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#so I don’t fit with that community either
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EVERLYN
A female family member of mine got married to a man in the middle of the COVID pandemic. So I watched the heterosexual coupling via Zoom. She wore a white dress with a long flowing train and a veil that hid her face; a spectacle of patriarchal heteronormativity. After the vows were said, and just before kissing the bride, her husband turned to the camera and announced with glee, “This is the first time we will be kissing!” They had been dating for three years.
In that moment, I saw the future and person my family had envisioned and engineered for me. One that I had escaped by coming out. The box and script that I was supposed to fit into and follow was made visible in the person of my relative and I mourned for her – wishing that this was what she genuinely wanted and had chosen and not the script that she was unconsciously following in order to win the approval of her parents and her community. But I’ve also known her since birth and I mourned because I knew different.
I’d escaped the same fate by coming out at 19. My rebellion had begun long before that in small ways, easily dismissed by family and community as eccentricisms that would be corrected once I followed the “plan.” But coming out as a lesbian sealed the deal for my family – as it was THE scarlet letter that could never be erased from my forehead. For me, however, it was a joyfully revelatory catalyst that embedded in me the surety that I could eschew scripts, jump from boxes, carve a life without templates of heterosexism, gender conformity, and sexual confinement – a knowledge that I had the freedom to choose something other than the life that had been set out by society and family.
My brother reacted by saying, “I feel as if you’re getting away with something. I just don’t know what.” I didn’t either – not then. But now I do. Somewhere deep inside, without having the words for it, I knew that what I wanted as a child–to be a Renaissance Woman who felt free to pursue a life of intellectual, physical, and creative freedom–was impossible under the regime of heteronormativity and female sexual subjugation that I saw all around me. And so many years later, having come out publicly at age 19, I look back and can honestly say that I am that Renaissance Woman I envisioned myself to be when I was seven.
*Everlyn Hunter immigrated to the US from Jamaica at the age of 14. Her educational accomplishments include Masters and Doctoral degrees in Psychology, as well as a diploma from Vancouver Film School in Writing for Television and Film. Concurrent with her professional work, Everlyn has held numerous leadership roles as a board member of non-profit human rights, Jewish, and LGBT organizations. Dr. Hunter currently lives in Los Angeles where she works as a Psychologist. In her spare time, she is a student pilot who loves flying, and an aspiring jazz vocalist. She is currently working on her first full length novel.
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5and3nevermind · 3 days
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Random (and rambling) yoonmin thoughts…
Some speculation and some comparisons to other pairs here. If that doesn’t sound like your thing, feel free to move on to greener pastures. 🌾
☑️ We have so many examples of Yoongi starting to hold Jimin’s hand but stopping himself
☑️ and in many cases Jimin does not reciprocate even though we know he and Yoongi are close
☑️ and on both sides, we see behavior that is unique. Yes, Yoongi has gone to hold the hands of other members but stopped himself (I guess? I only know of one example and it’s with Tae in a stressful red carpet situation. I’m not aware of the example with Jin mentioned by anon here; if anyone knows please send me a link 🙏), but otherwise his behavior towards Jimin is the outlier not the norm, in my opinion
☑️ because with Jimin, it’s often Yoongi who initiates
☑️ when we see “awkward” moments between Yoongi and other members, it’s often because he thinks they want to hold hands or hug or whatever or because it’s time to hold hands while they bow or because he’s nudging them to communicate something and people read something into it that isn’t there (I have a few examples in mind, but I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade)
☑️ but with Jimin, he’ll be minding his own business and then here comes Yoongi wanting to hold hands
☑️ and Jimin’s behavior toward Yoongi (affectionate but careful) is the outlier not the norm for him, compared with how he acts toward the ml and with Hobi (very open)
☑️ and we can’t look at the hand-holding phenomenon and forget that yoonmin spend a lot of time together outside of work
☑️ and when yoonmin have held hands—prior to 2023—it’s been either: 1. under the guise of a game or 2. when (I think) they possibly assumed the cameras weren’t rolling or they weren’t in the shot or it would be edited out.
☑️ and then in 2023, they were affectionate without hesitation (😭) and even though we had tons of content of these two, we don’t see a single “oops I want to hold your hand no I don’t” moment.
The questions I keep coming back to are:
❔Why would these two be so careful about holding hands on camera? All of the guys hold hands…what’s the big deal?
❔Why would that concern, whatever it was, vanish completely in 2023?
These aren’t rhetorical questions; I’d love it if anyone wants to chime in with their thoughts. Their behavior (especially Yoongi’s!) toward each other when it comes to affection is a topic that rolls around in my brain often and I’d love to discuss it.
I’m sure I’m forgetting something here, some important moment that doesn’t fit these patterns, but it does seem like there was a clear change during Ch 2. I tried to provide several examples but we’re dealing with such a large amount of data spread out over 10 years…it’s hard to capture it all.
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prisonpodcast · 1 year
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#this is gonna be kind of a vent and it may be incoherent so..#seeing everyone talk about how they want to leave dtblr these past few days is so relieving how are we all thinking the same thing at the#same time#idk for me I’m probably not gonna go anywhere but I cannot lie. the fact that our community is more discourse and neg than#actual talk about content is really draining sometimes#it also dosent help that there isn’t that much content recently that I find interesting aside from the occasional dream video#so I guess there really isn’t that much to talk about except for drantis and how much we either love or hate Karl Jacobs#tbh I miss lore LOL the fandom was more fun when that was going on + also it’s wayyy easier stomaching discourse about#fictional characters than real people#like don’t get me wrong I’ve neg posted about ccs too but sometimes this community will talk more about how they hate Karl than like. their#own faves content. like I don’t even care about Karl in the slightest but like it’s just draining when there’s so much negativity all the#time instead of like. live-blogging and excitement over new content#not just Karl tho I used him as an example but like. everyone on the ‘ccs dtblr hates’ list#AND it dosent. help that I don’t really care about George or sapnaps content like at all and Im more of just an sbi main who also likesdream#which sucks bc there aren’t many sbi fans that are normal enough about Dream to follow#so I don’t fit with that community either#and I still don’t really feel like I fit with dreblr too bc I’m more of a ctechno main but idk lol#and like the few non dtblr people I follow seem to always be having such a much better time than us which really dosent help#sorry for the random sad post lmao#I’ll probably delete later I just want to get it out of my system bc sometimes complaining about things makes you feel better about thething#and before anyone’s like ‘just leave why’re you sat here complaining’#I like this community and I like talking about my interests and reading posts about stuff I like on here#I haven’t really lost interest in the content there’s just a lack of it. I just wish the community was less neg all the time#like it’s even something I need to work on with myself lol#this is so long LMAO it’ll probably get deleted in a bit
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corrodedcoughin · 1 year
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You!!! Make this community a better place!!! Thank you for grazing in the Steddie nation!!
#you ever watch a documentary on autism in ‘women and girls’ and SO MUCH of it hits home and makes sense but not all of it 100% so doubt#yourself even though over 75% fits when you’ve been thinking this might be The Right Fit but don’t have a formal diagnosis and probably#will never get one#BUT THEN get really upset because it’s in ‘women and girls’ and you don’t want to be either of those and it hurts in a way you can’t explan#and then worry you are over analysing everything and making things out to be more than they are#idk idk just thoughts to vent out I don’t need a reply so please don’t feel obligated or anything#I mean talking abt it is always interesting but I’m not expecting anything#as all of my posts are!! never an obligation! ever!!!#idk man just thinking out loud and tag talking is my way becaude a full text post is too Much#I just hope everyone is doing okay???? AND!!! I hope you are enjoying yourselves???#in some way!!#because I’ve come back and seeing the creativity and joy and community here js so lovely#I wish I had the time to reblog everybody’s work and exclaim the details and feeling of it all#because regardless of fic shit post art edit gifs it’s all INCREDIBLE. it brings so much emotion to so many and you deserve the recognition#and credit for it because yes you do it for yourself but the feedback is always nice. always.#I just want people to be encouraged to create idk you are all so wonderful and I need you to know that#OKAY I’m done back to Normal reblogs and ask answering and whatever else I can provide#sorry!!!
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bog-horse · 1 year
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anyway my issue with a lot of other helpols (which just makes me avoid the larger community and do my own thing in my corner) is that a lot of them are recon (which is fine!!!) but i am inherently informal and weird as shit in my practice. i call hades and hestia my spiritual dad/mom, hermes gets donuts as offerings when i’m trying to get to class on time and avoid traffic, i once asked artemis to keep deer from jumping out in front of my car on a road trip home with an offering of granola/sports bars. when people get too formal with the gods and pull out the titles, i usually bail bc it makes me uncomfortable. my relationship with my deities is extremely deep and connected, and it’s not that people who have more formal relationships with them can’t also have those, but it’s that if i called hades “lord hades” with any seriousness, he’d hit me with a rock, basically.
i don’t judge other people for their practices or more formal relationships bc honestly, it’s between you and your gods, but like… my go-to offering is the pomegranate brookside dark chocolates, and yes. sometimes i eat them out of my offering dishes the next day.
#i feel like recons are a lot more uhhh#noticeable on this platform? or maybe there really are just more of them#but i feel like us gremlin freaks aren’t very common on here#or maybe we just don’t get many posts bc people don’t relate as much or we don’t do the whole lists of offerings/altar ideas/prayers/etc#my list of offerings for hades won’t work for most people bc he’s very specific in how he reaches out to me#i have a severe aversion to mint. a lot of people put mint in their hades offerings and i know why#but i genuinely hate mint anywhere near me so i can’t use those#so i just don’t bother with a lot of offering lists and making them myself feels like letting people into my underwear drawer? like. that’s#between me and Him‚ basically. although that’s not to imply godspousing or anything i’m just using it as an easy example people will#understand. but yeah idk#i avoid a lot of the helpol community because i don’t feel like i fit in well#i am not recon and never will be bc it doesn’t vibe with my personality or lifestyle#i show my devotation in other ways‚ but those aren’t as easy to post online or share#and i don’t really want to share them either‚ soooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#pagan stuff#bones.txt#zeus gets titles when i work with him tho. i know he’s usually in good humor and the one time i made a bid to him for rain it went well#(after 4-6 weeks of processing time) but i still try to be extra polite to him#hades doesn’t care. zeus might actually strike me down with lightning y’know?#or at least threaten it idk
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badolmen · 2 years
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but obsessing over and labeling every aspect of your human experience isn’t healthy or productive or conducive to the human nature of growth and change.
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Free blocklist in the notes <3 have you considered that you may be a part of the problem?
#ra speaks#personal#real bean talk#but like. if you want to use labels for everything that’s great - fandom labels/preference labels/etc. are all well and good#IF if they make you feel happy and supported by a community of similar people#BUT if that ‘community’ of ‘similar people’ is so rigid and self canibalizing that you don’t feel like you can drop that label#without risking retaliation…that’s not good or healthy and you need to drop everything and run#I’ve seen it in vegetarian circles and hunting clubs and fitness trainers#I’ve seen it in fandom ship communities. I’ve seen it in sports team fans. if you are genuinely afraid/anxious abt the reactions#‘your people’ will have if you either aren’t constantly hyper vigilant to confront ‘the others’#or lose interest or change your opinions#thats not a community that’s a culture of fear and violence that’s going to chew you up and shred you to bits because that’s all it knows#sorry I saw some fandom wank on my dash and it was like. oh you people actually treat this silly stuff with extreme paranoia#like a full on dogwhistles and ‘xyz but STEALTH signals’ kinda stuff you normally see for like. terfs and white supremacists.#but for the most vanilla and not that rare shipping pair in a mid tier fandom#this wasn’t some small post either it had 2k+ notes like 👀 have you maybe considered taking a step back and reevaluate your choices#t*rfs if you even look at this I am throwing you in one of those terrifying boat rides they have at carnivals#labels like ‘gender critical’ in your bio mean you ascribe to the predatory label groups I’ve described in my tags#if you bother to read my tags this isn’t about queer labels specifically I didn’t even mention them bc there are already posts abt that#microlabels and other labels are good if they make you feel good but have the choice to not use them or change them if you change#love light and lignification <3
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werepires · 2 years
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tragedykery · 1 year
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re: the tags sometimes it's tiring having so many aro microlabels to choose from and i just wanna be aro without the community trying to put me in a box, you know? i love that other people have found comfort in their identities but aro microlabels don't resonate with me and it's irritating how some people seem to think i must fit into certain boxes and be a certain Type of aro, esp. with loveless vs lovequeer (i choose neither)
ugh literally
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danzainosolitude · 7 months
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Is there a gender for cis girls who want to be girls
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saintobio · 20 days
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blank canvas. (2)
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after offering a painful ultimatum to finally be enough for him, things ultimately get worse as he decides between keeping you or losing you as the only resolution.
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pairings. ryōmen sukuna, fem!reader
genre. florist x tattoo artist au, mild angst, opposites attract
tags/warnings. strong language, defloration (kinda), explicit smut, undertones of manipulation and gaslighting, toxic relationship, undertones of cheating
notes. 11.2k wc! thanks for the love on bc1, i didn't expect it to gain traction at all but tyty. last part will come soon, but that will be the final chapter to this mini-series.
part 1 | part 3
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The ride back home was uncomfortable. 
It wasn’t because you had promised to give yourself to him that night, but rather because his uncharacteristic silence was not what you had expected after delivering your ultimatum. You already proposed a wonderful solution to his needs, so why was he acting like you were the one being ridiculous? This was why you hated it whenever Sukuna chose silence over open communication, as it left you a hard time guessing about what was running through his mind. His expression didn’t offer any clues either, because he did pretty well at concealing his emotions behind a facade of indifference.
When you said you would do it with him, you meant it. But what did he think of it? 
The sharp wind cut through your skin, the roar of his motorbike deafening your ears as your boyfriend accelerated his vehicle upon entering the tunnel. The vibrant yellow lights offered a cinematic view, tempting you to imagine yourself embracing the wind with open arms, though you knew better than to do so. Instead, you held onto him tightly, wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning forward as he sped through the empty lane.
It was nearing midnight, and the sparse traffic allowed Sukuna to indulge in one of his habits: riding his bike in the late hours of the night through this particular tunnel and onto the highway. You knew this ritual helped him clear his mind since it offered a rush of danger that sharpened his focus on the road. His choice to take this route tonight also only confirmed to you that he was grappling with internal thoughts. The last time he rode this fast was when your parents made you choose between them and him, slapping it in his face that he was and would never be welcomed in your family. 
To be honest, it frightened you. The speed at which he was riding was dangerous for both of you. Moreover, his bike was a YZF-R1, although street-legal, it was still a high-performance sport bike more suited for the track. It required agile and precise handling with its 1000cc engine. Yet, no other vehicle seemed more fitting for Sukuna than this. 
Whatever was on his mind, he didn’t care to let you know. You two didn’t really speak throughout the ride while you clung to him like a backpack, praying in your head that you two wouldn’t get into an accident. Thankfully enough, he did safely take you home as you arrived at your shared apartment at exactly midnight. 
“Please don’t ride like that again,” you muttered as he helped you out of his motorbike. “You could’ve gotten us killed.” 
His fingers then reached to unclasp your helmet, pulling it up to reveal your face. “Well, we’re still alive.” 
You looked at his face despite his best effort to avoid yours, standing centimeters apart while he switched off the engine. He didn’t return your gaze as though he was drowned by guilt. Should you speak at this? Or should you let him do it first? 
“Baby.” After a minute or so, it was your boyfriend who sighed and finally gave in, pulling you close and resting his forehead against yours. He kept his eyes closed even when he was cupping your cheeks. “You don’t have to do this.” 
Yes, you certainly shouldn’t. You didn’t have to do things unwillingly, but that wouldn’t change the fact that this on-going issue was putting a strain on your relationship and this would be your last shot at trying to salvage it. And you couldn’t have him looking for sensual gratification from anyone else other than you, so what other option did you have, really? 
“I want to do it.” 
“Not if you’re forcing yourself like this.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Who said I’m forcing myself?”
“Your face tells me you are,” replied he, staring at your face in defeat. “So, let’s not—”
“What, and let this issue haunt us over and over?” You smiled bitterly, shaking your head adamantly. “This has to be done. I need to experience it so I’ll finally understand.”
Understand what? His face almost spelled out those words, but he chose not to say anything of the sort and instead leaned in to kiss your forehead. “Alright. I’ll make it memorable.” 
— —
Easier said than done, of course. You kept overthinking about whether your performance would be satisfactory to him given that you didn’t have enough experience to learn anything at all, aside from the make out sessions that you did once in a blue moon. Around thirty minutes of your time was spent hyperanalyzing your situation in the shower, while the other half of it was spent doing a little more than your nightly routines. Since Sukuna liked powdery scents, you placed a good effort in applying lavender-scented oil and perfume on every inch of your body. You also shaved any unwanted hair, especially on all the intimate places you knew he would be seeing. And by the time you were done, you stepped out of the bathroom blooming like a fresh flower, wrapped in nothing but a thin towel that hugged your womanly figure. 
It didn’t feel right at all. It didn’t feel good knowing that you were preparing yourself like that, when these things should only happen on the first night after your wedding. It didn’t feel great that you were going to lose your virginity to a man who had not even proposed to you. This wasn’t even your honeymoon, but you had to pretend like it was. 
Did Sukuna feel the same? 
He wasn’t lying in bed when you walked out of the bathroom. Instead, he had just returned from outside—shirtless, wearing his favorite gray sweatpants, and holding a box of condoms and a tube of lube in his hand. It was clear he had made a quick visit to the convenience store nearby and got the essentials for your first night.
Immediately, he eyed your towel-wrapped body with restrained lust, clearing his throat as he walked towards the nightstand. “You look nice.” 
Really? Did he really have to make this more awkward than it already was? 
“Thank you,” was all you could softly reply. It was funny how he pretended to be busy placing the box and tube above the bedside table instead of lunging at you like a desperate man. But because you wanted to get this over with, you were the one who approached him from behind, wrapping your arms around his waist, and touching the firmness of his abs. For someone who had zero experience, you were definitely trying hard enough and that should please him. “You have to help me out here, my love. Guide me.” 
When Sukuna turned around, your heart started racing. Of excitement? Maybe. Of anxiety? Perhaps. He made it better though when he finally caved in and looked straight into your eyes, tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear before lifting your chin with his hand. “You smell extra nice, too,” he added, leaning close enough that you could feel his warm breath fanning your face. 
You were feeling it now. The equal lust. The carnal desire. The feeling of his sweet kisses, which he made true as soon as he crashed his lips onto yours. His kisses usually ranged from tender to rough, but this time, it was an altogether different type of kiss. It was passionate and demonstrative, as if showing you exactly what he had been wanting to do to you the first time you got together. This must be the result of being celibate in over a year. He was clearly a man deprived of sexual pleasure, and you were responsible for it. You actually turned him into a monk. 
Now, he wasn’t holding anything back anymore. With his hand on your nape, he deepened the kiss to the point where you could feel his tongue exploring your mouth. You followed whatever he was doing like a good girl, like a very good girl, as he completely devoured your mouth with his. It didn’t take long for him to advance his kisses in other places too, being your jawline his next target, and then your neck as he feathered kisses around the soft flesh, leaving marks that would need a few days to be concealed. 
Because his arms were tight around your waist, yours were locked around his neck. Where else should you be putting them? What does the girl usually do in this situation? You tried not to think much of it and listened to your own body while your boyfriend was sucking the skin around your collarbone. At first, your hand traced his toned chest, then it moved southwards to feel his abs, and further down to his…
“Y-You’re hard.” Your eyes widened as you felt his growing erection behind the fabric of his sweatpants. It wasn’t your first time seeing his boner, but it was the first time you touched it with your own hand. It was the first time you had your palm stroking his length, swallowing hard as you realized just how hard and thick he was. 
“It wants to be inside you,” he whispered through your mouth, kissing you back again, “so bad, baby.” 
Gosh. Your knees felt weak and you two hadn’t even really started yet. How much more when he starts putting that thing of his inside you? You were breathing hard, trying to catch air as your boyfriend continued to lap his tongue with yours, guiding your hand to continue fondling his wood while it grew bigger the more stimulated it got. By letting you touch his hardened crotch together with his own, you realized that you had just unlocked a newfound fetish of yours. “D-Do you… do you think about doing it with me often?”
He bit your lower lip before pulling away, animalistic eyes sending you into an orbit of pleasure. “Do you mean if I touch myself to the thought of you a lot?” he teased, chuckling darkly at the obvious heat on your cheeks. You couldn’t help but feel excited at how vulgar he could be with his words. “I do jack off a lot, angel. And it’s always you in my mind.” 
You didn’t even have the time to melt from his words, because before you knew it, he was already peeling the towel off your body to reveal your completely naked figure. Obviously, your first reaction was to get shy—with your heated cheeks, your inability to look him in the eyes, your little efforts in covering your breasts and crotch, but he made sure to pull your hands away while keeping his eyes on you. “…Don’t stare.” 
Sukuna, however, didn’t listen. His dark eyes scanned every curve of your body, particularly around your chest area before he sighed and threw his head back. “Fuck,” he cussed under his breath. “You’re so fucking sexy. I can’t believe no other punk has seen you like this.” 
Your confidence grew little by little because of his praises. “But isn’t that a good thing?” 
“For sure.” He almost laughed at his own words, more so in disbelief, before he reached out to touch your bosom. “No one can touch you like this, either, baby.” 
“That’s—”
“Hmm?” Your boyfriend smirked at your reaction. While his other hand went to squeeze your breast, the other traveled to your bum, squeezing the cheek with equal fervor. “Can I have a taste of you, baby?”
He fondled your breasts with both hands now, massaging the rounded mass like they were his property. You had to admit to yourself that the feeling of being touched actually transcended your expectations. Or maybe it was only because of how erotic it was, but you couldn’t deny how turned on you were as his veiny, manly hands cupped your bosom. 
And as soon as you nodded and permitted him to ‘taste’ you, he took no time in gently pushing you down the mattress, allowing you to lay at a comfortable position under him and his wanton stare. Taste you? He was more like eating you, when he pinned you against the mattress and sucked the skin on your chest. At first, his tongue rolled along your cleavage, inching closer and closer to your right breast while he had his hand squeezing the left. Your body naturally gravitated towards him as you arched your back so he could have better access to your chest. Not only your chest, but also your crotch as he started grinding his clothed manhood in between your folds. 
“Mm…”
Sukuna’s mouth was on your breast now, suckling on your flesh and playing his tongue around your nipple. You couldn’t tell if it was pleasurable or painful because his tongue felt ticklish on your skin, but the suction definitely was an entirely different feeling. Both weren’t bad, anyway. They were just new to you. But even if they were foreign, you were curious and all the more interested, studying every little thing he was doing with your body and trying to make mental notes out of it. 
Maybe you should have watched porn. That way, you could have been more aware of the step-by-step process of having sex. Who knew there were steps to follow at all? You didn’t think that foreplay could draw this much delay in your session because all you thought was that he was going to insert his cock straight inside you as soon as he saw you naked. 
With all the touching, fondling, and kissing… what were you supposed to do? He was doing all the work here. 
“Baby,” you spoke softly, staring at the ceiling, “C-Can I… touch you?” 
Instead of pulling away, his mouth latched onto your left boob, giving it the same attention before moving south. “Not yet.” 
When he said that, you didn’t expect his hand to land on your crotch. Your heart was thumping at an irregular rhythm as you felt his fingers moving in circles around your bud, playing with your clit before spreading your folds apart. “Nghh—!” you let out an embarrassingly loud moan, eyes widening at the sound of your voice, but your boyfriend shushed you by placing a peck on your lips before spreading your legs into a V. 
“You’re so wet,” he said, pointing out the obvious as he positioned himself in between your legs, spreading your labia to reveal your entrance. Something about the situation made you increasingly self-conscious, but his undeniably hungry gaze kept you from covering your most sensitive area. It seemed like he was enjoying the sight of your pussy, especially with how wet and ‘untouched’ it was. “Your pussy’s so pretty, baby,” he mumbled, lowering his face closer to the area, “Can’t wait to put my dick inside it.” 
You whimpered at the feeling of his tongue in between your folds. No, you couldn’t even think straight after he started teasing your vagina, alternating between flicking his tongue around your bud to french kissing your entrance. His tongue was so deep in your cavern that you were raising your hips involuntarily, going insane from the pleasure it sent your body. Your hands even gripped the sheets and your back arched into a C as you held back from moaning like a wild animal. At some point, the slurping sounds and the feeling of his mouth kissing your vagina had your legs shaking. 
Though, you could ask yourself: what turned you on the most? Was it him actually eating your pussy or just the idea of him doing it? 
And just when you thought he was done, he replaced his mouth by inserting a finger inside your cunt, garnering a much louder whimper out of you. “B-Baby!”
“Does it hurt?” he asked, eyes locked with yours as he slowly moved his middle finger in and out. “It’s so tight.” 
“It hurts…” You nodded, feeling his finger moving in circles inside your cunt as though he was trying to get a feel of your walls, measuring the tightness and such. 
He kissed you for a good minute. “Relax, angel. Don’t clench too much.” 
Clench? You didn’t even know you were doing such a thing. “How to…?” 
“Just relax.” Sukuna placed a hand on your abdomen, pressing it down while he was inserting yet another finger inside of you. “This’ll help you prepare so it won’t hurt as much later.” 
Now, you were goddamn nervous. What did he mean it wouldn’t hurt as much? Because you were overthinking the pain of having him his actual cock inside of you. If you couldn’t even bear having his two fingers inside you, how much more with his clearly thick shaft? It was ridiculous to feel both anxious and yet aroused at the same time. Anxious, because you knew he could rip you open. Aroused, because his fingers were currently doing a great job at hitting your most sensitive spot. Whatever it was that he was reaching, it was certainly sending waves of ecstasy throughout your body. 
His fingers continued to move. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Around. When he pulled his digits out, he sucked the juices on them, tasting every drip of your essence from his fingers. “Sweet.”
Were you? You started to get curious at how he tasted, too. Sweet? Salty? Bitter? You seemed to be moving on autopilot when you pulled yourself up and sat in bed on your knees. “Your turn?” 
You asked the question as if you knew what you were doing, which was why Sukuna found it adorable and humorous at the same time. He did help you pull down the sweatpants that had been covering his erection for what felt like eternity, only to reveal a monstrous size that sprung out of the garment. 
Holy fuck was all you could say. 
He stood at the edge of the bed, a devilish smirk displayed on his saintly face as he saw the length of his cock compared to your face. You obviously hadn’t seen many cocks in your lifetime to be able to compare his size, but in your eyes, he was definitely big. He was girthy. He was lengthy. He was veiny. Meaty. 
“Wanna suck it for me, baby?” he encouraged, pumping his shaft while looking at you. Fuck. “Open your mouth.” 
You did as told, wrapping a hand at the base of his length while placing his tip on your mouth. You pressed your tongue flat on the surface of his tip, rolling your tongue around the head as if it were a lollipop. Was that what you were supposed to do?
“Eyes on me.” His voice deepened an octave. And it was also raspier. 
Why did he want you to look up at him? It was already embarrassing. 
“I said, eyes on me, angel.” He grabbed your chin and forced you to lock eyes with his darkened ones. Damn. No wonder girls were desperate to see him in his shop every single day. This was probably what they had been daydreaming about. “Suck my cock.” 
In your head, you became a slut. In reality, you were still a shy, inexperienced virgin who didn’t know what to do. You relied on his instructions and looked at his expressions to know if you were doing a good job and to see what he liked and didn’t like. He definitely liked it when you sucked the head, liked it even more when you started to let him go deeper in your mouth, and surely liked it a hell lot better when you gagged after his cock hit the back of your throat. But in spite of the string of saliva that left your mouth after gagging from his cock, his arousal only grew harder, this time holding your hair in his fist as he began thrusting his hip forward. You were bobbing your head at a rhythm that satisfied him, feeling the stretch on your scalp as he tightened his grip on your hair. 
“Tighten your mouth around it,” he instructed, fucking your mouth senselessly like hitting your throat was driving him nuts. Your eyes were already filling up with tears because of your urge to gag again, but you didn’t think it would be a good idea to stop now while he was just starting to pleasure himself. 
This was the first time in your life to give someone a blowjob, and you weren’t sure what to make of that experience. It personally didn’t give you pleasure, but you liked hearing his desperate moans. You liked hearing him curse and get vulgar with his words. You liked seeing him get rough. His taste, on the other hand, was somewhat a different experience. Since you were only sucking his flesh, it was a tad bit salty at first contact but didn’t taste anything much after tongue got used to the skin around his shaft. Perhaps his cum would have a stronger flavor, though it looked like he had no plans in releasing his load into your mouth as he pulled his member out. 
“Fuck it,” he grunted, gently pushing you back and spreading your legs wide open again, “I wanna feel your pussy so bad. Can I fuck you raw, babe?” 
All those condoms, and he wanted to have you raw? 
“But… I don’t wanna get pregnant.” 
His face was full of assurance, shaking his head and denying any chance of knocking you up. “You won’t be. I’ll pull out, I just… I have to feel you raw the first time. I have to.” 
“Okay…” 
You were nervous as hell. You had butterflies in your stomach, your heart pounding in your chest like a drumbeat you couldn’t silence. You had imagined this moment countless times, but now that it was here, the reality of it was too overwhelming. Your mind yet again raced with a whirlwind of doubts and insecurities, and every nerve on your body seemed to be on high alert while you watched him getting occupied with rubbing his entire length with lube, ensuring a smooth entrance inside you. 
He was nervous too, right? You couldn’t be the only one. You couldn’t be. 
You just wanted everything to be perfect. To show him how much you cared. To feel that you were enough. But the thought was paralyzing. Tonight was more than just physical intimacy; it was a step forward in your relationship, a moment of connection you wanted so badly to cherish. This first intimate encounter should be filled with love, respect, and mutual understanding. 
But what if after this, he’d come to realize that you weren’t the one? What if he’d get disappointed and tell you that you weren’t worth it? What if he’d leave you for someone else who could pleasure him better? What if, after you had given yourself to him, no one else would ever appreciate you anymore? 
You wanted this, didn’t you? You wanted to feel the heat of his touch, the intensity of his gaze, the intimacy of your connection. You wanted to explore this uncharted territory with him, to dive headfirst into the unknown and discover what lay on the other side. But were you really ready for this? Did you truly want this? Would it be everything you had imagined, or would you regret losing your virginity to him?
The fear of inadequacy gnawed at your confidence as Sukuna positioned himself back in between you, his tip rubbing at your slit a couple times before he finally sunk it into your entrance. 
“Haaa—!” 
“Shh. It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.”
“N-No, I—!”
It felt like your walls were being stretched so painfully, like your flesh was being torn open in the most agonizing way. This was not the kind of pain you pictured out when he put his member inside. Sukuna even tried to grab hold of your hips to keep you steady, but you were withdrawing your hips back, wanting nothing but for him to remove his cock. 
“It hurts… It hurts… please, stop. Please!” 
“Baby, I’m trying to be gentle—”
“I SAID STOP!” 
Both of your eyes widened at the same time, and that was the only time you two were ever in sync. He was clearly shocked by your outburst, while you yourself were surprised at how you raised your voice at him. Neither of you expected that situation. As a result, he did pull away and completely withdrew himself from you. 
Frustration was evident on his visage and he couldn’t even hide it anymore. “Fuck this,” he spat in exasperation, taking a deep breath as he reached to slip his sweatpants back on. “I knew it.” 
“No, I…” You swallowed. “It just… You kinda forced it, I wasn’t ready.” 
“I forced it, really? I forced you?” His laugh was out of complete disbelief. “I never forced you into anything, angel. I’ve asked you since the beginning if this is really what you want.” He took a pause, a very uncomfortable one, before he went on murmuring, “It was just my tip and you’re overreacting like this. I’m not even halfway in.”
His agitation had finally awakened you to your senses, realizing that you did end up doing what you were scared of doing. You ruined the moment. You were so caught up in your bubble of negative thoughts that you had once again failed to fulfill what you were supposed to do. No wonder he was aggravated, now sitting away from you and wearing his clothes as if telling you that he was done. Done being blue balled by his own girlfriend. Done expecting something he was never really bound to have. 
You reached out to touch his arm. “Baby, I’m sorry… I just got scared, but we can still—”
“Still do it?” he continued your sentence by ironically cutting you off, “No, the fuck, I won’t. I’m not in the mood anymore.” 
His reaction brought tears to your eyes, because the way he was acting stung your fragile heart. You didn’t mean to ruin anything. More importantly, you didn’t wish for everything to just turn out like this. “I-I’m sorry. Let me try again, please.” 
The weakness of your voice seemed to have softened him, becoming calmer and more composed after a few minutes of contemplation, but he still held his ground when he massaged his temple and sighed. “Let’s just not push it, Y/N.” He looked at your eyes, with hurt and rejection reflecting on them. “Even if you say you wanna do it, you think I can’t see it in your face that you’re not really into it? You’re never ready for me and maybe it’s my fault, maybe there’s something about me that you’re so scared of. Maybe it’s because you don’t feel secure with me, maybe you wanna save yourself for someone better, someone who can give you a brighter future—”
“That’s not true!” You shook your head desperately, your eyes blurring from the pool of tears while you clung to his arm. Where was all this coming from? It sounded like he had been harboring those feelings for so long. “That’s not true. What are you even saying?” 
“I don’t even know what I’m saying. I’m just…” Trying to give a reason why you won’t give it to me. That must be what he had wanted to say. “Look, I don’t wanna pressure you into this bullshit anymore. I don’t wanna make it look like I’m begging for your affection like this. Intimacy should happen normally for couples, and if we can’t have that, then we can’t. That’s it.” 
Why did he sound like he was giving up? 
You tried to keep your emotions at bay while listening to him battling with his internal thoughts. “I understand I disappointed you tonight, but…”
He was adamant at shaking his head, distancing himself from you by getting up from the bed. “No, you got nothin’ to apologize for. It’s your body and your choice. I’d never force you into anything.” 
Then… then…
“I just think it’s not the perfect time,” he continued, shooting you a glance before looking away. Each step he took added another crack on your fragile heart. “From now on, I’m never gonna initiate anything intimate nor will I expect anything from you, aight? I’m over it.”
Alone in your vulnerability, you could feel the cold air hugging your naked body as you watched him walk towards the door, leaving you in the dark both literally and figuratively. “Where a-are you going? Come on… Please.” 
He no longer cared to turn around. He no longer bothered to comfort you as he walked away, muttering, “Just gonna go for a ride. Don’t wait on me.” 
— —
Nearly three weeks had passed since that night and you would be lying if you said everything was okay. 
No, everything was not okay. You could feel the distance growing each day even when you two still did everything together. Your normal routines didn’t feel normal anymore because he was acting too detached ever since he told you that he wouldn’t initiate anything intimate ever again. And to be honest? It hurt. A whole fucking lot. Hearing your partner say that they would never wish to do anything intimate with you was probably the worst way to experience heartbreak. Because he was truthful with it, and he showed it very openly. 
Now, he’d lock the door whenever he would take showers. He’d spent most of his time outside riding his bike until midnight. He stopped texting you sweet messages while on tattoo shop duty. He seldomly joined you to eat breakfast and dinner together. His back would face you whenever you two slept in bed. His eyes avoided you even when you walked around in underwear. His hand wouldn’t touch you even when you were centimeters close to him. There were no kisses exchanged either, unless obliged to do so when leaving the house. No hugs. No hair-stroking, hand-holding sweetness ever shared. You were simply cohabiting in your shared apartment like strangers who had barely even said I love you’s. 
“Man, that’s rough,” remarked Suguru Getou, your cousin and the barista, as he tidied up the counter behind the elevated bar. Having just served his friend an Americano, he listened intently as you vented about your situation with Sukuna. “I’ll be honest with you, Y/N. It’s not looking good for you.”
You knew that. You just refused to acknowledge it. “I mean, all couples fight.” 
Suguru shook his head, however. “You two aren’t even fighting. Dude just gave up and started detaching himself from you. If that’s not a sign already, then I don’t know what is.” 
“What sign?” you asked, hiding the obvious worry in your voice. You need not be dense about his words, but you wanted to have some kind of hope to grasp on. 
“Sign that he’s falling out of love?” he continued. 
And somehow, his white-haired friend thought it would be okay to chime in. “More like a sign that the tool's not interested anymore and is about to dump her.”
Your face felt hot and in the most terrible way. “Sorry, what was your name again?” you asked, your tone dripping with sarcasm. You hadn’t expected the guy to suddenly chime in, considering he had been quietly typing on his laptop just moments before. “I don’t remember asking for your opinion, so don’t go listening to somebody else’s business when you’re not part of the conversation.”
“Jeez,” said the albino guy, grinning at your cousin as if amused by your barrage of a response. “She’s a yapper, too. I thought she was supposed to be this sweet and innocent type, Suguru?”
“Not always.” Suguru chuckled at his friend before turning to you, apologetic eyes now attempting to soothe your nerves. “Sorry ‘bout that, Y/N. Satoru just likes to tease people. Don’t mind him.”  
You kept a straight face. “Well, then maybe tell your friend to keep his nose out of conversations he’s not invited to.” 
“Yes, ma’am.” Satoru gave you a playful salute before extending his hand towards you. “Look, I didn’t mean to overhear, but I actually sympathize with you. If it were me, I’d never do that to you, baby.”
Oh, God. You were so bad at this. Was he flirting with you or was he simply playful like this? 
Nevertheless, you rolled your eyes and ignored the hand he offered, essentially brushing off his advances. “I don’t need sympathy. All I’m here for is to talk to my cousin to try and have his advice on the matter,” you emphasized pointedly, making it clear to Satoru that he was the last person you wanted advice from. “I don’t need a stranger listening to my personal life.” 
“Doesn’t hurt to receive advice from another guy,” countered Satoru, shrugging. “Right, Suguru? I mean, we’re both guys. We can give you some insight into how men think.” 
You felt the urge to bury your face in your hands. It was clearly a mistake going there and putting yourself in that situation, and now having two guys aware of your sex life with your boyfriend. That alone was so wrong on many levels. But could it be helped? Suguru was your closest cousin, the only one who didn’t turn his back on you after you left your parents’ home. He was working at a cafe three blocks away from your flower shop and you happened to be delivering a batch of fresh floral decorations for their cafe. You obviously found it a good opportunity to open up to him about your struggling relationship and hoped he could offer some male perspective on Sukuna’s behavior. You just hadn’t anticipated his friend eavesdropping on the conversation the entire time.
Well, that should have been expected anyway, since only the three of you were in that cafe on a lazy Wednesday afternoon. 
“I don’t kiss and tell, by the way.” Satoru was beaming as he gave you that assurance and you couldn’t help but admit that the man had some charm in him. He was attractive, no doubt about it. He was also tall, toned, and seemingly well off based on the way he dressed. He had a casual yet preppy style, something you would normally see from guys who went to private school. 
“Do you work?” you asked out of sheer curiosity. “You don’t seem like the type.” 
“Oh, now she’s interested.” Satoru seemed to have found your sudden interest in him humorous. “I’m finishing my MBA, miss. Thank you for asking.”
“He’s a privileged rich kid with generational wealth and a family business,” Suguru remarked, playfully gesturing a cutting motion across his neck. “Definitely not your type, huh, Y/N?”
“Why, what’s her type?” The white-haired man looked intrigued, pulling his stool closer. He had that stupid grin on his face as though the topic just sparked his curiosity. “What’s her boyfriend like?”
Suguru, who wanted to play along, jokingly hummed in deep thought. “He’s got tattoos, likes to tattoo other people, is a college dropout, rides a big bike, smokes and drinks, listens to heavy metal, was probably a delinquent and a juvie alumni—”
“Excuse you, he’s never been in a juvenile detention center,” you defended your man, feeling like your cousin’s categorization of Sukuna was becoming a little too derogatory and you had to correct him for that, “and he’s a good man. He’s sweet and caring, he’s passionate, and he loves me sincerely.” 
“Sincerely, not?” Satoru quipped, earning your glare in return. He immediately raised his hands in surrender. “I'm just joking. If you believe he’s all that, that’s your choice. I don’t judge booktok girls who romanticize typical bad boys.”
You rolled your eyes at his audacity. Each word that left his mouth seemed to stoke the flames of your irritation. “You’re so offensive, I’ll have you know that.” 
The white-haired guy smugly took a sip from his coffee. “At least I don’t make girls feel guilty for not having sex with me.” 
“Oooh.” Suguru was clearly enjoying the show, unaware that you were one step closer from smacking his friend across the face. “Touché. He kinda has a point, Y/N.” 
“Be serious,” you warned. 
To which he agreed to. “Okay, I am being serious now,” he said, abandoning his playful stance to lean in on a more solemn posture against the counter, “If you think Sukuna makes you feel guilty for not doing it with him, then shouldn’t that speak for the kind of relationship you two have? He wants something you can’t give. His reaction tells you everything you need to know about him.” 
You tried to absorb his words with a better understanding and without any bias. “Isn’t his reaction normal? He’s a man, too. I understand his needs and I made him feel somewhat rejected.”
“It’s all about respect, Y/N,” answered Suguru, “If he’s a decent man, he wouldn’t make you feel that way. No mixed signals, no guilt tripping, no nothing. If you can’t do it, then don’t.” 
“So, you’re saying you wouldn’t feel the same if your girlfriend keeps rejecting sex with you?” 
Suguru smirked. “I never said I’m a decent man, either. All I’m saying is if what you want isn’t exactly aligned to what he wants, then maybe it’s best you break it off with him because this shit won’t get you anywhere, Y/N. Trust me. He’s gonna dump you before you know it. I mean, it’s one thing to pretend he’s all fine with it, and it’s another to distance himself from you like he’s silently protesting.” 
“Yeah, that’s true,” Satoru joined in once again. “It’s impossible for a guy like that to be in a relationship for so long and not have any pussy. We think of sex 24/7, some of us are just better at restraining ourselves than others. He’s putting up with it now, but it’s only a matter of time he gets sick and tired of waiting. You do realize he can get any girl he wants, anytime he wants, right?” 
Although you were still uncomfortable at Satoru casually chiming in on the conversation, it was true when they said they could give you the exact male perspective you needed to hear. This allowed you to go deeper into Sukuna’s psyche and understand why he was acting that way. You just didn’t know how to save the connection you have with your boyfriend when both your cousin and his friend were describing all the red flags on Sukuna’s behavior. 
“I don’t know,” you spoke in a tone of defeat. “I kinda understand where he’s coming from, so I can’t just leave him for it. I love him.”
Satoru looked at your cousin like you couldn’t be saved. “She’s in too deep.” 
“Yeah, gaslighted as fuck.” Suguru was shaking his head in disappointment. 
The taller man chuckled and brought up a ridiculous offer to lighten the situation up. “Honestly, Y/N. I know we just met and all, but if you ever need someone to teach you how to do good in bed, just hit me up. He’ll never know.” 
“Shut up,” you shot back at Satoru, eyes rolling at his remark. 
“You’re out here feeling bad for that guy when he could be fucking his clients at the tattoo shop.”
You argued. “No, he’s not—”
“Are you sure he isn’t?” 
It wasn’t Suguru nor Satoru who posed that question; it was Yuki Tsukumo, the café’s manager and Suguru's respected senior. She was in a relationship with one of your boyfriend’s stepbrothers, Choso, and was also a fellow biker, which allowed her to cross paths with Sukuna in their community. Despite this connection, she was never particularly close to him. In fact, Yuki didn’t personally get along with Sukuna and she was very vocal about it. She was, however, a regular client of yours and ordered floral arrangements from your shop on a weekly basis.
It had been awhile since you last saw her, and didn’t expect that the first greeting you would give her was a question. “Yuki, what do you mean?” 
Great. Now, three people know about your relationship quagmires. 
She was placing her helmet at the counter and sitting on a stool before answering you, “I really think you should talk to him about it, Y/N.” 
No, no. Why did you suddenly feel a pang of anxiety out of nowhere? Something about the sympathy in Yuki’s eyes felt unsettling, and it sent a wave of fear through you. She definitely knew something. What was Sukuna doing behind your back?
“Can you please just tell me?” 
Her gaze studied your face intently, as if deliberating on the right thing to do. “Well... I spotted him riding with a girl the other night. Initially, I thought it might be you, but last night, I saw them together again. I recognized her... because it was his ex. I think he’s been giving her rides home lately.” 
Amidst the quiet of the room, your heart felt like it was breaking in two. The sudden revelation sent you into an abyss of pain.
“You might wanna visit his tattoo shop later.” Yuki encouraged me with a comforting smile. “It may be best to confront him about it.”
— —
Sukuna wasn’t sure how to act around you anymore. It wasn’t like he was purposely avoiding you, but he just didn’t feel comfortable acting like everything was fine and dandy. Because if he was damn honest, the sexual frustration was fucking with his head. So much so to the point where he started questioning himself if he should still put up with a relationship like this. 
First of all, there were pros and cons involved. He had to consider that it was a special connection filled with special memories, too. 
If he was talking about the pros, he knew he would have a loving lifetime partner with you. You were beautiful, kind, and pure. You inspired him and motivated him to be better. You were unmaterialistic and happy with the littlest things. You gave his dominant side the urge to be a better man, like he was made to protect and provide for you. You became his muse; a blank canvas that was all for him to paint on. A canvas that no one had ever touched. Or, in your world, a white lily that was associated with chastity and virtue. 
But then, there were also cons, and the foremost of it being you were too conservative for your own good. You grew up in a strict environment with uptight parents who wanted to control your life. He could never voice it out, but he really hated that you were square like your parents sometimes. You were too traditional and afraid to explore new experiences, oftentimes policing him for living his life as free as he wanted it to be. The ‘opposites attract’ thing did seem to work in your relationship at first, with your differences being exciting for each other, but as time went by, it became clearer to him that you two were too different to actually be in sync together. 
Hence why your relationship became rigid and suffocating, forcing him to take a breather by distancing himself from you for some time. He did this for your benefit, because he had to clear his head before risking losing you for good. He didn’t want to jeopardize a relationship that he knew meant the world to him. Perhaps this was just a phase, a challenging period following the honeymoon phase, where all your differences seemed to become more pronounced.
But to repeatedly make him look forward to sharing intimacy with you, only for you to back out at the very last minute? Man, was that so frustrating. 
It didn’t help that it was destiny itself that seemed to be stirring the pot. Because while you two were going through a rough time in your relationship, the irony presented itself outside of Sukuna’s tattoo shop late at night just as he was about to close. 
“Ryo?” A tall woman with athletic build, long dark hair, and beautiful doe eyes came into view with a wide smile on her face. 
His ex-girlfriend of three years. 
Sukuna held the door for her albeit the confusion in his eyes. “Yorozu?” 
The only difference he noticed was that she had become a lot sexier, with the curves on her body more womanly than ever. It was obvious that she was active in the gym to achieve such a fit physique. But other than that, her facial features were the same. Her heart eyes still shone bright at the mere sight of him, as if they carried stars and galaxies. 
“I think I came too late,” said Yorozu, smiling in disappointment, “I should probably just return tomorrow.” 
“No, you’re good.” Sukuna insisted on letting her enter his shop, closing the door as soon as she was inside. “What brought you here?” 
She stood confidently in front him, wearing nothing but a blank tank top and some loose white pants. “Funny story ‘cause I actually just moved to this city recently and I just found out you had a shop in this area.” 
Oh? That was interesting, indeed. Sukuna wondered how she even found his shop in that case, while he was leading her to the tattoo chair. “Are you here to get a tattoo or?” 
“Yeah, yeah I am.” She was sprinkling some charm in her grin. He knew her too well. “I think it’s amazing that I’m gonna get it from you again.”
While Yorozu was talking to him, he couldn’t help but ask: was it wrong for him to be in the same vicinity as his ex? Considering how jealous you could get, this was definitely wrong in your eyes. But as he wasn’t doing anything sketchy, he figured there was nothing wrong about what he was doing. Yorozu was technically a client and he couldn’t deny her his services since she was basically a friend of his, too. So, was he breaking any code here? 
“Well, only if you have time now, of course,” she added out of consideration, “It’s kinda late so I can always come back.” 
Sukuna shook his head and headed to get his book of tattoo art samples. “It’s fine. I got clients lined up all day tomorrow, so,” he said, placing the book on her lap, “You wanna check that or do you have a design in mind already?” 
Yorozu’s eyes fell on the tattoos marking Sukuna’s body, her gaze landing on every familiar inch as though she had seen them all the time before. It was true. She had seen more of him, actually. She had done more with his body, too. “I kinda wanna get a sleeve, but I want you to choose the design for me.” 
A tattoo sleeve? Damn. It was something he would never in a million years see from you, but for Yorozu, it was totally normal. She was as obsessed with ink as he was. And although she’s had a couple of tattoos in her body already, which were done by him, it would be her first time to get a full sleeve. 
“I get to choose, really?” Sukuna chuckled lightly. If he were to think of Yorozu’s traits, she was definitely a classic red rose. A seductress, alluring woman was how he saw her and the said flower would be a true-to-life representation of her personality. She was passionate when it came to loving someone, and was completely devoted to him back when they were together. The only reason they broke up was because they were too similar, as if she was his counterpart, and he saw fit to leave a relationship where they both constantly battled for dominance. Yorozu could get too aggressive on loving someone and he didn’t particularly like that. He made her understand why they weren’t working as a couple, and it took her some time, but she eventually accepted his decision. Now, you could say, they were somehow on good terms. “Alright, I’ll do your sleeve, but I’ll keep the design as a surprise.” 
Her eyes sparkled in excitement at the thought. “I’d love that!” 
“Since you want a sleeve, we’re gonna do some stencil application today.” Sukuna didn’t waste any more time in getting ready with his equipment, biting on the glove while wearing the other on his hand. “It’ll take fifteen to twenty hours to complete a sleeve, and each session could last two to six hours depending on your pain tolerance. My schedule’s actually full all day until next week, but you can come around the same time every night so I can finish yours.” 
“Yeah, I’m absolutely fine with that,” she enthused. For some reason, Yorozu was happy with the idea. The idea of coming to visit Sukuna every night in his shop. The idea that they get to be alone. The idea that they would be able to reconnect just like old times. Those were the things that Sukuna assumed was going through her head. 
And as he did start with his ‘client’, it was probably best to admit that the sexual tension was high. The room felt stuffy as the both of them remained there until midnight, with her sitting on the tattoo chair, and him doing her tattoo to her left. His eyes were intently focused on the intricate patterns he was doing on her arm, but also couldn’t avoid seeing the contours of her breasts since she was wearing such a thin tank top. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen them before. He’d seen every part of her body from her neck down to her toes. He’d put her in every position from missionary to doggy. Goddamn, he could even remember how warm she felt around his cock. Didn’t she like it when he came inside her? Or when he made her swallow every drop of his seed? 
Sukuna cleared his throat, shaking his vulgar thoughts away as he continued with Yorozu’s arm. He may not be cheating, but thinking back on those intimate experiences with someone else other than his girlfriend was definitely not morally right either. But what sexual experience could he reminisce about with you? That ridiculously embarrassing night you two had shouldn’t even be counted since he was trying so hard to forget about it. 
He cleared his throat. Again. For the third time. “What, uh, what’ve you been up to?” 
Yorozu, who had no clue about his thoughts, turned her face to look at him happily. “Not much, actually. The bar I worked at closed down, but I got myself a new job in this club as a full time hostess and part-time promoter. You should come by. Drinks on me.” 
By not exactly accepting or refusing, Sukuna decided to just smile it off. “That’s why you moved to this city?” 
“Yeah, I mean… obviously, the rent here is higher, but it’s closer to my job. I get paid decently, too.” 
“That’s nice.” He was just trying to make small talk at this point. “Do you know your way ‘round here? How are you gonna get home?” 
She considered her options. “Probably a bus or something?” 
Sukuna paused, contemplating the situation. “There's no bus here at midnight,” he remarked, concerned for the girl who would have to navigate her way home alone at such a late hour. She was new to the area and clearly still adjusting to the commuter lifestyle. Unlike her, he had a vehicle that could safely transport her home. There would be no harm in offering, right? “Look, I have a bike and I usually take midnight rides, anyway. I can drop you off on my way home.”
“Really?” Her voice echoed excitement in them. “I’d appreciate it, Ryo. Thanks so much.” 
Life was ironic, truly. He didn’t see this situation coming because he never expected that he would even come across Yorozu ever again. They didn’t have any contact prior, but he still saw her on social media whenever he (on very rare occasions) decided to check his accounts. He never had her blocked, either, which was why you knew about Yorozu after snooping through his phone and reading through some of his old messages with her. Sukuna used to tell you not to worry about her, and that she was just his ex, and that she had nothing on you—which were all true, of course, but it was funny to him now that the woman his girlfriend was most threatened by was back in his life. 
And she was riding at the backseat of his motorbike, her arms latching at nothing else but around his torso. She was seated at the seat reserved for you, wearing the helmet that was bought for you, and holding onto a man that was rightfully yours. It all didn’t feel right. 
But because Yorozu delighted in his habit of speeding on the highway, he had somehow forgotten about the guilt that was forming in his heart. 
**
“You still have your ex’s Instagram?” Your questioning eyes met his defensive ones as he joined you in the living room, finding his space on the couch next to you. “I read your dms. Why haven’t you blocked her?” 
Sukuna’s breath remained steady. “Only toxic people do that shit.” 
“But I’m not comfortable with it!” you nagged, letting him snatch his phone from your grasp. 
“Do you see me talking to her still?” he asked, trying to be as patient as he could be, “Baby, I don’t even talk to her. I don’t think she’s active there, either.” 
You crossed your arms. “Then, block her?” 
“You’re being ridiculous.” 
“I’m being fair. You shouldn’t be keeping tabs with an ex.” 
“What are you—” Sukuna decided to cut his own sentence after realizing that the argument was plain stupid. “You know what, I’ll just delete my insta.” 
**
“How many times do you two do it?” you asked out of nowhere, sitting at the waiting area while he was closing his shop. “Your ex. How often do you have sex with her?” 
What kind of trap were you setting now? If he told you an honest answer, you would get mad. If he lied or even sugar coated it, you would also get mad. 
“Does it matter? Why do you keep asking questions about her and then get upset with me?” Sukuna’s frustration resonated in his sigh as he tidied the space where he tattooed his client a few minutes ago. “She’s an ex for a reason, so get over it.”
He was starting to get annoyed by your never-ending questions about his past experiences, but he knew you were simply coming from a place of no experience. You probably wanted to know what he liked in bed, what pleased him the most, what kept him from wanting more. Was that too much? No. Were you overdoing this entire thing? A little bit. 
“Why are you defensive?” you asked softly, still sitting on the couch as you watched him avoid your eyes. “You make me feel so insecure every time.” 
He scoffed, shaking his head as he turned around. “I don’t know, baby. If you’re feeling insecure, then do something about it.” 
**
“Thanks so much for the ride, Ryo.” 
Yorozu stood by her door, returning the helmet back to him while she kept her eyes locked on his. Her gaze was inviting, tempting him to give in and submit to his carnal desires. Any man would read her intentions the same way; Yorozu stared at him like that because she wanted to invite him to her place. She wanted him to spend the night and do unforgivable things. To remember the passionate exchange they once shared. 
But Sukuna wasn’t like that. No, he wasn’t a cheater. “I, uh, gotta get going.” 
“Oh…” Disappointment clouded Yorozu’s face. “Okay, then.” 
“See you tomorrow?” 
“...Alright.” 
“Okay.” 
“Wait!” Yorozu pulled his arm just as he was heading back to his motorbike. The sudden closeness in their proximity made his heart race fast. He knew what was coming. “I missed you, Ryo.” 
He knew what she was about to do next. 
And holy fuck did he guess right, as he was taken aback when Yorozu suddenly leaned in to press her lips onto his. Her soft, cherry lips moved desperately to taste his sweet kisses. 
But he didn’t return it. Instead, he immediately pushed her away. “Yorozu,” he spoke softly, “I have a girlfriend.” 
“You do?” She didn’t need to hide it. He could see the heartbreak on her face. 
“Yeah,” Sukuna confirmed, maintaining a more appropriate distance now. “We’ve been together for some time, and I live with her.”
Yorozu tried to maintain her facade of indifference, making it appear as though she was unfazed by his revelation. “That’s... That’s cool,” she said, “I’m sorry for, uh, the kiss.”
Sukuna nodded, “It’s fine. I should’ve told you sooner.”
“You’re alright,” she reassured him, “It's totally my fault. I hope she won’t be upset with you or something.”
Sukuna had no plans to tell you, knowing well the additional turmoil it would bring to your already strained relationship. However, he realized the importance of clarity in his intentions and the need to set boundaries. “We’re just friends. We’ll keep things civil. I’ll finish your tattoo in a couple more sessions, and then we’re done. Sounds fair?”
Yorozu nodded her head with a reluctant smile. “Fair enough.” 
— —
5 more days. Her sleeve required five more sessions, and days went by too fast for him to count. He had busied himself with his clients, while you had busied yourself with yours. He couldn’t even spend time with you because his shop took a chunk of his time from him, and even at home, things had become too awkward ever since your unspoken night. 
So, in some ways, Yorozu became his routine. She visited his shop for the past four nights and he had taken her home afterwards. She was in absolute love with her rose sleeve and they weren’t even complete yet. He still owed her one last session and told himself that it should also be the last time she should be around him. It wasn’t right and he didn’t want to create another source of argument with you. 
And in truth, he certainly felt a little guilty for spending more time with his ex than his own girlfriend. But did he purposely do it? No, it was fate that brought her to his door about a week ago. 
In spite of his stubbornness to admit his wrongdoing, he still ended up stopping by the flower market to get you a nice bouquet of white lilies. He knew you could make a prettier bouquet than that, but he thought it would be a perfect opportunity to surprise you with flowers that didn’t exactly come from you. Besides, he had some making up to do. 
Later that night, when he returned to your shared home, he found you sitting at the couch seemingly waiting for him to come home. The lights were dimmed and the television was turned off. For some reason, you were wearing outside clothes and had a somber expression on your face, too. That alone caused the loud thumping of his heart. 
“Hey,” he greeted, nonetheless, sitting next to you on the couch and kissing your cheek. “Everything okay, baby?” 
Your eyes carried sadness in them as you looked at him and searched for answers you couldn’t find. “Where were you?” 
Sukuna handed the bouquet over. “Got you flowers.” 
You didn’t accept them. Instead, every second seemed to torture you. “Where were you before that?” 
“In the shop…?” He didn’t know where to start, but he was definitely scared. “Why? Sorry I’ve been busy lately. I’ll make it up to you, angel.” 
“You close your shop at nine,” you pointed out, voice breaking in the middle of your sentence. “Why do you always come home at two in the morning?” 
Fuck. Fuck! What should he say? Should he make an excuse for it? Should he say he’d been checking on Yuuji after his shifts? Should he say he’d been riding to other cities to clear his mind? He didn’t fucking know what to say, especially not when you were clearly on the verge of bursting out. 
“Answer me!” you cried, finally releasing the bottle out in the open. The tears that welled in your eyes now streamed ceaselessly down your face. “You’re an asshole. I-I hate you! I fucking… you think I don’t know? You think I’m too stupid to know?!”
Sukuna calmly received the fists you had swung on his chest as he tried to grab ahold of your arms. “Baby, I’ll explain everything.” 
“No, damn y-you!” The tremor in your voice squeezed his heart in the most painful way because he hated seeing you breaking down in front of him and over him. This wasn’t the first time he had made you cry, but this was the first time he had seen you actually sob like this. “I-I gave myself to you! I left my p-parents for you! And this is what you do to me? You’re cheating on me with your ex?!” 
He was desperate to hold you, hug you, cage you in his arms. He wanted to take your pain away. Wipe your tears away. However, you didn’t allow him to touch even a strand on your hair as you kept on pushing him off. Sukuna felt like he was going to lose his mind. “Baby, listen to me please. It’s really not what you think—”
“I don’t care!” you spat, moving away to wipe the tears off your face. “I don’t fucking care! You sleeping with her or not doesn’t change a thing. Don’t you get it? I’ll never be enough for you!” Despite your loud voice, the cracks in her facade only revealed your longing for validation and acceptance, etching into every tear-stained moment you two had shared over the course of your relationship. He watched you, paralyzed by the sight of you breaking down, as you grabbed a luggage you had been hiding behind the couch as if you were ready to leave. “I’ll never be the person you want me to be and staying with you will always remind me of it!” 
“No, no, no… Let’s talk.” Sukuna had to suppress his own tears while he tried to reach out for you. “Baby, please. I don’t feel anything for her, or anyone. It’s just you. You are enough for me, baby. I’m sorry, please.” 
You, on the other hand, were adamant at your decision. “I can’t stand what you’re doing to me anymore. I don’t like how you make me feel about myself. I hate how you make me question my own choices!” Tears continued to flow, and your voice wavered, transitioning from anger to a more subdued, pained tone. “I hate… I hate that I love you so much, that I lost all my backbone just to make you happy.” 
“You don’t need to.” He was feeling more and more miserable now, his heart sore from all the emotions he had seen from you. “Y/N, you don’t need to. I’m sorry, I love you. I love you so fucking much.”  
“It’s over, Sukuna,” were the last words he could recall hearing before passing out drunk in his bed that afternoon. “We’re done.”
— —
It was your first heartbreak. Your first actual relationship. Your first everything. Surely, people shouldn’t expect you to move on easily, especially not when the subject of your heartache worked across the street from you. 
You were a mess. You had cried enough tears after you moved out of his apartment that night, screamed your heart out as you suffered from the pain of loneliness once more. You couldn’t even bear the thought of returning to your parents and hearing them say they told you so, because loving Sukuna was a choice you thought was good for you. 
In the end, he was just a poison without any antidote. A toxin without remedy. The most effective solution was to sever all ties to prevent further contamination.
But strangely enough, you hadn’t seen him in his shop ever since that night, either. The tattoo parlor remained closed for more than two weeks without any notice. While a small part of you worried for him, a bigger part of you cared for yourself. He no longer held any importance to your life, and you should let it remain that way. 
What you should focus on, instead, was living your life without any trace of him. A life of independence, away from the toxicity of a manipulative man who constantly made you doubt yourself and what you offered. As they say, you have to learn to love yourself first before you can fully learn to love others. 
And in your journey of knowing the truth of that saying, a certain white-haired man entered your floral shop on a somber Friday afternoon just as you were arranging preordered bouquets for multiple customers to pick up. 
“Hey,” you greeted the man, surprised at his sudden appearance at your shop. 
Satoru grinned as he approached you closer. “I’m here to pick up two bouquets.”
“Oh, it was your order?” Your eyes widened. Silly you. Of course, Suguru would order on his friend’s behalf. He wouldn’t even get his girlfriend some flowers, let alone his mother. So this being Satoru’s order made much more sense. “Okay, you got a bouquet of blush peonies and another bouquet of pink tulips, am I correct?”
He smiled handsomely, displaying his set of perfect white teeth while listening to you talk. “Correct.” 
“For your mom?” you asked before you made your way to pick up the bouquets, handing them to him carefully. 
His response came with a soft, affirmative hum. “Mhm. One for her,” he said, taking only the bouquet of tulips, “The other is for you.” 
Oh, no, no, definitely no. You had seen this before and it didn’t go well. 
“That’s lovely, but…” You offered a smile. “I’m not taking those peonies.” 
Satoru acted innocent, his vibrant blue eyes coruscating under the ambient lights. “But it’s mother’s day.” 
You playfully shook your head. “I’m not even a mother.”
“Yes, you are,” he went on teasing, “the mother of my future kids. I like to think in advance, you know.” 
Honestly? This man started off with a bad impression on you, but he wasn’t actually so bad. He was an easygoing, happy-go-lucky person who carried positive energy around him. That, and he was decent, too. He was the type of guy your parents would have surely approved of. He was a degree holder like you, even pursuing graduate studies to run a business that was already generating an income that you could only imagine of getting. He was set for life with no uncertainty with what he wanted for his future. 
“Satoru?”
He met your gaze. “Yeah?”
“About your offer last time,” you recalled, recalling his earlier jest about teaching you some things in bed, “I think I'd like to take you up on that.”
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astrow1zar6 · 4 months
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Astro Notes - 016
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Capricorn risings tend to have a lot of facial piercings or just look really good with them.
Venus in Aqua can be very aromatic with everyone until the minute they find THAT person and they do a complete 360. When they find the one they will be so faithful and romantic. People call them aloof and uninterested but they just know what they want and most won’t settle till they get that.
I’ve seen a lot of Mars in Pisces women that don’t believe in sleeping around. Most prefer to wait until they are in a relationship or married before giving that access.
Moon in Aquarius’s need to rationalize every emotion they experience and find out it’s roots when all they really need to do is cry it out. They try to find solutions to all their emotions which causes them get burn out fast. This is why it’s difficult for them to comfort others when they deal with deep emotions because they think they need to come up with a solution instead of comforting them. It’s okay to feel your emotions without making sense of them guys.
Pisces moons normally have period in their life where their mother was really distant from them or just completely absent. Ive seen a lot that their mothers could’ve picked substances over them or been in jail, or was just too immature to raise them at a certain point. A lot of Pisces moons grow up in a single mother household.
Capricorn moon/risings are normally the eldest child. And if not still took on a more responsible role in the family. Grew up around a lot of immature childish people
Sagittarius suns I feel like are way more rebellious than Aquarius’s. Sagittarius’s are so impulsive and get this big adrenaline rush from doing things they aren’t supposed to. Many rarely think about they consequences of what they’re doing which causes them to get into a lot more trouble. Especially as an adolescent.
If you have a Gemini rising people probably yelled at you as a child for talking to much or being too obnoxious
Virgo suns are either so good at communicating with others and fitting in or they are so socially anxious and awkward there’s no in between.
Venus in Libras will flirt with anybody who’s decent looking. They are not picky at all.
Neptune in the 7th house people can be very concerning in their relationships. Everytime they experience attraction it’s like they only try to see what’s good in that person even if they are absolute trash. They want love so bad but tend to just get in relationships because of that desire without actually getting to know who they are dating. This causes them to attract a lot of narcissists cuz they are willing to give out love so fast without seeing if it mutual.
Mars in the 5th house people 🤝 Rushing into relationships
Taurus risings look like forest nymphs they are so naturally beautiful
Venus conjunct mars people are so magnetic. They can have everyone’s heads turn the mintier they walk in a room. A lot of people have crushes on them.
Having a Lilith conjunct the ascendant in synastry usually shows an intense otherworldly connection that is most likely forbidden. You’ll feel like you finally found the perfect person until u figure out they are married with kids or your best friends partner. This connection is usually so strong that if one of the partners (or both) are in a relationship it can completely destroy their relationships. I’ve seen 20 year marriages end from this synastry. Known as the “home wrecker” placement.
Having your Lilith in Leo can show that you could’ve been treated as a wallflower growing up. People never really gave you much attention so you grew up thinking you weren’t meant to be loved and appreciated:( in this lifetime you are meant to break that and steal the spotlight
Having you North Node in the 7th house means that in a past life you probably were a loner or found it difficult to create bonds with others. Your opinionated personality pushed a lot of people away in a past life. In this life tho you are here to learn the art of compromise. You are here to build relationships whether it be family, friends or romantic relationships.
Pluto in the 11th house people im sorry for the amount of toxic friends you had to deal with☹️ I notice their friendships are usually really intense toward them the friends can become really jealous and possessive with them. Their friendships were closer to abusive partnerships than actual friendships. I’ve seen in some cases that their friends can act overly seductive with them as well which can be overwhelming & uncomfy. When these natives heal what attracts these folks however they can eventually gain some of the most trustworthy friends. These friends will help you climb the latter and normally have a lot of power. You can move mountains with the right group.
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fuckyeahdindjarin · 1 year
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Joel Miller x F!Reader
{ Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Part II: Threads }
Rating: M
Summary: Joel has a problem. Having settled into some semblance of a 'normal' life in Jackson that no longer involves running for his life and living off scraps, his clothes are getting a little… tight. Self-conscious, he deals with it the way he does most things - he ignores it.
That is until one day, the zipper on his jeans finally gives up after one too many desperate tugs, leaving him stuck. With neither Tommy nor Ellie anywhere to be found to get him out of the tight spot, Joel begrudgingly heads to the clothing store he’s seen in town for help - and a new pair of jeans.
There, he meets you.
Warnings: Spicy thoughts, sexual tension, sexual innuendos, body insecurity, some language, Joel being unkind to himself, shy!reader, reader has a nickname related to her job, soft!Joel, no use of Y/N
Word count: 6k
Notes: I haven't written anything this fast for a hot minute. It's both exciting and terrifying, especially as Joel is so new to the fandom. So this is a one-shot as it stands, but I'll be lying if I say I haven't thought about where this story can go. Please be gentle with me, Joel is easily the most intimidating Pedro boy I've written for so far. I hope this doesn't disappoint 🥺
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‘TommmMMMMMYYYY!’
His voice echoes in the empty street, gruff with irritation. He can feel eyes on him - he always does, wherever he goes in this damn place - covert stares from behind curtains, peeking out of windows from the neighbouring houses.
The polished wood thumps hollowly under his fist. Head bowed in surrender, his forehead makes contact with the surface of the door with a dull thud.
‘Fuck,’ he mutters under his breath.
Trudging back to the house that’s been allocated to him - he still struggles to think of it as his - he slams the door shut behind him so hard that the sound rings in his ears. Well, more in his left than his right.
Tossing the keys onto a chest of drawers in the hallway, he yells in a last-ditch attempt, ‘Ellieeee!’
The house is silent.
The one time he needs either of them, neither can be found anywhere. Even Maria has made herself scarce - not that he’d ask her for help for this.
This being these stupid fucking jeans. 
His trusty jeans that he’s worn for years, other than on laundry days, which were few and far in between. They’ve literally seen him through thick and thin - the knees are so worn he can almost see the web of white thread beneath the denim.
Tess had gotten him these jeans. Stole them, if he remembers correctly. Once upon a time, he needed a belt to hold them up, or they’d hang down to his ass crack. By the time Ellie came into the picture, they fit well enough to render the belt redundant. He could still easily fit things into his pockets though, like a map or a switchblade.
But now - 
Now he’s stuck, and he can’t get them off.
If he’s being honest with himself, the jeans haven’t fit for months. The jobs in Jackson don’t come anywhere close to the backbreaking work in the QZ or being on the road with Ellie. The food is plentiful even during the harsh winter, and as much as he looks down his ideological nose at it, Maria deserves credit for the thriving commune.
He had a late start this morning. Ellie had already vacated the house by the time he came to. He was on autopilot, distracted by his thoughts about the porch steps that have rotted and need to be replaced. 
He was making plans in his head to nip down to the workshop to get the wooden planks when he started getting dressed. Stepping into the legs of the jeans, he pulled them up, hopping to stretch them over his thighs. Out of habit, he sucked in his belly to button them up, the waistband seemingly even tighter than usual. 
He relegated that to the back of his mind, the same way he’s ignored the fact that the jeans have been uncomfortably tight for months - to the point of hindering his movement when he lays bricks, or cuts off his breathing when he sits down. But he’s gotten used to it, like he does everything else. He’s Joel Miller with the stiff upper lip, after all.
The zipper was next. As usual, he met resistance about halfway up. Baring his teeth, he gripped the tongue of the zipper and yanked upwards. 
Except this time, it didn’t budge. Grumbling, he pulled harder, feeling the burn in his biceps -
It happened so quickly that he wasn’t even aware until he was wheeling backwards from the force, his arm flying up in an arc - and a metallic clink behind him registered faintly in his good ear. 
Disoriented, he glanced down at the zipper. The slider had come clean off.
‘Fuck,’ he swore and turned to the full-length mirror on the wall to inspect the damage. Running an experimental finger along the seam, it was clear that the zipper had somehow snagged on the denim. It was stuck. Dead stuck.
Turning the house inside out, he couldn’t find a single pair of scissors, and there isn’t enough space to fit a knife in without slicing himself open, at which point he left on his ultimately fruitless search for reinforcement.
Joel scrubs a tired hand down his face. He’s never been a vain guy - Tommy is that sibling. But he’s never needed to stress about his looks either, with contracting keeping him in shape before the outbreak, and the fight for survival after - until now.
Grabbing his jacket, he shrugs it on, hyper-conscious of whether it’s a tighter squeeze than usual (fortunately not) - and heads into town.
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Main Street Outfitters, the only clothing store in Jackson, sits in the middle of the high street, sandwiched between the pub on one side and the welder’s on the other. For the most part, residents come in to trade in old clothes for new ones, but there’s also a nicer selection for the occasional party that one can barter for.
You’re in the workshop at the back, the afternoon sun filling the room through the skylight. 
With your skill in thread and needle, you were the obvious candidate for the job when you arrived in Jackson. Over the years, it has become your sanctuary. The walls are lined with wooden shelves, where neat - though mismatched - boxes of buttons, trimmings, thread and trinkets slot perfectly into place.
You spend the days checking over incoming clothes after they come back from the laundry, making sure they are in reasonable condition and mending those that are not. The shop also charges for adjustments and repairs, and the tasks easily fill your working hours.
It’s a Tuesday, and it’s usually quiet this time of the afternoon. If you’re lucky, you can be undisturbed until you clock off at five - which is why you’re surprised when you hear the tinkle of the doorbell.
The footfall is heavy, it sounds like a strong work boot. You hold your breath and your fingers hover mid-air as the door shuts with a slam. You hear the customer clear his throat - definitely a man - as you wait in vain for the front of house to greet him.
But of course Lucy has sneaked out again. She’s a sweet girl, but manning the counter has always been too dull for her.
‘Hello?’
The voice is deep and gravelly, and despite your reluctance, it doesn’t sit well with your work ethic to keep a customer waiting. Sticking the needle into a pin cushion, you noiselessly rise from your seat and make your way to the front of the shop.
Your first glimpse of him is his back. Standing in front of a rack of jeans, the grays in his hair catch the light streaming through the shop front windows. You study him for a minute, curious eyes running over the width of broad shoulders under a beat-up, khaki jacket. Lower, his jeans are… well-worn, to put it kindly. And from sight, a sitting a bit tight on his hips -
You must have shifted your feet without you noticing. At the minutest creak of wood, the man whips around, one hand reaching behind him in search of the butt of a loaded gun or the hilt of a knife. It’s your good fortune that you see neither on him. The intensity of his gaze is just as effective as a blade on your neck to pin you to your spot.
There’s no question that he’s a newcomer. You’ve seen the same kind of intensity in everyone who’s braved what’s out there to get here.
But even if that didn’t give him away, you already know who he is. He’s Tommy’s brother. Joel, if you remember correctly. Maria approached you for some clothes a few months back when he arrived with his kid for the second time. They’ve been the talk of town since - not that you listen. In fact, you try not to, but you can’t help it if someone talks loudly enough at the next table in the canteen to interrupt your lunchtime reading.
‘Sorry,’ he mumbles as the tension in his body recedes. ‘You’re very quiet.’
You duck your head. ‘Sorry.’
‘You work here?’
Wringing your fingers nervously, you nod and take two timid steps towards him, hoping he doesn’t hear the tremour in your voice. ‘How can I help?’
You’ve heard things about Joel Miller. The words most frequently whispered as he ambles by in town include ruthless, cold-blooded and steer clear.
You can’t exactly reconcile the man in front of you with those particular words right now.
There’s nothing that speaks to ruthlessness in the way he averts his eyes and shuffles his feet, the blunt tip of his shoes catching the wooden floor. You also find it hard to believe that a truly cold-blooded person would willingly cross the country and all its horrors in search of his brother, or take a teenager under his wing.
You might not think much of yourself, but you know that your judgement of character has kept you alive so far. And your instinct isn’t telling you to steer clear of this man - quite the opposite, in fact.
But that’s neither here nor there.
He rubs the back of his neck, uncomfortable with your scrutiny. ‘Just lookin’ for some new jeans.’
‘Alright,’ you reply, taking the remaining five steps to the other end of the jeans rack, a safe distance away from him. ‘What’s your size?’
To your surprise, he huffs a sardonic laugh. ‘At least one up from whatever I have on right now.’
Sucking in a breath, you gesture vaguely at him. ‘Um, do you mind if I take a look at uh - you? So I can guess what size will fit you?’
You’re used to being the most awkward person in the room wherever you go, but this man is  giving you a pretty good run for your money right now. While you divert your gaze as he unbuttons the front of his jacket, he fixes his somewhere over your shoulder to the right, grinding his teeth, as if he wishes he was anywhere but here.
Dragging your eyes back to him, you take stock of your customer as he sweeps the lapels of the jacket to the side. Underneath, the green flannel cuts off at the top of the jeans, and you see the soft pouch of his abdomen beneath the fabric. While the shirt is well-fitted, the jeans are obviously too small. The waistband bites into his sides, you can see the subtle overhang of his love handles. Even by the way he’s standing you can tell he’s uncomfortable, packed in way too tight in the denim.
And then… you really shouldn’t, but you stare at the front of the jeans. Now, you know for a fact that the fit will be just as snug there even if he goes a size up…
‘Sorry, not much to look at,’ he grunts, breaking the silence.
Taken aback by the self-derision in his voice, the words leave your mouth before they register, sharper than you mean them to be. ‘Don’t say that.’
He blinks at you. ‘What?’
You gape at him. Does he really not see? His tall, solid frame? The strong columns of his thighs? Is this man blind on top of being frustratingly attractive -?
But of course you can never say that. Instead, you pull out three different pairs of jeans in quick succession and all but throw them at him, heat prickling the tips of your ears as the disbelief that you spoke to a customer like that sinks in.
‘The dressing room is there,’ you squeak, pointing at the far corner. ‘I’ll be at the back if you need any help -’
You turn on your heels, in a hurry to get back to your workshop, but you only get halfway through the spin. It takes you three seconds to realise why - his calloused palm is on your wrist, holding you in place.
‘Actually, I do need help - I broke the zipper, and I’m stuck in these damn jeans.’
You ignore the clench of your stomach at the way he spits out the word damn. You’re not big on swearing, but the cuss word sounds good rolling off his tongue in his Southern twang.
To your horror, a giggle bubbles up your throat before you can slap a palm over your mouth.
‘I’m so, so sorry,’ you apologise profusely, heat flooding your cheeks. 
You stare in consternation when those broad shoulders of his quake, a half-smile on his lips as they part in a scratchy chuckle. ‘Trust me, I’m glad I found you first. My brother or my kid would have given me a much harder time. Probably would’ve pissed their pants laughin’.’
Despite yourself, you smile back with a weak attempt at a joke. ‘I mean, I’ll try not to -’
He smirks, the corners of his eyes crinkling. ‘That’s all I can ask for.’
You lead the way to the back of the shop and Joel follows three polite steps behind, pausing by the doorway. Running practised eyes over the space, the contractor in him appreciates the well-built skylight and the sturdy furniture in the room, pieces that were clearly built to last. He places the jeans you picked out for him on the big work table, made of strong timber and aged with time. 
He picked up a change in your demeanour the moment you crossed the threshold into the workshop. There’s a quiet confidence in your measured steps, the way you move speaking volumes - this is clearly your place, and you’re so much more comfortable in your skin here.
You point at the spot marked by a round, cosy rug directly beneath the skylight. ‘Could you stand there for me?’
Doing as he’s told, he startles when you march straight up to him, sliding your palms under the shoulders of his jacket to push it off. Your front brushes his chest briefly when you reach around to catch it, but not brief enough for him to ignore the soft swell of your breasts pressed up against him.
Joel is all too aware of his pulse going from zero to a hundred at the fleeting touch, the collar of his shirt suddenly a bit too tight. For fuck’s sake, Miller. It’s been an embarrassingly long time since his head has gone anywhere near there, but of course it has to happen at the most inconvenient moment.
At least you don’t seem to notice, draping his jacket over the back of a chair before retrieving a pair of tailor’s scissors from one meticulously organised drawer.
Just when he thinks he’s gotten a handle on himself, you hit him with a non-sequitur. ‘Are you wearing underwear?’
Only when Joel splutters wordlessly does the full weight of the question seem to hit you. You stutter, ‘Oh god, I didn’t - I mean - I only asked because if push comes to shove, and I have to cut through the jeans, I don’t want to ruin any underwear you’re wearing -’
You trail off, and it’s his turn to stammer, scratching an invisible itch on his elbow as he struggles to remember what he usually does with his hands.
‘No, no, I get it. I’m ahem -,’ he pauses with a cough. ‘I’m not actually wearin’ any underwear right now. Not out of habit, it’s just that I’ve been barely squeezin’ into the stupid jeans even without it.’
His honest answer seems to put you at ease, and you purse your lips. ‘Sounds uncomfortable.’
He shrugs. ‘Have been for months.’
‘I’m sorry.’
He arches an eyebrow. ‘What for?’
‘That you’ve been uncomfortable. That’s one thing clothes shouldn’t be.’
Not quite knowing how to answer you, he watches you grab a velvet cushioned footstool from under the work table and place it squarely at his feet. Then, without further preamble, you sink onto your knees in front of him, knocking the air clean out of his lungs.
As he stares down at the crown of your head, your nose at the level of his waistband, he muses that he hasn’t seen this view for a long time, a very long time. His fingers twitch at his sides, and he closes his eyes, fighting the base instinct to cup the back of your head in his palm and to pull you close -
He breathes out hard through his nostrils and clenches his jaw, casting his gaze heavenwards through the skylight as he actually prays for the first time in years.
Don’t you fucking dare get hard, Miller.
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You chew on the inside of your mouth as you consider what’s before you. It’s tricky. The jeans are unbuttoned and zipped up most of the way, but the denim has been caught tight in the metallic teeth, and the handle of the zipper yanked clean off.
Cocking your head to one side, you think out loud. ‘I think we should at least try and unsnag the zipper before cutting. But we’re going to need some lubrication, and we’ll need to give it a really good, firm tug -’
The man chokes on nothing above you, and you frown up at him in a question.
Clearing his throat loudly, he asks through gritted teeth, ‘Do we have to?’
‘I mean, I can just cut open the jeans, but then you’ll definitely have to trade in something extra to cover the costs of the repairs -’
He interrupts, ‘That. Let’s do that.’
‘Alright, your call,’ you say with a nod. ‘Can you hold up your shirt?’
You try not to gawk when he draws up the tails of his flannel, revealing his soft stomach underneath. The mid-rise jeans cut off beneath his belly button, and you eye the trail that sneaks full and dark under the waistband. He’s obviously sucking his tummy in, and you catch yourself wishing he doesn’t feel like he has to.
You bite your bottom lip. ‘Do you think you can fit a couple of fingers into the waistband so I can slide the scissors in? They’re sharp, I don’t want to cut you.’
You watch as he tries, first his index finger, then his middle, but he can barely squeeze in beyond the nail, which turns completely colourless from the pressure. He sighs in surrender. ‘Mfraid you’ll have to, sweetheart.’
You have to close your eyes for a moment, your head swimming. You’re not sure whether it’s from the sweetheart, or the fact that he wants you to stick your hand down the front of his pants. 
Well, not exactly that he wants you to. And not your hand. But still.
You squeak. ‘Do I have to?’
He pins you a sarcastic arch of his eyebrows. ‘Well, if you’re sure that you won’t cut my dick off -’
Your face heats up at his blunt words, falling back onto your haunches. ‘Great, now you’ve got me worried -’
Palms up in apology, he shrugs. ‘Sorry -’
‘No, no, you’re right. I don’t want to accidentally castrate you,’ you sigh. ‘Are you - um - well adjusted in there?’
‘I’d go down the right side of the zipper,’ he answers diplomatically.
Taking a deep breath, you ask, ‘Ready?’
‘Whenever you are, sweetheart.’
The first contact is the brush of your knuckles against his stomach, the skin warm and soft on the back of your fingers. You don’t dare look up, but you can feel his eyes on you as you burrow your index finger under the waistband. Though it’s a squeeze, you manage to wriggle in nail side down, creating a small gap - still not quite enough to get the scissors in without nicking him.
Talking more to yourself, you mumble, ‘Better safe than sorry. Let me just get one more finger in -’
Joel chokes so hard that you almost jump back in fright, frowning at him as he catches his breath. ‘Are you okay? Do you need some water?’
His voice tight, he shakes his head. ‘No, I’m fine.’
You wait a beat to make sure he doesn’t go into another coughing fit. When the coast is clear, you gesture at his jeans. ‘Can I just -’ 
‘Get one more finger in?’ he finishes your sentence in his raspy baritone. 
You finally hear it when he says it like that. And oh god, your ears burn as you stare up at him, lips parted, torn between outrage and a very disorienting arousal. ‘You - you -’
A wicked smirk tugs unexpectedly at the corner of his mouth. ‘I already tried, sweetheart. My fingers are too big to fit inside.’
The touch of playful condescension in his tone has your jaw going slack, and your brain practically short-circuits at the thoughts of where else they are too big to fit inside of -
So as it turns out, you’re brave, or just downright stupid, when you’re turned on. Next thing you know, you hear yourself telling him off. ‘I could just leave you in those jeans you know.’
Joel smiles wider, and retorts, ‘I don’t think you would.’
‘Just because I’m shy doesn’t mean I don’t have a mean streak,’ you shoot back.
He seems pleased to have lured you out of your shell, grinning down at you. ‘Believe me, I’m shakin’ in my boots, sweetheart.’
It’s really unfair that he looks this good from where you are on your knees. His eyes are hooded, curls flecked with grays sweeping his forehead. Even though the apocalypse has left its marks on him in wrinkles, frown lines, and smudged bags under his eyes, it has clearly not taken away from that proud nose or plush lips -
Steadying yourself with a deep inhale, you shake yourself out of it. With an in, it’s slightly easier to push in your middle finger into the waistband to widen the gap. Happy with the quarter inch of space, you hold up the scissors. ‘I’m ready to cut if you are.’
He nods his acquiesce. ‘Do your worst.’
Opening up the scissors and carefully fitting the blade beneath the denim, you carefully begin snipping away. They are sharp, but the fabric is tough and you’re conscious of the very tight fit, so you take it slow.
You pause when you’re a couple of inches in, when Joel lets out a groan of relief. Absent-mindedly, you run a soothing thumb over the angry, red indents the waistband dug into the soft pouch of his tummy, sending a shudder through him. 
‘Sorry,’ you squeak, snatching back your hand as if he burns you. 
Too preoccupied with the relief of being able to breathe, Joel shakes his head. ‘Don’t be. Just keep going. Please.’ 
Why is that one word - six letters - making your breath hitch?
Gripping the top of the now open fly and pinning it against his body so you don’t accidentally see anything you’re not meant to see - whether you want to deliberately is a completely different matter - you hunker down and keep cutting along the zipper. 
Each snip gets easier as the jeans release their death grip on him. The right side of the fly falls away as you cut, the denim peeling back slowly to expose the skin underneath. Your eyes drift to the curve of the pubic bone that’s now completely in view, and it’s taking everything you have to not lean over and run the broad of your tongue along it -
How long has it been since you’ve been with a man? When was the last time you had someone stand before you, pants unzipped and hanging open -
With tremendous fortitude, you tear your eyes away to check on him, ‘All good?’
The grunt of respite that he lets out is almost guttural, going straight between your legs. ‘Feels so fuckin’ good to breathe.’
‘Before I keep going, do you want to - uh - rearrange yourself?’
You expect him to turn around, or at least give you a second to turn around to give him some privacy, but he’s obviously been too deprived of oxygen to think straight. One big palm snakes down his front, right in your face, and he cups himself through the denim.
You stop breathing, eyes wide as he adjusts himself. 
Holy fuck.
When he’s done, he gives you a thumbs up. ‘All good.’
This is it. You’re not making it out of this alive.
You can barely get the words out, your throat suddenly drier than sandpaper. ‘Can you, um, hold up the other side of the fly?’
When he does, you stare at his hand next to yours. How is it so big? The veins are prominent on the back, leading down to thick fingers, the nails neatly trimmed and clean - but you bet there’s residue gunpowder underneath.
There’s still a slither of skin peeking through the V of the fly as the scissors slice through the denim, following his happy trail. The lower you go, the thicker and darker the curls, and goddamnit - what is wrong with you - all you can think about is burying your nose right in there, nudging through the hair, lower and lower and lower still -
A sharp pain on your left finger makes you yelp, the scissors falling from your other hand to the floor with a loud clang. A small bead of blood wells up on the tip where the sharp blade nicked it, and in a panic, you let go of his jeans.
‘Shit,’ Joel curses and covers himself up quickly, his brow furrowed in concern. ‘You okay?’
You nod in embarrassment while you get on your feet. ‘I - my hand just slipped. It’s nothing, the smallest cut, I’m fine -’
Well, to be fair, you were fine - until he grabs your left wrist, brings your hand up to his face and sucks your bleeding fingertip into his mouth. 
As if it’s the logical thing to do.
Your knees buckle, and you collapse into his front, but he doesn’t even budge, as if you weigh nothing. Taking a deep breath - wood smoke, simple soap and man fill your lungs. Peering up at him through your lashes, you spot the silver flanking the hinge of his jaw, leading down to a peculiar bare patch on the left side of his beard.
He watches you back as he releases your finger with a wet pop. Tracing his bottom lip with his tongue, he pronounces, ‘Just a small cut. You’ll live.’
Will you though? Because it feels like you’re on the verge of expiring from breathlessness. 
He glances down at his front, which he’s still holding up. ‘I guess I can get out of these now.’
It takes you three seconds to catch up before you stumble backwards. ‘Yes, of course. Sorry.’
‘Thank you for freeing me,’ he says with a lopsided smile.
You duck your head, unable to meet his gaze all of a sudden - hypocrite, you had no problem perving on him a minute ago - and nod at the jeans on the table. ‘Why don’t you try those on?’
He clears his throat. ‘I, uh, should probably put on some underwear first.’
You barely manage to hold back from smacking yourself on the forehead. ‘Of course. We do have some in stock. Boxers or briefs?’
He looks amused. ‘What do you think, sweetheart?’
You hesitate, but you force yourself to be brave and venture a guess. ‘Boxers.’
He winks, and you grin back.
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Joel hovers uncertainly in front of the mirror in the fitting room, having exhausted all the angles he can see twice, and wonders if he’s been dithering for too long. He’s not even sure what he’s looking at anymore, so he bites the bullet and draws back the curtain.
‘How do they feel?’ you ask.
He was counting on some hint from you, but you give nothing away. So he shrugs, hands on hips. ‘I honestly can’t tell you.’
‘May I?’
At his nod, you step into his space, and he watches as you hook your fingers into the belt loops on either side of the jeans and pull them up, as if gauging the size. He holds his breath as your hair grazes the front of his chest.
‘They’re a bit loose, to be honest,’ you tell him.
He scoffs self-decrepatingly. ‘Probably not for long at the rate I’m going.’
You take a step back and level him with a glare. ‘Stop it.’
He frowns, hackles rising. ‘What?’
‘Stop putting yourself down.’
That he didn’t expect. He protests, ‘I’m not putting myself down -’
‘Yes, yes, you are,’ you interrupt him with a boldness that has his eyebrows reaching for his hairline. With fire in your eyes, you go toe to toe with him, poking him in the chest with a firm finger. ‘You’re alive, you’re safe here, and you’re fit as hell. If you’re going to make fun of yourself for putting on a bit of healthy weight, you can go ahead and get out of my shop.’
Warmth blooms in his chest as Joel stares down at you, breathing heavily after your little speech but showing no intention of backing down. You don’t know him, but for some reason, you’re fighting his corner.
That shouldn’t feel as good as it does.
Pursing his lips, he towers over you as he teases, ‘You think I’m fit as hell, sweetheart?’
With a roll of your eyes, you walk backwards to the shelves, rummaging through the sizes before returning with a pair of dark wash jeans. You quip, ‘Don’t fish for compliments, it’s unbecoming.’
You snap the curtain shut in his face with a flick of your wrist before he can answer, and he chuckles to himself as pulls on the jeans you picked out for him.
When he pushes open the curtain again, Joel doesn’t miss the way you pause as you stare.
The waistband sits on his hips without cutting into his stomach, and he’s pleased that he can comfortably slide his hands into the pockets. The denim wraps firmly, but not tightly, against his backside, holding his thighs comfortably and falling straight down to the ankles. The wash is dark and flattering, smarter than his old ones.
When the silence has stretched on long enough, Joel shifts on his feet and asks, ‘Well?’
You turn the question back at him. ‘What do you think?’
He shrugs. ‘They’re alright, I guess.’
With a tilt of your head, you prompt, ‘You can say it, you know.’
‘Say what?’
‘You can say that you look good.’
Joel huffs, shaking his head and catching his reflection in the mirror as he does. At your look of insistence, he reluctantly parrots back, ‘Alright. I look good. Happy, sweetheart?’
Then you smile, really smile, and he feels himself soften - his eyes, his face, his mouth, his fucking old, rickety knees -
Suddenly, the bell over the door rings and a woman bustles in. ‘I’m so sorry, Pin! I know I’ve been gone a long time, but I got your favourite tea to make it up to you -’
She stops abruptly when she spots him. ‘Hey! You’re Joel Miller, aren’t you?’
Before he can answer, she crosses the shop in a bundle of energy, sticking her hand out. ‘I’m Lucy, I’m a friend of Tommy and Maria’s. It’s so nice to finally meet you.’
He lets her shake his hand, then she continues without skipping a beat. ‘How are you settling in? You got that house in the street near the stables right? It’s great, it’s quiet but not too far from everything -’
Since she doesn’t seem interested in his participation in this conversation, he doesn’t. But he notices, with regret, the way you start to retreat, the shyness making a return in the shadow of her clearly more outgoing friend - like a bad habit.
He’s suddenly aware of a lull, and that Lucy is looking at him expectantly, like she’s just asked a question that he didn’t hear.
‘Yeah sure,’ he replies dismissively, stopping you with a hand on your wrist just as you try to slink away unnoticed. ‘Hey, wait a second -’
To Lucy’s credit, she picks up on the snub and the energy between the two of you at the same time. Instead of taking offence, she gives you a knowing look and points towards the back diplomatically. ‘You know what Pin, I just bumped into Maria and she asked me something about our fabric inventory, so I better go check it out. I’ll see you around, Joel.’
With a wink in your direction, Lucy makes herself scarce, leaving the tea on the counter for you.
Joel’s quiet for a beat when you’re left alone again. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to run off your friend, but I just wanted to uh - thank you. For all this.’ He pauses, then adds, ‘Like she said, I’m Joel. Probably should’ve introduced myself before I asked you to cut me out of my jeans.’
You quip, ‘There’s always next time.’
He chuckles, and asks, ‘Did your friend just call you - Pin?’
‘It’s just a silly nickname,’ you explain. ‘As in pins and needles, for obvious reasons.’
Then you give him your real name and your hand, his palm warm and calloused against yours as he shakes it firmly. When he lets you go, you notice the watch on his wrist, the veins of broken glass on the face catching the light. 
Nodding at it, you ask, ‘Do you need that fixed? There’s a repair guy down the road who can fix anything.’
Confused for a moment about what you’re referring to, Joel pauses before realisation dawns on him. His answer is suddenly polite, a stark contrast to the light-hearted conversation just now. ‘No, I - I like it this way. But thanks.’
You don’t miss the emotional weight behind his words, and the air thickens with unspoken meaning, but you know better than to ask. 
‘I understand,’ you say simply.
Everyone has something like the watch is to him. God knows you do. A moment of quiet understanding passes between you, one that needs no words.
Breaking the silence, he says, ‘So, you mentioned I’ll need to trade in something else for these jeans -’
You dismiss that notion with a wave of your hand. ‘Oh no, it’s ok. I got it.’
‘You don’t have to -’
You shut him down. ‘It’s not a big deal, it will take me two minutes to replace the zipper.’
He hesitates. ‘And the boxers -’
Passing him his jacket, you insist, ‘Seriously, Joel, don’t worry about it.’
His fingers brush yours when he takes it from you and shrugs it on. You try not to look too conspicuously when the bottom of his shirt draws up, flashing a bit of tummy, but it’s gone too quickly. With a nod, he concedes reluctantly, ‘You really shouldn’t, but thank you. I owe you one.’
You roll your eyes with no real exasperation as you walk him towards the exit. ‘I know you haven’t been here for long - that’s just how things work around these parts. We do things for each other, you don’t owe me anything.’ Pulling the door open, you give him one last grin. ‘Welcome to Jackson, Joel.’
‘Thanks, Pin,’ he says as he crosses the threshold. He pauses on the porch and looks around the high street slowly, as if he’s taking it in for the first time. He then turns to you with a parting wink that is charged with easy confidence. ‘I think I’ll like it here.’
You linger by the door, leaning against the frame as he jogs down the front steps with a swagger, watching in appreciation at the way his new jeans frame his backside. You smile when he slides his hands into his pockets as he walks away, the afternoon breeze ruffling his curls and the sun warming his broad shoulders.
You think you’ll like him here as well.
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Notes: As I was writing this, I couldn't help thinking that it reminded me of Grays 🙈 What can I say? I want to give middle-aged men in need of self-love all the reassurance that they need. I hope you enjoyed Pin and Joel's meet-cute, I'm honestly so nervous about this fic I had to stop myself from compulsively over-editing.
Thank you so much for reading! Comments and reblogs are appreciated as always 🥰
P.S. Apparently, there is a Main Street Outfitter in the game, so I ran with it.
Dividers by @firefly-graphics
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bell4donn4 · 23 days
Text
Strawberry ice-cream | the summer in which Luke Castellan fell in love *ੈ♡⸝
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In May, when you first arrived at camp, it was obvious to everyone that you didn’t like the place at all. Usually, campers would finally find bit of peace in that lost spot, far from the normal life and the judging mortals. But that wasn’t the case for you, you didn’t like living there.
The only “joy” you had, was the guy who you were assigned to. Luke Castellan, the counsoler of the Hermes’s cabin. The problem was, that he wasn’t a joy to be around at all, or at least that’s what people said. He wasn’t like that with you- okay, maybe at first he was ruder and more distant, but you brushed it off as shyness.
Chris, another guy from the Hermes’s cabin, explained he didn’t used to be like until he went off to some sort of mysterious quest you weren’t allowed to know anything about. But nonetheless, other than being a bit quiet, he wasn’t mean or bad to you at all, so you brushed Chris’s words off as well.
Quick weeks went by and it was already June, and all you did was follow Luke Castellan around. All of the other counsolers tried their best to integrate you inside of the camp’s community, but without much results. It’s just seems as you couldn’t enjoy anyone’s company.
You were quick to get sad, and it took a lot to even get you to open your mouth. It wasn’t that you were wary, just irreparably miserable.
Once again, the only light you had, was Luke. He was the only one who seemed to get you, and eventually everyone just gave up on you, leaving the burden to the guy. after all, this was the first time he took on a new camper ever since the quest.
You didn’t necessarily despised the camp, or the activities, Luke figured, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to like them either. Luke would often see you around camp, pouty, and lost in thoughts. Even when you had a training session with him, you still sighed and huffed everytime you got disarmed. Luke knew not to go hard on you, to be gentler than he normally would, yet it didn’t seem to help your case.
You liked lacy tops, and pearly white satin. Even while being in the Aphrodite’s cabin, it still seemed like you couldn’t fit in. You always looked helpless.
He tried his best to help you out, and his (only) friend would often tease him about how close the two of you were, the way you would follow him around like a lost puppy, and refuse to get a hand by anyone else.
Whenever Luke couldn’t be with you— to train you or to force you to participate in the camp’s activities— you would always find ways to disappear, so that Clarisse (another camp counsoler) couldn’t get you. You would disappear in thin air, and Luke would then have to come and find you in the most unthinkable places.
And for some reason, when he was able to find you— you were always snacking on a pink creamed cone; your signature strawberry ice cream, the one that matched your shiny lipgloss.
<<y/n- they’re looking for you. Cmon, let’s get out>>
<<but I don’t want to>>
And sometimes, he would let you stay hidden. Sitting beside you without letting a word out. He figured you liked the silence. And he did too.
Also, those were the only times in which you look the little bit happier; when you could sneak away and retire in a peaceful snack time. And he liked to see you happy, so he’d just go back to the others (after a good while tho) and tell them he couldn’t find you.
But by July, his friend noticed his weird acts. And Luke couldn’t hear the end of his big mouth.
<<you need to court her>> or <<you like her so much it’s embarrassing>> or even <<if you don’t make her understand your feelings, someone else will steal her from you>>
And he was right, but Luke thought you were just way too sweet for him.
So sweet you could give cavities. While he was all broody and moody. Mad and slightly rude to people who didn’t know him before the infamous quest.
Not to mention the way you we’re basically the only person he was nice to, and he personally thought that was enough of a give away; so much of a give away that he often would slap himself at his own awkwardness. but Chris reminded him that you didn’t even know how he acted with other people, since he tried so hard to be nice to you and in front of you. So how could you possibly know?
Luke would simply just shrug his shoulders every time, because he just couldn’t bring himself to get any closer. Maybe because he was scared, or maybe because he didn’t think he was worthy of it.
Nonetheless, you were completely unaware, because if you knew about the boy’s feeling, you definitely would want to spend anymore time with him, but that definitely wasn’t the case, since you always begged for him to be with you, to hang with you and to spend time together.
He would get all red and giddy whenever you looked up to him with your doe eyes, asking him to spend more time with you. Sometimes he would find excuses not to, or other times he would simply agree, and stay silent for most of the time, scared to say something wrong and ruin everything. But you liked it anyways; actually, you loved to talk and loved even more to he listened.
You would spend hours talking to Luke about your newly bought cowboy boots, or whatever vintage find you got from the thrift store in the nearest town. You liked to drink Coca Cola, he learned, and your second favorite sweet treat after strawberry ice-cream were candies, the sugared ones.
You also loved road trips and country songs.
He learned all of these things in silence, simply nodding as you chatted with yourself.
He did find himself repeating all those information to Chris, later in the days when the camp was silent and the two friends could share a quieter moment.
Chris gave up on him at one point, letting his girlfriend’s best friend, Silena from the Aphrodite’s cabin, handle the situation.
But not even Silena seemed to be able to talk to you. You only had eyes (and words) to spar for Luke. Almost refusing anyone’s else company.
Silena clearly told Chris and Clarisse that there wasn’t much she could do. You seemed head over heels for him already. He just needed to understand that.
But Luke was blinded by his insecurities, and by his lack of self-esteem.
Even tho, his ego skyrocket the one time in which you drunkly traced his scar, smiling up like an idiot, and muttering a “you’re so pretty” that only him and the near forest nymph could hear.
But that was a story Luke kept to himself.
Chris eventually figured his friend would have to do something at one point, specifically by the end of summer.
And indeed, by August, Luke couldn’t even sleep anymore at the thought of you leaving camp. He wouldn’t have been able to see you for almost 8 months! That was way too much time.
Everyone noticed the change in his manners, the way he was always so nervous and on the edge of a panic, even you.
<<whats wrong Luke?>>
<<nothing to worry about, just stupid thoughts>>
You light up at his crooked and shy smile. If only you knew.
A week or two before the last day of camp, Chris threatened to push him off of a cliff if he didn’t ask you to stay, but for Luke asking you if you even considered staying was already too much, let alone asking you to stay. And for what even? Luke already knew how much you hated camp; you hated the games and the sparring and the swords and the sweat-
<<im not going home for winter>>
He froze on the spot. You couldn’t just drop such news without warning, how could you do that? Almost giving him and heart attack.
<<but you- you don’t like here>> he said, shuttering
<<I don’t like it at home either.>>
<<at least I have you here>>
Luke that day reevaluated the possibility of setting an alter for his dad in his bunk bed, or for any other god who watched over him, because that was definitely a miracle. Someone all the way up in the sky must have had mercy on him and his unfortunate life.
That day, probably on the 28th of August, Luke Castellan came back in the Hermes’s cabin almost at midnight, stumbling around on his own feet on the way to his bed, involuntarily waking up Chris, who cursed him out just for then to stop and stare at his dumbfounded face.
<<what happened?>>
<<she’s staying>> he smiled, almost scaring his still half asleep friend.
<<…>>
<<man, fuck off>> Chris Rodriguez officially had had enough at that point, but still smiled back to his friend as he laid down in his own bed.
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inuyashaluver · 2 months
Note
Are we getting any Ona x reader Childhood sweetheart??
mi media naranja (my better half) - ona batlle
ona batlle x reader
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description: in which you and your childhood friend watch each other grow up, going through different partners, life stages and miraculously ending up in a surprising result
warnings: it’s a long one - buckle up!! catalan in bold italics, mentions of cheating and tears
a/n: hiya, lovey! i hope you don’t mind that i tweaked this into a childhood friends to lovers situation, i really hope you enjoy❤️
⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆
you and your best friend, ona, were the epitome of inseperable. your special bond was formed by years of shared laughter, inside jokes, secrets and late night conversations that stood the test of time.
you and ona knew each other better than anyone, the years of being best friends proving soulmates existed.
at first you both believed it was platonic soulmates but as the seasons and years went by, so did your dynamic, unbeknownst to either of you at the time.
it began through the subtle shift in stolen glances and unspoken words and conversations lingering in the air, something felt different for both of you.
little did you both know, the journey and progression from being best friends formed the very foundation of your relationship in the present.
[ 7 years old ]
it all started in school, a young ona experimentally kicking a football to a lonely you to test out the waters during lunch break.
in the beginning, you were incredibly shy, finding it hard to make friends at the time. her kindness made your heart warm and when you kicked the ball back, you both knew the other would be in your lives forever.
she came up to you and managed to get you to open up, she was pleasantly surprised to find out that you were quite chatty when you talked about something you were interested in. she loved it.
she’d listen to your words intently, each word engraving new lore about you in her mind, making an effort to remember as much about you as she could.
“one day, we’re gonna play together for spain and bring home a gold medal” ona promises, nudging your shoulder with hers as you both sat next to each other on the grass.
you laugh and nudge her back, nodding and holding your pinky up, she smiled cheekily and interlocked her own with yours, a promise you both intended to keep.
everyday at school, you and ona grew closer. your families were so happy with the fact that you’d made a friend so close, both of you at each other’s houses every other day. it just felt right for the both of you and everyone around you.
[ 12 years old ]
you and ona were joined at the hip, not even an exaggeration, you were never apart. you and ona had promised each other that wherever the other would go, you would follow in suit.
it was a non verbal promise but something that was just understood between the two of you.
you and ona had been scouted in your local club to join the youth barcelona team, both of you squealing and jumping around on her bed when you both discussed the situation. however, promptly scolded by ona’s mum that had you both in a fit of giggles.
because the two of you played together so often, each other’s playing styles were very much adapted into your own.
ona was a defender while you played in the midfield, the two of you always linking up to score a goal or an assist.
you both didn’t even need to look at each other to know where to pass or aim, the presence of one another being enough to score goals that had people impressed by your performances.
you and ona thrived in the barcelona team, labelled a dynamic duo by not only your coaches and teammates, but the spectators also.
wordless communication and care were the foundations of your friendship. the needs and requirements for the other person just feeling like common sense.
“you didn’t rub it in properly” ona laughs, pointing at the streaks on sunscreen left on the skin of your face.
“in case you didn’t notice, onita, i don’t exactly have a mirror” you grumble, attempting to rub the rest of the sunscreen but missing completely, making the brunette laugh even more.
“oh, preciosa (precious)” she teases, roughly rubbing the remnants into your skin causing you to groan and attempt to push her away.
“done” she cheeses out, giving your cheek a light pat before you shove her away jokingly. “you suck,” you stick your tongue out at her and she immediately returns the gesture, making you both give each other challenging glares before giggling with each other.
“my house or yours?” ona grins, passing you your water after training. “mhm, let’s go to yours” you smile back at her, she nods and you both chat as normal.
as soon as you got to ona’s, she gave you some of her clothes to change into and you immediately called your family to let them know you’re here and they already knew you’d ask to stay over so they agreed instantly.
you throw ona a thumbs up as she watches you converse on the phone and she pumps her fist in celebration, making you giggle before ending the call.
[ 17 years old ]
this was a difficult time for the both of you, it was when you both started exploring the dating world with other people.
ona got into a relationship first with this random girl, she was super nice at first, but when ona would spend time with you, she would get into insane arguments with her, her girlfriend claiming ona cared more about you than her.
and because it was her first girlfriend, she pulled back from you and you only really saw each other at training, and even then, the communication was limited.
you were heartbroken to say the least, losing your best friend over a girl, you decided to give ona a taste of her own medicine and began dating this girl you thought was really nice.
she treated you well, like a princess honestly, you were giddy and all round happier and ona, from a distance was happy for you.
she’d broken up with her girlfriend and she didn’t, well..couldn’t tell you since she rarely saw you. she regretted the whole relationship, it was toxic and manipulative and she wished she never ditched you for her.
but you were happy again and she would never jeopardise that for you. the only thing ona wanted for you was an endless amount of happiness, getting all the love that you deserved.
it was until you found out your girlfriend had cheated on you, coincidentally with ona’s ex that everything fell back into place.
with tears pooling in your eyes, you knocked on the door of the batlle residence with anxiety overtaking your entire body.
ona opened the door with a worried and confused expression, looking down at your kicked puppy expression that was ready to break down at any moment.
“nena? (babe)” she breathes out, a sob escapes from the back of your throat and you rush to wrap your arms around her neck, pressing your face into her collarbone as your body wracked with a heart wrenching sob.
she immediately holds you around your waist, rubbing comforting circles over the shirt you were wearing, saying nothing but just holding you close.
she tries to pull away to look at you but you shake your head and hold her tighter, she frowns at the sounds of your crying, lifting you up by your thighs and hoisting you up on her waist.
she hurriedly closes the door and rushes to her room, sitting on the edge of the bed as you cried into her arms. she whispers sweet words in your ear as you pressed into her.
you hug for a couple of minutes until you pull away, wiping your tears away with the back of your hands as you looked down at her,
“i didn’t know where else to go” you sniff, your nose red and your voice slightly congested. she frowns at you, using the pad of her finger to wipe away the tear rolling down your cheek.
“you came to the right place, this is your home too, i’ve missed you so much” she says softly, making a few more tears leave your eyes while she chokes back on her own. it felt like so much time but no time had passed as you explained the situation.
ona was pissed, making an effort the next day to give both of your now ex girlfriends a piece of her mind.
that’s when you both decided to take a break with dating, focusing on yourselves, football and each other. everything was back to normal and you were both incredibly relieved.
[ 18 - 21 years old ]
as the years went by, you and ona only grew closer, you noticed the shift in your dynamic. the lingering stares and touching blurring the line between platonic and romantic.
you tried to think nothing of it, ona was always incredibly affectionate and if anything she was just being friendly.
if only you knew how this girl really felt about you. in love was an understatement but she didn’t and couldn’t say anything, respecting you more than anyone in the world.
she wouldn’t want to risk losing you, her best friend, her soulmate.
it didn’t really help that you both followed each other to every club, barcelona, madrid, levante and even making the big jump to manchester united.
the best friend duo left an imprint on every club you both went to, proving to be unstoppable in every league.
you were both so in tune and synchronised, ona even managed to assist you in a hat trick at manchester united, claiming it to be one of her proudest moments.
she’d hoist you up on her waist in celebration as she kisses your cheek repeatedly as the girls surrounded you in celebration. “mi niña (my girl)” she grins up at you.
you kiss her forehead in appreciation and couldn’t help but grow a little warm at the pet name, as well as the way she was looking at you as if you were the reason the run had risen in the morning. (she truly believed this)
sure you both got asked over the years if the two of you were dating and it slightly hurt to shut it down.
you received numerous questioning expressions when you’d say, “no, we’re best friends” but the two of you chose to ignore. you both didn’t like each other like that. (silly)
[ 24 years old ]
it was until you both decided to return home that everything took a turn. your comeback to barcelona as the dynamic duo had been highly anticipated ever since the transfer rumours came out. and when the contracts were finalised and you and ona were promoted together, it went viral.
falling back into the team with new and old teammates was fluid, and exciting. you both felt good about the whole situation, excited for the new chapter ahead.
ona had partnered up with aitana for training because alexia had dragged you away as soon as she could.
“you like her” she teased, your eyes widen and you give her a little slap on the shoulder, “no, i don’t” you grit out, making your captain laugh brightly.
“please don’t tell me you’re this stupid, have you seen how that girl looks at you?” she scoffs, “heart eyes, makes me feel sick” she mocks, you can’t help the little smile hinting at your lips and alexia smiles satisfied.
she prys the details from you and you surprisingly complied. alexia helped you realised that you’ve liked ona for a while, just never coming to terms with it.
you felt lighter after all of it was off your shoulders, thanking alexia for slapping some sense into you.
she humbly accepted as long as she was the maid of honour at your wedding, making you swear on your life that it would happen.
ona had also been in her own conversation with aitana. being one of your teammates for years as well as a close friend, she knew ona liked you, she always has.
she would beg ona to confess, knowing that you liked her back because it was just obvious to anyone with a pulse. she’d always shut down the thoughts quickly. but this time, she actually listened to aitana.
“ona, that girl is in love with you and if she isn’t, you can slap me in the face” aitana speaks with her hands, making ona follow the movements as she spoke.
“you’d actually let me slap you in the face?” ona laughs, aitana gives her a stern expression and ona stops, glancing your way to see you laughing with alexia. she smiles at your bright smile, making aitana shake her head and whisking she had her phone to capture the moment.
it was a team bonding session at alexia’s house, a dinner, movie, drinks type of situation. ona and you lived together, like always, so ona drove you both over. alexia opened the door with a hopeful smile but faltered slightly at the two of you just being friends when you gave her that little look of disappointment.
she gives you a longer hug than ona and it makes her slightly suspicious, she knew you and alexia were like sisters but she couldn’t help the funny feeling bubbling in her stomach.
she’d glare slightly whenever you and alexia would interact and it made alexia laugh, knowing that tomorrow you’d come to training with a girlfriend.
when you got in the car and saw ona gripping the steering wheel so tight her knuckles turned pale, you glance at her in worry.
“are you okay?” you ask nervously, she looks over at you for a split second before looking back in front. “i’m fine” she says flatly, oh you were in for it.
the rest of the drive was intense and quiet. the tension was unbearable. when you both made it home, ona bolted to her room and slammed the door shut, making you wince. you gave her about an hour to cool off before you cautiously knocked on her door.
“ona?” you say softly, you open the door to see her on her bed just scrolling on her phone, she instinctively moves over so you lie down next to her, staring up at the ceiling as she refuses to look at you.
“have i done something wrong?” you break the silence, ona sighs heavily, “no” she breathes out, turning in her side to face you and prompting you to do the same.
“do you like alexia?” she asks softly, you gawk at her in shock, “what? no!” you exclaim, ona’s cheeks burn a little, looking down to see your hand resting on the bed close to hers.
“why? are you worried?” you tease, ona bores her eyes into yours, “and if i was?” she says full of confidence, your mouth falls open slightly, just blinking as you looked at her in surprise.
both of you are pink cheeked with wide pupils, resembling a full moon. “what do you mean?” you utter, “nenita (babe) you know what i mean” ona says hopefully, you pause for a moment before nodding, your bodies subconsciously moving closer to one another like a magnetic field.
“te amo (i love you)” you say confidently, making the girl in front of you break out into a bright smile, “te amo (i love you)” she parrots, you break out into your own wide smile.
you look at each other lovingly for a moment before ona brings a hand up to cup your face, she glances down at your lips and you inhale eagerly, making her chuckle before she pulled you into a searing kiss.
time seemed to pause at this moment, just the warmth of your breaths and lips mingling unfolding like a gentle melody.
your lips moved tenderly with each other, unlocking the years of whispered promises of love you both never knew you were hoping for. your tongues explored each others mouths and it all felt two familiar, you were soulmates after all.
in that shared moment, the line between friendship and romance faded completely, leaving behind the gentle lull of your now joined heartbeats, the start of forever for the both of you.
when you both walked into training the next day with ona’s hand in the small of your back and a gentle kiss to your temple, the room erupted into cheers.
alexia and aitana exchange a high five, a couple of the girls exchanging money making you both laugh brightly at some of the disappointed but happy expressions in the room.
when you both went to the world cup and managed to win through a goal from you, ona proclaimed your love then and there, unable to hold it in anymore.
when she pulled you into a loving kiss after that final whistle blew, it was a special moment for tje both of you. especially since you were both fulfilling that promise of bringing home that gold medal.
you and ona’s friendship stood as a witness to the growth and transformation for the both of you. standing as a testament of love that began with the simplicity of a girl kicking a football to you because she thought you looked lonely, forming into a profound and everlasting connection.
⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆
you know the drill, just pretend it’s you!!
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ona.batlle: mi media naranja (my better half)
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yourname: mi onita xx
yourname: mi media naranja (my better half)
↳ ona.batlle: pretty baby
alexiaputellas: you two would be NOTHING without me
↳ aitanabonmati: and me!!
↳ ona.batlle: all you two did was make fun of us
↳ alexiaputellas: worked though, didn’t it?
↳ ona.batlle: …….
↳ yourname: she said thank you!
context!! - mi media naranja: the literal translation is 'to find your half orange. ' when an orange is cut in half, the two halves match each other perfectly, but no other orange half is likely to fit so closely’ essentially meaning - your better half, your soulmate
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