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retvenkos · 2 years

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OLIVE haaaiiiii it’s been FOREVER so it’s just me crashing into your askbox like a bull in a China shop, so without further ado:

3 male characters you want to wrap in a blanket and give hot chocolate to? Opinion on One Direction (there is a correct answer btw)? Most recent book(s) you added to your tbr? 4 things that made you smile/good things that happened to you in this last week? Have you read The Great Gatsby? One Shakespeare play you would suggest? Something you’re looking forward to? The first piece of poetry that comes to your mind?

nOT A ONE DIRECTION ASK—

asdfghjhgfd,,, hi lindsay! come crash into my ask box anytime you'd like! it is here so you can ask me oddly specific questions <3

as for your questions,,,,,,, don't @ my choices, alright? i may masquerade as someone who has taste, but really, i don't have much at all.

i would, without hesitation, give cal kestis (star wars), robby keene (cobra kai), and zuko (atla) anything their heart desired. they just need one (1) singular break from life, y'know?

as for one direction,,,,,, i'm not going to lie, i was a huge one direction hater back in the day. like, 2012-2013, i would tear throats if i heard you liked one direction. however, this was in my 'not like my sister' phase, and she was a die hard fan, so i think that explains the hatred. in retrospect, they had some good songs! story of my life was pretty good - even if you couldn't escape it for months after it came out. i like niall horan's solo music, and some of harry styles' work, too (i haven't gotten around to listening to much). are the others (minus zayn, lol) pursuing solo careers? i don't think i've heard much about the one who liked girls who eat carrots or whatever, asdfghjkjhgfds.

i'm trying to decide if i should add it to my tbr or not, but the wheel of time books? there's like 14 books in total, so it's an undertaking™ but who knows? i'm watching the amazon show rn and while there is decidedly A Lot™ to unpack, i always like a good fantasy (i need to read asoiaf first, lol).

as for four good things, i did pretty good on all four of my finals! and now i have a break for a little bit, which means time to write and read!

yes, i have read the great gatsby. i think 3 times? i remember reading it once on my own volition, and then twice for school. i haven't seen any movie adaptations, funnily enough. although, if you know/like the great gatsby, you should listen to this song by ella jane, because it's about the book! i just think it's neat. i also kinda want to read "beautiful little fools" by jillian cantor which is like a reimagining of the great gatsby, but idk if it's any good, y'know?

asdfghjhgfd,,, you probably know all of the shakespeare plays i've read/watched, because i'm decidedly Not Original but (other than macbeth and hamlet, my beloveds) much ado about nothing is a lot of fun, and i adore the kenneth branagh movie version, and hey! idk if people mention this a lot, but robert sean leonard was claudio!!! it's funny, bc i saw him in dps and was like ???? claudio??????? and keanu reeves is in it, too and i just,,,,,, it's a romp. much ado is just so stupid and that's why i have no choice but to stan.

i am looking forward to doing some baking and cooking this week! i don't have any school, which means i can have hobbies again, lol. (also, this is off the record but i know for a fact my little sister got me A Game Of Thrones for the holidays because she's terrible at hiding secrets, so i'm very excited to be able to read that.)

the rime of the ancient mariner by coleridge, lol. i had to do a thing for it for class, so it's been on repeat in my mind for a while.

now, lindsay, i have some questions for you!

what is your favorite season? your favorite book, out of every book you've read this year? favorite hozier song? favorite k-drama that you would recommend? 3 characters that you would like to throw into the sun? 1 thing you are looking forward to next year? how many books are you hoping to read next year? and what is your favorite dessert?

#asks #lindsay — 🥺

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eyeslikefoxglove · 4 years

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Episode 21 - The PTSD is strong with this one & we need more braincells

Hello hello! Welcome to the commentary. How’s everyone? I’m frozen solid because it’s mid-June in Spain and yet we had 11°C yesterday. Fucking awesome!

I AM NOT WEARING MASCARA SO I CAN CRY ALL I WANT. I DONT KNOW IF THATS GOOD OR BAD THO.

Can I just take a second to appreciate how much this big strong powerful men emote? I mean, I know this isn’t western media where the tough guy can’t show emotions, and I don’t know that eastern media has the same hangups about men emoting but just... it’s so refreshing.

Huaisang bb you’re so sweet.

Oh, oh the PTSD is strong with this one.

Also, bless both JC and NHS, they absolutely noticed WWX flinch and, in their own ways, went and steamrolled over it so WWX wouldn’t feel scrutinised.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST TO INFORM YALL THAT I GOT A KITTEN ON MY LAP. (She’s kneading my boob, which, ow, but...)

*BICHEN GRIIIIIIIP*

How do y’all think the guards go deliver bad news to WRH? Like do they paper-rock-scissor it? Draw straws?

NMJ did you have to?

And once again I wonder what would’ve happened if JFM had let sect leader Yao kick it.

Ughvhfnevus it’s this clown. Same as with Su She, if you see a bunch of screaming it’s just me not wanting to listen to Jin ZiXun.

The Nies: let’s throw a banquet to honour WWX’s return

Every asshole there: *gossips about WWX while in the room with him*

Once again I wish I could transmigrate (and speak mandarin lol) and just start delivering tongue lashings.

Listen, I have no idea how to play Guqin, but I did play the guitar for years and even from here I can see how much YiBo’s hands don’t match the melody. Nothing against him but why does this always happen? I know they got classes, so was the music not written by that time or something? Because one thing is not hitting the correct notes, another is plucking slow notes when the tempo is much faster.

JC: Since yours and LWJ’s unhappy separation...

My dumbass: do you mean breakup? *eyebrow waggle*

You will pry my “JC knows his brother is pinning after LWJ, he probably doesn’t want to know anything else” hc out of my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch.

WWX: *spouts a bunch of misdirection to avoid giving JC a straight answer*

JC: Bull-fucking-shit.

Should I count how many times WWX PTSDs all over the place or would you like me to leave your hearts intact? That’s two so far.

Ok ok, I feel that, if someone with a bit less trauma and a bit of insight (NHS maybe?) had seen the bit where ChenQing fucking hurts Shijie thing would’ve gone differently. I mean, yes, LWJ keeps warning WWX that this shit is gonna fuck him up, but as I said in my previous commentary LWJ also has the communication skills of a hermit crab so that wouldn’t work, and JC would be too wound up and WWX too busy trying to conceal his lack of golden core for that conversation to go anywhere. But if someone who WWX knows is a good egg (I’m not gonna say trusts bc paranoia) had sat him down and told him “your new instrument that you use for your new form of cultivation just hurt the person you love most please be careful when you use it.” I think it would’ve worked wonders towards his health overall.

I know Shijie says it’s like Zidian, but she’s not working with the fact that this thing is made for and by the Dark Side of the Force and I’m sorry but I can’t help but see ChenQing as a bit of a horrocrux almost. Or like, if you like me think the Burial Mounds is an Entity, something that’s a bit more sentient that it lets on.

Speaking of reputations and NHS being a good egg, I have oh-so-many ideas (I won’t say plot bunnies because I can’t write for shit) in which NHS for Reasons (time-travel? Letter from the future? His massive brain?) realises just how much damage WWX is doing to his public image. And he might be a sheltered dandy, but he saw what being the son of a sex worker did to Meng Yao despite how hard he worked (I’m assuming he doesn’t know about the whole betrayal business). This is way fucking worse, like hell is he going to let one of his best friends paint a target on his back. So he pulls back his sleeves, engages his slytherin brain and proceeds to lay down a plan to throughly destroy WWX’s reputation as a powerful genius.

I’m guessing LWJ and JC protest, and maybe WWX, and NHS just hits them with “do you want him respected or alive?” And they shut tf up. He glues himself to WWX, and brings up as many instances in which their behaviour can be compared as he can (we got drunk and punished at cloud recesses, we slept in class, we skipped to go fishing, I don’t carry my sword either). And, because assholes be assholes, people like Sect Leader Yao or Clown Cousin are quick to start spouting their own derogatory bullshit and thus WWX the untamed powerful prodigy dies a fiery death. Now he’s just a mouthy kid with a quick mind that “does tricks instead of battle” (I’ll never get bored of using that Thor quote). I also like to think that people who personally know WWX and are not pieces of shit go give NHS a tongue lashing for messing with what they thought was his friend, NHS takes that as a test of good eggness and bring them into the plan. Soon the whole Cloud Recesses class is swearing up, down, left, right and centre that all the shit WWX has ever successfully pulled is just an insane amount of luck and quick thinking.

I don’t know how would they work him into the battlefield (disguise? Mask?) to unleash his demonic cultivation but that’s Plot and I don’t do that.

Also, because I’m a terrible human being I want to say that people assume LWJ is on “pretty but useless” WWX like white on rice because *insert derogatory comment about being good in bed and sexual favours*. Because y’all know the assholes here are Like That. And WWX is horrified because holy fucking shit he’s gonna drag LWJ’s reputation down, he can’t have people thinking HGJ is ok with having him as a concubine pretty much. But before he can act LWJ politely all but confirms that yeah, he’s tapping that, y’all wish you were but he doesn’t share and none of y’all are good enough for his Wei Ying anyway. CUE FAKE/PRETEND RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I AM INDEED TRASH FOR THAT TROPE.

Muahahahaha y’all thought I was gonna devolve into my personal hcs and not include my fave trope? Shouldn’t y’all know me better by now?

(Btw I like this bit ^ so I might polish it a little and post it separately as well, just a warning if you find yourself reading an eerily similar post by me)

WuJi is playing and LWJ is pining so much. Also, if LWJ did not just realise that, just like Yu the Great, WWX had no other option but tame resentful energy I’ll eat my blanket.

I refuse to believe Jiang Yanli didn’t become the unofficial war camp therapist/sounding board/only sane person/everyone’s mum/I just need a hug and a corner to cry in peace. There are not enough fics about Shijie being her gentle BAMF self while in the camp and it’s a pity. My crops are dying y’all!

Also, I will fight anyone who scoffs at Shijie being the epitome of the “gentle woman who cooks and waits for the men to come back from war”. Look at her mum, do you think it is easy for a kid (she was a kid in the flashback when WWX ran away) to see that day in and day out, to have that as a “role model” and decide that she was not going to be like her mum? That she didn’t like what she saw in her so she was going to be kind and gentle? And do you think it is easy for a person barely in their twenties to deal with years of verbal and psychological abuse for again, being gentle and kind, and not grow a hard shell of bitterness to protect themselves? And to keep being gentle and kind while at war, with your parents dead and your siblings unraveling before your very eyes? Shijie is so fucking strong and I love her.

Hey look, the White Walkers!

“Resentful energy is just energy” ok, valid. But my dude, you’ve got black ghost smoke coming out of you and can hear people screaming in your head. I’m not saying it is evil, like someone’s uptight set in his ways arrogant uncle; but it sure as shit ain’t healthy.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s a Clown Cousin scream btw)

Ok ok, just one little thing: IF SOMEONE ELSE CALLS WWX WEI YING AS A SHOW OF DISRESPECT IMMA SCALP THEM.

...are those crows eating that man alive? Yikes on bikes.

(Assume my comment about YiBo’s Guqin playing also goes for Xiao Zhan and his flute. I can’t play the flute but the tempo doesn’t match his fingers)

I’m just gonna say it, I think 3zun (well, 2zun as of now) suspect shit went down badly for WWX, that’s two questions by both of them in a very soft conciliatory tone. They are genuinely interested/worried about the topic, and don’t seem to come off as chiding or judgemental. I mean WWX is a weirdo irreverent kid and they’re sect leaders, they outrank him so much it’s ridiculous. I’m also counting the fact that both their baby brothers like him towards them being so kind. But I also think WWX just triggers all their big brother instincts the second he walks in.

Oh there’s a thought, Shijie, Wen Qing, NMJ and LXC take a look at everyone’s shitty parents and just decide to adopt everyone.

What happened at Yiling was a traumatised teenager (is WWX even 20?) PTSDing all over the place with the Dark Side of the Force whispering in his ear and an all powerful trinket at his disposal. Not saying I approve of all the torture and murder but he clearly isn’t revelling in them.

That is some outstanding bit of big-brothering on LXC’s side and I love it. Also, my dumbass just realised LWJ probably wasn’t quoting WWX when he was being punished (what is white what is black?) I think he was quoting his big brother. Which is magnitudes deep too, but in a different direction and I might love that scene even more.

Ok fuck it, I’m gonna tangent. So I had a terrible boyfriend when I was 15-18. He alienated me from my friends, sunk my self-esteem to the molten core of the earth, tried to convince me my parents were abusive and encouraged (aka threatened manipulated and cajoled) the slow tanking of my high school marks. I have A Problem when I see media where someone latches onto their significant other and everything they are shifts towards that person. Now, love, true genuine love, is powerful, and I believe it can be the catalyst for shifting your world-view for the better. I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t have a problem with people sticking with their romantic partner if it is clear their previous “family” is so much shit. I don’t have a problem with LWJ coming out of his shell and defying corrupt precepts because his love for WWX made them see they were wrong, or getting sassy and unrepentant during his punishment (I have a problem with the punishment bc that’s abuse but...). But I do side-eye WangXian being the only thing in their orbit. People need people, and WangXian have other good people around them. So I kind of love that yes, WWX showed him the system was corrupt, but it is the words of his brother he is sticking by to the defy said system.

Let’s go back to our scheduled slew of held pinning glances shall we?

LXC after That awkward run-in: WangJi I wasn’t gone that long, what the fuck did you two oblivious pining idiots do?

(LXC has “bitching” tea sessions with Shijie and you can’t convince me otherwise)

LWJ: *is being dramatic and not knocking on WWX’s door*

Me: oh my god you fucking idiot

Shijie: *walks in*

Me: oh thank god someone with a braincell.

Ah yes, there we go triggering WWX’s paranoia again. Why would he get a break.

OH MY GOD YOU PAIR OF FUCKING IDIOTS. THATS IT, FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT.

@ LWJ: bitch wtf was that? I know you’re shit at talking but have you thought about writing it down? Letters anyone? It worked for mr. Darcy.

(Yes LWJ is mr darcy and now I want an au where LWJ writes WWX letters and just pours everything in them, WWX finds them, any everything is sunshine and rainbows)

While this bullshit fight/misunderstanding is all on LWJ’s shoulders, I’m also going to scream at WWX. Because yes, he is in PTSD hell, but he trusted LWJ before, and yet he can’t get past his perceived notion of LWJ’s character (and his own inadequacies) to trust him again and ask for help. Plus, you know, he thinks he doesn’t deserve he’ll bc *waves hand at WWX’s trauma conga line*

These episodes can’t be good for my BP.

Thanks for reading!

#the untamed #cql #mdzs live action #mdzs #foxglove watches cql #foxglove watches the untamed #lan wangji #wei wuxian #wangxian #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #yunmeng trio #yunmeng siblings #commentary

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mayascherub · 4 years

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THE DINNER

WARNINGS: mostly angsty, but a littleeee 18+ :)

thanks too: @openheart12 @junggoku @sekizincimektup

*btw sry if there are any grammar mistakes etc. englsih is not my first language!*

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Ethan had planned his day thoroughly, knowing the time he got off the job, planning to go to Whole Foods, already had made a shopping list, so he didn't have to spend too much time in the public. Of course dreading the fact, that he always ran into several of his colleagues and interns.

He enjoyed planning, and enjoyed that Naveen had suggested that they ate dinner together once a week. It felt nice, catching up on their personal lives, instead of discussing cases like they always did. Today it was Ethan’s turn to cook.

7:01 pm.

Exactly 59 minutes before i have to leave Ethan thought, looking up from his silver watch as he was strolling down the halls of Edenbrook. He passed many doctors, brilliant doctors who all admired him. All doctors wanting to stand out, be the first to diagnose a patient, fill the chart with the most correct information - all for nothing.

Ethan already knew which doctor’s work he was most indulged in. Hers. Dr. Valentine. Casey.

She had wrecked his life, whirled his heart like an uncontrollable tornado - in an insufferable addicting way. Ethan have had girlfriends in the past, but no one like Casey. No one made him feel the way he felt, when he saw Casey’s eyes sparkle with joy at him.

The warmth from her body he was addicted to feel, when she showed him a patient’s chart. Having to clench his jaw, not to embrace her. To feel her.

“Why do you have that smirk plastered on?” Casey playfully said, when Ethan passed by her in the hall.

“I-” He looked at her, almost scared that she had read his mind. “I just-”

“Did you yell at an intern? I know it makes you happy to crash dreams” she took a step towards him, crossing her arms and smiling mischievously.

“Very funny, Rookie” he said, trying not to stare at her “I am having dinner with Navee-” he stopped himself, as he noticed the other doctors around them. “..with Dr. Banerji. In less than an hour”

“Oooh. That sounds nice” she took a strand of hair behind her ear. “I guess he will be the one cooking?”

“No, today is my day.. so far he is the only one who have cooked, so i-” he stopped himself as he noticed Casey giggling. “What is so funny, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“It’s just.. you cooking?” she bursted out laughing “I mean.. no offense”

“It is kinda hard not to.. you are insulting my cooking skills immensely” a small smirk creeped on his lips. “I guess.. i never considered it”

“Well it’s your lucky day, Dr. Ramsey” she put her hands behind her back “i am very good at cooking, and i’ll get off in and hour as well” Ethan considered her words.

“Meet me in the parking lot at 8:15 sharp” he continued his walk, looking back to see a huge grin on her face.

-------------------------------

Casey had to stay in the car while Ethan went shopping, since they surely would run into fellow Edenbrook doctors. And they would start all sorts of rumours.

Ethan usually wouldn’t care, but he knew Casey did.

She didn't deserve to be so hard-working, only for people to think she slept with her boss to earn her place on the diagnostics team.

The drive was surprisingly awkward. Just an hour ago they communicated like school girls, now it just felt too real.

She was going to his apartment for the first time in more than 2 months. When he left Boston and went to the Amazon he promised himself to let her go.

To let go of his feelings for her, and never set a foot into her apartment, or let her into his again. But here they are. In front of his place, ready to ruin his promises to himself.

Ethan pulled his key out, only to notice that his door was already open. “What..”

“Has there been a robbery?” Casey said, looking worried at Ethan. Only for the song “Afterglow” being played from his living room, inside.“Taylor Swift? What is happeni-”

“Naveen” Ethan shook his head, but clearly delighted by his mentor. “He has a spare key” Casey looked stunned at him.

“Well i know that! But.. NAVEEN IS A TAYLOR SWIFT STAN?” Ethan chuckled at her comment.

“I am.. so mind blown right now.. an old doctor.. listens to- oh god. I am so happy i decided to come tonight”

Ethan opened the door, and quickly put the bags of groceries in the kitchen, where he met Naveen, sitting on a barstool at the kitchen island. Humming silently to the lyrics of the song.

“Good to see you, son. I am.. er.. very excited for dinner” Naveen said plaufully, clearly making a joke about Ethan’s cooking abilities. Am i really that bad? Ethan thought, but before he could answer, Casey walked up behind him.

“And now you should be even more. I was assigned to help Ethan” She patted Ethan friendly on his shoulder, letting a huge grin out. Naveen looked surprised at her arrival, yet happy to see her.

“What a lovely surprise, Casey!” Naveen took a long pleasant stare at her, and then at Ethan.

“What is it?” Ethan said, knowing Naveen had his mind on something.

“Well i am just surprised the two of you are dating without telling me first” Naveen scooped down from the stool, and went to the livingroom to turn off the Taylor Swift music and returned to them, finding them glaring at him uncomfortably. Casey had retreated her hand from Ethan’s shoulder, standing frozen.

“Ah kids, that was simply a joke” he laughed loudly, holding a hand on his stomach.

“You should see your faces!” He started unpacking the grocery bags.

“I- Naveen?” Ethan turned around to Naveen, a bright red color spreading on his cheeks.

“Ahem. Well, should we all cook together?” he said, looking shyly at Casey, who clearly still were stunned by Naveen’s comment.

“Yes. Yes I uh- yes. Dr. Ra- Eth- uh.. yes” Casey stumbled on her sentence, although it filled Ethan’s stomach with butterflies, pleased with her equal feelings for him. They both felt like little school children, getting caught by their teacher.

They all started cutting out veggies and meat, as Naveen and Casey tried to learn Ethan how to roast chicken properly - ending in Casey taking over, leaving the men to set up the table.

“You know” Naveen said in a low voice to Ethan, so Casey couldn't hear him “It wasn’t all a joke”

Ethan almost tripped, as he was holding three plates. He quickly balanced himself again, his face turning red again.

“It would be.. inappropriate. And unprofessional”

“So you’ve thought about it, boy?” Naveen smiled brightly, tilting his head to one side.

“I- no i- it was simply a fact, Naveen. You-” Naveen shook his head while maintaining the smile.

“I’ve never met a person who makes you speechless” he said as he returned to check on Casey.

-------------------------

After dinner Naveen left, giving Ethan an obvious wink as he was hugging Casey.

“You kids take care” he said, closing the front door behind him. Leaving Casey and Ethan alone together in Ethan’s apartment.

They looked at each other, as they both knew they shared a longingly feeling for them to connect again. Them both knowing they couldn’t, their eyes turning somber in sync.

Ethan cleared his throat.

“Are your friends waiting for you?”

“Yeah, i should probably..”

“Of course” Ethan took her jacket of the hanger, handing it too her, only stopping in mid-air. “Wait you can’t go.. you can’t go home alone.. it's dangerous. And i can’t drive you, i had too many glasses of wine, and-”

“Uber? I can just call an Uber”

“No. You can’t trust them” he said, trying to look sincere.’You can’t trust them?’ What are you, a conspiracy theorist? He thought, annoyed by his own comment. “You can borrow my car.. or” he leaned against the wall, looking at her with great insecurity. “You can.. stay here for the night”

It felt like the whole world gone silent - two adults clearly having feelings for eachother, both trying to restrict themselves - and then she broke the silence.

“I would love to” Casey said, eyes smiling as she looked up at him. “And anyways, i would definitely dent your car. I am a terrible driver”

“Oh, i know” he said, smirking as she walked by him from the foyer to the living room.

She stopped, and turned around to face him.

“So do you have any extra blankets or something?” Ethan almost didn’t hear her words, still being in a trance after her decision. “Ethan? Hellooo?”

“Oh, yeah of course.. but” he scratched the back of his head. “I’ll sleep on the couch, you can take my bed”

Casey protested, but Ethan convinced her that he usually would fall asleep on the couch with a book - so he was used to it. He showed her the bedroom, both of them pretending that she never had seen it before. She gestured to his closet.

“Do you have any pj’s or old t-shirts or something i can borrow?”

“Yeah” he opened a drawer, and gave her a green t-shirt that said “World's finest doctor” written in pink.

Casey bursted out laughing.

“Well, well, well Dr. Ramsey” she took the shirt and held it up to him. “Why have i never seen you wearing this?”

Ethan smiled, enjoyed how much she enjoyed this moment. “It was a gift from Ines.. dont.. mention this to anyone.”

Casey hugged the fabric, and went into the bathroom to change. She came out, the t-shirt reaching just her upper thigh, exposing a very little amount of her bottom. But for Ethan, it was just enough. He quickly looked away, and crossed his legs to hide his body’s response to her outfit.

“Very well.. i’ll go to bed now” he said, trying really hard to think about anything else but his desire to share the bed with her.

“Okay, goodnight” she said, well-knowing of the look in his eyes.

--------------------------

And there he was. Laying on the uncomfortable couch, both regretting his choices for letting her stay - and dreading the fact that he didn’t go further.

That night he didn’t sleep. His mind was full. And to his own annoyance, jealous of his shirt for being so close with her. Absorbing her smell.

Of course he was planning to wash it the next day. Of course! But could he really get himself to do it?

He knew that they had crossed a boundary. But now.. They could never go back. We will make it work. And he knew they would. Because his eagerness for her presence would only grow stronger.

#ethanramsey #dr ethan jonah ramsey #ethan jonah ramsey #ethan ramsey #drethanramsey #ethan x mc #ethan x reader #open heart #oh #choices oh2 #pixelberry

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furilia · 6 years

Text

Strange letters from my father

New Post has been published on https://www.furilia.com/strange-letters-from-my-father/

Strange letters from my father

I never do paid posts but I’m doing this one for two reasons. 1) Because I was already going to write about this. Stick with it and you’ll see why in a second, and 2) because the 8th Annual Jame Garfield Miracle is going on and I needed more money to help kids in need and this was a super easy way to do it. So if you’re reading this, you are helping needy children. EVERYONE WINS.

So, StoryWorth advertised on my blog this year and I loved it so much I paid full price to buy one for my dad. Here’s how it works: StoryWorth emails your family member weekly story prompts in the form of questions. They reply to the emails and you get to read their amazing family stories that you never knew existed. Then at the end of the year StoryWorth binds the years worth of stories into a keepsake book. My dad has been doing it for about six months and the emails I get with his answers are so insane and lovely that I often have to call and ask, “Is that true?” Stories about my grandparents and great grandparents that I may never have known are now being shared with family. It is awesome and I highly recommend it because it’s a gift for you and for them. It’s normally $79 but right now (until 1/31/18) it’s only $59 through this link.

The stories my father shares are really too good to keep to myself so I’m sharing a few snippets of my favorites here. You may think they’re strange and terrible but I love and treasure them. I suppose that’s how family stories work though. (BTW, Nelda is my mom. She types the answers as my dad dictates.)

Have you pulled any great pranks?

I was prying something loose one day, and I broke off half the blade of my skinning knife. Stupid! Now the six-inch blade was only three inches long. It was now perfect for prying things loose, but it was also perfect for a practical joke.

We have an electric knife sharpener at the taxidermy shop, and I don’t allow anyone to use it except me. If you’re not paying 100% attention to what you are doing, the high-speed sharpening wheel can throw the blade back at you. Bad news.

I went to my own working area where I hide from the other workers and went to work on my joke. I super glued the tip of my broken knife blade to the inside of my inner right arm. Next I built up the wound area with 2-part epoxy. It’s a product we use in the taxidermy shop like modeling clay to make artificial skin on a mount. I smoothed out the epoxy, texturized it to make it look like my own skin and modeled it to look like that knife is really embedded deep in my arm. I used an airbrush to paint the epoxy area to match my skin. Next I feathered in some white, purple,and red paint to make a realistic cut. Finally I mixed up some blood- red and black paint. I added a little glycerin to give the fake blood a wet glossy look. I poured the blood where it needed to be, and splashed the rest on an old rag that I used to cover the gag.

I staggered into the shop and sat down, not saying a word.

Don was the first to notice the blood. “Holy Crap! What did you do?” Helen came out the office, and I removed the blood-soaked rag to show my work of art. Everyone gathered around me to either gawk or help. Helen hollered out, “Don’t put it out. He’s on blood thinners! He”ll bleed to death!”

No sooner did she say that, Jonathon grabbed the knife and pulled it out. I quickly covered the wound with the bloody rag. I figured the joke was over till Jonathon looked at the knife and screamed, “It broke off in his arm!”

I didn’t get any compliments for my realistic art work. I cleaned up my mess and came back in the shop. I sat down next to Jonathon and asked him if it looked real. He said. “Yeah, I thought it was real……..What are blood thinners?”

What have you changed your mind about over the years?

I use to think that dogs are a man’s best friend, but I’ve changed my mind. Dogs will always forgive you quickly if you ask them to, but they don’t do laundry, they don’t cook, they don’t scratch your back, and they don’t clean house. They are pretty good at doing dishes, as long as you smear left-over gravy over the whole plate.

I use to think that a loving wife would see the humor in that previous paragraph. Dogs will still always forgive you quickly if you ask them to.

I use to think this was funny.

If you could choose any talents to have, what would they be?

I asked Nelda what this question meant. Any talent? She suggested singing, or playing an instrument , or maybe x-ray vision. X-Ray vision might be cool only if it is selective. Some old fat guy crossing your path of vision could ruin your day. A cute young chick could also ruin my marriage. I’ll stick with my near- sighted astigmatism with floaters.

I already sing beautifully. I have that talent even though no one else thinks so. My ears are so good that in my head the notes sound pitch perfect. Self corrective hearing is what I call it.

I might like the talent to finish everyone’s sentences before they could say it. Unfortunately I hang around a lot of people that don’t make a lot of sense. I’m not going to take credit for a bunch of nonsense.

I would like the talent to communicate with animals. I would like to understand their thoughts. Someday I will.

What is one of your fondest childhood memories?

One of my fondest memories is going perch fishing with my mom. When I was about five years old, I got the fishing bug. I couldn’t get enough fishing. My dad had a farm out at Eola, about twenty miles from home. The whole family would pack up before daylight, and drive out to the farm to work. My dad would usually be on his John Deere tractor. My mom would be either building electric fence or picking rocks out of the field. My sisters would be together hoeing weeds. I, being the baby, stuck with my mom. We would work till noon, and then drive to our neighbor’s pasture to have a picnic lunch. A small dirt tank with green water surrounded by large mesquite trees was one of my favorite places to spread out our homemade quilts, and rest in the shade. We would eat bread, summer sausage, longhorn cheese, and drink Cragmont orange soda water. After lunch, I would get out my cane pole. I always saved some of my lunch to use for bait. Those perch would bite on anything, but bread was my favorite cuz it stayed on my hook the best,

My dad would usually sleep and rest while my mom would watch me fish. She was actually watching a five year old kid making sure I wasn’t gonna fall in the water. The fish would bite as fast as you put the hook in the water. They weren’t very big, but I kept anything that had eyes. I even kept a little turtle. When I caught a water snake, my fishing was over.

Have you ever won anything?

The last year that the famous Sam Lewis put on the World Champion Armadillo Races, I won. Actually, my armadillo won. All I did was get behind Army and stomp and holler and chase him across the finish line. I guess I came in second. I released the armadillo back in the woods, but I kept the silver ring. My daughter Jennifer has the ring (I think).

I probably wouldn’t have given her the ring if it was gold.

What inventions have had the biggest impact on your day-to-day life?

The cube is probably the greatest invention of my lifetime. Before the cube, there was really not much stability in my life. Spheres were the rage when I was growing up. How can one build anything on a sphere? No matter how you slice it, you end up with just a lot of wheels.There was hope for wheels in those days, although someone took the idea too far. The whole world revolved around wheels and anything that could be made with them. Donuts were one of my favorites. It was like a wheel inside of a wheel. Clever. But look at a really fat donut from the side. It’s a cube. Give the cube the credit due. You eat a donut from the side, don’t you?

Cubes were the true building blocks of the future. The Egyptians knew this. They even made huge cubes all over their back yard. Then they sliced the cubes diagonally, tipped them over so they would rest on their most stable side, and “BAM”! They had yard art that would last for decades. People would ride by, see the yard art, and ask the age-old question, “Do you think that’s a cube cut in half on its axis, or is that cube half buried in the sand. If someone ever invents the wheel, we could build a big bulldozer and find out.”

Ice cubes. How would you like living in this planet without ice cubes. Sure, there’s people up north that don’t appreciate ice like we do, but what if they want to sit down for a while. Up north, chairs don’t grow on trees, but a big cube of ice would make a wonderful chair. You could probably build a house out of ice if you had enough of it laying around. An air-conditioned house. With an ice box.

I really don’t dislike spheres. After all, a sphere is just a well-rounded cube that likes to travel.

I changed my mind. My favorite invention that has changed my life is a 19 volt battery-operated screwdriver with an extra lithium battery. Made by Craftsman.

How has the country changed during your lifetime?

The country hasn’t changed at all. The cities are all screwed up. I lived in the country when I was a kid, and I live in the same country now. The trees I remember as a kid seemed to be a lot smaller back then. The country roads I use to walk down seem to be a lot shorter when I drive them.

Water skiing, tubing and fishing wasn’t good at all on our local lakes, but I got pretty good at skipping rocks. The trick was to find flat rocks about three inches across. If you could find rocks that were flat on the top and bottom, you were in business. With a little practice, you could get thirty or more skips out of one perfect rock. You could get even more skips if the lakebed wasn’t sandy. When you found that perfect rock, you didn’t squander it. You walked out in the lakebed and retrieved it. Once when I was retrieving one of my dad’s washers (sometimes I used artificials),I found a rowboat. It was a Sears/Roebuck 10 foot aluminum just like the ones in the catalogs. This boat was mine.There wasn’t a drop of water in my new boat, and I started dreaming about all the adventures I would have on Lake Nastywater. (We use to called it Lake Nasworthy, till the water level went down and old tires messed up our rock skipping). I named my boat S.S Minnow. Gilligan’s Island was my favorite after school tv show. I liked Gilligan the best, but Ginger and Mary Ann got a lot better over the years. My Dad enjoyed that show too. I knew he was really gonna get excited when I showed him The Minnow. We walked out on the lake and gazed down on our boat.

“Oh My Gosh! Look! ” Daddy saw my boat. He was excited. He peeled off his sweat stained farmers hat, smiled, sighed, and said something that I couldn”t believe. “There’s my old boat.”

“What! Your boat?”

“Sonny, I lost “The African Queen ” about forty years ago.” I was noodling for yeller cats down here when this was the Middle Concho. You know what noodling is……Catching them with your hands. It wasn’t against the law back in them days. Now, they would throw you in the pokie. I found this big rock right here and knew this was where the big one lived. Right under this rock. Your Uncle Sam, my older brother, was a better swimmer than me ,and he had more experience at catching big fish. Sam jumped in the water, took a deep breath, and went underwater. He came back up about 30 seconds later ,and told me the good news. “There’s a big hole under that rock, and there’s a catfish down in there. His head is as big as a five gallon bucket. As soon as I catch my breath, I’m going for him. My brother, Sam went under. He was down there a long time. He was down too long. I jumped in the water, and found the hole that Sam had entered. I reached in, and found Sam’s legs kicking up a storm. I grabbed his legs and started pulling him out of the hole. It was a struggle,but I pulled him out. We surfaced, and Sam was as white as a sheet. We looked around and couldn’t find “The African Queen”.

We sat up on the rock, Sam caught his breath finally, and told me what happened.”That monster fish was deep in the hole. I was rubbing his belly with both hands. My arms were extended, reaching for his gills. He kept swimming further in the hole. I didn’t realize that the hole was getting tighter, and I was running out of breath. My arms were out in front of me, and I couldn’t push my way out. I was stuck underwater. I was ready to give up when I felt you pulling me out. You saved my life!

We reached down to release our boat from the encrusted mud, and it proved to be a lot lighter than expected. There was no floor in the boat. It had rotted out years ago, but it still held some shared memories for my dad and me.

Uncle Sam and Daddy are both gone now. Maybe they’re floating down the Middle Concho in an old rowboat with a floor in it. Maybe they’re fishing for big yeller cats. They’re not noodling though because Sam promised God that he wouldn’t fish that way anymore.

Do you have any particularly vivid memories of your grandparents?

All of my grandparents were Czech. They didn’t speak English but they were successful farmers. They figured out early in life that to be wealthy, you had to have good discipline. They saved their hard-earned money that they made sharecropping. Then they bought land. They made do with growing their own fruits and vegetables. They raised chickens for eggs and meat. They had cows that they milked daily and butchered their own beef and hogs.They made their own clothes, churned butter, canned produce from the garden, made cheese , flour, cornmeal, and bread. The only thing easy on the farm was falling to sleep at night.

Butchering hogs in those days was a big deal. There was too much work for one family to do all the work in one day. There would also be too much meat and sausage to cure, smoke, and package. The meat from a three hundred pound hog would go bad before one family could eat it.

When the first cold day would come around, all of the aunts, uncles, and third-generation heathens would meet at my grandparents house with all their butcher knives, tow sacks, hog scrapers, seasonings. We were having a butcher day. There was going to be a lot of work and a lot of fun for everyone except two fat hogs.

The women would build a big hot fire under a wash kettle full of water. The men would get the hogs up out of the mud, and wash them off. The hogs didn’t know what was going on with all this special treatment, but I bet they thought they were family and they were being invited for dinner. Smart pigs.

My uncles would build a sled,and then would position our dinner guest close to it. A shot would ring out and an unhappy but short squeal would alert the second dinner guest that now might be the time to cancel his reservation. The relaxing swine napping on the sled would be given a ride to the kettle area. Tow sacks (burlap bags) were pulled out of the boiling water and spread over a portion of the sleeping porker. The scalding loosens the hair on the pig and a dull butcher knife is used to scrape the hair (root and all) off of the pig.

The whole process is repeated on a new area of the pig until the whole hog is as balded as the top of my head. That pig is also pretty and pink like the top of my head.

Now it’s time to gut the clean “organ donor”. The liver, kidneys, and heart are saved. The small intestines are also saved. It was my job to clean out the green juice out of these long tubes. I liked attaching a garden hose to one end and let the water pressure do the work. My job was taken away from me because of the mess I made all over the porch. I think years later Whamo made a fortune with a toy called a Water Wiggle. I guess I was just ahead of my time on inventions, but my marketing skills had not yet been perfected. Sometimes, poop happens.

The rolls of fat from the hog is collected for later use. The ashes from the fire were shoveled into a tilted wooden trough. Water was poured over the ashes and drained into another container. This was lye. The fat is put in the kettle and rendered down to lard. Some of the lard was saved to cook with. It was poor man’s shortening. Then the belly meat and flanks were cut up (with the skin still attached), and the small pieces were fried in the lard. This was cracklins. You eat them hot with molasses and homemade bread. You now have a lot of lard in the kettle. Dump the lye in with some kind of perfume and boil the devil out of it. Let the whole mess cool down and you got soap. Cut the soap into bars with a butcher knife and let it get cold. It will last forever. I think it has such a long shelf-like cuz no-one wants to use it. It stinks, and it takes your hide off with the dirt. It will cure a young boy from cussin .

Cut up the pork chops,cure the bacon, cure the hams and hocks, and start turning the grinder. It’s “SAUSAGE TIME”.

Those casings that were rescued from me are refilled with seasoned ground pork and tied into links. Hang ’em in the smoke house.

It’s now pretty late, and everybody’s tired. We sample the sausage and clean up the huge mess. I clean the front porch.

I give Babuska (Grandmother) a hug goodbye. I smell like the front porch, but she returns the hug anyway. That was sixty years ago, but I can still smell the aroma of fresh baked poppy seed kolaches from her homemade apron.

I still smell like her front porch.

My dad with his sisters and his mother. Wall, Texas.

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