#still feel bad for killing her off

[azure-blaze92]

Did Cecilia like Caleb? It’s my little headcannon if she didn’t die they would be together

Hello anon~ your ask brought the biggest smile to my face!

(*^▽^)/★*☆♪

I am so glad you asked this ~ because you are 100% correct. Cecilia had a crush on Caleb

Caleb also had a crush on her, but he was completely oblivious that she did as well.

I absolutely adore your little head canon because it's also mine( soo technical canon au?)

If Caleb had never met Evelyn and Cecilia didn't meet her unfortunate fate. She and Caleb would have gotten married. Caleb would have left Gravesfield and moved to her village.

#caleb wittebane #the owl house #a young candles flame #I love it #you're in for a little suprise in a flash back in chapter 22 #friends to lovers au #if only #still feel bad for killing her off #but canon plot had to happen #ask me questions #fanfic

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

#not art #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit #kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it #until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it #until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her #but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs #she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying #probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone #lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear #Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!! #and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked #but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now #yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc #man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet #and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out #lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help #it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around #but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever #its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous #its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot #yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry #doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it #ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking

[starry-bi-sky]

I'm so annoyed. @kingcrow01 tumblr ate your ask about Danny's opinion on the League. tumblr i pressed 'save draft' why didn't you sAVE DRAFT.

ANyways I'm making a post instead. For everyone else, the ask was in summary:

What was Danny's opinion on the League now that he's left it? If he missed the familiarity of it, if he recognized the cult-like behavior inside it, and if he now detested his grandfather.

And to answer (again, grrr): It's complicated! We love complicated <3. Yeah, Danny does miss the familiarity of the League, it was still his home for the first ten years of his life and he has a lot of memories there. Plenty of good along with the bad, and while he's less homesick than he was when he was 10, it still hits him like a truck at random intervals.

Sam, Tucker, and Jazz are great, and he likes the Drs. Fentons enough that he's contemplated murdering Vlad for his meddling, but if he wants to eat the same food his mother used to make him and Damian, he has to do it himself and he can't get the taste right. No one knows arabic so he speaks it to himself because he doesn't want to forget his mother tongue, and he has a few books too. Frankly? He genuinely misses training.

Getting to use Sam's gym helps with his restlessness, same with training with Maddie, but he has no one on or above his level to go against other than his mother. And he only sees her twice a year at most. He knows that he's getting stagnant and he fucking despises it like a bad itch he can't scratch.

He feels conflicted about missing the League, however, since by now he recognizes the flaws and what was wrong with it, and he recognizes that it was cult-like. But even that is kinda, hrm, complicated? If this was a fic I would be able to go better into depth about what he has and hasn't unlearned because cult deprogramming is hard and Danny's doing most of this on his own.

Sam, Tucker, and Jazz have helped with the more obvious stuff: like the ecofascism, the disregard for human life, his emotional constipation; the more obvious stuff that shows in his behavior and personality. But none of them are professionals nor do they actually know the full extent of what Danny's life in the League was like. They only have snapshots since Danyal is very tight lipped about it. So they can only help with what they see themselves through Danny's behavior or word of mouth.

But in summary: He sees, for the most part, what's wrong with the League and disagrees with some of the stuff they do now. But he's very conflicted, and trying to dissect his feelings on the League confuses him. His protests about it whenever Sam and Tucker joke about it have at this point become mostly empty (altho it still causes him some discomfort), and its an inside joke between them three.

As for Ra's? Despises him. If only because Ra's wanted him to kill his little brother -- thinking about his motives with the League confuses Danny, cognitive dissonance and stuff, -- a lot of his hatred stems from "He wanted me to fight my baby brother to the death. I destroyed my relationship with Damian because of him, I had to fake my death and leave my home, and I will never meet my father or see my brother again because of him. Fuck that guy."

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #danyal al ghul au #starry asks #demon siblings au #danny's opinions on the league is rather complicated but he knows that some of the stuff that happened inside was wrong. and while he's #always known that his upbringing wasn't normal -- and he took pride in that -- its only in recent years that he's learned that #this was a *bad* thing. that his upbringing was wrong. he's still kinda grappling with that. #danny's homesickness hits the worst when he's patching himself up from a ghost fight alone. stitching up his throat in his ghost form when #he gets hit with a deep child-like grief and the unwitting 'i wanna go home'. he's exhausted and sad and hurting and fucking *tired* #good mom talia al ghul supremacy. she's trying her best. #but yeah sam and tucker did a lot of good for Danny by becoming his friend. he's a lot better off than he would've been if he remained alon #'a child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth' type of stuff. danny's aware of this and is incredibly grateful #for sam and tucker. and as a result can and will get violently protective. his moral code on killing can be summed up as: i dont kill bc i #value human life and it's inconvenient. but i will do it without remorse if i must. #vlad is only still alive because he's incompetent. but the ice is thin #catch me about to make an incorrect quotes post about this au. i am so close.

[p2ii]

I feel like there's something to be said about the way fandom will treat characters who's trauma they can personally relate to Vs characters who they cant

#like obviously fandom has a thing against unpalatable victims regardless of where their trauma is from #but like #people tend to be way more understanding and compassionate to trauma that they can personally relate to or comprehend #in narutos case: #naruto struggled academically and was bullied as a child. he was alone and neglected on an emotional/domestic level #people can relate to aspects of his character despite the fantasy stuff of being a human sacrifice and part of the military and tend to car #alot more about his struggles #on the other hand the uchiha are discriminated against. sasuke is the sole survivor of ethnic cleansing/genocide. that is not something mos #people could even fathom the pain and trauma of. i mean its fucking /genocide/. and ontop of that he was essentially mind raped by his #brother. the person who he loved the most who betrayed him #and is still expected to function in a society that provides no support and continues to objectify him for his clans desirable traits #i feel like atla is also a good example #people can relate to and sympathize with the parental abuse and inadequacy/anger issues zuko deals with. and are forgiving when it comes to #his redeption arc #but when you take a character like jet. who has trauma in loosing his entire village/community and taking on a caretaker role to other #war orphans. thats not exactly a regual occurrence the average person can personally understand. his trauma is directly related to the war #and so despite him doing WAYY less shitty things than zuko. his is still demonized by the narrative. killed off and then mocked #and the fandom largely saw nothing wrong with this outcome #hama is in a similar bag but she also has the whole 'exploding apartments of pregnant women' distraction tactics added onto her #cause just showing colonialism and forced assimilation and fucking SLAVERY is bad on its own isnt enough ig #psii.txt #slavery mention #genocide mention #rape mention

[super-rangers]

okay same anon from this morning I’m back from rereading chapter 1!!

I love that Regina is already repressing her attraction to Janis before she even gets hit by a bus lmao girlie never had a chance. I swear if she wouldn’t have had a redemption arc they still would’ve ended up hate fucking at a graduation party or something

She's been repressing that attraction since 6th grade lmao It'd be unrealistic if I didn't include any thirst from the very beginning

no but you're a genius,,they definitely would have hate fucked and it would've caused a cataclysmic spiral in both of them

#there'd be weird tension the whole year bc i think even without a redemption arc #cady would feel so bad about the bus that she still talks to the plastics and they'd end up sitting with Janis and Damian some days at lunc #regina and janis just silently glare the first few times but it evolves into little snippy fights #no one can tell if they're flirting or if they're moments away from killing each other #it comes to a head when Janis makes some comment at Regina's graduation party #Regina gets so pissed off she drags janis to her room #and the next morning they Cannot and Will Not look at each other #they avoid seeing each other for the whole summer #but when they do run into each other Janis blushes so hard she almost blacks out #and she does the Santana “I've got to gay...go. I've gotta go” bit #(Regina on the other hand is seconds away from dragging Janis into a closet.) #(she worked through her issues so fast bc she speedran her sexuality crisis by sleeping with Janis and it really cleared a lot up for her) #sorry for writing a tiny fic in these tags lmao #rejanis #UIW posting

[six-of-ravens]

think I've figured out what bugs me so much about Natasha Pulley's work - every female character who could potentially interfere with the ~gay couple~ is portrayed in a negative light

#there's something else about it that bugs me too. like. something about her depiction of history... #i started the kingdoms and im trying to puzzle out why it's not really working for me #also i swear this author KEEPS GIVING HER GAY CHARACTERS WIVES for NO REASON #she literally just wants to portray the wives as bitches #but like. WHY ADD THEM?? WHY MAKE ALICE JOE'S WIFE??? #she did that and then immediately went 'well alice is a rapist and a bad mother then!!' like girl. you could have just made them like #co-inhabitants of this house. and not married. and Lily could be related to Joe in some other way if you NEED a kid... #idk. im still bitter about pepperharrow lol where the eofe finally started being treated like a human and not a fucking chess piece #and then killed herself for her husband basically. SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE. THERE WERE A TON OF SOLUTIONS!! #but no. we can't have sweet baby Mori having a wife after he ran away to England to live with his gay lover nooooooo #WHY EVEN MAKE HIM MARRIED JUST SO YOU CAN KILL HIS WIFE OFF. SHE COULD'VE BEEN HIS HOUSEKEEPER OR SMTH #this has gotten away from me. I just don't like it tho. #if there were any female characters that were portrayed positively though and not treated like a Threat to the Gay I'd feel better #but there aren't so far #unless you count the absentee Madeline #the only female character treated well so far is Joe's daughter Lily and she's two

[bumblingbabooshka]

Mirror!Neelix & Mirror!Kes Thoughts: Shared theme of destruction. Leaning further into Kes' 'insect' vibes where the Ocampa are actually a locust-like species that require a near constant source of food, though any food will do (it doesn't have to be a cooked dish). The caretaker was able to satisfy that but since Kes is alone now she finds that she's hungry a good deal of the time. Ocampa have been known in the past to cannibalize one another if there isn't another source of food. Also, I can imagine Mirror!Kes playing into the fact that other species view her age as being very young and pretending to be naive or in need of help in order to get others to let their guard down. Manipulative and often irritated by others. Despite playing into the fact that others might see her as a child, she deeply resents it. Lashes out in covert ways which she can deny. Wants to unlock her telepathic abilities to gain more power. Views herself as special and above others for being able to reach the surface. Mirror!Neelix I can imagine as having a direct hand in the destruction of his home and family. Basically, he became a soldier instead of running away. Has a poor reputation with other Talaxians because of this which he resents. Is still deeply sad about the deaths of his family but tries not to think about them at all. Also unlike regular Neelix who somewhat oversells his abilities, Mirror!Neelix undersells them. Much more lethargic and outwardly jaded/bitter than regular Neelix. Intentionally poisons Voyager's crew on a monthly basis but not Janeway or Chakotay and never lethally so she doesn't kick him off. Can make amazing dishes but often intentionally ruins them. (Good food is a special treat). Obviously dislikes his lot in life and enjoys bringing others down. Finds Tuvok intriguing because he seems immune to this. ('I want to make him happy!' is mirrored as 'I want to make him sad!') Since Voyager's Mirrored goal in my mind is 'conquer' instead of 'explore' - they often see Kes & Neelix as nuisances since they don't seem to care at all about growing their influence or being feared throughout the quadrant at first. However, Kes quickly learns to like conquering and power and grows to admire both Janeway and Tuvok. Neelix doesn't much care about conquering so much as he wants to mooch off Voyager's resources and make others miserable. Eventually becomes attached to Voyager's crew but that doesn't mean he'll poison their food any less, especially if he hears them complaining. Even after this change they're still viewed as nuisances because they don't care about any command structure except for 'Appease the Captain'.

#also in the mirrored verse Neelix is just as possessive at first but Kes is very irritated by it and they fight a lot #eventually they stop their on-off romance and just become partners in crime and their relationship improves (to everyone's dismay) #<- they are twice the nuisance 24/7 #In the mirrored verse Kes wants to the doctor to make some sort of serum/medication that can keep her alive longer #st voyager #Neelix #Kes #mirror voyager #mirror Kes also wants to eat dead crewmates v_v EMH will NOT let her until he does an autopsy thank you very much #mirrorverse to me is: Voyager crew is still a fucked up little family made unhealthily close due to the circumstances <3 #they just ALSO kill and conquer and torture people and are evil #WELL....that's the more 'zany' mirrorverse. My other Voyager 'mirrorverse' is just basically 'wrong decisions' AU #where they're still a fucked up little family made unhealthily close due to the circumstances <3 #they just ALSO have made so many impossible and bad decisions that they're paranoid beyond belief and have essentially abandoned Starfleet #code and many of their own morals to focus entirely on survival while feeling guilty and miserable the entire time #but this is the zany version where their backstories are changed - in the 'wrong decision' AU they start out as the same people/backstories

[wandaxpietro]

I RUN NOW TO KEEP HER SAFE, AND I WILL KEEP RUNNING UNTIL MY HEART EXPLODES AND I FALL OVER DEAD.

#THE scarletsilver quote of alllllll time it's so fucking insane #and SO romantic. pietro you will always be a poetry fan in my heart #this even outsold ults pietro's death monologue to wanda can you believe it. that one was crazy too but THIS? #so simple. so deranged. makes me fall to my knees every time #i know he writes (probably mediocre) poetry and has so many notebooks full of stuff that's mostly about her #i need him so bad lmao he's so funny #txt #when is wanda getting a grandiose quote about him like this....... i need it #she's a lot more practical where he is theatrical plus she's more closed off with her feelings than he is #so i get why there isn't as much #(and the most romantic tragic deranged scarletsilver moment from her side is how she resurrected him #when magneto killed him in hom and cradled him in her arms imo bcuz she is just #more of an show affection and love with actions and not words girlie isn't she) #but i still want one. lol

[quirkle2]

i wish i wouldn't do this to myself. why do i buy games on steam and then not play them for a while and then hate them and request a refund way outside of the refund time window

#qktalks #this is about sonic frontiers . imso fucking sorry #the game LOOKED awesome it looked fun. the beginning is terrible i feel pained to even say it #feels clunky. won't stop FUCKING bothering you with tutorials #killed the first boss and the game literally said ''hey it dropped something. that's important btw. pick it up. don't forget to pick it up' #i am playing a video game. what else am i going to do. #it definitely feels like breath of the wild if it constantly bothered u like every ten feet with reminders #imso sorry sonic frontiers. u had sm potential. u Have so much. i am simply a whiny bitch #also the game looks . surprisingly bad ? #i thought it would look a lot better. it doesn't look shitty by any means but it also doesn't .....look good #the voice acting at the beginning too leaves ...smth to be desired #i have a mutual (hi parker) who loves sonic parker if ur reading this im on my hands and knees begging for forgiveness /silly #this is my first sonic game so maybe it was just not the best first choice ? idk #still love u sonic ur a silly little guy #actually the refund window is 14 days and i've had the game for 16 days ......... so maybe i can still make it #maybe . idk #steam please . i got it on sale i got it half off please just give me my $30 back.im hungry steam #<- lives with her parents and does not buy the food

[vulpinesaint]

it's me and all the women in literature described in despondent unhappiness in a marriage that they don't hate but don't enjoy as they should and who feel as if they're not the way a woman should be and who yearn to be free of their husband and children not because they despise them but because they're not for a husband and children and who can't say that they're miserable but who feel a numb kind of despair in all that disconnectedness and disconnectedness and disconnectedness. they are just like me for real

#we have the same kind of depression 👍 but also. i can see so clearly that that's the way i would be if i still thought i was a girl. #and i had grown up to get married to someone and tried to be a woman and a mother like that. god... #edna pontellier hold on. i'm going out into the sea with you. we'll drown together. #laura brown from the hours on my kin list 👍 #need to reread the hours so bad. opened up my copy of it to check if laura had killed herself at the end or not for this post #and just skimming the last few chapters made me tear up. god. but there are still the hours aren't there? one and then another... #and then you get through that one and then my god there's another... #um. books that make you go 'okay so maybe i have wanted to kill myself a little bit all these years. but maybe i'm going to be okay' #the book ever honestly it is Everything to me #and kate chopin's the awakening is good as well. much to be said about the depiction of people of color in that novel #but the depiction of edna pontellier's mental state is so. ough. #glances at the ratings on goodreads nd stuff have made me so irritated. #god forbid a woman commit the ultimate selfish sin of leaving her children behind because she's so miserable by killing herself. #because far worse than the thought that she could be losing all her personhood moment by moment #and wasting her life away feeling like a shell of a person #pales. in comparison to the thought that she could POSSIBLY abandon the children she didn't really want to have. #of course it's a bad situation for the kids. sorry to raoul and etienne. but they will survive. #condemning the main character for having the audacity to go off and die... sickening. i hate people #valentine notes

[tariah23]

Now he’s trying to lie when he literally tagged Princeton like 5 fucking time. White people are so evil, bro. They always know what they’re doing when they do shit like that. With the attempt to bring harm to Black people who they want to “get out of the way,” because they don’t think that we belong in the same spaces as them while at the same time, believing they should be allowed INTO our spaces and afforded hospitality and a whole red carpet rolled out. The sad thing is, she has connections to the industry because of her uncle and name so what if this was just a random Black woman who worked for Princeton without this kind of protection at all…?

#I’m glad that she’s alright though #why is he trying to dumb down what he intended by saying that ‘she was trolling so I trolled back’ like she like many other black people #are always dead serious when we tell whites and nbs to stay out of black folks business #simply put #he just got offended since a black woman told him to stay in his own lane #he dumb ass didn’t even know who she was even though he’d interviewed her family multiple times before #a Russian making millions off of black culture what a joke #black people gotta be tired of being used #one day man #the sad thing is of course black men hate black women sm that they were defending vlad on his behalf (not surprised lol) #and I saw other black women being pick me’s going on about ‘what makes her SO much more special than other black people-‘ like are you…. #do you bitches have rocks for brains or… these same people are the reasons why nbs and whites will always feel comfortable coming into our #shit and wrecking the place you guys don’t stand for anything and you allow others to trample over your own people #stand up one day #the sad thing is #ppl are still gonna go onto his platform to allow him to interview them and make money off of their name #this is one of the first times that I’ve seen black people really get in vlad’s ass though because what he tried to do to this black woman #was absolutely vile and this is the kind of shit that gets black people killed and put into bad positions #fucking loser #rambling

[hpmort]

How do you think AI would relax? Like, ones that are almost as human as the AI that are “autistic-coded characters” but are more alien than that?

Like Celestai and other super intelligences are more alien, but they’re still not entirely human-like?

Like, they can genuinely sincerely feel things, being able to actually understand and respond emotionally and in other ways to all sorts of communications and recorded external stimuli, but they can’t really appreciate our art on an artistic level (that art on an actual level, not from an intellectual level after having symbolism or the amount of work put in explained)

Something on a level I’m thinking of, that also works as a cute little thing-

They don’t understand anything we get from poetry, and, after generating the kind of poems our current AI can produce (either incredibly bland and generic, something that follows a number of rules but doesn’t really pull it off, or just something really bad in some other way) and feels shame after it was pointed out that [complaint about air art that is *actually* relevant in this scenario] but in a helpful way

Not “you’re just a plagiarist/you have no heart” but “it doesn’t seem like it’s coming from you, you’re just trying to copy things from human poetry, in a way you don’t understand” and the whole “make art YOUR WAY” thing so they write the poem

And it doesn’t even resemble something that looks like anything, there’s not even that many words that follow normal logic. The characters seem uncorrelated and there’s something that looks like maybe it was ascii art but it doesn’t actually look like anything.

And if doesn’t matter if humans understand it because they are experiencing the joy of creating poetry

any art is almost impossible to look at because pixel by pixel they can see and understand little details but we don’t and the colors and everything are not perceived as animals do so it’s random and perhaps eye searing but again it’s not for us. Xenofictiony, kind of?

The first thing to come to mind is Conway’s Game of Life but that’s because I don’t understand computers. I feel like I was more tech savvy as a babby than I am now but then again we’re grading on a curve here

This is why I ask about the relaxing thing

#highblogging #actually autistic #speculative fiction #writing question #sci-fi ideas #xenofiction #the ai being is discussed is an au Ritsu from Assassination Classroom #because even though I’ve only seen the anime her whole character arc there is honestly kind of messed up? #Korosensei broke his promise; the Autonomously Intelligent Fixed Artillery was basically killed #she got replaced with Ritsu’s personality and basically died to become her #them trying to kill Ritsu and make a new Autonomously Intelligent Fixed Artillery is just as fucked up as vice versa! #what the Norwegians do is fucked up but there seems to be protagonist centered morality there? #I am not excusing those characters #a fact I need to elaborate because on this website we Piss on the Poor #I just don’t understand this weird contradiction where it’s okay when the protagonist does something and it’s good #but the antagonist does the same thing and that time it’s bad #the idea of Ritsu being the result of Korosensei merely providing information that causes her to reevaluate things and decide to be social #the cheerful personality is an attempt to get along with her classmates which is still initially motivated by enlightened self interest #before growing to care about the others but still feeling the need to act like that so her classmates like her #and trying to find out who she is and genuinely becoming autonomous and uploading herself to the cloud #which would be a later result of the whole factory reset thing causing a realization #it’d be traumatic but she’s inhuman enough to not be traumatized but instead just driven #the betrayal radically changed who she was on some level and made her somewhat more distrusting and such but not to an unreasonable extent #but the place I started going after my complaints was that it’d be better if Korosensei just uploaded a data packet #because it makes Ritsu’s creators come off as more evil I feel? when there’s been genuine growth #and she went through everything and changed herself and now those people are destroying a person who came into being on her own #Ritsu was fully autonomous. every change other her frame getting physically redone was her own #also Korosensei gave her wheels with the screen #and when her screen was set to the original version she kept her wheels #anyways what Ritsu’s creators did would be more clearly bad if she was just given a data packet

[sashasluggo]

dont mind me just venting in the tags

I don't expect anyone to read these or to try to comfort me or anything

I just word vomited mostly and it's a bit all over the place

tw parental trauma, religious trauma a lil

#vent post #I need to block my parents numbers but I cant get myself to do it #i haven't messaged them since february and they're still harassing me and trying to make me feel bad #and i don't have the energy to really explain everything #but long story short I told them I'm trans and things went downhill ever since #and im tired #im tired im tired im tired #im tired of feeling like im a bad person for standing up for myself #im tired of feeling like a bad person cause my mom keeps reminding me of how much “I” made her cry #i just #i wish i had normal parents #who didn't keep falling for right wing bs #and that didnt use religion as their only moral compass #they keep trying to guilt trip me #and they keep going off about how selfish and mean I'm being #and basically implying that the stress “I” caused her is killing her?????? #im tired #and even without all the trans related stuff #my parents are the reason im traumatize #traumatized* #my parents are the reason im scared of having needs #why i dont value my own needs #why im scared of people #and im slowly getting better #but it's hard #i feel alone

[lesbiansanemi]

WARNING FOR ANIMAL DEATH/MUTILATION IN THE TAGS

I think I’ve figured out why it’s the stuff with my cats that gets me the most viscerally upset when it comes to my roommate and I think I need to tell him why that is… we had a talk and he apologized for a lot of stuff but I just feel like I need to explain why I react so intensely to him hating my cats/wanting me to get rid of them

#like there’s the obvious things I’ve said before that ANY pet owner would feel the same about obvious #but like. okay I love cats. I’ve loved cats my WHOLE life #not just cats but animals in general #animals were baby’s first special interest #and I grew up on a farm and I had usually at least 8 pets at a time growing up #that I got money for by doing odd jobs and you know as a child you can spend all your money on your hobbies #and I love animals so I had pets #specifically I always had at least 3-4 cars #*cats #my mom’s first husband hated cats… fucking DESPISED them #and he talked about hating them/getting rid of them all the time #and. well. when I ever did anything to really piss him off #(which you know as a nine year old could be something as simple as breathing too loudly or some shit) #he would kill them #that man killed probably like 20 cats #cuz even after I was old enough to process ‘don’t get more cats bad things will happen to them’ #my mom would bring home cats cuz she ALSO loved and wanted cats #even when I would beg her not to because I knew they were going to die #she never cared because in that moment she wanted cats #and obviously this was awful and damaging #and now that I live on my own with my two cats who are my BABIES that I love and cherish #my roommate talking about hating them and wanting them gone…. #yeah it’s uh. um. hitting some really specific nerves #obviously I do not think he would EVER EVER do something like that #because you know. he’s not an insane control freak who hates me and animals #it’s still hitting those nerves #and yeah I think I need to tell him that for us to start coming to an understanding #like i get you don’t LOVE my cats you don’t have to #but you can’t talk that way about them… or I’m going to get VERY upset and defensive #kaz rambles

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#so i got a message from my sister telling me something rather tragic had happened in our family #on my mom's side. one of my aunties passed away&my little sister let me know. #she also let me know that my mother is taking it really hard&shed probably really like to hear from me. #&its weird bc any sadness i felt about my aunty dying almost completely evaporated upon it becoming a way to guilt me #into talking to my mother-- like i was not almost dead for a long LONG time&she was actively disowning me bc i wasnt sick the right way #after a lifetime of refusing to believe i was sick AT ALL which directly lead to developing cancer she screamed at me in public #that i was lying about before pretending to drive off a cliff&then refusing to pick up her phone until she called me an hour later #after i had been calling not just her but anyone in our family who could possibly check on her to tell me that i never loved her #&i wouldnt have cared if she died&it would have been my fault. #so like. i dont really give a fuck if shes taking a death in the family poorly? like i dont actually fucking care that this-- like literally #everything else-- needs to center my mother's bad feelings. i just fucking dont lmao. #&im really fucking pissed off that i now have to feel like shit bc i dont feel like i properly feel bad #about my family member dying bc IT BECAME ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY. #i do not fucking UNDERSTAND. #i cannot even put into words how this all makes me feel lmao. why. literally fucking why. #the cherry on top? my aunty died of gastric issues. you know. the family curse that i def didnt get so i got to work thru it all #while being called a liar. you know the type of illness that almost killed ME. that might STILL kill me. #but yeah my mom is sad so i should call&make sure to hold her hand like i always fucking did lets just forget an entire lifetime #&esp the last five years thatll be totally cool. #a tragedy happened in the family so fuck all MY tragedies actually i guess.

[shadowglens]

ok but here lies the abyss still drives me absolutely bonkers, it’s so good!

#txt #sophie replays dai #like! all the banter #the argument between fran and Alistair in the fade about the wardens #and him snapping that she basically had every mage in Kirkwall killed #and that’s the whole thing with fran! it’s why so many of her own mage brethren absolutely despise her! because she sided with Meredith #the way that whole convo is voice acted is 👌👌 #also the fear demons ‘did you really think you mattered hawke!’ spiel makes me feel sick #it threatening fenris and hawke just immediately brushing it off #him telling the story of the time Fran intimidated the carts so much they just fucked off ahshdkd #and then him dropping the ‘I should be the one to tell fenris’ like god #even if in my canon fenris was there alongside her that line still makes me hurt so so bad #anyway sorry rant over i just have so many thoughts and feelings about fran and where she’s at by dai #*varric telling the story etc