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bestboysaiki · 6 months

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BUCKET LIST ☆ 09

Saiki really wishes your bucket list did not consist of activities that required more than one person.

There he is, with you and sadly, one little kid with turquoise hair.

You smile bashfully at Saiki, you're holding Yuuta's hand and Saiki is holding his other hand. From another person's point of view, you look like a couple going on to the playground with your kid. Saiki has the picnic basket to his side, you three walk to a clear spot under the tree but it's still quite crowded. Which Saiki absolutely hates.

You smooth out the blanket across the trimmed grass, telling Yuuta he can go play on the playground since it's close by

"Thank you Cinnamon Bun!" He yells at you in excitement, kissing your hand then running off to the swings.

You snort, glancing at Saiki who's already shaking his head. Yuuta has been binge watching this new show that has been playing in the mornings on the weekends. When he first saw you this morning when you were walking by Saiki's house, it clicked in his head that you're indeed the character named Cinnamon Bun from his new show.

"How does he have so much energy, it's ten in the morning?" Saiki rubs his eyes, setting down the basket in the middle of the blanket.

"Tell me about it, he followed me all the way to your house in a hurry" You add a "heh" at the end of your sentence. Saiki is not sure if you found it funny or annoying, but he rather not ask. You both sit facing each other, the sun rays slightly shining through the trees.

"I made club sandwiches, oh I also cut up sausage and made fried rice. I bought hot sauce" You start bringing out food and condiment items out of the basket, showing them off to Saiki and explaining what they are.

Saiki could care less, truly, he was hoping he could get a day off from you since he's been spending the past three months with you. Since you're in his class, right next to him and Kaidou invited you to the friend group, he's seen your face in his dreams even!

Then being assigned to you as a partner for this damn bucket list project, he cannot just escape you can he?

You're fixing up the food, adding rice and shrimp to a plastic bowl and adding hot sauce to it. You pass it to Saiki, whose hoping the shrimp is cooked and not raw. He really does not want to experience food poisoning.

"You like hot sauce right? Oh jeez, I should have asked you before adding some huh?!" You grimace as if you're in pain, mentally punishing yourself for not asking Saiki.

"It's fine, Y/n".

You perk up your head at the sound of your name, placing a fork into the bed of rice and handing it to Saiki. You take out the digital camera and begin filming Saiki eating, zooming in dangerously close on his face.

"Bet you're tired of sticking around me" You say, waiting in anticipation and praying the pink haired boy does not agree.

"You're alright" He responds, digging into the food and cracking open a can of sprite. He ignores the fact that you're propping up the camera to show you both. He throws a peace sign at the camera, and you copy him right away. Then, you clap your hands together and take out a packet of four coffee jellies.

You can see Saiki's eyebrows rise in slight exhilaration, maybe? You unwrap the plastic surrounding the jelly containers, and pass one to Saiki.

He immediately dismisses the bowl of rice, scooping up a big piece of coffee goodness and munching on it.

The birds are chirping too loudly for your liking, but at least the sun is lazily shining through the trees and giving you some vitamin d. Which at this rate you truly need because the doctor told you yesterday that your vitamin intake is lowering, even though you take them everyday.

You also forget about the fact that Saiki can read your mind, at this moment he's focusing on trying to find a clear answer on what you are going through.

Illness or just a sickness? They really don't clarify what's wrong. He shakes his head in annoyance, wondering why you will not tell anyone about your condition.

He sees your cracking skinned knuckles, and your broken nails. Plus, you seem to be losing hair but its not so noticeable. Saiki just seems to notice more than anyone since he's been so focused on what's troubling you.

"So!" You exclaim, interrupting Saiki's contemplation. He snaps back into reality when he sees rice pieces hanging on the sides of your mouth. Hot sauce is also coating the outlines of your lips.

"You got.." He waves his finger at his own mouth, attempting to show you that you have something on your face.

"Huh? Oh, yeah oops". You wipe the rice away with a napkin, painting the white paper with red coloring and grains.

"This picnic of yours is on your list, right? I'd hate to waste your time" He asks, setting down the empty plastic that was once carrying the coffee jelly. You nod, pulling out the crumbled paper with color writing. You point at the sixth activity, clear letters spelling out "Cottage picnic!".

"Cottage?" Saiki asks with a mouthful of rice. You nod, quickly explaining how cottage seems to fit the aesthetic of a picnic.

Saiki blankly stares at you, his interest plummeting down the more you talk.

He hums at everything you say, the higher your voice gets, the higher pitch he hums.

"You're totally ignoring what I'm saying". Your loud smacking of lips catches his attention, he reads the label of the chips you're eating.

Double hot chips. XXTRA.

"Yeah, I gave up listening" Saiki speaks, his hand reaching for your chips. You willingly give him some to try out. He throws some in his mouth and nods, he seems quite satsfied with the outcome.

"So good, right?!". You continue snacking on them, watching over Yuuta who's killing some kid at the climbing wall.

"He's a handful" Saiki comments, putting away the plastic bowls and utensils into the basket.

You hum, mimicking how Saiki was doing it moments earlier. He notices this, raising an eyebrow at you in amusement.

"Am I handful?" You ask suddenly, propping yourself up on your elbow. Saiki shakes his head, as if it was a reflex. You hum again, not believing him at all.

"I feel like I can be a burden" You admit, your tone flat and low. A lightbulb goes off in Saiki's head.

Is Y/n finally going to talk about what's happening to them? He thinks to himself, leaning forward and patiently waiting for you to continue.

"Because jeez! I do eat alot of snacks right?! I feel like our friends always seem to buy snacks for me and I feel bad for it!".

Saiki's shoulders slump in disappointment at your chattering. He should've expected this, you will never straight up admit something is wrong.

Saiki reassures you that no one is forcing themselves to buy you snacks, they do it because they want to. He sees relief wash over you, and he's glad.

As you continue being a chatterbox, he starts thinking of methods on how to get you to talk about your illness.

And of course, nothing seems to work according to how stubborn you are.

He grabs the camera and presses the stop button, replaying back the footage of you sipping cherry coke. He makes sure you're not looking, and smiles gently at how loudly you drink.

You're quite a handful, Y/n.

☆

Saiki did not know what went through his mind when he asked you to hang out all night. More like a sleepover but he thinks that the word "sleepover" is too much of a friendly term. He hands you an t shirt of his and some basketball shorts that seem to fit you just fine.

"Woah, I'm transforming into Saiki. Good grief, good grief, what a pain, what a-" Your sentence comes to a halt as Saiki holds up a finger and goes "I don't say that so much".

"You totally do!" You burst out, stabbing your thumb into Saiki's ribs. He jerks away, sighing and taking out a sleeping bag from his closet. He's had sleepovers at his house of course, Kaidou and Nendou always called him up to arrange such things.

"Let's go downstairs, my parents should be asleep by now" Saiki insists, his body halfway out the room. You follow him willingly and into the kitchen, where all your snacks you bought from the gas station are.

"Jeez" You both say as you hover over the table full of mini soda cans, sour and sweet candy. Plus, a variety of chips. And don't forget the two tubs of ice cream in the fridge!

"Jinx, you owe me a soda" You pop open two cans of cherry coke, chugging one down and burping loudly.

Saiki holds up a finger to his mouth and shushes you. A soft "Sorry" comes out of you, sipping the other can and crushing the empty one.

"We have plenty of soda, why would I owe you one?" Saiki crosses his arms and starts eyeing the cheesy chips. The bag is practically calling his name so he rips it open, the cheesiness smell overwhelming but he likes it that way.

You offer him a can of sprite which seems to be his favorite.

You both sit next to each other at the dining table, ripping bags of chips and cookies. A tummy ache is bound to happen to you both but that doesn't seem to be a concern for either of you two.

Ever since Saiki found out you have a sweet tooth like him, he's been smothering you in snacks and shares his with you.

After minutes of desperately munching and heavy breathing, you lock eyes with Saiki. You immediately shift your eyes to the very interesting tub of double fudge brownie ice cream. Saiki brought it out after you began drinking the coke. Stabbing a fork into the frozen dessert, you scoop up a good amount of softness into your mouth. Saiki finds it odd how you use a fork to eat ice cream, but he also thinks you're unique in that way.

His stare examines the dark eyebags you've had for the past weeks. Along with the fading bruise on your nose from when he hit you with a ball in PE class. Why hasn't it gone away?

Saiki reaches out and brushes strands of hair out of your face.

"Your eyes .. look so tired" He whispers, his fingers still tucked into your hair. You hold up your hand to push away his wrist, but you end up grasping his fingers instead.

"Because I am" You mumble, holding his hand in place. Saiki's gaze flicker from your eyes to your hair, as if he's trying to decipher what comforting words he can say.

"Tell me what's wrong. I want you to be the one to tell me. I don't want to read your thoughts to find out what's wrong with you."

You stand up and step back, your bottom lip trembling as tears threaten to come out of your eyes.

"Nothing is wrong, I swear" You choke out, your throat becoming dry as every slow second passes. Saiki shakes his head, not buying what you are saying. He steps forward, placing his hand on top of your head.

He ruffles your hair a bit, and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. You look up at him and see sympathy drawn on his expression, his words coming out delicately but you cannot focus on what he is saying.

Need to come up with an excuse ..

You stumble back and begin fanning yourself, all the stress he has caused is heating you up. Your shaky hands pull out a doctors note and you show it to Saiki.

"I'm just fatigued, which is why I'm always out in PE, g-got it?" You stutter, he carefully takes the crinkled note from you and reads it.

L/n Y/n has fatigue and may tire quickly, do not let them participate in PE as this can harm them.

Saiki crumbles up the paper and throws it across the room, stepping closer to you in apprehension. Now he seems really upset, his eyes glistening in worry. He exhales shakily.

"Tell me the truth please" He murmurs. You let out a nervous laugh, your hands covered in a light coat of sweat. You rack your brain, coming up with solutions on what to say.

You cannot burden your friends, can you?

"It's nothing, I promise" You say in a low tone, wiping your palm dry of wetness. Saiki hangs his head low, letting go of your wrist and placing his hands on his head in frustration.

"Okay, if you say so". Although, he is not convinced at all. I mean come on, the way you look and the way you act contradict.

He holds up his pinky, his gaze practically burning into you as he waits for you to link his pinky with yours.

"You promise me?" He softly speaks, knowing you take pinky promises very seriously so he knows something is up if you decline.

"No, I'm sorry I can't I-" You end up choking up on your words, shaking your head profusely and rubbing your neck nervously.

"I'll tell you sometime, I promise" You wrap your pinky with his, returning his gaze. Saiki decides to just accept it, he's closer than ever to finding out what is bothering you. He'll just have to wait.

Saiki just hopes you're not dying, seeing that you're wilting like a decomposing flower.

Snuggling into your sleeping bag, you tell Saiki goodnight. He says it back, watching you in the dark until he knows you're asleep. He reaches down and caresses your hair, his lips twitching in concern.

"Please be okay" He whispers quietly into the dimly lit room. You said you're afraid of the dark so Saiki took out an old night light. He sighs, his fingers tangling in your hair. His heart seems to flutter, as the scent of your shampoo finds it way to his nose. He sniffles, continuing to tuck your hair behind your ear.

"Goodnight Y/n, my best friend".

Saiki drifts into sleep, his arm dangling over the bed and his fingers still knitted into your hair. And your strawberry shampoo still lingering in scent.

#kusuo saiki #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki k #saiki kusuo x reader fanfic #saiki x reader #saiki kusuo x reader #kusuo saiki x reader #saiki x reader fanfic

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shellibisshe · 1 year

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— otp song tags

tagged by @corvosattano @blissfulalchemist @poisonedtruth @shallow-gravy @leviiackrman @nightbloodraelle @chuckhansen @shegetsburned @marivenah and @nuclearstorms to post 5-10 ship songs! i did this awhile ago (here) for some other ships

tagging @jackiesarch @risingsh0t @loriane-elmuerto @florbelles @roofgeese @lizzywizzy @confidentandgood @indorilnerevarine @denerims @arklay @unholymilf @shadowglens @queennymeria @kingsroad @adelaidedrubman @purplehairsecretlair @minaharkers @dickytwister @derelictheretic @girlbosselrond and anyone else! sorry for any double tags

valentine | laufey

I still feel a shock through every bone / when I hear an "I love you" / 'cause now I've got someone to lose

wish that you were here | florence + the machine

and I never minded being on my own / then something broke in me and I wanted to go home / to be where you are

amtrak | los retros

will we ever find / a way to make our time last forever? / because I begin to miss you

sweet nothing | taylor swift

I find myself running home to your sweet nothings / outside, they're push and shoving / you're in the kitchen humming / all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

tell me it's okay | paramore

tell me it's okay to be happy now, because I'm happy now / tell me it's okay to be happy now, my life is finally leveling out, so

glitch | taylor swift

I was supposed to sweat you out / in search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else's playground

take a chance with me | niki

I can hear your heart from across the room / pulsin' through my veins, I know you need this too / lie to me all you please / I can see right through / see right through

caught | florence + the machine

and I'm caught / I forget all that I've been taught / I can't keep calm, I can't keep still / pulled apart against my will

satellite | harry styles

spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in / I can see you're lonely down there / don't you know that I am right here?

don't you worry | oh wonder

and in the morning, you adored me 'til the sun went down / and then I knew you were the one I couldn't live without / if I'm honest, it felt like love

I'm not calling you a liar | florence + the machine

I'm not calling you a liar / just don't lie to me I'm not calling you a thief / just don't steal from me / I'm not calling you a ghost / just stop haunting me

'tis the damn season | taylor swift

to leave the warmest bed I've ever known / we could call it even / even though I'm leavin' / and I'll be yours for the weekend / 'tis the damn season

the gold | phoebe bridgers, manchester orchestra

couldn't really love you anymore / you've become my ceiling / I don't think I love you anymore / that gold mine changed you / you don't have to hold me anymore / our cave's collapsing

i will | mitski

'cause all I ever wanted is here / all I ever wanted / all I want is / always you / it's always you

renegade | big red machine, taylor swift

you fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself / but do you know you're demolishing me? / and then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave

#tag game #me pulling these ships out of a hat bc i dont have any other ships named #i love them all tho <33 totally dont play favorites <33

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lvmity · 2 months

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to my old friend:

i have always been too sincere and caring, with you. i tried to get you to look at me again. for over two years, i kept trying and i know what happened, i know what went down.

but damn it, dude, you know me. i was there for you when we were confused preteens, too old to be at that playground; feeling alone until i reached for your cold hands on that swingset chain and told you i didn't think there was anything wrong with you. the others were wrong.

that was the first and only time i remember ever seeing you cry.

and sure, i saw you through the haze of first love, but when we would sit to eat with other friends at recess, i could tell that everyone else in the room saw your light, too.

i wish you could see yourself as i saw you when you would hug me tight and squeeze my hand goodbye.

you were so, so bright.

when i would rest my head on my pillow to recall your face at night, my eyes would see red and pink all over.

now, it feels like it's midday and i am lying down on the grass beneath a big tree. the leaves have filtered great part of the rays, and i feel content, even though the air is hot. it's not that unpleasant, because i know you're standing there, a few steps ahead, looking at me.

and i call your name so we can be close under the shade, but you flinch. you turn and step into the stinging sun, despite how many times i keep calling for you to come back. then, you're out of sight, so you can't look at me anymore.

i miss you. I haven't known what to do with my want, or my too warm hands, since you went away.

-love, f.

#💌#too personal #but like whatever #they will never see this #writing

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tokyoghoose · 4 years

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am i more than you bargained for?

pairing: tetsuro kuroo x reader

playlist: heather - conan gray*, 4ever - clairo, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, melting - kali uchis, slow dancing in the dark - joji, using you - mars argo, she - ed sheeran, make you feel my love - adele, letter home - childish gambino, she's casual - the hunna, i love you so - the walters, notice me (acoustic) - role model, red dress - postcard boy

warnings: angst and lots of it, mentions of sex, mentions self-shaming of image, very breif mention of anxiety attacks

summary: a romantic comedy without the comedy between friends with benefits

announcements!

kuroo is definitely a little ooc in this lmao buuuut this is my first like fic fic in like two years. Im still trying to get back in the groove of things and finding how to write personality again and not be repetitive with my wording. Feedback is welcome!

requests are open! feel free to send them in! i will write for pretty much any anime ive seen and if i haven't seen it, ill watch it! the only reasons i wouldn't is if im uncomfortable or can't write the character. :)

——————

When did relationships become so difficult? The days of making friends on the playground were over and it seemed to hit everyone at the same age. Life was getting harder and people were getting older, and suddenly everything was difficult. Nothing came easy anymore and everyone had to adjust to that.

But now you were just confused.

Tetsuro kuroo stuck to you like glue since middle school. Where one of you went the other was likely to follow. The righthand man, the double trouble duo, and the bane of kenma's existence. And then things got complicated. Strangers to friends to best friends to lovers— friends with benefits. Who would've thought the boy that you played volleyball with on a whim would've become the man who you grew fond of. Sixth grade you would've kicked yourself for the feelings you're experiencing. Oh how you wished you were back in the park that started it all. You wished you could warn your youngerself what's to come.

The realization hit you like a ton of bricks and it made you want to throw up at the thought.

It started in the first year of highschool when you suddenly noticed the shine in his eyes when he talked passionately about something like volleyball or the way he would furrow his brows when concentrated on his assignments. At first it was endearing, really. But the more you hung around him, the stronger the butterflies felt. It was obvious that he had grown into his lanky body. His legs were proportionate to his torso now and his once scrawny arms didn't hang limply at his sides anymore. He had muscle and height now. Gradually you started to notice little things about him that you would never have seen in other people. Like his lopsidded smile that crinkled the corner of his eyes and brought heat to your cheeks, your stomach launching into your chest when he'd bump shoulders and laugh.

You should've just smacked yourself silly then and there when you started to wonder if he noticed little things about you. Does he think of me like i think of him?

Who knew feelings could be so...perplexing. You moved on, shrugging off the crush in your second year to catch bigger and better fish in the sea. Life moved on and you dated other people, simply remaining friends with kuroo. Little did you know one heartbreak would lead you into his bed, playing in the sheets by the end of the year.

He was just so damn compelling. His laughter and his jokes. You fell for it all over again. Deja vu. Stupid kuroo.

———

The third of highschool had been the breaking point. It was a constant cycle of feeling, fucking, and falling in and out of love with the raven haired boy. It was frustrating, especially when he was so damn oblivious. The only person that seemed to catch on was kenma, but he was very little help when it came to pushing away the domestic thoughts. It would never just work out because you wanted it to because tetsuro was dumb.

It's a chilly day out, the sun nice against your skin but the wind was drastic in comparison. Shivers are sent up and down your spine, you wrap your arms around yourself in a hug. Could this boy take any longer? Foot tapping against the pavement, you heave a sigh, nostils flaring impatiently before you spot the tall athlete. With a girl. A girl?

You'd seen her around before and you vaguely remember thinking she resembled the main love interest in a 90s movie or a bratz doll. She's pretty and has a light, airy laugh. Kuroo must've told her a joke of some kind, but he definitely wasn't funny enough for her to have her hands all over his chest. He's giving her a toothy grin and soft eyes. It makes you want to gag.

Who was she anyway?

Not that it mattered because in that moment the fit of rage your body suddenly flug itself into prevented you from hearing anything. Kuroo's pulling off his pullover and drapping it over the pretty girl's shoulders. You can feel your eye twitch and fibgers tingle. He looks bashful as he waves her goodbye and tragically, you don't feel nearly as pretty as you had been feeling. Now all you wanted to do was sink into the ground below you and possibly into another dimension—or at least the other side of the world.

"She's pretty," is the first thing that comes out of your mouth when he comes over, slouching with his hands in the pockets of his shorts. He had practice this afternoon, you remember. He looks over at you with raised brows, almost like he's surprised yoy said anything or even noticed he was talking to another girl before walking towards the gym with you trailing close behind.

"Yeah she is, I guess."

She's prettier than me.

"You guess? Kuroo, you gave her your sweater."

He shrugs sheepishly, a light pink dusting his cheeks and it makes you mad of uncharacteristic the act is. You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

"It's just polyester. It's not a big deal."

The conversation suddenly drops as you pause, apparently very hurt that he didn't remember it was you who gave him the sweater in the first place. He turns around, a questioning look on his face.

"What? Are you jealous?" He teases.

You're fuming at his attempt to be playful. Maybe you were overreacting, but it pangs your chest to know he can brush it off so easily.

" Kuroo, that was my sweater. "

It's gritted through your teeth, eyes slotted into a glare and his face drops. Oh is all he can think as he stares at you and the hurt expression that quickly turns into that of annoyance and anger. You push past him, ultimately deciding not to walk him to the gym. His arm reaches out to catch you, but it falls short as he calls out in a whine, "I'll get it back for you, okay? Come on, y/n!"

———

You can't focus on the assignments in front of you no matter how hard you try. You are exsausted. Just wanting to crawl under the covers and sleep for maybe a thousand years, you stop tapping your oen against the paper to hyperfocus on the black dots that now littered the page. The music in the background pauses before coming back to life with the hum of a new song shuffling in. It's quiet and yet, it's overwhelming. You wish you weren't home alone now.

Hanging your head low on your desk, the carpet becoming of interest, you groan. The image of kuroo and that girl replaying in your head over and over like an endless movie. You'd have to give it a bad review if it ever ended.

You're focus is mainly on her though. Kuroo could get any girl he wants with his witt and charm. Not to mention he wasn't jusf handsome, but he's beautiful. Model material—movie character love interest type beat. He has the ability to make any heart swoon if he tries hadd enough, and that girl was no exception. She was more than pretty. She was stunning, even. It was like watching human barbie and ken flirt with one another. She seems so nice too and you can vaguely remember her helping you wish a couple answers on homework one morning. She's better than you and better for him. Is he sleeping with her too? Before you can answer your own question the doorbell rings, quickly followed by a knock at your door.

You look down at your pajamas, debating if you should pull on your robe or not, but ultimately deciding against it when the knocks come again.

"Im coming, I'm coming. What do you wan- kuroo?"

When you open the door, you immediately get the urge to shut it right in his perfect little face, and you begin to before his hand slams against it in protest to push it open wider. He juts out his lip into a pout and his eyes soften into ones pleading like a puppy dog. You huff and avoid eye contact, instead taking intrest in the bad he was carrying.

"What's that?"

"Stuff. I'd be happy to show you if you let me in."

"Sorry, tetsuro, no can do. You haven't returned my sweater. "

He scoffs and rolls his eyes before shoving something bulky into your arms. You're not sure if you should be happy he actually got it back or upset that he had to see her again to get it. Finally looking up at him, you move to the side so he can step in.

"You know, you don't have to be jealous that i gave another girl a sweater. You're my number one, y/n." He's teasing, but his words still send the butterflies in your stomach crazy. You can only hope he means it, even if just a little.

"I'm not jealous. You can sleep with whoever you want, kuroo. We're just best friends—if anything im your wingman. "

You want to hit yourself on the head. Why would you say that?

He snickers at the rebuttle, coming to loom over you. Apparently the only thing that can get you out of your head is his cologne because it somehow invaded your senses. He smells expensive, like nice leather and fire wood during the winter. It's very manly, you note. His shadow hovers over yours as he traps you between him and the counter with a playful smirk on his face. How smug could he get. He leans down, bringing your chin up between his thumb and finger. You hadn't realized how close he was until now. Since when did you get so nervous around him? Why did it make you nervous when he kissed you all of a sudden? It's unfair that he holds the advantage. Heat rises to your cheeks and the tips of your ears and you're positive he can hear the beating of your heart, which was currently trying to break out of your chest.

His lips take you to paradise, as always. Their soft against your own, yet firm. They're slightly chapped and they taste like spearmint. It makes your head fuzzy because they feel so right, even when you wish they felt wrong. You want to pull away and kick him out, and end thjs whole arrangement, but you're already very familiar with the fact it's just beginning.

———

The bed is warm. So warm, in fact, it feels like your suffocating. The sheets tangle around your limbs, strangling you as you tangle your limbs around kuroos. You almost want to cry, and if you were anywhere else— with anyone else —you probably would have. The heat is unbearable and the one sided tension makes your stomach churn and your throat tighten up. You were almost positve an anxiety attack was coming on.

Taking a deep breath through your nose, you close your eyes as kuroo's nimble fingers soothe circles into your shoulder blade idly and yet somehow he manages to dodge the purple and red splotches blooming on the flesh. Suddenly you wish you didn't feel so safe and protected in his embrace. The moment almost tempts you to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, but you don't deserve to be the person who does that because you aren't his person. Best friend, maybe (next to Kenma, if anything) but, you aren't his person no matter how you long to be. You're just a friend in his bed having a good time. It isn't as fun anymore.

You swallow a lump in your throat, flattening your hand against his broad chest and willing yourself to lift up out of his grasp, his fingers falling smoothly to stop between your shoulder blades. Looking down at him, he presents you with the soft, goofy look on his face that he always adorns. God, there's nothing you wouldn't give to wake up beside him every morning and kiss that lopsided grin off his face. It hurts to think about, and another wave of tears try to force their way past your lash line. You blink them away and put on a soft, one-sided smile for the man below you, giving him a quick peck where his jaw and neck meet before shrugging his hands off and climbing out of bed.

His eyes track you, lazily hooded and watching, as you take the sheet with you to cover yourself, grabbing your shorts and whatever top you were wearing but a few hours ago before everything was strewn about. You shy away from his gaze, but it's nothing he hasn't seen before. He shifts in the bed to face your back, elbow propped up to lay his head in his hand. With an uncharacteristically soft tone, you almosf don't head him when he speaks. The words that come from him are like honey, yet raw. It's enough to make anyones knees buckle and crawl back into bed.

"Are you okay?"

There's a slight hint of concern there, just hardlg scrapping the surface of the question. You nod with a hum, throwing on the loose shirt before facing him. Kuroo's brow raises like he doesn't quite believe you, but he doesn't take the question further and instead turns to get out of bed. You gnaw at your lip, taking your turn to watch him stretch out. His back has red streaks messily placed down it from his shoulders to the base, his biceps matching. His hair is messy and not like the normal bed head he sports, parts of it are spiked up from fingers constantly pushing through it, while other parts are laid flat from sweat. You can't help the thought that he's sculpted by the gods. They definitely took their time on him. Scoffing at yourself and shaking the thoughts free from your head, you head to the bathroom. As if the bed wasn't suffocating enough, just being the same room was found to be worse when he looks like that. At this point, it was preferred he stayed under the covers.

You feel stupid while looking in the mirror. Your mascara from earlier had smudged beneath your waterline, clumping together in the corner. Your nose curls at the sight, hands splashing cool water at your face, rubbing at your eyes. With a sigh you lean your elbows on the sink, pushing back hair and looking down at the water going into the drain.

This is ridiculous.

How on earth could you do this to yourself and to kuroo?

There's a knock on the bathroom door, it's light and gentle in the typical kuroo fashion because he doesn't want to spook you. You purse your lips, digging the palms of your hands into your eyes and heaving a sigh. As soon as you open the door and switch places, you're up and out of his apartment without saying goodbye.

The cool air of outside hits your face and you hadn't noticed the tears until the damp chill shook you. Brushing them away, you head home. You didn't want to be around him and you certainly didn't want to think about him. On the way back, you finally decided you weren't going to tell him anything. What would dumb tetsuro know about it anyway.

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toastydehmer · 5 years

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Colors Ask

Original list can be found here! Though some of these were doctored up a wee bit just so I could make better sense of them.

[RED] What are you most passionate about? How did this passion develope?

My passion has been creating these ideas and worlds and AUs or even just overarching plots to stories I'll probably never write. It started with my voracious habit to read - something I probably do WAY too much of if I'm too be honest. As I read I would theorize and extrapolate from what the story told so far and I guess it became a habit. Now I look at fandoms I like or pairings and suddenly and writing down notes, sketching designs, and looking up references for this whole new Alternate Universe just because I can. I love it!

[ORANGE] How many pieces of fruit do you aim to eat per day? What do you actually manage?

Uh, I don't eat often bub. A meal at McDonalds is enough to fill me up for an entire 24-hour period. I eat fruit when my body craves it which tends to be about once a week to every other week.

[YELLOW] What's your happy place? Real or fictional?

Okay. That 'happy place' idea is utter bullshit. When I get an anxiety/panick attack, I don't go to a tranquil place in my mind and start to feel better. That doesn't help because guess what, an idle mind is the perfect playground for personal demons. Happy Places probably exist but they don't do jackshit once you're already in one and besides, I couldn't never keep my thoughts straight enough in the middle of an attack to make a decision.

[GREEN] Do you prefer indoors or outdoors? What's your favorite flower to smell?

Indoors during winter and late autumn, outdoors the rest of the year. I like to just lay in the grass when the sun is high on a clear, breezy day and bask in the light like a cat. As for flower... hell if I know. A flower is a flower to my brain.

[BLUE] What is your favorite mode of long distance transportation? Have you ever been on a plane? If so, what was it like?

Uh, car. I've only been a plane plane twice (nearly passed right out walling to my seat the first time I was so terrified) but both were utterly boring. The book I brought with I finished before half the trip was over. Though it was fun seeing the clouds, I think they would get boring after so many trips. And besides, in a car trip on my own, I can play whatever music I want however loud I please.

[INDIGO] What's your top three names? Would you ever consider having children?

I actually have a list in Google Drive because my boyfriend and I had started talking about the possibility of having kids sometime in the next five to ten years. Looking at it, it's hard to choose but it follows a pattern of a Latin, Greek, or Irish word that had meaning.

Daughter: it would be Eirini (Greek: Peace), Elpida (Greek: Hope), and Nadur (Irish: Nature).

Son: Anam (Latin: Soul), Rioga (Irish: Royal), and Nostrum (Latin: Ours).

[VIOLET] What's your favorite cake flavour? Are you any good at baking?

Chocolate hands down. If it's chocolate you got me. And yes, I am very good at baking. My two favorite recipes are Red Velvet cake with Cream Cheese frosting and Flour-less Chocolate Torte. Both arevcompletely from scratch mind you, frosting and all. So god damned delicious.

[PURPLE] Do you support the Royal Family? Who is your favorite historical figure and why?

Royal Family? Well, I don't know anything about them instead of Royal Family how about President? And no, I do not support a large portion of Trump's decisions mainly to do with his methods and the nuances of those decisions.

Also, I don't really have a favorite hostiorical figure? Or even one I like? To me they're like one big tapestry that details the human race, one which is still continually being added to. They are a part of the whole. Which to put in layman's terms means I like history overall more than any singular person involved.

[PINK] What is your favorite animal? Zoos or farms?

CATS!!! I love house cats, big cats, wild cats, domesticated cats, exotic cats, local cats, cats, cats, cats! But not the musical, lol. But I'd rather see cats in their natural habits. Hells, I'd rather see all animals in their natural habits when considering non-domesticaed animal breeds. I don't like either of them if the purpose is to just visit the animals in them.

[TURQUOISE] Do you like being in the sea? What coastal town is your favorite to visit?

Hm. I was born and raised in the land of ten thousand lakes and have only ever been to the coast twice, the Gulf of Mexico and the Southern Californian coast in specific. I was able to wade into the ocean when I went to the Gulf but I don't think that would be a good choice to base my decision on as I was stung my floating remnants of jellyfish and then didn't risk going in again after that. To make things easier, let's go with large bodies of water in general, to which the answer is a wholesome yes. I love to swim and float in the water.

[MINT] Do you like astrology? Do you consider Pluto a 'real planet'?

Ah. This question. I do occasionally practice witchcraft when I have a good purpose to do so - such as making a charm for a friend, cleansing my home, and other such things. Astrology is part of what I do so yes, I like it in the sense that it helps me work or stronger correspondences. As for Pluto....bot really. Pluto is a dwarf planet by scientific standards. In my practice, there isn't much to tie it to outside of a person's sign related to it. It's hard to work with it because of this as all the other planets (substituting earth with the moon here) have ample correspondences.

[CRIMSON] Have you ever broken and bone before? Do you enjoy going to the dentist?

Hell no to both questions. Next!

[AMBER] Do you have a license to drive? If now, how do you get around?

Yes I do! I have a 2007 Volkswagen Jetta Wolfsberg edition. My first car, used it be my dad. I've had it for just about two years now and I keep her in tip top shape as much as a possibly can! Just wish I had a proper garage so I could do my own small repairs and work on her.

[LIME] Do you like monkeys? Do you believe the theory of evolution?

No, I don't really care for monkeys. And from a scientific standpoint, yes I do.

[TANGERINE] How tall are you? Do you ever wish you were taller or shorter?

I am literally just a hair below 5'11" and for a woman my age where I live, that is really tall. I match height with most men I've met. But I do sometimes wish I was shorter just because my height and stature paired with my resting bitch face tend to intimidate or slightly scare people when they first meet me. I often have to explain that, "No, I'm not angry, this is just my normal look when I'm not really feeling any specific emotion. You're fine, I swear. I just look like this." And I'm a gentle giant. Think BFG if you know it. I'm the one who will jump in to protect and be a meat shield for someone else but am unable to raise a hand for my own safety. People being scared of me just makes me feel really damn sad and depressed.

[AZURE] Which gender and sexuality do you most identify with?

Uuuuuuh. Hm. Well- that is kinda a hard question? For gender I think the closest I can relate to is genderfliud. I don't have any body dysphoria but I do know there are times I feel way more masculine than feminine. The reverse is just as equally true. And then there are times where I don't feel like I have a specific gender. Sexuality can make this kind of hard to pin down for me. Put it this way. I am panromantic but I find males sexually arousing much more than I do females. And for those curious (unlikely anyone) I'll go by any pronoun. He, she, it, they/them, I really don't give a fuck.

[BEIGE] What is your favorite pop/soda? Do you enjoy alcohol?

P E P S I. Coke is an abomination, something which my boyfriend heavily disagrees with the heathen... I don't....really like to drink often. Alcoholism kind of runs in the family and due to that, I'm more likely to form a codependency on it as well. My family on my Dad's side is heavily German if that helps make more sense. But I do enjoy sweet wines the very few times I allow myself a glass, no more than two.

[CORAL] What is your favorite Disney movie? Who does it better, Disney or Pixar?

You- you can't just ASK me this!! I grew up on Disney! To pick a favorite would be blasphemous of me!!! Also, if that didn't make it clear, Pixar can suck my sack. Disney for the win.

[SAPPHIRE] Do you wear any jewelry? What do you think looks best on other people?

I wear a silver ring on me right middle finger everyday 24/7 and only take it off during my job or when I'm going into any amount of water. I used to wear earrings as well but I lost my silver pair and I can only wear gold or silver. Yes, I have tried to nail polish trick and hypoallergenic. No, I couldn't get either to work with me. My ears would still puss around the non-pure metal earrings. Now I only wear any of my other earrings when I'm doing something special and never for more than a few hours or so.

[GOLD] What do you consider your biggest achievement? When was the last time you won (at) something?

Ah, achievements, things that

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