#so that's a p fair conclusion tbh

[livingfictionsystem]

Let me guess: You're "self-diagnosed"?

Lemme guess, you "Tell it like it is"?

Why are you even trying to act like this line of interrogation will change the course on how you view us? Just tell us what you think you know about us better than our therapist, say that psychology is a lie, and bounce.

☄️🏌‍♂️

To everyone else, I could post a nice official-looking doc to have the own on Random Harasser #91. Buuuuut the fact is that the process of getting diagnosed costs hella money and having it on your record can fuck you up on judgments and custody battles and such, and people like this will still treat you the same. Nothing I say, from posting documented proof, to having my therapist call them and sing my dx's to the tune of Old McDonald is going to stop this person from harassing people living their lives with mental illness.

If you're thinking about putting yourself through that just to stop being fakeclaimed, don't. People see us a few steps above being institutionalized and think they've been bamboozled lmaoooo

-Sparrow 🧷

#we started going to therapy because of random Blackout periods #my guy arrived at the conclusion before we did #as for the bpd #i once tried to set myself on fire #because i didn’t feel good enough #so that's a p fair conclusion tbh #disassociative identity disorder #borderline personality disorder #self diagnosis #ask #tw fakeclaiming

[annislittleshopofhorrors]

You know I'm getting more and more convinced CE and trollba in a rs is PR. First of all, before we got the official news from People that she was dating Chris, nobody knew who tf she was, just the 3/4 fans of WN which tbh I think they supported more the other lead character. Thanks to Chris (fvck you Chris for it didn't ask to meet her ugly ass) now even Marvel stans know her and just because she's “dating” their beloved CA. Do you think MiuMiu would invite her to their show if she was a nobody? I don't think so. Just look at the number of new projects she's getting in a span of 1year? well since she "dated" Chris. Now people (not you Anni 🤍 ik you're on the pr train) don't tell me they're real bec if it wasn't for CE her ass would probably be back to Portugal since her acting sorrynotsorry but really sucks and she's average looking to be the IT girl she wants to be, not to mention her past (awful) "career" with all that p*rn stuff. She will never be an Emily Blunt or an ADA but unfortunately thanks to Chris, she may get important movie roles in the future since he brought her to our notice....

Conclusion: THIS IS PR wake up people!

To be fair, she was invited to the Miu Miu event in Venice last year.

[icharchivist]

barges in onto the P&P discussion because i'm a huge british lit nerd:

i know you're more of a fuyu fan but i once wrote a pseudo essay comparing Banri watching Juza's portrait to Lizzy reading Darcy's letter so, if it ever were to be adapted into the stage at Mankai, i think Banri would do a pretty great Lizzy with a wonderful Juza Darcy

OOOOH, very good to see you here!!

it's true i'm a fuyu stan, though to also be fair i was mostly answering to the prompt i got ahah, i'm opened to most ideas.

(tbh i was also thinking how thematically wise the troupe who would likely do P&P would be Spring, but i also can't really think of any good casting choice at the moment, so it has to remain thematic). (thematic swap troupe events where every troupes are taking up on the thematics of others troupes. Here. Fixed my thematic problem just like that. can't wait for Comedy!Winter or Tragedy!Summer)

T H A T S A I D i absolutely love the idea of trying to put it on Autumn. I think the constant infighting between Lizzy and Darcy where they have started on misconceptions about each other and carried on provocating each other would fit those two INCREDIBLY well.

Especially considering Juza's problem is that he naturally looks unfriendly and that he doesn't have the communication skills to bridge that gap, it fits the idea i have of Darcy in my mind really well, while Banri jumping to conclusion and being the one refusing to let go of the petty things he holds against Juza, even if it steams from misconception, can fit really well with Lizzy's issues especially early in the novel.

The fact the letter reading fits them and that you could write about it really makes it all clicking perfectly together, i can totally see it.

I feel like they would be a more perfect cast as the lead duo than what was decided for Winter, but i'm really unsure about how to cast the rest of Autumn?

For sure we'd need to keep Azami away from the main romances and wait i just remembered i made this meme forever ago that i've never imagined i would actually use in an a3 conversation:

Then i'd say the people we'd really need to cast would be Jane, Bingley, and Wickham?

I suppose we could have Taichi as Jane and Omi as Bingley, and Sakyo as Wickham to finish the whole casting? i don't have as strong an opinion as to how it would fit but i would trust all of them to really manage to play it well.

I feel like, Banri and Taichi would play really nice siblings, at least, and Omi can nail Bingley's "too nice, too well natured" that Juzarcy would like to protect?

Like focusing on how Banri&Taichi and Juza&Omi have this complicity that could make them play the siblings/friends very well.

Sorry Sakyo i'm making you into the villain into this one i suppose? :sob:

though i guess we can also swap Sakyo and Azami without too much problem is Wickham doesn't flirt too much in this version?

Of course we can also make it a crosstroupe play but i'm already running on fumes brainwise so idk if i have the energy to comb through everything for the best bets.

What i said on my Fuyu casting about the younger Bennet siblings being played by Yuki and Muku doing cameos still stand and instead of Juza i think we can do with Sakuya instead, to keep things moving up. Though i feel like Kumon would insist on staring in the play but i feel like if he has to play Banri's sibling instead of Juza he might adlib himself into insulting BanLizzy and insist on wanting to become Juzarcy's sibling so i don't know about that.................

but yes, that still works ;D

#ichareply #anonymous #ichafantalks a3 #a3playhcs

[namimikan]

can't stop thinking about comparing the ending of angel one and barbie 2023, and just. i think in the end, angel one's ending is slightly happier than barbie's for men.

like i have no idea if the kens will have a happier future, if they are unhappy at being treated the way they are in the film. the way the barbies looked at each other, and were like 'well start small, and maybe one day you'll be equal to us' did... not feel reassuring to me. instead, it felt like it was saying v. much 'silly kens, you are stupid forever'.

(like the movie was concerned about toxic masculinity, how it spreads, and how anyone can be susceptible to it, but like. if kens are unhappy with the way they're being treated, then they're not wrong for voicing their complaints, even if the ken-dom was a radicalization and not the right way to go about things, the resolution for them... was less than happy tbh. also, i'm just not sure that reducing barbies into that particular fantasy made much sense either. in fairness, the movie was never about 'hey, can men have equal rights to women' like it is in angel one, (maybe not helped that most of the revolutionaries are not from that planet, and come from a different one) and that struggle, it was barbies can do everything and ken is at the beach)

angel one... in the end, while it's unsatisfying that men's equality is impeded for now, that progress is slowed down, and the council chose to exile the revolutionaries (and their families) to prevent that progress... one day it will happen for that planet. they may have delayed it, but it's going to happen.

like i wonder if it's a victory that they managed to avoid death in this situation. obvs it's detrimental to the 'revolution of equality for men' in this world, which apparently would have progressed it quicker. like the women in this planet don't want it to happen, and turning them into martyrs, would have sped up the revolution. so, maybe it really was the best case solution -- they're unwilling to change, but at least no one died. but the dissent is there, and will continue to be there, even if change is slow to happen. there's some comfort to be found in the fact that one day that planet will treat men and women equally instead of just the assigned gender roles.

again, angel one is frustrating, bc it doesn't actually have much to say on gender politics. it just flips the Women Are From Venus and Men Are From Mars rhetoric, and it's p. boring about it! and honestly, i think it tones down the misandry after the first scene. they're portrayed fairly reasonable and willing to listen to riker after that. would it have been better if beata had tried to be more aggressive towards riker? if he'd been more unwilling, instead of being receptive to spending the night with her? he raises a few concerns, sure, but... knowing riker, he was always open to the idea, but casting him as ~the seduced role~ is interesting. idk! pros and cons for both, i think!

like i do wonder how a genderflipped episode would have been like. sure, the men in charge would have been chauvinists, but had the 'elected one' taken an interest in... troi or tasha, for example, and invited her for ~negotiations~ (and i think about riker's line would you still respect me in the morning? bc idk i wonder), would troi/yar make an impassioned speech that makes the council stop and go 'we will discuss the topics you brought up', bc honestly i still think riker would be the one to say it, but them listening is... idk. less likely to happen, i think, bc of the typical stubbornness.

ugh, maybe someone will compare code of honour (gender politics) and justice (wtf conclusion/handling of nuance) with angel one, idk. but it just feels half baked.

#trekking stars #and i think i'm done with the comparisons? i'm not saying they're good comparisons! #but there was a reason b2023 reminded me of this episode and i think i've hashed the majority of my issues out at last

[s4turns-r1ngs]

DSMP - "Get in loser, we're going shopping."

Summary: Was it a good idea to be up at three in the morning on a school night? No, but here you are doing it anyways, dragging your friends along with you. (As you should.)

Pronouns: they/them

Warnings: Swearing

-> [a/n] - what the fuck is up gamers i'm back at it again with the typing and shit. lowercase is intended, as i am on my computer and i'm too lazy to capitalize shit. also sorry if stuff is spelled wrong lmao i'm tired school is stressful. smh. n e ways back to ignoring my french (why did i take french) homework. also, reader lives in america, bc i dunno anything about how anything is set up in the uk :pensive: also what??? two posts??? in less than 24 hours??? saturn on their content arc?????

-> p!cc!benchtrio + reader (more ranboo + reader than any of the others, but they're still there)

>—————————×××—————————<

you sigh, glancing at the alarm clock on your bedside table. 2:54 am. jeez you really should not be awake right now, especially since it's a school night. you were going to be so tired in school tomorrow.

you glace at the clock again. 2:55 am.

groaning, you sit up. there was absolutely no way you were going to fall asleep now and still be able to make it through your classes without falling asleep, but oh, how one could dream.

you know what? fuck it. if you can't fall asleep at a decent time, you're about to make it everyone else's problem.

you stand up, quickly changing into something slightly more presentable, but still comfortable. grabbing your phone, you open up discord.

---

chaos CHAOS

[user/n]: gm losers :]

ranboo: why are you awake

[user/n]: why are YOU awake then huh??

ranboo: i mean fair but

ranboo: still

tommy: what the fuck

[user/n]: tommy

tommy: [y/n]

tubbo: tubbo

ranboo: ranboo

tubbo: anwyays [y/n] why are you awake?

[user/n]: lmao man idk i coulddn't sleep lol,

ranboo: then get sleep??

[user/n]: no <3

tommy: idk big man you should probably get some sleep

tommy: didn't you say you had class tomorrow?

[user/n]: oh yea i do

[user/n]: but i've come to the conclusion that i Will Not be sleeping any time soon

tubbo: same tbh bossman

ranboo: at least get sleep soon??

[user/n]: mmm no

[user/n]: n e ways boo open your door

ranboo: wh

ranboo: why

[user/n]: :)

ranboo: LEAVE

tommy: what

tubbo: lmao L

ranboo: GO AWAY

[user/n]: :)

---

you knock on his front door again. "open up, bitchboo!"

"will you quiet down! the neighbors are sleeping!"

"fuck the neighbors! we're going to walmart!" you say, taking a step back.

"why?? it's three in the morning???" he says, opening the door.

"idk man. vlog content i guess." you respond, shrugging your shoulders.

"you're going to record a vlog in a walmart at three am?" ranboo questions, leaning against the doorway. it truly is a wonder that the neighbors are still asleep, especially with how loud you're talking.

"with you of course. why else would i be here?"

"because i am one of your closest and loving (/p) friends?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"ew. no. that's cringe. (/j)" you turn back towards your car. "anyways, loser, get in. it's time to go shopping."

ranboo paused for a moment, looking between you and your car. with a sigh, he responds: "i don't really have a choice here, do i?"

"nope <3"

"okay. hold on i'll be right back." he walks back inside.

you shout: "you better be! i'll be in the car."

---

"hey gamers," you tell your camera while walking into the store. "back at it again with vlog content. but this time it's at walmart and it's like...three-thirty in the morning i think."

"i have no clue why they're up, by the way." ranboo mentions from behind the camera. "they just showed up at my house and dragged me here."

"yup!"

"that's kidnapping, [user/n]."

"yup!" you repeat, with a smile covered by your mask. turning to look at him instead of the camera, you ask: "now, what should we get?"

"you're looking at me like i know."

"you should, shouldn't you? why did you come to the store then?"

"because you-"

"exactly!" you shout. you see some middle-aged man look at you from further down on of the aisles. "now go look for stuff."

with that, you run off towards the candy aisle.

ranboo sighs. "let's see how long it takes them to realize they left their camera."

not even fifteen seconds you run back and take the camera. "this is mine!"

"i was wondering how long it would take you." he semi-shouts on his way past you to what you think is the frozen food section.

"whatever, asshole! go find your...i have no clue what you buy at the store, but go look for it!"

you see him give you a thumbs up before turning a corner.

"cool now that he's gone, time to commit a crime-"

your phone buzzes.

boo: whatever you're going to do, don't. :)

"i guess not, then. doesn't mean i can't get a shitload of candy, though, so-"

---

you burst through your door, arms full of bags, ranboo not far behind you. it's nearly four-forty-five in the morning, and your first class is at nine. oh well. there's no way this could go wrong.

ranboo stands awkwardly at the entrance to your kitchen.

"just set them down on the counter, it'll be fine."

"cool, i guess?" he responds, doing as told. "what do we do now?"

you pause. what even is there to do? you could watch a movie or something. honestly, you could probably email your teachers and tell them that you can't make it (you make a mental note to do that later).

"i dunno. we could brag about it to tommy and tubbo? i'm too sleep-deprived to think straight right now."

"alright, i'm fine with that."

and with that, you and ranboo call the other two and laugh at whatever shenanigans ensue.

#saturn.writes #platonic ranboo x reader #ranboo x reader #platonic tubbo x reader #tubbo x reader #platonic tommy x reader #tommyinnit x reader #platonic bench trio x reader #bench trio x reader #WOOOO now to cry bc of school

[nerdemic]

baldur’s gate but i’m an idiot p.2

OH BOY 

Finally got the wizard man’s romance to work (so cute <3) 

TL;DWR - Gale’s revelation is about the Netherese orb, in his mind that is the most pressing issue and retelling his story about him & Mystra is just laying the groundwork, ergo he doesn’t really realize how hurtful it is for the player until he’s thought about it after the fact 

And I’ve seen the romance before of course but having played through it myself I’m realizing how the fandom has really focused in on the “heyyyy kinda sorta slept with Mystra, y’know the goddess?” part of the morning after revelation (which is totally fair it’s kind of a gut punch tbh and I’m glad that his apology does seem genuine when he realizes it was a rude move) when Gale himself is focused on the whole Netherese orb. In fact, going through it again I don’t think the revelation is about Mystra (for him) it’s about the orb; which is not how it’s framed if you ask the fandom in general. For Gale, it really seems like the story about him and Mystra is more-so laying the groundwork for what he thinks is the real big bad, we need to talk (TM) issue: the Netherese time-bomb in his chest. 

And when you look at that interaction from that perspective, the way Gale is looking at it, the scene makes a lot more sense. In the interaction, I chose the dialogue option along the lines of “MAN it sucks that you’re telling me about a previous lover in the next morning” and Gale responds with “Well if it makes you feel any better the affair didn’t last long.” 

Again, if you’re seeing this revelation as being ABOUT Mystra and Gale then that line seems like a really OOC & rude response from Gale. But if you bear in mind for him that retelling is just to set the stage then the line make a lot more sense. I think that he genuinely is so focused on the orb and how much of a danger he is to the player (especially after sharing a night of delights with them) that he doesn’t clock that right now the Mystra thing is the most hurtful thing for the player to hear. He says in the apology that he needed to tell the PC and thought it would be worse if they were told later rather than sooner. And if you are still of the mind that “well he didn’t have to talk about Mystra”  then consider 1. it’s Gale, he’s a storyteller, he’s definitely going to tell the whooooole story 2. he tells the whole story in the non-romance version of the conversation too, for him the Mystra aspect of his story is the groundwork.  There’s even in-game reasoning for why his brain would work that way, the man’s INT is 16 and his WIS is 11.

in conclusion, wizard man is a good storyteller but is still a man, still very fallible. Fallible enough to get so caught up in telling his story, caught up in trying to be as honest as possible that he doesn’t realize until after the fact that his words could have been incredibly hurtful. 

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #kinda??? idk if these count as spoilers #Gale of Waterdeep #sweet wizard man doesn't think before he speaks #Nan plays games #Nan rants

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

Unpopular MASH opinion: Charles >>>>> BJ. He’s more handsome too and DOS was a much better actor.

Hi Anon! Sorry for the delay in answering this; I admit I'd been a bit nervous about angering people with it, but people are already angry with me today :P

anyways SO TRUE BESTIE!!!! THANK YOU!!!!! You came to the right place anon this is the Charles Love Blog and we have a sign out front that says No BJ Allowed Except On Ensemble Cast Business

I will say for the sake of fairness that regarding acting, I would never say anything disparaging about Mr. Farrell’s abilities. This is not because I know how to tell when acting is good or not but because I saw a clip of a pro-LGBT commercial PSA he did back in the 80′s. Mr. Substitute Trapper I honestly seriously salute and respect you. 

Of course in regards to petty subjective things such as which character I think is more sexy and interesting I BELIEVE IN DOS SUPREMACY >:) 

Actually in regards to which character is “better” first off I do assume we mean better as in more fascinating to me instead of like, a better person. Obvs we are forced to concede BJ to be a better person objectively by virtue of not having lines disparaging socialized medicine every episode. But then again if we’re judging characters this way the only truly good characters are Maxwell and Francis. Hey wait that’s actually true--

I think the reason I find Charles more interesting is simply that I find his neuroses more relatable tbh. They’re both these standard middle aged men but BJ has standard middle aged man problems and Charles, god bless him, has teenage girl problems. I’m desperate for my dad’s love and approval! I have to take care of my little sister! My family controls who I can and can’t date! I’m lonely and it’s really hard to make friends! Like ok BJ I’m sorry you’re all worried about your wife cheating on you after you cheated on her but some of us have real struggles. babygirl here is afraid of going to the dentist :(

Most importantly I’m so glad you specified Charles being handsome cause he IS he’s SO handsome <3<3<3 I wish more people would be gross and objectify him with me tbh. Too much talk on here about Trapper and BJ’s relative dick sizes and not nearly enough talk about how Charles is over a foot taller than me and could easily lift me and throw me on a bed and hold me down one-handed while he ******* *** ****** ** ******** ****. And also his eyes are so pretty!

Sorry this was a rambling incoherent answer I got too excited about Charles to make sense. Conclusion: unpopular opinion APPROVED! Everyone please send me your unpopular or strange MASH opinions please I want to hear all of them especially if they’re about creative uses for Charles’ white silk scarf ;)

#Thank you so much anon this message was SO fun to receive and reply to!! #No pressure but if you want to come off anon (privately obvs) I'd be thrilled to follow you! Us Charlesgirls gotta stick together <3 #Starky loves answering questions #Starky loves anons #Starky's Original Posts #I think calling adult male characters 'female coded' or 'child coded' is ridiculous and meaningless but I can't find a better way #of talking about Charles and his issues #he's a just a big kid but not like Hawkeye is you know? #someone smarter than me please come care about this character and talk intelligently about him for me OTL #MASH #Charles has Eldest Daughter Syndrome and the only cure is for me to crawl in his lap. Thank you and goodnight <3 #Charles Emerson Winchester III

[grewlikefancyflowers]

seven seas could have and should have reached out to fan yiyi or taming wangxian. they both had large parts of the novel translated. s & p shouldn't have taken the MDZS job because it was a short release schedule, and they're not familiar with the work or working off of any of their drafts. fan yiyi in particular has done other translation work, and i think hers was high quality. it's actually really sad, and i don't think it's fair to just defend suika especially from this because she only got the job since she's a big name in translation fandom for doing TGCF and 2ha. the work IS clearly subpar and isn't written as beautifully as other fan translations.

i've never said fyy or tmwx shouldn't have done the tl for 7s, nor have i ever said the 7s translation doesn't have issues (actually i've complained about them quite a lot). i am only saying that we shouldn't leap to the worst possible conclusions about s&p, especially when none of us know the exact workings within 7s and whether the mistakes arose from s&p, 7s' editing, or in the printing process (tbh, it seems like there are issues with all areas, which really just points to this being largely an issue with time constraints, especially as sv & tgcf have not seen the same problems as mdzs)

i don't know what version tmwx were translating, but fyy's was not the same one that 7s is licensed to publish, so she would have to start from scratch and be under the same time constraints as s&p anyway.

clearly the reason s&p did mdzs was because they were the ones who approached 7s in the first place, and had already demonstrated their abilities with the fan tl of tgcf. 7s already had a working relationship with them and likely saw no reason to reach out to an additional translator.

i understand why people are upset, i am also upset, i care about mdzs a lot and i wanted the eng release to be the best it can be. but no one needs to be making accusations, or be spiteful, towards the individuals involved.

#mdzs #uhh gonna tag this as #translation wank #feel free to filter if you're tired of hearing about the drama #also while it may be the case that less mistakes would have been made if the team was more familiar with mdzs #and i do think that delivering a good tl of literature requires a level of dedication to the source material #(remember that translation is inherently interpretative and to an extent transformative) #that doesn't mean that s&p are automatically going to be less good at their jobs #just because they're tgcf mains #and to be clear i do not think it is at all ok that the book was released with this many mistakes #because there is a /lot/ and the books are not cheap

[transsexualhamlet]

tg anime vs manga *sighs*

i have the power of hyperfixation and anime on my side! AAAAAAAA

Ok now that we’ve gotten the sins of re post out of the way we need to discuss this. And I just feel that this needs to be covered because I can’t ever get away from constant discourse on this, mostly fueled by manga readers who feel entitled to always think they’re superior for reading the manga, that the manga is the only real canon, that it’s more complex or better, I’m so fucking tired of it. I am also a manga reader, and I tend to get like that sometimes too with many series (for example no. 6 and the promised neverland.) I get it. It can be really annoying to see something butchered on screen to what the original is, changed or represented differently or given a different message or simplified. But just. Some people like the anime and it’s not a goddamn holy war for y’all to fight. It only makes anime fans not want to read the thing even more yknow cause manga readers are pretentious assholes, and I am aware of this as one of them.

(again ok i’d like to mention i know this fandom is basically dead but a certain p*nterest is always like 4 years behind on fandoms so i keep fucking running into Discourse that’s like, still current, whenever i want old random ass content) (and youtube, why do i look at youtube comments, because I personally enjoy being offended? yeah probably)

And that brings me to the point of this anime vs manga. 

This is a lot harder to compare than a lot of other series, because there are just... so many more differences not just in the style and vibe but the story itself.

Disclaimer, I’ve never watched the anime for :re and i don’t intend to, because I honestly have no earthly clue how tf you can get from the highly diverged tokyo ghoul root A to re and make it make sense, and I don’t really want A ruined for me. So you can call me biased towards the manga in the case of re, i guess (which makes my eventual conclusion even more strong I’d say) Honestly I just see them as two completely different stories, the manga’s version connecting with re and A just like... ending there. So how we’re drawing the lines is basically tokyo ghoul A versus the manga and :re. God, I know this isn’t a fair fight because I already hate re so much, but I feel like the manga’s story is much more intertwined with :re than the anime’s is, so that’s what we’re going with.

oh god also another disclaimer this opinion is coming from the biggest fucking kanehide whore, you can disregard anything i say if you ship The Straights and/or do not care for my boi hide

To be honest, if I can take my own conclusions and liberties to the story, I like both versions, each have their pros and cons and kind of a conflicting message. They can’t really coexist. Usually I’d consume all versions and then create one consistent canon in my head for what I accept as the true events (for example my main owari no seraph, first season of the anime is canon but after that we only follow the manga since those can come together and make sense.) but it’s very hard to do that in tokyo ghoul, since I must confess... I really like root A. Like of course, it’s a lot different from the manga, but tbh I think it’s super valid. (unlike most Fans TM like this Fan TM who i’m sending this post to just to spite their singular Youtube Comment Section Discourse, yes I did write this post for you and many others like you) But the ideas that make up root A conflict a lot with the ones of the manga, so I just have to accept that they’re separate things and treat them as such.

Now to break it down so people can understand where I’m coming from I guess? God this is already so long here’s a read more

The Case for The Manga (including :re manga)

More Lore + Plot Shit: One of the main reasons that manga readers are pretentious little bitches is a valid reason, namely that, as is the case with most manga, there’s simply more to it than people can fit into an anime. (Although people need to understand that’s because,,, it’s simply a different medium, so it will have different pluses and minuses, such as for example a soundtrack, color, moving pictures,,, you know, all that. Anime onlys don’t say that the anime is better by stating these things that a manga won’t have... because they’re fucking obvious. So manga readers should stop acting like an anime is inherently sub-par for being less in depth, but we digress.) I can understand that reading the manga is kind of important for wanting to understand the lore (though there are like so many other reasons ppl might want to watch it other than to get the lore) and without the explanation of how all this came to be and how it works, everything tends to be really mysterious, confusing, and seemingly random. It’s really nice to know what’s all going on, of course, and stuff like the washuus, rize’s backstory, the explanation for like, kaneki in general, all that- if you’re looking for like, plot shit, manga is definitely your go to. But like, sometimes, you like, don’t actually care about those things.

Haise: Of course one of the most important things about well, including re is that I fucking love Haise. Like he is my favorite Kaneki. He’s just so wonderful, look at him in he glasses and he floofy hair and he striped pants and he energy boxers and he s p i c e and he MOM. And I really like how they took Kaneki’s character and developed it more with Haise, you can see his turnaround from innocent--> Emo--> Trying To Be Innocent Again But Failing and I think that’s really sweet tbh. I rejected that at first because I didn’t understand it but once I actually read re I thought it made a lot of sense and was a logical thing to do with his character. (though, uh, moving forward, after his hair changes again i disagree with it, haise 1.0 is a good take and i love him and i want the best for him) I could go on I’ve already written a post of what I think is wrong with :re so if you want to hear my take on kaneki’s 37 pokemon evolutions that’s in there

Good New Characters: And of course there are my favorite bitches such as quinx squad, oh my god, there was a terminal lack of dumbass squad vibes in the original and ishida fucking gave it to us, I love them, I love them with all my heart and I think that if I wasn’t attached to them I’d probably just cancel all of :re but like this is just my personal problem. God I love them. Ishida always pulls through with characters I’m now too attached to.

Vore Lmao:Ok like hear me out. I just get a laugh out of it every time the manga has to remind me of this little fucking fact. Like ok I just. Cannot get over it. It’s so serious about it too and like I realize it’s a serious deal but o h  m y  g o d

Ok and now that we’ve got that little rant over I do want to say that it is like actually really important past the “lmao that’s pretty gay” bit, like??? In some ways it’s more fitting than the anime because well, ishida’s point always seems to be “what would mentally and physically hurt kaneki the most right now” and does it because that’s who this bitch is. But it just?? Kind of makes a bit more sense for the storyline if we’re being picky here, it’s so,,, painfully on point? Like the entire reason he gave in to Being A Ghoul and all was so he could save his friends and shit (i actually do not remember if this was a thing in the manga but like? when he was being tortured and he like imagined hide being really mad at him and getting killed by jason and shit?) LIKE AND THEN HE GOES AND HAS TO BASICALLY BE THE PERPETRATOR OF THAT HIMSELF, FUCK, it’s a lose/lose situation of “don’t do the bad thing and watch your friends suffer” or “do the bad thing and watch your friends suffer but like, later” ishida please

The meaning of Hide being alive: Ok this is just me crying over chapter 75 still but like. Instead of in the anime, where hide’s point seems to be that instead of letting kaneki sacrifice anything more he’d be the one to give his life up and such, and save kaneki, in the anime tbh he just really wanted to be with kaneki right then?? and like ouch but understanding that in the manga he wasn’t just planning on dying and leaving kaneki to deal with it afterward he wanted to go on and continue to try to help the guy no matter the shit he had to go through, no matter if the dude just like forgot that he existed for two years and all- LIKE UH CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW HIDE DOESN’T EVEN EXPECT ANY APOLOGY? like kaneki’s like “OH MY GOD I’M SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON” and hide’s like lmao nah it’s cool i’m thriving- that his big motto was “live” rather than “peace out motherfuckers it’s been fun”. Cause. Fucking. Ishida. Can’t kill off characters well but like at least he made keeping this one alive justified. 

The D e t a i l s: Ok well I feel like this is something everyone knows but the anime is missing a lot of really,,, crunchy details that the manga throws in there, like, well, kaneki’s fucking,,, bones thing, and other assorted details, g o d like those are missable if you want to never understand half the memes but also like,,, sometimes you just gotta read that shit. It also like, makes more sense when you do but sometimes it’s just stupid things that aren’t important but are fucking hilarious.

The Flavor: In general I’d say the greatest difference between the anime and the manga is the general flavor of the thing, the vibe in the manga is a lot, to be frank, darker and grosser and bloodier than the anime, which is a lot more focused on being pretty and Tragic than “HOLY SHIT WTF” but like. That’s valid. With that comes it being a lot more, real, and although the art may not be as polished as the anime’s, sometimes that’s exactly what you need, and the really gritty sketchy shit that’s in the manga sometimes is exactly what it’s supposed to be for the manga. (in the anime, i’d say that the colored and polished style fits it better, so we’re good there.) It’s a lot more real, in the manga, when the anime hesitates to “go there” a lot (and well, sometimes that’s welcome, but sometimes it’s like y o u  g u y s  c o m e  o n  r e a l l y maybe i DID want to see that did you ever think of that)

So like, to sum it up i’d just like to say it’s more detailed, sharper and darker and is simply So Much. There is just More Content

The Case for Root A

ON THE OTHER HAND, (buckle up fuckers)

Depth of Emotion (that Ishida was too much of a pissbaby for): God like you know what I mean if you read the last post, we spent a whole episode on these gay fucks in root A, with backstory and dreams and drawn out suspense and emotion and GUYS LOOK AT THEM NO REALLY OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS whereas hide’s limelight in the manga is a whole... two pages, oh whoopee, and that’s mostly due to the fact of ishida putting himself in a spot of “oh fuck goddamn if i drew that in i’d get flagged for gay porn” but that’s his own fault, so he downplays the whole scene and really keeps it in the dark, whereas in this anime it’s understandably a lot less,,, like that, but how it plays out here is simply... really nice and makes you cry and shit, whereas in the manga I’d go “oh god oh damn oh fuck” *laughs my ass off because i really can’t take this seriously*. You get just... more here.

To elaborate on this, in the anime, as a gay fucking bastard, I can get practically an endless amount of content from episode twelve, and endlessly stew over all Those Things about it, every hard hitting line, the expressions, the music making it even sadder, the ways the VAs say the words, the cinematic beauty of the blood dripping on the floor and like how it’s supposed to make you think it’s kaneki’s, GOD I COULD FUCKING GO ON, but if we want to get that in the manga... 

we get three incredibly basic lines, a blackout, and then a “QUICK LET’S MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE ANYONE NOTICES THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT HAHA”

So if we want to have more, we need to write it. (sadly) None of it is ever played out canonically so like,,, all we can do is infer and make shit up. It’s like, I am a writer so like that’s my whole job but I really would rather have more content, and have the content that’s there get to be emotional instead of *blank face* “this is plot that is happening, sadly” but like maybe it’s just bc i’m gay

Really Fucking Beautiful (aesthetically as well as story-wise): This kind of just goes hand in hand with the depth of emotion bit, and I think it can’t really compared to the manga here because I’m gay so I see pretty colors and cry so the anime is understandably appealing for me, but I’m also talking emotionally, yeah. There’s a lot of plotlines and implications of the story that are really well played out, I always love to watch the original because it does a very good job handling a lot of the harder topics and stuff that makes the whole thing worthwhile- like the whole point you’re supposed to see that the ghouls and humans are both just as monstrous when you break it down, that there are good and bad people on both sides, everyone just wants to live and feel good in their own life and perspective, everyone has reasons that justify their behaviour in their mind, sometimes you just can’t win no matter what, all that... they’re all really important messages and make the whole story, and they were handled much more delicately and with more expertise in the anime. 

It’s hard to pin down, but I feel like the manga was just based more on Fight Scenes Characters OoH Fake Science and kind of just gave kaneki infinite power ups after Trying Harder no offense, obviously those things were there and they were still very good in the manga it’s just sometimes they were cheapened a lot by ishida really not keeping track of what he’s trying to say with his story and sacrificing it a lot for “BUT WHAT IF KANEKI’S HAIR AND IDEALS CHANGED AGAIN” instead of making it a whole cohesive work. (and yes, I am VERY aware of your “well aCtuAlLy the hair represents his sanity” thing i know i know and i’m about to rip it to fucking shreds so)

Understandable Character Development And Staying True To It: Which brings me to this point, character development. This was another thing that was just... handled with more expertise in the anime, whoever was in charge of it. Mostly this has to do with Kaneki, since like, no offense but he’s the only one who ever gets much character development other than like, juuzou (asmr you only get character development if your hair color changes) oh and i guess there’s tsukiyama but he’s someone who shouldn’t have gotten character development. Touka gets character development only before re for some reason, and like tbh that’s kind of it. I do think Juuzou’s character development was valid, because well... it made sense? I complained about it before because I was like “well he just turns into spicy L” but i’ve since changed my opinion, he’s best boy. But Kaneki? They went way overboard with him in the manga, and generally? Calm tf down ishida.

Breaking it down, one of the main things that most of the tried and true manga stans seem to hate about the anime the most is Kaneki going over to Aogiri in root A. Since they’re much more acclimated to the manga, they don’t understand why he would do that (quoting a particular ‘probably made sense in the manga!’ yes i know that whole thing was poking fun at the show and i felt it lmao) and they just pin it to “ahaha he has now become Edgy for the fans ehehe time to make fun of him” and TO BE FAIR YOU’D BE COMPLETELY RIGHT. I love to make fun of Kaneki when he does his edgy bitch thing because that’s what he is. A basic edgy bitch who is just,,, such a main character. But like. He does actually have his reasons despite popular opinion and to be honest I think they’re a bit more valid than in the manga, where he’s just like “well I’ve been tortured, that was not pleasant and i kinda did a bad thing, let’s go back to anteiku but i’m just gonna Try Harder To Fight this time”. I can understand that, but like, it seems like in the manga every Character Development of kaneki is some form of “i will now be stronger” except for the singular “I will now be a different person” which, well, we’ll get to that. 

In the anime though, even if it seems like more of a basic edgy bitch move, it’s like?? It makes perfect sense to me, and to be honest more than the manga does? Obviously he doesn’t wanna be best bros with Aogiri, he realizes they’re all bad people who have done really terrible things, but the fact is he now sees himself as the same thing, he now understands their motives because in his mind he is also now Bad TM. His whole character development of being tortured was that peace wasn’t an option no matter how much he wanted it, he couldn’t live being a pacifist and the world was forcing him to give the “i am the only one that understands! we need to stop fighting!” bullshit up because there was no way to achieve it. He realized if he kept himself the way he was more people he loved would be hurt like they already had because he couldn’t, so he doesn’t just Decide To Become Stronger, he gives up his humanity. And that includes basically letting himself defend his own actions and try to do “the right thing”. 

Him then joining aogiri makes sense because well. They’re the people who are the strongest, who have the power, who are the same as he sees himself. He still wants to protect the people he loves, he just also realizes he can’t do it by working with them since he now understands that their more peaceful ways will by definition get them fucking killed. His understanding is flawed, of course. He’s not really right. But this is his understanding and from that it makes perfect sense for him to join up with aogiri and try to still do as much as possible from that standpoint, realizing that most likely the people he’s trying to protect will hate him for it. I think that makes sense to me, what do you not understand about it? (I also understand that may make some people mad because he’d Doing Bad Things but I point to you he’s so soft, remember when he was really nice to naki when he was literally the one who killed the guy naki was crying about? remember when he was doing a raid and he saw that guy hiding and he never mentioned it? remember like the seventy times he Cried TM, yeah he’s problematic obviously but if you want problematic I’ll point you to a certain fucking black reaper. Shironeki has nothing on that asshole.)

I think what Kaneki did in the manga was fine, but in general the anime (again) had more depth of understanding and emotion versus a steady Try Harder Get Stronger shonen deal, which, well, fair, but like, nah. Continuing why I think the anime dealt it better is the ending of A, which was a lot more well rounded then *kaneki gets stabbed and then there’s a lot of random plot shit going on in the background*. Here Kaneki then got to round out the end of his character development by realizing slowly through the second half of this season, him becoming a kakuja and then basically deciding like, not to

((kakuja kaneki was dealt with again different in the anime and manga because he basically stopped trying to use it in the anime bc he realized it was a bad fucking idea but this goes along with the ‘his character development of “i’m gonna do bad things for good reasons” --> “actually no wait that was a bad idea” was actually done in root A instead of being dragged out into :re and it’s appropriate for its own medium and the messages it’s trying to get across so manga loyalists hate it’ but we digress))

So in root A we got to see him actually develop and realize himself through the second half of the season starting with cochlea, his interactions with Amon, and ultimately through Hide, that he’d been doing the wrong thing by becoming more monstrous/fighting harder because what he did was ended up forgetting the most important thing, *smiles in gay* HIDE.(well, his humanity. yeah. i cite the terrible opening for root A with the fun ‘the hands taking off kaneki’s mask are hide’s’ bit.) He then remembered again why he wanted so bad to stop the war between humans and ghouls, he wanted to be able to live in peace and not have to be a monster- something that was not dealt with in the manga (though for understandable reasons of We Need To Fuck With Him In Re More, they then didn’t deliver on creating something like that later so I take this.)

That’s most of the difference between the original manga and anime, but I’d also like to discuss (briefly, I’ve already yelled about them) the ridiculous amount of hurdles ishida went through to fuck with kaneki in the manga, Of course there is the fact that well, the slower transition of his character does make some more sense for the manga because if you take :re into consideration, his eight billion character changes are more tolerable when they haven’t like, already happened before in the manga (just the anime). It makes more sense there for Haise to be tormented by past kaneki telling him He’s Too Weak because in the manga he hasn’t already had that development prior to “dying”, and he lost his memories still believing he had to be strong even if he did bad things, whereas in the anime it doesn’t track because at the end like i just said he kind of gives up his ghoulhood on purpose because he realizes that joining aogiri and fighting and shit was really wrong because, hide. So I can see why those character decisions were not made in the original when planning for :re, but... the fact remains that those previous decisions do not make up for how absolutely weak :re’s game ended up being with kaneki. 

So tldr this entire section, All the manga’s defense of how they handled Kaneki’s development is basically void because all those choices were buildup for development in :re which ishida then COMPLETELY fell down on. So the alternative is better.

And now comes my yelling about how exactly Ishida fucked it up: hair colors and kaneki’s 80 kanekis. If black is supposed to represent sane and white is supposed to represent insane or, whatever, i dunno, who tf thought black reaper kaneki was sane? Who tf would think kaneki in the end isn’t? I haven’t looked into this really, and I’d really love it if someone explained it to me the way ishida was going for bc I do not understand it. Like that tracks with Juuzou, and with Kaneki up to Haise Original, but they don’t really make a cohesive sense seeing as after Haise’s hair color changed again that whole deal kind of goes to shit. Not to mention... I just... they completely failed to make those character changes actually part of the story, I’m mostly complaining about black reaper haise, none of him makes any sense. What’s his deal? He wants to protect who he loves? Tracks with the ghouls but fun fact he abandoned his kids? He actually cared for them? What then, he wants to be the strongest as possible? Sure but then?? Why?? I don’t understand his motives at all.

We also didn’t get to see him get his memories back either, which I was actually very much looking forward to, it just,,, like all of a sudden he’s talking with eto about yoshimura and i’m like bruh when tf did that happen? It’s bad, and although chapter 74-76 is super valid, and his change back into white hair kaneki makes sense, I also have the complaint about how haise basically disappeared just like he was worried he would. I think that was bad and I’ve said that already, it doesn’t make sense, he just literally throws those entire two years away to go back to the way he was before he was with the CCG and just forgets everything he’s wanted for the last few years? Fiction logic test fucking failed, and you’ve also broken my heart. Love Haise. You got rid of him. I love kaneki too but like. Why don’t they just. Like. Merge. He is one whole complex person, not one and an imposter, god. 

This is a big negative for re and the manga, so automatically a positive for root A where I simply Do Not Have To Deal With That Bullshit and the character development actually makes sense. I can understand the decisions in the original manga could have set up for good development in :re, but they completely failed to deliver.

root a didn’t fast forward to re at the end god damn let us process this shit first before you try to connect it to something else: The thing with this point is that it’s really difficult to separate the original manga from the continuing story in :re because the thing intertwines so much and immediately moves us forward with a ton of plot points for the next part of the story before we’re done with this climax and the end of this story. Sometimes that’s ok and I can see doing that from an author’s perspective because you want people to continue reading your story instead of taking that as the end but it’s really annoying on a reader’s end, because I’m picky and I want to be able to just be able to enjoy my original canon without it like, metaphorically touching :re on a plate. It’s something that I don’t even do with my own longer stories, like for example I have like a trilogy of >100k fics that like, well i’m technically not done with them but like. 

People really like the first one because it’s more focused on a more popular ship and basic elements people like about the thing, and then by the second book it moves on to talk more about the plot and lore and brings in more secondary characters. And so I knew that a lot of the readers of the first one wouldn’t want to have to deal with a lot of the “oh well stuff is happening elsewhere that will effect stuff later!!!” random plot shit that none of my readers actually cared about. So I kept it to wrapping up the points of the first book and then leaving the introduction of new characters and plot for the people who actually wanted to read it. Ishida didn’t do that, and of course it’s within his right to like?? Want to promote the next series but I’d have enjoyed it more if we ended it at kaneki’s “death” and wrapping up the deals with the rest of the characters instead of quickly shoving in the beginning of seventy more plotlines before the book ends. Like honey I simply do not have the reading comprehension for that. In the anime we get something that... makes sense.

In the anime, however, it’s quite the opposite, for example the reveals like Eto=owl=takatsuki sen were pushed before that and they saved episode twelve for, well, the end bit. Like what was actually the ending. There were detriments to this I had to say (LIKE GUYS I GET IT HE’S CARRYING HIDE HE’S CARRYING HIM I GET IT YOU’VE BEEN DOING IT FOR HALF THE EPISODE NOW OK I UNDERSTAND CAN WE MOVE ON) But like, I prefer the concept of a simple idea with as much emotion squeezed out of it as possible to a ton of confusing and contradicting ideas that are touched on for a second before moving on. So the *cries for half an hour* ending was much more appealing to me, and I can keep that separate in my head from any of the ideas that :re creates, letting me pretend it doesnt exist and imagine that’s the end and there’s nothing else to worry about. If we want to move forward and hear more, then we can, but it isn’t necessary like it is with the manga.

No Bad Takes that are hard to pry apart from good plot and characters:This is basically the downsides of the new characters, which is well, if I had to make a whole ~keep reading~ post about how problematic everything in re was that does have to count as a downside. I love the new characters, but they also come intertwined with a thousand really bad takes on like, everything, and of course I can ignore it and just act as though they were written in like, to be perfectly honest, a non transphobic way, it’s a real downside when the original anime was pretty pain-free in the way of their takes on their characters. They fucked everyone up in re and I will not elaborate, we’ve talked about this, it’s just the anime, and which i mean season 1 and root A, don’t really have any bad takes I need to try to get rid of, it’s surprisingly something I have little complaint about at all and I ALWAYS have complaints.

Hide!!!!: Obviously, you can tell that a lot of my opinions are going to be hide based because he’s the only thing I ever think about. But we have to take into account just how... hide???? This goes a lot into the depth of emotion bit but it also offers the other side of the argument for Hide’s part in the :re manga, which well. Was mostly chapter 75 if we’re going to be perfectly honest here. He doesn’t get any other limelight. Even in the chapter where Kaneki meets him again he gets a whole what, three pages? In the manga, he has an extremely valid deal about basically, living, keeping going no matter what, and that is a fitting part for the manga, considering the rest of the points there ride more on Keep Fighting instead of Think About Your Emotions And Morals, but honestly chapter 75 was really valid. So why do I still think the anime’s version where he like (ok I don’t know about the re anime we’ve discussed this, i don’t even know how they choose to explain that) he like, dies in kaneki’s arms is better overall? Again, I would have totally accepted that deal if it was made a part of the story because it made me cry, it was super valid, and if they’d continued in that way I would have agreed with it completely over that. But the fact is again that they failed to deliver, and Hide got largely ignored, suffered so much with so little outcome. There was so much buildup and it was incredibly valid, but when the time came for them to meet again and basically show... why it was important that Hide lived in the end? 

They didn’t. They straight up didn’t. Kaneki’s like “oh sorry bro... glad you’re alive and all...” *goes off and fights* and like? Honestly? @everlastingspiral is right, if that’s all they’re gonna do with him what’s the point of keeping him alive? I love every single panel of him and I wouldn’t have read re if he didn’t, but hide gets absolutely NO payoff. For letting kaneki literally vore his entire mouth off, leaving him disfigured and unable to talk, then kind of disappearing for two years and doing seemingly nothing but trying to help kaneki even though he’d forgotten the guy existed, risks his life like a thousand fucking times, eventually gets back to him and the dude’s running a fucking anti-human organization, helps him like Not Be A Volitile Pile Of Flesh Anymore and then what should have been a very important moment of them meeting again gets completely overshadowed by touka and random plot shit and more fights and they barely interact, they don’t even hug or anything, they barely talk, and at the end hide is still there but to be honest he’s gotten absolutely no thanks for all he did and ishida acts at the end as though he’s done very well with hide and gives him a tiny bit at the end throwing in a tragic backstory for fun (which hot take he really didn’t fucking need on top of it all) and... there’s no real hint that Kaneki is better off with Hide there, even though there should be. In 75, in his dream, kaneki is sobbing and crying and all like i’m so lonely without you but when they actually meet each other again? “yo” “hey” “uh sorry about,,, the thing,,, you know” “nah man it’s ok” “let me talk about myself for a bit” “yes you always do do you want to hear what I’ve been up to” “not really” “that’s fine i’m only here to support you”

...So you can understand why I’ve gone a bit sour on that. If that’s all you’re going to give him? Hot take? Let him die. Hide deserves better. (and i will deliver that in writing, but for the purposes of canon.)

In the anime, however (not counting re again... although he still gets the short end of the stick just in the original manga too compared to the anime) he’s properly dealt with! he gets his proper limelight and he gets acknowledged for what he’s done thusfar in the story, which is already so much. Kaneki then realizes that, but it’s already too late (or it isn’t, and they like negotiate with the ccg and then they get to live happily ever after) either way he gets appreciated and he gets hurt, but it’s properly acknowledged. And after all that, after saving kaneki and getting him to the cafe and doing it all while bleeding the fuck out, he gets to spend that time with kaneki and die in kaneki’s arms. And frankly? That’s all I think he’s ever needed. It’s really poetic and pretty and brings kaneki’s character around full circle, and even if it’s overly sappy, cliche, drawn out... he gets the attention he’s due and he gets a fucking break. He wanted to show Kaneki he wanted to do something for him and save him instead of the other way around, but then HE GOT ACKNOWLEDGED FOR THAT, instead of just well, tirelessly working towards it forever and having to be content to be a background character with practically no value to Kaneki anymore.

Keeps The Same Vibe: The big thing about this is that with the manga and with re, shit just goes all over the place, and I feel like I’ve amply showed that already through this essay or whatever this is. Again about the consistency and the professionalism, It’s a concise story that makes more sense than the manga while also being simply neater and more deep, making sure all the points, themes and messages work together and make sense to create a cohesive deal even if it’s not as long. (the manga is like ishida had a TON of good ideas for an essay but then fleshed out the thing ten minutes before deadline and managed to completely lose what his original thesis was even if the thing was 10 pages long.) Basically. yeah. That kind of sums it up, my last point concerns the ending.

Not Cheap Ending: If you want to hear my take about how absolutely terrible re’s ending was, check out my The Many Sins Of Tokyo Ghoul :Re post, and we’ve discussed how the original’s manga ending was bad and well not really an ending, it just leaves you unfulfilled and takes you into “well I guess I have to start a whole nother sequel series ig...” but root A like? Actually ends it? If a reader didn’t know that there was any content after that, they could pretty much infer that hide’s death or almost death whatever you inferred out of that ending (again we’re ignoring re) allowed Kaneki to finish his character development and realize they needed to stop the war, which basically tracks with what’s going on in everyone else’s perspective- eto’s problem with the world because of what happened with everything, is basically like, all of aogiri, juuzou and shinohara, amon and akira and kaneki and they can realize all they have to do is just sit down and fucking stop it because none of them want to be fighting, hide is the catalyst for that because the CCG can see how Kaneki cares for him? And it’s so open ended that you could just like literally believe that and there’d be no way for that canon to tell you otherwise, or you could go onto re and whatever if you wanted to. I think that’s the best thing. 

In conclusion, both have valid points, and in general I’d say that the manga goes better with :re and the anime is better as a stand alone but if I had to choose overall, this particular anime is better (taking into account only seasons 1 and 2), for mostly the reasons of favoring a simpler story taken with much more care and depth versus a more complex story with many, MANY imperfect elements, and I am aware I will get shot on sight for this opinion. So sue me.

#tokyo ghoul #hideyoshi nagachika #kaneki ken #tokyo ghoul :re #essay post #god i've been writing this for so fucking long #but i'm right #y'all fuckers asked for a fight? you're getting a fight #rowan's hyperfixation essays

[spockandawe]

I think I want.... to talk about Luo Binghe.

Because I never ever get tired of talking about Luo Binghe, honestly. And I’m trying to mentally prod at my bingliushen au, so talking about any of those three dorks (or about 79) counts as being productive, right? XD

Anyways, I think one of my favorite things with Luo Binghe is how insecure he is, but not in the more common ways I see insecurity done in fiction. He’s skilled as SHIT, and he’s confident in his skills. He’s smart as hell too, and a dedicated learner. Shen Qingqiu even has a spot in the book where Binghe is like ‘oh, where did shizun learn this?’ and it’s from reading the novel, but Shen Qingqiu bullshits like ‘uhhh it’s from a secret book back at the sect’, and immediately is like SHIT and Binghe is like ‘hmm it must be a very, very secret book if this disciple never read it.’

And in the canon-verse, he’s got a magnetic, charming personality. He collects this MASSIVE harem of pretty ladies, he manages to charm political figures, etc., etc. He’s plenty strong as a fighter, but it sounds like he doesn’t often have to bring that to bear, because he naturally manages people well. He winds up comfortably ensconced in a position of power and with no serious threats facing him.

However, comma, he’s still massively insecure on the level of like... basic interpersonal relationships. Which sounds silly, considering the size of the canonverse harem. But even in the novel extras where canonverse bing-ge hops over to the svsss universe and talks to sy!sqq, he still craves shizun’s approval. Even though he, uh, dismembered his own shizun, and had some dream-ish encounters with this version of shizun where he popped off a couple limbs (though it didn’t stick). He finds out shizun and this luo binghe are happy together and shizun takes care of binghe, and he’s like what the FUCK, WHY DOES HE GET THIS, WHY DON’T I GET IT, I WANT IT I WANT IT THIS ISN’T FAIR--

I love that, that he has literally hundreds of women ready to dote on him in all kinds of ways, but it sincerely throws him that his old shizun, who rejected him, is willing to treat another version of him so well.

And like, in the actual novel itself, Binghe being insecure is a straight-up plot point, which is delicious. It’s such a nice build of the pieces of his backstory, starting with the way his mom gave birth to him and immediately tossed him into an icy river (it was more complicated than that, but that is the sequence of events he is aware of). And in the canonverse and novelverse, it’s a hugely formative moment when his shizun is like ‘oh, you’re half-demon? lemme just yeet you off into the abyss and tell everybody you died’

Plus in the novel, that feeling of rejection only builds and builds once he comes back, which is SO EXTRA TASTY because the rejection is actually shen qingqiu being terrified of binghe, not because he hates him. But from luo binghe’s perspective, shizun is his most important person, and shizun loathes him THIS. MUCH. it was one of my FAVORITE moments, even experienced indirectly, where luo binghe is like ‘wow, shizun would literally rather die than stay with me’ (and refuses to accept that dafghsgdj)

And!!! It’s not resolved by shizun visibly softening up to binghe either!! Even after he softens, even though it’s already a MASSIVE concession in terms of his typical reserve, that isn’t enough. He holds Binghe a little too far at arm’s length, and Binghe melts down because he concludes that it’s been made clear to him now, nobody will ever choose to stay by his side, nobody ever has chosen to stay by his side, and if anyone he cares about is offered a choice, they will choose to leave him.

Which, honestly, is also probably one of the things that draws me SUPER hard to svsss fic. Even though the story has a pretty emphatic romantic conclusion, and the extras go hard on the romance too (the marriage extra was PRECIOUS), that is some fertile-ass ground for fic to prod at in more depth. That’s the kind of emotional chasm that a novel has to bridge and move past, but maybe i want to go wallow at the bottom for a year or ten. 

It’s a relationship that carries the codependency to slightly worrying extremes, but has the story behind it to OWN that codependency. In the 100 questions extra, binghe’s most precious wish it to stay by shizun’s side for three whole days. Shen qingqiu is like ‘what, only three days?’ and binghe is like ‘but after three days, surely shizun will be tired of this disciple’ and sqq is like ‘Nope.’ It’s not as much of like... a lazy, relaxed codependency as cygate, it’s a coiled spring filled with potential energy. Which means, of course, that i also love the fics where their relationship has lasted long enough that binghe is able to relax his grip a little without feeling like he’s going to lose everything. And oh my goddddd, i love bingliushen, and seeing binghe able to relax his grip enough to let someone else in? GOD!!!! DELICIOUS! 

(and, if we’re talking about my personal fanfic ventures, having a triad introduces all kinds of new and delicious tension to the mix. as well as silly, silly things like ‘leave room for jesus’ memes, except it’s ‘leave room for binghe’)

But this kind of emotionally-driven insecurity is EXACTLY my favorite kind of flavor for a character. Like... tbh, binghe is probably the premier mxtx example of insecurity, but it’s a LOT of what draws me to jin guangyao as well, and to xue yang once he realizes Oh No, These Are Emotions. My favorite angle on hua cheng deals with this a lot too. And with jin guangyao and hua cheng especially, they are INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL in their personal lives, and have a good measure of their own skills, but if you ask them to evaluate themselves on an emotional level, things get much more Complicated.

I don’t really have an end point to this essay, but it’s really interesting to me just how STRONGLY svsss and luo binghe especially grabbed ahold of my heart. I hadn’t really been expecting it, and I finished the story pleased and ready to move on. But then... I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I read tgcf and erha and am working on dreamer in the spring boudoir, and still can’t stop thinking about svsss. I love fannish navel-gazing, so here we are, yet again, haha :P

#svsss #long post/

[angeliccynthious]

Yeah imma talk more about PK and WL today just-- uhh-- a fair warning, because the fandom all have different opinions on these two, please don’t get angry or upset with my sorta interpretations of em. I try my best, so if you don’t see them as ever ya know- like- ever wanting to change things and being more acceptable n all, its best if you do not read ahead. This mostly has PK stuff because there’s not much I can write about WL. Either way,, onto big writings yes-- - WL at first struggled to understand Hollow, because for one they weren’t the most responsive. In the past, she was purposely distant from Hollow due to the fact she did yearn to be a mother, but seeing what they were, apparently emotionless and ‘hollow’ and full of void, she just didn’t want to upset herself. It is no excuse of hers, so that’s why she’s more affectionate nowadays, knowing her children are.. actually her children and want their mothers attention. She had it more easy being a parent to these kids. - But PK.. oh god.. the guy struggled. He too tried to distance himself from his children, Hollow and Hornet, because I don’t think he ever saw himself being a father, not even a good one at that. But he was the one primarily with Hollow, which formed the attachment and love they had for their father. Either way now, he’s just really full of guilt seeing how full of emotion Hollow is, and seeing that yeah his daughter kinda really fucking hates him. Oh and there’s the fact Ghost is here, another one of his kids, who he thought would of died in the abyss but nope they’re here. Plus they’re a full on god so- - But yeah he still remains a bit distant until WL convinces him to at least try talking to his children more. Hollow and Ghost are slowly but surely learning sign language (from who... I am unsure.. someone help me on this lmao) so PK will eventually have a way to understand them properly. But with Hornet, his kid who can actually talk, its more difficult since of course she dislikes him g re a t l y. But slowly and surely she’ll come around. It’ll take a long time lmao- - Now that I have come to the conclusion that Hornet indeed takes over all of Hallownest (Deepnest may be a tricky thing to figure out because I wonder if they will let her rule there too and join Hallownest..ehh idk). PK allows this, and hence why he gives her some advice when she is finally queen. But eventually she strays from wanting his advice because some of it can be pure sh i t- - PK overall is content staying in Queens Gardens with his wifey. - Hornet may too ask for advice from WL for what to do on occasions, since she was queen once and she had duties of her own, right? certainly. I think this woman has better advice than smol wyrm man over there. - When PK hears about the fact Radiance is around, probably from Grimmchild tbh sometimes she doesn’t shut up, he’s quite angry. Very angry. Ghost would probably have to explain that she won’t cause any harm because she kinda cant.. bitch is basically mostly mortal now so no harm to be done. PK still doesn’t have any trust in her. The two haven’t seen one another at all through all of this but boy- if they did- - When the two suddenly decide to have another kid and just- boom random egg everyone is p surprised. They do not explain their actions, they just probably wanted another child.. but a child who is.. not void? - PK is actually a better father this time around and man is protective. WL is more chill with Lil Lady when shes older, but still PK manages to be a protective tiny bastard. Hollows a bit protective too but-- yeah. And, there yall go. Enjoy enjoy,,

#hollow knight #au stuff #honestly I have been scared to share stuff like this for the specific reason #that #people get angry over things #like ships #and how characters are interpreted #I probably have been in toxic fandoms for too long but I dont think Hollow Knight is toxic #atleast from what I've seen #just allow me to sit here and write to my hearts content about this AU #I do not wish to hurt anybody but I do not think simple things like this can hurt someone #either way yes I am done and if you're reading this #the tags #you are the best and I hope you're having a good day

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 33

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- note for this chapter: sooo uhm, im not getting many comments these days sooo is this story still good? also, keep sending ideas for this story! i’ll try to add as many as i can. ALSO: if you guys know about things Niall did in 2016 and when he did it, MESSAGE ME! i really need a timeline, thanks!

Chapter 33 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

The pub was not too crowded and as soon as I sat at a table, Niall sent me a smile and bent down slightly to kiss me. Every single time, it made my whole body throb. I think the fact that we were together now hadn't sunk in yet and when he kissed me, it still felt unreal, like I was imagining it or simply hoping for it. But it was true, and every time it hit me, I felt a wave of excitement wash over me.

"I'll get us beer, just find a table."

I frowned as he left until I realized he meant a pool table. I got up again, happy that I left my purse in the car, and grabbed two sticks and a rack. Niall came back and handed me my beer before taking one of the sticks. I put my mug on the nearest table and tilted my head as I looked at him apply chalk to the tip. Just looking at him doing that made me realize I was going to lose, there was no doubt about it.

"So, you're gonna show me how to play?" I asked, feeling my lips curl as he looked up at me.

"Yeah." he smirked, grabbing the rack before looking up at me. "Just so I can put my arms around you."

"And feel my ass against your crotch." I added, rolling my eyes with a smile. "I've seen those movies, too."

This time, he laughed and handed me the chalk and I did exactly what he did with it only a few seconds ago. He placed the balls in the rack and took it off, leaning against the table with his stick, ready to start. I stared at him as he licked his lips before looking up at me and raising his eyebrows.

"It doesn't matter." he just started, giving a short and quick hit on the balls. "All that matters is that i'm gonna win."

My eyes followed the balls and I raised my nose up, biting my bottom lip. Of course he was going to win, there was no doubt about it, but I would definitely try my best. It was not until he put himself behind me and moved his arms around me that I finally relaxed and decided that victory wasn't that important, after all.

"Okay, place your hands like that."

I felt my eyes flutter at the feeling of his breath on the skin of my neck while his hands grabbed mine ti place them on the stick and my lips curled before I turned my head slightly to look at him. He noticed my gaze and moved his head slightly my way, sending me back my smile. Our lips were almost touching and I liked it.

"Liv, focus." he insisted, raising his eyebrows but still smiling.

"I am." I argued low. "I'm focusing on the most important thing in this room."

His eyes dropped to my lips and without thinking I licked them quickly. To say I loved Niall was an understatement and to say I lusted him was an euphemism. I needed to get rid of those fears as soon as I could to live this relationship the only way it should be lived : intensely and plenty.

"How about you do like those movies you just talked about?"

This time, it made me chuckle and slowly, I pushed my ass against him. I watched as he closed his eyes and it made me chuckle again. He groaned and I did all I could to stop myself from kissing him.

"I'm buying a pool table tomorrow." he just pointed out, pushing himself against me and making me raise my eyebrows.

"Why?"

"Just so I can fuck you on it."

I let out a laughter and put the sticks away on the table, turning in his arms to face him and wrapping my arms around his neck. His face expression changed and I noticed fondness in the way he was looking at me. I wanted him to kiss me and somehow, I felt like he wanted it too, but he glanced around and finally took a step back, grabbing his stick back.

"Too much pda always turns into way too many online articles." he pointed out with a weird smile. "Trust me."

I couldn't hide the hurt on my face but at the same time, I understood. I knew that by dating Niall, it would never be a 'normal' relationship. Of course, it was a bit harder for me to understand because I was not a celebrity and that's probably why Niall dated girls who knew exactly what it meant, even if sometimes, they didn't feel the same way about how to handle things, like with Maya and that instagram picture. I almost wanted to go back home now so I wouldn't have to check every single action i would do but I decided it was not worth ruining our first official date.

We finished the game and although I lost, I realized how much fun it was to be with him, just like it was when we were just best friends. it made me think that we would never be just best friends anymore, that time was over. We would either always stay together as lovers, or break up and become ex lovers and maybe even stop talking completely. That thought made my heart twist in my chest but I quickly shook my head to get rid of it. Niall and I had been dating for about 24 hours, it was ridiculous to be afraid of something like this for now.

We quickly finished our drinks and walked back in the cold weather of winter. It started snowing though and the cold wasn't as rough as it was a few hours earlier. I felt his fingers grip mine as we walked back to the car and I squeezed them quickly.

"I'm sorry." he let out after a few minutes of silence. "I didn't want to ruin this date."

I felt my heart melt and my traits softened as I turned my head to send him a smile. It was so futile, so unimportant, and I didn't want to put energy into analyzing it.

"You didn't."

He stopped right in front of his car and turned to me, his hands reaching for my face and I tilted my chin up, waiting for his lips to meet mine. His mouth was warm and it was a great contrast with the rest of my body. The kiss was slow but deep and I just decided to enjoy this pda he was not supposed to give me.

"Come on, let's go back home." he whispered, his lips brushing against mine.

"Which one?" I asked with a grin, making him chuckle and smile too.

"I was thinking mine, but I can bring you back to yours if you prefer."

We stared at each other for a few seconds and I finally shook my head, making him peck my lips again. The ride home was silent, but not an awkward silence, and when he parked in his driveway, we both got out and walked to the door. He searched through his pockets and groaned before sighing.

"Just a second, I think I forgot my keys in my car."

I nodded and watched him leave but finally leaned on the door as I grabbed my cellphone to check the notifications I could have received. I didn't really have time to see anything and I jumped in surprise when a snowball hit me on the arm. My jaw dropped and I frowned, half-shocked and half insulted, and my eyes moved up only to see my boyfriend smirking at me and raising his eyebrows.

"Bet you didn't see that coming, did ya?"

Slowly, I put my phone back in my purse and left it next to the door before walking down the few stairs and closer to him, but still remaining at a fair distance.

"You planned this, didn't you?"

He chuckled and smirked even more.

"Oh ya, the minute I proposed that date." he confessed without shame. "I know you, you're proud enough to play the game."

I pressed my lips together and my nose raised up, a bit annoyed that he was right. I bent down to grab snow in my hand, molding it into a ball with both my hands and just shrugged.

"I am." I just admitted. "This game though, you're gonna lose."

I threw my ball as fast as I could but he started running and without thinking, I ran after him as he laughed.

"Wow, Liv!" he let out sarcastically with an other laughter. "You only missed by like, a mile!"

"Shut up, Niall!" I let out a bit too loud, grabbing more snow quickly as I kept running before throwing it at him.

He laughed again and I dodged one of his snowballs with my elbow, feeling my heart jump in my chest knowing how close it was to my face.

"You're gonna pay for that!"

This time, I caught his chest and he looked so surprised that I had time to throw him an other snowball that hit his right leg. I don't know how long it lasted but I ended up tripping on my own feet and grabbing myself on the back of his coat, making us both fall on the ground. I could hear him pant in-between laughs and I did too with a big smile on my lips. I stared up at the sky, watching the snowflakes fall from the black sky and came to the conclusion that I was happy. I had never felt happier in all my life.

Niall rolled around and ended up on top of me, hiding a big part of the sky from me, but my lips curled in a fond smile. The sight of him with snowflakes falling around his head was incredible and I wanted to remember it forever.

"I love you, Niall." I let out without thinking.

His face softened and his eyes roamed on my face before he moved closer and kissed me again. His lips were cold now but he tasted just as good. I could feel his nose rub gently against mine as he moved his head to kiss me from a different angle. I didn't move. I didn't even bring my arms around him. I just took it all in, all the love and affection he was giving me. It was like a tank I needed to fill and it had been almost empty for so long that I felt like It would never overflow.

"I love you too, Olivia."

I kept my eyes closed as he talked and after a while, he moved off of me and got up. I opened my eyes but didn't move and finally just started moving my arms and legs to make an angel in the snow. It made him laugh and when I was done, he held his hands out for me to help me up, making sure the angel I made remained intact.

"Cold?"

I chuckled but nodded frenetically.

"Okay, how about cuddling inside?"

                                                         ---

It took us about fifteen minutes to get inside, get changed, get prepared, and end up in his bed. I stared at the ceiling as I waited for him and when he got out of the bathroom, I expected him to turn the light off but instead, he walked up to me and pulled the covers off me to lay on top of me.

"I'm better than blankets to keep you warm." he just pointed out, making me smile.

His smile reached mine and he kissed me again, holding himself on his elbows on each side of my head. It always felt incredible when we kissed and I didn't care how cheesy and eye-rolling it could sound. I wanted to feel my heart jump in my chest every time his lips touched mine for the rest of my life.

"You know what you asked me when we were eating?" I let out in a low tone, making him frown and back away slightly.

"Maybe we could do that now." I proposed after he nodded.

His eyes traveled from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes.

"You don't have to if you're not ready, no pressure, you know that, right?"

His voice was soft and it made a shiver run in my back, making my lips curl into a fond smile.

"I really want to."

This time, his smile changed into an amused and happy one and he moved off of me to sit in bed. I did the same, leaning against the headboard, and started nibbling on my bottom lip. I was scared, a bit embarrassed, too, and I could feel my whole body throb due to how nervous I was suddenly. I swallowed and breathed in but when he put his hand on my knee, I felt my body relax a bit.

"Take your time."

It was ridiculous to be so stressed for something to normal, right? Was it normal to be scared that my own boyfriend wouldn't find me attractive? To be scared that I would look stupid? Was it normal to be scared that I wouldn't turn him on?

I squirmed a bit to take my pants off and let them fall on the floor, next to his bed, and spread my legs a bit. His eyes immediately fell down as I slipped my hand over my panties, making him look up at me.

"Last time you did that, you were thinking about me." he reminded me. "Are you gonna think about me this time, too?"

I let out a low chuckle and nodded, licking my lips and leaning my head on the headboard too. I slid two fingers on my slit and my legs tensed a bit. The way he was looking at me was turning me on and I couldn't stop thinking about how good it would feel to finally make love with him, to feel him deep inside me for the very first time. I was getting horny and I could feel myself get wet as I pressed my fingers against my panties more.

"Petal, please." he let out in a very low tone. "Take your panties off."

"Do it yourself."

Without waiting, he slid his fingers in the hem of my panties and I moved my ass up to help him before he dropped them on top of my pants, on the floor. Both his hands reached for my knees and he spread them as I held my breath. I knew he had seen me naked only a few hours before but I couldn't help but be nervous about it.

"Fuck..."

He was staring between my legs and i brought my hand back over my pussy, sliding a finger on my slit and biting my bottom lip hard. I pushed two fingers inside me and his lips parted. I brought my other hand, using two fingers to rub my clit too as I fucked myself slowly and gently and I heard him groan. He moved closer and reached for the bottom of my shirt, moving it up over my breasts and running his fingertips gently on them. I felt my eye roll back at the feeling it brought me and I let out a soft whimper. I started finger fucking myself harder, bringing myself closer to an orgasm, and when I opened my eyes, I saw my boyfriend palming himself through his sweatpants.

"Do it." I just said, waiting patiently until he took his dick out and my legs tenses again.

I looked at him stroking his cock while looking at me masturbating and I didn't know if the sight or the thought was more exciting.

"I can literally hear how wet you are, fuck."

He groaned again and it brought a rush inside me, making me close my legs and stop touching myself.

"No, no please."

With his free hand, he pulled on one of my knees and stared again between my legs, his hand still around his cock, and I could barely believe it was happening.

"Don't stop, just cum." he let out in a low but firm tone. "I want to watch you cum."

I did as I was told, biting my lip harder than before as I kept touching myself. My eyes kept traveling from his face to his hand and it only took a few minutes for me to reach an orgasm.

"Niall, i'm cumming..."

I didn't need to tell him. I started shaking and moaning louder as my eyes fluttered close. I kept touching myself through my orgasm and all the nervousness and stress suddenly left my body. I felt lighter and my lips curled before I opened my eyes again. The way his hand moved harder on his cock made my heart jump in my chest. Without thinking, I dropped down on the floor and put myself between his legs, looking up in his eyes.

"You really don't have-"

I didn't let him finish, I just took his dick in my mouth, feeling it slide on my tongue, and started sucking on it. He let out a curse word and I started going quicker and harder on him. I felt his fingers slide in my hair and grip it, holding my head down for a few seconds as he moaned a bit louder.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me cum."

The thought made me feel dizzy again and I brought one of my hands on his cock to stroke him at the same time while the other one reached for his balls. His hand grabbed my hair tighter and he stopped moving as he came. I felt the taste of his cum invade my mouth and tried to swallow what I could, feeling some slip out of my lips. He finally let go of my hair and I pulled away, wiping my mouth quickly and sitting on my legs. My knees hurt despite the carpet on the floor and I felt embarrassed for a reason I ignored.

I felt his hand under my chin and looked up as his thumb started brushing against my cheek. He sent me a satisfied and fond smile and I grinned back softly at him.

"You didn't have to, but thank you." he whispered, his eyes never leaving mine. "I love you."

I moved back up on my knees and he bent down to kiss me. I was a bit surprised when he deepened the kiss but I didn't say anything and let him taste himself for a while. When he pulled away, he smiled again and made a quick head movement before laying down in bed. I got up and walked to the door to turn the lights off before joining him in bed. We remained silent for a few minutes and I finally turned my head his way.

"Was it okay?"

He turned his head to look at me and I blinked a few times as I tried to get used to the darkness.

"Which part?"

"Everything." I just shrugged.

"It was perfect." he quickly answered, now turning his whole body my way and bringing his hand on my cheek. "Everything was perfect. You're perfect."

I chuckled a bit and shook my head but decided not to argue with him.

"Thank you for trusting me."

His words hit me hard and I realized he seemed to know exactly how I felt and how tough it could be for me. I didn't think he could understand but he was proving me the opposite and it made my heart melt. I have loved Niall my whole life but I knew I had never loved him more than now that we were together. I was seeing him in a different way, a way I never thought i'd get to live... a way I desperately needed. I was the luckiest person in the world and I knew it.

                                                       --

When Niall decided we would decorate his tree a few days later, it made me roll my eyes. We did it every year, it was true, but it was the first time we did it as a couple. I knew how anal Niall could be though and I knew how perfect his tree had to be.

"Ditch the white lights, let's add colors this year!"

He turned to me and glared at me, making me roll my eyes as he placed a box of decorations on the floor.

"You need to make concessions sometimes, Niall, you know?"

He opened the box and grabbed the boring white lights before raising his eyebrows at me.

"Babe, I love you, but this is my tree, and i'll decorate it the way I want to."

I pouted jokingly and shrugged, grabbing the lights with him as we started placing them around the tree.

"I thought it was our tree, now."

He stopped moving for a few seconds before letting out a short chuckle.

"Nice try." he let out, making me laugh.

We finished the tree and as I was looking at it with a smile, I felt something around touch me and laughed again when I saw Niall putting a tinsel around my neck before pulling on it to bring me closer.

"You're crazy!"

"Mmhm." he just replied, bringing his lips on mine and kissing me gently. "Thanks for helping me with the tree."

I didn't answer but kissed him deeper, closing my eyes as butterflies started hitting the inside of my stomach again. The kiss was slow and good, and when he pulled away, he smiled at me again.

"You remember we're leaving tomorrow?"

I nodded quickly and licked my lips. I hadn't prepared my stuff yet and I knew I would probably rush in the morning and forget a few things but It was one of the things I hated the most doing when it came to traveling. I also knew Niall's bags were ready and had been for a while and although I should follow his example, I was a lazy ass who didn't really care about it.

"You should pack your stuff." he added as if he could read my mind.

I chuckled and nodded, raising my nose in a grimace.

"I knoooow, I just don't feel like it."

He laughed and his eyes roamed on my face before he raised his eyebrows and sighed.

"If you do it, i'll give you one of your presents tonight." he suggested, making me hold my breath. "If you don't then you'll have to open all your gifts at my mom's."

My eyes seemed to illuminate and my smile got as big as it was humanly possible.

"Okay! I'll do it I promise!"

"Nuh-huh!" he shook his head with an other chuckle. "You think I don't know you? You pack and then i'll give you your present."

"Unfair!"

"Very fair!" he argued with a chuckle. "Besides, if I give it to you first, you'll find a million excuses not to pack."

I groaned low and grimaced again. We both knew he was right and I just sighed and rushed to our room to pack. I tried to bring only a few pieces of clothing but ended up with too much and I had to put some back in Niall's drawers. I also added a lot of 'just in case' stuff knowing perfectly well that I wouldn't use them and when I was finally done, I walked back to the living room. I thought Niall would be sitting on the couch but he was actually sitting in front of the tree with a beer, staring at it. I sat on my knees next to him and slowly, he turned to look my way and handed me his beer. I grabbed it and took a sip before handing it back to him.

"All set?"

I smiled and nodded and without a word, he handed me a box. It was about the size of a pocket book and I pressed my lips together, taking it slowly. I had no idea what it was but I knew Niall made the best gifts.

"It's literally nothing." he shrugged, putting his beer away. "But I know your romantic ass likes meaningful things like that, and I wanted you to have it anyway."

I frowned a bit but unwrapped the box before opening it, now extremely curious on what was hidden in it. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed a napkin laying in top of red silk papers and took it off before unfolding it. My eyes roamed on the words written and I recognized the song... my song.

"I was at a bar when I thought about this song." he started, licking his lips. "It's only the first draft, and it was all I had to write it down but I kept it, just in case I couldn't remember the lyrics the next day I mean, I was a bit hammered." he laughed a bit but became serious again. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, Olivia. And honestly, I haven't stopped thinking about you since then either."

I looked up at me, feeling my heart beat all over my body and finally moved closer to press my lips softly against his.

"No matter what else you give me, nothing will top this." I whispered against his mouth. "Thank you."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan writing #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #amc #too cheesy? too boring? #my fanfics

[mrbinglee]

just read spike lee’s script for ‘do the right thing’ (1989), courtesy of this black history month library google drive, and tbh with only a handful of scenes, spike lee very deftly demonstrates asian complicity in anti-black racism

(btw, i’m chinese-american, and reading the script with awareness of asian complicity in anti-blackness is why these relatively minor moments jumped out to me)

so about halfway through the script (p.33), ML and the other corner men are talking about the fairly new market stand run by a korean clerk across the street

instead of accepting either of ML’s two conclusions, coconut sid offers an alternative: the corner men - and all the other black people in their neighborhood - are not as successful as other poc not because they are dumb, but because “nobody don’t want the black man to be about shit” - because of the anti-black racism that exists in their community despite it being a predominantly black community. the korean clerk is of course not responsible for this racism, but he is able to be successful because even though he is not white, he is also not black, and is therefore able to take advantage of the anti-black system.

zoom now towards the end of the script (p.77): after the protesters burned sal’s pizzeria in protest of radio raheem’s murder by the police, they turn to the korean clerk.

“it’s your turn,” ML says.

how does the korean clerk react?

the korean clerk denies whiteness, and simultaneously denies any blame to radio raheem’s police murder. on the surface level, this seems fair, as the clerk is korean, so we can let it pass.

but then he claims identity with blacks. 

the problem with this, obviously, is that he is not black. he says he’s one of them even when his financial success has been built upon the fact that he is not one of them. and this sort of “fair-weather ally” is an example of asian complicity in anti-black racism because we, as asians, will take advantage (knowingly or unknowingly) of an anti-black system, but when confronted with the black people who are suffering from this system, we’ll claim we’re not the main oppressors, and that we’re poc too. we’ll take the winnings and sidestep the blame, and all this does is further support anti-black racism.

luckily for the clerk, the protesters sympathize with him:

they let him off. they don’t consider that the clerk’s relative wealth and privilege, which comes at a direct cost to the health of the black community in which the clerk lives, could be considered a crime in itself. perhaps they do recognize that the clerk is complicit in the anti-black system - coconut sid probably does - but they decide to keep quiet about it for now.

and this all connects back to the epigraph of the film (p.1), an excerpt from ‘the autobiography of malcom x’:

“... The miracle is that the white man's puppet Negro 'leaders,' his preachers and the educated Negroes laden with degrees, and others who have been allowed to wax fat off their black poor brothers, have been able to hold the black masses quiet until now.”

30 years after ‘do the right thing,’ it’s encouraging to see the asian-american community now acknowledging our complicity and privilege and trying to do the work and help

[wanderingcas]

Hello, my favorite writer! It is I, that one reader, here to yell about La Hantise, as I do. This chapter was so great because it answered so much but kept me wanting more still. I think that one of my 2 theories is correct but there is a twist to it that I didn't even consider and I'm just so excited to see how you tie everything all together! And I was so frustrated with Sam for questioning Cas like he did even though I don't think he meant to upset him and ahhh! Anyway amazing as always! 🖤🖤

I LOVE it when you come yell at me about La Hantise! one of the best parts of my week, tbh :) 

i’m so glad that I fulfilled one of your theories, AND that i gave you a little twist there too! ;) I was hoping that I’d lead people to the proper conclusions but also get a jab of a surprise or two in there lol. and yes, poor innocent Sam :(( just trying to help. but to be fair, cas is being a bit of a butt by not just TALKING to dean, too. more on that later ;p 

thank you SO MUCH for reading you’re the best!! 

la hantise

#*quietly dies at the fact that you called me your favorite writer hahahah bye* #la hantise #<33 #halevetica

[adziedoodle]

Dan’s video, my mistakes, my apology, moving forward

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Firstly, i love dan so much omg - i wrote my tweet here expressing all that love - but of course, more importantly, i’m so so happy and proud for him for coming out as queer!!! as well as phil’s tweet rt quoting dan’s video!! what a babe!!

---

I know to some it may seem like a chance for me to go ‘ahahaha we been knew’ or ‘I told you sooooo!!!’ but as Dan said in his video, and as I have learnt over the years, to say such would be to disrespect the person coming out and their personal journey. 

To add to this, I also feel the need to say that I am very sorry for my behaviour and words that came with it a few years back on this blog when I was in my Peak phandom/phannie phase (it’s not really a phase, it’s just changed over time).  To explain, during that time I had a ‘bi!dan’ tag (and i think another one along the lines of ‘queer yt’ as well as ‘whatphan’) a few years ago in which I would frequently speculate, or regrettably use the term ‘headcanon’, dan (and phil)’s sexuality and make assumptions about the relationship for various reasons that I’ve learnt now don’t really justify why I felt the need to. I’d argue, it gets a little tricky to separate the irl person from the person we see in the videos, especially when you grow up watching them like their a cartoon character, but I’ll also admit, I certainly got carried away with my idea of Dan (and Phil) and not always thinking properly of them as complex people with complex lives with complex sexualities to boot! It was wrong of my to slap a label on Dan, even if I had my reasons I thought at the time were... reasonable.

I just want to clarify, even before dan’s video he posted today, that I have learnt that I shouldn’t have been so publicly vocal in regards to speculating dan’s (or anyone’s) sexuality. It wasn’t right then or now tbh and as someone who is gay/queer myself and had times of being scared to be so, I really should’ve known better and listened to my own preachings of ‘your words have impact’.

I don’t want to believe that I crossed as many privacy boundaries as some folks, I only came across bread crumbs those folks had left behind, but even then, it’s easy to put myself up higher and be like ‘I’m not thaaaat bad’. Now, I acknowledge that I still went too far in a lot of ways and certainly put my own feelings, desperation, curiosities and need to project first before Dan (or anyone else in his position of not being out). I am sincerely sorry for this and any negative impact my words in the past may have had on him (or anyone). I’ve learned to be better and hopefully have acted out to be so. I only say ‘may’ here because I don’t think I’ll ever be sure if he saw any of my posts specifically , but I still want to apologise.

That all being said, I’m not gonna delete my tag(s) (that I later changed to ‘dan likes boys’) because i feel like that would be pretty suspicious like I was sweeping it under the rug. This blog is a big record of me growing up from as young as 15 (I’m nearly 23 now!) and as much as it scares me, I don’t want to erase that, even the parts that don’t highlight me in the best way. I want to be honest and acknowledge my mistakes so people can learn from them. Please, if you come across posts in the tags I’ve mentioned that rub you the wrong way, take it with a pinch of salt as this is me apologising for writing without thinking and getting so carried away. Also, I don’t really wanna mention it here but this isn’t about ‘phan’ and I’m not sorry for my phan art because D+P have expressed that is all okay multiple times (and even partook themselves with fanfic in TABINOF / TATINOF ahah), I haven’t cared about ‘shipping’ them in forever, to me they are just as Dan expressed because (now) it’s from the source himself (well, quoted on someone else’s twitter ahah but my point stands). I’m also not sorry for like, seeing a part of myself in Dan and Phil, as well as their relationship resonating with me and reminding me of my own- with people I consider soulmates (i agree with this basically) - I’m just sorry how I went about it all and how that potentially hurt Dan.

In the end, I stand where I have since I first started watching them in 2009 - these thoughts and feelings fuelled a lot of my past behaviours but I’ve learnt to think before doing and embrace it on my own or in more private spaces but it’ll still consolidate and make a cool conclusion here: 

I’ve felt a connection to Dan, Phil and their lovely relationship - whatever it is to them -, and while I’m overwhelmingly happy that connection has been further validated with Dan’s video and Phil’s tweet afterwords, what matters most, especially now, is that they are in a position where they can feel happiness, pride and just contentment in themselves and each other (even if things aren’t perfect 100% of the time). They don’t need protecting from something that’s a part of who they are. They are also allowed to be private about that same something though. 

They’ve given me so so much joy, pride in being different, access to a incredible passionate community (and will likely continue to over the years), especially today so really it’s only fair they feel all the things they’ve given me (and literally MILLIONS OF OTHERS !!!) for 10 years :’) 

I love Dan and Phil and this honestly feels like a new era where we’re all grown up/learning to grow more! Here’s to being better, making progress, living our truths and !!! being queer !!!

#did... did i end that okay #errr #phan #phandom #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #amazingphil #this was long coming but also ? maybe unnecessary #i've been thinking abt it a lot and oof i just hate some of the stuff i said in the past #this seems like the best way to address it #whatphan #dan likes boys #phil likes boys

[woofety]

@lives-ruined-and-bloodshed mentioned you on a post “You wanna try and take it from me?”

@woofety​ I think wanting to laugh about his attitude is right, the chances of Coulson taking down May are null, Coulson is brilliant in many things and he probably has an edge from most because he knows May so well but holy crap she can beat the living shit out of him but of course she never would, especially here when she was so full of guilt, she would most likely let him beat her.

Hello there! :)

Yeah, Coulson is no joke, even if I sometimes treat him a bit as such (always affectionately, this said <3), and he certainly is trained enough to take down people with efficiency, but yeah, I think he would have to prepare something really unexpected to take Melinda by surprise and overcome her (I’m absolutely NOT thinking about him confessing his feelings for her and/or kissing her during a session of sparring, no no ;) ... which on one hand it’d make me want to smack his head because Melinda deserves much more than a rushed gesture, but then I consider that his rushed gestures are actually pretty epic - I mean their first “real” kiss behind his shield while being shot by bad guys?! That was hella smooth, and well, Melinda seemed to appreciate it, maybe this is actually her kind of thing rather than something ordinary and too chill and sappy... Well, let’s give her all:

She deserves everything, and I’m sure she’ll enjoy that no matter how it’s done, as long as it’s Phil doing it! ;) Oh wait, what were we talking about, them fighting? Lol, you just witnessed my thought process whenever I think about any circumstance that involves them fighting/sparring/etc.: my mind always ends up conjuring a romantic outcome between them! :p

@woofety​ It's nice to see someone else who has some issues with their dynamics, there are parts that I don't find fair either. I also ship and believe in Philinda but I'm never all in about how I see May's deep devotion for him and how far I think she would go on his word.

Eh, yeah, I sometimes feel that their balance is quite unstable, and it’s more understandable (not excusable though imo) when he becomes director, but still... I like, however, the fact that May is not shy speaking her mind and calling out Phil’s bullshit most of the times (even if I suspect she still keeps some things to herself): one of the most obvious episodes (and the one that I believe pisses me off most) was in season 3 with the whole Lincoln’s “murder vest”: I’m actually glad they included a scene in which Phil explicitly apologizes and recognizes that he got way too far with that, and not only about asking May to eventually “pull the trigger” but also with Lincoln himself - how could he conceive that it was fair to ask him to sacrifice himself like that? Idk, that still makes me rather mad, because no matter how desperate Phil must have been to save Daisy, to consider consciously another member of the team so disposable, especially when he declared he wanted to try to live up to his “policy” of keeping the count of acceptable losses to zero (even if I understand that in reality it’s almost impossible to achieve a result like that), is almost unbelievable for me (not to mention that Daisy would have never accepted for anyone to sacrifice themselves for her sake, let alone Lincoln). 

He’s also rather “dramatic” in his apology comparing himself to Hive (but that might be in line with his character), and I’m actually glad that Melinda does not try to downplay his words or make excuses to try to make him feel better, simply stating, rather matter-of-factly, that she is making her choice to follow his orders on her free will, but she made it clear that she didn’t agree with his decision... Ok, well, on her part perhaps it isn’t the strongest way to disapprove one’s decisions - I mean, she could have also chosen to refuse to help, but maybe she accepted not just out of loyalty to Phil, but because, being actively in charge of that task, she could have control over the situation in order to try to find another way to solve it, to “fix” the problem, otherwise Phil would have likely given the order to someone else and she wouldn’t have been able to do anything... Eh, there is quite a grey area on this...

@woofety​ It's funny because I love loyalty kink even when it's not super healthy but I need to be mutual and I don't think we see as much from Coulson's but I also like to believe, liek you, that he does make an effort to make amends and the show is just not too interested in showing us and then there is fic, it helps me see them in a more equal relationship and makes me love the ship more.

Yep, I totally agree, fanfictions have done AN AWFUL LOT on Coulson’s part; tbh I’m not sure I would have been such a fan of their relationship if I hadn’t created in my mind and hadn’t read from other people scenarios to fill in the gaps of their dynamic (I actually headcanon plenty of things that fanfic writers have put in their stories)... I don’t think it’s a great compliment to the show writers, but I have the feeling they were never much interested in delving into their relationship, deciding they had other priorities, and well, I guess it’s their right, since those are their characters and they created their stories, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been happy about this... In fact, in light of s5 and especially s6, I’ve been pretty disappointed (when I stopped being enraged) about how they treated Philinda; after that I’ve drawn the conclusion that I might as well take what I want from canon and mix it with my headcanons because fuck it, I don’t want to feel miserable for a work of fiction which is supposed to distract me and make me feel good things! So yeah, thanks writers for giving me the characters and the inspiration, I’ll take it from there, try and sue my mind for this! XD

#lives-ruined-and-bloodshed #reply for your life! reply for the hills! #I might have simplified a lot some aspects of the story and maybe am also forgetting things - sorry about that #I'd have to rewatch the show and have lots of time (and mental energy) to put up something resembling an analysis of this #unfortunately the only thing I can do rn is give random opinions and comments coming mostly from my gut rather than my head #:/