#she's just sleeping it's fine😭😭

[hedonistbyheart]

Just five more minutes.

#star wars #Quinlan Vos #Aayla Secura #star wars fanart #master and padawan #my art #she's just sleeping it's fine😭😭 #I will keep trying to match Quin's hair volume from the comics with more defined locs #it's a process

[vulpinesaint]

i don't talk about alucard castlevania very often because the last season of castlevania was so bad to me that i just don't engage with the show anymore like that but make no mistake. i have many thoughts and opinions on that man.

#first of which is they should have treated him better 😭 #like not out of a 'oh he's my favorite character he deserves everything' standpoint #he is and he does. but also What Was The Point Of All That 😭 like jesus christ!!!!! #castlevania writer voice what if we made him sit alone in his empty desecrated childhood home where he just killed his father #and then gave him some company. and then had that company gain his trust and sleep with him and then try to kill him During sex #and then he went insane! and killed a lot of people! #and then we fixed him by giving him a girlfriend :D #shut UP BRO SHUT UP #if you're gonna do all that. at least let him continue to be gay #not in a 'i don't believe he's bisexual' way but going 'yeah he has gay sex!' and then making the gay sex encounter end in gruesome murder #doesn't uh. doesn't really spell gay rights. can he have sex with a man in a way that ends with him not horribly traumatized #i don't like his relationship dynamic with that woman in the last season either but that's for different reasons. #i feel like he got steamrollered by her y'know :/ malewifed etc. etc. :/ #she was a fine character i just didn't like the two of them together #or how it was framed as like. y'know. alucard just needed to get bossed around. that'll give him purpose again. #hey what if. if he was gonna kiss someone about it. he did that with the people that he bonded with and trusts and knows. #just a thought. ANYWAY #valentine notes

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#holy fuck. knock on wood. fingers crossed. press my thumbs. i think the pain is cycling down #like probably its this bad bc my body is weak from fighting an allergic reaction and i think lam1ctal can cause some menstral issues #but like holy fuck. i cannot go thru that again. just hours of being nauseous and crumpled in pain #i was very very very seriously considering going to the hospital. but like ive ridden in an ambulance before and i dont wanna spend like #1000 dollars to go like 10min down the road. bullshit. god i hope its stopping #it was just like so much pain i didnt kno what to do. absolutely intolerable. ugh. #please dont let this happen tomorrow 🙏 please please please. i have to teach #and ny roommate is staying here the next 2 nights after not seeing her for like months #y now? 😭 im gonna have to b like hi *visibly disheveled* if i talk i might puke. bye. #i wish i could just sleep thru this. ibuprofen is not helping 😭 #im just worried if i went to the hospital theyd make me wait for hours in the waiting room. shaking with pain. and then id b fine by the #time they got to me. like yea srry i was jusy being a lil bitch abt a normal bodily process lol. god. ppl with high levels of chronic pain #how tf do u do it? i dont think im strong enough. but i guess u probably get used to it. god that sucks so bad #ugh. i wish my mom was here. i want her to just pet my hair until i feel better 😭 but nooo shes going off to have fun in canada #so she's gonna b even farther from me than normal 😭 #unrelated

[swordmaid]

for me… FOR ME..!!! and for shri’iia specifically the lock in for astarion’s romance is his graveyard scene in act 3.

i think it is too quick for shri’iia to be moving on to another relationship considering her previous one was with her mistress who essentially groomed and isolated her for like … more than hundred years. learning to chase her own desires and not moulding herself to what anyone wants her to be is something so new to her…!!! and something that she’s still learning how to be comfortable with….

and what I like abt romancing astarion with her is that I usually go for the dialogue path in his act 2 confession scene where you can ask him:

- what do YOU want to do?

and he goes like honestly idk what we’re doing but /this/ is nice. it just feels like two people exploring the option to love for the first time and taking things in their own pace rather than jumping straight into the relationship. they’re going at a snails pace… they don’t know what they’re doing but they like this feeling and the vibe and they want to more of it but they’re not ready to commit to anything yet and it’s fine for them …!! and they’re only committing by the end in the graveyard scene where significant time has passed and they’ve learnt a little more about themselves and they’re both more confident about their own desires and also how they want to be loved.

like it is so fitting I think… and sweet… not to mention astarion being a high elf & a vampire and shri’iia being a drow, they have all the time of the world for themselves so I def think they would want to take their time. except if shri’iia turns into a mindflayer or drider by the end then that plan is out the window lol

#now I’m thinking who else I can romance with her .. maybe lae’zel ?? #since the thing with her is that she doesn’t get vulnerable in act 1 so the scenes where the romances #are kind of heart to hearts like shadowheart’s or karlach’s (😭😭😭) is out of the question since it doesn’t fit her … #like she’d rather sleep with someone first than actually get to know them 😭 hence astarion and lae’zel … #gale and wyll… I am hmmm about it on one hand her approval with wyll in act 1 is not even high enough 😭😭 #and I don’t think she can be sweet enough to chase after him in the party .. she was kind of like ok fine whatever when he said he’s not in #the mood … gale I think can be a contender .. I actually don’t know how his route goes so I’m not sure abt that … #but the thing is … she gets vulnerable LATER ..!! and why astarion’s romance work for her is i hc after their act 2 scene #they’re just in a situationship rather than actual relationship … like they’re dating (yes!) but also dating (hmmmm) #and it’s only in his last scene where they both lock in bc I think that’s enough time for her to process her OWN trauma and also for her #own character development … like she has to learn how to trust (ack!!!!) which is the thing that you don’t do when you’re raised in lolth’s #cult …. and her mistress manipulated her trust too so it’s even more nerve wracking for her bc she doesn’t want someone to have that power #over her again .. but now she has to learn how to give it away freely … without being scared … bites my hand …!!!! #and astarion graveyard scene where he wants to live again vs shri’iia learning how to trust again and trying to live without the fear of #someone betraying you and using you and the paranoia that comes with it … urck urgh goughhhhhh critical hit … #also I have a hc that she actually is quite good at making poisons since her mother sold alchemy herbs and components #and she gives him poison as a courting gift lol .. also like a way to protect him 🤭 but she won’t admit that … she’s like if you want it #take it if you don’t idc 🤷‍♀️ (she does..) i hc that she gets flustered at sincerity actually #their relationship for me is like they’re both two little shits and a general menace to society (both charlatans) #but if they had to hold hands she’d get too flustered too and he’s like honestly what are you a child? (smug face making fun of her) #I have this little comic idea for them when they held hands for the first time and she’s like ouggghhh 😳😮‍💨 flustered and sweating and he’s #like hihi 🤭😎 but then their hands starts to get sweaty and then he’s like ew that’s disgusting and she’s like ok if u hate it let go then #and he’s like no YOU let go 🙄 but they don’t let go now they have to suffer through the sweaty hand holding alas such is fate …

[calenhads]

act 2…. done?

#idk if it’s actually done or not but whatever #i’m going to sleep since i’m getting brunch with friends tomorrow at an hour earlier than i am normally awake #but yes i killed ketheric and lifted the shadow curse ig? #it’s not entirely gone yet but it’s getting there #and i met dame aylin my best friend in the whole wide world #i love the way she speaks it’s soooo good and really elevates her character #also. women. yeah. #vive la lesbians or whatever #i am having many thoughts abour jubilee as well but i will contain those to their own post. maybe. #i’m excited to actually get to baldur’s gate #also since i finally met them in game i can understand #the uncontrollable lust for enver gortash…. yeah. i like his nose so much #and orin of course i cannot forget about orin. i understand you all #she is so so so cool and has never done anything wrong ever #ketheric made me sad though. he’s just a really sad old man who did terrible things #i was fine until the note on his body from a clearly very young isobel. #the fact that he kept it all these hundred and some-odd years makes me insane #me when fathers do terrible horrible things to the world for the sake of a daughter. yeah. #ALSO by dame aylin association my shadowheart romance is going well #i did have to have The Talk with gale though because i forgot i flirted with him one too many times 😭 #he kept looking at me with his huge wet sad brown eyes #i like him so much i need to do his romance SOON #meaghan talks #meaghan plays bg3 #bg3 spoilers

[solarismp3]

why to you like megumi and yuuji as a ship? Isn’t satoru and geto better?

Mmmh idk I like both ships but I’m not head over heals over either one of them tbh. I started watching jjk cuz of geto he was my favorite character actually. But idk after he died my interest in jjk also kinda died megumi was the one that caught my attention he’s cute and a bit crazy I kept coming back to jjk just to see him bruh I didn’t even answer your question hfhfjfj

well I like yuuji and megumi because they’re really cool characters. I feel like they’re just really nice as a pair (not in a ship way aswell) and they compliment each other well. They seem to always have each other’s back like good old childhood friends

geto and satoru is kinda top tear cuz the whole killing each other thing y’know but I think satoru is kinda a bit too annoying so I’m not like very interested. And I hate the kenjaku guy he’s really ruining it for me ugh

#Txt #asks #thr manga version of him is so annoying idk like he annoyed me he’s not even nice but the anime version of him I loooove she’s so cuute #These days I’m very into cute guys like megumi and yuuji and nero who are dealing with some things but it’s fine #Also I just think if ur gonna have an overpowered character he has to be fun like dante or else what’s the point y’know this is why I don’t #Like Vergil that much it’s like ok you can cut thru dimensions but ur not even funny #Only when Dante’s around which is cute I love how he lets his guard down around his brother #Ok why am I talking about dmc now idek if I answered your question 😭😭😭 #Sorry tired trying to sleep but I don’t want to

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Kitten update part 2

There is one more kitten who has gotten a forever home.

Okay so on Christmas my last gift was a card from my parents, whose house I share. And inside that card was a note. And that note said that as long as I feed, clean the litterbox and pay for the vet bills, I may keep one (1) kitten and it will be *my* kitten.

I was in shock and ecstatic. Of course I agreed. It took me all of ten minutes or less to decide that I was keeping Madia.

Madia is a very special baby to me. She looks like Mozart, the kitten who was both the inspiration for my books and my username I take everywhere with me. Mozart was a special kitten because she was so tiny and she never grew and I loved her but she died when she was three weeks old. Madia looks like her. Madia has always looked like her. Madia somehow looks more and more like her every day despite living two months longer than Mozart.

Madia had trouble gaining weight and growing for a while and I watched that kitten like a hawk. Now she is still small but she is thriving. And growing. This baby is my redemption, she's me finally being able to right the wrongs I always felt I'd made fifteen years ago with Mozart's litter.

And she loves me. My gosh does she love me. Until these kittens came around I had not let cats or kittens in my room for more than a few minutes at a time for sixteen years. These babies I let tear around my room and take naps on my bed. Madia is going to live in my room. She LOVES my room. When I go upstairs she sits at the screen door at the bottom of them and waits for me to come back and gets sad if I don't take her upstairs with me. She curls up on my lap when I'm on my bed and purrs until she falls asleep.

I cannot even begin to express what a blessing this tiny kitten has been to me. I have lost so, so much in the past few years and struggled and fought through so many things. And then God gave me 3 kittens who had 11 more kittens and I had resigned myself to giving all 11 away even though it hurt my heart.

And then I got Madia as a Christmas present.

(and she looks pretty happy about it too <3)

#kittens #bengal kittens #christmas #madia the kitten #also I just realized that waiting for me to come back and watching for me- #dora did that 😭 #I'm fine I'm fine this is fine #I left this in my drafts for a bit to cooldown and just reread it and even though I wrote it at like 1:30am or something #it's true and from my heart and I do not feel the need to change it #madia learned how to escape the kitten pen last night so she spent the night in my room #she was a little ANGEL #slept at my feet the whole night #I didn't sleep well last night but it was NOT because of that baby #and actually knowing she was there hanging out with me made the night more bearable #I love her

[kickassfu]

...gonna go try to sleep

doubt the anxiety will actually let me

but its 2am wtf am i supposed to do

ffs

#just because someone asked me to take responsibility for work tomorrow #like the bosses and the 2 ppl that subsitute the bosses #pls i'm only there working other ppl's vacations #don't give me responsibility 😭 #but she asked me #and i couldnt say no #she deserves a day off #and the boss is coming back thursday #i swear to fuck if my colleagues dont help me properly and expect me to work the same as the bosses do i'll riot #and if someone starts making comments i'll fucking explode #i'm so tired of certain ppl i'm gonna throw myself out of a fucking window #shit sucks #i bet things will be fine and i'm just making a mountain out of an ant hill #but anxiety is a bitch and so am i #wtv #ignore this #i just needed to rant so maybe it'll help me calm down and sleep #*sigh*

[bnuyy]

🪼. .

#ignore ignore im just talking dont worry about me scroll away #but for me #i think worse than feeling ugly is feeling genuinely stupid #i mean feeling ugly is also not feeling very nice right now of course #but still #i feel like i have to try like 40% harder than other people just to understand certain things #i shouldnt have to retake several classes more than once it's wasteful and foolish and proves i am not meant to be here #im glad i realized now at least i shouldnt go to medical school it would kill me #it's not even just school conversations with people are lost on me so often i feel like i cant keep up with people #and i joke about it with friends and family that i'm a little slow and can't manage a lot of adult responsibilities #but this is really what i think makes me feel unlovable and useless #i feel like i have to constantly fake being smarter than i am #and its silly but i think about how im so attracted to men and characters that are super smart and sharp and i feed into my silly fantasies #and then realize they wouldnt ever give me another glance after more than an hour of conversation #i try really hard but it always seems to fall short idk #gosh my period is always just pulling up my deepest and most painful insecurities before she makes her appearance huh ghjfhkl😭 #lord i need to go to sleep i bet when i wake up ill have forgotten ever typing this and feel completely fine 💗

[leefi]

itchy tooth all day. constant runny nose & cough continuing on 5 days after I recovered from my cold. ears feeling plugged/high-pressure and popping (then getting replugged again) over the past week. haven’t heard things around me properly in days. I’m about to bite into someone

#literally have to keep tissues on hand constantly because my nose is like a dripping faucet ugh this is awfullll #the itchy tooth is definitely the worst though I hope it’s temporary and I don’t need a root canal #I stay so on top of brushing/flossing/dentists visits but 3 weeks ago I was eating dinner #and my bite suddenly felt REALY weird. like one of my lower teeth was way too high up #the next morning I bite into a croissant and feel something hard in my mouth and 🥰 the back wall of one of my premolars just. fell off. #had to wait a week to see the dentist bc she was closed for the holidays #looks at the tooth #ur mouth is so healthy no plaque no enamel at all but you had a huge filling done there probably like a decade ago #and bc you grind ur teeth in your sleep it just. fractured under the stress #me: oh. that was possible #dentist; yeah girl 😔 #anyway I got the filling done on Monday and got fitted for a night guard too 😭👍 and an ortho referral. but now it’s ITCHY #it was fine the first two days and now it’s bothering me. I’ve felt a dying nerve before and it isn’t this so I’m hoping it’s just #irritation/body going 🚨 over what it thinks is a foreign body (because they basically redid the whole filling) #but ugfhhhh if I need a root canal…. #it’s one of those buildups of so many annoyances that if ONE more thing slightly annoys me I might start crying LOL #I know none of this is really that bad but it’s adding up LMAO #YES ENAMEL I MEANT NO PLAQUE*** AM TIRED LSJSJSJS

[gatheryepens]

Week three is over and my a levels are complete here comes the long summer :)

#studyblr #aaaah I finally finished #this week was rough let me tell you mentally #the exams for this week were fine #I was just so drained for the first 3 days as the exams were back to back #and I was tired #but I’m glad it’s over #and I’m proud of myself for getting through it #my last exam was chem paper 3 which was too bad #some parts were really nice especially the six markers #but there were some yucky q’s #biggest jumpscare was when I saw a 9 marker in chem paper 2 #but it’s over now which I’m so relieved #I can finally sleep #but to celebrate my friends and I ate chips and I baked some cookies for my fellow chem friends #I think I really increased the mood with the cookies #but I’m really gonna miss some of my teachers #like my biology teacher saw me in sixth form and she was like [MYNAME]last exam wooo #she’s so cute #my friend and I have a running joke that I’m the favourite because she treats us differently 😭😭 #and I had a little moment with my form tutor #it was awkward but wholesome at the same time my friends were laughing in the back #but yeah not gonna miss some of my peers #and teachers like my inorganic chem teacher who was off for like 2 weeks 😭😭😭 #ironically I am gonna miss studying chemistry I LOVE CHEMISTRY 🥰 #but yeah not studying feels really weird hehe #but doing four exams in one week was rough #I also thought chem was last exam but I think it’s RS so if anyone does RS best of luck ❤️ #gatherrambles #g/alevels

[shivroyslut]

I keep telling my mom not to buy me clothes or accessories without asking me because she doesn’t know what I like and she keeps buying me the most ugliest stuff ever 😭😭😭

#please i don’t want her to waste her money #but it’s stuff i would never wear 😭😭 #sometimes it’s fine when it’s t shirts ill just wear them to go to sleep or something #but she bought me like 4 pendants for my birthday and they all make me feel uncomfortable 😭😭 #like physically uncomfortable idk I feel so bad but also I keep telling her not to buy me stuff and she refuses to listen 😭

[gwyoi]

I have a new issue with cricket. She’s doing good at not pawing at the door anymore but she yells at the door and the window so much now. Im 90% sure it’s because there is a stray outside because when she’s in my room she doesn’t yell nearly as much. it’s gotten to the point where her meows wake me up in the middle of the night because she wants so see the stray so I have to keep her in my room so she doesn’t smell or see the other cat (and that usually does the trick because she chills out after that)…… but now I’m like should I keep her in my room every night?? idk

#I feel bad because I want her to be able to perch on the window when I’m sleeping and stuff but her yelling is so loud she is not a fan of #other cats from what her foster mom has told me so I have no doubt it my mind #she would like to go out to fight….. #I keep her in my room but she has food water and litterbox (bedroom connects to bathroom) and she relaxes so much #like when she yells I pick her up usually and she’s just stressing herself out about it I can tell 😭 #ough. #but yeah she’s been playing with toys just fine and I try to play with her right before bed but she still stresses herself out about the #stray. well it might just be an outside cat but we live in the middle of the city so that would be really stupid to let the cat out at night #gwon

[running-in-the-dark]

.

#I have an appointment with my gynecologist in about.. 8 hours #it's making me so anxious that I can't sleep 🙃 #there's nothing that I hate more. it will be awful #and I'm thinking about telling her that I'm not cis bc maybe then she'll take me more seriously about wanting a hysterectomy #I mean I've had awful menstrual cramps for TWENTY YEARS now. and in the past 8 years it's gotten so much worse. #can't get a fucking endometriosis diagnosis because I was stupid and didn't go to a specialist for my laparoscopy. and now I can't fucking #make myself make an appointment with one because that experience was horrifying tbh #so I have no fucking idea what's wrong but something very clearly is bc I've been in pain all day every day since that laparoscopy #but no diagnosis = no medical reason for a hysterectomy :) #anyway I just don't want to have a body anymore. this thing is fucking useless and I hate it #but I feel like she probably won't know shit about trans stuff so that might just make everything worse. though I feel like she might #handle it better than my GP would? ahhh I just hate everything #someone come cut my uterus out of my body please. don't care if I bleed to death I just want the fucking thing gone 😭 #anyway I'm fine :) :) :) #personal #could have just put all that under a read more but I didn't even mean to write any of that so.

[onepiexe]

cant wsit to text my boss and b like. so i went back. haha. yeah :")

#logbook #she was like 'you dont have to go back go to these other stores' and yet. here i am. going back. . . #i'll just do hrs at the new store if it sucks. i guess. and then next week i'll do like 3 or 4 days MAX lol. #i need to start applying to jobs and thats not happening with all these hrs. glad someone else is able to do it but i cant. #im hoping bc its bf it wont be bad but. maybe its bf it'll be bad?? #anyways im going in at 7. so i got to sleep in an extra 45. #i guess i'll do an 8hr ish. i have the hrs to do that anyways. #ive only done 17 this week 😭 even if i do 2 hrs today and tmrw i'll be fine and under 40. #like im not going against my boss. she DID say to check in with the store and stop by sometimes and i did just. #earlier than she mesnt me to im sure. im hoping if i dont go in til 7 i'll miss some initial bs. #and then over the weekend i'll just do 6hr shifts i think. #my idea is if they piss me off enough i'll just leave. like i tried lol. #i dont know what i'll bring for lunch either. . .hm.

[splashporpoise-moved]

I miss her

#she's fine she just didnt wanna sleep on my bed with me tonight #😭😭😭