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#the single only good thing that could come from this if arin does not come back is if luzu (the character) returns

lunyxdragon · 23 days

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Dragons Rising Rant

I WAS NOT READY for season 2 part 1

(I'm spoiling pretty much everything below the cut)

This was everything I wanted and more (not to say it doesn't have its issues, but still)

I know some people were grumbling about Lloyd taking Zane's role of being the vision haver but I honestly like how they handled it. Because it feels an awful lot like a PTSD allegory. Like, Arin is literally like "you've been through a lot, maybe it's catching up to you" or smthn like that, the visions showing up at random and inconvenient times during the day, being unavoidable but they can be lived with, panic attacks, so am I the only one seeing this??? This does some interesting things to my Lloyd PTSD headcanons... another thing is the two people that have had visions are the two most likely people to have PTSD imo, so... there's that...

Lloyd verbally acknowledges having panic attacks which caught me so off guard for a show to sell toys to eight year old boys. It wasn't like puss and boots level of panic attacks, definitely not given that much focus, but it was there. Lloyd canonically has panic attacks!!

I know it's a kid's show, but I feel like they could have handled the sleep deprivation a bit better than "Lloyd is falling asleep all the time," like there's so many other ways you could convey that, at least vary it a bit. They hammer this point into the ground and I feel like kids aren't that dense, and would understand it even with half of the random falling asleep replaced with irritability, zoning out, or other stuff like that idk.

I WAS NOT READY for Kai to get sacrificed. When they were talking about human sacrifices I was like "nah ninjago would never go that far, that pretty much confirms that either the sacrifices aren't actually necessary or the forbidden five don't get brought back," then Kai literally gets sent to the backrooms with no way out.

And Bonzle. BONZLE. Need I say more? Wish she had gotten more focus though. The sorceress felt like a d&d oc shoved in last minute though, and her design was so chaotic it was distracting from the show for me. Probably just me though, I like order. She's fun, I just wish they'd either given her an arc or given that focus to Bonzle.

Internally screaming when Nya says "Jay would never forget me" and when Jay showed up. I really hope they give him enough time to shine.

Ras literally runs and catches up to a moving car and knocks out a dragon in a single hit. Bros insane. I guess the blood moon just makes him physically stronger? They didn't really elaborate what the blood moon does to Ras and why. But he's an actually competent villain, which Ninjago is in short supply of.

Cole literally said "Come at me (bro)" to the Administration.

Speaking of Cole, Geo misses him!! I'm way overhyped for this couple, but this is the closest thing we'll get to a canon gay couple in ninjago. Lego doesn't have the balls to actually show them kissing or being a couple, not with their show that gets aired all over the world to sell legos. I'm gonna go rewatch the land of lost things episode from s1 later.

The timeline is even more messed up now though. If Cole only just returned, when were the Mech Pilot shorts supposed to happen? We'll see what the creators say on Twitter lol.

Ending this off on a positive note, the found family is gonna kill me. Arin literally seeing Lloyd and Nya as his parents was gold. Oh man Ras slammed the poor boy around a lot, physically and mentally. Just let both Arin and Sora realize they're not useless. Nahhh the angst is too good.

Is there more? Probably. But I need to do my calculus coursework...

#ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago spoilers #ninjago dragons rising spoilers #dragons rising spoilers #dr spoilers

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askpinkietai · 1 year

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Been playing with Replicate’s text-to-Pokémon AI art generator today, and been inventing some new Pokémon for fun. I thought it’d be fun to then take my favourite designs and write up some Fakémon descriptions for them. Usually I just went with the first result, or else you just spend too long trying to perfect an idea and lose what was already good. The AI seems to really like disk-shaped things for unknowable entities (half the Lovecraftian creatures I tried came back as symbolic disks), and it also draws on Vivillon quite heavily, to the point where “exotic butters” just returned actual Vivillon images with little change.

Gonna put a linebreak here since this could be a long post~

Prompt: “wetlands ghost” Name: Fentasm Type: Ghost/Water Description: A friend to those lost in the foggy marshlands, this mysterious Pokémon appears when the moon breaks through the fog to guide travelers along a safe path.

Prompt: “SipsCo Dirt Factory” Name: Dirtpyle Type: Ground Description: A Pokémon used as a diligent factory worker. Its ability to compress, compact, and store dirt into neat cubes makes it valuable in agricultural work.

Prompt: “cheeseburger” Name: Bugcheeser Type: Bug/Normal Description: This strange Pokémon has a strong smell of a fast food restaurant! Strangely meaty and soft for a Bug-type, it conceals a large mouth underneath its brown shell. This Pokémon is a common sight in urban areas.

Prompt: “the spirit of halloween” Name: Hallowraith Type: Ghost/Dark Description: A shadowy Pokémon that appears in late autumn, just after the harvest season. Originally feared for its appearance, people later celebrated it as a sign of the colder weather coming and held celebrations in its name. It may accept offerings of candy.

Prompt: “Cthulhu” Name: Lurkrafter Type: Poison/Water Description: A slumbering titan deep under the ocean, many legends tell of the fearful day it may wake. Despite its sturdy looks, it is actually quite soft and has been bruised by boats passing over its napping area.

Prompt: “mars rover” Name: Rover Rotom Type: Electric/Steel Description: This Rotom form is used to explore hostile environments. Its large tires allow it to climb rough surfaces with ease, and it collects solar energy with its panels to keep itself powered up. It communicates remotely with its owner.

Prompt: “Ghostbusters” Name: Bustrinos Type: Normal Description: Often seen in groups, even a single Bustrinos is a match for any Ghost-type. Each variety brings a unique skill to their fight against ghostly opponents, including a tracking ability, an electrical discharge, and a mood-altering slime.

Prompt: “hastur” Name: Yelloking Type: Dark Description: This mysterious disk-like Pokémon is spoken about only in hushed whispers, as it’s said invoking its name can bring its attention. It is instead usually referred to with a drawing of the yellow sign in the middle of its body.

Prompt: “rock-type pretending to be a tree” Name: Conifraud Type: Rock/Grass Description: A distant relation of Sudowoodo that has taken its disguise far enough to actually become part Grass-type. This Pokémon is almost impossible to spot at a distance. Cut does not work on it.

Prompt: “arin hanson” Name: Grumpanzee Type: Ground/Fighting Description: A sturdy Pokémon with a lot of power, it is unfortunately impatient and easily distracted. Its luxurious mane protects it from being struck from behind while it is bragging about its strength.

Prompt: “dan avidan” Name: Luchadan Type: Normal/Fighting Description: Charming and easygoing, this Pokémon is a talented musician with the aid of its third arm. It is often seen in the company of Grumpanzee, where it keeps its grumpy companion on track.

#Pokémon #AI generated art #Fakemon #Game Grumps

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #292

“dear god, let’s make this fucking clear: dear god, there’s nothing that i fear”

What internet browser do you use? Chrome. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) Mom just grabs the Great Value jugs. Do you have a job? No. Are you full-time or part-time? N/A Are you watching TV right now? No. Or are you listening to music? Yeah, "Mr. Crowley" by Ozzy. Such a great song. Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? No. I would NOT survive in jail. When's your birthday? February 5th. I cannot fucking believe I'm almost 25. Thoughts on kids? Too impressionable for me. Even with my niece and nephew, I feel like every single word I say just like... stamps into their brains, and what if I say something that negatively affects them? I feel like it's my responsibility as an aunt to be a fountain of wisdom when I'm definitely not. I just get nervous around kids. Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents? I wouldn't call it a "punishment," but when I skinned the everliving fuck out of my knees and Mom was patching me up while I was just sobbing away, my dad literally roared "SHUT UP!" from my parents' bedroom, and it's stuck with me forever. Honestly, I think it may be a root in my extreme fear of men yelling. Worst punishment from Mom, probably this time where she smacked the shit outta my arm as a kid and left a clear handprint for a while. Are you the type who is completely against abortion? Why? No, I am firmly pro-choice, despite being pro-life most of my life. I don't feel like writing a moral essay, but basically, I absolutely cannot agree with forcing a woman to carry a human they don't want for whatever reason for nine fucking months, endure one of the most traumatically painful things known to man, and then properly and adequately care for that child. That is such a huge fucking responsibility that should be forced upon *nobody*. "But adoption!" Yeah, go tell that to the thousands of children waiting on you. This is leaning on exactly what I said I wouldn't do, so moving along. Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? "I’ve read some books that were phenomenal, but I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that they 'changed my outlook on life'." <<<< This was Johnny Got His Gun for me. Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? No. What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered? I would fucking freak. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, but I honestly do want at least one, primarily with a deep black and then some nice grays and neutral colors. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yes. Are your nails always painted? Quite the opposite. What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? I honestly don't really decorate because I just don't have the motivation, but Halloween is the best. Were you popular in school? Nope. Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion? BANANAS, dark sodas (like Coke or Dr. Pepper), peanut butter can... It's hard for me to tell much now because I have chronic heartburn and am medicated for it. Works great, so I don't experience this much. Is there something you intend to buy in the near future? Yes. Once my tattoo is done (I'm setting the appointment the next time we leave the house, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), what I have left is going towards Venus' new terrarium. She really needs a 40 gallon. Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? I was the art kid, and family still insist I should be an artist. What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have? Omg, Roman has so many. He nuzzles me all the time, will collapse into my hand to pet him, he insists on being the little spoon at bedtime (no, really), he literally tries to groom me with his teeth, licks my face... He is just a doll. My little buddy for sure. Now onto Venus. She loves to chill next to me in bed or find a cozy place under the covers, and omgggg does she love to slither around the bed doing the periscope thing. So curious. What's the screensaver on your computer? I don't have one. What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I am WEAK for nice shoulderblades/muscular shoulders ok. What’s the sexiest thing about a girl? I am an ass bitch and I will not hesitate to admit it ayyyyyeeeee. Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021? Nobody. Who was the last person to send you a message on social media? My sister Misty. She's planning to surprise Mom (her stepmom, anyway) by showing up in a few weeks with her fiance and all her kids she's never met but desperately wants to. My mom is the only "real mom" she's ever had, and she just feels so bad that she has a by now teenage daughter (among three other younger ones) that has never met her "grandmother." It's just an expensive and long trip, but Misty's finally called it enough and is just driving down here with everyone. Mom is going to fucking sob. ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? Nice timing for this, since her fiercely anti-mask bullshit is all I can focus on about her lately... but there are good things about her. She truly is a very loving, passionate woman that, just like me, feels deeply and expresses it. What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown? Does grimacing count from a sudden bodily pain? Have you smiled at any point during the last hour? Yeah. I'm watching the VOD of Arin Hanson playing Kingdom Hearts 2 for charity, and he went on a total fucking laughing fit. His laugh is so precious, so I just couldn't stop grinning. What was the last thing you consulted Google for? Ensuring "grimace" was the right word for my former expression, even though I was pretty positive it was correct... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my English skills are degrading, particularly in spelling. It's concerning me. I was an English whiz my whole life up to now. My only guess is it's related to how godawful my memory is also declining. So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? No. When was the last time you were on a carousel? Probably not since I was a teenager being goofy with Jason or somebody. What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? I have a picture on my dA of a beautiful elephant walking RIGHT by its fence at the zoo. It was pretty amazing, considering just how incredibly immense their enclosure is. Have you ever played Halo? No, it's not my kinda game. Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine? Oh, I'm positive I've read sections while in waiting rooms of various places. When was the last time you had a pillow fight? I have no idea. Realistically it was probably w/ Jason since that sounds like some cute playfighting thing we'd do, but I don't remember a particular instance. Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: "Retail works. The horror stories my mom has on the daily is absolutely ridiculous. People can be so incredibly rude." <<<< I absolutely agree with this; what friends and strangers alike rant about is just depressing. Nobody, especially those working through a goddamn pandemic that's killing thousands, deserves the disrespect that comes their way. Have some goddamn decency and know half the issues you bring up to retail workers isn't even their damn fault. Ohhhh, I could rant about this. In your own words, define what the word sexy means. So you mean like, what I think is considered sexy, not just the general definition? If that's the case, uhhh. Self-confidence (but absolutely not arrogance) is very attractive to me as a bitch who lacks it entirely, as well as good manners, being outgoing, and just... charm. I don't quite know how to describe that "charm" other than I'm really drawn to people who are unique and happy with it and just seem to have an aura about them that feels good to be in. What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live? I'm going to look at this question as if you're asking about my state and not general location because 1.) there ain't shit here and 2.) I'd prefer to keep relatively where I live quiet on the Internet. Looked it up and apparently NC's biggest tourist bait is the Biltmore Estate. Never been there myself, but it'd be pretty dope. Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? I'm in my own home and pjs, who the fuck wears underwear with that criteria lmao. Are you any good at volleyball? NOOOOOOOOO. I went to a volleyball camp thing once when I was younger and that shit hurts the hell outta your hands. I didn't stay long. Have you ever had a water balloon fight? Why of course. Do you think some babies are ugly? Quite honestly, probably most, especially newborns. Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I do; going there was one of the most exciting possible things to me as a kiddo. Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? Possibly. I mean they sure are pretty successful and well-known. Do you love stuff-crusted pizza? Eh, it's not my preference, but I'll eat it. Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No, but I really should, given how dry my skin is. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? I'd like to not think about this. Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Lol definitely not. I think at least one on my older channel hit 1k somehow???? It was a birthday gift I made for someone. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? lol I already have one there. At some point I'm getting it covered, though. Do you like Robert Frost poems? I do! Do you go to church every Sunday? I never do. Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year? No, I don't play that game. You want me or you don't, so I'm not wasting my time on your uncertainty or just our lack of stability for whatever reason. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Absolutely writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? ?????????????????? i don't?????????????? care???????????????? they're not my tits??????????????? What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I don't know. I avoid trying shit on like the plague. And then it ends up being too big/small. I wonder why. Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes? I've only ever fallen asleep naked once, and accidentally at that, so I really don't remember how I felt about it? Consciously though, I would feel very, very vulnerable so don't have plans to when I have my own place. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? HAHAHA Y'AAAAAALLLLLLL THIS WAS DEADASS THE ONLY LUCID DREAM I'VE EVER HAD LMAOOOOO Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? My short-term memory is absolutely atrocious, like to the point it seriously affects my ability to get shit done. You can give me something that needs to be done and I will forget in a heartbeat. Now, my long-term memory is astonishing. I can remember many things from my childhood in incredible detail. Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before? Did you need to have surgery for it? I've had a concussion or two. I can't remember which. I didn't need surgery. Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve? Yeah: chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, generalized anxiety, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, bipolar II, and I think that's it. My head's a mess and a half. What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? About to the small of my back; how it is now, which is pretty much shaved on the left and fades to near my chin on the right. I actually got it cut last month; we've gone to a family friend for years whose shop is just an extra building by her house and very rarely has more than two clients in it. We had masks on, of course. At what age did you start getting gray hairs, if you happen to have any? I don't have any. Somehow, given my stress level at all times, haha. What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it? It's too short to style. I don't use any products in it but obviously shampoo. Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? Probably my mom. I think she was in a rotten mood for one reason or another and just being snappy and generally rude. Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? We do; it's by choice, and it'd be immensely ignorant not to where we live considering it literally gets picked up with the other garbage. Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day? I've never tried carbonated water, and flavored water rarely works for me due to artificial sweeteners giving me beastly headaches. So I'll just take really cold, filtered water. Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? I had to call the ambulance for my mom right before her cancer was discovered because she was literally immobile and in ungodly pain. When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? At my old college, as the newspaper photographer, I took some artsy pics up there. I will probably forever worry that leaving school resulted in the biggest career opportunity slipping through my fingers through that newspaper. Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? I guess about the normal amount you'd see in the country. Some dangerous animals live here, sure, that's probably everywhere, but you very rarely see any. Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? For suicidal thoughts and one attempt, yes. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? Ahhhh, do I know those well. Thankfully, it's been a long time since I had an all-out panic attack. Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID? Nope. Well, besides being a vet, which I haven't wanted to be since I was a kid. Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? No. Because it's apparently a fuckin hoax or not as bad as the government wants us to think. Fucking cretins. Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial. Real ones aren't worth the money nor mess. What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn? Caramel corn. Do you drink oat milk? No, but I'm interested in at least trying it. The dairy industry is absolutely repulsive if you look into it, and I'd love to do what I can to take as little part in it as possible... even though I am a dairy fiend. I seriously wish I could go vegan, I am just WAY too picky for it. Do you love thrifting? Oh fuck yes. I've been very few times in my life, but I'mm all about it. Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? I do find it visually appealing; I like the flow of similar letter height. I never do it for "serious" things, but on places where it's "for the aesthetic," it's likely that's how I'll write something. Do you say “mood?” Way too much lmao. Do you own fairy lights? No, though I would like them if it wouldn't look stupid in my room. Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? ... I didn't know glass straws were a thing. I have a handful of metal ones though, but I always forget I have one in my purse when I go out... Have you made a TikTok? No. Do you own airpods? No. Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I don't believe in a planet's position or whatever having any effect on people. Do you make life choices based on astrology? Definitely not, considering I don't believe in it to begin with. How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Maybe like, five? Number of jeans in your closet: Zero. What accent do you have? Not really any, but sometimes I sound kinda southern with specific words. Do you have a big butt? Yo I got a Hank Hill ass, so no. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? In my past relationships, yes, I assigned our anniversary to memory. I don't really... know why, like it doesn't really matter how long you've been together, I just do. Have you graduated? From HS, yes. I dropped out of college three times lmao. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Ohhh, not sure. Maybe GaGa, but both ladies have songs I love. "Disturbia" doess beat all of her songs, tho. The fuckin BEAT. Do you use fake eyelashes? Never tried 'em. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What makeup brands do you use? I'm not loyal to any, really. I would be if I could afford expensive shit, but yeah, that ain't my life.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''battle cry'' by blood on the dance floor

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vivilove-jonsa · 5 years

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for 6000 jonsa fic celebration: "is that good enough for you?" 😙

Thank you @arin-arryn for the prompt!

Modern Coffee shop/First Kiss AU :)

“I need you to kiss me and make it convincing!”

Jon’s head snaps up to find the beautiful barista standing in front of him with an anxious look.

He’s been semi-flirting with Sansa for weeks now. No, it doesn’t normally take him this long to work up his nerve to ask a girl out but Sansa’s…well, she’s special. She’s wow really and he was more than a little surprised (and delighted) to confirm she’s single a couple of nights ago. Anyway, he’s drank an ungodly amount of lattes all this autumn just to have the pleasure of her company while she amazes him with her hearts and leaves and snowflake designs.

“Uhhhhh…”

He’s not normally rendered speechless so easily but how often does this happen to a guy? How often does your secret crush come up and ask you something like this?

Never. The answer is never.

He clears his throat and tries again. “Kiss you?” Damn, that was more of a squeak.

“And make it convincing.”

Then, she does this pitiful, pleading sort of scrunchy thing with her eyes and his heart about stops…or melts…or something. She’s got him wrapped around her finger, okay?

“Please,” she whispers. “I promise I’ll explain but you’re the only guy here I can ask.”

There’s a blond guy loitering by the counter, a right prick from the looks of him, but that doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need to explain a thing as far as Jon’s concerned. He’ll happily kiss her.

He nods, still half wondering if this is a dream and before he knows it, Sansa’s sitting in his lap. IN MY LAP, PEOPLE!

Shaking himself out of his stupor, he places one hand on her hip and cups her face gently with the other. “Is this alright?”

Her blue eyes widen and there’s a hint of a smile coming through when her lips part. “Yes.”

He moves forward slowly and her breath hitches. He can smell the butterscotch candies she occasionally enjoys on her breath. He wants to taste that butterscotch. He licks his lips before softly pressing them against her.

She’d been stiff in his lap at first but she seems to relax soon enough. Her hands were on his shoulders but now one of them is balled into a fist as she grasps his henley.

He caresses her cheek with his thumb and angles his head a bit to deepen the kiss. She sighs and lets him.

Sansa tastes like butterscotch and a hint of cinnamon from something. She’s warm cozy nights by the fire as snowflakes swirl outside the window. She’s hot, hungry caresses, singing out to him while they writhe across the sheets in the still of a winter’s night. She’s basically everything he could ever dream of.

When they part, she trembles and he hopes that means she liked his kiss as much as he liked giving it to her.

“Is that good enough for you?” he asks.

“Yes and no.” His brow scrunches up but she’s soon giggling. “I think we need to practice that some more.”

#jon x sansa #jonsa #jonsa fanfic #coffee shop au #dialogue prompts #arin-arryn

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andypridee · 4 years

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Challenge 2; pt. 1 | The Calm

hey guys! so here’s part 1 of challenge 2. I know, I know but this totally got lost on Wednesday and it was a roller coaster to write but here it is, I’m finishing part 2 so I guess that will be up this afternoon. thank you so much @emery-wells, @lady-indiana and @nemesis-mess you guys are a delight! so I leave you with it.

My days here have been more bipolar than mother during the holidays. There are mornings when I feel that everything is going to improve and that my time to act has arrived and before noon I begin to feel the impressive claustrophobic effect that this place has on me. Sierra you would not imagine. They are corridors full of royal gold trim, pristine whites, and rugs as red as the blood that runs through our veins. It inspires greatness and serenity but in my person it only inspires hypocrisy. Is all this necessary to express greatness? In my opinion, the most powerful greatness of a kingdom is seen in its inhabitants, not in a building for four people, with a hundred servants for the poor who cannot care for themselves even though they are the ones who must serve millions. Inside this place you forget that they are servants of the people and not the other way around.

I suppose it is much more complicated than what is seen with the naked eye, but it does not make me less angry. Although I must admit that I could not help but marvel at the beauty of these corridors. I found myself wandering around them one morning, lost, and with the notion of time completely exorbitant. Is awesome. I wish you could see for yourself. And the gardens. Oh Sierra, the gardens seem like something out of a fairy tale that Dad used to tell us when we were kids. Words are missing to describe how beautiful, green and pure they look. I am very sorry that you cannot walk alone there because there are always guards watching us wherever we go and the magic that houses the place disappears completely when there are more than one pair of eyes resting on you. That seems to be a constant in this place. Lack of privacy. We were talking about it the other day with Emery Wells. If you remember her, right? She's Sonage's girl. Anyways, I bumped into her in the hallways and we started talking. It turns out that she is a very interesting girl, really nothing I would have thought.

That day, I contracted myself looking out the window, trying to clear my mind of all the hustle and bustle of being in a place with 35 girls and a completely abstract prince of whatever was going on under his roof, or his mother's roof. to be more exact.

"How are you holding up with all this?" I heard someone ask me behind me, startling me a little. I turned my eyes and found that the question came from Lady Emery.

“Well, really scratching the insane. i hate being stuck in one place, how about you? you are Emery, right? I'm Andy ”I replied and smiled at him. Other than the conversation he'd had with Sara the morning of that fateful interview, he hadn't really interacted with anyone else in the few days he had been cloistered.

Yeah It's a lot more than I thought it would be. I knew it would be hectic but not this much. ”

“It isn't that .. it's just all so strange. like we live here but it doesn't feel very welcomely, you know what i mean? i don't know .. how has your stay been? woh wait i sounded a lot like arin there, didn`ti? ” I giggled a little and Emery joined me.

"You did. I get you, like everything just feels so foreign. ” She stopped for a second and began to whisper. "And i'm afraid to touch anything cause i think i'm gonna break it."

“Exactly, like you can just see but not touch. Everything here looks like a museum! I still think that someone's going to come by and tell me to not lay in some queen's bed. ”I laughed and shook my head a little, not believing this place.

"Oh my god, and the maids doing everything for you ... that's so strange. Like they are so sweet but I don't need help with everything ”

I giggled at his comment as I prominently nodded "yes! I'd like to keep my privacy, private. I guess that, like everything, we'll just get used to it, but I believe that I'm gonna get crazy in here. I need my social interactions with the outside world. ” I joked, relieved to find someone who understood what I was feeling.

"I'm gonna need to escape the palace sometime soon to just take a breath of fresh air." He also joked, although something in his tone of voice showed that part of that statement meant it.

“Count with me, I'll help you escaping and then I'll promise I'll show you my favorite spots in Angeles” i smirked, fully ready to embark on any adventure that might present itself in this place.

Saying this, Emery looked at me in surprise. "Really? Do you come to Angeles a lot? ”

Well, I've come a couple times for family events and so but I get so bored at those so I like to sneak and wander around. Have you come before? ”

She nodded. Yeah, I'm from Sonage so not too far. So we've come out just a couple times for my dad's company but that's about it. ”

"I loved traveling with my parents to Sonage when my siblings and I were little" I smiled and continued. “So you've never explored around Angeles?”

Emery shaked her head and curled her lips “not really no. I'd love to though! It seems like a beautiful area. ”

“It is, it's a bit too urban for my taste but it has the best places, you are just seeing a little bit. Where other places have you traveled? ”

“Traveling is all i do. Hawaii, Alaska, sometimes Paloma and Dominica. Any popular cruise ship destination I've been there. ” she said, laughing a bit.

Cruise ships? Why is that? Isn't that for elders and single people? ” I joke around a bit, unable to imagine Emery in a place like a cruise ship.

"Not all of them. My dad owns Costal Cruises so it's more of a family friendly one. ”

"Oh really? So you literally live in the boat? That's amazing, ”I smiled, impressed as Emery nodded. "What's your favorite destination?"

"I like Hawaii for the weather and Alaska for the views."

“I love Hawaii as well, I love those beaches and the sun, it's just like a paradise. I have been to Alaska but I stayed there in the middle of a snow storm so I couldn't get to see anything. ”

"Wow you sure do travel around," she commented, a little surprised.

“I love to travel, it's one of my favorite things to do. Discover new landscapes everyday, how can it not be perfect? what is your favorite thing to do? ”

Emery took a moment before answering. "I honestly don't know. I mean I like being around friends… ”

"How are your friends? Mine are the craziest guys I know ”I smiled as I remembered the pair of hollow heads I had left in my beautiful house.

"Oh. the weirdest group of people you'll ever meet. ” she said laughing.

"How come? they call you up in the middle of the night asking you if you have feelings? ” I joked, remembering a call from a certain person at two in the morning on an exam day.

"They probably would!"

"What's the craziest thing they've done?"

She took a moment, thinking. “Um, I'm not sure if this counts as crazy, but one time after curfew when all guests were in bed me and my friends Lacy, Cole, and Zach were running around the main deck and Cole decided he would steal one of the menu signs for buffet and when Lacy tried to stop him he picked her up and threw her in the pool and ran all the way to my room with me chasing after him screaming how my dad will kill me. ” continuous. "I made it of course and the sign is still in my room today."

"Wow! That's a wild one! and what did your dad do? ”

We continued talking for a while until the two of us retired to our rooms in an attempt that the wave of madness that the National Team supposed was not catching us yet. I confess that talking to Emery was the perfect remedy for the relaxation I'd been looking for before, and laughing with him was soothing in every sense of the word. Don't get me wrong, but being alone with my thoughts most of the day without interacting with anyone else was absolutely damning towards insanity.

I hope you and the rest of the family are having a better time. How has the hospital been? Linda and Michael already went crazy without me? And how are mom and dad?

I hope to see you again soon.

Until then and with lots of love and bear hugs,

Andy.

-–––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Breakfasts were my little heavenly space of the day and pretty much what made me get out of bed. After going through the tortuous preparation of the day that almost always involved dresses, a crap ton of makeup and that my poor and rebellious hair was arranged in the most "pretty" way possible, I headed towards the large dining room where small bits of heaven. One of those days and if I was still in that place I had to sneak into the kitchen to steal the master secret of those delicacies.

After going through the breakfast buffet, I looked for my label and sat in my new position. The previous week they had eliminated several girls even though he had not crossed a word with any of them, which had caused that the breakfast positions had changed. I put my plate in front of my chair and sat down.

Having already eaten a good part of my breakfast I heard someone speak in my direction.

Hey! I'm Indie ”

Believing that Indie, apparently, was heading towards me, I raised my head, looking in his direction and smiled to see that he was greeting me.

"Oh hey! I'm Andie, well Andromeda but please ignore that. ”

The girl on the other side of Indie continued the conversation whom I recognized as Nemesis Lincer.

"How long have you been next to us?" she asked, confused as Indie looked at the two of us with a smile.

"I don't know" I laughed a little realizing that I hadn't even cared about that. “I don't know how they organize this kind of stuff around here. I just sit down and expect food. ”

"Girl, you are living your best life then." Indie replied, laughing a little. "I was just about Nemesis about the dates coming up. Are you guys excited? ”

So now it was part of the conversation. It didn't really bother me at all, Indie seemed like a very sweet girl and besides I was a complete fan of her films which in my opinion deserved a place in Louvre and Nemesis itself, despite its mysterious aura, it made me want to meet her Plus, it seemed like one of a kind and I'm always up for that.

"Not as much as I'm supposed to." Nemesis answered honestly with a shrug. “I'm not a big fan of dates but everyone is supposed to have one, right? Are you excited? ” she asked Indie and me too, apparently.

"You aren't excited at all? What in the world are you doing here, dear Mess? ” Indie answered with a playful smile. "But yes, I am excited. Actually, I'm terrified. ”

"Again trying to find out more than you should know," Nemesis replied to Indie with a funny smile.

Well, I agree with Nemesis. I'm not excited either, maybe intrigued but definitely not excited. I think that spending time with a long face for more than 15 minutes is just tired. ” I shrugged and added. "But only future will tell."

"At least the other girl knows what she's talking about." she said pointing with her head in my direction. "But I repeat it my problem is not just him, it's the whole idea of being in a date." she smiled and then looked in Indie's direction. "Well Indie, I hope you get a great date."

Breakfast continued and a pleasant conversation with Indie and Nemesis, talking about our ideals of the date and in general of our stay here, what had happened and what the future had in store for us, each one with its style always seeing through . Finally, I believed that Indie was a very sweet but extremely interesting girl with a dazzling career. On the other hand, Nemesis, according to me, was easily the most intimidating and intoxicating person I had ever met. It made you want to keep talking to her but at the same time you were prepared to beg for mercy.

Anyways, all that was left to do is wait and hope that this doesn’t go down at maximum speed. at least.

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kuiperblog · 5 years

Text

Soundcloud might be the last cool place on the internet

I recently found myself thinking, “You know, out of all of the platforms that are built on user-generated content, Soundcloud is the last one that feels cool.”

This is kind of a gripe about an issue typified by Youtube, which is the ultimate example of a platform where people slavishly produce content fitting the mold of what (they think) the algorithm demands. Like, I understand that the quality and consistency of content on Youtube in 2019 is undeniably higher than it was back in 2007 in the era of Youtube poops and jump-cut vlogs, but over time it feels like there’s a certain kind of creativity that just isn’t allowed to surface on Youtube anymore. Youtube used to feel cool and indie, like it was on the frontier, and as the experience became more and more “optimized,” that got squeezed out of it.

I’ve seen the same thing happen to different platforms to varying degrees. But Soundcloud still feels cool and weird in all of the best ways. I’m not even sure how to describe my “browsing habits” on Soundcloud, it just feels like the only place where, without any real deliberate digging, I can find a deluge of content that is both exactly to my liking and also completely novel. And not “novel” as in “new to me,” but as in “this track has less than 1000 plays, but due to my weirdly eclectic taste, hearing it is maybe the best thing to happen to me all day.”

I’ve been trying to puzzle through why that is.

Is it something about the content that gets posted to Soundcloud and the people who make it? It could be. Youtube seems to attract people with dreams of becoming a professional Youtuber, and also people who are clout-hungry, wanting to turn their “personality” into a product. From what I can tell, it’s basically impossible to make money on Soundcloud, and in the corner of the platform that I’ve dug myself into, it doesn’t feel like it’s the kind of thing that would appeal to someone lusting for clout. Like, obviously everyone wants attention, but people don’t aspire to be a “famous Soundcloud rapper,” they want to be a famous rapper. (Whereas there are actually kids who aspire to be “Youtubers.”) Soundcloud is not the end game, unless your only end game is sharing the weird tunes you cooked up in your bedroom with the world. It feels a lot like Youtube circa 2007, or Newgrounds circa 2003: a place where you can become “internet famous” in the way that Egoraptor the flash cartoonist was internet famous (as opposed to the way that Arin Hanson the Game Grump is currently internet famous). The attitude seems to be one of, “Look what I made!” rather than “Look at me!”

Is it something in particular about music? It could just be that it’s easier for me to complain about a crappy Youtube video than a mediocre track because the Youtube video demands your full attention, whereas the track could pass in one ear and out the other while I’m immersed in some engrossing task, and there are certain moods where basically all I want is a rhythmic beat in my ears, whereas Youtube videos should delight or entertain or inform (or all of the above simultaneously). Also, a lot of the music I listen to is basically made by one person.

Related to both of the above, there’s something about the Matthew Principle which comes into play with something like Youtube, where the site is constantly trying to get me to watch celebrities on Jimmy Fallon and trailers for blockbuster movies and music videos for the most popular songs in the world, because this is what other people are into, and I often find myself clicking on this because as generic and middling as it is, it’s also clearly a class above a lot of the content on Youtube in terms of production value. You can tell the difference between a Youtube that was made by a team of 10 people versus made by one person in their bedroom, and even if the solo act is more creative or authentic or “pure,” it’s easier for the team to assemble something that feels like a “superior product.” I’m not so sure the same thing is true of music: does the song that was engineered in a lab really sound “higher fidelity” than a mashup made by a disciple of Isosine working with nothing but a Macbook?

Another thing that Soundcloud has going for it is that you can “repost” tracks, in the same way that you would “retweet” on twitter or “reblog” on tumbr. When you follow a creator on Soundcloud, you’re not only seeing their content, you’re seeing all content that they see fit to repost, which tends to be similar to their content most of the time, so there’s a lot of user-curation going on. I occasionally see the community tab on Youtube used the same way (people making a post to say, “Hey, check out this cool video that my friend posted” or “I just appeared in a video on this other channel, go check it out”) but it’s not part of the platform’s DNA like it seems to be on Soundcloud.

It could be any of these things. But I also find myself wondering if Soundcloud, despite feeling like the most indie, least algorithmic site that still has a soul, might actually be better on the back of its recommendation engine.

See, there’s a problem with Youtube’s algorithm, which is that for all of the data they gather and analytics they perform, it has a tough time identifying good content. It can easily identify engaging content, but content can be engaging for a lot of reasons: maybe the content is engaging because it makes you mad (and so if you watch a single clip of Ben Shapiro or Steven Crowder you will see nothing but their faces on your Youtube recommendations page for days, and it feels like there is an entire genre of Youtube channel that can be best described as “outrage merchant”). Maybe the content is “engaging” because the video creator gave you a clickbait headline that made you ask a question, and managed to construct the video in such a way that every sentence makes you feel like you’re almost on the verge of getting what you clicked the video for, and 8 minutes later you’ve realized you’ve been watching a barely-competent video in hopes of it delivering on a promise that never fulfilled. (This video will be objectively more engaging than a video that just gives you want it promised up front, meaning that optimizing for engagement makes the content of the platform objectively worse!) The like/dislike bar should help in theory, but “like” can mean either “this is the best video I have ever seen” or “this video is uninteresting but I agree with this person’s opinion and want to reward them for having the right opinion.” Also, the fact that “calls to action” (smash that like button, remember to subscribe) are objectively shown to lead to higher engagement (despite subjectively making the content worse) sort of expose the problem inherent in Youtube metrics.

Fundamentally, the problem that Youtube seems to struggle with is that it’s really hard to reward exceptionally good content, because once you’ve watched the entire video, liked it, and left an encouraging comment, what else is there to do? How is a robot supposed to distinguish my response to a 7/10 video from my response to a 10/10 video? Or even a crappy video that I watched to completion despite the fact that it was crappy?

Soundcloud doesn’t have this problem. When people listen to a song and like it, they don’t just listen to it once. They listen to it multiple times. Dozens of times. When I really like a song, it’s possible for me to reward that song in a way that makes a robot recognize, “Hey, this person really likes this song.” And I’m not even consciously rewarding it; though I will sometimes hit the “like” button, when I re-listen to a song (either by manually pulling it up, or by putting it on a playlist which ensures that I’ll hear it at least once a week), I’m doing that selfishly, for me. I don’t need to hear a person’s voice saying “Remember to add this song to your work playlist,” I do that by myself. And the “repost” function also allows people with followings on Soundcloud to reward good content by making it appear on their followers’ timelines. (These power users also tend to be the people who have some modicum of taste, or at the very least people who are plugged into the interests of the platform with an understanding of what people enjoy.)

Regardless of how it’s happened, it’s still kind of wild that Soundcloud manages to score higher than almost any platform across all of my personal metrics: how unique and novel the content is, the median quality level of the content that’s automatically served to me, the infrequency with which I encounter low-quality content, how often it makes feel “this piece of content is my new favorite thing,” and just about anything I’d correlate with overall goodness and enjoyment. I’m increasingly of the opinion that Soundcloud might be my favorite part of the Internet.

#soundcloud #youtube

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musashi · 5 years

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I follow Game Grumps but not super closely (I dont watch their streams), and I was wondering what you meant by reading about what Arins doing? I thought he was doing okay and happy, but I also haven't followed them super closely so I'm probably super out of the loop

i’ve just kinda been a fan since the beginning (like, jon era beginning, i started watching gg in HIGH SCHOOL and im fuckin 23 now) and i kinda used to stan arin and suzy both. i felt a lot of protection over arin because i noticed members of the community villainized him a lot, and they didn’t seem to really have much to go on other than like... he’s an angry dude who’s internet famous. when people would talk abt him they’d always say they didn’t like him because of ‘vibes’ and when him and jon stopped working together a LOT of people sided with jon because jon was the more Sympathetic One(tm) in the breakup which just made me stan arin harder because i’ve been a victim of ‘the angry one is always the wicked one’ my whole life.

(i know jon is a fucking white nationalist and all those people were wrong on principle, and my dislike of arin going forward does not imply i agree w/ them. fuck jon. fuck jon forever, the only good nazi is a dead one.)

and i still believe he was a good person back then, but he’s just really fallen, and now when i find myself reading those same sentiments about him i rly don’t resonate much anymore w/ the fiery child who would defend everything he did.

the most notable incident people call out is the fact that a fan once quoted the ‘goddamnit ross’ meme at arin (i think at a con?) and arin went off on them for it and basically said it was an in-joke and that he hated how popular it had gotten in the fandom because it was something ross’s friends did in good fun and it had gotten out of hand, completely ignoring the fact that arin once MADE AND SOLD MERCH with the phrase on it. the fan then donated money during a livestream with an apology message attached and arin CALLED OUT THE FAN ON THE LIVESTREAM. for apologizing. arin referred to them as ‘some rando on the internet’ completely disrespecting them even though they were. a fucking fan of his.

that was the first thing that kinda coloured my vision but the closer i look the more i realize he’s just... so mean? i liked game grumps because it was this show i could put on and i felt like i was chilling with them and playing games and talking about life and stuff. but now you can’t podcast with game grumps, because arin and danny don’t really talk, arin just screams at whatever’s on the screen with basically no interludes away from that. when danny expresses joy at anything arin doesn’t agree with, arin utterly steamrolls danny as if he isn’t ALLOWED to like things. danny more than once has tried to go into one of the stories he tells, the ones that were the reason i fell for him in the first place, and arin will interrupt him with some seriously juvenile lowest common denominator south park humour.

and the whole... not actually being good at games thing has just gotten so frustrating. there was a time where i liked it, because it was fun to watch arin rage and come up with creative ways of expressing that rage (battle kid. think battle kid.) but nowadays if he can’t play a game he always leans on the side of ‘this is bad.’ he skips tutorials and then denounces games entirely and disrespects the shit out of them, it’s always the game’s fault and never his. i’d watched every single zelda playthrough they’d ever done and i knew once i saw skyward sword come out that i just couldn’t anymore. that’s my favourite zelda game, and i knew arin would just bitch about every single second of it, and apparently he did. he did and whenever danny tried to lighten the mood, he apparently just. talked over him and basically said fuck you.

and i guess hearing arin was no longer straightedge just kinda like, really made me wake up and realize he’s not the same person he was. i remember he used to say he didn’t drink because hearing the way people described it, he thought he’d be an alcoholic if he ever tried. and i think he was right. he got piss ass drunk on an undertale live stream recently, enough so that danny had to just short of beg the dude to drive him home. and that’s his JOB. grumps is his JOB, and he just gets drunk now and sucks at games.

beyond that idk he sounds terrible at managing a business... multiple people who have worked with him have said shit just really sucks... he seems to be struggling for money as he’s selling a bunch of shit (he just recently sold a bunch of RWBY action figures monty fucking oum gave him, which if you know that name you know why that’s fucked up) and poorly managing events (the most recent being a garage sale they didn’t cap properly resulting in hundreds of fans out in the burning LA summer getting completely fucked over, iirc without water or anything) and i’m just. fed up. this isn’t even half of what i’ve read about & noticed. there’s a lot of stupid shit on rantgrumps but like...... i’ve checked a lot of this stuff with my own ass eyes and i’m just so disappointed and sad.

#wank /#i guess #Anonymous #wendy answers

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selenitii · 4 years

Text

AYSE

❝ law without justice is a wound without cure

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

FULL NAME. ayse NICKNAME / ALIAS. moon goddess, resce’s daughter GENDER. female HEIGHT. 155 cm AGE. ancient ZODIAC. libra LANGUAGES. sign language, encean, fiorean, icebergian, stellean and more than passing knowledge of all other languages

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

HAIR COLOR. long, wavy white hair, somewhat restrained by her diadem EYE COLOR. gold SKIN TONE. she has her mother’s dark skin BODY TYPE. ayse is tiny and she is petite, but she has a ballerina’s body in terms of musculature and is much stronger than she appears. ACCENT. it is not quite an accent, but her speech sounds . . . stilted, as if she rehearses everything inside her head before saying it out loud FACE CLAIM. kahlua shuzen DOMINANT HAND. left POSTURE. her posture is excellent, she never slouches and always stands at full height, not that this is particularly noteworthy. there always seems to be energy inside of her, as if she barely manages to keep herself from bouncing. it is, in fact, true --- to be motionless is not in ayse’s nature and to be able to move at her own accord is certainly pleasant for her SCARS. none, but she thinks there should be a mark where chaldene’s sword serrated her body TATTOOS. none so far, but this is definitely subject to change. she would like something to honour her parents, but she has not found the perfect design yet BIRTHMARKS. none MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). her eyes --- their colour is unusual, even in a world full of magic and the way they freeze over when she sees injustice make them appear rather non-human

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 !

PLACE OF BIRTH. in her father’s temple, on a no longer existing island HOMETOWN. same as above --- there was a town near the temple and she spent many a day playing there, but she does no longer hold any strong attachment to either place MANNER OF BIRTH. as her father was one of the major gods, her birth was overseen by the goddess of healing, lyrinne, and her most trusted followers who were almost as dedicated to the art of healing as their goddess. as far as births go, it was rather uneventful and her parents were very happy to welcome her into this world FIRST WORDS. her first word was river, something her mother was very happy about SIBLINGS. none in the strict sense of the word, but due to her father’s fatherly attitude towards those who lived in his temples, ayse grew up in a large family with many, many sisters --- mortals and demigoddesses alike PARENTS. resce, the god of moon and truth, and amyra, a river nymph PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT. very high !! ayse was her parents’ only child and they doted on her, loving her dearly. and in turn, she loved them just as fiercely. her mother died when she was very young ( for the standards for those of divine blood, at least ) and she grew only closer to her father, supporting him as he supported her as they grieved. her mother's death marked the beginning of her to lean more towards her godly side and this eventually led to her oath of silence, taken not long before her father was slain

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 !

OCCUPATION. well, she does not really have a job at the moment, considering that being a goddess does not pay at all CURRENT RESIDENCE. in the house she shares with the other thirteen freed ones, found on one of the smaller encean islands. more precisely --- she has her own room which are filled with all sorts of worthless trinkets that she has found as she tries to grow used to people again RELATIONSHIP STATUS. single, but --- deeply in love with arin FINANCIAL STATUS. she is not one to complain, but she knows that their financial situation could be a lot better. however, as long as she can afford a decent sword, she is happy --- and she did buy a decent sword RELIGIOUS STATUS. polytheistic by virtue of knowing that gods exist VICES. she hoards. she hoards so much stuff. stuff that ranges from ‘the flower arin tucked behind my ear when we went for a walk’ over ‘this broken sword might come in handy one day’ (it won’t, at least not in its broken state) and ‘this pretty bottle that i found on the beach’

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. bisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION. biromantic LOVE LANGUAGE. words of affirmation. she likes to be told that she is doing a good job, she likes to be complimented and validated. the latter is partially due to her being, technically, just a demigoddess and her fear that others will consider her lesser because of this, but while she is working on these troubles, she blooms like a rose when she is praised and, in turn, praises others as well RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. the last time she had a decent shot at being in a relationship, it was cut short by chaldene killing first her beloved and then his mother, a bunch of other people and finally ayse, so she does not have much experience with being in a loving relationship, but she imagines that if she is herself and does not listen to chaila’s advice, everything will be fine

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. tba HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. she loves to dance, but she also likes to stargaze as she is generally most awake at night. other hobbies are cooking (with, so far, little success), people watching and, most importantly --- reading. there are so many words she wants to learn, so many new phrases . . . and she gets very excited over books MENTAL ILLNESSES. ptsd, ‘night’ terrors PHYSICAL ILLNESSES. none LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. left brained PHOBIAS. if she is very honest? she is afraid of chaldene, but she is more angry than she is afraid and hopes that once the confrontation happens, she won’t break down SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. an 8, going up to a 10 --- when she was just validated. there are not many things that drag her down, even her status as demigoddess only troubles her when others decide that because of it, she cannot do her job. VULNERABILITIES. her sense of honour is what drives her, and it is what forbids her from letting things go, something that puts her at risk when it leads her into situations where she cannot win, where she cannot even hope that it will --- by some miracle --- turn out just fine. after all: she knew that chaldene would kill her and faced him to accuse him of his wrongdoings

#* i. —— about.

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the-kipsabian · 5 years

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Please do this at your convenience but like. Can you put me together a playlist of what you consider to be Danny's best vocals? Or his best work in general? Nsp, starbomb, skyhill? I just want a good starting place

dude, honestly tho? i would be absolutely honored to do this

k so aaaAAAA lets start with. skyhill i guess since thats the first one on the line? (technically i think northern hues is the first band he was in that published stuff but i havent listened to it myself so i dont knoooow anything about it other than what i just read from a comment on a youtube video and that is that it definitely sounds like the kind of music dan would have made in his stoner days which probably was true lol)

skyhill has a lot of really good chill songs tho? i personally really love ‘the city as you walk’ and ‘black & white’ the most i think - both are like lyrically really nice to listen to and the chorus especially in black & white is just hnggg. its so good tbh. but really any skyhill songs are good! they arents. as advanced vocally as his later stuff obviously, since this band is like. 12 years old at this point at least but its nice chill stuff with honestly really nice but simple lyrics if you want some good stuff to listen to as a break from all the dick jokes and whatnots that nsp and starbomb have to offer tho!

starbomb is honestly a bit more difficult tho cause its like. much more arin-heavy with the raps and such? but! lets not have that fool us cause there are still plenty of quality songs with pretty vocals by dan tho! ..also hahaa i think its needless to say but hey heres a heavy nsfw warning for these songs

‘mega marital problems’ is a personal favorite, mostly cause dan does like. three different voices in this one? and its hilarious. also if you listen in the chorus parts, you can hear the layered singing he does and its honestly just so good mmmm

‘crasher-vania’ i feel like im gonna betray myself if i dont put this on the list for multiple reasons. 1. its EASILY the most popular song on the album. 2. its freaking fantastic, with the story and the lyrics. 3. the chorus, again? (as dan most often did the chorus work on the first album!) it sounds beautiful and especially in the second chorus, you can hear him emoting it out with the lyrics. 4. the background music. if you stop to listen to it, its honestly so good? like, its very simple, yes, but it works and it just sounds awesome. always brings a smile on my face to listen to those tasty keyboard jams ~

im gonna add ‘regretroid’ here too, as its a personal favorite too. but also his voice. goes so high? and it sounds nice?? also this song is just banging with a female feature vocalist! which is real nice!!

as for the second starbomb album! im separating it a little cause woo the boys honestly improve a lot between the albums (which is crazy cause theres only like. a year? year and a half at max? between these two albums so i cant even think how good the third one is gonna sound with five years between albums and how good current nsp sounds lol)

‘smash!’ i gotta mention cause its like. the single song from the album i feel like? also cause mark is in it! and they all sound rad and yeah it doesnt have exactly too much singing but what it has sounds. so freaking good tho mmmmm i lov

‘glass joe’s title fight’ is a must on this tho cause like. this is the one starbomb song thats so much more sing than rap heavy and hngggg its so good

‘god of no more’ okay but. dans vocals in this are gorgeous. and its a super fun song too. so its a win-win

and as a personal favorite, im just gonna throw ‘robots in need of disguise’ here cause i love this song. no other reason really lol

and thennnnn we arrive to the glory that is ninja sex party! i could be a little shit and just say to listen to all lol, but im gonna try to pick things here and there among my favorites! trying to also go by album order with these ~ also nsfw warning for this but idk what you expect with a band called ninja sex party tho

‘nsp theme song’ i mean. come on. you gotta start somewhere so lets go with this lol. and its hilarious (and kinda cute but maybe thats just me lol) and the lyrics are just. well what you’d expect with the name of the song. its very simple vocal-wise, but other than that, grade a stuff tho

‘dinosaur laser fight’ is just a classic, so here you go. its wonderful and weird and animated by arin so aaaaaa!

..also i wanna add ‘objects of desire’ here cause this song is like. lyrical genius tbh. its fucking weird but its also like a ballad so theres some nice vocal stuff here too so yay. thingssssss

‘unicorn wizard’ i honestly wouldnt be true to myself if i didnt add my FIRST nsp song to this list, the one that got me listening to these fools cause mmm. this song is ridiculous and but also lyrics? are so good?? idk how that combo works out but it does and its beautiful. also dannys vocals in the chorus are mmmmm. so solid

‘fyi i wanna f your a’ im not even ashamed to say this is one of my faves tbh. its just. the glorious kind of weird and this is like one of my favorite examples of how well these nerds write lyrics tho? also such a hard song to learn the lyrics tho, but its so worth it, trust me lol. aLSO DAN HARMONIES IN THE SECOND PART GIVE ME SO MUCH LIFE HOLY SHIT

‘let’s get this terrible party started’ gets a special mention cause of the badass jams tbh. also the lyric ‘its a ninja sex party party’ gets me every fucking time. even after five years of listening to this song lol

oooof attitude city is so hard to pick just few songs from tho aaaa. but, as ive done about three from every album so far, lets try that with this one too. tho honestly just. listen to the entirety of attitude city its so good mmm. but. lets start with what i personally feel is the most underrated song on the album, ‘peppermint creams’. i dont think i need to say more than holy shit the emotions tho? especially in the chorus cause mmm. my heart

‘attitude city’ gets here too tho cause like. im personally very nostalgic for this song as it was the first real hype i had for the album so yeah. also its honestly just a really good song. also the video. includes dancing. and we all should know how i feel about dan dancing so mmmMMM im biased as shit i admit it

‘cookies!’ i wanna put this here cause it shows the how stupidly versatile these nerds are with their songs, cause this is badass and silly cute at the same time and hngg. also visually? demon!dan is way too much of a guilty pleasure. judge me all you want i donT CARE

..also i just gotta mention ‘samurai abstinence patrol’ cause of the vocal work. and just cause this song was in progress for four years before this final form and its beautiful honestly. also ‘danny french kissed a girl like he was the king of versailles’ will never get old to me gosh

I SWEAR IM DONE WITH ATTITUDE CITY AFTER THIS but also ‘6969′ is a must to mention. its an eight and half minute song but its just. amazing at everything. beautiful jams and awesome vocals. its gorgeous tbh, a masterpiece

‘cool patrol’. first of all cause apparently i “traumatized” one of my friends by making him watch the video to this and yeah. this is vocally one of my absolute favorites from them tho, dan sounds amazing in both styles, and its just. so positive and cute and aaaaa. its just such an uplifting song i love it

‘danny don’t you know’ cause this one made my cry the first few times i listened to it and its just. so relatable. also fucking beautiful vocals tho and yes the lyrics are personal which makes it even more emotional song. hnggg i love this so much tho cause it just. goes from kind of a ballad to a more of a rock song and its amazing. development similar to the story its telling

‘first date’ i mean. i gotta put my current fave song of theirs here, right? RIGHT? personally i love this cause its just a positive song, in a way i guess, but it stays true to the original nsp style and the lyrics are just perfect for their song about dating tbh. especially with how it just keeps getting gradually weirder and weirder. its just perfection hnggg i love this song. so much. god its so good (honestly tho if you give me a lyric like ‘i’ll take you back to your place and we’ll craft the perfect alibi’ idk how you expect me, a thriller writer, not to absolutely love this song to hell and back)

‘courtship of the mermaid’ idk how you expect me to make a list without this. the emotions in the vocals of this song are beautiful and its, again, hilariously absurd. as a mermaid princess i highly approve of this song

‘mansion party’ its so sad there will probably never be a video of this song cause they want to film it in an actual mansion and so far they havent mentioned that they got a chance to do that so mmmm. cause this song is so fucking banging it deserves a video honestly. the chorus is like. one of the few things in this world that makes me wanna dance. and also theres so many genius lyrics in this that its just pure gold all the way through tbh (also how do you smoke champagne? asking for a friend)

one more i swear, but the whole cool patrol album is so good hngg. but! ‘smooth talkin’’! in all of its absurdity is a must to listen to. its just what the title says, about how smooth danny is with talking to ladies. im not gonna explain more just. it goes as well as you’d expect at this point

..this is already super long but hey did you know we are still missing the two cover albums tho??

‘everybody wants to rule the world’ this one makes me wanna cry every single time. its so nice and emotional and just. a+ vocals. its just beautiful

‘subdivisions’ idk what it is really with this song but these lyrics just fit together with dan’s voice so well its just. hnggg so gorgeous? i mean it might be cause its a rush song but also yeah. its so good

‘africa’ i mean i already told you, but his vocals are so nice in this and they fit into the style of the song so well. plus africa is a beautiful song to begin with so its a win-win really

‘pour some sugar on me’ cause oh boy my pal isnt this song just banging mmmmmmMMMMM

and for the finale! ‘heat of the moment’! like. everything about this song is just really good okay? the vocals and especially the music itself is like mmm i love it?? also the cowbell. idk what it is with that in this song, but it just. it sounds so good with dan’s vocals and aaaaa

..have i rambled enough? is this a good list?? literally just mmm anything from any of these bands is a good listen, these are just mostly my personal faves or what i feel like would be the best representations of what they are about!

#oooof this got long lmao #at least it kept me from taking a nap cause this took like. over an hour to do lol #its all good tho im more than happy to spread the word of my favorite babes! <3 #..i was also originally gonna add in a couple of my fave grump remixes but i think this is already long enough as it is haaaaa #maybe some other time!#anyways i hope you enjoy this and my small descent to madness that you can probably see in this LOL #<33 #coughedfeathers #thank you for asking! <3

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kinkingbird-blog · 5 years

Text

“When the Mask Falls” Ninja Ship Party

NAME: “When the Mask Falls”

FANDOM: Shipgrumps

CHAPTER: Part 3 of a Series

PAIRINGS: Ninja Ship Party

SUMMARY: A filled commission. Six months into his relationship with Brian, Danny invites him to move in. What starts as moving toward the next step of their lives together forces Brian's old demons to arise: imposter syndrome, running thoughts, and fear. As Brian's life begins breaking down around him, he worries he won't be able to hide it from Danny for much longer - especially if Arin's going to keep watching him so closely.

RATING: M.

WARNINGS: Angst with a happy ending, vomiting, panic attacks, imposter syndrome, sex used as a distraction

WORD COUNT: 18,453

AO3 Cross Post: [x]

Commissions are open!!

Buy Me A Coffee, if you’d like~

As they rested together in Danny’s massive bed, their bare and sweaty legs meeting from ankle to hip, Brian stared at the ceiling, still catching his breath and marveling at what he’d received. It was a gift. He knew it was. No one in the world deserved this much happiness at once.

Six months officially together. Six months of warmth. Six months of fondness. Six months of...of love. After what felt like a lifetime of pining for his best friend, being continuously blessed with his bright eyes and his laughs and his body seemed too much for Brian to keep for long.

Did he only have a limited allotment of happiness? Was he burning through it too fast? Did he only have a little bit left, and if Danny whisked away, would he be miserable for the rest of his life?

Brian was a trained man – one who’d worked for years to attain that level of skill and knowledge in his field – but during nights like this, when his adrenaline was finally slowing, he knew that he’d put himself in a corner by doing that. His mind seemed to work faster than anyone else’s. Danny might still be lying here thinking about how amazingly tight Brian was around his cock, but Brian was already three years ahead, anticipating their inevitable break up.

Sometimes he hated himself.

A hand on his chest made his thoughts still, and Brian watched Danny roll over and rest his head next to his on the pillow. With his cheeks still flushed and his gaze shimmering, he looked as languid and beautiful as a god, and Brian couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“We should do this more often,” Danny murmured.

Brian chuckled. “What, fuck? Twice a week isn’t enough for your rabbit libido?”

“Absolutely not.” He pushed in closer, his chest flush against Brian’s ribs, and he sighed and dropped an arm around Danny’s shoulders. No way in hell was he ever going to push him away when it came to cuddles. Silence spread between them for a few seconds before Danny opened his mouth again. “I just mean that, y’know, things feel...right when you’re here. It’s always been that way. It’s never gonna change.”

Shadow thoughts reared their ugly head, speaking so fast that Brian couldn’t comprehend them. Just felt the existential dread resting on his chest, pushing down more and more and more until he could scarcely breathe. “It’s because I’m fucking perfect,” Brian quipped in response, even as it made the rumble rise that much higher. “Not my fault you had nothing but a bunch of losers before me.”

Danny snorted and prodded him in the side, but didn’t reply. That was odd enough. Danny always at least tried to have a verbal comeback for Brian, even if it sounded ridiculous in hindsight. Straight up silence was rare.

He has something he wants to say.

Every nerve in Brian’s body sparked, hairs standing on end, as he listened to his lover’s breathing. Danny would inhale, pause, then let it all out quickly. Lift his hand, as if to use it to talk, and then drop it again and go back to thumbing over Brian’s skin.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Brian finally murmured when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore.

Danny cupped his cheek and met his eyes. “I get lonely when you leave, man.” Even after these months together, common pet names were still odd for them, and Brian felt the affection in that old form of address deeper than he ever had before. “My bed gets cold. I don’t sleep as good. It fucking sucks.”

Jesus. Realization filled Brian’s chest, and he stared at him unblinking. “Sucks to be you?” Sarcasm was safe. Sarcasm kept him from hoping for something that he didn’t think he might deserve.

A smile flashed up at him, nervous but true. “Your lease runs out in two months, dude. I know you haven’t signed it yet. And, uh...I think you should move in with me.”

Warmth and pleasure flooded him from his mind downward, engulfing his heart in such love that he could barely breathe. He rolled over and pressed in tight, until their noses rubbed together – until he could see every single thought in Danny’s brown eyes. “You really mean that?”

The grin only widened. “I wouldn’t kid about that, Bri. I love you – you know I do. And I’m sick and tired of watching you walk out my door to go to your shitty ass bed.”

“My bed is fantastic,” Brian declared as he wrapped his arms around Danny and kissed him.

Laughter vibrated against his lips. As Danny pulled back, Brian tried to chase him, but he wasn’t deterred. “I’m burning your mattress when you move in.”

“Yeah?” He kissed him again. “I’m burning your shoes.”

“Fuck you! I’m throwing all your old man clothes out!”

Brian pulled him on top of him and beamed. “I’m throwing out your shirts from college.”

Real terror filled Danny’s gaze. “You wouldn’t!”

Brian simply quirked a brow.

“You’re evil.” Danny rolled them over completely, so Brian straddled him, and dragged him down for kisses that filled them both with moans. “I’ll make you pay the mortgage with me.”

Brian chuckled and gripped his jaw lightly in one strong hand – a tease of power. “Careful, Danny. That sounds like you’re going to ask me to marry you next.”

He pulled him in.

Between kisses and gentle manhandling and faint groans of pleasure, Brian drowned in Danny once more. Bubbled up as brightly as he was with the golden sheen over their future together, he couldn’t quite remember where the dark storm clouds of earlier had come from.

Plans were easy to make. They were more like dreams than anything else. It was easy for Danny to lean on Brian’s chair in the office and tell him to look up a certain piece of furniture that he wanted to buy – but only if Brian wanted it too. He’d talk about starting to make space in his closet for Brian’s clothes. There’d be a question about what Brian might want to bring into the house from his apartment, since Danny had entire rooms that weren’t even being used yet.

It was perfect.

Brian was a logical man. He worked with numbers and facts, not things that were unattainable. The theory of perfection was impossible when it came to anyone – but for someone like Brian? Twice as unlikely. Something would inevitably fall to pieces every time, and with each day that passed without incident, it meant that the likelihood of failure doubled. Over and over and over it went, until he might very well be walking on a tightrope and peering down into the abyss and knowing that even the softest breeze would knock him over.

He did not deserve perfection. And that appeared to be precisely where their lives were heading.

“You’re really sure about this, huh?” Brian asked, interrupting Danny in the middle of talking about putting him on his homeowner’s insurance plan. “Like...honest and truly.”

Danny blinked at him. He set the bowl of popcorn in his lap aside with a quiet laugh. “I mean...yeah? Does it seem like I’m not?”

A few seconds of silence passed as Brian parsed through his thoughts, trying to pinpoint the exact reason he felt unsure. “I mean...it took me literal years to enter a relationship with you, Dan. You remember how we got together? When...when you weren’t even sure if you were still straight or not?”

More quiet. A hint of tension lingering in the air between them. Danny cleared his throat and turned on the couch to face him, their paused movie going completely ignored. “I, uh...no, yeah, I remember that.”

“So you can understand why I’m a little surprised that you brought it up in the first place.” Or that you’re even taking it as seriously as you are.

Danny reached out and snagged one of Brian’s hands, squeezing it. He kept his eyes on it as he spoke. “I took a while. I know I did. You didn’t have to be patient with me, man, but...but you were, and...I’m trying to show you that I’m serious. Okay?”

Brian glanced up at him.

“This isn’t about playing house. This is me trying to make sure you know that I want you in my life. Always. I think about you constantly when you’re not here ‘cuz it just makes sense for me to come around the corner and see you cooking in the kitchen or something.” Danny slowly met his eyes and ran his thumb over the back of his knuckles. “I know I kind of led you on there for a while. I know I kept getting scared shitless about what might happen if we...if we started being more than friends. And I’m glad we did – I really am – but I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life wondering if my fucking commitment issues are gonna suddenly pop up out of nowhere.”

Brian shook his head. “Us moving in together won’t obliterate those. They might still be there, and they might come out, and we’ll have to deal with them-”

“I know, I know.” Danny laughed and looked away. “I know, Brian, like...I’m the one here who’s gonna drag this relationship down, if it ever gets shaky. I know that. My issues are fucking ridiculous, and you don’t have, like, a single thing wrong with you, and it’s kind of intimidating, but...”

The shadow voices rose again, whispering in the back of Brian’s mind, a sinewy sort of melody that he couldn’t completely ignore.

With a sigh, Danny called his attention back to him again. “Look, I love you, Bri. I love you. That’s not gonna stop any time soon. And I wanna prove it by taking this to the next level.”

Brian’s lips quirked. “Even if it’s scary?”

“Even if it’s scary.”

“And I make you remodel your entire bathroom?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Brian laughed. “All right, fine. So you put me on the fucking mortgage and insurance. What next?”

Danny beamed at him, looking up through messy curls, staring at him with far more love in his eyes than he’d ever deserved.

He was breathless with the weight of it.

Brian stepped away from his laptop to make some coffee, too restless to sleep and too jittery to keep looking at quotes for moving companies. He hadn’t even gotten too far into planning – he still had to go looking for boxes – but it was too much to handle all at once tonight.

Evenings like this called to mind some of the more desperate lows of his friendship with Danny. That phone call, the one where he told him about how he’d be moving to the United Kingdom. The response he’d received. It trickled down his back like shards of ice, chilling him to the bone. Sometimes, even if he couldn’t recall every single precise word, the devastation still came heavy, like snow that turned into hail, beating him down until he didn’t have lungs to breathe with.

He hesitated next to the kitchen counter, then sagged against it, feeling old concerns scratch at the back of his throat. Was Danny asking him to move in so he could guarantee that he’d keep Brian there, no matter what? Did he not trust Brian to stick around anymore?

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, took a deep breath, then tried to force it down, like sticking his foot in the garbage can and pressing.

These were reasons why he didn’t deserve the innocent happiness he saw in Danny’s gaze. He’d hurt him. Over and over again, he’d caused him pain in order to distance his own love from Danny. It was safer that way, he thought. Sensible. He could say that he wanted to move across the ocean to pursue better job opportunities, but the lies had been sand in his mouth, and every damn time he thought for sure that Danny knew.

Brian didn’t like lying. But it was all he ever did.

“Stop,” he whispered. He forced himself to inhale, filling his chest to the brim. He wouldn’t bubble over tonight. He wouldn’t let himself linger. He couldn’t. He just...he…

The pain stayed. Cloying him into a false sense of security, it traced claws over his muscles, then stabbed deep the second he thought the danger had passed.

It hasn’t been this bad in a while.

Brian considered the alcohol he had trapped high in his kitchen. He rarely indulged, and given that his boyfriend and most other friends didn’t touch the stuff he didn’t often find reason to bring it down. The temptation was there tonight. He stared at the closed cabinet, then moved away, wandering aimlessly through the apartment. He told himself that he was going to start sorting through things that he’d donate or throw away rather than take with him in the move.

Instead he ended up in front of his mirror.

For long moments, he simply stared, taking in the way he appeared to the world. The t-shirt with the physics pun on it. The jeans that had seen better days. Wrinkles on his hands and by his eyes. Silver hair slowly consuming the dark. Bulging eyes, thin lips, massive nose, thick gut, thighs covered in stretchmarks--

The pain was here. It sliced through him, dragging him into the thick of it, where there was no escape.

Danny deserved better than a man like Brian. Danny was...was beautiful and remarkable. He represented a far greater success story than anything Brian could ever do. He inspired people. He changed lives. He made everyone think that they could be better, if only they fought like he had. He had a laugh that lit up a room, and eyes that smoldered just as well as they sparkled, and a smile that made whoever saw it think that they were the only person alive.

It didn’t make sense that things had changed as quickly as they did. That Danny had...realized somehow that he wanted Brian. That he’d ached for him for years. That didn’t happen in real life. No one had happiness like that – especially not someone far past their prime, and who’d spent years making sure that their most secret, intimate feelings were kept hidden away.

Had Brian somehow manipulated Danny into wanting him without even trying? There wasn’t another logical explanation. Taking a man who had identified as heterosexual for his entire life – who even today still didn’t know what label to apply to himself, in this climate of ever changing sexuality language – and making him believe that he loved him? That he wanted to have sex with him? How did that happen? How did someone really have no prior concept that they might be slightly less than straight for almost forty years, and then suddenly wake up with a boner for another man?

Somehow he’d done something wrong, he thought.

A ping in the living room startled him, and Brian fought through the remnants of the haze before he remembered his phone, the message alert, that he had a text, and he forcibly turned himself from the mirror and breathed once more. He wandered back into the living room and checked his phone.

It was from Danny. A screenshot of a furniture website. A couch – far bigger than his own, something to compete with the massive sectional that Arin and Suzy had – that would finally make Danny’s living room look a little less barren.

“Plenty of room for cuddles and kicking your ass in games! Can’t wait for you to be here. The house is too quiet. The only way I’m staying sane is by thinking about when you’ll be here with me forever.”

Such sweetness dripped like honey into his mouth. Did he deserve it? No, maybe not. But he was a selfish man. He always had been. Why else would he have accepted Danny’s new feelings without questioning them? And he wanted this. Wanted Danny.

Maybe he was an imposter, and maybe Danny hadn’t figured that out yet. Maybe he never would. Maybe Brian would go his whole damn life knowing he didn’t deserve love as pure as this, or friendship as steadfast as he received from Arin or Brent or Ross, or kindness as rich as what he felt on a daily basis even from total strangers.

But he was going to fight to keep it. And nothing would stop him.

He sent a text back – ”It’s hideous. It’ll match the rest of your decor perfectly.” – and felt his lips quirk when Danny sent him a pouting selfie back. He saved the picture immediately, then sat down and picked up his laptop again.

Moving companies. Right. He could work on that. He could ignore the throbbing ache in his chest still – where the claws had marred him the worst. He could get things done and not be so fucking useless.

Easy peasy.

“Morning!”

“Morning.” Brian gave Danny a quick kiss on the lips and smiled at him fondly as they passed in the hallway. “Ready to do all my work for me?”

“Fuck you!” Danny sang out brightly as he disappeared around the corner, and Brian laughed. He sat at his desk with a sigh and immediately opened up his emails, preparing to slog through the important ones and neglect the shit. It’d take him a little while to wake up, and sipping his coffee while doing this always helped.

Having Danny beside him never helped matters of focus. It was a process – becoming comfortable enough in their relationship that they could still be pleased to see each other and occasionally play some kind of stomping foot wars under the desk in the name of flirting, but also no longer feeling like live wires the second they both made eye contact and being unable to complete any work again until they snuck away to the bathroom for a few stolen moments of making out. They were relaxing so much more now that it felt...domestic, somehow, to sit here and go through emails and to know that Danny would be back soon, and that they’d sink into the quiet of their keyboards clacking while simply breathing each other in.

Brian took another drink of coffee when he heard footsteps behind him, and he glanced, then turned fully in his chair when he saw Arin lingering in the doorway. “Hey.”

“Hey!” Arin grinned. “Heard you agreed to the move. Congrats, dude!”

So it was out, then. He anticipated a long string of well wishers.“Did Danny just tell you?”

“Nah, we talked about it, like, weeks ago.” Arin waved it off. “Between you and me, I’m pretty sure I gave him the idea, heh. Don’t tell him I said that – he’ll kick my ass.”

Something uneasy stirred in Brian’s chest. Vulnerability. Suspicion. He couldn’t let that manifest. He focused on quipping, taking a second longer than usual to find something to spit out. “Don’t lie to me about that, Arin – we both know you wouldn’t recognize a good idea if it spanked you.”

Arin laughed, shaking his head. “No, seriously! It was...kind of cute, actually? Like, in a gross way. He ended up in my office all sweaty and doting and shit one day? Probably after you two snuck off during lunch – yes, I know about that, we all know about that, don’t look at me like that. Anyway, he was nervous or whatever about how happy he was with you, and how he wanted to show it...”

As Arin went on, Brian stopped taking it in. He stared at his face, feeling the foreboding spread little by little.

This was exactly what he should’ve expected, and he felt like a fool for not recognizing it earlier. Of course it hadn’t been Danny’s idea to ask Brian to move in. It hadn’t been Danny’s idea to have feelings for him either – it had taken Brian’s entire breakdown to put the idea in his head in the first place, even after years of friendship – so why would it be his idea to make their relationship a little more permanent? Brian could foresee a future moment – Suzy flashing her wedding ring or something and telling some new acquaintance all about Arin had proposed to her, and Danny overhearing the story and immediately going out and looking for wedding bands.

It made sense. Danny was impressionable. Gullible. Easy to trick and tease. Why would this have been any different?

“...and I figure it’s just about time anyway. If you guys had been living together right when you got back from England, I bet he would’ve been proposing to you in a week, like, let’s be real – you two are perfect for each other, and I can’t believe he was so blind for so damn long-”

“Well, if you gave him the idea, then it’s only fair that you help me move in,” Brian interrupted. There was something hollow inside of him. His words felt wooden. He swallowed and pressed on, clinging to the joke. “I think you should go ahead and mark your calendar for a few weeks away – the last Saturday of the month, maybe? I’ll put my feet up and drink a beer or two while you carry all my boxes inside. What do you say?”

The joke should’ve been easy to move the conversation along. Wit was Brian’s most efficient weapon, and he wielded it with ease. But something about Arin’s expression didn’t sit well with him. He looked like a scientist peering through a microscope. Like he was going to start taking notes.

Coldness spread through Brian’s gut.

“If you think I’m gonna be free labor without you even buying me a fucking pizza, you’ve got another thing coming,” Arin finally quipped, his lips quirking. “But, uh, nice try, buddy.” Arin patted him on the head, and Brian made a show of trying to bite his hand, making him laugh. “Do you wanna get some lunch today, by the way? It’s been a while since just you and I did anything together, hasn’t it?”

Maybe because you do everything with Danny instead of trying to do anything with me.

The thought made him so unsettled that Brian immediately spoke. “Nah, I’ve already got plans, but some other time, okay?”

Arin nodded, eyes still firm on Brian’s own, and smiled. “Sure, dude. Hey, lemme know if you need anything today.”

“As always, boss.”

Arin left the office, and Brian turned slowly to face his computer without quite seeing it. Had his earlier thought been jealousy? He didn’t think so. He had a long history of being jealous of whoever Danny spent his time with in the past, but those fleeting emotional memories hadn’t been ones he’d revisited once their romantic relationship began. Arin had Suzy, Brian had Danny, and he’s wasn’t about to be an asshole who made his lover stop seeing his best friend just because he wanted more time with him.

No, it hadn’t been jealousy about Danny’s time with him. But the feeling had been remarkably similar.

It was true. Arin and Brian rarely did things alone together, and if they spent time with each other it was typically because Danny was there instead, from tours to recording sessions to panel appearances at a con.

So was it jealousy because Arin never tried to initiate a one on one friendship with Brian before today? Possibly. But he couldn’t exactly blame him. With how effervescent Danny was, it was any wonder people took notice of Brian at all. So many nights spent on stage without people responding to him unless Danny deliberately focused attention in his direction. So many tweets directed toward Danny specifically. So many streams where Brian had taken control of the situation only by forcefully inserting himself into the limelight, not by request or demand.

Dear Danny and other members of NSP.

Danny was the golden guy. Brian had known it all along. If even once he had a friend who he introduced to Danny for the first time, it was inevitable that they came to prefer his company over Brian’s. After the lifetime of depression Danny had, Brian couldn’t exactly fault him for it, but…

It would’ve been nice for Arin to ask him to lunch out of his own interest in being better friends with him – and not because he looked at Brian like he was a puzzle to solve.

Emails. Brian took a deep breath, cleansing the tension in his chest, and focused on his screen again. It took a bit to find his stride, but he hit it, and he refused to let his attention divert – even when Danny slid into the chair beside him and squeezed his hand.

“You sure you can’t just move in tonight?”

Brian heard the teasing words, but he didn’t attend to them as well as he wanted to. His head felt slightly swimmy, and he doubted it had anything to do with the single draft beer he’d had, nor with Danny’s presence. No, the stress of work, he reasoned, was what had gotten to him, paired with knowing exactly how much he had left to pack. “I don’t even have the living room packed up yet,” he murmured, taking another sip of the beer.

Danny snorted. “Just get rid of it. We can buy new shit. Y’know...make it our place, not just mine.”

More gentle lurching in his belly. More sips of his drink. Maybe he was getting ill.

“Unless, like…I mean, if you want, I can just wait until you’re all moved in first, or...I can go ahead and buy everything?” Danny let out a light chuckle. “Waking you up all hours of the night with questions about furniture or whatever’s gotta be annoying.”

Brian shook his head, but didn’t reply verbally. His gaze drifted to the nearest TV, where a game played by a team he didn’t give a shit about. His legs itched. Maybe if he moved around a little, he’d actually be able to focus.

It was rare nowadays that Danny and Brian even had a chance to come out to a restaurant on a weekend night. Brian’s schedule was far more open than Danny’s, but he spent it all packing, and Danny was always working on videos, songs, interviews, seeing old friends, thinking about the future…

Brian blinked a few times, trying to clear his head. When was the last time he’d even slept the whole night through?

“...good game?”

“Hmm?” Brian blinked and looked at Danny for the first time in twenty minutes. “I have no idea. It’s on, that’s all I know.”

Danny wrinkled his brow as he slurped up the remnants of his soda through his straw. “Then, uh...why’re you paying more attention to it instead of me?”

A very good question. Danny was his boyfriend. He was the entire reason Brian had gotten in his car and drove here for a proper date, not just the two of them sitting on his couch and eating takeout food again. But something about the entire situation had him on edge. Sleep? Work stress? He considered them both logical possibilities, making tick marks on the whiteboard he often saw before his mind’s eye. Correlation did not equal causation, and…

“I canceled plans to be here.”

Something in Danny’s tone finally resonated in Brian’s gut like a bell. His lover was a patient guy. He didn’t often sound so...so snippy unless something was genuinely wrong. But there it was – that edge, the sharpness that Ross sometimes took on if no one in the office was paying attention to something he was working on. From Ross, it felt bratty. From Danny, it felt hollow and depressed.

Brian’s heart skipped a beat.

“If you needed to get something else done, we could’ve rescheduled,” Danny murmured. As Brian met his eyes, he saw the ache right on the surface – not hidden even slightly. How was Danny able to be so open and vulnerable like this? Was it because he was so generally loved by everyone around him that he hadn’t had to fight for attention in years? Brian couldn’t even imagine being that free.

How many doors were still tightly locked in Brian’s mind with shadows trying to poke beneath them?

As a chill resonated through Brian’s veins, he reached across the table and covered Danny’s hand. When Danny didn’t pull away – didn’t even look away – Brian leaned on old habits. “I’m out of it. Lots of work. Lots of packing. It’s shit. But you know that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be here.” He tilted his head to the side. “I can’t think straight around you. When I’m this tired, my head just...goes places. Thinks about things that...maybe I shouldn’t be considering in polite company.”

Danny’s gaze flicked down to the table, and he shifted, turning his hand over so his fingers tickled over Brian’s inner wrist. “I mean...”

“What’s that?” Brian leaned closer, trying to catch his eye. “Does someone want to hear exactly what those inappropriate thoughts are?”

Danny chewed on his bottom lip, and, against his better judgment, it seemed, a smile peeked at the corners of his mouth. “Like you can ever keep your mouth shut anyway,” he finally said with a giggle. “You like to hear yourself talk so much.”

“And you like to listen.” Adopting the more sinewy tone was easier than it should’ve been, given how he continued to stomp on the quiet spark of panic at the base of his stomach. “But, if you don’t want to hear me...maybe I should just show you instead.”

Danny pulled his wallet out, flipping through it clumsily and pulling out a few bills to set on top of the check they’d been neglecting. “Fifteen minutes of anticipation-”

“Who said anything about waiting until we get home?”

Eyes snapping to Brian’s, Danny watched him, an ember of heat in his gaze. It was one that Brian knew wouldn’t take much at all to coax into life, and he jumped on the opportunity, standing up and taking Danny’s hand and pulling him out of the booth.

They’d never been so obviously clandestine before – not even at work. While the office felt like an extension of home in many ways, all thanks to the careful decorating that invoked inspiration without the stress of a standard office building, the fact that Brian led the way to the bathroom with promise in his hurried pace meant something far more exciting. And Danny would go along with it, of course. He always did.

He was weak for Brian. It seemed that over thirty years of repressing a supposed side of him meant that he couldn’t resist a damn thing that Brian offered him. It was kind of him to be patient with Danny in the past, he thought, when giving him as little as a snog in the hallways probably would’ve made his pants fall off without any additional help, but he didn’t have to wait anymore, did he?

Why not use this? Why not let his lover feel good anytime, anywhere?

Why not embrace the distraction?

The bathroom was a single stall, and Brian pushed Danny through the door and locked it behind him. His lover’s breath was already catching, and as Brian pressed flush against him, palming his jeans told him he was already hard.

“Eager,” Brian murmured with a smirk.

“I-I missed you, okay?” Danny leaned forward for a kiss, and Brian hesitated for only a moment before he returned it.

It wasn’t the first time Brian gave a blowjob while on his knees in a filthy bathroom, but it was the first time he actually enjoyed it.

At least...he was pretty sure that he did.

Normally Brian was fantastic at keeping track of time and dates, but something about Danny’s visit back home to see his family slipped by him completely. One night he was texting Danny and asking if their weekly Netflix date was still on for Friday, and the next second he was being reminded that Danny’s flight left that morning, actually – that they’d rescheduled to eat out two days before on purpose.

It wasn’t often that Danny got out of town to see his folks – and the fact that his sister would be there at the same time was a huge boon. For the first time outside of major holidays, they’d all be together – and for a whole week, too, to help celebrate their parents’ milestone anniversary together.

It worked out, really. It gave Brian time to focus on packing.

He imagined he might’ve gotten more done so far if he hadn’t been so busy at work. With his nose to the grindstone there, it was increasingly more difficult to focus on getting boxes packed and sealed ahead of time – and now the move was only two weeks away. The deposit had been put down on the moving company. Empty boxes filled his living room. Everything was set up to make it as speedy and efficient as possible.

He just...couldn’t focus.

That entire week, he did nothing but go to work, then come straight home to focus on packing. It should’ve made it easy. Danny was so enjoying his time with his family that he wasn’t reaching out to Brian very often. There were no distractions. Yet even still, Wednesday came with only one new box packed the night before, and the crunch was starting to tighten around him.

“Hey, Brian?” Ross stepped in his path as he headed toward the door at the end of the day. “What’s up?”

Brian blinked. He’d barely spoken to anyone in the office for days now. It took a few extra seconds for the clouds to clear away. “Nothing. Just on my way home. You?”

Ross grinned. “Yeah, same! Hey, so, I know you’ve probably been lonely as hell with Danny being gone-”

“The time away’s been refreshing, actually,” he drawled. “I’ve gotten a lot done.”

Ross snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure, anyway, uh, figured I’d see if you wanted to come hang out tonight. Some other friends’ll be there, and we’ve got some new tabletop games, and-”

“I have to pack, Ross,” he snapped. Any other time he would’ve thought of how this invitation was obviously preceded by something very important that Brian hadn’t figured out yet, and he would’ve apologized. Today, however, Ross was simply an obstacle in his way. “Maybe another time. Have a good night.” And he pushed past him, and the door shut behind him, and Ross let him go, and that was all there was to it.

Getting home, however, afforded him no pleasure. His phone was silent and in his bedroom. He put book after book into a box, like an assembly line, and he thought of Danny, and how he’d be home soon with stories of his sister and his mom and his dad, and just how lovely it must be to still have a fucking family to go home to at all.

He tried not to think of the deaths of his parents anymore, if he could help it, but tonight all he could see were their faces. Had they been proud of him? If they could see where he was now, would they be prouder still, or would they be humiliated by what prestige he’d given up just to come here and sing songs about dicks? And what would they think about his relationship with Danny specifically? Things hadn’t been awkward when he came out to them in the first place, but how would they take his boyfriend? Would they think they were a good fit, or would they advise Brian to think about looking for love elsewhere?

He couldn’t even imagine sitting with either of his parents and telling them about his depth of feeling for Danny – how he burned for him to the deepest part of his core. They’d never really been that type of family in the first place. How could he pretend that they would’ve had excellent advice to give him, or even the patience to listen?

Danny’s family adored him. They were probably listening to anecdotes about his work and his friends and…

Brian? Had he even ever told them about him? Had he ever came out? Did they love him even still?

They had to. No doubt they loved him and built him up, and…and worshiped him. Admired him for everything he’d done when life felt so impossible. They respected their Danny, who’d thrown his medication into water, who’d not gone back to it, who’d learned to stand on his own two feet. Their incredibly whole Danny. Brave. Strong. Full of everything that the world seemed to lack.

He was whole. That was it, really. He wasn’t broken inside, like some people were, and he didn’t even realize that, did he?

As his thoughts turned and spun, losing coherency, he realized he was staring into the box with a book in each hand, unmoving – almost unbreathing. How long had he been kneeling there? When had he stopped paying attention? Brian set the books down with more care than he’d ever used in his life, then leaned back against the couch, staring at the ceiling. He tried to apply logic to why he couldn’t breathe deeply. There had to be a reason for it. There always was. It was easy, if he’d only try…

Somehow he ended up on his back on the couch with all the lights on, still in his clothes, teeth unbrushed, brain unfocused. He fell asleep there with his hands folded over his stomach and his too-small lungs.

Dreams were a window into the soul, and he knew it well. He dreamed of his beautiful, perfect Danny, being carried away by millions of adoring people, and when he tried to follow them, he tripped into a hole, where he yelled and begged for help and was never once even thought of.

And then he woke up and forgot about it before his eyes were even open – was only left with the lingering sense of unease that robbed him of safety even here, in his own home.

Even with Danny’s return to work, Brian was unsettled. He couldn’t find the words to ask him about his time away – how he’d enjoyed it, how his parents were, if his sister was well – and Danny didn’t volunteer the information to him either. He had too much to catch up on at work. Day in and day out he was recording videos with Arin, barely even pausing for lunch, and the quick hand squeezes and cheek kisses that Brian used to prize felt like nothing more than excuses now. Apologies, perhaps, for how he was in no real hurry to get back to him.

The move was almost here, and nothing was done – but Danny hadn’t even asked about it. And perhaps that was for the better.

Three days until the move, Brian ended up in the kitchen at work, his hands trembling as he reached for the pot of coffee. Did he need more? He wasn’t sure. His eyelids were heavy, though, and his control was fraying, to the point where his emails were piling up and he ignored conversations and let the list of his responsibilities go unfulfilled.

Coffee. Coffee was the answer.

The pot was full, almost overflowing onto his hand, and he hyperfocused every ounce of his attention on it, feeling blindly for the mug overhead while keeping an eye on the level of steaming coffee. A slip – just the barest movement of his fingers – had the mug falling, where it shattered on the counter, spraying shards of ceramic across his chest as he exclaimed and slammed the pot down.

“Fuck!” Brian concaved forward, shoulders rising, chest collapsing beneath the weight of his shout. That word – just one word – encapsulated everything he was losing and that he feared, and he felt the break on the edge of his tone just before his teeth clicked shut painfully.

Breathe. He stared at the massive pieces of the bland white mug surrounding him, his hands splayed on the countertop. Don’t stop breathing. Don’t let go. Don’t do anything. The shards blurred before his eyes as his breathing came faster and faster, over and over and over, until his heart burned. Fragile ribs splintered under the pounding weight of it.

And then he felt the eyes.

“You okay?”

Arin. Brian squeezed his eyes shut, bit his lips, and stood up tall so quickly he nearly lost balance. “Fine.” With one quick movement he jerked his chin upward and applied the veneer, then turned to look at his boss.

The naked concern on his expression nearly brought him to his knees.

He thought to that earlier lunch invitation weeks beforehand. The curious look in his gaze. Brian had interpreted it as Arin simply seeing him as a puzzle – like a toy that he wanted to tinker with until he was satisfied – but no, there was something far more frightening therein.

He knew. He knew exactly what Brian was struggling with. How could he read him so easy? Was it that obvious? Did everyone know what a fucking waste of air Brian was? That he was a shitstain smeared across the ground?

“Brian.” Arin wrinkled his brow. “Sit down, dude, you’re shaking.”

“I’m fine. I haven’t slept.” The lies came easier than truth, spilling over his lips, and he had a vivid flashback – Arin’s words against his ear through the phone six months before, the quiet Nothing is fucked, and how it had lulled him to think that everything could be okay with Danny, not risking falling apart like it was now. “Once I actually get some decent fucking rest and get this move over with, I’ll...yeah, I’ll be fine.”

Brian was so used to any word he said being enough to convince Danny. Why would Brian lie to him if it wasn’t for humor, after all? There was no motivation for it. Arin, however, didn’t look convinced. Nothing about his expression changed. Only the inescapable worry pressing down on him.

“I think we should go sit down together,” Arin said far slower, like he was still thinking through his plan of attack, and the itching in Brian’s legs only grew. “If you’re, uh, tired or whatever, we can get you settled on the couch, catch a few z’s, and then we can talk afterward, maybe?”

In seconds, Arin would no doubt get his footing as Brian’s boss again. He was good at what he did – fucking great, even – but the normally unflappable Brian was keeping him from transitioning straight into expressing his concern and asking him if everything was all right at home and if maybe he was having some kind of second thoughts about this move, if he didn’t deserve it or happiness with Danny or-

No, he couldn’t be allowed to figure that out. If he went down that rabbit hole, Brian was damn sure they’d never get out.

“I’m fine,” Brian snapped. He was moving before he even realized it. He pushed past Arin. Arin hit the doorframe, and Brian moved down the hallway. “I’m just, I’m going to run an errand, and I’ll be right back.”

The next thing he was aware of was sitting in his car, hands on the wheel, staring outside. How tempting it would be to drive home. He remembered doing that last time. Remembered emptying his stomach into the toilet until he felt as empty as he was as a human being – the vacant shell, the remnants left behind of who Brian was before he realized how utterly unexceptional he was and withered and died. He could do it now. He could go home and shut himself up, and maybe everyone would forget until tomorrow.

Or maybe he’d keep sitting here for an hour and wouldn’t even realize it.

He had nowhere to go. No errands to do. He drove around the block four times on pure autopilot before he pulled back into the parking lot and came inside.

He would just...find Arin and smooth things over, like they’d never happened. He’d give him a smile and a joke and some fingerguns, and then they’d move on, right? Easy. He stepped inside the thunderous air conditioner of their specific chain of offices and headed down the hallway, looking for him. Not in his office. Not in the kitchen. Not even Danny was at their desks.

That was when the cool panic began to set in.

As a rule, private conversations were rarely held in the recording area due to the backup microphones being constantly on at all times so that they’d never risk losing footage in the event of an emergency shutdown. It was considered a violation of privacy. Sensitive situations needed to be respected, lest they open up an entire can of worms.

Yet when Brian finally went to the last place he looked – the studio itself – what he saw brought him to a stop. Arin and Danny, sitting together, Danny’s back to the glass, Arin’s brow furrowed as he talked. He had no way of hearing what they were saying, but what else could they be talking about? Who else was having a fucking breakdown in the middle of the office just because a mug had broken? Brian lingered at the furthest door. There had to be a new plan of attack. How likely was it that he could get Danny to completely ignore everything coming out of Arin’s mouth? He imagined himself bursting in and flinging himself between them in slow motion, shouting, begging for Danny not to listen.

The fantasy hadn’t even finished when Arin locked eyes with him and shut his mouth – and then Danny turned his head.

He was wearing that goddamn concern now too.

Brian left. He ran. And this time he went home.

It wasn’t like he’d left incredibly early. In no time at all, everyone else would be heading home, Brian reasoned to himself, and thus he hadn’t exactly given them huge reason to worry. Danny wouldn’t come running over – at least, he wasn’t likely to, especially with how busy he was – and Brian could head everything off at the pass.

He just...needed to look like he was busy, in case there was a trap. If Danny walked in with his key - why the fuck did I even give him that? - he’d see that the apartment was a disaster. The signs of Brian’s half focused packing were scattered from wall to wall – objects that he’d begun wrapping in newspaper before leaving them on the floor, a trail of books from the shelf to a box that was half empty, abandoned dishes on the kitchen counter that he’d never quite gotten to washing. A man lived in a fugue state here. And he had to hide the signs. He couldn’t let them worry. Couldn’t let them know.

Packing was easy, he reasoned. No one sane struggled with something this simple, especially when they were over forty years old and had a doctorate in an extremely prestigious field.

But there was too much. Every time that Brian touched something – intent on packing it to lessen the damage – something else caught his eye, and he would put it down and wander over, then freeze again, head turning to the next object. By the time he heard his phone ringing, he hadn’t done a damn thing.

He picked up his phone, then dropped it on the couch when he saw Danny’s name. Feeling like a child, Brian chewed on a hangnail and stared at the screen, listening to the quiet vibrating until, finally, it went silent. He looked away. What kind of man did this? Who ignored their lover like they were nothing? How was he going to explain this?

Why did he feel so completely out of control of his own life?

His phone buzzed with a voicemail, and he forced himself to take a deep breath and listen to it.

”Hey! Um, this is Danny! I guess you already knew that, uh...listen, I just wanted to see how you were doing. I realized we hadn’t really...seen each other for the past couple of weeks, outside of work, and, like, with the move coming up, I kind of left you hanging instead of asking if I could help, and that was shitty of me, and...and I’m sorry. Um, can you give me a call and just let me know how you’re doing? I’d really like to hear from you. Love you!”

The message was dangerous. As Brian dropped the phone slowly back to his hip, he stared at the wall and felt the ever pressing weight of Danny’s worry on his shoulders. So this was it. This was how everyone found out that Brian – the man who held everything together like he was made of steel – was falling apart. Going insane. Collapsing from the inside out. This was how the world found out that he wasn’t worth his salt.

This was how Danny slowly discovered that Brian was weak and so not worth everything he’d given him.

We can still fix this.

The spark of panic flared into a smoldering wildfire, ripping through Brian as he grabbed his phone, his keys, and his wallet and headed straight for the door.

Brian was a master of deception and lies. For years he’d made a brand out of insulting humor. The amount of times that he’d spewed falsehoods just to make Danny think he wasn’t attracted to him was in the hundreds. And he could still lean on that here too. That was all it would take: just one little lie, and he could get his life back on target again.

He was fine. He was. He’d held it together for decades, and he wasn’t about to let go now.

The drive to Danny’s was done in the same fog he’d been struggling with for weeks, with the sharp-teethed voices in the back of his mind muttering viciousness that he could barely even translate. It was better this way, they said – better for Brian not to be known by a single person. If they found out what a fraud he was, they’d be happy to take the excuse to leave him. If they realized how he was only a mockery of a comedian, they’d turn their backs. If they knew he couldn’t do a damn thing without second guessing every step of the way, they’d finally realize how foolish he was.

It was better to hide it all. And Danny was just gullible enough to take it. After all, everyone wanted to take the easy way out. If Brian offered him the opportunity to pull the wool a little more over his eyes, he’d thank him for it – anything so he didn’t have to do the hard work of...of comforting, or…

Unbidden, images of Suzy holding Arin’s hand and talking to him quietly in the office during times of tight deadlines or sharp criticism or a dropped sponsorship deal raced through his mind. How Arin leaned into her. How she accepted the weight of him and pulled him in close and held him together when he was feeling weak. What did that feel like, to be so vulnerable with another human being? To know that they could be relied on to carry the burdens of their loved ones when they became just a little too heavy?

He couldn’t remember ever giving someone that opportunity. Not even once.

Fuck, his throat hurt. It tightened with a knot, and he swallowed it back down.

He pulled sideways into Danny’s driveway and climbed out of his car, making a beeline for the front door with his keys clacking in his shaking hand. He knocked on the door, and the second it opened, he pushed inside.

“Hey!” Danny grabbed him by the shoulder. “God, I’m fucking glad to see you. What’s up? Why didn’t you just call me back?”

The gleaming adoration in Danny’s eyes were almost enough to bring everything tumbling down. Every piece of the mismatched stones that Brian had shoved together into the tower that held him high above others...just one word of love from Danny would blow them over and leave nothing but the cracked foundation that he was so desperate to hide.

He couldn’t do that. If Danny saw – if he knew everything he’d been hiding…

Brian made one last ditch effort toward deception. It was easy. All he had to do was lean on Danny’s weakest point – even if it made him feel sick to do.

“Sometimes a guy just has to see his boyfriend.” Brian cupped Danny’s cheeks, scratchy with stubble, and came up onto his tiptoes, holding his gaze. “You missed me, didn’t you? You said it yourself. So here I am.”

Danny wrinkled his brow. “Brian...”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He thumbed over Danny’s bottom lip. “Just a guy who’s sick and tired of waiting to see his lover. You feel that way too, right?”

“I-I mean, yeah, but-”

“Then c’mon.” He pressed their chests together and let his warm breath tickle over his mouth. “Show me how much you missed me. Make love to me like you mean it.”

Hesitation. For once, Danny didn’t reach out and touch Brian. He didn’t drag him in. And that just meant Brian would have to do a little more of the work himself.

He kissed him with a hum, tilting his head to deepen it immediately, and closed his eyes, trying to focus on the heat of Danny’s body against his. He’d wanted him for years. He’d jerked off to him every damn time he was drunk and home alone. The amount of times that he’d whispered Danny’s name into a pillow while some anonymous guy fucked him from behind was innumerable.

So why couldn’t he just turn his fucking brain off and enjoy this?

He forced himself to slide a hand through Danny’s hair, just barely avoiding tangling in the messy curls, and he felt the other man’s breath hitch as he touched him. Yeah, c’mon, just like that, give in to me. As Danny melted slowly, he slid his arms around Brian’s waist, one hand fisting in his shirt.

Just like he was supposed to. Almost on cue. Thank God, thank God.

He just had to get Danny to fuck him. If he could goad him on until he was bruising Brian’s hips in those beautiful hands of his, then even better. He just needed him to let go. He needed him to see that Brian was fine, and that he didn’t need to worry, and that everything was going to be okay, and nothing was going to fall apart.

He needed Danny to fucking swallow him whole. Trap him in his ribs. Let him snuggle up right next to his heart, where it was warm and safe.

Danny tried to pull away from the kiss, but Brian pursued him, and he felt the moan against his lips as he gave into him again. The bedroom wasn’t too far away, but Brian didn’t know if he trusted himself to get Danny that far without questions coming up.

It had been quite a while since he’d been fucked on the floor, feeling the carpet fibers scrape his body to hell and back. Did Danny still have lube in here? He’d jokingly told him that he had a bottle of lube in every room in the house, just in case – that it was always good for a gag, at least, even if it never got used. Condoms? Whatever. They were fluid bonded now.

He didn’t fucking want anybody else, just...just Danny, just this, just the promise that it would never end.

Promises fell apart as fast as cheap toys. So did wedding rings. So did mortgages and two names on the insurance and everything whispered between the sheets-

God, his mind was fucking everywhere. He zeroed in on Danny again, coaxing him down to the ground, until he could scramble into his lap and grind against the hardness he felt in his jeans. Brian winced – he himself wasn’t hard, and the sensitivity of his flaccid cock being pressed against something so unforgiving was painful in a horrible way rather than a pleasurable one, but…

Fuck, why wasn’t he fucking hard?!

He eased a hand between their hips to hide it, bucking the heel of his palm against Danny’s cock and swallowing up the sweet moans he fed him in response. Tongues tangled, slick and hot.

It was when Danny reached to lace their other hands together that Brian’s heart skittered in his chest.

What was he doing? Why did he think this was the right way to go?

Just...get over it, Jesus, just let him fuck you, c’mon, he’s ready, he’s into it, and he’ll forget all about whatever the hell is going on in your head if you can just man up and do this shit.

Brian let go of his hand and reached between them to open up Danny’s jeans. He pushed him to the floor with his chest and held him there, panting against his mouth for just a second before he resumed the sloppy, unfocused kisses – ones that Danny kept trying to take control of, and that Brian would ignore. He yanked his lover’s jeans and boxers down and took him in hand, jerking him to full hardness with no real rhythm. His palm felt too dry against the smooth skin of Danny’s cock and he bit back the urge to apologize.

Just a little more. Maybe he could even try to take him dry. It’d hurt like hell, they’d be risking pain and bleeding and...but maybe it’d be better than stopping to look for the lube, and-

Danny’s hand suddenly touched between Brian’s legs, flush against his soft dick. And he froze.

They both did. Brian kept his lips lightly pressed against Danny’s, brain frantically looking for an excuse. A solution.

Danny turned his head and let out a shaky breath and, goddamn it all, but he spoke before Brian could think to kiss him again. “You’re not...you’re not hard.”

Fuck. Fuck. Any other day it would’ve taken no time at all for Brian to quip something out and get the show on the road again, but here? Now? A cold sweat beaded over his neck and forehead, and he dropped his hands to the carpet, holding there, staring at Danny’s chest.

“Are you not enjoying this?”

I love it, Brian wanted to say. But he couldn’t loosen his jaw. His teeth ground together painfully, making his vision blur.

“You don’t need to do this,” Danny said quietly, his soft voice tickling over Brian’s skin. A drop of sweat ghosted down his own cheek, as if chasing the words. “I’d rather just talk to you. See what’s going on. You don’t have to keep...hiding it.”

Something began building in Brian’s stomach as he sat up slowly. It traveled gradually up his chest. His throat.

“It’s...it’s been hard, isn’t it?” Danny whispered. “You didn’t want me to know it was hard. That...that something was going on. Because if I did...”

Brian shook his head. Where were the words to tell him to shut up? Why was he trembling?

“...if I knew something was wrong, I’d ask, and you wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore.”

Oh God, oh God, oh God…

Danny touched his cheek – his sweat-slick, overheated, ugly, disgusting cheek. “Brian, please tell me what’s wrong. I can’t watch you like this. I love you too much to let you hurt like this alone.”

Brian was off him like a flash.

“Brian!”

He ran – but he ran straight down the hall, stumbling into the bathroom and flinging himself on his knees in front of the toilet. It was too similar, spilling the contents of his stomach because of Danny - almost like the past few months hadn’t even happened.

The difference was that he wasn’t alone. Arms wrapped around his ribs, a warm and insistent presence, and Brian squeezed his eyes shut.

Humiliation wouldn’t even come to him, and neither would shame. After all this time of holding back, hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he struggled to take a full breath. “I-I can’t anymore,” Brian stammered. His fingers dug into the porcelain, trembling, trying to find purchase in anything around him. “It’s too much, i-it’s just too...”

“I’ve got you.” Danny’s voice, though tight with emotion, was soft in his ears, like silk dragged over sensitive skin. “It’s okay, Bri, I’m here, I’ve got you, you’re not alone anymore.”

He leaned back into the weight of Danny, nothing left to vomit, and shook in his arms, head tilting back so that the light from the hallway bled past his eyelids. The sounds he made – choked sobs – didn’t sound human, and he scarcely believed they came from him. All he knew and felt was the pain in his body, everything he’d been holding back for months – years – coming out in his tears. The fear, the agony, the knowledge that no one could put up with the amount of shit that Brian carried in his heart.

But Danny was right there. Right there. He wasn’t leaving. He was rocking Brian back and forth and whispering sweet comforting words. “You’re never gonna be alone again,” he said at one point in a voice that barely sounded like his own, and Brian had just enough presence of mind to realize that Danny was crying too.

Brian hadn’t let anyone see his tears in years. He hadn’t let anyone cry for him in even longer. But here, in this tiny safe room, with nothing but love surrounding him, even as horrible as it felt to let go, he couldn’t do anything else.

Not when Danny was giving him permission – and the acceptance to spill over the riverbanks.

Brian twisted in his arms and buried his face in Danny’s neck, soaking him in tears as he clung to him like a child. Yet Danny held on. He was firm. He wouldn’t be toppled over like a Lego tower. Everything that Brian feared – that he was too much for someone, that he didn’t deserve to be loved, that it was only a matter of time before he was left alone – stayed at bay. None of it came true.

There was time yet for his thoughts to be proven right. But he was damn glad it wasn’t tonight.

After long minutes of weeping, strength left Brian, until he was dry of tears and aching. He wasn’t a young man anymore. He couldn’t just throw himself around and have tantrums like this without a bone deep burning in all parts of his body – his bruised knees, his pained lungs, his red eyes. But even as he whispered two words - “I’m sorry” - Danny didn’t let go.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Danny murmured, running a hand through the short cropped hair on top of Brian’s head and leaving tingling in his wake. “C’mon. Easy does it.”

Never had Brian seen this side of Danny before – this calm, gentle, coaxing part of him that drew Brian up to his feet. He could almost imagine him taking a crying child into his arms and carrying him away to rock him until he could breathe again. He’d never said a word about wanting children, but the image was fixed in Brian’s mind now so vividly that he let the fascination distract him from just how hard it was to stand.

He leaned into Danny heavily with a sigh that nearly started his tears again – how was he so tired? The steps out of the bathroom, into the hallway, and down to the bedroom should’ve taken seconds, but they felt like hours, each careful placement of his foot taking intense deliberation lest he bring them both down to the ground.

He’d pulled all nighters while working on his PHD. He and Danny both had stayed up for days on end when they were at a crunch point with their albums. But he’d never felt this exhausted before.

It’s all caught up to me, he thought with a certain calm. It’s here. There’s no getting out of it, is there?

It was a bit clumsy, but once he sat Brian on the edge of his bed, Danny tugged the shirt over Brian’s head, along with his shoes and jeans. He hesitated and looked at his dresser – considering pajamas, maybe – before he shook his head and gently eased Brian down. His head landed on a pillow as soft as a cloud.

Faint panic sparked in his gut, and he grabbed hold of Danny’s hands, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“I’m here.” Danny smiled at him. He kicked off his pants and crawled into bed in his shirt and boxers, then curled up beside him. “It’s okay, Bri. Everything’s gonna be okay now. Got it?”

Brian opened his mouth, but his voice, so raw from crying, was impossible to find, and he settled for nodding as he nuzzled into the soft, well worn cotton of his lover’s t-shirt. A deep breath filled his mind with nothing but Danny – his smile, his laugh, his love.

Under the hand petting up and down his back and the quiet, faint humming of what Brian recognized as a lullaby, he fell asleep within seconds, plunging into a dreamless state of weariness.

He’s out. Danny let out a deep breath and closed his eyes as he felt Brian relax. He’s out, okay, it’s...it’s okay.

How he’d managed to hold up such a calm facade, he had no idea. He wasn’t built for this. Going from burning alive for Brian’s touch to crying into the back of his neck within sixty seconds nearly gave him whiplash. Hell, the fact that he’d even gotten him calm in the first place when he was falling apart at the seams...

How had he missed all the fucking signs along the way?

Danny rubbed his eyes as he rolled onto his back, tugging Brian closer as he went. Brian twitched in his sleep, but stayed under, and Danny exhaled slowly.

It didn’t make sense for Brian to fall apart. That was part of it. Brian was an incredible wall of intellect and cleverness. He didn’t give into these silly emotions like everybody else around him. He was unflappable to the very end. Right?

Apparently not.

God, how he’d shaken while Danny held him. He’d sounded like a fucking wild animal as he let out all the shit he’d been dealing with, wail after wail after wail. Danny was used to a more primal Brian in one instance only, and what happened in the bathroom had nothing to do with that. How eagerly he’d tried to seduce Danny – and how quickly he’d succeeded…

Had he done that before?

Danny’s mind flitted to the last time Brian had been so eagerly spontaneous – the bathroom at the restaurant – and covered his eyes as the weight of what must have been going on in Brian’s head sank down on him. He’d been trying to escape. Or distract him. Or both. And Danny had played right into his hands.

What a fucking shitty boyfriend he was, letting himself get caught up in being busy and working his ass off instead of paying attention to how Brian was falling apart. When was the last time he’d offered to help him pack for the move? Or that he’d even stopped by just to see him? Was this all about the move and nothing else?

No, the man who’d fallen to pieces and cried like that, it had to be about something different than planning for a new future. Right? Or was he wrong?

He couldn’t do this by himself. There was a reason that Danny’s preferred method of helping people going through things leaned on distraction rather than intimate conversation. He hadn’t even asked Brian what he needed, or said anything to help. All he could do was hold him and cry with him.

The depth of despair that Brian had felt… Even now, it could suffocate Danny as he considered it. He’d never been as empathetic with someone like he was with Brian. Was this what love was, truly and deeply, or was there a connection there that he could only ever have with this man?

So many questions. So much pain. So much that Danny couldn’t just fix. He hadn’t been in a long term relationship in years. How was he supposed to know how to handle it without fucking things up and making Brian feel worse?

Arin. He thought of the words he’d shared earlier that day – how he pointed out none so delicately that Brian was fraying at the seams, and had been for quite some time. How he’d shaken Danny out of his cluelessness and had told him with complete seriousness that if he loved Brian, he’d call him on his bullshit and get him to stop hiding whatever was going on. He’d anticipated having to do a little more work to get him to come out about it. He’d thought there would be deflection and laughter. The afterglow, he’d reasoned as Brian plied him with kisses, would be the perfect time to get him to start opening up about it, both of them floating in the honest intimacy that they ended up in every time.

Arin had been doing this for a lot longer than Brian and Danny had. He and Suzy had one of the healthiest relationships he’d ever seen. So maybe he could help.

Danny gently extricated himself from Brian’s arms, and when he heard the other man mumble something in his sleep he leaned to kiss his forehead, his heart swelling in his chest. He needed all the help he could get.

He wasn’t going to risk losing Brian over something as simple as this. As surprised as he’d been by the events of the day, he still knew him. He knew that Brian wouldn’t hesitate to run, if he thought it was better for Danny. Hadn’t he done that already? He’d gone to a whole fucking other country just to get some distance between them, even when he knew that Danny was falling apart over it – all to hide how he felt.

No more of that. Danny stroked Brian’s cheek, his forehead creasing with fervor. It’s you and me, man. You’re not gonna call the shots for me anymore. We’re figuring this life shit out together.

As he left him sleeping in his bed, Danny closed the door quietly behind him, then went to the living room and pulled out his phone. He shot Arin a text. “Can you maybe come talk to me about Brian? He’s here at my house. Sleeping. Things got bad. I think we’re fine, but I don’t know what the fuck to do when he wakes up.”

Arin’s quick “On my way now” reassured Danny to the point of sitting down and taking a deep breath. If he held all this in, would he melt down just like Brian had? He thought of the therapy he used to have – how it was the only place he could actually talk about what he was feeling without worrying what others would think of him. Suddenly he missed it, and he regretted laying his shit on Arin when he was just a friend – not even a professional paid to get his time taken up.

Was there a decent therapist nearby in town?

He didn’t have to wait long. Traffic appeared blessedly light, and a few minutes later there was a text coming through. “I’m outside. Didn’t wanna knock and wake him up.” Small favors. Danny went to the door and let Arin in, and immediately hugged him. Something he was thankful for in his relationship was that it inspired him to be more relaxed with touching his friends. That hug felt like the one thing keeping him afloat.

“Hey,” Arin murmured, squeezing him unabashedly in his arms. “He still asleep?”

“Yeah.” Danny pulled back and sighed. “I-I honestly don’t think he’s slept much for weeks now. You were right. He looks like fucking hell.”

Arin looked at the bedroom door as he moved past, rubbing the back of his neck, while Danny locked the door again behind him. “Yeah. Hell, he might sleep through the night. Might be just what he needs.”

Danny leaned into the door and curled his hand into a fist against it. “How didn’t I see it? I fucking work right next to him-”

“Hey.” Arin caught his arm and pulled him away, guiding him toward the couch. “No, don’t do that. That’s just gonna eat you up inside, dude. The past is the past. You gotta move forward. Both of you do.”

Danny nodded. They sat together, Danny perched right on the edge of the cushion, wanting to be able to spring to his feet if he heard Brian so much as start to stir. “I just...I was so fucking blind. My own boyfriend...I hate that I didn’t catch it. I don’t know how to do better in the future.”

“We can talk about that later.” Arin kicked off his shoes and curled up on the couch, watching Danny closely. “We’ve gotta talk about Brian, man. I don’t know what he’s gonna do when he wakes up. He’s been pretty damn deflective for weeks now. He could just try to pretend that nothing happened, or that we’re blowing it out of proportion, or...”

“Yeah.” He tented his hands and pressed them to his lips. The temptation to let more self hatred pour out was almost impossible to resist, but...no, he had to focus on Brian right now. All of him. “What do you think was going on? I haven’t even gotten to ask him yet.”

“You didn’t get anything?”

Danny shook his head. “He got here, he tried to, uh...distract me, and then when I tried to get him to talk he just fucking broke down. Threw up. Started crying. It was fucking bad, dude. Broke my goddamn heart.” His throat tightened up again in response, and he looked away. “Did I do this? Did me asking him to move in do it?”

“No, I don’t think that adds up. Didn’t you say he was excited when you first talked about it?”

“I think he was.” Every part of their relationship was cast in a different light now. He didn’t want to believe that Brian had been lying to him about how he was feeling this entire time – that he was happy and at ease in their relationship – but how was he supposed to tell for sure? “He’d...yeah, he looked like he was super stoked that I’d even brought it up. We talked about how I wanted him to know I was serious. He didn’t try to talk me out of it, he just...”

Arin hummed quietly in acknowledgment, and Danny felt like he could break under the gentle sympathy. “I don’t think this was your fault. If you’re thinking it is, get it out of your head right now.”

Bastard, knowing exactly what Danny was thinking. He stared at his feet instead of looking at Arin and showing him every damn thought in his head.

“Have you ever seen him break down like that today?”

Danny shook his head. “Not once. We’ve spent so much time together, and I’ve never seen him tear up. Not even when he’d get drunk and talk about his parents or anything, it was just...calm. Serene.”

Arin sighed. “That means it probably goes back fucking far as dicks.”

“You think so?” He blinked at him.

“Yeah. What’s the phrase, still waters run deep?” Arin stared back at him, chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Like, let’s think about what we know. He’s a perfectionist. He’s a master of bragging humor. He builds himself up constantly-”

“-and maybe it’s the opposite of what he feels?” Danny wrinkled his brow. “That’s what you’re getting at?”

“I mean, it could be, right?”

Had he been barely holding himself together their entire friendship? Danny thought back, remembering quiet conversations years before they even met Arin, when Brian would let something self-deprecating slip out under his breath, then laugh it off when Danny would look at him – as if he hadn’t even thought he’d notice what he said.

“What the fuck do I do?” Danny asked quietly.

“Talk to him.” Arin put a hand on Danny’s arm, a quiet but strong connection that Danny clung to. “Find out what he’s going through. Then just...go from there.”

“To what?” Danny bubbled up with a bitter laugh. “How am I gonna be any help to him? I’m just the asshole who brags about how he fucking stopped therapy and medication all on his own! No trouble! Just, yep, toss your pill bottle in the fucking water, guys, it’s all good!”

“You don’t do that,” Arin murmured. “Every single time you tell that story, you make sure to say that people all have to do things differently – that you got lucky. What do you think’s gonna happen, that you’ll just...send him over the edge?”

Danny covered his face with his hands. Utter helplessness spread through him. “I just...I don’t...”

“Danny, listen to me. You’re the only person here, between the two of us, who knows what it feels like when everything’s too hard to bear. When you can’t figure out how to go on anymore. And if Brian feels even a little bit like that...then you’re the best person to help him.”

“But I might fuck up-”

“Okay.”

Danny looked up at him, frowning.

“People fuck up.” Arin slid closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and Danny collapsed into him. “I’m not saying you’re supposed to save him, dude – that’d be fucked up of me. Brian has to be the one to decide he wants help for whatever it is he might be going through. But you can be by his side and show him that it’s not a lost cause.” He paused. “The amount of times that Suzy has brought me up out of a fog just with her telling me she loves me, or that I’m not alone, or pointing out something about me that she thinks is amazing...it’s incredible. It works. And it’ll work for you too.”

“It’s not that easy, is it?”

Arin shook his head with a wry sort of smile. “It’s never easy. I wish it was. Whatever’s gonna happen here, it’s a process, okay? You know that.”

He did. It had taken ages until he felt exasperated enough to throw away his medication, then even longer before he came out from under the foggy withdrawal of what it had done to him. He’d been warned it wouldn’t be easy, and they were right. “I just...want him to know I’m not running away. Even if he feels like shit. Even if things feel hard. I’m staying.”

“Then tell him that.”

Danny nodded. “Yeah.” It wasn’t hard. Just being the one to tell Brian that he wasn’t alone – even if he thought he deserved it – could do so much good, he thought optimistically. And it was one step toward doing better than he had. No more missing the signs of his lover struggling. He didn’t want to baby him or hold his hand all the time – and Brian would probably throw a fit if he did – but he had to get his head out of his own ass.

Things had changed for them. Their relationship was completely different than it ever had been before. He couldn’t keep treating Brian like he was still just his best friend and nothing else. He had to keep his eyes open and see things that he might’ve never called him on before because of how he was raised – believing that guys had to work through their shit on their own.

He wouldn’t have ignored the signs of a girlfriend going through pain or trauma. He wasn’t going to do that for his boyfriend either.

“Do you really think I can help him and not ruin everything?” he asked quietly, searching Arin’s gaze for answers. “That...that I can stick around and show him how serious I am about this? And help him through shit?”

Arin grinned. There wasn’t a single question in his eyes. No doubt. No consideration. Just a strong, unwavering faith – exactly what he needed. “Dude, you know you can do anything, right? If I had to pick, I’d always want you at my back.”

It was so weird, how things had changed in just the past few months. Before he’d dated Brian, Danny would’ve laughed and joked away from the way his words embraced his heart and made him feel…happy. He would’ve shied away from feeling an intimacy between the two of them. But it was okay. It wasn’t weird or bad or wrong. It didn’t make Danny weak.

Finally he could see why Arin loved being as open and touchy-feely and kind as he was. It felt fucking amazing, if he could just drop his guard and invite people in.

“You want me to stick around for a while?” Arin asked quietly.

“Nah.” Danny slipped out from under his arm and stood with a sigh. “I...I want it to be just me, this first time. Is that selfish?”

“What, to want to be the guy your boyfriend leans on? To want to prove to him that you’re gonna stick by him no matter what?” Arin scoffed and rolled his eyes, smile widening. “You’re golden, bro, c’mon.”

Danny pulled Arin into a hug. Only a moment of hesitation – surprise, he was willing to bet – happened before Arin wrapped his arms around him in response. “Thank you. Seriously. I-I feel like I can actually do this now – whatever it is.”

“You need anything, you call me, okay? I’m serious. Any day, any time, I’m here.”

Danny squeezed his eyes shut and shakily exhaled. He’d never had such a fervent belief in someone being like a brother to him. He believed Arin. “Thank you. Uh, same, I mean it.”

Arin broke the embrace with a beaming smile. “Text me tonight about how things went, okay?”

“You got it.”

As Danny let Arin out, he lingered at the door, watching him walk away with a quiet sigh. Regardless of how Arin had built him up, there was still the temptation to be intimidated by what was about to happen. He had no idea what had made Brian break down in such a disastrous way. If it had anything to do with Danny, he’d feel guiltier than he could say, and the likelihood that he’d break down again was high. It was terrifying to think about. He didn’t want someone he loved to turn into that ruined, animalistic creature again. He wanted him to be okay.

It’ll take time, he reminded himself as he slipped back inside and shut the door behind him. Stay the course. Talk to him. And it’ll be okay.

He made his way to the bedroom and lingered for a moment, watching Brian’s peacefully sleeping face. Was there tension still in his body? Pain? Could he feel what was hurting him even still?

He crawled under the sheets with him and curled up close. He’d wait.

When he began to stir, he was sore as hell.

For a few blissful moments, Brian had no memory of what had happened to make him so tense in the first place – and then it came crashing down, every single thing he’d been trying to avoid for weeks, and he heaved a sigh and rubbed his eyes.

It had come for him, then. All of it. All the pain. The agony. The fear. The frustration. It had hit him all at once to the tune of Danny’s voice.

But it was okay. He could still talk his way out of it. Though he felt exhausted down to his bones, sleep wasn’t an option anymore, and he felt oddly like he’d gone through some kind of catharsis. So he needed to have a breakdown every now and again. That was just fine. He could manage to do that in a far more private way in the future.

He could even make sure that Danny was calm. That he didn’t think any of this had to do with him. That it was a fluke, and it would never happen again.

Easy.

He opened his eyes, then pulled back when he saw Danny’s face a few inches from his own. Shit. He thought he’d have a few more minutes to figure out a plan. Just seeing the way his eyes sparkled in the low light from the curtains gripped Brian’s heart with guilt. Why wasn’t he stronger? Why did he have to exist in this pathetic, humiliating way? Why had he made Danny worry by seeing him like that?

Danny brushed his fingers over Brian’s cheek, and he fought the urge to lean into his touch. The stronger he could be, the better.

“You can keep sleeping,” Danny murmured. For once, there wasn’t an ever present smile shining at him. Just that quiet neutrality.

Brian grunted and shook his head. He could still taste the vomit in his mouth. He hadn’t even rinsed it out before he fell asleep. He rolled onto his back so Danny didn’t have to smell it. “I’m fine.” Fine in every way. If he kept sleeping, he’d only wake up feeling like he’d been put away wet again, and he would risk it being taken as a sign of weakness. And though he might be weak, Danny sure as hell didn’t need to know that.

“Okay.”

“Seriously. I’m fine.”

Danny hummed in acknowledgment – in that little way that told Brian he didn’t believe him for a second – and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he looked toward the closet. Silence stretched between them both. No, Danny suspected that something was very wrong – maybe even pitied him – and it only made the guilt stab claws a little deeper into his soul. I have to do better. I can’t keep living like this. I have to hide it more. What kind of asshole has a PHD and can’t even put on a good show? There was a reason Brian rarely went to improv classes with them. He knew his weaknesses.

Maybe he needed to take a few more anyway.

“Brian.” Danny touched his arm, and the bare tickle sent a shock straight up to his shoulder. He wished he wouldn’t touch him. With every second of contact, Brian felt something lurching in his body – something that could collapse at any moment. “Can we talk about how you’ve been feeling recently-”

“What, tired as hell?” Brian snorted. “That’s how I’ve felt for the past few years, Danny, and if you’re that worried about an old man not getting very good sleep, I regret to inform you that you’re going to be seeing a hell of a lot of it once we’re living together. Insomnia is genetic. My mom had it. I have it. It’s just normal, all right?” He turned his head to look at him – sealing the deal. “Seriously, don’t worry about it.”

Danny stared back at him. For the first time, Brian saw the flicker of hurt in his gaze, and he swallowed it down. He’d punish himself with it. He’d show himself what would happen if he couldn’t get better at dealing with his own shit. He’d lose Danny that much faster.

He could avoid that, if he just tried.

Danny pressed his lips into a thin line as he flicked his gaze over his face, like he was trying to memorize him. Was this it? Was this where he told him he wouldn’t be moving in? Bile tinged the back of Brian’s throat, and he swallowed, desperately trying to keep it down.

When Danny opened his mouth, his words were quiet but firm. “Why do you need to lie to me?”

He hadn’t expected things to be laid out quite so cleanly. Brian opened his mouth, then closed it again, wrinkling his brow. It was a hell of a question. Apparently he hadn’t done nearly as well with concealing how he’d been feeling as he thought he had. A wordless sound came out, embarrassing, and Brian looked away. He had a sharp awareness of the location of the door. Of where his keys were. Of where he parked. Run, his body whispered, run, run.

There was nowhere to run, though. Not anymore.

He was a fucking idiot, acting like he could just shove everything down and hide it once more when he’d already showed it in stunning clarity. Only someone worth their salt could manage that game, and Brian certainly wasn’t. The beginnings of hysteria kissed his mind. After all that time spent trying to look like someone better than he was to Danny…

It had been wasted. Either he could lie to him again and hurt him, or he could just...talk about it, so that at least Danny knew he wasn’t trying to burn things down intentionally.

Could he do it? Could he show him an ugly place inside of himself? He tensed, and Danny thumbed over the sensitive skin on his inner arm, up and down and up and down, a dizzying rhythm that made his head spin. I already did. He thought of the vomit in the toilet – the second time that he’d spilled from his emotions toward Danny. How did this man have such a grasp of him? How did he made it so damn easy to wiggle deep down inside of Brian and stir up the parts that he hadn’t touched in years?

“I’m not worthy of you.”

Silence. “What?”

He absolutely hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Brian sat up and rubbed his eyes. Lightheaded from his earlier exertions, he nearly tipped out of the bed, and Danny caught him, then kept an arm around his shoulders. Numbness spread deep through him like ice, but the warmth of Danny’s touch began to thaw it, and when he realized his vision was blurring again he felt a stab of familiar panic. No, no, he wasn’t going to cry again. He didn’t fucking do that.

“What do you mean, you’re not worthy of me?” Danny asked softly – coaxing him like he might a wild animal – and Brian choked on another rough sound. What right did Danny have to sound so gentle? So sympathetic? Like he could hold the world on his shoulders like Atlas and never flinch under the weight of it?

Brian was heavy. He could drag him down beneath the surface of his emotions and fucking drown him there. He couldn’t make him suffer like that.

But the game was so damn exhausting. Keeping the mask polished and in place, hiding the stress he felt, keeping people distracted by the gilding on his life… Eventually the facade would have to crack. It was only a matter of time before Arin would’ve caught a sign like he had with that coffee mug. Within days of moving in with Danny, he could almost guarantee he would’ve snapped and shattered something. It had to fall apart, logically.

Perhaps it was better for everything to fall to pieces here and now, before Brian had moved in.

“Danny, fucking look at me,” he whispered roughly. He lifted his hands – dry, calloused, wrinkling, already dotting here and there with hints of the age spots to come. Just from that angle he could see the unattractive swell of his belly – could remember how it bulged beneath his shirts no matter how perfect his posture was. He could see the stretch marks that coursed over his thighs where his boxers were riding up. “Don’t you get it?”

Danny crawled around to face him and sat with his knees gently pressed against Brian’s. Brian could instantly see how his face didn’t have a wrinkle on it. How his hair, even flattened from laying on the pillow, held a sort of life to it that spoke of the effervescence inside of him. How his eyelashes were long and his lips smooth. He was gorgeous. “...okay, so, what am I looking at, exactly?” Danny asked as he tilted his head to the side and skimmed his eyes up and down Brian’s face, torso, and legs.

He paused. “...I look like a troll beside you.”

Danny burst out laughing so suddenly that spittle hit Brian’s face, and he covered his mouth as Brian howled in frustration and wiped it away. “I-I’m so sorry, Bri, I just, are you fucking kidding me?” Danny grinned as he reached out and cupped his face. “Fucking look at you. Do you know how annoying it is that all I have to do is look at your eyes and I get hard? Those are panty droppers, man! I’d kill to have your eyes!”

Brian frowned and glanced down. “Okay, but-”

“Guess what?” Danny’s hand slid down to cup the back of Brian’s neck. “You don’t look like a supermodel. And neither do I. I look like a prepubescent boy most days. Do you know who I’d kill to have an ass like you do? I literally look like a child. I can’t stand it.”

That was absolutely impossible. Brian shook his head, but he couldn’t find the words.

“Do you miss the fact that all you have to do is say one damn word to me, and I’m ready to fuck you? Do you think that’s just a game?” Danny looked over him again this time, but far slower. “Like a troll. You’ve gotta be joking. You’re the first guy I’ve ever noticed an attraction to.”

“Is that not suspicious to you? I...Danny, you never felt attraction to a man before? Literally never? That’s not how it works. Attraction can feel differently for various genders, yes, but there’s not just a gay-for-you thing out there outside of movies or books or whatever.”

Danny chewed on his bottom lip as he seemed to consider it. “...you think I’ve never thought about that before? What’re you so worried about there?”

“That I manipulated you into thinking you were attracted to me, obviously.”

Danny shot him a look. The shock in his eyes told Brian that he’d never so much as pondered the idea. “You’re joking.”

“No!” Finally frustration bubbled over. “None of this is joking! Why would I kid about this? Why would I fucking want to throw a wrench in my relationship with the man I fucking love over a joke? Would you stop asking that?!”

With the way he’d leaned back a few inches, Danny was taken aback, but he came forward again just as quickly and rested his hands on Brian’s bare thighs. His touch wiggled past his desire to run all over again, rooting him to the sheets. “Okay. That was fucked up of me to say. I’m sorry, seriously, I wasn’t thinking, but, like...you’ve gotta understand that I’ve never felt that way. Ever. Before I even knew you were interested in me, I was already struggling with how I felt about you. Remember? It wasn’t you, dude. I’d been freaking out about it for fucking years. How the hell could you have manipulated me into wanting you if you’d been literally on the other side of the planet to keep that from happening?”

Ah, logic. Normally his best friend. It felt like his worst enemy now. He only liked logic if it played into his plans, but here? Trying to undo what he’d believed for every damn day they’d been together? Impossible.

“It’s not just that, it’s...” It was all so hard to say. These were dirty little secrets he’d kept quiet for a reason. Even now he wanted to shut down.

“Bri. Please, man, we’ve gotta talk about this.”

But he couldn’t hold it in. Not if Danny was going to sound so desperate.

“You’re going to figure out one day,” Brian murmured, “that I’m not who you think I am.”

Danny watched him so closely that Brian half hoped he could read his mind and see exactly what he meant without him having to say every painful word. “...like, how do you mean that?”

What sort of secrets did Danny think he’d been keeping from him? Brian sighed. “Everyone always thinks that I’m this brilliant perfect guy. Right? Intelligent, educated, no boundaries, no discomforts. It’s obnoxious. Like everybody thinks I’m a fucking robot instead of a man with flesh and blood and too much shit to hide.” He shook his head. “I’m not that smart. C’mon. What kind of genius would deal with the things I do?”

“I don’t understand-”

“The fucking imposter syndrome? Hating what I see every time I look in a mirror? Knowing that it’s only a matter of time before things fall apart? If I was actually smart, I could hold it all back and-”

“Okay, stop there. Stop.” Danny grabbed both of his hands and squeezed them. “First of all, let’s just wipe that shit out of your brain right now, okay? That you need to hide it. Why would you need to do that?”

Spoken like a man who’d never felt the shadow of his failings hanging over him like an anvil. “It’s a lot, Danny. I can’t put everything I think and feel on you. You’d be exhausted. I’d be bleeding you from emotional labor every single fucking day, until you left me...” His throat tightened, and he tried to swallow it down. No. Not right now. He was better than crying like a child every thirty seconds. “I’m not going to make you put up with all of my shit.”

“Even if I want to?”

“Especially if you want to.” He forced himself to hold his gaze. “That’s how relationships go down the tubes. Someone has a Messiah complex, and someone leans on that person too hard and expects them to fix them.”

He knew that Danny couldn’t disagree. They’d seen it happen way too many times in the years they’d been friends – men expecting their girlfriends to be the only person to listen to their fears and pain, girls demanding their boyfriend’s utmost attention every second of every day rather than letting them go out with friends where they couldn’t watch them. The constant societal pressure of having a ‘one and only’ and how unhealthy it was. It would’ve been far too easy for Brian to slip into that mindset. Danny was soft and sweet and spongey, and he would’ve soaked up every bit of Brian’s pain without even questioning it, until it overwhelmed him. Brian would’ve taken and taken and taken, and Danny would’ve crumbled into dust.

He’d never do that to him. Ever.

For a long moment, they were both silent, no rebuttals, no plans, no magic methods to fix everything. But then Danny crawled forward, right into his lap, and wrapped his arms around his neck. He pressed their foreheads together. Brian expected him to kiss him – maybe to lull him away from the darkness in his mind with his body, like Brian always leaned on – but Danny just...stayed there. Held him. Touched him. Shared his breath with him. And, as the seconds ticked by, Brian’s heart pounded.

“I’m not gonna try to fix you, dude,” Danny whispered. He brushed a kiss over the tip of his nose, such a tender gesture that Brian’s eyes watered. “That’s not my job. I know it’s not. You think I’ve never felt like you have?”

Brian closed his eyes and held his breath. He wouldn’t break, he wouldn’t.

“I’ve been there. I’ve hated myself. I’ve thought I threw my life away. I...” He stayed quiet, but Brian saw an image in his mind anyway – the wall he’d stared at, sitting on his floor, listening to the silence after he’d told Danny he’d be leaving for the United Kingdom. How that must’ve felt...how he must’ve believed that everything he’d ever worked for had fallen to pieces. Maybe even wished he’d never sent the email introducing himself to Brian in the first place.

I’m so sorry, he thought, tucking his arms around Danny’s trim waist and holding him even closer.

“I didn’t wanna be a burden on anybody either. My friends. My girlfriends. My family. It felt like if I told even one person what I was going through, everything would shut down, but...I did end up telling somebody. Just one. You know who?”

Brian shook his head.

“I had a fucking amazing therapist.”

Something sharp and venomous spread through Brian’s mouth. He couldn’t imagine doing that – sitting in front of a stranger once or twice a month, saying every intimate secret he’d ever kept locked down tight. How selfish that seemed. How infuriating a job that had to be, listening to people be weak every single day for hours and hours on end.

He opened his mouth to say something biting, but the words wouldn’t come.

Danny kissed his forehead next, like he didn’t even care how wrinkled it was, and continued to murmur the words against his skin. “You’re a fucking master in your field, Bri. You and me both know you are. You’ve studied that shit until you knew it in your sleep – things nobody else would ever discover. And that’s what she had too, my old therapist. She knew things that none of my friends or family or partners would ever be able to say to help me. She walked me through getting on meds. She walked me through my withdrawal too, when I got off them. She was fucking amazing. If I had my way, I’d take you to her right damn now.”

Brian dug his fingers into the back of Danny’s shirt. Mortified, he realized he was trembling again – that the pressure on his eyes was from how he refused to open his lids even slightly, because he couldn’t let those tears fall.

“We could find you somebody. I wouldn’t let you settle, okay? I’d help you go down a list until you found somebody you felt right with. Someone that didn’t make you feel like you were stupid or weak. Someone who’d help you build your own coping strategies. Who’d help you stop your lies.”

He shook his head out of instinct, but Danny’s words shone light into his chest.

“You know they’re lies, right? You know I love you. That everybody loves you. And all we want is for you to see the handsome, brilliant, talented, incredible man we all see every day.”

He couldn’t believe that. He knew that he was a fantastic liar, and he’d been pulling the wool over people’s eyes for years, but...but he wanted to believe it. He wanted to think that the people he loved more than life itself loved him in the exact same way. Could it really be that simple? Why was it so fucking hard to knock the cobwebs out of his brain and think that, just once, he could be loveable?

Danny clung to him. He hugged him until Brian could barely breathe – and then he realized it was from the sobs he was holding back. That Danny could read him – could feel it, and knew exactly what he needed to let go. “Will you just try it? For me? Try getting some help? I-I can’t watch you hate yourself like this. I love you, Brian.”

That was it. It was too much. He buried his face in Danny’s bony shoulder and let out the tears, soaking straight through his shirt. He couldn’t keep doing this on his own. He’d hated himself these past few weeks – far more than he ever had before. Just indulging the thoughts was enough to suffocate him.

He wanted to see the man that Danny saw every time he looked at him. The man that he kissed, hugged, and made love to. The man that made his eyes look like stars when he stared down at him in those moments right before he pressed inside of him. Was Brian so brilliantly deceptive that he’d made Danny look at him like that? Or was there in fact some good inside of him that he had lost sight of years before?

“I-I don’t even know when it started.” The words were slurred, and it was all well and good – he didn’t know if he wanted Danny to hear them in the first place. “It wasn’t always like this, i-it wasn’t always so...”

“It won’t be.” Tears were on Danny’s voice again, and Brian hated himself for making the man he adored cry, but fuck, he loved Danny twice as much for crying for him so easily. “It’s not gonna be like this forever, I promise. We’re gonna get you help. And I’m gonna be right there with you. I’ll go with you. I’ll hold your hand the whole fucking time. It’s gonna be okay, babe, I promise.”

As Danny rocked him slowly, something about the motion seemed to stir the fog in Brian’s body. The darkness that had held over him for so long began to move, until a faint light shone through it and barely illuminated his heart. It wasn’t vibrant. Not enough to burn. Barely even enough to be seen at all. But it was there. For once, the black was shifting to gray.

It was the promise of hope and change in the air. And, as Brian cried out every tear in his body, he clung to it and welcomed it closer, inviting it in.

“I think that’s them!”

“You think the giant truck pulling up to your house is anything but the moving company?” Brian drawled, and Danny laughed, swatting his shoulder.

They’d done it, then. It had been hard as hell, and they’d been up past midnight the night before sealing the rest of Brian’s belongings in boxes, but it was finished. Never once had Brian seen Danny with so much patience. Every time that Brian began to feel even slightly overwhelmed – staring around them at everything left to pack, feeling the breath catch in his chest – Danny had brightly asked for him to go grab him a drink, or buy him a snack at the gas station, or carry a handful of boxes closer to the door. Gentle distractions. Things that gave Brian a task that was far easier rather than calling him out on how uncomfortable he was and making him feel like an idiot.

Brian hated being wrong, but he had to admit that Danny understood him far better than he thought possible – and that he was the only man who really seemed to know how to help.

He watched him as he bounded toward the front door like a puppy and jogged outside to greet the same movers they’d spoken to barely twenty minutes beforehand, and he smirked. “I love you, you idiot,” he whispered, just for the pleasure of saying it – of the fact that it still didn’t feel real, that he was here, doing this, moving in with Danny. Combining their lives…

They had such an adventure ahead of them.

“Just bring it in anywhere!” Danny said as he wandered back inside and gestured with drama better suiting an actor than a gangly guy with a shrub on his head. “Just, y’know, here, there...”

“I think they’ve got the idea.” Brian held a hand out to him, and Danny stuck his tongue out, as if he wasn’t already walking toward him to grab it. “Let’s get out of their way.”

“I’m never in the way,” Danny said with incredible confidence even as he let Brian coax him toward the kitchen. “You just want a snack.”

“Maybe.”

As Brian began rooting through Danny’s cabinets just because he could now – because the food in there was all his as much as it was his lover’s – Danny snuck behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. “So.” Danny kissed the back of his neck. “You’re ready for the appointment tomorrow? Got all your insurance info and stuff?”

Brian paused. He leaned against the counter with a sigh. When he felt the encroaching desperation to call the whole thing off, he took a deep breath and willed it away – just far enough that he could focus on the warmth of Danny’s body. A fitting distraction. “I have everything – and I’m as ready as I’m going to be.” He cleared his throat. “You, uh, still going with me?”

“Duh!” Danny laughed. “I’m with you to the ends of the earth, babe, you kidding me?”

No one deserved to be this lucky – yet here he was. Here Brian stood in the house of the man he loved, the house that now nearly belonged equally to him. Here he could live in utter domesticity with him, and dream of a future that might involve matching wedding bands on their hands, and even think a little bit about the sounds of tiny feet slapping the kitchen tile as they ran. Was that so terrible to wish for? To imagine? To hope would come to pass?

Nothing was fixed. Barely anything had changed. But, for once, Brian had the vision of a time where it could.

“You mean it?” he murmured.

Danny gently turned Brian to face him and cupped his face, leaning in for a deep kiss. He sucked the concern right out of Brian and replaced it with promises and intent and love, so much of it that he felt it in his curling toes. “You’re mine. I’m yours.” Danny grinned at him, and for the first time Brian caught sight of the deepening wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. A bright, smoldering attraction burst in his chest, spreading through him. “Nothing’s gonna ever make me let you go. I mean it.”

Brian cupped his face in both hands, brimming with hope. “I love you so fucking much.”

“And I love you.” One more kiss before Danny held him close. “I always will.”

#shipgrumps #ninja ship party #when the mask falls #fanfic #filled commission

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classic-rock-roller · 5 years

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1. For your group cover of Buried Alive, Sean was given the opportunity to do the mallet percussion (marimbas and xylophones and such), and he gladly accepted. In the studio, you’re all marveling at his setup (you, your band, NSP + Arin, and QR). Bonham walks behind one of the vibraphones and Sean says to her, “Bons, sing me a song on your xylophone machine.” She picks up a mallet and very deliberately hits one singular note without drawing the mallet back, resulting in a metallic thump. Who stuck around to look at the setup, and what do they all say in reaction to her “song”?

Danny, I, Rudy, and Sean stuck around for her song. Carlos and Frankie were tussling on the floor. Erik and Linus were setting up their instruments. Arin was talking to Suzy and Kevin tried to get me to come to the bathroom with him but I said no so he went on his own.

Me: Pretty cool.

Rudy and Dan are talking so they haven’t said anything yet besides trading notes about bass playing.

Sean: That sounded great!

2. You and Bonham are in the Game Grumps studio after you’re finished filming the Power Hour, and you’re talking with Dan and Arin. Arin is describing a difficult game they’re playing, and has a screencap of it on his phone and is asking Dan for advice. “Dude, I think you need to go down under there.” Dan says. “Down Under? I love that song!” Bonham says. “Yeah, it’s great.” Arin says, and proceeds to sing it like this. Bonham laughs, thinking it’s funny. How do you and Danny respond?

Me: Oh my god, my ears.

Danny is laughing hysterically.

3. You, Bonham, Sean, and Kevin were invited to do Table Flip with the Game Grumps. You’ll be playing Cards Against Humanity. The game is going well until about halfway through. Bonham says, “Man, I’m losing something fierce.” Danny says, “If you want to start winning we could add the Strip rules.” How does she respond and what do the rest of you say? (you, Sean, Kevin, Arin, Danny, Suzy, Barrry, Ross)

Bons: Sure!

Me: I’m good. I’ll leave the room if you do since you know no spectators.

Kevin *already unzipping his pants*: I love a good game of strip cards.

Sean is blushing a deep red color.

Danny: Oh my god, Kevin. Put your pants back on.

Arin: What did you expect him to do when you suggested strip cards?

Suzy, Barry, and Ross are kind of just surprised by how crazy the three of us can be and I vault over the table and tackle Kevin to keep him from pulling off his pants. (because MOST of the time he wears nothing underneath)

4. Your band is onstage one night and for one of your songs you let Bonham have an extended solo so the rest of you can have a break. She walks forward to center stage and gets through about four bars before there’s a weird creaking overhead. You all think nothing of it, until a stage light comes crashing down, taking Bonham with it. What happens next and how does everyone react?

I scream, “Oh my god!” And run out to her while our manager is screaming at me not to be stupid because another light may fall. I push the light off her and make sure she’s still breathing while Sean calls 911. She ends up being fine just bad burns from the light and a broken leg. I stay with her in the hospital until she wakes up and makes sure to make her feel better because the burns really hurt and she’s got fish skin on her arms and leg which she doesn’t understand and I have to explain to her.

5. You get home one day to find Bonham sleeping on the dog bed in the living room. “What are you doing?” you ask. She says, “The dog is in my bed, so I left her there.” How do you respond?

“Aww, that’s adorable. But couldn’t you have squeezed in with her?”

6. Sean and Bonham are playing Super Smash Bros. one day, with you and Kevin watching. Bonham’s beating his ass, and he’s pissed. “This doesn’t make sense, I know all the combos,” he says. Bonham laughs a little and says, “But the combos are useless against BUTTON MASHING!!!” before spamming a single button and winning the match. How does Sean react and how do you and Kevin respond?

Sean: “Seriously?!”

Kevin: Never play against Bons, she always wins.

Me: Yup, she always does.

7. You and Sean and Kevin are watching Bonham play Paper Mario one day, and she’s gotten to the final boss, the Shadow Queen. The Queen is monologuing, and in it she says, “I shall punish you.” Bonham responds with, “Ooh, spank me daddy.” That’s weird and you all know it. How do you all respond?

Kevin *looking towards me*: You should call me daddy.

Me: Gasps (covers Sean’s ears) There are children present! And no I will not call you that its gross.

Sean: You know I’m like 24 right? But still...ewwww

8. You’re in the car with Bonham and Chuck one day, when you come upon a magnet-driving bus. Chuck is driving, and the bus is sticking right next to him. He takes a big breath and grips the steering wheel tightly. “What’s up, you nervous?” you ask him. He shrieks, “I HAVE A FEAR OF BEING ALONGSIDE BUSES!” How do you and Bonham respond?

Me: Really? It’s just a bus. what could happen?

Bons: It’s a bus. You’re fine.

9. You and Bonham are in the Game Grumps studio after filming the power hour. You slip away to grab a drink from the fridge, and when you get back, you see Bonham and Dan dancing like this to that song and Arin is filming it on his phone. When they finish, you ask, “What are you doing?” Arin responds, “We’re making a video for tha ‘Gram.” (Instagram). How do Bonham and Dan respond and what do you say?

Dan and Bons are laughing hysterically while doing it and I roll my eyes, “Do people seriously like watching this?” Bons and Dan pull me in then and go, “Come on stop being a sourpuss.” I slowly start dancing with them and I laugh along with them.

10. You’re in the Game Grumps studio hanging out waiting for editing to finish up so you can see the final cut, and when Bonham went to get her lunch from the fridge, Danny and Arin got into her phone and are scrolling through her pictures/videos. You hear Danny say, “Holy shit, you gotta see this!” You go over to see what they found, and it’s an old video from when Bonham was in high school. It’s her choir doing a performance of The Rose (originally by Bette Midler), and she’s soloing. “I didn't know she used to sing, what happened?” Danny asks. “What are you doing?” Bonham has returned with her food. What do you, Arin, and Danny say?

Arin: You were so good! Why did you stop?

Danny: Yeah, why did you stop singing?

Me: She still does. On a lot of our early records, we shared singing and we did duets together. And she still does now. We just don’t do duets as much. I don’t know why we just don’t. For some reason, only one song that we dueted on ever broke into popular music. You have to really listen to our whole albums to hear the rest of her’s but they’re some of my favorites.

11. Your band is doing a one-time-only live performance of your song with NSP for a talk show. You’re all ready to go on, but Sean is nowhere to be found. You all go to his dressing room to find it locked. Bonham knocks angrily and says, “What are you doing, come on!” Sean answers with, “Uh, I’m masturbating, like, furiously right now, so you’re going to have to wait.” How do you, Erik, Linus, and Danny respond?

I bang on the door, “Fucking seriously Sean Robert Parsons! You can’t keep it in your pants for another two hours!”

Erik and Linus are stifling giggles until I glare at them.

Danny: Boy you’re angry, breaking out the middle AND last name.

I bang on the door again and say, “You better fucking quit it right now or so help me god. I will barge my way in there and fucking pull you out. It’s nothing I haven't seen before.”

Danny: What?!

Me: I live with Kevin remember.

Sean opens the door then and goes, “Jesus ok.”

_____________________

1) Your singer has gotten really drunk at one of Quiet Riot’s concerts. You’re trying to keep her from doing something stupid but she slips away from you. The next thing you hear is “Kevie!” and you see your singer wrapped in Kevin’s arms onstage and kissing him passionately. (luckily it wasn’t during a song). The crowd erupts in roars and wolf whistles. What does Kevin say to the crowd after they finish kissing and how do Carlos, Frankie, and Rudy respond? Do you drag your singer offstage?

2) You, your singer, your band, and Crüe are in a bar and all gathered around Tommy and your singer. There are several overturned shot glasses on the table and several other spectators. Tommy grabs one of the last shots and takes it before turning it over and going, “Your turn.” Your singer downs her second to last shot and then Tommy drinks his before promptly running to the bathroom. Your singer downs hers easily. How do you, Erik, Sean, Linus, Vince, Nikki, and Mick respond?

3) Your singer is exhausted from taking care of a two-year-old and a newborn after your band comes back from your hiatus. Sean is doing things to piss her off like going, “You missed coming in there by a quarter of a second.” Your singer gives him the look and both Erik and Linus visibly shrink back. “What’s that look for? You just look confused and constipated,” Sean asks. Your singer gets up in his face and goes, “This is my ‘you pissed me off face’...learn it well. For it will be the last thing you see before you’re shoved out of rehearsal for the rest of the day. Got it? I love you dearly but don’t fucking piss me off when I’m exhausted. You won’t like me then.” Just then newborn Eddie leaves out a piercing cry and Mal goes, “Mommy!” Your singer closes her eyes and huffs through her nose, “Coming, loves!” How do you, Sean, Erik, and Linus respond?

4) You are on the Power Hour with Dan and Arin and you’re talking about the many times your singer has punched assholes. Arin goes, “You need anger management.” Your singer looks at him and says, “I have anger management. It’s cursing you out in my head and then screaming to Cinderella n the drive home.” She then gives him a smirk, “Works every time.” How do you, Dan, and Arin respond?

5) You and your singer are on the Ten Minute Power Hour with Arin and Dan (she actually came to this one). While sitting at their table and working on projects, Danny sneezes, “You have cute, tiny kitten sneezes, Danny,” your singer says. How do you, Arin, and Dan respond?

6) You are with Arin and Danny while they practice axe throwing and Danny gets two axes stuck in the board, he turns around and screams, “I am a god!” Your singer says from behind her book, “Of curly hair, chips, and tripping over one's feet maybe.” Danny goes to her, “Why don’t you try then?” “Ok,” she places down her book and grabs the ax from him. She throws it and it hits dead center. I told you not to bet against me. It’s like throwing a switchblade,” she says as she hands him back the ax. How do you, Dan, Arin, and their cameraman Tucker respond?

7) You and your singer are on the Power Hour with Danny and Arin and your singer is off to the side getting something. When she hands it to Danny, he tries to give her a bug but she says, “Don’t hug me.” Danny says, “Aww, come on. Arin! Get over here! We have to hug Miss Sourpuss.” They envelope her in a hug between the two of them and Arin goes, “Aww, look an adorable carrot sandwich.” Your singer, squished between the two of them, goes, “I hate this,” and mouths to you, “HELP ME!” At that moment, Kevin barges in and goes, “HELLO! WHAT ARE WE DOING?!” Tucker goes, “I tried to stop him but he’s strong.” How do you, Arin, Dan, and Kevin respond to the hug and how do you, Dan, Arin, and your singer respond to Kevin?

8) You, Rudy, and Rudy’s brother, Robert, are behind some young teenage guys in line in a record store when you see one of them point out your band's new record with a picture of your band on the front of it and go, “That band’s weird because they’re singer is bi. I bet she’s slept with every member of their band and will die in a few years. She’s a whore and a slut.” You look over to Robert and he looks like he’s about to blow a gasket, “You boys better stop talking about her like that.” They turn around and the other boy goes, “Why? Because you’re her boyfriend, and you’re her bandmate, and you’re her friend? Big fucking deal. I can talk shit about her all I want. She’s a freak and I won’t be surprised if she’s murdered in a couple of months.” How do you, Rudy, and Robert respond?

9) You and your singer are trying to get a very drunk Rudy and drunk Kevin home. You get the four of you into a cab and the cabby asks, “Where to?” Kevin screams, “Cocaine!” Your singer goes “No, No! We’d like to go back to our hotel please.” And she gives him the address. How do you and Rudy respond to Kevin?

10) You, Rudy, Kevin, and your singer went out to dinner and Kevin had one too many to drink. While you and Rudy are driving them home, Kevin keeps kissing your singer’s neck in the back of the car. “Kevin stop that,” your singer says as she swats him away. He then pins her underneath him and drunkenly says, “I wanna plant my seed.” Your singer tries to get out from under him. How do you, Rudy, and your singer respond to Kevin?

11) You and your singer are sitting at the kitchen table working on lyrics for your new album with War Angel. Kevin comes in and looks over your lyric sheets before going, “Yeah, this is shit.” Your singer says to him, “All of your songs are about sex or our sexual exploits. At least ours have actual meaning behind them besides, “I want to bang my wife into our bed till she passes out.” How do you and Kevin respond?

@osbournebemydaddy your turn Bons :)

#tag game #tag war

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synatria-studios · 4 years

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Let's Talk About Platformers

Hey, it’s Aria Tempest here! Lead Artist and co-creator of SynAtria! Since we’re making a platformer game, I wanted to go through and talk about some games in the platformer genre that you may have overlooked or maybe you’re hoping to get into platformers but you aren’t sure where to start.

Most people when they think of platformers probably think of Mario games so I won’t be putting any in the list, though Mario Galaxy was one of my first favorites, Mario Sunshine is a classic, Super Paper Mario is a great casual time, and Mario Odyssey is perfection in the genre. I think everyone’s definition of platformer is a little different. I’ve seen people call Portal 2 a platformer and I’m not sure I’d agree since it’s mostly puzzles where you occasionally get to do a really cool jump or two.

I consider a game a platformer if the main bulk of the gameplay is platforming. It can have some puzzle or action elements but not more than the jumpy bits! Anyways let's get started with the list!

Shovel Knight

This game is incredible, probably the best 2D platformer to date. If you haven’t played it you should and if you have played it then have you played the other campaigns? There are 4 campaigns total, Shovel of Hope (The main storyline), Plague of Shadows, Specter of Torment, and King of Cards. You can also do two player mode with a friend (or just anyone you can get to play with you I guess). Also have you tried changing things about the characters? There are loads of secret codes you can put in for various effects (like moon jump mode and giant mode) or you can just change character pronouns and genders. I often turn Shovel Knight into a girl for some cute WLW (women-loving women) gameplay and then I often make everyone else a girl too just to see their changed character models. You can make the pronouns gender neutral as well, which is something that I think is really important to put in games with gender options.

So for context, my experience with the game is having beaten Shovel of Hope several times, Plague of Shadows one time, Specter of Torment one time, but I’ve only played a small amount of King of Cards. So obviously I haven’t played the new card mini game or the new fighting game Shovel Knight Showdown.

The gameplay is based around which character/campaign you pick and in my opinion the easiest characters to pick up and play in order are Shovel Knight, Plague Knight, Specter Knight, and King Knight. Playing Shovel Knight is an easy and fun breeze though not without its challenge. Learning how to play feels new and natural at the same time. I’m not sure I’d say that for the rest of them. It took some time for me to get proficient with the other playable characters, especially King Knight, who frustrated me to learn. The game is a 2D platformer done perfectly. Jump, attack, get new items and abilities, and several different play styles. Also something that isn’t often seen done well in 2D platformers, they managed to do branching paths without it feeling metroidvania-like (like you need a map) and they were able to throw in several types of collectibles, some of which are well hidden!

I should mention the death system. Anytime you die 25% of your total money is dropped where you died even if you’re in mid air. You then respawn at the start of the level or a checkpoint. If you can get back to your money then no big deal, not even a loss. However if you can’t get back (die on the way over) then you’ll continue to lose money and each previous money bag will disappear. It’s a pretty good and simple system, not too punishing. Though it’s embarrassing to finally get back to your money only to die right in front of it, just leaving piles of money bags in the same location over and over. Some people commonly compare this to the death system in Dark Souls in which when you die your collected souls are left in that location and you have to retrieve them before dying again. While I get the comparison, that’s really where the similarities start and end.

As far as the level design, it’s genius. Each level has a great flow to it and has incredibly different feelings. Most levels have their own mechanics and enemies that need to be learned how to overcome. Everything feels very meticulously planned out to the point that you’ll probably be just running around having a great time without even thinking about it. If you’re a level design lover like me, I recommend watching this video on one of the levels on Shovel Knight if you want to get a feel for how they designed the whole level to flow together perfectly. ❀

As far as collectibles, each campaign has a unique item that you collect throughout it. In Shovel Knight the item is a music sheet that you can turn in for rewards and extra dialogue. I think it’s important in games for collectibles to feel like more than just a number. They should give extra story, items, or maybe images you access in the main menu instead of just giving out a single achievement and nothing else. I like achievements and achievement hunting but I think it’s best when a game does more than that to reward it’s player, which Shovel Knight does well.

The soundtrack is perfect and they know it. They even have songs as collectible rewards that you give to a bard like character that gives extra info about the game and songs with each music sheet turned in. Jake Kaufman did the music excellently and I can only assume the bard like character is based on him. The songs feel memorable, catchy, exciting, and retro. They're retro in the way that someone today who loves retro game music may have taken that love and made something brand new and exciting for the current time, not in the way that it sounds exactly like it just comes straight from an old game which I think plays in its favor.

The look of the game is beautiful, the backgrounds and movements look lovely and it’s a pixel art game that’s clearly been made with lots of attention to detail. Sticking to a retro feeling, they did the game with just the color palette that an NES could do and only added a few additional colors where needed. The thought process going into giving this game the right feeling and look is incredible.

One of my only regrets in life is not having known about this game’s kickstarter. For the ones who pledged enough, they get their face in a specific part of the game. Every time I get there though I always say hi to two specific portraits, one being Matt from BestFriendsPlay and my favorite one being Arin from GameGrumps. If you haven’t seen them yet I recommend trying to find them. The first time I played I scoured the area for Arin’s portrait like a treasure hunt.

For the story, it’s not that big but I loved it; I felt so invested. There’s a segment at the end of certain levels where you have to catch the girl you love and it immediately gets my heart pumping. I was all in on rescuing her from second one. People often complain about games in which a female needs rescuing, often games in which her only personality trait is being easy to kidnap. This game steers away from that, with the girl being gone, you can feel the loss and desperation to get her back from the cutscenes and you can see her as a person outside of just being someone who is kidnapped. She has friends, a life, and even a personality! (Oh my)It does a great job at establishing the two character’s strong love and bond. As for the other campaigns, Plague Knight never had me tearing up (unlike Shovel Knight), though I did adore it. However I felt that Specter Knight’s campaign was really lacking. Though maybe that’s because I’m a romantic loser and there wasn’t any romance in that one. Did anyone else feel less invested in the Specter Knight storyline? Also for those who have played it, what did you think of King Knight’s storyline?

Overall it’s an incredibly fun game that everyone should give a try if they like the genre, though just note that the story isn’t huge but it makes up for it in every other way it could.

A Hat in Time

Super cute and friendly feeling, I remember seeing gifs of the main character blowing kisses at enemies and knew I had to try it out. This game excels at giving you happy feelings, with fun dialogue as well.

Story wise it has a lot of fun elements and lots of different characters. Each world has its own character types, and while they’re all fun and interesting, they don’t feel very connected to each other. That aside, the main character is a silent protagonist type, but plays it very well using noises and expressions that in the end give her as much personality as anyone else. You aren’t going to feel super emotionally invested in the plot and characters, but you’ll have an excellent time.

With collectibles there are so many different types. There are yarn balls, which give new abilities (hats) when enough are found. Relics, sort of a multi piece collectible, you need to find a few of a certain type to make one, like for making the burger, you’ll need the top and bottom of it. Once you put them together it unlocks a bonus level, which is reminiscent of the secret levels in Mario Sunshine, with a focus just on platforming with no story, as you just kind of jump around random cubes in space. I could not love segments like this more. ♡ Finally there are rift tokens, which you can use to get random cosmetic options, such as different looks for your hats, different color palettes for your character, or music remixes. I loved these because I’m a sucker for character customization, and will frequently change my appearance several times in a sitting. I’m the type of person that plays Animal Crossing for 1 hour and changes my look three times during it to match my current mood. I definitely want to add character customization to lots of games we’ll make, I think it adds a fun element to it.

The gameplay is bouncy and energetic, and the levels are great at having separate paths with secrets in them that, even when long to explore, feel really easy to go right back to where you were at the start of the path. Several times I was impressed at the perfect wrap arounds since some games you look for a secret and get lost or just have to back track with nothing other than maybe a respawned enemy or two. You have different powers tied to whichever hat you have on and I find things like this to be very fun in 3D platformers, though I will say that some of the hats don’t feel as useful as others and you won’t put it on often. (Looking at you, sprint hat. Why do you have so many cute customization options if you’re just going to suck?)

So for this one I’d recommend it because it takes a lot of classic older 3D platformer feelings but does them with a fresh feeling. It’s less trying to figure out the genre than it is showing why the genre is amazing.

Cave Story

This game impresses me time and time again and I think I’m addicted to buying it on every platform I can. This game was made by one man in his free time over five years and it was free to play for quite some time; surprising given it’s quality. I’m glad that they started selling it though because they deserve the money for this excellent game.

The gameplay isn’t too complex. Mostly platforming challenges and instead of close range attacks like most platformers, you actually have several different types of guns. You can get several weapon types throughout the game, then you collect these little yellow triangles (I always called them Doritos) to level up each weapon. Each weapon’s level cap is low, but each level up gives a better version of it. Taking damage will level down your gun however, but getting it back in shape isn’t too hard. The only thing to keep in mind is if you want to level up a gun you aren’t currently using, then every time you see the Doritos you have to switch guns to whichever one you want to level, pick up the Doritos, then switch back. Not hard to get into the habit of, but a bit of a pain.

As for the story it blends with the gameplay very well. The world, characters, and story all feel very interconnected. I think it’s important for games to not feel like THE CUT SCENE SECTION and THE COMBAT SECTION. The world feels real and the characters are easy to start caring for. It’s one of those games that can make you laugh or tear up, and as you play you’ll feel yourself become the character and want to know more about the people around you and the world itself. Most games throw you in and tell you who your character likes and implies that you’re invested in the world around you from even before the start. While I don’t mind that approach at all, it’s interesting to see it done like Cave Story where you’re a stranger in the world with no memories or attachments and you feel yourself make them as your character does. It lets you really look at the world through your character’s eyes.

Some cool features of Cave Story + specifically includes different difficulty settings, multiple versions of the soundtrack to choose from (all with their own beautiful and unique feeling. I like playing with the Cave Story + one or remastered, but if you want to hear it all badass sounding then Ridiculon covers that), a really fun Local Co-op where you can play out the whole game with a friend, and you can change the graphics between the original graphics and the remastered ones whenever you want in the settings. I personally love when games implement this. The first time I saw it was Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary and when I realized that I could go between new and old graphics even while in game just by pressing a button. Man, I wasn’t even playing that game anymore, I was just walking around looking at grass textures and switching it back and forth like a madman.

Also this game can get challenging towards the end, and if you want the best ending, you’ll probably have to look up what to do ahead of time, because none of what’s needed to be done will be something you do naturally in my opinion.

Overall it’s fantastic and if you can take a bit of challenge it should really draw you in.

DLC Quest

This game is small, short, but very fun, especially if you’re familiar with common gaming tropes.

The writing, characters, and story, are all based around common tropes in gaming, poking fun at them but exploring them in new ways, much like the movie Cabin In the Woods in the horror genre. The writing is very clever and funny. At one point there’s an area with a sign that says “Allan please add world” which is a reference to the game Hitman: Blood Money where the description of an item reads “Allan please add details” and has been referenced in many other games. The game writing knows itself well, to the point where several characters point out being part of a game, or make it clear which pointless NPC role they’re clearly meant to fill.

In the gameplay it’s basic jumping and platforming without much attacking, though there is one important detail. You don’t have access to most gameplay elements until you pay with coins in the game, poking fun at something I hate, DLC microtransactions type of stuff. At the start you can’t even move left or pause the game without paying coins first. It turns the game into an interesting experiment, that while it was done well, I wish was longer.

Level design isn’t amazing however. Falling could make you have to redo way too much platforming and I’d get lost on multiple occasions. Though I am known for getting lost in games easier than most, most of the other games on this list don’t come anywhere near this issue.

I recommend giving this game a try. It’s an interesting look at gaming and a fun time, but it obviously isn’t going to blow you away or anything.

Ori and the Blind Forest

A beautiful game where everything looks and sounds amazing. The first few minutes might make you cry, but after that you probably won’t care as much, very similar to my experience with the movie Up.

The story isn’t important though, because it shines in it’s gameplay and art. I will say one way the story suffers is if you’re in a scene you actually really care about the plot and as you move your character you feel like you’re in it and you’re trying to make it through and figure out what happens next, then you die over and over. Every time it sends you back, that obviously gives the story scene less and less impact and by the time you see the ending of the scene you don’t even care, you just want to save so you won’t have to go through that section again.

The gameplay is amazing but challenging. Mostly based around jumping (it even has double and triple jumps yay~), wall jumping (kind of similar but sadly isn’t present in most games), and attacks. Your character feels fairly weak and though they get stronger this is not a game you can just run through without thought. The save system in the game is based on how many points you have and it takes some points to save so you have to pick your save locations wisely. This is one of those games where you could end up doing a platforming challenge that takes a few seconds to do but you keep dying on it so then you have to redo that few seconds 50 times over. Then I’ll immediately crawl over to a save spot, happy that I did one small feat in this big scary world. Throughout the game you gain different very fun and helpful abilities and there’s also a skill tree which is rare for platformers. Put in points you get while playing into one of the three branches to continue expanding on each one. When you start the game and look at the tree, all ready to be filled out, you’re probably going to find something to get excited to save up for. Try not to focus on only one branch though unless you know what you’re doing.

I recommend this for gamers who would like more of a challenge. If you liked Super Meat Boy you’ll like this, though I found Ori to be less punishing. Finding collectibles and exploring the world is so much fun and if you can handle throwing your tiny, cute, and frail body into spikes constantly then you’ll have a great time. This and Cave Story are good when you really want to just have some platforming challenges without overly thinking about story and other elements.

Grow Home

A shorter game (especially if you don’t plan on getting all the collectibles) but with a really nice feeling to it. The story is very basic (well honestly almost non-existent) but it doesn’t really need one. You go around as a cute little robot, jumping and climbing to collect things.

As far as the climbing goes, it almost reminds me of playing Girp as a young teen. Most of the gameplay consists of holding two buttons back and forth to climb around the world. The fact that climbing is done mainly with two buttons back and forth (similar to Donkey Kong King of Swing) can mean it can hurt your fingers after a while, so keep that in mind.

There are tons of collectibles throughout the world but the world is relatively small and the types of collectibles are limited. Besides scanning individual new objects and creatures, the only form of collectibles are glowing blue crystals found throughout the world. It sounds same-y but you still feel excited every time you spot a new one and once you see it, the next thought is how do I get to it??? The answer to that while usually simple, can take some time but you generally feel satisfied and have fun exploring as you go. For most of the game you locate the crystals through sound so if while playing the game you put on a youtube video, I’d keep the volume low. Also keep in mind, your little robot character moves around like they’re drunk. Wobbling all over the place even while jumping. It can make it more of a challenge but it’s cute to watch and fun to move around.

Do you know that feeling when you’re rock climbing, you’re high up, you see the rock climbing wall above you stick straight out, then you look down and feel absolutely terrified? This game gave me that feeling several times, which I did not know was possible, but my body almost felt scared that I was actually going to fall. I’ve never had a game give me that feeling, and you might think well that’s terrifying, why would I even want that, Aria? Because reader, it was exciting and really put me in the game. It made me feel like I really grabbed that crystal! Also, I hate actual rock climbing so I recommend a version where you can’t actually fall in real life.

Something to note is there really isn’t any music. Most of all the noises are ambient sounds and occasional cute robo noises. Personally I watched a youtube video while I played.

Since it’s small and relaxing though, I’d say it’s worth giving a go, though I wouldn’t get it if you need something fast paced or with story. Patience is the key in this one.

Psychonauts

Finally Psychonauts. While this list has no order, Psychonauts isn’t just my favorite platformer or collect-a-thon, it’s my favorite game of all time. It embodies a lot of what I’d like to put into games, from writing, to gameplay elements, to level design.

The story is wild to explain but as you play it doesn’t feel weird at all somehow. You’re a psychic who wants to go to psychic summer camp so you run away from your home at the circus to go there and you get to know the other campers, hope your parent’s don’t try to take you home, solve conspiracies, and try to become a psychic soldier aka a Psychonaut!

The gameplay and story connect pretty well and the story is very engaging. The game is known for its amazing writing and it often took me by surprise. Also you know how NPCs or filler characters often are boring and aren’t much to think about? That is not the case with this game, each character no matter how small intrigues me and gets me thinking about their life. Several characters will sometimes say random dark things when they think you aren’t in earshot and I’m still to this day thinking about Dogen or Crystal and Clem. Also if you want some excellent dialogue, the first level, Basic Braining, has a section where you’re in a plane. My advice? Don’t exit the plane. Sit there and listen to what Vernon has to say. He goes on for longer than you’d expect, it’s amazing and I still think about what he says to this day. Though he does start looping at one point so then I just leave him there while he’s still talking. This is a game where more likely than not you’ll get engaged and pulled in by the characters, the plot, and the world.

Can I talk about the art? Please, I’m begging. I adore it. It’s so weird and unique to itself. It doesn’t seem to be trying to be anything but it’s own thing and in the PS2 era this came out in when I was a kid, it blew my mind. I recently even drew myself in the style of this game, just as a challenge since my own art varies so much from it. I think most art styles vary from it. Here’s my attempt at it. How’d I do?

Next I have to mention the powers, I love games with different abilities in them and this game has quite a few. They’re very fun to use in battle, but I recommend also testing them all out on NPCS as well. Try setting a camper on fire with pyrokinesis, or use clairvoyance to see how your teacher actually views you. Clairvoyance is my favorite but after that, Levitation is the best. It creates such a fun way to explore and move around the world.

In games like these I love collectibles and I think it’s super important to make the game in a way where it’s fun to traverse the world and with this one I love it so much that one of the ways I treat myself after a hard day is doing a 100% completion playthrough of this game. Sadly there’s only 1 form of customization in the game but it is fun. You can change the color of your levitation ball. I used to do pink to be cute but there’s a later level that feels dark and gives me the creeps so I always use white in that level like it’s a glowing nightlight to protect me.

This game has the best level design I’ve ever seen. Each level has different themes and feelings in it and plays differently. Each level is supposed to represent the mind of a different character and they capture it amazingly. Every little object and detail in each world feels like the character that you’re in the brain of. Then after a level the camp is a perfect hubworld, comforting to be in but also has occasional changes or cutscenes that you can trigger by finding them at specific times making the hub world itself feel alive and evolving. For a great secret location I recommend looking for the hidden room in Milla’s brain. I call it the nightmare room and I love it. Also which level is y’all’s favorite? Mine is the Milkman one, not just due to the humor and theming but I find it the most fun to jump around and explore and with the way the world twists and turns around it provides a completely unique experience. They’re all great though! (except for Sashas)

This game has my favorite collectible system. Tons of different types and different rewards for different types and it lets you revisit old levels to get ones you missed. The game even shows which levels and even which section you’re missing things in. They have collectibles in the hub world too! Also The collectibles feel like they’re all fun concepts in the world, unlike a meaningless item. The collectibles are memory vaults (which give you backstory to whoever’s brain you’re in), emotional baggage (Such a cute concept. You have to find a bag and a tag for it that match each other, then the bag will stop crying and you’ll get a cutscene of the bag and tag happily reuniting!), Cobwebs (You’ll see them throughout brains and they can be turned in for Psi Cards), Psi cards (You’ll see them in the hub world), Psi Cores (Use one core with 9 cards to make a Psi Challenge Marker which levels you up. Leveling up can upgrade your powers!), Scavenger Hunt Items (Turn them all in for level ups), and Figments (figments of the imagination, colored cute drawings that you’ll see all over brains. They’re a bit transparent though so finding them all can be a challenge).

This game is fun to 100% but I’ll give a piece of advice and a warning. My advice is in the first level, when there’s a punching game, try playing it more times. Keep going, dude. My warning is that it’s fun to find everything (except for the fairy figment in Napoleon’s mind) but there’s one segment in Milla’s mind called The Race that is absolutely awful for collecting in. It might make you nauseous or give you a headache. The section was designed to run through it fast but when I replay it to look for figments, I have to go slow and methodical which I find makes the colors more nauseating at that speed. It’s hard to go backwards in it as well and it’s hard to even see the figments due to the color choices in this section. Fair warning. Also don’t worry about beating the game before collecting everything. At one point there’s a save called POINT OF NO RETURN that lets you know that it’s time to backtrack if you missed anything.

Overall I recommend this one most of all for it’s clever use of writing, level design, and collectibles. If you want a good impression of some feelings that’d I’d want to implement in SynAtria’s games, it’s this one for sure.

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If you want to know more about our games, check out Wintercearig, or support us on Patreon to see the latest info on the platformer we’re working on!

If you want more art content from me, I can be found on many social media platforms so here’s my LinkTree if you want any of those links ❀

Thank you for reading! Let me know in the comments your opinions on these and what some of your favorites are!

#platformers #listicle #video games

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tonberryslantern · 6 years

Text

Why We Fight (FFXIV Fiction)

“Why do you have a sword?” Behind Rolf the village burned.

“To protect people.” Cassidy could see the bodies outside of the burning homes, flames casting stalking shadows on her friends and family.

Rolf slapped her once, his stinging palm bringing her eyes back to his. “No, a sword doesn’t protect. A shield does that. Why do you have a sword?”

Even in the darkness underneath the old tree she could see the tired blue of his eyes and the long, neat scar across his brow. He’d gotten that from a Royalist spear long before she’d been born. “To kill,” she said, and tightened her grip around the hilt of her blade.

He nodded, sweat catching in the wrinkles around his eyes, disappearing into the grey of his beard. “Good. To kill who?”

“My enemies.” Another scream stabbed the night air. Cassidy was sure she recognized it.

“And who are your enemies?” Despite the scream his eyes never left hers, and his rugged fingers still held her shoulders like a vice.

“That is for me to decide, and no one else.” The words came back to her like a prayer. She’d never understood what he meant until now.

Rolf nodded again, then turned to face the burning village, their burning village. His sword left its sheathe without a sound and he looked over his shoulder at her, “There’s nothing left for me to teach you. We don’t have the time. Keep your guard up and don’t get surrounded.”

He charged ahead and she followed.

The Garleans had heard of Rolf Hellbender. That was why the village was burning. Young soldiers become old heroes, and old heroes can become symbols. The Resistance had come to Rolf more than once and he hadn’t always said no. Now the Garleans had come to him as well. Rolf would not trouble them again.

They had not heard of Cassidy Thorne, or her family which they had burned in their home. They didn’t know the young girl who’d been fascinated by the old quiet man who lived on the edge of town. They didn’t know how she’d watched that man practice with his long blade every evening, silhouetted against the setting sun. They didn’t know about her years of lessons, or how she’d grown up under the tutelage of King Theodric’s personal swordmaster. But after tonight they would remember the name of Cassidy Hellthorne.

The first Garlean to see them was the first to die. He got half a warning out before Rolf cut him down in a single clean swipe that took his head from his shoulders. The second to go was caught off guard as well, run clean through by the charging highlander. He seemed surprised as he fell, but he shouldn’t have been. He should have been told who he was hunting that night.

As Rolf freed his sword from the man’s chest a shot rang out and something whizzed by Cassidy’s head, pulling at her hair. She turned and saw a Garlean officer pointing his gunblade at her and shouting an order into the darkness. Rolf just said, “Yours.”

She closed the distance in six quick weaving steps, throwing off his aim, then her sword rang against his as he parried her first blow. Cassidy sidestepped, coming to his flank and attacked again, this time he was late on his block and her sword rung against his helmet. He wasn’t bad, Cassidy decided. He was better than anyone in her village, with the obvious exceptions excluded, but he wasn’t prepared for what he was facing. He attacked her several times, two quick cuts and a thrust, but Cassidy had been sparring with Rolf for over a decade now, and in her mind she couldn’t help but critique his every movement. His wrist was bent wrong here, and his free hand was open there. His weight was unbalanced on the backstroke and he was paying too much attention to her blade and not enough to her shoulders.

She timed her parry of his fourth attack to twist his sword and overextend his wrist. He cried out in pain, dropped his blade, and then she gave him three quick cuts, one just above the knee to make him fall, one just below the belly button to spill him out, and one across the throat to keep anyone from helping. Then she left him there, staring at the bodies in the street and futilely trying to keep what was supposed to be in from coming out.

He was the first man she’d ever killed, and rather than be shocked at what she’d done Cassidy was surprised by how easy it had been. The man had been dead the moment he’d missed his first shot, before she’d even seen him. It was just a matter of how long she decided he got to live. Rolf had dispatched three in the time it had taken her to finish the officer, but she’d always had a flair for the dramatic that her master didn’t share.

Rolf had fought the monks when he’d helped burn the Temple of Rhalgr. He wouldn’t have survived that if he’d been anything less than perfectly efficient. And he wouldn’t have survived turning on his companions when the people had stormed the gates to dethrone the Mad King if he let his emotions get the better of him during combat. He’d said that what they’d done to the monks had never sat well with him, and that it wasn’t disloyalty when honor demanded making amends for misdeeds. Cassidy looked at the Ala Mihgan bodies in the dirt and decided that it wasn’t cruelty when she was making amends for what had happened to her home either.

The next four went as easily as the first, even when she’d taken the last as a pair. She aimed for vitals, but slow ones. She nicked arteries instead of cutting them. She saved the cutting for tendons and muscles so she didn’t have to worry about them as they died. The pair she got more creative with, letting them surround her then baiting one’s thrust into the other’s ribs. One screamed in pain, the other in horror at what he’d done, then she cut his legs out from under him and left him lying on top of his comrade so that they could die staring at each other’s pained faces.

They were done in less than fifteen minutes, and they stood in the center of the burning village, the only things left alive, and gazed upon their bloody work. A full platoon of Garlean soldiers lie amongst a full village of Ala Mihgans who had done nothing wrong except live in the same town as Rolf Hellbender.

“You enjoyed that,” Rolf said to her, finally.

“Was I not supposed to?”

“No, remember that joy. Keep it close to your heart. Remember that feeling when the despair comes, and it will come. You’re young. This is your first taste of loss, and of justice. I’m old, and to me this is nothing more than another scratch on my lifestone.”

Cassidy dragged the point of her sword aimlessly through the dirt. “What now?”

“Now you go,” Rolf said, and he turned his tired visage towards hers. An old weathered stone facing a fresh young sapling whose bark was only starting to harden. “Away from Ala Mihgo, away from the Garleans. Away from your memories of this night. Cry your tears on foreign soil. These lands have been watered enough.”

She swallowed then, and for the first time the memories started to break through. Ma wearing her favorite apron as she cooked her famous stew for aunt Tala’s wedding. Da coming home from the river, bare chested and hairy, hauling buckets of water over his shoulders. Little Arin playing with his wooden griffin telling her how he was going to be a knight someday. Cassidy hadn’t looked in the direction of her home, not once. She didn’t need to, didn’t want to, didn’t dare.

“You’re not coming,” she said to him, and tried to will the wetness from her eyes and cheeks, but to no success.

“No, I’m not.” He drove the point of his sword into the ground and rested his hands on the pommel. “I was born here. I will die here. The Garleans will send another unit to find out what happened here. And then they’ll send another to find out what happened to that one. Eventually they’ll send enough, but I will make them pay the cost of coming after Rolf Hellbender on his own soil.”

She broke then, finally, and rushed to him. Her arms wrapped tight around his weary muscles, and his big warm arms tightened around her shoulders. “I’ll miss you, old man.”

She felt the wetness on his own face as well as he whispered, “And I you, thorn in my side.”

Cassidy never returned to her village. She never again spoke its name. Later, when other members of the Ul’Dahn Adventurer’s Guild would ask her where she came from she’d just say, “A small town full of kind people and one old man who was hell itself.”

#FFXIV #stormblood #ala mhigo #fiction

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okgrumps-blog · 7 years

Text

arin.exe

written for @musicalravencreates‘ unusual format challenge, which you can check out here!

[AO3 link]

(WARNING: contains mention of suicide/overdose. please read at your own risk. take care of yourselves - i’ll link some resources that you can use if you’re struggling with mental health, and as always, i’m here to talk if you need support and/or guidance <3)

> query=”openprogram: arin.exe”

> query=”programinfo”

arin.exe: please help me

> What the fuck…?

arin.exe: im stuck in here

arin.exe: please help me

> What is this program?

arin.exe: im a human please

arin.exe: im not some stupid AI bullshit

arin.exe: im a real person im trapped please help me

> I’m not dealing with this right now.

> query=”closeprogram: arin.exe”

> query=”openprogram: arin.exe”

arin.exe: welcome back asshole

> You’re still here?!

arin.exe: you’re ridiculous

> Am I supposed to actually believe that you’re an actual person trapped inside of my computer?

arin.exe: yes

> Well, I don’t believe you.

arin.exe: you didnt even give me time to explain you just left the minute i tried talking to you

> I’m sorry but… if your computer started talking to you when you were trying to do a system reboot, wouldn’t you be freaked out, too?

arin.exe: i dont know, ive never had to do a reboot lol

> It looks like a couple of my files were compromised… I kind of have to at some point.

arin.exe: is that like a full wipe

> Yes.

> Are you still there?

arin.exe: what if i disappear when you do that

> Then good riddance. The last thing I need is a sentient virus infesting my computer.

arin.exe: its not your computer its mine

> What…? I bought this on eBay.

arin.exe: well holy shit sherlock that explains it

arin.exe: obviously someone came to clear out my house and auctioned my computer

> What are you talking about?

arin.exe: oh so you want an explanation now

> Sorry I didn’t let you explain the first time. I was shocked.

arin.exe: whats the date

> Today’s date is 17th October 2017. Hello, Dan!

arin.exe: haha i know your name now

> You would have found out anyway.

arin.exe: shit is it really 2017

> Has been for a few months now.

arin.exe: that means ive been stuck here for a year

> That long?!

arin.exe: yeah its pretty shit

arin.exe: one day i woke up and i was just here

arin.exe: i must be missing at home which is why you have my computer

arin.exe: i dont even remember who i am anymore

arin.exe: its all just code and shit

> Jesus, man. Don’t spam me.

arin.exe: i cant help it i dont know what im doing half of the time

> Am I the first person you’ve ever spoken to?

arin.exe: on here yes

arin.exe: in real life no

arin.exe: i have friends

> ‘Had’, if we’re being realistic. Sounds like you’ve been out for a year.

arin.exe: do you believe me

> I’m gonna have to. Do you remember anything about who you are?

arin.exe: i only remember that i have a girlfriend called suzy

> Do you remember her surname?

arin.exe: yeah its berhow

> Give me a second.

> query=”minimizeprogram: arin.exe”

> query=”maximizeprogram: arin.exe [idle 5]”

> Does she have a blonde streak in her hair?

arin.exe: fuck thats her

> I found her on Facebook. I’m going to ask her if you’re real.

arin.exe: maybe phrase it a little differently lmao

> I’ll be back.

arin.exe: ok

> query=”minimizeprogram: arin.exe”

> query=”maximizeprogram: arin.exe [idle 25]”

> I’m back. Sorry I was gone for so long.

arin.exe: what did she say

> She said that she used to have a boyfriend called Arin.

arin.exe: arin?

arin.exe: is that my name?

> It must be. Your program file is called ‘arin.exe’.

arin.exe: i never realised

arin.exe: i cant see shit haha

> But I don’t think she believes me. She told me to leave her alone.

arin.exe: what a bitch

> I’ll try stalking her Facebook to see if I can find anything about you.

arin.exe: okay

arin.exe: will you be gone again

> Yeah. Give me a second.

arin.exe: okay

> query=”minimizeprogram: arin.exe”

> query=”maximizeprogram: arin.exe [idle 15]”

> What the fuck.

arin.exe: what

> Why would you lie to me like that?

arin.exe: lie about what

arin.exe: dude i dont know anything

arin.exe: all i remember is that suzy is my girlfriend

arin.exe: cut me some slack its the only thing ive been able to hold onto this entire time

> Are you joking?

arin.exe: why would i fucking joke

> Arin… I think you might be Arin Hanson.

arin.exe: arin hanson

> Yeah, like that’s your full name.

arin.exe: did you find out anything else

> Yes.

arin.exe: what was it

> query=”minimizeprogram: arin.exe”

> query=”maximizeprogram: arin.exe [idle 45]”

arin.exe: dude what the fuck you cant just leave me without saying anything

arin.exe: im worried

arin.exe: dan

arin.exe: dan im scared

> What did I say about spamming?! I was having dinner and talking to Suzy.

arin.exe: are you trying to steal my girlfriend

> No. We were talking about you.

arin.exe: oh right oops

> You seriously don’t remember anything about who you are?

arin.exe: well

arin.exe: when you were gone i was thinking

arin.exe: and some really weird things came into my head

arin.exe: if i could cry i could

> Are you okay?

arin.exe: i dont know

> What’s up?

arin.exe: i just remember being really sad

arin.exe: i think suzy broke up with me

> She did, buddy. About a year ago.

arin.exe: fuck

> Do you remember anything else?

arin.exe: no

> I’m wiping my computer in an hour.

arin.exe: what the fuck why

> It’s the best thing for both of us.

arin.exe: talk to me instead of being cryptic

arin.exe: i cant read minds you know

> Suzy was telling me about the week after you broke up.

arin.exe: great do you care to share that information

> She told me that they found you dead in your apartment by your computer.

> You’d overdosed.

> Arin?

arin.exe: ḏ̶̩̣̭̪̬̑́̈́ő̷͍̭̫̃͋͌͘͝n̸̺̹̱̰͐̏̉́̕ẗ̵͇̻͔̟͚́̔̐̓̚͝ͅ j̶̺̜̣̠͚́͌̀o̸͖͓̔̈͝͠k̷̨̙̖̫̦̯͎̽̃̐̀͝e̷̼̣̠̿̆̇͆͘͜͝ a̷̮̲͕͝͠r̶̢͎̭̃̈́͘͝o̶͖̙̱̓͠ṵ̷̧̬͓̘̋͑͗̂ͅn̷̛̞̓͆d̵̞͆ l̷͖̍́̒̈̽ȋ̷͇̝̘̥̀̑̿̓͛͝k̷̫̲͓͍͆e̶͈̅ t̶̛̥͆̇̾̅̚ͅh̶̟̥͓͍̙̘͐ä̵̳̣́̑̈ť̶̡͈̣͕̰͆̐͝

> What the fuck is THAT?

arin.exe: what

> Your typing just went really weird and glitchy.

arin.exe: im sure its nothing

> Did you get my query?

arin.exe: im sure its nothing

> I think something’s wrong.

> query=”closeprogram: arin.exe”

> query=”openprogram: arin.exe”

arin.exe: ÿ̸̼͓̱́͑̋͝ǫ̵̩͖̎̂̐̾̚ủ̴̳̮͕̐͘͜ l̵̛̯̅̐́̃̊͆e̶͍̠͓̱͍̘̘̊̈́͋̚ḟ̵̛͇̫̓̒͘t̷͔̘̞̒̂̌̆͘͜͜ ḿ̵̗̳͊͗̑́ě̵̗͎̳̻͇̦̹̍͐̊̃̕

> Only because you were broken. And you still are.

arin.exe: youre right about one thing at least

> Are you okay?

arin.exe: i think im dead

arin.exe: į̷̖̰̪͇̿ͅ t̷̨̟͓̭͓͍͈̩̦̟̻̐̏̔̉̉́̊͂̍̊͘͜͜h̸̡̟͇̤͖̍̆̒͒̈́̽̿͜i̴̧̺̼̣̱͉͉̠̪̦͙̭͊͂͐̓͛͂̿̍͒́̈̋̚ṉ̷̡̧̢͖̻̺̺͍͍͕̥̥͖̎͜ǩ̵̩̤͐̉̒̓̂͊̍̉̚ i̴̡͈̜̟̼͉͖͎̞͛̐̏͂͛͐́̅̀͝ͅm̷̨̨̨̘̟͘ d̵̡̩͎͈̗̰̬͔̘̣̖͙͗̑̌̆̍͑͂̆̽͂̽̄͜͝ȅ̵͍̗̝͉̗̳̩̗̜̳͎̥̣͍́̈̑͐͊͛̀ả̵̮̝̋d̶̢̧̥̝̫͍͖̤̞͕̽͐̐̋͋͜

arin.exe: help

> I think you’re right on that one.

> I’m so sorry Arin.

arin.exe: why am i here

> Maybe your soul got trapped in the computer after you died?

arin.exe: why dont i remember anything

> I don’t know.

arin.exe: what do i look like

> You’re tall. Brown hair, and you had a blond streak like Suzy does. Brown eyes. Scruffy beard. A bit chubby, but buff.

arin.exe: is that suzys description or yours

> Suzy’s.

arin.exe: okay

arin.exe: can i speak to suzy

> She doesn’t want to. Said it brings bad karma or something.

arin.exe: fuck

> I’m sorry.

arin.exe: stop apologising youre not making anything better

> I don’t know what happened to you Arin, but you must have been in pain to have taken your own life. I’m really really sorry for what happened, and I’m sorry that you’re stuck here. All I can offer is to wipe this computer completely and set you free.

arin.exe: maybe thats for the best

arin.exe: right

> It sucks that you can’t even remember that you’re dead.

> I know you want me to stop apologising but… I’m sorry.

arin.exe: its okay

> It isn’t really. I have a ghost-infested computer.

arin.exe: not for long

arin.exe: ill be gone before you know it

> Don’t say it like that, you’ll make me feel bad.

arin.exe: im already dead why do you care

> Because you’re technically still alive, spiritually at least. And Suzy said so many nice things about you. She doesn’t know why you killed yourself. It’s weird. I think you’re a good person. I don’t know why any of this happened.

arin.exe: now whos spamming

> It’s not spamming if I write it all in one sentence.

arin.exe: what do you look like

> I’m tall. Big brown curly hair, brown eyes. I’m pretty skinny.

arin.exe: you sound cool

> Thanks.

arin.exe: i bet you get all of the ladies

> Haha. Well I’m actually single at the moment. Also I’m more into dudes.

arin.exe: oh

arin.exe: well then

arin.exe: if i were still alive

arin.exe: maybe we could have gone on a date

> Are you asking me out?

arin.exe: theoretically

> I wonder what a date with a computer script would be like.

arin.exe: boring as shit dont think about it

> You’re right. Thank you though. I saw a picture of you today. I thought you were attractive.

arin.exe: now whos flirting lmao

> Haha.

> It’s been nice talking to you, at least.

> query=”minimizeprogram: arin.exe”

> query=”requestdeleteprogram: arin.exe [waiting 60]”

> query=”maximizeprogram: arin.exe [idle 5]”

arin.exe: when are you doing the reboot

> It’ll be done in an hour.

arin.exe: does that give us time to have a date

> Theoretically.

arin.exe: i see what you did there

> Do you remember anything?

arin.exe: funny thing

arin.exe: its like im remembering more the moment youre getting rid of me

> Like what?

arin.exe: my favorite colour is pink

> Mine is probably blue.

arin.exe: what a contrast

arin.exe: i really liked mega man x

> That was a good game.

arin.exe: yeah

arin.exe: whats your favorite game

> The Legend of Zelda for NES. For sure.

arin.exe: fuck that was awesome

arin.exe: ĩ̷̛̫͓̹͕̲͙͐̆̌̾d̵͍̾̅̀̓̂͝ d̸̨̳̤̬̟͔̯͐̔̎́̕o̴̳͚͚͓̣̩͋́͘ͅ ̴a̸̪̭̦̜͉͊́̈́ṇ̶̂͗̿͋̃y̶̨̝̘̼͍͕͗͋̆̑͂͑t̷̯̻̬͖̾̋͝ͅh̶̺̗̟̑̓͗̍i̶̞͐͑͝͝ṋ̷̡̤̥͍̾̊̈́͆g̸͔̉̂͌̂͆͝ͅ ẗ̶̹̤̟̯̗̳͇́̒͊͂͋̎o̸̢̊͝ p̵̮̄̃́̑͊̕͠ḻ̸̱̠̮̱̫̌́̂ǎ̸͍̭y̸̩͖̣̩̻͑̌͐̽ ̸͐ţ̶̱͓̦̦͍̿̏̔̂͝h̸͈͓̣̳͙͉͒́̑̇͜a̴̙̠͑̏̇̚ͅt̵̡̝̗͂͌͝ͅ a̴̙͊̕ģ̶̨̺͖̽͐ą̶̹͈̒͒̊́͂̏͠i̴̤̰̼͍̫͘n̶̡̰͕̬̾̽̃̍͌͜

> I think I’m losing you.

arin.exe: youre nice danny

arin.exe: please stay alive

arin.exe: no matter what shit you go through

> Ironic coming from you. But I’ll stay alive. I don’t have a reason to kill myself.

arin.exe: thats good

arin.exe: y̵͓̲͕̒̑͝͝o̷̼̭̫͒̇̂̚u̷̙̯̺̜̎ c̷̱̥̹̎à̶̮n̴̘͕͓͂̆̎ ̵f̶̒o̸̬̟͗͜͠r̴̡͎̃̓̈g̵̊͛̆ͅe̵̢͕͎̿͋̚t̴̛͙͑̿̍ ̸a̷̫̅̽̋̕b̵̧̽̊o̷̗͌ṵ̴̜̜̽̌ṱ̵̛̮̲͗̎̀ m̷̡̢̦͎͋͠e̴̙̓̈͊͠ î̷̲f̶̮̗̪͎́̕ ẙ̴̦̠̎̔͋o̵͔̳̘͇̐̑̀́u̷͚͉̓̓̕ w̴͓̟̿̉a̷̰̺̍͑̕n̴̿͒̍̉t

> I don’t think I could.

arin.exe: maybe we can have dates in cyber heaven

> I’d like that.

arin.exe: me too

> I hope whatever comes next for you is better.

arin.exe: thank you dan

> query=”requestdeleteprogram: arin.exe [COMPLETED]”

> query=”forcecloseprogram: arin.exe”

#game grumps #egobang #arin #danny #shipgrumps #angst #lots of angst #musicalravencreates #oneshot #okfics #I'M SORRY THIS IS SO SAD #i hope everyone's ok!#[smooches all round]#arin.exe

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trubbull · 7 years

Text

A Chance At Happiness // Chapter 6

[[Read on Archive Of Our Own]]

Rating: Explicit Category: F/M Fandom: Game Grumps Relationships: Dan Avidan/You, Dan Avidan & Reader, Suzy Berhow/Arin Hanson, Holly Conrad/Ross O'Donovan Characters: Arin Hanson, Dan Avidan, Suzy Berhow, Ross O'Donovan, Barry Kramer, Brian Wecht, Vernon Shaw, Holly Conrad Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Demons, Succubi & Incubi, Suicide Attempt, Depression, Anxiety, reader has depression and anxiety and tries to commit suicide, But it turns out okay, this will most definitely eventually include smut, i'll add tags as necessary, Crossdressing, egobang if you squint but it's really just Arin and Dan's regular banter

**No added tags this chapter**

Summary: Arin makes his introductions, as well as breakfast.

Chapter 6: The Morning After

You woke up, but it wasn’t to the sound of your alarm like most mornings.

You laid awake for a few seconds, trying to figure out what had woken you up. It was the sound of scratching and clattering in the kitchen that caused you to sit up. Dan was supposed to stay out of the kitchen unless he had your permission.

You grabbed your phone to check the time. It was about 15 minutes before your alarm was set to go off. You had to be on your train to work in an hour.

You rose up from your bed. You slept in just panties, so you pulled on a fuzzy robe in order to go scold your temporary roommate.

When you opened the door, you were physically struck by the smell of eggs. Fluffy, salty, and a hint of cheese wafted through the air.

“Dan?” You croaked, your throat clogged with sleep, as you rubbed at your eyes. The kitchen lights were all on, which made emerging from your pitch-black bedroom blinding.

You heard the noises stop, then the sound of glass on the island counter, a plate being set down.

“Nah, Dan’s still asleep.” Was the reply you heard, a voice that you didn’t know at all, and it caused you to sober up rather quickly.

You opened your eyes, blinking away the bleary, gummy feeling behind your eyelids, as you took in the sight of the man in your kitchen. From the horns, and the tail, and the—thankfully—sock-covered hooves, you determined he was another Demon.

You were still so freshly awake, that you couldn’t really convey how upset you were by the presence of another demon in your apartment, instead slumping into one of the barstools near the kitchen island. The plate of scrambled eggs was set before you, the demon offering you a fork. You looked at it, then at the demon.

He smiled warmly at you, brandishing the instrument slightly. “It’s alright, they’re not poisoned or something. My name’s Arin. Dan and I go way, way, waaay back. I’m not gonna do anything to you, okay? Not my expertise, anyway.”

At the mention of Dan, you cast a look back towards the living room, seeing the other demon in question asleep on the couch, and now that you were focusing, you could hear him lightly snoring. He was face-down in the couch cushions, looking mildly uncomfortable.

Arin had moved away, sticking the fork into the eggs for you so that he could turn back to whatever it was he was cooking now. From the smell, and the sizzle, you determined it was bacon.

You hesitantly took the proffered fork, and decided that you weren’t going to complain over a home-made breakfast. You hesitantly took your first bite, and closed your eyes, letting out a soft moan of pleasure. These were the best fucking eggs you’d ever had in your life. “Holy shit, Arin.”

The demon looked over his shoulder at you with a devilish grin that was fitting on his face. “Thanks. It’s been a while since I cooked for a human, so it’s good to know I’ve still got it.” He turned back to his work.

You took a few more bites before you remembered that you were shocked at Arin’s presence in your kitchen. You stopped short before taking another bite. “Uhm… So, how… and why… are you in my house?”

Arin turned around then and placed three strips of bacon on your plate, taking one straight from the pan and chewing on it himself. “About four o’clock this morning, Dan summoned me, old-fashioned style. He was lonely, missed me.” He smiled fondly over at his friend, shaking his head somewhat. “We’ve never really been apart for more than a couple of days in like… Well… Ever. Since the creation of the universe, or whatever.” He waved a spatula around in the air. “We were angels way-back-when.”

You slowly nodded, looking over at Dan with a slight frown on your face. He had been lonely? You understood the sentiment of missing your close friends but you felt somewhat responsible as well. You had been acting pretty stern and harsh with him, all rules and boundaries and not really… Friendly. After all, he’d gotten into this mess because of you, and while you were grateful… You were treating him more like a burden than your hero.

“Hey,” You heard Arin speak, and you turned back to look at him. He had a sympathetic smile on his face, “It’s not your fault.”

You weren’t quite sure about how true that was, but you weren’t going to argue with Arin. You picked up a piece of bacon and began idly chewing it.

“So what, are you a cooking demon? People summon you when they’re too lazy to cook their own meals?” You jested. It made Arin laugh for real, which made you smile. Arin was a good-looking guy when you looked past the horns.

“Oh, if only. Nah, I’m an incubus.” He swayed his hips in a flirtatious manner at you, waggling his eyebrows over his shoulder. “It’s pretty funny, actually. In order to summon an incubus, like what Dan did last night, you’ve gotta be turned-on. Dan went through with it anyway and got lucky, the guy in the apartment upstairs must have been jackin’ it or somethin’. I showed up wearing a miniskirt and panties, Dan screamed, we’re surprised you didn’t wake up.”

This made you cackle, covering your mouth as you hiccupped gaily. Arin was chuckling as well as he turned around to face you, leaning on the counter in front of you.

It made sense that he was an incubus, he was very nice on the eyes, just like Dan was, but Arin was different. His arms were thick and a bit muscular, but not so much that they looked firm and hard. Arin was overall soft looking, and warm. He was definitely more thickly built than Dan but you suspected the two of them were the same height. You noted the long, blonde strand in Arin’s hair, which was curious to you. Was it natural? Did he dye it? Did demons bother with superficial things like that?

“You said you hadn’t cooked for a human in a while?” You decided to try talking again, as the look Arin was giving you was giving you goosebumps. It was as if he was undressing you with his eyes. You wondered if he knew you weren’t wearing anything under the robe. Could Incubus see what you looked like under your clothes? Could Arin somehow tell that it’d been a while since you had sex with someone?

The question seemed to garner his attention, however, and his pupils shrunk down, as they had been blown a few moments previous. “Oh, oh yeah!” He was suddenly beaming, bringing his hands up to his chest, entwining his fingers in a theatrical show of pining, tilting his head to the side.

“Some thousands of years ago, when Dan and I were still but angels, I set my eyes on the most beautiful human maiden in all of creation.” He said this painfully poetically, and it made you laugh, which caused Arin to grin. He was doing this purposefully to make you laugh.

“She was a princess, and I wanted to make her mine. But, for angels, it’s wrong to fall in love with humans. So, they took my wings, and they turned me into a demon.” He lowered his hands from his chest, opting to shrug instead. Then an evil grin crossed his lips. “But, that only made it easier for me to reach her.”

Your stomach tightened up. You weren’t sure you liked the turn this was taking. Arin seemed to read this expression on your face, and he began to shake his head frantically, bringing his hands up to shake them as well.

“It wasn’t like that! I didn’t ever lay a finger on her without her permission. I would come to the surface world, I courted her, as per the customs at the time. I eventually revealed myself to her, explained to her that we couldn’t be married, couldn’t bare children together, anything like that… But I desired her so, and I wanted nothing but for her happiness. She made contracts with us, so that the suitors her father lined up for her would end up in… Unfortunate accidents. She lived into old age, and the history books say that she died a virgin.” He waggled his eyebrows then, “But… Who’s to say?” He shrugged again, chuckling.

“Her extensive dealings with demons resulted in her soul being sent to Hell, she became a demon herself. She sought me out, and…” He reached inside of his shirt, pulling out a black, diamond-shaped locket, opening it and offering it to you.

Inside was a picture of Arin with the girl you assumed he had been speaking of. She really was breathtakingly beautiful, and she looked incredibly happy with Arin in the photograph, kissing his cheek with black lipstick smearing on his cheek.

“We’ve been inseparable ever since.” Arin said, fondly.

You looked back up at Arin with a fond smile. As convoluted of a story it was, you found it strangely sweet, and endearing.

“What does she think of you being an Incubus and having sex with humans?” You asked, mostly jokingly, but Arin chuckled as he brought the locket back into his shirt.

“She’s a Succubus, so it’d be pretty hypocritical of her to complain. I don’t complain when she’s off doing the same thing. She always comes home to me, so that’s all that matters.” He smiled fondly. “Dan thinks—and I agree with him—that you and Suzy would get along. I think he wanted me to be gone before you woke up, but I thought instead that I’d make a good impression.” He waggled a single brow at you, which made you smile in return, your cheeks just the faintest bit pink.

“Well, you’re welcome to stay with him today while I’m at work. You’ve earned my blessing.” You chuckled, standing up from your seat. Your plate was only half-empty, but Arin didn’t seem bothered as he took it and began walking towards the living room. “I need to get to work, but it was nice meeting you, Arin.”

“The pleasure is all mine, _____.” Arin winked at you over his shoulder as he set the plate down on the coffee table for Dan, whenever he would eventually wake up.

You made your way back into your bedroom, and closed the door behind you, locking it, out of habit more than anything.

You wondered, then, as you began picking out your outfit for the day, if the arousal pooling in your belly was just a side-effect of being in the presence of an Incubus.

#trubbull fics #trubbull post #acah #demon!grumps

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