#this cannot possibly go wrong

[quarks-pussy]

So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.

Julian Bashir.

From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.

This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."

This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.

Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.

Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.

#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this #and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly. #fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke #fuck!!!!! #julian bashir #jules bashir #doctor bashir i presume #came back wrong #star trek deep space nine #HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!! #i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little #i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that #and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian #like how did he cope #(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu) #like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it #he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano #another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and #he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that #the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment. #and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's #so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an #he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and #you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd #but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but #does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so #sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag #maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so #original posts fresh from quark's pussy #and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin

[worldsworststairs]

Wild guesses for what the HELL could happen in session 2 apparently:

-someone tries to speedrun for the enchanting table despite being wildly unprepared

-Pearl makes several grave mistakes

-somehow the most improbable chain of freak accidents occur possible

-someone decides to fuck around. They find out

-like one soulbound group’s series are ended

-fall damage death

#double life smp #I for one cannot WAIT #I’m so glad my work schedule works out so I have a full day to cope. double life Friday is everything to me #literally ok this is a wild unfounded prediction but. #pearl and martyn encountered skulk first session right? what if one of them being weaker for being on their own decides to try to level the #field by trying to just go in get the enchanting table get out not even bother with loot bc of the risk #and then everythingfucking goes wrong #I don’t think so bc like it’s SUCH a risky move but the possibilities. the possibilities.

[lobotomyladylives]

why are pitbull defenders so committed to being the most delusional people on earth

#they try to argue with irrefutable statistics and known facts (bully breeds being selectively bred for aggression and tenacity and strength) #by going off about fucking. chihuahuas or nanny dogs or doggy racism or whatever #they just cannot get it through their heads that some breeds are more dangerous than others #its so frustrating arguing with ppl who are so uninformed yet convinced they cant possibly bs wr #be wrong

[smokestarrules]

god the way the Brothers didn’t even consider the cat in the slightest while leaving when they had the Exact Same issue they’re the worst

#IF THE CURSE IS CURIOSITY THEN YEAH SURE LET'S JUST ABANDON THE OTHER CREATURE THAT HAS THAT TOO #cannot POSSIBLY GO WRONG #rwby #rwby spoilers #curious cat #smokey speaks

[kiimmyko]

All kofi slots filled! Thank you very much ^^

I've also done some thinking. I know what I want to do for a portfolio and I would like to work on it- but doing commissions full time on top of it might not be the best plan for me.

1st option is bumping up the prices again and possible add-ons for color. The quality for sketch illustrations has continued to increase since i first opened them. I just need to improve on my motivation and speed of getting them done

2nd option is taking a pause on full time art again. Finish what work I have now and do a part time job while making up a portfolio.

I thought sharing my thought process lately would make me feel better, but I kept finding myself lost in my wandering thoughts and feeling helpless. So I'll end it here. I dont even know where I was going with this.

I just want my art career to work man. That's all.

#kimmy speaks #with how much i was going to originally post I just know something is wrong with my mind #can i be honest.. besides the anxiety/depression im sure i have.. i think i have adhd or something like that.. i cannot be normal #but its also so much money to get that checked out and the fear of it being a false negative like i heard thats a possibility #i just KNOW somethings going on up there in my brain but what the hell is it bro i want to be able to focus #again im rambling imma stop

[caramelmochacrow]

d4dj side mix: super ride!!! :D

#crow's scribbles #d4dj #d4dj side mix: super ride #hikaru yamate #kyoko yamate #emi maeda #i couldn't draw kaito and seina but eh im alright w it #i say this like a lot of people know them. hi hello look at these guys theyre not my ocs no but i love them so much like they are #go check out super ride on ao3/wattpad!! i managed to get brainrot over these little guys (im totally not all of the 30+ comments--) #i cannot check their bios bc wattpad is an ass and doesnt want me to check stuff without an acc #soooo i had to draw them from memory and how i thought they looked as i read through the fic #miiight possibly draw kaito and seina another time (maybe even izumi and her unit???) #oh also the other units ofc (i havent had the time to design them all since. uh. *gestures to everything ive been doing) #the author literally follows me so i hope they see this and like it?? #sorry if i got dj cherry wrong :(

[quietwingsinthesky]

also im not sure how much longer i can dance around the fact that ‘reusing waste in whatever way you can when you’re onboard a starship with limited food but enough people that they’ve worked out a system of killing them once they’ve ceased to contribute enough to the ship’ translates to. well. well.

#‘even has committed cannibalism’ this is not true all of their food is so broken down from the base parts in order to extract the most #nutrients possible while using the least amount of it and mixing everything together until it’s unrecognizable that saying even has eaten #human meat is a little like looking at someone eating a brownie and accusing them of consuming raw flour. #‘even doesn’t see anything wrong with cannibalism’ this we cannot deny. it just also never really comes up because WHY WOULD THAT COME UP. #dw oc #and also ‘even was in charge of keeping the cannibalism going’ this we also can’t deny. but they were just doing their job. #this is not a horror scenario to them. this is resource management. even bad food is food and humans are bad food. but still food. #this is a horror scenario for anyone else! who was raised in a normal environment that did not involve treating people as resources to break #down for their usefulness! but not for them. #this is just. life. for them.

[saltpepperbeard]

So a sudden little uptick of stills coming out, huh? That has to mean something, right?

...Right?

#OFMD #OFMD Season 2 #Revenge Rambles #UNLESS OF COURSE I'm entirely wrong about the Stede still being new and it was just the new act of grace one #BUT LISTEN HERE OKAY LOL I'M CLAMBERING FOR ANYTHING #I AM REACHING FOR WHATEVER I POSSIBLY CAN #I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND ROLLING AROUND #I CANNOT GO ON MUCH LONGER

[rotationalsymmetry]

#Robert frost #the road not taken #I realize this is not how people Do Poetry #but I think it actually works as a poem that's just about the delicious pleasure and agony #of deciding which literal road to walk down in a pretty forest on a nice day #when the air is all crisp #and you're all by yourself #and the leaves are yellow and the grass is green #and maybe some day in the future #you'll be sitting by a fire and there will be people who actually want to hear about the nice walk you had #I think the lecturer is wrong about the word took #I think in context it must mean took in #observed #not that the narrator started walking #anyways I would be very happy to hear other interpretations in the tags #maybe should have put in fourth option #that obviously it's not JUST about a walk in the woods #but that if you're not feeling the cool air on your skin #and the delight of getting to choose which way to go #between two excellent choices #you cannot possibly be understanding #the figurative meaning #Youtube

[viablemess]

Gonna start a Gale origin playthrough and I obviously will be word vomiting here as I go bc I like this game too much

#bg3 #baulder's gate 3 #baulder's gate #gale origin #gale of waterdeep #bg3 playthrough #listen i just need to get some words out sometimes #and none of my friends have finished the game yet #so i cannot spoil anything to them #so i shall turn to the internet #how could that possibly go wrong #there will be so much bloodweave in this playthrough #the bloodiest and weaviest #i wish i could take that last tag back but i wont #ive made my bed ill die in it

[ganymedesclock]

Was just listening to MCR's The Foundations Of Decay and hit that part where the singer goes "let the flesh submit itself to gravity," and the stress that he puts on the latter half of the sentence turns it into kind of a scream,

and I'm thinking about the nature of art as a thing concerned with surfaces and in some ways deeply with beauty as an exercise of communication, and in the face of this, what it means to tear back the facade over the infrastructure, lay the girders bare, to force the medium to strain and creak under the force of what is being expressed.

We think about a truth too much to bear as a thing reserved for gods and terrible gods at that, but I think that there are countless things in casual human conversation every day that are some degree of unbearable, and we wrap our stubborn tongues and teeth around them anyway, if we do not ourselves originate them.

And I mean. I was exactly that kind of kid that listened to MCR, Linkin Park, Evanescence, in middle school. It may have seemed very funny from the outside, as a person who grew up in a context with no shortage of sweet words. The notion of 'teen rebellion' vaguely occurred to me but I couldn't imagine what I possibly would fight against (my imagination was limited)

Even then, to my neophyte mind, it seemed that there was something about the nature of raw emotion. Some things, that are never meant to be said sweetly. Some things that can only be howled.

Humanity does not merely have the ability to scream but we need it to survive. The sublime is not outside us; it moves through our bodies as medium. A singer grips their voice until it cracks, and lightning flashes between their teeth. The sound hits the audience like the crack of thunder when elements pass the tipping point, heat and moisture, and they become rain.

We can admire these things externally but art proves they live inside of us just as well. We are the vessels of emotions that cannot be described or summarized.

#writing ruminations #I know people say it as a joke but I've seen posts going around of like 'just once I wanna bite as hard as possible' #I think that's the human scream impulse #as is that urge to just go running across a field not to get anywhere but simply because it is an open space and you have legs #something doesn't have to be wrong there is just a part of us that aches to transcend itself #cannot overstate how great karate was for my mental health #as an environment where it is normal and encouraged to scream and hit things really hard #we live in polite society most of our lives because it's terribly useful #but god. we are not tame. #sometimes the most essential self-care is to tend the part of yourself that's still wild

[the-way-astray]

holding out hope . . . don’t act like it’s set in stone . . . it’s not . . . yet . . .

(much ranting in the tags)

#kotlc #yes this is about the POSSIBLE keefe short story collection or book or novella about his time in the forbidden cities emphasis on POSSIBLE #i can’t deal with anymore keefe content guys i can’t do it anymore there’s already too much #let me OUTTTTTTT shannon i just wanna be done with this series stop holding me hostage let me FREEEEE /hj #if it's keefe-centric and away from the main story why can’t she just release it AFTER the series is finished? like this is SOPHIE'S story #obviously with the baby and whatnot i’d be cool with her not releasing a book for another year but releasing extras IN PLACE of a REAL book #i don't understand /gen #if she has the energy to write a book why doesn't she just write the next one #it might not be that tho that's just a possibility obviously i'm just curious #in the case that this extra is going to be released in the place of book ten this year it's like well. why doesn't she just do book ten #i wish i could say 'i'm not a keefe hater but this is too much keefe content' but i am a keefe hater so #IT'S FINE IT MIGHT NOT BE THAT MAYBE WE'RE ALL SUPER WRONG AND SHANNON'S JUST HAVING A SILLY GOOFY TIME #also even if this IS a special announcement we could still get book ten news? along with the announcement? mayhaps? #manifesting book ten news along with the special announcement please shannon #sigh hoping praying manifesting anything not keefe #if it is a short story collection i cannot tell you how BADLY i want it to be the adults' backstories #like i'm rereading unlocked rn and grady edaline alden and della all have so many blank spots in their registry files??? #an extra could fill those in . . . just saying . . . #also the ancients #the ancients are super interesting . . . just saying . . . #luzia's pyrokinetic friend! fallon and luzia's mom! fintan (possibly) throwing vespera in the dungeon! luzia and vespera light experiments! #fallon and the other two on the original council! bronte and fintan's relationship! fintan and luzia's relationship! #bronte working under fallon as an emissary! them going to meet the ogre king! luzia and orem's relationship! why orem doesn't like his mom! #so many possibilities . . . come on shannon . . . please . . . #give us this . . . just this . . . #throw a great gulon incident short story in there to keep the keefe stans happy and then get into the juicy stuff #begging pleading imploring shannon to hear my prayers #anyway #if we manifest no keefe content there won't be keefe content <- lying

[deer-trees]

What you'd assume would be a part of online discussions of home-baking matzah:

mix flour and water. bake immediately into giant cracker. congrats you did it, now eat it for about a week as per usual. Very simple recipe, so everyone agrees.

What actually is part of online discussions of home-baking matzah:

one person says it will never be kosher for passover unless baked in a kitchen under strict Rabbinical supervision so home-bakers shouldn't bother. Another person says baking matzah yourself is more in the spirit of Passover because it puts you in the shoes of your ancestors, who definitely did not buy their matzah from a store. One person says home-baked matzah can be kosher for passover as long as the flour you're using has never come into contact with water and as long as you bake it for less than 18 minutes. Another person says unless the flour is monitored during every step of the milling process, it cannot be deemed kosher for Passover, so you have to buy special flour. Another person says the baking for less than 18 minutes rule actually starts from the moment the flour hits the water, but another says it starts the moment you stop kneading it. Not a single soul agrees completely.

#i am going to just bake it as best I can and if I do it wrong it cannot possibly be any worse than any other non-kosher thing Ive done 👍 #roscoe rambles

[binders-and-beanies]

.

#cops tw #bro I cannot handle one more thing happening istg #got pulled over on my way home after a 13 hour day #was already scared to drive at night and that just confirmed that I’m right to be scared #it was for running a red light n it was one of those situations of just not having time to stop on yellow #I was fully aware as it was happening that I was either going to slam on my brakes in the intersection or run a red and I could see the cop #so I knew I was getting pulled over either way I just hoped the yellow would be longer than .5 seconds. not so lucky #except I also Am so lucky bc he let me off with a warning #ig bc I don’t have any sort of serious history + with it being 420 once he saw I was sober he prob went easier #it’s the second time I’ve been pulled over in my life tho and it’s scary bc this is the first time since the accident #which maybe that was also ok bc it wasn’t my fault #I just know every warning or unlucky moment costs u more in the future if u happen to get unlucky again #like I know I got out of that bc I’m white. it was still a scary moment bc there were multiple cop cars #so it’s like is this guy abt to ruin my life am I gonna lose my license for being at the wrong place wrong time #when I’m already salty to be driving this late involuntarily #so it’s like I got unlucky And very very lucky #I just hate the confirmation that u can get pulled over at any given moment #I constantly rehearse every possible convo w cops in my head bc if u come off disabled u can die #or get arrested or whatever #and then they like don’t follow the script and u didn’t expect this to happen to u today anyway and I get flustered #anyway my point is. I’m fucking exhausted and too many things keep happening #it’s long day after long day w no end in sight rn and I’m like half asleep every day #I just want to sleep. without feeling like I’m already tired tomorrow #it’s too much. just all of it #and on top of it all. it’s 420 so the whole dorm building is basically a cloud of weed #happy u guys are having fun but u are physically harming me in my home #mine #txt #vent post #personal

[zemnarihah]

my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....

#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth #she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her #directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her #and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because #you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple #days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and #she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends. #and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only #give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i #didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she #says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do. #i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was #really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think #for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe #since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why. #i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a #fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if #i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person #to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a #conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a #hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend #group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.

[the-kneesbees]

he texted me "hey uhm finn/idk if you're sleeping or not/doesn't matter"

so I said, like an hour later "sorry, I was busy/everything ok?

and he responded right back "yeah/I'll tell you later"

...he then proceeded to leave me on delivered for an hour and said

"don't worry, I'll tell you tomorrow at school"

#brother i am worrying #if something was actually wrong hed just tell me #you CANNOT be doing this to me man #if he says anything other than like. heres this funny picture of a dog i thought youd appreciate. #.... #i cannot #yall KNOW what i mean and i better be imagining things or i swear to fuck #post posting #also obviously he didnt call me finn but yk #i felt like it was important to add the fact that he said my name in this text #i fr dont even want to know what hes gonna say istg it better be something normal. like asking me if im going to jazz band or something #seriously what can you possibly have to say to me that you texted me THAT over #and then decided it was best to tell me in person #literally what