#she was in the hospital last year and i thought she wouldn't remember bc she was struggling with the months | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

poetrylesbian · 6 months

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not to be a bummer but i need to rant about this to someone and what better someone than this blog

i am very sad lately and it is mostly because my grandpa is not well and i don't know how long he has left. a year ago i was living with him and he was pretty good, occasionally forgetful sometimes but ultimately himself. but i haven't seen him in a month or two and now ive found out he's had a lot of problems and was actually keeping it from everyone.

backstory is that this is my paternal grandfather and even though my parents got divorced 20 years ago he's always stayed close with my mum, and ever since dad moved overseas my mum has insisted on being very present in his life even more because she's lowkey pissed that dad went and moved overseas when he had sick elderly parents. which was driven home 5 years ago when my granny died. so basically my parents do not get on and barely interact now that their kids are adults but my dad's entire family still gets on with and cares about my mum and vice versa.

so yeah. a month ago my mum visited my grandpa to pick up something of mine from him place bc i was in melbourne and she was worried because he seemed to be thinner and less himself. usually he always invites her in for coffee but he didn't. it was weird.

she texted my dad (even though she hates to lol) and dad asked my grandpa and basically we found out he'd spent some time in hospital and told NOBODY, not even his son who still lives in brisbane, and gotten a pacemaker put in.

basically fast forward to now and he has been in hospital since sunday. my mum was having trouble finding out what happened bc she's obvs not the next of kin and my uncle, who is, is not a great communicator (just like most of the men in this fucking family lol) and was not super clear.

basically, he's had a few falls. the most recent one I think he fell over and hit his head. and it must have been very bad, because he is not well at all. mum and my brother and i went and visited him two days ago and it was like he had dementia. he kept thinking he was back in england. at this point we didn't know why he'd gone to hospital in the first place so we asked him and he said he got a taxi to the airport and took a plane. he asked us about our flight because he thought we had flown to england to visit him. he was worried about losing his permanent residency in australia. he also kept forgetting my granny, his wife, had died five years ago. it was horrible. he said he'd called my dad and he hadn't picked up, then he said he'd called her and she hadn't picked up. at one point when i went to find my brother who had just arrived, apparently my mum asked him if he remembered what had happened to granny and he got upset and said he didn't, and cried. i dont think any of us have ever seen him cry. my mum explained what happened and he thanked her for telling him, because his oldest son (my dad, mum's ex, we don't think he remembered his name) wouldn't have told him that. then ten minutes later he'd forgotten and mentioned granny visiting again.

he also had to ask my brother all about his apprenticeship (poor tom came straight from his job at the quarry and was covered head to toe in dust from fixing a rock crusher) even though of course he should know all about it

he's also very very weak and not eating. when he left he kept trying to stand up to see is off but he couldn't get out of his chair and we had to ask him to stop trying in case he fell again.

but he did have his sense of humour. he was making jokes. there were moments of lucidity. but mostly he was confused and it just made me feel so helpless.

i know things like this are normal when people get older. he's 82. i get it. but it's not something that happened gradually - last time i saw him was only couple of months ago and this is so bad, so suddenly. it's not dementia.

and i feel awful. he's been living alone for the last five years, after spending 7 years caring for my granny 24/7. i am certain he was depressed but he'd never tell anyone. i can't stop thinking about all the times i told him id visit on the weekend and i fucking forgot because im so fucking forgetful. i cant stop thinking about how in 2019 he and my uncle and aunt were planning to rent a house with a granny flat or whatever for him and then covid happened and they basically used that as an excuse not to. and they left him alone, even when he'd had falls, even when he had to wear one of those emergency things around his neck that could detect when he fell and he had to fucking email my uncle every day after he showered to tell him he was alright.

anyway that's my rant.

i stayed in his house for 2 months last year and it was nice but i wanted to be closer to uni and my friends so i moved out when i should have just stayed and payed him rent and helped him and kept him company. and i should have visited way more often after i moved out in december and not fucking let my stupid stress get in the way of making him a priority.

oh also now my mum is telling me i need to beg my dad to visit earlier (he's supposed to be here dec 27) but i don't know! i tried to tell him how bad it was. but i don't know if he really got it.

#this can be summed up by my grandpa is not well and i am sad and guilty about it

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taegularities · 10 months

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I don't think I'll ever have a happy July again. July last year my mom passed away 6 days after my birthday. I actually got to talked to her before she passed and I asked her if she remembered that it was my birthday a few days ago and she said she did but I knew she actually didn't since she's seldom herself those days. And she kept insisting to call for our neighbor to cook something for me since it's my birthday and I told her it's ok my birthday already passed, we didn't need to celebrate anymore. My mom was already bedridden back then since she'd spent 3 months in the hospital already. I never knew 2022 would be the year she'll leave us. I wanted to do so many things with her, I wanted to travel with her, eat at expensive restaurants, buy clothes and now we can't do that anymore.

One thing I am happy about though is that I never fail to tell her I love her. I go back to our chat messages and I see that I have said I love her and I can be consoled by the fact that my mom knows I love her before she passed.

Now I feel like I have this delayed grief. I think I haven't grieved properly last year and I'm now feeling this emotions so intensely. I have dreams of her often these days. Maybe it's because her death anniversary is drawing near.

Im sorry I'd end up venting here but I have no one to tell this to irl.

i'm so sorry to hear that about your mom and the pain you're going through, love. giving you the tightest hug 🫂 it's not unusual for grief to surface late. especially now that the anniversary is approaching, it's natural to feel that way, so i hope you're not beating yourself up for that. one of the worst things about loss is truly how final it is. i'm sorry.. i understand and your anger and sadness are valid <3

but you know what, i think it's so wonderful that you got the chance to talk to her so much before her passing. that you could tell her how much you loved her and made clear how you wouldn't stop. and judging from what you put in your ask, i think she truly loved you, too, bc gosh, the way she reacted to your birthday? wanting your neighbour to cook something on her behalf and all. that's such a beautiful thing to ask for.. so it seems that she was a kind woman, despite the things she went through in life. that's remarkable to me.

about your family – hmm, i understand. i guess everyone's journey with grief is different, and maybe your sister thought distancing herself could help her somehow. do you think there's a way to talk to her and go through such difficult times together? or to talk to a therapist? just someone who understands.

just, remember to take your time. you'll find a way to navigate through your grief as you still keep loving her. and the pain will ease with time. much love and many hugs to you 💕

#tw death & infidelity #also never apologise pls i feel so honoured that you all trust me like that <3 #notes for rid 🌹#anon #long ask

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hitaka5ever · 1 year

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You ever just get a sudden realization about your life that it almost gives you whiplash? Well that happened to me last night, so I wanted to share what that was (and maybe get some feedback or find people who've had the same experiences)

By the time I was in my early 20s, I realized that I wasn't afraid to die, I just feared how I'd die. For the obvious one, I wouldn't want to die by drowning or being set on fire. I think those would be the worst ways to go. So what about before age 20-22?

Well I was definitely much more fearful of getting hurt or being killed when I was much younger. But why? Most kids go through life without fear or anxiety and don't want to be around their parents much, but that's not how my life was. I only ever have certain vivid memories that have always stuck with me even after all this time (I'm 32), like not wanting to go to school at age 5-6 and one day hugging and kissing and saying good bye to my mum for nearly 10 minutes bc I didn't want to leave her side or be away from her for so long. I was a total cry baby until I was in middle school iirc, but most kids don't act like that, so why did I?

Well I have 2 theories and they both make a lot of sense. The first one was a situation that I didn't know about until 10 years ago, and the other was when I was barely 4 and I was forced to go to my ex-church's daycare/school that taught us the usual BS of being (Lutheran) Christian and yadda yadda (glad I was questioning the validity of the religion and the existence of a higher power early on)

Since this is already getting longer than I wanted it, the rest can be ready under a Read More (please continue reading if you can bc I'd like to get feedback about this stuff or find someone who has experienced this very same thing I have)

Anyway, the first situation I mentioned happened when I was barely 2 years old around early July. It's common for babies to suffer from this fever (I can't for the life of me remember what its called) but some can take a turn for the worst. I was one of those babies that had it rough

So my fever was so bad that mum had to take me to the hospital. Back then, parents didn't usually stay in the room with the doctors, so she was shocked when they told her to come into the room with me. I was freaking out so bad that the multiple nurses and doctors needed my mum to help calm me down

Bc of the way they handled babies when trying to get blood drawn from their veins, (holding your legs and upper body down so you don't move) I was so traumatized by this that I literally passed out in my mum's arms. It wasn't until my usual pediatrician came in that it was all over and I woke up. Mum said he took blood from my head rather than my arm, which no one else even thought of doing bc idiots, and I was fine and got to go home. My fever broke on the night of July 4th and mum and I got to experience the fireworks show by ourselves (the rest of the family was having dinner at my dad's family gathering)

Obviously I don't remember this event bc I wasn't even 2 yet, but after mum told me exactly what had happened, it made sense why I feared doctors and needles until high school (I had to get blood drawn to test my hormone levels bc that's when I was first diagnosed with depression, so that's the earliest I remember not being afraid of needles and doctors anymore)

Now with the 2nd revelation, I distinctly remember freaking out and bawling my eyes out when we learned at the church school that one day we would die and "go to heaven". I was screaming that I didn't want to die and it took the woman calming me down a long time to get my head on straight. I think I got to go home right after bc obviously I couldn't handle social interaction at even that young of an age

So is my life all fucked up bc of my ex-religion telling me I was going to die one day and the trauma I suffered as a baby? Most likely, but no one but my deep subconscious would know the answer to that. But it just seems to make a ton of sense why I grew up being a Mama's boy and why losing her has always been my worst fear

I don't even know what made me think of the religion thing, but since anything can influence your life, even as a little kid, I believe my life is the way it is bc of those traumatic events and why I'll be clinically depressed for the rest of my life

So the moral of the story is to NOT tell little kids that they'll die and go to heaven one day, otherwise you might fuck up their entire life. So fucking thanks for that, Christianity :)

#trauma #revelations #influences

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noblehcart · 2 years

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DRABBLE: ancient history @pcachdrunk tagging u bc thIS is ur fault

He has seen hundreds of faces since he's last seen hers. Hers framed with golden brown hair with a tiara sitting proudly amongst the pinned curls, glittering above a crimson gown bearing the Romanov crest. It will always hers that he remembers clearly. Its her eyes that he remembers when he returned to Leningrad to turn in his report to Gorlinsky. Those eyes that asked him 'what will you tell them?' and he knew he wouldn't tell them a damn thing other than '-i was not my father's son after all.'.

Its those eyes that woke him the night after he turned in his report. His thin rough sheets soaked in sweat and he knew. He had to run. He had to defect. A knapsack with precious few valuables and money were all he left with that night in the dark towards an unknown future in an unknown country.

He never imagined he'd see her again some eleven odd years later. She in a nurse's uniform that dredged up old memories of seeing the late tsarina and her eldest daughters in uniforms similar to those during the great war. The first war. He was stationed in the area and headed to the nearest makeshift hospital in the region to check on his men that had been delivered there for treatment. He wasn't supposed to see her again. It felt like it would break some thin fragile piece of glass that was their reality. He had let her go. He knew that in letting go, in the setting free was the acceptance that he'd never see her again. That was part of his punishment. Part of his amends for his actions and that of his father's.

Yet there she stood on the sidewalk adjusting her coat as he crossed the street and paused in the center not daring to take a step closer though the pull in his chest wanted him to break the distance in two easy strides. She had changed, but so had he. Their youth had been ripped from them over the years by time and the war, but she was still beautiful and fair. And those clear blue eyes that haunted him lifted from fixing her coat to meet his eyes.

He remained still on the road that remained thankfully empty at the moment as the close of day weighed in.

"its good to see you again, anastasia." he manages out mustering a tired smile just for her. he can't remember when he smiled last. perhaps it was before this war. or before the one before that. he felt every inch of his forty-one years looking at her now. all he can manage otherwise is a hand extended forward. an open means of showing no harm if the exhaustion on rough features and new uniform don't say otherwise. the same hand he extended to her when they parted ways last those many years ago. long life, comrade. he had said. he had said his goodbyes knowing he'd never see her again.

-still....still he doesn't expect her.

he supposes he never really did. especially now as a soft cry escapes her lips and she crosses the street, her hand brushing away his before her arms wrap around him. suddenly there she is in his arms and he's crying. he didn't expect that either. he didn't expect the salty taste on his lips from his own tears as he holds her close against him hugging the woman who had in a way liberated him in a way he never could for her.

"you're alive." she says and he laughs in a way he thought he forgot how. they pull away slightly though her hands are still holding onto his arms as though he were the one at risk of running away.

"i am." barely, but he was. "you have no idea how good it is to see you."

"i can't believe you're here. i thought-" her voice cracks for a moment and he knows what she thought. that he had died. had been executed on government orders. she had every right to think it. every right to hope for it too after their history. yet here she was with tears shining in beautiful eyes in relief that it hadn't happened.

"i defected shortly after i came back. i knew-" he knew what would come for him on swift winds and unshakeable orders. he fled with nothing, but everything in his heart. "you don't know what its done for my heart to see you again, anastasia."

"-anya." she smiled tilting her head up at him as her golden-brown hair shimmered in the setting sun light. "just anya now. i know who i am and it doesn't change the girl i was for all those years i didn't know."

"i understand." it was ironic really. the inverse of it all. he knew who he was, but yet he didn't know who he, the man, was on his own without his family's name and burden. knowing your family gives you understanding, clarity to aspects of yourself and what shaped you but in the end what truly mattered were your own choices. your decisions and paths. that was who you were. the girl he saw last was much like the woman before him. radiant. confident. born to survive in the worst of times. like now. their world was plunged into a war that had set them on a path to meeting. he a soldier once again and she a nurse. however the children they were are now long gone and all that are left are the weary adults carrying on alone....but she wasn't alone.

"and your young man?" because that was what dmitry sudayev was to him. a young conman trying to find an easier life. he had caught a glimpse at the ballet of how they looked at each other and how dmitry had looked at her. he made careful steps to avoid any reflective surfaces in fear of seeing the same look in his own eyes that night. still he was relieved to see her eyes never waver and her smile not falter for a moment as she showed him a simple band and spoke again warmly. "we got married as soon as we could."

he smiled with a nod. "congratulations then."

a look crossed her features that he didn't quite recognize. it was thoughtful, considerate and debating though that flicker of impetuousness was still there as though the silent war in her mind said to damn the risks. her hands squeezed his arm firmly as those blue eyes searched his then asked him a question. "come to dinner. meet my children."

somehow it was a surprised yet delighted laugh that sounded from him as her hands released him and he ran a hand through his hair. "children? that's wonderful. how many?"

"three, actually." was the warm chirp while he marveled at how happy she seemed despite the obvious tiredness and exhaustion on her shoulders. "two girls and a boy."

he could already picture a child with her eyes. his boot scuffed the street for a moment as he considered the offer before looking to her again concernedly though hopeful.

"will your husband mind? i don't want to-" he gestures emphatically where words fail him. because he doesn't want a scene. he doesn't want to scare the children. he's done with being the nightmare in other's stories. leaving russia was his attempt of shaking off the shadows of his past and starting a new though terrifying as it was. some nights he still thought he saw the bloodstains left on him by his father.

but he let out a shaky sigh as she took his hand again with that determined look. brows set and eyes shimmering while a half smile teased at a smirk. "he will have to get over it. i decide who comes to dinner. besides the children will be excited to actually get meet you."

at that her arm loops with his to drag him down the street as the words settle in his mind.

"you've told them about me?" his words dry and hoarse, now fearful of what might have been said. he knew what he'd say of himself. she had every right to paint him the villain. what he knew now wasn't what he knew then. following orders weren't always the right thing to do. following orders were a poor man's excuse at relieving guilt and responsibility.

again she stopped as a puzzled look crossed her features before she smiled at him again and his heart stopped as she spoke. "of course i did. you saved me. that's what you were always trying to do and you let me go, gleb. at great risk for you. you risked everything. for me. i told them about the good in people and that you're one of the few who proved it."

he wasn't a crier and yet he found himself tearing up again as he tried to swallow it back at hearing those words. "i just wanted you safe. and happy."

and she said the words that eased every tightness in his chest. it chased away the darkness that he carried within him and let light flood in again that he didn't think he could have anymore. "i am."

#// drabble #/ gleb vaganov / threads #well fuck me #im wrecked

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wherethegravelsthin · 2 years

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whining about my mother beneath the cut

every few months I get thrown back in a mental hospital and it's been years since I last "quit" self harming, I don't even remember how I started again but I did. And every few days I get into a nasty fight with my parents with yelling and I usually end up self harming just from the sheer emotional overload and the entire time it happens all I'm thinking to myself is "I don't want this, I don't wanna do this, I don't wanna feel like this, I wish someone would just give me a hug" but my mom's response to whenever this happens is to tell me that she can't help me because she's "tried everything" and "has spent years trying everything" and "nothing works and I can't help you" and like I know that that's her way of saying that I need to be able to deal with my problems on my own. But also. It makes me feel like a lost cause.

Every day I wonder who's the real "bad person" in the relationship I have with my mom. Is it me or her? I can barely approach calling my family codependent even though we are, I don't have any friends outside of the family home, my mom sure doesn't have any friends, my dad definitely doesn't have any friends, we are a family of three that only has each other and it's suffocating me.

When I was a child I'd come home from school every day saying I was getting picked on and my mom would tell me I needed to "be like a turtle" and "grow a shell". Which now, at the age of 23 as opposed to 6, I rightfully recognize it as the most bananas-insulting thing you can say to your child who is going to school every day and coming home feeling drained and alone and exhausted. To this day she won't admit she did wrong. If I bring it up she's like "I thought I was doing the right thing at the time" or whatever. It's never an, "I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but it was wrong and I'm sorry". I like never get an apology out of my mom for anything.

I'm 23 years old and I can't lock my bedroom door at night for privacy without my mom knocking on the door and texting me being like "your cat wants to come in the room!!" and she'll get up and go to my door and try to open the locked door and it's like. Does it ever occur to you, mom, that I'm doing 23 year old things? Private 23 year old things that you don't need to fucking interrupt? But I have no privacy and I have no boundaries so, that's fucking that I guess

And I can't move out. I can't move out, because my parents made sure I got on social security, so I get a whopping $600 a month, (which I don't even get btw it goes to my parents), so I'm not allowed to make more than $1000 a month, or else I "won't get the $600 social security money" (read: my parents won't get the $600 social security money), and I've looked up studio apartments in my city and out of my city, more than once, and lemme tell you, even if I was getting that extra 600 bucks a month, it wouldn't be enough to cover living on my own for how much rent is. For a studio apartment. Because then I'd have to think about groceries, and laundry, and transportation -- I don't have a license (I wanted to get it when I was 16 but my parents said no not now and now I really don't want a license bc driving freaks me the fuck out and they're demanding I get one) and there's no public transit route that goes from my home to my job, and. Fuck.

I once wanted to go away for college when I was in college, I wanted to study abroad and go to Ireland, and my mom talked me down from it, saying "well what if something happened, what if one of the pets got sick, what if grandma got sick and you couldn't come home". When covid happened she brought it back up to me, even though Ireland hadn't been on my mind in a couple years at that point, saying "see this is why I didn't want you to study abroad because look at what's happening now". Ugh

The last time I was in this particular mental hospital that I'm at right now (this is my fourth stay) the counselors repeatedly brought up that we may benefit from some family therapy, and I brought this up to my mom when she visited me here and she started crying on the spot and she told me she never wanted this for me, she never wanted me to turn out like her, she wanted something better for me, etc. And family therapy did not happen then, and I doubt it'll happen now, because my mom is not the kind of person who can even stomach the idea that she could be wrong about anything. Especially not if it comes from me.

When JKR first came out as a transphobe I was telling my mother that it was Bad and she wouldn't believe me! She was tossing my words to the side. Thank god my half sister was in the car to tell her "No, she's right, what she's doing is really wrong and bigoted and awful" because she straight up wouldn't listen to me; but she'd believe my half sister telling her the same thing.

I can never tell my mom "let's not do this particular thing right now because I'm getting upset and I don't want to explode", I can never set that boundary, because she pushes it every time. She goes, "well we can't just put it off because then you'll never do it!" and I can try reiterating myself that I'm getting upset and I'm trying not to lose it and she keeps pressing until I explode like a volcano, I have all this lava running underneath me all the time and it just erupts sometimes. And the entire time I'm erupting all I can think about is how I don't wanna be doing this. And my mom has the audacity to say shit to me like "You're still a teenager" when I'm upset. I haven't been a teenager for four years. I'm an adult who has emotional regulation problems, which she doesn't fucking help with.

So I go into these mental hospitals and she tells me to focus on coping skills but honest to god all the coping skills in the world couldn't help me from having an eruption if she doesn't learn how to take "no" for an answer and respect my goddamn motherfucking boundaries for a change.

And I can't move out, and I can't make any more money, and I can't do anything to improve my situation. God. Is it any wonder I feel hopeless and depressed?

#gravel whines

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spotofimagines · 3 years

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Car Sick P1 ~ Dominic Calvert-Lewin

A/N: This is sort of carried on from this blurb I wrote a while ago, bc I loved the idea and wanted to write more for it, you should probs read that first to catch the vibes. This is for @footballffbarbiex writing challenge based on tv and film. I used this storyline from Modern Family with Gloria and Jay. Once again, no real timeline with this, just made up scenarios. I struggled with the next bit of this so I asked you how you wanted it and you chose 2 parts, here's the 1st. Enjoy :)

Warnings: pregnancy, kids, step parents, injury mention - reader is female

Summary: You thought you were just feeling car sick, turns out it's something else...

gif by @hishairmyweakness - gif by @delstroyer

You were dropping your daughter off at Dele's for a long weekend since he didn't have a match or training to attend. After she had squeezed the biggest hug out of her dad and trudged dirt in his hallway, she perched on the sofa with her ipad and juicebox, leaving you and Dele to catch up.

Dele had been showing you how he redecorated his kitchen so you accepted a drink and decided to stay a little while. Plus you figured the news you had for him should rather be said in person than over the phone.

"Hey, Del, I have something to tell you." You said nervously, leaning your hands on the kitchen island. He turned around and took a sip of the drink he just poured as he walked closer to the other side of the island opposite you. "Go ahead." He replied, his eyebrows knitted in concern at your worried tone.

"Well, remember when we stopped by last Friday since you were playing on her birthday?" you recollected and he nodded along. "And I had one of those herbal teas and a tablet because I was feeling car sick?" "Yeah..." he trailed off quietly, putting his drink on the counter between you. "Turns out I wasn't car sick," he frowned in confusion and looked even more lost than he did a moment ago.

You fiddled your fingers together and took a deep breath, steadying yourself. You knew you could trust Dele with absolutely anything. You'd been close since you were teenagers, grew closer when you started dating and left nothing in the way when you had a baby. Being so young when it happened meant a lot of things turned against you, a lot of people with a lot of opinions trying to dictate your lives and yet you stuck it through. You haven't been together romantically for a while, however your relationship with him never faultered, your connection of trust staying strong.

But it didn't make this any easier to say. It wasn't hard to see when Dele got hit by moments of gloom at the sight of the mini family you were creating with Dominic. While your split years ago was amicable, and neither of you would rekindle that flame again, more than happy with your close friendship, Dele couldn't stop that jealous bubble rising in him when he saw your daughter enjoy spending time with Dom as much as she does with him. Blame his stubbornness but facing change wasn't his strongest suit. This news was going to be a big step away from that picturesque life you both once envisioned together and you desperately didn't want it to drive a wedge between you nor push Dele away. You had settled into a good rhythmic system with him that suited your daughter and your schedules, you'd hate to tarnish that in any way.

So, yes, you hesitated to tell him.

You sighed and picked at your nails, needing to just get it out before it drove you crazy.

"I'm pregnant."

Dele's eyes went wide and his mouth opened a little from shock, the frown lines that creased his forehead disappearing. His breath was taken away. Nothing prepared him to hear those words come from your mouth and know that he wasn't involved. It was bound to happen but it still took him by surprise.

He tilted his head as he looked at you, nervously twiddling your thumbs like you always did, and it only took a few seconds for a smile to slowly grow on his face. "That," he cleared his throat and met your eyes with sincerity, "that's great. Congratulations."

He scuffed his socked feet along the floor as he walked round the counter to wrap you in a warm hug. He squeezed your shoulder and gave your cheek a quick kiss when he pulled away, a genuine smile on his face. No, he wasn't involved this time, but he knew how amazing it was to experience pregnancy and he was certain Dominic would take to it greatly.

"What did Dom say?" He asked, leaning over to grab his glass and take another drink. Your breath caught in your throat and that made Dele side-eye you mid sip. "You haven't told him, have you?" He questioned gently, and you shook your head.

Now it was his turn to sigh.

The glass clinked loudly in the quiet room when he put it back down, and he had a ton of questions he could have asked you and a ton of things he could have told you to do that he thought was right, but it wasn't his place. Not anymore. So he took a moment to think whilst you rubbed your hands down your front to straighten out your t-shirt again.

"Are you going to?" You tutted and looked back up at him incredulously. "Of course I am Del, think it'll be pretty hard to miss when I'll be bursting through my clothes!" You joked and he held his hands up in defence as he chuckled, realising it was a stupid question.

"Are you nervous, then?" He tried again, this time opting for something more reasonable. "More nervous than when I told you for the first time." You admitted. Dele whistled lowly and shook his head with a laugh.

The state you were in a bit under 7 years ago now when you told him you were going to have his child, it was something else. He still insists he hasn't seen someone so frantic, before or since. He could only imagine what was coming Dominic's way.

---

There were plenty of reasons for you to believe Dom would be happy to be a dad. He adored his young brother and truly enjoyed spending time with him when he was back home. He was thoughtful and attentive with all the people he knew so you know he'd be the same, multiplied by a million, when it came to a child that depended on him.

But the way he cared for your daughter above anyone else proved to you, without a doubt, how good he would be. Dom wasn't her biological father, but that never once stopped him loving her the way she deserved. Dom made sacrifices when he needed to and even when he didn't. He'd stay awake if she couldn't sleep, he'd ask to see her on facetime when he was travelling and he always asked her about school, he even did the afternoon pick up with you when he got the chance. If Dom would be such an amazing figure in the life of a little girl he had no obligation to be a part of, just imagine what he'd be like with his own child.

You wouldn't question his want or excitement to have kids with you at any time, having spoken about it before.

Any time except now.

Dom hadn't been himself the last week, and justifiably so. He picked up a knee injury in the Merseyside derby last Saturday that resulted in him hopelessly limping off the pitch with the physio under his arm to hold him up. A torn ACL was the conclusion after a couple hours in the hospital. While an injury was never welcome, a minimum six months out was tough to take. But with the upcoming England tournament he'd been called up for that he will now have to miss, alongside the rest of the Premier League season, it shattered him. His club and his country had important matches this year and it killed him to not be able to help secure some much needed wins for them.

Most of Sunday was spent doting on him, helping him relax and alleviating both his physical and mental pain, offering comfort through his favourite meals and hours of cuddles, something your daughter happily assisted with.

However, by the time Monday rolled around, his rest was stifled by your daughter's birthday party.

Despite how often you'd sat him back down, Dom wasn't used to sitting all day and had helped you decorate the house whilst your girl was at school. The balloons were littered in the front room, the buffet snacks laid out on the dining table, and the banners Dom had pinned on the ceiling blew from the gentle breeze coming in through the back door.

So by the time you pulled into the drive with a car full of young girls eager for sugar, Dom was working on half a bar of energy already. Yet he played along with the party activities and managed to dance, or more shuffle, to some Disney songs on his crutches inbetween sneaking mini sausage rolls and chocolate biscuits.

You could see him getting more tired as each kid left, but "she only turns 6 once, right?", so he persisted on keeping the party lively until your daughter was knocked out in bed, out of her party dress but still wearing the new bracelet she got from Grandma.

You trailed behind Dom with two cups of tea as he hobbled toward the sofa, barely managing to keep himself up despite it only being 9pm. He dropped heavily on the cushions in the corner and let his crutches fall on the carpet, not caring where they landed as long as they stayed within reach. The sigh that left him could have knocked down a tree.

Before you got comfortable, you put his mug on the table and put a random sitcom on the TV. Dom's eyes were closed and his legs were stretched out as best as they could be, his injured knee up on the couch in front of him with a cushion underneath and an ice pack held on top.

"I'm telling you, I feel way too old for this." He muttered just loud enough to hear. "You're only 24." You chuckled a little into your tea at his complaint.

"Yeah," he rolled his head your way, hair falling on his face, "but running after her makes me feel 70, she knocks me out," he spoke quietly but with the last tints of energy in his tone, "and with this peg leg too you gotta change that to 80."

You smiled at him sympathetically and loosely linked your fingers with his, rubbing your thumb on the back of his hand as let his eyes close again.

He was joking, it was obvious. But a niggling part of your brain told you that he wasn't just being dramatic.

Admittedly it was a tiring evening with your daughter's friends running around, but with the lack of energy left in Dom, how could a baby be added to that scenario and it not be an issue? Maybe it was the wrong time. Maybe, no definitely, getting pregnant when Dom wasn't shrouded by an injury, when he didn't have frustration on top of frustration on his shoulders, when there wasn't a hyperactive 6 year old that needed attention too - that would definitely be a better time to have a baby. But that wasn't what life had handed you. Life was a little more complicated in its ways than to give you an easy run, you knew that well enough by now.

What concerned you most was how Dom would handle it. Whilst he had picked up parenting duties well over the past couple years, he hadn't been there when your daughter was a baby, nor had he seen how tough it was on you at the time. The thought of raising another was scaring you, so it would surely terrify Dom, doing it for the first time.

Even before the time came to hold them in your arms, being pregnant was no easy deal. So how could he possibly handle the stress of an upcoming baby, the stress of having to look after 2 kids in the future, the stress of a cranky pregnant girlfriend, the stress of prepping the house and himself, all whilst he's hobbling on crutches and having to watch his teammates from the sidelines too?

You sipped your tea and let the TV fill the room as your brain ran overdrive with questioning thoughts, sitting silent next to your boyfriend who's head seemed full of only the sleep he was dreaming of, oblivious to the changes that were coming his way.

#dominic calvert lewin #dominic calvert lewin imagine #dominic calvert lewin x reader #dele #dele alli #dele imagine #dele x reader #football #football imagine #my fic #oneshot #my og post

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xkaileo · 3 years

Note

Oh, well, since you're taking prompts for fluffy sasusaku stuff and I LOVE a fluffy Sasuke, how about this?

I imagine Sakura kept her feelings to herself after the war, thinking it was pointless to keep on confessing to him. So she asumes Sasuke only wants her as a teammate or a friend at most. After his redemption journey, thou, Sasuke attempts to make her understand he loves her, but gets frustrated bc she wouldn't understand (she wouldn't take any chances). Therefore is up to Sasuke to make his feeling known...

Think you can come up with something? 🙃✨

Alllll rightey! It took a couple of iterations for me to get it the way I wanted, but here we are!

Proof

"I'm home, Sakura."

"...Welcome home, Sasuke," Sakura greeted, wishing she didn't feel dead on her feet. And dead on her feet was putting it mildly; she had just finished a twenty-four-hour shift at the hospital and was getting ready for bed. A knock on her door this late at night was the last thing she'd expected; she'd only answered it on the off-chance it was important, possibly Tsunade or Shizune looking for her for something urgent.

This... well, it wasn't urgent, but it was worth answering the door for. It'd been almost two years, and in that time, they hadn't spoken a word to one another. She remembered how he was when he left; he touched her forehead, thanked her, and went on his journey. Sure, they'd exchanged letters, but things had been... Cordial. Friendship was putting it simply. It'd made Sakura begin to wonder what he'd meant that day. Nevertheless, she knew he'd been near when she was up against Kido. It'd touched her to think he came running in such a way when Kido had captured her.

She remembered what she'd said to Kido that day. The real Sasuke's slimmer, his eyes are cooler, his voice is just a little bit lower, and the bridge of his nose is straighter. Looking up at him... She'd been partially correct. Slimmer, definitely. Taller would have been more accurate. Sure, she'd gauged his height based on how much Naruto had grown, but it was still shocking to see it in person! His voice was definitely lower, and his nose... Straighter, for sure. But his gaze felt... warm. His right eye was that same deep obsidian colour, while his left, just barely peeking past his messy, unkempt bangs, still had that icy purple tinge from his Rinnegan.

He almost couldn't believe he was seeing her again after all of these years. He'd noticed she cut her hair again; it'd grown long by the time he'd left, but it was back in a short bob just to her chin. Her hair was straighter, more... feminine, in a way, and she had notable bangs again, worn in a side-swept fashion. She looked... exhausted. Was that a product of Kido's work? He'd heard of the man, and while he wouldn't admit he'd been on his way to give Kido a piece of his mind (along with a well-placed Chidori strike), he was sure of it.

"May I?" Sasuke glanced at the doorway, the threshold which he'd yet to cross. He hoped it wasn't too late at night; he didn't want to burden Sakura in the slightest.

"Oh! Right, of course, come on in." She wasn't going to leave him out in the cold! "I'm sorry, it's been a long day, so I'm a bit tired. You're, um... you're welcome to stay if you'd like." She gestured down the hall. "There's a spare room and a few things I bought just in case you stopped by." A few sets of clothes in colours he liked, as well as some personal hygiene products she thought he might enjoy.

He stepped across the threshold, closing the door behind him and locking it for safety. He then removed his cloak, hanging it by the door. Sakura's place... it felt like home. Maybe it was because of her, but something about it felt homey, even if it wasn't his home. It was difficult to describe. He could see now, upon closer inspection, that she was indeed exhausted. She must have worked a long shift at the hospital.

"Thanks." He was certainly grateful for her hospitality. He stepped forward, studying her for a moment before his hand reached up, fingers gently running through a few locks of her hair. "You should rest. You're exhausted." He wanted to say more, but words seemed to elude him.

"...Right. I should, um... yeah. Good night, Sasuke. I'll see you in the morning." Her heart was pounding, and she knew she needed to get out of there. Ducking in the direction of the hallway, she dipped into her room and closed the door, pressing her back against it in an attempt to catch her breath.

Those impostor's words were ringing through her head.

"I love you, Sakura." She couldn't help but hear them over and over again, wishing they'd been coming out of Sasuke's mouth. The moment he touched her hair, she'd been reminded of that. She'd been reminded of the way her heart had pounded hearing them, the way her chest fluttered at the sight of him. Her own words echoed in her head.

Just me going missing? He won't come back to the village.

Maybe she'd been wrong. Maybe that wasn't him. Maybe he hadn't come back to look after her when Kido kidnapped her. Kido wanted to use her as a pawn, a scheme Sasuke wouldn't have fallen for. Maybe she'd been right all along. He hadn't been coming for her. He wouldn't have. He wasn't so foolish and reckless as to engage in that kind of thing.

She wanted to ask him, but that would have to wait until tomorrow if she could find the courage. At this point, she was convinced he wanted nothing more than to be friends. She got dressed in her pyjamas, staring at the door and contemplating before opening the door a crack like she always kept it, then made her way to the bed. She curled up with her back to the door on the furthest side of the bed, clutching a pillow to her chest. She was tired and upset, but at least a pillow could muffle her tears.

So she thought, anyway.

Sasuke stood outside the room, a bit dumbfounded by Sakura's sudden reaction. He'd wanted to take things a step further but refrained from her evident exhaustion. Why push her when she was in that kind of state? Instead, he chose to ready himself for bed, a soft smile twitching at the corners of his lips as he saw there was even fresh clothing for him to sleep in. As usual, Sakura thought of everything and had it ready.

He was passing through the hallway when he heard the door to her room crack open, the motion causing him to pause. Something about her behaviour threw him off; he could always sense when she was upset. It reminded him of when they were kids, and she'd been acting strangely before the Chuunin Exams. He'd known something was up then, and he was getting the same feeling. He waited silently until she seemed to have settled down, listening carefully. He could hear... Oh, he knew that sound.

Moving with silent, catlike grace, he pushed the door open and moved to the bed, seeing Sakura laying with her back to him. He was slow and quiet as he lay down on the bed behind her, close enough that he could reach out to touch her. He was worried; if she was like this, it was probably something he said or did. He seemed almost always to be the reason for her tears. Sakura was nearly startled when he laid down on the bed, her muffled sobs stopping as she realized he must have overheard her. The soft hand on her shoulder caused her to jump, though she didn't move away from him.

"Sakura? What's wrong?" His voice was warm, but she could hear his worry.

"Oh, it's-- nothing," she lied, biting her lip. He sighed from behind her, sitting up long enough to gently pry the blanket from her grasp; she didn't resist, feeling too glum and defeated to fight him. He moved the pillow above both of their heads before reaching to encourage her to turn over, awkwardly propped up on the stump of his left arm as he did so. Once she faced him, he settled back down to meet her gaze, never taking his eyes off her. She was too upset to look him in the eye.

"It's not." He brushed her hair away from her face, his expression soft. "What is it?" He wasn't about to take no for an answer, not when she was like this.

"I... I'm sorry, It's just--"

"No," he interrupted, keeping his tone soft. "Don't apologize. Not when you're like this." Sakura wore her heart on her sleeve, and he knew that. If she had a reason to cry, it was probably a good one. She was shocked by his interruption; she found it natural to apologize when she was like this. She never wanted to be like this in front of him.

"I just..." She sighed, knowing she wasn't about to escape his persistence. "You didn't fall for Kido's trap, did you." It was less of a question and more of a statement.

"No." His answer was simple, but he continued to gently stroke her hair, knowing that wasn't all she wanted to ask. She would work her way to it eventually. He just had to be patient with her. "Did you think I would?" Perhaps he was a little offended at the idea that he might have fallen for something like that.

"I.... No, I didn't. And... Of course, you didn't," she mumbled. "And I was a fool to believe that." She couldn't understand him. Here he was, being warm and sweet to her, and yet he mustn't have cared as much as she thought. The mixed signals he was giving her were tiring. "I should have expected you wouldn't have come for me." It was confirmation enough for her.

"I didn't say that," he corrected.

"But you didn't--"

"I didn't fall for Kido's trap," he reiterated. "I never said I wasn't there." He'd come, but he'd come knowing that that roach had set a trap. He knew exactly what he was walking into. He'd been ready to take on whatever Kido had to throw at him; he'd been quite angry that Kido had used Sakura to lure him out. It'd made his blood boil.

"So... You were there?" She wanted to hear him say it.

"Mm." He nodded, shifting a little closer to her.

"...You came?"

"Yeah."

"But... why?" She wanted to know. Was it for her, or was it another reason?

"Shh. Tomorrow." He laid a finger over her lips to silence her. "Come." He shifted to pull the blankets over both of them, adjusting so he was more on his back and she could lean her head against his shoulder. So much for that spare bed; he wasn't going to be sleeping there tonight. At least the perks of not having a left arm--or more accurately, only having the upper half of one--meant it was easy for her to lay like this.

"But--"

"Tomorrow," he scolded, tucking her in closer against his side. "Tomorrow, Sakura. I promise. When you're rested and not overthinking everything." She needed to sleep; he could tell she wasn't thinking straight. He continued to stroke her hair, running his fingers absently through it in an attempt to calm her. Any time she tried to speak, he silenced her, coaxing her back to sleep.

-----------------------------------

He was up early the following day and gone, letting Sakura sleep in from her long night. He left the clothes she'd had for him folded neatly on her bed with a note. Sasuke had written only two words as his message.

Thank you.

Sakura stared down at the note with confusion. She remembered last night, but it was still a blur. She'd been in one of her moods, but he'd come in and comforted her... only to leave. She looked down at the clothes. He was... probably already gone. Parts of the conversation were a blur, but she was too tired and mopey to care.

As she moved about the kitchen to make breakfast, the door opened, and Sasuke stepped through. He had a bag of supplies and was looking at her curiously. She still had that same look from before. He wondered, was this the right time? Was now the time to say it? It had to be.

"Oh... I thought you'd left again."

"Supplies," he said, lifting the bag before setting it aside. "Soon, though." He figured a week, maybe two... he could afford to stay in the village a little longer. He had no pressing matters to attend to. Two weeks seemed like a good time; if he felt like staying longer, then he would. He had Sakura's hospitality to thank for that.

"How long?" She assumed a day or two. Sasuke still hadn't given her the impression he was staying for very long. Although... His actions last night left her with mixed messages.

"A week or two," he confirmed. He could still see that gloominess in her posture, making him soften and contemplate. He had no idea how to tell her what he wanted. Hell, he didn't even know what she would say to him. He hadn't forgotten his promise. It felt like a selfish thing to ask; he wanted her, that was no doubt, but on some level, he still wondered: did he deserve her? Or had she, after all this time, chosen to move on? He wouldn't have blamed her for that. He couldn't have expected her to wait for him, nor could he ask for such a thing.

"Hungry?" He knew he was, and he could see she'd done nothing other than making a pot of tea. It smelled good; he elected to pour himself a glass, lifting the pot so he could refill hers, too.

"No... not really." She had almost no appetite. There were leftover rice balls in the fridge, but she didn't have the energy to eat. She thought back to Tsunade's words: attract a man with your boobs. What boobs, honestly? She thought wryly to herself. Okay, so maybe she wasn't an ironing board or little miss titless like Ino liked to tease her, but it wasn't like anyone could tell with how she dressed. She definitely looked like an ironing board with the way her casual clothing hung loosely.

Sasuke was watching Sakura intently, seeing how her mood seemed to be dipping more and more. As she was too caught up in her thoughts to notice, he moved around the table, standing behind her as she rose and turned to leave her seat. She was so distracted she nearly bumped into him; when had he moved so close?! Her nose was almost in his chest, and looking up, she could see he was staring down at her.

"You should eat," he scolded lightly. He couldn't just let her starve herself; it wasn't healthy. Standing here, seeing her like this, he was beginning to realize... he hadn't the faintest idea how to talk to her. Not when it came to holding a normal conversation; that much he could handle. When it came to his... feelings, he didn't know how he should express them. Everything thus far had been out of impulse, out of instinct; it was uncomfortably unplanned for the Uchiha.

He raised a hand again, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. Sakura couldn't even meet his gaze; she was too afraid of what she might find there. The old look of callous detachment, like he usually had... or a warm, friendly smile? The latter would be better, but it wasn't what she wanted. Hell, she wasn't even sure she'd get what she wanted. Ever.

"I'm not hungry." How could she have an appetite in a mood like this? "Just— never mind. Forget it." She brushed past him, pacing toward the door. She glanced at her jacket, contemplating; a walk would clear her head. It was cold outside, and the forecast had called for snow.

"Sakura—" he grumbled at her, frustration rising and becoming noticeable in his tone. "What's up with you?" He was becoming frustrated because he could tell she was upset, and he hadn't the faintest clue why. Sakura was usually beyond happy to see him, yet he'd barely seen her smile at all since he got back.

He loved her smile. Why wasn't she smiling for him anymore? Had she moved on in his absence? Was his presence causing her agony, knowing she might have to break his heart? He could take it... not that it would be easy, not after she'd spent so long worming her way into his heart through years of pain and anguish.

"What's up with me—?" She turned around, feeling tears well in her eyes as she stood facing him, fists clenched at her sides. "What's up with me—what's wrong with me is that I'm an idiot! Of course, you wouldn't have fallen for Kido's trap... you were just mad he'd dare even try to sully your name, not anything to do with me! Kakashi even sent you messages, and you responded to none of them." She laughed pitifully at herself, shaking her head with a wry smile. "Of course, that wouldn't change your mind. It didn't matter. It never did."

"Sakura..." Ah, there it was. His curt nature, as always, left things unclear. "I was there..."

"Yeah. You were there." She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "I'm a fool. There won't—there isn't anything there, and there never will be. I'm just... I can't keep doing this. I keep thinking you'll give me a straight answer, but it should be obvious, shouldn't it? You can't because the answer's already there. It's already been said. I'm your friend. Your comrade. That's it. That's all it'll ever be, and I'm a stupid, lovesick fool for thinking otherwise." She sniffled and wiped at her eyes, pulling her sandals on. "And here I am, crying again because I just don't get what I want. Just—forget it." She opened the door and slammed it behind her, taking off into the snow without even caring that she'd forgotten her jacket. The cold was the least of her worries.

Sasuke stood there dumbfounded by her words. Sakura was... more sensitive than he was expecting. Well, he should have expected it, but it took him by surprise. Sakura was always so strong, so resilient; he hadn't seen it coming. Yet... standing here, he knew it was his fault. He hadn't been clear to her, had he? He could feel the frustration building, but he knew he had to find her. He reached for his cloak and pulled it on, pulling his hood up to stay warm. It was snowing like mad outside, and it certainly wasn't warm. Add to the fact that Sakura had left without her jacket, and he was beyond worried. Where could she have gone? He leaped up to the rooftops to scan the area, finding nothing. He couldn't sense her chakra nearby, either, and he was no sensor.

But he knew someone who was, and it was someone Sakura might go to if she were upset. Leaping across rooftops, he landed in front of the Yamanaka Flower Shop, bursting through the doorway with a purposeful stride. Ino was working on an arrangement; her blue eyes widened with surprise as he swept in so dramatically.

"Sasuke? When'd you get back?" He was the last person she was expecting to come through the door.

"Is she here?" He demanded, eyes glancing around.

"Who? Sakura? No." Ino frowned at him. "Why? Did you check the ho—"

"No, she won't be there. Can you find her?" Yes, he was impatient, but he couldn't care less at the moment. The longer he took to find her, the worse she'd start to feel, and he couldn't have that.

"Why, what— you know what, I'm not even going to ask." Ino set down her shears and closed her eyes, making a sign with one hand as she focused. She'd find Sakura. Whatever Sasuke's rush was, it had to be important. She knew there was no danger—that much she would have sensed already—but if it was essential to Sasuke and involved Sakura, she was obligated to help.

------------------------------------

Sakura ran as far and as fast as she possibly could, disregarding the rain that pelted against her face and soaked her hair. She paid no attention to where she was going, moving further and further away from her home. She barrelled her way through trees until she found herself on a very familiar path. She could never forget it; somehow, it had managed to stand the test of time through assault after assault on the village.

It was the path that led to the gates. The only way that led out of the Hidden Leaf Village. She let out a pitiful laugh when she realized it. Of course she would end up here of all places. She always seemed to end up here. It was a place of too many memories for her. She took a seat on the bench, staring at the ground as memories flashed across her consciousness.

She remembered waking up on the bench that day. She wasn't sure how long she'd been out, but it was long enough that he was gone. Despite her futile attempts to convince him to stay, or even convince him to bring her along, he'd left her behind. He'd turned her down. When he'd left again after being pardoned, he did the same thing.

Sasuke cared, that much she knew. There was no question about that. He'd proven that point enough times; she meant something to him. It just seemed that what she meant to him wasn't what she wanted. What she wanted was a selfish request, and she knew she couldn't expect it from him. It just made what she'd been through sting even more. The only time she'd ever hear those words out of "Sasuke's" mouth, the only time she'd hear "his" voice saying it would be from a fake.

Sakura sat there with her hands balled into fists in her lap, snow falling all around her. It was snowing hard, enough that she could feel it starting to settle on her head and shoulders as she sat there, still as a statue, struggling to hold back tears. If she cried, they'd freeze on her eyelashes, and that wouldn't be good. No, that could be dangerous, in all honesty. Regardless, she couldn't help it. They made trails down her cheeks and dark marks in her lap, her shoulders shaking.

As soon as Sasuke got word from Ino where she was, he was out of the shop in an instant, sprinting through the snow until he landed nearby with his usual catlike grace. There she was, sitting on the bench, half-covered in snow and shivering. Crying, too, he suspected. His heart broke to see that. Why was it always here? What was so special about this particular place that they seemed drawn to it? Slowly he approached, his sandals crunching in the snow as he came up beside her, sighing. With a single hand, he gently brushed the snow off her shoulders and the top of her head, pulling his cloak off and wrapping it around her.

She was surprised he was even there; how had he managed to find her? She hadn't even known where she was going. She kept her gaze turned down and away from him, refusing to look at him, but when he wrapped his cloak around her, she startled. It was warm, and she welcomed it.

"You're going to catch a cold," he scolded.

"It doesn't matter," she snapped back. "I don't care. Go away."

"No. And you're a terrible liar." Sakura always cared. That much he knew. She cared about everything around her. She did care about herself... even if she put it off a lot of the time, pushing herself further than necessary. He'd seen that a few times in the past.

"I don't care. Take your stupid cloak," she griped, pulling it off her shoulders and shoving it at his chest, "And leave me to be the stupid, lovesick idiot who's infatuated with a guy who never has and never will feel the same wa--" A hand over Sakura's mouth stopped her from continuing. It stayed there briefly before reaching to wipe a thumb under her eyes. Sasuke's hand reached down to his cloak, replacing it on her shoulders and ignoring the cool breeze that blew through his own.

"You're not stupid. You're not a lovesick idiot." He brushed more snow off her head and out of her hair as best he could, reaching back to pull the hood up over it so no more would collect on her damp hair. His hand then reached under her chin, pulling her sad, tear-stained gaze to meet his. She was hesitant at first, but she could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

Sasuke leaned down, gently pressing his lips against hers. They were cold, but his touch warmed her; he could see her cheeks tint that familiar red shade, and he was ready to catch her if she felt light-headed. Naruto had told him girls could get like that at times... Or, at least, Hinata did.

"Sakura. In two weeks, I'd like to travel again. I don't want to travel with my teammate or my friend." He pursed his lips momentarily. "I'd like.... to travel with my wife, if... if she'll have me."

Sakura's jaw dropped. The kiss had been one thing; it'd been his way of showing he cared without words, something that was common for him. But... his wife? Was he asking her... to marry him?

Sasuke felt anxious when she said nothing to his request. Was he unclear? Did she think he meant someone else? Was his usual awkwardness causing more problems as it had previously? Maybe he should say something more. Something that was more... direct.

"...Sakura Uchiha... It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" He regretted that choice the moment the words came out of his mouth. All he could think was that it was something stupid and corny Naruto would say, and it sounded utterly unnatural coming from him. A bead of sweat formed on his brow as he watched Sakura's reaction. Even she hadn't been expecting him to say that! It... well, she did like the sound of it. Sakura Uchiha... His wife. Sasuke's wife.

"...I'm sorry. That sounded..." Ugh. He couldn't even begin to describe it. Sakura snickered, then giggled a little more, reaching up to wipe at her eyes. Okay, so he sounded lame, and Sakura was laughing at his expense, but at least she was laughing. At least it brought a smile to her face. A slight blow to his ego was worth it if she smiled again.

"Of course, Sasuke, but... There's just one thing..." She wiped at her face again, delicately pulling some of the frozen tears off her eyelashes.

"Hm? What is it?" He kept a hand on her cheek, lightly running his thumb underneath her eye as he looked down at her with a soft, affectionate expression.

"Do... you really think we can plan a whole wedding in two weeks?"

Sasuke chuckled. "I don't know. I think that's something better left to you." He leaned forward, kissing her forehead. "Let's head home first and get you warmed up. We'll figure it out together."

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kerie-prince · 3 years

Text

We're Worlds Apart (7)

Draco Malfoy x American No-Maj!reader

series m.list | general m.list | previous chp

warnings: none (other than blaise being jealous)

summary: Draco Malfoy is a pureblood wizard. Magic runs through his veins and has been since his birth. You're a Wiccan No-Maj; a non-magical being with ordinary blood through your veins, but practices what you call magick. And this very practice upsets your neighbor.

a/n: my workplace is under construction and i'm stressed bc i have to work around all the rubbish and it makes me stay longer when i wanna come home and write 😭 anyways, this is unedited so i'll come back to it after i clock off tonight

(gif cred)

Being friends with you was kind of weird. Draco couldn't really tell you about his day because it consisted of magic nearly the entire time. He’s also at work for almost the entire week, so he wasn't really at home much.

Except for now. Draco finally had twelve days off to spend with his best mates. He had been so caught up with the chaos that surrounded him at work that he wasn't able to plan any sightseeing activities to do with them, so he just let them pick whatever it was they wanted to do.

“I could always ask Y/N what to do,” Blaise suggested. Yes, Draco hadn't forgotten the small fling between you and his best mate. Blaise would go over to your house at least three nights a week while Draco stayed overnight at Santa Marie's. Theo didn't mind being by himself and was grateful that the guest bedroom was farthest from your bedroom window. Draco was also grateful that he chose to go on nights he wasn't home; he didn't need to hear you two throughout the night.

Now that a hatchet was somewhat buried, Draco thought that asking you was a good idea. He nodded his head and headed for the door. Blaise also got up, but the both of them stopped when their hands nearly collided on the door knob. “Oh, did you want to ask her?” Blaise questioned.

“Uh… no you go. She's your…” Draco paused, “You go ahead.” Blaise gave him a weird look before walking out the door and headed to your house. Theo watched the whole thing and waited to start laughing at Draco. He glared at Nott and spat out, “What are you laughing at?”

“What was that?” Theo held his stomach as he caught his breath. “Did you want to talk to her?” Draco didn't appreciate whatever his friend was trying to say. It's just a bloody question. He sat down on the couch and picked up the Daily Prophet from Theo’s hands. He wasn't surprised to find Harry Potter in it, a column about his recent marriage with Weasley’s sister. He was surprised that they hadn't gotten married sooner.

“Do you think it's weird that Blaise is dating a muggle?” Theo asked. His face was neutral, but his tone was suggestive. Draco internalized the question. On one hand, it didn't really disturb him all that much. He was confused as to whether or not you were his girlfriend, but Blaise doesn't really talk about you too much. On another hand, he knew Blaise and even though you annoyed him – or did you? – he always took pity on any girl that mixed with Blaise. Draco didn't know what Blaise would do, but it was enough to get anyone on their knees for him in more ways than one.

“I don’t care who or what he dates,” Draco stated. Theo went to minding his business, until something caught his attention from outside. “Oh Salazar, what is he doing?” Theo’s voice was filled with amusement. Draco turned from his sitting position and saw what was happening.

Blaise was fully making out with you right on your porch. Out where anyone could watch. One of his hands were tangled in your hair while the other one was resting gently on your waist. Your hands rested shyly on his shoulders and it looked as if you were on your toes just to reach up to his height. The kiss was slow and sensual.

It was exactly what Draco needed to see. Because from that, he felt nothing at all. Just a gross feeling that he was potentially invading someone's privacy. Sure, they were outside but it still felt weird. Draco wasn't one to enjoy public displays of affection.

“Wow, he’s really milking it out. You reckon he asked her about sight-seeing?” Theo kept observing them from the window. Draco hit his head with the newspaper rolled up. Theo laughed and turned to look at the blond man next to him. “How come you’re not with anyone?”

“With where I work, do you honestly think I have time to find someone?” Draco sassed as he continued reading. Dating was the last thing on his mind. He was too focused on work to even flirt with another woman. Pansy was the last person Draco had ever dated. He was meant to be betrothed to Astoria Greengrass, but Draco declined and started his path to becoming a healer. He also didn't want to be in a marriage knowing he couldn't genuinely love her.

Moving to America, he never found anyone interesting. Ashley was nice but not only was she already married, she was married to a woman. Other women in the department, or hospital as a whole, took an initial liking to Draco, but he figured it was solely due to the fact that he’s a foreign British man with an accent. After a month of women flirting with him, it died down almost completely and everyone treated him as normal which pretty much confirmed it to him. Would Draco like to date someone? Absolutely. But right now, he was perfectly happy being by himself.

Theo knew Draco enough to know when he was fibbing and this wasn't one of those times. He was glad to see Draco be okay with himself after all this time. He remembers the constant need of validation during their days at Hogwarts. And it was because of a certain wizard who Draco was always competing with. Now as for Theo, he had been out of the dating scene for a while and he was nearly desperate to get laid.

He dropped the topic and got up to take a short nap in the guest room. A few moments later, Blaise was knocking on the door. Draco got up to open it and was caught by surprise to see you standing behind Blaise. You looked like you weren't really sure what you were doing there either. “Mate,” Blaise started off, “what if we brought her along with us?”

You blinked at the tall man standing in front of you and then looked at Draco who had the same facial expression. “Who else better to show us around than someone who actually lives here?” Blaise suggested. It made sense; you would know your way around and Draco could save himself the trouble of not only Blaise and Theo being lost, but also Draco also getting lost. He still had a hard time with some of the streets. One-way streets, round-a-bouts, and bike lanes were still new to him. And you once mentioned how Manhattan was worse than the streets here in Buffalo, so how would he deal with that?

You stood unusually quiet. Blaise had only just asked you to tag along with them and before you could even process the question, you were being dragged to Draco’s house. “I don’t know, I don't want to intrude on–”

“Nonsense, you’d be our guide. I highly doubt Draco knows where he’s going,” Blaise assured. He got a stern ‘Hey’ from the blond but ignored it. “What do you say? Come with us?” You looked back and forth from the both of them and settled on Draco, your eyes asking him if he would even want you there. He shrugged his shoulders, leaving it up to you.

“Uh, sure. I’d just have to fix my schedule and–” you started before Blaise cut you off, “Great! We leave tomorrow at seven in the morning.” He kissed your forehead and walked inside. Draco stood at the door and was still confused as to what just happened. You started to walk away before Draco asked you, “Should we take my car?” You turned around and thought about it. “If you want.”

Draco preferred it, so he just agreed to it. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” You smiled sheepishly and raised your hand to say 'bye’. Tomorrow was surely going to be… something.

—

You were hoping to be able to rest your head on Blaise’s shoulder for the ride to the airport. But here you were, in Draco’s car with the largest cup of coffee that was barely keeping you awake as you drove there. You were glad that Draco had common sense to book two flight tickets for everyone to go there because there was so way in hell you were going to drive six hours to Manhattan and another six back.

Theo, however, was resting his head on Blaise’s shoulder as he snored away during the short ride. Blaise tried to shove him off, but it turned out that the sleepy friend was heavier than he looked. It was funny, really. Draco sat in the passenger seat next to you on his phone trying to read out directions. You insisted you didn't need them, but he said they were more for himself when they come back home.

Once on the plane, you finally got some shut eye. You stayed up all night thinking about what to do for the day. Where to go, what to eat, what to see. And other things kept you up, but that's besides the point. During the security check, you had to hold your laughter. It was hilarious to watch the three men be so confused as to what was going on. They acted like it was their first time in an airport.

The seats you had were nice and surely expensive. Draco insisted that you didn't have to pay him back. Must be nice being rich you thought. Blaise looked at you and poked your nose, “Is someone sleepy?” You glared at him before laying back into your seat, “Maybe if you didn't keep me up all night, I wouldn't be tired.” You didn't know how the man could have this much energy in the morning.

The hour went by quick and you were in Manhattan by ten in the morning. You suggested a local diner that was near the airport which they all agreed to since they didn't know their way around. At the diner, Blaise and Theo had made a dash for the restroom. You laughed at the view of Theo pushing Blaise behind him and Blaise glaring at him as he smacked the back of his head.

“I swear, they’re still childish gits,” Draco groaned. “26 years old and they still don't grow up.” You nudged his arm from across the table. “Leave them be. They’re still young, and so are you. Let loose, we’re in New York City after all. Can’t be brooding the whole time.” Draco rolled his eyes and looked at the menu that was under the glass on the table.

A waitress came up to your table with a small clipboard and notepad. “Are you two ready to order?” she asked sweetly. “Not yet, we’re waiting on two people to come back,” you answered. “Oh that’s cute, is this a double date?”

Without hesitation, you and Draco stated at the same time, “We’re not together.” The waitress looked between the two of you and just nodded. “I’ll be back, then.” The both of you hadn’t said a word when she left and patiently waited for his friends to come back. Shortly after, they did. Blaise took the spot in the booth next to you and Theo next to Draco.

“Alright, what do you suggest I get?” Blaise asked you. He had his body slightly facing yours and an arm over the top of the seat around you. He hadn't bothered to look on the menu and just focused on your features. “Depends, what do you like?”

“Anything,” he lowered his voice and was close to your ear. The breath tickled your ear which made you giggle. “Okay, we get it. You two are cute. Now keep it down, I’d like to be able to digest this food,” Theo’s nose crinkled as he complained. You still didn't know Theo all that much. This morning, he walked like a zombie and he probably just became fully awake, so to see his best friend making kissy faces at you before his first meal wasn't an ideal way to start the day. Draco chuckled in his seat as he was still figuring out what to order.

“I have to make a quick call,” you announced before pulling out your phone and called one of your employees, “Were you able to open fine on your own? Okay, call me if anything happens. Okay, bye.” The waitress came back and took down the order after she set a pot of coffee for the four of you.

Theo was the first to say something, “So, Y/N is it?” You nodded in response as you took a sip from your mug. “What is it that you do in your free time? Other than Blaise, of course.” He had a smug smile watching as you blushed. Two seconds later, the table shook and Theo groaned in pain. Unbeknownst to you, both Blaise and Draco had kicked Theo in his shins.

“Stupid git,” Draco said under his breath. Theo glared at his friends as he rubbed his legs. You cleared your throat and started to speak before Blaise stopped you, “You don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s okay, he was just joking,” you defended. “No he wasn't,” Draco added. You ignored him and looked at Theo, “What do you want to know?”

He had your full attention and ignored the looks from his friends, “What do you do for a living? What’s your work like?”

“Well, I uhh,” you started, “I own a store downtown. I’m there almost everyday.”

“What kind of store is it?” Theo asked as he leaned over the table closer to you. “What do you sell?”

“Candles,” for the second time that day, you and Draco synchronized. “Yeah, I sell candles and little… knick knacks,” you still hadn't opened up to Draco or Blaise for that matter about your Wiccan activities. So to say that you sold sage bundles, specially made oils and healing crystals would raise questions you weren't ready to answer now.

“Draco, have you ever been to the place? What is it called, by the way?” Theo kept on. Blaise was certainly not kidding when he said that Theo loved to talk. “No, I haven't,” Draco answered. “It’s called Soul Beads, wasn't it?”

“Yeah, that’s the name.” The food was brought on a large tray. Blaise handed your plate to you and you grabbed your fork to dig in. He was eating slowly, looking as if he was thinking about something. “Hey, you okay?” you whispered to him, Draco and Theo having their own conversation. “Oh, uh, yeah. I’m fine, love,” Blaise continued eating at a faster pace now. You looked around the men that surrounded you and smiled. Today’s gonna be fun.

—

The day went… weird. Blaise tried to have as much fun as possible but something was bothering him. Was it Theo talking his head off the entire time? No, I’m used to that. Was it his legs tired after walking almost all day? No, not that. Was it how even though you held his hands the whole time and gave him occasional kisses on his cheek or lips, you had gone the entire day talking to Draco and shared a couple laughs with him? Absolutely.

Jealousy was always an ugly emotion to Blaise. It annoyed him during his time at Hogwarts, and it annoys him now. The way girls would ask him if he was messing around with other girls and he’d always say the same thing. “How could I when you’re the most beautiful girl in these halls?” They’d all swoon over it. And by the looks of it, you swooned over his every word as well. But the looks you gave him were different from the ones you gave Draco.

From all the letters he had gotten from Draco, Blaise knew how much he hated you. No, loathed. But after the two of you decided to make nice, it was like you had been friends since day one. Draco may have even looked comfortable talking to you. And it bothered Blaise. His time with you may have been short, but today made him realize something.

Blaise is nowhere near being in love, he knew that much. But he knew that he didn't want to be messing around anymore. He wants to have an actual relationship, and right now, he wanted it with you. Blaise was confused by it all. He should be happy that his best friend and a girl he likes gets along. It would make it all that much easier.

But something about the two of you was odd today.

Maybe there was a look that lasted too long. Or a tone that came out differently. Or maybe… no. Blaise knew what it was. He just wants to have that same friendship with you. Blaise still didn't know that much about you. He didn't even know you had your own store until that morning. And to hear that his friend who supposedly hates you even knows not only the name of the store, but what you sell, hit something in him.

So, he was going to change that. Because for the most part, you were pretty interesting. He knew you were a Wiccan and as much as he doesn't really care to know what it was all about – considering he can just do any magic with a flick of a wand – he’d at least know you a little better.

Momentarily, as he was deep in thought, Theo’s annoying voice popped in his head. Hey, at least you know her in a way Malfoy won’t. He mentally cringed at it for a second before he thought Wait. I do. It was a start, not one that someone usually prefers, but it was better than nothing.

You sat beside him on the ride back home and had a smile on your lips while you rested on him. Draco was driving and Theo wanted to raise the volume of the music but his hand was slapped away. “She’s sleeping, idiot.” Draco scolded.

“Merlin, look at this,” Theo looked at Blaise as he pointed to Draco’s face. “Malfoy caring for a muggle? I’ve seen everything now.”

“M-muggle?” You rubbed your eyes and yawned. The three Slytherin’s had wide eyes, Blaise cursing Theo with his eyes. “I've heard,” you let out another yawn, “Draco say that before.”

Merlin, how many times have these actually talked? Blaise thought. “I-it’s just slang from London,” he tried to cover up. You nodded your head and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek before going back to sleep.

Once everyone was home, Blaise walked you to your door. “I had fun today, did you?” Blaise gave his most convincing smile, “Yeah, I did.”

You said ‘Good night’ and almost closed the door when he stopped you. “Is it alright that I stay with you tonight?”

“I'm kind of tired, maybe tomorrow–”

“No, not for that,” Blaise chuckled at your insinuation. You looked slightly surprised. And it made sense considering that's almost all he came over for. Nonetheless, you let him into your home. Blaise stayed true to his words and just laid beside you in bed until the two went to sleep.

In his own bedroom, Draco smiled as he thought about the fun day he had. Maybe being friends with you wasn't so bad. He went to his kitchen to grab a drink when he noticed there was one person missing. “Where's Blaise?”

“I think he's staying at Y/N’s,” Theo stated. Inside, Draco felt an unusual pang in his chest. He let it go and went to bed. Hopelessly trying to get out of his head whatever you two were up to.

—

next chp

(っ◔◡◔)っ taglist: @beiahadid @malfoy-styles-wife @fivenightslaughter @juneballoon999 @leydileyla @fangirlanotherjust @originalsoulcollector @opiomancy @lipstickandloveletters @ninacotte @daedric-sorceress @frecklesandfirecrackers @hahee154hq @disartrous @oh-those-barricade-boys @lunalovecroft @bornforfangirling @c4th3r1ne

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy series #draco malfoy au #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy smut #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x muggle!reader #draco malfoy x female reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x y/n #draco x y/n #draco x you #draco x female reader #draco x muggle!reader #blaise x y/n #harry potter fic

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starlightaxolotl · 2 years

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2021 Writers Wrapped

it’s the end of 2021, and i’m going through my writing throughout this year and picking a favorite sentence/section from each month!

The original challenge: for every month you wrote, pick a sentence/section and share! This applies to both published works and wips!

The alternate challenge: pick a sentence/section from your most popular fic, your personal favorite fic that you wrote, and the fic that gave you the most trouble!

Hhhhhhh doing the alternate challenge because I have no idea when I wrote anything at this point I blinked and it's December okay, last week was July. This shit got long so it's under a cut.

Thank you @fabrowrites for the tag. I'm going to tag uhhhhh anyone who wants in, first of all, bc I love reading what other people write, @ninja-go-to-therapy and @peachyyskyy if you two want to :3

Most Popular Fic: With Friends Like This-Lego Ninjago

Brad caught the fake smile. "My mom isn't able to make it this year, but she's sending the supplies we asked for, so we can cause some havoc while she's gone!" He turned to Gene. "What about your folks?"

"Both out of Ninjago for work. They doubt the job will be done by the time Parent's week is here. They're sending a ton of candy to make up for it though." He smiled at Lloyd. "Looks like it'll be the three of us together, huh?"

Lloyd blinked, looking at his friends. Neither of their parents could make it? But...Lloyd had met their parents. They seemed so supportive and perfect, how would they miss something like this?

But...it also meant that for once, Lloyd wouldn't be the only kid without parents visiting. He smiled. "Sounds like we're gonna have a blast!"

Personal Favorite Fic: Swiss Cheese Memory has such a fun concept to play with have this little preview of events to come

He blinked twice at the uninvited guest in his room. The silence was grating on his nerves as they stared at one another.

“Huh…I didn’t think that would work.

No, him talking was decidedly more annoying. “What do you want?”

“I need some help. You like breaking things, right? How about a nice old-fashioned breakout?”

Problem Child (affectionate): Tidal Wave-Ninjago (because one next gen fic wasn't enough I needed an alternate timeline)

“Hi Zane, got your text.” Jay tried to play it off like it wasn’t making him a nervous wreck to see those words. “What’s up buddy?”

“I’ve called to ask if you are alright, Jay. Mr. Borg said you’ve been absent from work due to, and I quote, an emergency, additionally you’ve been tagged in twelve separate posts on chirp by people saying they’ve seen you at the hospital. You can see how this would lead me to worry.”

Jay had completely forgotten to tell the team about what was happening. It was still a lot to process. He’d asked HR to keep the reason behind his absence quiet, and that he’d let people know as necessary, that he just needed time to understand all of this first.

“Oh.” Was all Jay could muster. “I’m fine Zane, I promise, physically healthy as a horse.”

“Is your father unwell?” Zane’s voice was kind, and Jay swallowed at the thought. His dad hadn’t been too great since his mom passed away a year ago. Jay shook his head, remembering Zane couldn’t see.

“Dad’s fine, really, everyone is fine. It’s...complicated."

Honorable Mentions:

This opening I ditched for the origins in FT,NA

It’s easy to pretend that peace will last forever. We get so content in the motions of everyday life that even simple challenges and changes feel like a fatal wound. We have grown soft in this peace. We lower our guards because we feel that nothing bad will happen. We grow foolish, we lose our vigilance until it is too late. By the time we see our mistakes, the greatest losses have occurred.

There will be time to grieve, but not until every other emotion and every effort to fix the mistake have failed. Not until everything you have built has crumbled around you. Not until your world has sufficiently shattered in front of your eyes. Your peace was never permanent.

And yet you still hope as time goes on that the peace you knew will return.

You hope that this will pass.

You hope that this is the right thing.

You hope for some kind of closure.

You hope to be found.

Yes, that is where we differ, isn’t it? You hope, whereas I know.

This little delightful thing

“I recommend you behave if you want to live to see the end of the day.” He didn’t think the word ‘behave’ needed to be explained, it was such a simple word and any organism with half of a brain should have been able to figure out what that might entail.

Just proud of the wording on this snippet, it was also very fun to write.

There were two things in the world that Pigsy prioritized over everything else: his restaurant and his family. The two were intrinsically linked after all. Pigsy’s love for cooking stemmed from the lessons his grandmother had given him from a young age. His grandmother had been the one championing for him to open his own restaurant almost a decade ago. She had made sure his whole family showed up to be his first paying customers when the shop opened nine years ago. Of course, he had refused to let them pay for their meals which led to them insisting to buy the meals of the next people who came into his restaurant, and then it just kept continuing that day.

The restaurant was what led to him meeting Tang, the royal pain in his ass that he was at first that quickly wormed his way into Pigsy’s heart. There were times Pigsy would joke that Tang only married him for the ‘free noodles’ which the other never outright denied…he simply claimed that was one of the many perks.

Have one last snippet for the road.

“You’re safe,” Red’s voice was sleepy, and he pulled MK back down into the pile of blankets and pillows, strong arms wrapping around him. “It’s disgustingly early in the morning. We’re in our apartment. You’re safe.”

#writing #end of year fanfic asks #fanfic asks #fun stuff #Swiss cheese memory

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kyunsies · 3 years

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Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that “southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!!

#asks #💥 anon #my dorm is the oldest one on campus so :’) it looks a little ugly but I try my best MXJDJD #ignore the popcorn bag on the side :)#also peep the jo malone perfume LOL

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riot-rxines · 5 years

Text

[Bc]❝ ₮ⱧɆ ₴Ⱨ₳ĐØ₩ ₥₳₦❞

[Ic](Written by Moon art and photos not mine)

[Ci]Shadows... Was the only thing I could see from the long distance into the big dark abyss, I could feel the walls closing in on me. Then I saw it the figure who always appeared in my dreams.. He walked and inched closer and closer to me. My body could hardly move, I felt so numb and cold. What was I going to do now? Let him catch me? He was finally close enough to strike until... The sound of the alarm from my phone woke me up.

[Ic]"Huh oh.. Just another dream... " I sighed heavily as I stretched. "Cassie.. You really gotta stop watching those horror movies.. Maybe you wouldn't keep having nightmares" I talked to myself a bit slowly mumbling while making a quick coffee before going to work. My right hand rubbed my eye a little, I soon changed my clothes and walked to my car. But then I saw him... The figure once again and he was an exact copy of the one I saw from my dream..

[Ic]I thought "maybe it's just a neighbor there's nothing to be worried about r-right it's just paranoia nothing more than that" My mind kept thinking of every logical reason as possible to think of why the figure was there... Why it was staring me... Why I could feel watched... I felt the weird feeling from my dream again... That "looming" Feeling... The feeling of fear and paranoia that something will kill-... My mind suddenly went numb and I could only hear faint distorted noises... They kept getting louder like my dream..

[Ic]My phone ranged snapping me back to reality, it was my best friend Mary she said hi and we talked for a bit until the subject of my nightmares came up "why do you have those horrible nightmares?" I tensed up a bit over the subject and replied "I-I gotta go to work!" Mary shot back and screamed "WAIT don't you dare hang up on me please I'm your best friend and I'm worried about you.. I wanna know why you never want to sleep why you look practically dead and drained all the time and why are there days you miss work! Why-" I hung up but then she texted me again nonstop until I gave a long sigh taking pity on her and telling her the truth through texting.

[Ic]I've had these nightmares ever since I was a child many of them involved different monsters like the man with no face in a black suit or the more kind of... Distorted Rabbit like creature... My mental state never seemed to be normal. I'm always the person who's very paranoid and someone filled with anxiety. My mother always worried about that aspect of me so she one day started booking me appointments to the mental hospital. The doctors of course said the things I was seeing were just hallucinations or just nightmares my brain likes to create. But I know there's more to it. I sometimes only hear static other times I hear growling.. I don't what's going on but I've never seemed to try and get more help from the hospital.. The medication numbed it and I soon stopped having nightmares.

[Ic]But when I got my first real job though... It was all gone and I couldn't take the medication anymore a few months later I kept seeing it. Once again I ignored my problems with my mental health. I'm only 18 right now I shouldn't be experiencing nightmares I've had as 7 or 6 year old child... Then again it was my fault for stopping the meds...

[Ic]Mary sent a reply back again typing once more "So you're saying there's like a shadow man in your dreams haunting you" I typed "pretty much". " So shouldn't you start the meds again?"... I rubbed my neck, feeling more tense and shaking typed "N-No it numbs t-too much!"." Whatever you say girl but I think you should take care of yourself more anyways gtg to work cya there!".

[Ic]Placing my phone in my bag again I headed inside my car and started up the engine then slowly backing out of the driveway that was the pavement in front of small average house with a garage. Then I drove down the semi narrow road with the forest at it's right side and a grassy plain on the other. Acres and acres of land that seemed to go on and on forever. Hours later I thought I saw the figure again as it dashed pass my car I quickly stepped on the break as I tried not to get in a wreck. And WOOSH it was gone in seconds.

[Ic]The impact sucked so much energy out of me that I had to take a break before driving again or having a nervous wreck. About 20 minutes later the figure appeared in front of me, perched on one of the trees I was in front of while silently taunting me and giggling. To others it may have looked like a person crouched down on a tree branch but to me it was supernatural and unreal. I couldn't believe my eyes the creature I saw in my nightmares was now right in front of me staring at my horrified face.

[Ic]It moved closer to me and silently spoke in a jumbled up language the only words I could make out from the demon was "Hello again Cassie~ I see your going to work again ya workaholic no matter it's a nightmare come true after all why after what you did you deserve a day off work and then again why don't you come with me and you'll see life's greatest treasure I promise it won't be anything"

[Ic]I felt hesitant to except it's deal but something inside me wanted to follow it.. I was his prey... And he's about to strike at me... The static and distortion got louder with screams hollowing in my ears I couldn't take it anymore and caved in. I suddenly wasn't in control of my body anymore and slowly got out of my car, stood head straight in front of him showing not much fear but an emotionless face. He grinned and took my hand tightly squeezing it then he cracked one of my bones. He slashed at me with his claws and broke my limbs one by one with no mercy then he grabbed my head. The last thing I remember is what he said which was...

[Bc]❝ ĐØ ɎØɄ ⱤɆ₳ⱠⱠɎ ₮Ⱨł₦₭ ɎØɄ ₵₳₦ ₵Ⱨ₳₦₲Ɇ Ⱡł₮₮ⱠɆ ₲łⱤⱠ?❞

Author's Note: So someone on Instagram asked me to write a Story based on this photo as a prompt so yea I wrote this

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