#but idk i just. feel like disappearing.

[anonymous-eggy]

i hate winter.

#not because im always cold #i mean #thats part of it #seasonal trauma of being so used to people leaving during this time of year i guess #it makes my brain tell me to cut everyone off and that it doesnt matter #idk im not looking for comfort #just needed a place to put these frustrations bc idk how to lean on people #I'll get over it. i always do #it just... sucks #i get so sensitive to any sort of 'hint' that someones drifting away and then freak out and stop talking to them #even if there wasnt even a hint #i want to bury myself in blankets and hibernate #im jealous of bears #and i feel guilty for feeling this way #i cant help it but i still feel like a shit person for just feeling like disappearing on friends #i care. i do. #but idk i just. feel like disappearing. #I'll probably just play romance games about it. I'll be fine eventually #vent post #tw vent #vent

[sophfandoms53]

Anyway shout out to Dewey who constantly looked like he was having the worst time of his fucking life in the pitches

Just an 11 year old pissed off at the world it seems😭

#insane he ended up being so happy go lucky in canon #like in the art book they talk about the character shift dewey had once ben auditioned #and he made them realize they could take a more comedic approach with him #but initially dewey’s character seemed very negative and irritable #they had the label ‘the bad boy’ of the 3 on him for a bit too #bc of the massive chip on his shoulder and how unsatisfied he was at the time #and tbh you can see bits of that in the pilot #dewey’s character and overall demeanor is very different in the first two eps of s1 #i LOVE my boy as the brighy imulsive ball of sunshine and danger that he is #but this original pitch of him intrigues me a lot #like i can talk about pitch!dewey for hours bc #kinda feels like wasted potential idk LMAO #bc he didn’t entirely disappear at least in s1 so #just a lot of dewey thoughts #bc that’s my boy🫶 #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #dewey duck

[propertyofkylar]

dol workplace malpractice (aka literal nsfw)

You're stuffed underneath Avery's desk, listening to him drone on about "profit margins" and "liabilities" and other boring business terms. He's talking on speakerphone so he can press the back of your head, pushing his cock further into your mouth, shooting you a look when you audibly choke. He smirks when he sees tears form in your eyes, though. Your knees chafe against the rough carpet as you try to fit more of his shaft into your mouth, idly wondering how many others have knelt in this same position.

You’re straddling Harper’s lap, both of you squeezed into his desk chair, the way he likes it. His lips are all over yours and his hands are tangled in your hair. The doctor grinds his crotch against yours, smiling against your mouth when he hears you gasp - the thin fabric of your gown leaves little to the imagination. "Good work," he murmurs against your skin. "Why don't you show me what else you've learned in treatment?

Your thigh presses against Mason's, even though there's more than enough room on the locker room bench for the both of you. Your teacher is biting on his hand to keep moans from slipping out as your own hand works his cock. No one is in the pool right now, but that doesn't stop him from being anxious. "You'd better hurry up and finish," you say teasingly, enjoying how his face manages to get even redder. "Lunch is almost over. You wouldn't want to be caught like this with a student, would you?"

#what the hell is this. idk #degrees of lewdity #dol #avery the businessman #harper the doctor #mason the swimming teacher #writing #cringe idk #tumblr user pip-n-chips this was inspired by your making out post okay it is not plagiarism i just. am obsessed with ur writing #different from my usual fare idk i feel weird about it #if this gets no likes i am deleting it and then deleting my blog and disappearing forever and ever

[garfield-milk]

DAY 2 || TURTLEDUCK POND

@zukkaweek

#okay I’m sorry about disappearing for god knows how long #my life has been crazy #I’ve just finished my exmans so that’s cool (also I’m dating the girl I liked this whole years so that really cool I guess) #and I really hate this piece #I drew this like last month and idk it just feels weird #anyway it’s zukka week so I’m gonna post this for them #I also have 1 more thing but that about it #sorry #ZUKKA WEEK #atla #avatar the last airbender #zukka #zuko #sokka #fanart #atla fanart #yes it’s a wip shhh don’t say anything about it #my art

[arom-antix]

As part of a two-part reverse bang-bang, here's some more Valentines art to which @probablytoooldforthis wrote an amazing fic, Sweets for the Sweet! Please go check it out, I promise you won't regret it, and keep your eyes peeled for the second chapter - and artwork, of course - coming out on White Day aka the 14th of March!

Also, I this is an unrendered version, the finished version will be posted within about a week's time (hopefully) since I don't have access to digital drawing at the moment YuY

#this piece makes me so happy #and the fic even more so #i really wish i hadnt ended up on crunch time to even get this half finished version done but whoever said i was a responsible adult #whoever said i had time management skills #whoever said that was wrong #anyway THEYRE MAKING CHOCOLATES BECAUSE I COULDNT NOT #viktor is very concentrated UuU #also if any actual confectioners (is that the english word? idk) see this feel free to yell at me in the tags for everything thats wrong #my experience with making filled chocolates is extremely limited and very messy #so uh #this is probably not accurate #BUT THEYRE HAVING FUN AND THATS WHAT MATTERS #i like to think viktor has clips to keep his hair out of the way but he always somehow manages to lose them oh how sad how “unfortunate” #guess yuuri will just have to keep his hair up yet again how tragic YnY #also yuuri 100% knows viktors clips dont magically disappear but he cant get himself to say anything because does he really mind? #no #no he doesnt #not at all #he gets to lovingly brush viktors hair out of his eyes what in the world would he be complaining about? #yuri on ice #yuri on ice fanart #fanart #art #arom antix #arom antix art #katsuki yuuri #viktor nikiforov #viktuuri

[miraculouslylazybug]

here’s that last comic as a gif! 

#gif #miraculous ladybug #ML fanart #didn't feel like making it into a gif when I posted it but I think it works better this way? #maybe thats just my animator's preference idk #oh i just realised that marinettes gloves disappear...... #oops

[needle-noggins]

I love to talk about how Strong and Resilient Meryl is just like everyone else in our little Meryl fan club but also. I want her to be allowed to break down and not patch herself back up for Vash’s sake. I want her to be messier. She’s already 3-dimensional. I want to add a 4th dimension. Healing isn’t linear and she should be allowed to have her ugly feelings get mixed up and messy and get in the way of her relationship with Vash more. Let her be angry. Let her be cruel just because she’s still hurt. She is stronger than a million Millions Knives but does she always have to be? Can a girl not be messy long after the trauma? Does she have to be consistently Good and Loving while she heals? Isn’t she tired? Can a girl go apeshit?

#idk I’m just like. I LOVE how strong she is but it feels like bad to have her become strong after dragons nest and then that’s it. #girl has 6 intense ptsd episodes in two volumes and then disappears until she’s like yeah I’m tired and haunted but like. I’m fine now. #like. vash can’t trigger me anymore! :) #girl. is that. what #idk. maybe I’m wrong #this is why I’m struggling with Bluebells #trimax #meryl stryfe #bluebellposting

[roryhastoomanyfandoms]

There are many interpretations of the. Miguel and Gabriella and Miguel situation ans ALL OF THEM ARE GREAT but like...have my 2 cents...just hear me out...

Miguel in canon is an asshole in a major way largely because of his abusive upbringing, getting Eldest Daughtered from a young age trying to take care of his younger brother and protect him from George's violence and Conchata's...indifference/contempt? And he starts getting better once he becomes Spiderman, or at least starts thinking more about the consequences of his actions, and what the people in his life mean to him (shit still goes bad because his comics are insane)

If dad!Miguel never became Spiderman...it's honestly pretty likely he doesn't have that bit of growth and honestly, wouldn't have been a great dad. Not abusive, but I can imagine him being kind of absent and kinda emotionally neglectful, seeing how Miguels everywhere are prone to distancing themselves. Miguel also can't keep a relationship, either by breaking up or Spiderman Branded Widowing, so Gabriella wouldn't have had a consistent mother figure.

Alright, so, Gabriella, here, is being raised by a dad with so much baggage and the belief that its better to just keep her away from it (ei, keep her away from him), no real mom/mom is always changing because of Miguel's turbulent love life, maybe her uncle (depending on. Stuff) and maybe her grandma (depending heavily on Stuff). This is a fragile environment that does love her, but ultimately the adults in her life have too much shit going on themselves to effectively tend to her and her needs, especially as she becomes a tween

But our Miguel.

Our Miguel has every reason to love her wholly and unapologetically. Because he has done some very questionable things to have this child, and he treasures every goddamn second. This is a privilege he has comprised his morals for, and he isn't taking it for granted like Gabriella's actual father.

Meanwhile, Gabriella's dad fucking vanishes one night and the guy who shows up looking close enough to fool adults, he's everything she wanted from her dad. He doesn't raise his voice, doesn't get curt. He doesn't have a new girlfriend every other month. He doesn't have this tense, confused look in his eye whenever he looks at her. The guilt is still there, but it's something else. Its not her dad not knowing how to be better. She doesn't know what it is, but has suspicions.

Her papa looks at her like he's finally figured out how to feel about her, like she's finally stopped being another responsibility or chore to tend to. This one loves her even when she needs help with homework, even when she gets in trouble at school, evening when puberty hormones make her temperamental.

Gabriella doesn't know what happened to the first one, and she never finds out. She just knows that there's something...wrong, with the man she calls Papa now, but he loves her the way she always wanted...so it's fine, right?

Miguel, for his part, sees himself teeter towards their parents. Sees himself have the thing he wants so badly, would do anything for, and skirt the line their parents crossed, their whole lives. And then, that other man with his face dies. Maybe someone else, maybe Miguel really did kill himself.

Either way.

A child gets a parent who loves them, a parent gets a child who they can love freely.

So, it's fine, right?

#TDLR; good!actual dad! Miguel is very fun and heartbreaking but consider Gabriella's OG dad being kind of shitty at being a dad #and Gabriella deciding to compartmentalize all her feelings about her og!dad and his disappearance because. the thing wearing his face? #it loves her so genuinely and carefully. the way she always wanted. so uncomplicated and tender and like shes the world to it #so its easier to pretend its her real dad and her real dad always loved her like this. and she never has to think about it #atsv #miguel o'hara #gabriella o’hara #atsv miguel #across the spiderverse #spiderverse #IDK MAN I JUST THINK. I JUST THINK— *shot by snipers* #Gabriella man. this poor girl. she had to have known. Jeff knew it was Miles because you know when your child hugs and says they love you #a child would know if it wasnt their parent hugging and saying they love them. she knew. do you think she was scared? #this poor fucking kid. her poor dad. her poor mimic dad. the poor kid mimic dad took it all out on. #this is like. this isnt generational trauma. #Miguel literally fucking invented interdimensional trauma. whag the fcu #spiderman 2099

[candyheartedchy]

Feeling disconnected again…

#im trying not to isolate myself but I been finding myself pulling away from folks again #maybe I’m just tired but idk #like I been feeling fine and drawing helps as an outlet #but when I go a day without drawing I end up feeling terrible #and I been noticing I haven’t been engaging a lot lately either which I’m mad about #like I’ll scroll a bit maybe post art and asks and then disappear #but also I been feeling like I’m gonna embarrass myself around people again #so if y’all have noticed me interacting less in servers or not as talkative in dms that’s why #vent #I guess??? #I mean it’s more of just me noticing this lately and wanted to let y’all know that I just been feeling off lately #ventish #💬 chy chatter 💬

[ghost-proofbaby]

do you ever just feel the depression fog settling in and suddenly feel like all your words, spoken and written, just aren’t making sense? like oh i’m just spewing nonstop nonsense aren’t i.

#it feels like someone’s cut off a fucking limb when i’m writing and suddenly stare at the screen and just #it’s not what i want it’s not coming out right and it almost feels as though ive completely disassociated #but if im not writing i feel entirely useless? #idk #ignore me #is there a way to disappear into the void until this brain fog figures itself out so no one else has to deal with it lmao #wanting to write and being entirely unable to leaves me feeling very very hollow inside #ghost talks too much

[valentimmy]

I’m going to. explode

#ignore how rushed these r I couldn’t be bothered to draw hands today #sephiroth #ff7 #FFVII #fanart #digital art #my art #timmy draws stuff #doodles #sephiroth fanart #i was going to give him the Celestia shirt but I think he’d like Luna idk #he gives me cuteness aggression like I want to squish him #like when u see a small cat and u want to shake it that’s how I feel rn #also I’m finally watching gameplays and he’s so funny to me why does he keep jumpscaring everyone by standing there like 🙂 #his jump scares r like fnaf but he just looks at you like >:3 and disappeaes #disappears*

[statementlou]

How does one become your friend?

honestly I'm so mentally compromised by fatigue today that my answer- I don't know??- sent me into an actual spiral of "do I not know how to be a friend to myself is it a commentary on my psychological health and state of being" sooooo might just have to leave all that aside and go with, uh, try messaging or chatting some way? I'm generally afraid of bothering people, what if they think I'm a creep, but I usually like it when people talk to me and then boom! I, at least, consider us friends- same as most people on here I'd guess. But watch out! I am annoying and unless discouraged will then consider us pals forever if we have two friendly interactions, sorry.

#to be honest there are many people on here I don't talk to and maybe aren't even mutuals with who I kind of consider friends #but that definitely might just be in my head lol #I see familiar names and think oh hey guys. here we are. hanging out :) #thornier questions include how to be a friend? does chit chat a friend make? should I be doing more? #things I am good at: talking about fandom stuff. annoyingly ranting about fandom stuff #things I am not good at: talking about RL stuff. not being awkward if attempting to address real life stuff #fun fact got this and a troll ask together and was like... are they making fun of me? will this one disappear when I block the other one? #but it didn't so I guess it might be real? feel weird posting but would feel weirder not answering #idk you guys should answer in replies how does one become friends with anyone online what do you think?

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[notbeyondbirthday]

When will humans figure out we actually do need to talk about and explore and channel our ugly, dark and fucked up parts into things that won't harm people or we WILL harm people? Violence sex and taboo isn't going anywhere, people are always going to do things they shouldn't and we're not going to be able to understand or deal with it if we never even allow ourselves to engage with those topics as ideas.

As a victim of abuse fuck anyone that thinks it's wrong to explore these harmful topics in stories...fuck you, genuinely. Stories help me process these experiences, it gives me a place to express myself where I don't have to worry about being palatable to the sensibilities of people who can't understand what I've gone through. Uncomfortable stories deserve to be told and must be told because this sanitized world you're imagining can't ever fucking exist.

Your discomfort/disgust is not a moral argument. And guess what! You don't have to engage with media that makes you feel that way. You're not obligated to examine it critically and justify your feelings about it, you can actually just decide it's not for you and that's fine.

You don't actually have to shame and make wild assumptions about people who do engage with it, either! An individual consuming media, in and of itself, is not an inherently harmful act. If it were, research and investigation and journalism and art and archiving would be inherently harmful, but they are not, they are necessary.

If we're going to discuss the ethics of consuming a piece of media, we need context. It is not enough to say, 'you laid your eyeballs on it, you thought about it, and that's the material harm!' No it isn't, and that reductionist, puritanical view really only keeps us from understanding where the harm is actually coming from. We need to do the work, people. Without nuance we can't address these broader social issues, we just create a neverending list of thoughtcrimes.

#self #yea idk why im talking about proshipping again lol #but i have been feeling lately that there is a certain breed of 'progressive' that would rather people like me never tell our stories #they would rather us be perfect victims and never have any complicated feelings about our abuse #and DEFINITELY never express those complications through media or art #then where the fuck are people like me supposed to go? #are we supposed to suffer in silence #just disappear? #struggle our whole lives to fit into a prettier narrative? #nah man. grow up. this is real life and it's not going away

[ongsasuns]

guys this is going to sound really heavy? insane? but. first of all going on a hiatus. i’ll put the rest in the tags because idk. it feels really weird doing this but also unfortunately it is very very necessary at this point.

#nini’s nonsense #so i don’t really want to disappear on anyone and just to be clear. i am fine there’s nothing wrong with me personally but. life got fucked #real real fast and that’s why i’m leaving but. i’m doing a bi-weekly check in because the thing is. the moment those stop. you can all #unfortunately assume i’m not on this earth anymore #HA i feel insane typing that out but it is the truth of life atm so yeah uhm #this sounds so heavy and i mean. i guess it is. but yeah i also don’t want to just randomly disappear forever so this seems like the best #thing to do? sorry idrk how to deal with this yet so yeah. #maybe if everything turns to normal once more i’ll come back but i don’t see that happening anytime soon. #but yeah maybe. for now. i love you all dearly forever and always <3 #does this need a trigger warning? idk lmk #anyways let me pin this. #also pls don’t worry too much! my life is just being. well my life i guess this had to happen at some point. #also see you sept 1st!! hopefully!!

[fluentisonus]

.

#I just feel so like. idk how to even describe my state of mind. #it's like I've gone from depressed in a dull helpless way to depressed in a hysterical way but sometimes for a #little bit I'm also normal. i feel like the most boring person in the world & also like I'm losing my mind. #i genuinely never thought i would actually really get to this point in my life ever. not in that i thought I'd die per se it was just never #real to me it never felt like something i could feasibly accomplish & now I'm there i feel like i just stepped off into the deep end of #some alternate universe world i shouldn't even exist in like i don't belong here. #like when i pictured my life as a kid reality just ended here & everything else was fantasy I realistically knew I never could do #& I'm Trying so hard to get myself a job so i can do smth with my life beyond sort of stewing in boredom & existential terror mixed but #i do not feel like a real person who could feasibly do that. like i just thought I'd disappear or something I don't know what I thought. #like someone would just close the picture book of my life because I'm not someone whose capable of living a normal life. #like I've failed the test (just like I always expected to!!!) but I'm still stuck here they forgot to take me out of the experiment. #<- sorry I'm okay mostly I'm just. really going through it w the transitional stage of life thing