#right now its feels like hate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fibo-fibs · 3 months

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#i have a love hate relationship with taking my pictures #right now its feels like hate #i love doing sexy pretty poses when I FEEL LIKE IT #but work load has been so crushing im so uninspired #txt

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dragonroilz · 5 months

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IM GONNA LOAD ALL OVER THE PLACE

#risk of rain 2 #risk of rain #ror2 #ror #ror2 loader #my art #yeah sorry guys im a little unhinged right now #yknow that thing where the twilight creator made a genderswapped version of twilight #and everyone was like “i get it now”#thats how i feel with rorr loader #anyways #i hate drawing loader with the exoskeleton #even though i designed this one its no different to all of the other exoskeletons #one day loader will be the character ive drawn the least #for the simple reason that this exoskeleton makes me want to commit warcrimes #and not the fun ones

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felsicveins · 1 month

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His heart belongs to another

And no other heart will do

#no other heart by mac demarco : D #I drew this a couple of days ago because i was feeling crazy and i just love the idea that #these two should be great together!! they should!!! but #theyre not together #theres just . theyre missing something #and thats okay!!! its not meant to be #and theyre friendship is very valuble to both of them!!#their* fuck my baka keyboard #trolls #yall are gonna be mad about this one i feel it ...#i think we all know who jds gonna end up with now right ...#i just gotta .. draw them more 💀#i actully have the perfect ruveal i just have to finish painting it #urrgg i HATE painting #trolls oc #trolls oc cory #trolls movie #trolls john dory #trolls jd #john dory #jd ex husband #oh uhh i imagine this feels like a new years thing. or something #something that happened like right after they reconnected #before floyd and cory started going out #on god one day im gonna put all my tags lore into a post #i just shy 😔 who wants to read all this in a caption #not me brother!! I'm not reblogging that shit!!!#and im not finishing this cause i dont wanna give false hope 😘#although jd dating sim ... is pretty real #i would love to do endings with all his exs

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neriumxoleander · 2 months

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(Please do not interact with my posts/follow if you are a minor or have no age listed on your blog, I will block you)

I feel like putting this out there for anyone who isn't a patron: Gato deleted her social medias. This ISNT gato, and I'm guessing they're going to go on a tirade about her soon. I would reccomend blocking them.

#Talking to the River #gatobob #Btd #Boyfriend to Death #tpof #The Price of Flesh #i hate putting myself into “mainstream” tags but i feel like more people should be aware and tread carefully #it's upsetting to know all that art and gatos public work is gone now. but even more upsetting to know people would steal the username #just to spread negativity. its gross #but just to be clear gatos patreon is still up its just her only social media at the moment. maybe she'll return after ykmet is finished #she talked on patreon about touching up the site where you can buy the games but thats as far as her social media is going right now

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lanawinterscigarettes · 15 days

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Another picture of Wilson with his hands on his hips that I forgot to post earlier. He was frustrated with House again, surprise surprise

#its like hes trying to look intimidating but i dont feel intimidated right now. i just feel gay #house md #hate crimes md #hatecrimes md #james wilson #robert sean leonard #mosses random thoughts

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bonefall · 27 days

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I'm thinking of writing a Grey Wing redemption/pissed off fic where Grey is the one who kills Clear Sky/Skystar (a la Scourge) after he threatens Thunder/Thunderstar and another of Grey's adopted kits.

But idk how Grey gets that pissed. Thoughts?

Idk anon I'm gonna be honest, that feels really unlike Gray Wing. I'd say to use Thunder for a plot like that, tbh, the character that canonically makes several loud and angry rejections of Clear Sky's violence.

I don't like Gray Wing but he's very well characterized, y'know? Even at his absolutely most pissed moment in-canon he can only taunt Clear Sky into killing him with his Star Line. He's verbal, not physical.

He's able to land a little hit on people here and there, but he usually requires an entire group to do damage (Tom the Wifebeater and One Eye). Overall he's really bad at fighting. Good hunter, bad fighter. Even before his asthma he was kinda pathetic; killed Fox with a lucky hit, tried to attack Clear Sky over Jagged Peak and got curbstomped

And like, on that "verbal" thing, he's incredibly nasty and catty when he's upset. Barking at Turtle Tail for having the wrong friend, smugly watching Bumble get dragged off, shouting at Thunder several times over various things, the... whatever the hell the Erins thought they were doing with Jagged Peak (i still maintain that gray was actually totally right to scream at him that One Time, fuck u jagged peak).

I feel pretty strongly that his anger is primarily vocal. He's more likely to start yelling than hitting. If it does come down to an actual death match, he's more likely to get turned into tomato paste lmaoooo

So if he ever DID kill Clear Sky, I'd suggest it be an accident or as a result of one of his plans. In addition to his lack of physical capacity, honestly? I think Gray Wing would buckle if he had to make that choice.

He'd have his claw on his throat and be unable to pull down. Might be able to start screaming, "YOU TOOK MY BROTHER FROM ME!" or make a really harsh speech, maybe even cast Vicious Mockery. But I don't think he could ever ACTUALLY do a Yellowfang, let alone a Scourge. Not even if he saw Clear personally kill someone he loves.

If he ever actually did get Clear Sky killed, he'd also, honestly, probably change immensely for the negative. OR AT LEAST needing a long time to recover and accept he had no choice. I can't imagine him being able to live with the "guilt" very well, it would weigh on him. The "gentleness" would melt away as he becomes overall quite miserable and snappish, like he usually is when he's not happy.

(Could be very interesting to give someone else the kill after Gray can't bring himself to do it. Like Thunder jumped in to save his life, but it causes their relationship to fall apart completely.)

Overall I'd treat the premise as more of a "tragedy" than a "catharsis." Not based in anger, but immense pain and frustration.

#YOU ARE NOT THE GUY (yellowfang).#YOU (gray wing) ARE NOT CAPABLE OF BEING THE GUY (yellowfang).#I HAD A GUY (brokenstar) AND NOW I DON'T (dead brokenstar)#AND YOU (gray wing) ARE NOT THE GUY (yellowfang).#I don't LIKE Gray Wing but I feel like I GET him #It's like... i dislike him because i understand him #Ive known people like him.#So when he's (in my opinion) out of character it extra bugs me because That's Not Him #I want everyone to hate him correctly lmaooooooo #Someone told me im like a dude asking for pronouns so I cuss him out right and its so true #Rewrites also. I also like takes on the character that are kind with him #And examine his mindset as something that hurts others but also himself #Because it does!!#Enabling is bad for EVERYONE #Even though it may be based on kindness or good intention.#Bones gives advice

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suits · 10 months

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help a black woman in need

tldr; beat homelessness just in time to have my car repossessed.

hi ive been putting this off as long as i can because idk how to ask for help but i really need it rn. some of you might know, i was homeless since oct 2022. we found a place and have moved in at the start of this month (july). unfortunately this morning i was on my way out to work only to find that my car had been repossessed due to me falling behind on the payments (see: being homeless). i had to call off today but i need my car to get to work the rest of the week. im not asking for a specific amount because i need a lot and this will most likely be ongoing.but ANYTHING helps. please share even if you can't help out financially. words of encouragement/advice also appreciated. thank you 🙏🏾🫶🏾 pypl: @mkwats cshpp: $mkawatson vnmo: mk-watson

#i've literally been crying all day i have no idea how im going to make it through this #i do not like asking for help and only like 2 people knew about my previous situation but this is just so #all encompassing i feel completely defeated i really dont know what to do #sorry ill probably be annoying rb this #please do not be rude this is incredibly vulnerable i genuinely dont know how to even #put into words how defeated i feel #maybe its my own fault for waiting so long to ask for help #maybe if i asked sooner i would not be where i am right now but i genuinely hate feeling like a burden #im very much suffer in silence type but this is so much more than i can handle alone

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tragicotps · 1 year

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codakk · 7 months

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dave "the only touch i know is my older brother's violence" strider and jade "i've long forgotten what the touch of another human being's felt like" harley both being lonely best friends struggling with their touch starvation but maneuvering through it and healing from it with each other's guidance and company

#xi #davejade #dave putting up walls to hide his starvation from everyone else #jade softly knocking at the walls hes put up and waiting for him patiently until he feels ready to let her in #even if waiting a thousand years for him meant letting her touch starvation grow hungrier and consume her completely #dave finally letting jade in but bit too late and now jades been left waiting and starved for too long. she just misses the warmth of a hug #dave hating the sight of his best friend so... sad and weak and tries to awkwardly hold her even if he doesn't know what a real hug is like #dave tentatively reaching out for jades hand for a few moments before his own starvation gives in and pulls her in for an abrupt embrace #its awkward. very. dave hugs jade with his elbows pointed out weirdly and with his hand hanging in the air not knowing where to rest itself #but once jade hugs back by looping her arms around him and pulling him close all the tension disappears between them and it feels just righ #just. the thought of both of them being just right for one another. willing to sacrifice themselves for each other.#your honor i love them

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givemewallywestorgivemedeath · 6 months

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Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

#started anti depressants recently. kinda had an epiphany. i can't hate who i was. if i met me now i wouldn't blame that tiny child #for their rancid beliefs or for being dragged to protests. because thats a CHILD. i HAVE met kids in that position and i feel nothing but #pity and anger on their behalf. so why am i holding that version of myself to a higher standard?#i could not have known what i know now at 6 or 8 or 10. the same way that i could not have written a college level essay at that age #but i did what i could. in my own 8 y/o way. i believed in love and humanity and happiness. i was just misguided in the 'hows' of it all #and i am so so so so so proud. of every single microscopic step that i took. every question i asked. every thought that i hid and protected #and pondered secretly at night until new ideas and doubts bloomed like a dandelion through the pavement #and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw #until their answers stopped adding up. until i sought knowledge elsewhere with a mind dehydrated and malnourished and begging for knowledge #in any form i could get. i just. if i could hug that kid? if i could right now reach out and give that terrified and lonely child a hug?#i would. a million times over.#anyway sorry for the intense personal rant I'm just going through it rn and I'm like.... actually feeling alright #its wild. did you guys know about this??? anti depressants make you NOT depressed??? shits insane fam #irl #personal

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ganondoodle · 7 months

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i feel like my validation fueled drive to draw is running low so even tho i kinda want to draw non fanart or game dev stuff i cant get myself to do it bc i know it wont get much attention

#ganondoodles talks #random #not talking about numbers #like i know its wild to think about some shitty doodle getting seen and liked by 100 people #but i need like #direct comments #or something #at least thats whats keeping me going #idk #might also be me dealing with cramps and all the side effects of that shit too #i feel like my body is unable to un-tense my muscles #idk if thats from that issue or something else #but i hate it nonetheless #i cant comit to working on anything bc its not gonna get me the kind of feedback i need right now #perhaps it will be gone tomorrow but i hate sitting around doing nothing #been playing some game a little more but its doing a number on my thumb so i cant keep that up like this lol

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arsenicflame · 8 months

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me + all my mutuals when izzys getting a favourable arc in s2

#i dont wanna say a redemption arc bc its controversial and also i dont necessarily feel its the right word anyway #but it seems favourable to him!! he + stede are voluntarily hanging out!!!!#izzy gets to be on the protag side of the story!!!!!!#idk whats going to happen but it looks like izzys helping now!!!! incredible #nyxtalks #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #its one of those things. i knew in my heart it would happen the way literally everyone on the crew talks about him but like.#i also know how most other characters like him have been treated forever. and theres a lot of people who are gonna hate this but i am NOT #so i am doing a little dance and inviting u to do one with me!#izzy gets reframed! his actions become about helping ed in a way thats actually good for him rather than what izzy thinks he needs #izzy hands #israel hands

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lobotomyladylives · 9 days

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I think bpd is a bullshit stigmatizing label thrown at women to pathologize what is very obviously a response to prolonged childhood trauma and would be better labeled as C-PTSD. that being said my god I am bpd as fuck

#my sister just snapped at me bc i said i dont want to do a ton of physical labor for the job she signed me up for which apparently does i #in fact involve a lot of it. and her being mad for even that moment sent me spiraling so badly & i had the reaction i often do where #i start hating both her & myself terribly & want to isolate forever #i think she hates her new job & is taking it out on me but it doesnt matter bc i cant handle being yelled at #and the fact thst it took me till adulthood to realize thats bc i associate it with my father is crazy. yeah its just the cptsd like #everything else. and whats nutso is how i continue to think my trauma Wasnt Bad Enough for ptsd .#just bc he didnt beat the shit out of or molest me i feel like i dont even have a right to be this fucked up #not that it was only him. being bullied at school really did not help. i guess now that i think about it the problem is that until #i was a teenager i literally did not feel emotionally secure anywhere. home or school. always the ticking of a bomb in the bg #the inevitable moment my dad blew up over nothing or i overheard my peers talking about what a freak i was #i dont know why it still hurts to think about. im so far removed from it my life now couldnt be more different #well thats the stupid fucking thing about childhood isnt it. those are your very first experiences with the world & other ppl #i do know my view of romantic relationships was irrevocably poisoned by my parents & that is never going to be undone. so cool

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rg11 · 24 days

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whats your fav aspect(s) of jadekat?

anon im sorry but i had like 40+ notes prepaired for my thoughts on jadekat but i lost all of them proof-reading it and this is all i got