#so i cant even talk to people about how i feel bc it makes me so ashamed that im feeling this way to begin with

[soupdeewoop]

why (in my mind) down bad is Remus Lupin's song

[Verse 1]

Did you really beam me up In a cloud of sparkling dust i like to think that this part is when like (based on atyd) when Dumbledore comes and enrolls remus at hogwarts, and takes him to this place that is so new and sparkling to him.

Just to do experiments on? Tell me I was the chosen one so this is also about Dumbledore. i mean if you've been in the fandom long enough we know that Dumbledore isn't exactly a great person like he's deemed to be. i like how this line includes "chosen one" bc harry (obviously). it just goes to show how Dumbledore has done the same bads things for two generations of people.

Showed me that this world is bigger than us Then sent me back where I came from going back to atyd (i haven't finished atyd and not everything i say here is gonna be about it btw), remus being exposed to hogwarts and being (somewhat) happy i what i connect this line to. he came from a place of loneliness, to hogwarts, and then the war, and back to not having anyone around.

[Pre-Chorus]

For a moment, I knew cosmic love hogwarts. the marauders. sirius. yeah.

[Chorus]

Now I'm down bad, cryin' at the gym lol fuck my man probably doesn't go the gym but it does make sense for him to cry at the most random places yk? he's lost the people he loves

Everything comes out teenage petulance i feel like a lot of people would definitely become petty and like "ugh whatever" kinda attitude. after losing so many people, i mean, is there even a point to even think rationally? it might not be correct, but does it matter?

"Fuck it if I can't have him" "I might just die, it would make no difference" remus has felt this way throughout so much, i mean, should we be supreised? cause i think not. i feel like the "him" is sirius, cause he did have him back but then he DIED, so remus is just like "wtf wtf wtf why cant i just HAVE HIM you gave him to me BACK! ykw, i might just die it would make no difference"

Down bad, wakin' up in blood Starin' at the sky, come back and pick me up I'm sorry but he is a werewolf sadly. he wakes up in blood. ALONE THO. it makes sense for him to stare at the sky (maybe looking it the sirius start mayhaps?) and being like "PICK ME UP PLEASE"

Fuck it if I can't have us I might just not get up, I might stay

[Post-Chorus]

Down bad Fuck it if I can't have him Down bad Fuck it if I can't have him i (don't like) to think how he would just be on the floor after his transformation, down bad on the floor, "fuck it if i cant have him here next to me, helping me" "i could just stay here, there's no point in getting up"

[Verse 2]

Did you take all my old clothes Just to leave me here, naked and alone i mean, sirius stealing moonys sweaters and clothes is one of my favorite things, but in this context, he dint only steal that. he stole everything. his clothes, his sense of belonging, his whole fucking soul basically. and then he left him forever.

In a field in my same old town That somehow seems so hollow now? i mean this town can literally mean HIS TOWN or maybe even hogwarts? imagine how bad it must have been for him when he went to hogwarts as a teacher, the hallowness in his heart there without everybody he's known and loved for years.

They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about The existence of you um well sirius is in azkabhan. yeah.

[Pre-Chorus]

For a moment, I was heavenstruck he was heavenstruck, sirius was moonystruck

[Chorus]

Now I'm down bad, cryin' at the gym (Cryin' at the gym) Everything comes out teenage petulance "Fuck it if I can't have him" (Fuck it if I can't have him) "I might just die, it would make no difference" Down bad, wakin' up in blood (Wakin' up in blood) Starin' at the sky, come back and pick me up Fuck it if I can't have us I might just not get up, I might stay

[Post-Chorus]

Down bad (Like I lost my twin) i like how this one says "like i lost my twin" cause i feel like wolfstar are soulmates argue to the fucking wall. in my mind they're not opposite but not exactly the same. kinda like two sides on the same coin yk?

Fuck it if I can't have him (Down bad) Down bad (Wavin' at the ship) Fuck it if I can't have him

[Bridge]

I loved your hostile takeovers Encounters closer and closer after sirius escaping, maybe they did try to get back together? their encounters, where sirus gets "closer and closer". slowly but surely.

All your indecent exposures How dare you say that it's— their "indecent exposures" being at hogwarts. the love and affection. maybe sometimes being indecently exposed (sorry james [not sorry] peter)

I'll build you a fort on some planet Where they can all understand it remus would. he would whisk them both away to somewhere where no one can find them both.

How dare you think it's romantic Leaving me safe and stranded now, back to the petulance. obviously he knows this isn't sirus's fault, but sometimes pettiness takes over.

'Cause fuck it, I was in love So fuck you if I can't have us 'Cause fuck it, I was in love let him be. my man was in love with sirius black. his soulmate. he can be upset.

[Chorus]

Now I'm down bad, cryin' at the gym (Cryin' at the gym) Everything comes out teenage petulance "Fuck it if I can't have him" (Can't have him) "I might just die, it would make no difference" Down bad, wakin' up in blood (Wakin' up in blood) Starin' at the sky, come back and pick me up Fuck it if I can't have us I might just not get up, I might stay

[Post-Chorus]

Down bad (Like I lost my twin) Fuck it if I can't have him (I'm down bad) Down bad (Wavin' at the ship) Fuck it if I can't have him

[Outro]

Like I lost my twin Fuck it if I can't have him Down bad (Wavin' at the ship) Fuck it if I can't have him

and yeah. that why this song is so remus coded.

#soup talks about marauders era peeps #taylor swift #marauders #ttpd #the tortured poets department #remus lupin #ts ttpd #sirius black #down bad #remus x sirius #remus loves sirius #the marauders #marauders era #james potter

[peachesofteal]

RAAAAAAAAH CHAPTER 13 BRO!!!!!

as always, i read it like a rabid animal, and then reread the prev 4 chapters and then reread this again HAHA

your work ages like fine wine, and i read and treasure every word of it, especially on rereads when i can make myself slow down to really take it all in <3

"He takes it all away. Every time." made me WEEP!!!!! its what she DESERVES!!!! the dependability and the escape into him and simon (simon takes charge obvs, but johnny is just as much an outlet. sweet sweet boy)

i think he also realizes that she's seeing it as escapism and starts to fall away a bit, bc of how he stops her and asks to check in. it makes me curious abt his and simon's early relationship, if he's recognizing the same pattern of behavior and comparing them.

going on with that, when she was showing them her scars, AUUUUUUGH. that hit so hard man. the “No but… they’re hideous.”

“No.” Simon croaks, voice thick. “There isn’t a single part of you that isn’t perfect.”

SIMOOOOOOOON he sees so much of himself in her. its gotta be heartbreaking, knowing she's where he used to be. he gets it fr. i cant imagine two people more suited for her, someone who's been where she is and got out, and the person who's helped get that someone out of that pit. fuck dude. you're so good at this HAHAHA

im not gonna say nothin abt the good girl stuff…. but heehee!

also also "I'm not a little human nurse" made me laugh so hard LMAO pure arizona from grey's. ive been watching it lately (started right before you started posting simple math actually) reading the hospital bits of SM, you do a really good job of capturing the same energy and stakes and work dynamics that you get watching grey's. im honestly still waiting for the other shoe to drop on the stupid attending marshall, there's always something that a shitty attending can mess up down the road lmao

the ending on this chap killed me though. they knew she was flighty, and that she's smart and capable, but its gotta be so hard to get the relief of her coming back after the day out without answering the phone, only to find the papers the next morning. in bunny's defense though, she mentioned in chapters before moving in (i think before graves hurt her?) with them that she had to start looking at outs, and these papers aren't a 2-day turnaround; she probably bought them weeks ago and only now picked them up. i could be wrong though! i think its unfortunate timing, but she also probably just wants the relief knowing that she's got the backup plan accessible. as much as she loves the boys and penny, she's still not used to having the dependability. the safety scares her, or at least gives her the idea of a false sense of security, since she's been on edge for so so long.

i give her big smooch. poor bun. poor boys, and poor penny. manifesting the worst for graves, truly, rot in hell you idiot american

i hope you're feeling better, its lovely to read your works but even better when you're doing well yourself ❤️❤️❤️

I loved reading this! I adore you.

I love how you noticed that Johnny does stop to check in. He has a very firm grip on her mental and emotional state, (it’s not his first rodeo) and he knows just how to bring her back.

The two of them + Bunny is really a dream come true even if she doesn’t realize it yet (they do) and it will take a lot of time and work on everyone’s part.

I think your notes in your last paragraph are pretty spot on, too. Bunny will talk about it more in the next two chapters but- getting a new identity is not a two day turnaround.

Also yeah, I was channeling Arizona with that line 💀 I was hoping someone would catch it!

10/10 I love your breakdowns, no notes, perfection, they always make me smile.

#peaches asks #frogladder

[cassynite]

.

#cassy bitches #i am. so fucking tired and annoyed and stressed #our fucking shower hasn't worked in two weeks bc my parter decided to remodel and then didnt finish the job! #and now her fucking sibling fucked up our dishwasher and it leaked water EVERYWHERE including apparently under the floorboards #and im pretty sure i can smell black mold in the kitchen now which! great! another nightmare we're gonna have to fix ourselves #since we cant afford to get a contractor and even if we could no one ever returns our calls when we do try to hire someone #AND my friend went to surgery for appendicitis and that's freaking me out #and ON TOP of that ive been creatively juiced out and feeling like shit about the things i make and my ocs and like. me #like everyone's just been secretly tolerating me all this time and if i disappear no one's going to notice #i feel like nothing i make or am doing is worthwhile and im just GROSS and ANGRY and ANNOYING #and even complaining in tags on a post makes me feel like a whiny baby like. there are wars etc why am i complaining boo hoo #so i cant even talk to people about how i feel bc it makes me so ashamed that im feeling this way to begin with #ive been resisting the urge to just delete everything at this point bc then at least i wont have the urge to check everything and feel wors #why does awful shit always happen right around my birthday. why am i cursed like this

[grey-has-rusted]

^me when i am a sensitive person

#ramblings #i hate feeling lonely #it literally hurts my heart #i have such a hard time forming connections both irl and online #idk how many times ive cried just this past month bc i felt lonely #and even when i am included in things im always an after thought #its been months but im still thinking about stupid christmas #i know the whole point isn't to get gifts #but i got one present. while i spent hundreds of dollars getting my family gifts #they even asked me what i wanted too #helped my cousin decorate for her christmas party and last minute i found out it was a secret santa #i got invited but was the only one not included in that #so yeah.... #i dont have anyone to celebrate holidays with #my birthday was sad #i cried then too #not looking forward to tomorrow either #and i try to make friends and talk to people #but i feel as though i always initiate #and nobody seems interested in talking to me #which... i dont expect everyone to like me #but it really does hurt and it makes wonder what's wrong with me #also why cant my brain focus on something else #like doing something productive #its been ages since ive drawn anything #ive just been sad. that's the whole post. #bye now

[melto]

my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.

#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy #which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself #but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible #and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them #and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them #and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it #and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about #but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me #even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around #And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes #somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much #but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself #so everything they had said about me has been true for so long. #every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car #every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart #i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god #im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up. #i think im going to throw up right now. #deeply pathetic. #news with isaac

[craycraybluejay]

Bruh I be having literally the worst urges and I feel bad that I don't feel bad at all. Like damn. Guess I'm really like that. Well, anyway.

#i am apathetic to whatever monstrosities lie within my mindscape #or rather i enjoy them and am apathetic to the idea that they are evil #unfortunately the fact that I'm excited ab them makes me rly rly rly want to talk ab them #which would be bad #but if it gets bad enough i think its time i let my therapist in on the next circle of anouther hell #i know she will be kind no matter what i spring on her #but this. i dont know how to feel or what to think about all this #its pathological. i can fix it about as well as i can fix the fact that i adore music or get turned on by fear or am consistently- #-platonically or otherwise pulled to murderers and the like #i know its some psychosexual nonsense-- some fixation rooted in some perverse symbolism that i cant fully grasp #its so difficult to be a BadWrong thoughts and desires person #bc even tho i have like. some level of control and ethicsband whatnot. even tho im not doing the guilt ocd thing. #even though i know im ok the way i am #i also know i cant talk ab it. cant be excited about it. cant vent or happy rant about it. stay quiet. let it eat ya #cause ppl cant accept some things cant like. come to terms with things. again and again #i find myself relating more to 'good people' but being able to talk more openly and honestly with 'bad people' #like im too far from either side to ever be fully myself but i must let it out #and so i find i cant trust the people i love most with some of the most personal things more than i can trust a complete stranger #because at least that stranger has no spare room to judge. and i cant give af about losing a strangers high esteem of me #i share something truly heinous and sure i may be threatened but. disappointment from ppl u love is worse than murderous rage from strangers #which came first- the fixation or the corruption? i think it was the fixation #i was like that before. whatever false indulgences i have given myself will always sate the beast and not create it #i am not a bad person. but i will always have a monster inside me. a balancing act between #being a somewhat polite functioning member of society and completely losing myself to the dark #i dont hate myself. i wish i did sometimes so i wouldnt have the urge to vomit it all out #i wish i hated myself and felt such guilt over all that so i could be happy with being quiet. i wish it was only good that excited me proper #or rather i wish i knew someone like me in the right ways. irl. no phones no danger. who i could share with excitedly and not feel like ill #be told that im a freak who deserves to die. someone who will share equally horrific things with me and will keep me in check #i want talk therapy but with someone that has something SO wrong with them. a friendship that is nasty and fun and grossly honest #someone to say 'i know what ur talking ab/how u feel' when i say something pitch dark

[hmsmilkbone]

honestly. I don't really have a lot of interest in jjk anymore, which is super frustrating as the story foundation is really interesting. I have my favorite characters, and I'm not really interested in reading beyond this point.

As a whole, I'm not a huge fan of dropping stories just because they don't go the way you want. In general I personally try not to do this, but stories where the author clearly hates the material or the audience so much they're willing to destroy the story to do so are not enjoyable. I really don't think gege even really likes writing jjk anymore.

There may be some change that I hear about months from now where something worked out one way or the other, but in general I feel like this story is not going to resolve in a way that feels like reading it was a worthwhile experience. And like, for good OR bad. Not every story has a happy ending, but this is really not particularly interesting and I don't feel the need to continue a story where the writer isn't even interested in what happens or how it advances anything outside of their personal pettiness. Feels very much like grr Martin. All the meaningless death and abuse without any real redeeming qualities.

I'm trying to remind myself that not every author wants to be a storyteller. Not every story is good. It's ok to read stories that aren't the best simply because you want to see where it goes, but gege isn't superior in some way, and i dont 'trust that he's cooking'. Even if the story turns around in an interesting or strategic way, I really am not particularly impressed. Ordinarily I would stay along for the ride, but I can't bring myself to care about something even the author doesn't care about. :/

#jjk spoilers #idk i really just dont have any expectations anymore #i love reading books apart from manga and ive had to put down a few because they felt like this #and i have almost always found that in the end my perception of the author and their story was accurate #it makes me sad seeing this unfold in this way #but the shibuya arc which is apparently the least ljked arc in the series #is stretching on forever and people arent enjoying it #anecdotally ive seen a lot of people drop the series #and eventually its just gojng to be all the grimdark losers who unironically love shit like this #it just feels very much like a story for men who hate people #it feels like all the weirdos who made the joker their personality and all the dudes who cant breathe without talking about fight club #or like.. say shit about how the liberals are ruining media like thats the kind of person i see talking about jjk most of the time now #using slurs and not even having intelligent conversations about what's happening #the conversation is usually 'sukuna mid no cap' 'are you stupid gojo is mid stop copium' #and that exchange is repeated over and over like. you have nothing else to add at this point? #i mean i know its primarily bc honestly there really isnt any depth to the story beyond that but my god #what an insufferable way to write or receive a story #and honestly!! i really dont feel like jjk fits into a kids story category at this point #so i do actually feel ljke it is reasonable to expect better writing #not that stories aimed toward kids are bad but one piece is a good example of a story geared more towards children or young adults #adults CAN enjoy it but oda intentionally does not make the story so upsetting that kids cant read it and feel reflected in the events #but jjk is very very different and i think the drop in the quality of writing is reflected in the growing toxicity of the fanbase #anyways.. if you read jjk & youre feeling upset its ok to step away and check in once a month when you can mentally / emotionally prepare #i had to enforce a no read/watch accountability pact with my friends because it was making their depression worse again #no story is worth your health. gege does not give a flying fuck about you. you need to take care of yourself. #im just enjoying my sandbox with the characters and when the story is over ill check back in #theres no right way to experience the story but if its not healthy for you #you wont miss anything by unplugging #and you may find that you really dont want to get back into it when you read it again to check on the story every once in a while #jjk 237

[panspy]

hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#i think this is an autism related thing #but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in #like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about #and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but #it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared #this is specifically in regards to working #like having a job. like going to work #i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating #in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience #i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared #like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW #and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start #im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant #not even a full year of working #i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms #and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go #i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have #ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow #i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed #and im talking about each micro step inbetween #what am i missing #and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being #supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING #jesus christ #manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe #i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves #around me. i know this #i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i #genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive

[leafywillow]

sometimes you just need to lay on the couch and listen to acoustic songs in the dark

#feeling very meh rn #i think its bc im still sick and i have to go back to work tomorrow #also having some existential dread #bc our wedding is in two weeks and i cant stop thinking about how thats the last big event that a lot of my grandparents will probs go to #im grateful i still have like 5 but theyre all getting really old #like why is that the thing freaking me out most about my wedding lmao wtf #were gonna try to do this video recording thing so people can leave us messages at the wedding #and i REALLY hope it works out #like it literally makes me tear up just thinking about listwning to my grandpas video #that hasnt even been made yet lmao #idk yall im just in my feels tonight #ignore me pls lol #nonsims #kasey talks

[homophyte]

it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?

#myposts #this is long and honestly probably Nothing #i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it #and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here #but i do think theres something to the idea that like #as ive seen said #yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized' #i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to #but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me. #but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse #before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it #ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago #and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think #which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged #so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community #for our safety. #now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe! #cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel #again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think #basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility #coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky #--discourses in the current moment #last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*

[anonymous-eggy]

i hate winter.

#not because im always cold #i mean #thats part of it #seasonal trauma of being so used to people leaving during this time of year i guess #it makes my brain tell me to cut everyone off and that it doesnt matter #idk im not looking for comfort #just needed a place to put these frustrations bc idk how to lean on people #I'll get over it. i always do #it just... sucks #i get so sensitive to any sort of 'hint' that someones drifting away and then freak out and stop talking to them #even if there wasnt even a hint #i want to bury myself in blankets and hibernate #im jealous of bears #and i feel guilty for feeling this way #i cant help it but i still feel like a shit person for just feeling like disappearing on friends #i care. i do. #but idk i just. feel like disappearing. #I'll probably just play romance games about it. I'll be fine eventually #vent post #tw vent #vent

[ghostlypawn]

the way quarantine changed the way a large chunk of people consume tv is so obvious to me and it needs to change asap

#like not even from a binging pov #but fandom wise ppl r so much more fucking weird and obsesive about their shows #biggest examples to me is #euphoria s1 was like pretty chill and everyone was like yes this is a good show #s2 comes around and its literally all everyone is talking about for that month the memes r over the top and overused #but it means they convinently ignore any important themes and character choices #and it feels like ppl r watching the show to talk about and meme it rather than just watch it for their own sake which is w/e but weird #and then STRANGER THINGS #st has always had a big fandom but its never been that weird imo #like s3 came out and obvs everyone talked about it but no one was THAT obsessive about it #(except maybe some IT fans that overlapped tht r obsessed w finn) #but s4 came out and once again people are so weird w how they interact w it #making so many unfunny tiktok audios and running them into the ground (chrissy wake up) #and being obsessively weird about joe quinn as if theyve never liked a celeb before #like no other actor (except maybe finn but even then i dont think it was ever this bad) got treated this way from the show #like stalking taking pics asking the chrissy girl what he smells like??? its all very invasive and everyones forgotten how to act #i cant be the only one to have notice this weird shift in how ppl consume these show #maybe its just bc a bunch of 13 year olds are watching for the first time and havent learnt how to act #but even then there will always be 13 year olds #and im not saying ppl have never acted this way bc they have but it was always on a smaller scale where a large majority were like ehh #i blame the mcu tiktok and hp

[bulletsfrank]

i just burst into tears reading a totally normal post of one of my moots having a good time with their friends and literally Just Living Life because i want to have that so badly. i am so fucking unfulfilled, alone, miserable... and it feels even worse because im doing it to myself

#i hate how whiny this is . my god. i know its not that serious and the post isnt the issue at all... its me. i get this ache in my chest #when i see people thriving socially #like im locked in a cage and all ive been able to do is watch everyone live their lives #having friends and family and spending happy time with them #i just watch and wish i could ever have that. my only friend group all secretly talked bad about me for years #and ghosting them hurts so badly not bc i want to be close to them but because no i have No One #which is somehow worse than being the butt end of every joke and being shamed all the time.. well it feels like it #and itd be as easy as making friends but i cant even fucking reply to my mutuals tweets or posts without panicking #whenevr i stick my arm out it gets bitten #so im living a life of nothing. completely void and lonely and horrible. because i can't. i cant. i cant #i love avoidant personality disorder! #i just wish i could ask everyone why they hate me and have an actual answer

[cruelsister-moved2]

i really feel like ken liu was just like oh so really bad things happen to women, especially marginalised women and sex workers, under imperialism and colonialism. so i should just like show horrible things happening to women all the time and women being pushed into sex work because of imperialism. aaaand my work here is done #realism #gender

#i literally cant put my finger on it all but its just. sooo... #he has like a whole story abt SWs being murdered by a john #and the framing was just soooo off to me #like we also barely see the girls as human we just see them through the eyes of the guy murdering them #and the stoic traumatised cop woman also doesnt really humanise them #idk i hate when i hated something and idk how to explain why but #everyone ive talked to who read it was like.erm #and apparently he does it in his longform fiction as well #which i feel like has the potential to be even worse bc he can expand characters way more so if he STILL doesnt for women.. #the top review of the paper menagerie collection is a white guy being like oh and the titular story is about like memory bla bla #and doesnt mention gender at ALL like i loved that story but again the framing of the mother was kind of callous and weird #even though to me she was really or shouldve been the main character rather than her son #but its like i guess you could be making a POINT about us only seeing her through her son etc etc whcih is why i liked it but then people a #clearly not interpreting it that way