#someone throw away the little beans dice set

[slayerchick303]

We're starting off the season with Murph getting really good rolls, so the dice gods can strike us down for our hubris in the last few episodes.

I'm calling it now.

#someone throw away the little beans dice set #we can always count on a beardsleyblessed moment though #so ready for ally's clutch nat 20's #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #dimension 20 #d20 #dropout tv #college humor

[theshippirate22]

remember this? I’m having thoughts about it again.

Steve is standing at the counter chopping onions when it happens.

It’s been raining on and off all day, but at that moment it’s firmly decided to be on and it’s a loud, howling wind that pelts the water against the kitchen window.

It’s a strange sound, really, compared to the warmth of the oven and the soft, yellow glow of the light above the table and the candles on the counter. It doesn’t match what’s happening inside the house.

Steve throws a dishtowel over his shoulder and scrapes the diced onions off the cutting board with the edge of the knife into the pot on the stove. They sizzle exaggeratedly as they hit the bottom,

Andrea is sitting at the counter, perched on a barstool with her legs crossed. As soon as she’d gotten home from school, she had changed into a huge sweater that had probably belonged to Steve at some point, that hung down to her knees and now she was leaned forward over the counter with a double-handed grip on her book.

“Juh… Jump… up… bah… bahb… bahby… baby! Jump up, baby.” She murmurs, brow furrowed in concentration the way Nancy does when she’s thinking hard. “Juh… jump up. Up, up, up. Juh-Jump up.”

Steve turns for a minute to finish browning the ground beef in the pot, which is why he doesn’t see her set the book down and look up.

There’s a lapse of quiet. Steve can hear the radio in the family room, which he couldn’t over the sound of her reading and the crackling pot.

“Are you stuck on a word? Wanna spell it for me?” He turns back to the island to open the litany of cans waiting for him- diced tomatoes, white corn, kidney beans.

“Y…” She starts, staring intently at the book.

The cans are emptied into the pot with everything else. He’s still waiting for the next letter to form a coherent word, so he’s not prepared for her response.

“Why don’t I have a dad?”

Steve drops his spatula.

It splatters on the floor and he stoops down to wipe it up with a paper towel, depositing the offending utensil in the sink and pulling a clean one from the drawer.

Andrea is watching him carefully, he can feel it burning into him, but he’s still thinking of something to say. He never expected he’d be the one to have this conversation; that was up to her mother. Nancy would be so much better with words than he ever could be.

Finally, he settles on, “Lots of kids don’t have dads.”

“Not any of the kids I know.”

“Dustin doesn’t have a dad,” Steve says instantly, before realizing that Dustin is not a kid to her, but a full grown man. He tries to think of someone else, closer to her age but comes up empty-handed. “Uh… Jonathan and Will didn’t have a dad for a while. Neither did Max or Eddie.” Not helping. Still adults.

She nods nonetheless. Her eyebrows tighten again as she thinks.

His movements are measured, tentative. He has a lot of questions, so many.

“Can I get one?”

“A dad?”

“Yeah.”

He lets out a nervous breath. “Why do you ask, kiddo?”

She chews on her fingernail and doesn’t say anything. Eventually, she closes the book, places it face down, re-opens the back cover, and takes out a little pink quarter-sheet flyer tucked inside. She slides it across the counter.

Steve picks it up. She still won’t meet his eye.

Stewart Elementary First Grade Daddy/Daughter Tea Party! reads the top in thick black letters.

“Oh,” Steve says.

He looks over the other little details listed on the flyer next to a line-art teapot in the bottom corner.

“Hmm.”

He puts the lid over the soup and moves to the other side of the island. Pulls out the stool next to her and climbs onto it.

“Was somebody at school giving you a hard time?”

She shrugs. “No, not really. But I need to get a dad so I can go. I don’t think Miss Gracie knows I don’t have one, or she wouldn’t have invited me.”

“No!” Steve cries. His chest throbs painfully. “No, no, I’m sure you can go, even without a dad. Like I said, lots of kids don’t have ‘em.”

”None of my friends don’t.” She looks away, twisting a loose thread from the sleeve of her sweater around her finger.

“Andy, listen,” He murmurs gently. “Families… are kind of complicated. Sometimes, we start to think they only look one certain way and then we feel like ours isn’t good enough. That’s how I felt when I was your age, and that’s how I felt when I was much, much older than you.”

“How old?”

“Seventeen or eighteen.”

She grimaces.

He laughs. “Yeah, I know. But here’s the best part, kiddo. No one told me for a long time, but actually, families look all sorts of ways. And it’s okay. Even when they’re different. Especially when they’re different. And our family is different. But that’s not a bad thing.”

”But I still can’t go to the tea party.”

“Hold your horses! I’m getting there! Sheesh.” He reaches out to tickle her and she squirms away, but he does manage to make her giggle.

“Sometimes, dads aren’t really dads at all. They just feel like dads to us. Like how Hopper became Will, and El, and Jonathan’s dad. Or Uncle Wayne became Eddie’s dad. A dad is just someone who…” He sighs. “Someone who picks you up from school or takes care of you when you’re sick or cuddles you after a bad dream. Stuff like that. They love you unconditionally-“

“What’s that?”

“Like, no matter what. And as long as they do that, and take care of you when you need it, anybody can be your dad. Whether it’s Eddie, or Dustin, or-“

“Or you?”

Steve’s breath catches in his throat. He feels like he’s on fire, combusting with sheer admiration, and he forgets what he’s saying instantly.

“You do all of those things,” Andrea continues. “And the fun stuff too, like when I couldn’t see at the fair and you put me on your shoulders, or when you let me eat ice cream really late when mom’s not home. That counts, right?”

He chokes, “Do you want it to?”

She thinks about it for barely a second. “I think so.”

“Then yeah, that counts. For sure.”

“Hmm.” She looks at him, tipping her head to the side and furrowing her brow like she’s never seen him before. “Do you want to be my dad?”

Oh God, he’s going to cry isn’t he. He can’t cry. That would be horrible. How will he explain that to her, or to Nancy, who should be home in the next few minutes…

“I can’t think of anything I want more, lovebug,” he whispers solemnly instead.

She grins, lighting up like the sun and jumping up to throw herself into his chest, arms around his neck. He coughs with the impact but pulls her close and kisses her cheek, where she’s got a single freckle, just like he does.

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you too.”

Oh God, yep, he’s crying. Whatever. He can’t help it.

In the next ten minutes, she’ll run upstairs to pick an outfit for the tea party, and he’ll finish the soup and set the table, and Nancy will come in from the storm and find him washing dishes and bawling his eyes out, and shortly after Eddie and Robin will get home too and they’ll all laugh at him and he’ll laugh too, because, it really is funny, and their awkward little family of five will eat dinner together and it will be loud and warm and perfect.

But for now, Steve thinks he’ll just hold onto Andrea.

******************************************************

Okay I know part one was like. fivever ago but i’m having brainrot about it again so here is a very very low stakes tag list based on who asked from that post but i know it’s been a million years and this is kinda different so don’t even stress: @estrellami-1 @alohastitch0626 @analyticalfrog3

#stranger things #eddie munson #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #au where nancy has a kid #i’ve decided to call it #The Andrea Affair #(it’s always love) #based on waffle house by the jo bros #andrea wheeler #anyway here we are

[apex-academy]

Chapter 5: Caring Is a Hazard to Your Health (#21)

The rest of the day is a blur. Some pool. Some Centipede. Some vapid conversations I barely remember as I’m having them. A cooking lesson that’s more lecture on Japanese sauces than actual cooking.

I don’t run into Aidan again. I’m not sure if I want to. Certainly I’m not going to try anything now, but... I don’t know. I don’t know.

I end up in the sauna dangerously late in the day. The only exit is to the bathhouse, which closes at nighttime... Would I be stuck in here overnight if I stayed too long? Punished? I bet I could stay awake. Wonder what happens in the restricted rooms at night. Cleanup and restocking or something. Maybe I should try staying in the kitchen. Eat some coffee beans straight up to keep from falling asleep and see how the heck Monochap sneaks in and out of there.

But for now, I’m just...

“...”

It is kind of pleasant in here. I may be bundled up a bit too much for a sauna, but it’s supposed to be hot anyway, right? As long as I swig plenty of water after this, I should be fine.

“...”

“After this” might need to be “right now,” actually. No use getting too light-headed. Or, well, I don’t mind having fewer thoughts, but I probably shouldn’t be taking health risks. I can worry about nighttime escapades later. I should... attempt to get some sleep.

After a cold shower. I don’t think I’ll be needing a warm bath after this.

...

"Um, hello! Good morning! It is now 7:00, so the off-limits areas have been reopened! I-I hope you all have a nice day…!"

I wake up again. That’s always good.

But when I make my way towards the cafeteria...

“Sounds like some kind of ruckus going on.”

I open the doors, but...

“.....”

No people, less noise. Uh.

I back up into the hallway and try next door. The gym. Sounds like maybe the hubbub is in here instead? Did I miss a summons to an early morning sports tournament?

Is someone...

“........”

No, that has too be too many voices. Right? If someone had been discovered, the jingle would have played...

“......”

It still takes me a minute to open the door.

People are still talking over each other, but I don’t see any bodies on the floor or fists flying.

Knives, maybe. But not fists.

A thud rattles the still-collapsed bleachers behind Kaichi’s shoulder. In true Kaichi fashion, he hardly flinches.

“Woooooow!”

“I’m next, right? I’m next?!”

“No way, dude!”

“That’s right! No one is going next!”

“What?! Nono I’m next!”

“Wh...”

“This is a completely unnecessary risk! Cease at once!”

“Risk? Surely you don’t mean to question my skill.”

“Seems pretty skilled t’ me.”

“.............”

I always manage to forget I should worry much less about these people dying than just being idiots.

Before anyone can notice I’ve joined them, the knife digging into the stands slowly tilts, then falls. Kaichi manages to pull his foot to one side before the blade clatters to the floor.

“Haha, whoopsie! You okay?”

“Looks like I still got—” he tilts his head down to check—”ten toes, s’. Yeah, sure.”

“That—”

“That makes it clear how dangerous this is!”

“Like, nothing happened, though?”

“That was a matter of luck!”

“Fool! You think any part of this is merely a throw of the dice? No divine weapon of mine will harm anyone unless I bid it.”

“Considering how consistently you threaten everyone, I don’t find that comforting!”

“So, anyway, it’s totally my turn, right?”

“It’s no one’s turn!!!”

I walk inside just as he’s about to blow a gasket. The door falling shut behind me is enough to get a little attention.

“I would ask what’s going on, but I think I have a good enough idea.”

“Ah, Kogamino!”

“If you understand, would you mind talking them out of it?”

“I’m afraid I’m having little luck.”

Another thud interrupts before I can say a word. Ichiriki starts laughing.

“Woooow, that one was super close! Ahahaha!”

Standing stiffly, Kaichi cranes his neck just enough to get a good glimpse of the knife now separating his face from his surfboard.

“Nice.”

“There.”

“Now the next wretch may step up.”

“I’m the next wretch!!”

It’s surprisingly hard to jump in and stop something when you can’t fathom why they started in the first place. Are we seriously that bored? Didn’t we just wake up? At least eat before you start throwing crap at each other, geez.

“Nuh-uh! I’m next!”

“How did this even start?”

“Well, like, Yuks was gonna make omelettes this morning? So we all kinda ordered ‘em or whatevs, and, like...”

“...”

“Amid the conversation as we waited, that one saw fit to issue a challenge.”

“I did?”

“And then things happened, and now we’re here!”

He finishes, as if he’s being the most helpful one here.

“I had been assisting with the cooking when I realized everyone had left, so I peeked out to see what had happened...”

“And you were met with a fun surprise, huh.”

“Yeah-huh! It’s super fun!”

“That’s great.”

“Actually, I just came over to see who got the first omelette? Because it’s finished.”

“Ah, first should have been... Riseiin, I believe?”

“Nice. ’m out, then. Later, brahs.”

“I don’t think the rest are far behind, so if you’d like your food warm, you can come back to this later.”

“I suppose that may be for the best...”

“Consider it a mercy to those of you bound to time, hmm?”

And just like that, the party dissembles to go for the door. Tsunyasha walks—like a normal human being—over to the stands to retrieve her mystical-whatever knives. Mahavir stays back, presumably to make sure she doesn’t kill me while we’re still here.

...I really hope Yuki’s almost finished. Maybe I don’t need to follow everyone over all that quickly.

Tsunyasha gets all her knives put away in quick order, but we’re still the last ones out. Mahavir, as usual, spares me from having to open the door.

As we cross into the hallway, I see Monochap opening the doors to the dorm area. Before I can wonder what he’s up to now, Aidan wheels himself out, with an uttered sound that I don’t think is actually a thanks. Upon seeing us, Monochap gives a little wave and a disturbing giggle before fleeing towards the Main Hall.

Aidan seems a little more pleased to see us.

“Good morning! I hope I haven’t missed anything?”

“Nothing worth mentioning.”

“...”

“Has Monochap been opening doors for you?”

The handicap buttons in this place haven’t been working since we woke up here. I hadn’t spared them a second thought, but now we actually have someone in a wheelchair. Guess that’s how it usually goes.

“When necessary.”

“Unfortunately, my student ID was reset to its original settings before they gave it back to me. But whoever did that also added an option to signal Mister Monochaperone for assistance.”

“It isn’t my favorite recourse, and I’m not sure why it’s necessary when it isn’t that difficult to summon him otherwise, but it can be useful.”

“Ah, to have a demon at your beck and call.”

“Quite fitting for a black-hearted sinner like yourself, hmm?”

“Don’t you start this again...!”

Aidan holds up a hand.

“Calm down, Mister Attenborough.”

“Miss Tsunyasha, I appreciate saving your comments for a more private discussion, but I’m afraid they are still highly inappropriate.”

“You’re entitled to your opinion of me, but I fail to see how repeating it does you any good. I cannot take back what I’ve done, so I would prefer to focus on what I can do at the moment, if possible.”

“Oh? Is this a sorely misguided plea for mercy, worm? You think I must gain something from this?”

“It is merely my job to ensure those of your corrupted ilk cannot walk away from their sins freely.”

He’s not doing much walking at the moment, in case you haven’t noticed.

“You call this walking away freely?!”

“Mister Attenborough.”

“.......”

Aidan turns back to Tsunyasha.

“Whether it’s sufficient for your tastes or not, I assure you I have most certainly been punished.”

“I can’t ask you to approve of my sins, as it were, but if you truly care about doing the right thing, your priority should be ensuring the safety of the other people here.”

I only see a flash before there’s a knife at Aidan’s neck.

“Then I should eliminate you now, yes?”

Aidan stares evenly back at her.

“Do you really consider me such a threat? I am incapable of physical combat, I am unarmed, and I would have severe difficulty engineering anything to kill another in this state. No one here has anything to gain from my death.” His gaze strains towards the knife. “This is nothing but a very rude gesture, and I would like you to stop now.”

“Oh? You still think I would follow a worm’s orders?”

“Why don’t you follow this?!”

Mahavir lunges at her. Aidan winces as the knife skirts along his jaw. Tsunyasha hops back an extra pace, and Mahavir tilts dangerously before catching himself on the wall. Huffing, he doesn’t seem able to push himself back up too quickly. I put myself between Tsunyasha and Aidan for good measure.

“So you’re relying on your little guard dogs, are you, whelp? You truly think they’re any match for a Holy Assassin?”

“I’m not a guard dog, you just need to stop?”

“I am not trying to rely on any physical enforcement here—” a pointed look at Mahavir—“nor am I giving you orders. I am merely pointing out that there is much more to being ‘righteous’ than harassing those you deem to be sinners.”

“So you question my judgment, worm?”

Your judgment is nothing if not questionable.

“More like questioning your ‘righteousness,’ or ‘holiness,’ or whatever else you’d like to call it!”

He finally shifts his weight back onto his feet.

“Regardless of who did and didn’t die, at least Doppler has done everything he can to help us!”

“What have you EVER done for anyone else here?!”

“Stir up trouble, mostly.”

“Hmph. Only just now I was providing you ungrateful whelps with entertainment, was I not?”

“And no one died, if I must remind you of that.”

“As a fluke! You easily could have injured Riseiin! It was only a matter of luck that he didn’t have any toes sliced clean off! And I shouldn’t need to tell you even foot injuries have the potential to be lethal!”

“...What did I miss here?”

“We can worry about that later.”

“The potential, certainly.”

“But a far less sure shot than firing a gun into someone’s chest, hmm?”

“But that wasn’t for amusement!”

“And yet it still happened.”

“I truly don’t understand how you could possibly favor that sinner’s actions, but I suppose your wicked ways are just that far beneath me.”

“It’s because you don’t understand that you’re the only threat here!”

“Oh, I’m quite a threat to those who would dare try taint my holy name. Would you like a demonstration, whelp?”

“No one would like any demonstrations!!”

“Of course you wouldn’t.”

“We get your freaking point, okay? You could stab a serious burn victim and a wheelchair-bound child to death with ease if you really wanted to. Congratulations.”

“You want to prove you’re such a great assassin, how about you wait until practically anyone here is in decent physical condition? You’ve held out this long. I’m sure you can handle a little longer. Or is patience suddenly not one of your holy virtues?”

“Hmph.”

“Don’t think for a moment you can understand the essence of a Holy Assassin, fool.”

“Oh, believe me, I don’t.”

She spins the knife once around the gloved part of her finger and sheaths it.

“Very well. I tire of these pitiful negotiations of yours.”

“I’ve a reward waiting for me, anyway.” 

She takes a few steps towards the cafeteria.

“Use this opportunity to think about what awaits you.”

Not an omelette on my end, I’m guessing.

“Any more of this and I assure you, whatever awaits you won’t be a reward.”

“Mahavir. That’s enough.”

“........”

Mahavir stares Tsunyasha down as she walks away. Even when the doors close behind her, he doesn’t turn away.

“......”

I hear a rattle and open my eyes again. Aidan’s started to wheel himself forward.

“Miss Kogamino. Thank you for stepping in.”

“No problem.”

“...”

“I’m halfway surprised you’re not upset about being called a child.”

“Well I don’t appreciate it, but I can understand it was for emphasis.”

“Right.”

He scoots himself closer to Mahavir.

“....................”

“Mister Attenborough?”

“.........”

“...I’m sorry. But she...”

“She can’t just...!”

“I know. She has no right to be making these sorts of threats, but pushing back like that will. Not. Help with her.”

“...........”

“So take a deep breath and come on. We have a meeting to get to.”

“........”

Aidan moves as close to the doors as he can, but Mahavir doesn’t follow yet. Guess it’s not that easy to let it go.

But everyone else is already in the cafeteria, right? No harm leaving him alone to cool down a bit.

I don’t want to think about what could happen if he ran into Tsunyasha again too soon.

[BACK] [NEXT]

#apexplot #apex5 #fanganronpa

[alarawriting]

Inktober 2020 #5/Writeober 2020 #1: Blade

I have a feeling this might be based on a Tumblr prompt but I can’t remember where or when...

***

Aster finished haggling with the merchant for tomatoes, and turned, certain that someone was watching her. There was an old woman standing in the center of the market way, looking directly at Aster, and there was something strange about her – aside from the gray braid that went down to her knees, given that the old women Aster knew cut their hair short to make it easier to keep it, since they were going to put a kerchief over it anyway. After a moment, Aster isolated it – no one was looking at the woman. No one was looking away from her either. It was as if no one in the market could see her, aside from Aster.

She went on to the merchant selling cauliflower, broccoli and beans. The old woman followed her, and now she was closer. There was still no one else looking at the woman, but they all stepped out of her way, casually, as if they just felt like bending their path slightly.

Finally, Aster went to a tree on the side of the market, and waited. The old woman strolled over to her. “You’re Aster Sennadotter? Daughter of Canlon the Eater of Fire?”

“Who wants to know?” Aster asked. Mom and Dad had been heroes, once upon a time. Some of those who’d know that Dad was the legendary Fire-Eater were those who’d have nothing but praise for him and his deeds. Some… were not.

“I’m an old friend of your father’s. Has he never told you of the wizard Enteleki?”

Aster’s eyes went wide. “That’s you?” She looked the tiny, ancient woman up and down. “I thought you’d be taller.”

“Many say that. Tell me, has your father trained you in the blade?”

The phrasing was a little weird; it took Aster a moment to realize that Enteleki meant trained her to use blades, in general. “Mom taught me some dagger work. Throwing, mostly, but some up close, for self defense. Dad hasn’t taught me anything.” She abruptly realized how that sounded. “Anything like that. I mean, he taught me how to fish and ride a horse and identify weeds and things like that. But nothing about blades.”

“So you’ve never learned to use the Sword of the Eater?”

“Are you kidding?” Aster laughed disbelievingly. “I’ve never even seen it. Dad said it was lost after he defeated the last of the Servants of the Phoenix.”

“It wasn’t,” Enteleki said. “He’s still got it. He must have hidden it from you.”

Aster shrugged. “He probably had good reasons. He’s done adventuring, he says. He just wants to live on the farm and grow our crops in peace.”

Enteleki shook her head. “Short-sighted. Of course, he’s done adventuring, no one would expect a man his age, with a family and a farm, to go on a quest. But the thought never entered his mind that the world might need you, did it?”

“Why would the world need me? My mom and dad may have been heroes, but I’m just a farm girl.”

“Your father was a farm boy before he was a hero. Your mother, the granddaughter of the village wisewoman. They were nothing special, before destiny called them.” She leaned heavily on her staff. “Just as it’s calling you now.”

“Why me?”

“You’ll figure it out. Just know for now that you are your father’s daughter. Ask him for the sword and prepare to leave. Or the Lady of Light will destroy everything – including your town, including your farm.”

Aster scowled. “I’ve never heard of her, but, generally speaking, why would someone named the Lady of Light be evil?”

Enteleki looked up into her eyes, and it felt like the old woman was a hawk, sizing Aster up as prey. “Phoenixes are creatures associated with life and rebirth; why would evil people call themselves the Servants of the Phoenix? Evil people lie, Aster. And they lie to themselves, and tell themselves they are good, perhaps that they are the only good ones in the world. Battles are never between good and evil. They are between those who seek to cause harm, even though they may think they are doing what is best for everyone, and those who seek to mitigate or stop the harm, or to make something that helps come to pass.”

“Okay, but… if evil people think they’re doing what’s best, and good people think they’re doing what’s best… how do you tell which is which?”

Enteleki barked laughter, sharp and hard. “How indeed. But the Servants of the Phoenix were burning the wisewomen, claiming that those who followed the ways of the Phoenix would have eternal life, and wouldn’t need wisewomen to heal them, and therefore wisewomen were evil because they tempted people away from the righteous path of the Phoenix. Tell me, was anyone ever good because they burned healers to death?”

“No,” Aster said firmly. Her own mother was a wisewoman, just as her great-grandmother had been. “All of that sounds wrong. I mean… why would you have to worship the Phoenix? What if you have a different god? And even if you did worship the Phoenix… no one ever said the worshippers of the Phoenix come back to life, only the Phoenix itself. And even if you were going to come back to life, why would you not want willowbark for a headache, or a poultice if you get injured? Phoenixes come back to life by dying in fire first. You’re not going to set yourself on fire if you strained your leg.”

“And that is why your father had to defeat them, with the help of your mother and their friends. The Lady of Light claims that she will drive out the darkness, and bring enlightenment. But her idea of ‘darkness’ includes men drinking in pubs and tossing dice, women brewing beer, people telling stories where anything happens that involves an evil act even if the evil act is done by the villain of the piece, men and women who love their own sex, and people who join in love before marriage even if they’re betrothed. As well as many other things. She sees our land as steeped in sin, and she wants to conquer us and burn out the ‘sins’ of the people… by setting fire to their homes and farms, if necessary, and for some reason she always finds it necessary.”

“Okay… yeah, that does sound pretty evil. But how do I know you’re telling the truth? Maybe you’re an evil wizard and this Lady of Light person is actually great and you’re lying to me.”

Enteleki smiled. “Your parents taught you to question. That’s very good. A skill that will serve you, in life. But the answer is, firstly, your parents know me, so you can ask them if I am trustworthy in the things I say. Secondly, you can go deeper into town and give the crier a coin and ask them to tell you everything they know about the Lady of Light, and my suspicion is, they’ll back up what I’ve said, because there aren’t many of her followers around here – which is why she wants to burn it all. Ask a few women at the washer-well what they’ve heard. Ask your parents if they know anything about it. And then take everything you’ve heard, and use your own judgement to decide who’s right.”

“All right,” Aster said. “I will.”

Beginning with telling Mom and Dad all about this.

***

Canlon Shreveson, called by some the Fire-Eater, stormed out of his house in a fury, grabbed his horse, and rode down the dirt path outside his property far enough that he knew neither his daughter nor his wife would see or hear any of it. He dismounted, and yelled, “Enteleki!”

There was no guarantee she would come just because he’d said her name. Wizards weren’t summonable. They showed up when they wanted to. But he suspected Enteleki would want to, and he was not disappointed. One moment there was nothing at the edge of the forest, and in the next, there was an old woman wrapped in a cloak.

She hadn’t changed at all. Most old women, if they didn’t die between the time you first became a man and the time you were settled with a farm and a wife and a teenage daughter, became frailer, more wrinkled. Thinner, usually. Sometimes smaller. Enteleki looked exactly the same as when he’d last seen her, nearly twenty years ago.

“What in seven hells are you trying to do with my daughter?”

“I’d think it’d be obvious,” Enteleki said. “You’re in no shape to go kill the Lady of Light, or even stop her, and you’re not the right one for the job anyway. Your daughter is.”

“My daughter is the Chosen One for some new damned quest to stop some other monstrous person from causing death and chaos. Am I hearing this correctly?”

“Yes.”

“No,” Canlon said, almost roaring it, in the tiny woman’s face. “NO! Aster is fifteen. Fifteen, damn you! She’s not even old enough to get married!”

“Senna was sixteen.”

“Senna was our healer. We tried to keep her out of the fighting as best as we could. And I don’t know what you told her grandmother to let her come with us, but whatever it was, I suspect she cursed you to have the eternal crows pick your bones when she realized what you’d sent a child into. I was too young then to realize how wrong it was for Senna to go with us… and Senna was a year older than Aster is now.”

“Do you think I do this for fun?” Enteleki glared up at him. “Do you think I send children into battle out of love for their parents’ distress? Just once I would like to find that the Chosen One is twenty-six and an experienced mercenary, thank you. But no. You were eighteen when the bones and the ashes told me you were the one. And forty years before you were born, it was a girl of thirteen years, and I did my best to protect her as best I could, but she wasn’t as fortunate as you. She lived, but there was darkness behind her eyes all her life, and she took it finally, three years after you were born. And before her, there was Melen the Rogue, who was seventeen then. I don’t know why it’s always children. I don’t know why we need to have heroes at all – why can’t ordinary people taking up arms do what must be done? But it’s always the same – so much more war, so much more death, if the child heroes don’t go up against the evil of the day. Maybe the world would eventually prevail and become a bright and loving place again, but there would be so many dead, so many made displaced refugees.”

Enteleki had never spoken to Canlon this way before. She’d seemed so encouraging, so strong, when he was young. It had honestly never occurred to him that any part of what she did might bother her. “And so you need to sacrifice my daughter so that hundreds can live in peace.”

“Yes.”

“No! Not my daughter. Not this time.”

Enteleki’s eyes narrowed. “You know well that if the Lady of Light isn’t stopped, this whole land will burn. Your farm as well, and your neighbors’. You know that if the duke musters an army against her in time, which is unlikely in itself, your farm may be burned by your own countrymen so that the Army of Light can’t resupply here. Are those good fates for your daughter?”

“No. But she shouldn’t be the one.” Canlon took a deep breath. “I’m experienced. I know how to wield the Blade of the Eater. She’s never held a sword in her hands before. I’ve done this before and I can do it again. I’ll be the one to fight the Lady of Light, so that Aster can stay safe.”

Enteleki shook her head sadly. “You’re not the one. You’ll fail. Aster’s the one who can succeed.”

“My daughter is not taking up my blade – that she has no idea how to use – and going to war. End of story. I’ll go. And if I fall, at least I’ll fall knowing I was protecting my daughter.”

“Which will reassure her greatly when she becomes an orphan.”

“You can’t stop me, Enteleki. I know you. You can’t take my sword from me; I’d have to give it to you for you to give it to Aster, and I won’t. I’ll take it with me to challenge the Lady of Light. Now you can fight by my side and maybe make it less likely that I’ll fall, or you can get out of my way.”

“I won’t stand in your way,” Enteleki said, almost sadly. “And I’ll do what I can to help you. But it won’t be enough. You will fall, and then either Aster will take up your blade, or this land will burn.”

“We’ll see about that,” Canlon said.

#inktober 2020 #writeober 2020 #alara's october 2020 prompt fics #fantasy

[shadowphoenixrider]

Firestarter

(Technically a continuation of this little fic I wrote, this fic is actually a mashed together RP me and @den-of-tigers did together, featuring my OC Katla having her Grand Trial versus Den’s excellent Nanu - seriously I can’t take credit for 98% of Nanu here, it’s all her!

We merged anime and game rules together for this and did dice rolls for certain outcomes. The dice apparently had a sense of drama. Hope you enjoy!)

"Aww shit." Katla cursed. There it was, in black and white - the latest boat to Melemele Island had set sail ten minutes ago, and the next wasn't for an hour. "I knew I should have just beaned my ass down here instead of getting breakfast."

The trainer huffed softly to herself, folding her arms. She had been hoping to go and explore Poni Island for more Pokemon, but the endorsements of the three previous island’s Kahunas were needed, and Ula’Ula’s was missing. And was staying missing.

Turned out that the Kahuna had been the police officer who let her into Po Town in the first place, like she had been suspecting. If he'd not mentioned his status, Katla assumed it was for a very good reason, and she would leave him alone. That is, if she could get a boat back to Melemele...

"Well, I guess I can chill in the gardens for a while." She mused to herself. "Find a quiet spot and do some meditation. It'll pass the time, at least." She turned away from the postings and began to walk back into the city, her mind turning inward as she strode quickly through the streets.

"Hey, missy - thinking of heading back to Melemele?”

It took a minute for her to realize someone was speaking to her, and when she did, Katla froze, one foot swinging uselessly above the ground for a second. That voice!

The young woman shifted her weight, pivoting on her heel to face the police officer now formally known as Nanu, Kahuna of Ula’Ula. He seemed slightly less intimidating in the bright light of day, leaning against a malasada shop wall with one in his hand, but so did a lone Wishiwashi.

“I was,” she said evenly. “Kahuna.”

“Ah, so you caught on.” Nanu commented. “I figured you would eventually - usually Acerola pulls some stunt, hides my kendama and won’t give it back until I cave. She thinks it's just a toy... then again, she's a kid.” His crimson eyes came to rest on her, a glint within them. “You're not."

Katla wasn’t exactly sure to make of this turn of personality, but she wasn’t going to look a Mudsdale in the mouth.

“I...had an inkling, what with your Z crystal and ring and all,” she gestured. “But it was Acerola who confirmed it for me.”

“Hmm. So, we come to the million-pokédollar question, missy,” one of Nanu’s thick eyebrows arched upwards. “You think you're ready for my Grand Trial?"

Katla chewed her lip. Her gut churned warily, and it hadn’t led her astray yet. However...

“I don’t think you’d be asking me if you didn’t think I was at least passable.” She replied, choosing her words with care. “I dare say I can give it a fair shot.” It’s either that or sit in Malie’s gardens for an hour.

“You’re not wrong on either of those counts.” Nanu replied, after having taken a sizeable bite of his malasada, chewing and swallowing.

"Lots of responsibilities being Ula'ula's Kahuna and its head security officer, besides. I'm sure you can understand why I'd appreciate a nap or being left the hell alone now and then," he added. Another bite of malasada, then another, and it was gone.

"Maybe I'm a little too lazy sometimes. Depends on who you ask," Nanu chuckled, shrugging one shoulder. "Regardless, you did a damn fine job in Po Town, and those kids are thrilled to have their stolen Pokemon back.”

Katla smiled weakly, lifting a shoulder.

“Ah, heh, I’m glad. Least I could do for them.”

“In my Trial, it's one of your Pokemon against three of mine, in turn. If you're not serious about it, don't waste my time." Those dark red eyes were indeed serious, his gruff tone equally so.

The trainer’s eyebrow arched.

“That’s...different.” She commented, feeling a part of her balk at it. We're not gonna get through this are you nuts? And yet...Katla's eyes traced over the Kahuna, sizing him up. What's the worst that could happen? We lose? Big woop. At least Kukui's not gonna bother you with an excuse like that.

"I like a bit of a change," she said, a smile pulling at the corner of her lips. "I accept, on the condition I get a chance to choose my Pokemon, and we find a better place for a scrap away from an audience."

Nanu snorted, crumpling the empty bag between both hands and tossing it into a nearby trash receptacle.

"Of course you get to choose which Pokemon you use, what did you think I was gonna do?  Make you juggle the balls and use the first one dropped? Although..." He looked to be thinking that suggestion over intensely, then laughed under his breath. "As for a better place to do things, I think I know one."  A 'follow-me' gesture with one hand, and the Kahuna began to walk off, shoving both hands in his pockets.

Katla rolled her eyes, falling into step with the older man.

"Yeah, the reason I said that, Kahuna, is because I have more than six. And if you're gonna make me run a gauntlet like that, I'm damn well gonna pick my best shot," she said. "You can watch me pick 'em out if you want, but all that it will do is make me fall down in your estimations. I'm not hiding Rayquaza up my sleeve or anything." She arched her eyebrow. "Not like I was exactly prepared for you to come to me."

"I might have the knack for showing up when it's least expected." He flashed her a grin.

"Yeah, I noticed that." Katla replied dryly.

After a brief stop off at the Pokemon Centre, trainer and Kahuna reached their destination in Route 11 without much small talk. It was an area of plenty of space, hard ground and no tall grass to worry about. Nodding in satisfaction, the Kahuna reached to his back pocket and pulled out his Rotom-phone, glancing over to Katla as she strolled over to her side of the ‘arena’.

"One of your Pokemon, versus three of mine. You ready?" 

"Yup. We keep going until one of us has no usable Pokemon remaining." She lifted up the hem of her hoodie, reaching to her belt to undo the straps that attached her colourful assortment of Pokeballs to it. "And to make sure I won't even have a sliver of temptation..." She took the first Pokeball out, and walked several paces away to set the others down. She knew that they could come to her if called, but Katla didn't want them too close, just in case. Just stay in there, please. 

She returned to her original position, single ball in hand, feeling almost naked without the comforting weight of the rest of her team around her waist. She pressed the button, the Pokeball swelling to fill her hand. "Ready when you are, Kahuna." As ready as I'll ever be.

He nodded, content with her response.

"Rotom, gonna need you on live recording mode," he said, at which the phone Pokemon buzzed to life, neon-blue eyes glowing brightly.

"Affirmative, Nanu!  Switching to live recording mode... begin recording, now!" 

A quick, short clearing of his throat, and Nanu addressed the 'audience', speaking at a slightly louder volume than usual. 

"This is Officer Nanu, Kahuna of Ula'ula Island.  Today, just off of route 11 - on the outskirts of Malie City, I'll be officiating and conducting a Grand Trial. My challenger is Trainer Katla, from the Galar region." His Rotom zoomed over to the young woman.  "Say hello, Trainer Katla!"

Oh shit. Katla had reckoned that he would be recording as soon as she saw the phone appear, but this? She was as tense as a broom handle when the Rotom swept over to her, and it took every ounce of effort to try and not look like she was supremely uncomfortable.

"Hi." She managed, flatly. Suddenly she felt an overwhelming urge to go back and pick the rest of her team up again, if only so she didn't feel so terribly exposed, but managed to hold her ground.

"Best of luck to you, Katla!" the Rotom chirped in electronic positivity, before returning to its owner, the trainer almost breathed a sigh of relief. Calm down, it’s just you and him, she tried to remind herself.

"Tapu Bulu - with your approval, let this Grand Trial begin!" Nanu exclaimed, crossing both wrists overhead and looking to the sky. Seconds later, a loud, echoing gong sounded - the bronze bell of Ula'ula's deity, raising goosebumps across Katla’s skin and making the scars under her hoodie sleeves prickle slightly. Lowering his arms and fixing his gaze on her - those crimson eyes had a different shine to them now - the Kahuna reached behind with one hand, suddenly moving forward into a full-bodied throw of his first Pokeball.

"Sableye! Let's go!"

Katla took a steeling breath, trying to pull herself back into her previous mindset when the Kahuna's first Pokemon came tumbling out. Her eyebrow arched at the sight of the Darkness Pokemon. Ohh, you sneaky bastard. Force trainers to run a gauntlet, then trip them up at the starting line with a Pokemon with only one weakness. Clever. Looks like I got lucky with my choice.

She raised her own Pokeball up to her forehead, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, they were brighter.

"Alright, little one, let's go! Rimbombee, I choose you!" She slung the ball down, and it bounced open to release the diminutive Bee Fly Pokemon.

Nanu raised his own eyebrow, then shook his head and chuckled.

"A Ribombee? Really? What a shame, figured you might have something a little more... tomboyish up the sleeves of that hoodie," he called out, motioning to Sableye. As if the Darkness Pokemon had eyes in the back of its head, it spread clawed fingers and hissed in obvious agreement with the Kahuna.

Katla shrugged, nonplussed. Trying to get under my skin, are you? Alright.

"My apologies, Kahuna, but I have it on good authority that I have far too many Gyarados for my own good.” She replied. “That and the rest of my more 'tomboyish' Pokemon are in another PokeCentre."

The older man was equally as unbothered that his barb had glanced off.

"Hmm. Doesn't matter though. Can't sting like a bee if you're swatted like a fly - Sableye! Shadow Sneak!"

Sableye hissed again, a streak of darkness extending from its feet all the way to where Ribombee hovered. The Bee Fly’s placid smile turned into a determined frown, but despite the little bug’s attempts to get away from it, an amorphous shape materialized from behind her, the Darkness Pokemon suddenly re-taking its physical form and slashing with wicked, shadowy claws. Katla winced at the blow, recovering quickly.

"Hmph. Gotta admit, slightly disappointed in you, Kahuna.” She commented. “Surely you of all people know not to judge by appearances alone." Especially against a Pokemon your type is doubly weak to. She blinked, suddenly all business. "Rimbombee, Dazzling Gleam!"

The Bee Fly thrilled loudly, the scales of its wings glowing brighter, and brighter, and then brighter still, Sableye snarling loudly and both Kahuna and trainer having to avert their gaze. Nanu’s Rotom moved quickly to capture all the action, providing commentary in lieu of a referee.

"Ribombee's Dazzling Gleam is super effective - Sableye takes some serious damage!" the Plasma Pokemon exclaimed excitedly, and a determined half-grin grew across Katla’s lips. Alright, now we’re talking.

The Kahuna shoved both hands into his pockets.

"Shake it off, Sableye - you're not down for the count yet. Give that bug a Shadow Claw!"

Katla’s grin vanished, discarding the expression with ease.

“Ri! Get out of there and banish this darkness with another Dazzling Gleam!”

The Darkness Pokemon let go a high-pitched shriek and lunged for Ribombee again, and whilst the little bug was fast, she wasn’t fast enough, the ghostly claws connecting with her slim legs as she tried to dance out of the way. Katla grimaced in solidarity, hoping that it was quick enough to escape the Kahuna’s notice.

Facing down the Sableye, Ribombee repeated the same trick again, the brightness coming faster and perhaps more intensely, if you could stand to look at it in the first place.

"Another Dazzling Gleam! It's super effective!” Rotom announced as Sableye hissed loudly, before slowly crumpling to the ground, the light in its jewel eyes dimming. “Sableye has fainted and can no longer battle! That's one victory, two to go!"

The trainer allowed the grin to move over her lips for a moment as Ribombee fluttered back to her. Good start.

Nanu frowned, recalling the Darkness Pokemon with a surge of red energy.

"Turning into a one-trick Mudbray, are we? Let's keep things interesting at the very least," he sighed.

“Depends what your next Pokemon is, Kahuna.” Katla replied, shoving her hands in her hoodie pockets.

If her snark was rankling him, the Kahuna wasn’t showing it, and reached back to pull a fresh ball from his belt, tossing and catching it a few times in his hand.

"All right, Krookodile... you're up!"

As soon as the Intimidation Pokemon emerged, the massive red-and-black bipedal reptilian raised both clawed hands, then tossed its head back with a threatening roar, its innate ability quickly becoming apparent.

The Galar woman’s eyes widened, a genuine smile moving across her face.

"Oh yeah, now we're talking!" She bounced on her heels, thinking fondly of her previous Krookodile partner. He'd taken her far, almost to the very top- She shook her head quickly. Stop that! Focus.

Ribombee fluttered back nervously, unable to resist the other Pokemon's ability. Katla, on the other hand, was not fazed. Nice ability. Shame that it's utterly wasted, she noted, trying not to smirk. "Alright Ribombee, let's bore the Kahuna with something else - use Pollen Puff!"

The Bee Fly shook her head, much the same way her trainer had, and then the rest of its body. Yellow flakes of pollen poured off its wings and body, the Pokemon collecting it all up into a neat little package in its tiny hands. It looked at Krookodile with its normal cute little smile...and then threw the pollen as hard as it could.

Krookodile snapped and snarled in aggravation at the yellow cloud, whipping its head back and forth, both arms flailing as Rotom noted the super effective attack. Nanu waved away the pollen that had headed his way, his expression either grimly determined or rather annoyed.

“Hmph. That little bug of yours can't take much more, I'll bet...” A sudden malevolent smile. “Krookodile! It's Crunch time!" the Kahuna shouted, and the Intimidation Pokemon suddenly surged forward with a speed and agility that was surprising for such a large reptile.

"Ri!" Katla cried out, unable to help herself.

The Ribombee did its valiant best, but already battered by Sableye, it wasn't quick enough to avoid the powerful jaws clamping down around its abdomen with a terrifying sound, the Bug Pokemon crying out in pain.

Kat clenched her fists and teeth together, a snarl curling her lips that she couldn’t suppress.

"Ri!” She yelled. “Another Pollen Puff! Go straight for the eyes!"

The little bee squirmed its way free onto Krookodile's nose, gathering up another collection of pollen from its body, all nicety gone from its face. The bug suddenly hurled itself straight at the Intimidation Pokemon's eyes, only to arc away at the last second, dumping its collection there instead, Krookodile hissing loudly. Ribombee flew back to her trainer, much less gracefully than when they’d begun the bout.

Nanu's crimson eyes flashed, his teeth bared in a grin.

"What's the matter, missy? Can't stand to see your Pokemon take a hit?” He taunted. “You’re too soft - you’ll never complete the Island Challenge if you don’t toughen up!”

Katla knew he was barbing her on purpose, but this one managed to strike home, her nostrils flaring and eyes flashing with pure fury. How the fuck did you think I made it this far, then?! She snarled internally, his nails starting to dig into the palms of her hands.

The older man balled one hand into a fist, extending the other sharply towards the Pokemon.

"Krookodile, there's blood in the water... go for the kill with another--" 

The sudden reverberation of a sonorous bronze bell interrupted the Kahuna, and startled Katla out of her red haze, both of them looking up.

Ula’ula’s deity loomed about fifty feet overhead, the unmistakable smell of loamy earth and undergrowth filling the air, sobering the Galar trainer in seconds. She’d heard of the Tapu (how could she have not), but to see one in the flesh was deeply humbling, all her anger and rage draining out of her in a rush. Dimly, she could hear her other Pokeballs rustle behind her, as if they sensed what was taking place.

“--eh?  Tapu Bulu? What're you...?” Nanu asked, the confusion in his voice as clear as what Katla felt.

The Guardian deity shifted, fixing its stare on the young woman, making the twisted skin on her arms crawl uncomfortably before it dropped something. Krookodile, having been ready for his owner's next command, took several steps back as something small and yellow fell to the ground near Ribombee. She fluttered back for a second, before she recognised the Sitrus berry that had settled beside her - not waiting for a command from anyone, not even her trainer, she quickly landed next to it, greedily devouring it.

It only took a couple of seconds first for the berry to disappear into the diminutive bug’s mouth and then to take effect, but the Bee Fly's colour seemed to brighten, becoming more vibrant and her 'fur' fluffing back up. When she took off once more, her wing-beats were strong and fast, and she gave an excited cry - she was ready for more.

Katla’s heart soared to see her companion rejuvenated, and she looked back up at Tapu Bulu hovering above them, still watching her. She thumped her chest with her fist, bowing her head.

"Thank you, Tapu," she said reverently. "I am honoured by your kindness."

"Buuuuuluu!" the Guardian deity responded, sounding another ring of its bell before taking its leave. 

"What a rare and amazing interruption by the deity of Ula'ula Island itself! The Tapu's favour has been shown, what will happen now?" Rotom inquired, and for a brief moment Nanu shot the Plasma Pokemon a withering glare.

The Tapu's favour? Katla thought, her eyebrow arching slightly. Surely not. Island Trials are performances to please the guardians - I guess I'm just putting up a good enough fight that it wants to see me go a little further. She was under no illusions as to what would be next after Krookodile - every Kahuna had followed the same pattern, even if Nanu had thrown her a curve ball with his.

"Ri?" The bug Pokemon chirped, reminding her trainer that she was waiting for instruction. Katla shook her head quickly.

"Oh. Well, uh, lemme think - Pollen Puff!"

Where exactly Ribombee was getting its pollen now was anyone's guess, but it still managed to gather up enough into its hands for a payload. This time the Bee Fly hesitated, flitting to and fro before lobbing the projectile into Krookodile's side without warning.

Nanu smirked, putting both hands on his hips.

"As a Kahuna I'll be the last one to question a Tapu's decision,” he said, as the red-and-black Intimidation Pokemon cleared the pollen off itself. “As for this keep-away tactic you're utilizing... two can play at that game, and some of us play dirty. Krookodile! Mud Slap!"

With a snarling growl, Krookodile lashed its thick tail in an overhead arc, sending a large, wet ball of mud in Ribombee's direction.

"Ri, get out of there!"

Too late, as the clump of mud struck the bug Pokemon square on, sending her reeling and obscuring her vision.

"Son of a-!" Katla bit out reflexively, just managing to stop the curse from fully passing her lips - no no no we can't lose accuracy, not now! "Come on, Ri, shake it off!"

The Bee Fly scrubbed at its face and body as her trainer fought for a solution. Shit, he's matted down her Pollen and dampened her Gleam. Her brows furrowed. But she still has one other move.

"Bold of you to assume I wouldn't have a back-up plan!” She yelled. “Ribombee, use Absorb!"

The bug Pokemon shook off the last of the mud, before making an almost malevolent humming sound, raising its hands. Two red beams shot from it, connecting with Krookodile, sapping its energy, the Intimidation Pokemon weakening as Ribombee strengthened, almost rendering the prior attack null and void.

"Ribombee's Absorb is super effective!” Rotom announced loudly as Krookodile slumped to the ground. “ Krookodile has fainted, and can no longer battle!  Another victory for Trainer Katla, one more to go!" It almost caused some feedback with its excitement.

The young Galar woman lifted her chin defiantly, eyes flashing like flames were igniting within them.

"You want to dance, Kahuna?” She asked. “Then let's dance."

Nanu let go a dramatic sigh as he reclaimed the fainted red reptile.

"Sorry, I can't dance - two left feet," he retorted, lowering his head for a moment and pulling the final ball from his belt. Katla’s confident demeanour cooled then. Alright, here come the big guns. She took a steeling breath, trying to calm herself down to think a bit more clearly. Damn this guy, he's getting to me like no-one’s business!

"I'm getting tired... time to put this Trial to bed. Persian! Let's go!"

Nanu’s Persian was much larger than the trainer had anticipated, almost on a par with the Totem Pokemon she’d faced. The huge Classy Cat Pokemon swished her tail slowly back and forth, fixing a narrowed gaze onto Katla and Ribombee.

The trainer uttered a low, appreciative whistle.

"Big, beautiful and deadly." She commented, her eyes taking in the feline admiringly, until her eyes reached the teal coloured stone in the Persian's forehead. The same type as in her own, much smaller Alolan Persian. The Alolan Persian who knew- Katla's eyes widened, unable to hide the sudden dawning realization that spread across her face. Oh no. Oh, NO!

It was a similar realization that the Ula’Ula Kahuna had already made, and he and his Persian had taken a similar stance - predatory, hungry for the winning blow. A curious sort of density had grown in the air, ominous and crushing, and both Katla and Ribombee sensed it, the trainer’s cockiness all but fleeing and her heart beginning a quick rhythm in her chest.

The feeling was sickeningly familiar, and she reached down self-consciously to touch her Pokemon for comfort. Her heart leapt into her throat when she was reminded that they were lying a foot away from her, inaccessible, and she had to swallow down the sudden rising panic. It's okay, we're on Alola. Solid earth. Bright sky. No sea. Breathe. Breathe. The Bee Fly glanced back at her trainer briefly, looking worried for her.

"The kid gloves are coming off... we're going straight for the throat," Nanu said, staring Katla down from across the 'battlefield', a bone-chilling edge creeping into that rough voice - if he noticed her internal conflict, there was no evidence of it. "Your passion is admirable, although you have no sense of respect for your elders... you're burning the candle at both ends, and I'm going to snuff it."

Nanu raised a hand. "Persian... POWER GEM!"

Persian let go a high-pitched cry, raising her head as the gem flashed warningly, releasing a sizeable blue bolt of energy in Ribombee's direction.

"Ri! Get out of there, now!" Katla yelled.

She tried, bless the little bug's wings, but a hit was a hit, and it was a super effective one, Ribombee wailing loudly. The trainer cringed as if she'd been dealt the blow instead, teeth clenched tight together. The Bee Fly was still upright, but for how long? Katla decided to risk it, digging into her pocket.

"Ri! Catch!" She tossed a Sitrus berry out to her Pokemon, who gladly devoured it, regaining some energy. Katla chewed her lip, feeling her Z ring weigh heavy on her arm. If he hits her like that twice more, she's a goner. Her brows furrowed. But I do still have one card up my sleeve, if luck actually smiles upon me this time...

"Trying to buy yourself some time?  I'll allow it," Nanu remarked, that predatory gleam still in his crimson eyes. Both hands on his hips, he looked to his Persian.  "Some trainers and Pokemon would sacrifice themselves for the other.  Admirable as that is... it's useless.  Letting emotions control your actions on the battlefield?  Ridiculous!" He added, shrugging one shoulder.  "You take chances, regardless of the outcome, and you play the cards you're dealt - even if that means losing, and starting all over again."

His comments flared Katla’s rage again, despite it all, her jaws clicking from the force behind her clenched teeth. How dare you! You have no idea what I’ve been through! If it wasn’t for my Pokemon, my bones would be scattered across the ocean floor!

She pulled a breath in, closing her eyes and forcing her fists to uncurl - she was both annoyed and ashamed that he was exploiting her weaknesses with such contemptible ease. Katla should have just accepted that she was staring down the barrel of defeat - she’d been out-manoeuvred and out-played, and she should just go through the motions, let the Kahuna have his victory.

And yet...a part of her didn’t want to give the smug bastard the satisfaction. If he wanted his victory, he was going to have to beat it out them.

Persian didn't move a muscle, waiting for her next command from the Kahuna.  Her whiskers twitched eagerly, forehead gem shining in the afternoon sunlight. 

"Persian - another Power Gem!" 

Another raspy cry, another blue bolt of energy streaking across the distance, this one striking considerably harder. Katla didn't cry out for her Pokemon that time, not that Ribombee really needed a reminder to dodge the bolt of awful heading her way. And she looked like she was going to do it, until the Persian turned to track the Bee Fly's movements, blasting the Pokemon onto the ground. Katla's foot jerked as she restrained the urge to run to her friend's aid.

"No! Ri!" She cried, fighting back the sudden burning in her eyes. No no no not now, not now!

"Ri...bombee." The little bug was as stubborn as its owner, pushing itself up and taking flight again, but looking very worse for wear, barely able to hover steadily.

"Alright 'Bee!" Katla smiled weakly, taking a breath and swallowing back the tightness that had started to form in her throat. "Guess I am gonna be taking a chance then. Ribombee! Stun Spore!"

Ribombee's wings whirred, kicking up a cloud of orange spores around them, before with one large wing-beat, she blew them over to the Persian, who hissed as they were blown about her, her tail lashing angrily.

A hit, yes! Katla's lips twitched into a grin as she saw the spores hit home, just about managing to stop herself from fist-pumping. Of course, now they've got to work.

Nanu's sharp black eyebrows furrowed, but if he was concerned, his poker face didn't slip one iota.

"I was almost hoping I wouldn't have to use this," he says, one hand reaching up to grab hold of the Darkinium-Z crystal around his neck. “But you have been quite the nuisance.” A sharp tug, and the leather thong snapped easily, slipping to the ground. That sensation of dread doubled in its intensity, the young trainer’s stomach plummeting into the bottom of her feet. "I didn't get where I am by not taking chances..." Nanu added, snapping the stone into the slot of his Z-ring.

Katla swallowed hard. Oh, fuck.

Ula'ula's Kahuna did a short series of arm movements, before leaning forward at the hips... pausing for a moment, then straightening up and raising both arms in a fearful display, the activated Z-Ring shining brilliantly.

"Now... allow yourself to be enveloped by the Darkness... haaaaaaaah!” Nanu hissed, a swell of purplish energy arcing from his form to Persian's. The feline Pokemon echoed that hiss from her trainer, infused with energy. Katla's hair stood on end, scars itching up her arms, her heart beating so hard she was afraid Nanu could hear it.

"Use... Black Hole Eclipse!" Nanu commanded, before turning his back to Katla and her Ribombee. Persian raised her head, the purple energy flaring brightly around her that seemed to suck the light from around them, plunging them from afternoon to almost night.

"Arceus, Ri, please hold on." Katla spoke, the little bug shrinking back, sharing her trainer's fear. The trainer braced herself, closing her eyes and hoping at least whatever happened was brutally quick.

Suddenly, a strangled yowl of surprise split the air, startling everyone and making Katla’s eyes pop back open.

Persian was still in the position she’d assumed earlier, head and tail high, her body twitched and spasming as she tried to move, the tell-tale yellow flickers flashing over her. She uttered another, almost piteous yowl as she tried to struggle through her condition, but her attempts were futile. She was paralyzed.

As quickly as the shadows drew in, they drew away again, the surroundings brightening up and the dark energy extinguishing like a candle in the breeze.

Nanu was silent, his jaw and fists clenched in utter disbelief. Katla was equally dumbfounded.

"That...That worked?" She breathed. "That worked! Holy shit! Holy-"

She didn't know what suddenly seized her - adrenaline, a bout of madness, maybe something else, but the Galar trainer burst out laughing. Enough that she bent double, hands on her knees, thick curly hair obscuring her face as she tried to get a hold of herself. Even Ribombee turned to look at her, and would have raised an eyebrow had she possessed one.

But she did manage to reign herself back in, laughter fading. Then slowly she rose back up to standing, lifting her head to meet the Kahuna’s gaze. Only this time, she was the one wearing the dark, feral grin.

“My turn.”

She slipped her hand into her pocket, pulling out a Z crystal of her own - light-ish green, almost khaki in colour, the symbol of a beetle visible within.

"How fortuitous of you to sow the seeds of your own downfall, Kahuna.” Katla spoke, turning the crystal over in her fingers. “Guzma might like to hoard his Z crystals away from use, but unfortunately for you, I'm not Guzma." She placed it into her Z ring, goosebumps erupting up her body as it activated. "I'm far worse!"

Katla closed her eyes for a moment, basking for a moment in the power that poured into her body - she'd felt power similar to this before, and she welcomed it like a friend. The energy swirled around Ribombee as well, and even as battered she was, she seemed to get a new lease of life. Katla began her moves, at first mimicking Nanu's, before she dragged her arms up and around like she was a zombie, followed through with a wave motion with her right hand, like a Sharpedo breaching the water's surface.

When Katla spoke again, her voice thrummed like the roar of a swarm’s thousands of wings. "Ribombee, let's rock the Kahuna's world! Savage Spin-Out!"

Surging with power, Ribombee released thick threads of silk from her hands, attaching to Persian and quickly encasing the cat Pokemon entirely within a fibrous cocoon in quick, deft motions. Taking hold of the sole trailing strand, the Bug Pokemon shot up into the air, carrying the cocoon with it, before she began to swing it around its entire body. Once, twice...

On the third swing, Ribombee uttered a loud cry and hurled the cocoon down as hard as possible. In a burst of Z Power induced speed, the Bee Fly shot down after its payload, striking the cocoon just as it impacted the ground, shattering the earth underneath with a load roar.

As the dust cleared, Katla surveyed the damage, her bravado fading as she saw Ribombee fluttering away from the limp cocoon she’d left lying in a shallow crater. That...might have been a bit excessive, she thought to herself, her gazing lifting up to her opponent.

"Katla and Ribombee's Savage Spin-Out has secured a victory!  Trainer Katla has won the Grand Trial!" Rotom called out, only to be shut down mid-hover by Nanu's sharp command, dropping to the ground as a regular phone. The Kahuna watched Persian's unmoving form for a few moments, his expression soon shifting from patient to concerned.

“Persian! Get yourself free, now!” He called, dread starting to sink into the bottom of Katla’s stomach as the seconds ticked by. No movement. “Persian!”

The Kahuna moved faster than the Galar trainer had thought him capable of, and immediately her first thought was to aid him, hand dropping to her belt to remind her that she’d discarded her other Pokemon. She looked back.

“Incine-” She began to call, the name halting in her chest as Katla glanced back to see Nanu had freed his Persian, and was cradling her close, head bowed over her. Guilt - thick, cloying and cold - poured over her shoulders, and it brought shame in its wake. It had all been an act, words specifically to get under her skin, and she’d not only brought them all hook, line and sinker, she’d let her anger get the better of her.

Ribombee fluttered close, looking up at her with concern. She glanced away from the scene, rubbing her hand over the Bee Fly’s head.

“Thank you, Ri.” She whispered. “You did so well, I’m so proud of you. Time to rest now.” She pressed a kiss to the top of her Pokemon’s head, before she returned the bug to her Pokeball. Katla kept her gaze averted, going instead to pick up her remaining Pokemon from where she left him, ignoring the few that quivered at her touch.

“Well congratulations, Katla.” Nanu’s voice sounded out behind her. “You passed my Grand Trial. You’re clear to go to Poni Island.” When she didn’t reply or turn around, he made a short chuffing sound that could have been a laugh. “Hey, it’s fine,” he said, his voice gentler than she’d ever heard it before. “Persian will be fine. She’s gone through Z moves like that before.”

The young woman looked over her shoulder to see him approaching, and despite his usual apathetic expression, he seemed sincere.

“You’re sure? It...seemed a little excessive.” Katla sighed, unable to hold his gaze. “I’m sorry, Kahuna. My temper got the better of me.”

“Certainly did.” And in a second, the gentle veneer was gone. “Excessive is all what Z moves are, I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. You were very lucky - Black Hole Eclipse is as frightening as it sounds. Speaking of which,” Nanu took the Z crystal from his Z ring, holding it out to her. “A Darkinium Z, for your victory.”

Katla blinked.

“Oh, thank you!” She turned it over in her fingers, glimpsing the strange symbol deep inside its dark confines, like the outstretched cloak of, well, darkness. “Considering I was shitting myself at the mere thought of it, I’m gonna take your word on it.”

“That’d be a first.” Nanu commented wryly. “Now pay attention, I’m only going to do this once.”

The movements of the Dark Z move were a lot less scary when done in the light of day, and especially with the Kahuna’s deadpan face, even as he loomed over her in the final pose. “Got it?”

Katla didn’t reply, deciding instead to mimic him. She hunched over, swinging her hands down to the ground with her fingers curled into claws, before she straightened up again, throwing her hands forward and arching her body up as best as she could for a diminutive woman.

“That about right?” She asked. Nanu’s red eyes looked over her, one of his thick eyebrows arching up slightly.

“Not bad for a first go,” he said, pausing for a second. It was difficult to see what he was thinking, but he was certainly mulling something over. “You’re not in any hurry to go back to Melemele, are you?”

“Well, I was only heading back there because I thought I couldn’t get further in the Trials, so I guess not.” Katla said, tilting her head. “Why?”

“Meet me at High Roller Sushi tonight, just after sundown.” Nanu replied, stepping away from her. “My treat.”

Katla just blinked at him, his words taking a moment to parse in her head.

“Oh, okay, yeah!” Heat rose into her face in embarrassment. “Yeah, sure, I’ll be there.”

“Good. Don’t keep me waiting.” Were his last parting words to her, the Kahuna raising a hand before he trudged away, leaving the trainer alone with her thoughts and many more questions.

Katla ran a hand through her thick curly hair, uttering a long sigh through her nose.

Well, alright then.

#pokemon sun/moon #pokemon oc: katla #nanu #kahuna nanu #self insert #canon divergence #sprs writing #grand trial #pokemon battle

[regencyresource]

( * &. ━ list of slang words from the 1920′s

presenting a long list of slang terms from the “roaring twenties" ! the age of mobsters and jazz ! the time of longing after married women and staring into green-lights to include in your literary ventures ! i claim no ownership for this list, it was sourced HERE.

A

Alderman: A man's pot-belly

Ameche: Telephone 

Ankle: (n) Woman; (v) To walk 

Ab-so-lute-ly: Affirmative, yes 

Absent treatment: Dancing with a timid partner 

Air tight: Very attractive 

Airedale: An unattractive man 

Alarm clock: A chaperone 

All wet: Incorrect 

And how!: I strongly agree! 

Applesauce: Flattery, nonsense, i.e.. "Aw, applesauce!" 

Attaboy!: Well done!; also, Attagirl! 

B

Babe: Woman 

Baby: A person, can be said to either a man or a woman 

Bangtails: Racehorses 

Barber: Talk 

Be on the nut: To be broke 

Bean-shooter: Gun 

Beef: Problem 

Bee's Knees: An extraordinary person, thing or idea

Beezer: Nose 

Behind the eight ball: In a difficult position, in a tight spot 

Bent Cars: Stolen cars 

Big Cheese, Big Shot: The boss, someone of importance and influence 

Big House: Jail 

Big One: Death 

Big Sleep: Death 

Bim: Woman 

Bindle: The bundle in which a hobo carries all his worldly possessions 

Bindle punk or bindle stiff: Chronic wanderers, migratory harvest workers, and lumber jacks

Bing: Jailhouse talk for solitary confinement 

Bird: Man 

Bit: Prison sentence 

Blip off: To kill 

Blow: Leave 

Blow one down: Kill someone 

Blower: Telephone 

Bluenose: A prude

Bo: Pal, buster, fellow 

Boiler: Car 

Boob: Dumb guy 

Boozehound: Drunkard 

Bop: To kill 

Box: A safe or a bar 

Box job: A safecracking 

Brace (somebody): Grab, shake up 

Bracelets: Handcuffs 

Break it up: Stop that, quit the nonsense 

Breeze: To leave, breeze off: get lost 

Broad: Woman 

Bruno: Tough guy, enforcer 

Bucket: Car 

Bulge, The: The advantage 

Bulls: Plainclothes railroad cops; uniformed police; prison guards 

Bum's rush, To get the: To be kicked out 

Bump: Kill 

Bump Gums: To talk about nothing worthwhile 

Bump off: Kill; also, bump-off: a killing 

Burn powder: Fire a gun 

Bus: Big car 

Butter-and-egg-man: The money man, the man with the bankroll, a yokel who comes to town to blow a big wad in nightclubs 

Button: Face, nose, end of jaw 

Button man: Professional killer 

Buttons: Police 

Butts: Cigarettes 

Buzz: Looks person up, comes to persons door 

Buzzer: Policeman's badge 

C

C: $100, a pair of Cs = $200 

Cabbage: Money 

Caboose: Jail 

Call copper: Inform the police 

Can: Jail, Car 

Can house: Bordello 

Can-opener: Safecracker who opens cheap safes 

Canary: Woman singer 

Carry a Torch: Suffering from an unrequited love

Case dough: Nest egg 

Cat: Man 

Cat's Meow: Something splendid or stylish 

Cat's Pajamas: Term of endearment as in "I think you are really really cool"

Century: $100 

Cheaters: Sunglasses 

Cheese it: Put things away, hide 

Chew: Eat 

Chicago lightning: Gunfire 

Chicago overcoat: Coffin 

Chick: Woman 

Chilled off: Killed 

Chin: Conversation; chinning: talking 

Chin music: Punch on the jaw 

Chinese squeeze: Grafting by skimming profits off the top 

Chippy: Woman of easy virtue 

Chisel: To swindle or cheat 

Chiv: Knife, "a stabbing or cutting weapon" 

Chopper squad: Men with machine guns 

Chump: Person marked for a con or a gullible person

Clammed: Close-mouthed (clammed up) 

Clean sneak: An escape with no clues left behind 

Clip joint: In some cases, a nightclub where the prices are high and the patrons are fleeced 

Clipped: Shot 

Close your head: Shut up 

Clout: Shoplifter 

Clubhouse: Police station 

Con: Confidence game, swindle 

Conk: Head 

Cool: To knock out 

Cooler: Jail 

Cop: Detective, even a private one 

Copped, to be: Grabbed by the cops 

Copper: Policeman 

Corn: Bourbon ("corn liquor") 

Crab: Figure out 

Crate: Car 

Croak: To kill 

Croaker: Doctor 

Crush: An infatuation 

Crushed out: Escaped (from jail) 

Cut down: Killed 

D

Daisy: None too masculine 

Dame: Woman 

Dance: To be hanged 

Dangle: Leave, get lost 

Daylight, as in "fill him with daylight": Put a hole in, by shooting or stabbing 

Deck, as in "deck of Luckies": Pack of cigarettes 

Derrick: Shoplifter 

Dib: Share (of the proceeds) 

Dick: Detective (usually qualified with "private" if not a policeman) 

Dingus: Thing 

Dip: Pickpocket 

Dip the bill: Have a drink 

Dish: Pretty woman 

Dive: A low-down, cheap sort of place 

Dizzy with a dame, To be: To be deeply in love with a woman 

Do the dance: To be hanged 

Dogs: Feet 

Dope fiend: Drug addict 

Dope peddler: Drug dealer 

Dough: Money 

Drift: Go, leave 

Drill: Shoot 

Drop a dime: Make a phone call, sometimes meaning to the police to inform on someone 

Droppers: Hired killers 

Drum: Speakeasy 

Dry-gulch: Knock out, hit on head after ambushing 

Duck soup: Easy, a piece of cake 

Dummerer: Someone who pretends to be deaf and/or dumb to appear a more deserving beggar 

Dump: Roadhouse, club; or, more generally, any place 

Dust out: Leave, depart 

E

Egg: Man 

Electric cure: Electrocution 

Elephant ears: Police 

F

Fade: Go away, get lost 

Fakeloo artist: Con man 

Fella: A man 

Fin: $5 bill 

Finder: Finger man 

Finger, Put the finger on: Identify 

Flaming Youth: Male counterpart to a flapper

Flapper: A stylish, brash young woman with short skirts and shorter hair

Flat Tire: A dull-witted or disappointing date

Flattie: Flatfoot, cop 

Flimflam: Swindle 

Flippers: Hands 

Flivver: A Ford automobile 

Flogger: Overcoat 

Flop: Go to bed or fallen through, not worked out 

Flophouse: A cheap transient hotel where a lot of men sleep in large rooms 

Fog: To shoot 

Frail: Woman 

Frau: Wife 

Fry: To be electrocuted 

Fuzz: Police 

G

Gal: Woman 

Gams: A Woman’s Legs 

Gasper: Cigarette 

Gat: Gun 

Get Sore: Get mad 

Getaway sticks: Legs 

Giggle juice: Liquor 

Giggle Water: Liquor 

Gin mill: Bar 

Glad rags: Fancy clothes 

Glaum: Steal 

Goofy: Crazy 

Goog: Black eye 

Goon: Thug 

Gooseberry lay: Stealing clothes from a clothesline 

Gowed-up: On dope, high 

Grab (a little) air: Put your hands up 

Graft: Con jobs or cut of the take 

Grand: $1000 

Grift: Confidence game, swindle 

Grifter: Con man 

Grilled: Questioned 

Gumshoe: Detective 

Gumshoeing: Detective work 

Gun for: Look for, be after 

Guns: Pickpockets, Hoodlums 

Guy: A man 

H

Hack: Taxi 

Half, a: 50 cents 

Hard: Tough 

Harlem Sunset: Some sort fatal injury caused by knife 

Hash House: A cheap restaurant 

Hatchet men: Killers, gunmen 

Have the Bees: To be rich 

Head doctors: Psychiatrists 

Heap: Car 

Heat: Police 

Heater: Gun 

Heebie-Jeebies: The jitters

Heeled: Carrying a gun 

High-Hat: To snub 

High Pillow: Person at the top, in charge 

Highbinders: Corrupt politician or functionary 

Hinky: Suspicious 

Hitting the pipe: Smoking opium 

Hitting on all eight: In good shape, going well 

Hock shop: Pawnshop 

Hogs: Engines 

Hombre: Man, fellow 

Hooch: Liquor 

Hood: Criminal 

Hoofer: Dancer

Hoosegow: Jail 

Horn: Telephone 

Hot: Stolen 

Hotsy-Totsy: Pleasing

House dick: House/hotel detective 

House peeper: House/hotel detective 

Hype: Shortchange artist 

I

Ice : Diamonds 

Ing-bing, as in to throw an: A fit 

Iron: A car 

J

Jack: Money 

Jalopy: An old car

Jam: Trouble, a tight spot 

Jane: A woman 

Java: Coffee 

Jaw: Talk 

Jerking a nod: Nodding 

Jingle-brained: Addled 

Jobbie: Man 

Joe: Coffee, as in "a cup of joe" 

Johns: Police 

Johnson brother: Criminal 

Joint: Place, as in "my joint" 

Juice: Interest on a loanshark's loan 

Jug: Jail 

Jump, The: A hanging 

K

Kale: Money 

Keen: Attractive or appealing

Kick off: Die 

Kiss: To punch 

Kisser: Mouth 

Kitten: Woman 

Knock off: Kill 

L

Lammed off: Ran away, escaped 

Large: $1,000; twenty large would be $20,000 

Law, the: The police 

Lead, "fill ya full of lead": the term used for bullets 

Lead poisoning: To be shot 

Lettuce: Folding money 

Lid: Hat 

Line: Insincere flattery

Lip: (Criminal) lawyer 

Looker: Pretty woman 

Look-out: Outside man 

Lousy with: To have lots of 

M

Mac: A man 

Made: Recognized 

Map: Face 

Marbles: Pearls 

Mark: Sucker, victim of swindle or fixed game 

Maroon: Person marked for a con or a gullible person

Meat wagon: Ambulance 

Mickey Finn: A drink drugged with knock-out drops 

Mill: Typewriter 

Mitt: Hand 

Mob: Gang (not necessarily Mafia) 

Mohaska: Gun 

Moll: Girlfriend 

Monicker: Name 

Mouthpiece: Lawyer 

Mugs: Men (especially refers to dumb ones) 

N

Nailed: Caught by the police 

Nevada gas: Cyanide 

Newshawk: Reporter 

Newsie: Newspaper vendor 

Nibble one: To have a drink 

Nicked: Stole 

Nippers: Handcuffs 

Noodle: Head 

Number: A person 

O

Off the track: Said about a person who becomes insanely violent 

Op: Detective 

Orphan paper: Bad checks 

Out on the roof: To drink a lot, to be drunk 

Oyster fruit: Pearls 

P

Packing Heat: Carrying a gun 

Pal: A man 

Palooka: Man, probably not very smart 

Pan: Face 

Paste: Punch 

Patsy: Person who is set up; fool, chump 

Paw: Hand 

Peaching: Informing 

Peeper: Detective 

Peepers: Eyes 

Pen: Penitentiary, jail 

Peterman: Safecracker who uses nitroglycerin 

Piece: Gun 

Pigeon: Stool-pigeon 

Pinch: An arrest, capture 

Pins: Legs 

Pipe: See or notice 

Pipes: Throat 

Plant: Someone on the scene but in hiding, Bury 

Plug: Shoot 

Plugs: People 

Poke: Bankroll, stake 

Pooped: Killed 

Pop: Kill 

Pro skirt: Prostitute 

Puffing: Mugging 

Pug: Pugilist, boxer 

Pump: Heart 

Pump metal: Shoot bullets 

Punk: Hood, thug 

Pushover: A person easily convinced of something

Puss: Face 

Put down: Drink 

Put the screws on: Question, get tough with 

R

Rags: Clothes 

Ranked: Observed, watched, given the once-over 

Rap: Criminal charge 

Rappers: Fakes, set-ups 

Rat: Inform 

Rate: To be good, to count for something 

Rats and mice: Dice, i.e. craps 

Rattler: Train 

Red-light: To eject from a car or train 

Redhot: Some sort of criminal 

Reefers: Marijuana cigarettes 

Rhino: Money 

Right: Adjective indicating quality 

Ringers: Fakes 

Ritzy: Elegant 

Rod: Gun 

Roscoe: Gun 

Rub-out: A killing 

Rube: Bumpkin, easy mark 

Rumble, the: The news 

S

Sap: A dumb guy 

Sap poison: Getting hit with a sap 

Savvy: Get me? Understand? 

Sawbuck: $10 bill (a double sawbuck is a $20 bill) 

Schnozzle: Nose 

Scram out: Leave 

Scratch: Money 

Scratcher: Forger 

Send over: Send to jail 

Shamus: (Private) detective 

Sharper: A swindler or sneaky person 

Sheba: A woman with sex appeal 

Sheik: A man with sex appeal 

Shells: Bullets 

Shiv: Knife 

Shylock: Loanshark 

Shyster: Lawyer 

Sing: Make a confession 

Sister: Woman 

Skate around: To be of easy virtue 

Skid rogue: A bum who can't be trusted 

Skirt: Woman 

Slant, Get a: Take a look 

Sleuth: Detective 

Slug: A bullet or to knock unconscious 

Smoked: Drunk 

Snap a cap: Shout 

Snatch: Kidnap 

Sneeze: Take 

Snitch: An informer, or to inform 

Snooper: Detective 

Speakeasy: An illicit bar selling bootleg liquor 

Spiffy: Looking elegant 

Soak: To pawn 

Sock: Punch 

Soup: Nitroglycerine 

Soup job: To crack a safe using nitroglycerine 

Spill: Talk, inform 

Spinach: Money 

Spitting: Talking 

Square: Honest 

Squeeze: A female companion or girlfriend

Squirt metal: Shoot bullets 

Step off: To be hanged 

Stiff: A corpse 

Sting: Culmination of a con game 

Stool-pigeon: Informer 

Stoolie: Stool-pigeon 

Stuck On: Having a crush on 

Sucker: Someone ripe for a grifter's scam 

Sugar: Money 

Swanky: Ritzy 

Swell: Wonderful 

T

Tail: Shadow or follow 

Take a powder: Leave 

Take on: Eat 

Take for a Ride: Drive off with someone in order to bump them off 

Take the air: Leave 

Take the bounce: To get kicked out 

Take the fall for: Accept punishment for 

That's the crop: That's all of it 

Three-spot: Three-year jail term 

Throw lead: Shoot bullets 

Ticket: P.I. license 

Tiger milk: Some sort of liquor 

Tighten the screws: Put pressure on somebody 

Tin: Badge 

Tip a few: To have a few drinks 

Tomato: Pretty woman 

Tooting the wrong ringer: Asking the wrong person 

Torpedoes: Gunmen 

Trap: Mouth 

Trigger man: Man whose job is to use a gun 

Trouble boys: Gangsters 

Twist: Woman 

Two bits: $25, or 25 cents 

U

Under glass: In jail 

W

Weak sister: A push-over 

Wear iron: Carry a gun 

Wise head: A smart person 

Wooden kimono: A coffin 

Wop: derogatory term for an Italian 

Worker, as in "She sizes up as a worker": A woman who takes a guy for his money 

Wrong gee: Not a good fellow 

Wrong number: Not a good fellow 

Y

Ya Follow: do you understand? 

Yap: Mouth 

Yard: $100 

Yegg: Safecracker who can only open cheap and easy safes 

Z

Zotzed: Killed

Zozzled: Drunk

#vocabulary guide #writing resource #writing guide #writing help #rph #Resource: Writing #*g #*mine

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 28: Marik Ishtar Canonically Only Weighs 121 lbs

Yo, I got hella sick this week and slept for what felt like 3 straight days, so because I’m still not fully functional (like I just found french fries in my front pocket of my sweatshirt and I have no idea when over the past three days I put that in there), in celebration of finally being awake, lets watch a lucid dream put to the screen, that’s right, it’s time for Yugioh.

Last we left off, Yugi has decided to throw this heavy chain and anchor over Joey’s neck--referring of course to the golden cursed necklace and not the actual chain and anchor that is hanging above them and about to kill them (but probably weighs the same but we’ll get to that realization later). I was really hoping that we’d get to see Pharaoh pull up in the corner like a little shoulder angel and just start shouting at Joey, but apparently you can’t catch the Pharaoh Dad curse that easily.

So apparently I missed THIS the last two episodes--but there’s a huge ass Death Clock above the anchor? Seriously, there’s been a time limit this whole time!?

I would be jumping into the ocean the moment I saw this clock, I just cannot even fathom the thought of playing a 20 minute card game. Like once my older brother--a different bro than my younger bro who edits this blog, this is my Chaotic Neutral bro--decided to shove 5 different Uno decks together to create an ultimate deck that was almost entirely wilds and draw 4′s and it was such an excruciating experience, that my Mother secretly threw the game away. Forever scarred.

Anyway, now that he’s strapped with Pharaoh in a Box, finally things got weird enough that Joey snapped out of it. First time he snapped out of it was because of a dragon...second time was the puzzle...he has yet to even kind of recognize Tea strapped in a bondage chair with a giant storage unit threatening to crush her--that one doesn’t seem to bother him.

Joey has a very selective memory, but he only seems to come to for about 10 seconds at a time and mostly just sweats a lot whenever he does.

(read more under the cut)

And as Joey pulls out the same piece he once threw out a school window and into a really fancy fountain, he has a very quick flashback to Season One. Or Season Zero, depending on which version you like better. (What school has a fountain, PS? Was that a quick donation from the Kaibas so the principal could shrug off some demerits?)

And so Joey puts the puzzle back together and back over his neck.

It’s fine. Go back to throwing fireballs at your best friend, but if you litter, then that’s just way too far. I mean the show has to stretch this out four episodes anyway, so despite their endless friendship love--Joey is still possessed and we have nothing left to give him unless Yugi just starts unloading belts.

Really confused at how this magic even works or operates when the puzzle is so far away from Yugi, but maybe Pharaoh has a battery life like a wacom tablet.

Man, so there really is no way to have any privacy when that guy’s in your head huh? Like can’t even hang up the puzzle when you’re on the toilet--no--he’s just...always around. This is the worst curse.

Back on the boat, the story boarding team realized that Marik is an underage teenager and cannot drink alcohol on TV.

I mean he didn’t even have a bottle of whatever he’d drink to fill that glass (milk, I’m assuming. Marik seems like the type of person that’d put ice in his milk.) But all that was drawn next to him was just one bucket of ice. Marik’s just back here stress chewing ice like a pregnant woman.

PS I just looked up Marik’s age with a quick Google Search and can we talk about something real fast--just real fast--JK I’m gonna talk about it a lot.

+++++RATHER LONG WIKIA WORMHOLE WEIGHT DISCUSSION FEEL FREE TO SKIP++++++++++

Age‎: ‎16 <---which seems a little young, but OK, it’s an anime

Weight‎: ‎121.254 lb <------- EXCUSE ME, WIKIA!?

Height‎: ‎1.8 m ; 5.906 ft 

He is nearly 6 ft feet tall and 120 lbs!?

Y’all.

Marik HAS NO BONES.

As a reviewer, it’s not my job to go around saying if drawing Marik way too skinny for a normal human being is right or wrong, because that’s a discussion that you can find plenty of info on. I’m pretty sure the people who made this show never expected when they first drew Yugi’s crazy eyes and horrible hair that we’d have a generation that would point to it and say “that’s hot”

And I’m not saying any of these characters have eating problems either, because we’ve seen all of them eat healthy meals. The shocking thing is that they gave these fake characters--remember these aren’t real people, they are cartoons--a specific numeric weight.

Blood type I expect, other random anime tidbits I expect--but weight seems super duper random and so awkward. Like, why do we have this information? Was it on a card or something? Like did the intern who came up with this weight number even research like...how much a normal human weighs??? Did they pull this number out of their ass???? None of these numbers make any sense, and they have these for apparently every single person who has appeared on the show. It’s incredible.

Man, Marik’s still wearing Baby Gap over there. Which...that explains the very small hoodie.

...one sec, let me look at the stats on Yugi.

Weight‎: ‎92.594 lb Height‎: ‎1.53 m ; 5.02 ft

OH NO. Who did this!?

He can’t even ride a roller coaster yet! Well, that explains a lot of the need for so many belts on this show. Yugi hasn’t hit the big triple digits yet.

Oh, Yugi.

And since we’re talking about numbers, lets talk about that puzzle now that we’ve talked about Yugi’s body weight. And like, lets be real--this is a cartoon and so of course it weighs magically nothing in the physics of the show...but lets just see, using math, how much this is if a 7 inch isosceles pyramid were made of solid gold (assuming that there is no gap in the middle, because that’s the way I’ve personally interpreted it.)

Now I’m gonna throw out a number and if you disagree, that’s cool beans and I don’t care, I was an art major, leave your math in the comments. But my math: It’s roughly 60 lbs. Some people online say it would only be 2 kilo’s but I don’t know what planet they’re from. Gold is .7 lbs a volumetric inch

Of course this weight also depends on how heavy the chain is, but I mean...the chain is stronger than Joey Wheeler and Tristan combined hitting it repeatedly with a pipe. It’s gotta be a car-towing/superlock chain.

a 20 inch heavy duty tow/lock chain is like 15 lbs, from what I see on Ebay.

So that pyramid necklace, indeed, is 75 lbs--4/5 of Yugi’s weight.

Now lets say you think there’s a gap in the middle and each piece has about a half-inch thickness, we’ll subtract about 43 lbs.

That’s still a 32 lb necklace guys, it’s about a third his weight!

Now lets say this was gold plated--first off, it’s not. But, lets say it’s entirely copper AND it’s hollow. That necklace is still 7 lbs with a 15 lb chain which is 23 lbs.

So, in all, Yugi actually weighs more than most people on this show--but it’s only because of the necklace, meaning the strongest thing in Yugioh, other than the endearing power of friendship between Joey and Yugi, is Yugi’s neck.

I also looked up Seto Kaiba and it didn’t say his weight right away but it did say this

Favorite Food‎: ‎Filet Mignon with Foie Gras Sauce

Damn.

Why does Seto Kaiba crave freakin ducks? Someone please give this poor child some candy. Give the whole cast candy.

+++++++END RANT OF EVERYONE’S WEIGHT ACCORDING TO WIKIA. I’M NOT EVEN SURE WHY WE KNOW THIS?+++++++

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, the boys are still babysitting Serenity, who has the pure muscle mass of 108 lbs, which is nearly 20 lbs more than Yugi Muto and only about 10 lbs less than Marik Ishtar.

She could probably lift Marik Ishtar. TBH with OP buff Wheeler stats like that, Serenity could probably punch out half the cast and does not need babysitting.

Duke Devlin is still following them around. I don’t really know why. No thugs are after Duke. Duke can just leave whenever he wants to, but he’s either so fascinated by Tristan’s predicament, or so enamored by Serenity’s soft hair and beautiful bandages, that he’s decided to follow along like Bakura in Season 1.

Except Bakura in Season 1 followed along because he wanted to screw them all, I’m pretty sure Duke won’t be doing that because I’m fairly positive that dice earring he got off of Etsy isn’t a millennium earring. I’m fairly positive he isn’t going to randomly kill everybody. I don’t know if this show could handle yet another villain dead set on destroying the world.

This love triangle between Tristan, and a girl who I didn’t think was real in S1, and Duke Devlin, the guy who was in a one-off at the end of S1 when the season should have already ended. So this is happening now. Interesting choice, show.

Serenity is like 12, right? Like her brother’s 14-16 and she’s like 11-13?

This show has a cast mostly full of people who are all the same age yet they keep shipping the few people that are either too young or waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too old. (except for Yugi and Joey, of course, who are the same age)

Duke Devlin, with this newly found responsibility, immediately walks a blind person into the street.

Anyways, speaking of ships that are way too old for this show, look who’s here and driving the dumbest convertible I’ve ever seen drawn.

And on the other side of town, the show edited out most of this violent nonsense for me.

Mai’s car, straight from fisher-price. I can’t stop looking at it.

So um...in the time it took to get Tristan, pick him up, turn around, and then drive here it was like...a 2 minute drive?

But, youknow, consider the Kaiba’s perspective. You’re watching this effed up duel straight from the bowels of Satan, and you hear a car pull up, and you’re like “oh finally, someone’s come to help us” and you turn around, and it’s a blue clown car full of Mai Valentine, Tristan, that random horny kid from the class across the hall, and some blind woman?

So Mokuba, who weighs less than one millennium puzzle at 61 lbs, actually makes an attempt to explain everything as quickly as possible and this is like the fourth time this kid has had to explain to someone else what the hell is going on.

Ah, and now everyone’s a bystander.

Almost the entire cast is here now, right? At least Yugi will die with an audience.

Bandit Keith weighs 187 lbs, PS. He is, so far, the only character I’ve checked who weighs more than Yugi with the necklace on.

Anyway, their weights are all awkwardly available online and I’ll probably go back to forgetting that this random info exists (much like I consistently forget that Seto is only 6′1″ although he’s drawn like he’s 8 ft tall)

Next week on Yugioh:

So how much does Yugi’s hair weigh when all that product is on there? Does Seto ever eat that Filet Mignon he craves so bad? Is Mai in fact renting that car and does it get busted here in the Abandoned Warehouse neighborhood?

#Yugioh #yugioh recap #photo recap #S2 Ep 28 #Yugi muto #Joey Wheeler #Marik Ishtar #Serenity Wheeler #Mai Valentine #Duke Devlin #Tristan Taylor #doom clock #Seto Kaiba #Mokuba Kaiba #tw weight

[pendragonfics]

He’s a McGregor

Paring: Thomas McGregor/Reader

Tags: female reader, alternative canon, gardening, slow build, fluff and angst. 

Summary: Bea's next door neighbour, Reader can't help but fall for Thomas the moment he steps foot into her life. Too bad that life is complicated.

Word Count: 3,602

Current Date: 2018-05-10

Every Sunday, near religiously, you would always be at the farmer’s markets. Even the days when you felt a tad ill, or, the night before you had a fun night out at the pub with friends. It was a fact known around the town that, despite divine intervention, or perhaps the Queen herself, there was never anything in your life which could stop you from setting up your fresh produce stall at the farmer’s markets.

Your friend, Bea, would tease you whenever she had the chance about this. She was a painter – a quite good one, if anyone asked for your opinion – and lived in the cottage just beyond the little woods which separated her and the grumpy Mr. McGregor’s homes. But, despite being neighbours, and, friends for nigh five years, Bea was more like a sister to you than anything, and, together, you shared your love for the rabbits and the other creatures who lived in the woods.

Today, with cinnamon tea cakes made with your eggs and apples from the orchard, you sat on her cottage’s little balcony and enjoyed the silence of Saturday mornings in the company of one another, and a cup of Earl Grey. You were sure that if there were unexpected guests they would be aghast at the sight of two spinsters, sitting in the warmth of the English summer. You, with the dirt of your garden still under your fingernails, and she with the flecks of paint on her face.

But then again, there seemed to be visitors approaching on the driveway, and silently, you and Bea turned to one another as if to question whose visitors they were. Bea’s drastic chance to the country meant all her family were still in the metropolitan regions of England, and your family weren’t local, and scattered over the globe like indecisive dice.

“That’s a nice car,” you intoned.

The old Land Rover was only a nice car the person deciding it was nice or not was a someone who was interested in vintage cars, and since you were, it was one. It had to be from the early seventies and was a shade of military green which made you wonder had ever been a good colour for anything to be painted.

“It’s an old car,” Bea quirked her lip. “I’m not expecting any visitors…”

You shook your head. “Me neither.” With a sip of your tea, you added, “Must be someone for the late Mr. McGregor’s property. Maybe they’ll renovate it to be a halfway home or sell it for charity. Then something good’ll come from that horrid old man’s place.”

The both of you chuckled.

It was then the Land Rover pulled up before the McGregor house. From the car, stepped out a man; he was tall, in the way which made you wonder if all his limbs were long, or if it were just his legs. His hair was a dark shade of red which looked almost brown, and he wore a fancy suit like he had walked straight from the city, into his car, and somehow wound up here, up in the Lake District.

You and Bea shared a glance, and biting your lip, you took a deep sip of your tea. It was then your mobile phone took to vibrating upon the table beside your saucer, your screen lighting up with a reminder that your rising dough was ready to be baked.

“I’ll leave you to this handsome stranger,” you set your teacup down, gathering your things. Bea sighed, and doing the same, the both of you made to clear the table before you went on your merry way to bake bread. “Be nice,” you remind her, setting the teapot beside her sink.

But when you exit her front door, you catch the eye of the newcomer, whoever he is. Despite the fact he’s as stiff as a beanpole and as frowny as a barn owl, you give him a small wave, and, take the trail through the woods to your awaiting dough.

---

You wake two hours before sunrise, and pulling on your big galoshes, you begin the task you do every Sunday morning. Harvest. It’s a lovely thing, really – you spend the week coercing your tomatoes to blossom from verdant to rosy, nurturing your cauliflowers to become the size of dinner plates. Not everything is harvested every week; you’re still waiting for your squash to ripen, and your thyme is still not mature enough. You feel almost like an eccentric witch when you harvest for the markets in the morning. A gardening witch, you’d be, the sort children read about in fairy-tale books. Then again, if someone came to steal anything, you’d never ask for their firstborn in a million years (you very much preferred to sleep through the night, thank you very much).

Soon enough, your produce is washed, loaded into the back seat of your 1979 Volkswagen Beatle, and just as the sunrise stains the tops of the trees and the world around, you’ve washed the dirt from yourself, and are dressed and ready to go to the markets. When you park, you’re soon seeing familiar faces; Betsy from the library selling preloved books, Mr. Johns’ miscellaneous trinkets, Mrs. Zawadzcy has her potted plants on display.

“Morning, __________,” Betsy gives you a wave from behind her table. “Ooh, your vegetables are looking quite lovely today!”

You wave her off. “They look quite lovely every day, Betsy,” you chuckle, toting the box of potatoes onto your designated trestle table. “How about the books, any nice titles you’ve got there?”

“Oh, nothing good,” She shrugs, and giving a big sigh, adds, “The kids these days only want to read longwinded romances between people who’ll never be together.”

You thank her, moving your produce around in a sort of display. “and how about your book? How’s writing going?”

Betsy laughs.

Sundays are often fast, perhaps because you’re focused on selling your vegetables, or, because there isn’t a way to tell the time other than the distant bong of the town clock, or the cries of tired toddlers. But today, when the sun was high enough to be in your eyes, you saw Bea approaching hurriedly, her jacket buttons mismatched, hair awry.

When she made it to your table, you raised an eyebrow. “You look like you saw the gatekeeper of Hades, Bea.” You chuckle, giving Mrs. Zawadzcy’s nieces a wave as they walked by. When your friend did not laugh it off, you frowned. “Is everything alright?”

She gaped. “Alright? No! The man, from yesterday, you remember him?”

“We watched him,” you nod, wrapping up Mr. John’s usual order of carrots in brown paper. As you exchanged produce for coin, you added, “He drove in a terribly old Land Rover, how can’t I?”

Bea gave an exasperated shudder. “Yes, well, he’s a McGregor.”

You paused. Remembering that you had thought he had Bean handsome, you blanched. You were a lovely person, whom mostly everyone labelled as kind, or forgiving. But there was one – no, two, people in this world who deserved no forgiveness; whoever decided to kill off Eccleston’s rendition in Doctor Who after a single season, and Mr. McGregor.

“Oh,” you replied.

She nods. “Oh, is just about right, __________!” Bea runs a hand through her wild hair, and adds, “He comes into town as if he’s Bean here all this time and demands – demands! – that I keep the rabbits away from his property!”

“Sounds like a real prick to me,” you intone.

Bea agrees, and navigating her way around the trestle table, throws herself into your arms. With a sigh, you console your neighbour and confidant. You know just how much she disliked the old Mr. McGregor – you both shared that passion fervently – and you know just how much she loved the rabbits who lived around the woods between both of your houses. She’d even named them; little Peter was her favourite.

“Hey, why don’t you send the bunnies my way, until he cools off?” You suggest, withdrawing from the embrace. “I’ll leave my gate open, too; I’m sure they’ll think they’re in heaven.”

---

The first time you find yourself speaking to new Mr. McGregor, you’re in your bathers, trying to get beetroot stains out of your favourite blouse in the creek that runs between all three houses. Normally, you would be fine to be spotted in your swimsuit, but, it’s a terribly cold morning, and you’re wearing a haggard old woollen jumper as you do the task as to not die of pneumonia. And, then, add the tall, mysterious new neighbour to the scene, and your face is flushed with embarrassment.

“Morning,” you wave to him, your hand clutching a bar of laundry soap.

He frowns, pausing mid-step to focus, “What are you doing?”

You show him the blouse. “Beetroot stain. I’m too stubborn to throw my shirt away, and too stingy to go to town to pay hard-earned quid for a washing machine.” You huff playfully, and pushing your hair back, go back to the chore of blotting the blouse. “Oh, and I’m your other neighbour, too, I’m __________.” You explain. “Not just some village weirdo who’s washing clothes in the creek.”

He nods, putting his hands into his trouser pockets. “I’m Thomas. Thomas McGregor.”

You grin, understanding. You weren’t sure when Bea said ‘He’s a McGregor’ she meant he was a relative, or even alike in spirit, but, it seemed he was both. “Ah, that explains the changes you’ve done to the garden,” you say, gesturing to the garden’s walls.

Thomas hums. From his pocket, you hear his car keys rattle, as if he’s wondering whether to leave the terribly awkward conversation between the both of you and go off to do better things. But instead of bidding adieu, he surprises you.

“You can use my laundry, if you like,” he suggests.

“Really?” you wonder.

You’re unsure if you’re incredulous, or just shocked. The other McGregor used to call you a ‘Spinster Wench’ – a direct quotation! – and every year would grow the larger pumpkin at the local fair’s competition. He was a bitter man, intolerable and bitter. You’re not sure why you expected this McGregor to be the same, and yet, he’s being nice.

“I mean, until yours is able to be fixed,” he adds hastily. A digital tone sounds from his pocket, and the moment is broken. Checking his phone, he makes a face, and goes off toward his car. “Sorry, got to dash.”

“It was nice meeting you, Thomas!” You call after him as he climbs into his Land Rover.

He drives off, down the driveway, and at the end, takes the turn toward town. It’s not until an icy breeze from the heavens above goes through your bones that you remember you’re dressed less than favourably for October. Coming to your senses, you gather your things and rush home.

When you’re inside, you throw your wet clothes into the kitchen sink. It’s then you dash toward the bathroom adjacent to your bedroom, and spinning the bathtub’s tap on so fast, you’re not sure why the knob doesn’t spin right off and hit your head.

It’s then, standing in the bathroom, amid the slowly-heating steam and the crudely self-painted walls, you feel a sting, a reminder. You don’t acknowledge this feeling until your whole body is immerged under the terrifically hot water, when your hair is wet, ears full of water, and eyes closed.

You’re lonely.

Your parents had been so happy in your childhood memories; those sepia-toned mind-pictures were the stuff of dreams. But that was just it; they were dreams, and children knew nothing about adults, and adults were sometimes only playing pretend romance when they were really seething in sadness and regret. Your mother left when you were twelve, moving to Santorini with a brand-new girlfriend and a half-dozen dogs and communicated in post-cards, and your father went when you were old enough to live alone, and took to New Zealand, and married into a blended family.

Maybe they’re why you’re alone, trying not to fall into the same trap of it all. Why you’re reminded of your shortcomings when meet the new neighbour, you’re not sure, but, your heart beats faster at just the thought of him.

Your lips breach the surface of the bathwater, and taking a deep breath in, you replace it with a sigh. With your bones thawed from the freezing autumnal coldness, you sit back, the warm water tumbling down your forehead, and smile to yourself, realising something so obvious.

You like him.

---

It’s colder this morning, and while Bea’s away for the holidays to visit her family in the city, you’ve got the rabbits staying in the warm of your renovated atrium. You’re as much in love with the rabbits as Bea, treasuring them all so very much. It keeps them out of trouble; little Peter has been up to so much trouble lately, and you’re doing your all to wean the bunnies off the thrill of annoying Thomas.

You’re constantly seeing him; when you meet at the letterboxes, when you’re passing in the street with your reusable bags after your weekly trip to Tesco, or when you’re using his laundry still because you’re still not able to afford a new washing machine. Every time you share words, you fervently defending the local wildlife against his raging distaste for it, and all the while, you’re doing your best to hide the blossoming feelings you have for him.

When you find out he’s got no plans for Christmas, you blink. Surely a man like himself isn’t going to be spending the day alone, yet, he plans to.

“You can’t be alone for Christmas,” you shake your head in disbelief, looking to him as you filch your mailbox of its contents. “Even Harry Potter had a proper Christmas in book one, and he had no family!” you protest.

Thomas frowns. “I’ve never read Harry Potter,” he says, and adds, “and I like Christmas alone.”

At this, you throw your hands in the air. “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do that. It’s just not the __________ family way.” You sigh, and tucking your bills beneath your armpit, you add, “You’re having Christmas lunch with me.”

He raises a single eyebrow, and asks, “The __________ family way is to force people to socialise on Christmas?”

You shake your head. “My family haven’t really talked to me for years,” you laugh it off, and add, “The __________ family way is to avoid confrontation as long as possible, and then run away from it when it comes to you.”

He nods. “and you’re not like your family?”

You turn toward your car where it’s idling. If the car was a sentient object, you would expect it to be anxiously waiting for you to stop flirting with the too-handsome-for-you man. As you walk away, you call over your shoulder, “Hell yeah!”

The day after, you let the bunnies into your garden during the warmest part of the day. During the colder months, you didn’t sell produce at the markets. It was harder to garden when the earth was colder than whatever cruel God had written your life’s fate. So, the rabbits were free to take what root vegetables they could want and turn the soil over with their searching paws.

It’s then when you hear footsteps tramping their way through the forest pathway, and glancing above the fence, you see Thomas. “Hey there, neighbour,” you smile, standing to greet your guest. “Let me guess, you’re here to excuse yourself from Christmas lunch?”

He shakes his head. “No, the opposite.” He gives you a small smile. “Just making sure what time you’ll want me over?”

“How about eleven?” you suggest. It’s then you feel Benjamin nuzzle against your ankle. With a smile, you pick him up, and hold him close to your chest. “If that suits you, that is.”

Instead of answering, he asks, “How can you stand those rabbits?”

You glance at Benjamin. His winter pudge is thick this year, and he snuggles into your hands further when your hot breath touches his exposed nose. With a small smile, you look to the other rabbits; Peter, Mopsy, Flopsy and Cottontail are all investigating your potatoes, sniffing at what exposed vine they can see.

“When I was very small, I had a rabbit. Her name was Brum.” you say softly. You notice the odd look on his face, and you add, “I really liked the show when I was little. Don’t judge me, I was eight.” You look down to Benjamin once more and give him a scratch behind his ears. “I had Brum for years, honestly, but, she died the day before my parents told me they didn’t love each other anymore.”

You swallow, trying not to think of it. You’re a grown woman, and it has been years, and yet, it hurts still. Why does it hurt still?

“Anyway,” you take a deep breath, and bending, place Benjamin back upon the ground. “So, I’ll see you at eleven, next Tuesday?”

Thomas nods, and otherwise silent, he says, “See you next Tuesday.”

---

When the world warmed itself up again, so did the mischief of the rabbits. Bea shared all the stories of her family’s Christmas antics for months following the festive season, and you finally had enough money scraped together to buy yourself a replacement for your washing machine. You were happy to have it, yes, but now there was no excuse to pop on over to Thomas’ home and chat while the machine cleaned your mixed colours.

Bea was confused. “Why didn’t you use your spare key for my washing machine?” She asked, one day over tea and biscuits. Your silence was your answer, and with an understanding hum, Bea gave your back a pat, and cooed apologetically. “Oh dear,” she said, with a sigh, “I see.”

While her paintings improved with the warmer weather, your garden took itself back to life, and once again, once your crop was invigorated, back to the markets every Sunday. You had Bean at the markets the day Bea texted you furiously.

He blew up the burrow, came the first one.

And the tree hit my house!!

You were left blinking at the phone as it vibrated with every furious update, too stunned to reply. You couldn’t reply, not until you served the plethora of customers lined up for your fresh produce at the trestle table. Not until you worked your way out of the shock.

You refused to believe anything, and when you drove home in your Volkswagen, you almost stalled the car in the driveway when you saw the still-clearing dust in the air and the tree in Bea’s home. But you didn’t stall, and when you saw Thomas’s face over his fence, you pretended you didn’t see him, and drove around to your home.

Bea was waiting for you on the porch, head in her hands.

“I can’t afford the rent as it is,” she moans, tears in her eyes. “but the insurance?” You gather your friend into your arms, and together, you sit on the steps to your house in the embrace of one another. “He’s a McGregor, of course he hates the rabbits,” she whispers. “Why did I expect him to be any less?”

You’re silent. How did you ever like him? How could – how did you ever fall for him? Who blows up trees with no regard for the outcome? You hold your friend close, her head on your heart, and together, you sit there until the chill of the evening breeze tickles sense into you both. When you separate, you lead her inside for tea and comfort food, or, really, any leftovers you have.

Into her teacup, Bea whispers, “I’m going to have to move back to the city.”

You recoil, aghast. “No! No, Bea, don’t move! I don’t know what I’d do with myself if you weren’t around, honestly,” you plead. “We’ll get the money, I promise.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not just that…I don’t think I can stand to be near him after this.” She pauses, and adds, “Oh, __________, I’m so sorry. I – what are you going to do?”

You frown. “What?”

Bea places a hand on yours. “You’re in love with man,” she replies, as confused as your answer as you are with her rejoinder. “and you’re in the middle of all this.”

You shake your head, and with a curt laugh, you say, “I’m very sure that your house being hit by a blown-up tree completely outweighs my terribly judged crush.” You pour more tea into your cup, and add, “And don’t think you’re still sleeping at your place while there’s a bloody big hole in the roof. I’ve got a spare room.”

Bea makes a noise that sounds like the words thank you as she sips her tea. “What would I do without you, __________?”

You chuckle, moving to clear the table. “You’d have nobody to stop you from moving back to the city, for starters,” you retort, your words putting a little smile upon her face.

“You’re too good to me,” she says simply.

From the kitchen sink, you reply, “But that’s what friends are for!”

---

There’s a FOR SALE sign on the McGregor house not even half a week after the tree incident, and by the end of the week, Thomas has packed up and left without so much of a goodbye to any of you. Even the men in the hardware store in town who he got to know quite well say they miss him. But you saw him nigh every day, and you miss him more; more than perhaps you should or have ever let on to Bea.

But Bea can’t take living in your spare room much longer; it’s Bean months, and yet, she’s looking for a cheap place to live away from here. Any words you share aren’t enough to keep her, and anything you try and get anyone else to do isn’t enough; Betsy from the library can’t sway her, nor Mr. Johns or Mrs. Zawadzcy.

So, you do what you can only do; you let your best, and closest friend go.

You can’t stand to wave her off when the UBER arrives to take her to the train station, and instead, say your goodbyes at your gate, and take to pottering around your garden to take your mind from things. Your lettuce does need some love, and tending to it, you can’t help but think of all the almosts that this past year has entailed.

You almost bared your heart to Thomas.

You almost fell too hard for him.

You almost confessed to him about your feelings, in the months after Christmas.

You almost miss him now.

When your watch beeps upon the hour, you’re reminded that Bea’s already on her way down the road. Saddened again, you almost don’t hear a voice calling your name, and leaves crunching under foot.  

But that’s when you glance up.

You’re met with the familiar head of dark auburn hair, those green eyes. His face is a little red, hair wild, yet, he’s as handsome as ever and your stomach ties itself in knots at the sight of him. Thomas approaches the other side of your fence, wearing a fancy coat, and in his hands, is a fist full of flowers.

“Hi, Thomas,” you breathe. “What –,”

“I had to come and make things right,” the words burst from his lips, the lower one wobbling. He holds the flowers to you, and adds, softly, “I’m sorry for everything, I’m such a prick.”

You blink, accepting the bouquet of flowers. You look at the flowers, noticing that they’re the same sort of wildflowers that grow in the woods between your house and his. “Thomas – I –,” you can’t form a sentence, taking to stammering instead, “What are you doing here?”

He takes a deep breath. “I’m stupid. Incredibly. It took me a year to realise that I’m a horrible person. I’ve come back, and I hope you don’t hate me, __________.”

You consider the hand-picked bouquet. “I could never hate you, Thomas.”

There’s a small smile on his face. “Let’s start over.” He says, quickly adds, “Hello, I’m Thomas McGregor. I’m incredibly stupid when it comes to realising my feelings, and I hate Harrods.”

You can’t help but giggle.  “Hello, Thomas, I’m __________. I distance myself from people because my parents were loveless assholes and I think I’ve loved you for a whole year.”

He eyes light up. “I don’t just think I love you, __________.” He says, leaning over the fence, closer and closer with every word. “I know I love you.”

You feel your fingers loosening around the flowers Thomas gave you, and on their own accord, your hands take the lapel of his fancy coat into your fists. In the moment, your body on autopilot, your lips are on his lips, your breath mingling with his breath, and for the first time in your life, you notice the absence of the sting you’ve always felt.

“I’m sorry, that was a bit forward of me –,” you mutter, breaking away.

But Thomas shakes his head. “__________, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to kiss you,” he says. Standing straight once more, he adds, “But I meant to say, Bea’s not leaving, I’m using my inheritance to pay for the damages, and –,”

Over his shoulder, you see Bea giving you a big thumb’s up, with a wide grin. Eyes back to Thomas, you all but growl, “Oh, shut up and kiss me again,” you say. “We’ve got a year to make up for.”

#thomas mcgregor #thomas mcgregor x reader #thomas mcgregor/reader #peter rabbit #peter rabbit x reader #chaotic--lovely #pendragonfics #Female reader

[askthescp-4050-instances]

Laws in America probably caused by Adrian

Alabama It is illegal to drive a car blindfolded. Bear wrestling matches are prohibited. It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy. It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty. You must have windshield wipers on your car. You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time. It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday. Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death. Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile. No person may spit on the floor of a church. It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area.

Alaska While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

Arizona Hunting camels is prohibited. Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus. It is a Class 2 misdemeanor if one places a mark upon a flag which is “likely to provoke physical retaliation”. It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine. When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses. It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water. You may not have more than two dildos in a house. No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house. One must be 18 years old to buy spray paint.

Arkansas It’s strictly prohibited to pronounce “Arkansas” incorrectly. Oral sex is considered to be sodomy. Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs. It is illegal to kill “any living creature”. No one may "suddenly start or stop" their car at a McDonald's. It is considered disturbing the peace if you honk near a sandwich shop after 9:00 PM. Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.

California You may only throw a frisbee at the beach in Los Angeles County, CA with the lifeguard’s permission. Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. Bathhouses are against the law. Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds.

Colorado One may not mutilate a rock in a state park. It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence. Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses. Throwing missles at cars is illegal. Establishments which sell alcohol must have enough lighting to read text inside them. Catapults may not be fired at buildings. It is legal to challenge a police officer, but only until he or she asks you to stop. It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property. Boulders may not be rolled on city property. It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.

Connecticut Town records may not be kept where liquor is sold. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway. It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display. You aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. You may not educate dogs. The use of a bean whistle in public is prohibited. Silly string is banned.

Delaware “R” rated movies shall not be shown at drive-in theaters. One may not lay down on the beach at night. You may not change clothes in their car. It is illegal to have a picnic on a highway. No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk.

Florida The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages. One may not commit any “unnatural acts” with another person. Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts” and live together in the same residence. Corrupting the public morals is defined as a nuisance, and is declared a misdemeanor offense. It is illegal to sell your children. Oral sex is illegal. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. It is illegal to skateboard without a license.

Georgia You cannot live on a boat for more than 30 days during the calendar year, even if just passing through the state. The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit. All sex toys are banned. It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. Signs are required to be written in English. All citizens must own a rake. If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45 AM. Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo. Owners of mules may not allow their animal to roam around Athens unsupervised. Persons under the age of 16 may not play pinball after 11:00 PM. It is illegal for one to make a disturbing sound at a fair.

Hawaii Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.

Idaho You may not fish on a camel’s back. Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime. Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back. If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car. Bicycles are not allowed in the tennis courts. The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view.

Illinois It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck. Kites may not be flown within the city limits. It is forbidden by law to eat in a place that is on fire. It is illegal to hang “obstructions” form the rear view mirror, including fuzzy dice, air fresheners, GPS units, etc. In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.

Indiana Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day. State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post. Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans. Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide. It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. One may not sniff glue.

Iowa It is a crime to use a dead person’s handicapped parking sign or license plate. Kisses may last for no more than five minutes. It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp. Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants. One must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks into a highway. All softball diamond lights must be turned off by 10:30 PM.

Kansas Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats. It is illegal to drive one's car through a parade. No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night.

Kentucky Dogs may not molest cars.

Louisiana You will be fined $500 for sending people a surprise pizza “Fake” wrestling matches are prohibited. Spectators at a boxing match may not mock one of the contestants. You can be jailed for up to ten years for stealing an alligator. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”. It is illegal to gargle in public places. It is illegal to shoot lasers at police officers. One may not “dare” another to go onto railroad tracks owned by another. It is illegal to steal a “movable” even if it classified as an “immovable”. Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed. One could land in jail for up to a year for making a false promise. Every time a person is seriously burned, he must report the injury to the fire marshal. Prisoners who hurt themselves could serve an additional two years in jail. No one may pour a drink out on the ground at any drive-in movie.

Maine You may not step out of a plane in flight. After January 14th, you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up. Strolling down the street while playing a violin is against the law. No person may roller skate on a sidewalk. It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window. It is illegal to park in front of Dunkin Donuts. Dog leashes may not be over eight feet in length. Advertisements may not be placed in cemeteries.

Maryland It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies. You may not curse inside the city limits. It is illegal to use profane language on a playground. Persons may not swear while on the highway. Citizens may not swim in the public fountains within the city limits.

Massachusetts It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients. Shooting ranges may not set up targets that resemble human beings. At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches. Quakers and witches are banned. Bullets may not be used as currency. Taxi drivers are prohibited from "making love" in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts. No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.

Michigan Persons may not be drunk on trains. It is illegal to kill a dog using a decompression chamber. It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house. Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony. Couples are banned from "making love" in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple’s own property. Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited. It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose.

Minnesota It is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there. A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head. It is illegal to sleep naked. Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head. Airplanes may not be landed in city parks. Placing tacks on a sidewalk is considered a public nuisance.

Mississippi No one may bribe any athlete to “rig” a game, match, tournament, etc. One may be fined up to $100 for using “profane language” in public places.

Missouri Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely. It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants. No person may have a “yard sale” in their front yard. No person may own a PVC pipe.

Montana It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. No person shall raise pet rats. It is illegal to bring a bomb or rocket at city council proceedings. Bands who play in clubs where alcohol is served may not leave the stage while performing. It is illegal to use speed-dial in the city phone system. Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated. It is illegal to annoy passersby on sidewalks with a revolving water sprinkler. The game of “folf” may not be played at night. No item may be thrown across a street.

Nebraska Drivers on mountains should drive with caution near the right hand edge of the highway. (There are no mountains in Nebraska) It is illegal to fly a plane while drunk. It is Illegal to go whale fishing. It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

Nevada It is illegal to sit or lie down on sidewalks It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property. An ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. Benches may not be placed in the middle of any street.

New Hampshire You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt. At White Mountain National Forest, if a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for "maintaining the national forest without a permit".

New Jersey Handcuffs may not be sold to minors. It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder. It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.

New Mexico "Idiots" are banned from voting Nudity is allowed, provided that male genitals are covered. Women may walk in public topless provided they have their nipples covered. Hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery. You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.

New York It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. The penalty for jumping off a building is death. During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.

North Carolina Oral sex is considered a crime against nature. It’s against the law to sing off key. It is a felony to steal more than $1000 of grease. It is illegal to have sex in a churchyard. Persons in possession of illegal substances must pay taxes on them. Organizations may not hold their meetings while the members present are in costume. Bingo games may not last over 5 hours unless it is held at a fair. Serving alcohol at a bingo game is not allowed.

North Dakota Playing bingo while drunk is a Class 2 misdemeanor. You cannot shoot fireworks after 11 PM. Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

Ohio It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance. No civil arrests may be made on Sunday or on the Fourth of July. Illegal to sell dyed chickens. It is illegal to get a fish drunk. Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited. If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour.

Oklahoma One may not promote a “horse tripping event”. It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle. Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus. People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.

Oregon It is illegal to go hunting in a cemetery. Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk. One may not test their physical endurance while driving a car on a highway. It is illegal to place a container filled with human fecal matter on the side of any highway. Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. A door on a car may not be left open longer than is necessary. An adult may not show a minor any piece of classical artwork which depicts sexual excitement. It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property. Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. It’s illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane. You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.

Pennsylvania It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding. It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish. A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel. Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk. No more than two packages of beer at a time may be purchased, unless you are buying from an official “beer distributor”. Persons convicted of felonies may not operate Bingo games.

Rhode Island Cap guns are illegal. Ropes may not be strung across a highway. No one may bite off another person's leg. Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley. It is illegal to wear transparent clothing.

South Carolina It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. You cannot play pinball if you are a minor. A permit must be obtained to fire a missle.

South Dakota It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

Tennessee It is illegal to share your Netflix password. It is illegal to to post images online that cause emotional distress without legitimate purpose. Any person who participates in a duel may not hold any public office in the state. Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law. You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile. Hollow logs may not be sold. It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. “Crimes against nature” are prohibited. The definition of “dumb animal” includes every living creature. It is illegal to place tacks on a highway. Skunks may not be carried into the state.

Texas You cannot sell a human eye. A felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos. It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket. It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind. It is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

Utah No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon. Alcohol may not be sold during an emergency. It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine.

Vermont It is illegal to deny the existence of God.

Virginia You cannot go trick-or-treating if you are over 12 years old.

Washington The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. It is illegal to attach a vending machine to a utility pole without prior consent from the utility company. X-rays may not be used to fit shoes.

West Virginia Whistling underwater is prohibited. For each act of public swearing a person shall be fined one dollar.

Wisconsin It is a class A misdemeanor to wave a burning torch around in the air.

Wyoming Using a firearm to fish is strictly forbidden.

#original #source post #Adrian

[dantediscoversfic]

Chapter 7: Icarus

After our fourth swimming lesson, I invited Ari over to my house for lunch. My parents were curious to meet him (and they claimed I hadn’t stopped talking about him since Monday). My mom was still at work but I knew my dad would be home. He’s an English professor and was spending the summer researching and writing his latest book, which to me looked a lot like hanging around his office all day reading and drinking tea. Not a bad gig, right?

“My dad’s in his office. Let’s say hi then we can make some lunch. I could make peanut butter and jelly, tomato soup or heat up some frozen pizza bites. We could eat those with leftover black beans and rice?”

“Pizza bites with rice and beans? Well there’s a first time for everything, I guess.”

We went into my dad’s office. I could tell Ari was nervous. He didn’t move too far past the doorway and he kept his eyes locked on his shoes.

I sat down on the arm of Dad’s big brown leather chair and gave him a kiss on the cheek. His chin was scratchy (again). “You didn’t shave this morning, Dad.”

“It’s summer.”

“That means you don’t have to work.”

“That means I have to finish writing my book.”

“Writing a book isn’t work.”

Dad laughed his big belly laugh (my favorite of all his laughs). “You have a lot to learn about work.”

“It’s summer, Dad. I don’t want to hear about work.”

“You never want to hear about work.”

I didn’t like where this conversation was headed so I tried a diversionary tactic. I pinched at his chin scruff and asked, “Are you going to grow a beard?”

“No, it’s too hot. And besides, your mother won’t kiss me if I go more than a day without shaving.”

“Wow, she’s strict.” I never minded the ticklish way my dad’s chin felt when it was stubbly, but I guess Mom could lay down the law where her own lips were concerned.

“Yup.”

“And what would you do without her kisses?”

I knew I was getting close to the amount of teasing he’d tolerate. He smiled and turned his attention to Ari, who was still hovering in the doorway. “How do you put up with this guy? You must be Ari.”

“Yes, sir,” Ari said. Sir! Who knew Ari had such good manners?

My dad got up and shook Ari’s hand. Ari’s eyes got all wide. “I’m Sam,” my dad said. “Sam Quintana.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Quintana.” Wow Ari was really gunning for polite friend of the year award!

“You can call me Sam,” Dad said.

“I can’t,” Ari said, so quiet I almost couldn’t hear him.

Dad nodded and said, “That’s sweet. And respectful.” Dad turned his eyes to me and said in his trying-to-be-authoritarian voice, “The young man has some respect. Maybe you can learn something from him, Dante.”

“You mean you want me to call you Mr. Quintana?” I sassed. Dad was trying hard to keep a straight face in front of Ari but I was onto him. Dad gave me a look before turning back to Ari. “How’s the swimming?”

“Dante’s a good teacher,” Ari said. I was proud he said that and I liked how my name sounded coming from his lips. He snuck a quick look at me through the curtain of dark hair that half-covered his eyes, almost like we were sharing a secret. He had this way of shaking his head forward every now and then so his hair stayed in a swoop over his eyes. I hadn’t noticed this cute tic of his in the pool when his hair was wet before. I had the sudden urge to tussle up his hair but knew that would not go over well.

“Dante’s good at a lot of things. But he’s not very good at cleaning his room. Cleaning a room is too closely related to the word work.”

I knew where Dad was headed with this and I didn’t like it. “Is that a hint?”

“You’re quick, Dante. You must get that from your mother.”

“Don’t be a wiseass, Dad.” If Mom were here she would have scolded me for using a curse word, but I was taking a chance that Dad wouldn’t mind it. Turns out I was wrong.

“What was that word you just used?”

“Does that word offend you?”

“It’s not the word. Maybe it’s the attitude.”

I rolled my eyes. Ok, maybe I was showing off in front of Ari a little bit. Bravado and all that. I sat down to take off my sneakers.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” Dad said. “There’s a pig sty up there that has your name on it.”

Drat. I’d rolled the dice on the sass-o-meter and lost big time. I was hoping I’d be able to spend all day doing nothing with Ari but it looked like Dad was choosing today of all days to play dictator.

I kicked off my sneakers and wiggled my toes. Ari looked at me a little funny and reached down to take off his shoes, too.

“Oh, you can leave your shoes on if you like,” I said. “I just like having mine off. ‘Free the feet’ is basically my life’s motto.”

“Ok, good. Because my socks both have holes in the toes,” Ari dead-panned and my dad and I both laughed.

“Ari and I need to eat lunch, Dad. You can’t expect me to starve our guest just because you are hell bent on enforcing dictatorial rule about the state of my room.”

“Lunch first. Then clean.”

“Ok, ok.”

For lunch Ari decided pizza bites and black beans was an abomination so he decided to make his “special secret recipe” of fish-stick tacos instead. I was his sous chef and responsible for the chopping. He was a real stickler for chopping, let me tell you. He showed me the best way to hold a knife and the difference between mincing and julienning. I may have known all the technique when it came to swimming but he sure had me beat in knife skills. When it came time for me to chop an onion he got a big grin on his face.

“What?” I asked. “Are you going to laugh when the tears start streaming down my face?”

“Ok, I read this thing about onions in a magazine once but have never got to try it.”

“Try what?”

“Apparently if you wear goggles it will stop you from crying.”

So we put our goggles on and it actually worked! We liked wearing them so much we spent the rest of the time preparing the meal pretending like we were underwater. I don’t normally like cooking but I didn’t mind it with Ari.

After we’d eaten and cleaned up we went up to my room.

My dad was right (darn him), it truly was a mess.

I had of burst of nervous jitters in my tummy now that Ari was on the threshold of my room. I did a quick scan to make sure there wasn’t anything super embarrassing like dirty underwear in plain sight. Nothing too bad, just the normal hodgepodge. I hadn’t felt nervous at all when we were downstairs, but being alone in my room felt different somehow.

I started picking up the dirty clothes and putting them in my hamper. I didn’t want Ari to smell anything foul and think I was a heathen. He was doing the same hover-in-the-doorway thing he’d done in my dad’s office so I decided to put on some music, hoping to set a more relaxing mood.

I chose Abbey Road, basically the most perfect record ever made.

“I can’t believe you have an actual record player,” he said.

“It was my mom’s. She was going to throw it away. Can you believe that? Vinyl. Real vinyl. None of this cassette crap.”

“What’s wrong with cassettes?”

“I don’t trust them.”

He laughed at that. But I sort of knew he would before I said it. “Records scratch easily,” he said.

“Not if you take care of them.”

He gave my room a thorough once over. “I can see that you really like to take care of things.”

He had me there. I laughed and handed him a book of poems that was sitting on my nightstand. William Carlos Williams. I had been reading it last night before I went to bed and had a dream I was stringing up a mountainous stack of white sheets, shirts and dresses on a clothesline in the middle of a prairie field while a big storm was brewing overhead. The white sheets flapped in the wind like a whip. I liked the dream though it was unsettling, too. Good poetry will do that to you.

There was a particular poem called “Icarus” that when I read it last night it reminded me of Ari. I wanted to tell him that, but I thought he might think that was a little strange, telling him I was thinking about him while I was reading poetry. So I handed him the book, instead. Maybe he’d read the same poem and think of me and we’d both be none the wiser. “Here, you can read this while I clean my room.”

“Maybe I should just, you know, leave you—” he said and flicked his hair forward. I could still see his eyes looking all around my room. “It’s a little scary in here.”

Scary, ouch. I mean, my room was a little chaotic maybe, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it scary. Ari and my dad seemed to be on the same page about the optimal cleanliness of rooms, I guess.

“Don’t,” I said. “Don’t leave.” (I really didn’t want him to leave). “I hate cleaning my room.”

“Maybe if you didn’t have so many things.”

I looked around. To someone else’s eyes I could see how it could leave the impression that a tornado had just breezed through: clothes, shoes, books, records, notepads, polaroids, sheet music, old homework assignments and tests, and all the pictures I’d torn out of magazines for my inspiration board were scattered everywhere and covered nearly every available surface. Yeah, I guess there was a lot of stuff, but who doesn’t have a lot of stuff?

“It’s just stuff. If you stay, it won’t be so bad.”

“Ok, should I help?”

“No. It’s my job.” I knew my mom would really tear into me if she found out I’d roped my new friend into cleaning my room for me. I’d never hear the end of it. And knowing me, I wouldn’t be able to not tell her. That’s the funny part.

We chatted a bit about our moms and dads. Ari hadn’t told me much about his parents and I was curious what they were like, how Ari got along with them. It seemed like Ari had magically entered my life like Athena emerging fully grown out of Zeus’ skull and I was having trouble picturing him as a baby or with his family. I told him that I understood my dad—heck, I’d had his number since I was a little kid. My mom, not so much. She’s a psychiatrist and helps teenagers for her job and so she knows how to keep her cards close. My dad and I are more alike. Both big open books. Ari, he was more like my mom, I realized: inscrutable in certain ways, clear as day in others.

“Read that book while I clean.”

He opened it up and thumbed through a few pages. He looked up at me and I could read it on his face that poetry was not his thing.

“Poetry,” I said. “It won’t kill you.”

“What if it does? Boy Dies of Boredom While Reading Poetry.”

I tried to keep a straight face—after all poetry is an important art form and has a bad rap!—but that worked just as well as it always works when Ari is looking at me with the corner of his lips upturned in a half-smirk and a sparkling gleam in his dark brown eyes. I shook my head in mock offense and started attacking the monster task of getting my room in order.

My comfy reading chair had become a catch-all receptacle for all the random things I hadn’t bothered putting away over the last few weeks so I told him to clear it off so he could sit there and read.

“What’s this?” he asked, picking up one of my sketch pads.

I froze momentarily.

“A sketch pad.”

“Can I see?”

I shook my head no. “I don’t like to show it to anyone.”

It wasn’t that I was embarrassed about my drawing skills or that I thought Ari wouldn’t appreciate some of the drawings I’d done—in fact I bet he’d especially dig the comic book characters I liked to do sometimes for fun. But there were a few drawings in there of a boy sitting on the edge of a pool that I didn’t want him to see.

I picked up the pad and put it away on my desk and changed the subject back to the book of poetry. “Really, it won’t kill you.”

Ari sighed dramatically but then settled in to reading with little complaint after that. While I cleaned up I snuck quick peaks at him to see how he was enjoying it. His eyebrows were knitted together the whole time he read and he had a habit of biting his lower lip when he was really concentrating (I had noticed this at the pool as well when I was giving him detailed instructions) but he kept at it until he’d read the whole book.

Late afternoon in my room is my favorite time of day. I have westward facing windows and when the golden light spills in you can see little dust particles floating in the air in an almost sparkly and magical way sometimes. The light hit the white pages of Ari’s book and it reflected back up onto his face, making him glow almost.

After Abbey Road was done I switched on Pink Moon. I’d found the record at a junk shop and liked the surreal picture on the cover so I bought it even though I’d never heard of Nick Drake before. It quickly became one of my favorite records.

Believe it or not, I do have a system once I get going organizing my room. Books especially. My shelf is alphabetical by author’s last name (the library way) and my ‘to-read’ pile on my desk goes in ascending order of excitement about reading. Once all the dirty clothes are in my hamper it’s pretty easy to sort the rest of my clothes out, too. I like folding everything in neat stacks by type of clothes (undershirts, tshirts, button down shirts, shorts, pants) and by color. I find it soothing to see them all stacked up in rainbow order in my drawer. My painting and drawing area also needed some attention. I organized my drawing pencils, charcoals, pens and paints in my plastic storage bins. I soaped up all my paintbrushes that had gotten stiff. I organized my records, alphabetical by artist.

Every now and then Ari would make a “hmm” noise or a soft grunt. I was dying to ask him what he thought about the poems he was reading but I kept focused on my room. The sooner I finished, the more time we’d have to talk and hang out.

I finished up my room and looked around, satisfied with my work. I took the book of poems from Ari. I found one I particularly liked called “Death” (uplifting title, right?), which is about a dead dog. Whenever I read this poem I thought of Ringo, my old dog. There’s a picture of us on my bulletin board. He was old when he died. He had cancer. Reading the poem aloud felt almost like giving him a eulogy again (I had insisted my parents and I all give speeches when we buried him). It still hurt thinking about him, but I liked how reading the poem aloud made my memories of him feel alive inside me. Like I was marking an important moment by remembering him aloud, even if the remembering was only for myself. I didn’t tell Ari about Ringo just then because I was afraid I might tear up. I knew I’d tell him one day, though.

He’s dead the dog won’t have to sleep on the potatoes anymore to keep them from freezing

he’s dead the old bastard—

I smiled at that last word, thinking of Ringo and also because here, alone in my room with Ari, I had free reign to say curse words like ‘bastard’ without the cluck of my mom’s tongue or my dad’s raised eyebrow. We had our own rules up here, ones that we could make up on our own, together.

While I was reading aloud, Ari had shut his eyes. Not because he was sleeping or bored, but because I think he was really trying to listen to the words. His face was peaceful then. The crease between his eyebrows smoothed over. I felt bold enough to continue reading more poems to him. I wanted to keep that peaceful look on his face for as long as I could.

When I got to “Icarus”, my heart started beating fast, I don’t know why. It’s not like he would know that when I read the beautiful words I imagined Ari falling from the sky like a shooting star and landing in a sparkling, clear blue sea with barely a splash.

According to Brueghel when Icarus fell it was spring

a farmer was ploughing his field the whole pageantry

of the year was awake tingling near

the edge of the sea concerned with itself

sweating in the sun that melted the wings’ wax

unsignificantly off the coast there was

a splash quite unnoticed this was Icarus drowning

My voice quivered a little when I read the last line. If Ari asked about it I could just claim it was allergies.

#ari and dante fic #aaddtsotu

[rhnuzlocke]

Episode 22

Scene 2:

[Steven’s house is a small stone cottage on the outskirts of town that overlooks the sea. There is a very large open shelter built onto the side in the lee of the building with a large sand bed. A bastiodon, cradily and armaldo are resting in it while a skarmory perches on the roof. There is a garden near the house with plants sprouting in it. Steven sends out the rest of his pokemon as they approach and Ren follows suit. Tulpi and Liaoning land on either side of Damascus on the roof and the Eon Guardians join them. Tungsten slithers over and curls around Pavise who shifts a little to settle against her but does not open his eyes. Gilchrist lumbers over to join them while Escutcheon and Ptilometra get up to make room and greet Pohaku. Alwyn and Komatsu take Kōtai over to see the garden and Ao tags along. Escutcheon and Ptilometra start down a path to the shore, inviting Pohaku to follow. He looks back at Ren and she nods. He wiggles and goes after them followed shortly by Tāraki and Tarahau. Kata and Bessemer sit on the edge of the cliff and talk.

Steven opens the front door and flips on the hall light. He and Ren take off their shoes and Steven has several pair of house shoes by the door, a custom he probably picked up from his time in Kanto. A carbink dressed in a frilly pink apron comes floating out of the kitchen just past the laundry room on their right. Steven introduces her to Ren as ‘Anthy’ and they follow her back into the kitchen where she has already started cooking. The kitchen is quite large and professional looking. There is a huge six burner stove and oven, a farmhouse sink, a smaller sink and a big two-door refrigerator. The room also features a wrap around countertop, generous cabinetry and a small table with two chairs. Anthy goes back to using telekinesis to chop up celery with a knife while Ren goes to the sink to wash her hands. Steven takes off his jacket and ascot and drapes them over one of the chairs before rolling up his sleeves and getting a crystal pattern apron off a hook by the door. Anthy has Ren shuck peas into a bowl while Steven puts a saucepan on the stove. Anthy gets some broth and butter out of the fridge and Steven puts a ton of butter in and it sizzles as it melts. Next, Anthy hands him a container of flour and he sprinkles that in and stirs the mixture with a spatula. Ren smiles as she listens to him explain what he is doing to his carbink while she shucks peas into a bowl behind them. Soon Anthy seems confident enough to take over and Steven starts making dough on the counter next to Ren. His bare arms flex as he kneads the dough in a practiced motion. Ren steals glances at him and tries not to smile the dopey way her face seems to want to. Anthy has Ren set the pods aside for Pavise and chop some mushrooms and other vegetables. The two sandslashes and excadrill come in with a basket of root vegetables and an earthenware jar. Komatsu gets out a lasagna pan out of a cabinet and puts it on the floor while Alwyn picks up a potato. Komatsu puts a bowl down next to her. Alwyn carefully balances the potato on one claw and spins it like a top. She runs the edge of her other claw up it length and peels it into the bowl in one fluid motion. She smiles at Kōtai who is watching her with wide eyes. She tosses the peeled potato up and cubes it in midair. The pieces land in the pan. Kōtai compliments her on the trick and picks up a carrot to peel while she continues with the potatoes. Komatsu fetches some berries out of the fridge using a step stool. Meanwhile Steven is rolling out the dough into four large circles. Ren continues to steal furtive glances at his face and arms between each vegetable she dices. Soon she has a little pile of celery, carrots, mushrooms, and potato. Anthy floats them through the air and into a pot. Steven puts two of the crusts in pie dishes and leaves the other two on the cutting board for later. Komatsu pours the contents of the jar, which turns out to be grubs, over the roots and berries and the two sandslash put it in the oven. Ren confers with Anthy and gets some supplies out of her vapor box (rice flour, matcha, and red bean paste). She starts making mochi at the table while Steven gets some lemonade out of the fridge. He pulls two glasses out of the cabinet and holds one down to Alwyn, who frosts it over. Steven joins Ren at the table with the two frosted glasses of lemonade which he has garnished with mint. Ren has him roll out little balls of red bean paste and Ren wraps them in matcha mochi before Steven dusts them in rice flour for the finishing touch. Steven soon gets ahead of Ren and rests his head on his hand with a sigh. He leans over with a mischievous smile and sprinkles some rice flour on her hair. She blows some matcha powder at him in retaliation and he flicks some red bean paste at her and she reaches her hand into the remaining gooey mochi to fling at him, expression gleeful. She raises it high and Steven begs for mercy, but this draws Anthy’s attention and she yells at them for making a mess. They both protest and grovel but Anthy has their sandslashes throw them out. They give each other a sheepish smile as they are pushed out into the hall. Steven snatches the bowl of pea pods as soon as the sandslashes turn their backs and goes outside to take care of his pokemon while Ren goes to take a shower. She reemerges, clean and sweet smelling, in a loose t-shirt and plain pajama bottoms and goes into the living room. Three of the four walls are lined with cases of rocks and Ren goes around admiring them. Steven comes back in and quickly checks on her before going off to take his own shower. Ren is lounging on the enormous couch when he returns with a bowl of cherries and some fresh glasses of lemonade. He has put on silk pajamas that are a beldum print on a pale pink background. Ren can’t help laughing a little at what a dork he is, but he just shrugs. She scooches her feet up to make room and tucks her toes under his thigh once he sits down to keep them warm. They talk for a bit and even laugh while they sip lemonade and eat the cherries from the bowl on Steven’s lap. Ren takes off the stems and holds them in her hand, but Steven pops an entire cherry into his mouth and a minute or two later Steven pushes a knotted cherry stem past his lips and twirls it theatrically, grinning toothily at her. The only reaction he receives is puzzlement and the grin falls off his face. He puts the cherry stem down on the coffee table before spitting the pit out. It lands right in his empty lemonade glass. For some reason, Ren finds that talent far more entertaining and Steven continues to spit his pits into his glass, never missing once even as he ups the difficulty by spitting them high into the air or out of the side of his mouth. Eventually Steven finds himself groping around an almost empty bowl and something occurs to him. He looks at Ren’s glass, but there is still some lemonade and no cherry pits. He looks over at Ren and she grins at him, cheeks bulging. He recoils in horror as she opens her mouth and shows him the thirty-odd pits inside. Ren cackles, though quietly because it is muffled by the pits in her mouth. Steven shoves his glass at her but she makes him put it back so that she can try spitting pits into it. She mostly just gets them all over the table as she has pretty heavily handicapped herself by having her cheeks full. Eventually Steven’s coaching and a lessening of the pits in her mouth leads to success and Ren thrusts her fists in the air in celebration. Tāraki, Kata and Tarahau wander in and Kata joins them in the game. She gets it after just a few tries and Ren accuses her of cheating. Soon the rest of the cherries are gone and Anthy, the Eon Guardians, and the rest of the kitchen crew come in with the dinner and table settings. The three flying types and ocean trio get called in and they all gather around the table to eat. Ren sits in seiza, while Steven sits cross-legged beside her. She looks out over the feast, eyes welling and big smile on her face. In addition to the chicken pot pies she helped with and the roast vegetable thing the sandslashes made, there is a pile of whole, braised fish, a basket of steamed mussels in seaweed, a bowl of fruit salad, and a rack of ribs. A pair of stainless steel chopsticks float out of the kitchen, surrounded by the purple glow of telekinesis. Steven offers them to Ren and she tears up a little as she snatches them out of his hand. Steven serves himself some pie and then puts some on Ren’s plate as she reaches for everything else. Steven watches her as he eats his pie. It kind of fascinating how she can grab anything with her chopsticks, and slice it and shovel it into her mouth, at least for someone who is not accustomed to the utensils. Komatsu and the sandslashes dig into their dish with gusto while the flying types east the fish and ribs. Tarahau, Pohaku and his two new friends eat up the mussels first before helping with the fish. Tāraki and the Eon Guardians mostly eat the fruit while Ao gnaws on the ribs. Like Ren, Kata insists on eating a little of everything and loves it. She especially compliments the pot pie and roasted vegetables. Much to Steven’s horror, this convinces Ren to try some, including one of the fat grubs. She laughs at his expression and goads him until he angrily grabs one of the grubs for himself. He doesn’t hate it and even serves himself some more of the dish so that he can try all of the components together. Ren smiles super wide and his expression softens too as they serve themselves seconds. Soon they finish dinner and everyone helps clear it away. The Eon Guardians are particularly helpful with their telekinetic talents. After dinner, the pokemon get a bunch of cushions from the hall closet and bring them in the living room while Steven goes to his bedroom to get some pillows and a blanket. Ren brings the mochi in from the kitchen after she helps with the dishes a little. She flops back down on the couch and makes herself comfortable with a pillow and the blanket. Steven goes to his liquor cabinet and mixes something, then returns with two champagne flutes of golden liquid. They toast and Ren eyes blow wide at the incredible taste of the concoction. Meanwhile the sandslashes have disappeared and Ren and Steven chuckle about it. That leads to a discussion about the sandslashes and eventually to Ren showing Steven the portraits she had taken in Mauville. After that they talk about the house and where Ren should live now that she is Champion. It doesn’t take long for Ren to tire of that and both of them to finish their drinks and they move onto other topics as Steven gets up to fetch them some alcohol. She teases him and he gets her laughing and by halfway through her second drink, Ren is feeling confident enough to ask him about his tattoo. Steven has to take off his shirt to show her and rather than reaching for the buttons, he grabs the bottom of his shirt, crossing his arms as he does so. He pulls the shirt up and over his head in one fluid movement and throws it down on the couch. Ren watches this with thinly veiled fascination. He raises his eyebrows at her, but she just sips her drink, not at all ashamed of being caught. Steven turns around and sits back down on the couch with his back to her so that she can see the tattoo. It covers most of his upper back and shoulders and is full of color and fine detail. There is a beldum, metang and metagross right between his shoulder blades and the rest of the design radiates out from there. In the circle around them are representations of all the metal ores with a meteorite at the top. The next ring is occupied by the crystal systems and the third by all of the evolutionary stones. Beyond that, unbound by a ring, are his keystone and all of his pokemon’s mega stones, including the steelixite Ren gave him. The rest of the tattoo is occupied by his pokemon, each with their own mineral that represents them in some way. Ren asks a few clarifying questions as he explains and he lets her touch him so that he can tell which parts she is asking about. She runs her fingers over the lunatone cradling the curve of his shoulder. He reaches up and holds his shoulder for a moment. She reluctantly removes her hand he turns to face her. Their eyes meet and she begins to color a little. She reaches for her drink and finishes it off. He watches her thoughtfully for a moment before suggesting they watch a movie. Steven puts his shirt back on and uses his nav to find the Utena movie in his collection and put it on the big screen. Ren grabs the blanket and throws it over herself. She is about to go back to her arm of the couch but hesitates and decides to scooch closer to him instead. She leans up against him and he lifts his arm to make room for her without any hesitation. She snuggles a bit closer and he wraps his arm around her. She offers him some of the blanket and he pulls it over himself with his free arm. They watch quietly in Kantonese so that Steven can practice his listening skills and pretty soon they are both asleep. Steven wakes up a little while after the movie has ended to find his head resting on Ren’s who has her head on his shoulder. Her mouth is slightly open and she has drooled on him a bit. She snores lightly as he picks his head up. He smiles down at her before looking around the room. Most of her pokemon and some of his own are asleep on giant cushions all over the floor. The TV has already turned itself off and it is dark except for a little moonlight coming in the windows and skylight. Steven wakes Ren and she sits up just enough for Steven to wiggle out from under her. Steven crouches and carefully slides a hand under her knees and shoulders. It takes a little effort and isn’t exactly elegant, but he does manage to heave her up and makes for the hall. Ren’s head lulls against his shoulder as he carries her down the hall and into the bedroom. The bed is huge and very plush. There are a ton of pillows and a big fluffy comforter, which Bessemer peels back with telekinesis from wherever they are. Steven lays Ren down and she stretches and sighs, a big smile on her face. He pulls the covers up over her and wishes her goodnight. She snuggles deeper into the bed and Steven can’t help the very warm smile that creeps onto his own face as he looks at her. He turns away and heads out into the hall only to come face to face with Tāraki. The sceptile just stares at him with his big golden eyes. Steven steps aside and gestures to Ren and the bed. Tāraki blinks slowly at him before moving into the bedroom. He goes to the far side of the bed and hops up. He feels out the comforter before settling down next to Ren. She rolls over and strokes the ridges on his head while he thrums happily. Steven smiles one last time before he heads back into the living room. Bessemer smirks at him from the corner, but he either doesn’t notice or pretends not to. He picks up the blanket off the floor and tosses a pillow on the end of the couch. He flops down and throws the blanket over himself and is soon asleep.]

#pokemon #Nuzlocke #oras #running hot nuzlocke #story #episode 22 #Ren #Steven #Anthy

[jade4813]

Jane Austen’s Iris

My (edited and completed) submission for Westallen At the Movies! The Flash in the style of modernized Emma, by Jane Austen. Some characters are jerks in this AU, but blame Jane Austen for requiring them to be!

Title:

Jane Austen’s Iris

Rating: PG

Synopsis: A Flash AU, inspired by Emma.

Acknowledgment: My thanks go out to @valeriemperez​ for help editing this story!

Chapters: 1/6

Dear Struck by Lightning

My best friend has been in love with someone else in our friend group for a while now (over a year), but she’s never gotten up the nerve to confess to her feelings. This is putting her through an emotional rollercoaster, but she won’t do anything about it! I know I promised her I would never tell him, but would it really be that wrong to drop him a few unsubtle hints? If it means the end of the secrecy, isn’t that better?

Trying to be Helpful

Dear Trying

While I certainly sympathize with the impulse, I have a question for you: Which is more important to you: your friend’s trust or your desire to get involved? I’m sorry to say this, but the only person who can get her off of this emotional rollercoaster is herself. I know you’re hoping that if you spill the beans with unsubtle hints, he’ll return her feelings, but what if he doesn’t? Not only will things be awkward between all three of you, but you’ll have shattered the trust of someone you describe as your best friend. Broken hearts mend faster than broken trust, in my experience.

As difficult as it is, sometimes you have to let your friends run their own lives. That said, for very good friends, you can certainly point out that there are only three options in this situation: doing nothing (with the knowledge that then nothing will change), rolling the dice and confessing her feelings, or trying to let him go and move on. She can continue to choose to do nothing, but doing nothing is in fact a choice.

As for you, you should respect her decision, but there’s nothing wrong with drawing lines for your own emotional wellbeing if you need to. What she does about her feelings is her choice. How long you can be (or are willing to be!) a shoulder to cry on if you know she’s never going to try to resolve her situation one way or another is yours.

“You know, when you look that pleased with yourself, I get worried.” Iris pulled her attention away from her computer and looked up at the opening of the door, smiling when she saw it was her old friend, Barry Allen. They’d been friends for as long as she could remember and had been bonded by affection if not blood for nearly as long.

She threw him most innocent expression, which she knew he wouldn’t buy for a second. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she protested.

As expected, Barry looked skeptical. “Uh huh.” He slid into the seat across from her and placed a slightly greasy bag on the table between them, scooting it around the edge of her laptop. “I brought you lunch.”

At the smell of hot fries, Iris’s stomach grumbled. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until that moment, so she snapped her laptop closed and shoved it aside with more force than was necessary as she made a hasty grab for the bag. She knew what she’d find before she even pulled it open. Two double cheeseburgers and fries – her favorite. “Barry, you’re an absolute lifesaver!” she cried.

Now it was his turn to look smug. “I know,” he admitted, snagging a fry as she pulled them out of the bag.

“Hey, those are mine!” she protested, yanking them away.

He snorted. “Like you won’t be stealing some of mine.”

She pouted and said in a low grumble, “That is hardly the point.”

They ate silently for a moment, and then Barry asked, “So, why did you look so pleased with yourself?”

“Mmm,” Iris began, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “Mason just green lit my latest article.” When his eyes lit up, she hurried to interject. “That is, my Struck By Lightning article.” She’d been trying for a while to be allowed to write more serious pieces, but her editor had so far only allowed her to work on a few. As the most junior reporter at the paper, she still had dues to pay before he promoted her for good.

Barry knew how much she wanted off the obits and weekly romance column beat, but he didn’t let disappointment on her behalf show. Indeed, his smile didn’t slip an inch. “That’s great! I read your last one. Your advice to the girl whose family won’t accept her boyfriend was really good.”

She beamed. “Yeah, I think I might actually be pretty good at this. I mean, I did get Cisco and Caitlin together.”

He threw her a stern look, pointing a rapidly cooling fry in her direction. “That was luck.”

“That was a stroke of brilliance, you mean. Everyone swore it would never happen, and what do you know? They get back from their honeymoon today.” Her smile was more than a little self-satisfied. “You know, I’ve been thinking. I clearly have a talent for matchmaking. Maybe I should try it again.”

His expression fell, to be replaced by a look of genuine alarm. “Iris, I don’t think that’s a good idea–”

She wasn’t deterred. “Nonsense! Let’s see…who should I set up next?”

“I really don’t think–”

“There’s Wally, of course,” she began, heedless of his protest. “Though he doesn’t seem to have any problems finding a date. In fact, he could probably stand to slow down a little. Hm. What about yo–”

His lunch completely forgotten, Barry straightened abruptly. “No!” he practically yelped.

It took her a second to realize the source of his alarm, and she forced a smile even as her stomach twisted. She’d been about to ask if he had any single friends; she certainly wasn’t going to suggest setting him up with someone. She didn’t know why the very thought made her feel slightly sick, but she pushed that feeling aside. “I wasn’t going to say you!” she reassured him with a forced laugh. “It’s obvious you wouldn’t go along with it anyway.”

His shoulders sagged a little bit in relief, and the corners of his mouth lifted in a tight smile. “No, probably not. I’m not really interested in matchmaking.”

Iris regarded him closely, her eyes narrowed and her head cocked slightly to the left. “Are you sure?” she asked tentatively, “You know, you don’t date very often. Don’t you want to fall in love?”

Barry didn’t meet her eyes as he stood and grabbed their leftover trash, turning to throw it away. His voice was subdued as he replied, “I’m just waiting for the right person. When I find her, I’ll know.”

Iris looked back at her computer screen and dropped the subject. She didn’t know why the topic of Barry being in love made her uneasy, but she wasn’t enough of a masochist to press the issue. “Well, what about Julian?” she suggested in an attempt to change the subject, picking the first name that came to mind. After a second’s thought, she straightened. Actually, it wasn’t a bad idea.

Her companion didn’t seem to agree with her. “Julian?” he repeated in astonishment. “Julian Albert?” She nodded. “We’re talking about the same guy, right? A little shorter than me, blond hair, allergic to the concept of joy?”

She was undeterred by his skepticism. “Maybe if he found love, he wouldn’t always be so grumpy,” she pointed out.

She could almost feel him rolling his eyes at her. “You’ve met him, right?” She rolled her eyes in return and shook her head, turning her attention back to her computer. The more she thought about it, the more the idea grew on her, but she still needed to find the perfect person for him. That would take some thought.

As her lifelong best friend, Barry could tell when the battle was lost, but he still tried one more time to get her to change her mind. “Iris, I know you mean well, but I still think this is a bad idea. Julian isn’t going to appreciate being set up, believe me. If you do this, I’m afraid someone is going to get hurt.”

Iris snorted. “Get hurt? Honestly, Barry. Knowing about love and relationships is kind of my job, at least at the moment. It’s going to be fine, you’ll see!”

A few days later, she was pretending to enjoy a cold cup of coffee at her desk after work when Linda Park approached and collapsed into a nearby chair. “Rough day?” Iris asked, though the expression on her friend’s face made the question more or less rhetorical.

“Don’t even get me started,” the other woman grumbled, kicking off her shoes to rub her aching feet. “You know, I love sports. In fact, that’s kind of my job. But when I’m doing my job, I wish I didn’t have to prove I actually know something about them all the damn time.”

Iris threw her a commiserating smile, which turned quickly into a speculative look. If she wasn’t mistaken, Linda was single. “You know what? I think you need a beer.”

“No, what I need is a margarita large enough to drown in.”

“Well, I know a good club nearby. Let’s go! If you don’t mind, I might call a couple of friends to join us!” Her mind was already racing as she tried to figure out how she could get Julian and Linda together. It perhaps wasn’t the most obvious of matches, but given their equal propensity for snarky, sarcastic comebacks, they might be perfect for each other.

Without a clue what she was walking into, Linda shrugged and grabbed her bag. “Why not?” she asked, slipping her shoes back on and standing with a wince. “The more the merrier!”

The place was packed, but the two women deftly made their way to the bar and ordered some drinks before Linda excused herself for a moment. Iris craned her neck, looking around at the crowd. She’d made a few calls on the way over and was fairly certain she’d convinced Barry to bring Julian by. However, since she knew he still wasn’t entirely on board with her plan, she wasn’t certain he would actually do so until she saw them cut through the crowd towards them.

“Hey!” she greeted Julian with a warm smile, causing his brow to furrow in mild confusion. They’d always been cordial, of course, but they’d never gotten to know each other enough to be overly friendly. “I’m glad you could make it!” Barry tried to throw her a warning look, but she ignored him, turning to wave the bartender over. “Let me get you a drink.”

“That’s all right,” he protested, stepping next to her. Once he’d ordered, he turned his attention back to her. “I was a little surprised at the invitation.”

She nudged him with her shoulder and teased, “Well, it occurred to me that we don’t know each other very well, and since you and Barry are friends –” that was something of an overstatement, “– we should get to know each other better! Speaking of which, let me introduce you to Linda Park.” She gestured to the woman who had taken position at the bar on Julian’s other side, and Iris took her impeccable timing as a sign. It was almost like destiny was helping her along, and she had to fight back the smile at the thought. “She works with me at CCPN, covering sports.”

“Oh, really?” he asked, turning to the woman in question with what Iris decided to consider genuine if subdued interest. “What’s your favorite sport to cover?”

Linda visibly braced herself for another challenge to what was both her passion and her profession and responded in a voice that edged on a dare, “Football. You a football fan?”

He shrugged slightly, though Iris could swear he offered the slightest ghost of a smile. “American football? Don’t know a thing about it, I’m afraid.” In the absence of a challenge, the tension seeped from Linda’s shoulders.

“There’s a game on this Sunday!” Iris interjected, inspired by a flash of brilliance. “You guys should come over to my place! We can watch it together! There’s nobody better to watch a game with than Linda,” she gushed, with such effusive enthusiasm that her friend looked at her askance. Iris’s interest in football had never been so marked before.

Julian considered her suggestion for a second and then nodded, taking a sip of his drink. “With an offer like that, how could I refuse?” he agreed, and for once, he didn’t sound the least bit disgruntled. As he and Linda engaged in conversation, Iris shot Barry a triumphant smile. Rather than compliment her brilliance, he just shrugged and muttered something she didn’t catch under his breath before walking off.

A short time later, Iris heard Barry call her name and looked around to see him gesturing for her to come over. She started to move towards him when Julian’s voice stopped her. “Can I buy you another drink?” She glanced back at him in surprise, having forgotten for a moment he was there. He looked from her to Linda, whose glass was still half full. “I would be happy to get something for you both.”

Was it possible he was nervous to be left alone with Linda? Could her plan be working so quickly? Buoyed by optimism, she said, “Maybe in a few minutes. I’ll be right back. Save me a seat?”

She and Linda shared a look that had the other woman glowering. “Subtle,” Linda mouthed behind Julian’s back. Iris just shrugged and walked away with an unrepentant grin. Linda might not be thrilled to be set up like this, but if the two of them fell in love, she would come to realize it was for the best.

When she approached Barry, he nodded towards the door. She tried to follow his gaze, but the crowd blocked her view. “Want a boost?” he offered, gesturing as if he planned to lift her, the corners of his mouth twitching with mirth.

“Ha ha,” she replied dryly, looking around desperately for another option. It would be beneath her dignity to have him pick her up; she’d never hear the end of it from him if she did. “You know, there was a time I was taller than you,” she reminded him.

“When we were ten, maybe,” he admitted, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched her grab a nearby stool and pulled it closer so she could stand on the rung and look out over the crowd.

As reward for her efforts, she saw what had caught his attention. Caitlin Snow and Cisco Ramon had just come in. Their heads were bowed, the two of them lost in each other as they walked through the crowd. With as little attention as they paid to their surroundings, it was a miracle they were able to go anywhere at all.

Iris waved her arms in an attempt to get their attention and called their names, but they didn’t seem to hear. As her efforts grew more enthusiastic, her balance became more precarious. Just when she thought she might tip, she felt an arm go around her waist to steady her. “What would you do without me, Elf?”

She stuck her tongue out at Barry. “Have peace of mind?” she suggested in an innocent voice. “And don’t call me Elf.” One misjudged Halloween costume at age sixteen, and she’d never lived it down since.

He chuckled, then waved his free hand and called out his friends’ names. The two working together finally caught the attention of the newlyweds, who made their way over. When they were close enough, Iris cried, “Welcome back!” and hopped down to pull Caitlin into a tight hug. “How was the honeymoon?”

“It was wonderful.” Caitlin’s voice was as warm as her smile, though Iris noticed her gaze wandered towards her new husband, who was talking to Barry. “We almost didn’t want to come back.” The newlyweds shared a look, and Caitlin’s blush was visible, even under her mild sunburn. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten that it probably wouldn’t have happened, if not for you.”

Her grin was irrepressible. “All I did was give the two of you a little push.” Well, several significant pushes, but who was counting? “The rest, you did on your own.”

“Well, thank you, regardless. He makes me,” she paused and looked over at Cisco again. Whatever reminder the sight of him brought to mind, her blush deepened, and she finished, “very happy.”

When the look between Cisco and Caitlin grew uncomfortably long, Iris coughed to discreetly remind her friend of her presence. It barely worked. “Anyway, not that I’m not glad to see you, but what are you doing here?”

“Oh, Barry called us!” Cisco interjected, sliding next to his wife and resting his hand on the small of her back. “Though we may not be able to stay too long. We’re pretty jetlagged.”

Iris made a sound in the back of her throat as she shot her old friend a quick look. She figured his intent had been to call in reinforcements, that together they would talk her out of her matchmaking scheme. If so, he’d miscalculated. Seeing their happiness only strengthened her resolve.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I want to dance with the most beautiful woman here tonight.” He grabbed Caitlin’s hand to give it a quick tug. “Come on; they’re playing our song.”

She grimaced. “I’m not even sure what they’re playing qualifies as actual music!” she protested, but she didn’t resist as he led her out onto the floor.

“You know, they may be a while. We should wait for them at the bar,” Barry suggested, grabbing her hand and leading the way. She was a little disappointed, since she’d hoped to give Julian and Linda a little more time to get to know each other. On the other hand, she was dying of curiosity to see how things were progressing.

Much to her disappointment, when they did find Julian, he was alone. Iris was momentarily afraid that Linda had bailed, but her fear was allayed when she saw her phone, still on the bar, and was informed Linda had stepped away to the bathroom.

“Look who I found!” she exclaimed, showing Barry off to justify her absence.

“Sorry I disappeared on everyone. I ran into some old friends,” Barry explained, gesturing to where Cisco was mortifying his wife on the dance floor. Still, as embarrassed as she clearly was, she danced with him like there was nowhere else she’d rather be.

Following his gaze, Iris winced. “He really is the worst dancer in the world, isn’t he?” she murmured affectionately, just loud enough for Barry to hear.

“Clearly you’ve forgotten our senior prom,” he returned, causing her to snicker.

Julian followed their gaze and raised his eyebrows at the sight. “They’re friends of yours?” The question was rhetorical, his tone unreadable.

“Caitlin and Cisco. I’m sure I’ve mentioned them to you before.” Barry’s tone was light as he waved the bartender over. “They just got back from their honeymoon.”

His frown lifted, and his voice softened. ”Oh, the engineer and the doctor? I think you–”

Whatever he was about to say was cut off as Linda returned. The first thing Iris saw was her smile, which lit up the whole place. “Sorry I took so long. You wouldn’t believe the line to the restrooms! Oh, there’s my phone! I was looking for that!”

Iris went from wanting to see Linda and Julian interact to wishing she had her friend all to herself in a heartbeat. Her friend’s expression implied things had gone well in her absence, and she was dying for the juicy details.

She was still tamping down her overwhelming curiosity when the bartender came over. There was a brief flurry of confusion as orders were placed and Caitlin, having dragged her husband off the dance floor, all but collapsed against the bar and begged for an appletini.

For a man who had appeared to be suffering from full body seizures moments before, Cisco wasn’t even winded. “I’m driving, so I’ll have a soda.”

Caitlin frowned at him over her shoulder. “You sure? We could get a cab.”

“I like watching out for you. Besides, I’m hoping you find it sexy when I do.” She snorted, but the corners of her mouth twitched. Whatever she said in return was drowned out as the bartender called out to Julian over her head, indicating it was his turn.

“Nothing for me, thanks,” Julian replied, waving the other man off and shrugging into his jacket.

“Oh, you’re not going, are you?” Iris asked, shooting a quick glance at Linda. Her friend was deep in conversation with Barry, her hands cutting through the air as she punctuated her story with emphatic gestures.

“I’m afraid I am,” he replied, offering her a slight smile. “I have an early appointment tomorrow, and I’m sure you want to catch up with your friends. Tell them I said congratulations.”

“Oh, but I’ll see you Sunday, right?” she asked, eager to continue her matchmaking scheme.

Julian grinned. “Definitely,” he reassured her. “I’ll see you then.” He bumped into Linda as he passed and paused long enough to say goodbye. Considering the entire evening a tremendous success, Iris turned to Barry to gloat. She couldn’t get his attention; he was too busy glowering at where Julian had disappeared in the crowd. With a huff of irritation, Iris pushed his obstinacy out of her mind and asked Caitlin and Cisco for more stories of their honeymoon instead.

#Westallen #Westallen At the Movies #westallenatthemovies #Iris West #Barry Allen #My fanfiction #Jane Austen's Iris #Fanfiction

[kristinsimmons]

Cozy At Home Spicy Any-Veggie Soup

Hi everyone! It has been so hard to find the right words for this post as my heart is breaking for the world right now. I hope you are all staying safe and doing well. How are you doing? I’m wishing you all love and strength to get through whatever challenges may be coming your way during this pandemic. We’re about to start our 7th week of “sheltering at home” and are all doing well & taking things one day at a time. 

A gift from my heart 

We’ve been trying to do our part by helping the community in various ways, but I also want to do a little something personal for some of my blog readers who are working on the frontlines and in essential services during this pandemic. This idea is a small way for me to connect with you and say thank you for all that you’re doing! So that said, I’d like to mail a signed and personalized copy of my brand new cookbook (my very first hardcover….eek!), along with an Oh She Glows Recipe App download, to 15 frontline and essential workers located in Canada or the US. These gifts will be sent out as soon as my book launches early this fall. Side note: I almost nixed this idea because I worried there would be hard feelings if I couldn’t send one to everyone who reaches out (I will likely have a lot more than 15 emails), but I hope you’ll understand that even though I can’t send you all one, I’d still like to do this to bring a smile to some of your faces during this difficult time. (And I’ll be doing more cookbook giveaways for the entire OSG community in the late summer and fall, too, so there will be other opportunities coming up.) You can nominate yourself or someone you know. Please send a brief email along with your city, and province or state (or your nominee’s story and location) to [email protected] by May 1, 2020. We’ll select 15 frontline and essential heroes and I will cover all costs of shipping, the book, etc. Due to the volume of emails we anticipate receiving, we’ll only be able to reply to those who are selected, but I want to say a huge thank you in advance for sharing your story with me and to all of you out there who are making sacrifices for your communities every day.

A little about this soup

Today, I’m sharing a versatile, nutrient-packed, and pantry-friendly soup that I’ve been making for the past several weeks. I can’t tell you how much of a go-to recipe this has been while trying to juggle work deadlines and refereeing (oops, I mean parenting) and homeschooling. You can use virtually any veggies you have on hand as long as it totals about 8 cups (be sure to see the Tips in the recipe below for ideas). I’ve created both Instant Pot and stovetop versions for you as well. I love that I can throw everything into my Instant Pot, turn it on, and walk away! And the stovetop version is almost as simple…the only difference is that you’ll need to stir it a few times during cooking. I’m whipping this up twice weekly until the warm weather sets in. I hope it brings you some comfort during these trying days. I’d love to hear which veggie combos you use…my favourite combo so far is: broccoli, carrots, butternut squash, frozen green beans, and sliced cremini mushrooms. A nutrient powerhouse! I’m not joking when I say that I’m eating this daily for lunch…it helps balance out all the baked goods that I’ve been stuffing in my face…lol. 

PS – I’ll be sure to share a lot more details about the new book (as well as the big cover reveal!) soon. If you haven’t already, be sure to sign up for our newsletter, as we’ll be relaunching it this spring and revealing the cover and details there first.

Sending you all love, good health wishes, and big virtual hugs,

Angela xoxo

Cozy At Home Spicy Any-Veggie Soup

Vegan, gluten-free, grain-free, nut-free, refined sugar-free, soy-free

This spicy, bursting-with-flavour soup can be made with whatever veggies you have lurking in the crisper and pantry. My favourite combination of veggies is broccoli (rich in immune-boosting vitamin C), butternut squash, carrots, and frozen green beans, and I’ve detailed the amounts I use in my recipe below. You can use any veggies you love as long as it totals 8 cups of chopped veggies (see my Tip below for ideas!). I’ve also provided two different cooking methods: a hands-free Instant Pot method and a traditional (but still very easy) stovetop method. The beauty of this soup is that it’s so simple to make—we simply add the ingredients to the pot and let it cook away! The soup’s spicy flavour comes from using a generous amount of red pepper flakes. I like 2 teaspoons for a moderate, zippy heat level, but if you aren’t a fan of a lot of heat, start with 1 teaspoon and go from there. If you want to use my Instant Pot method, you can find the directions at the bottom of the Tips section. This recipe is adapted from my 8-Minute Pantry Dal.

Yield 8 cups (2 L)

Prep time 15 Minutes

Cook time 25 Minutes

Total time 40 Minutes

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon (15 mL) coconut oil or olive oil

2 1/2 cups (625 mL) water

1 (14-ounce/398 mL) can light coconut milk

1 (14-ounce/398 mL) can fire-roasted diced tomatoes*

3 cups (190 g) broccoli florets (1 1/2-inch florets)**

2 cups (270 g) peeled, seeded, and chopped butternut squash (1/2-inch cubes)

1 1/2 cups (195 g) chopped peeled carrots (1/2-inch thick coins)

1 1/2 cups (160 g) frozen cut green beans***

2 teaspoons red pepper flakes, or to taste****

1 teaspoon fine sea salt, or to taste

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 cup (170 g) uncooked red lentils

2 tablespoons (30 mL) apple cider vinegar, or to taste

Herbamare, for garnish (optional)

Directions:

Stovetop method: To a large pot, add the oil, water, coconut milk, diced tomatoes (with juices), broccoli, butternut squash, carrots, frozen green beans, red pepper flakes, salt (starting with 3/4 teaspoon), garlic powder, and red lentils. Stir to combine.

Set the heat to high, cover with a tight-fitting lid, and bring the mixture to a low boil. Once it comes to a boil, remove the lid and reduce the heat to medium. Stir again, scraping off any lentils stuck to the bottom of the pot.

Simmer, covered, over medium heat for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the lentils are soft and the veggies are just fork tender. The veggies should have a touch of resistance when pierced with a fork. The cook time will vary based on the type of veggies you use.

After cooking, remove the lid and stir in the apple cider vinegar, starting with one tablespoon and adding from there, to taste (we love 2 tablespoons for a lot of brightness). Sometimes, there may be a slight separation in the soup after adding the vinegar, depending on the brand of coconut milk used. This is nothing to worry about. Season with more salt, if desired (I add another 1/4 teaspoon of fine sea salt, plus a bit of Herbamare). I also enjoy adding a bit more apple cider vinegar to my individual serving because I adore its tanginess in this soup. Serve and enjoy. Refrigerate leftovers in an airtight container for up to 4 to 5 days.

Tips:

* I love fire-roasted diced canned tomatoes in this soup, but feel free to use regular canned diced tomatoes if that’s what you have.

** You can use practically any veggies you have on hand (most veggies should work, however, I probably wouldn’t try beets or eggplant, but maybe that’s just me). Veggies to try out: broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, carrots, sweet potatoes, yellow or red potatoes, button mushrooms, squash, sautéed onions/garlic/celery, thickly sliced zucchini (with skin), kale, frozen peas, etc. Just make sure the chopped veggies total 8 cups. If using onion, celery, or garlic, be sure to sauté them in the oil over medium heat for about 5 minutes, until softened, before adding the remaining ingredients. I have not tested any frozen veggies besides frozen green beans, so I can't vouch for other ones working.

*** If using French-cut frozen green beans (the thin variety), add them during the last 5 minutes of cooking to prevent them from softening too much.

**** 2 teaspoons of red chili flakes results in a zippy, moderate level of heat (my fave way to make this soup!). If serving to spice-shy folks, start with 1 teaspoon (for a mild soup) and add more after cooking, if desired.

  INSTANT POT METHOD:

1.To a 6-Quart (or larger) Instant Pot, add all the ingredients, except the red lentils and apple cider vinegar. Stir until combined.

2. Now, pour the red lentils evenly overtop the mixture and gently press them into the liquid with your hands or a spoon (do not stir the lentils into the mixture as this can result in a burn notice in some machines).

3. Secure the lid in the lock position and check that the Steam Release Handle is pointing to the “Sealing” position.

4. Press the “Pressure Cook” button (or “Manual”, on some machines) and set the cook time to 1 minute on high pressure. After a few seconds you’ll hear a couple beeps and the screen will say “on”. The cooking process has begun! (Pro tip: it will take about 25 minutes for the machine to come to pressure before the 1 minute timer is triggered.)

5. You’ll hear a few beeps when the 1 minute timer is up. Immediately do a “Quick Pressure Release” to avoid overcooking the soup (simply shift the Steam Release Handle to the “Venting” position to release the pressure). Once all of the pressure has been released, the float valve will sink and you won’t hear steam anymore.

6. Carefully open the lid. My Instant Pot defaults to the “keep warm” setting, so I cancel it and turn the machine off to avoid over-cooking the veggies. Stir in the apple cider vinegar (starting with 1 tablespoon and adding more from there, to taste...we love 2 tablespoons for a nice zing). Sometimes, there may be a very slight coconut milk separation in the soup after adding the vinegar. This is natural and nothing to worry about. Season each bowl with a sprinkle of salt or Herbamare, if desired, and enjoy!

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© copyright 2020 Oh She Glows. All Rights Reserved.

Cozy At Home Spicy Any-Veggie Soup published first on https://wittooth.tumblr.com/

[susantregre]

Cozy At Home Spicy Any-Veggie Soup

Hi everyone! It has been so hard to find the right words for this post as my heart is breaking for the world right now. I hope you are all staying safe and doing well. How are you doing? I’m wishing you all love and strength to get through whatever challenges may be coming your way during this pandemic. We’re about to start our 7th week of “sheltering at home” and are all doing well & taking things one day at a time. 

A gift from my heart 

We’ve been trying to do our part by helping the community in various ways, but I also want to do a little something personal for some of my blog readers who are working on the frontlines and in essential services during this pandemic. This idea is a small way for me to connect with you and say thank you for all that you’re doing! So that said, I’d like to mail a signed and personalized copy of my brand new cookbook (my very first hardcover….eek!), along with an Oh She Glows Recipe App download, to 15 frontline and essential workers located in Canada or the US. These gifts will be sent out as soon as my book launches early this fall. Side note: I almost nixed this idea because I worried there would be hard feelings if I couldn’t send one to everyone who reaches out (I will likely have a lot more than 15 emails), but I hope you’ll understand that even though I can’t send you all one, I’d still like to do this to bring a smile to some of your faces during this difficult time. (And I’ll be doing more cookbook giveaways for the entire OSG community in the late summer and fall, too, so there will be other opportunities coming up.) You can nominate yourself or someone you know. Please send a brief email along with your city, and province or state (or your nominee’s story and location) to [email protected] by May 1, 2020. We’ll select 15 frontline and essential heroes and I will cover all costs of shipping, the book, etc. Due to the volume of emails we anticipate receiving, we’ll only be able to reply to those who are selected, but I want to say a huge thank you in advance for sharing your story with me and to all of you out there who are making sacrifices for your communities every day.

A little about this soup

Today, I’m sharing a versatile, nutrient-packed, and pantry-friendly soup that I’ve been making for the past several weeks. I can’t tell you how much of a go-to recipe this has been while trying to juggle work deadlines and refereeing (oops, I mean parenting) and homeschooling. You can use virtually any veggies you have on hand as long as it totals about 8 cups (be sure to see the Tips in the recipe below for ideas). I’ve created both Instant Pot and stovetop versions for you as well. I love that I can throw everything into my Instant Pot, turn it on, and walk away! And the stovetop version is almost as simple…the only difference is that you’ll need to stir it a few times during cooking. I’m whipping this up twice weekly until the warm weather sets in. I hope it brings you some comfort during these trying days. I’d love to hear which veggie combos you use…my favourite combo so far is: broccoli, carrots, butternut squash, frozen green beans, and sliced cremini mushrooms. A nutrient powerhouse! I’m not joking when I say that I’m eating this daily for lunch…it helps balance out all the baked goods that I’ve been stuffing in my face…lol. 

PS – I’ll be sure to share a lot more details about the new book (as well as the big cover reveal!) soon. If you haven’t already, be sure to sign up for our newsletter, as we’ll be relaunching it this spring and revealing the cover and details there first.

Sending you all love, good health wishes, and big virtual hugs,

Angela xoxo

Cozy At Home Spicy Any-Veggie Soup

Vegan, gluten-free, grain-free, nut-free, refined sugar-free, soy-free

This spicy, bursting-with-flavour soup can be made with whatever veggies you have lurking in the crisper and pantry. My favourite combination of veggies is broccoli (rich in immune-boosting vitamin C), butternut squash, carrots, and frozen green beans, and I’ve detailed the amounts I use in my recipe below. You can use any veggies you love as long as it totals 8 cups of chopped veggies (see my Tip below for ideas!). I’ve also provided two different cooking methods: a hands-free Instant Pot method and a traditional (but still very easy) stovetop method. The beauty of this soup is that it’s so simple to make—we simply add the ingredients to the pot and let it cook away! The soup’s spicy flavour comes from using a generous amount of red pepper flakes. I like 2 teaspoons for a moderate, zippy heat level, but if you aren’t a fan of a lot of heat, start with 1 teaspoon and go from there. If you want to use my Instant Pot method, you can find the directions at the bottom of the Tips section. This recipe is adapted from my 8-Minute Pantry Dal.

Yield 8 cups (2 L)

Prep time 15 Minutes

Cook time 25 Minutes

Total time 40 Minutes

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon (15 mL) coconut oil or olive oil

2 1/2 cups (625 mL) water

1 (14-ounce/398 mL) can light coconut milk

1 (14-ounce/398 mL) can fire-roasted diced tomatoes*

3 cups (190 g) broccoli florets (1 1/2-inch florets)**

2 cups (270 g) peeled, seeded, and chopped butternut squash (1/2-inch cubes)

1 1/2 cups (195 g) chopped peeled carrots (1/2-inch thick coins)

1 1/2 cups (160 g) frozen cut green beans***

2 teaspoons red pepper flakes, or to taste****

1 teaspoon fine sea salt, or to taste

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 cup (170 g) uncooked red lentils

2 tablespoons (30 mL) apple cider vinegar, or to taste

Herbamare, for garnish (optional)

Directions:

Stovetop method: To a large pot, add the oil, water, coconut milk, diced tomatoes (with juices), broccoli, butternut squash, carrots, frozen green beans, red pepper flakes, salt (starting with 3/4 teaspoon), garlic powder, and red lentils. Stir to combine.

Set the heat to high, cover with a tight-fitting lid, and bring the mixture to a low boil. Once it comes to a boil, remove the lid and reduce the heat to medium. Stir again, scraping off any lentils stuck to the bottom of the pot.

Simmer, covered, over medium heat for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the lentils are soft and the veggies are just fork tender. The veggies should have a touch of resistance when pierced with a fork. The cook time will vary based on the type of veggies you use.

After cooking, remove the lid and stir in the apple cider vinegar, starting with one tablespoon and adding from there, to taste (we love 2 tablespoons for a lot of brightness). Sometimes, there may be a slight separation in the soup after adding the vinegar, depending on the brand of coconut milk used. This is nothing to worry about. Season with more salt, if desired (I add another 1/4 teaspoon of fine sea salt, plus a bit of Herbamare). I also enjoy adding a bit more apple cider vinegar to my individual serving because I adore its tanginess in this soup. Serve and enjoy. Refrigerate leftovers in an airtight container for up to 4 to 5 days.

Tips:

* I love fire-roasted diced canned tomatoes in this soup, but feel free to use regular canned diced tomatoes if that’s what you have.

** You can use practically any veggies you have on hand (most veggies should work, however, I probably wouldn’t try beets or eggplant, but maybe that’s just me). Veggies to try out: broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, carrots, sweet potatoes, yellow or red potatoes, button mushrooms, squash, sautéed onions/garlic/celery, thickly sliced zucchini (with skin), kale, frozen peas, etc. Just make sure the chopped veggies total 8 cups. If using onion, celery, or garlic, be sure to sauté them in the oil over medium heat for about 5 minutes, until softened, before adding the remaining ingredients. I have not tested any frozen veggies besides frozen green beans, so I can't vouch for other ones working.

*** If using French-cut frozen green beans (the thin variety), add them during the last 5 minutes of cooking to prevent them from softening too much.

**** 2 teaspoons of red chili flakes results in a zippy, moderate level of heat (my fave way to make this soup!). If serving to spice-shy folks, start with 1 teaspoon (for a mild soup) and add more after cooking, if desired.

  INSTANT POT METHOD:

1.To a 6-Quart (or larger) Instant Pot, add all the ingredients, except the red lentils and apple cider vinegar. Stir until combined.

2. Now, pour the red lentils evenly overtop the mixture and gently press them into the liquid with your hands or a spoon (do not stir the lentils into the mixture as this can result in a burn notice in some machines).

3. Secure the lid in the lock position and check that the Steam Release Handle is pointing to the “Sealing” position.

4. Press the “Pressure Cook” button (or “Manual”, on some machines) and set the cook time to 1 minute on high pressure. After a few seconds you’ll hear a couple beeps and the screen will say “on”. The cooking process has begun! (Pro tip: it will take about 25 minutes for the machine to come to pressure before the 1 minute timer is triggered.)

5. You’ll hear a few beeps when the 1 minute timer is up. Immediately do a “Quick Pressure Release” to avoid overcooking the soup (simply shift the Steam Release Handle to the “Venting” position to release the pressure). Once all of the pressure has been released, the float valve will sink and you won’t hear steam anymore.

6. Carefully open the lid. My Instant Pot defaults to the “keep warm” setting, so I cancel it and turn the machine off to avoid over-cooking the veggies. Stir in the apple cider vinegar (starting with 1 tablespoon and adding more from there, to taste...we love 2 tablespoons for a nice zing). Sometimes, there may be a very slight coconut milk separation in the soup after adding the vinegar. This is natural and nothing to worry about. Season each bowl with a sprinkle of salt or Herbamare, if desired, and enjoy!

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© copyright 2020 Oh She Glows. All Rights Reserved.

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#Oh She Glows

[beccameliora]

Read More Cozy At Home Spicy Any-Veggie Soup

The following post Cozy At Home Spicy Any-Veggie Soup is republished from Oh She Glows by Angela (Oh She Glows)

Hi everyone! It has been so hard to find the right words for this post as my heart is breaking for the world right now. I hope you are all staying safe and doing well. How are you doing? I’m wishing you all love and strength to get through whatever challenges may be coming your way during this pandemic. We’re about to start our 7th week of “sheltering at home” and are all doing well & taking things one day at a time. 

A gift from my heart 

We’ve been trying to do our part by helping the community in various ways, but I also want to do a little something personal for some of my blog readers who are working on the frontlines and in essential services during this pandemic. This idea is a small way for me to connect with you and say thank you for all that you’re doing! So that said, I’d like to mail a signed and personalized copy of my brand new cookbook (my very first hardcover….eek!), along with an Oh She Glows Recipe App download, to 15 frontline and essential workers located in Canada or the US. These gifts will be sent out as soon as my book launches early this fall. Side note: I almost nixed this idea because I worried there would be hard feelings if I couldn’t send one to everyone who reaches out (I will likely have a lot more than 15 emails), but I hope you’ll understand that even though I can’t send you all one, I’d still like to do this to bring a smile to some of your faces during this difficult time. (And I’ll be doing more cookbook giveaways for the entire OSG community in the late summer and fall, too, so there will be other opportunities coming up.) You can nominate yourself or someone you know. Please send a brief email along with your city, and province or state (or your nominee’s story and location) to [email protected] by May 1, 2020. We’ll select 15 frontline and essential heroes and I will cover all costs of shipping, the book, etc. Due to the volume of emails we anticipate receiving, we’ll only be able to reply to those who are selected, but I want to say a huge thank you in advance for sharing your story with me and to all of you out there who are making sacrifices for your communities every day.

A little about this soup

Today, I’m sharing a versatile, nutrient-packed, and pantry-friendly soup that I’ve been making for the past several weeks. I can’t tell you how much of a go-to recipe this has been while trying to juggle work deadlines and refereeing (oops, I mean parenting) and homeschooling. You can use virtually any veggies you have on hand as long as it totals about 8 cups (be sure to see the Tips in the recipe below for ideas). I’ve created both Instant Pot and stovetop versions for you as well. I love that I can throw everything into my Instant Pot, turn it on, and walk away! And the stovetop version is almost as simple…the only difference is that you’ll need to stir it a few times during cooking. I’m whipping this up twice weekly until the warm weather sets in. I hope it brings you some comfort during these trying days. I’d love to hear which veggie combos you use…my favourite combo so far is: broccoli, carrots, butternut squash, frozen green beans, and sliced cremini mushrooms. A nutrient powerhouse! I’m not joking when I say that I’m eating this daily for lunch…it helps balance out all the baked goods that I’ve been stuffing in my face…lol. 

PS – I’ll be sure to share a lot more details about the new book (as well as the big cover reveal!) soon. If you haven’t already, be sure to sign up for our newsletter, as we’ll be relaunching it this spring and revealing the cover and details there first.

Sending you all love, good health wishes, and big virtual hugs,

Angela xoxo

Cozy At Home Spicy Any-Veggie Soup

Vegan, gluten-free, grain-free, nut-free, refined sugar-free, soy-free

This spicy, bursting-with-flavour soup can be made with whatever veggies you have lurking in the crisper and pantry. My favourite combination of veggies is broccoli (rich in immune-boosting vitamin C), butternut squash, carrots, and frozen green beans, and I’ve detailed the amounts I use in my recipe below. You can use any veggies you love as long as it totals 8 cups of chopped veggies (see my Tip below for ideas!). I’ve also provided two different cooking methods: a hands-free Instant Pot method and a traditional (but still very easy) stovetop method. The beauty of this soup is that it’s so simple to make—we simply add the ingredients to the pot and let it cook away! The soup’s spicy flavour comes from using a generous amount of red pepper flakes. I like 2 teaspoons for a moderate, zippy heat level, but if you aren’t a fan of a lot of heat, start with 1 teaspoon and go from there. If you want to use my Instant Pot method, you can find the directions at the bottom of the Tips section. This recipe is adapted from my 8-Minute Pantry Dal.

Yield 8 cups (2 L)

Prep time 15 Minutes

Cook time 25 Minutes

Total time 40 Minutes

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon (15 mL) coconut oil or olive oil

2 1/2 cups (625 mL) water

1 (14-ounce/398 mL) can light coconut milk

1 (14-ounce/398 mL) can fire-roasted diced tomatoes*

3 cups (190 g) broccoli florets (1 1/2-inch florets)**

2 cups (270 g) peeled, seeded, and chopped butternut squash (1/2-inch cubes)

1 1/2 cups (195 g) chopped peeled carrots (1/2-inch thick coins)

1 1/2 cups (160 g) frozen cut green beans***

2 teaspoons red pepper flakes, or to taste****

1 teaspoon fine sea salt, or to taste

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 cup (170 g) uncooked red lentils

2 tablespoons (30 mL) apple cider vinegar, or to taste

Herbamare, for garnish (optional)

Directions:

Stovetop method: To a large pot, add the oil, water, coconut milk, diced tomatoes (with juices), broccoli, butternut squash, carrots, frozen green beans, red pepper flakes, salt (starting with 3/4 teaspoon), garlic powder, and red lentils. Stir to combine.

Set the heat to high, cover with a tight-fitting lid, and bring the mixture to a low boil. Once it comes to a boil, remove the lid and reduce the heat to medium. Stir again, scraping off any lentils stuck to the bottom of the pot.

Simmer, covered, over medium heat for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the lentils are soft and the veggies are just fork tender. The veggies should have a touch of resistance when pierced with a fork. The cook time will vary based on the type of veggies you use.

After cooking, remove the lid and stir in the apple cider vinegar, starting with one tablespoon and adding from there, to taste (we love 2 tablespoons for a lot of brightness). Sometimes, there may be a slight separation in the soup after adding the vinegar, depending on the brand of coconut milk used. This is nothing to worry about. Season with more salt, if desired (I add another 1/4 teaspoon of fine sea salt, plus a bit of Herbamare). I also enjoy adding a bit more apple cider vinegar to my individual serving because I adore its tanginess in this soup. Serve and enjoy. Refrigerate leftovers in an airtight container for up to 4 to 5 days.

Tips:

* I love fire-roasted diced canned tomatoes in this soup, but feel free to use regular canned diced tomatoes if that’s what you have.

** You can use practically any veggies you have on hand (most veggies should work, however, I probably wouldn’t try beets or eggplant, but maybe that’s just me). Veggies to try out: broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, carrots, sweet potatoes, yellow or red potatoes, button mushrooms, squash, sautéed onions/garlic/celery, thickly sliced zucchini (with skin), kale, frozen peas, etc. Just make sure the chopped veggies total 8 cups. If using onion, celery, or garlic, be sure to sauté them in the oil over medium heat for about 5 minutes, until softened, before adding the remaining ingredients. I have not tested any frozen veggies besides frozen green beans, so I can't vouch for other ones working.

*** If using French-cut frozen green beans (the thin variety), add them during the last 5 minutes of cooking to prevent them from softening too much.

**** 2 teaspoons of red chili flakes results in a zippy, moderate level of heat (my fave way to make this soup!). If serving to spice-shy folks, start with 1 teaspoon (for a mild soup) and add more after cooking, if desired.

  INSTANT POT METHOD:

1.To a 6-Quart (or larger) Instant Pot, add all the ingredients, except the red lentils and apple cider vinegar. Stir until combined.

2. Now, pour the red lentils evenly overtop the mixture and gently press them into the liquid with your hands or a spoon (do not stir the lentils into the mixture as this can result in a burn notice in some machines).

3. Secure the lid in the lock position and check that the Steam Release Handle is pointing to the “Sealing” position.

4. Press the “Pressure Cook” button (or “Manual”, on some machines) and set the cook time to 1 minute on high pressure. After a few seconds you’ll hear a couple beeps and the screen will say “on”. The cooking process has begun! (Pro tip: it will take about 25 minutes for the machine to come to pressure before the 1 minute timer is triggered.)

5. You’ll hear a few beeps when the 1 minute timer is up. Immediately do a “Quick Pressure Release” to avoid overcooking the soup (simply shift the Steam Release Handle to the “Venting” position to release the pressure). Once all of the pressure has been released, the float valve will sink and you won’t hear steam anymore.

6. Carefully open the lid. My Instant Pot defaults to the “keep warm” setting, so I cancel it and turn the machine off to avoid over-cooking the veggies. Stir in the apple cider vinegar (starting with 1 tablespoon and adding more from there, to taste...we love 2 tablespoons for a nice zing). Sometimes, there may be a very slight coconut milk separation in the soup after adding the vinegar. This is natural and nothing to worry about. Season each bowl with a sprinkle of salt or Herbamare, if desired, and enjoy!

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#Oh She Glows

[bestnaturalsecrets]

Hi everyone! It has been so hard to find the right words for this post as my heart is breaking for the world right now. I hope you are all staying safe and doing well. How are you doing? I’m wishing you all love and strength to get through whatever challenges may be coming your way during this pandemic. We’re about to start our 7th week of “sheltering at home” and are all doing well & taking things one day at a time. 

A gift from my heart 

We’ve been trying to do our part by helping the community in various ways, but I also want to do a little something personal for some of my blog readers who are working on the frontlines and in essential services during this pandemic. This idea is a small way for me to connect with you and say thank you for all that you’re doing! So that said, I’d like to mail a signed and personalized copy of my brand new cookbook (my very first hardcover….eek!), along with an Oh She Glows Recipe App download, to 15 frontline and essential workers located in Canada or the US. These gifts will be sent out as soon as my book launches early this fall. Side note: I almost nixed this idea because I worried there would be hard feelings if I couldn’t send one to everyone who reaches out (I will likely have a lot more than 15 emails), but I hope you’ll understand that even though I can’t send you all one, I’d still like to do this to bring a smile to some of your faces during this difficult time. (And I’ll be doing more cookbook giveaways for the entire OSG community in the late summer and fall, too, so there will be other opportunities coming up.) You can nominate yourself or someone you know. Please send a brief email along with your city, and province or state (or your nominee’s story and location) to [email protected] by May 1, 2020. We’ll select 15 frontline and essential heroes and I will cover all costs of shipping, the book, etc. Due to the volume of emails we anticipate receiving, we’ll only be able to reply to those who are selected, but I want to say a huge thank you in advance for sharing your story with me and to all of you out there who are making sacrifices for your communities every day.

A little about this soup

Today, I’m sharing a versatile, nutrient-packed, and pantry-friendly soup that I’ve been making for the past several weeks. I can’t tell you how much of a go-to recipe this has been while trying to juggle work deadlines and refereeing (oops, I mean parenting) and homeschooling. You can use virtually any veggies you have on hand as long as it totals about 8 cups (be sure to see the Tips in the recipe below for ideas). I’ve created both Instant Pot and stovetop versions for you as well. I love that I can throw everything into my Instant Pot, turn it on, and walk away! And the stovetop version is almost as simple…the only difference is that you’ll need to stir it a few times during cooking. I’m whipping this up twice weekly until the warm weather sets in. I hope it brings you some comfort during these trying days. I’d love to hear which veggie combos you use…my favourite combo so far is: broccoli, carrots, butternut squash, frozen green beans, and sliced cremini mushrooms. A nutrient powerhouse! I’m not joking when I say that I’m eating this daily for lunch…it helps balance out all the baked goods that I’ve been stuffing in my face…lol. 

PS – I’ll be sure to share a lot more details about the new book (as well as the big cover reveal!) soon. If you haven’t already, be sure to sign up for our newsletter, as we’ll be relaunching it this spring and revealing the cover and details there first.

Sending you all love, good health wishes, and big virtual hugs,

Angela xoxo

Cozy At Home Spicy Any-Veggie Soup

Vegan, gluten-free, grain-free, nut-free, refined sugar-free, soy-free

This spicy, bursting-with-flavour soup can be made with whatever veggies you have lurking in the crisper and pantry. My favourite combination of veggies is broccoli (rich in immune-boosting vitamin C), butternut squash, carrots, and frozen green beans, and I’ve detailed the amounts I use in my recipe below. You can use any veggies you love as long as it totals 8 cups of chopped veggies (see my Tip below for ideas!). I’ve also provided two different cooking methods: a hands-free Instant Pot method and a traditional (but still very easy) stovetop method. The beauty of this soup is that it’s so simple to make—we simply add the ingredients to the pot and let it cook away! The soup’s spicy flavour comes from using a generous amount of red pepper flakes. I like 2 teaspoons for a moderate, zippy heat level, but if you aren’t a fan of a lot of heat, start with 1 teaspoon and go from there. If you want to use my Instant Pot method, you can find the directions at the bottom of the Tips section. This recipe is adapted from my 8-Minute Pantry Dal.

Yield 8 cups (2 L)

Prep time 15 Minutes

Cook time 25 Minutes

Total time 40 Minutes

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon (15 mL) coconut oil or olive oil

2 1/2 cups (625 mL) water

1 (14-ounce/398 mL) can light coconut milk

1 (14-ounce/398 mL) can fire-roasted diced tomatoes*

3 cups (190 g) broccoli florets (1 1/2-inch florets)**

2 cups (270 g) peeled, seeded, and chopped butternut squash (1/2-inch cubes)

1 1/2 cups (195 g) chopped peeled carrots (1/2-inch thick coins)

1 1/2 cups (160 g) frozen cut green beans***

2 teaspoons red pepper flakes, or to taste****

1 teaspoon fine sea salt, or to taste

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 cup (170 g) uncooked red lentils

2 tablespoons (30 mL) apple cider vinegar, or to taste

Herbamare, for garnish (optional)

Directions:

Stovetop method: To a large pot, add the oil, water, coconut milk, diced tomatoes (with juices), broccoli, butternut squash, carrots, frozen green beans, red pepper flakes, salt (starting with 3/4 teaspoon), garlic powder, and red lentils. Stir to combine.

Set the heat to high, cover with a tight-fitting lid, and bring the mixture to a low boil. Once it comes to a boil, remove the lid and reduce the heat to medium. Stir again, scraping off any lentils stuck to the bottom of the pot.

Simmer, covered, over medium heat for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the lentils are soft and the veggies are just fork tender. The veggies should have a touch of resistance when pierced with a fork. The cook time will vary based on the type of veggies you use.

After cooking, remove the lid and stir in the apple cider vinegar, starting with one tablespoon and adding from there, to taste (we love 2 tablespoons for a lot of brightness). Sometimes, there may be a slight separation in the soup after adding the vinegar, depending on the brand of coconut milk used. This is nothing to worry about. Season with more salt, if desired (I add another 1/4 teaspoon of fine sea salt, plus a bit of Herbamare). I also enjoy adding a bit more apple cider vinegar to my individual serving because I adore its tanginess in this soup. Serve and enjoy. Refrigerate leftovers in an airtight container for up to 4 to 5 days.

Tips:

* I love fire-roasted diced canned tomatoes in this soup, but feel free to use regular canned diced tomatoes if that’s what you have.

** You can use practically any veggies you have on hand (most veggies should work, however, I probably wouldn’t try beets or eggplant, but maybe that’s just me). Veggies to try out: broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, carrots, sweet potatoes, yellow or red potatoes, button mushrooms, squash, sautéed onions/garlic/celery, thickly sliced zucchini (with skin), kale, frozen peas, etc. Just make sure the chopped veggies total 8 cups. If using onion, celery, or garlic, be sure to sauté them in the oil over medium heat for about 5 minutes, until softened, before adding the remaining ingredients. I have not tested any frozen veggies besides frozen green beans, so I can't vouch for other ones working.

*** If using French-cut frozen green beans (the thin variety), add them during the last 5 minutes of cooking to prevent them from softening too much.

**** 2 teaspoons of red chili flakes results in a zippy, moderate level of heat (my fave way to make this soup!). If serving to spice-shy folks, start with 1 teaspoon (for a mild soup) and add more after cooking, if desired.

  INSTANT POT METHOD:

1.To a 6-Quart (or larger) Instant Pot, add all the ingredients, except the red lentils and apple cider vinegar. Stir until combined.

2. Now, pour the red lentils evenly overtop the mixture and gently press them into the liquid with your hands or a spoon (do not stir the lentils into the mixture as this can result in a burn notice in some machines).

3. Secure the lid in the lock position and check that the Steam Release Handle is pointing to the “Sealing” position.

4. Press the “Pressure Cook” button (or “Manual”, on some machines) and set the cook time to 1 minute on high pressure. After a few seconds you’ll hear a couple beeps and the screen will say “on”. The cooking process has begun! (Pro tip: it will take about 25 minutes for the machine to come to pressure before the 1 minute timer is triggered.)

5. You’ll hear a few beeps when the 1 minute timer is up. Immediately do a “Quick Pressure Release” to avoid overcooking the soup (simply shift the Steam Release Handle to the “Venting” position to release the pressure). Once all of the pressure has been released, the float valve will sink and you won’t hear steam anymore.

6. Carefully open the lid. My Instant Pot defaults to the “keep warm” setting, so I cancel it and turn the machine off to avoid over-cooking the veggies. Stir in the apple cider vinegar (starting with 1 tablespoon and adding more from there, to taste...we love 2 tablespoons for a nice zing). Sometimes, there may be a very slight coconut milk separation in the soup after adding the vinegar. This is natural and nothing to worry about. Season each bowl with a sprinkle of salt or Herbamare, if desired, and enjoy!

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