#they know i wont kms so they just.. do nothing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

surshica · 1 year

Text

BAD ROMANCE. <3

synopsis : fake bc scenarios ft. chishiya arisu and tatta

genre : valentines fluff <3

warnings : fake bf scenarios — cussing — pestering friends — mentions of kms — ooc chishiya arisu and tatta (whoops)

A/N : happy valentines day AND I KNOW ITS LATE sorry LOLOL [i did this last minute so it’s ass but HEYYY]

— TATTA , ARISU , CHISHIYA x GN!READER

KODAI TATTA !

Drunken Incident

Tatta and you had been fake dating for over 2 months, it got to the point you started to believe the two of you were dating. this only happened due to the fact tatta slipped up at a company party saying you were his s/o, instead of saying he slipped up and embarrassing him you kinda just ran with it. you had a mere crush on tatta it wasn’t too big but it was very small, you simply adored him from the sidelines—you found him cute. tatta had seen you as a best friend but had a crush on you for a while, and when i saw a while i mean he had a crush on you since highschool. he had never found the courage to ask you out in fear of rejection. so him saying you were his s/o felt like he was dreaming right now. that mere crush you had on him grew slightly larger over time; but definitely in those two months that snail sized crush turned into a ‘i hope he is doing alright’ crush. there were some of your friends and his that had maybe got a hint that the relationship was fake but they never ever tried to confirm it with you since it wasn’t their business in the first place. tatta had invited you over to drink with him at his place and just a simple invite changed how you saw him.

“tatta don’t get me drunk, i have some work to finish tomorrow” you had hummed sitting down as tatta brought some drinks over to the little coffee table you and tatta were going to drink on and have some snacks, you might of forgotten to mention you are a light weight. especially doing sake shots. the big bottle of sake, “is it too late to mention i’m light weight.” you stifled a laugh as tatta poured you a shot of sake for you, “you should’ve said something i would’ve gotten something easier” tatta pouted, your heart had fluttered at him pouting; “no no it’s okay! i just won’t drink as much” you assured him. well that was a fucking lie. you ended up drinking more than tatta; to say you were drunk was an understatement. you were fucking drunk off your mind. you started saying shit to tatta, you ranted, you cried, you laughed, you ended up drinking more. tatta never saw this side of you and it made him feel more at home. “yn you need to stop drinking..you’re already drunk” tatta took away the bottle of sake putting it out of your reach, “why?” “because you’re really drunk.” “okay but your not my real boyfriend so stop pestering me.” you snapped at him. you didn’t mean too but as they say drunk people say what’s really on their mind. tatta simply parted his lips as a frown grew on the parted lips. “you’re not my real boyfriend..your just a fake one. AND I HATE IT” you had whined laying down on the floor. your face was flushed your hair was a messy—you couldn’t think or see straight. tatta wouldve laughed at your state but what you said made his heart beat into his ear. “what do you mean by that..” tatta interrogated the drunk s/o. “its just not fair!” was all you said as hiccups echoed through the silent room.

“i’ve been watching you from afar and not to sound creepy or anything but i realized after these 2 months that i love you BUT IT WONT EVEN WORK OUT since this relationship is nothing more than two friends pretending to be a couple to get others off their dick!” you said in one go having to catch your breathe. “who said i wasn’t in love with you?” tatta smiled at the drunken s/o who was laying on the floor. your eyes had widened sitting up quickly, “you love me?” a wide smile formed on your lips slowly, “i’ve always loved you silly.”

RYOHEI ARISU !

One Room

you and arisu had been fake dating for some time now, it really started off as arisu paying you off to make his ex jealous. to say it worked was an understatement, the one rule was to not fall in love with eachother since it was just a temporary relationship. you never minded the fact you were basically used as a rebound due to the fact you were never in love with him in the first place—you didn’t even know he went to school with you. his friends has persisted you and arisu go with them on a 3 day vacation to the islands, you didn’t mind since you enjoyed traveling; but you had fully expected to get a room with your friends you had tagged with you. only to get the same room with arisu, a one bed. “arisu. now what the hell was this.” you deadpanned at him, arisu had akwardly smiled at you. “listen they would’ve been suspicious if we weren’t sharing a room together..it only makes sense right.” he tried to reason, “i mean sure i guess, i’m going to change.” you placed your suitcase near a chair unzipping it to get some clothes heading into the bathroom to change into some beach clothing. arisu just watched you walk passed him, scratching his head he had wondered if he did fuck up by not giving you a room with your friends instead of with him. a part of him felt hurt, he had fell too far down the rabbit hole to realize he had in fact fallen in love.

keeping up the fake dating act with arisu was a little difficult since he was very awkward, simply holding his hand made him blushy. you had questioned if this man was actually in a relationship or not. but over the 3 day vacation you ended up getting closer to arisu and actually teaching him to not be awkward in a relationship. although arisu wasn’t good at acting he actually did make a great FAKE boyfriend, he was sweet, very caring, protective when necessary. you didn’t want to break the one rule you and arisu had placed and that was to not fall in love—but after constantly hanging out with arisu you felt the need to get rid of that rule, you had started getting waves of jealousy when arisu would do the bare minimum of interacting with other females. the two of you had fit the black cat s/o and golden retriever bf stereotype quite well. it wasn’t like you were the only one falling in love but rather it was the both of you. arisu had finally realized his true feelings for you on the last day of the 3 day island vacation, he was going to really miss this and the way you actually treated him as your bf. the idea of him not being able to be with you everywhere killed him inside. he seriously couldn’t do it, he had to break the rule and he really had hopped you wouldn’t be mad.

“listen, i know this was against the only rule we created. but i don’t think i can keep the fake relationship any longer” arisu came clean, “what do you mean arisu?” you we’re slightly nervous. you had fallen in love with him but the thought of him saying he didn’t love you ached, “i’m trying to say i love you; i love you and i want to make what was fake real.” he had grabbed your hand placing a peck on the backhand.

SHUNTARO CHISHIYA !

Helpful Gesture

it really started off with your friends pressure you into a date with a guy you absolutely loathed. not wanting to go on a date with him, you ended up asking chishiya. a smart ass ignorant classmate of yours. “listen, i’ll pay you to just act like my boyfriend for a day.” you has bargained with him. he had placed a finger on his chin, he wanted to say ‘give him some time’ but he really just knew the answer. “if it’ll help you sure.” chishiya shrugged grabbing one of the books he had been eyeing off the shelf stuffing it into is bag. “wait actually?” you we’re actually surpised he agreed, all the times he had been around you it had seem he hated your guts. “yeah. i’ll pick you up at 6” he had walked off before you could say anything else, you don’t even know if he had your number. (time skip) when he picked you up he actually looked really cute, you’ve had a crush on him but never put a stamp on it. there was small chit chat in the car; you guys could’ve planned out the simple question of ‘where’d you meet’ ‘who asked who out first’ ‘who kissed who first’ but no yall were quite literally arguing over music. the little date with friends was at some cafe that wasn’t well known but known enough for locals. Wanting to have a strong first impression, you had intertwined his hands with yours. “why are your hands cold..it’s literally spring.” “you ask too many questions.” he shrugged dragging you into the cafe.

chishiya actually ended up making a strong first impression, which was actually surprising after all the questions your friends threw at him, there was one that really did stick out like a sore thumb; “when did you guys start dating?” was the question that made you clear your throat. the two of your haven’t planned it out but don’t worry chishiya had it planned out. “well we had been talking for some time but we never put a label on it, you can really say this is our first date. right [nickname]” chishiya smiled, it looked like a wholesome smile but you wouldn’t count on it. “AHH that’s why you guys had that tension between you two for some time..i see i see.” one of your friends exclaimed. everyone had a great time but i guess this wasn’t the end even after what 2 hours? they still had more questions to ask and more things to pester about, chishiya being the human he is had to go to the bathroom. it was kinda awkward since your friends hadn’t paid much attention to you but rather your “boyfriend”. unthankfully your friends weren’t that stupid, “we know you two aren’t dating.” friend 1 had crossed her arms sighing as friend 2 just nodded; “no we are. well we haven’t officially we kinda put a label on it before you pestered me about going on a date with [insert some random ass name].” you smiled trying to keep up the lie. friend 2 had widened his eyes and mouth looking over at friend 1 who looked shocked as well, “that’s something hard to believe..you and chishiya? ive seen your diary, i knew you liked him but i would’ve never thought you’d actually said yes.” friend 1 caved in sighing, “and you are still unconvinced we aren’t dating?” “basically.” “and sonic i kiss him then what? will you believe me?” “yupp!” you noticed chishiya walk out the bathroom and stand near a wall, it’s almost as if he was talking to someone important. you nervous whipped your hands on your jeans walking over to him. “hey..” you smiled at chishiya; he had put his phone away, “bare with me okay?” he looked at you confused, taking a deep breathe you grabbed his face placing a kiss on his lips. he was taken aback quite shocked to the fact he didn’t even kiss back. quickly pulling away.

“i’m sorry..i shouldve asked you first but i just needed my friends to get off my ass..” “you could’ve done other things rather than kiss me you know that right..” “yeah but—“ “i like you too. i’ve liked you for a while now. id like to consider this a first date.” he smiled grabbing your hands placing a kiss on your knuckles.

tags — masterlist open <3

@nanamora , @parkersmyth , @trinmadol , @noxceleste , @eissaaaa , @dr3amscap3 , @arizzu , @bwnniidump , @kerenz , @minyoungieee , @saiewithakatana

#SCENARIOS . . . ‹3 #IMAGINES 💌 ୧ ˚₊#🎐 ։ ONESHOTS · ᘞ #- surshica ♥︎#alice in boderland x reader #arisu x reader #chishiya x reader #tatta x reader #fake boyfriend #i’m back 😜

231 notes · View notes

eggthew · 11 months

Text

if you know me irl dont read

//suicide

what to do if youre suicidal like sooo incredibly suicidal. I've been spiralling for months and now ive just crashed. Im not sleeping during the night and wasting the day away in a haze and i cant do anything i can barely leave the house eating is a struggle i just lay in bed all day and dissociate

I cant get help and I cant help myself, like yes theres a bunch of little things i could do that would add up and help but there is so much going on and for each Little Thing theres like five Big Things stopping me. and I cant stress enough that the next time I try something and fail it will be it I will kms. I have been trying for years and years and years

Ive always known i wouldnt attempt and its still likely i wont but god. Im starting to doubt that i want to so bad. I havent been this intensely suicidal since I was living with my and dad in filth surrounded by cat piss and shit and fleas. seriously considering checking myself in to hospital sometimes however they wont take me seriously considering ive never attempted before and have nothing to show for being so mentally ill. what I need is to be put on meds and diagnosed with whatever but the wait lists. idk what to do. will most likely take up smoking which will fuck me over in the future but i need something to buffer me i cant keep raw dogging life

#everythings good im just complaining #delete later #vent

9 notes · View notes

feral-cockroach · 5 months

Text

MASSIVE TW FOR SELF HARM

ive been clean for almost a full year. maybe just over at this point, i dont know. but all (and i mean ALL) of my scars were fully healed and some were even fading into those little white lines that are barely visible on your skin.

and i relapsed tonight. ive been fighting it for weeks now but realistically i knew it was going to happen eventually. i feel so, so hopeless. nothing is working out and i cannot convince myself that things will improve. its a feat to just talk myself out of suicide every morning at this point.

im so fucking sick of everything. i mean honestly what is the point? im barely making rent, im going to lose my home in october of next year, ive got no car, no license, i can't afford groceries most of the time with absolutely no help from anyone around me. im scared. im tired and im alone.

i havent self harmed in a year or over and the worst of it was 3 years ago. except im getting back to that point i was at 3 years ago and i cant afford institutionalisation again. even if i could i dont want to go back. they held me for a week and then gave me a caretaker and then took away my caretaker when i turned 18 and then when i found myself a new therapist they completely cancelled my insurance with no warning and then denied me when i tried to reapply. ive been without insurance for a year in march.

im fucking terrified and i hate it here and i cannot do this shit much longer. i just cant. i dont know how much more fear and paranoia and justified upset one guy can fucking take !!!!

i just wish my father hadnt stalked and coerced my mom and i wish my moms mom wasnt such a pro life piece of shit and i wish my mom hadnt developed such an attachment to her abuser to convince herself that having a child was a good idea and i ESPECIALLY wish that my mom hadnt completely discarded me when we left my father and then immediately started dating new men every fucking week my whole life ive never known her to be single

and i love my mom !!!! but my mom does NOT love herself !!!!! and my mom HAS TO HAVE validation from men !!!!! and ive spent the past FOUR YEARS trying to have a relationship with her and she wants absolutely nothing to do with me and it SUCKS !!!!

it sucks so fuckinf much that EVERY SINFLE PERSON involved in bringing me into this SHITHOLE wants NOTHING TO DO WITH ME because i didnt end up how THEY WANTED ME because GOD FORBID I BE FUCKINF TRAUMATISED BY WHAT THEY ALL PUT ME THROUGH.

and im so , so angry. and scared. im so scared. im not sure when im going to kms but honestly, if i look to the future, thats all i see. thats all i have ever seen since i was 12 years old when i first self harmed. thats almost an entire decade of self harm. and i was convinced i wouldnt hit 16 or 18 or 21 and im about to hit 21 and every year it was "if i make it to [16/18/21] i wont make it to 30" and here i am at 21 and you know what

i wont. i dont think im going to make it to 30. by my own hand or my fathers or capitalisms i dojt fucking know but i will not live to see 30. i am certain

and it is the only thing i have ever been certain about my entire life.

#vent #tw vent #vent post #cw vent #self harm #tw self harm #self harm mention #cw self harm #cw self harm mention

2 notes · View notes

lycanthropicture · 1 year

Text

no one understands NO ONE GETS IT it sjfodafda that that that hteat ragdhaf okay cas i have to say something.. you dont have to say it. i heard ur prayer. good for nothing is the name theyll remember me by, done nothin with my life for no one im just waiting to die, i turn my back on the world.. u know i'd given up on livin till i met you girl (somebody :( help me!).. then you came into my life with come hither in your eyes.. pullin me up outta the grave oh what a nice surprise.. i die when our nights end BUT I ONLY STAY DEAD TILL I SEE YOU AGAINNNN (hello dean) louiiiiiiiiiisa (i need you) louiiiiisa (dean. please....) i lie awake in the night just to see another dawn!! used to be the sun was my weakness but them days are gone. i feel your lips on mine would you meet me by the river baby one more time (*HUG*) I'LL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANNA HAVE I'LL TAKE YOU WHERE YOU WANNA GO (where to cas.?) (cas??) i'm the only man you'll ever need girl and now you know.. (*desperate**verge of tears**HOLDING HIS FACE*CAS????) i'll write your NAME ON MY SKIN (*HANDPRINTTTTTT*) AS A PROMISE THAT WE'LL NEVER BE APART AGAINN!!! i feel alive when i'm with you baby (they are lterally laughing im going to fucking kms) so tell me that i wont ever be lonely again (sobbing) dont wanna die i wanna wander the world with youuuu and no one else for the rest of my days on this earth (i dont get words wrong *eye roll* hehe theyre in lvoe) AND WHAT ABOUT CAS (what about cas) (louuiiiiisa) he MANIPULATED him,, he made him promises, said paradise on earth.. and cas bought it! and you knnow what that got him (louiiiiiisa) it got him dead!!! now you might be able to forget about that, BUT I CANT >:(((((( i turn my back on the world (hes literally grieving hes literally a widower im going to puke) i wasnt always like this girl.. do you know what loneliness does to a man??? turn him into the walking dead.. (HES LTIERALLY THE WALKGIFNG DEAD IM GOING TO DIE IM GOING TO BLOW UP) I MAY HAVE DIED BUT YOUR LOVIN RAISED ME HEY!!!! i feel alive when im with you baby!!! (:DDDD) so tell me that i wont ever be lonely again!! you saved my life (he saved his life oh my god) i just wanna repay you in kind, AINT NO ONE ELSE EVER TELL YOU YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL GIRL (STILL BEAUTIFUL STILL DEAN WINCHESTERRRRRRRRR) i feel alive when im with you baby :(( so tell me that i wont ever be lonely again. dont wanna die i wanna wander the world with you <3333333 and no one else for the rest of my days on this earth (gay ppl *clink* glasses) (LOUIIIIISA) i dont know.. y'know.. theres-- theres things.. theres PEOPLE, FEEEEELINGS... (louiiiiisa) that i--- i want to experience DIFFERENTLY than i have before.. or maybe even for the first time CUT TO BLACK. REPEAT. OKAY CAS I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING.............

#sorry to be like this but no one understands

21 notes · View notes

the-acer-scientist · 1 year

Text

the Galapagos affair was a failed lonelyvast ritual, in this essay I will…

y’all know that episode of tma where literally all Oliver Banks wants is a gods be damned nap and some peace and quiet and the only way to get there is to go slightly south of the middle of Absolutely Nowhere? buckle in, and come with me as I ramble about that time in history where a real person had the same idea. disclaimer: my only source is a mostly-remembered version of the documentary The Galapagos Affair: Satan Came to Eden, so please do not quote me on anything

friedrich ritter, in 1929, left everything and everyone he had ever known save for one shipload of supplies and a ‘friend’, dore strauch. you see, his ultimate goal was to escape the shackles of society once and for all. he and dore were going to Return to Nature, really do their best to revert to pre-civilization. and the best place to do this, of course, was Floreana (one of the smaller Galapagos island).

imagine, for a moment. you, a shack of a house, a woman you brought along (mostly to monologue about philosophy at), and 173 square kilometers (67 sqmi) of island. for the rest of your life. 75 kilometers from your nearest neighbor and 960ish km from the mainland, nothing but undiscovered forests and open seas. as far away from society as it was possible to get. sure, it sounds lovely from here. everyone has those moments of ‘gods, I just wish I could get away from it all’. but realize this: there was no coming back. there was no chance of speaking to another human being except your roommate for the rest of your entire life. a decision that big, that irreversible, and especially that the decision was to stride into the unknown? tell me there’s not buckets of fear in there. when I call this Vast, I’m not just talking about the location.

in addition, tell me that the lonely didn’t prey upon the both of them. ritter was already Lonely, no one wants to get that far away without a reason, and he was exactly the kind of pretentious philosopher who believed that everyone is born alone and dies alone. dore, however, was not Lonely before she left. dore was only looking for an adventure, for variety, and to stay with ritter both as a friend and because he was ‘helping’ her with her MS. but, he failed to mention before they left, he did not actually think all that much of her. if I am remembering the documentary correctly, one of the other eventual inhabitants of the island recalled that ritter’s personal journal contained nary a single kind word about dore. tell me that’s not another layer of being Lonely, to be considered with contempt and disapproval by the only other person you’ll ever have contact with.

and, ironically enough, the Loneliness of it all was in fact taken down by a news article. the press got ahold of the story of the two people who were determined to abandon the world, published it, and lo and behold, the two were joined by an entire family in 1932, then soon after by a self-declared baroness and her two,,,, listen I don’t want to call them manwhores but I can’t think of a more classy term right now so we’re going with it

and of course, as humanity is wont to do, drama broke out and the perfect isolation of the tiny volcanic island was shattered.

#pure hedonism on main #this is not supposed to make sense to anyone #myself included #vastcore #lonelycore #shocking absolutely no one im being insane about smirkes fourteen #the magnus archives is terminal i cant stop categorizing things #it is far too late for me to be awake and I have a migraine but this needs to get out of my skull and into my pebble collection #babes help im processing coursework via my hyperfixation again #and I didn’t even mention the several unconfirmed murders!#or the possible poisoning for that matter…

7 notes · View notes

literary-mafuyu · 1 year

Text

I rate my all(probably) teacher because i have absoloutely nothing to do and i hate my life and i hate studying and i hate school and i am going insane (i really hope now one of my school knows that its me and sees this or ill maybe actually kill myself).

TLE Teacher: first impression of him was intimidating but is actually not that bad lol, but still tho, why the fuck did you make us memorize 10 procedures in exact at the ass nighttime, 7/10, i will never rate anyone above the 8

MAPEH and ENGLISH Teacher: ok, i must admit, you are nice, BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE YOUR EXAMS AND INDENTIFICATIONS AND QUIZZES FUCKING IMMPOSSIBLE AND YOU REALLY EXPECT US TO FUCKING GET IT CORRECTLY AAAAAAAAA-, 2/10, why, its always hard to review the indentifications 😭😭😭😭😭, the source of my endless will to kms

SOCIAL Teacher: why so strict and scary 💀😭, he has the same vibe/feeling/looks or what ever as the TLE teacher but he's more cheerful-like and less akward, oh dear they were complete polar opposites, the other one looks scary, but is actually a bit nice(atleast), he looks approachable(he still tries to at this even time and i always fall for it bc his activities was 'not boring'), but is SCARY AS FU-, bro is scary, i feel like i was about cry when he said that i should speak more louder like "What did i say about my rules in this class" always says it like that in a scary way bro im gonna cry dude why does nobody understanddddd 😭😭😭😭😭, he fr dont understand us shy people, bro actually looks like hes always about to cry ive got a theory that hes always like hes about to cry bc he gets scholed by some person or idk abt him being so strict and is actually holding back on scholding students (bro probably hit a student by his attitude dont judge me its a students responsibility to assume ok) and like actually mentions on getting scholded by some idk, bro i saw that "IM DONE" in ur files bro prol venting (ik im probably misunderstanding like who tf would leave that in the whole ass class but he could be just like me fr to ignore and act like its isnt there and hope they dont notice it like me 💀 i can assume ok bish) probably has anger issues? BUT THATS JUST A THEORY, AAAA- Man, 2/10, wtf

FILIPINO Teacher: Hello advisor, you chill, and nice good humor, good tiktok dancing mov- ...excuse me, nice good easy pc exam, i hate essays tho, also why high expectations for me and give me the unfairty and made me merorize the hardest speech even if i was a tranferee 💀💀💀😭😭😭, and why my hardwork of studying on a lesson then you skip it tho, thank you for that tho, bc the mfing lesson is hard thank for skipping it, thank for the swimming pool, 8/10

SCIENCE Teacher: She feels like just my old school's English teacher, she chill, she cool, thanks for actually hearing out my excuses to get perfect grades lol, 7/10, W teacher

MATH Teacher: 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 Dont even get me STARTED im already tired bro, like, ik you old but, WHY YOU ALWAYS TEACH SO WRONG AAAA, like dude, just look at her answers youll literary understand me, its ok if it just a little mistake but like umh... thats too much for a "Pro,fe,tio,nal teachers" 💀💀💀, she wont accept crap, she either ignores it, or blames the student 💀💀💀💀, i also have that fucking feeling where shes favoriting the son of the principal on the school like wtf dude, also why do you make us just copy the answers 💀💀💀💀💀 i can excuse the lack of activity on checking our answers even if you promised to do it already like 2+ times but pleaseee why are you making us copy the answers except of making us train our brain and say that "Parents will come here and complain about your grades" like broooooooooooo 😭😭😭, everyone of us got probably atleast 15 mistake in math exam for no reason just because of her one single typographical error and didnt even correct it 💀, 2/10 u and my father is literary the same whats worse is me put both in the same room with both of you and math, i feel like dying

Peyn

#pain and suffering #rating my teacher #rating my teachers for no reason #crying sobbing screaming dying #depressed as shit #school #school is ass #teachers #rating

7 notes · View notes

loveisbraveandwild · 1 year

Note

bestie i just read your reading list and …… any suggestions how to read more? i have read only 3 books this year :(

omg 3 is a LOT! i work in a bookstore and read their and abt 5 more hrs a day because i have no social life lol but my point is i do books for a living! most of my friends read 12-20 books this year and ur right on track! here’s some advice i hope is helpful! if others want to share their thoughts, pls do

1. i just got a kindle and obsessed and knocking books out left and right!

2. use ur library and dnf books u rnt feeling within ~50 pages! it takes me 3x as long to get through a book i dont love and its hard to motivate myself to sit down and open it. i put this w/using libraries because it makes it guiltless to dnf! i used to buy books and felt like i was wasting $20 if i stopped! now i have a list of the books ive read i want to own and am curating my bookshelf:)

3. join book clubs! my gf has joined 3 since meeting me and reads abt a book a week now, where before they were reading 1 a month. this might contradict dnfing books u dont love but will motivate u to find out the genres u like and step out of ur comfort zone

4. audiobooks! if you can do it, they count and anyone who says they dont is lying! a lot of ppl i know cant do audiobooks; i can only do them for memoirs (where i feel like km listening to a podcast). i recommend libby (free) or libro.fm (ethical alternative to amazon).

5. join storygraph!! it helps u track ur reading and u can put in annual page and book goals and tells u if uve fallen behind! it motivates me to stay on stop of my goal, i want to see my stats grow and diversify, and im lowkey competitive so seeing my friends read im like I WANNA READ TOO

6. find friends who read! nothing like getting a book rec from them! and nothing like sharing ur thoughts abt a book with them! or recommending to them! i love my bookish community and they inspire me to read diversely every day

7. white noise! something ive started doing when reading is putting in headphones and playing white noise. reading gets me out of my head and this does too. i can just focus on the words on the device and i feel like im in my enclosure!

8. invest in a good reading spot in ur home. if u can find a place that works for u, whether it be ur bed, couch, or a reading nook. commit to sitting there for 20-30 minutes a day with ur device on the other side of the room! if u read 30 mins/day u’ll likely finish a book abt every 2 weeks!

9. turn to your book, not ur phone. have 10 minutes of downtime? grab ur book, not social media. these minutes add up and u’ll find u’ll want to pick ur book up more as u get in the habit. especially before bed or first thing in the morning! or if u watch youtube when u eat alone, read instead:)

10. take time picking a book! a lot of my non-bookish friends think they can just pick up any book on the shelf, but as i said in 2. if u dont like the book, u wont read it. do research! if theres an identity you want a main character to have so its relatable, find it! if u know u like YA books, browse that section of ur library. this is also why storygraph is so great- it recommends based off taste and a personalized algorithm! theres also a lot of quizzes and lists (bookriot i recommend) to find books! it takes time to find ur book preferences, but once u do, it will be easier to feel success in reading!

#books

5 notes · View notes

astranva · 2 years

Note

thankyou for this🥹 its 10:35 pm and my exam is at 1pm tomorrow. the material is literally 117 pages and 3 other power point ... i used to love history class in high school and this class is about western cultural civilization. so it is history

i genuinely tried to sit down and read but i got overwhelmed and cried (still crying). because its a lot of pages and i know only 10% of it will actually be on the test. i hate myself. i hate my procrastination. idk how to stop it its like my brain instantly run 999/km and i wont focus and i get overwhelmed. idk if you remember but im that anon who is also majoring in english department that asked you for advice as to which specifications should i choose. and now i definitely prefer literature instead of cultural studies.

and i do love studying/ working on assignments with jazz music. i always listen to these ambiance videos about bucky and steve and me lmao, so its just 40's music (which is jazz i think?) honestly, im considering to just relaz tonight and wake up super early tomorrow to read the whole thing (hopefully) im so sorry for rambling and dumping this problem onto you, you're my safe place but dont feel like you have to respond bcs ik its a lot

i know this is super cliché to hear but put yourself first right now. i understand you so, so much and i think you need to do something relaxing first or eat something you like that’s easy to make or get.

if you can’t focus at all right now, take a shower, wear some comfy pj’s, read some fanfics and sleep early so you can wake up early and read your material. if you feel like you’ll feel overwhelmed tomorrow and more nervous because it’s your final’s day, consider taking a shower and freshening up now then going through any material that is most familiar to you or just skim through the material you’re not very familiar with so that tomorrow you’ll have the tiniest bit of background about it.

it’ll be over, i promise, and then you can take a break. and it’s good that now you tried this out so you could take a decision with literature.

breathe, honey. nothing you do will be wrong and whatever happens, will happen and you’ll get past it. i promise.

and i’m here for whenever you want to vent, lovie, don’t apologize because i’m very appreciative of you feeling safe here. love you 💖

2 notes · View notes

lonelywolfblogs · 29 days

Text

I have too many thoughts about this. Too much going on in my mind. none to talk about this anymore. i've fed their ears full. it's tragic really. i've tried for so long. i went through too much and people dont realize it you know. they dont realize that normal people dont go through this. because i mask they dont know what ive been through my masking made it harder for them to know. i was masking trauma too as well asd and stuff. they look at me and think im like them. and i couldnt understand why. why they wanted to be my friend. to be frank i dont believe anyone wants to my friend. not in a pity way. im asd. unless i mask im deeply weird and annoying and just make people very uncomfortable. i cant mask very well. so it makes everything hard huh i talked to my friend he keeps telling me to talk to asd people lol im talking to you tho. i hate reading shit about asd. it makes my skin crawl. im not like that. i hate that part of me. i feel so fucking lonely whenever im reminded that im fucking asd. i dont want to be. im writing this like im a fucking teen. im already an adult. no family. no support. just alone. what am i supposed to do now? theres no reason for me to fight. my own sis didnt care when i was struggling. i couldnt care when she was or ask. she saw a "friend" of ours mistreat me and she let it happen. i dont buy i didnt know bs. people subconsciously believe i deserve to be mistreated punished they do. so why bother? i grew up with the internet. i felt limitless. no more depending on people. fuck that. its made it worse. im stuck i see all experiences now. from all walks of life and all over the world. its made it worse to know so much. i know too much and cant leave my room anymore i want to and try but i know people in the area from middle school and from work makes me wanna kms. i cant escape people. and people who know me. id rather shoot a bullet into my skull. cant work. or better yet, i fucking wont. not anymore ive fought for so many fucking years and nothing got better people still want to see the back of me. how dafuq am i supposed to go on knowing this? knowing that it was my fault all along? that im not progressing because of me? the disease the monster inside me its kept me stuck why fucking bother? i dont mean it in an emo way. im actually asking? whats the solution to this? after all my traumas and the next traumas i will experience the government doesnt care. and im tired. im so fucking tired. a part of me embraces the warrior bs. the fighting spirit. but i think its naive. i guess i internalized all the hero journey bs from media and seeing myself in them. its kinda true im constantly fighting i remember as a kid thinking, very randomly and casually, "i wish I could let go of this armor" "i wish i could just let it go". i know it wasnt related to masking. but knowing who i was as a kid it was probably the feeling of constantly being on alert and fighting mode due to my upbringing. the constant anxiety and confusion and fear. i just wanted to be able to relax and let it go. i just wanted to be a carefree happy kid. i also remember wanting everything to go back to normal and looking back i dont know what i was really wishing for. normal? what normal? i never had normal. i was probably wishing for things to stay the same or go back to how they were, quoting some weird dialogue from a movie, or smth. i wasnt a very smart kid lol and pretty weird. but she didnt know any better. she really really didnt.

1 note · View note