#and i know that ive never come close to feeling it again

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

So this is an ongoing argument with my roommate. I (22nb) am autistic, and T (55f) has ADHD.

Now to get this out of the way, i do say thank you. I was always taught to wait a moment after receiving something, take a bite or appreciate what you were given for a breath, before thanking someone so that you could add something more to it. My roommate and I both agree that i do say thank you the vast majority of the time, but the problem for her is that i do not say it fast enough.

T often gives me a "tHaNk yOu" while the item in question is still being passed. This seems ridiculous to me as i haven't even been fully given it yet.

In addition, i have the dishes as my household chore, and i do them daily, despite almost never making any dishes myself. I do this to both support T and her diet, as well as contribute to the household that i live in.

T thanks me near daily for doing the dishes. This always seems weird and unnecessary to me, as it is my responsibility. I have told her this. I dont expect to be thanked for doing my own laundry, after all. In return, T gets upset that i dont notice and thank her for taking out the garbage/recycling/compost, to which she is the main contributor to and is under her responsibilities.

As for please: i do say this much more rarely. I think it feels overly preformative and fake, and i typical choose more "would you mind closing my door for me" "if its not too much of a hassle, could you toss me my waterbottle" "id appreciate it if you could preheat the oven while you're in the kitchen"

I think that these work perfectly fine as a replacement. Please just has always felt wrong and fake. No one else in my entire life has ever commented on this before.

Thirdly; T has been upset that i don't respond to her apologies appropriately. After she is snappy at me (due to her emotional disregulation from ADHD) (last time it was because i asked if she was using the oven instead of asking if i could use the oven myself, for reference) there is a 50/50 shot that she will come and apologize.

I dont often accept apologies. Apologies are for the person saying them to get it off their chests, or to make you put it behind them. Usually, ill say something like "it was just one of those days, y'know?" Or "its alright, water under the bridge"

Because i was always taught that apologies came with a promise of change, and T can't (or won't) change how she re-directs her frustration at unrelated things to things ive done "wrong". When she told me the correct response was "i forgive you", i decided to not engage instead of telling her directly that i didnt forgive her (because i am certain she will do it again). (I usually dont engage with her when shes irritated: she never notices and just wants to say her piece so im not being rude here)

She said that i was being disrespectful, "like always", and when i suggested it may be more difficult for me due to my autism, she said that we made plenty of accommodations for me (which i think is false), and that i just needed to do this for her comfort. That please/thank yous were something she needed to feel appreciated and i should be making more accommodations for her.

To me, i feel like she is getting really caught up on semantics and is being a little controlling about it. But maybe its just a boundary? I dont know if i could commit to changing my language for her though, i feel like i will just start forgetting after awhile because it feels so fake. Shouldn't it be better for me to say things genuinely than just for her approval?

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

#aita #am i the asshole

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[lord-squiggletits]

Speaking of Tyrest. A lot of people forget that he treated Pharma with absolute disdain, not only using him as a test subject for a clearly painful mass murder machine, but talking to Pharma like he saw him as nothing but some henchman to order around that was nothing more than a 'diseased cripple' if Tyrest hadn't come to rescue him.

Like it really is an interesting background dynamic with some curious implications, but when you look at fandom posts from around that issue/the years after, for some reason people just saw "Pharma worked with Tyrest" and concluded Pharma is a card carrying bigot ksjfnskxkd. Like yeah Pharma didn't do anything to stop Tyrest but it seems his main beef with the Autobots was with Ratchet in particular and maybe a general disdain for his ex-comrades. As well as continuing to hate Decepticons which like, not even the "good Autobots" are immune to (even in Pharma's introduction, First Aid says in his journal something like "yeah we all hate Decepticons, but Pharma REALLY hates them"). And despite what fandom likes to construe there's really no evidence in IDW1 that Autobots and Decepticons are different "races" or "types" of Cybertronians, so Pharma hating Decepticons really isn't a bigotry/robot racism thing. And instead probably has something to do with, idk, the 4 million year long galaxy-spanning blood feud war, or maybe being blackmailed and tortured into insanity by the Biggest and Most Decepticon-y of Decepticons.

Tyrest treated Pharma like trash, the other Decepticons working for Tyrest (how come no one ever brings that up btw) also hated him, so if anything it seems that Pharma was more of a rogue element only staying with Tyrest bc he was his best option and probably had no way to even escape.

I'm glad that at least in recent years the fandom has acquired a keen reading eye and good taste to finally recognize Pharma as the (accidentally) complex character he is instead of making him some posh, racist Starscream clone SHSJDGSGDH

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #yeah i'm apologisting again i guess my mental health is somewhat okay again dkdkkxckkddkd #(my followers seeing me post about pharma) nature is healing #there's also that line where pharma says 'maybe i can help' and skids is like #'fuck off and hope we don't beat you to death after this is over' #they didnt know that pharma was a test subject of the killswitch but wow #that's prolly one of the most out of pocket moments of the story that ive never seen anyone mention #honestly that moment is why i think JRO didnt intend pharma to be That Deep #i feel like that sort of 'not even other autobots like him' treatment is something #that comes up a lot in JRO's villain writing. or like asshole behavior towards some characters #is just plot events proceeding as usual. nothing to see just villains getting their due #tho tbh pharma's character in general suffers from the problem that he's so closely related to a main/major characyer #that it wouldve made way more sense for him to be written in earlier #so all his connections w/ ratchet and the plot had to be established retroactively #also speaking of 'asshole behavior excused bc it's towards a villain' #all those times when people are like (fucking amazing piece of medical research by pharma) #'then he started murdering his patients. what a piece of shit' #like idk it could have been intentional but imo all my readings of pharma were not really intended by JRO #and i'm fully just headcanoning and constructing theories on my own #like pharma was simply not important enough or a major enough character to get fleshed ojt #so basically we get enough pieces of him to establish continuity and a general timeline of his life and thats all

[lunarr-stuff]

...

#its been so long since i actually made a friend #vent #that its hard #to realize that they like me #that they want me there #and that they miss me #that i assume that they dont care and they wouldnt want me there anyway #after who would care about lil ole me #and then they ask #hey where were you why didnt you come #didnt you say you wanted to meet #im just too used to pulling away at the slight bit of disinterest #that it surprises me that they like me #the concept is so foriegn to me #i feel like if i get too close im going to be so dissapointed #know ing so many times that i got sttached that i loved and got spat in the face on #the amount of times i decided to pull away for a bit and then we never talked again #it had happened so many times that it has affected my self esteem to the point the thought that i am a useless person that no one could car #for let alone even see had become a fact in my mind i feel so damn invisible sometimes i cant even feel myself #when people show interest i smile and wave knowing fully well that its all just temporary and i wont see them after the first 3 meetings #it hurts so much #i feel unlovable yet when someone tries i cant believe it and end up ghosting them #i need to believe in myself more #i need to learn to love abit more #even if it ends up hurting me #im sorry #but i need to do this for myself #this person feels like a good person #i should give them a chance #even if it feels like ive already messed up

[miamierre]

.

#i want to write that km prompt that just went up today :/ i cant but i want to #also was thinking abt married pierre n charles and how they spend their first night together. #like obviously they have sex! obviously. they just became a family of their own and theyre both insane abt Family Life #but like. maybe they think that. bc this has been their whole lives. they can pretend like nothing has changed bc really nothing has #all that's changed is that there's now a legal document saying theyre married. everything else feels like it was before. so like. #they try for quiet! and normal. they call it a night after one round. except charles cant sleep even if he's been tired all weekend #and he just. cant stop thinking about that one little change. how pierre is his forever now. how he is pierre's just the same. #pierre is out cold and charles just stares at his sleeping form half the night so full of love for this man here beside him. #eventually pierre wakes up to go pee and charles is half awake (finally sleepy after HOURS) when he comes back to bed #''why are you still awake...husband'' pierre whispers and charles just laughs #covers his face. answers ''i dont know...husband'' just to make pierre laugh. but then gets all soft and serious and confesses #that he's just. thinking about their love. yk? something tender and sentimental. pierre kisses him softly in his sleepy honesty #and they fuck (''make love!!!!'' charles protests later in the morning) again and it's just about the belonging of it all. just to be close #just bc they can and this was always how it was meant 2 b! matching rings for real. a life shared. a love so long-winded it will never end. #wow i watch one (1) scene from a show and go off. i think ive got some pent up insanity to release.

[qumiiiquinnquin]

my art will never be good enough !

#vent #im so hypocritical #i give advice on how to not feel terrible about ones own art and then i want to burn all my traditional art and delete all my art files #i cant even follow my own advice. ive wanted to burn and delete my art for several years now and i am very close to doing it #its so hard to not compare myself to others. its so hard to not think that what I make isn't good enough. everyone else can make so #much more beloved art. and they all know that ill never amount to anything no matter how much time ans effort i put jnto an art #it will never be good enough. I will never be good enough. #since I cant stop why dont I just post art then bounce and not scroll afterwards? ive done that multiple times now #but it feels very isolating and lonely. So I can deactivate and leave social media for good so I stop always comparing numbers #but it bleeds into real life. i actually felt this terrible about my art before creating any social media and posting my art in 2020. #i just know that nowhere am i good enough. #I hate that i think these things and am acting like this. I need to quit and discard everything giving up would benefit everyone #in fact why dont i go commit sewercide and officially rid myself since i cant think anything without wanting to commit over it lol #everyone says take a break but i will just come back feeling fine then it will quickly evolve into feeling this exact same way again. #'take a break' I might as well fucking quit for good like I want #making art makes me happy and helps keep me going. but at this point im not happy doing art anymore so I have nothing keeping me from #giving up on being alive anymnore

[mosstrades]

Every day I want to smoke and every day I don't because I know that beyond the arch of juvenile, relieving self-abandonment, is actual self-destruction, and there's nothing good about fracturing your ability to enjoy being alive (let alone, like, stay being alive). But when it's already difficult to connect with the 'enjoyment' part (to feel it at all, to feel you deserve it or to even believe it exists, sometimes), and you *also* take away the self-abandonment, you sort of have... nothing left going for you except the effort of self-betterment. And that's, y'know. Hard.

#not helpful that every caretaker ive ever had has been a chainsmoker #this also goes for: drinking (though less so) #and *especially* for self harm #both direct classic kinds and more insidious ones #(forcing myself not to barehandedly take cast iron skillets out of the oven at work? harder than youd think!) #ive been lucky that even though addiction runs in the family and i have mental illness ive had enough countering influences to #not fall into that trap before i knew better and could get support about it #but barreling towards your 20s like a deer towards the highway will do this to you i guess #Anyway today im going to swallow down the cynicism and try to start doing yoga and journaling again #i'll never be happy like i was but i can find something else. id rather it be nicer than getting drunk off cider and pretending i dont have #to go to work tomorrow which is what i actually want to do #nah. yoga and journaling and eating dinner. like someone who wants to live. wants to see as many sunsets as he can #and live a life where emotional intelligence and connection are not hindered #and who knows. someone who gets to feel peaceful sometimes #the effort isnt futile. it feels futile and childish but it isnt. there is a world where my heart is coherent more days than it is a fist #and thats a world worth the effort of building it #sometimes it feels inevitable though. like i *have* to come as close to self-annihilation as possible in order to earn having survived #a siren song that wont rest until i answer it and if i survive then I get to live #and everything before is just fantasy and prelude #and everything after is actually real #...guess thats something to journal about later instead of the cider thing #they werent lying that come of can age lmao #nick.txt #self harm recovery #addiction cw #vent #yeah yeah im oversharing to the void i know. its been a long summer

[lilgynt]

shit my partner has done in the last 48 hours: one. make fun of my dad who just got out of the hospital bc he beat me as kid allegedly two. slapped my ass in front my old coworkers bc she genuinely hates their guts

#personal #i would list things audrey has done but honestly she’s just #i was gonna say bat shit but she is. goes for a walk comes back with a tattoo she’s not even rlly feeling #no but dad situation #he’s okay he’s just going blind but he had to go to emergency care yesterday and was gone all day with my mom #who was texting me updates which i would update my brothers with #and then they came home and i would randomly watch him sleep after he went to bed #on one hand i didn’t feel much about the situation than the other hand i kept sneaking by his room like a criminal till he closed the door #and i couldn’t get out of bed again #anyway so it was a bit intense yesterday while we were waiting for mom to pick him up and the cat scan stuff #gg voice: good i hope it fucking hurts #and like on one hand hey now. cmon. #on the other ive gotten extremely used to non familial loved ones hating my family genuinely and i don’t know? the way she never lets up #with any of them and hates them so intensely bc she loves me always gets me weak kneed #like i understand when my family dies audrey and her will be comforting and nice but like #they are still gonna celebrate and i know this mob #anyway so that and then i was getting soemthing laminated #but it broke my paper win tho my old coworker felt so bad and did enjoy my little joke about not signing the waiver #that he just gave me the amount for the poster and also bc of his new supervisor manager whatever the fuck postion let him #and that’s why i’m still in love with him he’s the BEST. but anyway he gave me that #gave me shit about my friends who are still holding me captive #gave me further shit when i showed off the ring gg made and said it was matching theirs #something something anyway as we’re leaving gg SMACKS my ass #pretty common place behavior but here’s the thing #fun fact: so not fun but also fun but there no nice way to put it i have a moaning problem #like it’s just been an ongoing problem since at least middle school. but like pain? moans. barely there touch? yup. hard smack? xxx #just everything so i yelp and it’s loud and moany and my ex coworker makes eye contact and shakes his head and laughs and im like OKAYYYY #BYE EVERYONE OUT

[myriadsystem]

.

#must not text him texting him is the growth killer #must not text him texting him would be bad because it will make us feel bad and its my fucking bday this weekend #im not letting me do that to us #but fucking god i miss him rn and a lot lately 😭😮‍💨 was there a traumaversary i didnt know about?? #the only him related traumaversary already happened in feb and we handled it pretty fairly well (mostly due to the ffected being dormant) #but still like. what did i do last year for my bday? what did we do the year before he was probably there then but i dont remember feeling #this way around last bday? which he prroobbabblyy wasnt there for? time is not easy for me #idk its driving me crazypants lately like i miss him so much i thought he was my everything forever he told me he would be #but hes not and he never was and hes done a lot to hurt me but none of it was on purpose he was never mean or violent #and looking at old pictures we look so fucking good together and old chats the way he talked to me was so sweet and but that doesnt change #the fact that at this point in time and probably never again is he actually here #fuck this noise man ive got a cute outfit ready im going to the local museum with my grandma for my bday day #and ive got weed and tunes planned for the evening there are so many things to look forward to coming soon why #why do i seem to be stuck in the past lately. like not in active ptsd mode im not triggered as the kids love to say but i just cant stop #thinking abt him and the whole relationship and wishing he was here. wishing he never left? or more like wishing hed come back #hoping that hes changed enough and that i have too to make it work. i keep having awful visions of him coming to my door after a life attemp #and im so mad at him but i cant leave him out here so of course i invite him in to care for him and make sure hes ok #and its awful because it feels like a whisper away from being reality. its too close to what could be real #and its awful not because its a dream but because the closeness to what could be reality hurts so much when logic kicks in #and i know its not reality no matter how dang close it seems #personal #i think im splitty lately. im losing more time than usual and i cant get this boy outta my head. #i hope hes a lingering thought and not a permanent resident oh that would fuck us up so so bad #idk. idk dude! everythings fucked up atm im doing a lot of personal growth but im also behind on so many other things #i just want him out of my brain. its my fucking goddamn birthday and im making this one a good one for fucking once #i can handle the other shit later but this one do be fucking me up in a major way lately the last few days. weeks? who knows

[29121996]

.

#soo close to breaking down and just beibg like #well i cant do this !!! i dont want to be away from you i dont want to have yo find someone else. i jsut want you #and im so scared of how thatd be taken n i dont wanna be . shut out again. #like . im supposed to just yrust this and trust thst its gappening even if i sont ubderstand whats goijg on #but my fear is slightly stronger than my ability to just Trust myself and the universe. #i want this so bad n ive never eanted ANYTHING as badly as i want . to work it out with him. #like yhats so unsettling ??? im just . i dont know how to proceed #esp not after that fucking messagw like . how do i respond to thst !!!! what am i supposed to say !!!! #like shit dawg . i CANT move on. uoure so deeply dug into me and what i want that i . am Struggling to like . even fathom the idea #of anyone else bc wjy would i . why would i find someone else wjen i had and found all i wanted. please tell me #youre coming back to me . please tell mw that youre not . going to let me go bc i cant lwt u go !!!! i tried so hard !!!! to do that !!! #and i couldnt !!!! i knew almost insta tly that i wanted him forever . n i know iy now more thsn ever thats what i want #. god . what the fuck do i do #im not supoosed to do anything !! im jus supposed to . trust that this is gonna work out anf that . it will haooen #even if i dont see it or understsnd it . n that rlly is the hars part bc oh my god i wanna throw in tje towel and die . #ive tried so hard to get over this and get over him but i literally cant. and just Livinf with this feeling is awful. #esp bc how my brain works like . atp i need a cold hars rejection to lessen my grip on it and to . move away from it #fuck. idk what to fucking do any.ore i am . abt to break and crack and . just tell him i miss him too much to keep doing this. #ive reread that message 293939 times sincs i recoeved it. its not hslping me in any shape or form! #it just has to work out. it has to .

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #bsdtimes #emotional flashback i think. i dont feel like me sbd im reskky scared and the impulse to run snd hide is getting overwhelming #theraoist said that eas fight or flight response snd i guess she's rihht. i never put thst together before but i guess #its literally flight #i feel small snd defenseless and stupid #and i know its combo of pain and meeting ppl yesterday that i want to be friebds with #now that ive been unpacking the entire thing around being afraid of ppl who im friends/close witg and unafraid kf strangers #the idea of makinh friebds has got really scary bc i know it means im gokna be more agraid. i know that not gaving ppl #that are close to me makes me feel safer. that ppl talked to me yesterday and saw me stimminh and being weord andstill #gave me their social medias at the ebd of the night and yhat they might want to be friebds is fuvking terrifyong and i dont know #what to do with the gear. so irs triggering someyhng over and over again and i canr get out of it and the pain keeps coming and #its just bery overwhelming #its also upsetting realosong that the readon i struggle to be friendly and medsage bsck etc etc is bc its eadier to stop #being froebds than keep tryinh to not be scared. i knew i self sabotaged a bit but i didnt know that eas a part of it #makes me sad

[wishful-seeker]

Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist

1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.

Example:

Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."

Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"

This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.

Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."

Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"

This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.

Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.

To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.

2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.

For example:

Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"

Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."

Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making YOU uncomfortable?

3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."

Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."

This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.

4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.

For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.

5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.

6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"

Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"

Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.

7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.

For example:

Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."

Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"

This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.

Hope this helps, stay punk.

#cripple punk #ablism #physical disability #disability

[mrfoox]

Uh.... Kinda brought up an topic which was tough but it was okay....?

#miranda talking shit #As usual i never said all i thought bc i always have so much on my mind #But ... Basically mentioned that people but is the recent case oliver can feel like hes too careful with me #So ofc he clarified that he doesnt and just generally liked to be nice and not rude and i buy that but kept on saying #That people in my past also have thought i am more fragile and maybe proper than i actually am #And that im a very uncomplicated person when it comes to some things. For example how i feel about other people #They can tell me and do anything and that wont make me suddenly dislike them or drop them. If i like a person already #... Theres a point where i do not care what else they have done or do? At least ive not encountered anything that have changed it for me #Ive never met someone who killed someone or something but... Who have opinions or have done things or do things which i dont care about #For example drugs. I havent tried anything and probably wont but i know multiple who have or are using and that doesnt make me... Think #Less of them? So. I explained that and said that he had never said something to me that has hurt me or something. Or then i brought up #The incident a few weeks ago and said that time i got hurt. But then i cried for an hour and realized he probably said what he said #Bc he was scared and worried. And it wasnt about me at all. So then i was just ... Fine. I wasnt planning to say anything about that even #But told him anyway. And then touched on the topic that i... Do things... Without thinking about it in the moment #And then realize afterwards its somewhat intentional? And its not something i like to say bc i feel like a bad person? #We didn't discuss that much bc he had to go so idk if ill even bring that up again unless the topic is close but yeah. #He said it was a good talk and i agree. Im always worried to share anything i think or how i work with people bc i fear they'll think im #Weird. But i did it and he seemed fine and i was stable enough. I think he wont care and thats what i like about him but also #I know bc we are so different... It's more likely we misunderstand each other. And honestly i cant shake the feeling i scare him a bit #Bc i feel so much and i want to talk about everything. Thats why i somewhat hesitate to say some things #He also said he have a history of. Dropping people or having his opinion of someone shift bc of something. Thus then it make sense #He got freaked out by me that time. Bc he thinks in his terms and for him others can be changed by small incidents so he thought i had #Changed mine. Thus the 'ive ruined it. I ruined our relationship and it was so good' It should scare me more that he said that his opinion #Of others can change so quickly and big. Bc... Im anxious but for some reason i.. Dont feel worried about that? Maybe bc i have always had #The mindset that people will leave me in the end no matter what and that i always care more about someone than they me. So i dont expect #Anything of anyone i like... But today was interesting talk tbh. I love discussing things with him. He's so different from me it's fresh #Possibly my autistic ass being hyperfocused on him and intrested bc of that. This is kinda how i was with Fabian at some point #He felt like an interesting individual bc he was so different from me so i was obsessed with talking with him about things #I enjoy it and i wont share how i think so i dont scare anyone so.... Should be okay

[sturnioloarchive]

Can you please do something, with Matt teaching the reader how to finger herself? 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

"𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑺𝑶 𝑰𝑵𝑵𝑶𝑪𝑬𝑵𝑻 𝑨𝑵𝒀𝑴𝑶𝑹𝑬" 𝑴.𝑺

❥ 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 : 𝑷𝒐𝒓𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕, 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒆𝒙𝒖𝒂𝒍 𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝑺𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝑶𝒓𝒂𝒍 (𝒇𝒆𝒎 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈) 𝒍𝒎𝒌 𝒊𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆

❥ 𝑨𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆 1 : 𝑴𝒚 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒃𝒐𝒙 𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏 (𝒐𝒃𝒗), 𝒔𝒐 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒖𝒚𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕, 𝒑𝒍𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒔, 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒑, 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖!!

❥ 𝑨𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆 2 : 𝑯𝒊 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏, 𝒕𝒚𝒔𝒎 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕

༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻

You and Matt have been dating for almost three months now, never done anything really sexual

except the making out between the two of youBut you wanted to try, you wanted to please him, and yourself.

So thats why this happened

Matt, Chris and Nick were just done filming the new Wednesday video, you were in Matt's room.

Sitting there and reading some new book you got, while listening to some music in your headphones.

You saw a text from Matt, "Are you still up?"

You answered with a yes, after five minutes, Matt came in the room.

Locking the door behind him, because Nick and Chris love to just come without knocking.

You took out your headphones when you saw him, stopping the song, and closing your book.

"Hi pretty baby" He came close to you, laying down on the bed beside you.

"Hi" you said shyly, kissing him on the cheek, and he returned the favor.

"Was everything alright with the filming?"

"Yeah, it was, what about you hm?" Matt looked straight into your eyes, smiling.

"Ive been reading and listening to music, for 3 hours straight" you smiled back at him, getting closer to him so you can hug him.

"Yeah? What were you reading baby" he asked, curious.

"Book" you said quickly while blushing.

"Yeah, obviously" Matt chuckled while looking at you.

"Anyways, uh.." nervously you started picking on your nails.

"Whats wrong?" he looked at you worried

"No..never mind,"

"Cmon y/n, tell me." Matt demanded.

"You know..ive never done, uh-anything, sexual.." You now avoided his gaze, blushing madly.

"Yeah, what about that hm?" He asked teasingly, he knew what exactly you meant.

"Neither with myself neither with..you" looking up at him for a second, then you looked away once again.

"Want me to teach you baby?" You nodded.

"I-if you want to.." he smiled at your sudden shyness.

Then he started kissing your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses, here and there.

You whimpered from the feeling of his lips, on your hot skin.

"Gonna teach you first, how to touch your little pussy" he murmured against your neck.

"Y-yeah, okay" whining, when he bit your neck slightly.

"Yeah? C'mon," he said while addressing you to remove your clothes, and you did, first your top and then your shorts.

"lay between my legs." He started positioning you two, your head laying against his chest, and your legs spread over his legs.

"Give me your hand sweet girl" he placed a quick peck on your cheek.

You gave him your hand, his own laying on yours.

"Now" placing your hands on your pussy, "Gonna touch your clit first okay?" You nodded.

"Pl-please Matt" he smirked from your neediness.

"Such a needy baby, having me teaching her how to, touch herself. Because shes too dumb to find out alone hm?" He started motioning your hand with his

On your clit, rubbing slowly.

"F-fuck yes! Please matt" you let out a small moan, when the pace went to fast from slow.

"Shh, im right here, gonna give you what you want" he kissed your forehead sweetly.

You felt your stomach tightening, and you moaned out louder.

"M-matt i-i think" closing your eyes shut, you whimpered.

"Gonna cum? Go on baby, cum." And you did, moaning out his name.

He continued rubbing your clit, you tried to jerk your hips away, from the over stimulation.

"No, no," he slaped your clit slightly, making you whine.

"Now youre going to finger yourself." Placing your hand between your hole.

"Start with the middle fingers first," you started putting your middle finger inside slowly, whining from the slight burning feeling.

"Good girl, now that you're done, start pushing it in and out, to stretch yourself" you started pushing it in and put, the feeling slightly pleasurable.

"Curl your finger up." You listened to him, curling it up, you breath out shakily.

"Feel good, no? Try putting another one." You nodded against his chest, starting to put in your ring finger.

Whimpering from another stretch, you started pushing your fingers in and out.

Curling them up as matt said.

"Good baby, always listening to me." He said stroking you hair.

"M-matt it-it doesn't feel that good.." you pouted.

"No?" How about i do it instead yeah?" You nodded slightly, getting your fingers out of your pussy.

"Give me your fingers babe" you did, confused.

Them he sucked on your fingers, cleaning them up.

You whimpered from his actions.

"Pl-please" he stopped sucking on your fingers, and chuckled.

"Shh, here, relax now okay? Gonna start with one finger" nodding, you spread out your legs more.

He then started rubbing your, leaky hole. Drawing small circles

"D-dont tease" you closed your eyes shut, and whined.

He chuckled at that

"Easy now, here" he now starting pushing his middle, finger inside your cunt.

You moaned softly, from the feeling of his much longer and thicker fingers.

He started pumping it in and out, circling your clit with his thumb.

Your hips started chasing his hand.

"M-more-nghh-Matt please" you needed more, more of him.

And then he started pushing his, ring finger too. Pumping in and out. His pace getting faster.

The room was filled with filthy sounds

Your slick cunt, your whimpers and moans.

And his heavy breathing.

"You gonna cum, sweetheart? Huh?, can feel your pretty pussy. Tightening around my fingers." Matt kissed your cheek after the last word.

You nodded at that, feeling a new feeling.

"I think-i think" you were a whining mess, under his control.

"Go on baby, just let out." He chuckled and pumped his fingers, in and out

Faster, and his assault on your clit getting harder.

You moaned his name out loudly, when you came, for the second time.

"Good girl, my pretty baby, you did so good." Matt praised while kissing you.

He then removed your fingers from your cunt

And licked & sucked them clean.

You whimpered at the sight before you.

"Taste so good baby, gonna let me have a proper taste? Hm"

"Y-yes please Matthew" he smirked at your desperation.

He then, pushed you gently, and laid you down. On the bed.

Going between your legs and spreading them open.

"Ready?" You nodded

He licked a long stripe from, your hole to your clit.

Sucking on your clit, you tried to close your legs, but matt hiked them around his shoulders.

"M-matty! F-fuck feels so good" he started sucking more, from your words

He pulled out slightly and collected saliva, spitting on your clit.

He looked up at you, and started shaking his head into your pussy.

His long tongue doing magical things, that has your legs shaking.

Soon you felt that feeling again.

"M'gonna cum!" He groaned into your cunt.

"M-matt!" You moaned out his name, like a mantra.

Soon after, you suddenly came, hard.

Squirting into his face, you blushed at this

"S-shit matt! I didn't meant to-" he kissed your clit, and then pulled back.

"You're doing this shit again." He bite his bottom lip slightly

"But-" looking at him.

"Not a question ma."

༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻ ༺୨♥︎୧༻

🎀 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒊𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈. 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆.

𝑹𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒃𝒐𝒙 𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏 :3 🎀

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #female reader #nick sturniolo #mega katya44 #matt sturniolo x fem reader #matt sturniolo smut

[chisatowo]

Killing and maiming. I need to stop finding unit swap 25ji songs this is getting ridiculous

#rat rambles #sekai posting #unit swap au #at least its kind of an ena song this time #anyways unit swap ena and mafuyu make me wanna kill theyre so important #Im too groggy to ramble abt them rn but dear god are they my everything #fuckers who are fucking glued together #akito has mixed feelings on mafuyu. one the one hand hes glad that ena can have a close friend who looks out for her and she clearly cares #abt mafuyu a lot but on the other hand it means that mafuyu is just fucking always around and they love bullying akito too #which isnt a crime he and his friends playfully bully eachother all the time but they stole his favorite snacks too :( #and also just keep fucking Appearing behind him to call him cringe before fading away again #theyre a ghost who haunts his house but theyre also ena's best friend so what is he supposed to do abt it #she tought them how to pick locks and break through windows but the obe main benifit is that ena has less knives in her room now #also Ive gotta make an 'event' story where akito and an actually talk abt art for once since they both do it and know the other does to but #they generally have an unspoken agreement to never bring it up because of their dad #but also I need akito to be forced to face the fact that yeah bro your an artist now you have artist brain disease youre never gonna stop #unit swao akito is just ke unleashing the horrors on him (horrors being being an artist and animator) #and I need ena to simoutainiously gain a complex abt it and bond with him over it at the same time #ena is still an artist in this au but its tied a lot more to her music to her #basically if she doesnt have her bass she cant come up with drawing ideas and shell explode #this is partially why she still kept playing even after the friend grouo fell apart #she tried to quit the bass but couldbt bring herself to due to that abd a couple other reasons #thanks to this shes the most well practiced by the time the group starts coming back together #mafuyu still kept their guitar despite repeated instruction from their parents since despite everything it still meant too much to them #mizuki just fully quit drumming and kanade still used her keyboard for music for a while until she quit too #so most of them are a bit rusty but its ok

[xxsabitoxx]

Fushiguro Megumi hates it when you get injured.

Something about it, no matter how big or small the injury is, just gets under his skin and pisses him off. Which comes off has him being mad at you, unfortunately. It’s not his intention, fuck no, he’s just so upset it happened in the first place.

It’s not till you get injured bad that you realize he’s not mad at you, rather, he’s mad at himself. There is a lingering guilt in Megumi’s eyes when you get hurt, as if he failed you.

“You know this isn’t your fault, right?” You had questioned late one night, laying in an infirmary bed with an IV in your arm because Shoko’s technique and the curse’s attack were not working well together. Meaning you were on strict bed rest until you were fully healed. Megumi hated that too, of course.

He didn’t answer, instead he flipped the page of his book with pursed lips. “I’m talking to you, Meg. It’s rude to ignore.” That got to him, closing his book slowly as he dragged his eyes up the bed to look at you. “You know this isn’t your fault, right?”

You repeated your previous statement, knowing he heard you the first time but he wouldn’t answer unless you asked again. “Yeah.” His tone was low, not convincing whatever. “Liar.” You shot back, moving your arm to rub your tired eyes.

Megumi watched the tube move with you, the dark liquid slowly dripping from the bag down the line and into your veins. “I’m not lying.” He nearly spat, anger bubbling in his gut at the sight of the retched medical machinery you were hooked too.

You sighed, “I’m sorry for getting hurt. I know it’s frustrating and all but li-“ but Megumi was cutting you off with a near incredulous look. “What?” Was all he said, leaving you to blink at him as you tried to wrap your head around his confusion.

“Y-you’re mad cause I’m careless, right? Because I keep weighing you down by getting myself injured?” You stated this as if it were factual, watching Megumi’s face morph into one of genuine bewilderment and mild offense.

“No?! What the fuck makes you think that?!”

"Because... you don't talk to me for like three days after the fact?" Megumi couldn't exactly fight you on that. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it really did come off that way. "I...shit no that's not..." he tossed his book on your bed, hands coming up to rub his face as he tried to collect his thoughts.

"I'm not mad at you. I've never once been mad at you for getting injured. I just..." he sighed, turning to look at you now "...I just get frustrated with myself. I don't like seeing you hurt, it makes me feel like I didn't do enough. Then, I sit here promising myself to do better for you the next time we go out on a mission together, and then we end up right back here. With you in a hospital bed."

Megumi's face had turned a shade of pink. He always felt fidgety having these kinds of conversations. Especially with you, especially about his feelings. "Oh..." you started, mulling over his words carefully before sighing. "You can't beat yourself up over this stuff, Megumi. It's my life and my choice to be a sorcerer. Getting hurt is part of the job." You watched him shift in his chair.

"I know it's part of the job. I just don't like seeing you get hurt. Especially when I'm supposed to be supporting you. We're supposed to look out for each other on these missions and I keep failing you." Megumi's eyes darted anywhere around the room, hands folding neatly as he tried not to seem nervous.

"Megumi." You stated it bluntly, praying he'd look up. He did, of course, he did. For some reason, he couldn't deny you when you said his name like that. "C'mere." you whispered, motioning him to sit on the edge of your bed. He listened, getting up to move the small distance and trying his best to keep you stable as the bed dipped.

"You can't go on with your life quietly beating yourself up for things that are out of your control... and mine for that matter." Your hand carefully reaches up to touch his cheek, smiling at the warmth burning under your fingertips. Megumi looks at you, head-turning reluctantly. "I love you too much to let you feel guilty."

Quiet. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The look on Megumi's face was utterly priceless. Pure disbelief. No way he heard you correctly. His tired mind and sore back must be playing tricks on him. "You... what?" He croaked, brows furrowing in denial. You smile, huffing out a laugh. "I said I love you, Megumi."

He wasn't sure how to act in that moment. Every word he could think of was fizzling out before it could reach his mouth. Instead of killing himself trying to respond verbally, Megumi did the only thing he could think of. A surprised squeak left you as his lips pressed against yours, hands shaking as they gingerly cupped your cheeks.

The kiss itself lasted maybe twenty seconds, leaving you a little breathless from being unprepared as he pulled away. "I... guess that means you love me too?" you teased him, a grin on your face. Softly, Megumi huffed out a laugh before responding.

"Yeah, it means I love you too."

Started this a few days ago and didn’t even realize it was Megumi’s birthday today! So, happy birthday, Meg :)

Hope you enjoyed! - May

#banner from cafekitsune #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujustu kaisen #jjk #fushiguro megumi #megumi fushiguro #jjk megumi #megumi x reader #jujutsu megumi #jujutsu kaisen megumi #fushiguro #jjk imagines #megumi imagine #megumi x y/n #megumi x you #megumi fluff #fushiguro megumi fluff #happy birthday Megumi :)