#so i spend all my time in my own mind

[effervescent-fool]

.

#really negative vent ahead so Read At Your Own Risk. im being very insufferable rn #spiraling so hard. cant tell u why though #ive genuinely ruined every last one of my relationships #not but doing anything in particular. but thats the problem #*by #im not Doing Anything #im so uninteresting?? #like im barely even a person #i dont feel real. no one gains anything from being around me #every time i force myself back into reality im reminded of how fleeting it all is #so i spend all my time in my own mind #and thus let all of my relationships collect dust #i keep telling myself that i can be better that ill be there for people in the morning but i never am #and no one else is living the way i am. i have no excuse for not answering texts #every interaction feels like a burden. i dont want to live like this but i dont see any way out #im not living im just surviving. its day to day. and i dont know how to support others when im struggling to even keep myself alive rn #im fine. this is fine 🙂

[sciderman]

You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.

But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?

because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)

#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting. #Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project. #peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance. #me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away. #take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me. #sci speaks #I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually. #all my relationships have been. pretty short. #and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t. #a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak. #but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing. #because I really don’t know. #I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days. #I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely. #I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time. #and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it. #it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything. #I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless. #but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no

[thatonegayship]

I loved the cowboy comic so much that I wrote a oneshot for it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/50934235 🥺 your art is BEYOND amazing, ty for the food

INCREDIBLE!!!!!

#billdip #I honestly loved this story start to finish with the ambience and quick pace #hadn't considered the possibility of Bill and Dipper actually working *together* but it's always a good time when they do ❤️ #sorry it took so long to reblog 🥲 #I read it like- Right when you posted. But I had to catch a plane and then drive an extra hour home and immediately get on zoom for class #and today i was just all around exhausted so i slept roughly 70% of the entire day dndsjdndnd #all that to say that I had your fic in the back of my mind and I very much wanted to set some time aside and re-read it when I got the chan #honestly with how well you set things up I would've loved to see your own rendition of their first kiss #You established their relationship really well at the start and brought them together by the end after outsmsrtong those bandits #it feels like you have a better understanding of who they are to each other than even i do 😌 very much a fan #i love when stories incorporate those sort of 'habits' that the love interests fall into #that confuses character A while character B is so clearly using it as an excuse to get close and spend more time with them #i squealed like a maniac when Bill was like oooph lemme walk you home 😏🤠 #sir i am going to wrangle you up if you don't compose yourself #and Dipper's just wary of him because people as handsome as bill used to pick on him 😢 #little does he know he's grown into a 10/10 cutie patootie that any cowboy would be stupid NOT to smooch #I'm a simple man. I read oblivious low-confidence cowboy being pursued by a hottie on a horse. I lose my shit #Awesome wonderful writing!!! so happy to have caught your eye and i hope to continue pumping out content for this wonderfully weird ship

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[panharmonium]

“it would be meaningless if the citizens of the hidden leaf are dead” 

WHO is this root operative???  i need to know more

danzo is listening to this like ‘god no not another one who’s ready to have a life-changing chance encounter forcing them to re-examine their ideology and reject their misguided beliefs in favor of joining hatake kakashi’s found family; not again’

#naruto #pan watches naruto (again) #* #padmerrie and i got to this point in our rewatch last night and we both looked at each other like WHO IS THIS #in all seriousness though this is so interesting #in that it shows that there are other root members who are starting to ask Questions #like yamato did years ago #and like sai did more recently #i spend a lot of time thinking about post-4th war root #and about the enormous challenge of reaching them/connecting with them and rehabilitating/reintegrating them into society #and this makes me wonder if pain's attack had a similar effect on them that (in my own mind) sakumo's suicide had on the general population #in that it's a bit of a wake-up call #and even though it doesn't revolutionize society overnight it does make people start questioning certain things #and maybe make them more receptive to potential changes in the future #(and unrelatedly it's also really interesting to see how few agents there are here. only 16 in this scene) #(i'm sure danzo has some others scattered around doing his dark bidding in other lands) #(but i also assume that he's currently speaking to all the agents available in the village right now) #(and that makes sense bc if the foundation was officially 'disbanded' it would have been much harder for danzo to acquire new recruits) #(it's just interesting to think of the foundation as kind of a dwindling force) #(and danzo's bid for hokage as a kind of last-ditch desperate power grab) #(because his ideology IS losing and being pushed out in favor of changemakers like kakashi and naruto and tsunade etc) #(and popular opinion is changing with them)

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 4: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should offer the Well Creature some bread and soup ….

"Completely unsure how to even begin to interact with the strange creature from the well, The Adventurer recalls reading in a book once that 'food is a universal language', or uh.. something like that.. thus, some hearty soup and bread would surely bridge any communication barriers... probably. He serves the little cannister of broth cold, straight from his bag just dumped into a wooden bowl, mostly because he's far too nervous to try and start a fire with someone watching.. hopefully they won't mind the food not being warmed..

After gently placing a single bread roll next to the soup, he steps back, gesturing towards the meal with an uncertain smile. The creature pauses, sniffs around, then promptly disappears back into the darkness. Just as The Adventurer begins to sulk over his apparent rejection, something stirs behind him... With a rush of creaking and plopping noises, the creature resurfaces, revealing it's massive serpent-like body as it hoists itself over the crumbled stone of the well's edge with it's many arms. It cracks open it's mighty jaw just far enough for a tiny blue tongue to slither out, then politely slurps at the soup, delicate enough not to spill any.

Stumbling backwards in shock, The Adventurer simply sits there staring the entire time whilst the creature happily (and rather quickly) enjoys their meal... Seemingly appreciative of his kind offerings, another strange slinking arm creeps up from the depths of the well, daintily opening a velvet sack with it's claws and laying out a small assortment of items onto the grass. Still a bit shaken, but also never one to turn down a free gift, The Adventurer senses that the creature intends for him to take any single item of his choosing... but, which one?"

#paventure posting #polls #choose your own adventure #what can I say.. I like the trope of a smaller creature actaully being a much larger scarier creature which you just dont see because the #creature is in a place/position where most of it's body is obscured lol #sometimes a little guy is actually secretly a much bigger guy of mysterious origins that spans the length of an entire #underground cave system obscured by the facade of a simple well #AND MOST important of all.. the cat is scared.. :( bapy... #also I hate writing for these it's so impossible for me to be short and simple with writing. I always want to make it #extremely detailed and 500 paragraphs long. Giving myself a limit of like 3 paragraphs and a time limit of 20 minutes #is actually impossible for my brain gjhbjhbhj #but I have to post it anyway otherwise I'd spend forever on it and never actually get these done but..hhhh #Just know I am going into my evil vampire library to collapse onto the fainting chair in anguish each time after I hit post #Telling a chronically longwinded details obsessive rambler to ''keep it short'' is like telling a cat not to meow. not to run around the #house at 3am. not to be round and perfect. It is simply against nature #ANYWAY. These items might be useful later. As he continues on his journey - he does indeed have an inventory in my mind #like he can lose and aquire things. has a limited amount of money. Can change his outfit or etc. depending on the choices #people make in the polls. These may not have an immediate purpose (though some can) they'll be factored in down the road

[gammija]

i love s4, and im enjoying listening to it with the magaday, but i forgot it would also lead to the worst thing: seeing people interpret media differently than me on the internet OTL

#NOT a big deal #but as an enjoyer of nuance and complicated characters and the tragedy of people doing their best and still failing #I can't help but want to constantly correct posts saying 'Georgie said she prefered Jon dead!' (she didn't #; Jon accused her of that and Basira asked her to leave before they could talk it out) #and 'everyone is blaming Jon for Tim and Daisy's deaths' -> only Melanie is‚ as far as we've heard; #not that everyone is being nice or fair to jon; not at all #but this framing of the situation as jon on one side and everyone else on the other is just so much more boring #than the web of relationships and mistakes and misplaced blame that is implied #and the former is how you get analyses that are objectively wrong like 'no one let Jon speak in 199!!' -> literally by word count and #time spend speaking he talks the most out of anyone in the discussion #but it's not 50/50 jon/others because every character in tma is the protagonist of their own story #like of course it wouldve been nicer if georgie had immediately protested that she didn't want jon to die #but playing that out in my mind; it feels like exactly the kind of argument that jons ex specifically would be tired of having #even if the context is different now #and to me the way it's possible to construct these unspoken reasons and stories for the side characters is the coolest shit #and that's lost if Georgie just said 'I hoped you died Jon‚' because... ? because it's s4 so everyone is just mean to Jon? #even though she's the one visiting him in hospital in the first place? #joos yaps #delete later #nah she's just a mean girl. mean women bullying jon all season #nothing more to it than that

[yotd2009]

oh yeah. the reason why i decided to reread tbhk (and thus it was able to hit me like a truck this time around) was actually not bc of mitsukou going canon but actually bc i maybe accidentally started a tbhk book club w my kids at work and wanted to check the contents of it justttt in case before i put the books in their hands

#tl;dr i have this one 4th grade boy who's a total weeb and knows that i'm the only one in this town who's more into japanese media than him #so he pesters me abt it every time he sees me. and the thing abt this kid is that he gets bored easily and if he does he turns into a #complete menace. now a couple weeks ago. he shows up at the program w one piece volume one and spends the entire time he's there peacefully #reading and not causing any problems on purpose. my coworker owen (the one who climbed onto the roof) and i were shocked and in awe of how #peaceful he was being and came to the conclusion that he NEEDS to have a manga volume in his hands at all times. few minutes later. #he finishes reading and isn't bored yet so he decides to go talk to me abt manga. specifically he starts pestering me abt what shonen i've #read despite the fact that i am a shoujo reader and told him that. but he knows i've read kuroshitsuji bc he previously asked me abt what #the worst anime i've ever watched is and i will never not take an excuse to drag the adaptation. and he figures that if i've read kuro i've #probably read more. and so i mention tbhk and he asks more abt it bc of the name involving toilets and him being a 4th grade boy so i give #brief overview and he wants to read it. and i come up with a scheme to make him peaceful AND to give him something to talk to me abt which #isn't 'i know you've read more shonen manga' 'let me gacha on your phone' or 'i saw an ad for rent a gf. thought it was lame. and now want #you to tell me how it sucks bc i assume you know everything abt every animanga ever' (<does unfortunately know too much abt rent a gf bc i' #a bit of a nosy bastard and watched the mother's basement video). so i offered to bring it in bc i own physicals of the whole series and of #as previously mentioned. gave it a quick reread in advance just in case. and got hit by it. hard. i love you tbhk almost as much as i love #when ppl get into things through me. honestly i think getting to live vicariously through him might be one of the main reasons it got me #this time around and not as much the first time (still loved it the first time though). flash forward a little while. one of the 3rd grade #girls is like. really into reading. and also macabre things. like ghosts. and she has two books from the school library. and has had the #same two books from the school library for over a week. she reads quickly and finished them both in under a day and is now bored out of her #mind rereading them. she asks to read the books i've been letting the other kid read. now there are two of them #romeo.txt

[pikayay213]

yeah okay. played the epilogue. my merry band of friends and heroes had some tragic undertones but damn. i almost cried. like three times. ok wow yeah. baldur's gate 3 my favorite game now and for all time unbeatable forever

#bg3 #shadowheart and me (astarion) seem like we're having fun adventures. albeit the killing but that's part of the fun dammit #like okay. my karlach might be a mind flayer. #but she's HAPPY (i think. hard to read emotions in illithid speak.) #and Gale might be a god but hey. he seems like he's doing a good job. with a little more humility and time he'll be a pretty good god ithin #nothing happened with lae'zel because i ignored her this playthrough (rip i hear she's amazing and i believe it) #at least i didn't ascend #for this playthrough i really leaned into letting every character make their own decisions and i think it made for a nice story #in future i'll probably go full evil at least once #very controlling #all of that #but next playthrough i probably want to do either durge (might resist might not who's to say) #or maybe a custom character. probably bard. idk #this game is so good man #favorite game now and forever #i could talk about it forever #i could play it forever #god #best $60 i will ever spend #anyways #pika talks

[sysig]

PinkBlueSpam anon I am still thinking of you *blows you a kiss 💕*

#I am also feeling a mite impulsive atm so here have a kind of cleaned art of they #WIP #Deltarune #Pink Addison #Spamton #Blue Addison #I have made two separate minis about this idea now and I don't know which one to go with lol #Ngl I am strongly considering a stream in the near-ish future maybe that will get me to sit down and focus and pick one lol #The paper version turned out way longer and therefore goes a little more in depth on the dynamics but hrmmnnn #I'm irritated with how long I spend on digital in general but also this one specifically only to end up scrapping it lol #I need more practice! Rather I need practice on the committing part #I'm a machine during Requestober but that's because there's a time limit :/ My own projects aren't so lucky #I have - so many scratch comics that have been wasting away in the backlog for literal months hhhhh #Drawing on paper is so much faster but then there's the Editing and just jfkdlsafdsfsd #Don't mind me lol I just want to make way faster than my skill allows - I want to be fast /and/ pretty but I gotta pick one >:0 Rude! #Doesn't stop me from thinking about it A Bunch lol #They've crossed my radar again and if it weren't for all the Editing in my backlog I'd be drawing them So Much #Hhhhhhhhhhh where are the corners I can cut what can I do to just Make a bit more and spend a little less time on the Prettifying #I just wanna make!!! Til it's all out of my head!!! All of it!!!

[toastsnaffler]

everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏

#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too #things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄 #jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that #having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically #and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me #despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence #and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik- #she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh #and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space #and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she- #likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man #i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them #theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road #theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill- #finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me #old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc #anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included- #bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately #also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that #im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it.. #ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too #its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes #regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a #fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling #and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........ #sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!! #.diaries

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ever sit like a corpse in your own body? #im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway. #who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what? #lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

[just-rogi]

I told my friend I thought song of Achilles was not a great book (not bad just 3 stars and overhyped) because the treatment of the female characters to prop up the white male gay protags was not the best and that Circe was WAY better in terms of developing compelling characters with motivations beyond bottoming for a blond twunk- we spent an hour arguing in depth she ripped me apart and said I was incredibly biased and that it’s insufferable to talk about media with me. Turns out she never even read it she just wanted to argue with me to get me engaged and worked up about something bc I’ve been a shell for weeks and had another doctors appointment today where I got news I wasn’t hoping for. This is the happiest I’ve been since I got sick, she even drove me to the library to pick out more books together after my appointment just so she could see me be a person again.

#she also lost her mind when I was arguing that I hate self centered whiny white boys #because my fav classic is catcher in the rye #and she HATES catcher in the rye #ugh #I’ve been depressed and upset and freaking out over the appointments and shit #and often she pushes me a little too far with what I need to do to take care of myself #and it can be frustrating #but like #there is a reason why out of everyone #she’s the one who comes with me to all my appointments and waits in the lobby for me until I’m done and lets me feel my feelings #and then knows just what to say to make me a person again #I feel so good #for the first time in a long time I feel happy after spending time with her #(through no fault of her own it’s just she’s the person I feel safe with processing big scary feelings and usually going to the doctor #and getting told new news about my health isn’t exactly a fun time)

[the-scungles-of-crungles]

This is "The Doctor", a resident of the nightmare realm, who has been there long enough to have been almost completely corrupted. His face is normally just a pitch black void hole but sometimes you can see eyes and/or teeth in there

He wants to help people, but he's almost completely lost his mind, and can sometimes act a bit... Feral.

Surprisingly, the nightmare realm's usual effect of making people lose every memory of their life before they ended up here, hasn't managed to take away his medical knowledge. He's still very smart, despite everything.

Unfortunately he seems to scare off most people who he would otherwise have helped...

#my art #Ok okkkk so this guy is from the world in my mind I live in parallel to reality #But I wanna make some of the guys from there into ocs too because they're neat #Love this guy. He's kidnapped me several times (LMAO ok there's context but I'd have to write a damn novel to explain that) #Oh and the nightmare realm isn't the world in my mind. Well it's a dimension in a multiverse I travel in there #But uhhhhh I spend basically all my time in the nightmare realm now bcause I like the vibes #But before that... I just spent time with various video game characters #Asriel from undertale became a scientist that created dimensional portals. And we kinda found the nightmare realm on accident #We don't talk much anymore but y'know. Every once in a while I'll visit #Last time though he had been forced into working for an evil agency that was trying to harness my demi-god like powers #Because in the universe in my mind I'm a shape-shifting horror that cannot truly die (I respawn) #I actually nerfed my own powers in-universe because I hadn't been to responsible with them in the past #Well I gave the ability to regulate my powers to a sort of evil-ish counterpart of myself (void) #And then we made a deal to cut eachother's power down to a reasonable level #And now neither of us can re-acquire that dangerous level of power #Uhhh. Isn't that kinda how the things in harry potter work? A vessel with a chunk of your power in it? Idk #Anywayy_yyyys #Void decided to do some trickster shit and tried to absorb me for my power and become a god recently. #So I was like ''ok no more chances bitch'' and finally reduced her to a basically mortal form and banished her #To some random dimension I probably won't ever go to. #(She's been a problem for yeeeeaaaarrrrsss but we were occasionally chill so I didn't wanna do it but y'know.) #We even kinda accidentally had a magic-baby??? Sorta? There's no better way to explain that one but yeah idk where that chick ran off to #Y'know I refer to void as she mostly but she's kinda just whatever she wants to be in the moment. Fucking chaos incarcerate #Her original job was absorbing forgotten ideas. Characters or concepts or entire worlds fogotten by my mind #Woukd become part of her #UUhhhhhhhhhhhhhm. #Oh and void was in charge of the evil organization that wanted to harness my power. #She had possessed the leader of some government scientist lab thing. #And. Well. Yeah. #Congrats to anyone who reads all this and I'm sorry for the brief glimpse into complete derangement

[icewindandboringhorror]

everyday I miss miitomo .. aaa

#these screenshots are not even good or the most interesting/funny/cool ones from back then #they just so happen to be ones I found in a folder so am thinking about them solely for the memory of it all #WORST thing is I never even had friends (still don't have friends really that have many similar interests to me lol..epic hermit moment) who #played or were willing to do I didn't really use the social aspects much. if there were any?? maybe I'm just making up a better game in my #head lol.. I thought maybe you could visit your friends apartments at some point or something? I know you could have multiple mii characters #and put them in their own apartments too. #I could also be mixing it in my mind with tomodachi life. which is a superior game. but also I think mostly I just loved the dress up and #photo creation aspects of this. That you could spend like 30 minutes putting your little avatar person in different lttle poses with differe #nt backgrounds and import your own custom background and etc. etc. And the community questions & answers section was always ridiculous #WHY is it that all actually good and cool things end up shutting down and nobody cares about them but then some tv shows/games/etc. can keep #going for like 808989598590 years when they are actually very bad and stinky and pointless #I know probably something somehting profit motive. if something sucks but is hyped blindly and sells then that's all that matters. #things that are cool and innocative but have a small audience get poo poo pee pee Not Good Enough For Shareholders whatever #>:( #This is why I don't play apps or online games /anything live service or that is dependent on external things to function #Like every once in a while I do but for the most part if something is not it's own self contained experience then I dont care to even get #invested in the first place because it could just randomly be taken away from you at any time without warning or etc. #Also just charmed by anything that incorporates personality tests into part of the structure of an app even in a minor.comepletely trivial w #ay due to my preexisting obsession with anything in the realm of that topic (enneagram. mbti. etc. even astrology. just any way humans categ #orzie and analyze themselves. NOT because I think they're all scientifically valid methods and swear by them in practuce but like. the theor #y of it. I love personaliy testing from like.. a cultural perspective? like the fact that humans make this stuff up at all. and how they use #it and conceptualize it and apply it to their lives. the different frameworks within which the same traits can be categorized in different w #ays. one person looks at X trait and says its bc theyre a virgo. another explains the same exact trait by saying it's bc theyre an infj. etc #I mean some of them I do find actually personally fun to get into themselves (enneagram mostly) but mostly I just like the.. analysis #tfw you're such an analytical person you like to spend time analyzing analysis. Thinking abt the ways people think about thinking abt things #Actually Ive talked before about how I don't relate to/care about/get emotionally attached to media/dont exhibit Fan Behviors or join fandom #s or etc. BUT that is actually the one vaguely media related thing I WILL do. after watching something I like going to places like that #'personality database' site which is the public voting on character's personality types. and I do enjoy going to read the comments. not bec #ause I care about the character themselves. but I love seeing the paragraph long debates about like.. why Whoever is actually an intp NOT an #intj . or like 'OBVIOUSLY theyre 3w4 so/sp ILI are you FUCKING BLIND??!'. essays breaking down every cognitive function they ehibit and why

[pen-of-roses]

Uuuuuuughhhhhhhhhh

#rye rambles #my grandmother is pressuring me about grad school #and my father is trying to bribe me to go to a college near him by offering to pay never mind it doesn’t offer programs in anything I’d want #and I’m expected to be thankful for this bribery #because the man owns a house with an entire level another family could live in without running into each other #and a bloody indoor pool and hot tub #and can afford to take expensive cruises whenever they damn well please #but bitches about buying me presents for holidays and scolding us all we need to appreciate them #and gets mad at me for spending the money my mother gave me on fun stuff on vacations #but yeah I need to be thankful he’s offering something I didn’t ask for that only benefits him #because he’d have easier access to me #never mind that he’s moved by choice so many times in my life and it was never once closer to ME #but I’m expected to uproot the little life I’ve created here for HIM??? #when I know damn well I’d still be the one expected to visit them and drop everything for their plans #I don’t want him to pay for my grad school. I don’t want anyone to except maybe my employer and scholarships #I don’t want to be beholden to anyone in that way #and just honestly fuck him #fuck him and his money and rich little life that I was never really a part of #only a fucking trophy to show off about how well behaved I was because mom raised me #look at how smart they are! look at their achievements! isn’t what I created great! #he couldn’t even be fucking bothered to say congrats when I graduated with three majors #and gods forbid there’s the possibility I might be more knowledgeable on a topic than him #he can’t even respect my identity or friends or my girlfriend who I’ve been with for years #but no I’m the terrible person if I don’t thank him for his generous gift of trying to get me to fit his life when he’s the bastard #who forced me into existence and then didn’t try to be apart of mine