X-Men Abridged: 1964
The X-Men, those wacky mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel the tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!
(X-Men 3 - 8) - by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
Fantastic Four 28
The X-Men’s sophomore year basically serves as a recruitment drive for Professor Xavier and Magneto: both our heroes and those nefarious villains try to recruit various mutants (The Blob, Namor, Unus the Untouchable), all with absolutely no success.
We also meet Magneto’s home team, the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. (Later on, they would drop the ‘evil’, because why would Magneto call himself evil? He believes he’s doing the right thing.) The Brotherhood consists of:
An acrobatic toady;
A white-haired speedster whose entire personality is that he loves his sister;
A fashion victim with nebulously defined disaster powers;
A creepy, sexist illusionist, who is by far the most useful on this squad. He is literally the only reason Magneto briefly conquers a country.
i, too, enjoy towers of mashed potatoes (X-Men 4)
Magneto is fleshed out more: he still remains fabulously extra, but he develops an obsession with owning strongholds and/or land. In this year alone, he owns one island (1), one manor (1) and one asteroid (1). He also briefly takes over the nation of Santo Marco. Magneto also does some astral projection, because magnets can... do... that? (Just go with it.)
he is just so ridiculous <3 (X-Men 7)
magnetic intensity indeed. like toad and rogue, I would fall in love with magneto in a heartbeat (X-Men 5)
While the Toad’s and Mastermind’s loyalty to Magneto is never questioned, Pietro and Wanda, meanwhile, show plenty of reluctance in following the mutant despot. They even help the X-Men once or twice, but ultimately remain loyal to Magneto because he saved Wanda from an angry mob. (The mob is traditionalist rather than racist: They want to burn her because she is a witch, not because she’s a mutant. So it’s fine.)
However, this year does mark the first appearance of anti-mutants sentiments: a crowd attacks Hank after he saves some kid from a water tower, simply because they suspect he’s a mutant. I always thought it was Claremont who introduced this theme, but apparently, he merely expanded on something Lee started. It also introduces the conflict between Xavier’s views and Magneto’s: the hippie professor believes in peaceful coexistence, the flamboyant villain in the dominance of homo superior.
they were so mean, Warren, they even took my glasses! (X-Men 8)
It’s also the first example of Professor X opening up his home to a villain in an attempt to reform them. The Blob, petty and churlish, refuses, but I have to admit I would read the fuck out of a What If? where the Blob accepts Charles’ offer.
This year also lays a lot ground for the X-Men themselves, fleshing them out. Hank becomes loquacious and smart, Warren reaches peak himbo and Bobby establishes himself as the jokester. Scott, meanwhile, becomes a lot more emo, tormented by his uncontrollable powers and his love for Jean. She also loves him, but neither of them actually does anything about it. In other character development, Jean straightens her hair.
in 2021, I aspire to have the same confidence as Warren goddamn Worthington entering a fucking room (X-Men 4)
Meanwhile, Charles is apparently also crushing hard on Miss Grey. (Which is fortunately dropped and mostly forgotten about, because ick.) That, combined with the fact that almost every male character notes how sexy either Jean or Wanda is, really does show how badly all of this aged. I haven’t really read old Fantastic Four or the Avengers, but I do hope Sue and the Wasp have a trifle more personality than this.
don’t fret, Jean, the only competition you have to worry about is Magneto (X-Men 6)
But! Charles does other weird stuff too! In a shocking display of extreme teaching methods, Professor X pretends to have lost his powers so the X-Men can prove themselves against the Brotherhood in space. Cyclops nearly dies, but despite that, Professor X graduates his X-Men! He then leaves and puts Cyclops in charge. Solid leadership skills all around.
this is just adorable (X-Men 7)
Oh yeah, the X-Men also fight Namor and the Fantastic Four, and Iceman starts his bromance with the Human Torch. For those keeping track in the future: this is the point where the young X-Men are time-abducted for their All-New X-Men capers. (X-Men #8, to be exact.) Bobby also has an unhealthy obsession with eating icecream.
it’s 1964, do you know where your teen-age mutant hoodlums are? (X-Men 4)
Must reads: X-Men #3, the introduction of the Blob, and X-Men #4, the introduction of the Brotherhood. The rest are all variations on the same themes and... not that great.
Didn’t you take Art History? This era is characterized by cheesy, cheesy writing and the kind of art that seems better suited to a Disney comic than a superhero epic. Stan Lee tends to overexplain everything we see in the art. Despite Kirby’s style not really being my cup of tea, he does effective work and some of his spreads are actually gorgeous. Check this out.
so… daddy longlegs is not a mutant? (X-Men 3)
Best new character: The Blob. Hear me out. He is a different kind of villain than most of the villains introduced in this era: he is petty and small-minded, rather than megalomaniacal and dramatic, which makes for a nice change of pace. Then there’s the fact that he looks grotesque and that even the X-Men, who should know better, mock him and body-shame him. (Nice going, calling him ‘fatso’ while he probably even couldn’t lose weight if he tried, because, you know, it’s his mutant power). He is like a foil to the Thing: mean and selfish where the Thing tries to be heroic and rise above his circumstances. The Blob is an unhappy man who does unhappy things; some authors have realized that he’s more than just a fat joke: there’s something inherently cruel about his mutant power.
then again, Fred does call Jean a cute tomato, so maybe he deserves everything the X-Men throw at him (X-Men 3)
Most audacious retcon: Nobody seems to have a grasp on how strong Professor X and Marvel Girl are. One issue, Jean can toss around a crowd of women, the next, she can’t pick up Hank. Charles seems to be just as strong as the plot demands.
Ugliest Costume: The Scarlet Witch. Pink and red? O honey, no.
wanda, what is that headpiece (X-Men 4)
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