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feroluce · 2 months

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Thinking tonight about Caelus, and the nature of his loss and his grief after the Everything that went down in Penacony during 2.0.

Because Acheron, Black Swan, and Misha kind of knew of Firefly, they at least met her, but they didn't like really know her, and Caelus never even got the chance to introduce her to the rest of the Astral Express Crew. The only person who would have talked to her much was Sparkle, who is. Probably not really someone Caelus is interested in grieving with skznmsks

Anyway, all this to say, I like thinking about how alone poor Caelus is in his grief, because he was the only one who knew Firefly. He's the only one really mourning her. There's no one to talk about her with. There's no stories to trade or memories to reminisce with anyone over. It's not as though he knew her for long, but still. No one else knew her at all.

And I love the thought of all of this coming bubbling up, hot and acidic and bitter, during a conversation with Sampo, who Caelus just so happens to run into in the Golden Hour. Poor Sampo is kinda blindsided, he knew shit was going down in Penacony, but yeesh. And he just. Isn't quite sure what to say about it all, because he's never really encountered this before. His feelings about the Masked Fools are...a mixed bag, but he's been a part of them for a very long time, and when you're with a close organization like that, it's hard to feel alone, in grief or otherwise.

So Sampo sits there on their little bench that the two of them have occupied, and he thinks of his old friend April, how she'd died in his arms cackling and spitting her own blood after a heist gone wrong, and how after he'd dragged himself back to the World's End Tavern they'd all held a Fool's Funeral- which is basically just a big party where everyone gets really really drunk and reminisces and toasts the dead and celebrates their life.

He still thinks about her a lot, and he remembers how the time he'd most keenly felt her absence was on Jarilo-VI, the one place where he couldn't talk about her because he couldn't say anything to give himself away as an alien. The Fools still tell stories about her every time he goes back to the Tavern. His first toast of the night is always in her name. Even now, all these years after she'd died, Sampo is still learning new things about her. He's never had to grieve her alone.

Caelus doesn't have any of that.

He might never have that. As they speak, Caelus has no proof that Firefly was even her real name, or if she dreamt with her true appearance. He might not ever find out who she even was.

And just imagining that kind of loneliness hollows out a strange little pit, right behind his sternum, deep between his ribs.

So Sampo claps Caelus' shoulder and offers him a deal. Come find him outside of the dream. He knows a guy who can get them a lot of beer for really cheap-

("Is that guy you and your five finger discounts?" "Whatever do you mean, dear friend, I don't even know the meaning of the phrase, hehee.")

-and they can hole up in a bar or a hotel room or something, and get completely shitcanned. Tell him all about Firefly, tell him everything, and he'll tell Caelus about April and everyone else he's ever lost. Sampo will carry Caelus' memories of Firefly with him, and at least this way, Caelus will be a little less alone in remembering her. And the next time they cross paths, Sampo will be the one to bring her up, and to tell her stories, and Caelus can get to be the one listening. He won't have to be the only person to talk about her anymore.

Caelus rolls his eyes when Sampo avoids another remark about sticky fingers, but...ok, yeah. That sounds good. Nice, even. Thank you. Caelus bumps his shoulder against Sampo's. Sampo bumps back.

(They find each other again the next day, and true to their word, get themselves completely and utterly shitcanned. Caelus talks more than Sampo has ever heard him; every minute detail, every word choice, Firefly's every odd little mannerism and habit. Because Caelus wants to make sure this will outlive him, that even if the Stellaron dwelling within him finally burns him to a crisp and he really does up and kick the bucket, or even, godforbid, if he forgets, he wants to make sure someone remembers her. She deserved that.)

((And it takes quite a while, after that. Caelus doesn't see Sampo again until after everything has settled down. On his last day in Penacony, he finds the guy slinking out of a seedy back alley and all but runs right into him. Sampo happily leads him to some dive bar in an even seedier back alley that Caelus has never even heard of, and Sampo raises his glass. "To Firefly! Who sounds like she probably would have hated me at first, but I would have liked to have met her anyway."

And Caelus stares at him, almost looking startled, long enough that Sampo worries that he's read him wrong and brought this up too soon. He's halfway into planning how to talk himself out of this situation when Caelus finally throws back his head back and laughs, tells him that yeah, Firefly would have politely called him out on every lie he told, and all their conversations would take twice as long with the way Sampo is so full of shit.

And he can see it, the same way he watches and sees through everyone, that Caelus' eyes have a tightness to them, his knuckles are nearly white around the handle of his mug. But he smiles. He hits his glass against Sampo's far too hard and throws it back and gets foam everywhere like he does every time they drink because the guy's about as elegant as a raging bull, but those things don't lessen the genuineness of his smile.

The grief is there, but so is the elation, and those emotions aren't a sliding scale between one or the other. It is all of both and both at once, and that's what contents Sampo enough to throw his own mug back when Caelus makes a toast of his own, "to April!!".))

#caelus #sampo koski #hsr caelus #hsr sampo #sampo & caelus #sampril #honkai star rail #hsr #my fics #me a few days ago: my favorite silly little guys uwu #me today: ANGST #honestly I feel like this isn't even a super strong angst though #it's more just. bittersweet? melancholic? something.#I JUST. REALLY LOVE STORIES ABOUT THE NATURE OF GRIEF #and 2.0 laid the groundwork for that beautifully woohoo #I just remembered this probably isn't common knowledge oops but April is the cute red haired girl in Funny Bone #her name was revealed by the creators on twitter. she's named April like April Fools!#anyway I ship it hardcore now thanks bucket boi & studio #but anyway yes I love and adore the loneliness of the trailblazer's loss and grief after 2.0 #because we know from Sunday that Firefly is “spiritually dead” but the trailblazer wouldn't have that knowledge #and they wouldn't know her identity or about any of her connections to other people #and I love that juxtaposed against Sampo and the possible strange nature of his own grief-#-given how the Masked Fools operate and how they see Elation in everything and everywhere #Sampo is no saint- like at all lol- but I do like him and Caelus getting along and being bros #and I don't think it would be terribly ooc for him to care about someone he sees as a genuine friend #he maybe rarely considers someone a genuine friend. but still dmxjjdjdk #listening to Sam's boss theme as I tag this... have been listening to it a lot ever since I finished 2.0 tbh #it's probably what inspired a lot of this haha #because it does sound strong and intimidating and imposing #but you can hear it

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god-u · 26 days

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people on twitter are being real weird about chance.. that man is dead so idk what the point in some of those posts are now. if anything i’m really keeping his family in my thoughts. it’s crazy seeing anyone my age go out like that and i’ve lost family the same way. i’ve lost friends from shootings and more. it’s okay for people to feel shock about something like this. you aren’t better than anyone for saying you don’t care because he was *insert -phobic* when you probably have family who disregard your own identity for the same reason but you’d still cry if some shit like this happened to them because of the little good you experienced with them even if the bad outweighed it

#many of whom are still supporting artists who let their music and movies play in israel or constantly listen to abusers #so it’s okay when YOU separate the art from the artist but if you don’t like them then everyone has to hear it??#saying this as someone who is trans and clearly affected by racism and misogyny #things chance was dumb enough to support before being exposed #if you don’t care just don’t say anything #but you really aren’t as moral as you think you are #if my mom passed of course i’d cry despite being subjected to her abuse growing up and her still denying my identity #that man was not an abuser even if he was shit in other ways as far as i know #it’s easy to keep quiet and literally just say nothing #you can acknowledge both things or simply not speak at all #it’s not hard but we also aren’t going to dismiss the fact that he had terrible beliefs #chance perdomo

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witchyvixie · 1 year

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I love stories about 'bad' people who still love and are loved. people who don't care if the people they love are bad. I love when the point isn't to say "you're not actually bad" but "even if you are, you still deserve love in your life"

#true neutrals are the best and i really want more of them in media #this is abt joel tlou (game specifically. i haven't watched the show)#we can argue all day about whether it was 'morally wrong' to kill the fireflies or whether their plan would have worked #but i love that he doesn't care if he's doing something terrible. all he cares about is her. and that gets to me #and that ellie absolutely knows he's lying to her but decides not to find out because she wants to be with him too #i feel like arguing whether joel was in the right is kinda missing the point #also don't get me wrong i love when the point is learning that you're not actually bad. those stories can also be wonderfully poignant.#my favorite character is one of those #but sometimes my messed up brain needs to hear 'you don't have to maintain 'good' to still be loved'

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hella1975 · 3 months

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Hi hella!!!

I feel like i always start these off or end them by saying that these things are going to be incomprehensible in some way, mainly bc i have trouble translating whats going on in my mind into written words so i really dont know how much of my list thingies make sense to you but this one is especially probably going to not make much sense. (also bc i send them a lot when im either very tired or not sober, but i am sober and wide awake rn so this might be a different kind of incomprehensible)

I found one of my old drafts for an ask from around a year ago and it was a follow up response to the last chapter you posted at the time, so im not sure how its going to sound without the context of that specific chapter, but i also mentioned in one of my other asks that i add stuff in last minute and that ask i added a shit ton of stuff so i dont have any of that pretyped out so im going by memory. But im sending it again bc i havent seen you answer it

(please do not interpret this as ‘why didnt you answer my ask >:/’ or me rushing you to answer asks or anything like that, but like I said its been a year so im assuming tumblr ate it. If not and you just havent cleaned out your ask box and you find the original, congratulations you’ll know what i originally said. Bc idk how accurate this will be)

Theres two different ways that you seem to write metaphors (idk if thats what theyre called im not caught up on my literary terminology)

(im scrolling through your blog rn looking for my other asks and tumblr really did you dirty in your asks system like i started scrolling and the third one down was from 2021 and im fighting for my life trying to find my tag (thank you for my tag btw its very useful to me))

Anywho, most of your metaphors ( to me) can be split into two categories. Theres the simple ones and the complex ones. Now this might seem obvious but im going to explain to you how these have different effects on my brain.

An example of the ‘simple’ ones is

““If Nanook’s tone had a note of seriousness, then Zuko’s was the entire orchestra.”” (idk what chapter this is from its been a while)

You have a lot of these kinds of whatever the haick kind of literary technique this is (is this a metaphor i’ve been trying to google it for like ½ an hour and i cant figure it out) BUT these type of things that are simple and easy to process is one of my favorite things about the way you write. I think this is a very common technique but the way you do it to me is just a lot more unique than the ways ive seen it done before. Its extremely fluent with the voice of the characters and brings a perfect kind of vibe to the ‘conversation’ (or story, text, whatever) and it paints the picture of what your trying to say perfectly. I also really like how these types of things arent ever in Zukos pov a lot (sometimes it is, but not nearly as much, I’ve noticed) and its not in the more serious like revelations that you drop these in. Like I said, it adds to the voice of the characters, bc of the contrast of Zuko constantly having revelations and dramatic archs and stuff, and the other characters just in general being a lot more calm. Its like when youre listening to a song and you have the lyrics and the like ‘main’ music behind the lyrics, but then when you listen to the song a lot you notice the smaller, like backup music that adds a lot to the song and makes it a lot more enjoyable than if it was just the lyrics and the louder more up front music.

Then in contrast you have the bigger ‘metaphors’

An example of this is ‘You curse in words already invented’

THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THE ENTIRE FIC.

OF ANY FIC OR BOOK EVER READ

AND THIS IS WHY

When I tell you I could not figure out what this meant for months I am AWFUL with stuff like this and interpreting it my english teachers hate me bc of it. Id have the question ‘why were the curtains blue’ and my answer would be ‘bc the people who decorated the room like blue maybe theyre interior designers and it goes with the room 😊 and thats so hot of them bc i love blue too’

But even thought i couldnt figure it out it stayed in my head and i probably thought about it once a day (i mean this literally, i think about that part all the time) and i cant remember the context for that or anything but i do remember that i knew it was a wonderful phrase.

I’ve mentioned in my other asks how whenever im reading anything at all that you’ve written (whether its tams, or toab, or in the tags of something even if its like 10 words), everything you type comes out so fluidly like a formula or a color wheel or however i put it last time i talked about this. And this is on the prodigious end of the spectrum of this.

But phrases like that are another part of the fic, theyre like the lyrics of the song. Like the phrases that gets all the attention and gets put in fanart and that gets quoted in comment sections because they deserve that recognition and you deserve that recognition and are just a reminder of how incredibly talented you are.

I mean that in the most sincere way that i know how to express.

I am constantly in awe of you and your writing style, and i really do think of you as one of the most talented writers of everything ive ever read.

And something else worth mentioning is that it isnt just your ao3 that portrays that. Like if I were to just read your ao3 I’d be like ‘oh wow this person is an amazing writer’ But your tumblr persona plays into it a lot more (In my opinion). Because then you see like more ‘backround’ stuff on ao3. And more of your system (im not articulating this in the way i mean it very well) and you get privy to the fact that you’re not a 30 year old with a masters in english and that you’ve never had any formal education on writing. I vaguely remember you talking about a story about a sailor (??? i might be misremembering that) that you wrote when you were a child and thinking ‘oh wow so she’s always been like that’. And its stuff like that that you dont get on ao3 that kind of reaffirms how incredible of a writer you are.

And this (to me) makes you a really easy person to admire. (ik i touched on this in a different ask but i dont remember if it was one of my list asks or not) but as someone who probably isnt going to ever be able to get an education around writing, it kind of reassures me that i dont need that to be great at it.

(i kind of feel like a lot of the stuff in this ask is too like ‘simple’ or obvious to be given a lot of weight, but this whole thing is about the kinds of things you do that brings me personally joy and the metaphors are one of them so)

Also on an off note when i was looking through your asks to try to find my tag, I noticed that i send you a heavy percentage of your anonymous asks (mainly without my alias) and I thought that was funny. But also i hope it doesnt come across as obsessive or weird, I swear i do that to a lot of people on here, I’m just a very social person. .😂

Also Im in your tbos server (lurking in the shadows) and someone pointed out that whenever you do the reaction emojis you always do the white ones, and thats going on the official ‘my favorite things about hella’ list because that was genuinely one of the funniest things ive seen.

Also the ‘anytime you type its very fluid (im too lazy to scroll up and see how i put it rn) also carrys on to discord. I think that i could probably block out the user names and be able to figure out that its you talking every time, you have a very distinct way of talking.

Also i wanted to mention that every time you answer these i read them again and i want to say like 1/3 of what i sasy, i have no recollection of. And i never have any idea what im talking about. so i think thats funny.

LIST ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN BAWLING MY EYES OUT HELLO BABY WELCOME BACK FROM WAR IVE MISSED YOU IM JUST HERE LIKE THIS RN

#this is so something i needed to hear rn bc always during exam season i 'lose' my ability to write like even the writing i do get done #just feels so fucking stale and awful imo and i just have to force myself to push through or else ill have a crisis about it #so i started studying in DECEMBER and it's now almost february exams are done but i CANT get out of that mindset for some reason #like ive been in a really bad writing flunk where im ABLE to write but the stuff i do write just feels genuinely terrible #like im losing it about dog teeth atm bc this story i was so in love with just feels so basic and underwhelming on a reread #and idk how much of that is me being insane and perfectionist and how much is valid criticism #so being told that actually there are people who not only enjoy my writing but are so thoroughly convinced it's a fundamental part of me #and something i am inherently GOOD at to the point even the way i talk CASUALLY is telling of it is just. oughhh im pacing my room #and the fact it doesn't HAVE to be my pretentious prose shit sometimes the more 'basic' stuff is STILL good. you're in my walls #i cant believe you're in the discord i hope you say hi!!! i dont bite!!! <- lying #also those assholes can take my silly white emojis from my COLD DEAD HANDS. white thumbs down will never die #ask #list anon

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skyburger · 2 months

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i love reading things set in countries that i'm knowledgeable and/or have been to because i can point out really minor errors in fanfiction. i think the average american does not know that in england (and apparently some of asia! which i only just found out) there are switches on power outlets so you can just turn it off instead of unplugging it. like 9 times out of 10 that won't come up but on the off chance it does i'm like ohoho. this clown has never been to england...! my favorite part though is watching americans (specifically americans because i swear to god people who speak english as a second language and/or are from any other country have some idea of what it's like to have an accent / personally know people who have accents? idk) try to write british accents like it is REALLY funny. i literally only lived their for five years and i never picked up a full accent myself (certain words and tones i did but they're mostly gone after living in the states again for a few years) but between living there and having a ridiculous amount of family there & visiting them often (like once a year if im lucky) i like KNOW what british accents sound like. i think some americans genuinely dont even know theres more than one or two english accents i think some people think there's like posh english and chav english and nothing else. maybe scottish accent gets thrown in there if they remember the uk is not in fact just england. i would bet real money they've never heard a welsh accent. anyway my point is it's really funny watching people who don't know as much as i do write this stuff. like i see it and i understand how doctors read this and go Oh that is so medically inaccurate. i get them now. anyway i dont remember what my point here was but please know if you are attempting to write a british accent. reddit and youtube are your best friends if you don't have a british friend you can ask and also rest assured even if you do ONE google search. it will not be the worst attempt ive seen guaranteed

#muffin mumbles #idek what the definitive worst one ive seen is #but ive seen some baaaaad ones #favorite example though is in the fucking jjba dub.#like thats not even a fan / indie project thats a real professional thing people were paid to do?!?! and the accents. are fucking TERRIBLE #please im begging you. you dont need to hire famous american voice actors for this. just go to any pub in the whole of england #and i can guarantee youd get better results accent-wise.#speedwagon's accent is easily the worst in part 1 like if you want examples lemme know cause i have some. its so bad. its really bad #but also so so funny #joseph in part 2 is. MARGINALLY better than most of the part 1 cast #not good. far from it. but an improvement #anyway hearing speedwagon say anything especially in part 1 (hes calmer in part 2 and he sounds better (not good. better)#like hes better in part 2 but not by much and only sometjmes.)#hearing this painfully obvious attempt at an american doing a cockney(?) (cant even tell for sure) accent complete with misused slang.#is SO fucking funny #like i showed me mom and she said it was worse than dick van dyke in mary poppins and shes not even wrong #and the slang isnt even like. irs not even super uncommon slang and i dont think its used wrong technically (iirc) but it just sounds so #painfully unnatural. please i am begging them to just hire british people next time. i promise you there are british voice actors #that being said i am still incredibly sad they just gave everyone american accents from part 3 onwards because i miss the awful accents #i miss them dearly.#the main benefit to this imo is that now joseph joestar despite living in england for the first almost twenty years of his life #just got this full blown american accent after living in new york. like i know he did not pick that up naturally #i KNOW dude watched stupid fuckinf tv shows to practice his accent. i know he sounded like a cartoon mobster and suzie q was like jojo.#please for the love of god. you cannot start talking like this. go back to being british #alas he did not listen. but he did drop the mobster thing (sadly.)#anyway this is really unrelated but if joseph was not old as fuck when it started airing i think he wouldve gotten a kick outta seinfeld.#like if the years lined up that wouldve been his main show to practice his american accent to the point people are like hey you kinda sound #like jerry seinfeld. and hes like hah i wonder how that happened!#hes a massive fucking loser is what im saying. hes like my weirdo great uncle joseph joestar #anyway. got really off topic. thank you for watching remember to SMASH that like button

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fangirlwithasweettooth · 1 year

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Me? Going absolutely insane over every single Kanej moment in both the books and the series? It’s more likely than you think

#for the past hour my brain has been a jumble of just #‘you inej you’#‘even the idea of being near someone should have set his skin crawling. instead he thought what happens if I move closer?’#‘She could see it took every last bit of his terrible will for him to remain still beneath her touch. And yet he did not pull away.’#‘He needed to tell her ... what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved.’#‘I can hear the change in Kaz’s breathing when he looks at you […] it catches every time like he’s never seen you before’#‘Kaz ran toward her without logic or plan’#‘I’m going to get my money. And I’m going to get my girl.’#[insert the entirety of the knives drawn pistols blazing quote here]#‘The harbor wind had lifted her dark hair and for a moment Kaz was a boy again sure that there was magic in this world.’#‘She'd laughed and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night he would have.’#all of the bathroom scene bc oh my g o d #‘Curse you and all your Saints’ he said to no one at all then realized he was smiling.#(Inej outsmarting Kaz and leaving him on a rooftop my beloved 🥰)#‘she smiled then her eyes red her cheeks scattered with some kind of dust. It was a smile he thought he might die to earn again.’#the ‘is my tie straight’ before he meets her parents my hearttgdsxbhd 🥹😭#oh oops this actually did just turn into a compilation of every kanej moment fhdjdhdjjs #anyway i love these two violent criminals with my whole entire heart 🖤#kanej #no one cares sage

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seithr · 25 days

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having a horrid nightmare that fits all my current stressors/ongoing negative events in it along with my singular greatest fear in the world... waking up emotional and with no one in my family home/in that dream to talk to for confort

i open my phone's notes app because the imagery was really good though

#sitting here still wiping my eyes and thinking yeah a figure crying with (their first drawing's) crayon scribbles for a head #asking for their family to look at them because if not then this terrible image of them (where you try not to remember their face)#(where its just charred smoke and illegible)#is all they can be and they want their family too and you can hear them crying in their kid self's voice and adult body #shit brain yr right that imagery for someone struggling to move past loss of family/stuck in the past/scared of the remains being only imag #DOES hurt really bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lemme take notes when im done wiping my eyes here and im tryin not to call my brother #armour clanking #my eyes hurt man. this is why i dont sleep as long as normal sleep is supposed to be i get punished with long stress dreams.#if nothing else i'm getting the fucking art and ideas out of it I'm owed THAT if i had to see all that . christ. its only monday

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youpalecompanion · 18 days

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there are things that you learn to keep quiet about because people will be unable to extend sympathy in a way that matters

#“[x] sucks” thanks but can you now acknowledge that we are both human. and that not acknowledging their humanity makes the issue worse #sometimes i want to express my frustration about people #yes even people that hurt me terribly #without diminishing them or treating them as a mindless consciousnessless lifeless blob that deserves to be killed or harmed or something #and merely. as people. people can hurt eachother. people can hurt eachother very very badly!#but they are still people. and only hearing 'they should die' when you have a frustration with someone #is not a good thing to feel. and it is not how you should be dealing with your frustrations with others either #the anti punitive justice website when et cetera

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tarnussy · 8 months

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the blog turned 6 months old yesterday, and one thing hasn't changed in my head in this 6 months: I still think there is no point in it, like genuinely tumblr is not a place for a blog if you like G0dr!ck / are a creator for him

#not a place in general if you like anyone besides the popular characters but especially him #even some fellow g enjoyers would rather die than acknowledge that this blog exists regadless how many kinds of posts i do about him #that's kinda sad bc i was excited to connect with some creators who also like him #not to even mention the constant shit stirring behind the scenes which i hear is especially common for s0ul$ fandoms #but where else can you go if you like to create fandom content? bc IG is impossible now with this new filter update #so is twitter #i went on 2 bigger breaks recently but still i feel the same #i wish my fucking brain didn't hyperfixate on things so hard that the only outlet is wanting to share it with others #i also wish my friends cared enough that i could have just streamed ER to them just one fucking time. JUST FUCKING O N C E #i feel a lot of sadness and anger and the sillygoofy posts i make just make it worse #also the fact that people with terrible and harmful behavior are supported by so many others just baffles me #and if you don't want anything to do with that behavior you are the issue apparently #cw negative

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orbdotexe · 11 months

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I meant to post this last night, but apparently I saved it as a draft? wack

Exile is absolutely pitiful and depressed and overall just awful but I feel I should point out that there is no attempts being made on their part to fix it. At first it was confusion and denial, then anger and being under the impression the Vanguard would never try to (oops, Ghost), and now its... They don't see any point. It's set in stone now, nothing they say or do could reverse the hurt, and now their only way of "coping" is digging the Grave deeper.

Maybe everyone still hurts, but people can grow around that hurt if it just doesn't change. Let it stay that one kind. Don't give themself or others more things to hurt over. The only way to avoid the change is to make the change impossible.

So they hurt. And they hurt like hell - not just emotionally, but the slaughter left in their wake is bloody and the ground will not heal, will not scar over, nothing can heal from this. It is hate-filled and desperate for everyone, rot-soft and bitter.

The Forsaken Exile, in general, is a hell of a lot darker than normal Destiny, I think. In canon, you have reprieves. Sometimes painful, but always needed. Always to let something heal, and heal it does, if slowly.

But no one gets that, here.

And if they do, it is long, long after Wolf is dead. I don't think a happy ending is possible for them - the closest they could get is either leaving entirely before they could die, though they'd never rest like that. The guilt of leaving people who needed them, to just die, afraid, confused... Or they die the way they die best: self-destructing and giving their last, accepting that they could never be understood in life and letting go so that maybe they could be understood in death. or we go with the Witness one. Yknow, cloud head leading everyone along while none of them believe Wolf is really dead, until the Witness gives up their last recording/leads them to Wolf's body and it turns out Wolf died just as pitifully as they had been living - alone and afraid and begging for people who'd never answer, even if they could hear. Deaf ears in two horrible ways.

I just... "In our next lives, let's save ourselves."

auto-correct keeps trying to change "died just as pitifully as they had been living" to "died just as beautifully as they had lived" and i thought that was funny in a horrible and heart breaking way anyway i think im going to go through my Exile tag and brain space and try to set up some kind of timeline with important details? soon?

#orb rambles #the forsaken exile #'You've met with a terrible fate. haven't you?'#something about begging for help from those you know won't help you no matter what you do and being unable to let go just breaks me.#They *can't* let go. in any other situation where thousands of lives weren't on the line- you'd tell them to just *go*#To stop taking the heat for these people who hate them and used them and then dropped them without hearing anything first #None of its healthy. And they *should* leave - for their own sake - but it still wouldn't be the right thing #There isn't much of a 'right thing' to do here - but saving the Last City is the closest thing there is #But nothing could justify the in-between events. the path to saving it #There Is No Winning in the Forsaken Exile for anybody!#and i hate that. I hate stories where nothing Can go right and the little spots of relief only serve to make everything so so much worse #but ive done this to myself and i love this AU in spite of it and Will continue to dig this grave and nothing can stop me <3

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rickktish · 3 months

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The hypocritical dichotomy of “I have the right to separate myself from those who have hurt me, I hold no obligation to them or to the connections we once had” and “I will hold the people who have hurt me personally accountable for the pain they have caused me and prioritize myself above their feelings” is the kind of thing that makes me want to tear my hair out and start biting people

#this is about ‘going no contact’ with family members in case you couldn’t tell #i understand that the terrible things tend to float to the surface of the internet #and garner the most attention therefore getting the most upvotes and likes and highest priority on the youtube algorithm #but every time i read or hear a story about someone cutting their parents out of their life #i literally don’t know how to respond #like on the one hand yes its importnat to keep yourself safe #and if you are in an unsafe situation you should 100% remove yourself #but don’t act like you’re not also causing damage #if you’re upset with your parent/s for causing you damage by prioritizing their feelings/needs/wants/etc over yours #then doing the same thing to them isn’t actually fixing anything #and while it does carry with it a kind of poetic justice #you are in a lot of ways continuing an unhealthy behavior pattern that’s only taken on a new face #idk man #i just #do you ever lie awake at night considering your inherent hypocrisy?#do you ever wonder what kind of impact this is going to have on not only your personal future but that of those around you?#my mom still talks to her horrendous siblings and while I genuinely wouldn’t blame her for stopping because htey’re actively harmful #I also can get behind the personal honor and maintaining your own values in keeping up connections because you value the person #even when they continue to hurt you in order to feel better about themselves #actively saying ‘you are more important to me than the hurt that you continue to cause me’ takes a lot of guts #and i know if my siblibngs and i became their targets then things would change #but the fact that she’s willing to continue to take it from them as they continue to target her?#infintely admirable imo

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kiiros-paint-bucket · 2 years

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“…and, god, no! of course i don’t wanna feel better!! can you fucking imagine?!” (/ly)

#flynn watch out the twins are gonna attack you… oh god they’re still upset over the fact that they had to indirectly watch the first-#-person they felt they could trust in years burn alive and they’re distracted from brooding over it and can’t hear us. oh god. oh fuck.#anyway hi oc lore go #this was originally inspired by a cover of it means everything from omori but then i started listening to feel better by penelope scott #(which is where i got the caption from)#and i was like “wait this works really well actually”#like i know that song is probably about a breakup or realizing how terribly a past friend/partner treated you but yknow what #it’s *MY* oc and *I* get to choose what songs fit them and their arc!!!!#lots of thoughts surrounding this one as you can see #terraria #terraria fanart #terraria oc #terraria ocs #terraria boss #terraria bosses #twins #the twins #terraria twins #terraria the twins #twins terraria #the twins terraria #fanart #art #digital art #artists on tumblr #procreate #oc #original character

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fourteenthz · 5 months

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"Rigged"? For bg3? Fr chat?

#hear me out you can not like this game #like im close to uninstall bc i REALLY dont feel like playing it so much these days anymore but like come on.#there's absolutely no way ppl can see the affort larian put into this and don't think it's just like. a tiny little bit revolutionary #just a bit. theh all love this game so much and they deserve every single thing they got from it #am i angry ffxvi wasn't even nominated? HELL YES #extremely even. spider man was like. whatever alright i dont want to talk abt it LMAO #but BUT its bg3. the guys are literally im love with their work and we can see it in the entire game #not matter how laggy this game went it never stopped ppl from feeling like SO MUCH with it.#yeah my epilogue was terrible yes I saw witthers naked. I WAS STILL CRYING THO #theh deserve this.#and i deserve vincent with matt's voice everybody cheers #kelly says #dl

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dmclemblems · 1 year

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It's weird that Claude’s the fave kid of his dad when a LOT of people in the fandom speculated El being her dad's favorite given her Goddess Tower event and how Ionius only mentions failing her (and not his 10 other kids who died during torture) during her coronation. Dragged by a horse for being bratty (or, "better," tied to a horse's saddle)... yeah that's how you treat your favored child. Right.

Just another thing from El that gets weirdly shoved onto Claude.

See, when it comes to Edelgard, I can definitely see the potential bias toward her. I don't think he didn't love his other children, and I don't think he was a good ruler by any means (there are a lot of analysis posts out there about his rule and how terrible he was so I won't go over that here lol), but he definitely seemed like a pretty decent father to me, at the least? Like, when Edelgard gets crowned he laments not being able to help her more and how her feelings are also his feelings, etc.

During that scene I really felt like he was genuinely affected by what happened to his daughter and I did feel like he was angry by his own powerlessness and not being able to save her when she needed him most. Regarding the other children, I think he just didn't mention failing them because he wasn't speaking to them directly, and I think it may have felt useless for him to mention the other kids because they're already gone, but Edelgard is right there in front of him. In that situation I can understand not wanting to bring up even worse feelings about all his other kids.

In contrast there's Claude, where we're outright told in Hopes that he's the "favorite", versus the speculation about Edelgard (which even if she's not the favorite I do think Ionius does love her and wants the best for her). The difference is that what we're shown from Ionius is an anger toward what happened to his daughter and what seems to be a very close bond. Claude basically says in his support with Byleth that he had to fend for himself as far as safety went. He even says "lucky me" sarcastically when he says he grew up to the very person his parents always wanted him to be, so he's obviously not happy about their hands off treatment.

If Claude is actually seriously the favorite child, it doesn't surprise me that the other siblings were trying to kill him, because I mean... if he did those things to Claude, which were practically torture (and shocked Hilda when Claude brought them up to her), I can only imagine how badly he treated his other children. It makes sense that his father would be more hands off as an Almyran, since they seem to appreciate strength and want their people to grow up being the strongest they can be, but there should really be a line with that where he gets involved, such as, you know, his child being targeted for assassination. Repeatedly. Regularly.

I can only imagine Claude grew up bratty because his parents were so hands off. They obviously didn't teach him all that much, weren't there for him that often, and he probably sought attention from them. It's honestly really sad to think about, that he was always trying to survive and knew his parents didn't want him to die and were the only people who truly loved him, but even those people wouldn't really pay attention to him the way a child of that age would desire. Children are often bratty and misbehave when they seek attention, even if it's negative attention. Even if it was basically torture, Claude probably just wanted his parents to pay attention to him.

It's not to say that he's definitely not the favorite, because he could still be... but to me that just reeks of terrible parenting. For all the bullshit people say about Faerghus' parents, they're much more loving toward their children than Claude's parents, and one of his parents is from Fodlan on top of that. Gilbert may have left his family, but it was out of shame as a knight and he didn't believe he deserved them. It was never out of disdain for them, to the point he wrote loads of letters to them that he never sent, and always made dolls out of habit because he used to do that for Annette when she was a little girl. Even post timeskip, he still makes dolls out of habit and even gave her one. To me, that isn't bad parenting. That's love for his child, even if he thinks he doesn't deserve her. Claude's parents? They probably didn't ever make him anything by hand! That's depressing to think about.

Based on Claude's supports with Byleth, Hilda and Marianne, it honestly sounds like he holds some kind of lowkey resentment for his parents' treatment of him. While I wouldn't say he outright hates his parents, I can only imagine that after coming to Fodlan and seeing the parents there that he felt pretty awful about how he was raised. Like, sure, he probably doesn't feel too fond of Erwin... but he also probably saw the bond between Erwin and Lorenz and how Erwin was planning to proudly pass his inheritance to Lorenz. He also met Lysithea, who is very close to her parents and even plans to renounce her nobility to live a happy, quiet life with them when the war is over. After losing all her siblings, she and her parents are very tight knit and just want to live together in peace.

Tbh if this was a real life situation, it'd be pretty horrifying to hear about. Just the idea that the only attention Claude could really get from his parents was punishment is just pretty gross. :/ Like, they won't give him the time of day so he acts up, and because he acted up because they won't pay attention to him, he gets punished for his actions that are likely based on them not being good parents.

My sister used to work at daycares and I can tell you with certainty from her stories that most children who act up are doing it because they don't get enough love and attention at home. First of all, they're at daycare, so they spend a good chunk of five days a week without their family with a bunch of strangers as a very young child. Some parents do have legitimate need of daycare, but my sister has also expressed that several times, she's seen parents who show up late to pick their kid(s) up and that those parents seem to also be the ones who don't show much interest in their kids and would probably drop them off on weekends too if they could. Unsurprisingly? Those are most often the kids who act up during the day.

Unfortunately this really sounds like the same thing Claude experienced. What little attention he could get was horrible, but he was so desperate for it that he did whatever he knew would get a reaction.

Also it's worth noting how different Dimitri and Claude's situations were with similar experiences. Dimitri mentions things like training in the mountains, and in Hopes he even mentions training underwater with full armor and seems to not want to talk about it (implying he doesn't like the memories associated with that training and that it still bothers him). Overall his training sounds harsh to begin with, forget knowing that it was done in a snowy land that was very cold, and sometimes extremely freezing in the winter. It wasn't always Lambert who sent him out on that kind of training, and other people such as Gilbert were allowed to put him through harsh training like that, but generally the reason Lambert would've allowed that is because it's just commonplace training in Faerghus.

In other words, Faerghus is used to harsh training and it's a part of their lifestyle. They go through similar things Claude went through, just in a snowy and cold land, but it's never done out of hatred for the people who get put through that training. It's very unfortunate that children in Faerghus go through that, but it's expected that they'll need to learn to survive the harshest conditions - especially nobility who may need to one day fight to defend their home in such harsh conditions. It's very sucky training, but it's understandable why they do it and it's not just a punishment. I'm sure they have similar punishments, but it's not specifically done as such. Since it's something most if not all the nobility goes through, it was never done to Dimitri as a punishment by Lambert.

Then you have Claude, who is going through this shit as a punishment and not even for training, as a child. It wasn't because he needed to be trained and ready for the harsh climate. It wasn't because he was a noble/royal who needed to be ready for the absolute worst potential of the climate. It wasn't done to make him strong. It was specifically done to punish his "bratty" behavior, which again... was almost definitely because he just wanted mom and dad to pick him up and tell him they loved him and maybe personally cook him his favorite dinner.

I know Hopes tried to be all like lolzies about the King of Almyra being half asleep when he signed the agreement, but I can't help really wanting to not like him. Tiana, too, has a fair share of responsibility for not stopping the treatment and/or engaging in it. For being from Fodlan, it doesn't sound like she ever behaved anything like any of Fodlan's parents. Again, even if some of the Fodlan parents are a bit misguided, most of them do love their child(ren). Even if they suck at showing it, there's no attempt at cruel punishments. Even if they're not a stand up person, they still love their child(ren).

For example, Ludwig is one of the worst leaders in Fodlan, but Ferdinand loves him. He idolized his father when he was growing up, and even though he knew the kind of man his father became as a leader, he was still very upset when his father was killed in Houses in Ferdinand's paralogue. Regardless of how awful Ludwig could be, as far as being a father was concerned, he was obviously a pretty decent parent to Ferdinand, because otherwise Ferdinand wouldn't have given a fuck that his cruel father was killed. Ferdinand knew he deserved it and was still upset by the loss, so obviously there was a familial connection there.

On the other hand, the only person who seems completely disconnected from his parents in every way is Claude. Ashe had an adoptive father who was wiling to kill him for his revenge for his biological son, and yet... we do know that previously he'd been a good father and man to Ashe and Ashe's siblings. We know Ashe adored and idolized him. There was still something there. Claude? His parents are still alive, he was the favorite child, they tried to "help" him survive by letting him fight his own battles... and he ran away. Without a word to his father who "favored" him. I'm not sure if Nader actually knew where he was at first or if he contacted him after the fact, but Nader was far more of a parent figure to Claude than either of his actual parents were.

Judith was close to Tiana and it seems like Claude at some point told his mother where he was going so that she could vouch for his identity and get him Judith's support, but I don't feel like he would've told her immediately before he actually left Almyra. I feel like he would've run away first, contacted her after and gave some indication for proof that it was actually him, and got her support in taking over for Riegan territory. Still though, the king didn't have any idea where he went, so whatever he told his mother, she also kept it a secret from the king.

While I don't feel like Tiana is anywhere near as bad as the king and while I do think she loved Claude to at least some degree, she definitely isn't good at parenting and probably didn't want to go against Almyran culture. Really though if that were me I would've taken my child and gone back to Fodlan if I saw the kid's father treating him like that. o.o

Still though, the king was a terrible parent and for being the favorite child, it doesn't even feel like the man loved his kid. If that is how he handled Claude, I can only guess how he treated his other kids if he even paid attention to them in the smallest fraction. Like, you ever wonder why Shahid ended up so terrible? Probably not hard to figure out lol. Dad sucks and mom probably wasn't much better if she liked that man enough to have a kid with him.

Tl;dr Claude sounds like he just wanted to experience affection and love from his parents, didn't get it, and grew up distanced from people and emotions because he knew nothing but people hating him and trying to kill him and his own parents wouldn't do much about it. Whenever he recalls his childhood he does not sound happy or fond of any bit of it.

#a long sad post about how sad it is that Claude was mistreated by his parents :'(#ESPECIALLY HIS DAD i would smack his king dad in the FACE #i feel like they try to make him funny and shit and sound like a good dude in hopes #but for me it's like actually no i wanna slap him for how he treated his child #im not even a mother and i feel more like a motherly figure when i think abt how claude grew up #bc if i saw a child in claude's situation AND knew even the parents weren't helping #i would take that child away from their parents and take care of them while waiting for child protective services >:/#shame that almyra does not have child protective services >:/#honestly I think even the parents in Fodlan would want to line up and slap this man #yes even Ludwig because let's face it if there's one redeeming quality abt that man #it's that his son still cares about him and there has to be a reason for that #and with how narcissistic luddy man is i can only imagine he'd take personal offense to anyone being mean to his son #luddy man be like THAT IS /MY/ SON HOW /DARE/ YOU THINK HE IS ANYTHING LESS THAN PERFECT #so yeah I think even Luddy Aegir there would hate Claude's dad's treatment of his own child #for all the jokes the fandom has about ''bad dads'' in this game most of them actually do love their kids #and most of them do show that they love their kids or we're told stories about them if they've died #ex. Lonato we hear stories about and Lambert we hear stories about #except patricia she was a terrible step mom fuck her she can rot in the ashes she should've died in #dimitri was just a little boy u absolute disgusting monster of a human #DCE Ask

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