#tagging so more people weigh in

[upgradewater]

Does Virginia mean virgin Vegeta?

my god...

It's just a funny way to mispronounce his name but this is making me wonder if he was a virgin when he came to Earth.

In canon. What do we think?

I'm not gonna complicate it. Just in general, do you think his first time was with Bulma, or not?

#i dont write fics but i always thought of vegeta and bulma.as just raw chemistry #but the idea of vegeta being a virgin and trying to hide it from bulma before she ultimately has to teach him things is. is #it's intriguing. like they definitely vigorously hate-fucked at some points but bulma could also show him how to be gentle. AAAAA #listen i dont really read fics in general and especially not smut but something about exploring vegeta and bulma's relationship #especially when he's first staying on esrth and getting used to things and being under bulma's roof #is just so intriguing to me. ough. #dragonbabble super #vegeta #bulma #vegebul #tagging so more people weigh in #poll #polls #ask #reply

[darubyprincx]

to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)

#ray's tag #keys' art #undescribed #skeletons #ok to reblog #the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr! #so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear #(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing #that i've ever drawn) #anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav #it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it #that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it. #often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to #especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently #it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow #my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints #but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us) #i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts. #so i put it into a spotlight. #ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients #I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i #a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie #especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones #we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone #or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare #so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone #will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay #we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it #(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont #actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)

[svtskneecaps]

feel like the global tasks sweep strat should probably be nerfed somehow. my thought would be, give each team an individual ten minute overall cooldown on global task claims. that is to say, a certain team can only claim one global task per ten minutes. say, deliver gas masks, and then in ten minutes you're allowed to deliver tea, and then after another ten minutes you can claim hot chocolate.

another teams would be able to claim a global task for bananas during this time, and their own ten minute cooldown would start.

(the global tasks can either keep their individual ten minute cooldown [i.e. after tea is claimed no one else can claim tea for ten minutes] or a slightly shorter cooldown, say 5-7 minutes)

when a global task is claimed, everyone is notified, right? if not, in my hypothetical, they will be.

then, a team trying to sweep six tasks at once would actually take sixty minutes to do, allowing another team to swoop in and have a chance to stop it in cinematic, entertaining fashion rather than tubbo having to grind resources and then log out in front of the merchant to counter this, which is boring for everyone (including the person delivering). plus, if a team cuts it down to the last second and ends up getting delayed, they physically wouldn't have time to make a delivery, meaning even being a BIT of a nuisance could be a viable strategy, even if you can't manage to kill; if you can STALL you could still wreck their plans.

that's my dream anyway idk i'm not a game designer. just think it would be interesting for most players

(i elaborate under)

red team would have to shake up their strategies, which is fun since they're a team that kinda has to rely more on strategy than outright brawn (overall the team's pvp can't be relied on unless they have carre or phil, as seen today when pierre, bad, and etoiles attacked phil cellbit foolish and baghera, and cellbit and foolish both died to etoiles in the attack, despite it being a 4 on 1 at the time. baghera was killed by bad soon after. phil was the one to get the kills. the first day, when blue attacked [niki, tubbo, and bad as i recall] carre got both kills)

the other teams would then still have a way to stop a global sweep since a sweep would have to start earlier, allowing not only more time to arrive at global to pvp about it, but ALSO allowing another team to swoop in and steal the goal out from under the team again

i'm gonna use it in a scenario bc i'm badboyhalo and i can't stop myself from making examples:

so, tonight, if the proposed cooldown was in place, bad and tubbo would both still had roughly 17 minutes when red team would have HAD to start the sweep process if they wanted all six global tasks: 1 hour until the server closed at absolute MINIMUM. more for safety's sake.

therefore, in this scenario, there's a lot to happen

blue team could wait at globals, knowing red will probably try this strategy, and attempt or perhaps SUCCEED in killing red. if they kill red entirely, the operation is a wash; red doesn't have to gear to come back from scratch and take out blue team, and even if they could, the travel time to return to globals alone would mean they wouldn't get all the global tasks, potentially meaning they don't take the lead. if blue team is unable to kill red and dies themselves or has to retreat, but succeeds in delaying red, red would face the same problem.

if red sends in all of the task items on one person, and that person dies, even if the rest survived, blue could loot the items from that person and would be able to either use the items themselves, if green is currently the owner, or could run away with the items, effectively wasting red's time and again, meaning they wouldn't get all tasks claimed even if they were able to overtake the runner and reclaim their items.

i'm unclear what would happen if red divided the task items between them since it seems like the person claiming the task doesn't have to have all (or any? again, unclear) the items in THEIR inventory in order to claim so long as a teammate is nearby with the items in their inv (evidence: pac's vod "voltei... o que tá acontecendo no QSMP?!" at roughly 3:00:00; tubbo claims tea and tea is taken out of pac's inventory. i don't know the limits of this strategy)

blue team also has time to swoop in and steal a global task out from under red during this time. say, if red team had claimed the task for 10 tea leaves, upping the price to 15 tea leaves, and then blue team snuck in and claimed the task and set the price up to 20 tea leaves, (since the proposed 10 minute cooldown on claims would be TEAM LIMITED; red's cooldown applying to red only and so on). if red waited until the last second, they wouldn't have the time to reclaim this task even if they did have the resources, possibly forcing them to start their sweep earlier to counter this possibility, at which point team members who had logged on earlier and are out of time by the end of the night, OR members who live in time zones that don't allow them to stay up until server close, may have an easier shot at participating in defending against a global sweep.

all of this DIRECT CONFLICT would make for good audience entertainment and heighten the stakes of an attempted global sweep, since it would practically have to be one team defending globals for an hour while they pipe all their resources into it, knowing that if they die another team could easily swipe their task resources and use it themselves (along with the rest of their gear). it makes it more interesting, while still mostly viable.

plus it would force more strategizing for red team which is maybe just a personal plus, i just really like seeing people planning both in advance and in spur of the moment. it's really satisfying to see how a plan comes together and succeeds or fails; plus, since red team is the main team using this strategy at the moment and their main draw and strength as a team is cohesion and communication this would be completely fucking riveting for me as a viewer so maybe this is just a personal thing. but i really really think it would be fun

but again, i'm not a game designer, or a qsmp player, or a qsmp admin, or honestly even really a gamer? so maybe i'm off my rocker and out of my gourd and this isn't viable or balanced in any way shape or form but YKNOW what is this blog except putting stupid thoughts into the void and seeing if this time the void spits back hate mail so. i'm folding this into a paper airplane and throwing it into the abyss. hopefully it made sense.

k love you appreciate you getting this far, have a good week!!

(i hope your team gets a win in dramatic fashion and celebrates together!!! i hope they come together and unleash a plan so spectacular it takes the server by storm!!! i hope it's so good it becomes a vod you go back to even years in the future!!!! i hope you have a good week!!!!!)

#qsmp #qsmp purgatory #shut up vic #block game brainrot #yes it's long beneath the keep reading no i'm incapable of being succinct #i color coded the important parts though i just wanted to try to be clear #examples are my bread and butter i do programming and math they make everything easier for me to understand #god i hope this makes sense to other people i didn't ask my biological peer reviewer so idk if this is stupid or not #tbh it's just a tumblr post so i guess it's whatever if it is but i put wayyy more work than necessary into double checking timelines lol #(i didn't watch blue today sorry :/ idr if i mentioned in the body of the post but i main red team) #(their energy is just more entertaining for me personally; though i kept an eye on pac once i could multi-watch!) #anyway other team mains feel free to weigh in if i'm making weird assumptions about what the teams are capable of #heaven knows my pov is biased here LMFAO #((for what it's worth i am fully aware this means red team aren't rly underdogs anymore and i super want them to be kicked in the stomach)) #((back to the drawing board; what will they do??? I WANT TO KNOW :O)) #((seeing them crawling back to victory from being like two pixels on the bar on sunday was great. more of that pls)) #idk i've rambled enough #long tags #ignoring daylight savings it's technically one am goodnight friends i hope this post doesn't suck hahahaha............... #OH AND IF ANYONE THINKS I SHOULD TAG SOMETHING FOR FILTER PURPOSES ABSOLUTELY LET ME KNOW #i want to be courteous but i think this post is pretty neutral in tone? but if you think it deserves a tag i will absolutely add it!!!!!

[ladyluscinia]

Ok one last dip into "the Izcourse" before I take my own advice and pivot to rewatching S1 in prep and posting about what I love!

We get a lot of trolls, and harassers, and staunch antis looking to pick a fight with the "bad fans" who either drop bait or jump on people's posts to be annoying. That's the flame war part of all this mess. But we also get a fair number of posts from "neutral" people that I want to gripe about for a moment because at least the antis are misrepresenting "what Izzy fans believe / discuss" because they are actively against my take on the show for whatever reason. But it's more annoying to me personally when it's just... a lack of effort.

(And I've mentioned this before)

Like... a "neutral" observer weighing in on "The Izcourse" is a member of the general fandom who doesn't care enough about Izzy to really be an anti. Their perspective on the matter is coming from directly or indirectly following people in the antis' main meta circle. We know this, because just about every neutral person who was not from this background got classified as an Izzy apologist / problematic Edward thoughtcrimer and they are counted as in "the Canyon" now. We watched it happen a lot over the past year and a half. So the observer is not neutral, not really, but they probably aren't heavily blocking / blocked if they don't care and don't talk about Izzy.

Which makes it so frustrating when they feel the need to bring up "concerning" trends among Izzy fans and their interpretations and then they don't know what those interpretations are.

Like - in the most patient tone I can possibly manage - scrolling a bit of the Izzy Hands tag and taking fans squeeing about their blorbo as evidence there is no nuance in meta and too much babygirlifying here is dumb as fuck. Hell, even isolating a recent meta post and going "well I don't agree with this because XYZ" is still very much a "so what?" situation because that one person is not representing all Izzy fans? And also you still have a huge blind spot.

Because meta is - at its core - a collaborative structure.

You can't experience a particular branch of meta primarily through people vaguing or screenshotting and dunking on whatever looks the worst, then skim a little bit of a tag and be able to confidently call out what the "problematic trends" are. You can't even understand where the random meta you singled out is coming from, because you don't know which posts they've been looking at for over a year. And this is all really highlighted by the fact when you go to dissect that post you disagree with, you'll do it by just saying things that you understand to be established, well-defended facts from your own circle of meta and not back them up at all. Because in your mind you don't need to! And yet the post you're disagreeing with won't make sense because they are just assuming things and talking about this fanon version of Izzy you don't recognize. 🤷‍♀️

(This is why my typical meta post is linking to three separate discussions, lol. I'm building off of things said before like basically every meta writer, but I want those things referenced.)

If you aren't going to actually put in the effort to identify which blogs are the "major players" and then go back through tags or their popular posts or whatever to get an actual idea of what the meta structure Izzy Canyon has spent over a year discussing contains, then at least don't disparagingly comment on those people and discussions while lumping them into one "problematic" hive mind??? You don't know what you're talking about because you didn't care, and that's whatever. Just please stop confidently conflating random blog #7's generally happy post about how "i can't wait for my fave little guy to have friends 💕" with a concerning lack of discussions on Izzy's relationship with the crew.

My "#ofmd meta" tag - among others - is full of almost exclusively Izzy Canyon blogs writing complex posts about all sorts of things from romcom genre conventions to POC fans' takes on Edward's cptsd, and it's beyond annoying to see them repeatedly insinuated to have the depth of a puddle because the antis prefer to pile on a headcanon about Izzy reading and turn it into an insult to Edward's intelligence, and all the "neutral" blogs take it as gospel.

#i mean i do actually enjoy dissecting fandom dynamics a fair bit which is the only reason i weigh in as often as i do #if this was actually making me miserable or upsetting me i would just fully block and filter and never touch it again #but it is also varying levels of irritating so putting it on a backburner for now #pivot time! #the izcourse #ofmd harassment #ofmd meta #our flag means death #fuck it. main tagging. more people need to think about how meta works #fandom culture #ladyluscinia

[splashtail]

check out my rottmnt donnie playlist! (spotify) i was getting really tired of those super cookie cutter playlists for all the bros, so i hope this is up to par! [more songs will be added on and off! & reblogs appreciated!]

#rottmnt #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt playlist #splash rambles #credit to my friend prince for the icon for it and also finding this comic panel for me !!! (punches the wall) #im so astounded how many didnt even acknowledge donnies canon music taste . he loves to dance canonically and nobody was even having fun- #-with it. plus this gave me an opprotunity to reach out to some ppl for suggestions so thank u to joey (again) and sofa and rat!! (and leo) #i hope this like hits while also being simultaneously unlistenable to normies and tiktok people LMAO #i might cut down on the classical a little bit or try to add a bunch more to out weigh it hehe #never forget donnie loves techno and funk and 80s dance music in general. he loves dancing. #oh yeah also i love suggestions feel free to send some my way!! #anyee way. #ask 2 tag #splash playlists #i rambled so much in the tags im so sorry. #im adding more dubstep later and also more fun stuff (runs away forever)

[grapejuicegay]

something about a touch that physically holds you to the duty placed on you

and how quickly it can turn ugly when you can’t live up to its expectations

#basically at some point chadok may have been a victim #and still may be to a certain extent #but once you've started passing it forward there is no excuse #the eclipse #the eclipse series #plus something about how akk will do literally anything to endure it all so no one else has to #more tags because this is making me ANGRY #because chadok has CHANCE #he graduated he got out #and then he went right back in #to put himself in a position where he could do this to other people #we've seen akk kan wat all talk about how they can't wait to go to university #to finally be free of the curse #it's something that weighs them down #something they want to get rid of #they'll do what they need to survive but they want out #and chadok went back in #that was a choice he made #everything after he graduated was all a choice #i hate him. i hate him so much

[phantomoftheorpheum]

.

#people really relate thinness to health so much that i keep getting compliments about how 'great' i look lately #like yeah thanks just rapidly losing large amounts of weight and none of my doctors can figure out why and also my hair is falling out #just girly things obvs #but yeah i'm skinny rn and my ribs and collarbones are sticking out and apparently that trumps everything else #in december i might have weighed a lot more but i felt great #so far all of 2024 i have been incredibly sick and all my lab work comes back weird but not definitive #anyway #tw: weight loss #tw: ed #tw: disordered eating #<< i mean it's not but this could be triggering for people so tagging it #tw: chronic illness #I think the extreme weight loss and the hair falling out are related like both of these things have only been happening since my #chronic illness flare but they can't find any reason for the flare and it is not stopping so honestly idk what to do #also i feel like i have a uti all the time but the results come back negative #venting will delete this later #my chronic illness was in remission for basically exactly one year and now it's worse than ever #and i'm so tired #td #personal

[ennuidays]

hate to admit it here but ed bitches make me so mad

#Theyr just fucking annoying like #ooo im so fat ugh i had a yummy treat Oooo i had 500 cals today thays too much ..!!! Why is my hair falling out guys #hate to be this guy but Nobody cares Nobody gives a shit ab ur bmi or how little u ate . idc what ur goal weight is idc how much u weigh rn #on the topic of weight tho Fuuuuck bitches who r like Omg u weigh more than me ...?!? Omg why do i weigh less than u ...!!! #those people r the pieces of garbage who make people have eds anyway #on top of that they dont know basic fucking anatomy that taller + more muscular people weigh more #and trying to explain how muscle mass weighs more than fat just makes them look at u weird #some people just dont understand body type . or how bmi doesnt take anything other than weight and height into account #when there r so many other factors . #ed bitches LOOOVE pretending the only measure for overweightedness is bmi . #i know the point is they have a warped sense of reality But i dont give a shit Theyre stupid and blindsighted by bullshit weight loss propag #<- not finishing thay tag u get it

[seventh-district]

vent post pt. 2, the dreaded sequel

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw vent #cw vent post #okay the ‘never ever wanted to die’ part isn’t exactly true. i just don’t count how i felt from the ages of 12-15 or so #because that was a very strange time where i’m honestly not sure how much of what i felt was even real or honest #and how much of it was really just a kid needing help and expressing it very poorly #but from 15/16 onward or whatever exact age i was when i had my whole ‘oh holy fuck i really really don’t want to die’ crisis/awakening #from then i’ve always been vehemently on the side of life and wanting to live as long as i possibly can #which is interesting because things have done nothing but get exponentially worse and more difficult for me ever since #but smthn shifted in me when i realized Oh Fuck I Actually Want To Live and that desire has yet to be defeated #but anyways enough bragging about how much i don’t want to die lmao #it really does feel like bragging since it’s obvious to me that so many other people don’t feel that way #and i hate that. i wish no one ever had to deal with feeling that bad and death being the only thing their mind jumps to as a solution #sigh. anyways #i regret to inform y’all so i’m making this little announcement in these tags where hopefully no one will even see it lmao #but uh. unfortunately i’ll probably be delaying all of my creative endeavors for the next little bit #until i take care of the pressing real life issues that are weighing me down and until i am in a better environment #that will actually be conducive to my creativity instead of me struggling to make things while also struggling to just. like… live. y’know #and i know it’s not like there’s really anyone out there on the edge of their seat to consume anything i make #but this little announcement is more for myself than anyone else i guess. i have to almost force myself/give myself permission #to stop working on my various projects. and instead work on getting all of my irl ducks in a row. and get to a place where i feel safe(er) #because i’m really working against myself right now. cart before the horse almost. #so caught up in personal projects and future dreams that i’m ignoring the current growing issues in my day to day life #and i’ve done good in the later half of this year at beginning to tackle them one by one #but driving and potentially moving out of things don’t change here are the two biggest ones that i’ve yet to face #so i really have to accept that i need to change those and as a byproduct of that- stop dividing my attention onto so many other things #so my usual snail-pace of writing and video making (even tho the video making has mostly been behind the scenes work thus far) #is going to screech to an almost-halt while i focus on personal stuff. and next year should be much better as a result

[doodlingbot]

WHY DID NO ONE THINK TO PUT NARROWL UNDER THE BUCKET

A few people asked for that actually! But the arc was lasting a bit longer than what I had intended or was capable of keeping up with, and so some asks/scenarios I just wasn't able to get to before I ended it :')

All those asks are still in my inbox for possible future use though. He does have access to that model and it's files now, he just isn't forcefully bound to it anymore.

#with a certain art event happening real soon for July I'm currently weighing how to divide my focus amongst these little silly #parable comics #and for that mentioned event. #so I had to end that arc to give myself a lot more breathing room #btw I read every single ask I get. when they show up in my inbox that is. still unclear if Tumblr is eating a few? #I just can't get to every single one as fast as I'd like to. #I also don't want to spam people's feeds/ tags #so I do have a limit for myself #ask #ask response #not art

[torchickentacos]

Sorry I’m a little mia right now, I’ve got so many things I’m working on!!!! I am excited for a lot of them but I also have school and family and health stuff and my social battery is a little low but I’m working on it. Update-big venting in tags oops

#especially New Jersey. sorry I’ve been quieter last couple days #I also shared an Opinion on twitter and immediately regretted it #I mean I think I’m right and that people need to act more mature but I also kind of wish I had kept my mouth shut #but I’m not good at that lol #sigh. it just worries me to see people talking to each other the ways I’ve seen #like back in my day death threats and trigger warning-suicide stuff was on anon #but this is so public??? #like I dm’d someone who was talking about kms-ing themselves to offer support #but it’s also like. babygirl no please tell your therapist this. #honey please don’t tweet that #like it’s so hard. ignoring the fact that it could be triggering for other people it’s just not smart to do that #it is WONDERFUL to reach out for help #but idk. I just want to help since I’ve been there but I think the touya shit is way out of proportion #I feel a unique responsibility in a sense to help people in hard times. I’ve been in and out of troubled youth housing throughout my teens #so I can’t scroll past someone talking about killing themselves #but I also need to find my own boundaries of accepting that I can’t control other people #I can’t help others if they don’t want to help themselves #I’m getting off topic here but it’s weighing on me #but yeah. if you made it this far in the tags just know life gets better and I’m here if you need support

[cancelmecowards]

"this filter makes you want to go blonde!" "if you have brown eyes PLEASE try this blue-eyed filter" NO. shut up.

#instagram filters #instagram is dumb #or maybe tiktok #idfk #anyways its kinda fuvked up this whole 'idealistic beauty standard bullshit' #mainly because a large portion of it is STILL eurocentric #like yeah stuff like the siren eyes trend and shit pops up a lot but #the 'it you have brown eyes TRY BLUE EYES' thing used to piss me off so much #i mean like yeah maybe its irrational #but you gotta admit its annoying #but the symmetric face trend was more annoying ig #like TRUST ME the thought of 'facial symmetry' NEVER occured to me prior to the day i was introduced to that trend #also stuff like #this filter guess how muvh you weigh #this filter guesses how old you look #i mean like yeah it might be just for shits and giggles for a lot of people #but it actually !! isnt !!! for the vast majority !!! #so can we like !! stop maybe !!! #thank you #uh idk what to tag #beauty standards #instagram #is a fucking scam

[medicinemane]

I'm very tired, I have to do everything around the house myself (as in, I keep having to turn the water off and on to the kitchen sink until I teach myself to install a new faucet, and negative cleaning gets done if I don't do it), and the money is in the hands of the third worst person in the whole family when it comes to money (the worst being my grandpa who is dead, and my grandma who blows all her money on overpriced jackets and other junk)

I'm very tired, I have to teach myself how to do everything, and I have almost literally no support in any way shape or form ever

I can't remember the last time anyone said they were proud of me... I don't actually know if anyone's ever used that word with me before. When I do something like get the trailer cleaned out or buy a house, frankly no one gives a fuck, except my grandma who gets mad

I haven't actually had a chance to see anyone that counts as a friend in like 15 years, and I mean even in high school everyone liked me but no one could be bothered to actually ever even talk outside school... so even back then it's not like I had anyone I was close with

I'm providing this version where I totally remove how I feel or how I view myself from the description and instead try to provide something close to an objective description of things

So if you wonder why I say what I say about myself, honestly I think it's pretty much all summed up here

#mm tag so i can find things later #also this is why you can maybe piss off instead of coming around here and saying I should get off the internet and go to therapy #in spite of how morose I am; I'm actively working to fix this stuff by... at least learning more of the skills I need #like... learn to replace a faucet; then at least I don't have the sink issue weighing me down #and maybe if I fix enough of it someday things'll be ok #although... in my mind no matter what I do I'll still be alone and unlovable; but that's just a description of how I view things #regardless of how I may feel; I am trying to do stuff to fix how I feel by trying to fix my situation #so like... if you're gonna come here and tell me I need to fix my mental health #may I respectfully say either you can lend me a hand or maybe you should mind your own business #cause what the fuck do you think I'm trying to do? #not that anyone will read this or particularly care #not trying to be rude or something; just extrapolating past data to make a prediction #it's not that people here don't care or don't like me; it's just we're all busy with our own lives and no one really knows what to do #well I'm... I'm trying to write you a guide; I'm asking for help here #...to an extent it's totally fine if no one helps... but you kinda don't get to go around acting like you love being asked for help #I mean... you do; it's your life... but I'm just saying... this is me asking for help... yet again #but I expect nothing because that's what usually happens #I really don't mean to... to imply anything about anyone else; it's just descriptively I don't get help and I don't get support #and... based on all the information I have my model for the outcome of this says no one will even notice it #that tag of mine of things I can find later or whatever... it has me outright saying a number of things #...no one ever hears or listens #anyway; there it is... another pointless cry for help #...don't say I didn't warn you when I wind up killing myself one day #probably not anytime soon; maybe not ever... all I'm saying is don't pretend you didn't see it coming or like I didn't reach out #at least... as best I could... maybe I could have done better #like sure; could I walk up to specific people and say 'I need you to do this'; sure... #but I find... I find people just ignore it if I say that too #so I've given up; you know? #this is the best I can muster #don't say I didn't tell you

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #tumblr university #I put my tumblr degree to good use again today. a kid at work talks a lot about exercise and said an offhand comment about fat people #the usual “why do fat people not control themselves better and eat less?” opinion. which like. he's a cool guy. curious and active and kind #so I did my best to not jump on it sjw-style and kind of go at it slowly but still explain that like. you can't just change your default #culturally we recognize that skinny people have genetics that predispose themselves to being thin. #but then when we (general culture) talk about fat people it's “why don't you exercise more and eat less?” “why don't you control yourself?” #there's a hypocritical shift in how people talk about it. #I was like bro.. I can sit around and do nothing all day and eat my normal amount and not gain weight. my whole family can. #so there's clearly something different between people who weigh 250lb and people who weigh 120lb. #anyway. he kinda nodded and mused over it and asked a few questions and like. idk. this is something I learned on tumblr so it was cool #I like sharing information I learned here. it changed how I view people and I'm honored to be able to make that change in other people #I've learnt to be kinder here and spreading it outside of the isolated tumblr bubble is very fulfilling. passing it forward yaknow? #anyway. I'm still mad about my speech impediment because I deadass still wish I could be a teacher in some way #like. I love teaching people things. evolving someone's ability to interact with information and ideas. #giving someone a set of tools and sitting back to see what they do with them. how they solve a problem. I love it. #and I just. ugh. I love the little moments when I get to teach something I've learned to someone else #OH OH OH! I saw a really good parent today! she brought her daughter up to the self checkout registers and I was like “can I help you?” #but the mom was like “no. I want her to learn how to be a big girl” and so they walked up to the register and the kid scanned her stuff and #and then navigated to the “pay now” button and paused and her mom was like “remember to take your time and read the screen” and the kid fou #found the “cash” button and then fed the five dollar bill in and got her receipt and change and. . that moment made me smile so fucking big #like.... the mom being like “take your time” and just.. being there to show her kid how to do an important life task. I wanted to cry. #I just. idk. stuff like that is beautiful. I love working with people so fucking much. #like. idk. I detach really easily so I don't always care about people and human suffering or all that stuff. but other times? #other times I'm both feet flat on the ground rooted into the heart of everything that makes us beautiful social creatures full of love #and it's so beautiful and I feel so fucking lucky to be allowed to watch that moment. #I just. all I can do is smile and hope that my eyes reflect the magic I just saw #also a hoard of small goth middle schoolers came through garden each with their own succulent. they were lead by an older teen. #it was just. idk. cool. funny. this little posse of piercings and bleached hair and nightmare before christmas merch and intense enby vibes #I always hope I represent a future to kids like that. big obvious scars. heavy queer vibes. and a life I'm obviously living.

[misfortunegirl]

i havent been to uni in weeks. cuz im on that sigma female grindset mindset 💯

#also my mental health just Wont Allow #i was planning on going today but the moment i found out we had Hw for today mt #my* desire suddenly vanished #anywaysanyways im gonna go tomorrow. im so anxious though. like. aomething about going to uni and meeting with the people there is #absolutely terrifying to me. while i have no issue working a very social job. i make zero sense truly #also i haven't weighed myswlf in a bit because im terrified ive gained weight because i ate a bit more than the previous weeks #i swear to god if ive gained weight im gonna end it all(i wont but i will want to) #placeholder tag

[husband-steve-cortez]

Another important reason for Miles to romance Kaidan is that there is a part of him that feels lowkey threatened by Kaidan's competence.

Kaidan isn't exactly not a highly skilled swiss army knife in me1 but Miles still edges ahead of him noticeably, and it's like less so in me3 and Miles feels like he needs to show Kaidan up for absurd self-esteem reasons.

Not out of any dislike for Kaidan, and there's no real sense of rivalry there, Miles just feels like he has to come across as super good and special and he has to work harder at that with Kaidan on more even ground with him.

(Technically above since he outranks him. He's not like this with any other squadmate in me2, and as good as everyone is no one else really competes with him in 3 to this degree. It's just Kaidan, in part because Kaidan has such a similar skillset, and also largely because Kaidan's newfound confidence and rank and capabilities really sinks in the knife of Miles' lost time. Kaidan doing so well for himself makes him proud, but also makes him feel...pointless. Kaidan's almost like a whole new man (To Miles' rose-tinted POV, that's overstating it a bit), and Miles both missed it and had nothing to do with it.)

Eventually he is forced to learn he's being ridiculous and he and Kaidan stand more side by side, like they kind of did in me1 to be frank. (Liara remains their brittle crowd controller)

(Goes without saying Miles is also massively massively turned on by Kaidan's new persona and grey hairs and how he carries himself and that attempting to reassert his position as the specialist person around is also in part dealing with that. And there's also a level of "Kaidan will not like me anymore/won't like me again if I don't impress him", should've mentioned that earlier it's pretty massive. He feels that way with everyone always but with Kaidan especially. Like it certainly was part of their dynamic in me1, but it's very far from the reason they became close friends.)

#oc: Miles Shepard #he is mentally so all over the place in me3. #mshenko tag #the collector base losses and the Illusive Man's pretty heavy change in MO are also a factor weighing in #he is not as given to showing off as you might think despite all of this but with Kaidan around he feels like he has to push a little harde #and be a little more independent #and that's partly because of losses. He cannot lose anyone else. He has to be better. Has to not rely on anyone. #which is a very very bad mentality for a commanding officer to have. The degree of fear he has in making anyone else do anything. #and like no one else *but* Kaidan is going to see what's happening. Because Kaidan knows him. Which is also another factor. #and even people who recognize it. I think only Liara would. But she wouldn't say anything because what can she say #and she respects shepard too much. Kaidan is going to be like 'what the hell' without reservation.