#i wish my face was miserable looking enough that people would be too scared to approach me and say shit like this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

avocado-writing · 3 months

Note

Okay, I've had this idea bouncing around in my head, waiting for you to reopen suggestions, haha. How do you think the Origins Companions + Halsin, Rolan, Dammon, and Zevlor would react if they found out that Tav had been hiding a very serious injury from them? The kind of injury where Tav is convinced that they're fine and they don't want to worry anyone with something they can handle on their own, especially the people they care most for, but as they try to ignore the injury it only gets worse until it's potentially life threatening and they can't keep up the facade anymore. I will leave it up to you whether or not Tav and the other individual are in a romantic relationship. I think both ways have potential for wonderful angst 😆

ooohhh noooooo! but also oh yes, LOVE this sort of angst lol. written as if you have had an infection come on from an injury. this is gonna be a long list so let's buckle up...

Astarion

really tries to hide his panic but fails miserably.

can't help but start snapping - how could you keep something like this from him?

you try to give your excuses but he waves them away, angry, but mostly because he's terrified that he might have lost you.

if he has any healing potions he helps you take them, if he doesn't he immediately... sources some from somewhere.

holds you as tight as he dares, worried that he will aggravate the injury otherwise.

as you begin to heal and drift off to sleep he spends the whole night watching you rest, making sure that you're still breathing, still safe. doesn't mind when you cuddle up to him in the night, sleepily.

Gale

curses himself for not noticing your condition. he's a wizard, damn it! he's meant to be bloody perceptive.

wishes for the first time ever that he didn't just know wizard spells. wishes he knew how to heal, too.

makes you as comfortable as he can while he finds a book about what he can do for an infected wound, probably swallowing his pride and going to Shadowheart if it's bad enough.

you manage a weak, "Gale, you don't have to--", and he cuts you off, "if you're going to insist that I don't have to look after you, I'm telling you that I do."

fixes you something to help with the pain and infection, makes sure you drink it all despite the horrid taste, then tucks you into his bedroll to let you rest.

when you go to reach out and cuddle him he slips into your arms, presses his lips to your hair, and whispers as you fall asleep about how much you scared him. about how he'd never be able to lose you.

Lae'zel

only realises how unwell you are when you fall over mid-journey.

"tsk'va! why did you hide the extent of your injuries from me?"

hauls you onto her back and carries you back to camp, muttering about your foolishness the whole time.

makes you comfortable in her tent and uses her knowledge of githyanki medicine to help start healing you.

it isn't comfortable as she works on your infection but for the first time you feel her hands being soft rather than vicious.

"you should not have kept this from me." "I know. I'm sorry." "hm. ridiculous thing. zhak vo'n'fynh duj."

goes and intimidates the camp into being quiet so you can rest. it works. this is the nicest she's ever been to you. you could get used to it.

Shadowheart

obviously this is not a huge problem for her, but she is still worried that it got so far without her noticing.

immediately heals you, pouring far too many spell slots into your body in order to get it up and running again.

it helps, immediately breaking the fever you've been nursing, and the touch of Shadowheart's hand to your face is cooling and reassuring.

"lady shar teaches us to embrace our pain... but not like this. you should have known better. you could have died."

her hand slips down to cup your cheek, you cover it with one of your own. she's telling you off but you can tell it's because she cares.

"I'm sorry that I scared you." "I know. don't do it again."

she smiles and the ache in your heart is lifted, too.

Wyll

panics.

you collapse on day in camp and he immediately calls on the others for help, not so proud as to be unable to admit when something is out of his knowledge. he is not a healer. he needs help.

he manages to catch you in his arms as you tumble, hugging you close to his chest while magic is worked or a healer checks you over.

lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding when you begin to stabilise.

helps you back to your tent to rest, gently chiding you but letting you know that he's glad you're alright.

when your hand weakly comes up to touch him, he indulges you in a kiss to let you know how relieved he is.

constantly watching you on the battlefield from that moment on. if he can help it, you'll never be hurt again.

Karlach

another panicker.

scoops you up in her arms and holds you to her chest, running to the tent of the nearest healer in camp - or, if you're in the city, kicking down the door of a local doctor.

begging the healer to check you over, but is reluctant to let you go. if she stops holding you it's like she's relinquishing control and that scares the life out of her.

you're healed and she feels you start to stir in her arms, peppering you with kisses of relief, choking through her tears that you're never to scare her like that again.

carries you back home, even if you're totally capable of walking. she just wants to make sure you're okay.

Halsin

sternly disappointed that you didn't tell him, but more annoyed that he didn't notice something was wrong himself. how could he not see how out of balance with nature you were?

squirrels you away to his tent to heal you, make you soothing and medicinal teas, his big hands over the source of the infection.

you burrow into his touch, into his chest, and you end up sitting in his lap as he heals you.

he wants to tell you off a little, but is more relieved that you're alright. encourages you to share all your burdens with him.

kisses you on the forehead, then on the mouth when he's sure you're strong enough for it not to knock you flat.

Dammon

my poor boy is just a blacksmith, so though he doesn't exactly panic, he does scoop you up and try to find a healer as soon as he can.

waits quietly and nervously as you are examined, silently cursing himself for being too busy to see how you were hurt. he's meant to be better than this. he's meant to love you, how didn't he notice?

when you come to he can't stop apologising, and it takes several of your kisses to soothe him and tell him it was not his fault but yours.

he makes you promise that you'll always tell him when you're hurt. has you look into his eyes and swear it.

he can't do much on the battlefield but he can protect you where he can.

Rolan

another one cursing that he doesn't know healing spells.

"you aren't meant to die, gods damn it! you're meant to be strong... what good am I if I can't keep you safe..."

rushes you to the best doctor in Baldur's Gate. pays for all the treatment that you could need. holds your hand at your bedside for your entire recovery... until you come back to consciousness, of course, at which point he just starts telling you off for being stupid enough to get into his mess in the first place.

you grab him by the collar and drag him down for a kiss. that finally shuts him up. but he never lets you forget how foolish you were.

Zevlor

practical but still worried about you.

you collapse in the field and he finds a safe place to hide the both of you from dangerous eyes, using his Lay on Hands ability to channel his magic into healing.

you try to apologise but a finger to your lips silences you, and all you can do is watch in quiet wonder as he burns the infection out with his Paladin's light.

when you're better he gently chides you. tells you that you have people relying on your leadership, and that a problem shared means there are more heads working on how to fix it.

when he sees how sorry you are lets you cuddle into him. when you say you'll repay him, he insists your happiness and well-being is enough for an old warrior like him.

does take the kiss you offer, though. he's been wanting to do that for a while...

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mandarinmoons · 3 months

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Hi, I wondered if you could write a spencer x reader (I would rather it to be fem, but gn can do too) where he’s trying to confess he’s in love with her and miserably fails but she understood and she kissed him on the cheeks or something? Feel free to ignore! Have a good day :))

Sweetie how could I ever ignore this it's too cute 😭🩷

Spencer is a smart man, so smart that he has a whole encyclopedia of words memorized in his mind. But when it came to emotions he had trouble, especially when it came to his emotions with you.

The poor guy had been pining over you behind closed doors for what felt like forever. Since the day he saw you he felt some butterflies in his stomach, but over time as he got to know you it was replaced by a feeling of calm and peace. You were one of the few people that didn’t mind his little habits that usually made others roll their eyes and scoff, you accepted him for who he was and he could never fully admit how much he appreciated you for it.

The butterflies did make slight appearances though. He felt them swarming inside his tummy whenever he heard you laugh or when you’d be a little bit extra affectionate with him. You had a tendency to go give him a hug at random times or sometimes even go and ruffle his hair just to get on his nerves a little bit. He could never stay mad at you and he knew that you knew it, it was an unfair game and he wished he could even it out.

One night Spencer and you were hanging out at his apartment having a movie night. Since you arrived he kept contemplating in his head if he should finally just bite the bullet and try to be open about his feelings for you. It was going to be a hard process and it could end in two ways, option one: you would laugh in his face and say you only see him as a friend and he’d feel painful embarrassment for the rest of his life. Or option two: you’d admit that you feel the same way and you two would live happily ever after, not too much pressure, right?

Spencer jumps when he feels a pair of arms wrapping around him, “Sorry didn’t mean to scare you.” Spencer smiles as he hears you chuckle and looks into your eyes, they are so beautiful.

“Spence, you okay?” Spencer realized that he went a whole minute without saying anything as he was so transfixed on the gaze you had on him. “Yeah I was just uh…” he paused and thought of his words. He wanted to tell you that he loved you, but he couldn’t. His thoughts were jumbled and you staring at him longer only made them worse.

You reached up and took Spencer’s face in your hands and ran your thumbs over his cheeks, you had an inkling about what was going on in Spencer’s head and you were praying that it was true. However knowing what a challenge it was for him to form sentences at times, you decided to take over.

“Is there something you wanted to say?”

Spencer nodded lightly and looked down as he took a deep breath, “Y/N I-I”, his words came to a stutter and he cursed under his breath, “I think I, no, I know I-”, his cheeks were tainted red and it made your lips curl up in a smile. Spencer saw your smile and the words stopped coming out of his mouth all together, the effect you had on him was too great.

You leaned in and pressed your lips on his cheek lightly, “I like you too.” Spencer stared into your eyes as he took in what just happened, he could still feel your lips linger on his cheek and a warmth spread out over his body. He blinked a few times and gulped, “You do?”.

As you nodded Spencer leaned in and caressed your cheek with his hand before finally leaning in and giving your lips a sweet peck. Both of you smiled at each other when your eyes met and you leaned in again to kiss Spencer a few more times. A giggle erupted from his mouth and he wrapped his arms around you to pull you closer into his embrace. He might not have been able to fully say what he was feeling, but he knew now that he would have enough time to make up for it in other ways.

You can find my masterlist here!

My requests are open so feel free to send one in! (SFW only)

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ddejavvu · 2 years

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Could you write something where Eddie comforts a reader with PTSD? Mines been going brrr lately and I just need the comfort.

Also, I found your blog pretty recently and omg ilysm, everything's so beautifully written :') <3

come celebrate 5.7k with me!

i'm sorry your ptsd is acting up, baby! i hope this helps, and i'm so so so glad you enjoy my writing :) i love you too <33

--

Your room is stuffy, the curtains draped over the window and gathering dust while you keep them closed. There's nothing outside that interests you, but there's really nothing inside that interests you either. Your room is boring, but there's nothing better to do than to lay down, sleep having escaped you for days.

You wish you were capable of functioning normally. But anytime you try to engage with people it's like your eyes glaze over, and your brain shuts itself in and refuses to contribute to your life.

So you're left motionless in bed, despair weighing heavy on your heart.

That is, until someone knocks at your window.

You panic. You're scrambling off of the bed in seconds, the sheets tangled around your legs and coming with you. Whoever it is hears the telltale thump of your body hitting the floor and curses, but the voice is familiar enough that the panic in your chest dies down.

"Eddie..?" You realize he can't hear your breathless whisper from outside, so you rush to the window, throwing the curtains open. Thankfully, it is the boy you'd met only weeks prior, his hair frizzy and slicked to his face with sweat.

He looks relieved to see you and pries helplessly at the edge of the window. You tug it open for him, tucking an arm underneath his own and helping haul him into your room.

"Eddie," You repeat, this time to him, "What.. what are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Eddie deflects your question, brushing a stray leaf out of his hair from the tree he'd climbed, "You're supposed to be in school."

"I haven't been in a week." You groan, burying your face in your hands, "Why would I go today?"

"Yeah let's talk about that," Eddie perches on the end of your bed, his eyes drifting over an array of crumpled up tissues on the floor by your trash can, "You sick or something?"

"Or something." You sigh, sitting beside him on the bed. There's space between you, but only as much as your small mattress allows, so not much.

Eddie isn't sure what to say, and you hate that he's glancing around your room, probably noticing the cups stacked on your nightstand and the dirty socks strewn about.

You deflect his attention, "Again, what are you doing here?"

"When someone's missing in action for one out of the four weeks you've known them, it's a little freaky." He levels you with a stern glance, "No one knew where you went, man!"

"I haven't been sleeping well." It's not a lie, it's just not the full story, "I don't really feel up to a day at school.

Eddie hums sympathetically, "You take melatonin? That shit knocks you out if you take enough."

"Anything will," You scoff, "But yeah. No luck."

You hesitate to tell him that it runs deeper than simple insomnia. That sleeping scares you, both the images you see while your eyes are closed, and the possibility of them becoming a reality again if you let your guard down like that.

He seems to put the pieces together, though, from the disarray your room is in. You're well aware that you look like sadness personified, a t-shirt you haven't changed in four days wrinkled against your chest and loose shorts hanging low on your hips.

"Have you tried, like, listening to music?"

"And rain, and ocean sounds, and birds chirping, and a heartbeat." You list off the white noise you'd enlisted for help, each one of them failing miserably.

"A heartbeat?" He looks intrigued, glancing at you from the side of his eye.

"Yeah, it's supposed to, like, remind you of being inside the womb." You explain, your hands shifting to accentuate your point, "It's comforting, I guess. Just not comforting enough."

"Right." He nods, trailing off into thought. You're not sure what you're supposed to do, because being upright for longer than two minutes to use the bathroom is now foreign to you, and you kindly prompt him to make a move.

"Well I'm fine, so you don't need to worry." You offer him a careful smile, and he surveys you with the same disbelieving look that he'd given you before.

"You're crazy if you think I'm leaving you here." He scoffs, cautiously glancing at you again before he swallows. You watch his adam's apple bounce, but your eyes flick back to his own as he finally speaks.

"That.. that heartbeat stuff. That really works?"

"Well it didn't for me," You remind him, "But I dunno. Maybe it's better on babies or something."

"Or like.. with a real person?"

"I guess?" You shrug, "I'm not, like, an expert on white noise. There could be some weird specification for- what are you doing?"

Eddie's arm curls around your shoulders, tugging you closer to him across the mattress. You stiffen in his grip and your eyes widen, your hands pinned at your sides as he crushes you to his chest.

"Shut up," He mumbles, "Put your ear on my chest."

"Eddie I don't think-"

"Just do it," He huffs, "I'm trying to do a nice thing for you."

You can't argue with that. You press against his chest first, slipping out of his awkward grip and readjusting yourself so that you're leaning comfortably over his lap. He settles against the wall behind him, the window still open on his other side, and your head comes to rest just above his heart.

You have to admit, the warmth that he radiates is much more soothing when paired with his natural heartbeat than your cold pillow is with a simulated one. Cold against your skin doesn't bother you as much, though, when it's the metal bands of Eddie's rings pressing into your back, just beneath the hem of your shirt that's ridden up. You hear the light thunk of his head against the closed portion of your window, letting out a deep sigh as you both decompress.

"Did I miss anything at school?" You ask idly, your eyes fixed on the frayed strings on the knees of his jeans.

"Uh, yeah. Like, a week's worth of work." He teases you, his fingernails digging into your skin lightly. You would be panicked, but you know he hasn't done it either, so you brush off his condescension.

"That's not what I meant," You berate him, "Like, anything interesting!"

"Some cheerleader got into a fight with her boyfriend in the cafeteria yesterday." He recalls, "And we all dared Dustin to eat one of the fries she threw at him 'cause it landed on the floor."

"Did he do it?" You feel bad for the poor boy, but the image of him succumbing to a stupid dare does make you giggle.

"Of course he did," Eddie laughs, "It was gross. There was, like, hair on it."

"Ew!" Your face wrinkles into a sour frown at the information and Eddie's chuckle reverberates through his chest, his hand pressing tighter into your back, "You guys are so mean to him."

"Hey, you were laughing too!" He reminds you, "Hypocrite."

You fall silent after his biting remark, but not out of hurt. It's more out of a sense of serenity, the first genuine bit of happiness you'd felt in days. You're reluctant to admit that his heartbeat is soothing you, but you're certain it wouldn't work if it was anyone else. It's not his heartbeat that's soothing you, it's his heartbeat that's soothing you, and you don't know how to tell him that without sounding like you like him.

And maybe you do, you realize, as your eyes flutter shut slowly against his chest, maybe you do like him. But you'll have to ponder that later, because he's murmuring a soft, 'Sleep for a bit, babe, then we'll get you some food.' and you're following his instructions to the letter.

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desdemonafictional · 1 month

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Post canon WIP (Scene 1)

“I’ve been thinking,” Kabru said.

Annoyingly, Laios did not look up from the encyclopedia he was flipping through. He’d had a wistful, almost pained expression on his face for the last several minutes as he paged through the book that Mithrun had leant them. It was a detailed record of monsters known in the west, their appearances and habits and weaknesses, aimed at an audience of future Canaries destined for the dungeons of the outside world.

At first Laios had been thrilled, commenting constantly on this fact or that fact, and the quality of illustrations, and points where he happened to know the encyclopedia had gotten something wrong. But bit by bit, he’d gone quiet. And now he simply sat there, with that look on his face, as if the book hurt him to touch.

Kabru sat down on the edge of the table and placed his finger over the page.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said again.

Laios looked up.

“I know this life isn’t the one you wanted,” Kabru said. “We’re all grateful… I’m especially grateful, for what you’ve done. And I know… how it is with desires, I’ve seen what it costs to give up a part of yourself. But I’ve said this to someone else before—maybe the thing you used to want is beyond you now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have new desires. New interests.”

Laios gave him a tired look. “You’re talking about my curse,” he said. “Kabru, it’s fine. I’ve made peace with it. At the end of the day, there’s still books and things.” He gestured at the encyclopedia, as if it hadn’t just been making him miserable. “Just because I can’t see monsters up close anymore doesn’t mean I want to forget about them.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Kabru said. “I meant—without giving up on monsters, you can have other, different things as well, right?”

He slid the book aside, carefully marking the page before closing it.

“Let me teach you about people,” Kabru said. “People are really interesting! A human bite is functionally poisonous, and humans are actually very difficult to kill despite having no natural weapons—the things a human can do, not just dwarves and elves but tallmen too, and halflings—we’re amazing animals, incredibly adaptable, physiologically and mentally.”

“I don’t know,” Laios said, “humans are…”

Kabru considered him for a moment, appraising his uneasy, twisted expression. There were bits he’d learned about Laios, here and there, that suggested a story that Kabru had never dared ask directly about.

“Let me guess,” Kabru said, “and tell me if I’m wrong. Humans are something other to you, right? Something irrational. Alien. Humans took your childhood and destroyed it. Humans drove you from your home, hurt the people you loved. The harm came out of nowhere, without explanation, and you were powerless against it. You lived in fear of them, and even now, in some ways, you’re still afraid. Deep down, you find the idea of them revolting.”

Laios’s face was white. His fingers clenched in the fabric of his trousers, bloodless.

“Am I making the comparison clear enough?” Kabru asked.

“I don’t…” Laios said. “You’re not revolting to me.”

As much as he’d like to say otherwise, some small part of Kabru was relieved to hear it. Laios had said he liked him, had called him a friend, but Laios was so difficult to understand sometimes. And Kabru worried. He had always worried, ever since he met Laios.

“Thanks,” Kabru said, making light of it. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Laios didn’t smile. “The Winged Lion said some similar things to me,” he admitted. “And it’s true, there have been times in my life when I hated humans, when I wished for—um. Things that would probably scare you. But I also… know that I can’t ever really give up on being a human. Not just because of the curse…”

Laios ran his fingers through the downy feathers at the neck of his cloak, as if he was soothing himself.

“When I was a kid, I wanted to stop being human so badly it hurt. But when I was transformed, all I did was kill—I didn’t recognize anyone, not even the people I wanted to save most in the world. What I really wanted, all along, was to have it both ways. To be a monster, and also be myself.”

Taking a chance, Kabru reached out and took Laios’s hand. Broad and narrow, pale and dark, but they had the same callouses. He gave a squeeze.

“If you look at it the right way, I think you can have it both ways,” Kabru said. “Sort of.”

Laios frowned up at him.

“Let’s think about humans as a kind of monster,” Kabru went on. “What are their habits? Their strengths? What drives them, what makes them act like they do? I’ll teach you. Like I said, it’s really very interesting. Humans are driven by instinct as much as any other animal. They have predictable behaviors, once you understand the mechanisms.”

He squeezed again and then let go.

“Hunger, attraction, territoriality—We like to think we’re different than other creatures, but we’re really not,” Kabru said. “We’re just a bit more complicated, because of language.”

He opened the encyclopedia back up and paged through until he found the direwolf Laios had been chattering about earlier. “You said direwolves have a social family structure, just like humans. And just like humans, they can have abusive family dynamics, right? If the lead female bullies the younger females, the younger ones might rise up and kick her out of the pack, isn’t that what you said? So then, sometimes they don’t rise up. Why only sometimes?”

Laios blinked at Kabru’s finger. “You were listening to that?”

“I told you,” Kabru said. “I want to understand. When I watch you, I believe that there must still be some value in monsters. If you see something beautiful in them, then there must be something beautiful in them.”

He considered the illustration for a long moment, each tuft of fur with its own graceful motion, the detail rendered so closely, with such care of knife against block print.

“Things that are frightening can also be beautiful, don’t you think?”

#dungeon meshi #spoilers

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white-poppie · 2 years

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How Ran Likes em'

Characters: Ran Haitani x reader Genre: Crime AU Warnings: casino, poker, gambling, drinking, suggestiveness Writer: @ white-poppie

Song recommendation: Gangsta by Kehlani

This fic is an excerpt from my book: L'appel du vide (Please check it out !!)

Tokyo Revengers (東京リベンジャーズ)

"Wait how did I lose again?" you pouted fakely, staring at the dice.

You liked the black dress that you were forced to wear. A tight bodice that fell till your knees and renaissance-style puffy sleeves that adored your shoulders.

Your phone lay in your purse, connected to it was a chip, Naoto and Mitsuya could hear everything.

"You bet 5 and it landed on 6," the man chuckled at your unknowingness, "first time here?"

"Yeah, my friend said she would be here, but she cancelled at the last minute, so I thought why not try a hand when I am already here," you muttered, "but I am failing miserably!"

"Wish someone could teach me though," you whispered softly, but loud enough for your prey, no rather your hunter to hear.

Cloudy violet eyes travelled across the table, meeting your gaze, you pretended to squeak in surprise at the encounter (which wasn't really pretence, because, boy were you scared.)

Ran raised his eyebrows at your reaction, a little toothy smirk adorning his porcelain face.

He walked over to your table, a hand swirling the Vodka glass in his hands, standing behind you, he chuckled when you visibly tensed at your position.

"Need a hand, pretty?" he said huskily and you shivered in slight fear, "I'll help you with the game."

"That- would be g-great thank you" you answered, suddenly the corset wrapped around your waist felt much tighter.

"Are you from Japan?" he questioned

You fake gasped and smiled, "yes! you too sir?"

"Mhm," he smiled, secretly liking the fact that you addressed him as 'sir.'

✅: Ran loves being called sir.

He looked at the host, "what game you playin'?"

"Hazard," he answered.

"Ooh, a simple one," he said breathily, "Listen, doll, you'll be given two dies, choose a number between 5 and 9 and roll, you get money or get money taken from each right or wrong answer."

"Got it," you nodded taking the dice in your hands. Shaking them in your hands.

"Pick a number," the host asked.

"7," you answered and rolled the die and it landed on 7!

You smiled at the host, he passed you the 20000 yen ($150)

"Ooh~ you are a first learner," Ran grinned.

"I calculated the median (middle value) as soon as I understood the rules, a high chance of a win," you answered sweetly.

"Impressive."

✅: Ran likes em' smart

"Say, doll, wanna watch me play poker?" he asked and you nodded shyly, how pretentious.

Ran chuckled and guided you to the poker table, everyone there just screamed 'rich' without even uttering a single word. The wooden table glinted under the yellow light, people wearing suits and their women practically stuck to them with glue.

"Give me the deck," he told a man who looked like he was in his forties.

"Eh? It's my turn right now!" he panted out, keeping a hand on the woman's spine who sat on his lap.

Ran smiled and took out the gun that was tucked under his shirt and kept it on the table, a kind smile was etched on his face, "the deck, old man."

The man gulped ad handed him the deck, and the lady squeaked in terror. "Let's go," he told her and left his seat, another man took the opportunity and sat opposite to Ran.

"Didn't know guns were allowed at Casinos," you said as calmly as possible.

"They aren't, but people make an exception f' me," he looked at you and winked. A few seconds of quiet went by as he spoke again, "what's wrong, doll, scared?"

"More like intrigued," you said cheerily.

Ran chuckled at your response, "aren't you an interesting one."

"By the way, I didn't catch your name yet," you asked.

This made him suddenly go stiff and for the first time tonight, you feared for your life.

"Usually I don't answer when people ask me this, but it's Haitani Ran."

"Ash(Hai) Valley(Tani) and Orchid (Ran), you have a pretty name."

✅: Ran likes em' occasionally bold

Ran laughed at your etymology of his name, "how adorable," he whispered, "let's start the game, shall we?"

Saying that Ran Haitani had skilled hands at Poker would be an understatement. His nimble fingers worked quickly through the card deck, shuffling his cards in some squanderingly extravagant way.

You weren't going to lie, you were impressed.

"You are so good at this," you said staring at his hands, "like a magician."

"Wanna see some real magic doll?"

You nodded excitedly, mentally groaning at the act you had to put up.

"Get me a Martini princess, I'll win for you til' then," he chortled, giving his opponent a dangerous glint.

You nodded and walked to the bar, "one martini please."

✅: Ran likes em' obedient

Ran wasn't lying when he said he was going to show you some magic. You had absolutely no idea how he had managed to win 10 million yen ($74,300) in a matter of minutes. He extended his hand and you gave him the martini.

"Cheers," he said while bumping the glass in the air, towards his opponent, he was mocking them. The man tsked and left at his humiliation.

You clapped in delight, "sir that was amazing!"

"You were the lucky charm, pretty," he smirked and you couldn't help but cringe at his blatant flirting.

"I failed to catch your name," he asked.

"Tanaka Yumi," you smiled while placing forward a fake name Naoto had given to you.

"Tanaka Yumi, would you be interested in working for my organization?" he asked, you heartbeat lifted at his offer, he had fallen right into your trap.

"Don't have to do much, just run a few errands, listen to everything the members say, calculate a little and most importantly, not tell a single soul where you were and what is happening inside the premises."

"May I know what is the name of the organization," you asked to appear genuine.

"Bonten." bingo.

You gasped at his statement, "Bonten as in the criminal organization?"

"Mhm," he chuckled, "you'll get a lotta money though, and if you disagree...I'll have to kill you because you know too much."

You gulped and nodded, "I-i- accept sir, I am in need of money, my brother passed away recently, he was the only one I had in my family,' you sniffled.

Ran cooed and patted your head in faux sympathy, "there, there."

You looked at the time and gasped, "I will have to leave now sir, would there be any interview for the job?"

"Nope, I am the interviewer and you are hired, come to work from tomorrow," he searched his pockets and took out a card, "remember doll, no harm will be done to you as long as you keep your mouth shut."

You nodded and bowed at him.

'Ran Haitani,' you thought.

'Tanaka Yumi,' he pondered.

"I am going to ruin you."

Tags: @rintaroubby @nanaseishiro @dislownini @idowritingandstuff, @bakaface @denkis111, @jazzylove,@maybeleftoverjourneys, @lordmypantsaresocool, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle, @kristaline2dmensimp, @astrofai

Tokyo Revengers (東京リベンジャーズ)

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archivxx · 1 year

Text

✯[0.06-extra]✯

Main story.| Previous || Next

Note: Kyle will be mad at me for dating Clyde, and I can’t do anything about it. It is an inevitable fact.

“Pass the salt.”

You would have but Kyle looked like he was already salty enough. So you leaned your hip against the counter and folded your arm across your chest. “Kyle.”

“And the pepper.”

“Kyle.”

“And the oil.”

“Kyle…”

“Sunflower. Not that grape-seed crap.”

“Listen. It’s not what you think—”

“Fine. I’ll get it myself.”

To be fair, Kyle had every right to be mad. And you did feel for him. Kyle was a year older than you, he had been pursuing this dream for longer than you had. He family were never “musically talented” per se but they were musical, and so were their children. Only Kyle was the one to go on and do something bigger than just singing or preforming for his family. Did Kyle want to be in for a musical career? Probably no. Did he want to be a lawyer like his father, and like his parents had wanted and pressured from him? Also no.

Not to say that Kyle was unhappy. His plan was to get a nice cushy life which he was achieving essentially spot on, which his parents would not be able to object to. In the mean time, all he really wanted was to have a normal life and spend it with his friends which is exactly what he was doing. He did things that were unimaginable to most of the friend group, like, cooking real food! Going on hikes! Meditating! Sitting down and reading!

Which is why when Cylde simply walked past him after telling him his cords sounded weird and that he should work on it, it made him a very very miserable few months. In retrospect, that might had been when Kyle started wishing a plague on Donovan’s house (he had been reading Romeo and Juliet at the time).

“Kyle, can we please talk about this?”

“We’re talking.”

“No, you are cooking and I am just standing here, trying to get you to acknowledge that you are mad because Clyde—”

He turned away from his casserole, wagging his finger in your direction. “Do not say it.”

“Don’t say what?”

“You know what.”

“Clyde Don—?”

“Do not say his name.”

You threw your hands up. “This is crazy. It’s fake, Kyle.”

He went back to chopping the asparagus. “Pass the salt.”

“Are you even listening? It’s not real.”

“And the pepper, and the—”

“The relationship, it’s fake. We’re not really dating. We’re pretending so people will think that we’re dating.”

Kyle’s hands stopped mid-chop. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Is it a…friends-with-benefits arrangement? Because—”

“No. It’s the opposite. There are no benefits. Zero benefits. Zero sex. Zero friends, too.”

He he stared at you, narrow-eyed. “To be clear, oral and butt stuff totally counts as sex—”

“Kyle.”

He took a step closer, grabbing a dishrag to wipe his hands, flailing his nostrils. “I’m scared to ask.”

“I know it sounds ridiculous. He’s helping me out by pretending we’re together because I lied to Nichole, and I need her to feel okay about dating Tolkien. It’s all fake. Clyde and I have talked exactly” —you decided on the spot to omit any information pertinent to The Night—“three times, I know nothing about him. Except that he’s willing to help me handle this situation, and I jumped at the chance.”

Kyle was making that face, the one he saved for people who wore sandles with socks. He could be a little scary, you had to admit.

“This is…wow.” There was a vein pulsating on his forehead. “N/N, this is a whole new level of stupid”

“Maybe.” Yes. Yes it was. “But it is what it is. You have to support me in my idiocy because you are my roommate and one of my best friends.”

“Isn’t Donovan your best friend now?”

“Come on, Kyle. He’s a dick. But he’s actually been pretty nice to me, and—”

“I’m not even—” he grimaced. “I’m not going to address this.”

You sighed. “Okay. Don’t address this. You don’t have to. But can you just not hate me? Please? I know he’s been a nightmare to like the whole world, you included. But he’s helping me out. You, Craig and Nichole are the only ones I care about knowing the truth. But I can’t tell Craig since he’ll tell Nichole and Nichole can’t know—”

“—for obvious reasons.”

“—for obvious reasons,” you finished at the same time and smiled. He just shook his head disapprovingly, but his expression had softened.

“N/N you’re amazing. And kind, way too kind. You should find someone better to date than Clyde. Someone to date for real.”

“Yeah right.” You rolled your eye’s. “Because it went so well with Tolkien. Who, by the way, I only agreed to date following your advice! ‘Give the boy a chance,’ you said. ‘What could go wrong?’ You said.”

Kyle glared, and you laughed.

“Listen, I’m clearly bad at real dating. Maybe fake dating will be different. Maybe I’ve found my niche.”

He sighed. “Does it have to be Donovan? There are better famous singers that you can date.”

“Like who?”

“I don’t know. Bebe Stevens?”

“Isn’t she married?”

“Oh. Yeah. What about Tweek Tweak? Not a singer I know but definitely someone who’s single.”

You burst into laughter. “I could never fake-date Tweek, not with how assiduously Craig’s been thirsting after him for the past five years.”

“He has, hasn’t he? Well did I ever tell you I caught them two seriously flirting in his family coffee shop last week? I’m pretty sure Tweek winked at him multiple times from the behind the counter. Now some say he just has a twitch, but—”

“‘Me. I said that he has a twitch. And you tell me about Craig and Tweek every other day.”

“Right.” He sighed. “You know, N/N, I just want Craig to be happy. And I would have fake-dated you myself in a heartbeat to save you from goddamned Donovan. I would have held hands with you, and given you my jacket when you were cold, and very publicly gifted you chocolates and roses and teddy bears on Valentine’s Day.”

How refreshing, to talk to someone who’d watched a rom-com. Or ten. “I know. But also you but you bring home a different girl every week, and you love it. And I know you love it. And I don’t want to cramp your style.”

“Fair.” Kyle looked pleased—whether at the fact that he really did get around a fair bit or at your thorough understanding of his dating habits, you weren’t sure.

“Can you please not hate me, then?”

He tossed the kitchen cloth onto the counter and stepped closer. “N/N. I could never hate you. You’ll always be my bubbala.” He pulled you into his chest, hugging you tight. At the beginning, when you’d just met, you had been constantly disoriented by how physical he was, probably because it had been a while since you’d experienced such physical contact. Now, Kyle’s hugs were your happy place.

You lean your head on his shoulder and smiled into the Cotten of his T-shirt. “Thanks”

Kyle held you tighter.

“Also I promise if I ever bring Clyde home, I’ll put a sock on my door—Ouch!”

“You evil creature.”

“I was kidding! Wait, don’t leave, I have something important to tell you.”

He paused by the door, scowling. “I’ve reached my maximum daily intake of Donovan-related conversation. Anything further will be lethal, so—”

“Pete Thelman, the one funding that giant Cancer Awareness event got back to me! It’s not decided yet, but he might be interested in having the band perform!”

“Oh my God.” Kyle walked back to you, delighted. “N/N, this is amazing! I thought we had no chance, honestly.”

“Well no, me either, but I guess we were wrong! It would be—”

“Fantastic. It would really be fantastic. N/N I’m so excited, and proud of you for following your gut.” Kyle took your hands in his, his face-splitting grin slow and gentled. “And your mom would be so excited, too.”

You looked away, blinking rapidly. You didn’t want to cry, not tonight. “Nothing is set in stone, I’ll have to persuade him. It will invoked quite a bit of him reviewing the band and out music, and pitching us to him. Which you know is not my forte. It might still not work—”

“It will work out.”

Right. Yes. You needed to be optimistic. You nodded, attempting a smile.

“But even if it didn’t…she would still be proud.”

You nodded again. When a single tear managed to slide down your cheek, you decided to let it be.

Forty-five minutes later, you and Kyle sat on your minuscule couch, arms pressed together, watching RuPaul’s Drag Race while you ate a very undersalted veggie casserole

Masterlist

Taglist: @carinaryen @bootsieboo @h3artilly @southparktegreity

#south park #bounded smau #clyde donovan #clyde donovan x reader #kyle broflovski #reader insert

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goodnightmemes · 1 year

Text

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON, S01E01 “THE HEIRS OF THE DRAGON” SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ Welcome back. I trust your ride was pleasant. ❜

❛ Try not to look too relieved. ❜

❛ I believe I’m quite content as a spectator, thank you. ❜

❛ I’d rather serve as a knight and ride to battle and glory. ❜

❛ We have royal wombs, you and I. The childbed is our battlefield. ❜

❛ Now take a bath. You stink of dragon. ❜

❛ Well, that sounds suspiciously like good news. ❜

❛ And are we meant to weep for dead pirates? ❜

❛ The crown has heard your report, and takes it under advisement. ❜

❛ You must understand that these things are mere estimations. ❜

❛ We have no way of predicting the sex of the child. ❜

❛ Court is so dreadfully boring. ❜

❛ I bought you something. ❜

❛ You’re always like this when you’re worried. ❜

❛ I want to fly with you on dragonback, see the great wonders across the Narrow Sea, and eat only cake. ❜

❛ You aren’t worried about your position? ❜

❛ I like this position. It’s quite comfortable. ❜

❛ Bad humors of the mind can adversely affect the body. ❜

❛ Cauterization would be a wise course of treatment. ❜

❛ You spend more time in that bath than I do on the throne. ❜

❛ This is the only place I can find comfort these days. ❜

❛ After this miserable pregnancy I wouldn’t be surprised if I hatched an actual dragon. ❜

❛ You do understand nothing will cause the babe to grow a cock if it does not already possess one? ❜

❛ I’m certain of it. I’ve never been more certain of anything. ❜

❛ The dream. It was clearer than a memory. ❜

❛ I know it is my duty to provide you an heir, and I’m sorry if I have failed you in that. I am. ❜

❛ Carry on. You were saying something about my impunity. ❜

❛ Making a public spectacle of wanton brutality is hardly in line with our laws. ❜

❛ Our city should be safe for all its people. ❜

❛ You know how my brother makes sport of provoking you. Must you indulge him? ❜

❛ Now, I’m fairly certain I can win these games. Having your favor would all but assure it. ❜

❛ She’s fighting with all her might, but it may not be enough. ❜

❛ And the day grows ugly. ❜

❛ These knights are as green as summer grass. None have known real war. ❜

❛ We must either act now or leave it with the gods. ❜

❛ Don’t be scared. ❜

❛ This is the last thing any of us wish to discuss at this dark hour, but I consider the matter urgent. ❜

❛ Despite how difficult this time is, Your Grace, I feel it important the succession be firmly in place for the stability of the realm. ❜

❛ What are you saying? My brother would murder me, take my crown? ❜

❛ The gods have yet to make a man who lacks the patience for absolute power. ❜

❛ My wife and son are dead! I will not sit here and suffer crows that come to feast on their corpses! ❜

❛ All I wanted was for someone to say that they were sorry for what happened to me. ❜

❛ But dream and pray as they all might, it seems I’m not so easily replaced. ❜

❛ The gods give just as the gods take away. ❜

❛ You cut the image of the conqueror. ❜

❛ We must all mourn in our own way. ❜

❛ I have only ever defended you! Yet everything I’ve given you, you’ve thrown back in my face. ❜

❛ I’ve only ever spoken the truth. ❜

❛ He doesn’t protect you. I would. ❜

❛ I have decided to name a new heir. ❜

❛ When you look at the dragons, what do you see? ❜

❛ The idea that we control the dragons is an illusion. They’re a power man should never have trifled with. ❜

❛ I’m sorry. I have wasted the years since you were born wanting for a son. ❜

❛ You are the very best of your mother. ❜

❛ Promise me this. Promise me. ❜

#rp meme #sentence starters #rp sentence meme #sentence meme #rp prompt #inbox meme #roleplay meme #roleplay prompts #sentence starter meme #rp memes #rp prompts #*tv #*hotd

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just-a-poor-boy-queen · 2 years

Note

Not going on anon for this one, wish me luck!

How the Bohrap movie should have been written:

Insight into Freddie's childhood and the hardships he endured at boarding school. Part of the reason Rocketman was so impactful was because it showed you how Elton was shaped from a young boy to adulthood, and how this added to his struggle with his identity. I know it's harder with Freddie, because we don't have any first hand accounts from him, but there are a few sources with info about what he went through, and even if it was just brief flashbacks scattered throughout, it would be much more impactful than just one scene were Freddie glances at a childhood photo.

Freddie's relationship with Rosemary. I swear, Rosemary gave such good insight into how Freddie struggled as a closeted gay man, and how he would drop hint after hint about his sexuality, only to be ignored or invalidated by the people around him. Show him crying after being intimate with her because he wants to be with a man, and she just doesn't get it. Show him making gay jokes in front of his friends and feeling hurt when he realises they don't get it. Show him running away when Rosemary tries to introduce him to her gay friends because facing the truth is too overwhelming, and nobody gets it.

Instead of presenting him as 100% straight until fame "corrupted" him (no, subtle glances at other men that last a millisecond don't count,) show him as a struggling gay man who is trapped in a heterosexual relationship with Mary, while clearly being interested in the same sex. IRL, Freddie was falling in love with men and looking to break up with Mary as early as 1972 and would ask other people to do it for him because he was too scared to do it himself. He wanted out.

Less downplay on Jer and Bomi's homophobia. They're sitting at the dinner table, watching Freddie try to play the part of Mr Heterosexual and they know none of it's real. Bonus points if Jer uses the line, "are you up to your old tricks again"?

Additional scenes - Freddie beginning to dress androgynously and wear make up, which his parents also disapproved of while he was living at home. (Not trying to demonise Jer and Bomi here, but this was Freddie's reality.)

We see Freddie face racism in the movie, but for some reason they really gloss over the homophobia. There are accounts of gay slurs being thrown at Freddie while onstage, someone criticising him for having feminine hands, his own roadies making homophobic jokes behind his back, etc. Stop pretending these things didn't happen because you don't want to acknowledge that Freddie was gay.

DAVID FUCKING MINNS - Freddie meeting him while dating Mary and falling head over heels. They begin their love affair and Freddie has to battle between his true feelings and what's expected of him. When they break up, Freddie is devastated, because that was his first proper relationship with a man and he was truly in love for the first time.

When Paul catches Freddie composing LOML, he asks "is it for Mary?" and Freddie says, "no, I just felt like writing a sad love song." Paul's all like, "well, it's called "Love of my Life", surely it's for your girlfriend?" and Freddie tells him to drop it. Nothing more is said, but there's enough indication for the audience to know that Freddie loves Mary, but he's not in love with her, and he can't keep pretending he is.

Sidenote: Paul knows this. He knows about David, he knows that Freddie is living a lie, and that it's making him miserable. Instead of making a move on him (fuck you, whoever's appalling decision that was), Paul tells Freddie he can't keep running from himself and encourages him to tell Mary the truth. (Because, you know, Paul was an asshole but he didn't deserved to be turned into the "evil gay" who "turned" Freddie in order to give the movie a villain. At one point, he was a close friend of Freddie and there's no doubt in my mind that he gave Freddie emotional support when he needed it.) Et voila. An impactful scene that still adheres to Hollywood clichés.

Show us the gay men who had a positive impact on Freddie's life. Elton John. Peter Straker. John Reid. Thor and the New York Sisters. There are more, but I'd be here a while.

Freddie actually having fun at gay clubs and blossoming into a happy, confident gay man. Yes, he had bad experiences too, and they should be explored. But would it kill them to show him having a good time in an LGBT space without turning the gay scene into a scary world of degeneracy?

JOE. FUCKING. FANELLI.

A brief look at Freddie's dating life with different men, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because he doesn't have a blueprint as to how healthy relationships should work, he thinks that abuse and jealousy are normal in a relationship and the only way to prove you truly love someone. When he meets Jim, this changes and he realises that he doesn't have to play mind games and be manipulative to be loved. Character development, yo.

An accurate representation of how Freddie and Jim met.

When Mary's had her segment, she fucks off and is only seen sparingly. Freddie is an adult and can survive without holding his ex-girlfriend's hand. The movie is about him, not her.

The Garden Lodge family getting up to shenanigans.

Give the other band members some fucking depth, Christ. Show Roger' and Freddie selling clothes at Kensington Market. Brian and Freddie having a heart to heart about the struggles of fame. John Deacon missing his family during a tour, and Freddie being a shoulder to cry on. Just something.

THE CATS. GIVE US MORE CATS. SHOW GOLIATH GOING AWOL AND EVERYONE IN GL FREAKING OUT. SHOW JIM BUYING FREDDIE A NEW KITTEN AND FREDDIE LOSING HIS SHIT. GIVE US A MONTAGE OF PHOEBE TRYING TO KEEP THE FELINES IN ORDER. GIVE US MORE CATS.

Freddie calling Jim his husband. The rings. The honeymoon in Japan. A montage of them being in a happy, committed relationship while a voice over of Freddie's interview with David Wigg plays over it.

Instead of the movie ending at Live Aid (never understood that decision) and ten minutes of my life with an unneeded re-enactment, end it with the filming of "These are the Days of our Lives." Freddie's been diagnosed, he puts on a brave face, all his loved ones are watching him perform for his final video. He ends with the words, "I still love you" to the audience. Fade to black. An emotional and beautiful ending to the film, not shying away from the illness that claimed Freddie's life, while not explicitly showing his death. (And, you know, it also doesn't imply that he deliberately infected Jim.)

A movie that acknowledges and embraces Freddie's experiences as a gay man living in a homophobic world, instead of demonising/straightwashing/ignoring his sexuality. And before some asshole says, "Freddie's sexuality doesn't matter, that shouldn't be the focus," it DOES fucking matter because his sexuality has been twisted, downplayed, and shamed for decades and it's really getting old. They had the opportunity to defend Freddie from the homophobes who say he brought his death on himself by getting involved in a "sinful" lifestyle, but all they did was reinforce that idea. They could have easily made a movie that focused on Freddie's music while also being respectful of the man he was.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Oof. Wow. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed reading this. And yes, I agree with all of your takes.

Perhaps, it wouldn’t have been possible to account for all the things you mentioned, but including even one of these would have made the film better than it was.

I will forever be pissed at the writers/makers, because the film is such a fucked up piece of cinema that, according to me, pays absolutely no tribute to Freddie. It enforces harmful stereotypes against gay men, propagates myths about Freddie’s sexuality, erases his struggles, elevates Mary fucking Austin to a saint like status, and reduces the most important relationship of his life to 2 seconds of screentime. Overall, the film is a fucking piece of garbage.

It is so clear that it was made only to earn money and win Oscars and not with the intention to celebrate Freddie. They achieved both of those things, so Freddie’s real story doesn’t matter to them at all.

Fuck the film. As @obsessivelollipoplalala recently said in one of her responses, I cannot read anything about the film without wanting to break or bite something.

#asks #borhap is a homophobic piece of garbage #you will never change my mind #absolute rubbish

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softtdaisy · 2 years

Note

This idea is so lovely, I might send in more than one ask 🙈 love the vibes! And congrats on the milestone 💗 I would like you to sing me a song 🌷 Like real people do by Hozier 🌷 for either Andrew or Peter, you decide - we both know I'm indecisive af 😅😘

_like real people do

tasm!peter parker x fem!reader

based on: like real people do by Hozier

summary: after a rough night, peter comfort in you, someone he doesn't know and isn't even sure is real

words: 757

a/n: i have no idea how I had this idea??? it's so different from what I write normally I hope you will like it honey and thank you again for your sweet message ♥️

join my secret garden for my 1k celebration 🌸

Peter felt miserable that night. He hated when his mission turned bad. When it felt like the whole world was falling on him and was burring him alive. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. The fear of dying was huge, but those night he wished he could take the place of the dead in their grave.

So here he was, standing at the top of a building, looking at the city that hated him as much it loved him. That he hated as much as he loved it. One movement and he could fall. But why was he lying? He knew he would have the reflex to shoot a web and save his life.

His silence was broken when he heard some footstep behind him. He turned around immediately, curious and on his guard. Nobody should be there. All the night he came here, he never saw one single soul.

But there you were. Like you belonged here. “I wish I could say I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was someone here. But I saw you from downstair and I was scared you would make a mistake.” You said with a soft voice that was like honey around Peter’s heart. You sounded like an angel. Were you even real or did his mind created a person to help him tonight? He didn’t even want to know. He gave you a sweet smile to invite you to sit with him. Which you did.

You both had your legs dangling above the city, like two children sitting on a swing. “So, what’s going on?” you asked him.

You didn’t question his suit. Almost like it made sense to see Spiderman here tonight. Without his mask. He was glad you were questioning him about it. “I had a bad night,” he simply answered, and you nodded. Like it was enough.

“I know those.”

None of asked each other about your presence here, why you were both at the top of one New York’s highest building, sitting at the edge and not afraid to fall. It made sense for you to be together tonight. It was doomed to happen, in some ways.

Peter turned his head to look at you and noticed how you kept looking at him too. You had that sweet smile that was reassuring him. There was still some beauty in this world that he had to discover. You were one of them. He wanted to discover every single piece of yourself. Without thinking, he brought a hand to your face and brushed your cheek slowly. Deep down, it was a way for him to make sure you existed. That you weren’t some ghost or whatever supernatural thing. You were real. You were there with him. And you weren’t running away. No, you were even cuddling against his hand like you needed some comfort too.

Peter wanted to kiss you so badly. It was maybe the only moment in his life when he would be able to do that. Just kiss you, once in his life to know how it feels. Kiss an angel that probably saved his night. You probably read his mind, or maybe you were thinking just like him. But your smile wasn’t lying, you wanted the exact same thing. “Do it” you whispered, your breath touching his lips.

Peter brought his other hand to your face to grab it and he started kissing you by putting his lips on yours slowly. He wanted to taste it first, with a soft and gentle touch. Making sure, once more, that you were real. Then he started kissing you for real, opening his lips to accept all the passion and comfort he needed tonight, and you were ready to give him. You just kissed like normal people would. Like a normal couple would kiss each other at night when they found each other after a long day. Like normal lovers would live their passion and their love.

The thing you did that night on the rooftop will probably stayed on Peter’s mind forever. The feeling of your skin against his, of your lips of his or your mouth all over your body. The feeling how hearing your shaking voice in his ears, of his name on your tongue. He felt warmed and loved for a few hours.

He woke up when the sun started to show itself again.

And you weren’t here anymore.

One more time, Peter wondered if you were real or if he just imagined the person that would save him from himself all along?

#peter parker #Peter Parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker story #Peter Parker x you #tasm!peter x you #tasm!peter x y/n #tasm!peter parker x reader #tasm!peter x reader #tasm!Peter Parker imagine #tasm!peter parker #andrew garfield imagine #andrew garfield x you #andrew garfield x reader #andrew garfield #andrew garfield x female reader #1K celebration #my writing

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imsleepmhm · 1 year

Text

CHAPTER ONE

*Yoongi isn't a idol in this story

TW: abuse, mentions of murder

* if I missed any tell me

_____________________________________

Love, a beautiful but treacherous thing.

It can be sweet and gentle or harsh and bitter, with the right conditions, it could make you feel happy or miserable. It would bring joy to your heart but will leave you empty if things don’t work out for you. It can make you feel like shit when everything is going well in your life. Love can bring people together and fill broken pieces.But most importantly, love is also cruel. Love has hurt people, broken hearts and stolen happiness. But more often than not, it’s the best kind of pain. For every hurt you receive you can get rid of any burden you carry, and give yourself a chance at what you truly desire.

Pain, in all its forms are just manifestations of something better that lives deep inside us. We cannot see it but we can feel it. Sometimes the pain hurts so badly that we feel as though our own soul is being torn apart and we wish to scream and cry. We want to give up all hope on ever finding someone who loves us back.We need to learn how to forgive ourselves too, because there is no cure for the suffering we have caused ourselves. No amount of time, energy, effort nor money can ever repair the damage we have done. Some say forgiveness is easier said than done but we must face the truth; some wounds may never heal. It might take years, maybe even decades but in the end, our pain will become something else, and we won’t even realize it has been taken away until it is gone.Sometimes we find a way to live past the pain. Sometimes we find a way to love someone again. Other times the hurt takes a toll on us, we lose our strength and sometimes we don’t feel whole anymore, we just don’t know whether to smile or frown anymore, whether to laugh or weep. Some people are lucky and others aren't. The only thing one can do is look forward to the next day.

..........................................................................

" y/n, I'm not playing with you. if you walk out that door you're going to regret it.", Jay says as I walk towards the front door with my things.

" I can't stay with you...I can't keep allowing myself to stay in a relationship that is toxic and abusive.", I say. It has taken me long enough to be able to get up the courage to leave him and I wasn't going to let him scare me our of finally leaving.

" Abusive? I have never put my hands on you." , he says and I can feel his glares stabbing me in the back.

" Abuse can be verbal to.", I say finally reaching the door. " We're over."

" I didn't agree to that."

Suddenly he's behind me, pulling me towards him by the hair.

" You wanna be abused so badly, huh?", he says throwing me to the floor.

" I got you."

" Leave me alone, Jay", I yell trying to hurry up and out of here. At this point I don't care if I had suitcase or not because those things can be replaced unlike my life.

" No, you want to leave me? You think you can live without me, huh? I got you.", he says and for the first time in our whole relationship I finally realized just how bad he was. I hurriedly got up and rushed to the door. But once again before I could grab the knob he grabbed me by my hair

and pulled me toward him, moving his hands from my hair to my arm. This time it hurt a lot, his grip was hard and his nails dug into my skin, making me bleed a little.

" You're mine." he growls holding his arm up high as he punched me in the stomach.

I fall on the ground, unable to breathe . I tried to push him off me, but he held me down by my neck.

" Do you hate me?",he asks looking at me while still holding my head up.

" N...no?.", i manage to choke out.

He laughs coldly before grabbing me and making me stand up. He threw me to the couch and I landed on my back. He was looming over me, smiling evilly as he leaned down, placing his hand on my chest.

" Then why are you trying to leave me?", he says slowly caressing my collarbone with his thumb.

" I told you, I refuse to allow you to continue to verbally abuse me. We're supposed to be in love, but this...this isn't love.", I say looking him in the eyes as tears started coming out of mine. There was a time when I was in love with him but now all of our good moments are tainted by the newer version of him.

" What do you mean this isn't love, huh? You want me to drop everything for you all the time? You want me to sugar coat everything you do so that your pride won't be hurt?", he says looking at me with disgust, " This isn't a fairy tale this is the real world. You of all people should know that. You should be lucky that I even want to be with you because no one else ever wanted you."

" Your're going to far. I.."

" No, you're going to far. I gave you everything and yet you act like you're better than me? Without me you would be nothing...without me you are nothing.", he says interrupting me saying the same words he always said when things didn't go his way.

" Do you really think that I would let you walk out on me like that? After all that we have been through? Who was there for you when your dad tried to kill you, huh? Who helped you get away from him? I did...I was the only one there for you...I'm the only one who cares about you...you don't even deserve it but I still deal with you." , he says wrapping his hand around my neck, his hold growing tighter until I couldn't breath anymore and I struggled to move out of his grasp.

" Let...me...go...",i gasped out.

" You deserve to die...just like your father", he said squeezing harder on my throat and pushing me further and further down. I could feel myself suffocating, black dots dancing on my vision. All I could hear was his voice, whispering all the things he did to my father and all the things he planned for me.

" Please...stop...", i whispered in between breaths. But I knew he wouldn't stop. He just kept talking to me, and soon he started hitting.

" You deserve this y/n"

"y/n"

" Y/N...Y/NNN!", I hear a voice say waking me up. I look up to see my friend, Jennie, looking at me worriedly while shaking me.

" Are you OK? It looked like you were having a really bad dream.", she says helping me to sit up.

" Yea, I'm fine. I'm sorry I made you worry.", I tell her hoping that my smile looked natural and not forced.

" You know, when your ready to talk I'm here, ok", she says and I just nod my head and lay back down, knowing that Iost likely won't be able to fall back asleep after that.

#bts fanfic #yoongi x reader #bts #fanfic

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the-merrick-archives · 2 years

Text

A Path Begins

Merrick was in her living room, alone…at least she thought so. It had been a few days since she has spoken to another soul, these changes causing a fear to take hold of her. She didn’t know who, what she was. Only that she could hurt people, be a danger to them. And that terrified her.

But it did something else, too.

“Oh, Merrick…my dear child. Look how much you’ve grown already!”

The voice. That voice. Feminine with a sinister layer just underneath the sweetened tones. Merrick is on her feet, looking around, vibrant purple eyes alight with fear. We’re they here to ask for the Favor?! It was too soon, she barely had time to do anything-

In a far corner, an entity emerged from the shadows, shrouded in black and purple. Similar violet eyes, bright and dangerous, stare out from a hooded face. “I am the last thing you need to be scared of, my child. Do not worry.”

“Violet…w-what is going on? What’s wrong with me?!” Merrick asks, trying to keep the pleading out of her voice and failing.

“Wrong with you? Why, nothing! You are just as you should be, my sweet Merrick.”

“No…no. I-I helped kill a man! And I…there was a part of me that…” Enjoyed it.

“You exterminated a cockroach.” Violet responds coldly, the temperature of the room dropping in response. They glide along the floor, moving closer. “He assaulted you, and lets be honest, would have done much worse if given the chance. Yet you bent him to your will, so that he may help snuff out his own miserable existence. My child, if not for you, he would be doing the same to others, would he not? The first kill is never the easiest, young one.”

Merrick can’t bring herself to speak for a long moment because they made sense. It made the most sense to her, he couldn’t hurt others ever again. She shakes her head and takes a few steps back. “I’m not a killer, I d-don’t want to be. What have you done to me?! I didn’t ask for any of this power! I only wanted to be free of my prison!”

“…Oh, my dear. I’m only a guide on your journey.” They’re circling her now, observing every angle with interest. Merrick shivers. “You are void-touched. No human could spend the amount of time you did in the void and emerge a normal human. Your very being was exposed to energies you can’t possibly comprehend. Or hope to control and contain, if not for my help.”

“And you couldn’t divulge any of this before? You could only come to me in dreams and nightmares and show me what I can do?” She gets the sensation of a hand moving along her cheek and she flinches away.

“I had to test your resolve, Merrick. You are strong, but you cling to the past. You wish to be what you once were, and you cannot.” The shroud suddenly moves to her side, hooded face next to her ear and icy cold breath fanning her cheek as they spoke. “You are not terrified that you helped kill someone. You are terrified that you enjoyed doing it.”

“NO!” Merrick screams, a vase from across the room flies toward Violet, but they are gone before it connects. But they were right, weren’t they?

Violet reappears in front of her. “Mind your tantrums, child. You must learn to control your powers unless you want to hurt someone on accident.” Merrick breathes heavily, eyes glowing as she glares at the being in front of her. “Heed my advice. Follow my visions. Be an instrument of justice. You hold the power to stop those that would do evil against innocents! You were a defender of law in your past life. Now, you have the chance to take it into your own hands. Make your choice, embrace your true nature…or your internal struggle will continue into eternity.”

After another moment, Merrick speaks again, quieter this time. “What is in this for you?”

“All that’s left of our deal is the Favor. If you wish to be strong enough to carry it out, and to stay amongst this plane of existence…you must be strong enough to do what is necessary.” Violet floats backwards, the dim lighting around them fluttering. “I will see you again soon, dear one.

And they are gone. And Merrick is left with a choice.

As much of a choice as it was.

#oc: merrick of violet intent #rp #district attorney #markiplier rp #oc

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sobeautifullyobsessed · 2 years

Text

Okay, as the hours are ticking away, I might as well get something off my chest. I’m hoping just the sharing of my anxiety will be enough to make it easier to face.

And please, don’t feel obligated to reply. I’m not doing this to make people feel for me. I just need the release.

I return to work tomorrow after two weeks away. I had to apply for an Emergency Leave of Absence for ‘compelling reasons’ as outlined on the website of the third-party company that handles leave requests and payouts. My reasons were 100% valid (not health related, and I have paperwork to back up what I explained about my living situation, and will present it if anyone asks to see it) but my request was summarily denied by the Store Manager, who wants my ‘ole ass out of there ASAP. I’m sure they’d like to do it without being liable for unemployment.

One of the front end supervisors texted me the day my request was rejected, and I replied that - well, I’m still losing my home with little notice AND I have no place to go, let alone any place to put a houseful of stuff to store. She wished me luck and I haven’t heard a word since.

If When they fire people, they wait until nearly the end of their shift, which mean 5-6 hours of torture waiting for the guillotine blade to fall. I should be glad--I’ve been needing to get away from that hellhole for years, and ever since December it has felt like I’ve been playing chicken with management to see which of us gives first. I wish I wasn’t such a wimp as to be dreading the actual visit to the office to get it done. I’ll probably cry because that’s how I deal with shit, even when I’m angry not sad, and in this case, it’ll be with a huge sense of relief. I am praying that I WILL be eligible for unemployment--I think they could just say I abandoned my job, but I’m still on the schedule, so going back tomorrow proves that I didn’t.

If you’re the praying kind, I would appreciate some at this point.

*whew*

I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I will miss, things that have made what I once truly enjoyed into a miserable experience. There’s so much I’m going to miss about the work itself and the customers I take care of. I’ve made some good friends with people I’ve met across the counter, over the years, and I’m really going to miss them. I’ll miss the relief I see on the faces of people who have difficulties dealing with my coworkers who lack patience and finesse--people who always tell me how glad they are that I’m the one waiting on them. I’ll miss helping people that are nervous or scared because they have to do an unfamiliar financial service, and I alleviate their fear by being kind, sympathetic and professional (professional is something my company doesn’t even look for when hiring anymore). I’ll miss helping people (usually Senior Citizens) by preventing them from being scammed out of thousands of dollars via wire transfer fraud--I rarely get recognized for it, and I’m the last of those where I work who pays the proper attention to those kind of details.

I’m going to miss meeting people of numerous cultures from all around the world, and the beautiful color of their accents (those of the Caribbean and African nations are my favorites - such beautiful, lilting music to those tongues!) I’m going to miss my regulars (especially those from elsewhere in the globe) who I’ve chatted with and learned about their cultures and religions. And the way they treat me because they are glad to find a student of the world in such a humble setting.

I’ll miss the impeccable manners of gentlemen not born here, who always treat me with the utmost respect, making me envy the women of their cultures, especially when too many young man from here have come to my desk with harsh, foul language, and coarse behavior. I’ll miss the moments when a customer ‘gets’ that I am doing my very best to do the best for them--despite some difficult situations like severe understaffing. That I take each customer one at a time, and they get my full attention until the transaction is done. I’ll miss the terms of endearment they treat me with...Miss Vicki...Mama...’mam...because they feel the respect I treat them with.

One thing my employer, in it’s current state, plays lip service to but doesn’t know the first thing about seeing it done, is simple respect. Not just for the customers as unique individuals, but for their employees as individuals and as the assets we can be.

However it shakes out, I’m glad for my time of service. And for knowing on many specific occasions, I made a good difference in someone’s life, if only for an hour or a day. Gonna miss that too.

#anxiety #this has been coming a long time

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motownfiction · 2 years

Text

the winner takes it all

“Let’s talk about you,” Will says, and Lucy looks at him like he’s out of his mind.

“Me?” she asks (and immediately regrets how shrill she allowed her voice to get).

“Yeah, you. Let’s talk about you.”

“What about me?”

Will chuckles like there are too many possibilities to choose from. He gestures toward Elenore sitting on the floor with an almost-empty bag of Cheetos, mindlessly watching a silly beach movie on the TV.

“You could start with the reasons why you let our daughter watch beach movies from before we were born,” Will says. “That feels like a good place to start.”

Lucy rolls her eyes – still in good spirits, still in good fun.

“I don’t want her to walk through life not knowing who Frankie and Annette are,” she says. “My mom always said those are the worst kind of people. Well, not the worst ever, but the worst in a certain class.”

Will points at Lucy like he’s having some big realization. Lucy thinks it would probably be very cute if his energy didn’t scare the shit out of her.

“I thought that was it,” he says.

“What?” Lucy asks. “You thought my shameful love of ‘Pineapple Princess’ was the reason why I let our three-year-old watch Beach Blanket Bingo?”

“No. That’s not … it’s about knowing shit for you. It’s about knowing weird shit nobody else knows so that you can look impressive in front of everyone.”

Lucy bows her head and turns even redder than her lipstick.

“I wish it wasn’t true,” she says.

“Yeah, but it is,” Will says. “I mean … I don’t mean to be that blunt, but you’re pretty much the queen of just saying what you mean. So it can’t bug you too much.”

Lucy laughs, a little empty.

“No,” she says. “Doesn’t bother me at all.”

Will sighs and gets his arms around her. He’s still happy she doesn’t squirm away.

“I know how to do a lot of things,” Lucy says, almost like she’s assuring herself (because she is). “I’m … I’m good at a lot of things. But I don’t know how to stop that.”

“Stop what?” Will asks.

“Feeling like no matter what I do, it’s never going to be good enough. I mean, people have always known I’m smart. But except for my parents, you, and our friends, it’s like no one ever cared. Nick Crosby won all the writing contests. When we did NHS after-school tutoring, people always went to see Kim Campbell because she was good at math. Robby Blair’s average in Honors Biology was higher than mine, and he died midway through sophomore year, Will. He fucking died.”

“OK,” Will says. “I don’t know if you had to drag a teenager’s death into your self-loathing, but OK.”

Lucy rolls her eyes. Will holds her closer, and he’s still glad she’s not pulling away.

“Maybe it’s an only child thing,” Lucy says. “Maybe I got too much of my parents’ attention, and by the time I was in school, I didn’t know how to deal with other kids being around who were also good at things.”

Will shrugs.

“Could be.”

“Well, I’ve decided that’s the answer. Right now. And it’s torture. I don’t want Elenore to have to go through what I go through everyday. Will, I’ve changed my mind. Throw out the condoms. We’re having another baby. You know what they always say. Summer before junior year’s a charm.”

Will throws up his hands in some kind of surrender.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey,” he says. “Nobody’s throwing out anybody’s condoms. I’m trying to talk to you.”

“And I’m trying to procreate so our daughter isn’t some miserable overachiever like I am! See? Most people would have said ‘like me,’ but I didn’t because I know that’s wrong. I can’t even look ignorant in front of my husband!”

She lets out one, small, agonizing noise and plants her face in Will’s chest. He holds her close to him for a little while before tipping up her chin and looking into her eyes. He smiles. Even under duress, she is wonderful.

“It’s OK,” Will says. “I know you’re not ignorant. You’re the smartest person I know. I’m including your parents in that.”

“They say the same thing, but I think they’re probably serving up bullshit.”

“Nah. John and Mary aren’t the bullshit type. Cat shit, maybe, but that’s just because of the stray cat problem in the neighborhood.”

Lucy laughs.

“It’s just that college has been so different from high school, you know?” she says.

“Yeah,” Will says. “I never failed a class in high school.”

Lucy feels her stomach turn into a rock. Will’s eyes are just as jovial as ever, but it doesn’t matter. She’s good at seeing through his pupils.

“People see me,” Lucy says. “And they don’t just see me because I made a scene and got too passionate and too competitive. They don’t see me because I’m the pregnant girl. They see me because I like what I do, and I’m good at it. And people recognize that here. People care about that here.”

“Well, of course they do,” Will says. “Your English classes in college aren’t like our English classes in high school. Everyone in a college English class is there because they love it just as much as you. They’re all the Lucy Callaghans of their high schools.”

Lucy turns red again, but this time, Will’s not quite sure why.

“I just keep worrying it’s going to be taken away from me,” she says. “And people are going to forget about me or stop thinking I’m smart or interesting or good at what I love.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“Yeah, OK, but what if it did?”

Will sighs. He draws Lucy closer to him and kisses her quickly enough to almost confuse her. She hides a smile. Can’t have him know she’s in love with him, even if they’re married.

“If it did, then why would it even matter?” Will says. “Why do you care what some strangers in your classes think about you when there are people who … who know how great you are? We’re never gonna forget.”

Lucy tries to smile, but this time, it doesn’t work. She thinks she’s resisted too many smiles to let one go now.

“I don’t know,” she says. “Sometimes, I’m afraid even you will.”

She feels her hands begin to tremble and shake as she sits down with Elenore on the floor. Every muscle in her body is tired from trying to impress the world – from trying to impress the man who’s always loved her. She hopes he knows she chose her words very carefully.

Sometimes, I’m afraid even you will.

Sometimes, I’m afraid even you, Will.

She grabs Elenore and holds her close on her lap to keep from checking.

#drabble #writeblr #ch: lucy callaghan #ch: will o'connor #ship: c'est la vie say the old folks #year: 1987 #series: hot blooded

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malka-lisitsa · 1 month

Note

Dear Boyfriend

It's me I'm the boyfriend

Verse: red string - Theres a few pages of paper torn and crumpled up by his trashcan

Dear Stefan,

This is not the life that I had planned for us. Not by far. I had intended for us to run away together in 1864 and spend the rest of eternity side by side. Us against the world. Immortals who's years together are as endless as our love.

But this is not that story. Forever is much shorter than I had ever intended it to be, and that makes me both angry, and scared. I am finally happy and here I am still scared for the end. The situation is the same, the enemy is just wearing a different face.

A large part of me wants to scream at you. Hate you. Hit you, how dare you do this to me, to us? How dare you wait till I have an expiration date to decide that you care about me again?? How could you? How could you do this to US? WE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE HERE. YOU PUT US HERE. YOU AND FUCKING ELENA.

......but what good does being angry do when I know my time with you is limited? The truth is, Stefan I'm scared. You think I would be used to that feeling by now, that it would be background noise but every day I wake up I am a day older, just like before- only this time it MATTERS. There's no magical fix, (allegedly) there's no way for me to avoid it this time... I am going to wither away and die, and you will look as good that day as you do today.

This isn't fair. How fucking shitty of whatever bullshit forces are out there to finally give me what ive been fighting for for 200 god damn miserable fucking years only to put an expiration date on it??? What the actual fuck did I do to deserve any of this? I just don't understand. All I ever wanted was to be happy, to get my happy ever after. The fucking cruel irony that I'm so scared of it ending that I can't even be blissful about it.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in your arms and I am so happy..... and then the silence sets in and I remember that this will END one way or another. I don't think you realize how badly this hurts. How terrified I am. I wish love were as powerful as I had imagined it as a kid. Then all it would take to fix this was our love being more powerful than death..... but it's not.

Almost none of this is how I imagined it. How I imagined us. I wanted forever.... I got a forever of what? 20 years looking this good max, and another 40 or 50 looking like a decrepit old hag? Forever went from an eternity to seventy years tops... I'm fragile now, so any time I fall sick or ....straight up fall all of that could be cut short. Not to mention all the people who's shit list I'm on just got a lot easier of a job taking me out.

What is how I imagined it, on the other hand... is how it feels to be in your arms. How it feels to be the one you look at when you think I dont know. How it feels to kiss you. How it feels to hear you whisper I love you when you think Im asleep. How it feels to be tangled up with you in the sheets, how it feels to fall asleep listening to your heart beat.... how it feels to be loved by you. None of that has changed. All of it is still more precious to me than anything you could ever imagine.... all of that is everything a little bulgarian girl wished for on a shooting star in the 1400's... You are my dream come true...

I just wish I was strong enough to be the fearless girl you think I am.

Then I wouldn't be so scared to lose all of this. TO lose us.

Maybe the universe will smile on us and some kind of fix for this pathetic state I'm in will present itself. Maybe I will get to be immortal again and we will have forever... true forever.... of course I'm always going to hope, and fight for that.... for you...

But on the days that I'm too tired to keep fighting. On the says I'm too weak to stand, and I fall to my knees and sob and take all of my fear and anger out on you... I'm sorry. I'm trying... I'm just scared. I've already sat by for 147 years unable to touch you and helpless to watch you live your life without me.... I don't want to do it for eternity on the other side too.... Im just scared Stefan....

So I hope you can forgive me for the days I am a bitch to you. This isn't how I wanted to be... but I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you. Even after I'm gone.

Katherine

#Answered #hybrid-royalty-main #ripper royalty #verse: red string #IM SOBBING LITERALLY HURTS TO BREATHE #SHE LOVES HIM SO MUCH AND SHES SO SCARED

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arooomofmyown · 2 months

Text

Everyday I tell myself I'll journal and then I don't. I feel like if I journaled every day, even badly, it'll help. I'll have somewhere to put all this burden and loneliness that I carry. Everyday I tell myself I'll do xyz and then I'm simply unable to. I feel like if I died soon (not actively suicidal) it would be a relief. Like, a part of me is convinced that I'll actually die before the Big Thing happens so I'll never have to deal with it. I don't know why I think or feel that way. This is the only way I am able to think whenever a big change/opportunity presents itself. I make myself actively miserable. I tell myself a thousand bad things about myself. And sabotage the thing with my own hands. And then I go back to the familiar discomfort and that's fine with me bcs hey, it's familiar. I tried booking a therapy session, only they never got back to me and I'm still waiting on it. Why is therapy so fucking expensive. It's still a privilege to be able to have the option to look into it even. Whenever I try to talk to people about how I feel, I'm made to realize that I'm being ungrateful and childish. That I have no reason to feel how I do and that I need to snap out of it. I can't help but agree with that assessment but I still can't get myself to feel right or act right. I feel so much shame that I can never outline all the reasons why I feel how I feel, why I let myself down. I want to be a person who loves, fully, without fear. But I am so fucking far from all of it. I'm this tiny speck of nothing, undeserving of love. If I was prettier, more accomplished, more normal... maybe I had a shot at this. I'd have been more confident. I'd have known that I deserve any good that comes my way. I just can't believe that anyone would want to willingly love me. It's just.. why? I know I'm thinking about myself too much and I've lost that much needed outsider perspective that helps you break out of tunnel vision. But how can I break out of it if I'm reminded time and again (and by my own mother, let's not forget) that I simply am not all that. And how do you tell the one person you keep holding back from that THIS is why you can't trust any feeling, can't trust yourself, or him to actually make this whole thing work like a charm. Because it should! It should be good!! I am somehow ruining everything that I touch because I'm a coward, a little nobody who is scared she'll be seen for her ugliness. And then there's this obvious thing about change. Huge change! Massive. And I simply can't deal with changes. I feel like I've put a big damper on everything bcs I tried being honest about how I felt once. I'm so scared that I'll fuck it up, that I'm no good, that I will be abandoned and/or ridiculed, that I can never be myself fully, that there's no part of me that can feel excitement or happiness even though I get the sense that I should feel both of those. All I get is panic and a deep longing for running away.. or dying. It's just, exhausting. What do you do with that. Real life problems haven't even started and in my head, it's already all over. I'm shunned, awkward, humiliated, embarrassed. And.. I really wish I could talk to people about it. But no one's there. Everyone has so much shit going on, how do you go with your stupid baggage to others anyway. A lot of my fears are just very time sensitive. The not knowing. The dread. If I knew, if there was something I knew beyond a shadow of doubt, I'd be so comfortable. But nothing is certain. I don't know what the future holds. And faith is something I struggle with all the time. Every day people fall in love and marry and I've somehow made this huge deal out of it that no matter what anyone says, I can't deal with it. And then shame and intimacy is this whole other ball game and there's not enough time and it's always passing soon and my face grows older but I never do and I genuinely don't know wtf is wrong with me and it makes me miserable all the time.

#personal #I need to figure this shit out #So if I have to be miserable now and happy later I'll take it #Please let me let me get what I want #Let it be easy #Let it be good #Let my courage be greater than my fears #Let me let love in #Let me be changed by it for good #Let me be loved genuinely

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casspurrjoybell-28 · 5 months

Text

Alpha's Temptation - Chapter 38 - Part 3

*Warning Adult Content*

'He will wish he was never born.'

It pleases me that Daemon indulges in the dark part of me that wants revenge on my step-father.

Because after being abused for so many years, there is not a single shred of empathy left in me for him.

He deserves what Daemon will do to him.

I can't find it in me to feel bad.

Not when he haunts my every waking moment, making me miserable even after nearly a year of being away from him.

He deserves everything coming to him.

We lie down together and I immediately arrange myself to be as close to him as possible, draping my body over his to feel his warmth all around me.

He probably knows it's my favorite comfort position.

He always does it with me when I'm sad or recovering from a nightmare.

Tucked under his chin, his big arms around me, my small frame is completely cocooned in his much larger one.

I feel completely safe.

Like nothing can hurt me.

And I know I'm pathetic and acting like a child but I feel like I'd die if this ever got taken away from me.

If he got taken away from me.

The entire night I fade in and out of sleep, sporadically jerking awake in a cold sweat, in terror that my stepfather is going to kill me.

It's my mate who holds me through it, no matter how sleep-deprived he is.

When I see the deep circles under his eyes the next morning, my heart aches for him.

What a nightmare it must be to have me as a mate.

To be burdened by my trauma when he has his own to deal with.

He said I would never be a burden to him but what if he changes his mind?

1 month later

"Come here, baby," Daemon motions me over and I obey, coming to latch onto his side as his arm wraps around me.

Tristan and Daemon have been talking outside his apartment for awhile and I got curious, peaking outside the door.

The two of them quickly made up after their fight last month, to my relief.

Tristan also apologized for scaring me with the movie he put on and I assured him that it's completely fine.

He seemed like he felt really bad and I know Daemon would never tell him about my trauma but I'm sure Tristan is smart enough to guess there was something more going on.

Anyways, it's all in the past now, which I'm glad for.

I hate being the reason Daemon and him would fight.

I know neither of them would ever admit it aloud, but they're clearly best friends.

Not that they believe in that kind of terminology.

"Take this as a warning to all of us," Tristan is saying.

"It's been over a month and Lucien still hasn't woken up. That means the role of pack leader passes to the successor. In other words, Theo."

I put a hand over my mouth in shock, my stomach sinking.

That can't be good.

I look to Daemon who's face is grim.

I squeeze his hand and he squeezes it back.

"We just need to keep him under control," he says.

"And the drugs, too," Tristan adds.

"It's gotten worse."

"I swear he's got a fucking underground drug lab."

Daemon rubs his hand over his face in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I don't doubt it. I'll try to sniff some things out. In the meantime, keep your mate safe," the other man says, gaze flitting to me.

Daemon nods in appreciation, tightening his hold around me.

I lean my head against his arm since I don't even reach his shoulder.

It feels strange to be put as high priority, people talking about my safety like it's important.

Tristan leaves us to it and when we go back inside I start to fiddle with the drawstring of my hoodie, watching him.

"Does Tristan know I'm not... from here?" I ask.

Daemon is quiet for a moment before he replies.

"Yeah. I needed to make sure I had another person who knew that I could trust in case..."

"In case of what?" I ask anxiously.

Daemon shakes his head in dismissal, ruffling my hair.

"Don't worry about it."

I bite my lip to keep from asking any further, despite wanting to.

He knows what's best.

I have to trust him.

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