#so i said i hate fixed time of day

[hzdtrees]

Burning skies

#horizon forbidden west #hfw #hfw photomode #so i said i hate fixed time of day #but well. sometimes i can't complain #it saves work when it works out #and while i often try out various lighting on my pics #most times i just go with what i encounter while playing #(which is also why watching me play isn't fun. i pause just about every five seconds to look at trees.) #so i'm not always aware of the opportunities an area holds #i never spend a lot of time at cinnabar sands because of the skydrifters #(you could say they make me drift away) #so being forced to look at it during sunset was quite nice after all #as i'd never seen it like that before

[zebratimw]

#svsss #scum villains self saving system #shang qinghua #how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg #I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg #how nice it would be to not exist #everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate #time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times #I haven't felt real in most of those years either #Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times #tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias #I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it #but at the same time I really want to do more too #I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person #and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig #I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg #priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore #idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things #like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing? #Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything #I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me #I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha #ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so #chug chug going along #I also have to make wushi before I die. haha #god my life is so empty #what am I even doing #I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this? #so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much #I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more

[ryryryryryryryryry]

Another yikes

In our divorce/custody agreement, baby daddy was told he needs to learn how to use a car seat. Babe is 18 months old now and he STILL is using it incorrectly, so I have to check every 👏🏻 fucking 👏🏻 time 👏🏻, especially considering he’s totaled two cars. There’s no way I’m letting him take my entire heart and soul and jeopardize her life.

#in July he didn’t strap her in and when I said that to him #he told me SHE UNBUCKLED IT HERSELF #SHE WAS 8 MONTHS OLD #today he showed up and the car seat wasn’t attached with the tethers or the seatbelt #and he tried to put her into the car seat while I stood in the rain watching #and really was buckling her in instead of fixing the car seat #so I had to take her out #wait on the porch #and let him fix it #he finally left the house 20 min after pick up time #she also has a fungal rash that’s persisted for the last 5 months #from sitting in a dirty diaper at his house #she’s with him Tuesday and Fridays #and on the days between it ALMOST goes away #then it comes back #because baby daddy and his dog don’t take care of my poor girl #I fucking hate them #(luckily he only has her for 4 hrs both days)

[bunnihearted]

.

#it went!!! idk lately my pain treshhold has been so low bc im in pain all the time #so i just dont wnna be in pain anymore... he said that now it'll still hurt for a few days T-T #but he wasnt exactly sure what it was but i had.. a cavity?? #im not rlly sure abt the english terms for all of this but the tooth is dying lol #but instead of immediately killing it nd getting a root fill he said that we should give the tooth a chance #so he fixed what he could fix #i hate dentist treatments bc of all the air nd water nd my anxiety i need to swallow constantly #but this time i actually told them abt it nd he was very helpful sksks #he even said 'ok now take a break nd swallow' so i didnt need to be so anxious #nd it was a relief bc he wasnt bad at all. he was actually rlly nice nd easy to talk to phewww #it cost abt $80 so i can manage to be without that until next week!!!! #so yeah it went much better than i had anticipated so im happy abt that #but yeah the problem still isnt 100% fixed yet so im still not relieved #he said i had a cavity in my other tooth as well but that we needed to check that at another time #im so frustrated bc i brush my teeth 2/day i use mouthwash i floss.... #and for the last 7 months i havent even had any sugar!!!!! like why did this still happen.. o.o #oh nd he also said that i probably clench my teeth nd yeah i do that a lot more than i've realized #your teeth arent supposed to be touching!! never!! only when u eat #my teeth.... are touching pretty much all day omg. bc im so tense nd anxious #he said that he couldnt be sure bc he didnt have enough info to go on but that could have contributed to this #well well... i did it nd went even if i didnt want to #hopefully my tooth will be better now. nd i have another appt in may to see what i could get done further #if financial aid for it gets approved tho it might not #but yeah.. god dental pain nd issues is my no. 1 fear bc im poor nd i cant afford it

[alagaisia]

I’m reminded of that post about how goths and people who wear only lots of pink are actually the same because “wearing only one color” is a specific choice in opposition to just looking Normal

I’m flying to a friend’s wedding today, and I recently acquired from my neighborhood free page a very pretty vintage suitcase in like a brocade upholstery texture in all of my good colors, so of course I needed a coordinated airport outfit à la Midge Maisel. You guys don’t know me, but I usually dress very put together, in what my sister calls Outfits, with a capital O to distinguish it from just wearing clothes. And since getting a full time job I’ve been slowly adding to my collection of vintage and 50’s-vibes clothes, because I just really like that aesthetic (my bridesmaid dress for the wedding is a vintage tea dress I got from Etsy. The fabric is in great condition but I had to reinforce pretty much every seam with my sewing machine, because the structural integrity of the original thread was breaking down, so that was an interesting learning experience).

All of which is to say that I Dressed Up for the airport in a vintage-y outfit that coordinates perfectly with some of the colors of my suitcase, and my hair is curled, and I have a vintage leather purse that my grandma gave me that matches her watch that I’m wearing and the shoes she bought me last summer at the same vintage store that my skirt came from, and a teenage-ish girl with whatever you call the 2023 teenage equivalent of emo/punk vibes, like the dark maroon mullet and not a lot of makeup and dark comfy clothes but like, very on purpose, told me I look cool when I walked past on the way to security

And like, she Gets It! We have different fashion goals but I think we put a similar degree of intention into the way we look compared to just wearing regular clothes. Which is cool! It’s validating. Not that I really need validation, but it’s always nice to get compliments, of course. And the way I dress is really not terribly distinctive most of the time, other than being Outfits and a little dressier than maybe the norm is, like I think most people who see me one time in passing would see that I look Nice but not necessarily see it as a cultivated Look. But punk mullet girl gets it.

#struggled with not sounding *too* pretentious here #I don’t feel pretentious but I have a hard time talking about like. specific choices and things in any detail #like to my friends I just said what happened with a picture of my outfit and was like ‘and she gets it!’ and they were like ‘yeah!’ #but to strangers I have to go into much more detail to get the point across #even though really it’s not like I’m putting all of that into it every day I just get up and go ‘i want to look nice today’ #in accordance with my personal fashion preferences #and then having to explain those preferences like ‘my name is alagaisia midge maisel darkness way and I’m wearing vintage whatever’ #i do look so cute though #i got these shoes last summer and then lost the heel cap off of one of them the very first time i wore them #finally took them in to have them fixed last week so I could wear them to the wedding #needed a deadline so that I would actually get around to it #i hate flying it’s really a testament of how much I love my friend that I’m flying #instead of driving ten hours to Nebraska #but it made more sense and to make sure i won’t be late or run into car trouble or anything #and I’ll stay looking nice right away instead of getting gross and sweaty in the car or having to change for bachelorette activities #i only know the bride so I’m definitely going to make a very specific impression on all of these strangers lol #i joked with my dad about adopting a trans Atlantic accent for the whole weekend just for shits and giggles #turns out you cannot do it over the top. have you ever listened to JFK’s ‘we choose to go to the moon’ speech #it’s very silly sounding #we had a good time saying things one might say at a bachelorette party in a goofy voice #‘we cho~ose to ohdah thihs maiule strippah… ahnd the othah things.. nawt becahse it is easyh.. #but becawhse he is hahd’ #highly recommend #mine #personal

[chenziee]

I really miss writing for myself but hell, if I didn't have deadlines hanging over my head, I would probably never write anything again

#i miss it i really do #i'm just so fucking TIRED #i don't even feel like doing anything at all #never mind writing #i hate this year #walking on the edge of a mental breakdown all day every day #every time i feel like shit's calming down #something else happens #i'm so sick of it #i wish i didn't at least need to buy a whole ass fucking car this year #but my current one said fuck you (it's getting fixed rn but who fucking knows when the next thing breaks) #katie thinks she's relevant #delete later #i really really want to do that newspaper zine thingy but #yeah #no one would buy it anyway #i wasn't planning on paywalling it just voluntary pay-what-you-want but i doubt anyone will download it even so never mind actually donate

[queen-mabs-revenge]

oh it's real depression hours

#giant hole in my ceiling from a leak from 3 years ago that restarted #and knowing the speed at which it got fixed last time shit's gonna be weeks #got a fucking bowl on the floor and everything and it's dripping water and bits of plaster so that's cool and great #cat's slowed down on eating even with the syringe assist #lab said it'll be 14 days before they have results #but if it's FIP that could be half of the time she has left #and there's a treatment that has an 85% success rate but it's not approved in a lot of countries so i'd have to get it myself #and it's the bones of a grand for the meds before even accounting for the syringes #and it's 84 days of injections which - this is the cat who won't even let me pill her so #but i can't even think of starting that until i know what it is for sure #and so i'm just gonna sit here and watch her die over the next two weeks #and most of that time is going to be spent trying to force her to eat and watching her growing to hate and avoid me #i literally just want to fucking scream 1% of cats ever get this why is it my best little friend in the world? #6 weeks ago she was the healthiest 12 year old you ever saw in your life #i've only got 60/195g of food into her today and that's taken hours and hours #this is torture for both of us idk what to do

[irisbaggins]

Trying to trouble-shoot a customer over a phone is always an exercise in "stick to Norwegian you gremlin" for me. I so badly want to use English lingo for things, but my poor customers barely understand what I'm saying in Norwegian, let alone English! The amount of times I end up apologising because my explanations are shit are numerous, and most of the time my customers are really nice about it.

Although, I do loathe having to trouble-shoot networking over the phone. It's a pain in the ass, and it's difficult to find the problem when there are so many moving parts to a network.

At least the customer and I can joke around a little and make the process more pleasant for the both of us. Especially when the problem may have been a wonky cable, and not something much more expensive that must be replaced.

#text_loke #he was really nice to me. we were talking SO LONG and i had to use hand signals to my coworker so he could take the physical customers #because i was on the phone. and for some reasons customers see me standing there with a headset on and assume i am therefore free #no!! i am on the phone!! i cannot talk to you ma'am please stop attempting to converse with me!! #some are nice about it. others get bitchy. like SORRY i have one ear on the phone i CANNOT listen to two people at once!! #anyway. hope it was the cable that was fucked! we would of course fix whatever issue it was if it ISN'T #but it's soooo much easier for him for it to be just the cable he made himself. 'cos fuck homemade cat6 cables #(which i say as someone who has made SEVERAL and hates the process furiously) #also. shoutout to the customer who gave me 10/10 and said we were COOL PEOPLE in all caps :) #made my day that. like thank you!! i do my best to give the best customer service!! #and i only had ONE person call me today to be a glorified website :) usually it's at least three people :) #like we have a click and collect for a reason. i am NOT that. i can trouble shoot and help fix. i am not a website #also. why am i cursed. why am i cursed to be swarmed by people when i'm alone?? #at least at my current workplace i am not harassed for being on my own. people are actually nice #they don't go ballistic on me when it takes me a but to get to them due to the tasks i am made to do #i don't get yelled at every shift. which is lovely :) #anyway. time for sleeps because i must write 3k tomorrow for my exam. rip

[gatun-gatunesco]

...

#and so i came back here. because in here i can find joy and sorrow. laugh a little and cry a lot because someone made a post i resonate with #it makes me feels understood. a private and intimate place that is also shared at the same time. and strangely; like a home #but i came back without knowing who i am. I see someone else in the mirror. Is that a monster? a sinner? a human? a normal man? #after all that effort leaving depression and self hate from my adolescence behind. from being proud of myself for being different to all me #was all a lie? how could i do such awful and terrible thing to the person i swore to protect? the person i love the most #i said i would never do that kind of unforgivable act. And here i am. Alive after the event. I want to drop dead. To dissapear from here. #But at the same time i want to fix what i did. in order to do that i need to heal. to change. be happy. to live. and i hate it #how can i do all of that with the weight of guilt crushing me and telling me i killed myself that day? i am just a shell of who i was #how to change what i thought was the best version of me? i was supposed to be different no harmful and kind man!!! #i already asked for help. and they told me it was not all my fault. But i still think it is. There is no way it can be 50/50 #physical actions are only responsibility of the ones who made it. circumstances are not a reason to diminish them guilt #a confused person is not deserving of any part of the guilt. they do not have control over themselves. but the other ones sure have it #yes. they might have started and added little physical actions. but i refused and it never came to completion. which is the opposite of min #physical trauma can spawn emotional and mental trauma as well. is way more bad and deep that the emotional one i might have #i want to kill that trash in front of the mirror. why are you still living bitch? just to be a parasite and hurt people on the go? #to make irreversible mistakes that affects every person around you? your decisions never end well. why do not you just give up already? #and yet here i am. trying to not isolate myself thanks to the safe place i found here. I can write what is on my mind. gives me some relief #because the only person i talked everyday is the same one i hurted as i never thought i would in my life #Hope i can found redemption one day. I hope they can heal and be happy soon and forever. #I am going to always be worry about them (i am sure of that) but i wish nothing but the best for them. I want nothing to hurt them again. #They never deserved the trauma and guilt. They suffered more than enough way before i step in and fucked up everything. #Life. if you can hear me. Please give them recovery. happyness. health and lots of love. They deserve it. Please #They did nothing wrong! Take them pain away and put it in me. I will stay alive just for that if is neccesary #I wanted to kill myself way long ago. but i still here. I might want to kill myself again. but i still will be here. #Just leave them be happy. That is what i really want

[arthur-r]

i went to sleep an hour ago but i can’t actually fall asleep for some terrible mixture of anxiety and caffeine and being scheduled wrong from all of the winter break sleeping incorrectly compared to school. anyway i have a stomachache (anxiety variety) scary high heart rate (anxiety variety? caffeine variety? just my heart being stupid as usual? probably all of the above) and also terrified of living with my dad for the next week. and i was drinking a caffeinated beverage past 5 pm today because. i was really stupid and let that happen without thinking about it. so there are so many things getting in between me and a good nights sleep to get to school in the morning. doesn’t help that i’m stressed about school itself too or that my irl friends are constantly hanging out like literally all of them i try not to be offended if like tara and elanor hang out together without me cause everybody is allowed to have smaller on their own engagements but it’s like literally every friend i have!! like i have maybe fifteen friends total in my school and there was like ten of them were all ice skating together on new years and went to a play together and did all of these things that i wish i were invited for. and so i’m stressed about a lot of things at once and it’s no good

#anyway in other news i’m making a bigger endeavor drawing than i’ve done in a long time and it’s not very well shaped but im really proud of #the details and like the way that im doing it even if it doesn’t look good altogether im proud of the textures and everything #i haven’t done anything that wasn’t just a sketch in a long time so i never just work on textures and im proud of myself so far #however it was supposed to be a four part thing that im supposed to finish in four days. while also doing homework. so #i don’t think it’s going to be possible to do all that with such a detail oriented approach shdhdf #i’ll try my best though!! and if i’m late i’m late. nobody really expects anything out of me in an art front which is pretty nice i guess #but it’s mostly because i’m not very good and don’t practice enough. shdhdhdf #but like i said i am actually proud of this picture!! i’m just scared that it’s secretly terrible. classic way to feel really #but anyway i hyperfocused on that for two hours which is like. haven’t done that since like before school started #and so now i’m in a really weird headspace. and yeah. waking up in seven hours #this is so stupid i really wish i could just be asleep right now regular but it’s not happening #and i have a terrible stomachache that i don’t think is going to go away until it’s my mom’s turn to raise us again #and like. i don’t even like getting parented by my mom!! she’s made me cry multiple times per day all week actually!! #but at least i don’t think she’s going to get drunk and throw things or hurt my little sister or break something important to me #and that’s kind of what i’m constantly living in fear of currently. my dad is physically scarier and more dangerous. so i’m anxious. a lot #anyway i keep having nightmares and i hate it i wish anything would just go right for once. i should probably try to sleep again it’s just #it’s not working and i just wish i could fix it but i can’t. i really would like a hug and to be somewhere else #anyway i’m going to try again i guess probably. but i’m just so frustrated and i wish anything could be different offline #like i’m so lucky to have the friends i do in wext and my mutuals here but. if i can’t see you in real life my life is still kind of #objectively bad. like i cant really figure anything out that i have going for me irl. band?? i don’t even know. so yeah. it’s just not great #and i would like to feel better but i don’t. sorry for venting. goodnight!! #me. my post. mine. #vent cw #abuse cw #alcohol cw #ask to tag!! #delete later

[whimsyprinx]

i really hate that I have a quote on quote “miserable” neutral expression and that i can’t control/be aware of my tone of speaking often and that I can’t really pick up on social cues because that leads to people at best asking if I’m okay or at worst (and most common) telling me that I look miserable all the time or that I’m being rude or a bitch and like it truly starts to take a toll on a person after having to hear it so often

#whimsy whispers #its made worse by rsd #so it’s just like having to deal with the fact that people are going to make negative remarks like this about you because they think you’re #entirely negative for things you can’t/struggle to control #like i know my face looks fucking miserable even when I’m trying to take pictures I look dead inside I’m freaking aware #i also know I have trouble sounding genuine/often sounding sarcastic when i speak #i got yelled at over it by my roommates dad one day until my roommates had to keep explaining that I just sound that way and don’t mean to #like I try to not speak like that but it’s not something I’m always gonna catch because that’s literally how I speak!!! this is my tone of #speaking!!!! #similarly (kinda) I have a huge problem that I match the tone I’m spoken to in which means if someone speaks to me in a snappy tone I match #it and that’s something I am actively trying to stop doing as well #and then like because of nd stuff but also having been very isolated from other ppl growing up I don’t know social cues well #and so I fail to pick up on them and look like an ass because of that and it’s not that I’m not trying to fix these things I am trying so #hard but it’s like Hard ya know??? #idk just like being told I’m mean or a bitch or having my roommates boyfriend constantly say ‘you look miserable’ ‘’you look like someone #killed you dog’ (he has said both 3+ times to my face) gets tiring #like why do I have to listen to that shot #shit * #why do I have to explain constabtly that this is just how I freaking look and talk #i hate it so much it makes me literally want to cry #doesn’t help that like being told I’m mean for some reason makes me extremely upset so lol #this is like a very nd thing I think at least because my other nd friends have this same issue #because I vented about it earlier this week and they were like same!!! like I get tired I’ve been dealing with this since I was a kid I #just want people to leave me alone about it #i wish my face was miserable looking enough that people would be too scared to approach me and say shit like this

[vvanessaives]

i've been loving playing the prologue with fenix bc every time there's an interaction with jackie all i can think about is "you two would hate each other so much"

#rena.txt #actually confirmed by yours truly that they hate each other bc fenix hated hearing about him from vesper every single time and if they #happened to be in the same room fenix wouldn't pass the chance to start a fight. he's just like that he's an asshole we can't stop him <3 #actually double confirmed by yours truly bc i have a fic where after the heist and shit and stuff fenix shows up to ves after hearing about #well everything. that she's dying and so on. he showed up to?? show support?? in his way or more like he just wanted to hear everything #from ves bc he was too shocked and couldn't read his own emotions about it. but i'm digressing. he showed up said a really mean thing about #jackie's death and went anyways... see ya. AKCJSKCDNLD #and he was just plain lucky vesper was beaten up or she would've beaten him herself. they had a fight ofc <3 he came back 3 days after and #had another fight but in the end they kinda fixed it more like ves was too tired of him she went u know what i shouldn't expect anything #else from u fuck off and go away. and he sure went and then after other 4 days of pain they fixed it completely i say fixed bc the only way #to deal with fenix is accepting that he will never change. it's a take it or leave it so it's not exactly fixed more like i'm ignoring it #anyways having fun :)) don't ask me about the way i've restarted the game without finishing it. i'll get to it when i'm normal again :)) #ACTUALLY let me specify that fenix usually loves to piss off a lot of ppl but with jackie is like pure hostility this man really hates him #and i have the reasons but this post already got too long

[be-good-to-bugs]

i NEED to take a break from work

#the bin #:/ hhhhh. #well. i think i can take a break in the second half of march #if my next paycheck is big enough and my sister pays me back soo like she said she would then i will request like 10 days off #im tryna get my life fixed. it was doing ok for a bit but my apartment being a mess makes it hard #im gonna try to get that fixed asap. i was preoccupied with a new source of stress this past week but its gone now i think #idk. there was time recently when i was cooking food nearly every day even thevdays i worked and being more functional and i wanna #get back to that but my apartment is just too big a mess for me to do it #well. hopefully i can actually do it. i always feel like work is gonna totally drain me but my job is really ok #idk why i so often have this stress reaction to going to work :/ its so stupid #i dont wanna use my requested time off just to clean so i wanna get stuff cleaned before i take time off #i just really need a mental health break. im dealing with way too much stuff and i need a preplanned proper break #theres so much stuff im tryna fix. i hate having all this mess on top of it. i hate that my sister just completely ditched me and left it #for me to clean up myself #i wanna be completely free of her altogether #i wanna focus on fixing my weird brain issues. not all this trash. hhhh.w #i wanna ditract myslef but my brain is like incapable of enjoying anything without making me feel weird. i hate it. i git into some stuff #more recently and my brain did the thing again where it makes me feel cringe for it. why?? i hate it so much. thinsg are either boring to me #or i REALLY like them and my brain makes me feel weird abt it. i just wanna escape from reality but my brain makes it so hard to

[crowcryptid]

It took months. Literal months. For my coworkers to notice the AC is broken. I don’t know why it took them so long.

So cool

We don’t have any windows either so I’ve just been suffering for the past few weeks knowing it’s actually nice outside but im trapped in here roasting

#I gave up trying to get them to notice a long time ago #I just accepted that I would be gross and sweaty all day #they’re both old ladies who hate the cold so it didn’t bother them that it’s like 80 degrees in here #but it’s very noticeable because the ac in the hallways is fine #but the second you walk in here it’s like a heatwave #but like I said this has been going on for months idk what finally made them notice #now it’s up to our very useful building repair guys to come fix it (sarcasm. they don’t show up most of the time) #I actually tried to call the repair guys once because I couldn’t take it anymore #and my wonderful coworkers told them to leave when they showed up cause ‘the ac is fine’ :) #do you see why I don’t even bother trying to communicate with these people

[aspiritualsuicide]

.

#probably will delete later but god do I need a place to rant #so I don’t go to church often because of ✨religious trauma✨ #but sometimes I’ll go for my best friend that means well #and I always forget that I regret it every time #well today #this pastor really said #my mans said that if you’re being abused run #(good) #BUT god can always fix any relationship issue #(bad) #god can’t fix someone who’s evil and taking advantage of you #like idk saying god can fix anything kinda does away with the whole run if you’re being abused thing #I kinda hate church sm because these assholes tend not to have serious shit going on #it’s so beyond easy to believe in a higher power when you haven’t experienced real bad stuff #but like when you experience horrible shit every day and pray your soul out trying to get it to stop #yeah #they usually don’t know what that’s like #so hearing that gods faithful and can fix everything #if god is real he doesn’t give one shit and Christians have just gotten lucky tbh #pretty jealous of them ngl

[fxllfaiiry]

─ you're the sunflower ੈ✩‧₊˚

✶ pairing: miguel o'hara x fem!reader

✶ synopsis: everyone on the team loves you, expect miguel who seems to hate you more than anyone.

✶ warnings: angst!! major angst. sunshine!reader x grumpy!miguel. reader is nicknamed sunflower, mentions of death.

✶ notes: there's one spanish sentence in this, I'm not good with spanish so if I've made a mistake please tell me so i can fix it! part two is already up!!!

Everyone on the team loved you from the moment you joined, everyone, except Miguel. 

You knew Miguel was cold towards everyone, but he was extra cold with you. Maybe it was because of how different your personalities were. 

You were the embodiment of sunshine, always positive in any situation, putting others before yourself. Hence why everyone calls you sunflower, it fits perfectly, Miles was proud of coming up with it. 

Miguel on the other hand was cold and distant but that didn't stop you from trying to get him to open up. You'd try to have simple conversations with him but nothing, all you would receive in reply was an eye roll or a slight grunt, but you wouldn't give up that easily. 

Like today, you got him some coffee. 

"Morning, boss. Got you some coffee." You said in your usual cheerful tone. 

"Why?" He raised his eyebrows, looking down at you suspiciously. That's the most he's said to you all week. 

"Because I wanted to." You shrugged, placing it down on his desk. 

He steped down walking towards his desk, you couldn't help but stare at him, unfortunately for you, everything about him was so attractive, it's such a shame he hated you. 

"This isn't how I like my coffee." 

"Huh?" You snapped out of your daydream at the sound of his voice. 

"The coffee, it tastes terrible. Get it from another place next time." 

"Well, actually I made it-" But he had already walked away from you not listening to a word you said. "Alright, never mind, I'll just go back to work." You mumbled hurt by his words. 

"Wait, hold on." You looked up, thinking, maybe he'll say something nice after all. 

"Yeah?" 

"Take the coffee with you, I won't be drinking it." 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"Girl, why do you look so sad? Did Miguel do something again?" Jess asked with a frown, she did not like seeing you sad. 

"No."

"Sunflower…"

"Okay, yes." Miguel being cold towards you was normal, he never spoke to you unless necessary. Out of everyone here, he probably hated you the most, even more than Miles.  

"Sunflower, I've told you to stop trying." Jess sighed. 

"I know, I know… why does he hate me so much, Jess?" 

"That's just the way he is, don't overthink it. It's his loss, baby." She replied, gently patting your shoulder. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Today was going to be a good day, you were so sure of it. 

But, of course, you were wrong. 

Everything was going great up until a few hours ago. 

Miguel had assigned you on a mission to catch an anomaly, alongside a few other spider-people. His instructions were clear, stick to the plan and catch the anomaly. It was supposed to be simple. 

If only you didn't disobey him. You screwed up badly, and because of that, you could have been killed. 

"Why don't you ever listen?" Miguel shouted. No one had ever seen him this angry. 

"I was just tryin-" 

"¡Ay, por el amor de Dios!" Being yelled at by your boss in front of your coworkers was humiliating, everyone was looking at you with pity. 

"I'm sick of this, why can’t you follow simple instructions? Is it that hard to understand?" He barked, towering over you. 

"It's not a big deal." You tried to keep your composure, you didn't want to humiliate yourself further by bursting into tears. 

"Not a big deal? You could've died! A simple mistake would have ruined the whole mission." 

Don't cry. Don't cry. 

"But we're all fine, aren't we?" You weakly chuckled. That was the wrong thing to say because it only made him angrier. 

"Oh? If that's the attitude you have then you shouldn't even be on the team." Ouch. 

"Miguel, I think that's enough-" Hobie said, quickly jumping in. 

"Not now, Hobie." He growled. 

Never once did you think that you'd be in a situation like this. 

"If you put more focus on trying to be good at your job, rather than impressing me, we wouldn't even be here!" Oh, so he did notice that. 

At this point, tears were streaming freely down your face and you made no attempt to stop them. 

"Yep, you got it, boss." You smiled up at him through your tears. It was pathetic, but you did not care, you just wanted to leave and never come back. 

"Next time make sure this doesn't happen." 

"It won't happen next time." That's because there won't be a next time.

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