#this is more so a reflection of today’s grocery store chat with my dad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

allisonxmoynihan · 4 years

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always be my baby ~ p. moynihan

Request: could you write something with any of the boys moynihan where you see him after a really bad break up and memories come flooding back in and you end up talking and he says if he could go back and do it all over again with you he would

Word Count: 7391

Note: This was previously posted on my old account but with a different title. After posting I thought this title was better suited. But I wanted to repost this because I got a lot of requests for a part two, so that will be in the works soon!

You were sitting on your bed with your dad’s gift sprawled out in front of you: a picture collage of you and him throughout your 18 years of life, your baby photo smack dab in the middle; the picture frame was decorated in vintage buttons, something you knew your dad would appreciate. You were trying to figure out how to wrap it as you were on a facetime call with your best friends Kelsie and Olivia.

“Yeah, I don’t know Kels, it’s really weird that he asked for your opinion on what to wear if he was only going to ask Jenna out like three hours later,” you say finally selecting on the wrapping paper that says ‘super dad’ and ‘my number one hero’ all over it.

“That’s what I’m saying, girl we’re gonna find you someone though because no one is gonna treat one of my girls like that,” Olivia sasses.

“Thanks girls. Hey, y/n what time is the barbeque? Your mom just said to come today, but like when? Because I don’t wanna be late, but I gotta get ready so I look good. Oh! Lemme show you the dress I’m gonna wear!” Kelsie exclaims, running over to her closet.

You laugh, “you can come whenever, I’m going down to help my mom cook in a little bit anyway. My dad’s fishing with the little troublemakers right now, so it’s going to be a surprise.”

You pick out a blue and green braided ribbon to compliment the wrapping paper as the girls explain that they’re going to get ready and head over right away to help you and your mom. Grabbing your dad’s gift, you walk downstairs to the kitchen where your mom stands fumbling over a recipe book.

“I don’t know why they make the print so small when older people are the ones that cook!” she exclaims, “y/n, get over here. Can you read this for me? Does it say ¾ tbs.?”

You crinkle up your face, “mom, what the heck, it says ½ a teaspoon.”

“You know, one day you’re going to be just like me needing your kids to read recipes to you.” She pauses when she looks up, her face softening when she sees you in your white floral dress with your hair curled and held back in a half up half down style. A wide smile blossoms on her face, “oh, sweetie, you’re so beautiful,”

Your face grows red in embarrassment at your mom’s compliment, “mooommm,” you whine causing her to smile back at you.

“Come on, are you helping or what? We have almost fifty people coming in two hours, and where are Liv and Kels?”

As if on cue Olivia and Kelsie come in through the front door and into the kitchen, gift bags in hand.

“Hello!” They sing together.

You smile at your best friends as your mom directs them on how to help prepare various dishes for the party.

By the time the food tables are neatly organized by appetizers, main dishes, and desserts, guests come flooding into your backyard and find themselves preoccupied with cornhole, chit chatting, or gossiping about the neighborhood kids.

Your little brothers Luke and Nate come running into the backyard, “He’s coming!” they squeal, hiding behind the slide so that they can scare your dad.

When your dad rounds the corner and sees everyone he starts laughing as everyone yells a big, “surprise!”

Your brothers come up to you and your friends asking if you guys can go to the front yard to play basketball, and you happily oblige to their request. The three of you let the six year old boys outrun you and score over and over again as they giggle and boast about how great they are. The moment is cut short when you look up to see the Moynihan clan approaching your driveway. You feel your throat begin to tighten as you turn around and run inside to the bathroom.

Your family and the Moynihans were close, so you knew it was inevitable that you would eventually see him again. You’ve been dreaming up the different ways this exact moment would happen, but nothing could prepare you for this. You cuss at yourself for thinking you were actually over the only boy you had ever really loved. It’s easy to think you’re over someone when you don’t have to see them every day, but seeing Patrick getting out of the backseat of his mom’s car had everything come flooding back in. And that’s when it finally hit you: you were still madly in love with him.

~*~

It was the first weekend of December, a light snowfall dusting the grounds of Millis that you and Patty found yourselves downtown Boston for the annual tree lighting ceremony. The cold winter breeze caused your body to go numb, but you were thankful for the hot coco patrick had bought that was keeping you warm.

You were standing in front of him with your back pressed against his torso towards the front of the crowd, his hands wrapped loosely around your waist, his chin resting on your shoulder. He was gently swaying you back and forth as dusk was fast approaching.

“Do you wanna come over and help decorate sugar cookies after the ceremony?” patty asks, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek.

You feel a blush creep onto your cheeks. Knowing you didn’t want this night to end you accepted his offer. Baking with patrick was something you always wanted to do but never really had the guts to ask to do. It’s not that you thought he wouldn’t do it with you, because you had him wrapped so tightly around your finger, the boy would do absolutely anything for you if you asked.

“Awesome,” he grins, “we just have to stop at the grocery store on our way home then. Mom said we need frosting and food coloring.” you nod, a shiver coming over you. “You cold?” he asks, and without waiting for an answer he takes off his scarf and wraps it around your neck smiling at you, “looks way better on you,”

You roll your eyes playfully at him, “you’re such a loser, you know that right?”

He chuckles, “oh yeah? A loser that you love”

The two of you stand in silence as the stars become visible and the skyline becomes illuminated in the shadows of the night. You and patty stare up at the enormous tree in the middle of Boston Common, the mayor starting a countdown and everyone eagerly joining in. And before you know it the tree is sparkling and the ornaments radiate and reflect the light. An older couple offers to take your photo with Patrick in front of the lit tree, and you couldn’t be any happier than right here in this moment with your boyfriend.

On the car ride to Shaw’s you and Patty are blasting Luke Combs and singing along. Patrick turns up the volume when Beautiful Crazy comes on, “Alright ladies and gents, this song is dedicated to the one and only love of my life, y/n y/l/n, my beautiful girlfriend that I love more than anything in this world.” You laugh at his pretending of giving a concert as he starts to belt out the lyrics, “She's unpredictable, unforgettable, It's unusual, unbelievable, How I'm such a fool, yeah, I'm such a fool for her…” Pat scream sings, closing his eyes and tilting his head back on the headrest.

You giggle at the sight, taking over the next line, “The way that she dances, ain't afraid to take chances”

“And wears her heart on her sleeve”

“Yeah, she's crazy, she's crazy, she's crazy”

The two of you look each other in the eyes, smiling widely as Patrick finishes off the song, “But her crazy's beautiful to me”

Back at the Moynihan household Mrs. Moynihan takes out a container of six cookies for you two to decorate, “you’re lucky the girls saved some for you two,” she smiles, starting to mix different food colorings into separate bowls of frosting. “Let me know when you kiddos are done and I’ll clean up while you take y/n home, okay?” Mrs. Moynihan says as she pats Patrick on the back before walking into the family room to join her husband.

“Thanks mama,” Patty calls out after her.

You grab a cookie and some light blue frosting, getting ready to make a snowflake and accent it with the white pearl sprinkles Mrs. Moynihan took down for you. Patty starts singing holiday tunes as he’s bopping his head up and down to the beat of the songs, “y/n don’t be a grinch! Join in!” he laughs, throwing a handful of sprinkles at you.

“Patrick!” you hiss, as he starts singing Jingle Bells.

“Come on y/n, I know you know this one!” you shake your head but join in anyway.

You finish your snowflake cookie, glad that it actually turned out and wasn’t ugly. You go to show Patrick, but in the process you see his creation. “Uhh, what is that?”

He looks up at you confused, “A hockey stick, what else does it look like?” he scoffs.

You raise your eyebrows looking at the crooked black lines that are scribbled on his cookie as he works on filling it in, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth, clearly in deep concentration.

“I don’t know, it kind of looks like a mangled spider leg.”

He looks at you with a hurt expression on his face, “I can’t believe you just said that to me.”

You smile, “Yeah, well at least you’re good at something, Patty… but it’s definitely not this.”

~*~

You walk out to your backyard to see your mom waving you over to her and some of the book club moms.

“y/n why don’t you tell everyone about your plan to go to New York,” she smiles encouragingly.

You hate the attention your mom brings to your project all the time, but you’re also thankful that she’s supportive and proud of your hard work and dedication.

“Oh, it’s nothing really. I’m in a film class at school so I’m going to New York in a couple of weeks with Kelsie and Olivia to make a short film to bring attention to the homeless and ways we can fight it together.”

The moms look at you all impressed, “Oh wow, that’s very nice. And where do you go to school again honey?” one of the moms asks you.

“Tufts,”

“Oh, how impressive,” the moms turn back to your own mom and begin gossiping about the next thing that comes across their mind.

You turn on your heel to go look for Liv and Kels to save you from all the parents boasting about their kids’ accomplishments and gossiping about the rebellious neighborhood kids. And that’s when you see it, and your heart sinks all over again. At the table you see Patrick and your dad talking. Patty says something that must have made your dad laugh because your dad throws his head back, slapping his knee, as Patrick chuckles softly to himself. You feel hot tears sting your eyes and threaten to spill as you try and fight them back.

You try to ignore the memories of the weekly disney marathons at your house that Patrick would come to, but to no avail the memories come flooding in all over again. The two of you snuggled up on the couch, him rubbing soft circles on your back and kissing the top of your head. How he wasn’t afraid to cry at the sad and ugly parts, but how’d he laugh and make jokes at the other parts. The way he’d run to cover Luke and Nate’s eyes when a kiss scene would appear on the screen. You would give everything back for just one more night like that, to be back in his toned arms where it felt like home.

You feel tears start to slide down your cheeks, as you zone back into reality, your dad and Patty still conversing with each other. and before you know it Olivia and Kelsie are guiding you up to your room, away from the party and guests outside.

“y/n, come on, you know you can talk to us,” Kelsie coos rubbing your back as silent tears stroll down your cheeks.

“I just d-didn’t think seeing h-him would be this h-hard,” you hiccup, a loud sob escaping your mouth.

Olivia pulls you into a hug, “oh honey,” Kelsie joins in, rubbing your tears away.

“I don’t know why, but I just really miss him still,” you cry out, finally letting all your built up emotions pour out as you bury your face in Olivia's shoulder, your two best friends just holding you close and wiping your tears as they fall.

~*~

Patty 🥰

I’ll come pick u up after practice

y/n

What time?

Patty 🥰

7 i’ll see u soon baby i love you sm

y/n

I love you too patty

You put your phone down on the counter, trying to hide the inevitable smile that was occupying your face.

“Why are you so happy?” Your mom asks coming into the kitchen, “Something with Pat, huh?” she asks, laughing to herself as she goes over to wash some dishes.

You open the refrigerator to get some orange juice, “we’re going on a picnic tonight for our two year anniversary.”

“Oh, how sweet, do we need to get anything for your picnic?”

“No, he said he’s got everything taken care of”

Your mom nods, going over to the stove to dry her hands on the towel that hangs off the oven door. “And what did we get lover boy for your anniversary?”

You take a sip of your orange juice, “I made him a scrapbook of everything that’s happened in the last two years between us and at the back i wrote him a letter,” you explain to your mom how you made sure to include all the cringey parts from the beginning of your relationship, like the time you tried to impress him at the eighth grade dance by wearing heels you could not walk in to save your life.

She smiles, “I’m sure he’s going to love that, it sounds very sweet y/n.”

“Thanks mama,” you say, leaning into her side as she presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“What are we wearing tonight?” she asks, fashion was always your mom’s favorite thing and she was ecstatic when she found out she was having a baby girl so that she could dress you up all cute and do your hair.

You shrug your shoulders, “I haven’t really figured that out yet,”

Your mom glances at the clock on the wall, “Well his practice is over soon, so why don’t we go look at some outfit options.” you follow your mom up to your room and she instantly goes to your closet searching through the thousands and thousands of clothes that occupied the hangers and shelves.

You sigh, “I don’t know what he’s wearing though, like I don’t want to be too dressed up but I don’t want to look like a slob either,”

Your mom nods, “Well, a little birdie told me what he packed in his bag to wear, and I think this dress would be just darling on you tonight,” your mom says holding up your long sleeve yellow dress with the pink and white little daisies printed on it. “And wear it with those brown slide on sandals, you know, the ones we got last month.”

You smile up at her, “thanks mom,” you say getting off your bed and grabbing the dress from her and heading into your bathroom to change. You smooth the dress over your body and start straightening your hair. By the time you’re done getting ready you hear the doorbell ring and you feel the butterflies in your stomach take off. You run into your room and slide your shoes on before grabbing Patty’s gift and running downstairs.

Patrick is standing in the foyer talking to your dad. You’re happy to see that Patty is also dressed nicely for the occasion.

“Luke, Nate, and I are making nachos and watching some baseball, Mrs. y/l/n has book club tonight so we’re having a boys night,”

Pat smiles, “Ah nice, yeah my dad and I definitely had our fair share of those when the girls all left,” He laughs, glancing up at the stairs before looking back over at your dad. His eyes dart back over to you as his jaw drops, a light blush creeping up on his cheeks.

Your dad pats his shoulder, “Be safe tonight, okay, and don’t do anything stupid. Make good choices, alright?” He points his finger at Pat before planting a kiss on the top of your head and walking into the living room where your brothers are.

Pat smiles down at you, “you look absolutely stunning,”

You blush smacking his shoulder playfully, “you don’t look too bad yourself moynihan,”

He laughs, grabbing your hand and leading you out to his car. On the car ride Pat is telling you about his last practice with Nobles, how their last game is coming up on Tuesday, and how you totally have to be there for it.

“You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you say reassuringly

He smiles, pulling into a parking spot, “So, the spot i found for us is a little bit of a walk, but uh, it’s not too far.”

You nod, “okie dokie,”

Pat grabs the picnic basket and grabs your hand, interlacing your fingers with his, as he guides you down the paved path towards the little pond in the nature preserve. Patty lays out the picnic blanket in front of the pond, and the two of you find yourselves smiling and talking about everything and anything over your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and strawberries. You slide the scrapbook you made over to him, and you see a wide smile, the one you’ve come to love so much, spread upon his face. He opens it up and starts looking at all the pages, documenting your love story from eighth grade to now.

“Thank you, baby,” he smiles, closing the scrapbook and digging deep into his pocket. “Here, give me your arm,” he says as you hold your arm out to him. He takes out a bracelet that he clasps around your wrist. You look down and smile at the infinity chain bracelet that now adorned your wrist.

“You have my heart forever and always baby,” he says, putting his hand on top of yours.

You lean over and press a kiss to his cheek, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

You find yourselves lying on your backs, hand in hand, looking up at the sky, the sun almost disappearing, as the sky was a canvas of pinks, blues, and oranges. This night was everything you asked for and more, you felt like you were on top of the world, and to top it all off you had the best guy in the entire world by your side. Hours pass by and you and Pat find yourselves snuggled up, looking at the night sky and stargazing.

“Look it’s the big dipper,” he laughs, lifting his arm up and pointing at a constellation.

You giggle, hiding your face in his chest, “Pattt, that’s orion’s belt, oh my gosh,”

He laughs, looking down at you with adoration filled in his eyes. His eyes flick down to your lips and back up to your e/c eyes before leaning in and placing a soft and slow kiss to your lips. You smile into the kiss, readjusting so you’re straddled over his hips. Patty’s lips trail down your skin, peppering your neck with kisses as he nips at the skin just above your collarbone. Your hands find themselves tangled in his hair, tugging loosely at the ends. Pat’s hands slide up your dress and rest on your bare skin as he kisses back up your neck before pressing a passionate kiss to your lips.

Patrick turns you over as he lifts your dress up and over your head, before reconnecting his lips to yours. You feel him growing hard above your throbbing core, you grind your hips against him and he lets out a throaty groan, letting his hands roam your body. You two separate for a moment, your forehead pressed against his, your breathing hard and heavy.

“You’re sure this is okay?” he asks, sincerity filling his voice.

You nod your head, “I love you patrick,” you say as you pull his shirt off, pulling him into a deep kiss. His hands move down to kick off his khakis as he trails kisses down your skin, “I love you too baby girl,” he hums against your skin. The small, quiet whimpers leaving your mouth causing Patty to smile against your skin. He presses a final kiss to your abdomen before sliding your underwear down to your legs and inserting two fingers into you. You let out a soft moan, digging your nails into his biceps as he thrusts his fingers in and out of you, quickening his pace. You feel a knot forming in your stomach as you squint your eyes shut. Patty removes his fingers before sucking on them.

“Patty,” you whine

He smiles at your desperation as he nonchalantly removes himself from his boxers before lining up with your entrance and thrusting in. He sucks on the skin of your neck as he continues his thrusts, tiny grunts escaping his mouth as you moan out his name.

“Patty, harder,” you grumble as you tug on his hair.

He’s biting down particularly hard as he pushes harder. You start lifting your hips up to meet his thrusts making it easier for him.

“You’re so good baby,” he mumbles against your skin, his thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier, “I know you’re almost there, baby girl.” The knot in your stomach tightens, as you release, a throaty moan leaving your lips. Patty smiles, kissing up your neck and kissing you on the lips once more. His pace continues until he’s releasing into you, planting kisses all over your skin.

“Happy two years y/n, I can’t wait to spend the next eighty with you by my side,”

~*~

Olivia and Kelsie convince you to leave your room after you’ve calmed down a little. “Come on, you need to eat, okay? It’ll make you feel better.”

“And we’ll be there the whole time to keep you distracted!” Kelsie pipes in, the two girls guiding you back outside.

You grab a plate of some of your mom’s famous mashed potatoes and a cheeseburger heading over to the seat at the table in between Liv and Kels.

“Oh my gosh, did I show you the dress my sister picked for her wedding?” Kelsie squeals, grabbing her phone and scrolling through her text messages. You and Liv share a knowing look before hovering over Kelsie’s screen.

“Oh my gosh, that’s beautiful!” you and Liv say in unison.

Kelsie locks her screen, “42 dresses later, right?” she laughs, continuing to fill you two in on all the wedding details. You hear your little brothers squeal and you whip your head around on instinct. Upon doing so you lock eyes with him for the first time since he turned around, walked out, and never came back. You feel everything around you freeze, your breath hitches in your throat, and the cup of water in your hand falls to the table and spills. All the hurt and pain comes creeping back into your life as you lose yourself in his clear blue eyes. You feel a tear slide down your cheek as you remember the beginning of the end, where everything started to fall apart. And once again, you begin to wonder how you could have saved your relationship with the only man you ever wanted to be with.

~*~

After months of begging, your parents finally agreed to let you fly out to Michigan on your fall break so that you could see Patrick. It was his final year with the ntdp before leaving for college, and you and some of his teammates were at a diner grabbing some food after one of their games. It’s all fun and games, his teammates and their girlfriends quickly growing fond of you and including you in all the jokes.

Next to you Chelsea taps Fran’s shoulder, “look who it is,” she says, rolling her eyes at the group of beautiful, tall, skinny, blondes that come strolling into the diner. You turn and look at her, “Who are those girls?”

Fran laughs, shaking her head, “They’re the popular group at school, think they own the place.” you wrinkle up your nose, knowing a handful of girls like that at your own school.

You go to tell Patty something and that’s when you notice him checking out one of the girls, his eyes following her as she bends down to pick up her dropped phone. You swallow the lump that formed in your throat, blinking away the tears, as you shove a fork full of mac-n-cheese into your mouth. You couldn’t understand how every other guy at the table couldn’t care less about the group of stunning blondes that strolled in, but your boyfriend of four years couldn’t get enough of them.

Back at his billet house the two of you are alone up in his room, scrolling through netflix to find something to watch.

“y/n what’s wrong? You’ve barely said a word to me all night.”

You shrug, scrolling through instagram on your phone.

He throws himself down on his bed, leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek but you turn away from him.

“What the fuck, babe, what’s going on?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that my boyfriend paid more attention to the stuck up blonde bitch at the diner than me all night” you retort

He looks taken aback, “what the hell are you even talking about?” his tone getting defensive.

You give him an ‘oh come on’ face, “really pat? You had googly eyes, motherfucking googly eyes at her and she winked at you. Winked. Did you think I wouldn't notice?”

Patrick scoffs beside you, “oh and you’re just a saint, right? You never look at any guys because you’re innocent and you’re totally committed to me”

“Are you seriously trying to turn this on me right now?”

“Don’t think I don’t know about aaron the infamous soccer player,”

“Jesus christ, I was failing biology and he was my tutor, there was nothing ever going on between us” you huff.

“I don’t get why you’re getting so upset right now, so what i checked out another girl?”

“You don’t get why i’m getting upset? Patrick, you promised me you would stay loyal to me and the minute I get here you’re looking at any other girl you can find. Am i that big of a joke to you?” the tears come streaming down your cheeks and Patty pulls you into a hug, you sobbing into his chest.

“Baby, i’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

~*~

You, Olivia, and Kelsie are gathered at the fire pit, roasting some marshmallows for s’mores when you look over to find Luke and Nate playing cornhole with Patty. You smile softly, knowing how much your brothers adored him and looked up to him. You swear, the amount of times you heard one of them say they want to be just like Patty when they grow up was too many to count.

Kelsie starts talking about her dorm assignment for the following school year and how she got the bad dorm, and Olivia sympathizes with her. The three of you bounce around your favorite high school memories, sometimes gossiping about random kids in your grade.

“Oh my god, did you guys see Marty and Miranda had a baby and now they’re engaged?”

“What the actual fuck” olivia laughs, smushing her marshmallow between chocolate and graham crackers.

You steal another look at Patty and see your brothers dangling from his arms, a wide grin on his face.

“Higher Patty,” they cheer as Patrick lifts his arms higher and higher, giggles and screams flooding from their mouths. Patrick drops his arms suddenly and the two young boys squeal, as he begins to lift his arms up once again.

He lifts his head up, seeing you watching him, and offers a smile your way. You nod your head, turning back to Kelsie and Olivia who are now talking about the vacation the three of you have planned in late July.

“y/n, did you find a cute swimsuit yet for our Bora Bora trip?”

You shake your head, “no, we’ll have to go to the mall and get one. I need your opinion anyway”

Your eyes wander back over to Patty and your brothers who are now playing a game of tag.

“Oh my god,” olivia gushes.

“What” you and Kelsie ask impatiently,

Olivia goes red, “uh, nothing” she says going to toast another marshmallow.

“No, tell us!” you laugh

Kelsie smiles, “wait, awww”

“What,” you groan

“y/n, he’s stealing glances at you as he’s playing with Luke and Nate”

~*~

You and Patrick were sprawled across his family room couch watching Marley and Me with his sisters. You and Pat couldn’t help the uncontrollable laughter that escaped your lips.

“Would you two quit it?” Cayley hisses, throwing a pillow at the two of you.

“Sorry,” you giggle, handing your phone to Patty who chuckles and throws his head back at the picture on your screen.

“Shut up,” Ciara shouts, whipping her slipper at him.

“Stop, they’re in love” Corey says

“God, they make me sick,” Ciara groans.

You and Patty ignore them, “want to go back up to my room?”

Ciara gags, “ew, please don’t be too loud”

“Use protection, I’m too young to be an aunt” Cayley calls out.

Patty flips them off as he snakes his arm around your waist, guiding you up to his room.

Once you’re up there you jump onto his bed sprawling out in the middle of it. Patty lies down on top of you, “did you bring the goods?”

You laugh, “yes, they’re in my bag”

He rolls over and grabs your bag, pulling it into his lap and sifting through the contents. He smiles pulling out your one direction t-shirt, a head band, and a denim skirt. “Oh yes,” he smiles.

“Okay, but where’s mine?” you say, sitting up excitedly.

Patty leans over the side of his bed and grabs a pile of his clothes, throwing it up to you.

You smile, “your Nobles hockey sweatshirt, your nike sweatpants, and a bruins hat? Perfect!”

The two of you spend the rest of the afternoon talking about how excited you are for the halloween party at one of his teammate’s houses while watching Mulan on the tv that stood on his dresser.

“Mulan saved china,” he mumbles,

You smile, poking his cheek, “yeah, and you can’t even score a goal against the easiest team in the conference”

He squeezes your sides and you squeal, “i’m kidding, you definitely did score a goal that the ref decided was off of a penalty so they took it away”

“That’s right, but holy shit she saved china”

You laugh, shaking your head, snuggling into his chest.

You wake from your nap to Patty shaking you lightly.

“Good evening sleeping beauty,” he jokes,

You smile, rubbing at your eyes and sitting up, “hi,”

Pat stands up, “we should probably get our costumes on so we can head over to the party,”

You stand up, replacing your clothes with patty’s clothes he picked out for you and he does the same. He laughs looking at you, “aren’t we just the cutest couple”

You smile as if you’re a five year old on her birthday, “no one will know who is who! This is the best costume idea ever!”

When you two burst through the door of his teammate’s house, Patty is strutting, shaking his hips side to side as you attempt to walk, shaking your shoulders like you see all the boys at school do.

“would you look at the golden couple” someone shouts as all eyes fall onto you and Patty.

~*~

When Patty told you that he was able to be home for your prom, you were beyond excited. All of your friends had dates and you really didn’t want to be the only one that didn’t have a guy to go with.

You, Liv, and Kelsie were in Olivia’s room, curling your hair, doing make-up, and painting nails. The three of you had had a sleepover the previous night to make today easier.

“I can’t wait for pictures,” Kelsie says, pulling out her tube of mascara

Olivia starts fanning her hand over her toe nails, “I can’t wait to see the guys,” she laughs

You smile, “I’m just happy to see Patty again,”

“See, this is why I want a boyfriend. That’s cute, and what? I’m going to prom with the senior quarterback and I’ll never hear from him again!” Kelsie laughs.

The three of you finish fine tuning your look before going and getting your dresses on. You have Olivia zip up your blush pink ball gown prom dress that’s decorated with a silver beaded sash around your waist. You smile as you slip on your heels, and look in the mirror at the three of you, “wow, we look so good” Kelsie smiles, snapping a photo.

The three of you walk outside to the waterfall fountain in Olivia’s backyard. Your heart skips a beat when you see Patrick, his hair was longer than you remember, but he still looked as charming as ever. Patrick looks up and sees you fast approaching and his face grows soft, a deep red brushing his cheeks, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. He pecks your lips, “you look beautiful y/n”

You, Pat, Liv, Kels, and their dates are dancing on the dance floor, laughing and having the time of your lives when Perfect by ed sheeran starts to play. You and Patty freeze, as he places his hands on your hips, your arms going up and wrapping around his neck. The two of you gently sway to the music and he presses his forehead to yours.

“I’m so happy you were able to come tonight Patty,”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,”

“You’ve really made me feel like a princess tonight” you laugh, suddenly feeling goofy for saying that.

He laughs, “good, you deserve to feel like a princess every day”

You tilt your head up and kiss him gently. There’s nothing more that you could ever want than to be here in his arms, on this perfect night.

“I can’t wait for our wedding night,”

~*~

You once again found yourself in Michigan visiting Patty for spring break. After one of his home games the two of you find yourselves sitting in his car in the parking lot of the hotel you were staying at. You weren’t sure what it was, but there was some sort of tension between the two of you that made you worried.

“Patty, i know you lost the game and you’re upset, but come on, what’s wrong?”

“I hate when you fucking call me that” he snaps, his voice cold and sharp.

You look at him confused, “o-oh, sorry,”

He pulls out his phone, tilting the screen away from you as he types out a fast text message and puts his phone away again.

“Why do you keep coming out here to visit?”

“What do you mean? You’re my boyfriend and I miss you, of course i’d come and visit you,” you notice him flinch at the word boyfriend and you place your hand on his, “Patt-” he pulls his hand away and tears sting your eyes, “wh-what’s going on?”

He scratches his head looking out his window, mumbling something under his breath.

“I can’t hear you,”

“I said I fucking cheated, what do you want me to go and scream it to the world,” he rolls down his window leaning his head out of it, “HEY EVERYONE I CHEATED ON Y/N” he yells. In that moment it feels like someone is suffocating you, and you can’t breathe.

You feel hot tears spill down your cheeks, “why?” you somehow manage croak out

He turns to look at you, his eyes watering up at the sight of you for an instant before he goes back to suppressing his emotions, “I don’t know,”

“You. don’t. Know.” you say hitting him hard on the chest after each word, “how can you not know? What’d you do? You didn’t go all the way, did you? You didn’t kiss her, did you?”

His lack of an answer is enough for you to know that he betrayed you and went against everything he ever promised you.

“What the hell patrick, how could you? You promised me forever”

“I never loved you, you know that right?”

“Do you even hear yourself right now”

“You know the funny thing y/n? You sit there and act like you’re so perfect, like you have everything together, that no matter what happens in this world you’re going to come out on top.”

“I-is that r-really what you think of me?” you cry out.

He holds up his finger, “But I know what you’re really like. You act like such a saint because you’re scared people are going to find out how big of a slut you really are.”

“Excuse me? You’re the one that fucking slept with someone else while I was back home in Millis 100% devoted to you Patrick.” you scream,

“Yeah, well at least i don’t act like everyone is in love with me. After this, you’ll have no one. No one.”

“Shut the fuck up patrick”

“I can’t believe I wasted all this time on you”

You sit there in disbelief, your cheeks stained with tears, anger boiling inside you. “So what, we’re together for four and a half years and you’re just going to throw it all away? You don’t even want to try and fix it?”

“Jesus christ y/n get it through your head, there’s nothing worthwhile to fix”

You cry out ugly sobs, “Patrick, please, no, please don’t do this. Please don’t go. I’m sorry, please tell me what i did wrong, i promise i’ll make it better.”

He shakes his head, starting the car, “it’s over, okay? I don’t love you.”

Your hand is shaky as you place it on the door handle, “patty, i’m so sorry,” you say before getting out of the car and running into the hotel, not even bothering to look back at him.

Watching the best part of his life walk away, Patty drops his head into his hands, finally letting out his own tears fall as loud sobs fall from his mouth. “Mom, i really need you right now,” he cries into the phone.

~*~

“y/n,” a familiar voice sings, “y/n? Earth to y/n” you turn your head and see patrick.

“Oh. um, hi?”

He smiles, “hey, uh, can we go inside and talk?”

You look over at Olivia and Kelsie who nod at you encouragingly. “Sure, I guess,” you say, standing up and walking back up to your house. Patrick follows close behind and when you stop in the middle of your living room and stare at him expectantly he just stands there.

“Well, what did you want?”

“I miss you” he blurts out and you’re instantly shocked.

You regain your composure, “It’s a little too late for that,” you go to walk past him, back outside, but he’s quick to grab your arm. “y/n, wait, please just hear me out”

You stand there and wait for him to go on. He takes a shaky breath before continuing, “y/n i love you, i still do, hell i always have. I treated you like crap and i’m sorry, but i know it’s me and you in the end, just like we always said. And we’ll have kids and grow old together, like we talked about, and we’ll travel all over europe like we planned-”

You interrupt him, “Patrick, stop.”

“Baby, please,” he begs, “you know if i could go back and do it all over again with you, i would in a heartbeat.”

~*~

Back in Millis, you felt more alone than ever even though you were surrounded by your family and friends. You just felt so broken, and you can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, love isn’t real. If patty could get up and walk out on you after everything, you knew love couldn’t be real.

y/n

Hey, how are you? It’s been a while…

Your mom comes up and knocks on your door, “hey honey,” she says, coming in and sitting beside you on your bed.

You start sobbing hysterically, “mom, i really miss him”

She rubs your back, “i know you do sweetie, i know you do. But if it’s meant to be you guys will get back together,”

“Mom we were going to get married, you know that right? We talked about it, we made plans to stay in Millis and raise a family, we even picked out the house we wanted,”

“Oh honey”

“And when I looked in his eyes I saw the next eighty years of my life. I don’t want to be with anyone if it’s not him.”

“y/n, you’re young, you’re only 18. There are going to be so many other guys out there, and you’re going to Tufts in the fall. Honey, Patty isn’t the whole world”

“Mom, he’s my whole world though”

Your mom wipes away some of your tears, “honey, he’s just one guy, and there are going to be so many other guys out there. You are beautiful, talented, smart, and extremely kind. Any boy would be beyond lucky to have you, do you hear me?”

You nod your head as your mom kisses the top of your head, “i’m going to go cook some dinner, okay, i’ll call you when it’s ready.”

y/n

Patrick, please. I just feel so alone. And you’re right, i have no one. Please can we try and fix it?

You wipe more tears away as you wait for a text back. When nothing happens you try calling him, “hey it’s pat, sorry i missed you but if you leave a message i’ll call you back”

You break down at the sound of his voice, remembering all the nights you heard that same voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear, goosebumps crawling all over your skin.

y/n

Patty please, i’m so broken

y/n

I miss you

y/n

Please come back, i need you here with me

y/n

Please, i love you

Patty 🥰

y/n stop contacting me.

You chuck your phone across your room, falling into your pillow to muffle the loud sobs that were escaping your body, and that’s when it finally hits you: Patrick Moynihan was gone and out of your life for good.

~*~

“Patty, I’m sorry. You know i love you, i always have and i always will. But i just can’t do this again.”

“y/n, please, just give me a second chance. I’ve changed, I can be the guy you’ve always deserved to be with. I can be that guy, just, please, give me a chance.”

“Patty, we both agreed I wasn’t good enough for you, remember?”

His eyes start to water up, but he’s quick to shrug it off, “baby, please...”

The tears start falling down your cheeks and he goes to wipe them away but you turn from his touch, “Patty, I’m sorry. But it’s better this way,” you go to walk back out to the backyard, leaving Patrick in the middle of your family room realizing he really messed up and he didn’t know how to get you back, but all he knew was that he needed you in his life.

#patrick moynihan #trevor zegras #jack hughes #alex turcotte #johnny beecher #p. moynihan #ntdp boys #ntdp #hockey

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carolinesiede · 3 years

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Reflecting on 2020

The strangest thing about 2020 was how familiar much of it felt: Working from home, extended periods of isolation, weeks and months blending together. To a much lesser degree, those are things I experience each year as a freelancer. And while I suspect it will take awhile before the full extent of the trauma we’ve all lived through this year fully sets in, right now I’m mostly focused on gratitude. I’m grateful for the health of my loved ones. Grateful I already had a work-from-home routine to maintain during the pandemic. And grateful that I was able to quarantine with my family for much of the year—which had its challenges but also its rewards too.

In my 2019 year-end post I wrote about feeling like my career was finally on an upward trajectory after several years of plateauing. This year obviously offered some new wrinkles in that regard. I made significantly less money and felt familiar fears about how sustainable this career actually is. But having less work also gave me more time to focus on the actual craft of writing. I feel like I reached a new level in terms of voice, clarity, and the ability to self-edit. I'm the sort of person who constantly (arguably, obsessively) strives to be better, and it’s rewarding to feel like that hard work is finally slowly starting to pay off.

In addition to devoting my quarantine time to mastering a favorite curry recipe, getting really into the Enneagram, finally learning to French braid hair, and rewatching all of New Girl, I also had some really cool opportunities scattered throughout the year. I interviewed John Barrowman about his surprise return to Doctor Who, which felt like a real milestone for me. I also contributed to the Los Angeles Times’ list of TV shows to binge-watch during quarantine, which appeared both online and in print. And thanks to everything going virtual this year, I was able to attend a press panel for the fifth season of This Is Us, which is the sort of thing I’m not usually able to do as a Chicago-based critic.

My career is always a juggling act between film and TV, and this year made me appreciate how valuable it is to be able to move seamlessly between both worlds. I took on new TV assignments covering the first season of Stargirl and the second season of The Umbrella Academy, both of which were a blast to write about. And while I didn’t watch quite as many films as I did in my insane catch-up year last year, I did fill in some more major blindspots. I also contributed to The A.V. Club’s list of the best films of 2000 and shared my own ballot over on Letterboxd. Oh, and I set up a Letterboxd this year too!

Elsewhere, I made my debut on Bustle and The Takeout, and ended the year with a Polygon article about “Kind Movies” that pretty much sums up my entire ethos on storytelling. I was also named a Top Critic by Rotten Tomatoes, which was a real honor. But the pride and joy of my career remains my rom-com column, When Romance Met Comedy. I devoted a whopping 49,000 words to analyzing 25 different romantic comedies this year. And I’m really pleased with how the column has grown and with the positive feedback I’ve received.

I have to admit, I sometimes worry that year-end highlight reels like this one can make my life seem easy or glamorous in a way that doesn’t reflect what it’s like to actually live through it. I'm tremendously lucky to get to do what I do, but I also struggle a lot—both with the logistics of this career and with bigger questions about what value it brings to the world. My goal is to approach 2021 with a greater sense of intentionality. I want to be more thoughtful in my career choices, more purposeful in how I use social media, and more active in my activism and politics. I’d also like to do 20 push-ups a day everyday for the whole year, but we’ll see how long that resolution actually lasts.

Finally, on a sadder note, one other defining experience of the year was the loss of my dear internet friend Seb Patrick, who I’ve known for years through the Cinematic Universe podcast. Seb created a wonderfully positive nerd space online, and was a big part of my early quarantine experience thanks to the Avengers watchalongs I did with the CU gang in the spring. I’m so grateful for all the fun pop culture chats we got to have throughout the years, several of which are linked below. Seb is tremendously missed, and there’s a fund for his family here.

As we head into 2021, I’ll leave you with wishes for a Happy New Year and a roundup of all the major writing and podcasts I did in 2020. If you enjoyed my work, you can support me on Kofi or PayPal. Or you can just share some of your favorite pieces with your friends! That really means a lot.

My 15 favorite films of 2020

My 15 favorite TV shows of 2020

Op-eds, Features, and Interviews

Women Pioneered The Film Industry 100 Years Ago. Why Aren’t We Talking About Them? [Bustle]

2020 is the year of the Kind Movie — and it couldn’t have come at a better time [Polygon]

Make a grocery store game plan for stress-free shopping [The Takeout]

What’s Going On: A primer on the call to defund the police [Medium]

Doctor Who’s John Barrowman on the return of Captain Jack Harkness [The A.V. Club]

Episodic TV Coverage

Doctor Who S12

This Is Us S4 and S5

Supergirl S5

Stargirl S1

The Umbrella Academy S2

The Crown S4

NBC’s Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch Musical!

When Romance Met Comedy

Is The Ugly Truth the worst romantic comedy ever made?

Working Girl’s message is timeless, even if the hair and the shoulder pads aren’t

You’ve Got Mail and the power of the written (well, typed) word

Love & Basketball was a romantic slam dunk

How did My Big Fat Greek Wedding make so much money?

America eased into the ’60s with the bedroom comedies of Doris Day and Rock Hudson

I can’t stop watching Made Of Honor

Notting Hill brought two rom-com titans together

It’s time to rediscover one of Denzel Washington’s loveliest and most under-seen romances

Something’s Gotta Give is the ultimate quarantine rom-com

20 years ago, But I’m A Cheerleader reclaimed camp for queer women

On its 60th anniversary, Billy Wilder’s The Apartment looks like an indictment of toxic masculinity

The Wedding Planner made rom-com stars out of Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey

After 25 years, Clueless is still our cleverest Jane Austen adaptation

William Shakespeare invented every romantic comedy trope we love today

Edward Norton made his directorial debut by walking a priest, a rabbi, and a Dharma into a Y2K rom-com

The forgotten 1970s romantic comedy that raged against our broken, racist system

His Girl Friday redefined the screwball comedy at 240 words per minute

Before Wonder Woman soared into theaters, the hacky My Super Ex-Girlfriend plummeted to Earth

Dirty Dancing spoke its conscience with its hips

The rise of Practical Magic as a spooky season classic

In a dire decade for the genre, Queen Latifah became a new kind of rom-com star

Years before Elsa and Anna, Tangled reinvigorated the Disney princess tradition

Palm Springs is the definitive 2020 rom-com

Celebrate Christmas with the subversive 1940s rom-com that turned gender roles on their head

The A.V. Club Film & TV Reviews

Netflix’s To All The Boys sequel charms, though not quite as much as the original

The Photograph only occasionally snaps into focus

Jane Austen's Emma gets an oddball, sumptuous, and smart new adaptation

Pete Davidson delivers small-time charms in Big Time Adolescence

Council Of Dads crams a season of schmaltzy storytelling into its premiere

In Belgravia, Downton Abbey’s creator emulates Dickens to limited success

Netflix’s Love Wedding Repeat adds some cringe to the rom-com

Netflix takes another shot at Cyrano de Bergerac with queer love triangle The Half Of It

We Are Freestyle Love Supreme is a feel-good origin story for Lin-Manuel Miranda’s first troupe

Sara Bareilles’ melodic Apple TV+ series Little Voice is still finding itself

Netflix’s sexist rom-com sensation gets a minor upgrade in The Kissing Booth 2

With Howard, Disney+ movingly honors the lyricist who gave the Little Mermaid her voice

The Broken Hearts Gallery tries to find catharsis in heartbreak

Netflix’s ghostly musical series Julie And The Phantoms hits some charming tween high notes

After We Collided slides toward R-rated camp—but not far enough

Holidate is a bawdy start to Netflix’s holiday rom-com slate

Kristen Stewart celebrates the Happiest Season in a pioneering queer Christmas rom-com

Isla Fisher gets her own Enchanted in the Disney Plus fairy tale Godmothered

Podcast Appearances

Debating Doctor Who: “Orphan 55”

It Pod To Be You: The Wedding Singer

Reality Bomb: Defending Doctor Who’s “Closing Time”

The Televerse: Spotlight on Doctor Who Season 12

You Should See The Other Guy: The Ugly Truth

Only Stupid Answers: Stargirl’s season finale

Motherfoclóir: Ireland and the Hollywood Rom-Com

Called in to Nerdette’s Clueless retrospective episode

Cinematic Universe Appearances

Cinematic Universe: Superman IV: The Quest For Peace

Cinematic Universe: Birds of Prey

Cinematic Universe: Infinity War watchalong

Cinematic Universe: Endgame watchalong

Cinematic Universe: Terminator 2

Cinematic Universe: Josie and the Pussycats

Cinematic Universe: The Cuppies 2020 (Cuppies of Cuppies)

And here are similar year-end wrap-ups I did in 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, and 2013.

#Best Of #Year End #2020

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woo-san-shine · 5 years

Text

Our Way

ateez college au

Premise: You and your best friend from high school move away to a university 3 hours away from your small hometown. You find yourself meeting a strange cast of characters along the way that will help you find your way throughout your freshman year.

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Language

Author’s Note: A work in progress!!! Mostly just for fun

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Chapter 3

After a big lunch and an even bigger shopping trip, my family and I find ourselves in the elevator again, laden with grocery bags full of microwave meals, snacks, and other random things I had realized I needed for my dorm while we were at the store. I was so appreciative towards my parents in that moment. I could tell that they were starting to get tired, and the thought of them having to make the three-hour drive all the way back home made my heart ache. I wasn't worried about getting homesick or anything, but whenever my parents made any sort of sacrifice for me, I couldn't help but feel like I didn't deserve it. I wasn't going to school on some big scholarship like Sooyoung, and I was constantly worried about the money my parents were having to shell out in order for me to go here.

"I'm proud of you, Jae," Dad says suddenly, which pulls me from my deep thoughts.

"Why?"

"Today's a big day, I'm just so happy to see you getting ready to start this next chapter of your life. You've made it so far."

"I'm proud of you too, honey," Mom adds.

They both look at me with beaming smiles.

"Oh, wow, well thanks Mom, Dad." I give them both a bow to express my gratitude.

The elevator door opens, and the hallway is a lot more packed than it was when we left. Hoards of students, parents, and carts fill almost every inch of space making it almost impossible for the three of us to squeeze through with our shopping bags. We make it to my room and find Sooyoung, Taeyoung, and their parents all laying on the floor of the dorm looking exhausted. All three carts are empty, but the room is still cluttered with all of our belonging strewn about.

"You guys tired?" I ask as I laugh my way into the room.

The Choi family slowly pulls themselves up from the floor.

"Alright ladies, I think this is where we leave you," Mr. Choi says making his way towards Sooyoung and bringing her in for an embrace.

Both families say their separate goodbyes. Mothers holding back tears and father giving last-minute advice.

"You better watch over them, Tae," Mrs. Choi says sternly while shaking a finger at her eldest son.

Taeyoung rolls his eyes. "Yeah mom, I know. Don't worry I'll make sure they don't get in too much trouble." He gives both Sooyoung and I a wink from behind his mother's back and we both stifle in giggles.

"We love you, Jaemin," my mom says pulling my Father and I in for one last hug.

Sooyoung and I both watch from the doorway as our families make the trek down the long hallway and into the elevator, eventually disappearing from our view. It's a few moments before we leave the doorway and walk back into our new room. I stare around looking at all of our things that were still not put away yet.

"Well, what should we do now?" I ask.

"Hmmm..." Sooyoung pauses. "We could decorate?"

I let loose a big smile. "You really do know the way to my heart don't you."

She cackles. "Duh!"

I quickly pull out my speaker from one of my desk drawers and turn on some of our favorite music. We spend the next few hours organizing the remainder of our things. We hang posters, pictures, and fairy lights around our room, and excitedly discuss all the things we could do in the tomorrow before classes start. We had left our dorm room door open, a tip we had both read in one of those 'How to Easily Make New Friends in College' blogs, so every now and then a new face would peak into our room and introduce themselves. We'd chat for a little bit, but ultimately whoever they were would leave and we'd get right back to setting up our new space.

It was approaching evening by the time Sooyoung and I threw ourselves down onto the pair of comfy bean bag chairs Sooyoung had brought and had placed in the middle of our room. I rest my feet on top of the small coffee table that I had brought in between us and take a sip of the tea I had just made.

I glance at our reflections in the full-length mirror that hung from my closet door. Sooyoung and I looked very different in the face, but were a similar height. Her hair was blonde, naturally straight, and hung in layers around her face. Her eyes were green, her skin rather pale, and her thin lip usual were usually pursed in some sort of judging expression. She rarely wore makeup, but she really didn't have to. She had broad shoulders and thick arms, strong from all the years of being on the school's swim team. Her figure was curvier than mine was, but she also rarely dressed in a way to show it off. She gave off an air of over-confidence that I envied.

I, on the other hand, had long, dark brown wavy hair with subtle streaks of red in it that I had done myself. I had a bad habit of changing my hair color once every few months. My eyes were bright blue, I had a small nose, and full lips. Unlike Sooyoung, I liked to wear makeup and was rarely ever seen anywhere without at least my eyebrows done. I always thought I had a boring figure. My legs were far too long and muscular from years of running to match my thin arms and short torso. I felt disproportionate and was nowhere near as confident in myself as Sooyoung. Over the years I have grown to appreciate my figure, but there are still moments I’d spend in front of the mirror and over-critique. For as different as Sooyoung and I looked, we were both hard on ourselves for different reasons which we, in turn, gave each other flack for.

"Wow, I'm tired," I say, taking another sip of tea.

"You're always tired," Sooyoung retorts poking my foot.

"Yeah, dealing with you all the time is exhausting." I throw an exaggerated wink in Sooyoung's direction.

"Hey!" she shouts knocking both of my feet off of the coffee table. "You know you love it!"

"Shit, Soo, you're gonna make me spill this!" I yell back to her carefully trying to balance myself on the bean bag with my feet in the air while also trying not to spill the hot cup of tea in my hand.

There's a short knock on our door. I quickly turn around, inadvertently spilling some of the hot tea into my leg, to see Jongho and another boy standing in our doorway.

"Ow, uh, hi there Jongho," I say between clenched teeth as the burn from the hot tea leaves a red mark on my leg.

"You two know each other?" Sooyoung asks questioningly, standing up from her bean bag to approach the door. I watch her eyes scan Jongho and then stop at the boy standing next to him.

"Uh, yeah kind of," Jongho says reaching a rather large hand out towards Sooyoung. "I'm Jongho. I helped Jae move in this morning, so we kind of met then."

Sooyoung shakes his hand, all while still looking at the boy standing next to Jongho. "And, who is this? Did you help Jae move too? She didn't tell me she met anyone today."

I shoot a slightly sympathetic glance at Jongho, which he accepts with a smirk. The boy standing next to him finally speaks.

"Ah, no I didn't. My name is Mingi. I'm Jongho's roommate." He extends his hand out to shake Sooyoung's as well. She takes it, almost too quickly and gives it a good shake.

I get up from my bean bag and walk over towards the door. "Nice to meet you Mingi. I'm Jaemin, and this is Sooyoung," I say, nodding towards Sooyoung who was still staring up at Mingi. Mingi looked a lot different from Jongho. He had to be at least six inches taller than Jongho and towered over all us. He wasn't as built as Jongho, a little lankier, but still had rather large arms and legs. His hair was dark brown, tousled to one side, and had streaks of green and blue in it. His eyes were small, but he had a rather large smile.

"Oh, yeah Jongho told me about the girl he helped move in this morning. He insisted we go and see if you guys were still around," Mingi says nudging Jongho in his side with his elbow. Jongho winces.

"Oh, so Mingi here has a roommate that relays important information to the other when he meets new people, huh," Sooyoung says, slowly turning to me and giving me a dirty look.

"What?" I say taking another sip of my tea. "We have been busy setting up this room all day. I hadn't really had time to tell you about my morning."

"It looks nice in here," Jongho says gazing around our room.

"Yeah," Mingi adds looking at our various posters. "Who listens to the Beatles?" he asks gesturing towards the poster next to my bed.

I am about to chime in that I have been a big Beatles fan my whole life before Sooyoung interjects "Oh, I do. Love the Beatles."

I stare back at her in disbelief. For all I had known, she had never once listened to a Beatles song in her life.

"Nice," Mingi says, letting a brief smile cross his face. He starts walking around the perimeter of the room looking at more of our posters. "Who's your favorite?"

"Uh, Rongo, I.. I mean Ringo."

I had, not so gently, stepped on her foot and whispered the correct name into her ear in order to save her from the embarrassment. Mingi seemed to not have noticed, still walking around our room looking at all of our decorations. Sooyoung turns to me and flips me off for stepping on her foot, but then mouths "thank you".

Jongho, who had observed this whole interaction, turns to me and raises his eyebrows. I shrug back.

"Well, do you guys want take a seat?" I ask, gesturing towards the bean bag chairs.

The four of us then proceed to go back and forth for roughly 3 or so minutes about how it's rude for guests to sit on the floor vs. it's rude for the girls to sit on the floor. Eventually, Sooyoung and I give in and we place ourselves back in our bean bag chairs while Mingi and Jungho sit on the rug.

"So," Jongho says after a few quiet seconds. "Did you two know each other before coming here?"

"Oh yeah of course," Sooyoung says waving her hand towards me. "We've known each other since grade school, actually. Poor little Jae was sitting by herself at the lunch table until I, her savior, ever so graciously took pity on her and sat next to her. The rest was history." She says this last line with her hands in the air and a smug expression on her face.

"Right, something like that," I say, exaggerating my eye roll as best I could.

Both Mingi and Jongho laugh.

"What about you two?" I ask. "Did you guys know each other before moving here?"

"Yes we did," Mingi says. "We're actually from not too far from here, so there's a lot of people from our hometown and high school that end up coming here for college."

"Wow, that must be really nice," I say

"Yeah, it's just the two of us from our tiny hometown!" Sooyoung says, reaching over from her bean bag to bring me in for a tight side hug, ignoring the still hot tea in my hands for the second time. "We don't know a single soul here!"

"Jesus, Soo I'm gonna spill this ."

"Well you know us now," Mingi says with another smile.

Sooyoung immediately lets go of me and directs all her attention to Mingi. "Well aren't we lucky," she says with a slight smirk, mostly directly towards Mingi.

"We actually have a pretty big friend group that all ended up going here for school," Jongho adds.

"You're kidding," I say in disbelief. It must be a relief knowing that you already have a set of established friendships going into college. I couldn't stand being in my hometown any longer than I had to, but it would have been at least a little comforting to know more than one person at a large university like this.

"Well, where are they?" I ask.

Jongho pulls out his phone from his back pocket. "Most of them don't move in until tomorrow since they're in different residence halls with a different move-in date," he says while casually scrolling through something on his phone. "Here, let me check..."

"Wait, I thought Joonie and Mars moved in today. Weren’t they in this building too?" Mingi asks Jongho.

"Let me look back through my texts, hang on," Jongho says, beginning to furiously scroll through the messages on his phone.

Sooyoung and I exchange a brief glance.

"11th floor, let's go," Jongho says after about a minute, looking up from his phone.

Mingi springs up from his seat on the floor and extends a large hand out towards Sooyoung, which she just stares at. "Come one, take it," he says to her.

"Uh.." she looks towards me again.

"We don't want to intrude on anything..." I say, slightly trailing off. I look back and forth between Mingi and Jongho, who are both just staring down at us. "I mean.. they're your friends..."

"Oh, don't be silly," Mingi insists, reaching down to grab Sooyoung's hand and pulling her to her feet. She looked a little overwhelmed for someone who was so heavily flirting a minute ago.

"Come on, I'm sure they'd want to meet you," Jungho says, getting up from his seat on the floor. He gives me a reassuring glance.

So much for having a quiet, relaxing night in with my cup of tea I think to myself as I place the cup on the coffee table and get to my feet.

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drawacharge · 6 years

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so hi yes i know i barely exist anymore, anyone miss me? anyway, this is a little drabble au that takes place in the 2000s about veteran!Billy who served in Afghanistan and has just returned to Hawkins. there’s no strong depictions of PTSD in this one, only a discussion about how poorly we treat our veterans so everyone should be safe trigger wise. enjoy!

ps i got this idea while driving to work listening to this song which made me think about billy deciding to join up

Billy shows up back in Hawkins four years after he joined the Army. Steve hadn’t noticed him leave, and he doesn’t notice he’s come back until he stops at the grocery store to pick up a few things and spots him by the frozen dinners. His long hair and mullet are gone, replaced by short, chopped hair, a tease of curls trying to grow back at the top. And when he looks up to see who’s staring at him, their eyes meet in the reflection of the icy door. There’s bags under his eyes and an exhaustion Steve’s seen a few times before in others.

They stare for what feels like forever before Steve goes, “Don’t get the salisbury steak, it’s not actually steak.” And Billy just keeps staring at him before he finally turns around, looks Steve up and down quite blatantly and goes,

“Everyone knows that, Harrington.”

Harrington.

No one calls him that anymore unless there’s a Mr. tied to the beginning.

“Yeah, well, figured I’d let you know, just in case.” He shrugs, thinking maybe Billy’s just as unfriendly as he used to be. It’s not like the army is known for making people nicer, especially with the current war going on. But. “You look good.”

He’s lying.

“You’re lying.”

It’s not that Billy looks bad, per say. He’s always been handsome. He just looks like a man who has been put through the ringer. So, Steve gives a sheepish smile and concedes with, “Only a little,” and he thinks he might actually see Billy’s lips twitch for a second.

And.

That’s all that really happens. They don’t really exchange pleasantries, or ask what the other is doing now, they just say their awkward goodbyes and Steve checks out.

He looks back as he leaves, though, and finds Billy at the register he just left checking out the Help Wanted sign.

Turns out, Billy was honorably discharged according to Max. “Something happened,” she says, sitting in between Mike and Lucas as they work on their caps for graduation. “He won’t talk about it, and the Army doesn’t tell you anything, but something happened. Mom wants him to go down to the VA and get a therapist, but Neil says it’s for pussies.”

“Therapists aren’t for pussies,” Steve argues. He had a therapist and she was the only reason he didn’t have nightmares so much anymore.

“I know that! It’s just what Neil said!”

“Why does he listen to Neil anyway? Isn’t he like-- old like Steve?”

“I’m not old.”

“You’re kinda’ old.”

“Hey--”

Max ignores them all, “No, but he’s stubborn. He thinks it’s for pussies too.” Which, like, doesn’t surprise Steve at all because it’s Billy and that sounds just like him. Which sucks because Steve knows a therapist would help. The things each of them have been through might be incredibly different, but at the end of the day trauma was trauma.

“Maybe you can convince him,” Will offers quietly, eyes cast downwards as he focuses on his cap. “You’ve gotten closer since he left, right?”

“I guess,” Max shrugs. “Who knew being away from each other is what we needed.”

Beside her, Lucas snorts and goes, “Literally everyone,” and Max slugs him in the shoulder.

Next time he sees Billy he’s walking out of the diner with a scowl on his face so Steve thinks about just avoiding him all together until their eyes meet and Billy approaches. He looks hesitant, almost unsure, when he goes, “Hey,” and Steve says Hey back, and he isn’t sure as to why Billy’s acting all weird and awkward until he speaks up again.

“You... work for your dad right? Is there.. are you guys hiring? I swear I’ve tried every place in this town, but I have no experience, so.”

Steve frowns, “You were over seas.”

Billy just shrugs, “Doesn’t matter to them. No experience is no experience. And, look, I know your work is fancy or whatever, but I have a suit and I led my squad in a desert with bombs going off around us so I think I can handle--”

“You were in charge?”

Immediately, Billy’s demeanor changes to something more prideful, and he lifts his chin a little and goes, “Staff sergeant, yeah.” And Steve has no idea what that means, but he thinks it must be a pretty big deal to be promoted like that. It must have meant Billy was good at it. He’s not really surprised, though. He was a better leader to the basketball team than Steve had been and he’d been Captain, so in retrospect, Billy rising in the ranks in the Army just made sense.

“Well--” Steve rubs at the back of his neck, “I can talk to my dad? But... I’ll be honest, he’s just as bad, if not worse than the other people not hiring you. I don’t think he even has one vet working for him.”

“Oh.” Billy’s goes stoic and emotionless, but his shoulders slump but he nods anyway, tight and firm before stepping back and toward his car. “Thanks anyway.”

Steve can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that the most useless he has ever felt in a long while was when he was watching Billy, a guy who fought for his country, walk away dejected because he couldn’t get a job.

The idea comes to him exactly three days later while he’s having a late breakfast at his desk. He feels like an imbecile for not thinking of it sooner and immediately dials a number he has memorized by this point. The phone picks up on the third ring and a tired voice answers.

“Hey, Hop? You’re looking for a deputy, right?”

“I don’t have any experience.”

“Dude, you led a military team in Afghanistan. That’s plenty experience.”

Their at the diner that rejected Billy’s application just a few days before, having breakfast and coffee. Steve just told Billy about the opportunity to work for the Hawkins police department and he’s never seen the blonde look so skeptical. It wasn’t any weirder than Steve getting his number from Max and calling him up in the first place, though. Billy had sounded so damn surprised when he’d answered the phone, too.

“Isn’t there like... a police academy or something?”

He shrugs, “I dunno’ any details, but Hopper does. He’ll tell you everything you need to do. He wants you to come by today.”

“I--” Billy pauses, glances down at his untouched eggs and looks away again, back out the window. He hasn’t looked Steve in the eye once since he told him about the job. “Does he know I served?”

“Yeah. He served too you know.”

He almost seems to perk at that, “He did?”

“Yeah. Right out of high school, just like you. It’d why I called him. I figured if anyone was willing to give a veteran a chance, it’d be another veteran.”

That information seems to relax Billy some, as if he trusts Hopper a lot more now that they have something in common. Steve can’t blame him there, either. Something like war was one of those things that only people who have been through it too could really understand. Hopper might have served in a different war, but at the end of the day war was war and he’d be more than willing to help out a younger vet.

“Why are you doing this?”

Billy’s question pulls Steve out of his thoughts and he blinks owlishly at him before going, “What do you mean?” which only makes Billy’s frown deepen.

“We weren’t friends when I left. I was a total asshole to you and your nerd squad, so why are you doing this for me?”

Steve blinks, then blinks again. Then blinks again. Finally, he looks incredulous when he goes, “Seriously? It’s been four years, dude. I don’t hold grudges that long. Besides, friends or not it’s bullshit that you can’t find a job, and if I can do something to help, why shouldn’t I?”

The other man is real silent after that, just staring at his fucking eggs again, and Steve tries to let the silence have its time because he wants to be respectful and cautious, but he really hates quiet and he’s so close to saying something, anything, just to fill it, when Billy finally looks at him and says, “Thanks. I-- Thank you, man. This means a lot,” with so much sincerity in those striking blues of his that Steve’s caught so off guard he almost forgets to reply.

“... Don’t mention it.”

Two weeks later, Steve’s driving home when a police car pulls up behind him and flashes its lights. It’s not Hopper’s cruiser, so whoever it is is about to get bitched at because he was not speeding, he didn’t run a stop sign, and he’s so fucking tired. He just wants to go home and pass out, but he pulls over anyway and glares at his rear view mirror.

The glare immediately falters when none other than Billy Hargrove steps out and saunters over.

Steve rolls down the window and hears him go, “Have any idea why I pulled you over, sir?” While leaning down so he can rest his forearm in the open window. Steve’s about to respond, eyebrows pulled together in confusion and frown on his face when Billy suddenly grins and tilts down his aviators to look at Steve over the rim. “To show off my new uniform, obviously.”

Oh, Steve thinks, realizing Billy was just messing with him. He immediately relaxes, because even though he’s exhausted, he finds that he doesn’t really mind stopping for a moment to chat. Especially when Billy steps back so Steve can check him out.

It figures he’d pull off a fucking cop’s uniform. Steve honestly hates him.

“Seventeen year old you would be so pissed to find out he becomes a cop,” Steve says, and can’t help but grin when Billy’s smile gets a little wider.

“Oh he’d fucking hate me,” he laughs and leans back out of the window to rest his hands on his hips. Steve notes that he doesn’t have a gun yet, just a baton and tazer.

“How’s it going?”

“Good,” he nods. “Hopper is still the grumpiest dude alive, but he’s a good teacher. I get my own gun soon.” It’s kind of funny he doesn’t have it yet considering he probably handled guns a lot bigger and more dangerous over seas, but Steve figures Hopper has his reasons. “And I stopped and gave Karen’s useless ass husband a ticket. That was fucking satisfying.”

“You better watch it. The women around here are gonna hear you’re a cop and start running red lights and speeding just to get your attention.”

Billy’s grin settles into more of a smirk, something reminiscent of his younger days, and it does a little something to Steve he doesn’t want to admit. He was never really on the receiving end of that kind of look, and he was starting to get why it worked.

“But not you, huh?”

He pauses, wonders if Billy is flirting or just asking, wonders if he should be brave and flirt back or just lead the conversation into something safer because there was no way Billy was like that, but--

“I don’t think I gotta’ run red lights to get your attention, Hargrove.”

It’s risky, Steve knows that, and he waits for Billy to scowl at him and say something off color. But instead he just kind of looks at Steve with an unreadable expression before humming affirmation and going, “Just like in high school,” which leaves Steve positively dumbfounded.

By the time he finds his wits Billy’s slapping the top of the car, “Head on home now. I’ll see you later.” And a quick pause as he keeps Steve’s gaze before adding, “Pretty boy,” with a dazzling smile. Then he inclines his head and he’s gone, slipping back into his cruiser and turning around, leaving Steve on the side of the road a little awestruck, totally confused, and.

Well, kind of excited?

#harringrove #my drabbles #so i didnt include #all the details i wanted to #and i have other ideas with this #but i dont wanna bother if people dont care u feel #military au #2000s au

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somemilanlove · 5 years

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Lemon Bundt Cake

Day 4 - I’ve decided to make something from the back of the book instead of going page by page in the front. Two reasons for breaking from the page by page playback of this book.

1. I don’t know how much longer the kids are going to be enjoying breakfast for dinner. 2. I didn’t get to the grocery store today for the heavy cream & mushrooms I am missing for the recipe. The truck is still in the shop, and the Land Rover is still awaiting its repairs under my carport.

I chose the Lemon Bundt also base on two reasons. Other than chocolate, lemon is my next favorite choice when it comes to desert and I also had all the ingredients to whip it up.

It was a super simple recipe and like the strawberry jam, I stayed up until 3 AM baking it. I feel like I work more efficiently when all the kids are asleep, and my husband isn't snoring next to me. So I sat on the far end of my recliner up until 10:30 working before I decided to get my workout in (that again turned into a double) showered & finally took myself back into the kitchen closer to 12:30.

I didn’t start baking right away. I cleaned up the kitchen and started to process my thoughts as I washed the dishes. I’ve been listening to a new book on Audible that really makes me evaluate myself and reflect on whether or not I’m on the right track for me or if I’m just checking off the boxes. Maybe you’ve read it too -Becoming Michelle Obama.

Today, she lost her father. I cried as she retold her story and I noticed a slight quiver in her voice as she read from her pages. It reminded me of my loss, not of my father, but of my grandfather. He was the closest thing I had ever felt of a loving father and I wondered if he would be proud of who I had become.

When he passed we weren’t as close as I wished we had been. I had been caught up in the mess life I was living. Juggling 2 toddlers, full time college student, and full time nurse. I would see him only on the occasions that I had managed to pick up some hours at the McDonalds back in our home-town. My real father & his new wife would agree to watch my boys while I worked.

It was sort of a way to pay me back for all the years he was absent and for his failings as a father to me. Sometimes I would get to see my grandfather on my way passing through. It would have to be at my dad’s house since I wasn’t quite comfortable being around my grandmother at that time. A tale for another time I’m sure.

He was a hard working man, never complained about anything & always joking as his Marlboro red hung out the side of his lip. He had lived a hard life as most Mexicans his age had. Being a migrant worker all his life his dark skin was hardened by the sun. He hid his silver streaked curly hair beneath his white sombrero & always wore a long sleeved shirt when he went out. His hazel/amber eyes would look almost green when the sun hit them & always danced with a smile when he spoke.

Even after 20 years he looked the same as I remembered him holding me when I was four. Every morning for the time my dad was around he would come over for coffee and woke everyone up with his joyful voice always saying “arriba todo lo que no sirve” (up everything that is no good). Only hispanics can say that and it be a loving way of saying wake up. I’m guessing. I would sit on his lap and he would share his coffee with me, joking that I wouldn’t grow if I drank it. I doubted it was true. I would ask him for a piece of chicle (gum) before I scooted off his lap and ran off to my room to lay back down and drift to sleep as he and my dad quietly chatted about their day.

I guess I too did not want to see the cold hard truth that his body was tired and he had become weak from his refusal to take responsibility of his diabetes and high cholesterol. We lost him right after Christmas, on my Dad’s birthday. I didn’t get to say goodbye or even tell him how much he meant to me. It was something we just don’t do in our family. For years I just told myself that I had grieved his death before he died, knowing it would come soon.

Now I find that I just ignored my feelings about a lot of things missed out on so much of his life because of it. And he missed out on so much of mine as well I find I miss him the most when it rains. I see him in Addison’s eyes, which are a blessing and a constant reminder he is with me. She looks like him the most, amber eyes and dark curly hair, even his same quick wit & dancing smile in her eyes.

I miss him the same as any person misses a loved one that has gone, I suppose. I decided it was only natural that I think of him as I bake a cake, since he always like something sweet with his coffee. No matter what time it was.

I popped the cake in to the oven feeling super drained and set the timer. I drug myself to bed and lay next to Demarcus who didn’t notice I was still up. I figured 50 min is plenty of time for me to take a cat nap.

It was a risky business but I had to rest my body. I shut my eyes only to open them again and feel freaked out! I leapt off our bed and ran into the kitchen. I thought for sure I had burned the cake!!

Nope, 7 seconds to spare! I pulled it out of the oven and it smelled so good! But even that sweet smell could not convince me to stay up an extra 30 mins while I wait for it to cool & transfer to a rack for more cooling. I left it on the oven and went to bed.

Day 4 ending with my “life's purpose” still a secret especially to me. On the bright side cake waits for me in a few hours. Goodnight grandpa, I love you.

#grieving #closing a chapter #utsa #bundt cake #lemonbundtcake #becomingmichelleobama #late night thoughts #momofgirls #momofboys #findyourself

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brit-kor-french · 6 years

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Look everyone...it’s official!!! 🎉🎉🎉 As of Thursday I am divorced 😁😁😁 I have gone back to my maiden name as well. I was able to chat with Max during lunch on the day I was driving back home. I shared a few screenshots of the divorce packet and he was so happy ❤️

I made it back home Friday night. Don’t want to do any long distance driving for a while 🤣🤣🤣 it was a 9.5 hour drive one way. Yeah...not in the mood to do that anytime soon.

Yesterday Max and I got to watch the Patriots/Bears NFL game. I had my laptop and since it has the folding screen to it, I folded it in half and Skyped with him and did a video call. I had my webcam facing the tv screen and I had my headphones in so I could listen to him as we were both watching the game. It was so awesome to spend that time with him ❤️ we watched the 2nd quarter until the halftime show came on. Then, my dad came back from a trip to the grocery store and he wanted to watch something else on tv. I normally don’t watch any tv due to the craziness of my schedule. But, I have watched a few of the Patriots games for him and have given him game updates because of the game being on at a time when he is in bed. My arms definitely felt like jello after holding my laptop at waist length consecutively for that amount of time. Buhahaha 😝 We did get to chat a lot yesterday. So, I was very grateful for that ❤️

I took a floating holiday for today from work to try and get things changed over to my maiden name with my driver’s license, etc. But, I had to go to the social security office to have that done first and the department of motor vehicles said I have to wait 24 hours before I can get my license to reflect my maiden name. So, I’ll have to do that this coming Saturday since my work hours do not give me flexibility to be waiting for hours at the DMV. I let Max know that he wouldn’t have to wait until midnight his time to chat with me since I hav the day off. I was eating lunch (around 6pm his time) and he messaged me. We chatted for a bit and then he had to have dinner with a coworker. But, he said we would chat at our normal time. So, that made me happy. I made a chocolate pb oat bar recipe with my son and as I was washing up the dishes after prepping all the ingredients, Max messaged me saying we could chat again. He had some phrases he wanted me to speak out loud so he would be able to practice saying them. At one point, he said “baby, if you were able to live over in England for a month, do you think you would...” and because he was speaking in a British accent I said “speak in a British accent?” In my British accent. Gosh, I miss my accent so much! We giggled and it was so nice to just be silly with him. He asked how my afternoon was in the two hours we hadn’t chatted and I mentioned making the snack bars with my son. He said “oh, you cook?” And I said, “Yup! Been cooking since I was 12.” And his eyes lit up and he said, “Yup...you’re definitely going to be my wife!” And we both laughed. I had to help him with some sentences for his job and he was mentioning feeling some pressure from his boss regarding these assignments. He said “baby, sometimes I just want to say F it all. Forget my mortgage, my job, my friends and family and just jump on the next flight and just be with you and be in your arms. But then, reality hits me in the face and I say to myself ‘oh...I can’t do that’ and it really sucks.” Aaaawwwww Poor Max 😞 *sighs* One of the things I’m trying to do is once I get my updated driver’s license is to then renew my passport. I was hoping I’d be able to see him this coming summer, but I know we normally take our vacation in June and he said over in France that they normally take theirs in July/August. Guess we’ll see what we can work towards as we get closer to that time. I just want to have a goal we can both try to aim for. He did make a comment yesterday on our call saying, “if we don’t get the chance to meet each other this coming summer, it’s okay because I know that we’re both committed to each other and we’ll make it our goal to see each other soon.” ❤️❤️❤️

with the pictures below, Max was so sweet because he was watching tv in his bedroom, but whenever he would look back at the camera, he’d be blowing me kisses. The 3rd photo where he’s “scratching” his head was actually where he was making a gesture of running his fingers over his hair and the side of his face. He said “if you were here right now, this is what I would want to do. I’d want to run my hand through your hair and caress your face.” I wanted to just squeal and faint when he said that 😍😍😍 well, it’s going on 11:15pm my time and I should be going to bed for work tomorrow.

Will post more later in the week 😁

#ldr blog #ldr couple #long distance relationship #ldr love #long distance #missing him #amwf dating #amwfcouples #amwflove #skype #he makes me so happy #he is so handsome #in love #british #korean #french

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velmaemyers88 · 5 years

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In Conversation with Danny Trejo: From Character Actor to Taco Mogul

The actor talked to Fortune about his adventures in Hollywood and with Trejo’s Tacos.

Nothing about Danny Trejo is what you might expect, including his secret to success.

“Everything good that’s happened to me is a direct result of me helping other people,” says Trejo, 75, whose surprisingly compact 5-foot-6 frame—clad in all black, his long dark hair hanging loose alongside a silver cross necklace—is tucked inside a booth at the Hollywood hub of his booming taco business, Trejo’s Cantina.

His soft-spoken reflectiveness and fondness for high-fives belie a life that could have gone very differently: Born to Mexican-American parents in Los Angeles, Trejo spent most of his young-adult life in and out of California prisons for drugs and robberies. It was during that time and since then that he honed his boxing talents (a helpful skill in venues like San Quentin), got sober at 25, became a prolific character actor, and, from working as a youth drug counselor and motivational speaker, discovered how much he loves giving back.

Danny Trejo inside the kitchen at Trejo’s Tacos on July 11, 2019. Photograph by Joe Toreno for Fortune

Today, Trejo’s iconic craggy visage fronts eight Trejo’s Tacos locations across Los Angeles, and the eats are a hit: The Los Angeles Times named the rainbow cauliflower tacos on its 2017 list of 10 favorite recipes; the Cantina location serves around 500 diners a day on weekends; and there’s talk of expanding the business, which now includes a doughnut shop, outside California. (He’s also recently launched Trejo’s Cerveza, currently for sale at L.A.-area Whole Foods and Total Wine.) Somehow Trejo also still has time for acting: He’ll soon add 20-plus roles to his nearly 300-credit film and TV résumé, including a second Machete sequel and August’s Dora and the Lost City of Gold, in which he voices a monkey named Boots, a role Trejo says proudly “will give me a whole new audience.”

Fortune chatted with Trejo in early July about his food-mogul renaissance, his adventures in Hollywood, and how he learned to channel a misspent youth into a force for good.

Fortune: Trejo’s Tacos feels like an L.A. institution, yet it’s only three years old. What inspired you to get into the restaurant business?

Trejo: My mom was a gourmet cook. When I around 12, I’d say, “We should start a restaurant,” but my dad was like a Mexican Archie Bunker. “Hey, we’ve got a kitchen right there!” [Laughs] Seven years ago I did a low-budget movie called Bad Ass, and one of the producers, Ash Shah, noticed that I didn’t like junk food. I am pretty picky! A few movies later, Ash says, “Danny, you should start a restaurant.” He created a business plan for Trejo’s Tacos. My team said, “If nobody’s asking you to front 50 grand, seems like a good idea!” We opened, and it totally blew up. Two years ago we opened the doughnut shop, and we sell out by 2 p.m. every day.

Anthony Bourdain raved about your tacos when he filmed Parts Unknown here in 2017. What was that day like for you?

Amazing. He joked, “You’re Mexican and you have a cauliflower taco?” He loved it. At around five or six o’clock at night, you’ll see a lot families coming in here. One woman told me, “Thank God for this place.” The kids can be gluten-free, mom can be vegetarian, and Dad can have cow!

Trejo’s Tacos offers gluten free and vegetarian taco options. Photograph by Joe Toreno for Fortune

What’s your favorite thing on the menu?

I love the nachos with steak and two eggs on top for breakfast.

Your latest incarnation as a restaurateur is another twist in an already surreal career. To what do you attribute your staying power?

I have good people around me. The same agent for 25 years. I met my assistant Mario at San Quentin when I made a movie there, and he was a prisoner. He’s been with me for 15 years.

You were discovered while working as a boxing coach on the set of the 1985 Jon Voight movie Runaway Train. But it wasn’t until you were cast as the knife-throwing Navajas in your cousin Robert Rodriguez’s 1995 film Desperado that you started to play substantial roles. Is it true you didn’t know you were related until shooting began?

We first met when I auditioned in L.A. He said, “You remind me of the bad guys in my high school.” I said, “I am the bad guys from your high school!” Then we filmed in Acuña, Mexico. My family from San Antonio visited the set. My Uncle Rudy says, “Who’s that?” I say, “Robert Rodriguez, the director.” He whistles at Robert, “Hey! Say hello to your second cousin Danny!” I was like, “What’s up, cousin? Make my role bigger!” But he didn’t. He said, “Danny, you can do more with your face than most actors can with dialogue.” I’m walking around with no shirt, all these tattoos, people asking for my autograph. Robert says, “They think you’re the star.” I said, “You mean I’m not?” Nobody really knew [lead actor] Antonio Banderas at the time. He was quiet—unlike me. [Laughs]

Trejo’s Tacos and Trejo’s Coffee merchandise on display for purchase. Two years ago, Trejo opened a doughnut shop that sells out by 2 p.m. every day. Photograph by Joe Toreno for Fortune

Robert went on to create the vigilante-hero character Machete for you. How did he evolve from a minor character in the Spy Kids franchise to fronting two, soon-to-be three features?

After he put Uncle Machete in Spy Kids, Robert did the Grindhouse movies [with director Quentin Tarantino], and they needed fake movie trailers. One was for a Machete movie. At the premiere, everybody was like, “You have to do that movie.” Machete was the first Mexican superhero. I was almost in tears when I saw 8-year-old kids dressed like him on Halloween.

Of all the people you’ve worked with, when have you felt the most starstruck?

With Robert De Niro, when we did Heat. Then Robert [Rodriguez] somehow got him to do Machete! I see him on the set and he says, “Well, well, well, number one on the call sheet now, eh?” I was like, “Can I get you some coffee, Mr. De Niro?” [Laughs]

For what roles are you most often recognized when you’re out in the world? Seeing your severed head on a turtle in season two of Breaking Bad left quite an impression with fans.

Spy Kids. Machete. Anchorman. Bubble Boy. And every Mexican I know loves Blood In, Blood Out. For Breaking Bad, I remember my agent saying, “Danny, you’re going to have a Hollywood first: You’re going to go across the desert on a turtle.” I’m thinking it’s a cartoon, or a really big turtle? “Actually, no. It’s just your head.” [Laughs]

A lot of your roles lean campy, but you’ve also acted in serious films like Maggie Gyllenhaal’s Sherrybaby about a mother who’s a drug-addicted ex-con. When did you think to yourself, “Wait, I can actually act?”

I’m a drug counselor at a place called Western Pacific Rehab. A few years ago, my son Gilbert cast me in a drug-themed movie he wrote called From a Son. There’s a scene where I break down and cry. I’d never had to do that in a movie. I was thinking I’d do a John Wayne, tough-guy thing, but my son…shit, he’s so brilliant. He reminded me of stuff from when he was young. He showed me a picture of us from 1985, when he was a little baby. Then, I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t even cry at my parents’ funerals.

Trejo’s silver cross necklace and watch. Photograph by Joe Toreno for Fortune

Did you surprise yourself in that moment?

Completely. I thought, “Wow, okay, this must be acting.”

Your son is named after your Uncle Gilbert, who you’ve said led you down a path of crime when you were a teenager. What do you remember about that time?

My dad came from a family of 11, and Gilbert was the youngest. He was only six years older than me. I had no siblings, so he was like my older brother. Unfortunately, he was also an armed robber and a drug addict. He showed me how to rob when I was 14. He gave me a sawed-off shotgun and put me in front of a mirror to practice. “Give me your money, bitch. I’ll slap you!”

Your first acting job.

[Laughs] Yes. We robbed an Asian grocery store together called Far East Market in Burbank. We had a revolver, but you had to hold it just so or it would fall apart. I go, “Give me the money! Give me the money!” The woman gives me $8 from the cash register. I grabbed it, and we ran down Lankershim as this guy comes out of the back, screaming, with a hatchet!

How do you feel now about the crimes you committed?

I feel regret. I’ve never been mean, but I’ve also never let anybody take advantage of me. In prison you’re predator or prey. My friend Cookie and I had a protection ring for young kids coming in, including for gay couples who’d been married on the streets. When I got out of the pen, I’d get cards from kids we protected. Their parents also said thank you.

Did your own parents live to see your success?

My mom did. My dad saw me get sober but never saw me get into acting. He would have laughed. Even my mom was like, “Get a job, mijo,” even after I’d worked with Robert De Niro in Heat! She did get excited when I was on The Young and the Restless in 2008. She had four of her friends over to watch, and they were like, “Oh, my God.” That was it. I’d made it.

Over the years you’ve appeared in dozens of commercials and ads—selling products from Snickers to AARP—and you’re now a spokesman for the erectile dysfunction product Giddy. What appealed to you about tackling that taboo subject?

We don’t talk anything in our society—condoms in high school, birth control. We definitely don’t talk about erectile dysfunction, especially in the Hispanic community. I don’t know a man who hasn’t experienced it. I think it’s like everything I do—teaching people to neuter their dogs, warning kids about drugs, you need to show them you’re cool. You need a face like this to get through to them. Not so much as “Danny Trejo” but the guy from Spy Kids, the guy from Heat, the guy from Desperado. People think, “Okay, I want to hear what this guy has to say.”

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new-rituals · 6 years

Text

Money Diaries - End of March

Day One: 3/25

9 a.m. — I “wake up” - in reality it means I stare at my phone with one eye shut and lay in bed for another hour browsing Reddit and FB

10 a.m. — Finally decide to get out of bed, brush my teeth, and go to the kitchen. My mom bought me cheesecake from an Asian bakery! She’s leaving for China today, so I make myself 2 cups of espresso with soy milk and sit in the kitchen at chat with her until she leaves for her flight at noon.

11 a.m. — My friends and I were planning a trip to Seattle for my friend’s going away trip, and we finally booked the flight back (even though we haven’t bought our flight there yet)!!! My dad tells me to use his card cause he gets points. It was $118, but I give him $100 in cash cause I don’t have loose bills. He says its fine. $100

12 p.m. — My dad brings my mom to the airport, and I decide to try to get some interview prep done. I start by reading an article about Dropbox from the NYT since I’m trying to get into the habit of reading the news every day.

2:30 p.m. — I have work at 3:30, and it takes me a while to do my make-up and hair, so I retreat to my room to get ready.

3:45 p.m. — Finally head out for work! Another exciting day in retail.

6 p.m. — The store was crazy with terrible customers. I finally go on my 15 minute break and stop by Smashburger for a Neapolitan shake and rosemary fries. I manage to finish all the fries within 10 minutes, and I’m proud but disgusted with myself. $7.96

7:45 p.m. — I get off work 15 min late because the store was trashed. I’m exhausted and finally head home.

8 p.m. — My dad was waiting at home for me to eat dinner. We head out to a noodle place nearby our house. He pays.

9:50 p.m. — I notice a similarly priced flight that flies a little earlier than the flight we booked previously, and its to a better/more convenient airport. We all cancel our previous flight and book this one instead. It’s still charged on my dad’s card, thanks dad!

Daily Total: $107.96

Day Two: 3/26

9 a.m. — I wake up early so I can go to the library and prep for my 2 interviews. But first, I roll around in bed for a little bit.

10 a.m. — Got to the library right when it opened. I check for flights again to see if they’ve dropped - they haven’t. I start replying to emails that I received this morning, and commit to studying until at least 1.

11 a.m. — The girl sitting across from me is disgusting, so I switch seats to across the aisle.

1:30 p.m. — I didn’t get that much work done (ended up replying to a bunch of emails), but I decide to roll out so I can make lunch and take a quick nap before I Skype the BF.

1:45 p.m. — There’s not really any food at home, so I make a bowl of cereal and call it a day. I fall asleep on the couch while watching B99.

3 p.m. — I Skype the BF before work so I can get some interview prep in.

4:45 p.m. — I head out to work!! Yay.

9:30 p.m. — Work ends and I rush home. I take a quick shower and eat left over noodles for dinner. My friends and I saw that flights to Seattle from SFO have dropped by about 50 bucks, so we buy! They buy the direct flight and I buy the only indirect flight at the same time because it’s $15 bucks cheaper. I put it on my dad’s card and give him $150 in cash, but he only takes $100. $100

10:30 p.m. — I’m feeling really tired, so I decide not to do anymore interview prep and to just call it a night so I can be well rested. I lay in bed on my phone for an hour before I finally go to sleep.

Daily Total: $100

Day Three: 3/27

6:15 a.m. — My first alarm rings - I hate myself. I hit snooze on the next few alarms.

6:30 a.m. — I finally drag myself out of bed and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face, and put in my contacts. Then I head to my room and play some B99 as I put on my make-up and do my hair.

7:30 a.m. — I was going to get coffee on the way to the Caltrain but decided not to. My dad drops me off at the Mountain View stop right as a train is approaching. I quickly buy a ticket and get on the train and manage to snag a seat. I’ll be expensing this ticket.

9 a.m. — Finally get to SF a few minutes later than expected. I call an Uber to the office I’m interviewing at. I’ll be expensing this ride.

9:30 a.m. — There’s way more traffic than expected. I tried to prep a little more on the Uber, but I was so stressed I can’t concentrate. I finally get to the office and use the lobby bathroom so I can change into my skirt and heels, then head up.

12 p.m. — So far, I’ve said some things I probably shouldn’t have said - but I hope for the best. 3 analysts take me and another interviewee to lunch at a really fancy restaurant downstairs. There are literally no vegetarian options so I order a chicken Caesar salad without the chicken. They order 4 apps that I cant eat, and then 2 desserts that we all split.

2 p.m. — We all head back up to the office so the interviewee and I can finish up our last 2 rounds of interviews.

3 p.m. — My interviews are finally over. I don’t think I did great, but I’m trying not to dwell. I change back into my pants and flats, chat with my friend in the lobby for a little bit, and decide to walk to Boba Guys for a treat.

3:30 p.m. — Boba Guys has a crazy long line, so I decide just to go home. I call an Uber to the Caltrain and tell my dad when I expect to be at the Mountain View station. I’ll be expensing this ride.

5 p.m. — I get to the Mountain View station and my dad picks me up. We head home, and he cooks up a few veg dishes for us.

9 p.m. — After napping, eating, and de-stressing on the sofa for a little bit, I decide to get to work. I review my notes about the company and a few frameworks for case studies.

10:30 p.m. — I’m tired and unmotivated. I brush my teeth and head to bed. I lay in bed on my phone for a little bit before finally falling asleep.

Daily Total: $0

Day Four: 3/28

8:15 a.m. — My alarm wakes me up and I get up to get ready for another day of interviewing.

9:15 a.m. — After finishing my hair and make-up, I head out to buy myself a cup of matcha so I can be caffeinated (but not jittery) for my interview. $4.90

9:45 a.m. — After getting back home, I eat a bowl of cereal while watching B99. Then I get to work and try to squeeze in a little more studying before I have to head out.

11 a.m. — My dad comes home to pick me up for my interview. We drive to the Caltrain and I buy a ticket (not re-imburse-able). $16.50

1 p.m. — We should’ve been in the city by now, but the train breaks down because of a problem with the power. I wait for 10 minutes before getting off the train with the bulk of everyone else, and call an Uber to the city. All the Ubers and Lyfts are super far away so it takes a while for them to reach me. $12.87

1:30 p.m. — I finally get to Blue Bottle! I go inside and snag a seat. I sit and study for about 30 minutes before I head into the bathroom to change into my skirt.

2 p.m. — I head over to the office site. I get there a little early so I sit and study for a little bit more. When the clock hits 15, I head upstairs to wait for my interview.

3:30 p.m. — The interview went terribly, and I come out of the office on the verge of tears. I call my friend to vent and cry a little bit, and she reassures me that everything will be okay and that it isn’t my fault. I’m constantly on edge with recruiting, and I’m just ready for the whole thing to be over.

4 p.m. — My friend who works in the city is able to take a quick (not-so-quick) break, so we head to Boba Guys and wait in the long line. We chat about my interview yesterday and today, and our future trip to Seattle. After we grab our drinks , we head back to her office. $4.50

5:30 p.m. — I try to call an Uber from her office, but there’s so much traffic that all the Uber’s take too long to get to me. I decide to walk to the Caltrain since it would take about the same amount of time.

6 p.m. — I finally get to the Caltrain and snag a seat. I text my dad to let him know when I would reach Mountain View.

7:30 p.m. — I finally get home! I feel disgusting and exhausted. I take a quick shower, and call the nearby pizza place for take out. I offer to share with my dad but he wants to eat left overs. $17.50

9 p.m. — Dinner and snacking time is over. I am trying to destress by watching B99 and Youtube, but it isn’t working.

Daily Total: $56.27

Day Five: 3/29

7:25 a.m. — My alarm goes off. At first, I wake up thinking that it’s so early, I can definitely go back to sleep! And then I remember I have work at 8 AM, so I get up and get ready for the day.

9 a.m. — My manager and I had to make a run to the bank, and I literally spend the entire time on my phone trying to stake out Fenway Park tickets for senior week. I feel bad, but I finally get them! $14

12:30 p.m. — Today was a crazy day at work. I swear at one point there were literally 10 strollers in the store, with babies crying left and right and the store getting trashed. I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have to clean up tonight, and head out of work for the day.

1 p.m. — After having a mental breakdown about my abilities and job searching, I heat up my left over pizza and eat it for lunch as I watch B99. I snack on some sunflower seeds, and then pass out on the couch for a few hours.

4 p.m. — I finally wake up and feel disgusting. I wash my face and put in some eye drops (since my contacts dried up in my eyes). I go to my computer and update my budget and cringe in pain as I see how much money I spent on food this month. I vow to myself to really rein it in so I can actually save some money for Europe.

7 p.m. — My dad comes home and brings Chipotle for dinner! I’m only able to finish half of mine, so I save the other half for lunch tomorrow.

Daily Total: $14

Day Six: 3/30

9:30 a.m. — I wake up, roll around in bed for a little bit, and then get up to head to the gym.

11:30 a.m. — My workout is finally done! I head home so I can shower.

12 p.m. — I heat up my left over Chipotle for lunch, and respond to a few emails. I got invited back by one of the companies I interviewed at for lunch, and I am super confused as to why because I was 100% sure that I bombed the interview and that the director did not like me. I respond saying that I am interested anyways and we schedule a time.

1 p.m. — I eat my Chipotle on the couch while watching B99. I pass out for like 3 hours.

3:30 p.m. — I finally get up off the couch. I remix my slime to make it less sticky and accidentally get some on the kitchen rug. I can’t get it off so I leave it, hoping that it’ll get less sticky with time.

4 p.m. — I retreat into my room to get ready for work. I only do my make-up since I’m feeling lazy.

4:45 p.m. — I head out to work.

9:30 p.m. — I love closing with one manager in particular cause she’s always in a rush to get out early, just like me. We leave about 15 minutes early and I get home. My dad’s not home, so I make myself a bowl of cereal and eat it in a rush since I have to head out soon. My dad gets home just as I start eating and I let him know what my plans for the night are.

10 p.m. — My friend calls me telling me that she and her boyfriend just broke up. She is not upset about it at all, which is good, and we use the time to catch up on each other’s lives. I chat with her as I drive to my other friends house. One of my friends recently got into her first choice med school, so we are celebrating! They were planning on going clubbing, but we decided to stay in and have a chill night instead.

2 a.m. — We ended up spending the night just chatting and watching tv/movies. We finally head home at 2 am, and I take off my make-up, wash my face, change, and get into bed.

Daily Total: $0

Day Seven: 3/31

10 a.m. — I wake up suuper late today because of how late I slept last night. I muster what little motivation I have to get up and get changed for the gym.

12 p.m. — I finally finish at the gym! I take a shower and heat up two Asian buns and eat two hard boiled eggs for lunch. Then I snack on some sunflower seeds before passing out on the couch for another 3 hours.

4 p.m. — I finally wake up and hate myself for sleeping for so long. This is one of the few weekends I have off and I wasted one by napping! I am still stressed out about job search, but I decide not to do anything about it today since I still need more me time.

6 p.m. — My dad gets home from biking, and after he showers and changes, we head out to a shabu shabu place for dinner. He pays - thanks dad!

9:30 p.m. — I do a little bit of job search since I’m bored and it’ll take some of the tension I’m feeling off.

10 p.m. — I finish up totaling my money diaries!

Daily Total: $0

The Breakdown:

Weekly Total $$ Spent: $278.23

Food & Drink: $34.86 Entertainment: $14 Home & Health: $0 Clothes & Beauty: $0 Transport: $229.37 Other: $0

#moneydiaries

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takeenata · 7 years

Text

Birthday

February 8th, 2016. My friends are gathered at my house, here without my knowledge or planning involved. Not without permission, however; my friends are welcomed to enter my home at any moment, so long it’s at some reasonable hour. My family, wife and kids, are here as well. Today is a momentous day for them, but sometimes I just like to believe it’s a good reason for them to party. They drink brew I spent a few days working on to perfect to my tastes, and apparently it’s just right for them too. They eat food that I prepare them, from full-fledged meals to small snacks. I am the provider of all of this, and despite the occassion, I am more than alright with this being my birthday celebration. Happy 45.

I’ve never wanted anything extraordinary for my birthday celebration. Up to when I was twelve, mom and dad would celebrate my day with a loaf of cinnamon banana bread. It became my favorite thing to eat when I was six, and till this day I would choose it over a batch of cookies or a cake. My wife is aware of this, and she attempts to recreate the banana bread on this day. I have never asked her of this, she does it on her own accord. When the night’s done and my friends have gone their separate ways back home, the kids want to go off and see their friends. My wife and I are more than alright with them seeing their friends at this time; we’ve visited their parents more often than not because of how much time our children spend together. It also gives us about three hours alone in the house. Three hours alone, on my birthday. If I have to share anymore detail about what happens next, you need help.

It’s roughly eight o'clock in the afternoon. If you’re a working person, this is usually the time you go to sleep so you can get up and get a head start on your work, and get off work pretty early. Which, my day is usually going to sleep around eight-thirty, waking up at five-thirty, working out for an hour, take a shower, make breakfast for the kids before they go to school at seven-thirty. Then I work over a hot forge till it’s twelve, take a thirty-minute-lunch, then work on what I can till it’s around four. But the part of owning your own business, and being the only one that works there, is that you can work whenever you really want. As if no one’s going to complain that you’re not working; especially when you’re a blacksmith for a living, and on average your final products sell for over a grand each. Add the fact that you work on more than one project a day too; on a good day I am handling six to seven different pieces.

Eight PM. I went to the fridge to see if I have the right things to make breakfast for my kids in the morning. Sadly, I ran out of milk and eggs during today’s celebration. Breakfast is the most important part of the day in my house, and I’ll be damned if I ever let my kids go a day without having something to kickstart their morning to school. I know that Docward likes to have a bowl of cereal and toast with strawberry jam, and Nimie ‘cannot survive’ unless she has her morning orange-juice and scrambled-eggs. Pirella doesn’t care what’s made for breakfast, so she says, but I know for a fact she enjoys oven-baked bacon as much as I do. I look through the freezer to see we’re also out of bacon; a flashback of making about ten pounds of bacon for my party today came back to me.

I closed the fridge door to walk to my bedroom, hearing Pirella chatting with someone. The room is illuminated with a single lamp on a nightstand, and with it I’m able to see my wife laying on the bed with a laptop on her legs. She’s wearing boxers, and a white tank-top. Her face is illuminated by the screen of the laptop; as I walked in she looked up at me, smiled, flashing the sharp white teeth of hers. “Hey, Husbee.”

“Husbee? That’s new.” I was in my pajamas, which was just a pair of wool shorts with a string, the undershirt I’ve been wearing throughout the day, and a navy blue robe. I disrobe myself, hanging it up on the back of the bedroom door as I closed it.

“Well babe gets kind of dull doesn’t it?”

“What’re you talkin’ about, babe?”

Pirella laughs. “I hope you’ve had a good day today.” “It was an amazing day. I really appreciate you all bein’ there.”

“Of course we’re all going to be there. It’s the least they can do showing up to this after all the times you’re there for them.” “I don’t like pulling favors from people though, even if they do owe me.”

“Tak this whole house is built on a favor.” She proved a valid point. 2010 was the year I finally settled down and was able to get a house. But, I wasn’t one to just buy a house with money I barely had. However, a year prior to settling down, I had saved a man’s life at the hands of some sinister necromancer. Considering the man was wealthy in many ways, and had political power, the necromancer had plans to kill him and reanimate his body to their favor, essentially a puppet. I didn’t find out what all the necromancer wanted to do after the fact; I do know that the magic abuser is hospitalized, paralyzed from the neck down. I was not proud of what was done to him.

“I guess you have a point,” I said with agreement, remembering I had asked that same man if I could have a house built to my liking, and he was more than willing to do so. Three months later, my two story house was completed, with a forge house in the side.

I need a change of subject. “So who are you talking to, honey?”

“It’s Aimee. She says “Hi.””

“Hello Aimee,” I say back in a louder voice. I make my way to my dresser that perches a television on top of it. Well, sort of perches it on it’s top; the television is mounted on a wall, and my dresser underneath it. From the dresser I reach for the second to last drawer of this four-drawered-construction; it’s the jeans drawer, and from it I take out one of the worn out pairs of Arizona jeans as well as a belt.

My wife noticed me changing into jeans. “Heading somewhere?”

I slide open the first drawer to take out a black shirt, then the second drawer to draw out a red flannel. I begin to dress, and I tell her “Need to make a grocery run before the store closes in…” I flick my wrist for my watch. “An hour and a half.”

I continue getting dressed. I can hear Pirella telling Aimee to wait a second. The uegat got out of our bed, stretching down her tank-top; sitting down had bunched it up to her chest. “Do you plan on driving?” “When it’s right down the street? I don’t want to waste gas. Plus I could use a walk to think about some things, you know.”

“Everything alright? I know Christmas is a hard time for you, but you’re usually a lot more open during your birthday.” She planted her hands on her hips. “What’s eating you up?”

“I’m forty-five now. I’m three years away from outliving my mother and father. I just want to think this stuff out alone, you know?” I started to get dressed, putting on my jeans and other articles of clothes. I felt like my explanation wasn’t enough and that I might’ve offended my wife a little.

“I know you’re always there for me. I really love that about you. Even before we were married, you were there to get me off my ass and onto my feet, kicking and fighting. But, this is one of those things that I want to think through first before I talk much more about it, you know? I’m sorry if that hurts you in any way.”

She quickly wrapped her strong arms over my shoulders, drawing me down to her for a tight hug. “Tak that’s all you have to say. I love you, honey.”

I wrap my arms around her waist and lift her up to my height, bringing her feet off the carpet flooring. “I love you too.” She presses her lips onto mine, and I embrace my wife with tender love.

“Stay safe out there. I heard it’s going to rain, and I’d rather you not catch a cold.”

“I’ll bring my jacket, the big brown one.” I have to specify. I have a lot of jackets, and often they’re used for separate occasions. Rain; cold-weather; style; travel; business; it’s important to have something for everything.

“Don’t forget your wallet either.”

“I always carry my essentials.” Essentials being wallet, car-keys, and concealed weapon. A mental list of whatever I needed from the store is what I need now though. It was bacon, milk, and eggs. A gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, and maybe two packets of Oscar Meyer thick-cut bacon. I like my women like my bacon; thick and delicious.

Bad jokes aside, I need to make sure that’s all I’m having to get. “Anything else from the store you think we need?”

“Grapes, bananas, and apples. You all ate the fruit today.”

“We had fruit to begin with? Where the heck was it?”

“On top of the fridge in a basket-weave. Though I guess it’s hard for you shorter people to see up the fridge now, ain’t it?” She laughs.

“Your ears don’t count for your height.” She has ears pointing up that are about a foot in length. If ears did count towards height, my wife would be taller than me by a few inches. We share a laugh together. I finish getting dressed and make my way outside, heading for the nearest store before they close for the night.

…

I buy the needed items if I want to assure my family are going to have a happy breakfast tomorrow morning. I make small talk with the cashier, as they made comments about me being here close to closing. I replied with it being the least busy at this time of night, but how I also needed to restock after my birthday this year. They wish my a happy birthday. I buy my items and start to walk back outside.

The automatic doors slide open. I see the downpour of rain begin, followed by several claps of thunder and flashes of lightning arc across the blackened sky. The sky might’ve already been black, considering it was evening; the clouds were blocking the moonlight. I’m thankful to have grabbed my raincoat; I’m not so thankful that years ago when I bought this thing, I picked the obnoxious, highlighter yellow option. At least it’s reflective. My hood goes up, making my head form an awkward shape since my ears stick out a few inches from my head. Hoods aren’t my style anyways; niether are beanies.

I walk home, listening to the sounds of a storm roll over me. It’s peaceful, despite the destructive nature that can come in these storms. Reminds me of a time I watched a tree back in Kansas get split in half by a bolt of lightning. The sound it made was awesome. Find it strange or not, I didn’t see a legitimate lightning storm like this when I was living back in Alaska, up north. I seen a lot of blizzards and some rain, but the rain was a rarity with how cold it got. The blizzards were always something else to wake up to, as you exit the front door and there’s two feet of snow blocking you.

The thunder is calming. Single story buildings made of bricks make the path home for me, but they echo the sounds of the storm and resonate them in a deeper, more mellow manner. Each roar surges through my chest, as I feel the echoes shake inside my body; my heart settles and slows. I believe this is my body’s way to let me know, now more than ever, can I relax. I’ll end this day on a high note, with self-reflection; self-realization.

It was back in 1971 when –

“There you are,” grunts a voice unfamiliar. A pair of clawed hands takes ahold of the hood of my raincoat. Make that several hands taking hold of my raincoat; is that five or six pairs I’m feeling right now? Difference sizes too, and some don’t even have claws. I’m swept off my feet and thrown into an filthy alleyway that’s barely given any light from a broken street lamp that flickers. The groceries I had bought fly from their bags, making a fresh mess of breakfast items. A waste of forty something dollars.

The hands toss me against the rusted metal of a unsanitary dumpster; my head slams against the sides of it, hard enough to make the open plastic lid slap down with an audible thump. The sudden surge of pain causes me to slide down the sides of the trash-filled box. As I now sit in a puddle of sullied water, I feel my vision blurring, the rain not helping as it fogs my vision. I can only make out eight figures that use the shadows to mask their identities. Wiping away the rain, I can see them better.

Demons. I should’ve figured. Such a strange variety of them too. One is an imp; another wears a tailored tuxedo; a third has skin with a violet shade to it. One has more than four horns breaking from it’s skin; a different demon looks to be suffering from an overextended diet of grease; the sixth’s skin I believed to be red in design, but as I look again I see their skin is actually riddled with tattoos on a pale-skin-canvas; another had shackles burned and chained to it’s wrists and ankles.

A stranger stood amongst these seven demons. While the rest wore leather and cloth looking clothes, they wore jeans, boots, and a hoodie that prevented me from seeing their face. I couldn’t see the color of their skin, or any other definite traits. I can’t label them as human, or other subhuman, humanoid, or other bipedal race of being. I could safely assume them as a demon, since the crowd it stood with was consisted of only demons.

I finally stand after observing the demons that surrounded me in a half-circle. Needless to say, I am in no mood to end the best day I’ve had in awhile with a fight against eight demons, with intentions I’m sure are to kill me. Hands clenched, adrenaline making my heart race after it had just calmed; my mind ticking with ways I’d win this inevitable fight, despite odds stacked against me. “What do you want?” I question, having good hope this was just some sort of confusion. Afterall, none of the demons carried weapons with them.

“You,” they all said, simultaneously, like they rehearsed this scene to get it right.

I shake my head. “I’m not in the mood for this crap,” I spit out. My hands gesture to the mess of food that was going to be breakfast for my family. “You all just completely trashed my grocery run, and the store just closed.”

“Damn your pitiful food, elf!” Said the most well dressed of the demons, their tone sounding like the rich stereotype. He’d be the one paying me for the food he helped ruin.

“Dine on your blood tonight,” included the demoness with violet skin. “You’ll be drowning in it!”

I roll my eyes. This is not the first time I’ve heard someone talk high-and-mighty, treating me like a lesser individual when they make threats against my life. It’s too common for me to hear more threats against me than actual hopes for me, which is cons when it comes to being an avid ‘protector of good’ and ‘destroyer of evil.’ I’ve had a pretty damn good day, and I’m not about to let eight strangers completely ruin it for me with their threats. “I ain’t in the mood for this,” I say, left facing and starting to walk out of the alleyway. “I’m not even going to ask that you guys pay me back for my food; consider this a warning to leave me alone.”

My way is suddenly stopped by a standing wall of tattooed skin. I look up at the one in my way, which is uncommon for me as I am usually one of the tallest out of my group of friends, standing six-feet-five-inches. The giant of a demon, this muscle made obstacle completely blocks me from exiting, stepping left and right as I try to step left and right around him. He’s laughing at me now. “This is the infamous “Elven Hero,” the halls of Hell scream so much about? “Heaven’s Sword” walking away from a battle. Pathetic.”

“Is that what this is about? Y’all want to test your metal against me?”

“I’ve long dreamed of fighting you one-to-one, Takeenata. But we are not here for games,” said the mound-of-muscle-mass, as he lifts me up aggressively by the front of my raincoat. “We’re here to-” “Gash,” softly spoke another voice, a whisper directly in my ear. Chains rattled as the pale demon spoke. “He mustn’t know. He’s not allowed.”

“Very well,” said the brute holding me, suddenly strengthening his grip. The demon Gash tossed me with extreme force and speed, and I collided with the cold, wet, brick wall of the alleyway.

I’m no where near strong or sturdy enough to have left a dent in the wall, however, I did leave behind a splat of my blood due to new injury dripping behind my head. I can feel my back broken in a few different places now; vertebrates out of place and an inability to walk normally. Lucky for me I landed next to the dumpster, which I use now to pull myself back onto my feet. I hold onto the edges to keep myself up.

I can taste a clot of blood in my mouth. Something’s bleeding inside of me. Elven genes dictate that injuries usually heal up quickly when that injury is given rest for a good week or so, and the dwarven bit of me lets me withstand injuries pretty well and have the strength to press on, disregarding awful pain. Despite these advantages I may have, I don’t think it’s going to help me when I can’t feel or move the lower half of my body now.

Still though. I have to fight. From my back I draw my handgun, a .45 caliber with a twelve round clip, and on my utility belt, two more clips to load. Always carry essentials. I take the pistol off safety and hold it with my firing hand, my right hand, as my supporting arm, the left arm, keeps me up and holding on the edge of this dumpster. The enemies surround me, which narrows down my need to aim well.

I still don’t want this to go down. I just want to go home, sleep next to my wife, and wake up to a loving family. However; I’ll take anyone that tries to kill me down to Hell. I spit out the clot of blood collecting in my mouth, then gaze at the eight demons surrounding me. “None of you are leaving here without any scars,” I say with utter aggression boiling in my veins.

The imp tries to charge at me, flaring his tiny teeth with an open mouth, wanting to bite me. His head was bigger than his body, he stood no bigger than two, maybe three feet tall. My aim goes for his abnormal sized head, and I pull back the trigger. I fired a shot straight into his gold colored eyes, and he goes down like a bag of rocks. Though, I know he’s not dead, just immobilized while he recovers from taking a bullet into the eye. Judging from there being no exit wound I witnessed, the bullet is lodged in his brain. This will give me more time as his body tries to push it out.

A chain appears from the heavy rain and wraps around my wrist. The joints of this rusted chain pinch my wrist and squeeze with incredible strength, attempting to cut off the circulation to my firing hand. He knows my weapon can cause damage; the demon in rags and chains wants to take away my advantage.

I attempt to whip the chain back at him by flicking my arm up and down. Success; the whip hits the demon in it’s face, and he drops his weapon. With my wrist being freed, I aim for his head and fire. The aim wasn’t all too good, but I manage to hit his chest well enough to toss him on his feet.

With two out of the fight, and two bullets used, with 34 rounds left to spare, I feel complete faith that I’ll make it home tonight. I’m going to have to call my wife and get her to drive here and pick me up; no way I’m walking for a few weeks, and there’s not a chance that I’m crawling back half a mi –

A sudden force hits my chest. Colliding force that goes through my chest, that I can feel penetrate my…heart? I’ve never felt anything legitimately touch my heart before; metaphorically is something else. The sudden sharp pain that surges through my chest, how clean it went through and the way it feels inside. I’ve felt this feeling before; I’ve been stabbed. In the heart.

Mind goes numb. Body fails to move. I slowly descend down to the cold damped ground, dropping my pistol and staring off into the end. This was the end – holy shit. With each pump of my heart, my vision fades into dark. With each beat, my life fades away. I clutch at my chest, holding the very knife that penetrated me. I’m not sure what sort of idea I had just then, but I find myself taking the blade out of my chest and observing it.

“Such strange designs,” I thought to myself, admiring the weapon that killed me. I look up to see my attacker, which was the stranger in the hood. He didn’t move the entire time, didn’t say a word either. I should’ve paid better attention to him.

Life slipping away by each second, vision become more black by the second. I’m so sorry Pirella, I won’t be coming home tonight. My kids, oh God my kids; they won’t have a father anymore. My group of friends will be short one person now.

Eyes close, and I feel the last gasp of air escape my lungs, and the last pump in my chest.

I’ll be seeing you, mom and dad.

#takeenata #takeenata versus the inferno

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commentaryonhowwelive · 4 years

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March 2015. Age 22. Walking

“Jay and Winding Trail”

I like to think of my loneliness in a plethora of positive ways. It’s not loneliness in the general sense that I experience, but rather a mellow contentment with only myself on purpose. Relying on only yourself is kind of like the ultimate back up plan for happiness. On the flip side, it’s ok to to try to seek happiness through frivolous social interaction, such as going out for drinks with friends or going on dates. After all, we’re social beings and thrive on social interaction.

We never would’ve gotten to where we are as a species if it wasn’t for our social instincts. However, I think that we’ve come to the point that our need for social interaction can be substituted with our capability of cognitive synthesis. We can idealize, hope and dream, long for the perfect life, whether we’re experiencing it or not. And whether or not we have a good thing happening at the moment, there’s always tomorrow. Today will make a good story regardless.

“Jay and Juhles”

I remember reading somewhere about the concept losing and gaining the same amount of something being equal objectively, but not always subjectively.

In other words, the act of losing something hurts more than having gained it.

In other other words, it feels worse to lose $100 than it feels good to gain $100.

In even more other words, say that your happiness can be measured on a scale of -100 to 100 happiness points. Losing $100 brings you to -75 points but gaining $100 only brings you to +35 points. It’s easier to become more sad by losing something than to become more happy by gaining that same amount. So what’s the point of trying? It’s the same with people. Don’t risk the loss of people, whether it be via platonic or romantic relationships. It’s so easy to be happy alone, that why even put forth the effort if everyone’s going to be gone out of your life at some point anyways? This is why I was alone that day.

“28th and Walnut”

I pulled on the wire.

“Stop Requested”

The LED sign at the front of the bus flash between “28TH AND WALNUT” and “STOP REQUESTED”.

It came to a halt and I walked out without making eye contact with anyone. “Thank you have a nice day,”

The bus driver gave a head nod and two finger wag/wave as I walked out. It was about 50 degrees in Boulder and the blue sky set a beautiful backdrop in every direction I looked. Only a slight breeze, not even enough to pierce to my cotton jacket, let alone my flannel underneath. All I wanted to do was walk that day.

I love walking in general. It’s so human, so natural. I have a body and legs, so by god I’m gonna use them. That’s my one of the only reasons for why I like walking so much.

I liken it to the way that a monk named Ben that I met while working at a summer camp would look at running. I always ran for the “normal” reasons: getting and staying in shape, anxiety relief, letting loose my anger. Running has always been cathartic. I remember one morning at camp seeing Ben at breakfast and asking how he was doing. He beamed at me and said “I’m well. I ran this morning.”

I asked him, “How far?” to which he looked slightly puzzled as to why I asked such a question and replied, “I don’t know, maybe 2 or 3 miles?”

I, on the other hand was curious why he didn’t pay attention to how far he ran.

I wore my Smart Watch religiously to keep track of how far I’d ran, how fast I was running, altitude differentials, the list goes on. But the way he described it to me made me feel like I’d been running the wrong way my entire life. It seems challenging to run the “wrong way”. It’s not like I was running with my shoes on my hands. No, it wasn’t the physical difference that made me feeling like I was running incorrectly, but rather the lack of connection I had with the synthesis between my body and the world. I have a body that can run and no matter how I think about it, whether my higher level cognition actively turns it into a game of goals and achievements, all my body actually wants to do is run and doesn’t care if I run a 7:33 pace or a 7:32 pace.

He ran for none of the reasons I ran. He ran because he had legs and by god he was going to use them. He ran because his body wanted to run. He wanted to experience what his body was capable of doing and embrace it. He ran for no other reason than to run and to feel himself run. It’s so simple, and creates such a feeling of exhilaration when you ignore everything but the feeling of your body.

So I walk. I still like to run, but when the opportunity arises, I walk. I walk even if I have a car, even if it’s slower, even if it’s slightly less convenient.

It was needless to try to convince anyone how beautiful that day was, so I walked. I watched the bus chug on ahead, letting people off all the way down the road every few blocks until it was out of sight. I could’ve got off at any of those stops, but I chose to get off earlier. No particular reason why, I just could.

My backpack light on my back, I cut through some residential streets to the Boulder creek path then turned west. There was a sense of peace and gratefulness among everybody out that day, happy to take advantage of one of the first few warm days sprinkled into the beginnings of spring. I saw a family riding their bikes together, a mom, dad, and daughter of probably seven. A woman lay under an aspen. A crew of college students playing ultimate frisbee on the high school soccer field. A homeless man had his backpack emptied, presumably to air out, as he sat next to the creek, looking into the constantly moving water reflectively.

I saw all these people as I meandered along the concrete path, the icy cold stream humming along to my left, the evergreens sticking out like a sore thumb among the bare deciduous trees. Many of the people I saw were spending time with friends and family. I could’ve felt a l negative loneliness as I walked alone. I could’ve felt a sadness that I didn’t have anyone to walk with, or anyone to meet up with later. But I didn’t I was walking and experiencing my body just like everyone else was doing in their own way and I loved it.

I had no plans. I was planning on going home and winging some Indian curry. “Do I need anything else from the grocery store?” I wondered to myself as I walked comfortably alone. “tofu...green and red peppers....onion...I just bought curry powder....coconut milk...” my eyes perked up, “Oh right, I want to add kale,” I thought as I looked for the next turn north so I could walk to Sprouts to buy some greens to add to that night’s dinner.

Spending time with people is nice. I enjoy it. But I’ve found that I’m just such great company for myself that I hand’t had a desire recently to make an effort to spend more time socializing. My pizza delivery job gives me plenty of connection to people. I can chit chat with my coworkers while we make pizzas and joke about unruly customers, “oh god, toe sock guy with his cat...plug your nose when he opens his door!” we joked like brothers.

When I was a kid, my brothers and I would turn the volume all the way down on the TV and make the voices for the characters. It was funniest when my older brother did it, he’d make the old lady talk about how she was so old and nobody loves her and all the little children would yell mean things at her. I laughed so hard I remember not being able to breath, then wanting to do it myself but it just wasn’t as funny. He was a lot better at it than I was.

I got a lot of practice doing this while I worked my delivery job, and I started doing it during my walks too. Maybe my brothers would’t find it funny but I cracked myself up with it. I pretended I could read their minds and think about the absurd stuff that they’re thinking and hiding. I’d make funny voices for them, exaggerating their characteristics and quirks.

Recently, it seemed like as soon as sad thoughts tried to enter my head, the bouncer didn’t let them in. My brain was like a club and the thoughts inside were having a good time. They could look outside and see the sad thoughts try to enter but the bouncer stood firm. They left. The everlasting party casually carried on.

“Things are pretty alright right now”, I thought to myself, quietly mumbling the words under my breath. I thought of all the personal problems I’d encountered since moving to Colorado.

Depression. Anxiety. Longing for home. Loneliness.

These are things that could've been going on in my head, but they weren’t there. I saw those thoughts, and they flew away out of my periphery like a magpie. I whistled as I walked. No one was there to tell me to stop whistling. It wasn’t bothering anyone.

None of those so-called problems seemed to matter any more. I was overcome with a sense of peace. Not of jubilation, not of stoke, not even really happiness. It was just a quiet calming. It was as if I could look at these things that wrapped tightly around my brain and my lungs only a few months ago that seeped into my neuronal pathways like an infection, and now I could look at them objectively like items on a table. One quick swipe of my hand and they all went crashing to the floor. This was how I felt ever sense I started taking Lexapro. Lexapro was the bouncer and my consciousness was the club. All of these extreme feelings that sent me sinking into my bed at 2 in the afternoon all of the sudden turned into birds and just flew away.

I did meet a beautiful girl recently. I’m not giving her too much concern, but I think I might invite her over for dinner.

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jess-oh · 6 years

Text

Reflection 7.10.18

I suppose I should write this today. I'm almost at bryn mawr so I def dont have a lot of time left but I may as well write what I can. I had a pretty chill day yesterday! I worked on a few more sweater designs for a sorority at UIUC for Dad's Weekend and they ended really enjoying it! I was glad! I could've taken my break at 1pm but I was so close to finishing and didn't want to forget anything so i just pushed through for another hour! Wendys was super packed and right after ordering, I headed to the restroom and let out a really big poop. Then I headed back and patiently waited for my order. I should've spoken up sooner but I didn't until about half an hour later. At least the workers were kind enough to get me new nuggets and upgrade my fries to a medium! C: the soda machine took forever tho bc one of them was getting replaced so everyone relied on the only other one open. But I ate, watched a couple vids, and overall had a good time. By the time I finished, it was time to head back to the office so i just decided to go to walmart after work instead. i worked some more on the resource guide----im hoping to finish the majority of it today besides putting pics from other SDI clubs as well as a welcome message from them. And I'm excited to take on whatever new client tasks they have in store for me today. I will probably send Jon an email, letting him know that i will try to learn fusion but making a 3D mockup is really product design and itll take me a while to get even the basics down. It's not even a thing of laziness. This is literally not my job. All the mockups and rebranding is fine but this isn't what i do. Anyways, after that, I headed to walmart and tried to take advantage of an apple barrel 2 for 1 deal! So I gathered all my colors and it amounted to around $10. But then I found an artist's starter kit for only $5 with less paint but better quality! So I opted for that option instead. Looking back, i hope it was the right called to make bc I do have a lot of orders to fulfill... Heres to hoping a little paint can go a long way! I should've gotten a bottle of white and black too... Maybe i'll get those during my lunch break! what is this Anyways, I also found simple brushes with a brushed tip for $3! What a steal. I was mainly looking for tiny brushes so I'm glad I found them! After all that, i headed home, dropped my stuff off, chilled for 2min, and headed back out to the grocery store! I was careful not to get anything too heavy or things I knew i wouldn't use and my total came out to $38.40. My cashier was really nice and let me grab tomatoes really quick while he was checking me out, even though the store was closing soon. I bought two bags of bagels as well as two types of cheese bc ik those can go pretty fast. overall, I think I did a pretty good job! And I reached my 10k goal! Although I did change it to 7k... Maybe i'll switch it back. Don't want it to be too easy! But yeah! Then I put all those away, prepared a bagel sandwich for dinner and lunch for today(which I forgot this morning :( i guess i can eat it again for dinner) and overall felt pretty accomplished! Oh! I also stopped by target looking for white vinegar to clean with and almost bought vitamin water bc why not but decided against it! And! I even reloaded my laundry card so I'm hoping to knock that outta the park either today or tomorrow. And then I went home, cleaned the toilet, floor, and sink and started on the shower but I'm going to finish that once the maintenance guys unclog our drain. Thats also something i did. Submit a maintenance request! Oh! And I nominated myself for wayup's top 100 interns. It doesnt actually mean anything and I'm not taking it that seriously but I still think it'd be a cool thing to say! And I'm still kinda awkward with songbee but we're definitely better now. And I thanked p josh for the discussion and had a good time chatting with our walking group. Thank you God for such a blessed day!

#reflection

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namastenug · 6 years

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at a loss

i didn’t even realize that it had been almost exactly a month since i last posted. a lot has changed in that month, but unfortunately a lot has stayed the same. i sat down to write this post not as an update/reflection, but as a way to place words on something that caused me to feel an urge to write.

two nights ago, i was at my parents’ house. i had a long ass day at work, then scrambled to make it to my little sisters national honor society induction (which, i showed up ten minutes late, but luckily missed the boring speaker). i met my sister’s boyfriend’s (!!!) mom and was able to spend some time with my family. after, we went home only for my sisters and i to get culver’s since i hadn’t eaten dinner yet (side note: at this point it was seven o’clock and i barely had lunch). i pounded a burger, fries, and a chocolate banana shake. we hung out and bantered as usual. not long after my sisters went to their rooms, i received a text from my college besties’ group chat. one of the girls’ dad was missing, she wrote. my stomach plummeted. my chocolate banana shake threatened to reappear (likely due to the mass amount of lactose consumed). i have been struggling with my emotions and have been pms-ing hard this past week, so i felt distraught overall. i went home and cried. i took a melatonin so i could sleep.

on thursday my daily routine began again. i went to work. i tried to keep myself distracted. we got a message saying that my friend’s dad’s car had been found. i tried not to cry at work and deeply considered going home. i didn’t. i checked my phone after a work event to see that her dad had been found. dead. feeling numb, i went to a nearby grocery store and bought boxed wine and tried not to cry as i wandered the aisles. my mom called. i cried in the car. i went home, poured myself a giant glass of wine, received a call from one of my friends and talked about our friend. it was her birthday.

i decided i wasn’t going in to work today. actually, i decided yesterday, but confirmed today. i needed this day for a couple weeks now. i’ve felt angry, careless, and all over the place. i have messages racked up on my phone and haven’t cared to respond. but today, i woke up and finished my library book (that is due today) and cleaned my apartment. we’re waiting on funeral plans. i’m trying to keep myself distracted. the girl that lives in the apartment next to mine and her boyfriend have been fighting all day (it’s only noon). it’s as if he never stops yelling. he stormed out a while ago, causing her to wail, and then he comes back. i’m not even trying to listen-- it’s loud enough that it’s audible over my music.

i’m planning on writing more of a reflection post later, once i’m back. i’m trying to figure out what i’m going to do with my weekend until then. at some point today, i want to get outside, but do what, exactly? curling in a ball with a movie sounds perfect, but i know it won’t help me feel any better.

this post is rough and unedited. it’s a reflection of my thought-process and i think it shows how i’m feeling.

until next time,

nug

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harrywenttoeurope-blog · 7 years

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Aug 20/21st

Arrived at the Portland airport probably too early, checked in, and got through security swiftly without any issues. Mom and dad were, as expected, concerned (in a loving way) throughout the process. I walked around the terminal for a bit before finding my gate and sitting for a while, snacking and listening to music and podcasts and anticipating the trip excitedly. I ran into Claire Miller as I was walking back into the mall-ish part of the terminal looking for a journal to write in for the trip (obviously I haven't found one). It turned out we were on the same flight to Frankfurt and Sophia Ahmad was on it too. The three of us talked for a while before we boarded the plane about college, our trips, etc. I had the middle seat on the plane between an American veteran with a long ponytail who moved to Germany after being stationed there 30 years ago and a youngish woman with a lot of make-up. I had nothing to lean my head on and was very cramped and so I couldn't sleep at all on the 10-hour-long flight. During the flight, Samson Brody walked past me on his way to the bathroom and we chatted for a minute. After we got off the plane we got onto buses that took us to separate terminals and so I didn't see Claire and Sophia again, but Samson and I went to the same terminal luckily. We hung out at the airport and observed funny and unusual German people and things and phenomena and he slept across a couple chairs while I sat, delirious, waiting for my flight. It was now late night PST but it was late morning in Frankfurt which screwed with my mental state quite a bit. After a tiny bit of a stressful mix-up I ended up at my gate for my second plane and boarded without a problem. I sat in the same row as a presumably Spanish man who prayed as the plane took off. The middle seat was empty so I had some leg room and slept for most of the flight. In the Barcelona airport I was stressed because I had no wifi and couldn't warn the Nates of my arrival. I ended up boarding a bus to the city center which had a USB charger port and wifi so we figured it out. I got to the hostel and Nate and Nate were making mojitos in the hostel kitchen and watching an uninteresting livestream of the solar eclipse, which was taking place right as I got there. We drank the mojitos in the common room and eventually went out to a restaurant called Can Paixaso (?) which served champagne and sandwiches which were both delicious. We talked to some Swedes who were there for a bachelor party. Then we walked around for a bit in Barcelona and sat at a marina and talked and observed passersby. I felt insane the whole time. We returned to the hostel and went to bed around midnight.

Aug 22

Woke up early because an old woman woke up at 5:41 am and turned on the lights in the room as she got a dozen eggs out of her locker and prepared for the day. I couldn't sleep after she got up so my jet lag recovery would be postponed and today would be a relatively delirious and tired day too. I walked down to a convenience store and bought a Red Bull, water, and a bag of crappy chocolate croissants and then went back to the hostel to read and try to fall back asleep. I was ultimately unsuccessful and so I read until Nate and Nate woke up. They didn't like the croissants as much as I did. We checked out of the hostel and went to Sagrada Familia. We bought tickets for a tour of the place because it was the only option, so we waited through an incredibly dull monologue from the tour guide for about a half hour before getting inside and immediately ditching the tour. While the outside façades and spires were incredible in their own right, the interior was the main attraction. Immediately to our left as we entered, an enormous multicolored stained glass window was being illuminated perfectly by the sunlight. The colors of the glass were reflected on the floor of the cathedral and on a nearby column which was green blue and red in the light. The columns themselves were also impressive. They branched off near the top to mimic the branches of a tree, and were much taller than seemed possible from outside the church. The stained glass around the building was almost shockingly beautiful. Altogether, Sagrada Familia was the most incredible building I have ever seen.

From there we went to lunch (at a Chinese buffet that made us sick to our stomachs) then to the beach, where we swam briefly in the warm sea water. Fish swam around our feet and a little girl with goggles tried to catch them with her hands.

Then we headed back to the hostel and then to the bus station for our trip to Perpignan. As we boarded the bus, we were greeted by a very sweaty man who spoke with a American Southern accent and guessed that we were English speakers based on our appearance. We found out that he was from Northern Ireland, he had lived in Georgia (the state) as a kid, he was anti-political-correctness and islamophobic and wouldn't stop talking. He went to the bathroom four times over a 2.5 hour bus trip. He also said he didn't trust using the internet on phones because of government tracking, didn't have a place to stay where he was going, and didn't really seem to know where he was going anyway. We theorized that he was a fugitive from the law who had killed several people in the US and had fabricated the Northern Irish cover story. I guess we'll never know. We got to Perpignan and took a taxi to our Airbnb. As soon as we exited the taxi, a Frenchman in his mid-twenties started yelling at us in French as he walked the opposite direction on the other side of the street. We had no idea what he was saying but he seemed angry. We were immediately pretty intimidated by Perpignan and the language barrier in France, and were half-jokingly having second thoughts about visiting Perpignan. We walked to a grocery store in the city center and picked up a baguette, Brie, some noodles and curry, and salad stuff. The baked Brie and bread was the highlight of the meal. I think we went to bed pretty early after dinner.

Perpignan

Aug 23

I woke up somewhat early after my first full night of sleep. I ate several packs of trail mix for breakfast. The Nates got up later and eventually we got up and going. We went to the bus station to figure out how to get to Nice without much luck, then caught a bus from there to a beach called Canet Plage about a half hour outside the city. We grabbed a baguette on the way to the beach and while we were there we swam, built a sand castle, then walked down to a rocky pier where we sat for a while. It was very beautiful and relaxing and the rocks beneath us were foreign and cool looking. We sat there for a long time before walking back to the bus stop, picking up another baguette on the way. We talked about college and our friends at college on the way back. The bus dropped us off right outside the grocery store, so we picked up some food and some beer, which we drank along with our frozen pizza dinner.

Aug 24

Terrible day of traveling on buses. Played fun card games in Montpellier and ate a good sandwich. Got to Nice late and felt bad and irritable. Sat on the beach and skipped and threw rocks into the sea. Ate a terrible chicken sandwich called the "long chicken."

Aug 25

Went to a street market near the beach in Nice, got a nectarine, a chocolate croissant, a beignet for breakfast and a pizza/bread thing for lunch. All were delicious. The croissant was very buttery and the beignet was so soft, light, and sweet. One of the best food experiences of the trip. We swam in the sea and it was a bit colder than in Barcelona but still very fun and relaxing. We listened to the sound of rocks hitting the rock floor underwater and Nate Currie tried to swim out to a buoy and almost got there.

We walked up to a park overlooking the city and sat on a bench for a while and soaked up the view. Then we walked back down to the beach and sat near the end where a bunch of French teenagers probably around 30 total were hanging out in this cove and jumping off of cliffs into the water. I sat and watched them for about a half hour while the Nates closed their eyes and sort of slept. Then they got up and I told them about the backstory that I'd observed/constructed with the teenagers and they started watching too. Nate Raphael was especially interested. Our favorite characters were a guy in blue shorts with frosted tips who did the craziest jumps and liked to push people off the rocks into the water, a couple of younger kids (14ish) who walked past us onto the rocks where one of them did very good looking backflips off the high rocks and another did the same but had to work up his nerve for a long time to do so, and a girl who arrived semi late and was thrown in the water against her will and was clearly mad about it and left soon thereafter before returning, walking past us with a friend of hers. We laughed about how involved we were in the story of these teens and how much we knew about that girl's last 30 minutes. We probably watched them for a little over an hour before heading back to the hostel where we drank some beers, ate dinner, and played cards in the hostel's bar. We went back down to the beach at night and threw some more rocks, then Nate Currie and I said goodbye to Nate R. for a few days and went to sleep.

Aug 26

Nate Currie and I woke up early to go to the airport and it all went smoothly. The take off on the flight provided good views of Nice and the clouds above it and France on the way. We landed in Zurich and took a train to the train station which put us in a good place to see a bit of the city. We walked around the river/downtown area and bought fruit and pastries for breakfast and ate them right down by the river. Zurich has a lot of thin pointy clock towers and there are a lot of boat police in the river.

We walked down to where the river opens up into a larger body of water and walked through a flea market where people were selling vintage clothes and things. Mom would have liked it. We made our way back to the train station and caught a train to Lucerne and then to Interlaken. The train to Interlaken took a while and went slowly through the foothills of the Alps but it's fine because I had podcasts to catch up on, which sort of served as a tether to my normal life throughout the trip, but also as an unpleasant reminder of the stability and comfort of home which I had begun to long for at times. We arrived in Interlaken and walked kind of a long way to our hostel. We picked up on the fact that there were more people in Interlaken than usual because of a big Swiss traditional festival called Unspunnenfest which only happens every dozen years or so. As a result, there were a lot of old Swiss guys at our hostel. We decided to go to the lake in the evening and somewhat haphazardly jumped on a bus that we thought would take us there and got off when we thought we were close. It turned out we weren't close at all so we walked for about 45 minutes through farmland surrounded by very tall and nearby mountains and the smell of cow dung in the air. It was a pleasant walk despite our sense of being lost. We finally made it to the lake after a long time and the only apparent access to it was a private beach of a hotel. So we walked past the sign that said "Private Beach - Unsupervised - Please go to lobby and pay for access" in a bunch of languages and sat down on the very nice lawn right by the water. Nate swam for a couple minutes and I sat and watched the sunset and he joined me as we watched a few boats go in and out of the hotel's docks. To say it was picturesque would be an understatement. It was as peaceful as any sunset I've seen. As the sun disappeared behind the mountains in the distance, we started to walk back hoping to catch a bus. Of course the buses didn't run that late and so we walked a very long way to the other side of town to our hostel. We made pasta with pesto and bacon and it was good and we ate a lot of it. Went to bed.

Aug 27

Woke up excited to see Switzerland but realized about a half hour after waking up that about $200 in cash had been stolen from my wallet. I was very mad and sad and it made me want to be at home away from the stress of traveling. After a while of being mad and Nate being sympathetic, we went to the other lake on the other side of Interlaken via a long bus ride and hiked to a waterfall. The water fall was very big and would have been a bigger deal in the US but there seems to be a ton of waterfalls in Switzerland. There was an old Swiss-looking hotel with a perfect view of the falls that probably costs a lot of money to stay at. I ate a nectarine and a banana and we watched the waterfall and an Indian family take about a thousand pictures in front of the waterfall. The hike there and back took about 3 hours total. As we walked past people on the hike, they either greeted us in English or in Swiss German, and when they did that, we had no idea how to reply. It seemed like everyone was saying a different thing and it made us laugh a lot.

We made something for dinner again at the hostel and had a good talk for a while about the uncertainty of post-college life. I can't remember if anything else happened.

Aug 28

We caught a bus, a train, and a tram up to Gimmelwald where we found our hostel right next to the cable car station. The hostel was completely empty besides a couple from Washington who arrived at the same time as us. The view from the hostel blew the views in Interlaken out of the water instantly. We got settled for a little bit then went on a hike to a place called Chichbalm. This was one of the best moments of the trip. The hike ended in a huge grassy valley with a creek running through it, and with a huge rock mountain face with a waterfall at the far end. On either side of the mountain face were smaller, but still enormous and steep lines of mountains which were mostly grassy and forested at the bottom. Behind us was a view of the largest mountain in the area, Jungfrau, framed by the valley. The sun beamed down through the clouds onto the face of the mountain at the end of the valley and the snowmelt from the waterfall rushed down the center of the valley. I rinsed my nectarine and filled my water bottle in the creek and Nate and I shared some delicious Haribo peach gummies. We sat and soaked it all in silently, and I felt a strong urge to listen to some music, so I put on headphones and listened to "Hold On" by John Lennon and "Godspeed" by Frank Ocean among some other songs. At one point I turned around and saw that Nate had walked off toward the waterfall. I sat alone for a while listening to music and was awed by the scene around me and the combination of the two almost brought me to tears. I felt very grateful to be in that place, and felt that every bad thing about the trip had been worth it for that moment. I felt very grateful for my parents and a bit sad that they'd never had the chance to explore Europe the way I was. Eventually I went to go find Nate, and the walk was deceptively far. Though the valley was in fact huge, it felt very intimate, and I was surprised when I finally spotted a small speck on the ridge of a rocky hill near the waterfall that ended up being Nate. He had walked off to try to reach the bottom of the waterfall and was also listening to music. We hiked back to the hostel and shared our awe with what we'd seen.

At the hostel we made pasta and dressed it with Swiss cheese that we bought at a self service store, of which there are several in Gimmelwald. It was pretty good considering the very simple and arguably mismatched ingredients. We ate it out in front of the hostel where there were several couches and tables with views of Jungfrau and the surrounding mountains. A black cat bothered us for food for a while and eventually stole a piece of pasta, then we played Jenga on a picnic table. We did laundry, and I wrote postcards and organized my bag and then went to bed.

Aug 29

The view from our bedroom window in Gimmelwald as we woke up.

We woke up and took full advantage of the free breakfast offered at the hostel, then found a good hike, longer than the one from the day before, and set off. It required a lot of steep uphill climbing on the way up but Nate and I took it surprisingly quickly.

Eventually we reached the ridge of a mountain and a point with a 360 degree view of the alps. We could see Gimmelwald way down below, down in front of a wall of white-capped mountains headed by Jungfrau, which sat behind the rocky black cliffs of Schwarzmonch. Behind us and to our right, we could see the valley that we hiked through the day before. Below us to our left was a field of about a hundred dairy cows. Though we were hundreds of feet above them, if not over a thousand, we surprisingly could hear the constant ringing of the bells around their necks. We sat on a bench on this outlook for a while and ate lunch and wrote our names in a journal that had been left for visitors to sign in a wooden box that sat under a metal cross. I don't think many people went up there relative to the amount of people who hike in that area, as we didn't run into anyone in that spot during the hour or so that we were there.

We began the long walk back down to Gimmelwald, walking through the dairy farms we had seen and heard from above.

It took a long time to get back, and when we did, we packed up and returned to Interlaken where we got food for dinner and sent our postcards and hung out til bed. I finally got some reading done, which I'd been meaning to do because I had been enjoying the beginning of it when I read it in Barcelona.

Aug 30

We got up early to catch a bus to a train to another train to another train to Milan. Milan was a real city not focused on tourism at all. We walked from the train station to a kind of dirty and ugly park where we sat for a long time and I read more of my book. Then we took a subway train to the bus station where I read more before we got on a bus to Florence. We walked from the bus station to our hostel and on our way walked past Il Duomo which was just about the only thing I recognized in Florence.

Every touristy thing in Florence is very concentrated geographically and our hostel was in the middle of it all which was nice. We hung out and waited a little bit for the free pasta dinner at the hostel which was tasty and then met with Nate Raphael and walked around the city for a bit. We were joined by a guy we met at the hostel named Connor who went to Lincoln High School and was there for a night. He had graduated from USD and was going to live in Irvine and work as an accountant. We realized that Florence was probably the most touristy place we had been on the trip. Every business was a gelato place or a pizzeria or a panini place or a souvenir shop or a t-shirt store. There were a ton of street vendors selling all kinds of crap everywhere, as there had been in Barcelona and Nice. Soon we went back and went to bed.

Aug 31

We woke up and went to the Uffizi gallery, a museum that had a lot of Renaissance art including paintings by da Vinci and Lippi and Caravaggio. I only recognized a few paintings and sculptures from art classes. It was cool but a bit underwhelming. More background knowledge and context would have been nice, but tours are annoying. I enjoyed seeing the paintings I recognized, and I liked a few that I'd never seen.

Then we went out walking again, and ate very good pizza at Gustapizza which had been recommended to us by Nate who had been told by our globetrotting friend Andrew that it was very good pizza. It was very good. We sat with a South African couple from Washington who were on a cruise around Italy. Then we kept walking and ended up at castle on a hill where we sat for a while on a bench in the shade and talked about the trip so far and the school year ahead. Then we walked back to the hostel and hung out there for a while. I texted with my mom about my insecurities about the trip and she was very helpful in listening to them and quelling them to some degree. Eventually dinner time came around and we talked with 3 guys from New Zealand with whom we got along well. We talked about the nicknames of their national sports teams. The rugby team is the All Blacks, the soccer team is the All Whites (they were impressed that I knew these two names), the basketball team is the Tall Blacks, and the badminton team is the Black Cocks (as in shuttlecocks). All the names are plays on the All Blacks, as rugby is by far the most popular sport there. Later we met with Nate Raphael at what was supposed to be a jazz club but was instead an unmarked building. Apparently the jazz club had closed. We were with a bunch of people from Nate's study abroad program, most of whom he didn't really like and seemed annoying. After sitting in a very crowded bar that clearly and weirdly catered to American college students studying abroad for a few minutes, we walked to the hostel.

Sept 1

We woke up and walked to Il Duomo where we would spend most of our day. First we walked up to the top of the dome up some insanely narrow and claustrophobic stairs which were built for the construction workers who built the church. It was crazy and funny. We finally reached the top after a while. The view was good and Nate and I laughed a lot at all the people taking selfies and posing for pictures. This was a theme of the trip.

We then went down and went into the baptistery across the street from the cathedral which had a cool painting on its dome that I'm pretty sure I knew from art history classes. I think it was cooler than the fresco painting on the dome of the main cathedral. Then we went and found some lunch at a panini place that was delicious. It was the perfect type of meal. We stumbled upon it, it was cheap, very good, exactly what we wanted, filling, and seemed as authentic as possible in a city that seemed to be a caricature of itself in response to tourism.

Later we met up with Nate Raphael again and went to get gelato at a place where Nate had been before. It was very very good. I got strawberry flavor and stracciatella. Nate Currie got lemon and coconut, both of which looked exactly the same but tasted very different which made for a funny and interesting experience for him. Then we walked to a park in a faraway part of town (similar to the Milanese park from a few days before) and sat on a bench and talked for a while before going our separate ways for dinner. We talked with the Kiwis again at dinner and were going to hang out with them that night but Nate Currie got news about his stepdad having a brain aneurysm and he wanted to stay within range of wifi for updates so I ended up just hanging out with Nate Raphael in a plaza near my hostel for a while. Nate Currie was never in bad spirits at any point during the trip except for the few minutes when I talked to him after he got that news. And even then he wasn't short with me, just sad. I admire his positive attitude because it seems completely genuine and not contrived. I hope I was as good and easygoing a travel partner as he was. Nate Raphael and I talked for a long time about the trip and our respective states of mind and his relationship with his girlfriend. After an hour or two I said goodbye til December and went to bed.

Sept 2

We woke up and went to the bus station and caught our bus and got to Rome and went to our hostel and checked in and then walked to the Pantheon. By then it was about 6 and the Pantheon was closed til 6:30 so we found a place to eat and had pizza and focaccia and it was good, but not as good as the pizza in Florence. But it was our first meal at a real restaurant and we ate outside in the street in a real European kind of manner which was nice. We returned to the Pantheon and walked in and looked around then sat down on a church bench thing (a pew? I don't know) for a while. The dome and the oculus in the center were very impressive and beautiful especially considering how old the building is.

Then we walked down to the river and walked by a bunch of shops and bars set up in canopy tents and carts right by the river. It was a nice time of night. It was (and continues to be) fun to think about how long people have lived in Rome. We saw the exact location at which Julius Caesar was murdered at some point in the evening. We walked home and went to bed.

Sept 3

I was awoken by a phone call at 6 am about a fraudulent charge on my debit card and I was mad and sad and wanted to be at home again and I was up for an hour talking to my parents and the fraud checker people and it wasn't fun. I went back to sleep and woke up much later. We walked down to the Coliseum and found out it was a free Sunday so we got in free. It was pretty cool but sort of underwhelming because I lacked background knowledge. It made Nate and I want to watch Gladiator. We walked around and found a panini place where we ate lunch. It was good. The waiter guy didn't seem to have time for our non-Italian-speaking selves. We walked back to see the Roman Forum which was underwhelming as we had literally no context for what we were seeing. We didn't spend much time there and walked up to a huge white building nearby that seemed important. I still don't know what it was but we sat for a while. We were both very tired. Then we walked back to the hostel and hung out for a long time. I caught up on writing this stuff and we made a bad dinner but who cares. Then I went to bed.

Sept 4

We woke up and ate bananas for breakfast and then walked in a sort of roundabout way for about an hour to the Vatican. We walked up the main avenue from Castel Sant'Angelo to St Peter's Square and looked at the church for a minute and then walked around the right side to the entrance of the Vatican Museums. We were approached by about 3,000 street vendors and people selling guided tours and things like that on our way there. We walked into the museum in a breeze and marveled at our luck/skill getting into tourist attractions without waiting in lines and without paying too much. We walked up a spiral walkway which curiously featured small displays of various wooden boats and canoes from around the world shown in photos and small scale models. Then we tried to visit a few of the museums which seemed less important and popular than the main features, but they were closed, so we went to the main features instead. First was a gallery of paintings from around the Renaissance not unlike what we saw at the Uffizi. This gallery featured famous painters like Raphael, Caravaggio, and even da Vinci, but made less of a fuss about it than the Uffizi did, which reinforced my belief that it was a better museum. After that first gallery we were both hungry for lunch so we ate at the Vatican Museum cafeteria which was disappointing and made me think the Vatican could do much better and made me realize that cheap and good food could make up for an expensive admission price (at least in my mind) and that that would be a good business idea, I guess in case I ever own a museum. After that we saw some Egyptian art which was cool and made me want to retake or at least attend some lectures from the first art history class I took in college. Everything after this seemed to be a lead up to the Sistine Chapel, as there were signs everywhere directing you towards it and people were clearly following them en masse. People behave so strangely in museums and touristy places. Some people act like there is a competition to see who can get pictures of the most paintings or sculptures in the least amount of time, some people turn the art into a background for a photoshoot, some people just take long and terrible videos moving from thing to thing every second as if anyone (including themselves) will care to watch it later. Watching people's behavior with cell phones (especially taking selfies) seems to me to be a glimpse into their personal insanity. I feel so embarrassed for anyone I see with a selfie stick or taking an obvious selfie, and when I take my phone out to take a picture, I'm embarrassed of myself. So that's basically why I didn't really have any pictures taken of me on the whole trip. Sorry mom and dad, the one with the jenga blocks will have to do. Anyway, this picture taking frenzy was a source of slight frustration, frequent bewilderment, and a lot of laughter for Nate and I. We saw the Egyptian art, then we moved on to more lavishly designed halls which had rows and rows of ancient Roman busts and sculptures, a few of which I recognized from my classes. I'm sure they're all very interesting and are worth a lot of money, but when there are that many all lined up, it's hard to be interested in any of them as they’re all so similar.

From there it really seemed like we were on a one way track straight to the Sistine Chapel. We walked through a great big hall that was pretty incredible and had a very colorful ceiling with religious paintings on it. The walls were lined by huge, painted (kind of cartoony) maps of Italy. There were a ton of people in the hall and you could feel them pushing to get to the main attraction. Everyone moved in one direction at a constant, trudging-and-picture-taking pace. It would have been very cool to have time in to really soak it in but the current was moving too quickly and forcefully to really see it all or even realize that you weren't seeing it all. Oh well, next time.

We breezed through some chapels painted by Raphael and his students, now fully under the spell of the "Sistine Chapel ➡️" signs. We practically sprinted through about half of the contemporary art portion of the museum before I noticed a Salvador Dali painting and realized we should see it all so we walked back to the beginning of it and were glad we did. It was a much more varied collection of paintings than the Renaissance stuff we'd seen in the Uffizi and the first part of the Vatican.

The Sistine Chapel immediately followed the contemporary art. No cameras nor phones were allowed to be used in the chapel, and the guards intermittently announced over the loud speaker (very loudly): "Silenzio. Silence. No phones. No cameras." People would be pretty silent for about 90 seconds and then would forget about the command and begin to chatter quietly again and after a few more minutes the guards would make another announcement. The chapel was pretty incredible and it was hard to believe that I was there. The paintings were all great, but of course the one I knew (The Creation of Adam) was the one I focused on most and was most impressed by. I wonder in moments like those whether I'm interested in the given thing because it's popular or if they're popular because people tend to be interested in them. Probably a bit of both, no way of knowing really. Anyway it was incredible to see that painting in particular partly because of how famous it is, but also because it really is incredible. The images of God and Adam and the position of their arms, hands, and fingers are evocative. Of what? I don't know, but they strike a chord nonetheless. This, too, made me want to take art history 204 again, because before the first lecture of the course even began, the image of the two hands in this painting was projected onto the screen, and then over the course of the lecture, the professor, Jeffrey Hurwit, tied that painting to cave paintings of hands and used that connection to hypothesize on the purpose of art or something like that. Great stuff. Anyway we stayed there for a while and soaked it in and that was basically the end of the Vatican Museums for Nate and I. We walked back around to St Peters Square and got gelato which I ate in 8 seconds and then told Nate I could eat one thousand more if I was presented the opportunity. I really believe I could. Then we waited in line for about a half hour to go into St. Peter's cathedral which was unavoidable because it's free to go in and there's always a line. We passed time by betting on coin flips.

A bird pooped on my leg. It was going to happen at some point with the amount of birds flying around in these cities. I wiped it off on a wooden barricade thing. St. Peter's was pretty cool, incredibly big and very lavish. Nate noted how eclectic it seemed and I agreed. I wasn't blown away by it, and I'm now worried that Sagrada Familia ruined all churches for me. Colorful stained glass is too cool. Nate and I agreed that if we built houses, we would include some Sagrada Familia-style stained glass. We walked back to the hostel and it took a long time but we saw some smaller, slightly less touristy streets so that was somewhat cool. We ate dinner at a place called Ristorante Santi where they had 3 courses for €10. I had penne with arrabiata, chicken, salad, red wine, and tiramisu. Everything was good except the salad didn't have dressing and I don't really like red wine. Nate and I sat next to an Australian couple who were nice. We talked about Oregon and Australia and American politics and problems with higher education in the US and gun safety laws in both countries. Luckily they were much more left-wing than our bus ride companion from Northern Ireland/Georgia. When they left, a single man with a vape sat down at their former table. He had gray hair and was stylish in a way that older men in the US never are. A woman and her mom came up to him and asked him for a picture, and he graciously obliged, and Nate and I exchanged looks of confusion. It was soon apparent that he was a famous Italian actor. The women who worked at the restaurant (everyone was related and the grandmother was the chef evidently) were talking to him or trying not to act excited as they served him or Nate and me. I saw that he was reading a script on his phone which I thought was funny because it's what you would guess an actor would do. Anyway I don't know who he was and I probably never will. We went to the hostel and watched Angels and Demons which is a bad but entertaining movie that takes place at the Vatican and in Rome mostly so it was cool to see. Then we went to bed.

Sept 5

Woke up and ate checked out of the hostel but left his bags in the room so we could walk around and get some breakfast. So we walked around and got some breakfast. A dry and not very good but good enough pastry at a cafe, and of course, a nectarine at a street market. Then we walked to the Villa Borghese Gardens and sat on a bench across the street from a man playing trumpet along to famous songs which played from his speakers. He played "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" which reminded me of Deer Hunter, "The Girl From Ipanema," which reminded me of Suzy, and "Más Que Nada" which made me want to listen to samba. We talked about our thoughts on travel and our trip specifically, and about life in Eugene, which we are both looking forward to. We walked back to the hostel after a while and said our goodbyes. Then I walked to a grocery store and bought pasta, pesto and gummi bears. I hung out at the hostel basically all day except for a brief venturing out for gelato. I watched Point Break on my phone and enjoyed it. That's about as exciting as it got. A girl from Seattle was talking to a guy from Mexico and a guy from Australia in the common area while I was there writing about the previous day and I almost said something when she said Seattle is cooler than Portland but based on what I'd heard her talk about I decided I wouldn't enjoy the interaction at all and just bit my tongue. I packed up my stuff in preparation for the morning and went to bed.

Sept 6

I woke up in the dark and got all ready and checked out and walked to the train station two blocks from a hostel and from there caught a bus to the Ciampino airport about an hour away from Rome. The sun was rising as we drove south and it was pretty nice. I waited in the airport for a while and then got on the plane and then landed in Belgium and got on a bus to Brussels and then walked to my hostel from the bus station. The walk took a while and it was through what I would assume is a bad part of town. There was nothing nice or cool or interesting about it, especially after having seen so many similar places in Barcelona and Perpignan and Rome. I got to my hostel and hung out and did laundry and watched a movie and did basically nothing all day. I probably should have gone out and gotten food and seen the city a bit but my fears got the best of me. Without any back up if I ran out of cash or lost something important, I decided, or rather felt, that staying safe and secure inside was worth more to me than seeing a bit of Brussels, which I feel bad about but oh well. Maybe I'll see it tomorrow. Not looking forward to tomorrow, but it's basically the last stressful hurdle of the trip so that's nice. I just need to get through tomorrow/tomorrow night and I'll be having fun with Sawyer in Copenhagen.

Sept 7

I woke up and checked out of the hostel and passed the first part of the day in the hostel's common area reading, listening to podcasts, watching movies. Eventually I walked to the bus station and took the bus to the airport. I ate some french fries which were good at first, but at the bottom of the cone, there wasn't any salt on the fries and the ketchup's General Tso's-esque flavor got kinda gross. I passed time in the airport reading, listening to podcasts, watching movies. There were a lot of people in the airport doing the same thing as me. I ate a delicious waffle with probably too much Nutella on it. At around 1 am I found a place on the ground where I laid out my towel and rested my head on my backpack and put a t-shirt on my head to make it darker. I slept for maybe an hour or two it's very hard to know for sure.

Sept 8

I got up and going around 3:30 am. When the waffle place reopened at 4 I got another waffle, this time without Nutella. It was so good. Eventually I made my way over to the terminal from which my plane was taking off and waited there til I got on the plane. The flight was very brief. I got to Copenhagen and managed to take a metro train to right near Sawyer's apartment. I found wifi and communicated with him and then walked around for a while til he was ready to meet up. I walked around his neighborhood, and through a park, and ate a really good jelly donut from a grocery store. It was raining and kind of cold in Copenhagen. It was like being placed right into an October day in Portland or Eugene. The park could have easily been a park in Portland. The city reminded me more of Portland than anywhere else on the trip. There were hip little shops selling records and clothes and coffee and beer, and I wondered how they stay in business. Sawyer and I met up and hung out at his apartment place after eating a kebab durum, which was kind of like a gyro, but the lettuce, meat, creamy sauce, and fluffy bread combo reminded us of a taco bell chalupa. We talked about each of our last 3 weeks for about an hour til sawyer had to go to class. Then I walked to my hostel and checked in. I met a kid from Seattle in the hostel and we related about the weather being like home. I took a brief nap and later Sawyer biked over and we walked around the neighborhood, which was apparently the place to be in Copenhagen. We ended up at a cafe place where Sawyer's RA-kind-of-guy works and we each got a beer and stayed there and talked for a long time about our respective traveling, our lives in general, our friends, and Sawyer's mom, who works at the Hawthorne New Seasons as a full-time cashier now. Then we walked around and found a pizza place that was good and pretty cheap. Then we walked back to sawyer's apartment and hung out there for a little while talking to each other and then talking to his roommate-type people for a while. Eventually I walked back to the hostel and went to sleep.

Sept 9

Woke up and ate breakfast at the cafe that runs the airbnb/hostel I stayed at. Then I walked over to sawyer's and we hung out then went to a museum along with a friend of his from his apartment named Sean/Shawn/Shaun. It was a cool museum there were a bunch of Matisse paintings and Picassos, and a whole lot of Danish art. It was raining pretty hard on the walks there and back. We walked back to Sawyer's place and hung out there for a long time, avoiding the rain, eating, and listening to music. Eventually it was somewhat late and I borrowed Sawyer's bike and went back to my new hostel where I checked in and went to bed.

Sept 10

I woke up and had to check out of the hostel again because I changed rooms in order to avoid paying a bunch of money. So I checked out and stored my bag in the luggage storage and then sat outside the hostel and did stuff on my phone for a while until sawyer was done doing some homework. Eventually I biked over to his apartment and got another kebab durum for lunch. Then we started walking in the general direction of the soccer stadium. It was a long walk made longer by our navigation mistakes but that was kind of part of the plan. We saw parts of the city neither of us had seen before which was cool. We saw actual individual houses which I hadn't seen anywhere in Europe except in Switzerland. We talked the whole time we walked about school and living in houses as opposed to apartments/dorms and a bunch of other stuff. Eventually we made it to the soccer game. The fans of FC Copenhagen were a bit less buttoned up than the typical Dane that we'd seen in sawyer's neighborhood or the neighborhood I'd been staying in which is called Norrebro. We sat in the general admission section, which, like at Timbers games, is the section for the diehard fans. The fans were similar to the Timbers army in their passion for the team and their constant singing, and I think that the teams we saw were comparable to MLS skill level, maybe a bit less skilled, but the FC Copenhagen fans lacked the air of wanting to be taken seriously which is so present in the Timbers army. Anyway, there was a guy screaming and leading chants over a microphone and loudspeakers out in front of the crowd. He would boo and lead chants which seemed to be specifically targeting players on the other team which was funny to sawyer and I. People were allowed to smoke cigarettes in the stadium which was annoying because a lot of people were taking advantage of that allowance and since everyone in Europe smokes they don't really try to keep the smoke away from people around them. Nonetheless the game was very fun and it ended 4-3 with FC Copenhagen winning. None of the goals were all that spectacular. Sawyer and I spent the whole game observing things and joking around and laughing a lot. At the final whistle, FC Copenhagen's coach made a run all around the field looking out at the fans as he ran and jumped and pumped his arms beckoning the crowd to cheer. The crowd was into it and it was cool to see.

On the walk back we took a more direct route but still were looking at things and talking and taking our time. We talked about how the Beatles are really good and maybe underrated. We got to sawyer's apartment and hung out in the kitchen/common area and ate dinner and hung out with sawyer's RA guy who is Danish and also went to the game so we asked him questions about things we were curious about. Then the other students in his apartment started coming back (also from the game) and we hung out with all of them as they made dinner and stuff. Eventually I parted ways and said my goodbyes with sawyer and walked back to my hostel where I got checked in again and got ready for bed and went to sleep.

Sept 11

I woke up lazily and realized this was the first morning of the trip on which I had no reason to get going quickly at all. I had no hostel to check out of, no concrete plans to attend to, and no traveling companion to keep up with. It felt nice. By the late morning I was up and going, and I walked down to the canal area of the city where the famous colored buildings from all the google images are. It was the most touristy thing I'd seen in Copenhagen, which was among the least touristy places I'd been on the trip. I think Copenhagen, Gimmelwald, and maybe Interlaken are the only places I visited where I could imagine being happy living in. I walked to a place with a bunch of "street food" in a food court place near the canals. All the food seemed fancy-ish and expensive. I ate a very good sandwich and fries.

Then I sat outside the food court on a bench and looked at the river or canal or whatever and listened to Nick Drake’s Bryter Layter for a while in the rainy windy cold. I walked back toward my hostel and picked up food for later and a train ticket on the way. I hung out at my hostel for a while watching movies and then at sunset walked down to what they call a lake but is more like a reservoir and sat on a bench and looked at the clouds, the city, and a pair of swans cleaning themselves on a small dock. I walked back to my hostel after a while and ate my food and got all situated for the early morning up-and-at-em.

Sept 12

I was very very disoriented for about 5 seconds after my alarm awoke me at 4:15 am. I must have been sleeping deeply. I got all my stuff together in the hostel and went to the common area to eat my banana and donut for breakfast. Only the front desk clerk person was awake in the hostel. I headed out for my walk to the metro station about 30 minutes away. It was still pitch dark outside, and the streets were largely empty. I saw only two other pedestrians on the whole walk, along with a few cars and bikers. I made it to the metro station with no problem and the train came about two minutes after I got there. I got to the airport and got through security and got to my gate very smoothly. I was among the first couple people at the gate, and felt like I should have just slept in for a little while longer. Oh well, better safe than sorry. I listened to podcasts and stuff while I waited, and walked across the terminal to watch the sunrise.

Soon after the sun rose we boarded the plane. I had a window seat next to a married couple. The flight felt a little longer than I wanted it to feel. But soon enough we were in Reykjavik and I was once again waiting in an airport. I exchanged my leftover euro and got enough money back to get some food, but I waited til later to actually buy it and eat it. I kind of slept for a few minutes laying across some seats in an empty section of one of the terminals there where I hung out for a long time. Eventually I got food and made my way to my gate after going through what I think were customs. I don't really know, but they stamped my passport. I bought more food for the flight once I was in my terminal, which was reserved for American connecting flights and was packed with people. Not a very economical use of space in the ole Reykjavik Keflavik Airport. Getting to my gate was pretty ridiculous. Five or six flights were all boarding within 30 minutes of each other in the same dead-end section of the terminal, and everyone was kind of lining up for their gate and kind of just walking through the crowd at will. There was a lot of confusion but eventually I got to my gate. From the gate we got on buses which took us to our plane, but once we got to the plane, apparently the crew had to check around the plane for safety or something and so we were all packed on this bus with no seats just waiting for like 10 minutes with no fresh air. It was very claustrophobic and I was starting to go insane was getting urges to react violently to the people bumping into me and such. Luckily we got off the bus before I could act on those urges and I got into the plane and my seat, another window seat. I sat next to another married couple. The husband was very obese and after take off, the flight attendants moved them to some other seats because there was an open row or something. So I got all 3 seats to myself. That made the trip much easier and I was able to lay out and stretch my legs and all that. I slept for some of the flight and watched a movie and it went by relatively quickly. In the last half hour I looked out the window at the Puget Sound, the Columbia River, and eventually Portland, as the plane landed and my journey ended.

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