#they know how to cater to us!!!!

[skitskatdacat63]

Pictured: Fernando Alonso drinking out of a normal-sized goblet

#the goblet is normal sized hes just that small!! why would i lie #the pics from this post-race are sooooo good i wish i could post all of them #but this one needed to be seen #tiny kitty drinking out of his totally normal sized cup #dedicated to cofi 🤭 <3 #if he didn't want us to call him small he wouldnt keep doing things like this #like why do they always take his pics from a high angle #they know how to cater to us!!!! #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #fa14 #2023 dutch gp #2023 dutch grand prix #formula one #we do a little bit of f1

[mishapen-dear]

tbh i think that even unwinnable fights should be winnable. some of the BEST fights i've ever run as a dm were ones i built kill the players (in a fun way. I had some cutscenes prepped so even the loss would be a different flavour of win)- but then they were clever bastards and managed to either win the fights or pull themselves out of trouble. I think it's perfectly fine to plan for a fight that players aren't supposed to win, but you need to let them. if they can't win, they can't lose, and the meaning of that encounter is diminished. do that too many times, and they stop trusting you to give them roleplay prompts and start expecting to sit there waiting while you drive the story for them.

but if they can win... if there is always the chance to win, no matter how impossible the odds, then they ALWAYS have hope. they always get invested. they feel the big emotions of success or the big emotions of failure, and you fucking Win as a dm/roleplay prompter/lead bastard.

#qsmp neg #qsmp crit #discourse #<- for blacklists #im not grumping or anything im just musing on like. the mechanics of why everyone is so upset about the latest fight #and how it can be avoided while still keeping these fights genuinely difficult and intense #its hard because there's so many players and they all have wildly different strengths and weaknesses #so someone who could take on the code easy needs that enemy scaled differently than someone who isn't a big fighter #but it's hard to do that in a world where they interact w the same enemy #and you only have so much man-power to cater to a big server like this one #and then you bring in the big powerful items that the players can and can't access but which the admins have ultimate power over #and the fact that some of the admins themselves have lag issues or aren't super great at pvp so they accommodate that with better gear #and it starts getting messy #but for the fights themselves yeah regardless of what armour or gear or killing-methods they use there should Always be a win condition #and idk maybe there was one and we just didn't get to see it #but if that win condition is 'parents sit in the safe room with their babies while the others are overrun' #then i think there are ways to build better win conditions #anyway i love game design and player/dm interactions qsmp hire me now i want to know your behind the scenes #jk im too busy to apply #but man. i wanna nerd out so bad that sometimes i think about it

[000marie198]

The two types of fans:

I don't like how season 3 went so I am rewriting the whole show

JHJGJGHCGCIUGH This series changed my brain chemistry, I'm so so normal I prommy, here have an aftermath fanfic with even more feels

#aka I opened ao3 all excited to read post season 3 fics and my mood was ruined to see story summeries which were filled with complaints #i mean. it's not like the show us supposed to cater to ur every wish exactly how u want it #and u know what's funnier ? ppl complaining abt completely opposite or contradictory things #sonic prime #sonic prime spoilers #sonic prime season 3 #sonic prime s3 #this is probably exactly why the aftermath was left unclear. bcoz u just know half the fans will complain anyway #so an open ending with a possibility of everything is given. it's like they've given you a choice

[awkward-teabag]

I have to wonder how many people celebrating AI translation also complain about "broken English" and how obvious it is something was Google translated from another language without a fluent English speaker involved to properly clean up the translation/grammar.

Because I bet it's a lot.

I know why execs are all for it—AI is the new buzzword and it lets them cut jobs thus "save" money and not have to worry about pesky labour laws when one employs humans—but everyone else?

There was some outcry when Crunchyroll fired many of their translators in favour of AI translation (with some people to "clean up the AI's work") but I can't help but think that was in part because it was Japanese-to-English and personally affected them. Same when Duolingo fired many of their translators in favour of LLM translation. Meanwhile companies are firing staff when it's English to another language and there's this idea that that's fine or not as big a deal because English is "easy" to translate and/or because people don't think of how it will impact people in non-English countries.

Also it doesn't affect native English speakers so it doesn't get much headway in the news cycle or online anyway because so much of the dominant media is from English-speaking countries and English-speakers dominate social media.

But different languages have different grammar structures that LLMs don't do, and I grew up on "jokes" about people speaking in "broken English" and mocking people who use the wrong word when it was clearly a literal translation but the meaning was obvious long before LLMs were a thing, too. In fact, the specific way a character spoke broken English has been a way to denote their native tongue for decades, usually in a racist way.

Then Google translate came out and "Google-translated English" became an insult for people and criticism of companies because it was clearly wonky to native speakers. Even now, LLMs—which are heavily trained on English compared to other languages—don't have a natural output so native English speakers can clock LLM-generated text if it's longer than a sentence or two.

But, for whatever reason, it's not seen as a problem when it goes the other way because fuck non-English readers or people who want to read in their native tongue I guess.

#and it's not like no people were doing translations so wonky translations were better than nothing #it's actual translators being fired for a subpar replacement #and anyone who keeps their job suddenly being responsible for cleaning up llm output rather than what they trained in #(which can take just as much time or longer than doing the translation by hand from scratch) #(if you want it done right anyway) #hell to this day i hear people complain about written translations of indigenous words and how they 'aren't english enough' #even though they're using the ipa and use a system white english people came up with in the first place #and you can easily look up the proper pronunciation and hear it spoken #but there's such a double-standard where it's expected that other languages cater to english/english speakers #but that grace and accommodation doesn't go the other way #and it's the failing of non-english speakers when an english translation is broken #you see it whenever monolingual english speakers travel to other countries and utterly refuse to learn the language #but if someone doesn't speak in unaccented (to them) english fluently in their home country the person 'isn't trying hard enough' #this is just the new version of that where non-english speakers are supposed to do more work and put up with subpar translations #even as a native english speaker/writer i get a (much) lesser version of this because i write with canadian spelling #and some people get pissed if their internet experience is disrupted by 'ou' instead of 'o' or '-re' instead of '-er' #because dialects and regional phrasing/spelling is a thing #human translators can (or should) be able to account for it but llms are not smart enough to do so #and that's not even getting into slang and how llms don't account for it #or how llms can put slurs into translations because it doesn't do nuance or context and doesn't know the language #if you ever complained about buying something from another country that came with machine-translated instructions #you should be pissed at companies cutting english-to-[language] staff in favour of glorified google translate #because the companies are effectively saying they're fine with non-native speakers getting a wonky/broken version

[natsmagi]

The problem with enstars is that it's a silly lil idol rhythm game and then you get into it and it swallows you whole and you end up with people going '....wait, phone calls?'

THE LEVEL OF PARASOCIALISM ENSTARS HAS IS INSANE. got me talking about these characters like theyre real people to my friends. got me saying shit like Sorry guys i gotta stop playing for now i need to go exercise with adonis and theyll just be like ? what?

#it genuinely is so funny having friends who know fuckall abt enstars tho #esp bc it is like my entire personality #having ur friend group consist entirely of ppl in different fandoms is underrated tbh #its funny as fuck having us talk abt things at least ONE of us know absolutely nothing about #and then theyll also try catering to u by bringing up ur special boys #one of my friends sent me the hiiro and rinne nendoroids reveal bc he knows i like enstars #n he was like “maybe theyll make a natsume and tsumugi one next!!” (his only knowledge of enstars comes from me) #and im just sitting there like oh.......... u are greatly overestimating how popular they are........... But thank you #true allyship #ask

[mokutone]

hi what do you think abt t4t kakayama (it's canon to me tbh)

:) hi ty for the question. i will do two sweet pictures of them being intimate and then under the cut there's going to be a longer very unsweet and more technical response

so i'm usually not a very shippy person! but that said i am also on the record as an occasional kakayama + kakayamagai enjoyer

i do hc them both as trans and in different ways w/ different experiences of transition and identity! i have no interest in proving my view as canon, but i do regard my reading of the text (text here including the anime) as a valid interpretation of yamato's experience of identity

yamato, for example, imo, doesnt have any real lived experience of being raised as a child of any gender. he was an experimental subject, and then he was Danzō's weapon/vessel for the mokuton, and then he was in anbu.

in a fun little word game which should not be taken seriously: it'd almost be more fitting to describe him as "adgender" rather than "transgender" since the prefix "trans" implies moving across where the prefix "cis" means to stand still, but the prefix "ad" means "to move towards" and i headcanon him as somebody who was degendered as a child, not in a cool nonbinary way, but instead in a dehumanizing, objectifying way, so his experience of creating his identity and his gender along with it is one of moving toward the concept of gender this word doesn't and wont exist, but bc of the way english works it would probably be simplified to be spelled precisely the same as "agender" in the same way that "aggression" came from latin "aggredi" which came from "ad" (meaning to/toward) and and latin "gradus" (meaning step) (essentially the combination means "to step to" [in a threatening manner]) the only diferences is where agender (meaning no gender) is pronounced ay-gender, the agender that comes from adgender would be prounounced more like "uhgender" in the same way that agressive isnt pronounced like "ay-gressive" but instead like "uhgressive"

and then...as for kakashi? i just decided on vibes. i didn't think hard about it.

i guess i should also say that, while i draw kakayama very infrequently, when i do draw it i usually try to be very apparent about the transness in the artwork if i can? especially if i'm drawing anything more intimate than a peck on the cheek. it's no secret that shipping is often times the most energized part of fandom, and i kind of don't want to produce romantic or sexual artwork which will be enjoyed by people who don't think trans people can be attractive? or who find that trans headcanons make a character uninteresting to them? or worse, "ruin" a depiction of a character to them?

often i think about in terms of. IF there are people that follow me that love my work (usually) and think that kakashi or yamato are hot (usually) and love kakayama (usually) but get frustrated or even uncomfortable out when i draw them as explicitly trans? then i'm drawing all intimate artwork of them as explicitly trans.

it's a little like...nobody gets to love my work if transgender characters are a turnoff for them. that's the bar for entry, is the way i think of it, but really its more like putting onions in a dish. if you want to eat the dish you have to eat the onions. if you don't want to eat the onions, don't eat the dish. all the meals i make contain onions. i'll never compromise on my intention to put onions in every dish i make. that's my ninja way, as the kids say.

especially in the climate we're in right now.

i don't know. i have a lot of feelings about how most fandoms tend to view trans men, especially in terms of romantic and sexual relationships. I'm doing a bad job of expressing the depth of how much seeing how fandom treats trans male identity and transmasculine bodies impacts the way that i draw + write kakayama, but genuinely it's something i think about every single time i create content about them.

#yamswers #danova #often even when there r trans characters/trans hcs of characters the m/m pairings are usually trans + cis #+ i wanna emphasize: there's nothing wrong with that. trans+cis relationships are as beautiful and valid as t4t #but...in fiction...there's like. expectations. of how a trans guy will act in a relationship with a cis guy #literally every transmasc person knows exactly what im fucking talking about lol #i'm trying to keep this conversation PG bc naruto is not an adult show—so. anyway #the presence of t4t depictions is basically essential in offering an alternative image of relationships + intimacy for trans individuals #a view of trans bodies which is not designed for the pleasure of cis consumption+assumption #a view of trans bodies not couched in an artist statement saying ''this is a trans body. this is how you interact with a body like it.'' #sometimes even stuff made by trans people will cater to explaining transness to cis people + thats fine and okay and— #—can be cathartic to create. esp as a trans person since so many of us are Surrounded by cis people irl #but. as a singular consumer. i get tired of that. i don't want it—at least not in the way that fandom frequently produces #i'm sorry this was probably an ask that expected a reply full of trans love and just got a bunch of technical stuff back #but to be fair this IS how i feel about t4t kakayama

[hella1975]

yes this is a natural series of events when you've worked at the same place for over a year and it also happens to have RIDICULOUSLY quick turnover where very few people wind up staying on consistently, but ive become one of the Experienced Waitresses That Knows What They're Doing at my job and we very suddenly have a lot of New Teenagers That Have Never Done This Before and it's just. insane to me. bc when i started my job i was SO intimidated like it truly is a big very fast-paced place where everyone has to pull their weight (ie you need to be able to do the coffee station and work the floor and run food and help on bar) and the customers are particularly wankerish so the more Experienced Staff that had been there for a while were like mini gods to me. like truly i thought they were so cool and smart and unbothered and now that's me. i have a gaggle of 17 year olds constantly asking me how to do things and I KNOW THE ANSWER. on a government wage no less

#like it's a BIT annoying bc this is just not the kind of place that should be hiring teenage first-time workers #but the catering industry is doing BAD atm and my manager got told off by head office for spending too much on wages #so he's hiring a load of young people bc guess what! young people have lower minimum wages! some of them are literally on fiver an hour #i genuinely think when i turn 21 my hours are gonna PLUMMET but that's a future me problem #but yeah it means there's like. ten of us that have been working there consistently for months to years at a time #and the rest of the staff are just completely new. like everyone i was working with yesterday were college kids #that had been there a handful of weeks. and im someone who still regularly needs to ask management questions #bc for starters that never goes away like truly u do just need help but also bc I NEVER GOT OFFICIALLY TRAINED #EVERYTHING I KNOW I LEARNED ON THE JOB. DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THAT IS #so i have these teenagers looking up at me like 'how do i do x thing' and im like idk either babe. let's quit together #hella slaves to capitalism

[altschmerzes]

getting real tired of people who are shitting on “found family” more generally as a narrative concept and specifically named familial dynamics in fan interpretation of characters in particular because it all seems to be getting painted with a really wide and really homogenous brush. “we need to take found family away from people because they think it all has to be In Nuclear Family Terms and do you know friendship exists and you don’t have to call these characters siblings to legitimize their relationship while making it clear you Don’t Ship Them Ew Gross and THEN you sneer at people who Do ship them” cool cool that is a lot of really intense characterization and assigning of motive to other people en bloc!

like sure there’s some meaningful critique to be found in a broad trend to label every single relationship directly and specifically with terms that have very specific contexts and roles but im waiting to be told when anyone IS by the standards of people making and reblogging these very sweepingly generalized posts allowed to call a relationship parental or whatever. is that Ever allowed. who is handing out the permits. sometimes a specific term for a relationship isn’t actually about wanting an excuse to sneer about your ship (and frankly there’s a lot of projection going on there imo from people who are actively sneering about other people’s interpretation of a relationship!) and it’s because there are very specific contexts and details about a dynamic that makes exploring it from the lens of siblings or whatever very rich and compelling and interesting because words mean things and assuming everyone is just being reductive and demanding conformity to a nuclear family is, ironically, really reductive.

so like. cool it. stop being really fucking mean about people having an interpretation of a dynamic you personally don’t like or makes you feel a little weird or uncomfy because you ship them.

#gav gab #im so tired of seeing people do this lmao #is someone actually being reductive and trying to get your ship labeled ‘basically incest’ #or did they just express on their own blog that they don’t ship something bc they see those characters as siblings #so it feels weird to them #you know #the exact personal preference and interpretation you’re expressing in the opposite #it’s all ‘UGH not every relationship NEEDS A SPECIFIC LABEL’ as soon as the label isn’t romantic lmao #like amazing of you to start caring about how friendship matters as is legitimate without anything else #as soon as it’s not about your fucking ship anymore :) #be real you do not care about friendship lmao you can just dismiss it more easily and comfortably #when people aren’t using terms that are more loaded to your ship #are the big meanie found family enjoyers actually harassing you for shipping fake incest #or are you just uncomfortable when it is not about you #and chronically unwilling to curate your experience the way you demand other people to #because fandom has always catered to shipping and why should it ever Not be expected to do that #bc I sure see a lot of shit talking of familial dynamic labels based on people who use those labels being weird to other people #and not a lot if any of those people actually being weird to shippers #and one or two isolated incidents is not indicative of a widespread problem #do what everyone who doesn’t like a popular ship does and unfollow and block lmfao grow up

[mejomonster]

What's so wild to me is like. Wille technically hooking up with anyone in Hillerska would've been a scandal. Simply because like. While within the student body it would've likely been fine (the same way all the girls pretty much KNOW it was really wille in the video with Simon but publically it "wasn't wille"), if his cousin August wanted to fuck up his life he could still leak info and hurt Wille. Like... Wille could've immediately gotten with Felice, and any public leaks of a video would still have led to his mom going "We need you OUT of that school and making a press statement." Or if it had leaked to the public they had the party with drugs, which is why getting Alex not to rat them out was such a big deal.

Within Hillerska, in fact, even if he'd been with a boy... if it had been say one of the inner group that knows August, most likely everyone would've kept their mouth shut. Still it would be a risk, because being with a boy means scandal blackmail they can use over Wille if they want to hurt or threaten him to do something (cough August cough). But still, in the grand scheme, Wille could've probably been fine crushing on some person like Alex along with a non disclosure agreement.

But Simon. Simon and his sister Sara in particular are the outliers of the school. Sure, it would be a scandal in PUBLIC either way if anything Wille does at school (that isn't picture perfect) gets out. But Simon is partly such a Risk, because INTERNALLY Hillerska does not approve. They don't want someone who isn't elite to talk to them, sit with them, converse with them. Sara gets off slightly easier because Felice does make an effort to see her as equal, use her own status to back up Sara (and since Felice is queen bee there's no bully pushing back on it the way August tries to push Simon back down if Wille tries to treat Simon as equal), and Sara tries hard to blend in and not stir the pot. Simon gives zero fucks about blending in, about playing nice or tolerating bullying, he is himself pure and simple. And Hillerskas elite little teens don't want to be seen mixed up with a regular teen, and in particular the guy's don't want to look chummy with a guy with zero power (is it fragile masculinity? That they all NEED TO OWN MASSIVE PROPERTY to be respected by each other? need to have tangible POWER which is why season 2 Wille has a pretty easy time pushing August down since August doesn't have any). So for the guy's and their fucked up values in particular? It hurts their ego, to see how HARD they have to try just to get a speck of respect. And then to see Wille, the PRINCE who's automatically got more than they ever will (and who they like pushing down in the hierarchy on technicalities to feel he at least has to conform to be powerful too), to see Wille talk to Simon as an equal? Absolutely unacceptable to them. Even without the crush, just being Simon's friend is so unacceptable to them. Seeing Wille value Simon more then them is like throwing all the hoops they jump through and maintain in their face (much like Wille starts breaking things for August season 2). It was always going to be a massive hurdle for Wille to want to be close to Simon. Not even to the country or the monarchy, but also at a much smaller level. In their world in their school, its not a possibility that their peers can allow to exist. At least not when Wille starts school. (Though ill say Felice and Wille have done a bit at starting to dismantle that)

#young royals #lb #rant #i am too tired and sick rn but. i think theres decinitely merit in comparing Hillerska to society at large #and the elite and the power structures they enforce and self imprison tjemselves in. in order to keep down ALL OTHER people. #and how hillerska is a micro version of that. #and why simon is Such a threat. sara? she is ultimately going the route of: attempt to conform and eventually #be accepted for following the rules and sysyem and become New Money #and we know how that goes politically... #whereas simon is like... fuck the system. im just as smart. i have the right to equality simply by existing. #i dont have to change to deserve that. i WILL punch August for using me. even tho it breaks the hierarchy. #i will let a Prince (symbolic of the TOP of the elite hierarchy) go to soccer and treat him #like an equal to me. not better. no hoops to jump through. no catering to him #politically simon represents a Lot.... #and wille highlights the points as like yhe Elite who is aware the whole system is fucked up and stupid and shouldnt exist #he benefits but he doesnt want to be like Felice and help people climb WITHIN the system. #he doesnt want the system and inequality FULL STOP. so of course he sees simon as #the best moral option. simon represents what wille considers ideal and correct.

[mushroom-for-art]

Probably shouldn't be posting this when I already have a fusion template up but eh.

I am accepting comments for this right now, all my optional things are open, one comment each please you can go as feral and as in detail as you want for your chosen part, preferably in order but if you're too anxious to make the choice of something/can't think of anything I get if you comment something else. I'll try to give whatever little bugger I get lore and a name afterwards. Any confusion just message and I'll explain

Free to use just save the image and make your own post, if you want to mess with head shape too or not have the optional things or want your comment community to give name personality nature ect obviously say in your own post what you do and don't want

#Mew maker template #If anyone made a mew template like this I'm sorry I didn't check or anything #So if there's any similarities it's coincidental I just thought hey I haven't seen a mew one and ran to make it lmao #Trivia on the original version mew has been autocorrected to meme by my tablets autocorrect #Yes I only noticed seconds before posting #Please don't clown on this or intentionally misinterpret my over explanations I'll cry #Tis the autism and fear of being misunderstood when you thought you were pretty clear #Sorry all my templates are really me catered/tailored with me humor it's how I am #I know asking for mercy and sensible is a stupid idea and yet I beg because unfortunately I don't really want to deal with horrid options #Also just it's fun and I want to also spread mercy to anyone else who'll use this #Overexplained post is over explained #I fucking fixed text and image and tumblr really said no fuck you. Fucking embarrassing me!?

[candied-cae]

The way that Stede treated Izzy during episode 3 were some of the ONLY times I could stand seeing Izzy on screen so far this season because it finally felt like someone who recognized him and was treating him rationally tbh

I adore this show and the people who worked on it, but ffs, it feels like they all enjoyed Con too much and the Izzy-Enjoyers Fanon of his character last season and jumped the gun on his redemption arc.

I'm going to go through and explain this more, but I just wanted to put that out there first while I lay out why Stede's expressions and reactions make so much more sense coming out of season 1's events.

#Cae Has Lots of Feelings About Our Flag Means Death #I love you Jim #But Izzy was everyone's least favorite guy pre-mutiny attempt #And the crew didn't like him much even after #So why is he 'our dick' and a member of our family all of a sudden? #'Life used to mean something on this ship.' #Sure. I'll give you that. But Izzy was the guy who continuously refused to participate in that 'life that meant something' back then. #And though Ed is contributing the lion's share of abuse in S2 - it's so weird to just forgive him when no apologies have been made #Idk. I know I'm not an Izzy-Enjoyer so it's not catered to me. #I know some people are excited this is how it's working out. #Good for them. #But I really really wish we could have seen more animosity between them as he came to realize he fucked up. #As the crew came to realize he realized he fucked up and he's in a bad position too. #But we just skipped right over to 'We can give him therapy and hold his hand while he cries and save his life against our captain's orders' #It's tbh jarring and I think I'm just going to have to try and divorce Izzy S2 from Izzy S1 in my mind if I'm going to have any peace #Our Flag Means Death #OFMD #Our Flag Means Death Season 2 Spoilers #Our Flag Means Death Spoilers #OFMD Spoilers #OFMDS2 #OFMD s2 spoilers #Izzy Hands #Israel Hands #Stede Bonnet #The Gentleman Pirate #Jim OFMD #Jim Jimenez #Izzy Critical

[axolotluv]

What's with art communities and forgetting people can just do things for fun and not be professional about it??

#ax speaks #advice is ALWAYS catered to “how to survive as a professional artist” #like yeah cool this is all great but I just wanted to know how to make my art cool not the rules I need to follow to get hired #good anatomy does not equal good art #good dialogue does not equal good art #encourage creativity divergence and experimentation #shade with black. make big thick messy lines. make your lighting completely nonsensical #make weird uncomfortable dialogue. narrate casually. space out your words strangely for effect. write in the second person #of course all of it can be executed badly that's why professionals tell you to stay away from it #but if you execute it in your own way and make it work you can really push the bounds of being an artist #the question should always be “goes it feel good” rather than “is it correct” when creating something #the next time someone asks you for drawing advice don't tell them to make the lines less shaky or to use more muted colors #tell them exactly what you would do to make their art look sick as hell #or if someone asks for writing advice don't tell them the structure of a story or what words to use #tell them exactly what your favorite parts are to focus on like dialogue or how you came up with the part you had the most fun writing

[yoojinluv]

#todays mood is breakups are fawking harder than I ever imagined #we just laid there in bed (the first time he’s slept not-on the couch in a very long time) #and talking about how we know we’re not right for each other but neither of us want to separate but we have to but we don’t want to and its #just a lot #I think about how it would be nice to have a place to myself and kind of get me in touch with myself and cater only to my own needs and #just see what it’s like to live alone since I never have #but I was listening to him playing his music in the other room and wondering what it would feel like #to be in an empty apartment by myself in dead silence knowing he’s not going to walk through the door any minute #then I wonder is it because the comfort of him that I don’t want to let go? I definitely love him but #at the end of the day he’s hurt me a lot too #and I don’t know if he’s capable of showing up for me in the way that I need him to #also.. I just feel so exhausted imagining trying to date ppl and find someone I care for the way I do him #my eyes have never strayed from him he’s always been my priority #anyways.. #I guess let’s just see what the future holds

[frecklystars]

I miss Starscream. I miss when TF wasn't a goddamn trigger

#looking at RID references for someone's commission #and crying my eyes out :') i want my starlight back #i want my fucking joy back #fuck my abuser how can you give someone ptsd and feel absolutely no remorse #how do you abuse someone relentlessly when you know they're at their worst and not give a shit #how do ppl like that exist. i can only hope karma hits u like a bus ❤ #3 years!!! of loving stsc!!! and i FLINCH at him??? i CRY when i see him?? he used to feel so safe and loving #i never felt safer with anyone else!!! and now it's like that safe feeling is so foreign. i just want to get better so bad #im so fucking empty without my special interest i dont know how to function day to day #looking at my loved ones and genuinely wholeheartedly believing they'd betray me and hurt me for my abuser #is the fucking worst feeling in the world and i wish i could go back in time and stop myself from meeting my abuser #i wish i listened to my gut i had such a bad gut feeling abt her CONSTANTLY #and yet i stayed bc she kept insisting she was gonna off herself if i didnt cater to her every emotion #over and over and over and over #i wish i could go back in time and change everything #its so hard!!!! you dont know!!! you dont know how hard this feels im struggling every day!!!! #TF was all i had and now it's gone and self shipping is supposed to be my escape #i just want my life back #i dont care what bad things happen to me if i just had stsc i know i'd get thru it but i cant anymore #everything hurts so bad all the time and im so scared im never gonna feel okay again #vent #delete later

[devilsskettle]

being a person is so annoying it’s like oh my god no one is ever going to love me. anyway time to do laundry and hopefully when i wake up tomorrow this eternal gnawing dread sitting in the pit of my stomach will be gone

#anyway we’re meat!! we’re all just meat and chemicals!! there’s literally nothing more to life than that #stories don’t change us love doesn’t save us friends disappear and we all die #but nobody wants to talk about it!! we’re all just supposed to ignore it and pretend it’s not true. day after day #all of these distractions. because nobody wants to see it because it’s sad and gross #but like how can you be free like how can you release yourself from all the bullshit if you refuse to look at it #god and i am SO SICK of catering to people who don’t even like me. or who don’t know me #why are there all these fucking rules!! don’t you know we’re all going to be dead so soon!! #don’t worry about me babe worry about yourself #anyway!! this is forever and ever and ever #i have to start packing for a trip i’m leaving for in 2 and 1/2 hours

[sun-marie]

Larian twitter account got me all excited bc I thought we were finally gonna see a new kiss for Gale, only for it turn out to be fcking!! vamp dude!! AGAIN!!

and now I'm feeling slightly violent 😊

#can larian just like. please be chill. #they don't have to specifically cater to fans of other romances but it'd be nice if they stopped taunting us #like they couldn't have used a tav. they just had to use gale 😭 #and like how many fucking custom kisses does this guy have #idk i know it's petty but I'm like annoyed lmao #bg3 #marie speaks