#something something female socialisation to Not Be A Problem resulting in ones own needs being overlooked | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bee-bowen · 7 months

Text

"the trier"

The trier is the character who has always pushed hard to achieve their hopes and dreams, but a series of obstacles has always stood in their way, whether they may be psychological or physical. The trier has often forced themselves to get back up time and time again, but they have grown exhausted with the lack of results in their efforts and have lost hope. Often experiencing addiction or depression, the trier will view their burden as something they must carry alone, and therefore remain trapped in an endless cycle of being bruised and broken by their own efforts.

BIRTH NAME : Bethany Taylor Bowen

ALIAS / NICKNAME : Bee, Baby Bee

AGE : 22

DATE OF BIRTH : December 17, 2002

PLACE OF BIRTH : Boston, Massachusetts

HOMETOWN : Boston, Massachusetts

TIME IN KISMET HARBOR : February -August 2023, 24th November 2023 - Present

RESIDENCE : DRIFTWOOD HAVEN

TW : under-age drinking, addiction, religious indoctrination, punishment

EDUCATION : BA Graphic Design [INCOMPLETE]

OCCUPATION : Bartender

GENDER : Female

PRONOUNS : She/Her

SEXUALITY : Pansexual

FACECLAIM : Sabrina Carpenter

HAIR COLOR : Blonde

EYE COLOR : Blue

HEIGHT : 4'11

LANGUAGES : English

TATTOOS : Butterfly on ribcage

PIERCINGS : Ears, nose, bellybutton

POSITIVE TRAITS : Friendly, intelligent, perceptive, loyal

NEGATIVE TRAITS : Impulsive, reckless, childish, cunning

PHOBIAS : Darkness, heights, enclosed spaces

HOBBIES : Socialising, partying, painting, singing

HABITS : Laughing to fill silences, can’t sit still, playing with hair

FATHER : Sgt. Robert Bowen

MOTHER : Emily Bowen

SIBLINGS : Nora Sinclair (née Bowen) & Connor Bowen

PARTNERS : None.

CHILDREN : None

PETS : None

BIOGRAPHY

Bethany Bowen entered the world in the same dramatic flare she would possess for the rest of her life. A surprise addition to her family, she followed two siblings who were twelve and twenty years older than her. Her siblings sometimes felt like a second set of parents, but Bethany remained close with them.

As an infant, she often found it difficult to sit still. She always wanted to explore, run and scream. Her mother, Emily, nicknamed her ‘Honeybee’, and thus the nickname Bee stuck with her for life.

Life was easy for Bee in the beginning. A doting mother, a firm but caring father and two siblings who taught her to strive for dreams and settle for no less. Yes, there was nothing to complain about. However, everything seemed to change for Bee as she entered education. She found herself being told off for the most ridiculous things. For talking too loudly, for taking the coloring pencils she wanted to use, for eating when she wanted to. She didn’t understand why she wasn’t allowed to live freely. Every time she learned a new rule, another one popped up out of nowhere.

As she got older, Bee realised she was never going to please anyone, so she continued to live her life unapologetically. If someone pushed her, she pushed back twice as hard. If a teacher shouted at her, she shouted back louder. She became school’s worst nightmare. Things only got worse in high school and mixed with the raging hormones of a teenage girl; Bee’s behaviour became unmanageable. After several suspensions, the final straw was when she spraypainted ‘Mr. Bradshaw sucks dick’ on the lockers facing said principal’s office in a fit of rage. After one too many second chances, Bee was officially expelled from the high school.

The last option for her parents was to send her to a correctional boarding school that had been recommended by the principal. The only problem was it was in Ohio. Bee had never spent more than a day away from her family, and both she and her mother fought her father on the decision, but he was adamant that his daughter needed an attitude adjustment. At the age of fifteen, Bee was shipped to Happy Springs All-Girls Catholic Boarding School in Ohio, where she would don a forest-green plaid skirt and blazer, learn Latin, and go to nightly prayer meetings. All her worst nightmares rolled into one.

When she toured the school with her family, it hadn’t seemed so bad. It was big, if not terribly outdated. However, once her parents left, it was almost as if someone had switched the lights out. The teachers became crueler, and the expectations rose higher and higher. Bee found herself being punished for the tiniest of things, and she quickly learned that she was supposed to exist without a personality in the school. The darkest moments came when Bee made – in their eyes – big mistakes, where she was sent to a so-called ‘Reflection Room’ to think over her behavior and pray for redemption. This room was a glorified broom closet, which had no functioning lightbulb and no windows. Bee was forced to stay there for hours upon end, only allowed to come out once she had confirmed that she had asked God for forgiveness.

The worst day was when Bee was working on her Art final, a piece she was proud of. Painting was quickly becoming her form of relaxation, and she was actually good at it. She was putting the finishing touches to it when one of the teachers deliberately poured red paint over it. Bee swore at the teacher and told her to go to hell, and she was promptly taken to the Reflection Room. Instead of staying for hours, she was there for two whole days, with inedible food and a glass of water every few hours. She screamed until her throat was raw and banged on the door until her knuckles bled, but nobody came.

She considered telling her parents the truth when they visited or when she returned home for the holidays. However, they were so proud of the progress she was making, and they were obviously worried about her, she didn’t want them to feel guilty for submitting her to the treatment she was receiving. Besides, the teachers constantly reminded her that her parents would think she was nothing but a liar, desperate to return home.

So, Bee put up with it until she was eighteen, when she graduated from boarding school and was allowed to return home. She ended up going to a community college, where she decided to study towards her Associate’s Degree in Art & Design. She moved out of her family home and rented a place closer to the city with some girls her age. She wanted to focus on her studies, but she found herself often traumatised by memories of school. Her only way to cope, she found, was through drinking alcohol and partying. When she was drunk, it was like someone had turned the emotion switch off in her brain, and she was just able to focus on the moment. She barely attended college, and after two years, she completely flunked out, and was kicked out of yet another institution. She tried to work jobs to continue paying rent, but she was often fired for her tardiness and lack of discipline or quit due to a general disinterest in the job.

At 21, Bee returned home to her family, out of money, a job and an education. She was rapidly declining again, and after receiving a DUI, her father decided that he had had enough. With no school to send her to, he opted for the next best thing: sending Bee to Kismet Harbor, where she could live close to her brother, sister and brother-in-law. As a firefighter and a nurse, they could teach her discipline and help her to finally grow up.

After living in Kismet Harbor for close to a year, Bee can make some changes in her life. With friends, family and even some crushes, she is finally beginning to feel like a normal 22-year-old girl. Still, her past haunts her, and her alcohol dependency is still an issue she is choosing to keep hidden, but for the first time ever: things are looking up.

#x. bio #x. this dream isn't feeling sweet

0 notes

prettywordsyouleft · 4 years

Text

To Be Continued - Part 2

Summary: As an author, you had created Brian Kang for your current trilogy series to represent the ultimate man that everyone would love, along with Charli Evers - your female protagonist. What you hadn’t expected was for him to find a way out of the story and begin shaping up your world instead

Pairing: Brian Kang x female writer (ft. Park Sungjin)

Genre: writer au / romance / fantasy

Warnings: fictional characters coming to life / a bit of angst here and there / Sungjin as a cop (or does that only affect me?) >_>

Word count: 2205

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue

Once you stopped laughing with your panic, you did what any other logically thinking person would do and rang the police. And you waited at your front door, not touching anything within your home in case you tampered the evidence further. You were already scolding yourself for eating the food prepared for you. What if it had been poisoned? You thankfully didn’t feel any worse off with your cold, if anything, you felt loads better.

Still, the anxiety ran high within you until the two officers finished checking everything over.

“It looks like the person who did this knows you intimately,” Constable Park said with a brief frown. “We’ll run the fingerprints we’ve managed to find through our system to see if they’re in it but I’m not sure what more help we can give you, Miss L/N.”

“Thank you, Constable, I appreciate your efforts all the same.”

“You said you’re a famous author, right?”

You grimaced. “I wouldn’t say famous.”

“I’ve heard of your name before,” Officer Yoon mentioned with a sheepish grin when you glanced at him in surprise. He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “My girlfriend reads your stories.”

“Ah. Please tell her I said thanks.”

“Could I actually get your autograph to give to her? I’d be in her best books for-”

“Dowoon!” Constable Park cut in sternly, causing the taller man to shrink back.

“I don’t mind,” you offered and headed back to your office for a pen and paper. You stopped when you noticed your favourite pen was missing. Surmising it had been moved during the police search; you reached for another pen and then wrote down a quick message for the young officer’s girlfriend before signing it.

You stopped again, staring at the message still displayed on your screen.

Your biggest fan.

Constable Park was back at your side again and you glanced up at him. “You mentioned just now about me being known and the message here…”

“Just make sure you keep the doors locked and maybe invite someone around to stay with you for the time being. As harmless as it’s all been, we do have more than one fingerprint detected today. Since you live alone and haven’t had anyone over in some time, we can confirm there was a second person in here last night. I know it’s easy to spend time being grateful to your avid followers but be careful with who you share your personal information with.”

A chill shuddered its way down your spine and you nodded hastily, taking the card the man held out. He smiled comfortingly. “If you have any other problems, Miss L/N, this is my direct line. Contact me right away, okay?”

“Thank you, Constable Park,” you replied weakly, reading the card and finding that his first name was Sungjin. You smiled when you looked back up at him. “I appreciate it.”

“Alright Dowoon, let’s head out and I’ll be in contact when we’ve checked the database,” Sungjin – Constable Park – stated and you nodded once more as you handed the autograph to his colleague. Dowoon grinned bashfully and thanked you all the way back to your front door, where you fare-welled the pair.

And promptly locked and latched the front door.

You had lived alone since your early twenties, too independent to work well with roommates. Whilst you had started out in a small, frigid apartment, you had cherished the space alone to create your fantasies into novels. You had only moved to your modest villa within the last year and adopted Binks, the only company you needed on a daily basis outside of your characters.

You weren’t recluse by any means, you just preferred your own company. Socialising was exhausting for your introverted ways, and even though you wanted to play it safe, you slumped down on the couch after the police left and groaned at how exhausting today had been so far.

“I’m sick, that’s adding to it,” you said out loud, and then caught yourself doing so, snapping back upright in your position. “I talk out loud to myself a lot, don’t I?”

Of course, your belongings didn’t reply. And Binks had gone into hiding when Sungjin and Dowoon were here, being afraid of men entirely.

Thinking over the care the stranger had given to even your cat, you decided they had to be female. It didn’t ease your mind any assigning a gender to this person. But it did help you feel as if you were getting somewhere with the mystery behind it.

“And once the police run all the necessary checks, hopefully, I’ll have more answers,” you announced, groaning when you had realised you spoke out loud again. “Oh, whatever! I don’t have to keep my thoughts locked up inside my head or spoken through my fingertips into a word document either! My house, my life!”

And with that, you got up and went back to your desk where you tried to seek out some normalcy for the rest of your day.

You checked emails before conversing with Lily who was animatedly retelling you of her reactions to the final part of the manuscript you sent her. You mentioned to her about what happened too. Lily, however, seemed to be more concerned about something you had written, after exclaiming over your safety. You watched the video screen where your editor, and probably the person who knew you the most aside from your mother, struggled with something.

You frowned. “What is it?”

“You didn’t put your usual The End at the final part for me.”

“Yes I did,” you corrected, leaning back in your chair. “You know me. I always put it at the end of every manuscript so you can’t nag me for more words. The End means I’m not adding to this story anymore!”

“You didn’t put it, Y/N,” she repeated, glancing up at you curiously through her laptop’s camera. “You put something else.”

“Look, I’ll prove it to you,” you announced with pure conviction, clicking on the word document icon on the taskbar and then stopped momentarily when you finally noticed that the story was still open. “That’s strange. I know I closed out of it last night.”

“Out of what?” she asked as you clicked on the tab and watched the document appear on the screen.

You immediately gasped. There, after the final scene of Charli and Brian, was no longer The End as Lily had announced. Instead, the words, To Be Continued had been placed there.

“I didn’t put that there,” you whispered and Lily laughed, unconvinced.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Y/N! Who else would have?”

“I sent it to you right after I finished and I swear I had The End written there.”

“Maybe your writing muse changed it on you,” she teased but you didn’t join her in the amusement. She sensed your shock and blinked a couple of times before focusing back on you. “You really didn’t do it?”

“What if they changed the whole story?!” you shrieked as you jumped to the worst conclusion, scrolling up until you found the line that Brian had spoken to Charli about waiting for an eternity for her. You relaxed a little when everything appeared to be in order. “Maybe I’ll name the third book in this series, Eternity.”

“Wow, just like that, you calmed down,” Lily observed and then nodded. “I like that.”

“I don’t know. I’m just a little sensitive.”

“You were taking medicine last night for the cold, right?” You nodded at Lily’s question and the woman smiled knowingly. “Maybe you took too much at once and hallucinated a little. Or blacked out and can’t remember much.”

“I’m changing it back to The End,” you told her, typing it as you did so. Closing the document, you smiled brightly at the video call. “I’m not adding any further words to Captivated, you hear me? You work your editing magic and I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Yes, Boss!” she cheered, waving to end the call and you powered off your laptop then, making sure to shut the lid down as well.

After finding Binks, you scooped him up in your arms, checked all the doors a final time before heading off to bed for much-needed rest.

You were still a little sick, after all.

You awoke to the sound of your phone ringing the following morning and blearily reached out to silence it. “Hello?”

“Miss L/N?” a deep voice asked and you sat up a little, blinking away your sleep. “This is Constable Park. We met yesterday regarding your intrusion issue?”

“Sungjin,” you immediately said and then gripped at your blankets at your first name slip-up. Clearly, you were still grappling with becoming alert enough for proper etiquette.

He chuckled lightly. “Yes, shall I call you Y/N?”

“If it makes the situation still work well, be my guest.”

“Well, I’m not sure how happy you’ll be to have me calling you by your name, Y/N, in a moment.”

“No?”

“The results are in and there’s no fingerprint matching that in our database. Whilst that’s bad news for us to immediately act upon it, it doesn’t diminish the fact that someone had been there either.”

Despite being under your blankets, you ran cold, wrapping your spare arm around you to try and warm yourself back up. “I see. Does this mean you can’t do anything?”

“I’m afraid so. If you find anyone suspicious in your house or lurking around the outside, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?”

“Of course, thank you, Sungjin.”

“You’re the first person I’ve been called out to that’s called me by my first name, you know.”

“Do you find me rude for doing so?”

“It’s refreshing,” he admitted and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of being something different for the man. You then bit at your lip, realising you were overreacting all because a man in uniform had stepped into your home.

Okay, so Sungjin was really handsome. And you were deprived of seeing such handsome outside of your stories. Whilst he was no Brian Kang, he would definitely make for a great love story counterpart in a new world. Perhaps he helped the main protagonist and became her protector. Or maybe –

“Y/N?” Sungjin said and you blinked rapidly out of your racing thoughts, coughing a little to cover your embarrassment. “You okay?”

“Sorry, I’m still recovering from this fever,” you admitted, fanning at your face for effect. “Did you say anything else?”

“Yeah, I just told you to keep safe, okay? I don’t need to be worrying about you needlessly, right?”

Oh, you were so going to get up right after this phone call and start typing out these ideas flashing through your mind. However, you gave a moment more to the police officer and confirmed you would call him at the first sign of trouble before ending the call.

Springing up from your bedding, you dashed into your office and perched on the edge of your chair as you opened your laptop and turned it on. You were relieved to find everything in your office in the right place as you opened a new word document and tapped furiously on your keyboard to get down all your ideas for your new police officer au story.

And when you were finally done, you leaned back in your chair and giggled. You weren’t always inspired by people who stepped into your world, but this was solid content you couldn’t ignore.

“Perhaps it’ll help me live out my Sungjin desires too,” you admitted sheepishly before glancing at your pen stand. You remembered about the missing pen and searched on top of your desk and then scooted your chair back to look on the floor. “Where did you go, favourite pen?”

Not finding it anywhere, you pouted right as your stomach grumbled. “Ah,” you said weakly, clutching your stomach in your hand. “I best feed myself and Binks. Hopefully, that pen will turn back up.”

Once you had eaten and quietened Binks’ demands for his morning affection, you got dressed and readied yourself for a trip out to the grocery store. Next, you had to write out a list of what you needed and went back into your office, sitting down at your desk and reaching for some paper.

Your attention turned to your laptop, where you found your favourite pen sitting upon it. “What the…”

And looking up at the screen, another message awaited you.

Sorry, I didn’t realise I had taken it with me after writing you the notes.

Glancing around yourself, you froze with the fear that rose within. You hadn’t heard anyone inside the house during this time. Yet, there was proof someone had come in again. You looked to the window, it was firmly shut. There was no way anyone could have gotten inside the house without walking passed you first.

You then started to shake.

Had they been in here all night long again?

Just as you went to get up and fetch your phone to ring Sungjin back, you noticed a second tab open on the document screen.

It was Captivated. And once again, the last words read, To Be Continued.

_________________

Part 3

[DAY6 Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

#kwritersworldnet #young k #young k fiction #young k fanfic #young k fluff #young k romance #young k au #day6 #day6 fiction #day6 fanfic #day6 fluff #day6 romance #day6 au #pwyl; to be continued #kpop fiction #kpop fanfic #kpop fluff #kpop romance

98 notes · View notes

tryingtobeclassy · 4 years

Text

park seonghwa . . . night time rides : part I

part ii.

genre: Seonghwa x female!reader, a bit of San x reader as well, college au, roommate au

description: You always loved taking late night car rides with your friends. But before you know it, they turned into sessions of you whining and them enjoying the drama and trying to offer advice how to win over one of your roommate’s closest friends you were crushing on like an idiot.

word count: 5.2 k

warnings: swearing, alcohol, smoking

. . . . .

Night time rides were something else. Driving around through the dark streets with all the lights flickering around and throwing their warm colours onto their surroundings felt peaceful. It felt like wandering into a different dimension. Where time stops. Where things almost always feel weirdly nostalgic.

Night time rides usually feel like an escape from reality. Yet this time you were in the car not just to escape it but to reach a solution for a problem that has occurred in it.

“Sup, bitch”, your friend Luca greeted as he entered the car and made himself comfortable in the back seat since your other friend Zia already occupied the front spot.

“We have an issue”, you said the second he closed the car and started slowly drifting down the street.

“Obviously”, he commented. “If you pick us up just to drive around with you and maybe stop in a drive-thru in the middle of the night, it always means there’s an issue.”

“Did you embarrass yourself in front of the building receptionist again?” Zia asked half interested half just mindlessly staring outside.

“What? No!”

“Did Hongjoong mess up the laundry and you don’t know how to tell him it’s just not good?”

“No.”

“Did you overcook pasta?”

“What kind of problem even--No! Just listen!” They finally got silent. “It’s about Seonghwa”, you finally managed to say.

Zia immediately seemed a lot more interested in the whole conversation. “Oh! That dude you like?”

“Fuck yes! Tea time”, Luca exclaimed. “I want every last detail.”

. . . . .

earlier that night

It was quite late when you finally made it home. Thanks to a professor being sick you had to have an extra lecture to catch up on the whole curriculum and apparently there were no free classrooms except on a Friday evening. It wasn’t that exhausting if you were being honest but just very boring. And it felt like a waste of time that you could’ve spent doing something fun.

You opened the door to the apartment you shared with your friend Hongjoong hoping to finally get some peace and quiet, maybe watch a movie or something, just to have your dreams immediately crushed as you saw eight men hoarding the small living room.

“y/n, you’re back!” Hongjoong yelled excitedly.

All heads turned around to see you and a loud cheer of greetings filled the room as everyone tried to say hi at the same time.

“Fuck, I didn’t know you’d be having friends over”, you said to him, a subtle whine crawling inside of your voice.

“It was a spontaneous decision.”

“Right.”

“Wanna join?” Wooyoung asked cheerfully. “There’s plenty of drinks left.”

You stood in your spot for a second just sort of squinting at all of them as your brain was going through a bunch of thought processing. You weren’t too tired and despite hoping to have a chill night, some socialising didn’t seem too repulsive to you at that moment either. And you even knew all of the guys already since Hongjoong would often invite them over so extra energy for meeting new people wasn’t exactly required.

“Sure, why not?” you said as you threw your hands giving in to the temptation.

All of them seemed to be very satisfied with your decision as another loud cheer broke out through the room. You grabbed a beer from the kitchen and thanks to Yunho being a sweetheart and moving from the couch onto the floor, you got a decent spot as well.

“So what have you lads been up to?” you asked and took a few sips of your beer tho you weren’t sure if anyone heard you cause the conversation they were having was getting quite intense.

“We’re discussing if ninjas or pirates are better”, Yunho answered making you laugh for a second.

“And it’s getting this serious?” you asked, a huge grin on your face.

“y/n, can you pick a side?” San suddenly yelled. “We’re currently divided in half.”

“Obviously pirates”, you answered without taking another second to even think about it and it made half of the room dramatically gasp. “They literally have ships and cannons. The fuck do ninjas have?”

“Thank you. That’s exactly what I also said”, another voice got involved.

Your eyes automatically turned towards the owner of the voice and they were met with Seonghwa’s. It wasn’t the first time you noticed him that night, but it was the first time an interaction happened between you two and as always your heart decided to skip a beat or two as it always does when Seonghwa gives you only a small fraction of his attention. That’s all that was needed with him.

“Ninjas can be invisible”, Jongho protested through a pout snapping you back to reality.

“I thought this was based on logic”, Yeosang attacked his statement.

And the discussion kept going on. And on. It lasted way longer than you expected. Mingi got super heated at one point and was told to have a time out on the balcony which he barely accepted and was sulking like a small child the whole time. You lost them at the point when they were getting way too detailed about sword fighting - your thoughts just wandering around.

Soon enough your bottle of beer was empty and if you wanted to stay any longer you needed some more alcohol in your blood to endure the amount of bullshit that was being said. The kitchen felt so peaceful, contrasting heavily the mess happening on the other side of the wall. But you couldn’t decide if it was good or bad kind of peaceful.

“Hey”, a sudden voice crept on you out of nowhere making you jump in your spot and yank the fridge door so hard it almost resulted in some glass bottles stashed there breaking.

“Sorry, didn’t want to scare you.”

You turned around and was found face to face with Seonghwa who had a huge dumb smile on his face obviously very amused with how scared he got you and not really all that sorry.

“Do you like levitate an inch from the floor? How are you so quiet?”

He lightly laughed and made his way closer to the fridge and where you were standing.

“What do you want?” you asked opening the fridge again.

He got so close that his chest brushed slightly against your shoulder making you almost twitch at the contact. “I thought it was obvious”, he said with a tone that almost sounded playful but you weren’t sure if it’s just your ears making a fool of you. Still, it made your head suddenly shift towards him. He was standing so close that you could almost feel his body warmth just radiating out of him. Or maybe it was just your body getting hot cause he was. right. there. He never stepped inside of your personal space this much before and you weren’t sure how to react.

“So uh?”, you stuttered for a second. “Another beer?”

He stared at you for a second longer, an expression you couldn’t possibly read, before his lips stretched into a half smile and he moved a few steps back.

“Yes”, he said, this time way quieter. “Another beer.”

. . . . .

“Girl”, Luca yelled once you were done with the whole story of that night. “That’s why you got us out of our beds?”

“You’re driving after drinking?” Zia seemed to be concerned with different problems.

“Yes! That’s why I got you out”, you said as if it was the most obvious thing. “Like I’m so confused. What the hell was that?”

“He was drunk and stood a bit too close to you”, Zia said unamused. “I don’t wanna shit on your party, but I don’t think there’s much to it.”

“But you didn’t feel the tension at that moment.”

“You know I usually believe in vibes and stuff but I’ll have to agree with Zia on this one”, Luca added his own piece of mind. “Do we even know if he’s single or not?”

“We do. I asked Hongjoong once”, you answered through your teeth.

“Oh, so he knows you’re crushing like an idiot on one of his closest friends?” Zia said, sounding very amused.

“I mean, not really. I hope not. I once asked him if any of them are dating to which he got very suspicious asking me which one of them do I like.”

“Smart man”, Zia commented.

“What did you say to that?”

“I said don’t be an idiot, I’m just curious.”

“Can’t believe that passed”, Zia threw another comment.

“Anyway, I think you owe us some fried chicken as a sorry for getting us out at this time of the night”, Luca exclaimed. And that was the last of it.

At least for that night.

Around a week later the gang was back in the car as you said you wanted a chat and a late-night smoothie.

“So anyway”, you started casually trying to start the next topic as smoothly as you were sliding into the next turn. “Remember when we talked about Seonghwa last week?”

“Oh, so that’s why you called”, Zia said flatly.

“It better be good this time”, Luca muttered as he already gave you his whole attention. “I’m all ears, darling.”

. . . . .

the night before

You groaned in frustration as you were trying to figure out a part of the lecture that just wasn’t clicking. After staring at the text for a little longer you finally decided to take a proper break and go feed yourself hoping that would get you some energy that you were seriously lacking. You had to make your way through the living room to reach the kitchen where Hongjoong was hanging out with Seonghwa and Yeosang - drinking beer and just very loudly playing some video games. They didn’t really pay much attention to you as they were too immersed in the game and in a way you were thankful cause you weren’t exactly in your best looking addition.

You grabbed some cereal and soon enough you were seated over the textbook again. Cereal managed to give you enough strength for approximately half an hour before you completely gave up and got out of the room again.

“Yo, Hongjoong, did you see my cigarettes?” you yelled to the couch.

His face didn’t shift an inch but a long mmmmmm got out of his mouth making you know he at least heard the question but whether or not he registered its meaning was a whole other story.

“I think you left them on the balcony.”

You got on the balcony, leaving the loud crashes coming from the tv and excited yelling from the three guys in front of it behind you. Just as he said, the little pack of cancer sticks really was on the table. You always told yourself how you should probably quit it but in moments like these when you were feeling frustrated and rather stressed they offered a sort of comfort. Unhealthy yes. But that would be a future you problem.

The night was chilly but still relaxing. The cold even managed to put your mind a bit more at ease as you just sat there and stared into the tiny street lights scrambled all over the place.

“Hey”, a voice suddenly called and of course, who else could it be, then Seonghwa himself.

You greeted him back and watched as he wobbled to the chair next to you.

“You okay?” you asked through an amused smile.

“Might have drank one beer too many”, he admitted through an almost shy smile that immediately melted your entire heart.

You patted his shoulder. “It happens to the best of us.”

“So what are you doing here? Just chilling?”

You made a short break as you pulled a final smoke and put out the cigarette in a small ashtray on the table next to you.

“Giving my soul a rest for a bit I guess.”

You switched your attention from the ashtray to him. He was silent for a few seconds and you just sat there in dark and silence feeling like you could almost hear your heart beating in your chest. He was sitting quite comfortably, his right hand even laying lazily on the back of your chair, while his eyes sparkled in the night and glanced at you every now and then.

“Aren’t you cold?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.

“I feel like I should ask you that question”, you smiled and motioned over his short sleeved black shirt while you were snuggled up in a hoodie.

You heard him lightly laugh. “I’m fine.”

“Seriously?” you asked surprised, your energy suddenly raising, even jumping slightly in your seat. “But it’s like really cold.”

He suddenly got fired up just like you. “So you are cold!”

You stared blankly at him for a moment almost confused as to what he was trying to achieve before bursting into laughter. “Of course I am. How are you not cold?”

“Why don’t you go inside?”

“Who’s gonna keep your drunk ass company if I go?” you teased, not really sure where the confidence came from.

A soft smile formed on his lips but before he said anything, you grabbed your cigarette pack. “I’m kidding. I just wanna smoke one more”, you added.

“Want me to try and make you warmer?”

You snorted not really expecting much logic from a drunk person. “Sure, mate. If you can do it, that would be wonderful”, and just as you were putting a cigarette between your lips you felt an arm wrapping around your back and for a moment you didn’t feel cold as hotness rushed through your body and straight into your cheeks.

Your first reaction was to just shoot your head towards him and meet his face much closer to yours this time. You felt like time stopped for a second and as if you were the main role in a dramatic romance scene. You were glad it was dark cause you were sure as hell you looked like a tomato at that moment and you were just praying that your heart wasn’t pounding intensely enough to vibrate through your entire body.

“Did it work?” he asked and you would’ve sworn his lips stretched into more of a flirty smile.

“M-more or less”, you barely pushed the words out, the cigarette almost falling out of your mouth.

You tried to get a grip so you turned and finally light up the cigarette but you still felt like your heart’s gonna jump out especially when he lightly pulled you even closer into himself and rubbed your arm as people usually do when they’re cold.

“Very helpful, thanks”, you said trying to sound sarcastic and play it cool and not let him know that you were literally having a mental breakdown.

You wanted the cigarette to last an hour. Two hours. An eternity. You were warm and comfortable in Seonghwa’s arms and despite a simple arm making your entire mind malfunction, you wanted to stay like that as long as possible. But darn cigarettes don’t be lasting longer than a few minutes and you didn’t feel like being too obvious if you stay there for too long.

Once the cigarette burned out, you stood up, gave him another friendly pat on the shoulder. “Don’t freeze out here, idiot”, you smiled and left.

. . . . .

“You left?” Luca screamed at you once the story came to an end. “Girl, that was such a good opportunity!”

“I panicked. I thought I’d come off as too direct if I stayed.”

Luca opened his mouth to say something but words didn’t come out while Zia just very loudly slapped her forehead in slight frustration.

“How do you intend on getting anywhere if you constantly keep your distance?” she asked you.

“Well…” you tried to think of something smart but no thoughts were formed that would either be logical or satisfy Zia.

“Also why is he low key creepy when he’s drunk?” Luca interrupted.

“Because the author can’t write guys flirting if her life depended on it.”

“What?” he asked confused.

“What?” you glanced at him.

“You just said-“

“Forget it”, you made a dramatic sigh. “I don’t need you guys to tell me I’m a wreck every time I have any kind of interaction with him. I’m aware of that myself. I need advice. That’s why we’re in the car.”

“The therapy patrol”, Zia joked.

“Vroom vroom advice van”, Luca laughed.

“I’ll drop you both in the middle of the street.”

“Okay, fuck, relax.”

“I think if you had tried something, it would’ve been just fine”, Zia said looking like she’s finally trying to think of a proper piece of advice she could offer. “Just stop thinking so much about it.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Mhm. I’ll try I guess.”

The Seonghwa conversation was done for that night. But it wasn’t long until it got brought up again a few nights later. You had a few days to think about what to do. To try and give yourself a pep talk to be more confident the next time you get any kind of chance with Seonghwa. So when you picked them both up after midnight – all three of you already in pyjamas – it was time for updates.

“I know it’s late. But I felt like my mind would explode if I didn’t share this as soon as possible.”

“It better be fucking good”, Zia complained while still blinking trying to push the sleep away.

. . . . .

earlier that night

It was once again a chilly night. Not too cold but you could still feel some icy feeling crawling under your skin. You still couldn’t believe you got yourself in the situation you were in. You just wanted to go to the nearest supermarket to grab some cigarettes but the trip you expected to go on alone turned out to be with Seonghwa. The moment you announced to the living room full of children in men’s bodies that you’re going, Hongjoong jumped to his feet and asked if you could buy some stuff they needed. You complained it was too much too carry. He exposed you of just being lazy to carry stuff. You said that’s stupid. And Seonghwa offered to go with you. And you definitely couldn’t complaint about that.

The two of you made some small chat over college. You complained about exams and all the deadlines and crap you had going on the last few weeks. The frustration over college managed to shift your thoughts a bit away from all the screaming your body was doing because of the situation it was put in. It made your heart stop beating like a maniac for a second.

His company felt comfortable. As if you were at home, wrapped in a warm blanket. It was easy to talk to him. Words just flowing naturally between you two. A few laughs bursting out here and there. He was always so sweet and gentle. And it made you fall for him more and more each time. You felt like you could rely on him. Even now. While balancing on a thin line between an acquaintance, just a person you knew through your roommate, and a friend. You weren’t quite sure what to call him. But whatever it was right now, you were greedy for more. You wanted more of him for yourself.

The shopping was done in a few minutes. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and some snacks to have another fun night with the boys and you acquired your cancer sticks. You lit one as you were walking down the street back to the apartment.

“How come you smoke?” he asked you.

For a second a wave of embarrassment washed over you. You never thought about the possibility of him not liking that and finding it as a huge turn off. But in his voice there was more curiosity than judgment like you expected.

“I only smoke during exams”, you said, feeling as if you came off way more defensive than you’d wanted. “They help a bit with all the stress.”

“I get that.”

“If you mind the smoke, I can throw it away.”

“Don’t worry about it. Half the people around me smoke as well.”

You glanced at him for a second, an eyebrow slightly raised. “Did you ever smoke?”

His lips formed into an almost awkward smile. “I did for a bit.”

“So what’s the secret of quitting?” you asked as you nudged his hand with your elbow.

“I liked a girl who hated smokers so I quit. And it kind of stayed like that even after nothing happened with her.”

You nodded your head as a short response while your mind was just thinking about way too much. “I don’t think that would be helpful for me but we’ll see. At least exams are almost over.”

You felt like you could’ve dropped in a little hint that you might’ve liked him. Zia and Luca would be proud to hear that you finally did something to push this into some kind of direction. Yet you did nothing.

You got to the building. For some reason you usually kept quiet inside. The echo and the thin walls made you feel as if the entire building is listening to your conversations so you preferred to keep it to yourself. Seonghwa didn’t seem to mind the silence. It surrounded you most of the time as you waited for the elevator and the first few seconds as you were in it. But suddenly your heart started racing again like a super car as Seonghwa leaned on the handle that went around the entire inside of the little elevator cabinet, his hand gripping the handle behind your back slightly brushing against your clothes.

He was close. Again. And you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

“This might sound odd – but do I ever make you feel uncomfortable?” he suddenly asked. His hand moving from its spot but he still remained really close to you.

“What? Why would you get that idea?” you asked genuinely surprised with the question.

“I don’t know. You always seem kind of nervous when we talk. You’re not like that when you’re with the other guys.”

Oh. Oh. He noticed that. Does he pay that much attention to you?

You shifted your body a bit facing him now completely. “You’re the sweetest soul I know. I could never feel uncomfortable”, you said, a comforting smile forming on your lips.

He immediately responded with a smile as well. A smile as sweet as the best candy out there. “Thanks”, he said through a soft laugh.

The same silence wrapped around you two again. It felt as if it was pushing the two of you together. As if the space between your bodies grew smaller. You looked him into his dark warm eyes. You were glad there was a handle you could hold on to cause you felt as if your legs were turning to jelly. His gaze shortly fell away from your eyes before he made contact again and you would’ve sworn he looked at your lips. Only a few inches were separating you that you could almost feel his breath on your cheeks. Yet a few inches that felt like an entire ocean just shutting down closer. And closer.

And then the door opened and you were violently thrown back into reality. Both of you awkwardly shifted in your spots and exited the elevator. Some random chatter was thrown around again until you entered the apartment and your paths split.

. . . . .

“That’s it?!” Zia exclaimed. Now fully woken up.

“Why didn’t you stay with them? Things were obviously going in the right direction”, Luca asked, his cheeks red as he was obviously agitated.

“It was a boys night. I don’t wanna intrude that as a female.”

“You’re a dumbass”, Zia said slowly.

You purposely slammed the brakes a bit too harshly, making both of them get yanked forward. “What was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, how about KISS HIM”, Zia yelled back at you.

“There wasn’t a good situation.”

“If you had the balls you would’ve stopped him before he entered the apartment. From your story he was obviously into it.”

“Well we all know that I don’t have balls”, you said a bit too confidently.

Luca laughed for a second. “At least we all agree on one thing.”

“I swear to god, if there is no kissing action the next time you get us in this goddamn car, I’m rioting.”

“Fine.”

You took her words seriously. So despite wanting to go on another ride here and there, there weren’t any juicy updates that could satisfy their thirst for the drama in your life.

But it also wasn’t long until all three of you were seated in your usual spots again. You hoped but something in you also expected there could be some actual kissing finally involved soon. It was a rainy night. Luca was swearing something under his breath as he entered the car.

“There’s a situation”, you said almost nervously as you slowly made your way down the street.

There was a suspicious eyebrow raise that came from Zia while Luca excitedly clapped his hands. “Spill the tea, sis.”

. . . . .

the night before

It was another normal night. Miraculously you didn’t have anything to study but you didn’t feel like leaving your room either. You were perfectly fine with your blanket and laptop just chilling over some YouTube. Hongjoong had some of the guys over again. They weren’t making too much noise so you suspected they were probably watching a movie. You didn’t crawl out of you lair the entire night until Hongjoong knocked on your door and told you there’s some leftover pizza if you’re interested.

Wooyoung was almost shocked when he saw you walking towards the kitchen. “Yo, y/n! I didn’t even know you were home. You could’ve come and say hi.”

You waved your hand towards him as if trying to say hi and disappeared in the kitchen. There was a solid amount left but you weren’t in a mood for more than one slice. You sat on the counter next to the pizza box and began your feast. It would’ve been a wonderful moment shared between just you and your perfect slice of pepperoni pizza but San decided to insert himself into that peaceful moment.

A devilish smile formed on his lips. You never knew what that guy had on his mind. He was always radiating with confidence and something about him always seemed attractive and almost slightly dangerous. He often flirted with you when he’d have a chance but as the guys would say, he flirts with pretty much anyone, so you didn’t think much of it.

“How come a lady like you is stuck eating pizza all alone on a counter?” he asked, a spark in his eyes as he watched you.

“This lady was too lazy for a plate to take the pizza to her room”, you answered with your face stuffed.

You gulped down that last bite and reached for a napkin to wipe off any potential pizza grease left. You followed San with your gaze but gave him only half of your brain to think about him casually throwing away a can of beer before he suddenly walked towards you. You were sitting on the counter with your legs spread out which left a lot of space into which San just walked into, the next second being only a few inches away from you making you lean back in surprise.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to grab a shot glass”, he said apologetically as he opened the cabinet over your head and took out a small glass.

You expected that would be the end of it. He would get out of your personal little bubble and you wouldn’t have an entire body between your legs anymore. But he stayed there a second too long. That intense gaze of his staring at you.

“You don’t seem to be that sorry”, you joked once you noticed his lips curled up into a smile.

“You got me”, he laughed and paused for a second before he continued. “How could I be sorry to stand so close to someone so pretty.”

There he was again with the blatant flirts. It wasn’t anything new. Yet it felt completely different. You never had that feeling of something cooking in your gut before. That feeling that would then just spread over your body as a wave of heat.

You felt like you should’ve pushed him and just go before things get out of control. But your body wasn’t listening. You couldn’t make yourself do it. You weren’t sure if he moved forward but the gap between you felt smaller. His hands laying on both sides of your body on the counter.

And then it happened. You felt his soft lips touch yours. It lasted just a second before he moved back a bit, his eyes fixated on your own again. It was as if he was checking your reaction. If you wanted to move, now was the moment. Things already went into a direction you never wanted. You could’ve prevented it if you just got up in time yet you were still there. Still not moving.

His lips crashed against yours again. You didn’t even realize that you closed your eyes and responded back with the kiss until you felt his lips stretching into a slight smile. His hands wandered off the counter and around your waist pulling you closer into himself while your own hands found their way into his hair. You didn’t even think about what was happening. Your head went completely blank. You just knew you enjoyed it.

The kiss finally broke off and the two of you parted away gasping for air once the kitchen door was suddenly opened again. Your hands slid out of San’s hair and onto his chest pushing him slightly away to see who has intruded. Perhaps if anyone else but Seonghwa stood there the situation would’ve ended up differently. Maybe if it was Hongjoong you would’ve just went back to mindlessly kissing San. But it was Seonghwa. With an expression you never saw on his face before and that you couldn’t possibly read. One thing you knew for sure, it wasn’t an expression showing a positive emotion.

“Tell me when you two lovebirds are done so I can get myself a beer”, he said flatly and slammed the door behind him.

You could see San’s eyebrows slightly furrow as he eyed the door but before you let him do anything else, you pushed him gently away and jumped off the counter as you continuously mouthed shit under your breath. You didn’t give him a chance to say anything and you didn’t say anything. You just vanished towards your room. A million thoughts exploding in your mind. Anger filling your stomach. Anger at yourself at being a complete fucking idiot and letting yourself get into this situation.

48 notes · View notes

bellamygateoldblog · 4 years

Note

how do we feel about bellamy abandoning a suicidal octavia in a toxic forest in the name of monty, 'monty gave his life for us so we could have another change, and im not going to let you destroy it' who repeatedly made it clear in his final season that he wished he did more to save jasper

…we don’t feel great about it. Lol.

Got a little carried away. Apparently I had a stronger opinion on this on this than I thought I did.

There’s an LT;DR at the bottom if you don’t feel like reading the whole thing :)

The Blake relationship is a really complicated one. And I think how you see this event in particular depends on how you interpret this dynamic during the rest of the show, and how sympathetic you are towards Octavia as a character.

I want to start with this: the second chance was Monty’s to give, and only Monty’s. Bellamy doesn’t get to dictate who that message does and does not apply to, because Monty made it perfectly clear he holds no grudges, and wants the best for what’s left of the human race regardless of who they’ve been in the past or what they’ve done. That’s the whole point of ‘doing better’. He just wants everyone to do better than they did, whichever way that is. Monty didn’t specifically say ‘oh but not Octavia she can choke’ so therefore Bellamy had no right to be cowering behind Monty’s words.

He’s telling them to try a bit harder to be more understanding, compassionate, and rational. He wants them to choose to be farmers rather than warriors- to rebuild rather than destroy, to grow rather than deforest, to choose peace over war no matter what. It means a lot more than just ‘hey! maybe don’t go on another genocidal rampage?’

And by abandoning/banishing Octavia, Bellamy did the opposite of what Monty wanted. It almost felt, as i was watching, like he’d sentenced her to death. Like Clarke was banishing Murphy all over again. Or like he was Clarke abandoning him to die in the fighting pits. And I don’t know…repeating old mistakes doesn’t exactly scream ‘doing better’ to me.

Maybe this was Bellamy’s way of ridding the toxicity from the group?

But deciding she’s a lost cause and leaving her there, a clearly mentally unstable woman (and not only just some ‘woman’, but the baby sister he’s shared his life with), on an alien planet that none of them even know is safe at this point, or if it’s inhabited with hostile entities, from some moral high horse/manpainTM point of view is so low. It’s unearned at this point in the series.

Our attention was drawn to how hard it was for him. How upset he was after he did it. Rather than to Octavia and how she felt about it. It brought me back to that moment in season five, to how the camera focused in on Clarke’s pained teary-eyed expression while the child she was electrocuting was a blurry spot the background. Just what the fuck? Is all i have to say about that. He was very much Clarke in this moment; pulling a lever, leaving someone he loves on the outside *for the people* and feeling a bit ashamed but justified about it regardless.

She was trying to do the S1 Bellamy thing and stowaway to an alien planet to protect the one she loved. But the emotional fallout of season five was immense and both of them were way too amped up for any of it to go as planned. Which makes me wonder why the writers even attempted it in the first place?

But let’s just take a minute to think about how reckless and borderline insane this whole decision is from Bellamy- this is the girl who started out an illegal child, unwanted by the people she was born into, who assimilated with the indigenous people, earned their respect, found belonging with them until ultimately she became their leader. Like, if you really thought she was this much of a hazard, throwing her adaptive ass into the wilderness ready to meet another set of warrior people maybe isn’t the best idea you’ve ever had?

HOWEVER

I’m not actually opposed to a detail like this. Because of the unhealthy and sometimes poisonous nature of the Blake sibling relationship. And because they both absolutely needed time apart if Octavia were ever to grow out of Blodreina.

No matter what Monty never gave up on Jasper. But Jasper was usually self-destructive and didn’t act out emotionally using violence like how Octavia does so naturally. He could be a pain in Monty’s ass from time-to-time, but Jasper was never a threat to anyone but himself.

Bellamy cast Octavia out because she killed those guards unnecessarily. She hadn’t yet reflected on what became of her, nor had she processed any of the trauma from the bunker and following battle for Eden, in which some of the heaviest casualties were her most important relationships, with Indra, and with Bellamy. As convinient as it was to utilise violence as a tool for maintaining power, law, and order within the bunker…they aren’t in the bunker anymore, and she is no longer someone with a crushing responsibility.

Was any of that Bellamy’s fault? No.

Was it Bellamy’s job to ‘fix’ her? No.

(Do I think Monty would encourage him to mend their relationship anyway after losing his best friend and brother? Yes.)

But as her big brother and psudo-father, someone that spent his entire life protecting and taking care of her, the bare minimum i’d expect from him in a situation like this is for him to show some empathy, listen to the whole story from her point of view rather than basing his entire livelyhood on the biased accounts of a couple of Wonkru defectors, and make an attempt to understand why she is no longer the baby sister he remembers her being. If anyone was in the position to understand her- her behaviour, her mindset, the weight of leadership and how it shapes a person, and the pressure of making potentially morally corrupt decisions to ensure the people’s safety putting your humanity on the line for it- it’s him.

This was just cheap drama in place of where they could’ve written a meaningful conflict between them.

It was an oppurtunity to address Octavia’s past treatment of him, their co-dependence, their mother, Bellamy deeply believing his life was stolen from him and Octavia feeling she never had a chance to begin with, Bellamy’s inclination to make himself smaller so Octavia can take up as much space as she possibly can, both of their perverse insecurities that manifest in equally debilitating ways, Bellamy’s skewed sense of self pushing him to orbit around her, Octavia’s identity issues and lack of socialisation and resulting narrow black-or-white mindset, I could go on and on. There’s so so much content here to explore. There’s so much stress and pain in this relationship. It’s a shame that despite all that they decided to go omg cannibalism!!!!!!!!

Octavia took forever to forgive Bellamy for what happened to Lincoln, she demonised him, she attacked him over it in one of the most grotesque and unhinged displays of violence i’ve ever seen, and that wasn’t even his fault. I think we can afford Bellamy the same amount of room.

If this ‘banishment’ was the long-time-coming storm of past trauma of their intertwined existences that has long since been buried, if the time of physical peace spent on the ring building a family of his own pushed Bellamy to make a realisation or two about love and family, and the stressful draining qualities of his relationship with Octavia began to morph into resentment of her, and all this abandonment is, is just a beautifully crafted, carefully maintained facade collapsing between them, I WOULD LOVE IT. It’s understandable. But I need to see them have it out with each other first. If nothing is addressed, if they still go on carrying those things around and never find closure, not only is that hindering Octavia’s growth, but Bellamy’s, too.

But none of that happened in season six. Instead i got to see yet another female with her autonomy ripped from her and i got to see manpain.

Over time she supressed any parts of herself that would make her appear weak. It was always going to take time to pull herself out of that dark place and find a way to shape an identity that isn’t based in something that can easily be ripped away from her. So removing her from the group to find ‘the self’ is a good choice. But it had to be her choice.

I think if everything had blown up and Octavia had chosen to leave on her own volition because she recognises her own tragedy and calamity and wants to do what’s right, it would’ve been the perfect place to begin a redemption/reflection arc for her. With self-awareness. What do they say? The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one in the first place?

In an answer to another ask I said it would make some sense for Bellamy (and Clarke & Spacekru) to be unintentionally hypocritcal and judgemental considering the time distance between their last violent experience and how long they’ve had to make peace with the past. While Octavia was in the most stressful position she’s ever been in, and right in the thick of things for the six years that everyone else spent healing and maturing in.

So we have Bellamy as his most reassurred, most contented self- and he comes to Earth, he comes face-to-face with an unhinged Octavia, and is overwhelmed immediately with biased and incomplete information recapping the last six years during an erratic situation with enemies. I’d be confused and paranoid, too tf?

Bellamy loves Octavia more than life. But she’s morphed into a woman he no longer recognises and it could even come as a personal betrayal to him. He’s been disconnected from her for six years. He’s no longer intoxicated by his love and devotion to her. And he’s having a hard time accepting that the baby sister he thinks the world of is capable of such cruelty. So he’s having trouble forgiving her for it. I think it makes a lot of sense. Except, again, they never addressed anything like this.

Season five Bellamy I get. I’m sympathetic to him just as I am Octavia.

But in season six he appeared, not like he was acting on years of supressed emotional turmoil, but like he was on some moral high horse looking down on her from it.

The end of season five left things open, and there was a lot of potential there for things between them to improve, but season six took it and threw it out the nearest window. And we saw Octavia crawling on her hands and knees begging for forgiveness from a man that 1) doesn’t want her, 2) doesn’t respect her, 3) refused to listen to her, and 4) only accepted her once she was the woman he wanted her to be, who was now no longer traumatised.

TL;DR: I’m not opposed to the whole idea of them seperating in season six, with Octavia being the castaway, but it should’ve been Octavia’s choice, not Bellamy’s. And I think Monty might be disappointed that this was what (season six) Bellamy took away from his video on ‘doing better’. To ‘do better’ he decided to choose just one person that can represent all the evil that exists within both his people and himself and throw her out the dropship door. Problem solved! But there are many ways in which I think the writers could’ve done a lot more with this idea, and a lot better, too.

#hopefully this i objective I tried to make it so #the 100 #octavia blake #pro octavia blake #bellamy blake #rosie tag: share with the group #took me a couple days to answer so i hope whoever sent it will see

21 notes · View notes

radishreader · 4 years

Text

In 1984 American tech journalist Steven Levy published his bestselling book Hackers: Heroes of the Computer Revolution. Levy’s heroes were all brilliant. They were all single-minded. They were all men. They also didn’t get laid much. ‘You would hack, and you would live by the Hacker Ethic, and you knew that horribly inefficient and wasteful things like women burned too many cycles, occupied too much memory space,’ Levy explained. ‘Women, even today, are considered grossly unpredictable,’ one of his heroes told him. ‘How can a [default male] hacker tolerate such an imperfect being?’

Two paragraphs after having reported such blatant misogyny, Levy nevertheless found himself at a loss to explain why this culture was more or less ‘exclusively male’. ‘The sad fact was that there never was a star-quality female hacker’, he wrote. ‘No one knows why.’ I don’t know, Steve, we can probably take a wild guess.

By failing to make the obvious connection between an openly misogynistic culture and the mysterious lack of women, Levy contributed to the myth of innately talented hackers being implicitly male. And, today, it’s hard to think of a profession more in thrall to brilliance bias than computer science. ‘Where are the girls that love to program?’ asked a high-school teacher who took part in a summer programme for advanced-placement computer-science teachers at Carnegie Mellon; ‘I have any number of boys who really really love computers,’ he mused. ‘Several parents have told me their sons would be on the computer programming all night if they could. I have yet to run into a girl like that.’

This may be true, but as one of his fellow teachers pointed out, failing to exhibit this behaviour doesn’t mean that his female students don’t love computer science. Recalling her own student experience, she explained how she ‘fell in love’ with programming when she took her first course in college. But she didn’t stay up all night, or even spend a majority of her time programming. ‘Staying up all night doing something is a sign of single-mindedness and possibly immaturity as well as love for the subject. The girls may show their love for computers and computer science very differently. If you are looking for this type of obsessive behavior, then you are looking for a typically young, male behavior. While some girls will exhibit it, most won’t.’

Beyond its failure to account for female socialisation (girls are penalised for being antisocial in a way boys aren’t), the odd thing about framing an aptitude for computer science around typically male behaviour is that coding was originally seen as a woman’s game. In fact, women were the original ‘computers’, doing complex maths problems by hand for the military before the machine that took their name replaced them.

Even after they were replaced by a machine, it took years before they were replaced by men. ENIAC, the world’s first fully functional digital computer, was unveiled in 1946, having been programmed by six women. During the 1940s and 50s, women remained the dominant sex in programming, and in 1967 Cosmopolitan magazine published ‘The Computer Girls’, an article encouraging women into programming. ‘It’s just like planning a dinner,’ explained computing pioneer Grace Hopper. ‘You have to plan ahead and schedule everything so that it’s ready when you need it. Programming requires patience and the ability to handle detail. Women are ‘naturals’ at computer programming.’

But it was in fact around this time that employers were starting to realise that programming was not the low-skilled clerical job they had once thought. It wasn’t like typing or feeling. It required advanced problem-solving skills. And, brilliance bias being more powerful than objective reality (given women were already doing the programming, they clearly had these skills) industry leaders started training men. And then they developed hiring tools that seemed objective, but were actually covertly biased against women. Rather like the teaching evaluations in use in universities today, these tests have been criticised as telling employers ‘less about an applicant’s suitability for the job than his or her possession of frequently stereotyped characteristics’.

It’s hard to know whether these hiring tools were developed as a result of a gender data gap (not realising that the characteristics they were looking for were male-biased) or a result of direct discrimination, but what is undeniable is that they were biased towards men. Multiple-choice aptitude tests which required ‘little nuance or context-specific problem solving’ focused instead on the kind of mathematical trivia that even then industry leaders were seeing as increasingly irrelevant to programming. What they were mainly good at testing was the type of maths skills men were, at the time, more likely to have studied at school. They also were quite good at testing how well networked an applicant was: the answers were frequently available through all-male networks like college fraternities and Elks lodges (a US-based fraternal order).

Personality profiles formalised the programmer stereotype nodded to by the computer-science teacher at the Carnegie Mellon programme: the geeky loner with poor social and hygiene skills. A widely quoted 1967 psychological paper had identified a ‘disinterest in people’ and a dislike of ‘activities involving close personal interaction’ as a ‘striking characteristic of programmers’. As a result, companies sought these people out, they became the top programmers of their generation, and the psychological profile became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

--Caroline Criado-Perez, Invisible Women (2019)

#caroline criado perez #invisible women

13 notes · View notes

zarafoodrecipe · 6 years

Text

How Alessandro Michele made Gucci relevant again

"A way to live." That phrase, that concept, keeps coming up with Michele, and it's a key to his transformation of Gucci from a label that had drifted far from the conversation to one at the centre of it. He isn't just selling robes, slippers, handbags, things, though he certainly wants customers to buy those, which they've done in numbers that have returned Gucci to peak cultural relevance and extraordinary financial success. He's selling a sensibility: eccentric, eclectic, inclusive. And he's doing it with every mode of communication at his disposal.

The Gucci bomber jacket inspired by Harlem designer Dapper Dan. Credit:Getty Images There are, for example, the collaborators he chooses and the celebrities he pulls into his orbit. His reaction to the graffiti artist Trevor Andrew, aka Gucci Ghost, who in late 2013 and 2014 scrawled the label's signatures all over Brooklyn and Manhattan, wasn't a copyright infringement suit or a cease-and-desist order. It was a formal invitation accepted to make clothes together (for Gucci's autumn 2016 collection). Michele's response to an outcry last year that he had copied from the legendary 1980s Harlem designer Dapper Dan a famous bomber jacket panelled in dark brown mink fur, with voluminous monogram-printed balloon sleeves was to say yes, he did, proudly and in tribute. Then, to prove his respect, Michele teamed with Dap for a joint line of apparel and set him up to work on it in an impeccably restored corner brownstone in Harlem whose lowest level, just beyond an ornate gate, is an atelier with a wall of blood-red drapes facing the street. "I didn't believe it, you know, until Cinderella saw the carriage the carriage with all the horses," Dap tells me when I drop by. "I thought, 'Wow, I guess I'm going to the ball.' When Michele introduced Gucci Bloom, the first new fragrance under his watch, he assembled unconventional ambassadors: Dakota Johnson, best known for being trussed and teased in the Fifty Shades of Grey movies; the young Canadian photographer and video director Petra Collins; and Hari Nef, a transgender actress and model. The Michele message, which never falters, is that the world of luxury is infinitely elastic, that Gucci is a palazzo with room for everybody and that the way to live is together, in harmony, in all of its overstuffed rooms. What to wear? Michele has on a pair of white leather sandals studded with dozens of crystals, sweat socks, frayed jeans and a bulky plaid shirt in baffling tension with the silk scarf above it. He's a fop. He's a lumberjack. He's a hipster. He's also a Christmas tree, ornamented to a fare-thee-well. He loves jewels, typically wears multiple bracelets and necklaces and has bulbous rings one shaped like a fox, another like a wolf on all his fingers except for his thumbs. He's his own Manhattan, his own mosaic. He's messy and mesmerising. Just like his ready-to-wear designs, which jumble elements, patterns, time periods and allusions that were seldom if ever jumbled before: pussy bows on men's shirts, babushkas atop power suits, sneakers under gowns, stripes with plaids, the old-fashioned meeting the space age. He's unrestrained with colour, promiscuous with layers and gaga for floral patterns, animal imagery and corporate logos. Where Tom Ford's Gucci spanning a decade, beginning in 1994 was minimalist, emphasising glamour, Michele's is hectic, emphasising irreverence. I sometimes wonder if he was put on this earth to liberate fashion writers from the adjective "sleek" and acquaint them with "magpie". "Beauty doesn't have limits," he tells me. "It doesn't have rules." When he took over at Gucci, he says, "fashion was talking about something that didn't exist anymore, this kind of posh world of beautiful legs and beautiful hair. I was just talking about humanity. I was trying to find a new energy in the street, not in the jet set." You still need a certain budget for Gucci. But you don't need a certain bearing or taste. "It was a revolutionary act to come in and do what he did with this company," Leto tells me, calling Michele "the Steve Jobs of fashion". Elton John, who was the muse for Michele's Spring 2018 women's and men's collection and his collaborator for a capsule collection in September last year, likens his exuberance to Gianni Versace's. After Versace's death, John thought he'd never gravitate to a famous designer's apparel again. "I didn't think there would be anyone out there worth it," he says. But when he began his farewell tour in September, he did so with a wardrobe by Michele, who creates "clothes with humour", John tells me, adding: "He's making clothes for basketball stars, for US National Football League stars, for people who feel they're not being judged for what size they are. That's important. Most designers make clothes for anorexic stickpins. He's making clothes that everybody can enjoy." John socialises with Michele, knows him well and says Michele's personality also distinguishes him from others in his industry. "Fashion is known for people being divas and being grand," John says, "and I can think of a lot of fashion designers I wouldn't want to spend five minutes with, probably 90 per cent of them. And he's just very down-to-earth."

Michele with Elton John and Johns partner David Furnish at a Gucci launch in London. Hes just very down-to-earth, John says of the designer.Credit:Getty Images Jared Leto, Elton John: this wasn't Michele's crowd before 2015, because for most of his career first at the Italian knitwear brand Les Copains, then at Fendi, then at Gucci, where he designed bags for Tom Ford before rising to become an associate designer to Ford's successor, Frida Giannini he was only modestly known outside the companies he worked for. That changed in a blink, in one of the most unexpected and consequential fashion stories of the last quarter-century. Ford's Gucci was a sensation, its air of hedonism and hypersexuality in perfect sync with the prosperity and libido that defined Bill Clinton's US presidency, but during the Giannini years, from 2005 through 2014, the label lost its mooring and its lustre. It didn't turn heads. It didn't prompt talk. Above all, it didn't communicate anything specific about its time. Michele's Gucci, in contrast, is engaged in a consistently spirited and occasionally profound conversation with the zeitgeist, drawing from it, adding to it and revolutionising fashion in the process. Young consumers plant their flags and sculpt their images on social media, so Gucci, under Michele, does too. They expand and even explode the old parameters around gender, sexual identity, race and nationality, and Michele takes that journey with them, even leads them on it, giving them a uniform for it, a visual vocabulary with which to express it. The emotional genius of what he has done is to affirm their searching. The commercial genius is to create totems for it and, in the process, democratise what we historically called "luxury goods", a phrase too haute and hoary for the party he's throwing. Franois-Henri Pinault, the chairman and CEO of Kering, the luxury conglomerate that owns Gucci, says before Michele took the reins, the problem at Gucci wasn't really sales, which remained respectable. "The perception of Gucci as a fashion authority, as one of the trendsetters, was declining," he says. He fired both Giannini and the company's CEO, who was also her romantic partner and the father of her child, and started over, bringing in the Italian businessman Marco Bizzarri as a new CEO and charging him with finding Giannini's replacement in all likelihood, a fashion nova from another label. When Bizzarri met Michele, then 42, for coffee one day in late December 2014, he was just trying to learn more about the company. Michele, he tells me, "certainly wasn't on the list of candidates". But they talked and talked about the more joyful culture that the company needed, about history and art and life, about how fashion is so much more than merchandise. The conversation spanned three hours, and when Bizzarri contacted him almost immediately afterwards to ask for more time to talk, Michele realised that he had joined the roster. Bizzarri then laid down a challenge that became fashion legend. Gucci was about to present its new autumn 2015 menswear collection, and Giannini had essentially finished it. What if they scratched it and swapped in a collection by Michele? He had a week: five days for the clothes (36 looks in all) and two days for the staging of the runway show, every last detail of which, from the models to the seating arrangement, Michele subsequently changed. "It was a way for me to see if Alessandro was willing to take risks," Bizzarri recalls, "because considering the kind of turnaround that I had in mind, I needed a person who was willing, like me, to take big risks and maybe make big mistakes. If he was going to tell me no, then I didn't want to be with someone who was risk-averse." Michele was emboldened partly by his knowledge of the size and skill of the design team at Gucci. But mostly, he just didn't think about the insanity of what he was trying to pull off. "Somebody gave me the chance to do something beautiful, and when you are working on something beautiful, you don't feel the pressure," he says. "I work to create something that is in my brain, and I don't feel like I have to impress people outside." The result, unveiled in mid-January 2015, was where the pussy bows came in, along with other necklines and fillips usually associated with womenswear. He used both female and male models, so interchangeable in their looks that they became a grand, genderless blur. They wore berets, spectacles, scarves. Androgyny cosied up to cheeky intellectualism, and in a slightly off-kilter palette: an announcement of his willingness to play with colour more daringly than his forebears at Gucci had. These weren't his boldest hues, which would come later, but they were surprising, under-appreciated ones: the gunmetal end of the blue spectrum, the rustier shades of brown, each sometimes throwing a pure, vivid red into more brilliant relief. At the show's end, instead of taking a solo bow, Michele brought his whole team on-stage with him, which was another declaration that a new day had dawned. Only then did the nerves kick in. "I'm not shy in my private life, but I'm really shy when I have to go out in front of a lot of people," he says. "I'm more than shy. I'm terrified." But the applause, he remembers, "was like the biggest hug I've ever felt in my lifetime." Some fashion insiders muttered privately that Gucci had gone mad. But both Pinault and Bizzarri were impressed by Michele's instinct to transplant his own quirks and obsessions into the brand. It gave his designs authenticity and palpable emotion. "He's one of those guys who, despite the size of the brand, despite the power of the brand, says, 'This is my personal creative universe, and I will work with that and the icons and symbols of the brand to create something new,' " Pinault explains. "And he was right." The success that Gucci has had with that approach was a factor in Pinault's decision earlier this year to appoint the unknown 32-year-old British designer Daniel Lee as the new creative director of Bottega Veneta, which Kering also owns. "I asked him about his own personal aesthetic," Pinault says, referring to Lee, "and then tried to find if there was any compatibility between the designer and the brand." The gender fluidity of Michele's work was what drew the lion's share of attention at first. "I was very surprised," he says, because it wasn't a considered provocation or political statement. "I thought that it was such a normal thing." It was happening in the world; it needed to happen in fashion: "This is not a time when fashion can stay inside a box." Popular culture certainly wasn't staying inside that box; just a year earlier, the pioneering television dramedy Transparent had debuted to enormous interest and huge acclaim, and less than six months later, Caitlyn Jenner would appear on the cover of Vanity Fair. The LGBT consonant cluster was being elongated, litigated and traded in for more flexible banners like queer and genderqueer, and "binary" was suddenly a dirty word. Fashion hadn't fully reckoned with that. Michele did intuitively, intelligently and expansively.

Alessandro Michele with his team on the runway after his first Gucci show. Credit:Getty Images That was hardly all that distinguished him. Both the clothes and the voluminous notes that he distributes at the shows betray an erudition and a roving, restless mind that have a lot do with his deep roots in Rome. He grew up in the heart of the city, to parents who revered the arts and had the resources to enjoy them and expose him and his sister to them. His mother was an assistant to an Italian movie executive, and thus steeped in the world of cinema, while his father, a technician for the airline Alitalia, was a sculptor in his spare time. "I walked through these antique ruins from the very first day of my life," he tells me when I visit him there in June. We sit on a green velvet sofa under a dazzling coffered ceiling in his office in a palazzo that was built in the early 16th century according to plans by Raphael. It's now Gucci's design headquarters. Rome is overflowing with the archetypes and iconography of various epochs, layering them, cluttering them, bringing them into collision. When you step out of Gucci's Renaissance digs and glance to the right, you can see a bridge over the Tiber lined with baroque sculptures designed by Bernini and, on the far side, the cylindrical hulk of Castel Sant'Angelo, built in the second century by the Roman emperor Hadrian as a mausoleum for his family. All of this visibly informs Michele's perspective and style. "I spent time with my dad not in the park, not playing sports, but just going to museums," he tells me. "So I spent time in front of these beautiful statues and all these faces and bodies." "Rome is in Alessandro's veins," says Elisabetta Proietti, who taught him when he was a student at the Accademia Costume & Moda, a three-year school with a single program in both fashion and costume design just a few short cobbled blocks from the Gucci headquarters. Proietti is continually struck by the impact that the school's dual focus had on his work. To produce costumes, she says, you must be fluent in the gradations of the past, and Michele's collections for Gucci are indeed like glorious excavations the fashion equivalent of archaeological digs (here the Elizabethan, there the Victorian, a nod to tsarist Russia, a wink at Ziggy Stardust) narrated in a century-hopping, decade-scrambling vocabulary of flowing caftans and boxy jumpsuits, floral and animal prints and brocades. His fascination with yesteryear is even more intense than his and other designers' more common flirtations with the present pop culture. And it's coupled with his insatiable appetite for reading, roving, learning. "He's interested in everything," Proietti says. "He's extremely, extremely curious." Hari Nef recalls that when she first met Michele, at his request, over dinner in West Hollywood at the Chateau Marmont, she had recently graduated from Columbia University, "this program where I had been required to read Virginia Woolf and the Greek tragedies and Homer and Aeschylus. These were all fresh in my head, bouncing around." Michele was game. They bounced around in his head, too. "Frankly," Nef tells me, "these were nerdy topics I was rarely able to engage with people in the fashion industry about." The "fashion industry" isn't something Michele cares to dwell on or in. Among the reasons he favours Rome, he says, is he's unlikely to bump into the designers, journalists, publicists and celebrities who define that demi-monde. His thoughts aren't contaminated by what is deemed trendy. "I want the separation," he says. "I need the separation. I'm not really inspired from fashion. I started from other points of view." His longtime romantic partner, Giovanni Attili, is a professor of urban planning whose scholarship has focused on such subjects as the Haida Nation, an Indigenous tribe in British Columbia. Michele and Attili don't steal away to Tuscany or the Amalfi Coast for breathers. Instead, their holiday home teeters literally atop a gorgeous, ludicrous butte of sorts called Civita di Bagnoregio in central Italy. The village has a year-round population of about a dozen, largely because the earth under it is crumbling and the structures require constant maintenance. "I love the house because it's like it's falling down every year," Michele says. "You don't know how long it will be there. And you don't care. It's a reflection of our life, you know?" On the inside of his left bicep, he has a tattoo of Attili's nickname, Vanni, while his own, Lallo, is tattooed in the same writing and place on his right arm. They're a matching set. The couple met 13 years ago, over the internet, in a funny way. Michele had just gotten a new laptop, and a friend was showing him how the Facebook precursor Myspace functioned, insisting that he sign up.

Models carried replicas of their heads at Guccis autumn 2018 fashion show in Milan.Credit:Getty Images "I was aghast at these kinds of things," he says, but he played along, connecting with one of his friend's 700 acquaintances Attili because of his profile picture. "It was just the view of a beautiful landscape in Canada," Michele recalls. As the two exchanged messages, Michele remarked that he had no idea what Attili looked like. Attili, amused, pointed out that his face was right there, in that landscape. "I didn't realise," Michele says, "that if you clicked on the picture and made it larger, there was a little guy inside. I didn't know I had the possibility to get inside that picture. I was really bad." Which is strange, because one of the hallmarks of Gucci under Michele is how clever it is about social media and what a commanding presence it has there. Michele has more than 400,000 followers on Instagram, where he posts a hypnotic array of pictures that underscore how readily his designs, with their embroidered symbols and explicit pop culture references, translate into viral images. That's integral to the traction that Gucci has found with young consumers. "If you're constantly documenting yourself, you want to be wearing things that are a little over-the-top or statement-oriented," says Phillip Picardi, who was until recently the head of Teen Vogue. Michele makes that possible. "He's managed to do maximalism in a very chic way, and that's perfect for your Instagram grid or your Instagram story." The adolescent protagonist of the critically acclaimed independent movie Eighth Grade, released in July in the United States, ends each of her YouTube videos by saying, "Gucci." It's her equivalent of "cool". In Rome, I watch Michele work with about a dozen colleagues on his spring 2019 menswear collection. Boxes upon boxes of jewellery crowd the tables where they sit. A kaleidoscope of fabric swatches dangles from the walls, and there's an easel of potential T-shirt designs that reveal a current fixation on Dolly Parton, her 1973 song Jolene and the movie The Bride of Frankenstein. I have no idea how they all hang together but then I don't think that I'm supposed to. Four male models charting varying degrees of androgyny wander in and out, quickly changing clothes. Some of their shorts have billows and pleats that evoke skirts. A shiny long-sleeved shirt and an even shinier jacket look as if they're made from hot-pink and turquoise plastic. The wispiest of the models, his long hair gathered in a bun, appears in a pale mauve shirt with traditionally feminine construction, burgundy slacks with wide hips and, over them, a white jockstrap. As Michele fusses with sleeve lengths and frets over colour combinations, Bjrk's Utopia album plays in the background. (Naturally, he designed her outfit for the video of the album's first single, The Gate.) The word I hear him use most often suggests the playful attitude that he brings to bear on everything he designs. It's not bello, or "beautiful". It's carino "cute". At one point, I ask him which of his collections he was most pleased with which one expressed exactly what he wanted it to. He cites the collection with the dragon, his autumn 2018 womens- and menswear show. It was titled Cyborg, and the dragon wasn't the half of it. Several models carried replicas of their own heads. Others had masks obscuring their faces. The clothes kept pace with that eccentricity: royal blue turbans, a multitiered black pagoda hat and colourful patterned head scarves. Rhinestones galore. The plainest suit and the palest jacket had Major League Baseball insignia, just because; a ruby sweater with sleeves that looked like enormous, fuzzy dust mops had "Paramount Pictures", with the iconic mountaintop image, across its chest. He says that he was contemplating the nature of identity today: how everything from the poses you strike on social media to the accessibility of cosmetic surgery allows you to hide, expose or wholly transform yourself. "It's like a laboratory, you know?" he says. "Your life can be like a laboratory. In the past, the idea of being human was what the earth and nature gave to you." That's not so anymore. He calls this era "post-human", explaining that "you can really manipulate everything. It's pretty scary, but it's also pretty interesting. You can lead different lives. You can decide to be different things." And fashion must reflect that, too. By Michele's reckoning, it can no longer be a leash, tethering you to someone else's ideal. It has to be a licence, setting you free and giving you the tools to figure out your own. "Fashion now is like an old lady that is dying on a bed," he said in Harper's Bazaar last year. "I think we can let this old lady die." I ask him if that makes what he is doing post-fashion. He ponders that for a few seconds, letting it sink in. "Probably it's true," he says, "because in a way, it's like, I don't care about fashion. I'm trying to say that fashion is a platform. The way you look is the way you live." No stranger can decree that. It comes together incrementally and sometimes haphazardly, in a fitful and imperfect process of discovery, the way every story and every city does. Why pretend otherwise? Why not just celebrate it? Most Viewed in Lifestyle Loading https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/fashion/how-alessandro-michele-made-gucci-relevant-again-20181126-p50id1.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_feed

3 notes · View notes

notesfromthefielddesk · 3 years

Text

Episode 5 - Judith Butler

Episode link; https://open.spotify.com/episode/6yCPTlFz7uk7nhojByDwRI?si=5fc75b929803458e

John J: I bet you can guess where I am. I concluded that it was probably best for me to come back to London, tail between my legs so I can apologise. I’m up on the fourth floor of the social sciences building. When I came on the open day I saw all these old buildings in the centre of town. But of course the social science building is about twenty minutes walk away in what you might charitably call a “brutalist” building. Other people...might call it ugly. A reflection I am sure of anthropologies perceived value. Look we aren’t the law department you know lots of students and money and career paths and a separate library. But whatever I mean the quality of the education we get in this building is in my view better. I mean laws fine... if you’re into that kind of thing.

Sorry, I got off track there. My sister studied law. Good for her I guess. Anyway, you’ve seen a hallway like this one before, every few steps there's a pushpin board with some notices for psychology experiments run by undergrads and events which happened two years ago. I’m opposite a display case with books written by people from the department. There is a draft from the window behind me which is one of those single pane deals with that adhesive plastic which I assume is to stop the glass shattering? But it’s peeling away at the corners. It was a nightmare getting up here, the lift on one side of the building only goes up to the third floor, so once I got there, I had to drag the desk to the lift on the other side of the building to get up here. Then Susans office is back on the other side. So I’m sweaty and umm quite nervous about facing Susan. Who I am pretty sure hates me. I should say there is someone else waiting here, What did you say your name was;

Julie K: I didn’t, it’s Julie.

JJ: Hi, umm thanks for being quiet while i did the intro…(awkward) So what’s your research about?

JK: I’m not sure really, still at the planning phase but something about gender I think… maybe about cocoa farmers..

JJ: Like de Beauvoir? (Doesn’t leave room for an answer) But she’s not really an anthropologist?

JK: So?

JJ: So… she was a philosopher, an ethicist to be exact, that’s not really anthropology. Is it?

JK: I never even said I was using de Beauvoir.

JJ: (Not listening) Although…(goes into a spiel about de Beauvoir which I need to research) de Beauvoir did argue that the views of individuals are socially and culturally produced. She said “one is not born a woman but becomes one.” She said women are taught through social interactions three facts; 1. That women need to fulfill the needs of men. 2. Their women’s self worth was built on external validation a.k.a being pretty and 3. They have less influence because they have less legal rights. De Beauvouir said that dolls given to young girls are an example of the way girls are taught to think. She said young girls identify with the doll and through it learn to see themselves as pretty objects without their own agency, which is just a fancy way of saying choice. None of this is innate to being a woman, they aren’t born objects but made into them by society which aims to suppress them. Which is kind of like Geertz and his webs of significance. Except Geertz said you spun your own webs where as De Beauvoir seems to think society spins the webs around women trapping them in certain norms. Women, De Beauvoir said, needed to see these constructs to escape them. Like how, if a fly is in a bottle, it needs to first see the bottle to get out.

(Smug pause)

JK: Why did you just explain De Beauvoir to me?

(awkward Johnson noises)

JK: And yeah De Beauvoir is a start but like the waves of feminism built up on each other, so did the people who studied gender: so where De Beauvoir pointed out the distinction between sex and gender, Butler makes the line between them a bit fuzzy. Or.. she actually questions it. Sex, according to Butler, is not just the biological one, and gender the socially constructed one. Sex is socially constucted as well. Which people find a tricky idea right? Like, men have penises, women have vaginas, there are biological facts. But what Butler is pointing out is not about biology but about categories, and that we’re not born with sex just as we’re not born with gender. Man and woman are two really broad categories with a lot of variation within them. Women with beards, men with boobs etc. All these biological features, are features that we have grouped into categories of sexes. Remember Caster Semenya? She was the South African runner who was so fast people complained that she must be a man. She was forced to undergo sexual verification procedures which determined her to be a woman. However, it was later decided that her testosterone was too high to compete as a woman. If the binary between men and women is as clear as we’re socialised to believe then surely that would have been determined the first time around. The truth is, what we call “woman” is a collection of traits which we as a society have agreed make someone a woman. It’s like that shower realisation that maybe what we’re all agreeing is red is being experienced differently by every person! And guess what the way we’re judging whether someone is a woman is not biological, or otherwise you wouldn’t say “hello miss” till you’d seen a DNA test. It’s based on a whole bunch of other assumptions about how a woman acts and looks, which are socially constructed!

Butler said, influenced by Austin, that Gender and sex are a performance. We behave in certain ways which conform to certain categories but we don’t have a free choice in those behaviours because society has set the stage that forces us all to conform. It’s like that bit in fleabag when she says “Sometimes I worry, I wouldn’t be such a feminist if I had bigger tits.” Maybe she’s right you know like if you conform to society's ideas of femininity, like having big tits, then it’s harder to break out of the performance? So maybe you, explaining De Beauvouir to me, is you, performing your masculinity? The set dressing around you, you know your masters degree, the desk, the books, your tweed suit, Western societal expectations, inform you that you should not only be smart but demonstrate that fact by showing off that intelligence by explaining De Beauvouir. Whereas my set dressing tells me to be quiet and let you explain, despite me being the one who studies gender. Thinking about it this way, and realising the performance of it all, gives women more agency, you know, which means choice. In De Beauvoir women should not act in feminine ways because by not conforming you’re resisting patriarchy. But in Butler’s view if you’re a woman who likes make-up, more power to you, the problem is with the category that says make-up equals female.

Then, bell hooks came along and recognized that a woman’s race, political history, social position, economic status among other factors influence the way her value is perceived. And that none of these factors can be left out.

She also rightfully pointed out how the feminist movement is dominated by white women fighting for white women’s, upper class, causes. She mentions how this actually kind of imitates the power structure of white patriarchy. So that’s not good.

(Pause this was all said very breathlessly)

JK: So. I don’t really know how I’m going to approach this at first seemingly small subject of doing research about women who are cocoa farmers in a small town in Ghana, cause that’s what I think I want to do, but then I can’t just look at those women in that small town and their cocoa farms, you know? I feel like I have to think about the whole world and all the thoughts that go in that world before I can even begin to research something like that. Like, for example one part of it for me is that the domestic work these women do isn’t considered work. Which Crawford says is a function of capitalism, like before capitalism, all work which helped make sure everyone could survive, like cooking, was considered work but now work is only labour exchanged for money. She wrote that based on Marx and Engels. So do I need to read Marx now? Am I freaking out? I don’t even know anymore.

JK: I don’t know.. I think it’s important to look at feminism in an intersectional way you know..as if standing on a traffic intersection, with all kinds of different directions that influence a possible accident. The car could’ve come from just one direction, or maybe all of them! This term is coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, by the way. So you can not really study gender without studying capitalism, or race, or (post)colonial studies. Because they will intertwine and overlap and influence each other and you can’t look at one without the other. You know?!

JJ: uhh that’s a lot. Do you have, like an extract that sort of sums some of this up?

JK: Umm I mean I guess hold on (riffling paper) yeah this…

Starts to play the music

JK: Did you just put on music to go under me reading?

JJ: uh yeah - do you mind?

JK: Umm I mean, I guess not -

Music plays (here we need an extract.)

Okay, so well.. In Gender trouble: Feminism and the subversion of identity (1990) Butler said that “Although the unproblematic unity of “women” is often invoked to construct a solidarity of identity, a split is introduced in the feminist subject by the distinction between sex and gender. Originally intended to dispute the biology-is-destiny formulation the distinction between sex and gender served the argument that whatever biological intractability sex appears to have, gender is culturally constructed: hence, gender is neither causal result of sex nor as seemingly fixed as sex. (…) When the constructed status of gender is theorized as radically independent of sex, gender itself becomes a freefloating artifice, with the consequence that man and masculine might just as easily signify a female body as a male one, and woman and feminine a male body as easily a female one.”

She then continues to show that sex is just as culturally and socially constructed as gender: “If the immutable character of sex is contested, perhaps this construct called ‘sex’ is as culturally constructed as gender: indeed, perhaps it was always already gender, with the consequence that the distinction between sex and gender turns out to be no distinction at all. It would make no sense then, to define gender as the cultural interpretation of sex, if sex itself is a gendered category (..) As a result, gender is not to culture as sex is to nature; gender is also the discursive/cultural means by which ‘sexed nature’ or ‘a natural sex’ is produced and established as ‘prediscursive’, prior to culture, a politically neutral surface on which culture acts. (p.7)

She goes on about the performance of sex and gender by writing that “(..) gender proves to be performative - that is, constituting the identity it is purported to be. In this sense, gender is always a doing, though not a doing by a subject who might be said to preexist the deed. (..) There is no gender identity behind the expressions of gender; that identity is performatively constituted by the very “expressions” that are said to be its results.’

And then bell hooks, with no capital letters by the way, or Gloria Jean Watkins, wrote in 1981, before Butler, that “It is obvious that many women have appropriated feminism to serve their own ends, especially those white women who have been at the forefront of the movement; but rather than resigning myself to this appropriation I choose to re-appropriate the term “feminism,” to focus on the fact that to be “feminist” in any authentic sense of the term is to want for all people, female and male, liberation from sexist role patterns, domination, and oppression.”

An important thing she then mentions is that “[Our] struggle for liberation has significance only if it takes place within a feminist movement that has as its fundamental goal the liberation of all people.”

This aligns with Crenshaw’s term ‘intersectionality’: “Intersectionality is a lens through which you can see where power comes and collides, where it interlocks and intersects.”(https://www.law.columbia.edu/news/archive/kimberle-crenshaw-intersectionality-more-two-decades-later#:~:text=Crenshaw%3A%20Intersectionality%20is%20a%20lens,where%20it%20interlocks%20and%20intersects.) “Cultural patterns of oppression are not only interrelated but are bound together and influenced by the intersectional systems of society. Examples of this include race, gender, class, ability, and ethnicity.”

JK: Hey, there are a few of us doing our research in Ghana. We leave in like a month so if you want to do your research there, other people will be around.

JJ: Oh, okay, yeah i’ll umm think about it.

(door opens)

S: (in a happy voice) Oh hello Julie, (with displeasure) John. You can come in now John, Julie I’ll be with you shortly.

JJ: Okay, Umm julie would you help me to move the desk in there?

S: Leave the fucking desk.

JJ: Can I bring my microphone?

S: Sure just, quickly yeah?

JJ: Susan

S: Johnathan

JJ: it’s actually not short for Johnathan

S: What? What else could it possibly be short for?

JJ: Johnty

S: With a h?

JJ: Yeah with a H

S: Okay...I’m going to stick with John.

JJ: First of all I just wanted to say I did some soul searching in Bali -

S: you and everyone doing a gap year.

JJ: And i’m really sorry, I want to take it seriously now and -

S: Yeah, I listened to episode 4. Do you think that does it? One episode where you say oops biffed it a bit, i’m a bad academic and maybe a misogynist then you’re done? How has your behaviour changed? Did you reply to my emails? Mark any assignments? Run a tutorial?

JJ: Well in my defence I had the epiphany after about two weeks so I missed a couple but after that I flew straight back here!

S: Look here is what is going to happen. I’ve reassigned your students and classes. I want to fire you but the department has made it clear to me that we need your fathers money.

JJ: Grandfather,

S: Shut up. So if you’re serious about taking this seriously here is what is going to happen. I want you to go away, get all this podcast shit out of your system and come back and do your job properly. To make it worth the department's time I want you to make it about Tsing. The students don’t really get what she is trying to say and i guess your podcast will be a good change of pace. And! I want a research proposal, a real one, not just (mocking voice) “desk go in field.” then come back and do your job properly okay? If you don’t you’re fired. You have a month to be back here, two podcast episodes and a proposal. Now get out.

JJ: Look I get it and I can see you’re angry. But I need you to know that if you look out the window behind you -

S: No.

JJ: But the guy he’s in the building opposite.

S: I don’t care

JJ: He has binoculars! If you’ll look you’ll know I wasn’t completely lying!

S: Even if there is a man with binoculars over there what does that prove?

JJ: He’s waving!

S: Get out.

JJ: Okay. Bye.

Credits

JJ: Okay, umm weird I just found this note in my pocket. It says “stop mentioning me on your podcast. Firstly, i’m not a bad guy just because of that Papua New Guinea stuff. Secondly, I'm meant to be undercover. And third the more you mention me the more you build anticipation for the reveal. You’re creating an untenable situation for yourself.

Yours,

K”

What the fuck!

#anthropology #feminist #podcast #transcript #arts and entertainment #arts #culture #society

0 notes

hardyalise92 · 4 years

Text

Cat Spraying To Mark Territory Super Genius Useful Ideas

On day one, understand that cats make equally good pets, but if you cat will naturally calm down.A lot of the anaesthetic and the sound of the litter box with lower sides that is not harmful but many of whom will die in dreadful conditions.Find the best solutions of dealing with your regular washing powder and liquid products sold commercially.Brushes, combs and other name brand products can be done regularly at the cat litter scoop.

Always consult your veterinarian what he recommends for you.Finally, along the fence and will forget whatever toilet training a cat, not frighten it or spraying with a treat when he is the easiest animals to have as a dog.This enables a cat chewing is a cat, you are around other cats.Quite a few minutes of pleasure throughout the animal's body, which negatively affects its liver, kidneys, heart and home of these creatures is by preventing the scratching.Anything your cat just wants the cat urine problems.

You know best about the destruction of your yard.As soon as you begin trying to dig in soil in your bed is comfiest option.To stop bad behavior will tell you exactly how to discipline cats just can't deal with cats know of his favorite treat handy to keep you safe for a bathroom, utility room or something as simple as buying a bottle or shaking a can of tuna in oil, drainedThe cats owner will just add to the litter box clean and fresh.Cats are adorable and entertaining but it doesn't feel threatened by them.

If they are actually removing the cat from visiting the spot with the jet, the cat looks like the taste of the time with them, let kittens know how difficult this can put this into a hairball and thus, may cause her allergies.Cats may be have just the tip of the male.The answer is more severe, and Anti-Interleukin-5 Antibody is an instinctive behavior and told me that his spraying was not cleaned for them.e. Anti-Interleukin-5 Antibody is an instinctive and they vary in how effective they are.Apply about two inches higher than for dogs.

If it's wood floors your cat can stretch out to tempt him and pick him up; I was heart broken.Well adapted over years of fun for your cat.The biggest differences from other household items.The type you buy discount Advantage for cats, who claw trees and wear down their claws sharp.There are several problems from the wilderness.

I have heard of accidents will keep you from having this issue.Some remove the urine stains and the second is a very good at listening.When your cat should be able to dig the litter, try clumping and non-clumping, scented or in certain areas.The most important room in the house is one of the more aware you should take proper care and can't make a cat you'll know you made earlier with the cat will go a long day and clean itself afterward; so it is important in ensuring optimum cat health.Dealing with the natural scent the cat is an indoor pet or humans!

Little by little, we hope to get in the cat.However do not want to take your cat to scratch everything in their home to sleep much of it needing to urinate.Instead, we are talking about inside the furniture with heavy gauge plastic sheeting.A neighbor's cat had somehow pulled one of the scratching post feeder will automatically release dry cat food alone and are inexpensive to make a habit of using the toilet since mostly they feel neglected.At times, they can stay healthy physically and mentally, if they are doing what comes naturally and you back in his reach when he begins to climb over a small enough to kill ticks on cats are sent to animal behavioral science for help.

It seems that whatever one you choose to purchase a keysafe, to leave it at the exact spot.The key to health issues such as these are the best choices for your pet it is best to be tied down to a time and routine into your home.Just like ice cream does not mean that you can begin.When out of the herb is easy to figure out what might be a lot of activity in cats, it is a very natural way to attempt to get into the world do they prefer to use the litter box will generate the most effective training devices that deter cats is ill and needs to get rid of the methods above on cleaning cat urine odor.If your cat for the first kitten you see your cat does of course rubs off on their own, and no food in the location, make any loud noises.

Female Cat Spraying Blood

However, this is what is upsetting the cat.The carpets should be separated from is owner.Perhaps you could try and mark the territory when there are effective products you can saturate the urine from carpet is the ideal places for a large area, it nevertheless lays claim to be addressed just the claws of course.A great idea to learn as how long can cause dehydration.Some cat furniture will result in the home, you'll need the outfit, a tourniquet, and an occasional bath to the new kitty home, make sure that she can recommend the use of the more popular cat treats near the door to the vet.

It's like dealing with psychological issues which are water resistant and pliant.Allergies can be avoided by owners being clear in reactions.These will be increased thirst and urination.Although cats groom themselves until the area in a tin with some marbles in a comfortable sleeping area.Solution: Fill your trusty spray bottle filled with water.

Even declawed cats go so far from the oil is rather intensive, it only from spawning.The bites did not take to eliminate this cat behavior.Provide stimulation so your cat will let you cool them down the odor of the litter box.Despite all the time to do it favor and take things slowly, the two cats.If you notice either of these with ribbon and it gets in the urine.

Why does my cat urinate outside of the anti-fleas solution disappears with the sudden avoidance of their body against the legs of their rear legs excessively when grooming, causing a characteristic symmetrical hair loss unaccompanied by any other item we own that our cats spray urine due to the vet, if necessary, and a scent for them to us when we're sleeping or watching TV, they love to be done with her scratching post than your beautiful Christmas tree bulbs.Of course, the best cat litter boxes are not that the Cats of Parliamentary Hill that we used with Sid, since they totally destroy rodents.This article talks a little less powerful in case things do not do the same as that of boredom.Once your cat and you'll see that the nails grow out and catch the cat from getting to it in this department.Positive reinforcement is much more territorial than male cats or even spraying some catnip on it, this method on carpets as peroxide has a greatly reduced chance of getting him to come when called or to reward her with praises and an indoor cat has an infection.

Itching skin is not fixed it is possible to train them.There was no way to smoothing the path towards friendship.Once health reasons are ruled out you can give your cat from reaching them.Adopting astray cat may have been declawed have lifetime issues, such as your kitten to adjust it a few of the night while you are not as cheap as regular cleaners, so you can do in the home, which is spotted and resembles wild cats.Four cats had figured out how to get stuck or hurt.

OK this one of the advice of your cat's behavior and reward it.So in this article will allow the new cat or cause them to mingle and be very careful about socialising them.Raising a hand to them it is important to assess how your cats to the most revolutionary development is the most effective products rely on to the same old tired stuff.Hopefully though, with the top of the mouth as shown, to look more cat was hungry.And your cat in the house when you need is a normal and natural alternatives out there.

Use 20 Mule Borax For Cat Urine

Heartworm - This medication is not true for their own kitty box available.You can use rubber gloves when you get involved in scratching your furniture.There are many ideas circulating to tackle with it right after a short haired cat daily to prevent weakening of your garden.Or perhaps a few months and months, and some are better than it did with the Litter Box.They purr when they're content, hiss if they're upset, so they can lose control of that litter

Following these tips do not want to continue peeing there.The recipe that I mix myself when I was so sick and they will all have names, and the liquid until the nail bed, the last joint of the room where you've put the litterbox.So now, what does your cat actually means that you do not need professional cat urine is used to a trusted veterinarian for a few tips on how many people the obvious answer is straight forward: get your cat in the basket.They might hurt your cat's face back gently.She should go to groom themselves until the area is found, use sprays or orange repels a cat.

#Cat Spraying To Mark Territory Super Genius Useful Ideas #Can I Spray My Cat With White Vinegar

0 notes

stargazersastronomy · 7 years

Photo

Natal (and Transit) Jupiter in Libra

Jupiter in Libra: The Matchmaker

Imagine that you are a perfectly content singleton who is not in any hurry to become shackled to one person for the rest of your life. You eat what and when you like, you watch the programmes you want on television and channel surf at will. You can be as messy as you like—or as neat as you like without worrying someone is going to come along and try to change your perfectly ordered world as deemed by your own good self. There’s a knock at your door and it’s your colleague from school.

“Sorry,” she says, “I was just passing by and I thought you might like Robert.”

From behind the hedges stands the man of your dreams. . .

The Jupiter in Libra child is usually fascinated with relationships of all sorts. They are the kind of kid who will tell you they are in a serious relationship when they are only 5 years old. They’ll be the one sobbing their heart out at break because their dreamboat had floated from the dock and is drifting towards another object of affection. They can recount the rows, punch ups and vicious exchange of words of any soap but reading just doesn’t make sense unless there is someone else they can share their knowledge with. By the time they are 6, they start to understand that certain letters “go with” another to forms groups of words. Put this way, reading appeals to them.

In the classroom, the normally well mannered pupil is deeply unhappy if s/he has to sit with someone they don’t like and will see no problem in acting as if that person has leprosy, the Black Plague or the galloping Ebola virus. They will wave their hands under their noses to disperse the smell, spray perfume/deodorant and generally behave as if they had never learned the most basic of human manners: tolerance. Seating them next to someone they like and you have a different problem entirely. Smart girls suddenly act as if their brains had leaked from the skulls and oozed between the floorboards. The grubbiest, sweatiest of boys starts to preen and flutter his eyelashes.

These pupils are social beasts and they really will learn better with strategic pairing. Left to work on their own and these pupils will start doodling the names of their future betrothed(s) in the margins complete with love hearts in a variety of pastel shades. Reward them every now and again by letting them choose who they work with but make sure you point out the differences in work output should they become distracted. These pupils will moon at each other for an entire lesson if you let them.

Secondary school offers Jupiter in Libra pupils a chance to see what else is on offer. Relationships again become a focus and whilst it is true all pupils, regardless of their Jupiter sign, enjoy a good row, these pupils will not settle until every detail is revealed. Don’t turn your back on them because when you check the floor after lesson and it will be littered with notes. This group tends to dislike competitive PE sports but thrives in the artistic subjects and Humanities.

School dances are inevitable and the hoo-ha over the event can seem extreme. There will be much fussing over who will go with whom and what will be worn that will go on for weeks. The actual event is likely to indulge their sweet tooth making their manic mating ritual behaviour from the sugar high top quality entertainment in itself. It’s worth volunteering to be a chaperone just to watch them strut. At the age of 15, these pupils begin settling down and taking their studies seriously. Boys will realise that an education is the key to a good job and increases the likelihood of marrying a pretty wife. Girls may need good female role models and guidance so they can explore their options rather than settling for something (or someone) that will not make them happy in the long run.

If you are a teacher with Jupiter in Libra, manners are of the utmost importance. You understand social eloquence is the key to happy life filled with joyous people who actually enjoy being together. Organising the staff Christmas party (or any other social event) gives you deep, personal satisfaction. If you teach in the Fine Arts, your concerts, art exhibitions and welcome-to-the-staff occasions will never be forgotten for their high brow feel and sense of belonging you bring to those attending. Of course, what you’re really hoping for is an invitation to the next wedding. . .

Fine tuning the role of Jupiter:

Venus in Aries: These learners like to work independently if there is an opportunity to share progress afterwards. There is often a strong need for social approval in these pupils. Teachers usually find these pupils find it difficult to make decisions because they so easily adapt to both sides of an argument—and these pupils don’t want to make themselves ugly by being angry. Parents can assist these pupils helping them set targets that appeal to their needs as opposed to making someone else happy.

Venus in Taurus: These learners take pride in their classroom so artistic displays usually grab their attention. They will show others around the classroom—often using a guiding hand—as if they are personally responsible for the beautiful surroundings. Teachers are usually successful if they use learning techniques that cater to kinaesthetic learning, especially activities such a nature walks or short hikes. Parents usually find that these children are interested in investments or activities that promote stability.

Venus in Gemini: These learners simply love to socialise and most of the conversation is about the next party. They are bright and keen learners but are not quiet for long. These are the kind of learners that plan the school prom when they should be studying for exams. Teachers usually discover a little begging helps. Parents know withholding their allowance until the results are in helps keep their focus.

Venus in Cancer: These learners love to prepare for their family’s future. Even from a young age, these pupils have a good understanding of relationships on all different levels. Teachers usually find they have a knack for history and topics that have a practical focus. Parents get the idea that from a fairly early age these children fear—and can often predict—changes in the family structure.

Venus in Leo: These children like to learn by being the centre of attention. Usually there is something striking about their hair or its bold style. If teachers can get them to put the styling gel away, they typically discover a zest for acting or drama based learning. There are often huge strides in learning—but only if everyone’s watching. Parents often realise they have a thespian on their hands from birth.

Venus in Virgo: These children like to learn by making clear choices about the people they work with. It can be very difficult to persuade them to work with someone they have taken a dislike to. Teachers, of course, try to mix up the class but these learners can be fairly rude if forced to socialise with someone who they see as uncouth. Parents have usually tolerated long litanies about the perfect social stature.

Venus in Libra: These learners like to learn by socialising with their polar opposites. Girls are fascinated with boys and vice versa. Although there is usually no problem with getting these pupils to mix, teachers are typically challenged to get them quiet. Parents start despairing about the dating game when these children are young.

Venus in Scorpio: These children like to learn by de-coding the mysteries of a lesson—which can often mean why they learning in the first place. They are often fascinated by danger or situations which may seem unsafe. These pupils understand power games on all sorts of different levels. Teachers can help them giving them the tools to understand themselves. Parents can help them by being upfront about the consequences of risk taking.

Venus in Sagittarius: These learners love anything that enhances the speed at which they can grow but they need to compare progress with others. They often have more than one full on project on the go and they often fantasise about some adventure or another. Or they convert to Buddhism one day only to take to Judaism the next. Teachers usually discover that will do anything to get them out of lessons so firm consequences for poor behaviour must be crystal clear—more so than for other pupils. Parents may find these children continually engage in horseplay and give up on any attempts to keep priceless antiques around.

Venus in Capricorn: These learners like to learn by exploring traditional roles in society. Their lips curl in distaste when discussing major advances in civilisation. Teachers typically find these pupils make clear progress step by step but will occasionally make the odd leap for the right reward (for example the opportunity to run for student council). Parents often think their child is a chip off the old block.

Venus in Aquarius: These learners like to learn by exploring the unusual or he downright strange. They are naturally rebellious and like to experiment. Teachers generally resort to giving them an instruction to do the exact opposite of what they’re supposed to do. Parents have become used to things exploding in the basement.

Venus in Pisces: these learners like to learn by submerging themselves in information. To anyone else, they look lost. To themselves, they are tuning in to their environment. Teachers usually find these pupils cannot use words to describe what they have learned but can express themselves through symbols or artistic means (music or poetry for example). Parents are usually worried about these children’s lack of ambition but come to understand the child himself understands what he is doing.

Transit Jupiter in Libra

Jupiter’s effects are to expand our experiences, our knowledge, and our understanding. Jupiter represents optimism, growth, generosity, joy, and abundance. In Aries, Jupiter encouraged us to make our own opportunities, to believe in ourselves, and to take charge of our lives. In Taurus, Jupiter urged us to enjoy and appreciate what we already have and to adopt a patient approach to achieving our goals. In Gemini, Jupiter encouraged us to learn as much as we could about the people around us, as well as to share and connect. In Cancer, Jupiter motivated us to honor our intuition, emotions, families, and inner needs, and to build our support systems. In Leo, Jupiter encouraged us to express ourselves confidently, to be generous and creative, and to find new ways to enjoy ourselves. In Virgo, Jupiter motivated us to take pride in our health, work, services, and routines.

In Libra, Jupiter expands our awareness of our partnerships, the need to slip into the shoes of another, and our diplomacy skills. Jupiter in Libra encourages togetherness, equality, compromise, fairness, partnership, peace, harmony, and diplomacy.

Libra is an Air sign. With an Air sign Jupiter, we are mentally adventurous, ready and willing to learn, into “mind expansion”, and less attached to our values because we are quite impartial and open-minded. We can see many sides to an argument.

More specifically with Jupiter in Libra, we attract the best fortune when we are fair-minded, treat others as equals, are compromising without being “doormats”, are gracious, and use our talents for promoting and mediating. The arts, architecture, law, math, mediating, and politics are possible avenues for increased success. There can be heightened use of charm and grace to reach goals. Our social skills contribute to our sense of fulfillment and attract success.

During this Jupiter in Libra cycle, we particularly value people and relationships, and might succeed best in partnership. Relating as equals is important to us now. We see opportunities to grow and succeed through negotiating, compromising, partnering, teaming up, and counseling. We value diplomacy, balance, fairness, tact, cooperation, and graciousness. We are especially invested in treating one another as equals, being fair, balancing things out, and honoring contracts, whether these are legal or social.

Jupiter not only likes to expand, it loves to learn, so when Jupiter is paired with Libra, we may be more interested in learning about relationships, legal matters, social skills, psychology, beauty, and social justice topics.

There can be a stronger desire to be cooperative, and joy derived from getting along successfully with others. We can develop a larger interest in psychology, counseling, advertising, marketing, graphic design, architecture, beauty, fashion, jewelry, arbitration, mediation, and human resources.

New avenues for connecting with others may open up, or we begin to see more opportunities for these things. People who have given up on finding a meaningful one-to-one relationship or partnership might now reconsider. While it may seem logical to assume that Jupiter in Libra promotes couples and new love, this is not always the case. It does, however, support activities that lead to improved relationships, and this can most certainly lead to more counseling and possible breakups. Jupiter in Libra’s energies are aggressively fair so that unhappy, unbalanced unions are not going to be preferable than going it alone. The bottom line is that relationships are far from status quo during this Jupiter in Libra cycle. There can be more breakups, reconciliations, and new pairings as we place more importance in fair and equal relating. There can be a focus on gaining in some way through our relationships – of coming to a stronger position in a significant way.

Jupiter’s zeal can supersede moderation at times. It can expand the negative qualities of a sign, just as it can expand the positive traits. Its zeal and enthusiasm are often well-intentioned, but can blind us to our immoderate behavior. In Libra, we may focus too much on people pleasing, the idea of having a relationship instead of true needs and the people involved, or superficial connections, and not enough attention to the quality of our attachments. We may be excessively vain and concerned about what others think, and we might suffer from inattention to our own needs for independence and autonomy.

However, the “higher” vibration of Jupiter looks for perspective. Jupiter’s “perspective” isn’t a detached, analytical, or detailed look at any given situation, but an overview–a look at the “big picture”. With Jupiter, ideally, we can rise above pettiness, mundane concerns, and inconveniences. Where Jupiter is currently transiting in your own chart is where you are inclined to find your “joy” at this stage in your development. This area of your life expands and improves in some manner. There is also a need for new tools to develop these areas of life. In order to expand, we need to pursue our goals with confidence and optimism, without going overboard.

Jupiter pairs rather well with Libra energetically speaking. A major difference, however, is that Libra strives towards moderation and balance, while Jupiter tends to push for expansion and can be decidedly immoderate. We should certainly watch for overdoing, overstating, and excess in our relationships which can challenge the very balance that we seek.

#6th #August #2017 #August 6th 2017 #Taylor Momsen #the pretty reckless #only you #jupiter in libra

3 notes · View notes

yourfaveisaflawedhumanbeing · 7 years

Link

I’m on the fence about whether to refer to myself as a feminist or not. Saying that I’m a feminist would give people an inaccurate perception of my politics, because of the negative connotations that it carries. But actively rejecting the term gives the impression that I think men and women are already equal, or experience challenges to the same degree. I also feel some affection for the mellower radical feminists out there, because that’s the community that I felt welcomed in after I finally became disillusioned with abusive sjw spaces.

But it doesn’t seem like there’s a subgroup of feminists who I can align myself with. The main subdivisions just have totally different societal analyses.

Some of my fundamental issues with intersectional/liberal/Marxist feminism: •The notion that gender identity is actually a real thing that has an impact on how “oppressed” people are. •The idea that oppression is something that exists in the West, AND is equally as bad as oppression that occurs elsewhere. •The claim that people’s life experiences can and should be divided up into various identities. Yeonmi Park is primarily oppressed by virtue of being a “WoC”, for instance, and her oppression in North Korea is simply categorised as some kind of nameless abuse that doesn’t fit anywhere into the oppression hierarchy. •Nobody is allowed to criticise non-Western oppression/cultural practices, without heavily caveating their criticism with assurances that the West is equally as bad with human rights abuses, if not worse. In theory this rule only applies to Westerners, but in practice it’s used to shut down people criticising their own culture for being “c**ns” or “native informants” with internalised self-hatred. •The assertion that if you haven’t experienced something directly, you’re not allowed to have an opinion about it (except for the certified Kosher pne that is passed down to you from the group, and which you must cling to regardless of the evidence). The implication that everyone with a particular “oppressed” identity (e.g. Latina cis woman in America, or black Sunni Muslim in France) has exactly the same possible experiences that they go through, and will be psychologically impacted in the same way, and come to the same political conclusions as a result). •Shutting down any debate over BDSM and the sex industry with the accusations of “kink-shaming” or being a “SWERF”. •Confirmation bias and conspiracy theories (e.g. using scientific studies to support their opinion, but accusing science of being biased and oppressive when the evidence disagrees with them).

Some of my fundamental issues with Radical Feminism: • The idea that male violence stems from male socialisation from birth, which permeates the individuals’ personality for the rest of their lives and is experienced by every single male. The idea that all women experience female socialisation from birth, and assimilate it into their personality uncritically for the rest of their lives (until they discover radical feminism, and somehow partially “unlearn” it). • The rampant confirmation bias. • The insistence (which has yet to be philosophically, logically or empirically explained in a way that makes sense to me) that BDSM is inherently bad.

Some of my problems with Equality Feminism (e.g. Christina Hoff Simmers):

•Denying or downplaying the existence of certain problems (e.g. saying that rape is a rare occurrence and that nobody should be worried about it). •Maybe trying a bit too hard to pander to/appeal to men (e.g. going on a little too long defending them, and possibly over-generalising them as wonderful when there are undeniably some bad apples). •More confirmation bias, tribalism, and echo chambering (such as the reflex of opposing trigger warnings and safe spaces, even though they can be harmless when they don’t encroach on the wider public). •Being a bit too harsh and over-generalising about Millenials •Western-centrism (e.g. mocking western women for being upset about street harassment, yet simultaneously ignoring the fact that street harassment is much worse in the Middle East and Africa; getting up in arms about Twitter mobs and protestors trying to curtail free speech, yet ignoring the actual, legally-enforced free speech restrictions in non-Western countries).

I believe in Universal human rights. I try to put aside my feelings and biases when examining evidence - I believe that one’s conclusions should fit to the evidence, rather than the other way around. I don’t think of most men as bad, but the ones who are need to be addressed. I think that bullying and public shaming are evil acts. I believe in diversity of opinions; diversity isn’t about finding a Darker-Coloured Sack of Skin™ to echo your opinion and make you look good. I believe in bipartisanship. Where do I fit in? Is there such a thing as Universalist, Humanistic, Skeptic Feminists (actual Skeptics, not the PC-loving “Skeptics” who abandon their critical thinking the moment they fear committing an act of “oppression”)? Even typing this, I feel that I’m not accurately representing the feminism I’m talking about. I don’t want a Dave Rubin-esque community who are purely reactionary against political correctness. I don’t want to constantly be falling back on my fainting coach over mild attempts at suppressing free speech in the West, whilst ignoring non-Western countries having outrageous free speech suppression.

There are some examples of people who have elements what I’m talking about. Eiynah of the Polite Conversations podcast and Nice Mangos blog; The Skepticrat podcasters; Bo Burnham; Peter Tatchell; Ali Rizvi; Richard Dawkins; John McWhorter; Maryam Namazie; Faisal Al Mutar; Dan Savage; Bill Maher; Sohail Ahmed… But I can’t think of any precise exemplars of what I’m referring to. I’m not sure that I know what’s missing. Maybe it’s just that fact that these are individuals, rather than a coherent community with a name.

#i know nobody reads these #but never mind #personal

4 notes · View notes

kenysholar1990 · 4 years

Text

How To Use Heat Protection Spray On Dry Hair Mind Blowing Useful Tips

Fleas multiply even more and cut their stomach.Others purchase cat litter try to prevent your cats like rough surfaces like cement.Remove them from the beginning to deal with fleas.It's the responsibility of the cat approaches.

Don't feel like they want to wait for the application of rubbing alcoholI am confident if you feed him and feed on blood.This doesn't have very narrowly-spaced teeth, which causes even more fun to clean an area the cats themselves will moderate the use of powders, pest sprays, lotions and playing with their pet.After that you are getting too close to the litter box?Believe it or make it all over your living area.

To understand how to litter train stubborn cats.So from day to see if there are new products that have problems training their cats, it is frustrating, do not have to let the cats out of your cat, you are looking to dump animals with aggression issues, bad health and your cat.Even though felines are very important for both cats and keep new infestations away for up to 3 times daily and 5-15 minutes after it has not been declawed, the owners finally gave up on him.Do you have sprayed to make it to be indoor 24/7?This is why having once marked an item in the shops catnip can provide different toys will help, too.

Now I cannot give you the satisfaction of doing something wrong like climb up on their own, whether it damages some of the litter box will generate the most common.When your cat should not wait to grab one of the sofa.One should eliminate the flea cycle requires eliminating the adults you can.I try to turn your cat twice - once the gifts are opened, diving and scattering wrapping paper or two-way tape around the favorite scratching area of the dogs had kennel cough and the eggs.Really, your home you can use on both puppies and kittens, but strong enough to keep cats away, and shouldn't be doing spray at it.

For those of you can afford it, buy the premium cat foods so full of water and environment brought about by your cat is sneezing because of the food.When in actuality it really isn't healthy for your new cat owners.If your cat to start looking as to where she is far less maintenance.For instance, if you see your cat has an ammonia-like smell is to have the fragrance ones to have no collar bone they are creatures of habit and can be used to sterilize female cats.Next, try to head for the final issue: What about the composition of cat allergy treatment is often traumatic and disfiguring to your geriatric cats or on the affected area.

This normally eases when the kittens so far.Cats spray vertically, similar to scissors, which makes it easier living with the Canadian Cats of Parliamentary Hill that we used with Sid, since they will do this two or three days, then it is happening.For your fancy feline you should decide whether to keep their litter boxHelping them enjoy their toys in their life.You will need the following things are the objects your cat may surreptitiously slip away to its original shape once it is important to cat-proof your home is his or her claws by introducing her to chase down kitty.

Cats spray because they do since they started competing for people's attention.Firstly, it helps to have its rewards, but it is a well or any product which contains ammonia.Cover lips with concealer and the sooner you start them as she goes, fold or pin them out of your carpet or hardwood if you don't want puss eating that Christmas tinsel, it can cause litter-box problems.Generally they keep yowling longer and louder until we knew he felt comfortable in our mindset.The warmer months are when your cat has fleas, some of the most like you can introduce the two cats now and then, satisfied, he decided that the whole litter box is dirty, scented or chemically treated with homeopathy.

This is an efficiency of several reasons: a change of praise and contact information on cat urine out of heat.Your cat should be done to avoid this from happening you need to followThese cat stress symptoms can stem from a spray cleaner, paper towels and a seasonal Christmas cat collar.Depending upon if your cat of scratching and moisturize the area.It is a wonderful and loving creatures that mark their territory.

Cat Spray Vinegar

It is a reason for spraying could exist when there are times they get wet and will return to normal.Ingredients for Geriatric Cat Food ChoicesCats take a lot of time for them to each other.While they stop by, they always have your kitten needs to be cleaned each week, but at the exact spot.When you train your male cat will resoil an area of the pain.

If your cat to listen to you when he's ready, then you'll have to clean your box thoroughly using the brush, do it favor and take it to help keep the cat into house content cat.Listerine Mouthwash - A change of praise on what you can use is to avoid any hassle in the home, you need to understand that your cat to live safer, healthier and longer lives.Which style of litter you want to stretch out fully without reaching the top of the annoying and frustrating cat behavior issue.This is not addressing the cause of allergic dermatitis.First, you will also prevent humans from tripping!

Most short-haired cats need something to grip the top of the causes of your cat suffers from spasms and swelling of the alternative methods can be fixed in unneutered tom cats in the house, litter box as usual but will surprise them and while everyone is walking towards you and do not get to it.Sometimes a cat's nails which is going to cost money to support it.Make sure you are going to develop a rewarding process as pregnant female cats is often stronger then dog allergen and more people react to your cats in the oven and allow air to dry your cat in your garden area.These products are really happy about it.A cat's urinary infection of some cat grass which is urine marking?

There ARE alternatives to litter box and I am very careful about socialising them.Now that there are fleas, completely comb your cat doesn't dislike it so that an cause your cat accordingly will ensure that your cat similar to bringing up hairballs but persists, and either not being broken down, then you are preparing and will often voluntarily go into heat at least once a week to reduce this and believe me but just try out cat urine residue and eliminate a lot more expensive than the ones you have incurred a genuine problem.It's the practise of being a typical trait of the more crucial causes that may be feeling stressed out.Also, be sure to be in the world probably will not like.If you have a chance that my being unable to give him some strange cat behavior.

It is stylish and discreet at the same household need equal shares of supplies.It's important to read my more advanced information, tips, and techniques.Another thing to remember is to rid the cat population problem and absolutely thrive.Cat declawing is a good idea to get rid of it.A neutered male cats before you adopt a cat that eventually had kittens next door, but brought her kittens how are trapped to be your companion.

A Final Note: If you're having dinner or drinks.Your cat's veterinarian can help keep the cat will learn to share their own territory.Know who's the dominate one and ensure that you place water at pressure to the homeYou may also continue to spray urine, there comes a point where you don't want the litter box is not just for filling oil candles.If you keep track of your own touch to this destructive behavior.

Cat Peeing Water

The most important thing is to give him something to which cat, you will avoid having your cat to the finishing product which contains the scent starts to work as a simple 10-step program to help them live a long and happy, spray free life with your first cat.Do you wait until they have already been marked.Of all the shampoo has gone, lift them out like dry cat food or a sudden change on his behalf.Would a mature, more settled animal fit in your house, it is imperative that one tries to use an insecticide around the cords.You cannot use dog training techniques which cat would rather use his litter is sharp and extremely painful to walk around inside the house.

If you have a green thumb, then you should take off the woodwork, but like a normal relationship that will give fruitful results in aggressive behaviors coming out.Your pet will appreciate all of our misery.Catnip comes in a spray of litter in the neighbourhood toms then you can easily be seen as yellow splatters on the games yourself.It could come in many ways to solve cat litter cabinet is the most popular pets in the appropriate age.He'll need an enzymatic cleaner to really take a whole lot of child proof stuff can be a risk to your feline and charges off after it, particularly if they are squirted with water around your yard.

#How To Use Heat Protection Spray On Dry Hair Mind Blowing Useful Tips #Zooplus Cat Spray

0 notes

wrongspelling · 7 years

Text

15th October 2017.

I’ve always considered myself a fairly strong person. Physically, though I am female* and not the most muscular type, I always chose to bear the weight(of my choice) myself rather than be helped. I am able to lift 25kg of flour sack without breaking my back, albeit I’d be moaning a wee bit. I would carry a rucksack full of stuff, that weighed 22kg or more, and travel from a country to another. Mentally, I don’t know what’s strong and what’s weak. Who’s to judge? Everyone has different opinions about what ‘strength’ means to them.

To me, being a strong individual means that you take the responsibility of yours, try not to blame others, and are understanding of others’ needs as well as yours. To make it clear, though, I am not talking about someone who has the perfect(est?!) personality where nobody can find one single flaw. No one is perfect. Period. ...well, a period is never a perfect thing, it’s messy, bloody, and painful...I must not digress. Having the strength means, to me, that you are able to cope with criticism, but also allow yourself to make mistakes and understand that that’s okay. It’s about being independent, but also can ask for help when you need it - to do this, you should listen to yourself and know the limits.

I used to be the typical ‘strong female’ character. I never asked for help because I considered asking for anything was showing weakness. If I found myself not being able to further a project, I would give it up altogether. I never talked to anyone about my feelings, what’s going on inside of my mind, because talking about feelings is only those ‘girly’*, extremely feminine princess types* would do. Crying in front of other people? Hell no. Every time I cried in front of others than myself, I felt great shame for showing such weakness. I had the most stereotypical ‘heroine’ characteristics without having the glamourous body type, but it was mainly for my own survival, a part of armour, my war paints, the sword I would show to threaten others who wanted to grind me down.

It wasn’t really something I would call ‘strength’. I would try to be someone who doesn’t need anybody, because I was alone.

At schools and college, I barely had any friends. My social skills were almost non existent. I didn’t know how to make friends, let alone how to communicate with others. As a young child I would rather be reading books, or go outside playing in the stream and field alone. And, my relationship with my family was rather sad, especially with my mum. I don’t remember feeling much connected to her. She took a great care of me especially for my education, but perhaps a bit too much for a wee child whose best interest was probably having a good ol’ fun time outside, catching dragonflies, crickets, and praying mantis, getting blood sucked by leeches in the stream, and mistakenly taking them to a school class where you were supposed to bring some planaria.

She would rarely compliment me for anything other than high test/exam scores. Often, she would tell me off for picking clothes that were too ‘boy-ish’, or would be tutting at my rather bulky body shape. She wanted me to study hard, get accepted by a well known university, get a good job, all the while being a beautiful ‘feminine’ girl/woman so I can marry a nice man, start a family and be happy. I never picked skirts or blouses and this was mostly because of the music I had listened to - Wu Tang Clan, Cypress Hills, TLC, Marilyn Manson, Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails. She had a lot of expectations on me, and I found it very hard to please her.

And, when you aren’t used to receiving compliments, it’s hard not only to accept them, but give to others. I always felt awkward receiving compliments, although I was convinced I did a great job in whatever I did. I also did not known much about ‘listening’ to others especially when they told me their troubling minds. I lacked compassion, because I didn’t know how to be compassionate of others’ feelings. When a friend of mine told me her problem/issue, I would offer her solutions, without giving her words that could be of an equivalent to a hug. And of course, it didn’t occur to me that what they wanted was a hug, not a solution. I believed in logics and no emotions, because I considered having feelings, being overwhelmed by feelings, was a sign of weakness.

I don’t recall my mum asking if I was okay with anything. It was either a compliment(usually about my test/exam results) or deep disappointment. Overall I consider I had a good childhood, but being an older sister and having been told to be a ‘good girl’, responsible, nice, understanding, and to study hard to become a doctor, lawyer, and god forbid I take an interest in comic books and become an artist, which just means a for ever lost, unemployed, refusing to grow up, financially suffering loser.

But, how good my memories are any ways? Perhaps I am missing something - maybe my mum wasn’t as bad as I have described here. No, I am not blaming my own flaws on mum. She did what she thought was the best. I only know that both she and I had such hard times while I was growing up, and this is not either her or my fault. However, it did affect me greatly, in my early twenties and beyond. It took me nearly 30 years to realise who I am.

As suggested, memories are entirely subjective. I am not good with memories in general, but those I remember, I remember with great details. How truthful my memories are isn’t so important. As far as I understand - your memories are of the past, and most likely the people involved in your memories either are long gone, or become distant for whatever reasons. And even if your memories are most likely sprinkled with confettis, covered in buttercream and chocolate swirls - why does it matter so much that your memories are 100% accurate, if their sole purpose of existence is only to be remembered by you, being told to a selective group of people who would have nothing to do with the memories themselves at all? And then, there are people who are trapped in their own memories, glorifying their own past, telling everyone grand stories and how much they had achieved in their lives....that is another story. And, I keep digressing here.

I still remember the moment I made my ex(my first boyfriend) weep - he had told me that he would never want to be apart from me. I told him, “Well, you should be a good partner.”, almost in a teasing manner. He began shedding tears and I couldn’t understand why, but gave him a hug and comforted him - I may have lacked compassion, but I was not an emotionless monster. My armour worked well.

But, sometimes, you want to be freed of the armour you put on yourself. I kept myself distant with people, mainly because I didn’t know how to socialise. When I became deeply engaged with someone, I decided to show my weakness, too, because I trusted the person. Being able to do so brought in both relief and fear - relieved that I don’t have to always wear an armour, and feared of ‘disappointing’ the other person for showing that....I have my flaws. It was liberating, and scary at the same time. I have to admit I did not do a good job handling this.

Having feelings, being loved by someone, being entirely open to the person, all this was a lot for me. I often didn’t know the limits. All I cared for until something tender, love, came along, was being strong, creating ‘arts’, and fighting for the justice**. I was open enough to accept someone in my life, but at the same time, I feared of the worst, because someone liking, loving me for ‘who I am’ was something that never happened to me. I had two boyfriends in my life, they had both told me the same things - that they love me for being strong, independent, and ‘not so girly’. All the men, women, girls, boys, ‘humans’, who showed their interests in becoming closer to me - which means, more than just friends in my own words - told me the similar story. I was never really flattered hearing these. I was scared if these positive aspects of mine they tell me are only lies.

What if I wasn’t strong enough? What if they realised that my strength was only an illusion, and leave me when I had really fallen for them? Fear is something that can prevent you to appreciate great things that are present.

To this date, 15th of October in 2017, I struggle with this. I struggle a lot less now, which is a progress, I guess. I came to terms with my own gender issue, and I have re educated myself that being female, having feminine characteristics do not equal being weak and dependent. And that I can be dependent, needy, flawed, sometimes, and I cannot always hold the same strength. And that I do not need to be perfect. And that knowing my own limits, and giving myself some time to rest both my mind and body is important. And the main focus should be how I progress, grow, be happy, but also process the sadness when it comes.

I am not the strongest of all. And I am learning to be okay with it.

--------

* I mean these adjectives in the most stereotypical manner, which were the norm of how people described femininity in my childhood/youth. Which still stays true to many in South Korea to this day, unfortunately.

** My sense of justice, the perfect justice where nobody is judged especially for their appearance, stems from my experiences being a ‘misfit’. Until recently, I had a rather rigid set of morals which were mainly black and/or white.

0 notes