#the doctor is batshit though! absolutely bonkers.

[jupitermelichios]

So I decided to try watching Riverdale, and I have... thoughts. And also the words ‘holy homoeroticism batman’ written several times in increasingly large letters.

I started on season 2, because everything i read suggested that was when the show went off the rails, and i am here exclusively for the batshit weirdness. but it’s fine, because the show decided to fill me in on what i missed during the two consecutive 'previously on' sequences. was one not enough? was there an ad break between them? did they think people would forget what show they were watching if there wasn’t a little break and a logo splash halfway through?

we open on archie rushing his dad into the worlds most empty emergency room. there’s no one, no patients, no doctors, not even a receptionist, just a big empty room, right until the extras smell the blood of a protagonist and all converge. i assume they’re just desperate for something to do, working in the world’s least used hospital.

does snake pliskin exist in this universe? betty makes a reference that doesn’t really make any sense otherwise and given what i know about where the show goes eventually, it feels like a very real possibility. is this the escape from new york universe?

jingle jangle. they called the drug jingle jangle. honestly no criticism, amazing job everyone on the writing team, keep it up!

“dropping vintage bon-mot like vintage bon-bons” is a hell of a line that only works if you have no idea how bon-mot is said (and no idea what one does with a bon-bon. why are you dropping your candy on the floor veronica). fortunately neither the writers or the actress delivering it do, so it’s fine.

getting into the shower with someone without asking is a risky proposition. You have to be really sure they want it. there’s normal ‘i thought you were into it but you’re not’ awkwardness, and then there’s ‘i thought you were into it but you’re not and also i’m standing here wet and naked now’ awkwardness.

how many gangs are opperating in riverdale? I count three so far. riverdale is not that big, is it?

Actually for real, how big is riverdale? I have absolutely no idea. it’s a local small town with exactly one place to eat but it supports two highschools and three gangs. do we know where riverdale is, and is it anywhere near smallville?

cheryl sure knows how to dress for maximum drama. in general i’m basically neutral on the costumes, but everything cheryl has worn has been a Look and i am here for it. sexy runway victorian ghost aesthetic, yes, amazing, no criticisms.

define hood, because i’m not sure you know what it means. that’s a mask. i get that the comics character is called the black hood, but the costume team could have put him in a hood, why was their solution ‘ski mask but no one in town will admit it’s a ski mask’

half the high school is in this fucking hospital to support archie’s dad, good thing there’s zero other patients or staff or it would be getting crazy crowded

what riots, pop? you can’t just drop in ‘someone threw a brick through our window during the riots’ with no further explanation. what fucking riots?!

wise old spiritual black man, but he's just some dude is a take honestly. does he have some kind of special knowledge or divine connection? nope, he’s just a dude who likes being extremely cryptic in service of absolutely nothing

is cheryl magic? does she think she's magic? what does she think the kiss of life is?  i was under the impression that magic wasn’t going to be real in this show for another season or two, but cheryl apparently does not agree!

the problem with every actor playing a kid in this show being in their mid twenties (insert KennieJD ‘brooding hot 25 year old teenager’ jingle) is that then they show a music teacher kissing a student and i have absolutely no context for how creepy it’s supposed to be. like, she’s twenty, he’s twenty, we’re not in a school setting, I have no idea how i’m supposed to be reacting. he might be an adult who’s decided to take up piano, or she might be a straight up paedophile, and i have literally no idea which. am i supposed to be sad she’s dead?

headmaster is weirdly supportive of his students becoming armed vigilantes. i feel like every teacher i’ve ever had would have had more questions than that.

as the grandchild of a silversmith, i have to say, veronica polishing the silver cutlery as one of her chores is a weirdly believable detail for a show this unhinged. that was one of my chores as a teenager, and still is when i stay with my mum for more than a couple of days. pros of your grandad knowing how to silver-plate: pretty. cons: absolutely everything that stood still long enough eventually got silver plated and it all needs polishing.

Love that everyone still has archie comics names. the mob lawyer is called penny peabody. amazing.

maybe it's the fact that i'm in my 30s but archie's dad is the only attractive person on this show

ebony dark'ness dementia raven way would be very disappointed by how milktoast the goths in this show are. try harder, CW wardrobe department.

oh man, the lighting team absolutely went off for this show, and i kind of love that it's in service of absolutely nothing

holy homoeroticism batman

i’m in this weird place where objectively bonkers things have happened, but not as much or in the way that i want them to, and i can’t decide if it’s worth sticking with it to get to the later more bonkers seasons.

on an unrelated note though, this is the creative team i would choose for a nailbiter adaptation. the weird lighting and colour pallettes, the time displaced americana vibe, honestly even some of the writing, exactly what i would want from a nailbiter tv show.

#maybe when the teen wolf movie comes out i'll actually finish that nailbiter x teen wolf fic i've been thinking about writing for the last 5 #riverdale #jupiter watches a thing #nailbiter #fr tho go read nailbiter #it's one of my favourite creator owned comics ever

[carriagelamp]

Weirdly enough, I often find myself reading less in the summer, since I have more time than I do during the rest of the year to do other things. Also artfight has been eating up more than a bit of my free time! But here’s a collection a graphic novels I sat around on the hammock reading, and some novels I finished up...

(Everyone go read All Systems Red, holy crow guys)

A Whale of the Wild

The “sequel” to A Wolf Called Wander, though it doesn’t actually connect to the previous novel except in the stylistic/thematic sense. A Whale of the Wild is very much a standalone novel. And a pretty decent one! Personally, I think I liked Wolf more, but this one was a pleasant, informative read, with just the right amount of crushing dread sprinkled in. It’s about a young orca called Vega who is learning to become a new wayfinder for her pod but who still has a lot to learn, especially in an ocean that is becoming increasingly hostile to orcas and the other sealife that live alongside humans. When a devastating earthquake hits, Vega and her little brother find themselves separated from their family, lost in a now horrifyingly unfamiliar environment, and fighting starvation as the salmon that sustain them become more and more unreliable. It’s a desperate fight for survival as they search for food and their missing family. This book is written for a middle grade level, and does a really good job of putting the current environmental crisis into an animal’s perspective while giving the readers something to hope for.

The Adventure Zone: The Crystal Kingdom

Every July I eagerly anticipate the next Adventure Zone graphic novel. This one is for their fourth arc, The Crystal Kingdom, in which Magnus, Taako, and Merle respond to a SOS from a floating laboratory that is gradually being consumed by crystals and which threatens the entire world should it fall into the ocean. Carey Pietsch’s art continues to be absolutely fantastic, so beautifully and hilariously expressive, and this one delivers some great Merle moments, lots of Carey Fangbattle, and, of course, Kravtiz. Kravitz, my beloved…

Anyway, I obviously always recommend these. If you’ve never gotten into The Adventure Zone, I totally recommend either trying these graphic novels — or even better, just go listen to the podcast because it really is both hilarious and creates a shockingly good and heart-wrenching story by the end.

All Systems Red

I’ve seen The Murderbot Diaries on my dash occasionally, and it always looked interesting, but a friend’s recommendation finally compelled me to read the first novella of the series. And holy shit y’all. Absolutely the best book I’ve read this month, it’s amazing. Mind-blowingly good. Also, if you’re like me and want a good audiobook, it’s a nice three-hour listen, very chill!

Anyway, All Systems Red is about a Security Unit, an artificially created being that’s part-organic part-mechanical and all-company-owned-and-controlled. However, self-named “Murderbot” has managed to hack into the system that suppresses its own will, and is now coasting along, doing the least amount of work its job requires not to be noticed, while preferring to spend all its time watching the hours and hours of soap operas it has downloaded into its brain. And it’s a tolerable if somewhat dull life, until the science team that it's currently rented to is attacked and the whole mission goes pear-shaped. Suddenly Murderbot has to scramble to keep its humans alive… while its humans scramble with the realization that their “SecUnit” isn’t actually a mindless robot like they had all believed...

This story is both gripping and hilariously funny. Murderbot has such a unique voice and perspective and it’s an absolute pleasure to follow its story. I reallly need to read the next book...

Asterix and the Banquet

A classic. I was startled when I realized I hadn’t actually read this Asterix story… but hell I’m not gonna complain, it lets me read one of the originals for the first time again! In this Asterix volume, the Indomitable Gauls and the Romans end up arranging a bet — the Romans intend to keep them under siege, trapped in their village, while Asterix is confident that he can easily evade them… and will prove it by going on a tour around all of Gaul, collecting iconic foods from each region in order to return and put on a fine banquet. So we get a fantastic adventure in which Asterix and Obelix run all over the country, pursued the whole way, while making cheerful stops at the various eateries along the way. Also the first book Dogmatix shows up in! All around, a wonderful read, fun like all the best Asterix comics are.

Beauty Pop v4

A less impressive graphic novel. The first Beauty Pop is one of my guilty pleasure manga because… it really is pretty stupid but in the best possible ways. I mean, the whole thing is framed around hairstyling battles, like a shojo sports manga without the sports. It’s bonkers. Unfortunately, the series does not really manage to hold up, and it really begins to feel repetitive and dragging as it continues… as a lot of series like this do. *shrug* Unsurprising but still kinda disappointing I suppose. The building three-way romantic tension is mildly interesting if for no other reason than the main character Does Not Notice and Does Not Care about any of it, which is amusing and refreshing.

FRNCK v5

Now this series only gets better and better as it goes. This is the first book of the second arc, and somehow the danger just seems to be ramping up and up and up. The cavefamily have lost their home… as well as Léonard and Gargouille. Heartbroken, shocked, and angry, Franck is the one who ends up shouldering the blame for their presumed deaths as the others mourn. Things only get worse when Franck finds himself separated from the family, and in the territory of another tribe, this one hostile and cannibalistic...

Haikyuu v5

I continue to read this series because it continues to be charming… though it is beginning to feel, maybe, just a little repetitive. Kind of an inevitability with sports manga. But so far it continues to be good enough to overcome that. I’m not sure what I can say about this series that I haven’t already, so I’ll simply say it continues to be one of the most impressive sports manga I’ve read, and the author does a fantastic job of creating engaging characters, fleshed out teams, and really compelling relationships. I do genuinely adore all the main members of Crows, along with a number of characters from the rival teams as well. And of course it has some kickass volleyball scenes that are just drawn so dramatically they can’t help but take your breath away a little.

M*A*S*H Goes To Maine

Meh. The original book of the series was actually quite good in my opinion. This one… considerably less so. The first part I enjoyed more, since it was about Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, and Oliver Jones trying to set up the FinestKind Clinic and Fishmarket in Crabapple Cove (which… is just the best premise I could have ever asked for). However, the book spends most of its time describing the quirky lives and times of other people living in the area and I… just… don’t care. It was funny at times but… I just don’t care. I wanted to hear more about the main cast. Also I found this book felt more racist and misogynistic than the first which also put me off :/ Wouldn’t bother if I were you. Go read the first book instead, or better yet just watch the TV show which is an obvious banger.

My Heart’s in the Highlands

I have had this on my “currently reading” list for so long but I’m officially giving up. It’s a really good book in theory but my god I can’t get over the pacing.

It’s about Lady Jane, a woman studying medicine in Edinburgh in 1888, and who suddenly finds herself back in the Highlands in the 13th century. Lost and confused, Jane is now at the mercy Clan Donald’s hospitality while she tries to adjust to this new world and hunts for her broken time machine. Fortunately, this hospitality include a burgeoning friendship with a red-haired warrior woman, Ainslie nic Dòmhnaill, who opens Jane’s eyes to the way the world could be.

Listen. It drives me nuts. This book should be completely up my alley, it has everything I like — IT HAS ALL OF ITS HISTORICAL FOOTNOTES CITED AT THE BACK, LITTLE EXTRA DETAILS ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THAT’S MY SHIT RIGHT THERE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE BEING ABLE TO GO OVER HISTORICAL DETAILS?? AND WELL RESEARCHED FOOTNOTES?? And yet it doesn’t. Fucking. Work for me. It has a kickass Scottish warrior lady as a love interest! It has a badass lady doctor! It has fish-out-of-water culture shock! But it also has a completely meandering plot, no sense of building tension, and a romance that just happens out of nowhere and feels completely unearned and uninteresting.

I would genuinely just rather read Outlander again, which I know has its own host of problems, but at least Outlander felt exciting and interesting and tense and funny. The romance built in fits and starts, it was complicated, and kept me interested. That book had me hooked (and has me hooked every time I reread it) whereas this book I’ve been sadly picking at for months like its a plate of overcooked spinach. This felt like an attempt at a queer, historically accurate knockoff which I would normally be super into but which just could not stick the landing.

Moomin on the Riviera

My first time actually reading anything from the Moomin canon. I have zero idea how to feel about it! It certainly is as feral as I’ve heard described! Overall, I think I enjoyed it but it sure made me feel strange emotions I didn’t know existed. I’m not even going to try to describe it. Read it if you want a batshit insane anti-capitalist comic.

Surviving the City

This was good in some areas, less good in others. It had a very interesting indigenous perspective on life in the modern city, the foster system, and The Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women issue, which I’ve never seen handled in a book before. Something about the pacing did not completely click with me and I found myself getting easily distracted, but it’s definitely worth the read just to experience it and look at the issues it deals with through the characters’ (and author’s) eyes. It did give me a lot to think about and wrestle with, which is sometimes the best thing a book can give you.

Torchwood: Pack Animals

A really fun read, more so than I had ever expected! If you like Torchwood and want more stories about the team before everything goes to shit, this is perfect for that. It includes the entire cast, an interest mystery to be unravelled, lots of slavering monsters, Rhys being really wonderful and sweet (which I didn’t know I wanted until I read this book), and all the humour I expect from Torchwood. I had to send a lot of quotes to my long-suffering girlfriend who a) does not watch this show but b) needs to tolerate it because I find it too funny to keep to myself. It was good enough to make me go out another book of the series since this was the only one my library carried.

#book review #book reviews #torchwood #moomin #queer lit #queer literature #queer books #canlit #canadian literature #manga #haikyuu!! #beauty pop #all systems red #murderbot #mash goes to maine #taz #the adventure zone #the crystal kingdom #a whale of the wild #surviving the city #frnck #asterix

[fvckingcrazybutfree]

So I read the cursed text. The famously infamous dw novel "Lungbarrow" I mean. And you know what??? I really REALLY liked it. Obviously a couple of times my eyebrows probably went through the roof but the fun's exactly in that. I'm just gonna quickly list some of my thoughts and cool passages from there

The Doctor's nickname used by his cousins was "wormhole" and Innocet called him "snail". They called him that for one very fucking weird reason: apparently Gallifreyans don't have belly buttons????? Only the Doctor has it???? This is bonkers. I love it. And it makes sense considering everyone there isn't born naturally but loomed (I also love the looms. they're canon. fight me)

THE FUCKING HOUSE IS ALIVE???AND THE FURNITURE TOO? HELLOO????? MR. PLATT I JUST WANT TO TALK. again, batshit crazy stuff. love everything about it. and after some thinking I realized it's not so unlikely bc the TARDISes are also sentient. just timelord things™️.

also the creepy bit with all furniture being really big to make the occupants feel like children even though they were never small??? that shit is just very on brand time lordy stuff to do

genuinely fucking loved all the girls in the book. romana is as always a true queen. leela is just lovely and most of her lines are pure gold. ace, sorry, dorothee fucking slaps. she's just as cool as I remember her from the show. innocet being the only almost sane member of "gallifrey's most dysfunctional family" won my heart. the little flashback with her and young doc playing outside the house almost made me cry

the passages are in pics bc I'm lazy and don't want to type it all down. that's not even all of my favourite bits just the absolute best. there are funny ones and epic ones and from kinda to VERY sad ones

Doctor: "if I didn't exist you'd have to invent me"

Just fuckin...read it. It's good. I swear

#doctor who #lungbarrow

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Fated to Love You here reaffirming my long held conviction that no pure romance drama should be 20+ episodes.

This show is... really something. It is, in the fullest possible sense, A Lot. It starts out as an all-out screwball comedy wrapped around a troperiffic romance fluff plot. Wall to wall clichés, but not in a bad way; in a meta, self-aware, peak performance, finest Velveeta way. And if you’re not familiar with screwball comedy, think ‘light-hearted crack fic with slapstick and farce’. There is nothing believable or grounded about any aspect of it, it starts at Bonkers Level: Platinum and it only climbs higher as it goes on.

(On a side note, this results in the leading man being possibly the most memorable love interest in romcom history. His introduction scene is nothing short of batshit insane and you can't reliably predict how he will respond to anything. I have never seen a main character like this, he is all over the shop and utterly singular. Your first reaction to him is ‘wtf?’, your second and third reactions are ‘really?! this guy??’, your fourth reaction is ‘okay he do be mad hot tho’, your fifth and final reaction is ‘I cannot believe this performance exists, I have no idea what he is doing, but it is amazing.’

Appropriately(?) the actor who plays him is an uncanny Korean doppelgänger of Johnny Depp and- between the resemblance, the mannerisms, and the fearless total commitment to a bold as fuck acting choice with the very serious chops to back it up- I’m not convinced they aren’t half brothers separated at birth.

They do sabotage my happiness several times by starting to randomly style his (long, beautiful) hair very weird, fixing it right when the plot is rapidly circling the drain so he looks his hottest just as the show becomes briefly unwatchable, and then ruining him for the entire second half of the series by shearing it all off. WHY, my anguished cry goes up. Why do you do this?! Why does he have like seven hairstyles over the course of the show? Much later they even briefly give him that ubiquitous Kdrama Second Lead haircut with weirdly forward combed fringe in a solid straight line across the brow all the way back from the crown. It looks terrible on everyone and I hate it so much. This version was less bad than most but it is still bad. Anyway.)

So it’s an incredibly fun time to start but there are some problems with the tone and plot even in the first 9 episodes, including when the lovers start getting along really well right away and they’re both thoroughly decent people so there’s nothing keeping them from having a lovely time together making the best of the circumstances (forced/fake marriage). And, instead of introducing new conflict or advancing one of the dozen conflicts previously established and actually moving forward, there is a painfully contrived rehash of something they already dealt with which is then just never resolved. They make the hero leap to a conclusion his wife is nefarious after he’d already decided once that she isn’t (though it was completely reasonable for him to think she was- the fact that he decided to trust her so quickly just speaks to what kind of person he is), never try to find out more or talk to anyone about it, start pushing her away because of it, and have all this come to absolutely nothing. It only exists so he’ll stop being so incredibly nice to her and they won’t fall in love too fast.

You’d think they would have to eventually clear the air before the romance advances right? No. It wasn’t a real plot point, it was just a reset button to get them estranged and hostile again after they connect over their kindred spirits and we’ve spent a bunch of time showing how profoundly supportive and honourable our hero is. He’s being beautifully mature and selfless because he’s a really good dude (unusual for a romcom drama, right? for the main guy to be nice and considerate? to accept responsibility even if he doesn’t have to? Gun’s weird but he’s wonderful), but the writers need him to be cold and standoffish, so they just make him act like an unreasonable idiot for a while. He’s been thus far hugely proactive and direct and honest about everything, it’s one of his most prominent character traits, but suddenly he’s going to avoid confrontation in favour of being super passive aggressive?? Then the writers never solve it. Never! It just goes away. He got over it, I guess? He decided he doesn’t care if she’s a gold digger who deliberately trapped him? God forbid we have motivations that make sense and organic character drama, right? It's not like he didn't have totally valid reasons to be suspicious that could have led to legitimate conflict our heroine would struggle to vindicate herself from.

But anyway, apart from that kind of lazy bullshit, it’s a fine romance plot with extremely endearing characters who have great chemistry. They are fun and well-rounded and incredibly human despite all the silliness and OTT antics. Their relationship is hugely, hugely engaging and the dynamic is perfect, they really complement each other as characters and organically drive each other's arcs. There's the genuine depth and warmth and quiet pathos so often lacking from this kind of show. Things progress at a semi-reasonable pace. They work up to confessing their mutual feelings and get into some cute shenanigans before making out. It happens soon enough that you are not frustrated, but there's still plenty of build-up. Then- uh oh! We’re only 9 eps in and we have another 11 hours to fill with this fluffy plot!

Time for a bunch of absolute fucking nonsense. Time for our show, which has been so goofy and removed from reality it occasionally resembles a Monty Python skit, which has been so light it asks you to ignore the frankly incredibly fucked up implications of its premise for the sake of comedy (they were both drugged and proxy raped resulting in a pregnancy- the FL was a virgin prior to this and Gun had a girlfriend he wanted to propose to- and it was the FL’s family who did this to them: SUPER FUCKED UP), so farcical that it makes Some Like it Hot look like a gritty crime drama, that show to cover a bunch of serious heavy shit.

First, the rankest of melodrama. The families and the world all turn on our couple, but their love is true and will conquer all- UNTIL, he randomly collapses and gets convenient Soap Opera Amnesia. He’s forgotten their entire relationship and a series of coincidental pieces of misconstrued evidence, the machinations of his scheming ex girlfriend, the Soap Opera Doctor’s advice, and his closest confidants all going along with this conspire to make him believe (AGAIN) that his wife just wants his money.

This whole terrible episode is mercifully brief, but it just gets worse after his memory returns. This is where we get into the Noble Idiocy. The ‘pretend you don’t love them to “save them” from getting hurt by hurting them and making their important life decisions for them as if they don’t have a basic fucking right to decide that themselves’ kind. Which goes on for three FUCK years in the show. He wastes three years of their lives they could have spent together because he’s worried he might die young (in a terrible way) and doesn’t want to put her through that. And, of course, they inevitably get together later, so all he did was make it infinitely worse for her either way. To say nothing of how he thus couldn’t be there for her through the loss of their child. Possibly my most hated fucking trope of all time when done this way.

And, yep, you read that right. This show that has the single most batshit bonkers over the top slapstick I have ever seen in a kdrama, this show has a storyline where the fluffy romcom trope accidental pregnancy ends in massive trauma. Because she was standing around in the street after realising he does remember her (he continued to pretend he had amnesia after his memories came back, it’s all part of the stupid noble idiocy so I glossed over it) and gets hit by a car in the middle of their angst staring.

It is nearly Meet Joe Black levels of hilariously abrupt and incongruous.

so, blah blah, they lose their baby (there’s a very stupid whole thing about her telling everyone to save the baby instead of her- the baby is not far enough along for this to have been remotely viable. She is like 3 months pregnant. They all act like there’s a choice to be made between them and she’s mad at her husband for choosing to save her, but there was NO CHOICE. Either she lives or they both die! ffs I’m so irritated about this) and then he dumps her ~for her own good~~ because he loves her too much to make her go through losing him? So she loses him sooner?? right after their baby died???

Why do people in these stories always think being betrayed and abandoned for no reason and being incredibly angry at someone you love while also not getting to be with them is somehow less painful than making the best of your life together and then losing them against their will? ‘I will make her hate me and then she won’t be sad we broke up/I died!!!!’ is such a fucking galaxy brain take and I despise it with the heat of ten thousand suns. Fuck you, Spider-Man. You aren’t protecting anyone, the villains still know you love MJ and will still use her against you, you clod. Emotionally torturing the person you love is not going to make them not a target because the villains are not as fucking stupid as you two. Anyway.

Amnesia was right where I started fast-forwarding and skipping around (because I couldn’t bear it), but it only goes downhill from there. Maybe I would have toughed out more of the wretched middle part plot twist if they hadn’t cut all the hot guy’s hair off. If I’m going to watch total nonsense tedious melodrama, I need it to at least be pretty. I understand it was a Symbolic Haircut but damnit! Let me have this!

And it ultimately does the thing that kdramas seem obsessed with and which makes me want to claw out my own eyeballs with frustration. There’s a giant time skip, the female lead gets a personality transplant, all narrative momentum is lost, and the characters who eventually (at ENORMOUS length) get together permanently are essentially completely different characters with a completely different dynamic than the couple you were shipping for 90% of the story. It is so FUCKING unsatisfying and it is EVERYWHERE.

Not so much with this one because this one still had a lot of very romantic scenes late in the game, but most that do this, it’s also like all the romance is sucked out of the post-time skip episodes and the ending is a consolation prize instead of a triumphant culmination. Inevitably, the heroine abruptly cools off and is suddenly wary of the hero and wants this Important New Career she never mentioned until the penultimate episode but is now her one true life’s dream. What the apparently irresistible appeal is of these contrived separations and demure conclusions is I CANNOT FATHOM. I’m here for the fucking romance guys, you have not made Citizen Kane, please just indulge me with a big schmoopy finale.

And if not that, it’s frequently that there’s been so many random mood swings and so much shitty behaviour by the end that the relationship doesn’t make sense and you don’t know why they even bother to get back together.

I’m not inherently against all misunderstandings (they are the bread and butter of low stakes romance let’s be real) or attempts at noble idiocy from misguided characters, but the duration and seriousness of the drama these generate needs to be in proportion to how ridiculous they are. If your entire plot can be solved by a thirty second conversation there is NO REASON not to have and the continuation of the misunderstanding is a result of someone just NOT SPEAKING UP when any functional human being would have spoken up seven times by now IT’S BAD.

Do little cliff-hangers, whatever, but don’t draaaaagg out silly misconceptions into Shakespearean tragedy, it’s just wearying. It makes me hate the characters for acting like emotionally constipated toddlers with terminal stupidity. If there is so little trust, so little understanding, and so little basic patience between these people, they probably shouldn’t be dating, so try fucking harder, writers. And noble idiocy that is more than an impulse they fairly quickly see the error of is just insulting. You are not helping the other person, you are being domineering and selfish. I have a whole complex about wasting time and seeing endless parades of characters flushing years down the toilet for literally no reason gives me hives. Especially when the whole issue is about time!

(And, btw, so much of the plot is about how desperately the family needs an heir and everyone still wanting them to have kids the second time they get together- while the ~dilemma used to keep them apart is a GENETIC DISEASE which could STRIKE AT ANY TIME. Do you SEE THE PROBLEM WITH THIS WRITERS????? NO, I KNOW YOU DON’T. ommmmmmmmggggg that’s awful! So they’re just dooming more kids to Soap Opera Brain Disease? And maybe growing up without a father just as Gun did? And no one even considers suggesting adoption??? He never considers that he shouldn’t have biological children despite thinking he shouldn’t have a wife?)

ANYWAY. Please do watch the first nine episodes and the last three, it’s bananas. They are cute as fuck, Gun is The Best, and the tropey romance scenes are top quality. You don't get those things executed so well, it doesn't happen, so you need this in your life. The acting is of a calibre you never usually see in modern romcoms; these are people at the top of their game committing utterly and taking these characters completely seriously. In that way it is pure wish fulfilment for me as someone who loves romance and is almost always disappointed by popular romance media, and thus the show is incalculably special. But skip the middle. Just skip it. It's not worth the suffering. I find the tone whiplash honestly just this side of crass.

I’ve been thinking about it for over a week and I truly love the main characters so it did plenty right, but I just cannot with wedding the two things this show is trying to be together, especially when it goes so hard in two mutually exclusive directions. but also the Meet Joe Black sudden car accident device is not redeemable under any circumstances. Can we never do that again, please.

#fated to love you #kdrama #jang hyuk #writing

[screenandcinema]

Coming Attractions September 2021

As usual, we present monthly previews of new movies being released. These are the movies that will be hitting your local cinemas (and streaming services) this month:

September 3rd

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings - The second of Marvel Studios’ four films in five months 2021 sprint is Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. The film marks Marvel’s first solo origin of a new character since 2018′s Captain Marvel and their first without an established co-character since 2016′s Doctor Strange. Not to mention, while the character has been around since 1973, he is probably the least known character to date to land his own film. Though Shang-Chi represents more than that, it is the first Marvel film from an Asian director and predominantly Asian cast. Not to mention the longest MCU title to date. If the trend follows that only one or maybe two movies a month during the pandemic are box office draws, you can guarantee that Shang-Chi will be September’s.

Cinderella - Camila Cabello stars as the titular future Disney princess in this Amazon Prime musical from Kay Cannon (the writer of the Pitch Perfect films). Rounding out the case include Idina Menzel as Cinderella’s evil stepmother, Minnie Driver and Pierce Brosnan as the land’s queen and king, and Billy Porter as Cinderella’s fairy godparent.

Worth - If you are looking to stay in during Labor Day weekend, check out Worth on Netflix starring Michael Keaton, Stanley Tucci, and Amy Ryan. The film revolves around the story of Kenneth Feinberg, the attorney tasked with running the September 11th Victim Compensation Fund and calculating what each life lost that day was worth. The story is due to be depressing, but an important watch nonetheless.

September 10th

Malignant - Coming to theaters and HBO Max is a new horror film from director James Wan. This film looks bonkers and terrifying. Watch it with the lights on.

The Card Counter - Paul Schrader writes and directs this crime drama about a gambler hunted by his military past. Oscar Isaac, Tiffany Haddish, Tye Sheridan, and Willem Dafoe star.

Kate - Mary Elizabeth Winstead stars as an assassin with only 24 hours left to live who is on the hunt for her would-be killers in this new Netflix film.

Queenpins - The release strategy for Kristen Bell and Kirby Howell-Baptiste’s new comedy caper co-starring Paul Walter Hauser and Vince Vaughn is a unique one. The film will be released exclusively in Cinemark Theaters on September 10th, then will be available to subscribers on Paramount+ on September 30th. Funny enough, it isn’t even a Paramount Studios film, Paramount+ just offered the most, apparently north of $20M, which isn’t too shabby for a film with a $7M budget. Which doesn’t include whatever Cinemark is shelling out for the exclusivity (unless they are the only one who wants it with the short theatrical window). Queenpins is a rare film that is profitable before it even opens.

Come from Away - AppleTV+ bought the rights to stream a recording from May 2021 of the Broadway musical Come from Away. The musical, set a week after the September 11th attacks, tells the true story of stranded plane passengers diverted to the small town of Gander in Newfoundland and Labrador. For years I have wanted to see Come from Away and I am looking forward to watching it finally very soon.

September 17th

Cry Macho - At 91 years old, director and actor Clint Eastwood is at it again with his adaptation of a novel of the same name that will be hitting both theaters and HBO Max this month. That’s all I got.

The Eyes of Tammy Faye - Jessica Chastian is Tammy Fake Bakker in this biographical drama about the life of the controversial televangelist and her husband Jim Bakker (played by Andrew Garfield).

Prisoners of the Ghostland - Nicolas Cage turns everything up to 11 in this neo-noir western action film from Japanese filmmaker Sion Sono. Early reviews had been fairly positive for the film that looks absolutely batshit crazy.

Copshop - Joe Carnahan directs Gerard Butler and Frank Grillo in this action thriller about a hitman, a con artist, and a small-town police officer.

September 24th

Dear Evan Hansen - Ben Platt returns to his Tony-award-winning role (and high school) in the film adaptation of the 2015 acclaimed Broadway musical of the same name. Kaitlyn Dever, Amanda Stenberg, Julianna Moore, and Amy Adams co-star.

Now for a quick look ahead to October, my top picks for next month are Dune, Last Night in Soho, The French Dispatch, and No Time to Die.

-MB-

[nerdtrash-iteration]

(Re)watching Doctor Who: series 9

So this is where the infamous pair Heaven Sent and Hell Bent reside. You’ll see my feelings on the latter are rather lengthy. Let’s see how we did here. Series 9 (Twelfth Doctor)

9.X1: Last Christmas I loved this Christmas special. I thought it was a great homage to both the Alien franchise and Inception. The guest cast were really fun (especially Santa Claus), the plot kept me interested and there were many very sweet character moments. Loved Danny Pink’s brief return and the sleigh scene at the end especially. Bit awkward at the end with the fake-out of Clara leaving, you can really tell it was a rewrite. But I really enjoyed this one. 9.1: The Magician’s Apprentice Excellent opening episode. A cold open that immediately grabbed me, love the confirmation of Clara’s bisexuality and Missy is very welcome back. I wasn’t a huge fan of how they found the Doctor, felt a bit too contrived for my liking. Also wasn’t fond of his guitar antics and the whole notion of his last day alive. Felt a bit ehh. But I love all the character interactions here and the reveal of Skaro was fantastic. 9.2: The Witch’s Familiar A great 2nd part to the first story of this series. I adore Missy’s interactions with Clara, I highkey ship them but I do also ship Missy with everyone. It was also really interesting to see the Doctor and Davros have a civil-ish conversation. I still haven’t watched the classic era yet so I currently only know Davros from the series 4 finale. He didn’t really wow me there but I quite like this more complex portrayal of him. The Daleks are quite fun here, especially when Missy messes with them. It was a bit disappointing to see Davros double-cross the Doctor, I really thought they would try something different with him. Also sad that the Doctor just knew the whole time, made the interaction seem more fake. I feel the connection to the opening is a taaaaad tenuous with how old Davros is influenced by it, wish that had been a bit clearer. But I’ll allow it. 9.3 + 9.4: Under the Lake + Before the Flood I was so disappointed in this story. It’s hard for me to judge the two episodes separately so I’ll just talk about the story overall. I was quite bored throughout. Found the ghost design quite generic and not scary, the explanation of the mystery was absolutely batshit and I really didn’t care for it. I thought the plot resolution was pretty good and kinda cool how the Doctor transported himself to the future. Also cool that 2nd half took place in the past and ended up causing the flood. I love a good bootstrap paradox. But the reveal that his ghost was a hologram really felt like a cop-out. The guest cast were initially quite awkward but did grow on me in the 2nd part. I also was glad they wrote a deaf character with agency and made her the leader of the team. I saw Toby Whithouse wrote this, so I wasn’t surprised both the Doctor and Clara referred to the pilot as “he/she/it”. He has written some lowkey transphobic lines in the show before. That one isn’t that bad but just sounds so awkward. No-one uses the pronoun “it”. And just say “they”. Overall quite a disappointing story for me after that great first one. 9.5: The Girl Who Died I set my expectations a bit lower after that previous story. But this one was quite fun! Nice to have something a bit more light-hearted. Aschildr was fun but I didn’t feel she was very well-developed at this point. Kinda the generic “I’m not like other girls” trope used here. The Mire were an interesting race in how they survived on their reputation. The ragtag amateur feel of the finale was fun, with the use of electric eels. I thought Aschildr using the hologram technology to project the image of a sea serpent was a biiiit of a stretch though. Also some of Clara’s interactions just feel a bit awkward here. I thought the decision to basically make Aschildr immortal was very ethically dodgy on the Doctor’s part but I’m curious to see how it plays out in the next episode. 9.6: The Woman Who Lived Ah I loved this episode! It was so fun. I appreciated how simple its plot was and that it largely focused on the Doctor and Aschildr’s interactions. She was a lot more interesting in this episode, with some really great dialogue between her and the Doctor about immortality. Sam the Swift was really fun too. A really enjoyable episode. 9.7 + 9.8: The Zygon Invasion + The Zygon Inversion This is a very flawed story but one I still really enjoyed. Really felt like a proper sequel to the Zygon subplot in Day of the Doctor with how big in scale and budget it was. Really love to see Osgood(s) back and Kate Stewart. I really like the horror vibe the first part has especially with building in suspense. I think Osgood’s refusal to be defined as human or Zygon is thematically brilliant and her interactions with the Doctor are great. Love the Doctor calling Bonnie “Zygella”. I do find some of the plot details quiet frustrating though. Like the mechanism for the Zygons keeping a human form was very confusing. Also the radical Zygons’ plan just seemed really stupid? Like the humans outnumber you by a lot, they will kill you and your plan will be pointless. Also a bit disappointed in how Kate’s cliffhanger was resolved. Just shooting the Zygon in front of her, wow. But the speech at the end, damn. The two boxes and everything the Doctor said was amazing. Loved that. Overall a very enjoyable if flawed story. 9.9: Sleep No More Yiiiiiiiiiikes. I was warned this episode was underwelming and yeah, it be. It doesn’t make me angry though, just disappointed and confused. I absolutely adore the premise. Late-stage evil space capitalism not even letting workers sleep, absolutely brilliant. I can even roll with the idea of the change in brain chemistry making sleep dust into monsters somehow, sure. But all of the bonkers twists and attempts at being meta really frustrated me. It was just too many ridiculous ideas that we were expected to just accept and appreciate. Twists don’t necessarily make your story better, especially if you’ve just put one in to try and get a reaction from the audience. They work when they make sense in the story and add texture to it. The Doctor said it best: “None of this makes any sense”. 9.10: Face the Raven Oh faaaaaaaack. I hadn’t been watching Doctor Who for a while as I hadn’t been super feeling series 9. While I have enjoyed many of the stories up until now, I was frustrated by the lack of season arc. Felt like it wasn’t really focused on anything, besides vague notions of the Doctor’s confession dial and the Hybrid. Then just today I got in the mood to try to continue. Yeah this episode was a massive punch in the gut. I was immediately grabbed by the premise and the setting and having Rigsy and Ashildr back. I got so excited when they used trap streets!!! I just learned about them recently, they’re so fascinating. I loved the street itself and how Ashildr keeps the peace. It was really ruthless but narratively very interesting. I found the plot a taaaaaad contrived. Surely there were easier ways to get the Doctor and his confession dial and TARDIS key. But for character interactions were spot-on. Also I knew this was when Clara dies but the scene where they realise it left me a weeping mess. Like tears streaming down my face. Also the soundtrack in this episode was a bop. Fantastic episode, great way to pull me back in to Doctor Who. 9.11: Heaven Sent Okay so I’ve had this episode hyped for me for a good while. I’ve seen Doctor Who YouTube commentators call it their favourite episode. Personally there are episodes I enjoy more just because they tap into what I personally love in a story. But this still really impressed me. I love how good the episode looks, it really does feel special and cinematic. The twist is absolutely genius and I could not have predicted it. Everything about the harder-than-diamond wall was great. The ending montage was so emotional. Not my favourite but it certainly earns its reputation. 9.12: Hell Bent I was honestly tempted to just key-smash with this one because what the faaaaaaaaaaaaaack. In contrast to Heaven Sent, I’ve had others warn me that Hell Bent was their least favourite episode. And yeah, this ain’t it. I tried going in with an open mind but there are just too many things that annoy me. I personally really dislike the Time Lords as a presence in a story as they often do not feel like real characters. Just a vague annoying bureaucratic threat with very empty lore tied to them. “We must stop the Doctor, he bad, for reasons” is the feel I often get with them, it’s very annoying. The motivations of the various Time Lords and Sisters of Karn used here were also very unclear. One minute some are helping the Doctor, the next he’s against them all. Things were just happening too fast to keep up. Also why is there barely any significance made of the Doctor finally returning to Gallifrey???? Clara even asks “How did they get unfrozen?” and the Doctor says “I didn’t ask”. Just felt like the writers saying “Yeah we’re bored with this really important character arc that was set up all the way back in 2005, never mind”. I just thought the performance of the woman in the barn was really silly, with her wordlessly gesturing to the Doctor to come to the door to see the soldiers. I hated seeing a Gallifreyan crowd just surround the Doctor and silently applaud him like a hive mind for drawing a line in the sand. The whole thing with the soldiers going to the Doctor’s side one at a time just felt silly to me. That is a good idea in a story but something about the execution just felt off. It was cool to learn that the Cloister Bell in the TARDIS was likely linked with the basement cloisters on Gallifrey. But the cloisters themselves felt very underused and just thrown in there. After a lot of thought and seeking other hot takes on the episode, I see the Doctor’s real plan had feck all to do with the Hybrid (now a cursed word for me) and was just to save Clara. Which isn’t a bad idea necessarily but the choices so many characters make just felt so silly. Something about the script just didn’t work, like the actors were kids playing pretend and making up their own lines as they went. I really liked Clara as a companion (especially in series 8) but she had a good death in Face the Raven that fit her character, let her be. I really love the relationship between her and Twelve (especially how it’s the focus of series 8) but I think this is just a stretch. To shoot a Time Lord to kill, to go as far as he does, it just didn’t ring true. The rehash of the memory wipe from series 4 annoyed me, and there was a throwaway line as to why it was necessary and it just didn’t feel right. It just felt like “Ummmm we need a sad and dramatic end, this will work!!!”. And it just felt so unsatisfying and empty. Again like kids playing pretend and then they decide a character dies or gets amnesia to be dramatic. I was already not a fan of the series arc here (or lack thereof) and this really cemented it as the worst arc in revived Doctor Who so far for me. I see why RTD’s mystery box phrase might not be for everyone but at least they all led to something. “The Hybrid” was just a phrase that kept be dangled over our heads and ultimately meant nothing. It’s like a McGuffin but worse. It’s not an object to move the plot, it’s just nothing. “Oh no, Clara, through my selfish actions, I see now that I am the Hybrid!” No. It just felt like a contrivance made to get the Time Lords angry with the Doctor and it turns out they caused their own problems by bringing the Doctor to them and he ended up being their worst nightmare. There should be something poetic or ironic in that but it didn’t feel concrete enough for me to care. Ummmmm things I liked: -Another gender-swap regeneration, that was cool. Also T’nia Miller! I recognised her from Sex Education. -I always like seeing Ashildr and the Doctor muse over immortality. I liked seeing her at the end of the universe, even some of their musings over the Hybrid were kinda interesting. -Some of the Doctor’s dialogue before losing his memory was funny, like never eating pears. 9.X2: The Husbands of River Song This was quite a fun special! Definitely needed after how series 9 ended. The robot with the replaceable heads was fun, didn’t know this was when we first meet Nardole and it was nice to have River back. Her characterisation felt slightly off to me, like she was a bit too zany. But it’s probably just been a while since I’ve last seen her. Her not recognising the Doctor felt a bit too drawn out for me but the scene where she realises it is lovely. As is her ending scene, even if it sliiiiiightly goes against canon but whatever. I don’t know how to feel about her certainty that the Doctor never loved her. I myself did doubt their romantic connection as it more so felt like we were being TOLD they were a couple rather than believably showing it. I do believe the Doctor can fall in love but that it’s very rare and probably in a manner that humans might not appreciate. I think he was a monolith who loved her back but probably just not to the extent she wanted. So series 9 didn’t feel as cohesive in theme compared to series 8. I really liked many of the individual episodes but it didn’t feel like the series was really about anything. And that’s confirmed when we learn the Hybrid is basically nothing. I wish Clara got a better send-off, seeing her fly off in her own TARDIS with Ashildr just fell flat for me. We still got some great stories here if you just ignore the Hybrid arc.

#Doctor Who #Doctor Who series 9 #Doctor Who recap

[bloggylunsford]

‘The OA’ Is An Odd Show (SPOILERS)

Is The OA a good show? *shrugs noncommittally 

Is it batshit crazy? Yes. Is it unlike any other tv show? Yes. Does the plot revolve heavily around dance moves? Yes.

But is it good?  I honestly don’t know. 

Let’s start of with what the show is about. A young woman returns to her hometown after having been missing for several years. Once there, she bonds with five outcasts and tells them the harrowing tale of where she was during those years. 

That’s the spoiler-free vague synopsis. Here’s the spoiler-full one: (SPOILERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)

Prairie (yes, this is the main character’s name. Well, one of the them.) returns home to her hometown after being kidnapped. She used to be blind, now she’s not. She becomes friends with four high school kids and one teacher and she tells them her past. Apparently, she was the baby daughter of a Russian mobster who got adopted by well-meaning Martha and Jonathan Kent types who name her Prairie because they want her to have a normal life (sorry, can’t get over this name thing). She was blinded as a child because she had a near death experience. 

Now here’s the weird stuff. She (in the flashbacks) decides she’s going to try and find her father in New York because she had some sort of vision that he was going to be there. She doesn’t find her dad, but instead finds a creepy doctor who charms her, kidnaps her, and puts her in a weird glass cage that’s connected to four others in a rough pentagon shape. Through various happenings that are too complicated for me to want to get into right now, the prisoners discover that their captor keeps them to run tests on them where he kills them basically to look for secrets of the afterlife. They are all people who have had near death experiences which has given them special insight, I guess. Well, turns out that Prairie is the OA. What’s that? The Original Angel. Don’t expect to fucking know what that’s supposed to mean, because I still don’t. These five are angels, I guess, and they have to perfect five movements (read: weird ass dance moves) to open a portal to another dimension. The captor eventually throws Prairie-OA out on the side of the road when she causes problems for him because he doesn’t need her anymore. In the present day, she attempts to teach her new friends these movements.

EXCEPT.....she maybe made the whole thing up. Also, even though it seems like she made the whole thing up, her new friends do the five movements as a school shooter attacks their school in the last episode and it doesn’t do anything. They think it does, I think, despite the school shooter shooting Prairie-OA who had popped in after she had a vision about what was going to happen. 

GUYS, IT”S BONKERS. I spent a good 75% of this show just shrugging and shaking my head. The first episode’s opening titles sequence doesn’t start until 45 MINUTES into the episode. It’s slow until there’s a scene on Saturn where a goddess tells Prairie-OA life changing secrets. There’s sorta subplots all over the place, though I barely cared about any of the characters. I just wanted to know what the hell is going on. And guess what, I still have absolutely no clue. 

What is The OA? *shrugs again*

photo credit: Netflix

#theoa #netflix #britmarling #tvshows #tvreview #sci-fi & fantasy #review #spoilers #bingewatch #twists