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gotham-daydreams · 8 months

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Not Tonight

[Platonic! Yandere! Neglectful Batfam × Gender Neutral! Sibling Reader]

[Warnings: Mentions of Neglect, Reader generally not having a good time.]

(Not proofread. Not too much Yandere shown. Mostly angst with Reader. Set up(?))

2nd part here.

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How many times have you heard them say that? How many times have you tried to do something with them, to share your passion — or even just have some coffee with them, only to hear them say that phrase time and time again.

"Not tonight."

Well, what if you didn't ask them during the night? What if you asked them in the afternoon, or just when they were already up and about?

"Sorry! I can't right now, patrol reeeally kicked my ass last night. Besides, I have some other things that I have to get done, but maybe next time! For sure!"

Okay, right. That makes sense. Sometimes their line of work can be tough and draining, especially when someone is trying to run Gotham to the ground that night. So what if you just try to ask them when they aren't so busy? It may really limit the times you can ask... but you'd still try. Maybe it could also help if you asked for smaller things, like if they'd just like to spend a little time with you before going out again, or if you could just hang around them for a while? Nothing big, and anything was fine. Even if it was just sitting next to them, and having some small talk. Or maybe just the sitting part if talking was too much.

You'd take anything at all.

"I'm actually heading out right now, so I can't stick around. Go ask someone else."

"Can't you see that I already have enough compang with Titus here? Go bother Drake or something, I don't care."

All you could hear was snores past the door when you went to ask. So you moved onto someone else, hoping for a yes as your heart began to squeeze.

Someone had to agree eventually, right?

You begged the Gods as you traveled down the long halls. The chills of reality creeping up on you.

"Sorry, I'm going out to hang with some friends, but maybe next time!"

"..." She just looked at you before shaking her head, and taking her leave.

"I've got something to do at the moment, sorry, but hey, maybe you could ask your old man? Oh! Or maybe Alfred. That's a good idea."

Dick was out in Bludhaven, and you didn't want to bother Barbara considering how bisy she must've been the other night. So, you had no other choice. You asked, heart bleeding from how hard it squeezed.

"Not now."

Simple, to the point, and sharp.

Bruce's words were as cold as ever, and yet the echo in the cave only seemed to make the gap between you and him feel so much bigger. Even as you just nodded, eyes pointed to the floor. Taking your leave with a soft sigh that barely escaped you.

The elevator ride was longer than you remembered. The cold chill in the air grew freezing even as you stepped out, and now stood in one of the many halls in the Wayne Manor. Portraits and pictures decorated the walls, their painted and photographed eyes staring at you. Their gaze far from soft, but at least it was present. At least they, in that way, felt present.

You swore the only times they ever smiled at you that wasn't faked, or just for the sake of appearances was in those paintings and photos. Honestly, it was also probably the most times they've even looked at you too, and as sad as it is — you did say you'd take anything, right?

A 'no' or 'maybe' was part of that anything, technically. It's just not what you were hoping for.

Sighing again, you stared up at one of the portraits, eyes shinging under the lights as everything you refused to say made itself so clear for a moment. You didn't want much, and never asked for more than what you were given. You didn't think so anyway.

You always followed the rules, you did more than just excel in all your classes no matter how hard it was for you to understand certain things, and you even tried to get into things your family seemed to enjoy without pushing too hard.

You studied up on all the pets Damian had so that you could not only care for them properly, but maybe even take care of them with him some day. You played games and read reviews on games you saw Tim play just for a chance that maybe you'd get the opportunity to play with him. You picked up boxing and have even been practicing your aim with an airsoft gun, and have also been going to certain place when you could to practice using real guns and learn about them just so you'd maybe be able to have a conversation with Jason, and even connect with him in some way. You even read nearly all the books in the library just to have a sliver of hope for something, anything.

You learned sign language in three different languages and tried to find out what Cassandra was interested in, just to have some kind of interaction with her. Even writing on small note cards in serval other languages in hopes she'd give some kind of response, even if you forgot to put your initials and such more than several times. You participated in gymnastics in hopes of getting closer to Dick. You tried to find out what Barbra was into so you could also hold up a conversation with her if given the chance. You've tried to match Stephen's energy and do things she likes and have even taken up material arts as a means to maybe be a little closer with everyone!

Yet it never seems like enough.

Your schedule was so packed and filled with activities and extra lessons of all kinds, just so that you could feel like you had something in common with someone in this family. So that, when given the chance, you'd be able to form a connection with one of them and your efforts and sacrifices wouldn't be in vain. Though that still had yet to happen.

You weren't even a vigilante as you tried to persue your own passion and dreams, and yet that one single thing seemed to be keeping you away from everyone else. The one thing you were unwilling to do for them just seemed to make the gap between you and the rest of the family grow bigger. They're constant and continuous dismissals only seemed to further that point.

Just... what were you doing wrong? Was you not being a vigilante and constantly putting yourself at risk every night really putting that much of a dent in your relationships? Did your dreams really get in the way of that? Just because you didn't want to put yourself in danger? Just because you wanted to pursue music instead?

You took up art despite not being super interested in it before. You've been reading all of your life. Your stretched, ran, exercised, cooked, cleaned, organized, sang, wrote, danced, and even sculpted. You picked up almost any hobby someone could have under the sun, even if it began to feel like a chore and a job to you, just so that you could have something, anything in common with this family.

Though now you've gone through countless 'hobbies', and dropped many more since nothing seemed to be working, it... it still didn't feel like enough. Like you had to be doing something more despite having lost countless hours of sleep, just to go through the list of hobbies you had written down that you had left to try. You even took up some sports you were somewhat interested in, and yet nothing clicked.

Though is that really surprising when no one noticed how many times you snuck out for lessons and practice, or how long you were out? When you'd even forget to return to the Manor sometimes, and anyone still had yet to notice you were even gone in the first place?

... You couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped you. It was broken in every way, and yet empty all the same. Maybe you were finally taking after Bruce, but you wouldn't get your hopes up.

You looked up at the painting as if it'd give you all the answers, and yet dismiss you at the same time. The disappointment you felt was normal to you at this point, but the aching pain that came after was always the hardest part. Yet you still stared at the painted faces as if they were your real family, and the people close to them. Looked at the calculated and skilled brush strokes as if they'd give you what your family couldn't. What they refused to give you at every twist and turn, no matter how much you tried to accommodate to them. To do things for them. To just feel worthy enough to stand by their side. To be closer to them.

Though in the end, it is only that. A painting. A well crafted piece that, no matter how skilled the artist, could never truly capture how distant and vague they felt when you were the one standing to the side. No matter how much experience the painter had, they'd never be able to express and show how this poor excuse of a family felt to you, because they were only like that around you.

Maybe you'd feel special if it didn't make you feel like you were wasting your life living like this...

Eventually, you were able to tear you eyes away from the painting. The moon beginning to rise as you were sure the Manor was becoming more empty than it usually was, as more of its visitors and residents left.

The painting itself was nice even if it was one of many that didn't include you, with the number of photographs without you in them being much higher. Honestly, it used to be one of your favorites despite how bittersweet you feel about it now.

You still remember that day, but that would be implying that you forgot the others.

Regardless, you managed to pull yourself away from the spot you had been stuck in for the few moments you were trapped inside your own head. You tried to make yourself feel a little better, and give yourself some reassurance that maybe tomorrow would be different some how, and if not? Perhaps the day after, and the day after that.

Yet it all failed as you passed by more and more memories. Some were events you had participated in, sure, but the pictures made it look like you were never there in the first place. Heartwarming moments littered the halls, but you only recall seeing them from a distance — or being aware that the moment had even happened only when you saw the picture be put up.

It was like the very universe was trying to send you a sign with your constant failures and your family's persistence, intentional or not, to keep you at a distance. You didn't even know if it was appropriate to refer to them as your 'family', and maybe it wasn't considering things, but you still weren't sure.

You had been fighting for a chance to talk with any of them about anything at all for the longest time, because you wanted to be a part of this family. You wanted to spend time with them and really give this 'new life' of yours a chance, but now that 'new' part of this life had worn off. It was hard and honestly more draining than it was rewarding at this point, but you still wanted to give it a try.

Sure, it had been years at this point and now you were just about to go into college, and when you had first arrived here you weren't even middle school, yet little to no progress had been made — you never gave up. You haven't given up. So maybe you could try for a little longer? Just... a little bit, not too much this time, and figure something out?

You almost felt a little sense of hope return to you, no matter how redundant and helpless this situation felt and seemed. Yet it all came crumbling down again when you passed by one of the rooms, and saw something taped to the door.

It was a flier for your performance. One that would be happening soon.

Since your siblings began to pay less and less attention to you as time went on, with your conversations with them growing even shorter, you opted to just tape fliers of your upcoming performances on their doors. Though only the performances you'd thought they'd enjoy, and just hoped that they would show up, if they wanted to, when you stepped onto that stage and approached the instrument you'd be playing for the evening.

You tried texting and other forms of communication at first, but those quickly stopped working and so you just opted for this, and of course it was just as effective as the others.

Alfred was really the only one who listened to your music when you performed, and you only knew that because you caught him playing one of the live performances you had done on the television one day. He not only going out of his way to record the performance, but also trying to find the channel it was broadcasted on.

Ever since you've tried to give him the correct channel number when you do live performances, but that still didn't feel like enough. You loved and appreciated Alfred from the depths of your heart and soul, but what would it take for one of your siblings or close family friends to notice you like that? What would it take for your supposed father to even care to listen to your music? To watch a performance? To not turn you away?

It was only in that moment did a new emotion fuel you. Crawling it's way up your spine as you carefully took the flier in your hands, looking it over before ripping it off the door.

This. This one small thing was all you wanted from them. Over everything else, you just wanted to see one of their faces, one time when you looked out to the crowd when you performed — but every single time, all you saw were strangers.

Every charity event, every gala, every party- that's all you were surrounded by, strangers. Even when you caught small glimpses of them, they were always doing something else, and completely off in a totally different world than your own. That distance along creating a large void-like gap between you and them, and yet it only ever continued to grow. Even when they stood next to you, it was like you couldn't be further apart.

The reality of everything was crushing. Near deadly as you could feel your chest and lungs tighten, with your fingers digging into the paper enough to tear it apart, and reaching your palms as they formed crescent moons, soon drawing blood. Yet nothing could compare to the weight of your heart, and how heavy it felt to carry in your chest.

As you finally moved on from the door, your mind raced. Memories and flashbacks filling your head as every word and notion flashed before your eyes. Barely even paying attention to where you were going, but not caring enough to pay attention.

Every dismissal and excuse thrown your way. Every head shake and blank look. Every confused look, and realization that you were standing there the entire time. Every birthday that passed with the same wish never being granted. Every celebration spent on your own. Every message left on read. Every note ignored. Every time you were forgotten. Every time you were left behind. Every time you brought yourself home, and every time they never noticed. Every night wasted, trying to come up with different things to do only for all of them to turn out fruitless. Everyday that 'maybe' never cones true. Every time you looked out to that sea of strangers, hoping to see someone you recognized, only to find none. Every hour you wasted trying to do something for them while they never once thought of you.

Maybe you'd cry if you could. Then again, maybe not.

You already had spent too many tears over failures you recovered and grew from, and hardships you faced and fought. You've already cried just a little too much during those night you just couldn't handle being so alone, in such a big place anymore. Besides, you've cried enough over people who've never once thought of you. Who never once tried to make time to even see one of your performances, or even allow you to spend a few minutes in their space.

You've given them enough, you think. Especially since after you spent years trying to just make it two thirds of the way — they couldn't even reach that one third of the gap you couldn't. They didn't even try, at least not anymore, and after you had tried to make it easy. Yet, you only hurt yourself in the end.

They never cared about you, and maybe they did once upon a time, but good does that do now when you're trying to go out of your way to make things convenient and easier for them, only for them to skip out on you anyway. No text, no call, no message, no indication, nothing. Just pure silence.

Maybe you were asking for too much, but was it really so bad to want to be loved? And by the people who are supposed to be your family no less?

Hah, who are you kidding at this point. You've just been living in a house full of strangers, and you're the only one who hasn't seen it yet. They've already long since cast you out, and it's only now have you come to truly realize it.

Especially now, as you stand in front of the foot of the door to the music room. Staring at the knob as if it'll turn itself.

You weren't surprised, honestly. Playing music had quickly become an amazing outlet for you, and you had always come here to seek out what little your family couldn't give you; comfort. So it was no wonder that as you collapsed mentally, you had subconsciously brought yourself here.

And yet, only one thought entered your head in that moment.

'They don't deserve to hear my music.'

Perhaps it was now that you decided they had lost the privilege to do so. After all, ever since you had started having performances, even ones in front of wealthy crowds, your 'family' had seemingly been avoiding them like the plague. Never daring to even attend one, for whatever reason, and sure you could understand why they didn't attend the ones you performed at night — but they couldn't use that excuse anymore. You have strictly been playing during the after noon, and at sunset at a push, for over three years now. You've been playing in front of crowds and releasing music for four.

So, you turned away, walking off to your room as your thoughts still stormed. Anger fueling you as you barely remembered storming into your room, collecting any valuables and belongings you had and stuffing them into a bag or two. Not caring about clothes, and only what you deemed important and meaningful to yourself as you just grabbed and shoved everything into a bag if you could.

You could clearly tell now that you obviously weren't wanted, and that no one here even wanted to do the smallest things with you. That even asking to just spend a few minutes with them was too much. So you were doing the only sensible thing, and getting the hell out of here. Moving so quickly that your breathing became uneven, but you didn't stop until you had packed everything you needed, or was important to you in some way.

You only really had a second thought about all this when you were at your window, just about ready to jump out until you paused for a second.

Looking back at the door to your room, you couldn't help but hesitate. There was only ever one person in this entire Manor who treated you like family, and actually put in effort to not only be with you, but to indulge themself in your passion. That met you at the half way mark, and even went a little over sometimes. Since even if everyone else had ignored you — Alfed was there, even if despite all of his efforts you still couldn’t handle this, and maybe that was also your own fault in some way.

You still didn't want to stay, you couldn't anymore, but shouldn't you at least say goodbye? Maybe? After everything... at least he tried.

...

You settled for second best.

Quickly, you grabbed a flashcard and wrote down something before pocketing it and moving back to the window. You may not have any equipment for this kind of thing, but you still managed to scale and work your way around the wall, and managed to reach the window to Alfred's room.

You took a little peak inside, and when you saw that he wasn't there, you opened up the window just a bit, place the small note on the windowsill, and closed it. Then, you skillfully and carefully made your way down, and snuck off to Gotham City. Making your way to a friend's place as you crashed there for the night.

Never once did you look back.

Nor did you ever feel inclined to.

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Later that night, when Alfred read the note, all it said was:

I'm sorry, Alfed. - Y/n

Just with that alone, it was like he understood everything despite the little that was said. All he could wish you was luck, and that you'd be safe wherever you went.

Suddenly, just like that. The nights where melodies would lull the residence of the Manor to sleep, and bring a temporary, mellow peace to all who heard such a tune, were long gone...

Guess they'll just have to find it, and bring it back.

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Kind of rushed at the end there, hope it isn't too bad for a first post. There's probably a lot of mistakes, so apologies for that.

#this was all written in one go #so that's fun #more angst than anything honestly #not really any yan but it is supposed to be for yan stuff #platonic yandere batfam #yandere batfam #yandere dc #yandere x gn reader #gn reader #platonic yandere #neglected reader #sibling reader #reader tries too hard and does their best but finds out it isn't enough #some things just aren't meant to be #but that doesn't mean they get to run around scott free either

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hajihiko · 10 months

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different asker but i would like to add on to the last ask if thats okay? curious to know which characters you think would be the opposite, like who can't shut down no matter how hard they try? bonus for the characters who have to outsource their self regulation a little

Nekomaru is an emotionally healthy man and he lets it all out! Usually in the gym but sometimes you might catch a Very tight hug and/or some tears (mostly a problem with the touch-averse crew). He can't fully shut it down you'll Notice the mood even if he doesn't say anything.

Fuyuhiko is fine at shutting down more sensitive feelings but he needs like actual help with his anger issues. They go 0 to 100 real fast and he doesn't even think to temper himself before he's already said or done something unhelpful. If he's sad he won't act on it but you'll still notice, he's worse at pretending than he thinks he is

Ibuki doesn't see why she would ever even try. (Redirecting the emotion is different)

Mikan obviously is very bad at keeping level headed when it comes to sadness, anxiety, and at times anger (but the last one is the quiet kind, less noticeable but more scary)

#not an art #Fuyuhiko Mikan Hiyoko and Kazuichi all need some help with emotions #Fuyuhiko with genuine aggressive anger Hiyoko with the mean girl bully stuff #Mikan with the over-apologizing (actually not helpful when you *are* sorry!) and inability to confront #And kaz with just. How he shows emotions to people (like Sonia and Gundham...) Like the fact that he has them is fine-#-but people aren't always ready to actively indulge them and he tends to take it as rejection rather than a boundary #But honestly everyone needs emotional help. This class is a mess. Let's not even mention teru and nagito #I assume that's what you meant by outsourcing?#Obligatory disclaimer: none of these are a diss on the characters it's observations #And also something most people need to do at least once in their life. Like cmon don't tell me you've never been overly nonconfrontational #Or somehow otherwise emotionally disregulated. Everyone does it everyone has it it's a human thing not a Moral Flaw

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lumberwoof · 6 months

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AU where Franka doesn't get approval for the transfer and instead has to cut and run to Rhodes Island alone. Liskarm just misses finding out and isn't able to follow. and then they reunite some years down the line for whatever reason, Franka happy at Rhodes Island but still a little lonely and Liskarm saying she's fine but being at Blacksteel for so long has made her colder and harsher and just plain miserable.

(it isn't all bad, she at least has Jessica and Vanilla, but they can't get under her skin the way Franka could. Liskarm swears that Franka would get under skin sometimes just to dig out the bad feelings.)

(and Franka has people. she's surrounded by people she cares about. operators cut from the same cloth as her, that will charge headlong into battle beside her. colleagues who will nag her about sleeping and eating and training and mission parameters. friends who will rag on her for her choice of reading material. but Liskarm was all of those things rolled into one. and she is not here)

#(for the purposes of this AU Vanilla and Jessica are with Liskarm at Blacksteel)#Liskarm's squad ending up on the landship for whatever reason #Liskarm seeing Franka out of the corner of her eye and just being knocked for six #their reunion would be an all out battle in an empty training room #other staff hearing about it and trying to intervene like ''what is this Blacksteel person doing to our beloved Franka''#Franka and Liskarm kick the shit out of each other but aren't able to actually talk because too many people watching #Vanilla and Jessica ''oh this is normal. this is normal! it's been 3 years but it's totally normal! don't worry!''#(it's really that trope of ''ex you still care about is doing good and you're miserable'' for Liskarm)#arknights tag #yeah I'll tag it #friskarm #if you ask me if this AU has a sad or happy ending. it has whatever ending you want #I do think Franka and Liskarm's relationship changed when they transferred to Rhodes Island together #because it was a silent admission that their partnership was no longer the result of circumstance #'we've been put together' to 'we're choosing to stick together'#so to lose that aspect of their relationship would be... interesting #also Franka has to slow down for Liskarm. Liskarm is /meant/ to curb Franka's reckless behaviour #so I like the idea that Franka at RI alone is even more reckless because she's not being properly challenged #she gels too well with some operators and it's so easy that it's terrifying #in the sense that combat becomes tunnel vision. which is not a good thing #I wrote more in the tags than the actual post..... this is normal for me

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classicintp · 1 year

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There is this whole idea that flipping a two sided coin doesn't have a 50-50 probability. It's not a new idea by any means, but the explanation is if you measured the mass of the coin, the force of the flip, the temperature of the coin & of the room, the force of any breeze, wind, or vibration in the air as it traveled, and so on, you could accurately determine within a small margin of error what side the coin will land on every time, and if you kept those constant it would flip on the same side every time. And that idea is also KIND OF the explanation for the conclusion in quantum physics that there is no free will.

A lot of people hear that and either clutch their pearls, roll their eyes, or aren't interested either way. (I mean, when you say some shit like that you're just going to immediately turn off any interest most people would have otherwise had but I'm digressing now). We all like to think we make decisions and choices, and then amateurs who want to talk about quantum mechanics alienate everyone by saying it's not true: you were always going to make these choices with no chance to make the other one.

But what I said in the first paragraph is something-like (but not exactly) what it means when you hear or read that according to quantum physics we have no free will. That if we had an unfathomable device that has been measuring all the variables of every single particle that was expelled during the Big Bang, with an also-sufficient/also-currently-unfathomable algorithm to plug those variables into, all within a computer that could do all of the calulations for BILLIONS of years, we could compute exactly where every particle was going and where it would end up, including those that make up the stars and planets, that make up the ground and oceans, that make up the animals and plants, that make up your brain and all of the proteins and neurotransmitters. That if it could all be measured and an algorithm sufficiently built then the decisions you make are already determined by the ongoing relationships and interactions the particles that make up your brain had in the past and are having right now.

However, humans cannot measure that, they likely never ever will.

Anyone that tells me they don't like quantum mechanics because something something affront to nature blah blah "they" don't believe in free will, etc. literally doesn't know it's just a rescale of the coin toss description. You still believe coin tosses are 50-50 because you aren't going to measure the variables used to receive an answer, you can still believe in free will because you can't measure the variables used to determine the ultimate path of all particles; I mean, I wouldn't become a theoretical physicist if that meant so much to you but I'm not your dad, do what you want.

Edit: I know I described the science mostly wrong, please check out the replies and reblogs for others' corrections and feel free to add corrections of your own for mine and others' learning, thank you.

#as has been pointed out to me you can't measure quantum functions in a meaningful way without collapse #I'm not a quantum physics person‚#(i mean‚ that is pretty clear)#but there are concepts that can be simplified to make them easier to process l #so that people interested can be pointed in the right direction and feel more familiar #before they find corrections and understand the bigger stuff‚ it's basically how middle school conventional science classes teach stuff #like i remember not really understanding dependant/independent variables #or not really understanding why endothermic/exothermic meant cold/hot #or how electrons don't really orbit atoms/have fixed places when attached to each other #we're taught simplified versions of things that are sometimes not the whole picture or sometimes wrong #to get you thinking in the right direction #anyway I'm not saying I crafted this post to be like that‚ just that I do understand some of the concepts aren't correct #it's just too complicated to get into specifics and that's the best way I can describe how I understand it #sorry if you do know better and bothered‚ I'll make any necessary edits if you message me and they don't over complicate the post #otherwise for everyone else go look this stuff up and get corrected #physics #quantum mechanics #quantum physics #op

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essektheylyss · 2 years

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no more "fix-it fics". enough "everybody lives au". everybody DIES au. I could make it (canon) WORSE.

#this joke brought to you hilariously not by recent events but in fact rediscovering my old ffn fics from high school #they exist and are easily findable lol #and boyyyy have i not only really not change. but i have MELLOWED on the angst.#if you think my fics are rough now...#literally wrote MULTIPLE fics for a romance-oriented procedural where one or both of the leads died and someone else had to deal with that #hilarious. like. this was 'i know they're gonna get out of this tight spot canon left them in last episode. but what if they didn't. :3'#like say what you will about some of my sadder content but the characters aren't getting MURDERED #also went out of my way to write the cockblock rival LI sympathetically in one scenario #like this character was universally reviled. MEANT TO BE in fact. and several comments were just 'icb you made him impossible to hate'#me at all times: have you considered. this character is not evil. just trying their best and not favored by the narrative but like. fine.#and also do you want to talk about GRIEF?#would love to study my high school self like a bug. who was she. fuck if i remember lmfao #ANYWAY this is genuinely so funny #also damn ffn reviewers were brutal about update times lol #also were not shy about 'WOW this is so ooc' (they were wrong. to be clear. they were mad about a ship thing)#the writing was 'eh' but the specific aspect of the characterization they were mad about was not lol #but also uwu over some of the comments i was looking through last night #some of them were like 'wow someone said this about tiefling fic last week!'

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hella1975 · 8 months

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my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be

me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha

#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience #basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night #where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything #it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young #and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again #but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good #and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get #it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough #and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced #i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up #and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it #and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN #TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY #and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it #im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday #what is even going on anymore #also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do #actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk #and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd #i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3 #hella goes home

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miraphoenix · 6 months

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re: this post, discord isn't a social media, but fuckers keep treating it like one by migrating all of their communities and posts to discord in the wake of each social media fuckup, so it kind of is one by usage at this point?

Like. Nine times out of ten, if you're looking for information on something, whatever you're looking for is locked in some fucking discord server.

If you want help with a game or a mod? "Oh, come join the discord!" You want some support or have questions about a medical condition? "Hey there's a discord for that!" You want to talk to somebody about a hobby? "There's a great discord community!"

All of these things used to be on forums that were accessible without siloing yourself into an instant messaging box full of people all talking at once, to search for the one nugget of information you actually need in the moment. It would be like if you wanted to get eggs at the grocery store, but to get that one thing, you had to naturalize as a citizen of a foreign country first.

And don't get me wrong; I have a discord account, and I use it to talk with friends. But I would rather eat my own shoes than join a "community" just to get some answers to a question that used to be posted visibly on reddit, tumblr, or fuck forbid, a topic-specific forum.

(To top it off, this doesn't even touch on my thoughts that discord, being a social tech company in 2023, is going to implode like all the other social tech companies because of increased monetization pressure. It's just a matter of time before they make dumb decisions like reddit, or get bought out like skype.)

#phoenix sounds #long post #This is all to say: I agree with OP semantically but disagree based on how people seem to use it #Forums got shafted by social media and increasing hosting costs #Now social media is being fucked over by its own incentives and the venture capitalists calling for profits #And an instant messaging platform for gamers is not meant to replace any of that #But people keep. Fucking moving their communities off of accessible internet and onto discord #Which bites people in the ass right now #And will bite those communities in the ass in the future #To finish off too: if you think tumblr moderation is bad. At least tumblr mods are employees #Discord mods often aren't. So just keep that thought in your back pocket when you join some large server #Because the harassment and bad actors of social media exist elsewhere too #And it's one thing to wade through that when you're being paid. But another if you're not paid/you're not trained/you're just some rando

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magniloquent-raven · 8 months

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sometimes i genuinely cannot tell if i was an exceptionally unsheltered child or if people who say things like "no kid would understand that lololol" just do not remember being children

#idk SO often i'll see reviews/reactions/whatever #people watching things made for kids and going ''wow that would have gone over my head when i was young omg''#and half the time it's something i saw as a kid and i 100% knew what that meant so like. what are you talking about #it's just. a dumb pet peeve of mine i guess? but maybe some people really need to realize #that kids probably aren't as unaware as they seem to think

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an-inky-fingered-lass · 7 months

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May, Coulson, and Daisy, and moments from a day or two in the building of a new life. A story for learning to trust that the good things in your life are going to stick around, and for the days when even those good things are still a little bit hard.

May breathed out a long, slow exhale and nudged into park, staring sightlessly out the window. Her phone pinged with a text. Simmons, probably. Checking in. She wouldn’t trade what they had now for this world or any other, but she missed it, sometimes, the bustling base. Always having something to do, defensible walls.

The text was headed hi May. May stared at it for a long moment, keeping her palms wrapped around the steering wheel. She didn’t feel much like May, right then. Melinda, maybe. For once. Just a woman sitting in her car with an aching thigh and a switchblade in her pocket, feeling every single one of her fifty-two years. Exhausted with not doing a damn thing. She hadn't felt this way in so long.

She felt like Agent May, like she would never, ever be able to be anything else.

May shut her eyes hard and then opened them again. She muted the radio and pulled back onto the road, driving steadily towards home.

Read the rest on Ao3

#it happened it happened i finished it #philindaisy #very very philindaisy #look i meant to write wonderful profound tags but that's where we're at #this fic means so much to me #and i am so nervous right now but also so excited to finally post it #some things still hurt and some things are still hard but that's okay #because there's time now; there aren't any lives at risk or any worlds on the line #and this is a story for those times in between #when you havent quite convinced yourself to believe that quite yet #but things are good. all is well. and there's time.#i wrote this because i needed it #and then it took a life of its own #(ahem as in 13k of scrapped drafts in my drive life of its own. oops.)#this DID NOT want to work until i just. let it happen. and then it did.#this was very self indulgent and it has just carved out its spot in my heart #philinda #melinda may #mama may #phil coulson #agents of shield #daisy johnson #aos fic #inkspinner fic #river's writing #fanfiction

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mattodore · 10 months

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me: hello everyone this is matthias he's my evil little guy and my number one enemy <3

person: oh so he's evil and bad

me: .……..now how could you say that abt him :(

#river dipping #skdjhdfgjkf #i'm trying to figure out how to explain that he's not actually evil he's just an asshole but like not really #but internally he's so so awful but also not #i need all of you to just be in my brain so you can understand the real depths here okay #he's kind of the worst but also my little guy . he's awful but he's sweet .#he's uhhhhh multidimensional or whatever #but yea i'm realizing now that maybe calling him evil all the time gave ppl some Ideas about him that aren't true at all 😭#i'm finishing up checking on my activity feed as you can tell. this is the last thing i gotta reply to so i'm drafting my response 🧑‍💻#also i didn't say hi when i logged in but hi #tho i'm actually going to bed soon so i'm posting to say hi but also bye kjdfgnkhjhf #i uh... definitely meant to update my game today so i could spin the sim lush made for me around #but. i've been wracked with Do Nothing-itis all day and have just been reading and occasionally coming on here to scroll for a bit

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xenoshadow13 · 3 months

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you really should take the matter over fictional content more seriously because one day you could actually really someone out there over what you think is just harmless fun

you might laugh right now but you won't find it so funny when you're dropped by a former friend over it :/

As I've once said to another anon, I rather not be pulled into this nonsense over fucking fiction. It's nothing but a very stupid shitstorm that should have NEVER gotten this bad in the first place.

And because I know there will be folks out there who will get on my case for this, no, just kindly fuck off and leave me alone. I refuse to be dragged into a shitstorm all because some folks out there want to throw a hissy fit at others enjoying ANY sort of fictional content that THEY find uncomfortable.

I said these before in another post and I shall say it again because I feel it's needed. Putting this under readmore tho cuz post getting rather long here.

It's okay to feel upset over certain fictional content & interests, but that does not mean it's okay for you to act as if those who enjoy said stuff are horrible people. You're allowed to feel however you want over certain content, but for fuck's sake please just use that block/mute/whatever and move on with your fucking life. No need to announce to the world how much this or that makes you uncomfortable okay.

It's YOUR job to curate your own internet experience, NOT US STRANGERS. Most of us will do our best to tag certain shit to make it easier for others to avoid content but the system here isn't perfect so stuff is bound to slip by regardless. But even then, it's still YOUR job to curate your own internet experience. Again, a lot of us fellow online folks will do our best to tag certain content to make this a little easier for you, but that doesn't mean it's our job to cater to you.

News flash people, everyone has trauma and everyone deals with it differently. You're allowed to feel however you want over with anything regarding your trauma but that does not give you the fucking right to act as if only YOUR experiences and how YOU deal with YOUR trauma is "right". What's that? Do you find how this or that person deals with their trauma to be really weird? Alright. That's okay. You think so-and-so doesn't count and that gives you the right to treat them however you want for it? Yeah no. You can fuck off with that mindset there.

Everyone is bound to unwittingly do something that will make you and others uncomfortable but that doesn't make them some horrible person. So please take a chill pill and not jump the gun so soon on others solely because of that. Not to say that you're not allowed to feel however you do but for fuck's sake 1) a lot of us are socially awkward folks who struggle with recognizing social cues and such and 2) it's not easy to read tone and such over text. :|

Alrighty. This is getting long enough as it is and uhm starting to get a bit tough to not go off completely here so just gonna stop.

But yeah. If you have a problem with any of this then go right ahead and hit that unfollow button there. You will not be missed. :)

#answered asks #anonymous #// long post #// slight rant #Sorry that this comes off as really nasty but I'm quite frankly just with this nonsense over fiction #I didn't come on here to be pulled into bullshit all because some folks have a problem over shit that makes them uncomfy #Not to say that folks aren't valid for how they feel over shit but for fuck's sake a lot of them seem to think that gives them -#- the right to treat others however they want simply because of how THEY feel over shit #Also just saying but Is2g I will get so annoyed if folks give me shit over this #Also btw anon sorry for what happened to you there. I meant to mention it in the post but it slipped my mind #All I will say here is that what happened to you there is wrong #The fact that former friend of yours was willing to drop you over fictional content however shows they're not a real friend #Everyone has differing opinions and tastes in such. A real friend would be more willing to respect that #... well okay not to say folks aren't allow to find certain things uncomfortable enough that they just CAN'T tolerate it #but even so to simply drop a friendship over some fictional interest of yours? Uhm yeah no.

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