what you'll send me.

atleast say hi before chatting me, had someone say "worthless cunt" as their first dm and i blocked them lmao, its not hot to me. greeting me first would be nice.

if you are going to sext and/or rp with me, please keep my kink and no-no lists in mind, i have boundaries too.

only those that arent women and arent exclusively attracted to only women are allowed to sext with me. sorry to the women out there who wanted to, but im not attracted to you... but im sure you're still very pretty, and theres many other people who'd want to chat with you!

what to call my genitals: cock, dick, boy cunt, cunt, cunny, boypussy, bunny pussy, wet hole, front hole, little/small/tight hole, needy hole, bunny hole! (please dont call it a vagina, clit or just "pussy" by itself. only calling it a "pussy" without my preferred additions is something i can excuse sometimes, but i dont like it. vagina and clit will get u straight up blocked.)

what to call my chest area: chest. thats it. if you call it tits, boobs, or anything like that i will block you. even if you say "boy tits" or "man boobs" you are still getting blocked. its either you only refer to it as a chest or you never refer to it at all.

inbox and asks are always open! please send me threats of what you'll do to me if you find me, what you want to do to me, and if you got off to anything i post 💜

my kinks: cnc, somno, teacher/student, power imbalance/dynamic, roleplaying, voice kink, degrading and/or praising me, dry humping/grinding, humiliation, free use, gangbang, overstim, edging, orgasm control/denial, impact play, begging, namecalling, pet play, watersports, monsterfucking, tentacles, breeding (no preg, makes me dysphoric), creampie (also no preg, same reason), cum dump, bondage, shibari, being punished, manhandling, size kink, treating me like your toy, making me into a sex slave, being protective/possessive, dumbification, claiming, jealous/angry sex, rough sex, and teasing. (theres prob alot more but theres so many that i forget lol)

kinks that are hard no's: feet, knife/gunplay, feeder/feedee, ed, choking, scat, vomit, age play, misgendering kink, detrans kink, calling me any term mainly used for women (good girl, queen, princess, babygirl, using she/her for me), drug play, bioessentialism, pregnancy, forced feminization, and gore.

things i like being called: baby boy, bunny boy, little bunny, little boy, cunt boy, bunny, bun bun

tags: #casey ★ grumbling for little (often nsfw) text posts/rambles/thoughts that i dont think are interesting enough to be in other tags, #casey ★ mumbling for text posts, #casey ★ answering for ask posts, #casey ★ doodling for drawings, #casey ★ peeking for body pictures, #casey ★ speaking for important announcements/posts, and #casey ★ sharing for reblogs!

also! this is all a fantasy, i do not actually want this to happen to me. consent and safety is very important in kink, sex and bdsm. i do not condone these actions being done unconsensually.

thats all! i hope my blog can make your dicks throb 💜

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omorfias · 4 months

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𝐌𝐘𝐔𝐍𝐆 𝐆𝐀 𝐄𝐔𝐍 ⸻ she is passion embodied , a flower of melodrama in eternal bloom. it is part of her beauty , this quality of being not quite there , dreamlike.

trigger warnings : mentions of death , harassment , bullying, me not being able to spell my muse's name , the rp name , or literally anything at all without the red little line.

☼ STATISTICS.

NAME : myung ga eun .

GENDER + PRONOUNS : cis woman , she / her .

AGE + DOB : twenty three , october 4th .

ASTROLOGY : libra sun , pisces moon , leo rising .

ORIENTATION : bisexual .

BIRTHPLACE : jeju island , south korea .

LOCATION BEFORE CAMP : somewhere in california .

DEITY PARENT : aphrodite .

POWERS : shapeshifting , amokinesis .

WEAPON OF CHOICE : celestial bronze spear .

POSITIVE : lion - hearted , gracious , optimistic .

NEUTRAL : romantic , artistic , honest .

NEGATIVE : blunt , obtuse , indecisive .

MBTI : enfp - the campaigner .

ENNEAGRAM : 7 - the enthusiast .

ALIGNMENT : chaotic neutral .

SONG : dancing queen by abba .

CHARACTER PARALLELS : aimee gibbs ( sex education ) , fran fine ( the nanny ) , chrissy snow ( three's company ) , elle woods ( legally blonde ) , erin hannon ( the office ) .

AESTHETIC : lingering red stained kissed to a cheek , paint stained clothes mixed with yellows and pinks , wide doe eyes linger with confusion , glittering eyeshadow trickling down her face after smudging.

☼ HERSTORY.

001. her father has a hard time moving on from aphrodite. even on his wedding day to her future step-mother, he was telling tales to his only daughter about a wonderful beauty — his first love and the one that got away. it left five year old ga eun confused, distracting herself instead with the bow on her head as she was set to make her entrance as the flower girl. she wondered where her biological mother was and why she was being replaced with a woman that looked at ga eun as if she was the gum at the bottom of her shoe, doing everything in her power to scrap the little girl off. if the love between her mother and father was so great, where was the former?

002. her relationship with her father: he became distant with ga eun the older she became and claiming, especially on his emotionally drunken days, that she reminded him so much of her mother and it pained him to be around her most days. whenever ga eun would find the courage to bring up her mother, she was immediately turned down and made to feel guilty she would cause her father more heartache. it was okay though — it's what she told herself while putting on a smile in the mirror. her father was grieving, he would come around once healed.

003. her relationship with her step-mother: she became ga eun's first and only bully. it was easier for her step-mother to point the finger at her and have ga eun take all the blame for a loveless marriage, taking all her own hurt and frustration on ga eun whenever she could. ga eun grew up to believe her step-mother's favorite hobby was to belittle and badmouth her both to her face and behind her back. you're not smart enough to go anywhere in love, ga eun, her step-mother would hiss, who would want someone as ugly as you, ga eun? her step-mother had power over her, tasks around the house only getting done because ga eun wasted her weekends getting them done.

004. she lost her father at eleven years old, a motorcycle accident because he hated wearing a helmet, but he loved driving fast. no one knew how to handle an eleven year old who just lost her father, sobbing next to an empty casket, so they didn't reach out to her. they were too busy comforting the newly grieving widow who pretended that her step-daughter was her entire world. her step-mother hadn't thought that ga eun would be her problem to deal with now.

005. months after her father's death, her step-mother moved them to the states and settled in california. she watched her mother fall in love with another man that wasn't her father and become happy, starting a new family that she was completely isolated from. it wasn't until ga eun was eighteen that she finally got away, taking off without a word to anyone. she tried not to keep in touch with anyone either, writing letters of goodbye to those she felt close enough with.

006. from the age of eighteen until the age of twenty one, ga eun bounced around from state to state. she would fall in love with the places she went, the people she encountered, but it became a temporary emotion in her heart. finding waitressing jobs at different places helped her bond with so many people, but no one had felt enough for her to find permanence.

007. she found herself back in california after, finding another waitressing job to help her over before she found a painting class to help others paint step by step. she instantly became a favorite, soaking up all the love and admiration that her customers had to give, but it still felt as if something was missing. was california going to be the place she would never leave?

HOW DID APHRODITE FIND HER?

aphrodite had to be the one to find ga eun considering the latter kept evading the satyrs. she thought she was losing her mind and decided it was the best time to dip into another state. ga eun had gone to the bar one night to hang out with her friends. that particularly night, she didn't want to hang around late into the night. being as stubborn and independent as she was, she decided she was going to walk home with the company of no one. it started off as a big mistake — a man who hadn't left her alone for a second inside the bar followed her out. he started by shouting compliments at her until she ignored and responded negativly to each of his advances, then he got mean in a fit of rage. it took a lot for something to really bother ga eun, but this man was getting on her last nerves on top of not feeling safe. she used her powers against him, made a fool out of him at the bar and he became her puppet. she made sure to make him act like such a tool that he was kicked out of the bar.

HOW DID GA EUN REACT TO APHRODITE?

ga eun went most of her life only having herself by her side. she felt almost indifferent to meeting aphrodite after so many years of wondering who and where her biologically mother was to forgetting about the woman all together — or she should be saying godly woman all together. she had love for aphrodite and was excited to finally meet her, the powers and being a godlike being a bonus, however, she couldn't wrap her head around finding her biological mother. it didn't quite feel like family.

☼ HEADCANONS.

she loves love, except she's also someone who falls in love easily as well as someone who falls out of love just as quickly. she built this idea of what love and romance were meant to be like, desperate to find love that wasn't the one she was brought up around, but she loses interest in people who don't reach that high standard, especially if that someone isn't giving her the same energy back. she can find love in anyway and that light cna go out at any time. the clock is always ticking.

very independent to the point it can be annoying because she will try her hardest not to accept anyone's help and then you see her stumble over her own feet in front of everyone and continue to say that she doesn't need any help.

she is a horror girly, it's her second favorite type of media. it's a misconception that others believe she would hate horror and while romance is always her first, nothing tends to scare her much. she has been on dates before where they take her to a horror film in hopes to comfort her through the scary scenes, but it just ends up with a doe-eyed ga eun trying to both watch the film and comfort her date.

halloween is her favorite holiday.

her hobbies pretty much just include painting. she loves any type of art, but her real skill and heart is put into paintings.

* LINKS.

wanted connections , pinterest , musings.

#mist.intro #CREDIT FOR HEADER : SERA !

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sweetzscore · 7 months

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Intro Post

Hello bastards!! Im sweetzscore, also known as Theodore, but you can just call me Theo, Ted or Teddy :)

Heres a quick intro post that may be improved later

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So uhh yeah like I said intro post!!! Yippeee

My birthday is 6/6, I’m a gemini and a minor :)

Source of current icon: Miya Chinen from sk8 the infinity <3

Self diagnosed Auditory Processing Disorder & Sensory Processing Disorder

Australian 🇦🇺

Please don’t send me chain asks

Fandoms

TMF/Freakblr, Good Omens, Murder Drones, Warrior cats, danganronpa, helluva boss, South Park, The Owl House, DHMIS, Heartstopper, TWOMP, OFMD, TADC, DDLC, ENA, Repo! and several others I’m forgetting

LGBT shit

I like to avoid putting strict labels on everything, but I mostly consider myself masc-leaning agender/fluid, bi/multisexual and aspec.

I’m currently experimenting with Pronouns, and what i’d like you to use currently are they/them, zey/zem, he/him and (occasionally) she/her

Bands/Music I like

Cavetown, Queen, Girl in red, Mother Mother, Hatsune Miku, The Living tombstone, Arctic Monkeys, BENEE, Lovejoy, Marina and the Diamonds, GHOST and pals, Queen, MCR, Alex G, Sir Chloe, Panic! At the disco, New Politics, 5sos and I will expand on this list later

Hobbies n shit

I like writing and drawing, crafting (Basically anything that gives me something to do with my hands) and discovering new pieces of media :)

My watchlist ↓

This can also be accessed through the ‘theos watchlist’ tag

Other blogs:

@jake-in-places-he-shouldnt-be (TMF gimmick blog)

@luke-tmfrp (Luke rp blog, TMF)

@thad-the-drone (Thad rp blog, Murder drones)

This blog is strictly pro-Palestine, Israel supporters DNI 🇵🇸

My DMs and asks are always open for any reason tehee

Other socials-

Picsart: sweet_sc0re

Discord: Moxxieyann

Funimate: sweet_sc0re

Quotev: sweetzscore

(The ‘theos rambles’ tag is probably empty i don’t think I use it) 🐀🥚

#intro #intro post #theos rambles #theos watchlist

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prpfs · 5 months

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23NB looking for writers 18+ to write as the following canons against my female muses for a long-term RP involving plot, canon-typical violence & smut.

Peter Hale OR Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf

Emma Frost from Marvel Comics

Astarion or Karlach from Baldur's Gate 3/D&D

Diana Prince OR Pamela Isley OR Hal Jordan from DC Comics

James Valdez from Queen of the South (US version)

Nina Zenik from Shadow & Bone/The Grishaverse

Please don’t like this unless you’re invested in plotting & actually writing for the long haul–I’ve been ghosted a lot & it sucks. I can write on Discord, but I prefer Tumblr post RPs. I can double up as long as we’re doing the canon x OC stuff. ✨

Feel free to also check out my muses page on my blog!

like if you're interested and op will get back to you

#teen wolf rp #marvel comics rp #marvel rp #dc rp #queen of the south rp #shadow and bone rp #the grishaverse rp #discord rp

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https-envy · 11 months

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voice claims for me and @c0smic-glitch rp

Ethan: Stan Marsh: South Park

Abby: Wendy Testaburger: South Park ( Earlier seasons )

Emilia: Marceline the Vampire Queen: Adventure Time

#rtc #ride the cyclone #for an rp #rp

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notthatgirlfrcmculiacan · 2 years

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Where can I go When the shadows are calling Shadows are calling me? What can I do When it's pulling me under Pulling me underneath?

The constant beep, beep, beep of a heart monitor taking over the sound of a crying infant, of Tony’s crying, was the first thing she registered. He was alive. He was okay and she’d gotten to hold him. But seconds after she took notice of the heart monitor beeping, she realized the weight of an infant in her arms was no longer there.

And that was when it all came crashing down around her.

The fire raged around her, burning her skin. The blast was enough to tear her limb from limb, but instead knocking her several feet backwards and throwing her onto her back. Glass rained down like a glittering shower, sparkling in the dim street lights. And she stared, eyes on the night sky until darkness swallowed her whole, her head pounding from its impact with the asphalt road.

Tears fell from her eyes at the realization. Her fingers moved to the endotracheal tube, ready to pull the uncomfortable device from her throat when suddenly Poté was there. He pulled her fingers away from the device that had kept her breathing, shaking his head and telling her to wait. But she didn’t want to wait. Not for a doctor. Not for anyone. Unless that someone was Tony. But just the thought of his name caused the stream of tears to fall quicker down her face.

There was no place for the White Queen to appear and give her a few wise words of advice, something to urge her on. There was no appearance of white other than that which decorated the entirely too sterile room. No person to tell her to hide behind a facade. And so her tears flowed freely. Her walls were shattered just like the glass that had rained down on her. And she fell limp, hands falling back to her side, head nodding off to the side. She was unable and unwilling to meet anyone’s gaze in that moment.

She had failed. She had failed so many.

She’d failed Guero, her first love, the man who’d pulled her from the streets of Calicun and from an entirely too handsy boss. He’d given her everything she could have ever wanted for, and she’d fallen asleep while he bled out in her lap. He’d been buried somewhere just on the other side of the Mexico-America border in an unmarked grave. She’d promised she would figure out a better way to do things.

She had failed Brenda, her best friend. She’d left Brenda to find help and returned to find her dead, killed by members of the cartel. Killed on a mission to extort money from that very same cartel. She’d sworn to Brenda that she’d keep Tony safe.

She had failed King George when the man he loved (because Teresa wasn’t that naive as to not see through them) had been kidnapped and had his mind taken from him. She’d failed Birdie who ended up just being a piece of collateral damage along the way, not even a part of the business and yet taking the retribution due to Teresa.

But none of that hurt as much as the ache that resided in her chest in that first waking moment. In that moment when she realized that Tony was gone. He was only fifteen. He was only just beginning his life. Learning to drive. Applying to art school. She’d started a trust fund for him. She had high hopes for him. She was so very proud of him. He would break the cycle and no matter what happened to her, he would thrive in this life. He would live a comfortable life. He would have a family of his. And he would not be part of this business.

But Tony was dead. He was dead because of her. Yet another person she had failed. He’d died in a car bomb undoubtedly meant for her. It was her car. Who were her enemies to know that the SUV that had been her’s fifteen minutes prior now belonged for a fifteen year old boy? Tony, her godson, the very last person connecting her to her former life, he was gone. And it was her fault.

The tears had only faltered, only stopped and dried when she simply couldn’t shed anymore. The doctors checked her over several times before removing the endotracheal tube. She was stable. She would live. She had little more than a concussion, bruising and a few cuts that had been stitched. She would be released the next morning as long as nothing changed overnight. How was any of that fair? She wanted to scream that they’d gotten it wrong. She was dead and Tony was fine. But she knew that wouldn’t change anything.

She already knew the answer based on the silence all around her, based on the pitying looks Poté and Kelly Anne, hell even Boaz gave. But though she knew the answer, she couldn’t stop herself from that words that fell from her lips when her voice returned to her at some point in the middle of the night.

“Where’s Tony?”

Saying his name hurt worse than thinking it had. Saying his name left a bitter taste in her mouth, left the smell of burning in her nose and brought a tightness to her chest that threatened to stop her heart even as it resided in her chest. At least that would stop the constant beep, beep, beep of the machine beside her.

But what hurt most of all was the look of sadness that crossed over Poté’s face as he stood from his chair and approached her bedside.

“Teresita…”

It was little more than a whisper that broke the sound of the air conditioning that blew into the room.

“He did not make it. He was too close.”

A sob was wrenched from her lips, hands covering her mouth as tears fell anew. She wouldn’t look at Poté, closing her eyes against the salt in her eyes. She’d known the answer, but that didn’t make hearing it any easier. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, but she knew he wasn't. The image was ingrained in her mind. The look of confusion on Tony's face as the car’s engine didn't turn over. The way he’d looked at her, turning the ignition again as she yelled his name. A second too slow. Not that it would have made much difference. Even if he'd been able to get out of the car in the seconds that followed her realization of what was going on.

Poté didn't leave her side, his hand resting gently against her arm. He was still there as she resolutely reached up to wipe tears from her face. Layer by layer she pieced back together the Queen facade. Cool and calm, calculating. It was once her face was devoid of any sign of the emotional turmoil that lurked behind darkened hues that she spoke.

“I’m going to kill every single one of them.”

It was a declaration. She didn't care how long it took, or how hard she had to work to find those responsible. Teresa would find anyone and everyone that had anything to do with Tony’s death and she would kill them.

Like blood in my veins Darkness is sinking Darkness is sinking me Commanding my soul I am under the surface Where the blackness burns beneath

#self para #qots rp #queen of the south rp

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