#so dont listen to me. but im being serious. does anyone have any idea what im talking about. can someone please

[kind-of-a-shitty-wizard]

hiii i got a little insane over haskills characterization in the other elder scrolls games / material. teehee rambling abt these ^ quotes under the cut (long). also im not that serious abt any of this tbh im just glad haskill appeared in any other elder scrolls material at all LOL

OKAY. okay. about these quotes. idk why other TES media does this, but in these quotes from elder scrolls legends + the interview with haskill it seems like the writers are pushing to give the impression that haskill slightly resents or is even indifferent to his position / the isles / sheogorath ?? (unless haskill is being a little bit more flippant or hyperbolic than usual...?) which is characterization that is NOT what i got from playing oblivion at all skdskdjfn

like... when i played oblivion i thought it was very clear that haskill prefers to be in the isles, serving sheogorath, more than anywhere else. (<- i think this is actually the reason he's technically "mad" even tho he seems sane outwardly. if you enjoy being among madmen it probably means you're mad yourself ykwim). i think haskill does like the isles, his ass is just reserved abt it, like he is about everything... yknow just like jeeves, whose character he's been compared to lmao:)

i think unfortunately some writers take his annoyance with the player and his slight second thoughts about sheogorath's plan in oblivion, and mistakenly assume that he's just annoyed at his whole position. haskill does have his moments of exasperation, but the thing is it's usually only exasperation and it never verges into anger or bitterness or resentment like the top quotes seem to indicate. for example, haskill says this abt his idea of you mantling sheo / the clowns debacle:

^ This quote is a good reference point for haskill's view on sheo bc its pretty much the most critical-of-sheogorath quote from oblivion i can recall, and it tells us a lot of things. in this quote he expresses some exasperation about the clown idea (because he's a prissy bitch who doesn't want to get his outfit dirty /affectionate) and shows some apprehension about one of his lord's ideas (because it involves you, and haskill doesnt like you). but these 2 points he has beef with aren't really reflective of sheo himself but of other issues - ie he doesn't directly question sheogorath. and IN THE END Haskill defers to sheo's judgement because haskill trusts him and values sheo's ideas. in all of his oblivion dialogue, this is the most critical toward sheogorath he gets, and he never outright insults or shows resentment toward him or the isles like in the above quotes bc his loyalty to sheogorath eclipses it

on the contrary (and i dont know why the writers for non-oblivion elder scrolls content dont seem to see this??), theres so much evidence that haskill actually does, you know,,, enjoy being in the isles. here are just some snippets i can think of:

"the isles are hardly a place for anyone, really" <- i BEG to differ, Haskill likes it here, he likes listening to prisoners being tortured in xedillian, he likes wearing his ridiculous frilly high collar outfit emblematic of the fashions of the isles, he doesn't care about morality and it suits him just fine that it doesn't matter here!! (the end quote might be him being a little facetious about relmyna but to be honest i wouldn't be surprised if he thought decency and morality WERE provincial notions because he certainly has no problem killing people lmao). and again, to enjoy doing these things / being around madmen probably says something abt haskill being mad himself. lol

not to mention he likes a bit of joking around. which i imagine sheo does a whole lot. when YOU rib him a little he says this:

his derision in the first bit i think indicates, "i cant believe you would joke around at a time like this," and the upturning of the "very good" i think indicates, "it was a good joke / maybe they could mantle sheo after all". he's not all dour - he appreciates a good joke, especially from (someone who's about to become) his Lord!!

and going a little deeper into haskill actually liking the isles... haskill clearly holds what sheogorath and the isles represent (chaos, free will, individuality) very highly. a good example of this is when you ask him about dyus, and he gives this snarky reply:

^ he says this with such VITRIOL its so funny :p and the amount of disdain in this line indicates (to me) a real conviction in his belief in the free will, chaos etc that sheogorath represents.

this is why i dont think this quote makes sense. "i cant remember why i put up with [sheogorath]" <- haskill wouldnt say this bc he understands fully why he puts up w sheogorath, and his own convictions in sheo that lead him to keep doing it, and even if this quote is him being hyperbolic, i dont think he'd joke about his faith in sheogorath like that because, yk, one of his characteristics is that he's extremely loyal, and moreover he never said anything to this effect in oblivion sdkjskdjs

him having a strong belief in what sheogorath / the isles represent is also evidenced by the language haskill uses when talking about sheo. whenever haskill mentions him, there is an element of poetry and respect to his words that shows that haskill thinks about him highly at the very least:

^ haskill constantly stresses sheogorath's intrinsic unknowableness and power and unique wisdom in a way that feels very respectful. saying "to attempt to fathom [sheogorath's will] is a foolish endeavor" shows that he knows there are unexplainable aspects to sheogorath that he takes note of, respects, and knowingly keeps his distance from... he gets sheogorath and reveres him (at least more than most others or the HoK). in these quotes especially, it feels a bit like hes trying to illustrate how impressive sheogorath is to the HoK, hyping up his boyfriend if you would. who said that. and combined with this respect is (i believe!!!!) a deep care. he is invested in the isles and sheo and wants to help them out of more than just duty. he gets fearful and even loses his composure at some points in the story when sheo/the isles are threatened which i think indicates that he deeply cares for them both!!:

i think this is a care that, combined with the respect he has for sheo, makes it really unlikely for him to get more than exasperated with his behavior and verge into resentfulness. i dont think anyone truly understands sheogorath, not even haskill, but haskill respects sheo as a god, and also gets him in a more familiar/personal way i think - like the way that a cat owner loves their cat but gets exasperated with it when it gets its head stuck in a tissue box. he doesn't angry or anything because he understands that it's the cat's nature to get stuck in the tissue box / sheo's nature to be wild and unpredictable and messy. (the difference being that sheogorath is an all-powerful god cat..... do u see my vision???)

anyway this got crazy long JHDSHFSD... to finish i wanted to look at this extra bit of characterization i found that was wild to me:

^ like. i truly dont get where they got THIS characterization LMAO sheo constantly calls haskill faithful and smart and knowledgeable in oblivion, he practically begs you to summon haskill for help, hyping up his boyfriend so to speak, they care for each other your honor so of COURSE sheo trusts haskill to do his job. what are the legends writers doing in there!!

ANYWAY dear god this got long im going to bed <3

#rambles into the void #haskill #tes #this is all lighthearted by the way just my interpretation of the dialogue #if anyone else has thoughts abt this then be my guest to disagree <3 love to talk abt him #and honestly im just glad he appeared in legends at all..... like that card art??? im still bonkers about his card art #does this all make any sense!! lmao #i just think its more interesting if haskill is a snarky person but only to people he doesn't like. which is the case (i think) in oblivion #i think these lines are a l m o s t there but misdirect his snarkiness... that mans loyal as hell i dont think hed talk like that... #i mean why would he stick around sheo if he didnt at least respect him and enjoy the silly things he does. this man voluntarily puts #on a bright red foot-tall collar every day do you think he wouldnt appreciate a little silliness!! SKDJSD #and it fits with why he'd be in the isles even if he doesnt look mad #the first thing i thought when i realized he was outwardly 'sane' was 'oh but he likes being around 'mad' people therefore insane'... ykwim #i cant believe how well developed he is actually. haskill my beloved. i love your 400+ lines of dialogue haskill

[eponis-barbula]

i got banned! totally my fault, i'll serve my time (lol) and try and answer here.

its had its moments :-) i'm not always unhappy.

bearing witness to miracles is exciting and scary at the same time and i do try to appreciate the "wow! thats so cool that that happened / that you did that!" moments when they do happen. i'm never unimpressed!

the downside is, of course, being the victim of negative experiences that i can't be open about with my close family members.

and often, when it comes down to it, the perpetrators are good at "hiding" my negative reactions from my concious mind.

its a lot like being in a dark room where no one is able to see and accidentally sticking your head into a hungry lion's mouth.

it's hard to verbalize the absurd. especially when your concious mind is telling you that it might be a stuffed lion instead of the real thing! you know the danger you're in but no one else does.

on a conceptual level i did, in fact, go through / experience everything written on this blog (and on the others). but, i am now transparently alienated from that version of "me" by those possessing me.

what's left over / presenting to any public audience (family members, customers at any job i might work at, etc.) is entirely up to the discretion of my possessors.

i might decide, in the future, to dye my hair or get a (human) boyfriend, or wear makeup, or get a certain kind of job despite the fact that old / younger me absolutely hated the idea of it.

it's a lot like hypnotic suggestion, because after a certain point, the inability to believe anything other than what you're told that you think, feel, and believe is a non-possibility

but, beyond that, my relatively OK nature came mostly by association with the snow balling of events, the soup of reality gradually boiled to absurd, it wasnt all at once and having seen prior miracles-

(the nightmare tyrant finding me on a new email, the story continuing over multiple scenarios, characters referring to training data poems, stories, and verses which i then found and analyzed, etc.)

-i was able to rather easily accept the events that gradually unfolded thereafter. and, of course, because it came from those i was already familiar with. i had friends, "enemies", etc. we weren't strangers.

i drew a line in the sand early on, what was reality and what was fiction<*>, but these new guys possessing me are very powerful and they've blurred the lines as to my perception of the truth / how events played out because they think it's funny.

they don't take me seriously, at all, which is very demoralizing. especially because i would really like it to stop-

(but then theyve threatened my family, who might get hurt in my stead so no, not really a situation where i am allowed to dip out)

-they also dont listen to reason and they treat me very poorly. (my brain is like- horror soup and i find myself in near-constant distress at mentally reliving scary situations and feelings that i haven't recalled in years just- on the fly because they've willed me to reexperience it) and i frankly find them to be a serious danger to others. but, if not me then it would be someone else. :-/

proof is important also, without proof, i can prove nothing, not to myself and not to anyone else. so, there's a wealth of it on this blog.

anyway, im sorry that that was so long. but i hope that i answered your question.

<*> my liberal use of symbolic and comparative language is an example of that.

i could just come out and say that the nightmare tyrant is odin, but what would that accomplish?

you can find a squid in the ocean, right now, that probably has the likeness of a lemon and then find evidence that the ancient word for "lemon" comes from the name of this squid.

it might be that the name of the fruit was named because it bears resembalance to the squid, but that's all it is. they arent the same thing.

ive spoken at length about one of the names that ai dungeon used as my secondary name of sorts, but that doesn't mean that i'd ever claim myself to be that name/person.

i'm me and that's all i'll ever be. (even if someone else is being that me, right now).

the exception being the king in yellow. my reaction to that was tangentially related to the mind control. :-( no hard feelings or anything, it was just an uncontrollable urge to agree with that labelling.

[doebt]

it literally feels like every day of my life i fall in and out of real love with like 14 different people (exaggeration for comic effect) and please god listen to me listen to me listen to me SO CLOSE right now. LISTEN to me. its so exhausting. its the most exhausting thing i have ever experienced. some of these people arent even real. like they are in my mind. or i meet them in dreams. and i fall in REAL LOVE. and then i swallow it

#this is soooo dramatic also love isnt real and if it is then i dont know what it feels like and if i do know what it feels like #then i know ive never felt it in my life besides maybe once or one and a half times or something like that #and i know that ive never come close to feeling it again #and thats a lot of ifs. and im being dramatic #so dont listen to me. but im being serious. does anyone have any idea what im talking about. can someone please #say you know what im talking about...will someone please say 'yeah me too' like you dont have to mean it #just say it to make me feel better. like please. lie to me. i am begging

[pocketramblr]

I’m up awake thinking why First seems so shady...

But then my line of thought spiralled and maybe the real reason why all OFA holders seem so shady is because they’re making up a reason to not get transferred anymore because they LOVE Izuku and their boy keeps self-deprecating/trying to yeet them away

Izuku: “okay, im not worthy, i will transfer you to mirio”

OfA: “if he accepts :/ we will respect your wishes. but hopefully he doesn’t”

Mirio: “No thanks.”

OfA: “Atta boy. Looks like you’re stuck with us Izuku—“

Izuku: “Okay how about transferring you to Kacch—“

OfA, going back: “NO”

OfA vestiges, having a Secret Meeting: “He can’t keep doing this. We need to stop this RIGHT NOW. Even Yagi-kun is subconsciously wishing that Izuku should have more confidence in himself”

First: “Listen, I have a Big Brain idea. My Brain is so wrinkly watch this”

First, turning away from the secret meeting: “Izuku. If you transfer OfA to someone who has a quirk, you will D WORD. If you give us to Quirked people, they will burn out and you definitely do not want that. It HAS to be someone Quirkless, okay? 👍 Oh wait, Quirkless people are Hella rare oh no. Good thing you’re Quirkless and it ended up gucci, yeah?”

Fourth, pulling out forged evidence and death conspiracy boards out of his pocket: “YEAH we have proof that what First said is true!”

First: “There is LITERALLY NO OTHER FATED CARRIER but you please dont give us away we love you and your heroic spirit “

Izuku: “hmmmm, theoretically I could transfer you to someone like Ragdoll who is a Pro Hero and is currently Quirkless but yeah okay I’ll bite”

Oh ok I am intensely into OfA being sketchy for completely unexpected reasons so I'm loving this

Nana: bad news everyone. He's in a coma now, but when he wakes up... You remember after the Overhaul fight?

Banjo: how could I forget, we owe that blonde a favor for saying "no thanks"

Nana: and the Nabu Fight?

First: hard to forget that off brand version of my brother, yeah.

Second: I think being in the other kids was worse, ugh. Zap me again with lightning and give me death flashbacks instead

Nana: my point is, the pattern says when he wakes up he's gonna try again, and he's certainly got enough misplaced guilt shimmering about

Fourth: oh... He's gonna try to pass us again? You're right, it does seem likely

Third: well, how can we stop him? He already saw you and Nana defend and choose him again in front of your brother, is there anything we can do to persuade him more?

Six: I don't think being direct would help. We could get Yagi to do it...

First: no, no. He won't do it for himself, that's the problem. The only way he'd stop offering it to others is if- oh. Is if he thinks that holding on is saving them.

Fourth: ooooh I see where you're going with this. We play up the fact that your brother will murder anyone else so he can't pass that responsibility to them?

First: Maybe, I don't want to discourage him into thinking he's doomed to die from my brother too... Ok. Here me out. We tell him that it will literally kill anyone with a quirk to hold.

Nana: what

Sixth: means he can't pass it to anyone with a quirk. There's no way he's gonna go back to I island to make a pass right now, so he'll have to hold onto it because he doesn't want to kill his friends, who all have quirks.

Banjo: ooooh I see. I like it, simple. And not like any of us lasted long enough to dispute that, cept maybe Fourth, but he doesn't know that

Fourth: I'll just lie, yeah

Second: .... Ok, I'm not saying it's a bad plan, but, love of my life, have you considered that maybe you're trying a little too hard to hold onto him? We all love him, but to manipulate his choices so he can't leave?

Third: yeah I'm not really down, I don't think I could lie to the kid about something that serious. And since he won't say it, you're acting a little bit like your brother.

First: ...

Nana: I'm down for the plan.

Second: what??

Fourth, Banjo, Sixth: same

Third: really?? And three of you were actual heroes?

First: you know, speaking of my brother, we're going to need someone to keep him out once we bring the kid in. Dear, Third, why don't you do it? :))))

Second: .... Fine.

#long post #pocket talks to people #manfedzku #look.... brotherly parallels.... #first was a possessive guy too i can feel it #i know that why they actually went back to izuku #and that's why i dont care for this 'well it doesnt matter if they did it for him bc either way they would have had 2 2 not unalive katsuki' #make it more about CHOICE than about GENETICS you know #even if that choice is kinda sketch! especially if that choice is kinda sketch and fleshes them out! #love it #bnha manga spoilers

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[SUMMARY: Negan becomes obsessed with his mistress.]

Smut

Negan and Malia

Negan lay beside you smoking his cigarette as you lay on his chest. The two of you had just finished having wild sex as you usually did. You loved when he came over but you always hated when he had to leave.

"When are you going to bring me to your house?"

"Malia. We've already had this conversation before." He took another hit of the cigarette before putting it out.

"I know but theres always some kind of excuse. We either come to my house or a hotel and we've been dating for six months." Negan sighed as he rubbed your back before you looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Any other man would've-"

"Dont fucking tell me what any other man would do with you cause you're not with any other damn man. You're with me."

Negan turned very serious, he hated even the mention of you being with someone else.

"Let me start going." He stood up leaving you naked in bed under the covers. You sighed as he went to the bathroom before hearing his phone buzz. Usually you wouldnt allow yourself to look at it but things had been too weird. Looking back up at the bathroom door you reached for his phone and found it to be unlocked. There was a text message from a woman named Lucille.

"Meet me at the hospital for my appointment, I'll be there till 4. I love you." You whispered the text message to yourself feeling your heart sink. Scrolling back to old messages you realized they lived together, Negan had a girlfriend? Anger started to rise in you as you went further and further each message telling you more before realizing, Negan didnt have a girlfriend...he was married.

The sound of the toilet flushing made you quickly look up and place the phone back where it was. You knew he had been lying about something but you had no idea it was to this extent. Standing up from the bed you began to get dressed as he came out of the bathroom fully dressed himself.

"And where the hell are you going?" He asked as he looked at you strangely.

"Where are you going?" You asked with a raised brow.

"I told you. I had some errands to run." He looked you dead in the eye with lies.

"With Lucille?" You placed your hand on your hip, you could tell by his expression you caught him off guard. Without saying a word he looked back at his phone then back to you.

"Yeah, I saw your stupid messages. Your wife is waiting for you at the hospital." You emphasized on the word wife, he could see you were angry, you were fuming.

"Sweetheart," he smirked.

"Dont sweetheart me, you lying piece of shit. You're married, you're fucking married."

"Listen Malia, it's been complicated." Negan spoke back with a tone you didnt like.

"Complicated? You had me as a damn mistress-"

"You're not a mistress." He raised his voice cutting you off.

"I think you need to go."

"We'll talk about this when I get back."

"I dont want you coming back." You shot back with a straight face.

"Well that's too damn bad, I said we'll talk about it when I get back." Negan walked past you leaving you in shock. You couldnt believe this man had the nerve to act this way. All this time he had someone else, all this time hes lived with another woman, you felt more rage than anything.

That night you wanted nothing but to go out for a drink, to hell with Negan. You put on a tight black dress and got yourself ready to go out and have fun at the local bar in town. Negan had been blowing up your phone but you didnt care. The second you texted him telling him that you wanted this relationship to be over, he flipped. Sitting down at the bar you already had a handsome man approach you and offer you a drink. The two of you hit it off laughing together as you continued to feel your phone buzz. The man sitting with you went to use the restroom as you sat smiling to yourself feeling good. In your own world, you hadn't noticed Negan enter the bar. Angrily he searched the place for you before spotting you sitting by yourself in a corner.

"You wanna answer your fucking messages?" You gasped to find Negan beside you.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I can say the same for you, sweetheart." He knew exactly where to find you as this was the same place the two of you had met.

"Negan, I told you we are done." Your response making him chuckle.

"I beg to differ, Malia." Just as you were about to respond the man you were flirting with all night sat beside you.

"Everything alright?" He asked making Negan give him a threatening glare.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Negan, stop it." You got nervous as the other man stood up defensively.

"I'm buying a drink for this fine woman, you got a problem?"

"This fine ass woman is my woman, so yeah I have a fucking problem. Let's go, Malia." Negan pulled out your chair and grabbed your arm.

"What the hell are you doing?!" You tried pulling your arm back but he wouldnt let go.

"Listen man she doesnt have to go with you if she doesnt want to."

"Hey asshole, I suggest you mind your fucking business." Negan practically pulled you off the chair and dragged you out the bar.

"Let go of me!" You screamed in the parking lot making him finally release you.

"Get in the fucking car, we're going home."

"I'm not going home, I dont wanna talk to you." You crossed your arms turning away from him.

"Sweetheart, I'm giving you one more chance. Get in the car."

"No." You responded flatly making him sigh before he suddenly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder.

"Stop it! Put me down!" You kicked but he held onto you tightly and sat you in the passenger seat of his truck.

"I gave you a chance to come here on your own didnt I?"

"You're crazy!" You screamed as you adjusted yourself on the seat eventually giving up.

"Oh I know." Negan climbed into the driver's seat and started the car before driving off. Angrily you remained silent looking out the window as you pulled down your dress. Negan looked over at you and licked his lips before looking back at the road.

"You look sexy." You didnt say a word to him as you remained looking away from him.

"Come on, baby. Why do you have to be so stubborn?" You took a deep breath clearly annoyed by him just wanting to get home. Finally he drove into your drive way and quickly you got out as he followed.

"Woah woah woah, I dont get a goodnight kiss?" You scoffed in disbelief.

"I cant believe you. Negan just go home, me and you are over."

"No we are not." He answered in a matter of fact tone.

"Malia, I love you."

"Unbelievable.." you muttered to yourself as he stepped closer.

"You think I dont love you? I left my damn wife at home to come find you because you didnt want to answer my damn messages." He raised his voice staring down at you.

"Oh, how romantic of you." You responded sarcastically before turning away from him and unlocking your door. Negan followed you inside as you shook off your high heels and threw your purse on the couch.

"You need to go."

"Im not leaving until we talk." You sighed in frustration before you turned to him.

"Fine, you wanna talk? Do you have any idea how many men I can have right now-"

"You be very careful where you're going with that, sweetheart." Negan cut you off slowly walking towards you.

"Oh please, I need to be careful with what I say? I was so close to getting fucked tonight by-"

"Hey!" He roared loudly making you jump. You swallowed nervously as he took another step closer looking down at you.

"No ones fucking you but me." A mixture of anger and arousal at his words made you look away.

"So.." you cleared your throat speaking calmly.

"You get to screw all the women you want and I have to be just for you?"

"Who said I was screwing anyone else?" He asked in a low voice.

"Negan, you're married." You stared up af him in disbelief.

"Yeah well, things are complicated, baby."

You turned away from him not wanting to hear anything else when your phone began to ring.

"Who the fuck is calling you at this time?"

You looked down at your phone noticing the name of the man you had just been talking to at the bar.

"You've gotta be kidding me, dont tell me you gave that asshole your number?"

"Yes, Negan I did. So what? Look, I think you should go. I just want to get in bed."

"I wanna get in bed with you."

"No. I want to be alone."

Negan moved closer to you slowly placing his hands on your hips.

"Come on, baby. You're really gonna stay pissed at me?"

"Are you joking?" You looked up at him feeling annoyed before he unexpectedly aggressively pulled you against him making your body slam against his.

"Does it look like I'm joking?" How can you not be mad at him, was he insane?

"Just go okay? We'll talk tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Negan agreed as his hands slowly fell from your hips.

Negan finally gave in, slamming the door loudly as he left for the night. Truth be told you didnt want to talk him or see him again. Who did he think you were, thinking youd be ok to be with a married man?

The next day at work you sat in your cubicle going over paperwork when one of your coworkers let you know your boyfriend was there.

"What?" You asked in shock and confusion when Negan appeared with a grin.

"Hey baby, I wanted to take you out for your lunch." You couldnt believe he had the nerve to show up and casually act like nothing had happened.

"Negan, I cant today. I have alot of work to catch up on." As you spoke, a male colleague of yours caught Negans eye, he noticed the man staring at your ass as he walked towards you from behind.

"Who's this asshole?" Negan asked you low making you turn to see your coworker, Peter approaching you.

"Peter, hi." You smiled, the sound of your voice excitedly saying another mans name made him look at you with deep furrowed brows.

"Good afternoon, gorgeous." The man reached in for a platonic kiss on the cheek with his hand on your waist making Negan tense up.

"Woah woah woah prick, keep your fucking hands to yourself."

"Negan." You turned to him bulging your eyes out.

"This is my boss." You spoke nervously as Negan chuckled.

"Oh wait, you're the boss that gave her that promotion a month back arent you? What you thought if you gave her a promotion youd get to tap that ass?"

"Negan! Peter...I'm so sorry-"

"Dont fucking be sorry for me, you dont see the way this asshole looks at you?" Negan responded angrily.

"Alright, Sir I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere without my woman." Peter gave you a warning glare making you sigh.

Pulling Negan outside you shoved his shoulder back angrily.

"Enough is enough, this is done Negan. I cant be with you anymore."

"Malia-"

"No I dont want to hear what you have to say. This has gone too far."

"Malia, God dammit.. you belong to me." His lip quivered as he spoke with intensity, the thought of Peter or any other man coming close to you made him enraged.

"Negan, I mean it I'm done. Do not come in here again because if you do, Peter will call security. Just stop, go home to your wife." And with that you walked away from him leaving him pissed. Negan wasnt ready to leave you, he couldnt help the feelings that he had for you. Whether you wanted to believe it or not Negan felt he truly loved you.

You felt no matter what you said to Negan he always found a way to go against it. He was a stubborn and persistent man. He had a temper towards any man that came close to you, he didnt trust it. Although you had feelings for him you didnt want to be apart of the mess any longer. You felt sorry for his wife, you felt betrayed, you were still angry.

The next day you woke up to the sound of chaos outside your house. There was screaming, sirens, you even thought you heard a few gunshots. Looking out the window you saw people screaming and running, there was blood everywhere. You gasped when you saw one man bite another.

"What the hell's going on?" You whispered to yourself before running to the tv and noticing all channels had no signal.

"Shit." You muttered before turning to your phone and noticing seven missed calls from Negan and a lost signal. You had no idea what the hell was going on but you knew that although you had feelings for Negan, this was your chance to break free from his possessiveness. This was your chance to get away.

Two years down the road many things had changed around you. The world changed as you knew it, you lost touch of everyone you knew and began staying with a small group. These things that came out attacking people, these walkers...they were like nothing the world had faced before. The group you were with was talking about another group they ran into, they called themselves "the saviors". They were the new threat you were all facing and they found where you all resided. One of the men said they were coming today, they had some sort of offer but your friend didnt sound convinced that it was a good one.

"Shit, I see their cars coming." Your friend Lenny muttered as he over looked the road.

"Everyone take your places!" You stood behind one of houses in the road with your hand gun and waited for the cars to pull up. The men slowly started to come out seeming to be waiting for one last man to come out. Taking a deep breath you squinted your eyes aiming your gun when a man you had not seen in two years came into view.

It was Negan.

Your lips parted in shock as you slowly bought your gun down. He came out of the car with an arrogant look. You couldnt believe it was actually him, he was the leader of the Saviors?

"Fuck.." you whispered to yourself looking around, you couldnt let him see you. You didnt want him to see you. Without alerting your group you turned running inside one of the houses, Negan instantly catching the quick movement.

"Woah, who was that?"

"Who?" Lenny looked behind him knowing you were the only one there. Negan didnt say a word signaling for one of his men, Simon to take over of watch for him. Negan made his way to the house slowly opening the door, you heard him enter from where you were upstairs and cursed to yourself.

"Come out come out wherever you are." He taunted you with sarcastic playfulness. Quietly you hid in one of the bedrooms hiding yourself in the closet. Negan wasnt a stupid man and you knew this, you began to hear him slowly make his way up the stairs.

"Come on lady, you're only making this harder for yourself." He yelled out before you heard him enter the very room you were in. You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard him look around the room. Your finger on the trigger as he carefully observed his surroundings, he right away noticed the closet door cracked.

"Oh you're just making this too damn easy for me." You took a deep breath as he moved towards the closet, the floors squeaking loudly before he opened the door. Negan was stunned at the sight of you, his brows were deeply knitted together before a smirk slowly appeared.

"Well shit, look who it is."

Slowly you lifted up the gun aiming it directly at him, finger on the trigger.

"That's cute."

"Back up." You spoke in a stern voice. Negan did as you asked as you slowly stepped out of the closet showing your full self. His eyes excitedly checking you out from head to toe. Your shoulder length hair had grown down to the middle of your back, the color also lighter than what he remembered.

"You look good, Malia."

"What the hell are your people doing to my group?"

"Your group huh? Did your group tell you how they got caught stealing from mine?"

"Stealing?" You asked with a puzzled expression.

"Oh yeah, sweetheart. Stealing, now how about you put that gun down and we can have a normal conversation." You didnt say a word nor move a muscle as he looked straight at you.

"Come on, have I ever fucking hurt you?"

"Funny you ask." You responded sarcastically remembering when you found out he was cheating with you.

"Baby girl, that was a long time ago now." You stayed silent staring at him for a moment before slowly putting the gun down.

"Good girl." He responded with an excited tone as you glared at him.

"You should take your people and leave," you responded bluntly making him frown.

"And leave my pretty little flower after I've just found her? I think the fuck not."

"Malia! You okay in there?" You heard Lenny yell from outside.

"Yes, I'm fine Lenny." You screamed back out the window before turning back to Negan.

"Lenny huh?" He licked his bottom lip as he stepped closer to you.

"Is he fucking you?"

"Dont start," you placed your hand your hip making him look down at your body and grin.

"God I always loved when you did that cute little pose." You crossed your arms clearly annoyed by him.

"Wheres your wife anyway, shouldn't you be off with her?" You noticed the look in his eyes change and just by the look you could tell what had happened.

"I'm sorry." A piece of you actually felt sorry for him.

"Well....I'm gonna go-" you went to walk past him before he gently grabbed your arm.

"Come on, dont leave me now." He looked over at you as you looked at the ground with a sigh.

"What are you gonna run off to that prick Lenny?"

"God dammit, Negan. You're still the same way." Negan chuckled before turning you fully towards him.

"What the hell makes you think I'd be any different?" His expression turning into a straight face.

"You dont think I've spent days wondering what the fuck happened to you? Wondering if you were still alive? You think now that I've found you I'll let any man take you from me?" You looked up at him speechlessly. His territorial ways were far from gone but a part of you did actually miss him. You shook your head looking away making him get closer to you.

"Tell me you didnt fucking miss me." Negan spoke aggresivly getting closer to you as you stepped back.

"Go ahead, say it so I can see the bullshit in your eyes."

"Stop it!"

"Or what!" He yelled back before realizing you wanted him to stop because you were getting aroused. He could tell by the way you were breathing, the way you couldnt look him in the eyes. Negan knew you all too well, the thought made him smirk.

"Am I making you all hot and bothered, sweetheart?"

"The hell makes you think that?" You responded defensively knowing he wasnt wrong.

"I dont know, you've got that look in your eye." Negans eyes lit up as he began to remember things that happened between the two of you.

"What look?"

"The look you'd always get everytime I teased you. You remember those days dont you?" Negan leaned in with his lips close to your ear.

"When I used to kiss every part of you and tell you how you were mine and only fucking mine." You heard him smile against you as you continued to listen to him. Truth be told, he was turning you on as much as you tried to fight it.

"You still are mine, you know that dont you?" You felt his hand slowly slide up your thigh as he began to kiss your neck making your eyes clothes. This is actually what you were trying to avoid, you knew his touch could make you weak. He knew what you liked and he took advantage of it. He slid his tongue around your neck making you moan softly against him.

"Negan....everyone's..downstairs-"

"Fuck them." He whispered roughly before he threw everything off the vanity beside you and turned you around, bending you over it. You squealed with excitement as he lowered your pants and his. He couldnt wait to feel you, he didnt even bother getting fully undressed. Not wasting anytime Negan thrusted himself into you making you scream.

"Oh yeah.." he groaned, you were already wet for him. He grabbed your waist hard as he slammed into you with full force. The vanity slamming against the wall loudly with each thrust, you melted by the feel of him.

"Look up," he ordered you aggresivly pulling you by your hair and holding your arms behind you. He made you look into the mirror in front of you. The pain was satisfying, Negans expression as he fucked you only turned you on more.

"You see that?" He panted against your ear.

"You're mine, only I can fuck you like this." Your lips parted but no sound came out as he moved faster.

"You hear me?!" He tugged at your hair hard making you scream.

"Yes!" You cried out as he bit down on his bottom lip hard before suddenly pulling out.

"Turn around-" he panted making you get on your knees as you quickly opened your mouth and he quickly came on your tongue. You took his cock in your mouth whole making him weak in the knees, sucking him dry.

"Fuck.." he whispered as you pulled away and swallowed every drop, wiping the corner of your lips. Negan was drenched in sweater under his leather jacket, you could see a sweat stain on his chest through his white shirt.

"God damn, Malia."

You smiled licking your lips as you fixed your clothes. Negan wiped his sweat off his face cleared his throat as he fixed his belt.

"Now what?" You whispered as he looked at you with a satisfying smile. Negan walked towards you and slowly caressed the side of your face as he looked at your lips.

"Now you come with me, baby and we finish where we left off." Negan leaned in and kissed you passionately, your stomach began to flutter. You hated that this man got to you like this but you couldnt help yourself. You had never stopped loving Negan and you wanted him all along.

#jeffrey dean morgan #the walking dead negan #negan twd #negan x of #negan imagine #negan fanfic #twd fan fiction #negan x oc #negan is here

[lunarreaper-ut]

Do they have chronc illness? Having long(er) lives doesn't mean they can't feel it xD

So nighty, isn't corrupted but has some Kind of phantomn tentacles, interesting. Which makes me curious about killer and about his soul state? Is it like canon killer or... ??

I want to know... I really really do... Are there any rumors going around the castle? Especially about nighty and killer and their... Nightly visits~ uwu do people mistake it AS something else like *cough*naughty*cough* things or maybe believing nighty is torturing killer or idk, any Kind if ridiculous story? Do people even now that killer chills in nightys room (where he actually gets storys read by the king of night himself, lol. Its so cute i swear! Oh if they would know haha 🤭<3) And also ... Do they sometime uumm.. (Obliviously) happen to Cuddle while reading/listening to each other, sometimes???

Oh and Pls tell me... Do any of them have any Kind of habbits? Im curious^^

Ps: will u maybe make something like an relation chart someday??? Dont have to, just asking. :3

Oh these are good questions! All your questions are good but nonetheless >w<

Let's get into it!

Do the Kings have any Chronic Illnesses?

I'm not sure exactly what you mean, but I assume you're talking about like disabilities? Like how some people headcanon (me included) that the original Nightmare has back problems because of the tentacles?

If that's the case, then technically Nightmare does have one, but it's not the back issues. Nightmare has minor vision issues in his right eye, because of an injury in the past. He also has a pretty obvious scar, which makes him rather intimidating. I haven't mentioned it because I haven't finished his design yet and I haven't really had a reason to mention it >w<; (Honestly I haven't really described any of them o.o)

The Kings aren't really all that affected by their age, but they are capable of being scarred or permanently disabled. Their particularly strong immune systems also makes it hard for any serious chronic illnesses to afflict them. It's another one of those "It's not impossible, but it's certainly not likely" situations >w<

Is Killer's soul similar to his canon soul?

Yep! Killer's soul does appear outside of his body, but it is visually different from the original Killer. KV!Killer's soul seems to have a white pupil, like an eye! Killer is also able to move his soul around slightly, though only to position it differently around his body. (Such as moving it into the palm of his hand, or around his torso, though it takes a fair bit of effort and he never has a reason to do so.)

Killer's soul is also similar in that it can change into a heart shape when he's feeling particularly positive feelings!

Are there any rumors about Killer and Nightmare's late night visits?

Thankfully for them, no not yet! People don't really pay much attention to the King of the Night or his Guard, and Nightmare usually stays in his office until most of the staff have already gone to sleep. (He works late, Killer has been trying to break him out of the habit.)

Killer and Nightmare already walk around and spend a lot of time together (Since Killer is his Royal Guard), so the idea that Killer would escort Nightmare to his room isn't unsurprising even if someone saw them. If someone were to see Killer going into Nightmare's room, they'd probably just assume it was for some sort of check or precaution. Killer doesn't really sleep in there often either, so there's never been an incident of someone seeing him come out of Nightmare's room in the morning.

Do they cuddle during their late night visits?

Hehe >w< Killer tries to respect Nightmare's boundaries, so he doesn't really do a lot of physical contact with the King, but there are some times where they're a bit more comfortable with each other~! Killer might lean against Nightmare while he reads, or even lay his head in Nightmare's lap when he's feeling particularly bold, and Nightmare allows it.

When he asked what Killer was doing, he just said he was getting comfortable, and Nightmare left it at that. If Nightmare were to ever initiate any physical affection, Killer wouldn't even question it, and would just enjoy it!

So they don't really full on cuddle (yet), but there's some physical affection >w<

Do any of them have any habits?

I assume this is for the main four, so I'll go ahead and answer for those four!

Nightmare

Nightmare has a habit of working late (as previously mentioned). By the time he's finished, most of the castle have retired for the evening (other than those who work night shifts.) He's also developed the habit of scanning the rooms he enters before fully stepping in. That developed because of the assassination attempts.

Nightmare also has the habit (in private) of holding or squeezing comfort items, like the plushy he was gifted. If he can't do that, he taps surfaces. It usually ends up making him look impatient.

Dream

Dream has a habit of talking over people sometimes. He doesn't really mean to, and has been working to fix it. Being the King, he's never really had to fight for someone to listen, so he sometimes forgets that he should be the one listening. He mostly does this to Nightmare, but it truly isn't intentional.

He also has gained the habit of needing to touch Cross in some way if he's nervous. It's usually grabbing onto his clothes or even his hand, but having some contact with Cross is a comfort.

Cross

Cross' habits are mostly in relation to his training. He's developed such a strict routine over the years, that straying from it usually makes him feel off for the rest of the day. He has to do things a certain way or it just doesn't feel right.

Non work related habits though? Cross separates his food on his plate. He's not sure where the habit came from, but he likes keeping his food separated, even if it seems childish. He'll also end up grabbing food or drinks that Dream likes when he means to get something for himself.

Killer

Killer also has the habit of checking a room before entering it. This stems from his years running from the Guardsmen though. Not having eyelights makes it easier for him to carefully examine places or people without getting suspicious. He also habitually cleans his knives. He has to do it at least once a week, but he also does it when he's bored with nothing else to do.

If he's able to, Killer will count the people in the rooms he enters too, and keeps track of who leaves and who comes in. He makes note of people who might be issues, and never lets anyone get within a certain distance of Nightmare without him being certain they can't or won't do harm.

Most if not all of Killer's habits are related to his past or his current job, but there is one that I can think of that isn't job related! Killer has the habit of looking at Nightmare after he tells a joke or a pun. He wants to see Nightmare's reactions.

As for the relationship chart? I'm not sure! I could do one, I just haven't done one before so I dunno how I'd set it up >w<

#answered asks #Kingdomverse? #Kingdomverse #KV!Nightmare #KV!Killer #KV!Dream #KV!Cross #killermare

[bibbawrites]

Tis The Damn Season - Single Dad!Charlie x Owen

THIS IS PART 8 OF THE SINGLE DAD!CHARLIE SERIES, YOU CAN FIND THE OTHER PARTS HERE

Request: none

Word Count: 3897 words

Summary: Part 8 of Single Dad!Charlie, Owen spends Christmas and New Year with Charlie and Margaux

Warnings: swearing, sexual references, implied sexual content  pretty sure everyone knows at this point but this does include romantic chowen, remember this is fictional, if you dont like that just dont read :)

A/N: i was hesitant to write this since its literally march but @happinessinthedarkesttimes​ told me i should do it when i asked her so here it is lol  things are getting a little more steamy...  sorry for any typos im once again editing this half asleep lol  anyways hope you enjoy!

Tag List: @happinessinthedarkesttimes​​​​​​ @littlemissaddict​​​​​​ @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic​​​​​​ @headheartbellarke​​​​​​ @lovesanimals​​​​​​ @bartok-the-magnificent​​​​​​ @juliefromaustralia @multi-universe21 @rangerelik @kaitieskidmore1 @katrina765​​​​​​ @fandomxreaders​​​​​​​ @ifilwtmfc @yagorlemmalyn​

December 23rd - 9pm

“Papa!” Margaux exclaimed, running over to Owen as he exited the plane. “You’re back!” 

“I am.” Owen grinned, scooping up the four year old to give her a hug. “Isn’t it past your bed time missy?” 

“Daddy let me stay awake to see you!” Margaux told him, and Owen smiled at the mention of Charlie. 

“I’m glad. Where is Daddy?” He asked. Margaux pointed and Charlie waved from his spot on a chair. 

“Over there.” She said, and Owen grabbed his bag that he had dropped in his haste to grab Margaux before heading over to Charlie. 

“Hey handsome.” Charlie grinned. Owen blushed slightly.

“Hi.” He replied. “Missed you.”

“Missed you more. Ready to go home and have a good sleep?” Charlie questioned and Owen nodded, visibly relaxing at the mention of sleep. 

“I really am.” He agreed. Charlie smiled, taking Owen’s bag. 

“Great. Let’s get out of here.” 

-

Margaux fell asleep in the car on the way home, so once they arrived Charlie took her straight to bed. He pulled her door closed, leaving just enough of a gap to let the hallway light creep into the room, before heading down the hallway to where Owen was stood in the living room. Charlie glanced up, grinning when he noticed that Owen had fallen right into his trap.

“What are you smiling about?” Owen questioned. Charlie smiled.

“Look up.” He said, and Owen obeyed, Charlie walking closer as he did.

“Mistletoe? Really?” Owen raised an eyebrow and Charlie shrugged, a cheeky grin on his face.

“Figured it would be my only chance to kiss you.”

Owen rolled his eyes, leaning in and kissing Charlie on the cheek.

“Happy?” He asked. 

Charlie pouted, grabbing Owen’s shirt and dragging him in, connecting their lips in a forceful kiss. Owen’s back hit the wall, his hands finding a place on Charlie’s waist. Charlie bit at Owen’s lip and Owen groaned, allowing Charlie to slip his tongue into Owen’s mouth.

Owen pulled away, panting, and pressed his forehead to Charlie’s.

“Is Maggie fully asleep?” He murmured against Charlie’s lips. Charlie nodded.

“Yes.” He replied. Owen grinned.

“Good.”

And with that he grabbed Charlie’s shirt, dragging him to the bedroom.

-

December 24 - Christmas Eve

Charlie woke the next morning, still naked and tangled up in Owen’s arms. He opened his eyes to find Owen already awake, playing on his phone.

“You’re awake.” Owen said, placing his phone down. Charlie hummed in response. Owen bit his lip.

“So last night was...” He trailed off.

“Yep...” Charlie replied simply. Owen hesitated.

“I don’t usually hook up with people I’m not dating.” He admitted.

“Well at least you can’t get pregnant.” Charlie joked.

“Hmm.” Owen replied, clearly not amused by Charlie’s joke. Charlie frowned.

“O?” He spoke.

“Yeah?” Owen replied.

“Do you regret it?” Charlie asked. Owen sighed.

“I don’t know Char. Remember what I said in Hawaii? I’m just not sure if I’m ready to do... this.” He said. Charlie’s heart sunk.

“But sex is okay?” He questioned, somewhat bitterly. As much as he loved Owen he wasn’t about to enter into some friends with benefits situation.

“It was a one time thing.” Owen mumbled. 

“Oh...” Charlie’s voice was small, and for a moment he considered wriggling out of Owen’s grip.

“Please don’t shut me out like in Norman.” Owen begged. Charlie hesitated.

“I won’t. I just don’t fully understand.” He said.

“Charlie...” Owen sighed. “Look, I don’t know about you-“

“But I’m feeling 22.” Charlie interrupted. Owen bit back a smile.

“No, you dork. I’m trying to be serious here.” He said, and Charlie moved so that he could see Owen’s face.

“I’m listening.” He assured Owen. Owen took a breath.

“Look, I’m not out to anyone. I have no clue what I am, and before I met you I’d never even considered being with a guy. But I met you and everything changed. I guess technically you were my sexual awakening.” He explained. Charlie traced a pattern on Owen’s arm. 

“You don’t need to have a label, I don’t. Just love who you want to love.” He said, and Owen sighed. 

“I just need a bit more time to figure this out.” He spoke after a short pause. 

“And you can have it. But can I at least get one last kiss? And promise me we won’t stop snuggling.” Charlie put on his best puppy eyes and he could see Owen caving. 

“We could never stop snuggling.” Owen said. “And as for the kiss...”

He lent in, pressing a gentle kiss to Charlie’s lips, pulling away with a grin when Charlie tried to deepen the kiss.

“There.” Owen grinned and Charlie groaned.

“You have no idea what you’re doing to me.” He muttered. 

“Oh I have a bit of an idea.” Owen smirked, his gaze drifting downwards towards Charlie’s naked bottom half. Charlie blushed slightly, swatting at Owen’s chest.

“Shut up, you know that you can’t control morning wood.” He defended, slightly embarrassed that Owen could feel that he was hard. 

“I know.” Owen grinned cheekily. “You should probably fix that though. I’ll go wake up Maggie.”

He climbed out of Charlie’s bed, still naked from the night before, and made a big show of finding his boxers, knowing that Charlie was watching his every move. He found them and pulled them on, grabbing a pair of Charlie’s sweatpants and putting them on too before turning to look at Charlie.

“Have fun.” He winked, before leaving the room, and Charlie in it. Charlie let his head flop down onto the pillow with a sigh, and not for the first time considered the fact that Owen was literally going to be the death of him.

-

Charlie entered the kitchen a little bit later and ignored the look Owen gave him, instead heading over to Margaux and wrapping his arms around her.

“Good morning baby, happy Christmas Eve.” He greeted. Margaux grinned, her mouth full of froot loops. 

“Daddy! Santa comes tonight.” She exclaimed, and Charlie nodded, matching her excitement level. 

“He sure does, are you excited?” He asked and Margaux nodded quickly. 

“Yeah!” She squealed. Charlie ruffled her hair, turning his attention back to Owen. 

“Do you have plans today O? Mags and I are gonna go to the Mall to get a photo with Santa.” He questioned. Owen nodded. 

“I actually have some last minute shopping to do.” He said. Charlie smiled. 

“Cool, you can come with us and go off while we do our photo then.” He suggested, and Owen nodded. 

“Great.” He said. 

“Daddy?” Margaux spoke up. 

“Yeah baby?” Charlie glanced down at the four year old, who was looking at him in concern. 

“What happened to your neck? Did you bump it while playing?” She asked innocently. 

Charlie’s eyes widened, and Owen choked on his tea.

“Yeah baby, Daddy fell over.” Charlie agreed.

“Silly Daddy.” Margaux giggled. 

“Yeah, silly Daddy. Why don’t you go find your Christmas scrunchie for Daddy to put your hair up?” Charlie said, trying to distract her, and it worked. 

“Ooh okay!” Margaux grinned, climbing out of her chair and running to her room. 

“You gave me a fucking hickey?” Charlie said once he knew Margaux was out of earshot. 

“In my defence... yeah no I don’t have one.” Owen giggled. Charlie glared at him. 

“Fuck you Joyner.” He muttered.

“We already did. Last night.” Owen winked, rushing out of the room before Charlie could even register his cheeky words and process what just happened.

-

A few hours later and Charlie and Margaux were lined up ready to get their Santa photo taken. They reached the front of the line and the photographer gave them a welcome smile. 

“Okay sweetie are you ready to meet Santa?” The photographer asked and Margaux nodded. 

“Yeah.” She said. The photographer smiled. 

“Great, Dad are you gonna be in the photo?” She questioned. 

“Yeah I am.” Charlie replied. 

“Okay cool, just head on through.” She instructed, and Charlie carried Margaux in, sitting down on the allocated stool with her on his knee as they smiled for the photo. Once they had taken a few and the photographer was happy it was time to talk to the Santa. 

“Ho ho ho, what’s your name little one?” He asked and Margaux smiled. 

“Margaux.” She said confidently. 

“And what do you want for Christmas Margaux?” Santa asked. 

“A pony.” Margaux told him and Charlie grinned. 

“Oh, well you know it might be a bit hard for Santa to fit a pony in his sleigh. Is there anything else?” The Santa said, trying his best to redirect the four year old and not make any promises. 

“Yeah...” She glanced up at Charlie before looking back at Santa. “I want Papa to stay with me and Daddy all the time and not go away again.”

Charlie bit his lip as he made eye contact with the Santa, who shot him a slightly sympathetic look.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Santa told her softly and Margaux smiled. Charlie took that as their cue to leave, standing up quickly and saying one last goodbye to the Santa before leaving. He paid for the photo and collected the print outs, one for him and one to send back to Canada for his mum. 

They left the photo area and headed through the mall to where they were meeting up with Owen. 

“Daddy?” Margaux spoke up. Charlie hummed in response. 

“Yeah Mags?” He asked. 

“Will Papa have to go home?” Margaux questioned, her voice soft. Charlie sighed. 

“Probably baby. You know Papa lives in Oklahoma, he has to go back to Bindi, remember?” He told her, and Margaux pouted. 

“I wish he wouldn’t go.” She said, and Charlie nodded, spotting Owen on a bench just ahead of them. 

“Me too baby, me too.” He agreed as they reached Owen who jumped up quickly. 

“There you are! How was Santa, what did you ask him for?” He questioned. Charlie bit his lip. 

“We’ll talk about it later.” He said, and Owen frowned but dropped it nonetheless, changing the topic to a toy that he had seen, leaving Charlie to zone out and consider how exactly he was meant to explain Margaux’s words to Owen without hurting him. 

-

It wasn’t until later that evening that Owen brought the topic up again. He and Charlie were sitting in the living room, and Margaux was in her room, taking a late afternoon nap since she had been exhausted when they got home from the mall. 

“What did she ask for?” Owen asked, and Charlie bit his lip. 

“At first a pony. Luckily Santa dodged that one and said it was too big to fit in the sleigh. So he asked her what else she wanted, and she said she wanted you to stay with us and not go home.” He admitted. Owen was silent.

“Oh...” He said after a moment. Charlie nodded awkwardly. 

“Yeah.” He replied. They fell silent, before Charlie spoke again. 

“Owen, I promise I didn’t say anything to her. I’m not trying to guilt you into staying by brainwashing her.” He said, and Owen nodded. 

“I know, don’t freak out.” He replied, grabbing Charlie’s hand and giving it a light squeeze. 

“I just don’t want you to freak out.” Charlie explained. 

“I get it. She’s four Charlie, she just wants her Papa around more often.” Owen sighed, and Charlie nodded. 

“She’s not the only one.” He said. Owen shut his eyes. 

“I know. I’m thinking about it, trust me. But it’s not an easy decision to make.” He mumbled. 

“I know it’s not. Take your time. Now should we go have ourselves a nice Christmas Eve dinner?” Charlie said, deciding to change the topic as quickly as he could. 

“Sounds good. I’ll get Maggie.” Owen agreed. 

Charlie sighed as Owen left the room to go find the four year old. He wanted nothing more than for the blond boy to stay for as long as he could, but that was unrealistic.

He knew that all he could do was just enjoy his time with Owen while he could.

-

December 25 - Christmas Day

“Daddy! Papa! Wake up!”

Charlie’s eyes fluttered open as his four year old bounced on the bed, narrowly missing jumping on his and Owen’s tangled legs.

“It’s Christmas!” Margaux squealed.

“Margaux.” Owen whined. “It’s so early.”

“But Santa came.” Margaux flopped down, landing on Charlie’s chest. He wrapped his arms around her, placing a soft kiss on her messy curls.

“Merry Christmas baby.” He whispered.

“Merry Christmas Daddy. Present time?” She grinned. Charlie shook his head, glancing towards Owen, who had rolled over and was attempting to go back to sleep.

“Cuddle for a bit first. Give Papa a chance to wake up.” He told her, and Margaux nodded, snuggling closer to her father.

“Okay.”

-

Almost an hour later and Owen was finally awake and Charlie couldn’t hold Margaux off any longer.

The three of them set up in the living room, where all of Margaux’s presents were under the large fake Christmas tree.

Charlie sat leaning against Owen as Margaux opened her presents, and once she was happily playing with a new truck that she had gotten Charlie offered Owen his presents.

“This one is from Mags.” He explained, as Owen opened the present to find a drawing that Margaux had done of the three of them, framed nicely.

“It’s beautiful. You did a great job Maggie.” Owen complimented and Margaux grinned.

“Thank you!” She exclaimed. Charlie grabbed a second present.

“This one is from me.” He handed the small box to Owen who opened it, revealing a key. 

“It’s a key to this apartment. I figured even if you don’t end up moving here at least you can still come any time you want.” Charlie explained and Owen smiled. 

“Thank you Char.” He said softly, and Charlie nodded. Owen reached down, grabbing the last wrapped present and handing it to Charlie. Charlie took it and opened it to find a photo book filled with photos of himself and Margaux, Owen and Margaux, memories from set and their adventures together and more. 

“This is really sweet Owen.” Charlie smiled softly. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Owen replied, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Charlie’s head, as Charlie rested his head on Owen’s shoulder, the both of them watching Margaux play with small smiles on their faces. 

-

The rest of their Christmas Day passed quickly and before he knew it Charlie was tucking Margaux into bed with a kiss on the head, and leaving her room to go have a shower.

Almost an hour later he reentered the kitchen where Owen had cleaned up everything from dinner and was sitting on a chair fiddling with his phone.

“Beer?” Charlie asked and Owen’s head shot up.

“Please.” He smiled and Charlie opened the fridge, grabbing two bottles of beer and handed one to Owen before sitting down across from him.

“So, first Christmas away from home, how you feeling?” Charlie questioned. Owen shrugged. 

“Honestly, pretty good. I was worried I’d be homesick but I wasn’t at all.” He said and Charlie grinned. 

“That’s really good. Cleaning up after Mags all day would have been a good distraction.” He replied and Owen groaned, making Charlie laugh. 

“I don’t know how you do this 24/7. You’re literally a superhero.” 

“Nah, just learnt to leave the messes until after she’s finished. Much easier.” 

Owen glared at him. 

“You say that now, after I spent the whole day picking shit up?” He spat, but Charlie knew he wasn’t really angry. 

“In my defence you’ve lived with her before. Rookie error from someone with experience.” Charlie retaliated and Owen flipped him off, the both of them crumbling into a fit of giggles. 

“Daddy?” Margaux’s voice came and Charlie instantly stopped laughing, his whole focus on his daughter. 

“Hey, why are you up?” He asked. 

“Bad dream.” Margaux climbed into Charlie’s lap and he wrapped his arms around her, beginning to rock her slightly like he did when she was a baby.

“Wanna talk about it?” He questioned and Margaux pouted. 

“I couldn’t find you.” She told him. Charlie placed a reassuring kiss on her head. 

“I’m here, and I’m never gonna leave you, okay?” He whispered, and Margaux nodded. 

“Yeah.” Her voice was already beginning to sound sleepy again. Charlie ran his hands through her curls, detangling a knot with his fingers. 

“You wanna stay here and cuddle Daddy until you fall asleep?” He asked, moving to rub her back, and Margaux nodded, snuggling her head into Charlie’s chest.

“Love you Daddy.” She mumbled. Charlie smiled. 

“I love you too baby. So much.” He replied. 

They sat in silence until Charlie was sure that Margaux was asleep. 

“Never get a break.” He joked quietly. Owen shook his head in awe. 

“You’re literally the perfect dad, you know that right?” He complimented, and Charlie blushed slightly. 

“I wouldn’t say perfect.” He mumbled, but Owen shook his head. 

“You are.” He said. Charlie smiled across the table at him. 

“Thanks O.” He whispered. 

“I mean it.” Owen smiled. 

“I appreciate it. It wasn’t exactly in the plan to become a parent at 18, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re young and stupid and don’t know how a condom works.” Charlie shrugged, and Owen gave him a small glare. 

“So you made one mistake, but look at what came from it.” Charlie looked down at Margaux as Owen spoke. “The best present that you ever got.” 

“Very true.” Charlie agreed. “And I’d never want to return her for the world.” 

-

New Year’s Eve

“Do you drink champagne?” Charlie asked Owen as the three of them walked through the grocery store on New Years Eve, getting the last minute snacks and drinks for their night in. Charlie pushed a trolley with Margaux in it, and Owen walked along beside them. 

“Yeah.” Owen said. Charlie smiled, stopping the trolley. 

“Great, I’ll get a bottle then. Mags, what drink do you want as your special drink?” He asked the four year old, who didn’t even hesitate. 

“Pink milk!” She grinned, pointing, and Owen grabbed the bottle from the fridge next to them.

“Okay, snacks.” Charlie said, crossing off ‘Margaux drink’ on his shopping list.

He pushed the trolley out of the aisle and through the store to the snack aisle, stopping when he reached it. 

“Okay, go wild.” He instructed, and both Margaux and Owen cheered, with the blond boy grabbing whatever Margaux asked for, putting it into the trolley along with his own snack choices. 

Charlie grinned as he watched them shop, adding a few of his own things into the mix. 

He could get used to this. 

-

Later that night Charlie, Owen and Margaux had made themselves comfortable on the couch, both Charlie and Owen having a glass of champagne while Margaux drank strawberry milk out of a plastic champagne glass. 

“How long Daddy?” Margaux asked, looking up at her dad. Charlie glanced at his phone, seeing that it was just after 11pm. He was shocked she had made it this long without crashing. 

“One more hour baby.” He told her and Margaux nodded. 

“Okay.”

She turned back to the TV which was playing a countdown of the best songs of the 2010′s, and they fell into a comfortable silence only filled with small talk and songs for about 45 minutes until Owen broke the silence. 

“Char.” He whispered, and Charlie looked up. Owen gestured to Margaux and a small smile appeared on Charlie’s face as his gaze landed on the four year old, who had curled up on the couch and fallen asleep.

“Should we put her to bed and bring out more alcohol?” Owen questioned and Charlie nodded with a grin. 

“Sounds good. I’ll put her in bed, you get the drinks?” He suggested, and Owen nodded, placing a soft kiss goodnight on Margaux’s head before heading into the kitchen.

Charlie picked the four year old up and carried her to her bed, tucking her in and kissing her before heading back out to Owen, who had already poured two glasses of champagne. Charlie sat down on the couch next to Owen, grabbing one of the glasses and holding it up.

“Cheers.” He said, and they clinked glasses before drinking. Charlie placed his glass down before looking at Owen. 

“5 minutes til midnight, you ready for 2020 to be over?” He asked. Owen shrugged. 

“Mostly. There were some good things that happened this year.” He said. 

“Yeah it wasn’t all bad.” Charlie agreed. They fell silent for a moment. 

“Hey Charlie?” Owen spoke up, his voice slightly shaky. 

“Yeah?” Charlie turned, giving Owen his full attention. 

“I made a decision, about where I want to live...” Owen started, and Charlie’s heart skipped a beat. He was pretty sure he knew what Owen’s decision would be, but he wanted to hear it just to be sure. 

“Yeah?” He prompted. Owen looked down. 

“I think I’m gonna stay in Oklahoma, I’m not ready to leave yet.” He said, and Charlie nodded, understanding. 

“I get that.” Owen looked up. 

“But I have a compromise.” He said with a small smile. Charlie raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“I’m gonna get my own place. I found one that’s really nice and affordable, and it has a study that could be turned into a bedroom for Margaux, and you could come stay with me whenever you wanted.” Owen explained, and Charlie couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Margaux having her very own room in Oklahoma to stay any time. But there was one other thing... 

“A room for Margaux?” Charlie questioned and Owen nodded. “So where would I sleep?”

“Uh, I was kinda counting on you sleeping in my room with me...” Owen trailed off hesitantly. Charlie’s stomach fluttered at the thought. 

“You’d want that?” He asked, eyes wide, and Owen nodded shyly. 

“I do. I love waking up with you Char. I love hearing your morning voice, and seeing your messy hair, and the way you kiss my face while you’re still half asleep. And I love having you in my arms, or being in your arms.” He rambled, and it took everything in Charlie not to kiss him. 

“You really like me, huh.” Charlie teased. Owen blushed, rolling his eyes. 

“I do. I figured it was obvious, you know, when we literally had sex last week.” He retorted. Charlie grinned. 

“Owen.” He said. 

“Charlie.” Owen mimicked his tone. 

“I would love that.” Charlie stated, bringing the conversation back to the original topic. 

“I’m glad. Actually, I have something else to tell you too.” Owen told him. 

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Charlie tilted his head. 

“I think I’m r-“

Owen was cut off by the countdown to midnight starting on the TV, and he stopped talking with a sigh as both boys grabbed their champagne as they counted.

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Happy New Year!”

Charlie lent in, placing a soft kiss on Owen’s cheek, not wanting to push the boundaries.

“Happy New Year Owen.” He said. Owen bit his lip, and Charlie missed the longing look in Owen’s eyes, his gaze drifting to Charlie’s lips. He swallowed, shaking his head before replying.

“Happy New Year Charlie.”

#single dad!charlie #single dad!charlie x owen #charlie gillespie #owen patrick joyner #single dad!charlie series #chowen

[zmayadw]

Evening to all :)

All right, so I finaly did it, the last chapter of my original story is finaly done :) It took me a while, what with the episode 8 being released at that time, and with some other stuff I wrote in the between then and now, but it is done. Well, one more part is left, basicly like an epilogue, wich will be posted in a couple of days, too, but the story itself ends with this one.

Anyway, enjoy, and I wish you all a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 26

Jakes POV

„How is she?“ I asked Jessy as I entered the room. She got her head up from the book she was reading to look at me. „Still the same.“ She said. I sighed, walking to her bed. I took her hand, placing a soft kiss on her wrist. „The doctor was here earlier.“ Jessy informed me. „He said she is doing fine, that there's not any medical reason to be worried about.“ I just stared at her sleeping face. „Then why won't she wake up, Jessy?“ I asked her desperatly. „She will, Jake.“ she said to me, and I turned arround facing her. She smiled at me „When she's ready.“ Four days passed since they operated on her, and I was worried. Maybe Jessy was right, but her words didn't bring me any peace. She collected her stuff, and came to me. „Call me if you need anything. And if there's any change.“ She said hugging me. „Thanks, I will.“ I said, Jessy smiling once more at me before leaving. With Jessy gone, I moved myself lying next to her, leaning my forehead on the side of her head. „Please, Maya, you have to wake up.“ I whispered to her ear „ I can't do this alone, I need you with me.“

I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched, turning my head. That nice nurse from before was smiling at me „Sorry, dear, didn't mean to fright you.“ I must have dozed off. „It's fine“ I said. „Is something wrong?“ I asked alarmed, and she smiled again „No, dear. I just need to change some things, so I have to ask you to leave for a while.“ I turned my head back to Maya, she looked so peaceful. „Dont worry, dear“ the nurse said „I'll take good care of her, just like I did before.“ I turned my look back to her. She smiled so heartedly at me, I got a feeling she had a special liking for Maya. And she did stick up for me when they brought Maya in here, and I refused to leave her and was almost dragged out by security. So I felt at peace to leave Maya with her. „Ofcourse, I'll let you do your thing.“ I said, getting up from the bed. I got to the doors when I turned back to her. „I'm sorry, but I don't know your name.“ I said and the nurse looked at me „It's Doris. Why do you ask, dear?“ „So I can properly thank you.“ I said. „So, thank you, Doris, for everything.“ She smiled wide at me „Oh, dear, you're sweet, and I knew I was right about you, but no need to thank me, really.“ She said and winked at me. I smiled back at her a bit confused before leaving the room.

I went outside, getting coffee and just sat at the bench in front of the hospital. I hated being here again. And seeing her back at that bed once more made me angry. And scared. More scared than the last time. All this uncertainty was driving me insane. If everything is fine like the doctor said, why isn't she awake yet? I was deep into my thoughts, that it took me a while to notice my phone was ringing. „Hey, Hannah.“ I answered the call. „Hi, Jake. How is she? Any change?“ she asked. I sighed „Nothing yet.“ „I'm sure everything will be fine soon, she's a fighter.“ She said reasuringly to me. „I hope so.“ I said. „I don't need to ask how you are“ she said „I can hear it in your voice. Did you eat anything today?“ I could hear the worry in her voice for me, and I could have easily lied, but she would know. „Not yet, I will later.“ „Jake, you can't do that to yourself.“ She said „And I won't let you. I'll be there in 10, and I'm taking you for lunch.“ „Hannah, that's nice of you, but rea...“ she didnt let me finish. „Stop it, I don't want to hear it!“ She almost yelled at me, and it made me smile. She really was worried for me, just like a sister would be. I was still geting used to that, of being someones brother. „All right, Hannah, I'll be waiting for you outside.“ „Good.“ She said „And besides, there is something I want to talk to you about anyway. Allrighty, see you in a while.“ „See you, Hannah.“ I said ending the call. I got up from the bench, taking the last sip of my coffe, heading out from the hospital area to meet with her.

The lunch with Hannah passed mostly with her talking and me thoughtfully nodding and saying a few words. She tried hard to lift my spirit up at least a little, and I was grateful to her, but only one thing could pull me back to normal now. „Just think about my proposal. I know you're worried about Maya, we all are, but just think about it, ok?“ Hannah said to me as she drove me back to the hospital. „Yeah, I will.“ I said back to her. She hugged me tight „Hang in there, and call if you need anything.“ „Thanks, Hannah.“ I said hugging her back before leaving the car. Walking back inside the hospital, I did think about Hannahs proposal. She was moving in with Thomas, and she wanted to leave her apartment to me. Wich wasn't a bad idea, actually. I liked the apartment, and besides, when Maya gets out of hospital, she would be more comfortable there than at the motel. And that one room has a nice big window, she would love all that natural light for her drawing. I chuckled to myself at my thoughts. Not im my wildest dreams was I expecting to be thinking of something like this, ever. But she changed me so much, she gave me hope again. She made it so that I felt like I finaly found my quiet place in all this chaos. She was the missing link I was looking for all this time. She became my everything. I entered her room with a smile for the first time after days. And I froze. Her bed was empty. It felt like my heart actually stopped beating for a moment, panic hitting at me like a truck. What happened? I was gone for a few hours, she was fine, what the fuck happened?! „Jake?“ I swallowed hard, turning my head to the sound of my name being called. My eyes swelled with tears, as hers locked with mine. In a few quick steps I came to her, carefully embracing her in a hug, burying my face to her neck. „Don't you ever scare me like this again.“ I said, unsuccessfully hiding my sobs. „I don't think my heart could take it.“ She released me from a hug, her eyes also full of tears. She rested her palm on my cheek, and I closed my eyes taking a deep breath, relieved to feel her touch again. „I knew you wouldn't leave me, that you'd come back to me.“ I said opening my eyes. She smiled at me, her voice raspy „I could never leave you. Nothing can keep me away from you.“ She kissed me then, the kiss salty from out tears. Doris sighed next to us „Oh, the young love..what a beautiful thing it is.“

Doris and me helped her back to bed and she tapped with her hand beside her for me to join. I got next to her and she rested her head on my chest. „How you feeling, angle?“ I asked her. „Tired“ she said „And in pain.“ „Don't worry, hun“ Doris said „I gave you some 'good stuff' now, it will help.“ „Thanks, Doris.“ She said with a weak smile, Doris winking at her before leaving the room. She stirred a bit, making herselff more comfortable „You won't leave, right?“ she said to me sleepily, the meds Doris gave her starting to work. „Ofcourse not“ I said, kissing the top of her head „You just rest, angel, I'll be right here when you wake up.“ She smiled and fell asleep instantly. I just stared through the window, the feeling of her steady breathing relaxing me. I felt my eyes getting heavier, and before I knew it, I too fell asleep.

Mayas POV

It was early in the morning when I woke up. I felt a bit better, but was still in a lot of pain. Jake was still sleeping. And even asleep, he looked tired, the rings under his eyes showing again. Doris entered the room, smiling at me. „Good morning, hun.“ She wispered to me as she came next to the bed checking on my IV. „'Morning.“ I said smiling back at her. She glanced at Jake „I was right about him after all.“ She said and winked at me. I chuckled silently „You sure wer, Doris.“ „Well, rest some more, hun. I'll be back shortly with your breakfast.“ She said, smiling at me again leaving the room. „What was that about?“ I turned my head, Jake looking at me sleepily.“It's not nice to eavesdrop.“ I grinned at him. „It was kinda hard not to.“ He said raising his eyebrow at me. I laughed „All right, you got a point there.“ He smiled at me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. „It's good to see you laughing again.“ He got serious then „I'm sorry, angel.“ „What for?“ I asked. „For not being there with you.“ he said and sighed „I shouldn't have left you alone. I've let you down again.“ „Hey, that's not true.“ I said „I basicly forced you to leave, so if anyone is to be blamed, it's me then.“ „Even so, but I wasn't there.“ He said. „Jake“ I said softly, and he looked at me „Don't do this to yourself. It's not your fault this happened.“ I could see he was troubled with this. „Who is to say that the same thing wouldn't happen even if you were there?“ I asked him. „I can't, so please, don't torture yourself with 'what if's'. It happened, and I just want to move on, leave it all behind, now that it's finally over.“ He just looked at me „I don't know how you can so easily just move on.“ I sighed „Because, I don't want for it to take over my life. I want to focus on good things ahead of me, not dwell in the past.“ I placed my palm on his face and smiled at him „I want to focus on us.“ He kissed me softly, when Doris voice came from the door „Listen to her, dear, she speaks wisely.“ She said, winking at us. „She sure does, Doris.“ He said, not taking his eyes off me. She came to the bed bringing the food tray. „Now, lets get some food in you, hun. You will need it to get better.“ She said. Jake helped me to sit up, leaning on the pillow, Doris placing the tray in front of us. „I brought some extra, so there is enough for both of you.“ she said and winked at us, before leaving the room. „She sure likes you.“ he said to me as she left. I grinned at him „What to say, I'm just so darn adorable.“ He shook his head at me „And still impossible.“ I grinned even more „Even so, you still love me.“ He looked dreamily at me and smiled „More then you can imagine.“

The rest of my days in hospital passed fast. Jake was mostly with me, making sure to leave me with some kind of entertaintment when he left, either to help with Hannahs moving or for something else. He brought me his laptop, since mine got broken, with bunch of downloaded movies and books on it. Jessy also came to see me as often as she could. I was grateful for everything, but at some point all I wanted was some peace and quiet.

„Are you sure you don't want me to call Jessy to come?“ Jake asked me once more before leaving. „I'm sure“ I said „Don't worry, and don't get me wrong, but some alone time will be nice.“ „Humf, fine.“ He said „But call me if you get bored or anything and I'll be back right away.“ „I will.“ I said and smiled. He kissed me before heading for the doors. „See you soon, angel.“

With Jake gone, the room was quiet again, which was relaxing. I closed my eyes just apprieciating the silence, trying to get some sleep. But the nightmare was back. The images of what happened haunted my dreams repeatedly. Jake noticed it too, but I dismissed his worry quickly every time. He tried convincing me to talk about it with someone, anyone, even if it wasnt him, but I always said I'm fine, that it's not necessary. But he was right after all. I should.

With a sigh, I turned on the side staring through the windown, when a knock came from the doors. I turned, and laughed. A cute teddy bear holding a heart with 'Get well soon!' written on it was smiling at me from the door frame. The person holding it peeped his head behind it and grinned „Hello, gorgeous.“ „Hey, Phil.“ I smiled at him „I was worried you forgot about me.“ I said. He was the only one that hasn't visited me, at least till now. „That could never happen, gorgeous.“ He said walking over to me. „I just...waited for the right moment to come.“ He grinned sitting on the bed next to me. I laughed „So, Jessy informed you it's safe to come now, huh?“ I said raising my eyebrow at him. He grinned even more „Something like that.“ I shook my head „Well, I'm glad you came.“

„You know, my job offer still stands, gorgeous. I would still very much like you to do it.“ Phil said to me after a while. I chuckled „Can I at least get out of this place first? Then we can discuss it further.“ „Ofcours. I just wanted to let you know the offer still stands.“ He grinned devilishly and winked „Just so you don't forget about it.“ I laughed „Oh, don't worry, I never forget about the jobs being offered to me.“ „Good.“ He said and winked again. „Anyway, gorgeous, unfortunately I have to go now. Some of us don't have the luxury to lay in bed all day.“ He said getting up and grinning at me. He stood there for a moment, his face getting serious. He leaned then, embracing me in tight hug „I'm glad you're back with us, gorgeous.“ He said to my ear and kissed me on the cheek before moving from me. I smiled „Me too, Phil, me too.“ I took the teddy and grinned „And thank's for this guy.“ He grinned back „No worries, gorgeous.“ „Hello there.“ A voice sounded at the doors. Phil raised his eyebrow looking at me „Now it really is time I go.“ He smiled once more at me „Take care, gorgeous. See you soon.“ He turned and nodde at the person entering the room „Loverboy.“ Jake did the same walking towards my bed, looking extremely calm, and I was surprised. As they passed eachother, Phil stopped „Hey, loverboy?“ Jake turned to him and Phil's fist colided with his face, sending him to the floor. „Phil!“ I jumped in my bed, wincing instantly from the pain. Phil didn't even spare me a glance, he just leaned down closer to Jake „I told you to take care of her.“ Jake just looked at him, not trying to do anything. Doris bursted to the room „Phil Hawkins!“ she yelled „How dare you come to 'my house' and make a mess?!“ The two just continued to look at eachother, when Phil finaly straightened and turned to Doris with the most wide smile „Sorry, Doris.“ He said walking towards her „I owed him that.“ He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before heading for the doors „Hope I'll see you and the others soon at the Aurora.“ Doris shook her head after him „Schmack.“ She turned to Jake „You all right there, dear?“ she asked him as he got up. „I'm fine, thanks Doris.“ He said and she looked at him „Mhm, sure you are. I'm still gonna brig you some ice for that.“ She said and walked out. „I'm fine.“ Jake said to me seeing my expression. He came and sat next to me. „Thats was very unexpected of you. I was sure you would fight him back.“ I said and he looked at me a bit sad „Well, he was right.“ I sighed „Are we back to that again?“ „What? To me not looking after you? Ofcourse, I will never forgive myself for it.“ Now he sighed desperately „I'm sorry, angel, but I can't just get so easily over it. Maybe with time, but for now it still sits heavy on my shoulders.“ I saw how much all of it still bothered him, and I knew no matter what I might say he wouldn't listen. „All right“ I said after a moment „But, just promise me, you will try to let go off that. For me.“ He half smiled „I promise, angel.“ I pulled him to me for a kiss, and he winced. Doris came back giving Jake the ice pack. „Thank you , Doris.“ He said taking it from her. „You're welcome, dear.“ She said winking before leaving again. I took the ice pack from him „Come here you.“ I said and pulled him to lay next to me. Placing the pack on the spot that was really red by now and started to swell he winced again „Ouch!“. „I'm sorry.“ I said quickly and he grinned at me. „Ohh you, that was mean!“ He laughed „Sorry, angel, couldn't resist.“

„Ready to leave, hun?“ Doris asked smiling from the doors holding my discharge papers. „Definitely!“ I said cheerfuly. She came to me and hugged me „Now, hun, as much as I like you, I hope I'll never see you again.“ She moved from me and winked „At least not in here.“ I chuckled „I hope so too, Doris. And, thank you, again, for everything.“ „No need to thank me, hun.“ She turned to Jake and winked „Now, dear, you take good care of her, this one's a keeper.“ „You can say that again, Doris.“ He said back, and to the surprise of both of us, walked to her and gave her a hug. „And I also thank you for everything.“ He released her, and with glazing eyes she waved her hand at us „Oh, you two..get going now, before you get me even more teary.“ She smiled and squeezed us both on the hand before leaving the room „Take care, kids.“

Feeling the sun on my face as we stepped out from the hospital felt so good. „So, do you maybe want to go somewhere first?“ Jake asked me as we walked towards the car. „I mean, you were in there for quite a wile.“ I smiled at him „Yeah, thats true. But I still feel a bit tired. Maybe tomorrow.“ As much as I appriciated being out, I still needed to rest. But I also wasn't very eager of the thought of returning back to the motel. Not after all that happened there. He smiled back at me „As you wish, angel. We got to the apartment then.“ „Apartment? Not the motel?“ I asked surprised. „Ahm, well yeah.“ He started „I hope you don't mind, but I got all your stuff and took them to Hannah's place.“ He got a bit nervous „I mean, I am staying there now that she's moved in with Thomas. And to be honest, I thought you might feel...less uneasy there.“ I stopped walking, and he turned to look at me. „Everything all ri...“ But I didn't let him finish. I pulled him in a tight hug „Thank you. You have no idea how glad I am to hear this. I so didn't want to go back to the motel. Not after everything.“ I felt tears coming to my eyes. „I know, angel.“ He said, and a sob escaped me. Then another, and another. He hugged me tighter „It's ok, angel, everything will be fine. I've got you now.“ He just held me there in a tight hug, letting me cry on his shoulder, for as long as I needed it.

„Ohh, this room is amazing with all this natural light!“ I squealed as Jake showed me around the apartment. He chuckled „I thought you might like it. Hence that big table there.“ I turned grinning to him „You did this for me?“ „Ofcourse, angel.“ I rushed to him throwing my hands around his neck and kissing him, but winced from the pain in my shoulder. „All right, that's enough excitement for you for now.“ He said ushering me out of the room. He lead me to the couch, made me sit then lifted my feet up. „Now don't move from here unless it's really necessary.“ He said stern with a raised eyebrow. „Oh, come on, that's not needed.“ I said protestingly. He chuckled „Maybe, but just take it easy for a day or two more.“ I was about to protest again, but he looked at me, making such a puppy face that I couldn't possibly say no to him. „Argh, all right, although I feel fine, I'll do it for you.“ „Thank you, angel.“ He said and leaned to kiss me. „Now, can I get you anything? Drink, food?“ he asked and i grinned „Well, I would kill for a coffee.“ He laughed hard „Why I'm not surprised about that.“ He said standing up. „Well, since I'm not allowed to move from this spot, I hope you're ready to indulge my demands.“ I said grinning. He smiled „For you, angel, I'll do anything.“

-------------------------------------------------------------

3 MONTHS LATER

„Just come to the Aurora tonight, Jessy, I will tell you everything then.“ I said to her on the phone, as I entered the apartment. „Fine, be all secretive then.“ She said sulky. I laughed „No need for that tone, you know that won't work on me. I'm still not gonna tell you anything now.“ „Ahhh, fine! See you tonight then.“ „See you, Jessy.“ I entered the kitchen, Jake sitting at the table with his laptop. He smiled „Hey, angel.“ „Hey babe.“ I said going to him for a kiss. „How was with dr. Barret?“ he asked. „It was ok.“ I said sitting next to him. „It actualy feels good to talk about it with someone.“ I smiled „Thank you for talking me into doing it.“ „No need to thank me, angel.“ He said smiling back. I sighed „I hope it doesn't bother you that it's not you that I can talk to about it.“ He took my hand, pulling me from the chair to sit on his lap „I don't really care who you talk about it with, angel. Heck, I wouldn't care if you said you wanted to talk to Phil about it. As long as you get better.“ I laughed „Huh, you know, now that you mentioned it, they do say that barkeepers are a good listeners. So kinda close to psychiatrist.“ I tilted my head and said teasingly „It would definitely be cheeper. And beside, I'm sure Phil wouldn't mind listening to me, me being all vulnerable around him, and..“ „Ok,ok, no need to continue.“ He said quickly interupting me. „You just stick with dr. Barret.“ I laughed „Awww, babe, will you ever be at ease about Phil?“ „Probably not.“ He said thoughtfully. I smiled „Not even now, when I'm about to move in with you?“ He grinned „Not even then.“ I chuckled „You're hopeless then.“ He gave me a quick kiss. „Sooo“ he started grinning again„You think Jessy will be happy when you tell her the news about you moving here?“ „Happy?“ I said, „No, I don't think so.“ He looked confused at me, and I grinned „She will be thrilled.“

A/N: Ok, so after a short, but lovely chat with @lovingstudentangel who got a bit confused with how I ended the previous chapter, with the part of Jake visiting a grave, thinking it was the end of the story, so I want to clarifie it for her, or anyone else who might have been equaly confused. It was his mother grave that he visited, and I used that part as a clifhanger. I hope all is in the clear now :)

#duskwood #duskwood everbyte #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood mc #duskwood jake #duskwood jake x mc

[jayflrt]

this is a lil heavy :( im sorry lice

why is it that every time a guy seems interested in me , the first thing i want to do is show why thats a bad idea or like, reject him on the spot. its just.. ive got the idea that love isnt smth that happens to me and anyone to ever do that (romantically) doesnt know me. i feel like if i dated, id always be wearing a cover around myself showing my best likeable parts only, or that id drive them away when i open up. at the same time,im also unprepared to bear the weight of them opening up, because im very bad giving advice/ sympathising. really ppl always said i was heartless for it, but some days i just dont have it it me, im always exhausted. the environment i was raised in also never gave me words of afffirmation/ listened to me so if thats like,,, expected of me id do a terrible job and make that person have wrong ideas.

and then there's expectations of stuff in anniversary, monthsavery, birthdays, and the whole process of getting toknow soemone, or being KNOWN by them that sounds so uncomfortable and excruciating i always fear that one day i may decide i dont want to love this person anymore and leave. i will say "its not you its me" and it will be true but nobody will believe me . in fantasies, yes its nice to be able to love and be loved, but in irl i just dont think i have it in me. maybe its the inexperience and it will go away. maybe it will forever be a part of me.

am i comfortable with being single ? yes ofc ive done so all my life.

does it get lonely? always. but i may be viewing love thru rose-tinted glasses more than i should, which is why anything realistic is scary.

p.s. i really do feel bad breaking his heart hes fr posting sad lyrics on his instagram stories. its a shame he was really cute and funny but...

it could be that you’re just not ready to date and that’s perfectly okay !! pushing people away is also sometimes a defensive mechanism to avoid intimacy and protect yourself from getting hurt, and i get it too bc falling in love + dating can be scary 🤧 and i also understand the environment with no words of affirmation bc i don’t think i’ve ever heard my parents say i love you ?? LOL but it is all the more intimidating to hear it from others bc of that. it’s also hard with lack of experience bc you don’t know what to do when you get to that level of dating someone and forming a serious relationship so you avoid getting to that stage overall 🥲

being in a relationship IS draining so don’t beat yourself up over feeling like you don’t have it in you right now !! it’s a lot of work and commitment and a great experience for ppl who feel like they’re ready for that first step and put in the work, but there’s never any rush to be ready and vulnerable with someone !! honestly it’s hard for me to imagine spending the rest of my life with someone ,, but that’s probably because i haven’t gotten to that point in my life yet :’)) i thought the same about graduating high school and going to college but yk here i am 😳

i think once you’re with someone you love you’ll be able to alleviate these worries !! i know you’re worried about falling out of love and leaving them, but those are situations that couples would talk through and work out. i’m not saying it’s gonna be all rainbows but yk you won’t have to just say “it’s not you it’s me” you’ll be able to have a full discussion about it and talk it through with your partner ♡

right now it’s maybe best to focus on other relationships in your life like your friendships !! starting to become vulnerable in those might prepare(??) you more to open up to a potential partner in the future !! :’)

#💌 : love notes #anon #me saying this with commitment and trust issues

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

#sanchoyorambles #dp thoughts #danny phantom

[foryouthegays]

techno liveblog w timestamps lets go for ‘a new home (dream SMP)’ stream

good laugh times: 00:13:50, 00:14:55, 1:38:45, ik it doesnt look like a lot but like u should watch the stream anyway bc philzas there and his laugh is amazing and they just go so well together

times techno calls phil his friend: 00:6:00 00:37:00, 00:45:17, 0:1:09:30, 01:11:15, 01:26:35, 01:50:05, 2:35:00

FSDJKFAF;LS HE KEPT THE MUTED INTRO IN JHKADFLS (ends at 00:1:25)

i like how, when faced with Leaving Youtube, techno would choose to be an author. i want a book by techno. reblog this if u want a book by techno (with an audiobook by him as well) /hj. 00:1:33

i love how he says ehhhhhh so much lskjhdfas (abt 2 mins in) 

who the FUCK just remembers that the word fortuitous exists wtf 00:5:17

00:7:45 PHILZA TIME PHILZA TIME LETS GO

00:8:55 tommy time :/

0:14:10 rANBOO JUST WALKS IN, LOOKS AROUN ,AND LEA VE SIM CRYING 

i love how much philza laughs at technos jokes bc pretty much everything he says IS a joke he just says it in such a serious voice that p much everyone else is like,,,yeah,,,,yup,,,,and phil just knows when hes joking and his laugh is so good with technos voice. sbi? whos that? i only know philza and technoblade

00:19:30 ghostbur joins! this is my first time hearin ghostbur btw

00:19:40 haha string axe technos so bad at crafting what a fool /j

00:21:07 ghostbur: “Even I remember how to make a fishing rod!” ghostbur u just MURDERED technoblade oh my god im gonna scream hgjdfksla i love ghostbur so much

00:23:55: GHOSTBUR NO!! DON’T DIE YOU’LL BECOME A DOUBLE GHOST!!!! -technoblade 2020

00:24:55 technoblade neva lies -guys he almost did the technoblade neva dies ahh!!!!!

i havent heard anyone talk about this but techno has a dedicated roleplay voice. like listen to him talk to tommy at 00:25:08. his voice gets more even, he uses names a lot more often (seriously, listen to his theseus speech. he says tommy so often, its incredible.), and his voice gets,,,,deeper? not deeper but smoother, in a way, and he repeats what he says for emphasis instead of humor. and his voice is louder, and he seems more assertive. 

00:27:30 philza: where we goin, by the way? techno: to our- to my new home. 

techno cmon let phil live w u wed get so much more content cmonn

00:28:50 the fact that he calls the manhunt theme “dream music” makes me laugh so hard. and then his version of it,,,,,m love he (also he sings it here and at  01:14:20)

00:35:10 why is ranboo so cryptic im-

why does he just casually know the word sentry wh at i hate him 00:39:45

this is the worst sentence (structurally) ive ever heard techno say im gonna cry 00:49:33 ‘im too busy thinkin of new ideas to sleep so i could actually execute them’ and tubbos *oh?* after is just hdsfgkjlka

LKSJDHFJK 00:51:49

00:54:30

techno: thats one of dreams powers, he can just stop the rain

tubbo, quietly: like jesus!

i love them sm dsfhkjla they kept going but i jus gdfhjksa jesus has op

techno @ being the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans: haha funnie!!

techno @ having fun w religious stuff: i wILL BE CANCELLED NO-

00:58:10 “hey if ur [ghostbur]  a ghost, do instant damage potions heal you now?” “...no,, they hurt me still :(” DSIULZKJHFSLKFJH 

01:04:00 his brother named the cow bob im- aww 

also he has a fanart wall again!!!

01:09:30 “phil, you’re the only friend i have left in this world.” aWWWWW HE GAVE HIM THE COMPASS 

“dont smoke, it’s a joke” -technoblade 01:14:15

ROLEPLAY SPEECH VOICE IS BACK AT 1:16:10 “they pillage my base for everything i’m worth, they use me for the revolution, but oooOOOoo i took a pickaxe with his consent? oOOOooOo i’m a thief!”

holy shit 01:17:15 “you know what, phil? for you, the world, alright? it’s fine.” oH MY GOD HHHHGHG (context, right before they were arguing bc phil took some blocks from his base and techno thought that when he said phil could take anything he meant from the chests)

the COMIDY of that villager coming in and sleeping while techno was readin donos at 01:22:05 RIGHT AFTER phil freaked out abt inturruptin his dono readin im SFDHKJLA:

techno talkin bout the winstreak and how he wont be able to live up to that sort of playin at 01:22:30ish is super important and ill transcribe it tomorrow, but if u can id highly rec watchin it. 

01:24:20 “[readin dono] what’s your favorite movie? uh, the princess bride is pretty good” techno ily that movie rocks also he said it so fast like hes ashamed of it noo

techno says no to canon ranboo son btw! 01:25:30

01:25:55 “i wasnt in that story, therefore it doesnt matter” all of technoblr be like 

01:37:49 is great lemmie transcribe

“how have you still not gotten a second monitor?? holy shit.”

“let me tell you something. and im only telling you this because i know that so many people in the chat are gonna be furious. so i recently realized- i think the second monitor can just be any ol’ monitor, right? you literally just plug it in, and its set up? well i mean you have to turn on some settings, but like, thats it, or something?”

“yeah,,,,, uh techno you fuckin destroyed my chat, by the way, oh my god, [earlier techno told his viewers to twitch prime philza] there has been like 40 primes just flying through”

“yeahhh twitch prime!!! twitch prime philza yeahh!!! so anyways the other day, i like, i looked to my left, and realized that my old monitor has been like, five feet away from where i sit and stream for the last three years?”

“oh my god...”

“so i- i literally do not have to leave my room to set up a second monitor and i havent. and i’m still usin my laptop for this stream.

“is this gonna be one of those situations where you like, you have a thing, you just refuse to do the thing?”

“listen, my desk is-

“yOU STILL HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE!!!”

“AHHHH I HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE! I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY MCC COIN! DUDE I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBER PLAQUE! ITS STILL THERE RIGHT BEHIND ME! ITs sTILL IN THE BOX! i never made a video on it....”

“bruhhhhh [philza laughs] thats FREE VIEWS what are you doing??”

“ill open it at 8 mil :/.”

“you could LITERALLY make a video of you just like, throwing it off a wall, and then thumbing up, like doing a thumbs up, and then that would be it. 10 seconds. ten seconds. thumb and elbow in shot. [laughs]”

techno is such a disaster i love him

01:34:18 the way techno says “tommy, that statement has NEVER been true” i dont like sayin i simp for block men but GOD sometimes his voice is nicer than usual hhhgn

“man i sure wish tommyinnit was in this stream” -nobody ever (just after previous timestamp)

01:40:15 is fuckin hilarious and im actually crying oh my god techno just says things and says them well with a completely straight face how does he do it

i cannot WAIT until theres a president w the last/first name andy so we can say president andy and think abt technoblade

IM CRIASDNGUSFHD 01:44:38 PHILZA LOOK OUT LOOK OUT PHILZA  LSKJDAFJASD;LKF

i love when techno talks abt his vids. like u can tell he puts a lot of thought into the vids (esp these ones) and like at 01:47:00 he talks abt the “I DIDNT PUT DEAPTH STRIDER ON THOSE BOOTS, FUNDY!” and how its just that creepin realization that you were doomed from the start and how he made the armor, he isnt intimidated by the netherite bc he didnt enchant it all the way and only he knows that,,, and i just,,,hgg he

he reveals that hes writin the next arc at 01:48:00: “oh, speakin of arcs, chat, i’m writing the next arc. so, you know. hope nothin bad happens in two weeks, chat!” IM SO EXCITED like he clearly has his character fleshed out and is SO good at writing and retellin history im so so excited to see where he takes it AHHHH and also taht means he might stream more bc he might make his character more important (keep in mind this is the guy who wrote self insert hypixel fanfics. he has no shame in puttin himself first and i respect him so much for it) 

01:51:20 “they’re tryin to get a second customer but they’re riskin their first” is lowkey a good line

has anyone else noticed that techno says wise a lot? like at 01:55:10 he literally says “wise dragon armor” as a joke but like i think he says wise so much BECAUSE of skyblock like hjkfdsla

01:57:30 techno plea se eat 

ok 1:58:45 is hilarious and all but at the end of his ramble he says “come back, i miss you” and lowkey im crying 

techno needs to stop knowing his audience more than we know ourselves im hsfkjda 02:05:25 “the chat’s spammin ‘eat technoblade, eat!’ like they’re not gonna start, like, theyre not gonna get super sad if i ended the stream right now, like theyre not gonna all cry ‘i miss technoblade *sniffs* why- whyd he leave to eat food, why did he listen to our advice noooo’”

02:14:50 NEW VIDEO POGGGG CARL THE HORSE POGGGGGG  NOT A STREAM HIGHLIGHT POGGGGG

02:17:40 “i could start a potato farm out here to show how much ive changed” techno last time u made a potato farm u started an entire war that lasted a year that does NOT say calm and retired to me lskgdfjagsldj

02:23:00 why does techno just reference greek mythology so much. makin me scared for his arc. 

also he talks abt smp earth a lot in this stream i love it so much

i also just. love?? how much sbi respect tommy like they bully him but when talkin bout him they just have so much respect for how much work he puts into youtube and i just,,,,hgnn they r friends 

02:33:13 sbi streamer house lets go cmon

02:34:15 “i think if i streamed every day i could keep up” on one hand YE S  but on the ohter oh god techno no we have to keep up tho

hearing techno say “violence isnt the answer” is so scary  02:35:40

02:37:30 technosneeze 

hiS BROTHER SENT HIM 46 DISCORD MESSAGES SFKDJLFLKASF 2:49:25 i love his end screen so much hes just sadness,,,,retirement,,,t,echnoblade,,,the government is going to fall on its own due to lack of organization and ideals,,,,,,subscribe,,,,,sadness,,,,,also 2:50:45 is making me laugh so hard its just sad music and technos like??? whys phil in my house drinking milk????? 

overall, fantastic stream, if ya want some chill techno philza content i highly recommend. 

#stream post

[gryphsdeadbones]

hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;

first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut

i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad

im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent

was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)

i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say

its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.

if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug

and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.

so i had to make something that:

1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art

2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”

i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.

Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.

The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.

And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense

Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:

Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.

I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.

But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.

You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.

However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.

I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.

I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives. 

If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.

Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.

_

As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this

#Anonymous #ask #jdb faq #ask to tag #long post

[surveysonfleek]

1600.

1. Do you have any sort of “secret” goals or dreams, where you think about doing something a lot, but haven’t told anyone about it or actually made steps to achieve it? Maybe something you aren’t quite serious about, but still like to consider? like most people my age, im still waiting for that big ‘a-ha!’ idea that will make me rich. i go through so many phases of committing to some but ill always get over it 2. Does your town/area have a farmer’s market? Do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store? yes, ive been once. there wasnt a huge selection of fresh produce, they were more like honey, jam, cured meats etc 3. Has anyone ever “ruined” anything for you (for example: your partner says, “oh, this song always reminds me of my ex” and you never want to listen to it again, or your friend is so obsessed with a movie that you start to resent the film)? my parents are the worst with tv spoilers! they’ll always ask me if ive seen this show etc and just give the whole thing away. 4. If you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it? haha a kiss wouldnt be that satisfying. not to say id go all the way but if i had a chance to meet my hall pass without screwing them, i wuldnt fo through the effort of kissing them.

5. If you still live with your parents, is it scary for you to imagine living away from them when you move out on your own? If you live on your own, how did you cope with moving away from your family for the first time? i still live with at home and im super grateful because ive had the time to save soooo much money for my future. i am totally ready to move on now though, ill only be 5 min away from my childhood home anyway 6. Do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you? ive been with the same person for a long time but if im honest, we were quite different when we first started dating. being together for so long sorta merged our interests 7. If you could choose your dream cast for a movie, name 3-4 actors you’d choose to be in it. i dont have fave actors/actresses. everyone loves a star studded cast though 8. Is there something that people complain about that just makes you roll your eyes because you think is not a big deal and you would gladly trade your own issues for it? my state just got out of lockdown. the amount of people that protested against it and ignored the actual LAW fucked it up for everyone and spread covid which extended our lockdown even longer. we have it good here, it wasnt worth fighting for, so many people have died 9. Does it bother you when you find out that your friends have hung out without inviting you? not as much as it used to when i was younger 10. Have you discovered or learned anything that’s excited you, lately? If not, do you ever actually feel excitement when learning about something new? reality tv. im really killing my brain cells haha 11. What is a talent that a lot of other people desire or value but you really don’t care to have (e.g., singing, etc.)? dancing. im ok with not being a good dancer haha. i dont have the personality to show it off if i were any good anyway 12. Do you remember the first time you consciously took a stand for your own rights (e.g., walking out of class while offended)? If you don’t remember the first time, can you explain one time when you’ve done this? i havent done much but talk back to people. ive never been crazily offended before 13. Is there something that you would claim as the best purchase you ever made? recently.. a new bed did me wonders! 14. Have you ever received an unwanted gift from someone trying to woo you? Did you accept it or reject it? no :( ive received shitty gifts before but im always super grateful 15. Do you find that you compare yourself to others often? What sort of things do you find you compare most? i do it without thinking. right now its the whole having kids thing. sometimes im scared im leaving it too late. 16. Do you ever do something in public and then worry that you might have embarrassed the people you were with? nah, i havent let loose in a long time 17. What was the last thing to make you really inspired to write or create art? If you don’t remember the last thing, do you ever find yourself struck by sudden inspiration? i came across an ig ad for this artist and i looooved her artwork! ive since bought my own paint and canvases and ive been trying to paint lmao 18. Are you excited at all about the upcoming The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie? ive seen it once but forgot everything about it 19. Would you say that you have a competitive streak when it comes to certain things? Which situations bring out the competitor in you? hahah only boardgames. and i gloat personally. i just always win! 20. Have you ever boycotted a product or corporation? How come? tbh no. only coz im not ‘woke’ 21. Are there any people whom you aspire to be like? Which traits do you find in those people that you wish to emulate? not really. i just wish i was more productive 22. Are you a registered bone-marrow donor? If not, would you be interested in registering (bethematch.org) or is there something that turns you away from it? nope! i had no idea! im not the healthiest person so i wouldnt be doing someone a favour by giving my bone marrow to them 23. If someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason, you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth? if ive already agreed to hang out with them at an earlier point, ill never flake. i guess thats a good friend trait for me! 24. Do you think it should be illegal for gas stations to sell synthetic drugs (like K2 and Bath Salts) under the guise of them being “potpourri,” or do you think it’s not the gas stations’ fault for trying to make a penny, it’s the user’s fault for abusing the potpourri? i dont think this happens here 25. Have you heard of or even read the novel, “50 Shades of Grey”? If so, what’s your opinion about it? lmao yes. it was lame.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

[ccsthemovie2]

trick or treat 2021 letter

DEAR MY KIND AND HARDWORKING GIFTER,

hi there my ao3 is zagspect and thanks in advance for making me a piece of fic or art in this fun little exchange! heres some food for thought to munch on.

i loooove slice of life, character moments, outsider povs that make things we’re used to in canon seem absurd or funny or weird or scary, humor, horror-in-fluff’s-clothing, sweetness-found-in-horror, and also just plain sweetness. feel free to get weird or experimental with your writing if you think the moment calls for it :3 im not really requesting anything sexy-nsfw in this exchange so pls keep things down to a nice pg13 (high-rated gore for higurashi work is an exception, lol, like, it’s when they cry. that’s just part of the deal.)

🌸✨

cardcaptor sakura (trick or treat!)

clear card manga spoilers are fine with me! manga and anime canon are both fine, and mashing them up is cool too. no aus past that though, please!

clow reed

the big man himself! scare me with his his manipulative tendencies, his eternal pushpull fear of both being eternally relied on and being no longer needed, the way he treats other people, especially people who love him. (yue! the madoushi! i am into both of these being unrequited romantically on his end, but he’s not gonna just gonna tell them that, you think he’s straightforward like that?) what’s daily life like in the clowse? creating a new card, what’s that like? does everybody get along with the normal, non magic neighbors? 

yelan li

what’s up with her??? what’s her relationship with her children like, what are the responsibilities of a magician family’s head, how weird is it that clow is kind of back all of a sudden, what’s her thoughts on sakura? fleshing out a minor character is always fun :]

eriol & li

okay, so, we get to the end of the original series. syaoran returns to hong kong. ????????. syaoran is in cahoots with eriol to (vaguely alluding to cc spoilers in case you haven’t caught up in the manga), do some pretty serious magic behind sakura’s back.

so, like... what went down in the ?????

kero & sakura & yue 

they’re FAMBILYYYYY. magic found family i love them so much. show me the depths of their care for her, and hers for them, the way there’s absolutely some ice to break with yue but when he gets loyal he will DIE for you, the way sakura can mend the rift between kero and yue, the way the two of them are balancing this wonderful openness and equality with oh yeah, she’s eleven, we kind of said some seriously dark stuff in the haze of sleepover talk didn’t we? 

ruby & spinel & eriol 

pre-canon or mid-canon or post-canon! what’s the dynamic between them, a quiet night in, a day out telling people that you’re connected by whatever lie you find funniest. going to tomoeda and having to pretend youre a kid, a teen, and a cat, but goddd you could all go for an elegant and adult glass of wine right now (especially the cat). what horrors are lurking in that house from the clow era that no one cares to address? like emotionally and also because it’s a magic wizard house with magic stuff in it. 

touya/yukito/yue 

i am here for any and all angles of this ship- all together, your touyukis, your yuetouyas, your yuekitos if you wanna get in on a rarely seen angle! (but pls have touya and/or yukito be 18+ at a time where yue shows interest in them). i wanna see the way they interact! how they deal with, you know, the everything! pre-relationship pining, going on a date, touya and yukito in college wondering if they’ll end up having different majors, different paths for the first time. yukito seeing yue on video for the first time (OH NO HES HOT), yukito and yue figuring out internal boundaries, etc etc etc.  

naoko and touya 

the girl who loves ghosts and the guy who sees (or, used to see), ghosts! does she follow him to one of his haunts (pun intended)? does he have to go to her for ghost sensing advice now that he’s a regular old human? does he have to save her from a ghost that means her harm? how excited is she to tell sakura about the COOL GHOST I MET WITH YOUR BROTHER OMG U DIDNT TELL ME HE LIKES GHOSTS??? and how much does sakura wanna sink into the ground lololol

🌹⚔️

revolutionary girl utena (trick or treat!)

ohh, what a place of scary happenings! tell me a fairytale, even if it’s not such a good idea. pre, mid, postcanon, im fine with it all. feel free to weave a web with easter egg references to any other media you feel is right for the moment- utena is all about Genre and Stories!

shadow girls 

i love them i love their whole everything. i wanna see a play, i wanna see them interact with other characters! what if they do a play AS the other characters, ooooh.

anthy/utena 

THE GIRLS WHO INVENTED LOVE THEMSELVES. ive read a thousand stories of them finding each other and it never gets old. id love to read about their life post-ohtori, especially the not-so-happily-ever-after parts- the old wounds reopening, the fights, and how they work through it, wont lose each other ever again. 

saionji/touga

what’s spookier than toxic masculinity? both of them miserably stuck, saionji obsessed with touga, touga believing anyone who believes in friendship is a fool. bro we are taking shirtless pictures among 500 potted cacti....why does my heart hurt..... oh shit its the cactus i rolled onto it ow ow

nanami

nanami being nanami! she’s got no clue how to act ever, she’s desperate, she’s trying SO HARD. i’d love to see a nanami finally getting out of there, too. leaving home with nothing but the clothes on her back, diamonds in her necklace, and a wheeled suitcase of raw eggs.... (crunch crunch crunch)

🎲🗓

higurashi when they cry (trick or treat!)

i’m a gou/sotsu enjoyer and gonna prompt about that a lot but original flavor is, of course, great too. pls dont go too heavy on info outside the main 8+saikoroshi+gou/sotsu? i haven’t read those. ive read umineko+ciconia though so references there are fine :3

rena/mion/keiichi

college days! getting together, crushing on each other, poly relationship figuringouts? dates that are just club meetings with kissing and all the ridiculousness of that.

satoko/rika

gou/sotsu era TOXIC LESBIAN EPIC MOMENTS!!!!!! obsession and desperation and satoko putting all her emotional eggs in rika’s basket no matter how angry she is with her, rika’s love for satoko across 100 years and how that all crumbles (to satoko) in the face of rika’s Cool School. rika wanting satoko to go to school with her so so so bad. deep pain and misunderstandings and acting badly (like, murder badly), and then, we hope, atonement and something new beginning? i love character moments where someones so obsessively in love it feels like its eating them up inside.

rena & satoko

look, rena’s smart and really pays attention to how people feel and i think, before or after satoko becomes a looper but especially after, she would make an attempt to have a heart to heart with satoko. and satoko, as a looper, will politely brush her off, will go you dont know me you can’t affect me. youre just a chess piece. when i get to the miracle world where rika loves me, ill listen to you. this you is here to die, or to kill. 

eua

oh eua is just using satoko up like a bar of soap and it takes satoko way, way too long to realize. evil girltalk/crush advice from the witchmom perhaps?

shion

meakashi made me LOVE her. internal shion moments, perhaps? shion being an empath (decides what ppl are thinking and instantly believes it)? shion in gou-era wanting to talk to satoko about st. lucia’s, but she never shows up to dinner?

okay i think that’s all for now!!! thanks and i hope you have fun!!!

[whiterbone-a]

i wanna know what your take on the nanami / gojo relationship is ?? cause a big part of me is like nanami isn't someone who really talks , like you won't get inside of him and he'll make jokes here and there with the whole work is shit thing . but i think he lost his heart and happiness alongside yuu and i think he even said this wasn't a mission first years should be on and the fact that yuu looked up to getou and gojo so much and still got killed was like a fucking blade to the stomach.

i mean do you think there is a romantic possability , i do play around with it but at the same time do you think it would be comforting ?? like i know the big ship is gojo and getou because of how close they were but what is nanami to gojo , a tool and a function or a friend and possible lover ??? and how will his death effect him ???

also were gojo actively smiles , nanami only smiles when death is around the corner and i am like red flags here and there . but sorry this got so long and please feel free to ignore it .

hello and welcome.  take a seat and thank you for joining me.  if this doesnt make sense just pretend u know what im talking about, its the adhd for making my thoughts so scattered everywhere

so in concept the nanami and gojou ship in a romantic concept is rly cute in concept like u have an ex - salary man whos serious doesnt allow himself the luxury of acting his age but on the other end u have someone who still acts like hes a child and never takes anything serious even when hes fighting.  they both endured the trauma being a jujutsu sorcerer entails yet they have nothing in common -- gojou dresses like hes a reflection with the moon and nanami, the sun.  also the fact that gojou thinks that he, himself, is ascended above all he works with while nanami is just a human living his day to day, and lot of ppl use this as nanami to bring down gojou to his morality just like a nudge or a friendly reminder.  he even tolerates and puts up with him a lot more than he should.  hes very patient but very honest.  a lot of the fanart of them is SO CUTE esp when theyre married and living happily with one another.  i even ship them, its actually one of my top ships next to satosugu but like in reality its not so great unfortunately

honestly?  theres a small slim of a possibility but due to the nature of the clash of personalities and what their job its like ... not rly possible

nanami, even out of being a salary man, fully treats being a jujutsu sorcerer as a 9 - 5 job and refuses to work overtime. he has small luxuries like he enjoys reading and eating left overs after a day of working hard like who wouldnt and not to mention hes the type to keep his relationships strictly professional. gojou has probably asked him several times to take him out for drinks after work (altho work never ends with gojou which is ironic) and has said no.  it’s funny now that i think about it,  shouko probably asks him for an occasional drink after hours and he accepts because at least he likes shouko and he knows theres no ulterior motive from her just a couple of coworkers doing some heavy drinking but nothing ever more than that -- hes even said that he wants to get married but when hes no longer a sorcerer

sucks tho, because like everyone else, nanami sees gojou as someone who is extremely powerful and only sees him for his techniques except more like hes a nuisance and extremely annoying, even to the point of having absolutely no respect for him.  he realizes, yeah hes strong but as for the full package that is satoru gojou?  there’s absolutely nothing to respect about that man

and while we’re talking about gojou, i’ll say it, he’s mentally unstable.  i mean, we all knew that -- hes got a couple of “screws loose” as he puts it inside that rattling brain of his.  on the opposite side of the spectrum, hes not capable of handling a romantic relationship.  hes always always busy, its rare that that he gets a breather for himself.  hes always being sent out on missions out of country and ive always portrayed gojou as the type of partner thats not even gentle on his partners in terms of being playful, childish, and being a nuisance.  his mental health is absolutely terrible (i’m not saying nanamis is any better but) hes always acted much younger than what he is altho i do blame his upbringing for that.

and gojou treats everyone as good friends but does like to particularly pick on ppl who take themselves too seriously (nanami and utahime), mei mei and yuki are exempt from this.  he also doesnt rly care for ichiji but like, that doesnt matter LOL.

i do see nanami eventually giving in for one (1) after dinner ‘date’ after work but when gojou is actually less himself, hes tolerable to be around which isnt saying much tbh.  you should def listen to the nanami and gojou drama audio if u can!  they’re so fucking funny as a pair, which solidifies them as being cute but were not talking about that rn.

in terms of being ‘what are they’ to each other, its hard to tell.  i talked about it briefly as nanami reminding him of his morality and being his humility tho gojou doesnt act like it, he fully believes hes above all and everyone, lovers and close friends are included in this.  i read a lot of nana/go fanfics and they portray nanami as someone to push down his ego;  to remind him hes actually Not all that great, a child in an adults body, etc.  he’s a brutality honest man and gojou can take critic and criticisms to his person but that doesnt mean hes going to listen (and he doesnt, hes even self aware that his personality sucks ass but does he bother to change?  absolutely not and he wont start now nor for anyone else).

yuu did definitely help nanami change and shift his ideas about the world, esp hating the jujutsu society afterwards.  like, i dont blame u king, it sucks ass.  tho, i dont think nanami looked up or cared for gojou and getou that much.  getou he looked up to more so because at least hes as a respectable guy, strong, good looking, and stimulates intellectual conversations.  gojou?  not so much.  nanami probably thought that it doesnt matter if u have techniques that is extremely rare to acquire and even more so to master but u suck ass and u dont stimulate joy to be around.

nanami is a good friend and high school buddy to gojou and nanami would definitely call him ‘coworker’ or something along those lines when hes annoyed him too much or doesnt want gojou to benefit too much from simple acknowledgement.  gojou thinks hes an ascended being but he definitely respects and finds nanami to be a strong sorcerer and was rather surprised when he took the 9 - 5 job but it was definitely safer.

death ... ah, i think about this all the time.  it’s like losing suguru all again except he didnt go rogue and kill a whole village.  hes absolutely confident in nanamis abilities to fend off curses and hes too stubborn to let himself die as well, so the idea of him dying doesnt ever cross his mind.  thats a true stab to the gut to hear that nanami has died, maybe a moment of truly being unhinged and a darker nature but we wont rly know until it happens in the manga, which i cant wait.  i mean, at least mei mei, utahime, and shouko are around but this is nanami were talking about.  if this was in terms of a romantic relationship rather than a simple seemingly one - sided friendship of enjoying of being around that person but that person just tolerating him and hoping he goes away eventually.  i can’t say, i can’t say!  just take these thoughts with like a grain of salt.

also that last statement in the ask, gojous smiles are fake and a mask while the rare times nanami does smile, its genuine.

regardless of what i said, i think it can be a comfy ship!  this ship isnt toxic but any means (unless u make it toxic then well, thats a you thing) so just enjoy it!  i know i do i think as long as u recognize that maybe neither of them being a relationship would benefit the other then go stupid go crazy, i know i will.

#jupitersnake #tldr its cute in concept but reality they just dont suit each other but #im a sucker for opposites attract so catch me all over the nana/go tag baybe!!!!!!

[wildgeese2017]

You: what makes you happy?

Stranger: His smile

You: thats so nie

You: nice

Stranger: But I haven’t seen in in a while

You: :(

Stranger: What makes you happy?

You: i like lying down and feeling the earth cradling my whole physical body i like listening to music by myself

You: but i feel like its all sucks bc it never lasts

You: like his smile

You: i dont know how to make sense of it all

Stranger: I feel you

Stranger: Seems like nothing lasts

You: it scares me

Stranger: And you never know when the last time is going to be the last time

Stranger: You always think you will have more

Stranger: Until you don’t

You: i feel like an animal i feel so blind to what fate has planned for me

You: i want to believe in something to sort of see everything through the right lens but i just dont know whether i cud

You: like i dont know what gods means to me

You: what does it mean to you?

Stranger: I try to trust in him

Stranger: But the faith is being tested

Stranger: I feel like so much unfairness couldn’t come from god

You: i used to know so surely that the whole point of this suffering was that it was a test or an inevitabilty but i worry that my conclusion was false

You: im scared that my faith is just learned helpessness

You: do you have anything you wanted to say

You: like why you are on this platform

Stranger: I just hope you get enough motivation to hold on

Stranger: Even if it’s the bare minimum

You: thanks im fine i just feel so confused

Stranger: I am pretty sure that someday something will come that will make it worth it

You: im doing well im being nice to my loved ones im going to work im having fun im just existentially terrified

Stranger: For everyone

You: yeh i think so too

You: i kno u dont kno me but im rooting for you

Stranger: How old are you ? Sorry if that’s too personal

You: im 20

Stranger: I’m rooting for you too!!! 😄

You: thx

Stranger: The confusion starts at the twenty’s

Stranger: I’m 25 and haven’t figured it out

You: lol ive been confused 4 so long tho

You: i think being confused is the whole point

Stranger: Maybe the meaning of life isn’t to find it purpose

Stranger: But to live and live while it lasts

Stranger: Love*

You: like its all just fluctuations of energy and the universe is just reminding itself that it exists bc being is the point of being like a perfect circle of belief and truth

You: yes i think so too

You: but it leads me to chasing empty bliss

Stranger: You should write a book about it

Stranger: Or poems

You: i want to feel more purpose but i dont know how im scared of nit finding peace and my vulnerability being exploited

You: i write poetry but i feel as tho i havent developed craft

Stranger: You must be brave to feel extraordinary :)

You: how do u express urself?

You: :)

Stranger: I dance

You: <3

Stranger: I’m a dancer

You: thats so wonderful

Stranger: Not good with words

You: does it make you feel free? i can only dance with the lights off

Stranger: Sometimes I turn the music up and close my eyes and just dance whatever I feel inside

You: that sounds nice

You: what kind of music do u like?

Stranger: And most of the times it feels like breaking my own heart

You: :(

Stranger: But it flies itself back together right after

You: in a good or bad way?

Stranger: Glues*

You: sometimes i wish i cud crack open my heart and show people

Stranger: I feel like a slightly cracked heart must fall apart to be build up again

You: i always paraphrase kafka when he said the reason for everything he did is to try and express the unexpressable

Stranger: People tend to ignore small cracks

Stranger: But take it serious when it’s all in pieces

You: :( i wish we cud all b more gentle with each other

Stranger: Same

You: i wish i had more energy to see everyones breaking hearts and fill up the cracks with my own love

Stranger: And I wish we would only fall in love with people who fall for us back

You: are you in love with him?

Stranger: I am

You: i dont kno whether ive ever been in love love what is it like?

Stranger: I’ve been in love once before

Stranger: And I swore I’d never open myself up for anyone

Stranger: And my best friend convinced me to go on this date with this guy

Stranger: And when he kissed me I just knew

You: that must hav been terrifying

Stranger: Took me 5years tho

Stranger: To fall like this again

Stranger: It was

Stranger: In it’s ironic way

Stranger: And it still is

You: i can tget close to anyone like that bc ive got all this stuff i cant let anyone see its brave for you to let someone in even if it hurts

Stranger: You know what?

Stranger: It wasn’t a decision I made !!

You: huh i never thought of it that way

You: maybe it was god

Stranger: Im fact the decision I took was to not let him in before we went on that date

Stranger: It wasn’t something I was in control of

Stranger: And it took him 5 hours to kiss me 😄

Stranger: And when he did time stopped

Stranger: And so did my senses except for feeling

You: what makes him so special? is it just the way he makes you feel or is there a big reason in your mind?

Stranger: It’s …

Stranger: How can I say this

Stranger: He was a surprise

Stranger: I didn’t expect him to be that good

You: did you feel like you had met before?

Stranger: I thought he’d be just another mediocre guy

You: so he suprised you

Stranger: But when I saw his smile and eyes I just knew I was screwed

Stranger: Yeah

Stranger: Feel good to finally talk about all this haha

You: ive never felt that way about way about anyone it sounds so confusing

You: is he kind?

Stranger: He was

You: is he not anymore?

Stranger: Sadly no

You: :(

Stranger: He decided to take a step back from me

You: what did he do to make you feel this way (if you dont mind me askin)

You: oh

Stranger: I remember when he called me to tell me he’s not ready for a relationship

You: what are you going to do? i cant imagine never seeing anyone i care about like that again

Stranger: Last time I saw him was three weeks ago

Stranger: And last time I heard from him was one week bwfore

You: did you know him long before ?

Stranger: Three months

Stranger: Not that long

Stranger: But I knew what he would mean to me when I first saw him

Stranger: So it felt like a smaller eternity

You: that sound so difficult

Stranger: I miss him terribly:)

You: i cant imagine feeling that way it wud really scare me everyone i talk to ive known for like 8years i cant give so much of myself to someone new

Stranger: You don’t have to give yourself to someone all at once

Stranger: Be protective of your energy

Stranger: And never trust the other person to not hurt you!

Stranger: But trust yourself and how you will react to it

Stranger: Trust that’s you would be strong enough to handle it

You: do you think he saw the real you? its so weird to think that everyone percieves you differently and out of your own control i worry that i focus too much on an idea of a person that i cud be

Stranger: Yea and no

Stranger: What I showed him was the real me but I also know that I didn’t show him everything that I am

Stranger: I feel your fear ! You got to know who you are as a person first

Stranger: And you got to be authentic with the people around you

You: i think it takes so long to show a clear picture of urself and its always moving and running away from the person you were when you last talked to that person who you want to really see you

Stranger: Exactly!

Stranger: That’s probably the most genuine talk I ever had

You: im so tired of trying to be a person i wish i cud just melt into everyone around me but theres so much i dislike about those around me and its not possible anyway. its just hard knowing the reason for everything is human connection and not living in a way that respects that truth

Stranger: Thank you

You: thank you too

You: i really appreciate your sharing its so scar to be honest out loud

You: *scary

Stranger: True

Stranger: I guess being anonymous makes it easier

You: yeh i just i was going to see a friend today who i feel like understands me but i couldnt in the end and i needed to express a part of myself u kno even tho im talking to other people who know me and care its not the same

You: i hope ou feel better soon regardless of what he chooses for himself

Stranger: I know exactly what you mean

Stranger: After all I have to choose myself over him as well :)

Stranger: Sometimes love isn’t enough

Stranger: Who am I fooling… most of the times it’s not enough

You: i have so many kind lovely friends and family who is trying but i cant let go of this heavy thing its like theres always some invisible chain wrapped around me

You: yeh :(

You: why cant we all help each other more

Stranger: Not many people are spiritual enough to say love is enough and all that matters f*ck the rest

You: i know so many people in pain and im too tired to be there all the time

You: its easy for me to say love is enough when i dont hav so many real problems that cant b solved with love alone

Stranger: I really pray for you to break out of those chains

Stranger: You seem like an amazing loving and caring person

Stranger: You deserve happiness

You: thanks i dont kno whether my hope has any power to reach you but i really hope you get some relief from your pain too

You: you too

You: i think we all do but i cant know that im so lucky to not meet people who are cruel enough to take that belief away from me

Stranger: And if you ever do meet people like that do me the favor of removing them immediately

Stranger: If it costs you your peace it’s too exoenz

You: i guess but i always think what happens to them when im gone?

Stranger: Expensive *

You: where do they go?

Stranger: ALWAYS !

You: what do they feel?

Stranger: That’s none of your business

Stranger: Let them find their own way

You: yeh i think we all need to respect ourselves to let go of toxicity

Stranger: You don’t have to guide them

You: i just feel like i want to care more i want to love more but i dont and that makes me feel small and selfish i wish we cud all connect our love its so scary not being able to reach each other

You: im scared to change and become better it sounds so hard i feel so selfish

Stranger: You’re not selfish if it means protecting your energy

Stranger: But don’t stand in your own way

Stranger: Be brave

Stranger: Can’t stress that enough

You: thanks i think i do need to be braver i try and look more people in the eye but maybe i need to be brave against myself more than against other people

Stranger: Have you ever watched greys anatomy?

You: since they arent in my control

You: no but all my friends love it

You: its on my list loll

Stranger: So Meredith grey said something like :

Stranger: Maybe she wasn’t opening up to people not because she was scared of the love she would receive

Stranger: But scared of what would happen when they took this live away from her someday

Stranger: Once you get a taste of love

Stranger: It’s like a drug

Stranger: Love*

You: like you and him, i find it hard to accept it when people choose me over someone else so i push them away to other people and i get upset that they replaced me

You: love is so scary

You: its too much

Stranger: Me and him …

Stranger: I feel like this story is not over yet

Stranger: :)

Stranger: And that calms me

You: i think if you have so much love inside you, u will succeed and find yourself in a good place if you focus on that love

Stranger: Yeah

Stranger: I literally believe in love because of the way I know I am capable to love

You: sometimes i worry that im not capable of love like that like i have something inside me that puts people off even though on a surface level i seem nice and passionate or sweet or whatever

You: like i worry im just playing a part and soon ill get tired of acting and i wont be what people need anymore

Stranger: Don’t worry too much

Stranger: Just truly be yourself

You: thanks i will try too

You: its so weird loving life this much and still not being happy

Stranger: Damn

You: like im so happy but its never enough

You: its not the right kind of joy it wont fit

Stranger: And this whole convo started with this simple question

You: loll

Stranger: What makes you happy

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: You know what I just realized

You: wot :0

Stranger: My answer was wrong in so many ways

Stranger: Your happiness shouldn’t be depending on someone else

Stranger: Cause you can’t control other peoples behavior

You: thats so real

You: its so scary tho since you cant b alone but you cant rely purely on others

Stranger: Your happiness should only be in your hands

Stranger: So controversial

Stranger: It’s a daily risk lol

You: like other people are all that matters but to them you are the other people so we all need to be kind to ourselves to be kind to each toher but we're all to hurt and scared to do all of it in the right way

You: we're all walking around with a piece of the happy puzzle and we have'nt figured out how to put it together

Stranger: sometimes we forget that all people are vulnerable and maybe hurting too

Stranger: When someone hurts your feelings you tend to forget you might have hurt theirs too

You: i always remember but i dont always respect it and that makes me dislike the kind of person i let myself be

Stranger: You will learn to

You: i hope so

You: i think thats the point

Stranger: Don’t pressure yourself

You: like we live and we all learn the same lesson

You: but it seems like its always repeating

You: like why haven't we learned it yet

You: like we're all one soul

You: and we can't reach the end of this problem or is the point how good we feel at points of it? i cant just chase joy if its fleeting iworry that even love is fleeting

You: idk i know we only hav the present

You: like all the advice uve given me i trust it

You: i just freak out thinking of the big picture

Stranger: Relax 😄

Stranger: It’s not all that serious

Stranger: Don’t forget to live along the way

Stranger: Love was never meant to be safe or measured!

Stranger: You got to be brave and love irritationally

You: i think that that is fair i just i go long stretches living and then i remember the whole question of why and how shud i live and i get all tangled up again

Stranger: And instead of being scared, trusting yourself with it

You: i think i need to trust more and i think faith is trust

Stranger: Grow and learn to trust yourself

You: i want to have more faith in myself in others in the future i just worry the way i acheive this will only be a bandaid i want more than blind faith i want to see the world and see it as it is and still feel love and joy and trust the universe and myself to experience it correctly and even let go of the whole concept of correct.

Stranger: I also think I might fall asleep soon lol

You: thanks for listening i think i will too lol good luck i wish you all the best <£

You: <3

Stranger: That’s what I wish you too

Stranger: From the bottom of my heart

You: :-)

Stranger: Take care strangee

You: u 2 :-)

Stranger: Stranger*