#sorry everyone but i felt id die if i didnt make this post

[selkiecoded]

#deltarune #sorry everyone but i felt id die if i didnt make this post

[maschotch]

Your post about the big bad arcs - as well as being dragged out too long and having the unsub be way overpowered, i think a lot of the later ones were missing stakes. For as bad as it was to go with 'fridge the wife for manpain' in the Foyet arc, characters that were important to the team/audience and that we were emotionally invested in died in both the Foyet and Doyle arcs. We actually got to see some damage done in a way that really came too close to home for the team.

But then every time after that? Nobody who isn't a sideplot separate to a big bad dies (Carolyn - now that was some truly unnecessary kill a woman for manpain, and Maeve - same again and not really related to the repilcator) and of them they are all people we only just meet. We see them for a couple episodes and then they die. That's all they're there for. But when it comes to the big overarching cases? We get a couple injuries maybe but they never kill off anyone of major significance and I don't know if it's just my rewatch brain talking, but you can kinda tell (a beautiful disaster - they revealed that savannah was stable way too soon to get really tense and morgan never felt like he was truly going to die - in derek we'd just seen him beat up like 6 guys while under the effects of torture. one little guy hurting him after that did not seem as likely)

To their credit (:/) they did try to up the stakes with strauss (a character you weren't as sympathetic for as they'd only just stopped trying to make her the bad guy and bc they picked rossi of all people to try and help humanise her w a relationship?? But also manpain fridging again :/) and at the backend of the mr scratch arc with stephen walker, but there they still went with the newest guy you were probably least attached to as opposed to a higher stakes option (I'd've quite liked them to have killed Rossi there tbh)

((Sorry if this was semi incoherent, I woke up saw the post wrote this and will now go back to sleep. Also tl;dr: as well as being dragged out and not formulated as well and ott, they didn't recapture the same stakes in later seasons as letting you think - even briefly - that Prentiss had died from being staked))

yeah unfortunately plot armor for most long-running network programs is pretty thick akjshdg. honestly id argue that the only reason we felt like there were stakes for the doyle arc (bc i mean come on were they really about to kill emily prentiss ajdshlg) was because of what happened in the foyet arc. that being said?? even then it felt very?? watered down? like they definitely couldve, shouldve done more with it. i still feel like it shouldve been a more brutal, drawn out death just considering foyet's mo. but they didnt bc she was still a prominent side character.

scratch nearly got there with walker. like if they wanted to kill him, fine, but did they have to do it the most boring way possible? how many times has hotch been in a car accident? how come literally everyone was pretty much perfectly fine and capable of walking the next day but ONE GUY got super fucked up? it felt cheap. like they were just trying to get rid of him. idk what the deal was with the actor, but idk it just felt really disrespectful to the character to not even have him be on a full season and have him be the first team member to die. especially since absolutely no one seemed to care that he died other than penelope and emily for like two minutes. a bau team member died. this should've been excruciating for them. but they just kept on like it was nothing bc :) spencer's back and thats all that matters. we call that #racism in media

i feel like reid's prison arc should've felt like it had stakes? like by all means it should have and i guess they did a pretty good job making it seem like this was tough for him. but it was such a shitty idea for a plot and we all knew nothing was really gonna happen, so there was no reason to really care. maybe if i was a #reidgirl i would've cared more but i literally didnt give a shit about him or that arc

even with stuff like injuries... people can get hurt as much as they want and its fine bc two episodes from now they'll be completely 100% okay and ablebodied. except that one time reid got shot in the leg bc the actor needed crutches for like ten episodes. like.. how many characters have gotten shot in the torso and been completely fine? elle... penelope.... jj..... emily got staked with like a big ass piece of wood.... morgan was fucking crucified and had acid poured over his chest or something..... oh yeah hotch was stabbed like seven times.... but its fine they're okay they can run around just fine after all that. i get its a tv show or whatever but it wouldve been nice to see some repercussions from injuries. we never even see hotch take the meds we know he has to take bc its how they caught foyet. we call that #ableism in media

#im always incoherent pls dont worry ab it #asks #endgame spoilers #just... angers me akjshlgadkj

[volfoss]

how about ranking bucciarati's team?

regret to inform you that ur gonna get a very long answer bc i have passionate feelings about them all! also trish is in this bc she is part of the team and no one will tell me otherwise and will also include some rambling bc it is me and i have so many feelings towards these characters and none of them r cohesive

under the cut just in case (post writing yes it was long)

Giorno Giovanna:

way way more complex than ppl normally give him credit for (i will not go into feelings on how a majority of the fandom treats him unless ppl want me to then i will in fact make a very long ranty post and will not be stopped)

mildly op (esp at the beginning with how hes kind of able to just use his stand really well w no problems altho i think thats true of most of the jojos that we have seen animated?)

i am emotionally attached to him and want to give him a big hug

hes just a kinda goofy kid and is maybe a bit not good with figuring out hey this is a semi dangerous situation maybe i shouldnt be taunting him (leaky eye luca for example)

has the actual best theme

i love how he works off the rest of the team so well (even w members who do not like him)

is in my top 3 jojos i love this kid sm i would adopt him if he was real

7/10

Bruno Bucciarati:

the fucking way his character develops from licky man to best dad material is my favorite thing

his outfit is so so so good i would die to wear it

in general this man is one of my fave jojos characters and i get a lot of comfort from him

hes just really neat and has a good taste in music

he did his fucking best and i will always love him for that

imo the way that his death was drawn out was genuinely one of the most heartbreaking deaths in the entire series and fucks me up each time i think of it

i feel like he really is the one to hold the team together in a way that everyone feels cared for and saved

def has a savior complex tho for sure

dilf but im ace

also manga superiority bc he either makes the stupidest faces or looks very nice (anime has a lot of weird animation in regards to his face) and also because its lingerie there instead of a tattoo that changes thickness and placement every second

10/10

Leone Abbacchio:

guilty pleasure liking man

i am obsessed with his vibes and wish to become him

i cannot physically express just how much i love him but hes one of my faves of all time (not obvious by my theme at all wdym)

i miss his manga palette but also the colored manga isnt my beloved but also black lipstick abba

hot take maybe but anime abba looks better than manga minus the lipstick debacle

hes so so tall and i will steal his height in a nice way

his past man his past it fucks me up

his death fucks me up normally but when i was rewatching recently, i saw he gave this tiny lil smile after helping the kids get their ball and i could not take it anymore

him and brunos relationship (canonically and out of canon too) is one of my favorites in the series

also fandom hot take as i guess i am doing those for everyone- but ppl either have him as cosntantly trying to murder giorno or being like good son and v out of character, and it is really weird? not sayign that ill do better when i write them but also like im convinced some ppl havent seen the show or smth

i will steal both him and bruno and marry them both <3

this man is beloved i love him to death

10/10

Pannacotta Fugo:

i cannot spell his first name to save my life

also fandom take- ppl make him constantly only angry boy all the time and it really irks me. ik araki did not give him 2 much to work w in terms of canon personality but its frustrating

the light novel purple haze feedback is so so so good and adds sm to his character and i really like it for that!

fugo is one of those that imo deserves a lot and didnt get that

genuinely the vibes between how he treats narancia is v interesting to me, like its clear he cares about nara but nara not doing great w math really frustrates him

i love their interactions and how he is genuinely a kind person at times

the manga colors r superior here, my strawberry boy <3

i just really love and appreciate him a lot and wish that ppl gave him more love

i keep getting assigned him on kin quizzes

very smart good boy

ALSO ok fugo did not do any wrong by leaving

unsure if thats a hot take but i genuinely dont blame the character one bit for leaving and again purple haze feedback really delves into that and why he did it

if ur a fugo fan go read it

his past is really upsetting esp in the anime i will cry over it

his stand is adorable and i wanna hug it

his vibes r fun and i wanna gift him strawberry dangly earrings

8/10

Narancia Ghirga:

this boy i am also adopting (i am adopting most of them sorry)

i really hate how ppl act as if hes stupid bc bad math skills do not equal stupid like did ppl not see the fight w formaggio??

the way he just fucking dove into the water after the boat and how brunos face went all soft and happy it will never not make me cry

he is constnatnly making me wanna cry if i think too much about him for 2 seconds i love him sm

how can anyone not adore him when he set an entire street on fire yk

hes just happy despite his past and it makes me sad i love nara sm

torture dance is one of my favorite memes from the show

ALSO ok the way he died so suddenly absolutely broke me bc the remaining team members r really just seeing everyone die in front of them so quickly

his goofy and laid back moments r my fave

i love just how loyal and caring he is to his friends

his stand is really cool and again the fight w formaggio was so fun to watch

8/10

Guido Mista:

probably my least favorite member of the team for a semi good reason:

the jokes towards trish are really really uncomfy and how fugo doesnt wanna be involved but he is pushing him to do something that makes him uncomfortable did not make me like him a lot

hes goofy but not goofy enough for me to be ok with the repeated jokes about that esp in the body swap episode (ik it was supposed to be funny but it just felt off)

his vibes r good but i wish we got to see his hair

the fandom interpretation is normally pretty good of him overall?

despite not loving him a lot, i really enjoying writing for him (one day might open up headcanon requests or smth but unsure)

hes someone id wanna watch movies w but his taste in movies and mine r very different

love how he and his stand get along

honestly has very very good comedic potential

i really like how he and giorno interact as the series goes on (in a platonic way i need to clarify that i love their friendship)

again him in purple haze feedback was really interesting

probably a 5/10?

Trish Una:

beloved and deserved better

her first outfit in the manga > outfit in the anime

actually in general i believe in manga trish superiority like her hair in the manga looks so cool

her stand her stand her stand i love sm

if u dont include trish in the group i am murdering u <3

HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!! IS SO GOOD!!!!!!

fandom gripe is how people either pretend she does not exist or has the trish first introduction thing where shes using her defense mechanisms and acting a bit spoiled

OK but her in purple haze feedback!!! mild spoilers but how bruno was taking care of her post the ending of vento aureo makes me so happy each time i think of it

very mad that she canonically didnt really get an ending and yet again PHF my beloved actually gave her that

how spice girl starts out as a stand thats helping her thru a very stressful situation is so cool and i love it

DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO *frothes at the mouth*

but more seriously how she leans on bruno and begins 2 trust him and nearly point blank is referring to him as a father figure always fucks me up

esp because of the resulting fight afterwards

and the very ending of the arc that ends w bruno being like bye gonna go in the clouds and look ethereal now, oh man it makes me so sad

bc giorno is the only one that knew what happened and people that were closer to bruno due to knowing him longer didnt

i wanna see how trish coped w that personally

despite being introduced not at the beginning i think her arc and character in general were as well paced as it could be!

9/10

finally done! sorry that took so long but oh man i have so many feelings towards these guys its not even funny

#asks #wholesome mutuals #vento aureo spoilers #to add that bruno is one of my faves of all time is probably obvious by me putting him at 10/10 #fiance bullies me lovingly for liking leone so that is explanation 4 first bullet #he has not even met him but just calls him piss man #the fandoms treatment of most of these characters makes me really mad tbh

[hellbabyfromhell]

i was writing a small thing and then it became big... just my thoughts about my life as of today.

the asks people sent when i told my whole stupid story about my dumb ass life were really very kind and sweet.... i read through them sometimes.... im not trying to Fish for anything when i say this but like... idk the situation i was in made it really hard for me to leave without feeling bad, and they’d thought up every way to in some way make me guilty even though objectively there wa literally nothing..... idk just, me personally i take every bad emotion a person i care about is feeling or might possibly be feeling or may feel at a future time and i soak it in like a sponge.... so they knew if they made me feel bad enough it’d make me stay.....i guess i kind of already made a post about this but some people sent asks about having gotten through situations like this, and people generally like.... expressed pride in me... lame but ever since i disconnected from everyone i ever knew before my dad died excluding maiya and online friends..... i guess what im saying is ever since my dad died and i lost that familial feeling of living in dc because i had to move, and i was far from anything i knew... i felt so, so so weak and frail, and living in my old situation was crushing me up into a tiny ball.... i feel stupid saying it but it feels good when people are proud of me ; _ ; and im proud of me too.... i really felt so small, and i was like genuinely despondent and ready to die, but i realized like.... with all the crazy ass shit that had happened to me, it would have been so easy to just Die..... and for 2 years i was barely present, but i like....survived.... and really, that was a bad time. i used to scoff when people would say i was strong for that, because i’d think: “what’s so strong about not dying...” because it felt like a suspended plan frankly (grimace emoji im typing) but i also decided that i would try as HARD as possible to NEVER act like teen me again.  because right up until my dad died, i was a brat who was unwilling to take in feedback.... i wasn’t Bad or anything (questionable) but i’d go to therapy and goof off because i was very flippant about it in a passive aggressive way.... like, CLEARLY this STUPID BULLSHIT wont help me so ill be REALLY sarcastic about it! im cool! i kind of realized it after my dad died but LITERALLY i never did ANYTHING to help myself! like, i’d get really sad, but i’d make no real effort to change that, and i thought it was ANGST and MALAISE and ENNUI, and it was that, but it was also my unwillingness to step into uncharted territory: developing myself as a person consciously lol. at therapy i never took anything in and was too busy trying to make light of my situation that nothing ever got done, and i realized i never took any advice anyway.... like, when people say “try meditation”..... like Duh thats a stupid reply but also like.... Have you? i hadnt until recently.... and guess what! it didnt work at all! but i am like willing to try literally anything (within reason) and i want to ACCEPT everything just like.... 

i was SO ADAMANT about rejecting like...... idk Norms?????? as a teen , i really dont know what my aim was but it wasn’t working and i was making people annoyed because i’d whine and whine over my problems but never do anything to fix it, and i’d go and say “NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME!!!” with like 5 people messaging me. idk just, life was handing me little tools with which to improve and better myself and i refused. i was a fool at therapy and i was annoying and SOOOOO depressed but weirdly comfortable with it simply out of unwillingness to change  my habits.....you know? and after my dad died, like... everything i previously felt was just......i just realized how incredibly petty it all was? NOT t say im not petty now, but i was like GOD DAMN i was suicidal.... over that? like i was really crying and freaking out over THIS? my two years of like PTSD cocoon  smoothed it out to the point that it almost just feels like i was thinking for a really, really long time, and only came to when i felt the answer coming on. i’m not saying i don’t still grapple with self pity and stuff but i kind of blinked and absorbed the WORLD for the first time...... i really wasn’t living life yet. i was 19 which is Older than 18 and i lived with my dad and his gf and i was fresh out of high school doing a little community college.... like i was walking around dc and having a grand old time going to the cliff and the woods and then id go home and talk about how badly i wanted to die..... i just like.... i decided that i CANNOT waste any more of my time acting like that because i wasted my most precious time, time with my dad, acting like a crybaby. i’m just disgusted thinking about how many opportunities i had to be happy and have a good time that i DECIDED not to take. and i can’t even really explain why still, but i just know i can never ever be like that ever again oh god the bird is tweeting its mornign sorry im back... just SORRY that was my roundabout way of saying like... i guess i have changed and like a LOT, and i DO feel strong... so thank you for caring about y progress!! AHH!!

#it gets a little depressing sorry but im okay just thinking. #and appreciating u and appreciating the good in my life

[drakeblight]

Line break/read more

Do not rb

[2/2, 11:32 PM] Cristian Gómez: Ok, so here goes

[2/2, 11:34 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry i talked over you and interupted you. I have this very bad tendency to not shut up when im nervous, especially around others.

[2/2, 11:34 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry i had to ask you to buy me icecream, i know you said its no big deal but it is to me

[2/2, 11:35 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry if i seemed boring and paranoid, ive just always lived in fear till i moved here and even though its been 2 years, i still find it hard to break habita

[2/2, 11:35 PM] Cristian Gómez: But please, i need you to tell me whats wrong

[2/2, 11:37 PM] Cristian Gómez: Remember how i told you i think of ways to escape and how could a person murder me and all that? I am very scared of the unknown and right now i do not be knowing whats up? Did i bore you, dis you find someone else, did you die? My mind keeps jumping to conclusions i know arent true but without your words i cant really kill them off

[2/2, 11:38 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im trying to be more attentive of you and stop being so self centered (which is an oximoron cuz telling other people that youre not thinking about yourself requires you to think about yourself but wrvr)

[2/2, 11:39 PM] Cristian Gómez: I watched letterkenny, i kinda spoiled that "surprise" when i texted you her face and the naked gym the frats wanted to make

[2/2, 11:39 PM] Cristian Gómez: But whatever, i did enjoy it and im thankful you showed me it

[2/2, 11:39 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, imma pay you back that icecream 10x

[2/2, 11:41 PM] Cristian Gómez: I finally get payed on wednesday so ill buy the granpa sweater or the windbreaker or the patterned shirts, maybe ill stop by peace nook and get a candle, incense or soap you liked. Whatever it ends up being, ill make sure its shiny

[2/2, 11:41 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, my friend said he could sneak us into his show on thursday, like i said, i really like his drag

[2/2, 11:42 PM] Cristian Gómez: If we sneak in, we may even get a couple drinks if we dont have bracelets

[2/2, 11:43 PM] Cristian Gómez: And if all you need is space, thats fine! I know i can be a bit much to handle, but please tell me so i dont go off the rails batshit crazy trying to figure out what went wrong

[2/2, 11:43 PM] Cristian Gómez: I only now realize that typing all this into a private convo is very batshit crazy

[2/2, 11:43 PM] Cristian Gómez: Remember that thing i just said about not shutting up??

[2/2, 11:44 PM] Cristian Gómez: I know theres a lot more i wanted to say but i forget

[2/2, 11:45 PM] Cristian Gómez: Oh, and i didnt really mean to be mean when i called you a nerd for tucking

[2/2, 11:45 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, when i said you were tall, i just wasn't expecting that, cuz everyone ive ever gone out with ends up being smaller than me

[2/2, 11:46 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry i behaved like a 12 yearold, i know its not very attractive to go into a relationship and feel its gonna be a babysitting gig

[2/2, 11:47 PM] Cristian Gómez: Even though im scared, i still challenge myself. Everytime i take a turn at a stoplight my first thought is how someone might run me over

[2/2, 11:48 PM] Cristian Gómez: Everytime its bellow 40, i think of that time i couldnt feel my hands for 2 hours, but i still get on my bike

[2/2, 11:48 PM] Cristian Gómez: And everytime i looked at your messages im reminded of all the sweet nothings people used to say to me to use me

[2/2, 11:49 PM] Cristian Gómez: All the see you laters and the we'll meet someday again

[2/2, 11:50 PM] Cristian Gómez: And even though im deadly terrified of typing something and losing you like ive lost everyone else, i still find the courage to send you something, anything so youd know i really do like you

[2/2, 11:50 PM] Cristian Gómez: I forgot how it felt

[2/2, 11:51 PM] Cristian Gómez: Ive been neeting people ive been interested in for 4 years now and youre the second one ive actually found that i cared about

[2/2, 11:51 PM] Cristian Gómez: Even ones i thought i cared about, i forgot in a week

[2/2, 11:52 PM] Cristian Gómez: And i know i said id stop being self centered and ill ive done is typed and typed, but i genuinely want you to give me a second chance, hopefully ill learn to shut up

[2/2, 11:53 PM] Cristian Gómez: I know youll probs only read this if i ever give you your codename, if i even post these, but this is helping

[2/2, 11:53 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, sorry i called you adam

[2/2, 11:54 PM] Cristian Gómez: Maybe ill send the lot of these your way one day, where it doesnt matter cuz youre so close or so far appart

[2/2, 11:55 PM] Cristian Gómez: I know you dont want a psycho bf that cant be 10 mins away from you, but if youre leaving, could you please say why?

[2/2, 11:56 PM] Cristian Gómez: This is extremely pessimistic and theres that overworking brain again, but did you even care? I wanna say yes cuz you payed for my icecream and didnt just blow me off at the first chance, also you went out with me after a week or so of texts, most people would have just made something up, so i really appreciate you

[2/2, 11:57 PM] Cristian Gómez: UGHHH, i just need an answer at this point i dont mind if its yes or no

[2/2, 11:57 PM] Cristian Gómez: Did your messages get stuck? Did my phone mute you?

[2/3, 12:02 AM] Cristian Gómez: Oh yea, this goes without saying, but i dont wanna seem manipulative, these last couple day (oly shit its only been a day, why did i blow this out of proportion so damn much?!?) Have been very retrospective

[2/3, 12:03 AM] Cristian Gómez: I also dont want the gift to be manipulative, its something ive always believed in, ask my friends, no one should leave empty handed

[2/3, 12:04 AM] Cristian Gómez: And i probs would have only gotten you the candles, but bc you bought ice cream and youre so damn hot, ill bump it up

[2/3, 12:05 AM] Cristian Gómez: Im way overdue on payments and my bike insurance is almost up, but its only good for the other guy, so if i crash its very unlikely ill even need to pay them

[2/3, 7:50 AM] Cristian Gómez: Was it that i didnt try anything romantic? Didnt hold your hand or stayed away when i said goodbye? I dont know how to read limits so i just default to professional until someone tells me to do something

[2/3, 8:37 AM] Cristian Gómez: Was it the blue nails? I swear that was the jeans

#romano #fuck it i dont have the patience to remove my name from these

[sentiniel-butitgetsworse]

rwde

highly unpolished, awful explanation, but scene-by-scene commentary of unbridled annoyance and rage. read at your own peril.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so the episode opens with a fight scene. sweet! cool! but its so badly staged, sometimes you have no idea what is happening the first time round. it’s crowded and messy, not a very good look? im talking about grim being hid behind ice while the camera is panning and hitting some trees when we’re literally panning out to show someone else in focus DESPITE THE FACT THEIR MITIGATION SHOULD BE FRONT AND CENTER TO LET US KNOW IT HAPPENED CLEARLY. legit! there’s the one where nora shoots at a grim and the shell explodes into black dust and the grim is gone. did it die? grim dont usually die by fuckin smoke but this one sure fuckin did i guess ‘cause i literally dont know what happened to it? no recoil and fall, just deleted and hid behind some 2d-lookin smoke! sure! why not?!?!!!?

s/o to the white/rose speedy thing that had no reason to be there and yet they did it

---

then there was the “adam ruins everything” segment where he literally just murders? everyone? like i get that its off screen for the younger audiences but also like he fucking murders everyone. literally! did i miss something? is it a good tactic now? did they think it was very villainous of him to murder people??????? god bring me back to the beginning when he actually has a good character reason for why faunus would follow him into revolution because this adam taurus is so bad he’s worth flushing down the drain for.

“tHe BeLlAdOnnA nAme HaS bRoUgHt Me NoThINg BUt gRiEf”

also that opening shot where adam is proud. jfc what? is he even part of salem’s crew anymore? was the Adam short supposed to tell us he isnt? is anyone reviewing this and thinking 100% it’s a good idea?????

wait why is this scene even second? that’s a really awkward position to put it in the whole episode? honestly? like it kinda underlines how awkward a villain adam really is; it has no build up, no reason to be there. sure, the audience is hungry to know what happened to adam, but there’s legitimately no reason to put it as the second scene in the episode, there’s no context??????

callout post for this scene because its literally just voicelines while panning slowly through the bottom floor of the room. and the blood only shows up later??? also is the white fang only comprised of like 7 people now??? isnt it a globally feared organization (ie. isis)????

---

there are two bodyguards for the train. two? two. and for some reason they’re asking for dlc to provide more/personal protection? hello, did i miss something? anyone thought it was a good idea? what class of transportation did they get? if it was dangerous enough that on a train ride they’d need people to guard the journey it wouldn’t even be built there? or what, did they get a max-luxury, train ride with insurance kinda deal? and it had two (2) bodyguards? two (2)!!!!! or was it in the middle of the road??? i may have enough context for the environment but none on economy of this place i swear

“hey ladies we’ll protect you wink” jaune and lie ren literally sitting one (1) feet away not saying anything, could be everyone’s moment to justify “hey we’re literally huntsman despite being kids, we know what we’re doing” but qrow has to step in and apparently his  credentials would ward off some bodyguards???? like “hi yes sorry im the dad of literally 8 kids, i can protect them all” not a convincing argument here bud

illia deserves more time on screen and also closure because neptune fuckin hit on her and that’s obviously enough to change scenes right

also neptune being “you really gonna let her go? l:/” feels like he’s salty instead of wukong tbh; wukong feels/sounds like the literal i can do anything kinda guy -- which he is in mythology and probably in universe (except for intelligence i guess, despite the fact he literally outsmarts his opponents through a lot of his mythos) so i dont mind him being let off the hook, but any hesitation implied during this scene? weak

illia building up to kiss but hugging blake instead, but blake kissing wk on the cheek straight up on camera yo really

---

blake emos in the corner and because its queued up right after the wk/neptune scene its not a far fetch to say she’s emo-ing about wk but turns out its yang? would’ve preferred the setup to be stronger (blake watches yang get on the bed and feels sad/regret, zoom in on yang’s arm to show the audience but not tell them)

i give props to blake being shown “wait leme get that for you” real out the way though, because it underlines properly that blake feels ridiculously bad and wants to do something to make up for yang. good characterization/storytelling!

then they break it w/ like a 30s scene of yang and blake making up almost immediately with a “oh everyone will feel better about it soon :)” BRUH SHE GUILTY BOUT YOUR FUCKIN ARM BITCH CUT BACK TO REALITY DAMN the running away part is sincerely legitimate but also??? blake should be a/ more anxious than that and b/ be more worried about???? yang’s arm??????? for real m8

---

“dont let anyone else die” a/ assumes the bodyguard trying to defend the train literally died and b/ also really fell flat? as a line? get something better...????

genuine dislike for the tactic of qrow fights the Big Boss and everyone gets a handful of weaklings; to stall? possible. but also just feels like a bad tactic overall? also their animations always look like they’re doing an rpg battle; one ability used + animation! then return to original position. that’s a big fallacy of fighting monty oum style and i genuinely hope they recognize it soon

“YOU’RE ATTRACTING THE GRIM TO THE PASSENGERS” ??? i get the part where leading them to the back of the train may help (having them all divided in sections [grim + hunters, passengers, front of train respectively] may help but how does automation attract grim again? like, turrets shooting at them would do so if they’re in range, and they all came from the back so they’d move along towards the middle, but also they wouldn’t continue moving forward? i guess? what im saying is they should really just be around jnxr + oscar instead of way forward in front

when the bodyguard tried to get into the train and barely made it, that SNAP sound was just. raw. i felt that. good! i was very scared/horrified/eager to see if they’d literally break off his arm and he’d just be lying there in a pool of blood or something in shock. he didnt because of aura and i don’t know what to say because a/ it definitely wouldn’t be a bruise and b/ if he had aura and was in the bodyguarding business, wouldn’t he also have a proper semblance to fight off grim most likely? and he aint using it so why he so confident for dlc earlier the heck

bumblebee looks back to the carriage and one lady’s just with her baby like a cheap heartstrings tug

“WHY WON’T YOU TELL US THAT” yang’s line here assumes that they’ve asked about it before and ozpin/oscar refused to answer. i disagree? i think it works better with “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US THAT?” because it definitely was a factor they’d all have to take into account with regards to travelling w/ it in the first place. which they are. tbh yang (and jaune in the op) has every right to be mad at him real talk but also change that line please it bothered me so much

---

blake sees the hooded adam figure and honestly idk what kind of omen that is but it feels/looks weird. another no context scene i guess. tbh id take that one out of this episode entirely and shuffle it next episode probably. (and put the adam ruins everything scene at the back of the episode)

grim stop chasing because tunnel. and then they chase the train through the tunnel really slowly? feels weird but okay i fuckin guess; these are just the things im willing to pass on

ren and jaune look at each other like “lets do it” but why does ren? look up? like there’s no extra effects there, its not visible that he’s trying really hard to extend his semblance out. no cool semblance-using eye powers there. it feels kinda cheap for him to do that w/o any additional highlights that he’s activating his aura? also creepy

OH THERE’S THAT SCENE. yang starts off the Big Fight Montage with grabbing the grimm by its horns and then flips it around. cool move! then she promptly punches it up and closes her eyes. what? tbh that was ridiculously weak after a stupid good setup. budget aside i’d say there was an opportunity for a focused choreograph there; instead of a punch up, use a bullet fire up, keeping the enemy’s front half up in the air for a longer period of time. run under, punch/kick the underbelly, bounce off to the side, bullet fire off the side of the train. 

blake cutting off the tail was a good move. rt studios deciding to change shots when the enemy has the same pose, so that we cut to ruby fighting the same kind of grimm is not. it breaks clarity for the viewers, that’s not how matching cuts should work tbh

these big grimm dying in a couple of hits are also just? kinda weak-feeling. like these characters got stronger from rpg levels, but not from actual combat training and learning to outsmart your enemies, or upgrading your weapons. feels cheap.

ruby bouncing around in attempt to kill these grim is kinda cute? which may be what they were trying to do? but also not well choreographed i guess. it doesn’t flow too well, just bounces in seperate spikes.

when weiss redirects the flying grimm to ruby, it feels like its? not clear what she did. was it a semblance/shield? colour that blue, we know she uses white but white on white doesn’t work out well. ruby’s scythe sinking into the grimm also doesn’t work great because you get confusion when the shot is supposed to show it sink into the grimm, but you cant see the scythe blade sink into it. like you could only get it from context after watching it that she sent the grimm flying by doing the above, but dont recognize the action in the moment.

callout post to yang and blake fuckin shooting at nothing when there’s a clear path/shot to ruby and qrow’s big monster.

fireball just kinda looked cheap. there wasn’t a long breathy build up, and the fireball just feels way too fast (camera or distance?); reasonable that qrow would be hit by it, but cheap-feeling in the sense that it shouldn’t have happened/it felt unfair, that it happened. he should’ve gotten knocked on his ass by power/strength and being caught off guard, and it felt like more like “oh no he got knocked down! D:”

HHHHHH WEISS ICE SKATES TO THE GRIM BUT ITS NOT LIKE YOU PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE SOMETHING ELSE CALLS FOR IT AND THEN SHE LEAPS UP TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE GRIM. SHE’S WHITE, THE BACKGROUND IS WHITE, YOU LOSE SIGHT OF HER, I LEGIT THOUGHT SHE VANISHED BEHIND THE GRIMM BUT IT WOULDNT MAKE SENSE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. IN THE NEXT SHOT YOU MAY SEE HER AT THE LEFT BUT HER SEMBLANCE IS BLACK TO MAKE HER STAND OUT MORE BUT THEY DIDNT DO THAT FOR THE PREVIOUS SHOT WHY????????

“YANG!” yang promptly bounces off a grimm that isnt shown to have hurt or is dead from the fight and runs off to the bigger grimm as called. understandable, but the other grimm? is just? there? not dead? not doing anything???

also the we need to ground it idea feels really cheap? the grimm isn’t a problem because of its wings, it’s a problem because it’s being dealt with by one (1) person who decides it’s best fighting it on one (1) front vs two on a train. there’s so many ways to tackle this guy! we know qrow’s capable of jumping onto it, but all he’s doing is that, instead of moving to the other side and maybe catching it off guard?????? qrow, fight fucking better.

s/o to qrow/ruby pulling off a move together, cute but also they should’ve been slicing it at different points of the grimm, because they would’ve just died right away if they both went on the same plane? or anywhere near each other? weapons are fucking dangerous we remember right?

GRIMM LAUNCHES A FIREBALL AND IT GOES ON AN UPWARDS TRAJECTORY. IT DOESNT AND INSTEAD GOES IN AN ARC WHEN IT NEVER NEEDED TO. HERE’S HOW YOU COULD DERAIL THE TRAIN. FIREBALL, MOUNTAIN, AVALANCHE/ROCKSLIDE, TRAIN DESTRUCTION. OLD GRANDMA THAT STUMBLES OUT OF THAT/APPEARS BEHIND THE TEAM AFTERWARDS IS MORE IMPRESSIVE FOR HAVING ADAPTED TO THAT FROM INSIDE THE TRAIN THAN TO JUST SIT THERE AND POP OUT LATER LIKE xD lmao wassup yall?

---

yeah thats it and here’d be the adam ruins everything scene right before the opening but we cant get what we want so w/e

#rwde

[anyhao-archived]

okay im finally getting around to posting this, tbh i had to take a few days to (rest) before i thought more about this lol. also sorry it’s so long, ill put it under a read more. ANYWAYS my vav experience, as follows:

so for the fan sign there was a Lot going on so i forgot most of it but.. barons teeth sparkled when he smiled lmao anyways st van was first and I told him he was my moms favorite and he went rly?? in a really cute voice and he just seemed so surprised, it was endearing

and then jacob... i don’t mess with him anymore. jk lol he was so freaking attractive but like in a Hot way? his smile was so nice that im pretty sure i garbled my words but i tried to tell him i really like love night.. and I was going to ayno and like idk if i was joking to myself or what but just loud enough i actually said, oh that’s lots of bling! and both ayno and jacob heard me, ayno laughed genuinely and jacob was like omg i can’t believe this idiot.. i don’t think i said anything to ayno, he seemed really uncomfortable so i didn’t want to bother him anymore. but his laugh was genuine i could tell, and for a split second i don’t think he was wearing his Idol Mask(TM) when he smiled. but that’s probably just wishful thinking lol

ACE I CANT BELIEVE HIM he looked so fucking good oh my god i got to him and i called him a Casanova and he went ayyyy with a thumbs up and finger guns and i wanted to die lmfao

when i got to baron he said my name but kinda pronounced it wrong but i corrected him, and he said it again. and then i told him my name rhymes with his and he said mine like four times in different ways trying it out and rhyming it with his stage name😭 HE DIDNT have to say my name that many times, god. his English was so fucking good holy shit and his pronounciation??? Amazing and he’s so handsome up close, like literal Disney prince handsome

ziu talks sooo much!!! I love it and he’s so good looking and kind and he shook my hand and ??? he said to enjoy the show and i told him to enjoy doing the show and he did like a shy smile kind of thing !! you could tell he was trying hard with the English i was rly proud of him

lou had a flower crown on and i complimented on it and he said my name so well and there was more with him but i forgot 😢

but that was just the fan sign lol so much other stuff happened... later during the show i nearly died bc of ayno.. they were picking people to go up on stage, right? and there was a girl in front of me also with her hand raised, like freaking out (maybe a bit too much?) and i was like okay she probably wants it so i kinda like.. stopped raising my hand and gestures to her? If that makes sense... he almost picked her but when he saw me be nice and let her have it, he literally stares at me and picks me, dead on...but someone random that he wasn’t pointing at like ROWS back walked on stage before we could realize it was me but that fucking eye contact i had with him made him SHOOT up my bias list lol now I have to rethink my entire order. im like 75% sure that he picked me because i wasn’t a crazy fan, like the girl in front of me was a bit much.. and obviously if i was willing to give it up im not that insane... ladies, it pays off to be a nice person!

AND JACOB WITH THE BABY please end me i fell for him so much like he’s almost overtaking baron that’s how much i liked him last night and how nice is vav that they tried to pick new people?? like they picked the fan boy, the little baby, the elderly lady.. and they even helped her to and from the stage 💗😍 AND SPEAKING of gentlemanly stuff there was a guy with a wheelchair during the snapshots in line for jacob and when they were done he personally pushed the guy in the wheelchair all the way to where the man needed to go. he breaks my heart and heals it simultaneously, he’s so underrated but still a genuinely and QUIET nice person.. he doesn’t do good stuff to be noticed. like when winter breeze was over, they had the rappers sing it too... but not jacob. i was so upset and he also didn’t do his solo song that i specifically told him i liked, but ayno did two of his. im not bitter at all what do u mean ??? 🤷‍♀️

i feel like more happened at the concert but i can’t think of much more, im sure other fan accounts will have it all. the only thing i can think about is the snapshots anyways lol

the group picture was ... interesting. the hi touch wasnt much except it reinforced my idea that ayno recognized me, bc instead of a high five he held my hand for as long as possible, probably an apology for earlier. i nearly died. the pic ended up looking awful but thats okay lol. then we tried to leave but i ended up going the wrong way, and a staff handed me roughly like actually grabbing my shoulders and pushing me in the right direction (which i did not appreciate, please chill, u just didnt tell us the right way to go...) and a few members saw that and didnt like either. ayno looked irritated but im sure  hes just irritated at everything at that point lol, lou and ace looked at me sympathetically, and i gave ace the happy bday present someone asked me to give to him. he was so surprised it was adorable.

OKAY, NOW FOR THE SNAPSHOTS: so i actually had 7 snapshots but ended up getting 2 with jacob and 2 with ayno instead of one with everyone (which.. if u look above is not a surprise lmfao) so the first snapshot i do is with baron, obviously.. and this ASSHOLE wants to kill me like... for everyone i tried to pick poses that werent too touchy bc a) im not comfortable w that and b) im sure they were all tired of being touched lol so i picked the one where you make fingerhearts while standing next to each other, but NOOOOO

baron decides he doesnt like that pose enough so he literally puts his hands on my shoulders, guides me to a position thats not only in FRONT of him but CLOSER TO HIM than i was originally!!! what the fuck!! thats not all after that he had to lean around me and basically like... he was so fucking close to me oh my god. he smelled so good i need to know where he gets his cologne. also lol when he moved me in front of him i was like... omg are u sure??? im kinda tall.. and he just laughs and smiles and leans into/around me. that picture of me looks so stupid bc i was so.. happy and Not Ready lmao

anyways i go to jacob next and do the e-t touch pose lol since like i said... didnt want touchy ones and he seemed amused that i picked that one. i wonder if it was one of the least popular ones? probably.. and GOD hes rly such a gentleman hottie like i rarely say h*t but.... jacob was hot. since we did the e.t touch pose we had to touch fingertips and (eyes emoji) not to have a hand kink or anything but hes got. really nice hands. long fingers. also lmfao he had long ass fingernails and i kinda joked with him like “youve got longer fingernails than i do!!” and he laughed and smiled at me. and okay i turn to leave like gotta have the next person go but APPARENTLY he wasnt ready for the next person yet...  i literally had to have the staff be like wait! jacob is saying bye to you!!! and i was like WHAT and turned around and ran back to him basically to say bye he was grinning the entire time and he waved his hand and held it up for (i thought) a high five but he grabbed it and i swear i fell for him right there. JACOB WHEN WILL U BE MINE godfjkdgd and i watched him for a little bit but he didnt say bye that enthusiatically to anyone else (that i saw, at least)

then i did the prom pose with st. van, it was adorable. you could tell he was rly trying to interact with everyone and idk what it is about him but i felt comfortable enough to actually do a Touchy pose (the holding arm pose, like prom yknow). we love an amazing leader~

oH i did one with ziu too!! i did the byung byung pose with the hands together and we both looked ridiculous lol. i dont remember much about him except he was so tall wtf taller than i expected.

at this time i keep looking at my pics and THE E.T PIC WITH JACOB??? makes me crack the hell up.... it had to have been fate, obviously. in the pic (from the camera flash, i guess) where our fingers were touching, it just SO HAPPENED THAT THERE WAS A FLASH OF LIGHT......... iconic. jacob n i are meant to be. so i get in line for him again bc i want to show him the pic, but by the time i got up there again i had forgotten. i was also like... ready for a touchy pose with him bc why not. i cant remember what pose i did with him or if anything happened, im sure i was in a trance then lmao. pretty sure he recognized me but i cant be sure. 

then i get in line for ayno and i have two snapshot tickets left, and the staff announces theres only a few mins left so i was like SHIT and figured id just do two with ayno bc i didnt wanna waste any. his line was so long and staff had to keep reminding ppl not to hug/touch him and i felt soooo bad. i picked poses that werent too close to him, and even those in the pic he looked like he was trying to not be close to me lol. i feel so bad for him, im sure he got a lot of weird fans that night. i think he recognized me (again) because he smiled genuinely like he was happy i was there. i think he appreciated that i picked poses that didnt require touching -- he probably had a Lott of that. when the second pic was being printed the staff member laughed at something someone said, but i thought she was laughing at my picture bc i take shit pics and i got offended for a second and so did ayno LMAO but then she explained and i said bye to him and he went back into Idol Mask(TM) and i think that was it. 

i also ate at ihop that night, it was great, we didnt get back to our hotel till after 2am, it felt so... young adult-ish to be out so late lmao. i was very proud at how everything turned out, i dont think i wouldve changed a thing

anyway, long story short: im in love with jacob, baron is a disney prince, ayno shot up my bias list (he was like... last lmao) and i appreciate him as a person. those three were the Big Three, but i still loved meeting the other members. 10/10 would recommend vav

#vav #mtxt #vav in chicago #vav meet and live tour #please reply to this i spent so long typing it lol #honestly i cant tell 100% about ayno but.. #idk it might be wishful thinking #but i really thought i saw changes in his aura depending on who talked to him #anyways.. my time of death was ayno eye contact o clock #lmao

[feraldavestrider]

i never check my mentions apparently @alpacalmond and @uiyutrentasei tagged me in a GTKM thing so im gonna do it oh uhhhh 2 weeks later LOL because i cant sleep and i hate myself

i tag @hal-strider if they didnt do it? and @noctiilucent, @kiyumiarashi, @whimsicmimic and @ataliaf uwu and anyone else who wants to do it!!

how tall are you: this is a cryptid question. i get a different result every time i try to measure myself and ive never asked anyone else to do it for me. some people tell me im very short, others have told me im average height for someone who is afab. im gonna hazard a guess at 5′5 tho.

what colour are your eyes: very dark brown

do you wear contacts and/or glasses: glasses. i literally CANNOT see without them. i mean like 2 inches from my glasses-less face is so blurry its unbelievable. i get super triggered by eye stuff tho so contacts are a no go ALSO i look weird w/o glasses anyway.

do you wear braces: no my teeth r p good actually. one is a bit wonky but thats life

what is your fashion style: i mean 90% panties and a sweaty 4 day tshirt because i just spend all day in my room like a goblin. BUT when i actually go out im ur basic ass post-emo trans dude with skinny jeans, converse and a too-big graphic tee. sometimes i spice it up with a plaid shirt because im fuckin GAY.

when were you born: october 12th 1999, babey

how old are you: 18 motherfucker flashes my titties and gulps a bottle of vodka im an ADULT

do you have any siblings: yes. a younger brother and hes a cunt

what school/college do you go to: im at sixth form rn (last yr of highschool technically if ur american but im not and hs finishes at 16 yrs old here deal with it). im going uni next yr tho and this years almost over for me academically since we go on study leave soon for our final exams. uwu overshares

what kind of student are you: the asshole who never studies for tests and does homework at 5am the morning before and still manages to pull straight As to everyones anger. im also the adhd class clown who makes random noises and cant concentrate half the time. ik i hate myself too im so annoying irl even more so than online.

what are your favorite subjects: in terms of actual content of the subject, english lit fs. in terms of classmates/teachers/general atmosphere DEFFO drama we spend half of our time eating cake, singing random shit and just losing our minds while filming it on snapchat which shouldnt at all be allowed.

what are your favorite movies: god idek. um. fuck. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i cant think of a single movie. ok ok ok i got it: white chicks, premium rush, scott pilgrim vs the world, the cornetto triology too i just love edgar hes such a great director. i like a lot of the marvel movies esp the spiderman hc and thor ragnorok and both gotg were p good. i love a lot of movies my brains just a void that sucks memories up into its fat gob and steals them from me forever.

what are your pastimes: sleeping, crying, used to be rping but i gave up on that, playing overwatch way too much and getting tilted because im shit, reading fanfictions did i say sleeping

do you have many regrets: dude. my guy. come in close. let me whisper in ur ear. are you close? no, closer. ok. 

YES

what is your dream job: whoo boy. im do indecisive and i think a LOT of jobs seem super cool that id never do i.e. be an actor or be in a band. my dream job since i was like 8 was to be a writer which is unlikely since i cant even finish a pwp oneshot. but thatd be cool. id also like to write plays and direct them but thats also wild and v dream > reality. 

would you like to get married: honestly. marriage as an institution? angers me. i dont like a lot of things about it. BUT. part of the reason i hate it is honestly if ur in a long long term relationship with someone ur better off married than not in terms of the benefits so. id happily get married if the other person wanted and/or we felt like it was the right thing to do, i just dont really care about being married or having a wedding tbh.

do you want kids? how many if so: no. hard pass. i might adopt if im long-term with someone who SUPER wants kids but that likely wont happen because i dont want to get into a long-term relationship with someone so desperate for kids since i dont have that same enthusiasm. sorry. ill be ur uncle gabe but im not having my own children im just not well equipped to literally have a full time job of making sure little idiots (meant affectionately) who dont know fuck from shit dont just straight up die. i can barely do that for myself.

how many countries have you visited: shit dude actually ive only visited like... uh... 4??? a lot of my holidays tend to be to the same countries (portugal/america) so i dont have that much experience like i feel like i do.

what was your scariest dream: hmmmm. when i was a kid i had these recurring dreams where i worked at this like. “zoo” where these MASSIVE, i mean ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE string rays that were also pancakes were like. hooked up to make electricity? anyway i hated the job because we all abused the rays super bad to make them generate the power and it sucked and it was all dystopian. there was stuff where like we had to kill the baby rays and stuff. anyway one day it went all planet of the apes and they broke out somehow and could fly and they killed loads of people and i had to go into hiding because they were super clever and could id who had worked at the zoo plant and wanted revenge. its super weird ik but this is pretty tame for my dreams they go HARD and BIZARRE and this one always made me wake up feeling super sick and scared idk. ur welcome.

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other: no im lonely but its ok because i need to work on me 

put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping the first 15 songs: ok so i dont really have a “playlist” per se so im just gonna use my top 100 2017 songs on spotify which ignores a lot of my non-spotify non-2017 bangers but whatever.

1) ‘My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark’ by FOB

2) ‘Tuxford Fall’ - Vasudeva

3) ‘Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued’ - FOB

4) ‘Fried Noodles: Getter Remix’ - Pink Guy, Getter (listen ive never watched any filthy frank he weirds me out but this is a banger)

5) ‘Brick By Boring Brick’ - Paramore

6) ‘Thnks Fr Th Mmrs’ - FOB (i really dont listen to this much fob this is crazy)

7) ‘Death Note L’s Theme Goes Metal’ - Charlie Parra del Riego (theres no defence for this)

8) ‘Turnstile’ - Vasudeva

9) ‘Idle Worship’ - Paramore

10) ‘Monster’ - Paramore

11) ‘Miss Missing You’ - FOB

12) ‘The City’ - Madeon

13) ‘Far Too Young To Die’ - P!ATD

14) ‘Don’t Stop’ - Nothing More (really this is the band i listen to much smh these results are so skewed)

15) ‘Smile Like You Mean It’ - The Killers

#the void it speaks #lad tag #about me #i guess? #fhjdskshdsjg #this is stupid i h8 myself but also i love oversharing bye

[notepadnotes]

Redacted

I don't think I was able to be fully honest with you about how much you destroyed my trust when I found out about you and redacted. You were the first person I've been withthat I had trusted completely. And afterwards any time we go into a fight I'd jump right back to its going to happen again or is happening. Redacted and I have never talked. But I'm also not blocked cause I'd check his page to see if you guys had become friends again. But you guys are talking again so I'm happy for you two.

I know I was getting in a mood at work and started taking it out on you. Which was stupid and wrong but as it progresses so did my insecurity.

Albeit to little to late. I realized yesterday that it was all in my head, and that i could fully trust you.

I've removed those post and posted an apology because of it. At the time I truely felt that was the case when I came home and you were still gone.

I know it's not the case and I'm just a fuck up

I did not feel it was trashed. The clog in the toilet I honestly didn't know about. Tossing shit in there was also stupid of me. I didn't expect you to kick me out with no where to go. Thought we'd be able to talk. I never wanted the money back. Never thought this was going to happen.

I'll send you back all the money soon as I get it. I don't care about it. I care about you two. So I'll get advance daily and transfer it back.

Leading you to believe I was going to hurt myself was one of the lowest things I could have even done to you. I don't expect want or deserve your forgiveness for it. I love you more then I can explain.first time I've ever felt love. No matter how I felt over being kicked out and dumped . That was a fucking disgusting thin for me to do. And I don't deserve to have to or redacted in my life.

I'm sorry about your vape. I'll replace it for you. I went to try n smoke something to calm down notice the weed was gone and got mad when the vape was empty. It was fucking stupid to throw it. Everything I did was fucking stupid. After you dumped me I went straight to beer store. And just made everything worse. I smashed my phone because I didn't want you to take back kicking me out and just wanted to fully disappear into my depression. I never took your charger. And I'm sorry to believe that I did

Again I never wanted money from you. But when you tossed the insurance and told me to pack my things and leave . I don't think I've been able to express how damaging it is to me. I know I put up walls and shut people out. And maybe if I had let you in. We could have found a way to talk to eachother. But I had no other option. I'm sorry it fucked to over with the car and stuff. But. Had no where to go and needed the money back since you didnt want me anymore.

You dumped me. And told me to get out. Then told me to take all my shit. Then said you'd call the cops.

I would have stayed and tried harder if. Thought it would matter. But you wanted me gone so you could be treated better.

I never left you and redacted like trash. You kicked me out. I didn't have a option.

I'm obviously not as important to you because you never wanted to try n help me with my issues. Even after the redacted thing I thought I could get over it on my own but I clearly could not and didn't know how to talk to you about it without loosing you.

Yes you did remain civil. But directly after doing the same everyone else does to me. And you did it knowing it would hurt. I'm not asking for a sorry. But you're words show me to dont care that it hurt me.. then I lost my shit trying to hurt you back the way you hurt me. Because I honestly felt at the time to were with redacted. I know now you weren't and never were . But then I felt you had just hit me with the two things you know matter the most to me. And still it doesn't matter. But it doesn't excuse my actions. Just confirms how worthless I am . Not just to you but everyone.

I'm sorry for everything redacted. I'm sorry for moving and and ruining things for you and redacted.

I'm sorry I ruined the best friendship I've ever had because I lead you to believe I was worth loving.

I'm sorry for who I am. I'm sorry for not being able to let you in to help me with my issues. I'm so sorry for everything else said and done to you. How I've treated you so bad for so long. You don't deserve it. But I'm thankful for the love to showed. For getting me off drugs and showing me that I can't drink.. ever.loosing you guys be easier if I did still want to die.

But I don't and can't ever apologize enough for trying to get to to think I did or was going to because of you.

I know I fucked the only thing in my life that's ever mattered to me.

But again I did not throw you n redacted out like trash. Hell id love to be able to see redacted and redacted maybe at the park a few times before I leave town and give you guys much needed space from me. If it's an option I couldn't be happier. But I don't deserve it. So if you'd rather keep me from redacted and redacted. Then I'll respect your wishes and keep my distance and I'll just keep sending you guys money until I can afford to get off the streets and move away.

It's what ever you want hun. It always has been . I never cared enough about myself to put up a fight over it. I'd rather just always do what you want to make you happy . I know all I did was the complete opposite. And again I'm sorry.

I'm deleting all my social media. Changing my number and deleting

All my contact info for you. So if you want me to disappear from your life. I'll do this to make it easier for us to not stay away. I love you guys and I'm deeply sorry for what I've done. Because of how fucked I am.

-sibro

Sept 9,2019 4:15pm

#somanylies #betteroff #notepadnotes #spilled thoughts

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (117/155)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Sixteen

Strange was on the ground but he was awake and Peter stood a few feet away, the iron legs gone back into the suit and his mask pulled back. The cape flew away from Peter where Peter had been greeting it to Strange as Tony approached and let the nanotech in the suit pull back entirely as he walked towards them.

“We’ve got to turn this ship around,” Strange said.

It was Tony’s first instinct too. Figure out how to turn the ship around and go back home. It was sort of his main instinct because Peter was on the ship. The only thing was that he didn’t know if they could or if it was the right thing to do. Maybe there was something to the idea of catching Thanos unaware because the last thing that he was probably expecting was for them to show up wherever the ship was headed. After all, they were already headed to space so maybe they just needed to stick with that trajectory since Strange had gotten them into this situation in the first place by not leaving when he could have.

“Stark, we have to turn the ship around.”

“Yeah. Now he wants to run. Great plan,” Tony muttered.

“No,” Strange grounded out. “I want to protect the stone.”

Tony really just -- he hated how arrogant Strange was even after Tony had gone to the trouble of saving his life. He headed towards what looked to be the controls of the ship.

“And I want you to thank me. Go ahead. I’m listening,” Tony added as he walked away.

“For what? Nearly blasting me into space?” Strange asked as if he hadn’t been surrounded by needles just a few minutes earlier.

It was as if he wasn’t taking into consideration at all that Tony and Peter had had to leave Earth to save him because he and the Time Stone around his neck had gotten captured and taken onto an alien ship.

“Who just saved your magical ass?” Tony asked and he turned because he knew that Strange had walked after him. “Me.”

“I seriously don’t know how you fit your head into that helmet,” Strange said and Tony thought that he must have said it solely to irritate him. He really couldn’t stand this man.

If Strange had only listened to Tony while they were on Earth when Tony told him to leave it was possible that they wouldn’t be in the situation they were finding themselves in now on some alien ship in space headed to -- well, Tony had no idea where they were headed.

“Admit it,” Tony said. “You should have ducked out when I told you to. I tried to bench you. You refused.”

Dr. Strange scoffed and it was clear that he was too arrogant and too determined to disagree with Tony and at least bickering with him took his mind off of worrying about Peter and the outcome of the situation they were in. From the looks of it it the ship was on some sort of autopilot. Tony had no way of knowing where it was headed but there was certainly a destination.

“Unlike everyone else in your life,” Strange said, “I don’t work for you.”

“And due to that fact, we’re now in a flying donut billions of miles away from Earth with no backup.” That was the part that really rankled Tony if he was honest. He had no way to contact the team -- to let them know what was going on or that they were okay. No way to figure out a plan together and really decide what their best choice would be. They were on their own. He and Peter were on their own with Strange.

“I’m backup,” Peter spoke up from behind Strange.

Tony didn’t want to be angry with Peter. He didn’t want to be upset at him for staying on the ship when Tony had been sending home and yet it was there under the surface because Tony had to think about the universe as a whole and his mind just kept going back to protecting his kid because to him that was the most important thing and yet -- Peter’s well being couldn’t be the priority. Not this time.

“No,” Tony said, addressing Peter, “you’re a stowaway.” And for good measure he pointed at himself and Strange. “The adults are talking.”

Peter’s shoulders dropped a little and he looked like he was ready to argue back, but he seemed to rethink it.

“I’m sorry,” Strange said. He was looking between him and Peter with some interest. “So, I’m a bit confused as to the relationship here. What is he? Your ward?”  

“No,” Peter said. “I’m Peter, by the way.”

“I’m surprised you don’t already know,” Tony said. “After all, everyone knows I have a son.”

Granted, most people didn’t know that his son was Peter and that his son was Spider-Man, but Strange wouldn’t care one way or another.

Strange grunted. “I don’t actually follow your media coverage, Stark,” he said. “So this is your son, then?” Strange looked Peter over, seemingly taking the moment to really look at him before he let out a breath. “I’m Doctor Strange,” he said directing it at Peter.

Tony busied himself looking at the controls of the ship, trying to figure out how they worked and what they might need to do to get control of the ship and maybe get it off of autopilot too.

“Oh,” Peter said, “we’re using our made-up names. Um, I’m Spider-Man, then.”

Tony tried not to laugh. He wasn’t sure if Peter had said it because he was serious or because he was getting some amusement out of confusing Strange.

“The ship is self-correcting its course,” Tony informed them. “It’s on autopilot.”

Tony still wasn’t sure if they should head back home. The father in him said yes -- that it was the best thing to do. It would mean being back somewhere familiar where they could figure out what to do with the Time Stone. It would also mean having Peter back on Earth and having the option of trying to keep Peter out of trouble. But he couldn’t make that decision based solely on what was best for Peter. He couldn’t be a dad -- he couldn’t be Tony Stark about it. He had to be Iron Man -- he had to be an Avenger.

“Can we control it? Fly us home?” Strange asked.

Tony didn’t answer. What were the better odds? Thanos would come for the stone no matter where they were and with him destruction and death.

“Stark?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you get us home?” Oh, but he wanted to. He wanted to badly.

“I heard you,” Tony said. “I’m -- I’m thinking -- well...I’m not so sure we should go back.”

Tony knew that as soon as he said it that Strange didn’t agree and that he didn’t understand what Tony meant by it.

“Under no circumstance can we bring the Time Stone to Thanos,” Strange said. “I don’t think you quite understand what’s at stake here.” He got in Tony’s face, anger and fear so obvious in the way he stared at Tony and it was so demeaning and pushy and of course Tony understood. He understood better than anyone.

“No, it’s you who doesn’t understand,” Tony shot back. “Thanos has been inside my head for six years! Since he sent an army to New York and now he’s back and I don’t know what to do. So, I’m not so sure if it’s a better plan to fight him on our turf or his, but you saw what they did. What he can do. At least on his turf, he’s not expecting it. So, I say we take the fight to him.”

He had decided. He was sure it was the right thing to do. The only thing to do. Tony stared at Strange and at least the man was smart enough to take Tony’s words and think on them and not just shove them aside like everything else Tony had said.

“Doctor, do you concur?”

Strange took a moment and then there was a slight nod even though Tony could tell that Strange wasn’t entirely sure. “Alright, Stark. We go to him.”

Was it a good plan? Tony wasn’t sure -- it just seemed like the thing to do. Because if they could turn the ship around -- assuming they could even manage that -- it wouldn’t exactly lead them away from the fight. Tony started to turn away from Strange, but Strange stopped him and he looked almost apologetic in the way he stared at Tony. He glanced back towards Peter once before speaking.

“You have to understand,” Strange said, “if it comes to saving you or your son or the Time Stone -- I will not hesitate to let either of you die. The fate of the universe depends on it.”

Peter let out a gasp. Small and almost silent. Tony tried not to react with anger.  

“Good,” Tony said. “Nice moral compass you got there.”

Strange looked away and Tony stepped back too and then he looked towards Peter. Too loyal and too wonderful Peter who should have been back on Earth safe and sound. Tony would have felt so much better about this decision if Peter wasn’t there. He hated the idea of bringing Peter along to this fight -- to face a threat worse than any they’d ever faced before. Peter had moved over, closer to the controls which he looked at with curious interest.

Tony dropped a hand to Peter’s shoulder and Peter just moved into a hug almost instantly as if it were instinct to him and Tony didn’t mind it at all. Peter’s arms wrapped around Tony’s middle and he was warm and breathing and alive and Tony could hear his heartbeat and it was enough. Tony pressed a kiss to Peter’s head and he closed his eyes and let himself imagine that they weren’t on an alien ship and instead back home and none of it was true.

“Love you, kid,” Tony said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen,” Peter whispered.

“I know.” And he did. He could tell that Peter felt sorry -- he maybe didn’t regret his actions completely, but he hated disappointing Tony. “It’s -- I don’t know if I’d say it’s okay but there’s nothing to be done now.”

“I know,” Peter said.

When Tony looked up he found that Strange was watching them.

Chapter One Hundred Eighteen

#peter and tony #peter and tony fic #mcuwriting #mcu fic #iron dad #iron dad and spider son #stony #stony fic #marvel

[lueluepanue-blog]

"You're not perfect either."

This is what youd always try and point out to me almost every argument. This is what you tried to point out to me post breakup when I tried to get you to once see you were wrong. The thing is, everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. The thing is, is theres a difference between what I “Did” to you and you to me. Yes. I was messy. Yes, I could have cooked more often. And then there’s the “controling” card you try and throw out as well. Controlling even though I endlessly gave you what you wanted or id never hear the end of it. And even if it bothered me inside-such as having sleepovers with girls youve slept with, or whatever it was that was “controlling”- I gave you what it was that you wanted cause my feelings were always underneath yours. The thing is, is i didnt pinch or squeeze you as hard as I could if I heard something or you said something I didnt like in front of friends and even family. I didnt get drunk and when wed get home id be throwing up or lose the soul in my eyes black out and choke you- (More then one occasion.) I didnt complain about everything you do for me. Wether it was the clothes i bought you, the phone my grandmother bought you, trips Id planned, dinners I bought, where we lived (especially with my family, even though we were homeless), trying to cheer you up constantly cause you were always mad or bothered by something… you were never grateful, always had a negative comment, always a flaw with what was being done for you. Nothing was good enough. I didnt take my anger out on you day in and day out. If you were grumpy you made sure I was grumpy too. And I’d try and reverse the anger by making you smile over and over. But youd get meaner and meaner hurting me and my feelings. I didnt hurt your feelings constantly or shun you away from kisses and hugs. And when my feelings were hurt and you were clearly in the wrong itd take me a good 3 hours to go through why you owe me and apology and what you did wrong. And even still most times you saw nothing wrong with your behavior in which id finally break down with panic attack telling you that you continuously hurt me and that you needed to change only for you to finally say sorry after crushing me down to the point where sorry should have been said so long ago it didnt mean anything. You said sorry too late too many times. Sometimes if I were lucky you’d acknowledge you knew you had a problem and that you couldn’t help it but that you loved me and if I loved you id put up with it. Making me believe it was okay for someone who says they love someone to treat them like that and that i had to basically be okay with how i was treated. Remember I was told by you I couldn’t drive the car for two years. Yet bitched cause you had to drive me everywhere. Remember how we always listened to your music? And not mine? Cause if it were something I wanted to listen to, or watch on tv you acted rude and huffed and puffed because you wanted to listen to your music. I never was continuously late to pick you up from work. Or forgot you cause I was too drunk at the bar. (Happened one time, regardless, you were 2 and half hours late and drunk at the bar before you even realized I was done with work). You were a nice drunk. Except for when you were alone with me. I never said things to embarrass you or upset you in front of family and friends on purpose if i were mad. I never left you during our relationship and fucked an ex and you at the same time telling both i loved them. I never kissed your mom drunk, or made out with people at the bar drunk then make an excuse for it. I never blatantly hit on your mom in front of you. I never pushed you in front of your mother either. I never stopped giving you attention, or stopped wanting to play. I NEVER. It goes on and on. There’s a difference between things people should work on to improve their relationship and straight up mental and physical abuse. “You act like I beat you.”-your words. Okay so because you didnt kick the shit out of me its not abuse? Pinching? Slapping? Choking? Squeezing? “You act like I did it all the time”- your words. Okay so because it didnt happen everyday the damage it caused my heart and mind is irrelevant? And then there’s the emotional abuse. Putting me down about being bisexual. Questioning me to the point no matter what answer i gave it upset you even if it were the truth. Calling me a whore. (Even though you slept with more people) ….**makes alot of sense*** telling me im disgusting over my past or shame me. Telling me i need to stop eating cause I was getting “big”. Justifying hurting my feelings in any shape or form making me believe i was worthless. In what right mind does someone get to hurt someone’s feelings and then get mad at them for getting upset about it. Oh dear my love I could go on and on. Mentally id rather take 12 punches to the face than deal with the mental side of abuse. So, finally one day I gained courage to leave the woman im in love with. I told you itd happen eventually over and over. That id take everything and end it. And that would make you mad. Shame on me for giving countless opportunities to turn everything around grow old with me. Shame on me for trying and fighting for as long as I could and finally breaking from the pain. So I left. And instead of saying to yourself I could have my home and family back if I changed my behavior towards my fiance, you were mad cause I took it away. And even still, I offered to help you out. I said all we needed was some space and for you to get back on track and wed be fine. But no. I was still the monster. I was a “whore” for sleeping with people who at the time hadnt even been slept with. I hadnt even slept with anyone and you were sending nudes and sexting on day three or four. I was a bitch and a cunt for leaving you with “nothing.” Instead of fixing the problem, you pushed me farther away. You were drinking every night. Threatening your life and threatening to crash my car. Name calling. Doing everything opposite of what a person would do if they were to actually fix things. So I started taking away my help. Stopped talking to you as often cause I didn’t want to be put down any longer. Everytime I tried after breaking up youd lash out and be mean and then clam down and tell me youd fix it. Except I had heard it a million times over. Heaven forbid i wanted you to prove for once you meant it. Once I became silent waiting for you, you started the statuses. Degrading me. Making me seem crazy. Making it look like it was me all along. And i wanted to kill myself. How could one person put me through so much and then make the public believe I was the one in the wrong. Then I got the apologies after you knew deep down you were gonna kill me. Then I got the kisses when i saw you again. Then I got the care and love i wanted when i saw you. But it seemed fake. I was so used to you hurting me i didnt believe you when you briefly gave me love those couple of times. After I wanted to die i was so numb and stripped of myself i slept with others. I started to lose hope in us. I wanted attention. And love. I wanted to feel anything other than what I was. And i closed you out still hoping youd eventually come knocking on my door to lift me up and kiss me telling me it was all gonna be okay now. Hoping you would have fought for us. Fixed your mistakes. Hoping id be able to have my family back together and that you truly loved me. After sleeping with them you sort of tried still. New girl was already relevant in your life at this point too. I wasn’t concerned though. You were giving me somewhat of what i wanted with her there. Kisses. Misses. Got a job. I thought you were finally getting it. I was ready for you to come home. And then you cut me cold. Told me I could have had you. Told me it was because I slept with others even though you were loving on me after that. Even though you were sleeping around too. Told me I couldn’t have you and it was my fault. Told me you were moving on with her. Little did i know you were with her long before my knowledge and still giving me false hope. According to facts she was your girlfriend may 11th just wasnt publicly announced. It took you only from the last week of march to the second week of may to forget all about 2 years of family and someone who really loved you. 7 weeks to move on. Meanst the whole time bitched at me for “moving on and seeing others” when im the one who stayed single and faithful to our family and youre the one who moved on. The one who moved on when they were the one who caused the problem. How humiliating for me. How unloved and forgotten and betrayed I felt. I had faith in you and us even after all the pain i was caused and I got shit on. How disappointing, I thought our love was real. I thought instead of finding a new girl to love youd wipe the tears from the one whos done everything for you, your family, and fix the broken. How unimportant and small i felt. How worthless and not speacial you showed me I was. And then I wanted to die all over again. My whole belief in anything and everything was crumbled. I spent two years trying to make it work for us. Gave everything I had in me to fight for us. Meanst while getting fucked in the head and hurt repeatedly. And i wasn’t even worth one attempt. I begged for you to realize. Begged for us. Begged for you to realize I was suffocating and the pain was all so much dying would have been easier. Mentally after everything i was fucked up in the head. Who wouldn’t Be? That’s when you told me “I need professional help and that I was sick.” Dear God, but boy oh boy you never saw you were the one who caused it. You never saw you should have fixed it. All you saw was me breaking down and that it was “my fault” cause I could have had you. I was nothing to you anymore. My screams for you to come home were just annoying noise and I “wasn’t” your baby anymore so you let me burn. And you watched. “You weren’t there for me when i wanted to die”-your words. Heaven forbid i told you i want a break and for once let you live with what you did. Thinking youd take me seriously about our relationship. You never did. You let it slip away. “Why would you wanna be with me if it was that bad and we always fought.”-your words. The answer is simple. I love you. I love all the good and the bad. I love the way you were when you weren’t treating me horribly. I even love your mental illness. However, I don’t love abuse. Mental or physical. I always told you I don’t want to change who you are, I want you to change how you treat me. And that was too hard for you. You didnt want to. And then I realized after all this you hadn’t fixed anything. You quit your job. You blamed me for us not being together. You got a new girl. And you ran away from your problems. All along the only reason I wanted you back was for the sake of I was seeing some improvements. And boy was I wrong after being shit on. Now i don’t know if you ever truly loved me or are capable of love. If you can do it to me- someone who loved you truly so much and did everything for you who you say you love- then youll do it to anybody, anyone. You see, I know you so well, I was the one person who saw your flaws knew to put you in your place, continued to try for us regardless, and at the end of the day still loved you and knew deep down you were better than it, and had faith in you even still. How sad to have let me get to this point. To push me aside. To disregard everything ive done, and spend the rest of life without me. And yet id still let you come back and always will. BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE UP ON PEOPLE OR LOVE JUST BECAUSE IT’S TOUGH. And maybe youll never realize, and maybe you will. And if you do, youll know what you have to do to truly make it right. And if you dont, that is a damn shame for you. And for myself.

Tonight I put these words visibly and clearly for my love. For myself. For us. For family.

I love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend. I miss you with every cell in my body. I see you in everything and everywhere I go.

However, I am strong. Please know its okay to be wrong

[shiny-craboo-blog]

@rockformed​ replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it. 

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"

#babbbles #just like #fuck that guy? #legit thinkin about ruinin his entire life. telling future employers hes racist and stuff.

[apricotflowerp0t-blog]

Old poems

these are all of MY older poems going from 2014-2017

found my wattpad from ages ago and im going to be posting my old poems every now and then so pls dont make fun of me these are old but i WILL eventually start to post my newer work soon xxxxx 

 Suicide stays on my mental

Wondering what's really gonna happen when I finally break thru

When I finally get fed up and sick of the shit

When I finally sit there and decide to quit

The only thing that's stopping me is my own hand

Feels like nobody really there like it's all just an act

I really don't have nobody that truly got my back

Every single one of you is fake and fucking temporary

Nobody gonna b satisfied till I finally end it

Till I finally get pushed to the point and say fuck it

You think I'm all talk but watch one day I'll show you

When I finally get the guts to just end it cuz see I don't even know you

I could cut it off quick like I got nothing to live for

Cuz see I'm truly careless like it don't even matter

You not gonna b happy till my brains really splatter

Suicide crosses my mind often

I wonder what I look like inside of a coffin

I have a handful of attempts but see when I get to that point I hear this voice in my head don't know if it's god, satan, or just somebody dead

The voice always tells me to stop and I end up listening but I'm learning to ignore them and eventually you'll see my blood glistening

I turn it into jokes so I don't have to deal with it

So I don't have to accept the fact that I'm not good or how I'm misunderstood

Suicide all in my head Wondering what's gonna happen if I end up dead

When I say goodbye and go to the sky Don't miss me then cuz we both know it's pretend 

-c.m

(2014)

i rolled with the punches

although sometimes it felt as if i was getting jumped

i can still taste the tears of regret

i can feel the feeling of mental abandonment

i hold my breathe all day

and fucking gasp for air at night

you were the same as everyone else

you changed me and not for the good

i hate the fact that i can not hate you

you made me feel so alone

i loved you and you loved to make me cry

i didnt care bc you were the only one there

yet you made me want to pull out my hair

its like you hated me more than you loved me

you got a kick out of hurting my heart and watching me fall apart

i got a kick out of having someone to call my own

you made me feel ugly and worthless

made me feel like i was not worth it

your words would cut me like sharp piks

your voice was frightening like the scary music in a horror film

but our memories still cross my mind from time to time

i would look into your eyes and you would always look back

so tell me did why did you have to hurt me

why did you have to make me feel even more forsaken

you lied to me so much that i never knew the truth

and i think thats starting to happen with this new girl too

see youve changed me and not for the better

now i can never trust someone fully it just wont b the same

and to this day i still cringe when i hear your name

i see the good in all people and see thats my problem

i should of turned around as soon as you walked in

young thoughts that walk thru my mind but only sometimes

(2015)

-c.m

i’ve lived in a life of heaven examined as a world of sin

your eyes are the fences to heaven within

each day i will tell you your worth

that you are my personal guardian angel here on earth

that you are my sunshine on a dark day

that by your side i will stay until the day we turn gray

you showed up right in time

for you any hill i will climb

cariño, sólo pienso en ti

without you id b empty

you are truly a blessing

the thought of losing you is quite depressing

you are my favorite daydream

when i look at you i can tell your eyes gleam

make you climax till you scream

for you id do anything

-c.m

(2017)

i get happy over little stuff

i like words like shit and fuck

i dont enjoy having friends

i see the world thru a thick lens

i have a dog named junior

yeah hes rad and gnarly

i dont ever go to parties

and i dont like 2 say sorry

all my thoughts are glitter and sparkly

im looking for myself like safari

i like girls more than boys

i play with they emotions like toys

a lot of people crush on me

always rushing and nudging me

they like the way that im raw and how i put them in awe

i hit my head on the wall

i act like i am above all

im always laughing like im off alcohol

i find everything funny

like how my mom just dont love me

dirty everyone has done me

how everyone likes to just judge me

they like how im chubby and lovely

i like music a lot

my thoughts are always nonstop

sometimes they call me flowerpot

i like to drink tea and not soda

im the sickest, ebola

i hate the winter its too cold

in the summer i grow

i like stickers and socks

i like the jellies and boondocks

i like anime and hentai

i dont like to lie or cry

im sweet like pumpkin pie

i hit that bitch in her eye

i own nothing but ripped vans

but one day youll see me driving that benz

i like strawberry shakes

and to make girls legs quake

i keep them wet, the great lakes

i like long walks by myself

i cant reach the top shelf

i think tattoos and piercings are cool

trust no one, thats my rule

i like oldies and funk

im clumsy like an old drunk

i dont like to come out my bubble

it always seems to put me in trouble

i hate to hate

to me you may never relate

i get happy over little stuff

i put up this front like im tough

i seem to carry bad luck

im the best, hands up

-c.m

(2014)

screaming 666

my feelings mix

wonder what he has in his bag of tricks

my eyes continue to drip

i feel my soul as it slips

should i give it to him or keep it for myself

my soul is cold like an ice shelf

hes called for my name himself

shall i continue to be forever alone by oneself

or give it away to be loved and admired

my patience is expired

singing by myself like a lonely choir

wondering what it feels like to be sincerely supported and appreciated

wondering why i was even created

the fearsome part is is that i am not afraid

ive often thought about giving my psyche for trade

it walks across my mind often

i continue to live a life of no precaution

i sin often

so whats the point

why am i waiting

should i give it up and inside become rotten

or stay on the safe side and still disappoint

wondering if that deal would be worth it

cuz everyone knows im not perfect

-c.m

(2017)

god treated my sexuality like a joke

ive always knew but i never spoke

the day they found out everything went rabbid

acting like my choice of companions was just a bad habbit

ugly words thrown at me like queer and fruitcake

fruitcake to every christmas dinner that i am no longer welcomed at

not wanting me to walk in front of them like a black cat

get up everyday wearing the word faggot like an expensive pair of sunglasses

take the time to cross the street just so you dont  have to share a sidewalk with me

die of thirst so they dont have to use the same water fountain as me

that i should just like he and not she

saying that i am a sin and you will pray for me

cuz im homo you act like im ill like im missing chromos

think its a shame so you back out of my life in slow-mo

that girl es asqueroso y loco

then to accept me you rather push me on the streets like a hobo

sorry that i cannot be saved and you cant just wash this sin away

at the end of the day i dont care if you stay

-c.m

(2016)

Hi my angel

I hope all is well

I hope you still look down on me while I sit in this empty cell

No it's not jail but simply life now

I thought I could never do it without you but look at me now

I miss you dearly and still cry often

Wondering why you had to lay in that coffin

The thought of you still makes my eyes tear

The fact that I will never see you again makes me want to throw a chair

I forgot what your voice sounds like and even your laugh

I'd give anything up to take all that back

My first mother, father and friend

I'd kill someone to see you just once again

I miss you my angel more than anything I've took grip of

I hope you still look down from way up above

Always in my heart my one and true love

Goodbye for now but I'll see you again

Forever my angel till we meet again

-c.m

(2016)

#poetry

[theladyofthewest]

I’m an emotional mess so :)

A lot of these posts have been going around and I have had the distinct honour to have been tagged in some myself. Firstly, a huge thank you to anyone who did tag me, I can’t begin to describe how happy you made me by doing that. 

Secondly, one thing I want to say is that a lot of this list is comprised of people I hold very dear to my heart especially considering that even though our interests may vary and I may not post about things they enjoy anymore, they’re still here and really that shows me that I have friends who are here for me, who like me, and not any content I post so for that I’d like to extend another huge thank you. i can’t begin to describe to all of you what that means to me :) <3 

@wreathoflaurels​ : Oh mannnnn haha where do I begin??? Umm Laura is like literally one of my best friends and I cant begin to say how relieved I am that I mustered up the courage to talk to her that one day cause its been nothing but love and support and caring for each other since. i cant understand how someone i have never been able to lay eyes on in person could have so much of my heart and so much of my trust. I would lay down my life for you in a second and i dont think I get nearly enough opportunities to show you that. You are such a giving and supportive person and I truly count myself privileged to have been able to meet someone like you and count you as one of the people nearest to my heart. I love you and I want nothing but the best for you. 

@gobodosama​: Someone else that I count myself so blessed to have mustered up the courage to talk to omg. I remember the first time I spoke to Abbey was on one of her streams and she was so kind and supportive that I immediately thought ‘well fuck she’ll never like you.’ But!!!! by some miracle, she did and I get to say, with so much pride that Abbey is one of my best friends. Abbey is someone I have been able to pour my heart out to and never feel like my words will be misconstrued or misinterpreted. I truly feel like the best version of myself when I am speaking to you and i CANt begin to thank you enough for that. My super talented, kind, loving, beautiful best friend. Stay awesome, I love you. 

@sankontesu​ :Sometimes I sit there and wonder to myself how I, hell the world, got so lucky to have someone like Lali. honestly. Lali is easily one of the kindest and most generous and open hearted people I have ever met. Lali, I remember being absolutely floored that you would spend your own money on commissioning art of Reiko for me as a birthday present. That you hadn’t even met me and you were willing to spend your own money on me. We were so close to being able to meet in NYC and do I wish to god it happened so i could give you such a huge hug and thank you for being you. People can say whatever they want about Lali but let it be known that in all my life I have never met someone like you, someone who is so good to the core and deserving of nothing but love. I love you, even if we havent spoken in so loooongg, and I hope you are always smiling cause you deserve nothing but . 

@mirsan​ :Angie is someone that I could talk about for days. I would never get tired of announcing to the world how much Angie means to me as a person and how beautiful and giving and caring and supportive she is. There have been too many occasions for me to quote to anyone where I have felt like Angie would take on the world for me and there have been times where she has done just that. And whats most amazing about Angie is that its not just me or any of her friends that she would do that for, Angie would do that for anyone. That is what makes her such an amazing person. Angie i have been able to cry to you, cry with you, laugh with you, and listen to horrific 10 minute voice notes with you, do dramatic live readings of horrific fics with you - you name it. I will never forget that when I was scared of seeing someone to talk to, it was you who talked me through what the initial process would be and gave me the courage to go through with it. i cant thank you enough for that. I love you so much you are literally my life coach, be mirsan af and happy always, i will fight anyone who contradicts that. 

@narkik​ : amandaaaaaa omg. Amanda you were probably my first friend on here. The Office AU haha and I remember thinking that you were waaaaay too cool for me and lo and behold I am correct. You are such an intelligent and beautiful person, so easy to talk to and i love that i can go months without talking to you and yet the next time we do talk its like it was just yesterday. idk what it is that makes me feel like I could talk to you about anything but know that i would literally fight the entire universe in order to put a smile on your face because you deserve that. Its weird how someone can be the opposite of me in so many ways and yet we can still be so similar. I love you and I want to always write smut that makes you cry in public places from trying not to smile haha, please stay happy always!!!

@aaya-ranjha-mera: omgggg you are a wild card entry! I can not begin to fathom how close I have gotten to you in such a short time. I can honestly say that I never expected for you to become a daily fixture in my life where it feels weird if we arent talking about one thing or the other. I love that i can always count on you to understand how im feeling and offer perspectives on it that i didnt even imagine. I love how I dont have to explain things to you, you seem to just understand them and sometimes its like you’re just on the same brainwave as me haha (our twins moments are far too many to count). You understand me and my love for certain,,,, characters,,,, *sigh* in a way that makes me feel a little more sane at the end of the day anD i LOVE you for that. I adore that you trust me enough to talk to me about things because the feeling is 10000% mutual and I would fight the entire planet for you!

@smilebomber : OH RINNE.. soMETIMES i think about you and just get really emotional because you are such a pURE soul and you honestly must be protected at all costs. When i think sunshine and happiness and the warmth you get from being around someone you love, I think of you. You’re so strong and loving and beautiful and TALENTED. Is there anything you cant do?? i think not. I love that youre always so considerate of everyone around you, you’re always thinking of others and their feelings and i want you to know that I am always always always thinking of you and i have so much love in my heart for you. you have been there to ask me if i’m okay when I’m feeling down, to leave me nice asks and pick me up messages and I can’t find words to tell you how much that means to me. All I can really do is impress on you that I will always, in any circumstance, be here to do the same for you and if anyone ever tries to make you feel like you are anything short of an actual goddess I will come for their ass so help me god. 

@hedevimaiyya: i want to say to you shivangi that i am guaranteed going to cry typing this and if you laugh i will kill you ok. Shivangi omg omg omg i have been able to tell you things that i would never tell anyone else, i have been able to cry to you in ways that i dont know if ive done to someone else. You understand me on a wavelength that I dont think even I can reach??? When i talk to you its like all my sadness and stress becomes background noise because we just have so much fun talking to each other. I share everything with you, be it art or fic or OCs and you make me feel like ive done something worth the nobel prize every single time and I cant tell you the fuzzy feeling i get every time you message me because you are associated with goodness and happiness to me and I just feel so strongly for you. I would murder anyone who hurt you and I have been on the verge of doing so more than once. i hope to god, more than anything, that you come down to ontario so i can hug you and scream or i come up to montreal and you can laugh at my french which, while being fluent and spoken with a correct accent, is probably horrible. I LOVE YOU BOOBOO ILL DIE FOR YOU. 

@onikik : You know what michelle you wanna know the truth. i struggled a lot writing your paragraph. Because i dont know where to begin talking about you. Do i start with your talent, with the fact that youre the actual hand of god? do i start with your wonderful ideas and humour?? Or do i start with the heart of pure gold in your chest? You are honestly one of the most amazing people I have met hands down, you are always ready to spread love and care and be there for other people. You - god Im getting teary eyed thinking about it - you go out of your way to do things for other people and even when youre doing a commission you go out of your way to personalize it for the person and really make them feel like you did this for them and only for them, to make them happy. theres this loving intimacy in everything you do that makes everyone around you feel like you care about them and that you are there for them. idk how you do it honestly but i think youre an actual god. yOU must be i cant imagine there being any other way that you could be so beautiful and kind and loving and giving and caring and just pe r fect. I love you and id die for you and kill for you. know that always. 

and to you beautiful, beautiful people: you are all such amazing people who have made me feel so loved and welcomed. I see your URLs on my dash and I immediately am filled with warmth and love because thats exactly what all of you represent to me!!!!!

@ohblackfire, @kristicles, @thequeenwillruletheboard, @oh-haseena, @inukag, @sinuyasha, @kongosoha, @ashcanvas, @macabre-and-cheese

to anyone I forgot: I am so incredibly sorry. Know that if your name isnt on this list anywhere, that doesnt mean you’re not in my heart and that I wouldnt give my actual life for you. I have a horrible memory and I give you my deepest and most sincere apologies. <3 

#well .... this got really emotional bUT IM FILLED WITH LOVE TODAY #I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR.GIF

[sugarstardusted]

dream thing.. potentially long post sorry, if the app won’t let me put a read more on it

it started out in like… a school, or something? idk. the first thing i remember is a school. the girls and the guys were divided into separate classes for some reason, and each class had an age range of about 3 years? so like 10-13, 14-17, etc. maybe more than that but idk specifics i just remember some ppl being older and some younger than me

i also wasn’t ME, like i am now, but it was like a first person dream, so im just using “me” for ease of writing.. anyway

so the class i was in was kind of… idk. little unruly with a strict teacher but she was also a good person&teacher? and the class was only a bit unruly but always listened. we were learning abt some sort of… science thing, i guess. and everyone was rly worried abt some experiment we had to do later in the year?

anyway i guess we had gone off to a break or something, bc then i remember walking by myself back to the class through this big main hall, and i had this little index card with a picture of a blind, red headed boy glued to one side and the name “william” written underneath, and… lyrics? written on the other side

and i was passing a big main hall where some classes were together for a big assembly or something? and somebody was shouting for a william, and i looked over and saw the same boy from the picture i had, and i sort of suddenly realized we were connected, somehow? so i was trying desperately to get his attention bc even tho no one had said this expressly, i was suddenly aware that ppl who didnt have like… this ‘premonition’ thing that led to them putting together this index card were going to be killed???? so i had to let him know that i had him on my card and he would be ok

his friends told him and he ran over and he had me on HIS card, but for some reason when i looked at it, it was blank on both sides–and same when he looked at mine? but when i went back to my “class” we were reading the lyrics on the back of our cards and when it was my turn to read, the words had changed to a different verse? (i think what was on williams card became mine, and vice versa, or something)

and then i told the teacher id found the match to my card, but before she could say anything we heard yelling outside, and we looked out the windows and like 7 of the saplings that were in the big backyard of the school had sprouted, and everyone else in the class was yelling all excited bc apparently that meant that the boys had to fight to the death???? and i was like ultra panicking

so while everyone was distracted watching that i snuck out, like literally even out of the whole school to the town, and i went to this apartment where apparently some old lady and her granddaughter lived? i wasnt related to them but i think i was like in love w/the granddaughter or something, we were rly close

and the granddaughter was rly rly ill, a high fever and she was unconscious in bed, and the grandmother didnt have a thermometer or something, so she asked me to stay and watch the girl while she went to go buy one, but like IMMEDIATELY after the old lady left her phone started ringing, but only enough for me to hear it, bc if i tried to pick it up, it would immediately stop

but when i’d look on the phone screen where caller id was supposed to be, there were these cryptic messages on it? the first one said “answer me,” the second was “i know she’s gone,” and the third one was apparently directed at me bc it was “i know you’re there, _____” with my name in the blank, but no matter how many times i read my name i couldn’t. actually SEE it??

anyway i fucking freaked out and ran downstairs (i was on the 2nd floor) to the apartment office to ask them to help me, bc i knew who was calling/leaving the messages, but the lady in the office wouldnt help me even though i was in hysterics and sobbing at this point, but finally she agreed to keep an eye out and told me to go upstairs to keep watch on the girl in bed

but then when i left the office and started up the stairs someone called me,and i turned around to see, and it was the man who had left the messages, and he was trying to talk to me like we were friends, but he was so self-satisfied, and smug, and he started. bragging abt how he knew all this stuff abt the granddaughter and where the old lady went, and i was screaming at him to leave, and finally he was like “alright, but you better keep an eye on her up there” and started laughing maniacally

so i ran upstairs even more panicked and the apartment door was still closed and locked but when i went inside i immediately knew something was wrong, i could FEEL it, and i went into the girls room and she had been like brutally murdered, there was blood everywhere and i could hardly recognize her body, and i started screaming and crying but i somehow couldnt move to go to her, and the police suddenly showed up, and they made me leave and go back to the school but promised they wouldn’t let the guy do anything else

so i went back to the school and while i was walking back down the hall to my class i kept seeing notes FROM THE GUY with the same things he had said to me in the apartment, and then there was a note right outside the door of my classroom that said “oh, poor william, you’re far too late” and i ran inside and everyone was still at the window watching the fucking bloodbath of a game/battle outside and as i ran up to see they called for it to stop and all the boys who were still alive started going in all laughing and joking while the boys’ teachers started cleaning up the bodies and william’s was one of them

and i immediately felt super sick to my stomach and i started backing away to the door, and the other girls in my class looked at me rly pitifully, and the teacher wouldn’t make eye contact, and i had no idea why–but one of the girls i guess realized i didnt know what was supposed to happen next and finally she was like “didn’t he have the other part of your song? you have to die now, too”

but none of them made a move like they were going to stop me so i ran, and i was going back down the halls trying to squeeze past all the blood-covered boys who had won the “game,” and i could hear the voice of the man who’d killed that girl, and i knew he was the reason why william had died??? and he was taunting me, even though he wasn’t actually THERE, and i could still hear him even when i left the school and ran and hid in some little alley near the apartment place

he kept saying things like how he wasnt gonna let the ppl at school get rid of me like they were supposed to bc of their “rules” or w/e re: the index card/song thing, he was going to find me and do the same thing to me like he did w/the other girl, and he started going into detail about it and no matter how much i covered my ears or tried to yell over his voice i could still hear him???

i think eventually he found me, and he was abt to kill me, but then i finally woke up but. god. it was awful

#stardust.txt #long post