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fantasmafanta · 1 year

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chipspeech rambles so i dont explode

hi this is prolly gonna be a long post that makes no sense srry i just need to brainrot dump. but most important thing if ur not weird and you like chipspeech PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dm me here so i can give you my discord or instagram where i am actually active more ahhhhhh.

ok anyway blue robots woohoo. these little bastards have been stuck in my brain for like a month now and its just gotten worse. the cool thing about chipspeech is it like doesnt entirely go with the rest of the vocal synth/vocaloid fanbase but rather than being its own seperate things its like this neat little extension of it in like multiple ways. it not only is just a really cool software that tried a lot of new cool things that we dont really see with like vocaloid and synthv and stuff but it also kinda shows the history of how we got to the point of modern vocal synth software in a cool way! even if you dont dive into it like i have you still get the basic “oh well voder was made in like 1939 and it had to be operated by hand how cool” and like through chipspeech you kinda get to see the evolution of how we got to where we are now and i think that thats really neat.

but then if youre a nerd like me you get to have a ton of fun diving into all of the history and cool old tech stuff. liking chipspeech has made me find a new interest in old computers/tech/software/videogames do i fully understand how they work? hell no! do i love looking at them and having them explained to me by some dude on youtube? hell yeah!! and like its just so cool to go in and research the machines/softwares that inspired the chipspeech bots because even though its difficult sometimes you get to see these advances made and how each one differs from each other in how it was made, how it was operated, its function, etc. and thats SO. FREAKING. AWESOME. like dude have you seen the video of one of the tests for the votrax?? (the one that bert gotrax is based on) if you havent basically it was made so that people with disabilities so they couldnt talk could have conversations over the phone. they tested it by trying to order a pizza using only the software. it took like 3 tries before someone took them seriously and they got the pizza. and the moment they were like “yeah deliver that to the msu computer center” i got so excited cuz that just felt so badass!! like put yourself in their shoes, its 1974, you’re testing your new speech program, and it finally worked. a room full of people, a camera, a news broadcast (iirc), theyre all watching you struggle to order this pizza and then you finally do it and get to tell them to deliver it at the lab you just proved your intelligence to and fehjvddsujfs i cant explain my thinking but DUDE its just so cooooooolllllll!!!!!!!

but like yeah i need to rant cuz in one of my lovely friend’s words i need to “GET THESE QUEERS OUT OF MY BRAIN!!” (a silly thing my irl said) also like i love the way the voices sound. like yeah sometimes i have no clue what theyre saying but thats not the point of chipspeech!! like vosim has such a nice buzzy voice and like dee no matter their range just sounds so.... great. i dont even know how to describe it it just makes my brain sooooo happy. like sam to most people would be like static weird... idk man but i loooove the staticky sounds theyre just so neat. but its so hard to find nice chipspeech covers/songs. luckily im starting to find how to discover chipspeech stuff but its still so difficult :(

and like fanart and general fan content toooooo how do i find it?? i think the answer is i dont but that makes me sad. cuz the twitters are no longer active and its never been very popular so it doesnt seem like we get much. and literally the only discord server for chipspeech is run by... not-so-great (from what ive seen/heard) people in the fanbase. even if the main accusations arent true it still seems to be a safe space for proshippers which makes me feel icky sooo. help.

anyway im not re-reading through this so like sorry its so long and makes no sense i just need to get chipspeech thoughts out. if you like it PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!! im losing my mind ahhh

#chipspeech #fantasmarants

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spookyserenades · 11 months

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omg omg omg ok i actually need to breath & try to calm down bc i’m just so excited,so hyper, so all over the place & my adhd brain is going 99 mph & i won’t be able to write down anything in a way that makes sense.

(i’m trying to kinda get out of my comfort zone & try to leave more open feedback under authors whose writing claws both my interest & admiration. so bc of that,i apologise in advance if my comment comes off as too much,messy or generally awkward😅)

sorry if i sound too rambly but i just need to say it somewhere,i physically can’t miss on the opportunity to speak & gush abt your writing,your creation & the chokehold it has on me!!

stumbling by chance through the wrk of art that your mind has crafted has been the best thing that could have happened to me the last 6 months!

the story that your brilliant mind has come up w/ & your great ability in putting it down,in narrating it so well, made so i just couldn’t stop reading: i needed to know where the beginning,the premise,was heading. i needed to know what would happen next. i needed to know where u would take this story,what turn would u take, how u would bring your characters to life & how they would play their roles in the story. i needed to know how u would make everything shift,grow,change,evolve,start,begin,finish etc in the story. i needed to see 4 myself your creation to the extent it would reach w/ each new chapter!

i’ve been talking(maybe a bit too passionately,srry 4 that😅) abt your story but let’s not neglect your writing!

oh god your writing,where do i even begin?!!

i feel like your writing is the main reason i got so engrossed into the story.

your writing is breathtaking! it’s so curated & rich in thoughtful detail! its form is so smooth & clear,making reading it smth that occurs naturally & in a pleasant continuous way. your way of writing is so intoxicating,addictive to be precise.

…on a sillier note,i really think it’s addictive,literally couldn’t stop reading & i may have got so much into reading that i forgot to have breakfast & lunch💀(no worries,they pulled me out of my induced hyper-attention & slapped me back into reality by the hour of dinner😂)

now,focusing more onto things of the story that stuck out to me b4 i lose my scattered brain cells that i managed to collect a bit:

-like another anon mentioned b4, it’s the 1st time i see it & i can only appreciate it. i’m talking abt how u have amalgamated the element of both the supernatural & paganism into the story,w/out being smth that clashed w/ the flow or the usual elements of the hybrid trope. it’s also a very important example of representation & diversity(like anon pointed out w/ the example abt christianity being almost the sole belief often represented,w/out bashing the religion itself ofc). as some1 who isn’t pagan themselves,respectfully, i found it both refreshing & also fascinating,& the way this element of religiosity(/ agnosticism in the case of jk) has been incorporated into the story def just added to the reading experience & made things way more interesting!

-i absolutely love how much detail & thought went into creating well crafted & attained to relationships outside the sphere of the characters who’ll be involved romantically w/ the protagonist. u gave so much importance also to other characters u created to portray diff relationships of family,friendship or simple encounters(gerry/the hairdresser etc) w/ the protagonist, building a wrld outside just the circle of future romance interest,which gives the protagonist so much more characterisation & realism. it made the story so incredibly immersive & realistic,regardless of the supernatural or not😆

-another thing that struck me,is the depiction of the hybrids as a marginalised group & the protagonist clashing w/ the difference in their privileges & realities. i remember she seemed almost unaware at certain points of the true extent of the cruelty & discrimination hybrids usually face,which makes sense considering she canonically has never been close to hybrids or their reality as much throughout her live(beside the lil fox frnd in her childhood) so it makes 4 a great starting point into her journey of learning,change,unlearning & coming to terms w/ the fact that if the boys have some moments of distrust,venting etc it isn’t necessarily bc of her but bc of what they went through & what they know & have lived on their skin & it is an experience that has left a trace in their brain 4ever & has impacted them & it may slip & show in their reactions or behavior w/ y/n(namjoon’s cold-hot treatment, jk’s animosity,distrust & need 4 distance, seokjin’s anxiety at the cookout,hobi’s alertness when she woke him up). we still don’t know the details,but it’s obvious that their past has traumatized them & shaped some parts of them & in your exquisite writing,that part of them isn’t smth that just unrealistically & magically disappears simply bc now they are in a healthier,safer,happier environment w/ the mc. mc’s efforts are mitigating the trauma responses & slowly setting the bridge toward the journey to start healing from their past(way later into the story,i assume) but she didn’t just “cure” everything already just w/ kindness & care,it’s a journey that just begun that we are still seeing unfold & shift according to the direction of the story & also to every individual hybrid,which makes it more realistic & captivating to read

(changing topic again b4 it slips past my vibrating brain🤡)

smth i’m super excited 4(beside ch 7 & tae’s situation that u left us in w/ a cliffhanger) is how u’r gonna develop the relationships between the hybrids & mc once they all start to develop feelings,accept them & start acting according to their feelings. i’m not only curious abt when & how it’s gonna happen 4 each character individually but also how this will change & shift the dynamic the hybrids are going to have w/ e/o at that point.

u also mentioned they all gonna be doms,so since you mentioned it i’m so intrigued abt what type of dom you’r going to make each character be & how they’ll start interacting w/ mc & e/o after their dynamics change according to their feelings

…

i wrote too much,too messily,too excitedly gosh😭😭

i’m very sorry if it comes off as too much,i would understand if it’s too overwhelming, sorry!😓

i hope you’r doing well,are healthy & always proud of what u write!😊💜

I'm literally CRYING ahhhh 😭😭 I'm so so so happy and lucky that you've reached out and sent me such a beautiful message, it literally made my week I swear! 🥺 I'm also so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone to send in some feedback, as a fanfic writer it really means so much when readers interact with us and our stories, so I want to sincerely thank you for messaging me. 💜

!!! I'm so psyched that Trouvaille has made you so happy and you've enjoyed the story so far. Sharing it with others like yourself is so special to me and I'm so grateful that I get to connect with you through the story!

There are so many complex characters, backstories, subplots, themes and relationships in Trouvaille; and so the chapters can be a little jam-packed with information and details. I'm really excited that while you were reading you were eager to see what comes next and how everything fits together, its almost like a big jigsaw puzzle that comes together piece by piece with each chapter!

Thank you so so much for your kind words regarding my writing, my heart is literally so full I could cry... 🥹💗hearing that Trouvaille is coming across as something that is being developed smoothly and naturally is very encouraging!! It is a slow burn fic, so I'm glad that the pace is flowing steadily, and thank you so much for being so sweet... I hope I can continue to engage you through the story as time marches on!

fdjaksh Please remember to eat all your meals though, my dear! I've been there as well, unable to put a book down and somehow reading though lunch and dinner-- sometimes, a story just hooks you! (Remember Trouvaille Yoongi, too-- he'd want you to stay on top of your meals!💗)

I'm also very glad that you like the pagan and supernatural aspects of the plot and characters! It is a big part of MC, her mother, and for now-- Jeongguk and Namjoon's characters. Overall, the plot will continue to build upon the more occult and supernatural/paranormal themes, and more of the hybrids will become involved in various ways, so I'm stoked that readers are enjoying those aspects of the plot! It has been important to me to find the right balance between the religious/supernatural themes and the hybrid!AU, and to be honest, with every chapter I write it is still a balancing act. I am hoping to do these themes justice, and represent some pagan practices and holidays through Trouvaille in the best way I can based off of my own practices. I'm thrilled that you're enjoying the magic so far!

As for some of the side characters you've mentioned (!!!) I'm also super excited you've brought them up. I agree with you, it is important for MC to have relationships outside of the ones she has with the hybrids. She had a fully fleshed out life prior to meeting them at Gerry's shelter, so making sure that MC had plenty of friends, co-workers, family, and interactions with people such as Gerry or the hairdresser you mentioned was a priority to me. Some of my favorite interactions in Trouvaille so far happen between MC and her childhood best friend, Ben. Her friends will play more important roles down the line as the story progresses, specifically the twin sisters she is close to, Laura and Alice. I'm happy that these other characters have made MC seem all the more realistic, and that you've mentioned the side characters as well-- I had a lot of fun creating them! 🥰

SO you bring up an excellent point surrounding the hybrids themselves, and the relationship MC has with the species of hybrids in general. Nobody is perfect, least of all MC, and that's exactly how I wanted to write her. She can be naive, a little sheltered, overly trusting, and even somewhat oblivious at times. That said, I agree with you; she is definitely unaware of just how much hybrids, and her hybrids in particular, have suffered in the past. She knows that they've all suffered through traumatic experiences, but she doesn't know the details. MC is also blissfully unaware of just how much hybrids in her society are treated and even how they behave-- not because of willful ignorance, but simply because she never considered that she'd have a hybrid in her life, let alone seven. Sure, she's aware of the headlines surrounding hybrid trafficking, the wealthy adopting hybrids for sport hunting, but there is lots about the hybrid world she has yet to learn about. You're right, a major part of Trouvaille will be MC learning about hybrids as a species and truly understanding what it is like for them to move through the society Trouvaille takes place in.

I like that you've brought up specifically some of the boy's behaviors so far. Namjoon's hot and cold behavior is a big one, as well as Jeongguk's prickly, distrustful personality. Seokjin, notably, has a huge backstory that I've yet to dive into, but he has a lot of unresolved trauma/PTSD as well that surfaces as anxiety, jittery behavior, and phobias. As for Hoseok, there is no telling what he had gone through at shelters to react so defensively when woken up, as he had been moved around shelter to shelter- these are all things I'm super excited you have picked up on and remembered. Each hybrid has things to work on and through, but as you mentioned, these issues will not be solved simply because MC adopted them. Sure, a safe place to live and her kindness is a start, but there will be a long process of healing for each of the hybrids. Healing is never linear and the same goes for the hybrids in this story; it will get messy and angsty, but over time they will make great progress, I'm sure. One great trait MC has is patience, so she'll definitely make space for each hybrid to heal and open up to her in their own time. I'm excited to share all of these backstories with you all, as well!!

As for the romance! We are definitely a ways away from it, but hopefully readers can sense the slooooowww build to it with certain hybrids already. There is a lot to tackle before romance becomes involved (most of the reasons as to why in the previous two paragraphs) but the wait will totally be worth it! I have ideas for each hybrid and how they will realize their feelings (all different and unique to each boy), when their confessions will happen; the whole timeline for that is planned out, including the order of when each hybrid gets with the MC. I'm still working on how the hybrids will react to one another once romance is involved, its one of the things that has been more difficult to flesh out in my outlines over the past year. Not to worry- as there is much time to go before that happens LOL!

Sooo because romance is a bit far away, so is the smut. I have mentioned that I've written my Trouvaille hybrids as doms. I think, when answering this question in the past, I might have sparked a little trepidation in some readers. Because these are my characters I've been working on for over a year, this decision has made the most sense to me for several reasons that I've answered in previous asks. I also mentioned that there would be a great variety as far as how they'd all act in the bedroom, as unique as the characters themselves are, how their feelings during confessions would be, so too will they all be unique when the time comes for smut. Now, when I say they'll all be dominant, I do not mean they'll be 50 Shades of Grey type dominants. This isn't a BDSM fic. Sure, some of them will be rougher than others, but there are also the sweeter, more vanilla doms as well. Like I said, this is off in the future, so when the time comes, I'll appropriately label chapters with smut contained within them. This all boils down to how I've written these characters, including MC, as well as staying within my wheelhouse when it comes to writing sex scenes.

Again, my darling-- thank you SO SO much for sending me in such a lovely lovely message with amazing feedback, I adored hearing from you 💗🥰! You didn't write too much, or too messily, and I'm very happy that you were excited to chat about Trouvaille with me! Never apologize for expressing your thoughts, as well- that's what fanfic is all about, connecting with each other over stories! I hope you have a beautiful week, are taking care of yourself, and I'd love to hear from you again! 💜Much love, and I hope you enjoy Chapter Seven when it comes out 7/7 sweetpea!!💜💜

#this is so !! sweet im crying #i'm really so blessed to have such amazing readers #so much love for you all!!#trouvaille #asks #dana's thoughts

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elytrafemme · 2 years

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hi :]! I am awake at ungodly times but! I’ve been thinking about uhh sibilance (sibilant sounds?) recently and I forgot the words for the other ones bc I know that’s only the repitition of s sounds at the start of a word etc etc. But sibilant sounds and all that -> it makes me think of poetry even though I think it’s more often in prose? or at least I think I saw it more in prose back when I was doing classes on that kinda thing. idk. I keep accidentally doing it though (not just with s sounds) and wondering what that makes the sentence sound like since it’s usually used to give off a particular vibe and I’m not meaning to give it any particular vibe o(-(

was wondering if u had any opinions on the whole thing -> I do like it bc it makes the sentence flow nicely like a little waterfall or something. although some of them aren’t supposed to right? I feel like some are supposed to sound a little harsh. just pulling from my memory though so idrk .Some make a little ssss sound like a snake 🐍 that’s fun

anyway hope u are doing well ! wishing u the best as always :]

HI BRACKETT sorry im just now getting to this HAHA but ty for reminding me to respond earlier :>

I've never heard about this but its super super cool!!!! alliteration is something i only really explore in small doses as the farther i push it i feel like the more muddled your intent actually gets, which i think is sort of similar to this! (since it's like... alliteration with s but more specifically that sound of s, like a hiss) i've never seen it as a vibe giver persay but more as something that drives you forward -- if you think about the rhythm of a piece, it's going to fall in a very specific way when you get to words with alliteration (usually quicker in my experience) which kind of stops you in your tracks while reading and then reorients you as you continue. it's the kind of thing you want to use either as you build up to a very near peak (like the next line or two you say) OR at the height of your peak, though i would encourage the first one more or at least write that way. but with everything its like do whatever the fuck you want etc etc this is just ! my takes and stuff

rhythm is so fucking hard, like the recent stuff i've worked on has been a nightmare in a rhythmic sense because it mostly is meant to be poetry writing in a prose adjacent style. as a whole ive been thinking more about the small choices people make in poetry, though; was reading a poem that had a very specific stanza break while also having enjambment at that part and i was reading it like ... why is that where you put the stanza break? etc it's really interesting and can be frustrating but u gotta just trust that people write what they wanna write and everything!

but yeah! in terms of vibes i also think that alliteration and similar stuff like sibilance give off that sharper vibe -- if we're looking at alliteration with b or p or k or t is absolutely feels like the kind of thing you announce very crisply which is mostly refreshing, versus s and f and so kind of slow it down OR speed it up in a way that feels like it has a drawl to it. maybe just bc of where i live and the kind of peotry im TRYING to get into more but it gives me US southern energies a bit.

anyway!!! srry for the delay i hope this ramble kinda answered what u were trying to ask me HAHA,thank u for telling mea bout this bc ive literally never heard of this before but it is so so cool!!!!! <3333 always good hearing from u my friend

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rotshop · 3 years

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its MY probably-soon-to-be-dissociation-or-not-able-to-talk-moment and I get to choose the coping mechanism. that coping mechanism is catperson s/o fuck you

anyway hi enjoy please maybe <3 srry this isnt super well written i got brain fog momense

[ tw ; brief talk of being anxious / upset, not described in too much detail ]

"You plannin' on standing there all night or are you gonna say 'hello?'"

You scoff and roll your eyes, narrowing them in the man's direction. "Yeah, cause you suuuree couldn't have just said it yourself."

Despite the (very weak and ultimately non-threatening) bite in your words, you take his acknowledgement as an invitation. It's not the first time you've been in Deimos' room and you're sure it won't be the last, yet you still make to glance around for anything that's changed. It was a habit you'd gotten into after the first few visits, quietly searching for anything you could ask him about whenever you decided to let the act slip. You're appreciative that he doesn't make any comment about you curling up on his bed.

"You aren't great at deflecting, y'know."

"And you aren't great at being a good host," comes your prim hum.

He only laughs at that, the sound making your ears prick up instinctively. As he finally turns in the chair at his desk to look back at you, you wish you could shove them and that awful swarming in your chest down. "So, what dragged you in this time? Couldn't sleep again?"

You go silent at his question, noticeably avoiding his gaze and instead focusing your own below you. Suddenly, the blanket you've been digging your nails into seems far more interesting than anything else. The reaction immediately hints the answer, even if you don't. Before you can lie or make up some excuse, he's picking himself up and coming in front of you.

"Hey, y'know I ain't gonna judge you, right?" He questions, leaned over slightly to look down at you. Despite his reassurance and you knowing he's honest from that stupidly soft tone he's using, you just feel smaller. Physically, it wasn't particularly impressive, you'd always been noticeably shorter than the others. Though, to have him make you feel so minute with just a straight-forward, rhetorical question?

It was near humiliating.

He snaps his fingers in front of your face, bringing you back from whatever internal monologue you were on. He takes the opportunity of you looking up at him to tuck a hand under your chin, keeping you meeting his eyes. "Right?"

You give a little sigh, still embarrassed of the entire situation, "Right."

At your final answer, he grins making that feeling from before just swarm up with a vengeance. "So, you shouldn't have any problems givin' me some kinda clue as to what's going on in that pretty little head a' yours."

An unsure little groan bubbles in your throat, claws drawing into the sheets once more. You knew he wouldn't make a big deal out of it, despite how you two teased and chided one another you had limits. Whenever it came to matters like these you both let those roles slip for a while, simply finding some form of solace and comfort in the others presence.

"I don't know, I just.." you start, words failing you in the moment, "You know how like..you sometimes just feel that pit of dread or whatever, and you just kinda' sit there and zone out? It's like that but just more..sharp, I guess."

He gives a hum of understanding, moving his hand to cup the side of your face gingerly. "I get that. Is there anythin' you wanted in particular to help or..?"

The question only leaves you with a huff and blood threatening to run to your face, eyes leaving his the second they get the chance. "Well, I just- uhm.."

At your pause he makes a little 'go on' gesture, waiting simply for whatever you would request.

"Can you just kinda..hold me for a little while? Like- you don't have to if you're busy or you don't wanna or-" your rambling's cut short by his laughter.

It's not at you, even if embarrassment bubbles in you, tail weakly slapping at the mattress in some kind of defense. It leaves you in a silence that you don't quite have the motivation to fill, laying and staring up at him in a way you only hope isn't as meek as it feels. Just as he calms down, remembering himself once more you make to cut him off, take back your words with an apology or play it off as a joke. His held up hand stops you though, that mix of amusement and gentle fondness in his eyes keeping you still.

" 'Course I can, just gimmie a minute to finish some stuff up 'n I'll be more than happy to."

So, even as he pulls away from you, stealing the warmth of his hand against your skin, you stay still. You lay and wait in quiet patience, already feeling the weight of rest in your limbs as you listen to the quiet clicks and taps of his typing. At one point or another, through the fog of sleep tugging at your mind you notice him walk back over. You don't think to bite back the pleased hum and purr that follows as he lays down beside you.

You can tell he's gentle with you, far more than he really needs to be. You would prod at him about it, make some little tease he'd scoff or retort at, yet in the moment you simply appreciate it. You can tease him later for the way he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close with a little content sigh of his own. You can most definitely remind him of the quick, careful kiss he places on your cheek.

For now though, you can rest a while.

#deimos x reader #madcom x reader #madcom imagines #madness combat x reader #madness combat imagines #rot writes

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

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hello hello :D ive like dumped this idea to my friend but i wanted to share it w u too sbjdnd ( srry it might get ?? a lil bit lengthy ? )

imagine like . a rdr who was an adeptus in the past and died in the archon war BUT they reincarnated . and like their present life / being ( ???? ) kinda sorta befriends xiao or smth and they're completely oblivious to the whole " adeptus in a past life " thing . n at first xiao is like " 😐😑😐😑😐😑😐 ayo wtf " but he's like ok ig i'll talk to u . idk they become like subtle besties or wtvr and then xiao drops the " hey did u know u were an adeptus lolz " . he takes them to meet zhongli and ganyu and stuff to talk abt the past and reminisce and shit but rdr is obvs uncomfy bc like . they dont feel very connected to the whole adeptus thing and they feel awkward being w xiao and ganyu and zhongli now bc its like " these hoes knew me b4 !! but they dont know me as a person rn ! " and it kinda shows bc theyre all acting based on what their like . adeptus life was like . ie " oh but green tea was ur favorite ! " " u always liked having your shoulders massaged " and rdr is just :////

that made absolutely no sense ! but its been lingering in my head and i wanted to talk abt it more SBAJHS

- worm anon

no wait because i’ve always wondered this about reincarnation aus and it seems to be a topic of something you’re trying to touch on so chef’s kiss this is brilliant !!! a reader who doesn’t immediately cave in to the idea that they’re a reincarnation and is like “well, i’m still my own person now” is LOVELY !!! concerns that they’re only being viewed as the person everyone once knew them as but not as the person they know themselves as??? amazing. chef’s kiss. this is a good au and i feel like it would be great for xiao, because he seems the most likely to appreciate the past yet want to move forward with all of the adepti. meanwhile ganyu and zhongli would likely be more firmly rooted in the past and instead keep placing expectations on the reader that i think xiao would have the sense... not to do. zhongli and ganyu are both extremely intelligent, but they’re also sentimental in an upfront way. zhongli clearly longs for the friends of his past in voicelines, while xiao’s longing is seen more in his actions.

xiao would be the better choice to accustom the reader to the idea of them being a reincarnation, because he is the definition of “i show i care though my actions and not necessarily my words” while ganyu and zhongli would try to explain everything to the reader, but that’s not really the approach the reader seems to need???? dhehfhajjsfhhd sorry i’m rambling abt my interpretation of this !!! sorry if i got anything wrong ;;; but this is an adorable idea n would be rlly interesting to read a fic abt!

#worm anon #//mail #mail.xiao

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astrroloaries · 5 years

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I'm a very "don't touch me" kinda person and whew back hugs are it for me but I don't let anyone hug me in general & the guy did that in my dream so I was shook lmaooao, and ah idk maybe it means I want intimacy/affection/ or I have underlying feelings for him but its complicated so I wanna pursue him but I cant and its frustrating, idk I just felt like saying that. Like I was interested in him a while ago but suppressed feelings, air dom antics, and then that dream opened them up, srry ranting

It’s totally fine, thank you for ranting and opening up.

Something similar happened to me, I loved a guy we had a thing together but afterwards some shit happened so we separated and he got a girlfriend and I moved on but the thing is he was my friend first so he was a part of my friend group - which meant suppressed feelings, it was so hard for me but I had to do it for my friends, we still had our moments. But I never stopped dreaming about him that period of my life, I dreamt about him every night, until he started distancing himself from me and the rest of the group, I still think about him. Alright now I rambled on, but my point is he is a personification of something in your life and you see you connected what it might mean, if that is your intuition telling you, then it is so.

thanks for sharing xxx

#dreams #Anon #answered

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mbtipartyblog · 7 years

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What's the best way to differentiate between sx/so and so/sx?

I mean, visually, it can be pretty easy cuz So/Sxs tend to smile and laugh like hyenas (esp if they’ve got more Sx).

Idk, if you’re typing yourself personally, it kind of depends on what you prioritize more? Like which activities (sx or so) do you seem to allot the most time to in a given day (sp-blinds are absolutely awful when it comes to time management, so it’s usually all of it)?

So-doms feel a sense of obligation when it comes to participating in society; they understand that everybody plays a role regardless of how small (think “just 1 smile can change a stranger’s life!” mentality), and they put a lot of energy into looking good, maintaining their friend circles (even if they’re not particularly close), and possibly getting recognized for their achievements.

Sx-doms experience things in a very attraction/repulsion kind of way. It can get confused with So in some situations because it can be very focused on interpersonal connections, but it tends to be more selective. Where So-doms see people interconnected by obligation, Sx-doms see people interconnected by attraction. They gravitate towards situations, hobbies, and people they feel strongly attracted to and fixate on them. When they immerse themselves in a fixation, they see it as part of their identity, in the same way an So-dom will identify themselves with groups they are a part of or roles they play in society.

Both Sx/So and So/Sx use both of these, but you tend to use your aux variant as a means of obtaining your dominant variant. Also, you tend to get more neurotic about your first instinct, esp when its needs aren’t being met:

Ex., I’m pretty sure a lot of So-doms have some form of social anxiety because they place so much value on fitting in and being well-liked that they worry about it constantly. Like, if they get the impression someone dislikes them, they’ll panic and either start modifying their behavior to suit whatever they believe will make the other person like them. Or they end up going like fake So-blind mode

Sx-doms freak out when understimulated. Like, if a hobby or person they’re passionate about gets taken away from them suddenly (have a falling out/lose interest), they really get hurt because it’s like losing a part of themselves. Even with aux So, they tend to have difficulty making friends, because they have to really vibe with someone and because they might have weird as fuck interests, and the idea of having to go a long time without a fixation is… ugly

(rest under cut because it’s long and ramble-y)

we tend to get so focused on a single person/fixation that we start neglecting other aspects of our life that we would have found interesting beforehand…We feel the need to make sacrifices in order to pursue things, so if we get far enough, we might have given up a lot of our old identity. When things are over, we tend to respect that they are and understand that we can’t really go back, but it can be daunting starting from square 1.

Idk, like with So-doms and how they can end up getting disillusioned with society for no reason other than the percieved belief that people don’t like them, Sx-doms can go fake Sx-blind without stimulation– paranoid, with a really morbid fear of their own sexuality. Obvs this works differently with Sx-dominant aro/aces. Self isolating (When Sx/Sos self isolate they tend to end up under a pile of their own garbage; Sx/Sps, so far as I know, can take care of themselves a little better.)

I assume the same thing happens with Sp-doms, when their idea of self care becomes self harm, but I’m not 100% sure how they get from point A to point B to be completely honest?

Bit of a digression, srry. Uh, idk generally when Sx-doms go for a period of inaction (usually because something beyond our control is inhibiting us from doing so) we can get really temperamental? Like some of us have a pretty violent physiological reaction to understimulation?

Idk I haven’t noticed that as much with So-doms, mostly because the way they get angry seems really fake? So/Sxs are better abt it, cuz i’ve seen a few of them like /actually/ get pissed and start throwin shit.

But yea, genuine Sx anger is hot anger. Like, it’s impulsive and there’s a sort of electricity to it? (Not saying it’s good) But it takes more risks? (when i was really young my So/Sp ESFJ dad was making fun of me for doing something that violated some social norm, and I just remember really instinctively whipping like a paperweight or something across the room and getting locked in my bedroom for it)

Like, I’ve gotten better abt it, and my parents have too, but like, it still happens from time to time, and it’s usually because of understimulation.

genuine Sx-blind anger is cold btw, and it sorta terrifies me because they don’t really seem to take any risks when it happens? 0 vulnerability, they just kinda corner u and tell u in deep tones abt how they’ve been working their ass off for years and never once have gotten recognized for it, and ur like “nice to meet u lol” and hope they don’t vlad the impaler u

Also a digression that adds nothing to this post, sorry.

#ask #Jawsanswers

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sadrien · 7 years

Text

goodbyes & hellos

on ao3

im so so so late but hey this is for first day of prompt week for @thinkoutsidethelovesquare!!!! day one: wrong number

this was a lot of fun tbh and ive been dying to write this ship. alyas texts are italicized, adriens are underlined on ao3, just bold here bc tumblrs a butt. shoutout to @reyxa for the title <3

enjoy!

Alya narrows her eyes at the new message that lights up her phone. It’s an unknown number that she doesn’t recognize — not that she’s given her number to anyone recently — and it’s also seven in the morning . Anyone how knows her at all should know that she doesn’t wake up before at least nine on the weekends. (And that has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn’t sleep during the week and tends to go to bed after two in the morning.)

She groans as another message shows up on the screen. She squints and lets the messages flow in, figuring she can tell the person they’ve got the wrong number after they’ve finished whatever they have to say. Or she can decide that it’s unimportant and ignore it and go back to sleep.

She likes her second plan the best.

unknown number: Hi!

unknown number: Just wanted to let you know the start time for today has been moved from 10 to 9:15

unknown number: My father has a meeting at 1300 so he wants to get it all done as soon as possible

unknown number: And I know you mentioned wanting to have him on set yesterday

unknown number: I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience! Your agent should be calling you soon, but I thought I’d give you a heads up

Alya squints at the screen. She doesn’t want to care but she’s curious. And curiousity killed the cat and all that but she’s used to letting her nosiness get the best of her.

unknown number: agents???

unknown number: 1st of all srry u have the wrong number

unknown number: 2nd of all were u talking to a movie star or smth???????

unknown number: book writer??

unknown number: what kinda person needs an agent

unknown number: Oh I’m sorry! I must’ve gotten the wrong number from someone

unknown number: I’m really sorry if I was bothering you

Alya rolls her eyes.

unknown number: u woke me up but its chill cause now im curious

unknown number: Curious? About what?

unknown number: way 2 keep avoiding the question

unknown number: ???

unknown number: u said the person u meant to text has an agent

unknown number: how fancy r they

unknown number: Oh! She’s a model!

Alya’s eyes widen. The most famous person she knows is that thirteen year old that was in her school who has ten thousand subscribers on YouTube because she makes lyric videos. The second is a boy who has a few thousand instagram followers because he has nice abs and lots of white boy clothing and muscle shirts.

unknown number: u kno a model????????

unknown number: Uhh

unknown number: I’m not sure how much personal information I should be giving to a stranger

Alya sighs. So close.

unknown number: its fine dude (dude? u good w that? lmk if u arent) i getchu

unknown number: u can just stop responding if u dont wanna talk

She locks her phone and slides it back under her pillow. She stares at the ceiling for a few more minutes, wondering if she’ll be able to fall back asleep. As much as she’d like to take the train back to dreamville, she can’t. Because now she’s awake and now she’s wondering. And once she stops wondering, she doesn’t stop.

She’ll probably stop thinking about this random wrong number in a few days and in a few months, she’ll forget about them entirely but…

Ugh.

Sleep definitely isn’t an option anymore.

Leaving her phone in her bed, she pads to the kitchen, twisting her hair up into a messy bun as she does so. No one is up yet — of course they aren’t, it’s seven on a Saturday and everyone is taking advantage of every precious minute of sleep they can get — so she has the run of the house to herself.

So she makes herself some coffee and a bowl of cereal and turns to television on. Her initial plan is to just leave it on whatever channel that’s playing when she first turns it on, and luckily the twins were the last ones to use it. Saturday morning cartoons. Score.

Alya stirs sugar in her coffee as Cyber Chase plays in the background. It’s not much more than background noise, it’s the middle of an episode and she doesn’t really know what’s happening, but she does snort at a few of the bad jokes.

“You’re up early,” her mom says before dropping a kiss on the top of Alya’s head.

Alya hums. “Got a few text messages and they woke me up.” She notes how her mom purposefully avoids eye contact as she opens a cabinet. Alya rolls her eyes and eats a spoonful of cereal.

“School friends?” her mom asks carefully.

“Yes,” Alya lies. Better than her mom asking more questions. The biggest one being why were you talking to a complete stranger?

“Are you going to see them before we leave?”

Alya glues her eyes to the TV. “If they’re around.”

Her mom makes an unimpressed sound and Alya resists the urge to roll her eyes. She texted a few of her friends the other week, but the conversation was awkward and stilted. They all had the same sort of idea about cutting ties.

Alya sighs and puts down her spoon, twisting around in her seat to face her mom. “I promise I’m talking to them.”

Her mom gives her that look— the one where her lips purse and a crease between her eyebrows that’s becoming more and more permanent; the one that says she wants to push for more details, but won’t unless they’re volunteered first. Which Alya is not doing, thank you very much. “If you say so, honey,” her mom says, turning her attention to the breakfast she’s making.

Alya stares down into her cereal bowl.

Time to evacuate to her bedroom.

She finishes her cereal as quickly as she can without choking and dumps her bowl and spoon in the sink as she passes it, taking her coffee with her to her room. New plan: curl up in bed with her laptop and hope her mom just leaves her alone until they move.

Alya’s almost forgotten about her phone by the time she flops onto her bed. It vibrates almost as soon as she opens her laptop. She frowns as she pulls it out from under her pillow.

unknown number: Dude is fine for me

unknown number: He/him pronouns please

unknown number: Thanks for asking I really appreciate it, actually

unknown number: People don’t always ask

Plan trashed. This is a better plan.

unknown number: she/her for me

unknown number: and no prob man

unknown number: i wasnt gonna assume ur gender

unknown number: ok that mightve sounded bad but i didnt mean it in a bad way like the ‘lol dont assume my gender’ way jerks do sometime i meant it in like a genuine

unknown number: if u have smth u wanna say u should say it because i am very tired and i can go on for a while

Whoops.

Alya can’t say she’s known for her stellar first impressions but she usually doesn’t ramble her way into an awkward corner. She mindlessly flips through apps as she waits for a response.

unknown number: Don’t worry about it! I didn’t take it the wrong way or anything

Alya smiles to herself as she responds. He keeps leaving her openings which is nice. Based off his initial reaction, she thought he’d shut this down as fast as possible.

She realizes this is probably a little weird. But it’s the most exciting thing to happen to her since school let out so…

unknown number: so whats up stranger??

unknown number: b4 u ask im just sitting in my room doing nothing but text u so thats my morning

unknown number: I actually have work soon, so that’s fun

Alya raises her eyebrows. She forgot age was something else she didn’t know yet.

unknown number: oo work that sounds fun

unknown number: what do u do???

unknown number: I work for my dad, it isn’t anything special

unknown number: But it gives me something to do with my time so I don’t mind that much

unknown number: If I randomly stop responding without warning, that’s why

unknown number: good 2 kno

unknown number: can i ask what u do 4 ur dad or is that 2 personal

unknown number: I uh… I just do whatever he needs me to do

unknown number: I don’t get paid or anything but

unknown number: ay it still works as a resume builder

unknown number: Yeah exactly!

unknown number: thats cool that ur dad can get u a job!! my mom and dad could never w their jobs so i just suffer

unknown number: not that thats any different from what i would do anyway as a teenager

Alright, perfect. She’s brought up the age question in a really clunky and awkward way. Better than nothing.

unknown number: Oh how old are you?

unknown number: I’m 15

Alya lets out a sigh of relief.

unknown number: ayy same!

unknown number: just ur fav teenage superhero blogger

unknown number: doing nothing with her life

unknown number: You like superheroes?

unknown number: yeah!! i love comic books. you??

unknown number: I don’t have time to read many but yeah! I’ve always loved Spiderman

unknown number: wonder woman is my g i r l

unknown number: superheroes are just so cool

She waits a few minutes before she decides that he must have gone off to work. Bonding over superheroes, that’s good. A shared interest. She scrolls through their conversation, rereading some of the earlier messages before she creates a contact for him. She makes the name ‘stranger’ and leaves it at that.

It’s not like they’re meeting up or anything. Even if he is an ax murderer, can’t kill her if she never sends him her location.

Alya spends the next couple of hours avoiding her mom as much as possible. She takes her sisters to the park and then goes to the library after she brings them home.

She doesn’t want to talk about it.

She’s clicking through a webcomic that she missed a few weeks worth of updates when her phone buzzes. She glances down, expecting it to be a text from her mom asking if she has any plans or to do chores or something, but is pleasantly surprised to see a message from her stranger.

stranger: Sorry about that, work ran long

stranger: Admittedly, I don’t know very much about Wonder Woman, but she looks very awesome

unknown number: !!!!

unknown number: when ive got more time remind me to tell u all abou t her

unknown number: and to rec some comic books even if u dont have time

stranger: Is she your favorite?

Alya sits back in her chair. This conversation is going to be a long one.

Alya finds herself randomly texting her stranger for the next few days. He doesn’t always respond quickly, but he responds eventually, no matter how weird her original message.

That’s more than she can say for most of her friends.

She texts him as she’s sitting on the counter in her kitchen, stirring a pot.

unknown number: hey stranger whats up

stranger: Just reading, you?

unknown number: making box mac n cheese

stranger: Sounds fun

unknown number: yeah im gonna eat it straight from the pot

The three dots bounce on the screen as the stranger takes his time with the next message. Alya snorts and turns off the stove, straining the pasta and moving to the fridge to find butter and cheese. He’s found his words by the time she’s letting the butter melt in the pot.

stranger: Straight from the pot? Why?

unknown number: because i live life on the edge

unknown number: and also because im too lazy to clean the dish later

stranger: You know what? That’s fair

Sometimes, Alya thinks that she probably shouldn’t think about someone who she doesn’t even know the name of as often as she does, let alone text him as much as she does. But sometimes she’ll see something, and she’ll immediately think of him. Or she’ll just be randomly upset and feel the strong urge to pick up the phone and see if he’s available to vent to.

She knows it’s kind of weird, but she can’t help herself.

One night, at around two in the morning, she finds herself messaging him.

unknown number: hey did i ever mention i was moving

She’s almost asleep, slightly more okay than she was before she sent the text, when he responds.

stranger: You haven’t but we also don’t talk about where we live

Alya stares at the screen for a long moment, the bright light in the darkness making everything on the screen blur into nothing. She just feels kind of numb.

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: like 8 hours away from where i live now

stranger: Wow that’s a big move

unknown number: yeah

stranger: I’m guessing you don’t want to go?

unknown number: not really

unknown number: did u know ur my only friend right now

stranger: I am?

unknown number: me and my other friends sort of cut ties

stranger: The internet exists

stranger: Phones exist

stranger: FaceTime and Skype both kind of suck, but they exist

unknown number: yeah i guess

unknown number: i guess its just too hard for any of us to try

stranger: I have no idea how far apart we live

stranger: We’re doing just fine

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: yeah ur right

One of Alya’s small comforts that comes to mind whenever she thinks about moving is the fact that she’ll have her phone on her and a portable charger. Her stranger will be with her every step of the way.

He’d managed to get her to talk to some of her friends. She doesn’t really think it’ll last once she’s in Paris, but the attempt is nice. And it gives her other people to talk to for the rest of the summer.

It’s too early in the morning when they leave for the last time for her to get really emotional about moving. All she has the energy to do is to take a picture of her old apartment, caption it ‘one last goodbye to marseille’, and save it before sending it to her friends over Snapchat. Before she falls asleep against the car window, she texts it to her stranger.

She wakes up to a new text among the goodbyes from her friends.

stranger: Have a nice car ride! I’ll let you know when I get back from work <3

Alya hides her smile from her sisters and screenshots the text for later.

She texts him from the floor of her new bedroom while her dad starts moving boxes. They’ve been in the process of moving for a while now, shipping most of their things to Paris beforehand. Now all that remains is the actual unpacking.

Alya doesn’t have the energy for that. She just lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling for a while. Then she picks up her phone and sends him a text.

It’s been about an hour since they last talked. She’d talked to him for a good majority of the car ride, only stopping when he was busy and ending the conversation when they arrived so she could get her things out of the car and help her sisters with theirs. She’d sent him a picture of her empty bedroom and said ‘let the unpacking begin :P’. He’d responded with a ‘Good luck!!’ and ‘I’ll let you get to work!’

Alya’s thumb hovers over the send button for a few seconds. She’s never really pushed him for any sort of personal information before.

New city, new Alya. Or something.

unknown number: hey just wondering

unknown number: what do u have me in ur phone as??

unknown number: i have u in here as stranger

stranger: Your contact name?

stranger: Uh awkward but you don’t?

stranger: You’re the only one I just have the number for, so I know who you are that way

Alya reads his texts a few times before she responds. She doesn’t know what she expects in return, but she figures she has nothing to lose.

unknown number: im alya

unknown number: in case u were wondering

stranger: Hi Alya

stranger: I’m Adrien

#adrien agreste #alya cesaire #alyadrien #outsidethelovesquare #miraculous ladybug #my fics #oof its done

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g-taire · 7 years

Note

ah okay this'll be hard to articulate but my feelings abt enjolras sorta stem from a wholly different place- i /really/ really relate to him, which ig is kinda odd as im also a mentally ill queer person lol. but anyway, fandom characterization of enjolras (and like.. so many people tbh, but fandom is as fandom does) really irritates me bc he is said to love love. like, a lot of mischaracterization i think comes from the fact that hes a sort of 'tough love' person in the book, but even then +

(p2) i feel like people forget that hes leading a revolution in an oppressive dictatorship and he doesnt really have Time to be Soft. anyway, back to my original point on love. love is enjolras’s driving force- if you are leading a revolution For The People, you arent above the common people or are cruel to them??? you would have to love them to risk your life for them. and you also love your friends?? bc your friends /are/ the common folk. like feuilly is a working man (and i could continue +

(p3) listing people off but I Won’t). but enjolras doesnt see them as a Cause, he isnt /inhuman/. he loves his friends for the same reason we all love our friends?? plus theres a moment in the barricade where i read it and sorta had a different reaction than others. when enjolras tells grantaire to leave the barricade and sleep off his wine, i feel like its less “youre worthless to us bc youre drunk and therefore cannot help” (altho w/ the eras POV on alcoholism it cld defo be a factor) +

(p4) and moreso enjolras doing what he did with the fathers in a different way- he doesnt want anyone who didnt believe in what they were doing (ie grantaire) to risk their life and possibly die for a new day that enjolras probably knew wouldnt happen in their lifetime. he doesnt want unnecessary blood on his hands (like, remember the line “death, i use you but i hate you?” or something along those lines). ANYWAY I RAMBLED ON A LOT BUT I JUST REALLY LOVE ENJ AND PROJECT ON HIM A LIL BIT WOW SRRY

I don’t think it’s odd at all!! Enjolras is a classic queer character, i think it makes perfect sense.

that’s a perspective i hadn’t considered (re: tough love leading to mischaracterization), to be quite honest!! I could see how people could mischaracterize enjolras (he is, at times, brutally efficient, see le cubac) but i was more frustrated as to how they (seem to) miss the love aspect all together.

also the second, about sending grantaire away. what an interesting reading!! to be honest, i skewed more towards the general perception; that he was sending grantaire away because he was in the way and obviously seemed incapacitated/too drunk to help.

in the scene, grantaire is being crass about women and then depressing about their fates and his uselessness since birth, which prompts courfeyrac to tell him to shut up, and enjolras to tell him to sleep elsewhere.

“Grantaire,“ he shouted, “go get rid of the fumes of your wine somewhere else than here. This is the place for enthusiasm, not for drunkenness. Don’t disgrace the barricade.

and of course these lines:

“Go and sleep somewhere else,” cried Enjolras.

But Grantaire, still keeping his tender and troubled eyes fixed on him, replied, “Let me sleep here, — until I die.“

Enjolras regarded him with disdainful eyes.

“Grantaire, you are incapable of believing, of thinking, of willing, of living, and of dying.”

so i can understand the general reading: grantaire is disturbing everyone with his drunken ramblings, enjolras needs his men to fight and potentially die. but… that doesn’t invalidate your reading either. grantaire is not only in the way, but also an unnecessary death.

this is a reading i haven’t seen before, and i’m not a les mis scholar, but i think it is very much supported by the text!! i think it fits perfectly into enjolras’ character, and you have quoted exactly the line i would have to illustrate enjolras’ feelings on the matter. this is outside any sort of shipping or other relationship enjolras and grantaire have; this is purely a character action reading that, i think, is kinda brilliant

tbh i don’t have anything to add to that, i just want to share it

#please others add on because this is something i haven't seen before i'm very excited #meta #answered #Anonymous

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