#so now the network is like 'here we made this real human man bisexual instead :) no he did not have a say in the matter' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelsdean · 5 months

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I need people to understand how S&P (standards and practices) works in television and how much influence they have over what gets to stay IN an episode of a show and how the big time network execs are the ones holding the purse strings and making final decisions on a show's content, not the writers / showrunners / creatives involved.

So many creators have shared S&P notes over the years of the wild and nonsensical things networks wanted them to omit / change / forbid. Most famously on tumblr, I've seen it so many times, is the notes from Gravity Falls. But here's a post compiling a bunch of particularly bad ones from various networks too. Do you see the things they're asking to be changed / cut ?

Now imagine, anything you want to get into your show and actually air has to get through S&P and the network execs. A lot of creators have had to resort to underhanded methods. A lot of creators have had to relegate things to subtext and innuendo and scenes that are "open to interpretation" instead of explicit in meaning. Things have had to be coded and symbolized. And they're relying on their audience to be good readers, good at media literacy, to notice and get it. This stuff isn't the ramblings of conspiracy theorists, it's the true practices creatives have had to use to be able to tell diverse stories for ages. The Hays Code is pretty well known, it exists because of censorship. It was a way to symbolize certain things and get past censors.

Queercoding, in particular, has been used for ages in both visual media and literature do signal to queer audiences that yes, this character is one of us, but no, we can't be explicit about it because TPTB won't allow it. It's a wink-wink, nudge-nudge to those in the know. It's the deliberate use of certain queer imagery / clothing / mannerisms / phrases / references to other queer media / subtle glances and lingering touches. Things that offer plausible deniability and can be explained away or go unnoticed by straight audiences to get past those network censors. But that queer viewers WILL (hopefully) pick up on.

Because, unfortunately, still to this day, a lot of antiquated network execs don't think queer narratives are profitable. They don't think they'll appeal to general audiences, because that's what matters, whatever appeals to most of the audience demographic so they can keep watching and keep making the network more money. The networks don't care about telling good stories! Most of them are old white cishet business men, not creatives. They don't care about character arcs and what will make fans happy. They don't care about storytelling. What they care about is profit and they're basing their ideas of what's profitable on what they believe is the predominate target demographic, usually white cis heterosexual audiences.

So, imagine a show that started airing in the early 2000s. Imagine a show where the two main characters are based on two characters from a famous Beat Generation novel, where one of the characters is queer! based on a real like bisexual man! The creator is aware of this, most definitely. And sure, it's 2005, there's no way they were thinking of making that explicit about Dean in the text because it just wouldn't fly back then to have a main character be queer. But! it's made subtext. And there are nods to that queerness placed in the text. Things that are open to interpretation. Things that are drenched in metaphor (looking at you 1x06 Skin "I know I'm a freak" "maybe this thing was born human but was different...hated. Until he learned to become someone else.") Things that are blink-and-you-miss-it and left to plausible deniability (things like seemingly spending an hour in the men's bathroom, or always reacting a little vulnerable and awkward when you're clocked instead of laughing it off and making a homophobic joke abt it)

And then, years later there's a ship! It's popular and at first the writers aren't really seriously thinking about it but they'll throw the fans a bone here and there. Then, some writers do get on the destiel train and start actively writing scenes for them that are suggestive. And only a fraction of what they write actually makes it into the text. So many lines left on the cutting room floor: i love past you. i forgive you i love you. i lost cas and it damn near broke me. spread cas's ashes alone. of course i wanted you to stay. if cas were here. -- etc. Everything cut was not cut by the writers! Why would a writer write something to then sabotage their own story and cut it? No, these are things that didn't make it past the network. Somewhere a note was made maybe "too gay" or "don't feed the shippers" or simply "no destiel."

So, "no destiel." That's pretty clearly the message we got from the CW for years. "No destiel. Destiel will alienate our general audience. Two of our main characters being queer? And in a relationship? No way." So what can the pro-destiel creatives involved do, if the network is saying no? What can the writers do if most of their explicit destiel (or queer dean) lines / moments are getting cut? Relegate things to subtext. Make jokes that straight people can wave off but queer people can read into. Make costuming and set design choices that the hardcore fans who are already looking will notice while the general audience and the out-of-touch network execs won't blink and eye at (I'm looking at you Jerry and your lamps and disappearing second nightstands and your gay flamingo bar!)

And then, when the audience asks, "is destiel real? is this proof of destiel?" what can the creatives do but deny? Yes, it hurts, to be told "No no I don't know what you're talking about. There's no destiel in supernatural" a la "there is no war in Ba Sing Se" but! if the network said "no destiel!" and you and your creative team have been working to keep putting destiel in the subtext of the narrative in a way that will get past censors, you can't just go "Yes, actually, all that subtext and symbolism you're picking up, yea it's because destiel is actually in the narrative."

But, there's a BIG difference between actively putting queer themes and subtext into the narrative and then saying it's not there (but it is! and the audience sees it!) versus NOT putting any queer content into the text but SAYING it is there to entice queer fans to continue watching. The latter, is textbook queerbaiting. The former? Is not. The former is the tactics so many creatives have had to use for years, decades, centuries, to get past censorship and signal to those in the know that yea, characters like you are here, they exist in this story.

Were the spn writers perfect? No, absolutely not. And I don't think every instance of queer content was a secret signal. Some stuff, depending on the writer, might've been a period-typical gay joke. These writers are flawed. But it's no secret that there were pro-destiel writers in the writing room throughout the years, and that efforts were made to make it explicitly canon (the market research!)

So no, the writers weren't ever perfect or a homogeneous entity. But they definitely were fighting an uphill battle constantly for 15 yrs against S&P and network execs with antiquated ideas of what's profitable / appealing.

Spn even called out the networks before, on the show, using a silly example of complaints abt the lighting of the show and how dark the early seasons were. Brightening the later seasons wasn't a creative choice, but a network choice. And if the networks can complain abt and change something as trivial as the lighting of a show, they definitely are having a hand in influencing the content of the show, especially queer content.

Even in s15, (seasons fifteen!!!) Misha has said he worried Castiel's confession would not air. In 2020!!! And Jensen recorded that scene on his personal phone! Why? Sure, for the memories. But also, I do not doubt for a second that part of it was for insurance, should the scene mysteriously disappear completely. We've seen the finale script. We've seen the omitted omitted omitted scenes. We all saw how they hacked the confession scene to bits. The weird cuts and close-ups. That's not the writers doing. That's likely not even the editors (willingly). That's orders from on high. All of the fuckery we saw in s15 reeks of network interference. Writers are not trying to sabotage their own stories, believe me.

Anyways, TLDR: Networks have a lot more power than many think and they get final say in what makes it to air. And for years creative teams have had to find ways to get past network censorship if they want "banned" or "unapproved" "unprofitable" "unwanted" content to make it into the show. That means relying on techniques like symbolism, subtext, and queercoding, and then shutting up about it. Denying its there, saying it's all "open to interpretation" all while they continue to put that open to interpretation content into the show. And that's not queerbaiting, as frustrating as it might be for queer audiences to be told that what they're seeing isn't there, it's still not queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is a marketing technique to draw in queer fans by baiting them with the promise of queer content and then having no queer content in said media. But if you are picking up on queer themes / subtext / symbolism / coding that is in front of your face IN the text, that's not queerbaiting. It's there, covertly, for you, because someone higher up didn't want it to be there explicitly or at all.

#long post #LONG-ass post #but it needed to be said!#i'm sorry if you think every creative involved with spn was a braindead asshole but the thing is.#even the most mediocre of writers understands a thing or two abt symbolism and writers working in TV are plagued by S&P #countless writers have talked abt the S&P bullshit and having to tweak and edit down their work to get past censors #it's a reality of writing for television #and the people who understand all this and understand the context of making TV in the early 2000s (to present tbh!) aren't 'delusional'#i'm sorry but it's naive to think that queer stories and queer characters are free to be told even nowadays. it's still a constant battle #times have changed but unfortunately not as much as you'd think #the confession !!!!! the confession still struggled to air and what we got was so obviously hacked down to bits!!!!!!#how can anyone think getting destiel content into the show was ever easy?#how can anyone think the pro-destiel writers weren't constantly having to be careful and underhanded in their writing?#there's a reason queercoding and subtext exist and it's this!!! it's censorship from TPTB #anyways. people much older than me have been talking abt this for ages. younger fans who are used to more open queer rep need to understand #it hasn't always been that easy and even nowadays SO many networks are still not willing to take a risk on queer stories #so creators do what they can #vic.txt

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attractive-nuisance-esq · 3 years

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Here’s the thing: After 15x18 - after Castiel’s confession - I will be devastatingly heartbroken with any ending less than a full, explicitly romantic relationship between him and Dean.

Let’s be clear: If they hadn’t had Cas confess, I wouldn’t be terrified about what they’re going to give to us on Thursday night. We’d all made our peace with Destiel never going canon. We never, ever in a million years expected to actually get it. All of us shippers were content to live with what we got on screen, determined to see it live on in our fanfiction, with faith in the fandom to tell the story of Dean and Castiel. We were fine. We were excited! The ending of any show is a momentous occasion, but the ending of this one? With this fandom family? After this long? No matter what happened, it was going to be something we’d cherish forever.

Instead, in the third-to-last episode of all time, Supernatural gave us a confession of love from one of its most beloved characters to the hero of the story. And we all lost our minds. Quite rightfully! We never, ever thought it would happen - no matter how much sub there has been in the text over the last 12 years. You know why? Because of Disney.

We’re used to the Disney version of LGBTQ representation. The kind where about a month before a movie comes out, we see a flurry of articles published about how there will be a “gay character” in it - somehow always for the first time. And the character is always gay; nobody cares enough to draw any distinctions within the community. All of human sexuality that isn’t purely straight is purely gay. *cue the eyerolls* And maybe the first time we got a little excited. (Probably not, but go with me here for a sec.) Maybe for Beauty and the Beast, we thought, “Oh, LeFou was kind of a fun character in the cartoon version. Maybe it’ll be cool to see him have a crush!” But always and inevitably, the “representation” is one of two equally hurtful things: 1) the character’s sexuality is bluntly on display, but it’s a source of ridicule for the person, and the audience is encouraged to laugh at it “with” the character (o hai, LeFou); or 2) the scene is less than two seconds long, or the character is unnamed, or the circumstances of the “representation” are such that they can easily be cut from the project for foreign audiences or swept under the rug in the minds of viewers who’d rather not admit that queer people exist (what up, Star Wars and Endgame?).

And that shit really fucking hurts. We’re told to shut up and be grateful, even enthusiastic that mainstream fiction media noticed we’re here at all. But we’re never main characters. Our stories are never told. This part of our identity is not only left unexplored; it is so exploited for woke points as to be made the single most defining thing about us. It’s offensive, over and over again, to have us included solely because of how we are different.

It fucking hurts.

Things are changing, slowly. We’re starting to get some deeper, three-dimensional representation in television and film. It’s not all starting out in 2005 on the same network that brought us 7th Heaven anymore. My niece is 14-years-old and out, and she will never remember a time when she had to scour the Internet to see queer versions of her favorite characters; she just has them. But all of us adults, well... chances are, our journeys have the potential to look a lot like Dean’s. We didn’t get to come out in high school. We didn’t let our younger selves think too hard about what we knew in our hearts would make us happy. It took us longer to arrive at a place of security and safety in order to be able to admit to ourselves and others who we are. Hell, the whole damn process of recognizing human sexuality is fluid might have taken us years!

Us queer adults - the ones who have been watching and loving Supernatural for longer than its younger audience - can now taste the possibility of seeing something that probably looks a lot like our very own romantic and personal experiences in Dean Winchester. We’ve been celebrating bi!Dean for years on our own, picking up the crumbs the writers give us and clutching them tightly, because what a gift it would be to see this good man, this hero as one of our own! And now... we’re so close to actually seeing it. On screen. For real and for sure.

These last two weeks have been incredibly difficult. We’re ecstatic! Wildly so! What other kind of reaction would we have to the writers allowing Castiel to admit these feelings we’ve all thought would only ever exist in our heads? But we are equally anxious, wary, and - quite frankly - battling hopelessness. Supernatural doesn’t have a great track record with these things. Everyone on Tumblr - even those that don’t watch this show - is well aware that this one is the master of queerbaiting. And then there’s Disney banging around in our skulls, a psychological trauma sounding again like an alarm. We’ve been burned so many times before, by other mainstream media and by Supernatural itself. It feels crazy to hope. I don’t know how many times I’ve watched the confession scene; I still can’t believe it’s real. A male-shaped main character said “I love you” to another male-shaped main character. It can’t be cut out and ignored, or brushed aside as platonic. It wasn’t a joke at the expense of queerness. It happened. It was big, and it was right there.

And now we are so, so close. Fuck.

That’s why if Supernatural doesn’t follow through and give us Dean and Cas unequivocally in love in the final 42 minutes of this beautiful, ridiculous, wonderful, preposterous, absolutely WILD show, it’ll just completely fucking break me. It will be the worst kind of tease, the deepest cut buried in the briniest salt. If they hadn’t given us Castiel’s confession, we’d have no expectations. But they did. And now, if they don’t deliver after all that’s been said and done...

...it will utterly shatter my fragile little bisexual heart into a million fucking pieces.

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mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune · 3 years

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I'm Only Posting To Share This Link To Owl House Petition (And Say I Found ANOTHER Toxic-Religious Person)

I wasn’t going to post anything until a few more months....

but this needs to be said........

The Owl House NEEDS another Season,

it's bad enough what happen to Wander Over Yonder.

and yeah to me it sucks what happen to the Realm of Magic in SVTFOE, I mean Stars family MISUSE the magic and then Star decides to put the full blame on the magic,

instead of her two-faced Mom....that is scapegoating.

I still love SVTFOE and even MLPFIM and even Steven Universe and Steven Universe Future.

but at least I can point out that the characters in it, can be pretty messed up in their so called view of justice.

and if it turns out that Owl House is being cancelled because of a certain reason....

then maybe it be best if Cartoon Network took it away from them.

yes I'm a little bit annoyed with Cartoon Network too, with the whole non-stop Teen Titans Go,

but at least that show has hope to stop before it becomes just as bad as a cartoon that is on Nickelodeon....the same one that was suppose to end after the show’s creator died, and it turns out that the said show’s creator wanted the show that is Spongebob to end, but after he died the people who run Nickelodeon went against his wishes....and some of us had no idea until now.

the show is still good, but the non-stop broken marathon had put me in a bad place before....and made me have some dark thoughts.

I don’t mind watching Spongebob once in a while, but I don’t want to too much after having to put up with it for some months.

here is the link to the petition for the Owl House

https://www.change.org/p/disney-don-t-cancel-the-owl-house-diversity-is-important-give-us-season-4

I also want to say, that at first I wanted to watch to make sure I was mistaken....

that the girl who had the video titled

A Christian's Response To Disney Debuting First Bisexual Lead Character

as I thought I was misunderstanding, but the more I heard her....

I found out that I wasn’t mistaken........she’s one of THEM.

disgusting filthy insensitive.....and she DARES call what she was feeling some kind of......I HATE Her so much, even if we are lucky that NOT all Christians think the way she does.....but it still peeves me off.

even if I wanted to go by Neo-Christian/Ma-Acolyte,

but then started to having thoughts of no longer going by Neo-Christian, but just Neo-Spiritual instead.......

I think I have decided to no longer go by Neo-Christian...

I can still believe that there are still good people who go by Christian or Neo-Christian.......but I’m just so mad at that person.

does she even realize that even with some same bio-sex couples,

sure she pretty much points out that a “Man and Woman are a normal couple”

so wait what does that leave me...?

I mean yeah I had figured out that I am more of a Female and Nonbinary,

and started to go by Gyno-Agender, and I feel I am in a Chrysalis Stage right now and might just go by Feminine-Nonbinary and still go by She/Her.

and even if it might turn out I might be Intersex, even if I get a Yes to my question about that from my pendulum.

but I am still not 100% sure if I am Intersex......

when we are born either male or female, at times there will be those who will be born Intersex but still be male or female.....some Intersex bodies will be noticeable and others will not be so......the babies that aren’t notice to be intersex after they are born, are the lucky ones....

and I’m sure some knows what could happen to the unlucky ones...

but they will only be unlucky, if their parents aren’t inhuman jerks who take the choice away from them.

no matter if I’m a Earth Angel or not, but that girl should just shut her trap.

yeah even if it’s okay for someone to be free to say what they want,

and not everyone has to agree with them but try to respect the differences.

but that Toxic-Christian is going TOO FAR........

not everyone is a Toxic-Christian, or any type of Toxic-Religious person.

and the Semi-Toxic Religious types have a chance to change, I think...

NOT ALL MAGIC IS EVIL WITCHCRAFT you insensitive prick.

I still believe in God and Jesus,

but I’m going to hope to go live with Earth Mother....

and by Mother, I mean the Goddess....

I mean yeah I can’t stand Toxic-Religious people like her....

and I had a bad experience with one a few years ago,

who kept misusing the words “may the lord have the mercy on you.”

just because I believe in a Goddess now too......

I have to be in the Neo-Religious closet, Gender Identity closet

and the whole being Aroaceflux closet......

I know I said this before, that I wanted to come out to my family

well to my Mom, about being a Asexual Flux........

but it didn’t work out because when I wanted to get her thoughts on what she thought about Asexuality, her answer made me decide to NEVER tell her.

as well as after I did get the answer from her, and her thoughts.

I went to my room, and ended up crying.

it hurt knowing I can’t tell my family....because they are stuck in their ways....

and might only be only a Semi-Toxic Religious......if it’s Semi, it’s not so bad.

it’s the full toxic ones I can’t stand....

there are some things that are really REALLY messed up...

I mean Mary Magdalene was NOT a prostitute for one,

that was just a big fat lie....

I really need to listen to some comfort music right now....

because of that person.

right now I’m listening to Born Without A Heart by Faouzia, right now.

I had finished listening to F**k You by Lily Allen....

once again everyone has a right to their own opinion,

but there is some things you should NOT cross the line of.

that person did just that.......

also I know a person like her, would probably make me feel bad...

I mean yeah I ran into her kind before.......a toxic-religious person,

who even if you try to tell them how bad they are making you feel,

and making you cry....because of you believing in a Goddess too or if you happen to see yourself as both Binary and Nonbinary....

but no matter how much you try, it doesn’t get through and they will keep doing it.........I really can’t stand her......I only found out about her and her video, and I already really hate her.......

I’m sorry, but that is just how I feel....I really REALLY hate her.

and no matter if you are religious or atheist, I’m sure you might think she was taking it too far....

it’s not like she is the type to believe in Earth Angels,

or the fact that some percent of them will be born as Nephalem....

and just in case I might be a Nephalem....I do have a plan to get certain gem to block any dangerous powers that might end up appearing....

I did get a Yes when I asked “Archangel Azrael, am I a Earth Seraphim.”

to my pendulum....I asked that other times before, and when I asked it again just now....I got another Yes.

I even asked if I am a Demi-Succubus, got another Yes.

but I wasn’t a Succubus when I was a baby,

babies no matter what bio-gender they are, they don’t start out as a Incubus or succubus....when we are babies, we start out as Cambion...or in my case I was a Demi-Cambion......

but Demi-Succubus, aren’t like the OTHER Succubus....

because of the mix Spiritual/Soul Heritage,

it is possible for a Earth Angel to end being a Demi-Succubus.

unlike the normal Succubus, such sexual energies

that can be given off by others can be harmful to Demi-Cambion,

which is what a Demi-Succubus

(or Demi-Incubus, if there are any.) starts out as before they fully mature.

anyway any form of sexual energies that either it be from a teenager or adult, that kind of energy that is given off

even if they are just standing a few feet away or maybe in another part of the room from the Demi-Cambion Child...

it can be dangerous and can cause the Demi-Cambion to have a seizure.

if the Demi-Cambion is a Earth Angel as well, there can still be another reason for the seizure to happen.

such as the negative energies that either people or a place is giving off,

the best thing is to move to a place with less negative energy.

and perhaps get some gems to act as a protection against not just the sexual energies, but also the negative energies.

also when a Demi-Succubus does become a Mature enough, they might end up dream walking without really meaning to.

but instead of the dreamer they walked into the dream of being in danger,

it is the Demi-Succubus.

who will be in a type of trance caused by the other dreamer, this power is normally caused by a Succubus or Incubus,

who will use their powers to put a Human who is in their dream into a type of trance just to take what they need from them.

but as for a Demi-Succubus, it might be the other way around....

the only way for a Demi-Succubus to protect herself or themself,

is it possibly get a Dream-Catcher, well before I got the big dream-catcher I have now...well to me it seems to work so far, and that is what I believe.

I became self aware of what was going to happen in a dream I was having,

lucky the dream changed...

but I didn't want to go to sleep after what could of happen, so I had tried to keep myself awake until I got a Dream-Catcher to protect me.

and well I know before that happen,

I think I might of had a encounter with a Incubus, I know I was on my back and it was really dark and I was like between awake and asleep.

and I felt something that was too real and it scared me fully awake....

after that happen I had to get some extra protection so it didn't happen again.

it's fine that not everyone believes in this stuff.

I mean if others want to believe it, it should be because they want to

and be the free will of their very one to do so.

and not forced into it.

it’s not likely that toxic-religious girl will agree what I’m saying or understand my feelings....or why she makes me so mad.

she might too far gone into the corruption that hides in the indoctrination.

even if there are those who might be strong willed to not fall into it,

and still hold onto their religious belief,

if one is not careful they will fall prey to the darkness that hides within it....

I want to try to relax and maybe try some meditation later,

maybe after watching some cartoons and maybe after I play Mass Effect.

I think I am calming down a bit, when I first saw the video I got really mad and tried to think that it might be a misunderstanding and it wasn’t them that had that view........but I was wrong.

it’s a wonder why I end up being Semi-Misanthrope, I still like humanity and I know there are still good people in this world.....but it’s humans like HER that get to me....or the ones who misunderstand my words too far, the small misunderstanding is okay, but do not twist my words and at least try to understand what I was trying to say.

the reason why I gave up about trying to get people to listen,

about the dangerous of those who will pretend to be those who are discriminated because they feel different from the bio-sex they were born in,

is because those who read what I had wrote before kept missing the point and didn’t understand what I was trying to point out.

yes those who pretend to feel that way, will most likely hurt those who truly feel like they were born in the wrong body, but no matter how much I tried to my words only got twisted and misinterpreted.

if someone truly feels they don’t match the bio-sex they were born in originally,

then they should be free to be the gender identity they are on the inside.

and shouldn’t have to put up with those jerks who dare to pretend just so they can do something bad.....no matter if it’s a man or woman, it is possible to happen....and well the reason why I gave up on it, is because people kept misunderstanding and not getting what I was trying to point out.

it is possible that I’m not sure, it was the cause of a fight I had with someone before....yeah they unblocked me after we made up, but they refuse to tell me the cause of the fight so we could work it out.....and even said they would block me for good on here, if I keep asking.

well I let it get to me too much, and it didn’t help there was other stuff going on that was upsetting me before...but yeah I ended up with a second depression.

after I got fully better (and one of the signs was that how Boss Baby made me laugh.) I had figured out how messed up things were....and how things were solved wasn’t right.

I mean before that fight happen, I was having a bad time at home.

because of my older cousin and his well now ex-family...

at some point I ended up with a few months of depression.

I know before the move I tried to tell my Mom what I remembered from when I was little.......that my Older cousin forced a kiss on me, and of course she tells me he would never do that, which then made me believe that it was just a dream......a dream that was possibly a warning dream.

at least that was what I was believing......that it was just a warning dream.

if a Angel sends you a warning dream, there is some dream warnings

that should NOT be shown to a little kid....

even if I don’t remember much during that time....

it might of been a good thing I didn't figure out that my two older cousins were

not really good people, and the male one was more dangerous.

I did try to tell my Mom about what I had remembered from when I was little, which I can only hope didn't really happen and it was just a dream that was telling me he can't be trusted.

of course after he had "hurt" his step-daughter, she finally listened when I had talked about it again.

I can't help but think, if I was listen to.....maybe he wouldn't of end up hurting his step-daughter a few years later.

but what happen when I was really little, might of not been a dream at all.....

I know what I can remember, when it did happen....it gave me not good feelings, it's like being emotionally hurt.

and if I didn't tell my Mom or anyone else before,

it was possibly because I was too traumatized

and I gave myself as type of amnesia.

and I think I was suppose to remember it, but because I wasn't taken seriously

enough and the view on my older cousin was that

"He would never do that."

I was made to believe it was just a bad dream. but I'm starting to believe it wasn't a dream at all, even if I wish it to be so....wishing it was just a warning dream.

I mean it would be pretty messed up if a Angel let that kind of warning dream happen to a little girl.

that is just messed up,

and NO Angel should be allowed to cause such a warning dream.

just have a trusted family take the child by the hand in the dream and lead them away from the dangerous family one, while the trusted family says "stay away from them, they are dangerous." that works better than what I can remember.

maybe it really did happen and it wasn't just a warning dream, and my calling it just a dream is my way to deny that it really did happen.

I have my pendulum to thank for that, making me start to rethink about it as something that might not really been in a dream that was trying to warn me to stay away from him. but because it really did happen.....

I should try to talk to my family about it sometime.

I don’t think I can believe it was just a dream or warning dream anymore.

he didn’t even hurt his step-daughter yet at all, when I told my Mom what he did when I was really little....something that she convince me didn’t happen because he would “never do that” and that I must of been dreaming, or like it was a bad dream.

well if it was a bad dream, then how come a few years later

he ends up assaulting his own step-daughter, and he is in jail for it now and I hope he stays there for the rest of his life....to me even if we might still be biologically family........to me he stop being family the moment I started to realize I was right about him....

even if I can trust some of my family,

I know now that not all of them could be trusted.......

and I was clueless to it until now.

after finding out what he did, and me bringing up again about the whole “dream” that I had forgot about until now to my Mom again.

she now believes me, that it might be a warning dream.

but I don’t think I can believe it was a dream or a warning dream anymore.

that it really did happen and it was so traumatizing I had gave myself amnesia.

it is possible when we are little,

we need to protect ourselves by burying unpleasant memories.

even ones we never saw as harmful before until we remember them and started to realize certain actions were NOT normal.

I have to accept the fact that my first kiss,

was stolen and it wasn’t a happy one.

and after it did happen, it caused bad feelings....

I believe it might of started out when I expressed that I found boys gross.

I mean little boys and little girls will feel that way, that is normal.

what isn’t normal is being picked up and the forced kiss on the lips

and then being dropped and then the monster leaving....

and the bad feelings happen next......even if I remember only a little,

I think I might of cried...

I don’t think it was a coincidence of me remembering it.

I think I was suppose to remember it, and before my Older Cousin

had hurt his step-daughter, I had told my Mom about what he did to me.

from what I can remember.....but like I said, she told me he would never do that.

and even made me believe it was just a bad dream.....but a few years later,

he assaults one of his step-children....that is more than just a coincidence.

plus if he truly did force a kiss on me and him being way older than me,

he should of known better.

if I was listen to, maybe he wouldn’t of end up hurting anyone.

I don’t think I was around him very much after we had moved the first time to go live with my Grandpa.....which might of been good, it is possible if I became around the same age as his step-daughter (the age he hurt her.)

he might of end up doing the same thing to me.

I mean that is possible...

I’m gonna hope another thing I asked to my pendulum

(which the question was for Azrael.) didn’t really happen

and it was just negative energy hacking my pendulum and pranking me.

at least that is what I want to believe anyway.

but then I asked another Angel about it, and I got the same answer....

I mean my pendulum does pull pranks on me, but I’m not sure if what I asked with my thoughts, really did happen....

I guess the only way I can hope for a confirming,

is to pray that he confesses to it.

I mean one of the other things that I was praying for,

that was for my Mom’s sake. had finally came true in a way.

so maybe if I hope and pray that he confesses the really bad stuff he did in the past, he will get life.

I can just try to hope that one of the things that I am worried he did and I got a Yes reply from my pendulum about it, didn’t really happen.

I don’t want to say what it is, but I’m gonna hope he didn’t.

maybe I can just hope that some hypnosis is used on him and it gets him to admit some dark secrets....

I mean that toxic-religious girl and her video,

might be bad but she isn’t as bad as him....but she is still bad in a different way, but he takes a higher level place of being really bad.

anyway I’m gonna try to do stuff to make me happy, to try to make me feel be more better after the whole toxic-religious girl and the video she put on Youtube.

if I had tried to tell her my feelings, it is not likely she would listen.

she might even do the same thing another toxic-religious person did to me a few years ago, which no matter how many times I told that other person how bad they were making me feel, they just kept misusing those words at me and I had to block them because of it.

yeah I can say that I’m really mad at that girl for that video.

but I know I can’t make her listen to reason.

I have the video on pause right now, but I will try to watch it more after I do the things I want to do to help me feel a bit more happy and less unhappy.

I also want to say that I really hope another thing I asked my pendulum,

is just one of it’s pranks.....

I'm just gonna hope my pendulum is pulling a prank about me having been in

hell in one of my past lives because of some sicko cultist...

so no matter if that happen or not, I do still hope that ANY cultist who tries to pull that same crud, will have their hands feel like they are on fire even if there is no real fire on the said hands.

I mean even if it were possible that the one protected me was Stolas

(not the Helluva Boss character, that is not the one I mean.)

until Azrael came to retrieve me....

but even if I did ask that question with my thoughts while using my pendulum, and the question was for Azrael......

my pendulum could still be pulling a prank on me.

it does that at times, like when I got really worried about someone and thought something really bad happen, I asked my pendulum and well....

I think it was just feeding off my worries and pulled a prank, so I will need to do something about my pendulum later.

like trying to make it give a truthful answer and not a lie or prank answer.

I hate those sicko cultist with every part of my being, no matter if I was given a prank answer from my pendulum or if it is true...

if that had really happen to me in a past life....

I will not forgive those cultist, they don't deserve it.

but I'm gonna just hope that my pendulum is just pranking me about that.

I mean I asked or at least tried to, ask Azrael if Stolas is protective of me....

but my pendulum could still be pulling it's mean pranks on me.

the answer I got was "Yes" but my pendulum could still be pulling a prank on me....like I said many times, it tends to do that at times.

even if half the time it can be truthful.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who went through the whole

"Pendulum Pulls A Prank Me", I haven't really used a pendulum for very long.

it did freak me out when I did get it, and it started to move like crazy.

before I learned I can ask it stuff, I had learned to make it move by my thoughts.

and I guess I have learned to program it, on how to give replies to either Yes or No, or it being both Yes and No.

my pendulum pulls pranks on me when it doesn’t give out a truthful answer.

I’m use to it happening.

before I figured out I can ask it or ask through it, or learned I can make it move where I want it to by thought.

when I had first held it and it moved, it freaked me out and I didn’t have anything to do with it until some time later.

I even decided to check again about the whole in one of my past lives as a baby, I was used as a sacrifice by satanic cultist....

the question was for Azrael, and I got another Yes as a reply.

even if some people might think it is wrong to hope that those kind of sickos will have their hands feel like they are burning even when fire is not present.

but that is what I want to happen, even if their hands don’t really catch on fire,

it should made to feel that way....

ya know like when you forget to turn off the hot water first but when you turn off the cold water first, you end up burning your hands a little

because of the hot water.

if it isn’t a prank and if it really did happen, then I have a right to be mad at sickos like that just like I have a right not be happy with that toxic-religious girl.

I think it would make sense that Azrael, would have to go get baby souls

that had been used in such way....just for some sick and twisted ritual.

i know it isn’t just babies that go through that,

but no matter what age it still isn’t right.

I even got another Yes about it being Stolas protecting me before Azrael came to get me....once again, my pendulum pulls pranks on me.

and according to what I was asking, he didn’t come to get me right away.

and if it isn’t a prank and if it is true that Stolas kept me for a few years of that past life....that would mean that he acted as a adoptive parent and possibly protected me from other demons until it was time for Azrael

to come to retrieve me.

I mean I do find flowers pretty, and I do find space to be interesting.

but I don’t think my interest in it has anything to do with Stolas.

at least I don’t think so....I did get a Yes reply from my pendulum when I asked if Stolas acted like a adoptive parent to me and protecting me from other demons....

well I did find out that the one who I thought was my soul dad,

turns out to be well my soul grandpa, and my soul dad is well someone else.

even if some sicko humans do such a terrible thing,

and their victims end up going to Heck....

they don’t stay there long, because Azrael goes to rescue them.

it’s fine that not many believe that, I’m not gonna force others to believe it.

I mean like I said my pendulum pulls pranks on me.

but I’m willing to believe that Azrael does go down to that other realm

when they are send there through a ritual because of jerks.

even if it is true I already have a contract with Stolas,

but it is a adoption contract, where he became my adoptive father...

it could still possibly be my pendulum pulling a prank....

once again, NOT the Helluva Boss’s Stolas....

if it were true and not some prank, that would mean that Stolas is the adoptive father of a Earth Angel....

I still rather go to Earth-Heaven, to go live with the Goddess.

“Heaven” might not just appear as a infinity of sky and cloud,

there can also be what appears to be Earth, like trees and stuff.

not everyone has to believe that, and that’s fine.

I rather only talk about this kind of stuff once in a while.

and talk about fan theories of my favorite video games or cartoons or movies.

I don’t know when it will be, when we will try to test my blood again

to see what type I am...

I mean the last successful try, it came out as O RH D Negative.

my Mom is a RH Negative too...but even if it did turn out that way the first time for me, I wanted to make double sure and see if it will show the same result.

but this time I figured out I do much better doing the test,

by keeping my eyes closed the whole time.

well unless when I have to open them for a little bit.

I didn’t end up feeling warm or dizzy when I kept my eyes closed.

I’m not sure if I have a slight fear of blood, I mean it might be possible I might be but it might not be that....

I plan to eat a lot of food and drink something first,

before I start that home test again that tells you what blood type you are.

as well as keeping my eyes closed just in case

what I was feeling isn’t because I needed food.

if it comes up the same as last time, I know what some people say about that kind of blood type, which half of it could be just rumors.

I hope the next post I do on here, like in a few months....

it can just be talk about my favorite shows and ships.

I just want to hurry up and post this and just do some stuff to help me feel more happy after finding that video on youtube....

I can only hope that some of you checked out the link to the petition to save Owl House...

and I know for sure it is possible that me being a descendant

of Mary Magdalene, is just one of my pendulums pranks.

so I’m not gonna worry about that for now.

the best thing I can try to do is try not to let toxic-religious people

like that girl on youtube, get to me.

even if they get me really mad.

I do feel a little sleepy, but I think I should try to relax and try to get a bit more happy first before I go to sleep.

I am a bit more calm now after that girl peeved me off, so that is good.

I will just watch some cartoons and then later after I sleep,

I will do some meditation.

I would be surprised if this was read fully, without anyone misinterpreting any words that were said.

I will sign in later or tomorrow to check out some stuff on here,

I was able to check out a short comic about the owl house on here.

I will check out more on here later or tomorrow, ‘

but I’m not gonna post anything else until a few months.

this is a acceptation because of that girl on youtube made me mad enough to talk about it, as well as wanting to show the petition to all owl house fans.

I’m a fan of Owl House too, and I hope a lot of fans see that petition.

I hate that I grew up with Monsters, that I didn’t know were REAL monsters until I started to remember certain stuff from when I was really little.

I hope this will be the last post until a few months, like I had plan it to be.

I’m just gonna try to relax and hope that everything works out.

I will watch some episodes first before I go to sleep,

to help me relax and be in a more better mood.

it be nice if the whole the Aliens from Mass Effect being Real in Real Life,

wasn’t a prank....but my pendulum pulls pranks on me and no matter how many times I ask it keeps giving a Yes.

even got a Yes once again about the Krogan living on Mars in Real Life.

anyway I’m gonna go now, I will watch episodes of a show first

before I go to sleep.

so see ya later and stay safe everyone....

#save_the_owlhouse #toxic religious people #toxic youtubers #Mature warning #pendulum #truth or lies #talking about feelings

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