#to bad saying 'they don't hate you bec of you they hate you bec you're young and you're better than them'

[ranoutofficssoiwritemyown]

Rindou x Reader

wc: 1200

angst, fluff

not edited

Rindou loves you. You know he does, but he has this annoying habit of not listening to you sometimes. Especially when it comes to recommendations. You recommend him food? Yeah, he'll try it. spoiler alert: he forgets. what about a movie you watched the other day and liked so much that you told him to watch it immediately? "Yeah, when I have time I will" is his answer. However, he'll only watch it if someone else recommends it too not even remembering you mentioning anything about it. And then he has the nerve to tell you all about it while you listen to him unimpressed. Sometimes it makes you feel like your opinion matters very little to him but you've never told him this. Part of you doesn't want to seem like an insecure girlfriend while the other part thinks there is no deep meaning to this.

This war in your mind ended when you entered your bedroom after having a bad day and saw Rindou sitting on the bed leaning his back on the headboard and "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" in his hands. You remember telling him how you cried reading it. However, you're surprised he's reading what you recommended. sensing your presence Rindou removed his glasses and looked at you.

"Tired?"

"Exhausted" you sit beside him "Do you like it?" you ask indicating the book.

He shrugs

"I've only read 20 pages yet. But Kakucho said it's really good"

You roll your eyes. thinking that you should've seen this coming you mumble "Of course he did" which wasn't as quiet as you expected because Rindou turned to you with a confused hum. You just shake your head as in "nothing" and try to get up but Rindou grips your arm and makes you sit back down. You sigh not having enough energy to deal with this.

"What is it?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"Should I be?"

He closed the book setting it aside as he turned to me with narrowed his eyes as if sensing the trap.

"I... don't know. What did I do?"

"It's nothing Rindou, let me go"

Your words had the opposite effect as his grip tightened.

"That's not my name" His voice got low

"Uh it actually is"

"Not for you. Did I fuck up that badly?"

Now that you think about it no he didn't. It's probably you who's overreacting and creating a problem over nothing. You sound ridiculous even to you and you hate yourself.

"It's really nothing. I've just had a bad day so... I just wanna sleep"

After a moment of hesitation, Rindou let you go, his eyes following as you got changed and got in bed turning your back to him. As you lay in bed your overthinking got worse. The fact that he doesn't know what he's doing affects you this badly means that he's not doing it on purpose. But that's even worse. Does that mean that he doesn't even value your opinion enough to think about how neglecting it would affect you? Maybe he thinks you don't care about it so he doesn't too. Or maybe he just forgets. This also means he doesn't care. Every version you think about leads to you thinking he doesn't care and that feels really shitty.

On the other hand, Rindou was watching you lying silently with your back to him and he knew then he definitely did something wrong. You get in bed and do not snuggle up to him planting your head in his neck? Yes, something is terribly wrong.

"C'mon love, tell me what's wrong" he snaked his arm around your waist, and turns out this is all it took for your tears to run free. You bite your lip to stop it from trembling feeling so stupid for crying over something so trivial.

"And don't you dare to say it's nothing bec- are you crying?"

Rindou could swear he heard his heart crash. He turned you around to face him. tucking your hair behind your ear he quickly wiped your tears.

"Hey, don't cry, i- I'm sorry okay? Whatever I did, I didn't mean it just don't cry"

Even though he thought, and has told you this plenty of times, that you looked pretty when you cried, he hated when you cried. Even more, when he was the reason behind those tears.

"Talk to me please?"

Looking anywhere but at him, you opened your mouth to speak.

"It's really stupid"

"So stupid that you're crying over it? I don't care, tell me."

You don't want to.

"It's just... sometimes you don't listen to me"

Rindou was confused. You sound so crazy to him right now. He doesn't listen to you? You have him wrapped around your finger. Your word is a fucking law to him and you have the nerve to say that he doesn't listen to you? He only listens to you.

"What do you mean?"

"Everything I suggest you just forget until someone else suggests the same thing. Like-" You sniffle between speech "Like this book. You're reading it because Kakucho told you, but I told you to read it weeks ago"

The more you talk the more you want to shut up. Dreading seeing Rindou's expression you focus on your hands.

"It feels like you don't care about my opinion. It's so stupid I know..."

"I don- What?" Rindou couldn't help but exclaim. His mind processing thousands of thoughts right now. You think he doesn't care? How long have you been feeling like this? And you didn't tell him? Is there anything else you're not telling him because it's so "stupid"? "Listen, love, I'm so sorry, I didn't know- Of course, I care, Who do you think I listen to if not you? Ran? Fucker used to think Julius Caeser was named after the salad."

That made you chuckle and it was like a rainbow after the storm for Rindou. A sound he never wants to stop hearing. smiling at you he continued.

"I do listen to you okay? I remember every little detail you tell me. Starting with the shows you watch to the drama going on at your work. By the way, Rika got what she deserved, she was being the bitch first."

"That's what I'm saying" You exclaim and Rindou was so happy he could see you smiling again.

"I don't want you to doubt your value in my life okay? You're the best thing ever happened to me and I'd be a dumbass if I didn't appreciate you. And don't ever try to hide things from me again. No matter how stupid you think it is. Nothing is stupid to me when it comes to you. So no more tears, alright?"

You nod scooting closer.

"alright"

Rindou wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you against his chest, kissing the crown of your head.

"By the way, I started reading this book because you suggested it. Kakuchou saw it in my car when I bought it and told me it was good"

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Sleep now"

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight, love"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

got the idea from modern family's one episode

might delete this one too later, not sure. just felt like sharing

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers fluff #rindou haitani #rindou x reader #rindou haitani x reader #haitani brothers #haitani x reader #tokyo revengers rindou

[7-oh-ta1]

One funny thing about the slowly resurfacing Anders discourse (and I mean by its real definition, like a debate or conversation not just yelling at each other) is that in his defense people will say, "he didn't tell Hawke what he was doing because he wanted to protect them from being his partner-in-crime" which sounds so noble on paper and in my opinion, is actually the case. Here's my problem: I don't just feel betrayed that he didn't tell Hawke what he was asking them do and making them guilty by association, I mostly feel betrayed because he was Hawke's friend and he blew up a church. Like personal betrayal aside he blew up a church. I think that's what bothers me here. It's a crazy thought, I know.

#lindsay speaks #dragon age #LET ME BE CLEAR I DON'T HATE ANDERS #and even if i did my feelings are not somehow an attack on your feelings for the fictional character. #for me personally i think anders is an interesting character and i think the games would be weakened by the lack of his presence #that being said he's also a manipulative jerk to hawke both on rival and friendship routes -- #rival lesser so bec he's just mad at you (fair you have to be a dick to get his rival route) friendship moreso bec he uses your #relationship to get you to do things you may not be comfortable with and if you question him he gets pissed and says you're all talk about #mage freedom when he won't even tell you the purpose of what he's asking. and i don't appreciate the lovebombing the 2nd time you #talk to him in act 1 if you even remotely befriend or flirt the first conversation 5 seconds ago #so no i don't loooooove anders because of the way he treats Hawke. but that doesn't mean i don't appreciate him as a character either #i'm not the kind of person to think that characters have to be good people to be good characters #for my poor a3 followers who are confused: like how reni isn't a great person but he's a great character slimeball that he is. #put simply when I'm discussing my dislike for any fictional character I'm not saying they're bad characters unless i specifically state #that i think they're bad characters. do you understand?

[poopingonthefloor]

My intro post (I'll update this later)

NAME: SILVER

AGE: ADULT (19)

MOSTLY DRAWS(on this acc): DAVESPORT AND FNAF

LIKES: MLP, POKEMON, ADVENTURE TIME, FNAF (arguably), DSAF (obviously), Warrior cats, Danganronpa, CSM -I ALSO ENJOY HATING ON THINGS AND BITCHING IN-DEPTH ABOUT THINGS I DEEM AS BAD, SUCH AS: Helluva Boss (Stolas is my least favorite character), MLP (post s5), Warrior cats

DISLIKES: dont be weird

DNI (Do not interact OR use my art): Proshippers, "Any of DSAF cast are pedophiles", Henry Miller x Dave, Henry Miller x ANYONE lol (ig martha is fiiine...), Peter x Jack, Dee x ANYONE LOL!, "Davesport is proship/bad", obviously if you dont like the EL GEE BEE TEE (Lgbt) I draw gender-ambiguous yaoi for a living, CAT HATERS!! /SRS idc, If you dont like me /srs (why would u interact then. if u dont like me at my you dont deserve me at my.) Additionally: If you are under 13 get off my account and the internet for your own safety <3 Additionally part 2: View at your own discretion I make very suggestive jokes sometimes. Keep in mind I never mean this genuinely as I am not the type to "horny post" online and its all genuinely ironic. Other: I dont have triggers but I have Suspected Autism and Diagnosed ADHD and I have RSD and I have bpd symptoms(? it could just be the RSD) so if I come across a little aggressive or overly passionate I promise im not mad or aggressive if I was genuinely upset about the internet I would just Step away I promise (I only have the energy to argue or be angry in large bursts). Feel free to talk to me or let me know if I say or do anything inappropriate because I genuinely don't intend to at all :] (I am also very shy and often have a freeze response to things so if i dont respond the first time feel free to repeat yourself later it might not be that I dont WANT to respond and more like im just hesitant to bec of anxiety and allat) My other social medias: Twitter (or "X" now ugh): Revilxym Tumblr: You're here! Tiktok: Revilxym (i dont go on it tho) Instagram: Revilxym (@/godlymineral on insta got suspended pensive...)

#dsaf #intro #i'd add more tags but I only added the davesport pic so ppl would recognize who I am

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hi Raven! Lemme start out saying that I love your posts, they are really thought out and informative, especially with matters going on in the community. You don’t have to answer this if you're busy,but I have a question. I wanna start a Twist blog, well kinda. I wanna start posting some of my works, and kinda make a blog on my Twist OC, but I don't know where to start. If you have any tips or tricks, that would be helpful l, but if you don't have a direct answer to this, that's fine too anything will help. And another question is, how do you get over to fear of people not liking your works or even OC? I've seen quite a bit of hate in this Fandom, and idk if my sensitive heart can take it. 😅 It's kinda the reason why I've never posted at all. Thanks again.

Hello there ^^ I’m happy that you enjoy my blog and that you find my posts informative!

For general advice on starting and maintaining a writing blog, please see this post. I’m going to use the rest of this response to speak at length about the second question posed by the asker: “how do you get over the fear of people not liking your works or even OC?”

First, let’s get something out of the way: humans are inherently social creatures; therefore, it is in our nature to desire positive attention/approval and to be afraid of rejection and ostracism. There is no shame in wanting validation. It’s a built-in survival mechanism leftover from the past—because when humans band together, they are more likely to thrive. However, I also think that in the modern world, it’s easy to get carried away and care too much about what others will think of you. This is so true in the age of social media, where likes, shares, and even follows and views are quantifiable and thus can be used as a point of comparison to others on the same platform. It’s also easier than ever to connect with others, which can be both a boon (meeting people you otherwise could have never met) and a detriment (internet hate).

Now, as simple as it would be for me to say, “create for yourself rather than seek the approval of others”, that advice doesn’t actually do much for anyone. It's easy to talk the talk, but it's much harder to walk the walk. It’s all about mindset, because in actuality, a very small number of people out of the overall fandom will care about your works enough to actively hate on an individual. The mind seemingly magnifies the number because humans are hardwired to pay more attention to the negative experiences over the positive ones (which, again, is another survival instinct; you pay attention to the bad things to avoid them or to resolve the issues). There goes the saying, “we’re our own worst critics”, and it’s very true here. It’s not just negativity from others you must deal with, but self/doubt snd your own mind perpetuating the belief that the negativity is much worse than it actually is. Of course, there are actual serious cases of hate (harassment, stalking, threats, doxxing, racism, etc), but here I am only referring to general cases of other people “not liking what you make” or saying mean things (such as “you’re a bad writer”).

So how does one improve their mindset? Truth be told, it doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, learning to not care what others think of you is a difficult and lengthy process. It will take time and effort to reach a comfortable state of acceptance (and yes, I’m talking years long here)—but it is possible to grow out of that fixation.

Here are some truths you have to accept if you want to overcome your worries:

In putting your work “out there” in a public space, you will naturally invite feedback, both good and bad. An integral part of creating is, of course, wanting to share one’s creations with others. However, it’s unrealistic to think that you won’t ever get negative feedback or critique. It isn’t always constructive or helpful to you, but you must brace for them to come your way all the same. If you think about it, getting nothing but praise isn’t good either because then it traps you in a cycle of thinking you’re perfect and there’s nothing you need to improve on. It becomes an echo chamber and it can lead to stagnation because you’re already satisfied with your current state instead of thinking about how you can grow. Mixed feedback is important for personal growth.

There may not necessarily be a problem with your content, it could be a matter of differences in circumstances or tastes. You must remember that lack of engagement is not always equivalent to hate. Indifference or not even coming into contact with a post is NOT the same as actively going to post a negative comment or ask. That being said, lack of engagement could be the result of a website’s algorithm working against your favor. Alternatively, it could be that you aren’t hitting a target audience. Like, if you write angst, it may not appeal to a certain subsection of fans. These are factors largely outside of your control, and trying to gain that control would be a fruitless effort.

There’s nothing wrong with blocking, especially if things escalate. I know that on sites like Twitter and Tiktok, blocking people is seen as “taboo” or some kind of hateful social statement when… it’s not. Blocking is a means of curating your space so you can have fun online without worrying about others raining on your parade. If people are giving you a hard time, nothing is stopping you from blocking them (which can be done even with anonymous asks). Don’t give people that send “hate” attention by responding and showing just how upset their comments made you, it only encourages them to continue once they’ve seen how much it affects you.

One instance of “hate” is not representative of the entire fandom’s feelings. This circles back to what I said before; the negative and toxic people in this fandom is actually minuscule when compared to the total number of fans in this space. Instead of letting the few rotten apples define the entire bushel, think about all the positive experiences you’ve had!

You can’t please everyone. As much as you try to, it won’t happen. But you know what is much more feasible of a goal? Pleasing yourself. You know what you like best, and if you’re able to make what makes you happy then you have a 100% chance of satisfying at least one person.

If you feel frustrated, it’s fine!! It’s normal to feel this way when you think a work you shared isn’t getting the kind of exposure you want it to (whether it’s little exposure or negative exposure). We want to feel like our energy and time was put into something worthwhile. Just don’t take it too hard because these things are bound to happen. Not everything you make will be a hit, and your audience may not always be receptive to what you put out.

If you create mainly or solely for the approval of others, you won’t be happy with yourself. Ask yourself why you want to create in the first place. Most likely it’s because you’re passionate about TWST and/or you just wanted to have fun. But when this shifts to a focus on pleasing others, is it really fun anymore? If you’re always chasing trends (which are very transient) or thinking about how you should change your work to have greater mass appeal, is it really “you”, or are you just being what you think people want you to be? It just results in never being satisfied, because you’re aiming for the impossibility of making everyone happy. When you weigh your worth based on others’ perception of you or on engagement, you run the risk of burnout and losing joy in creating.

You’ll have to embrace cringe. When I say “cringe”, I mean it in the sense that you should be comfortable being your authentic self even if you fear people won’t like it. Again, you cannot please everyone—but surely there will be people who will accept you and like you for who you are. Some will vibe with you, some won’t, and that’s a fact.

You won’t be perfect at keeping out negativity from others, and that’s okay. What matters is how you address those instances when they arise. It’s not productive to let negative thoughts stew or hold you back from creating what you want. Instead of letting the thoughts fester, try to redirect your energy to something else.

Additionally, here are some suggestions on what you can do to alleviate your doubts. These methods work for me, but I’m not going to claim they work for everyone; I figured I’d just throw the ideas out there in case they’d be helpful to others.

Isolate yourself from social media for a period of time until you're in a better headspace.

An alternative to social media isolation is looking at other people's creations (but ignoring the numbers, as that can be a basis for comparison)! It may inspire you to make something of your own. For example, sometimes I've been scrolling and I'd see someone's OC in their own outfit for an event like Fairy Gala, and that made me excited to do the same for my own characters.

Another alternative to social media isolation is looking at the positives! Think about the number of people who have supported you or left nice comments and how they outweigh the Negative Nancies. (This is an example of using the numbers to your advantage!) I know of some friends who use a special tag on their blogs to denote "feel good" asks so they can reference these to cheer up when they're feeling discouraged or down.

Rather than comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to... yourself! Treat it like a New Year's resolution: you're looking back at where you started and think considering how you've changed since then.

Do something else you love to get your attention away from your creative endeavors. This could be another hobby or spending time with friends or family.

Speaking of friends and family, talk to them! Let them know how you're feeling and why you're feeling this way. They can offer you support and advice. I find that this is especially helpful when you are able to speak with other content creators, who may be able to empathize with your experiences.

Practice mindfulness and gratitude. Instead of thinking about what you don't have, think about what you do have and be appreciative of it. This helps shift the center away from things out of your control (ie other people) and to something that is within your control (ie yourself).

Minimize taking things personally. This can be especially hard in cases of OCs because creators tend to put a lot of themselves into their OCs (particularly if they are self inserts or Yuusonas)—so when others say they don't like an OC, it can feel like an indirect way of saying "I don't like you, the creator". But rarely is this the intended meaning of a comment. When people say they don't like something, it doesn't always mean they also dislike the creator. Remember that at the end of the day, we're all internet strangers that don't know each other on a deeply personal level (so why should you hinge your self-worth on such a thing?). You can be close with your works and OCs, but don't necessarily think of the works/OCs as a 1:1 extension of yourself. When you think of it like that, it helps to detach yourself from negativity that a work may receive.

Think about what you’re good at and focus on that niche. In this way, you will be able to make what you want while also attracting an audience that also appreciates this niche over time.

Make something for yourself, no posting necessary! Sometimes it can help you air out your feelings if you make a piece (art, writing, etc.) for no one but yourself to see. It’s surprisingly very therapeutic.

With all of that being said, I’d like to close off this post by saying that conquering the fear of others negatively judging your works is something that all creators have to go through. We're at various stages in this process, and we will continue to have our moments of weakness. This is a completely normal thing (though it is perhaps not commonly discussed out in the open) and it should be normalized. Even I go through periods of self-doubt and find myself holding off on posting certain pieces (especially anything that is OC-related) because I overthink how they may be perceived. I know that most of my audience is here for the canon TWST characters, so I worry that posting OC content is self-indulgent, maybe even selfish if I'm feeling particularly mean toward myself on a given day. It's negative self-talk like this that can be detrimental to creators and their enjoyment of their craft; that's why it's important to identify these moments and try to figure out ways to overcome them, even if it's just taking little baby steps. Some progress is better than no progress!

Anyway, I hope that you found this post useful ^^ If you think it may be also be of use to a creator you know, please consider sharing it with them.

#twst #twst oc #twisted wonderland #twst en #twisted wonderland oc #twisted wonderland en #notes from the writing raven #question #advice #disney twisted wonderland #putting this in the main tags in case this advice is found to be useful to other TWST content creators #honestly though this advice applies to creators in ANY fandom #tw // harassment #tw // stalking #tw // doxxing #tw // threats #tw // racism

[derschwarzeengel]

CHARMED (1998) - SEASON 1 || Sentence Starters (pt. 1)

A collection of sentence starters taken from The WB's Charmed, for roleplay purposes. Slightly NSFW (mentions of sex, violence).

01. Something Wiccan This Way Comes

❝Oh my God, I don't believe it. Tell me that's not our old spirit board?❞

❝Yeah, I found it in the basement when I was looking for the circuit tester.❞

❝That girl is so in the dark, maybe a little light will help.❞

❝You're avoiding my question.❞

❝Because you don't want to know that I went to an occult shop.❞

❝You hate me don't you? You wanna see me suffer.❞

❝Right. That's an athame. It's a ceremonial tool. Witches use them to direct energy.❞

❝Some woman got whacked.❞

❝You used to always push the pointer.❞

❝Don't you think you're overreacting? We're perfectly safe here.❞

❝Don't say that. In horror movies, the person who says that is always the next to die.❞

❝Spirit boards, books of witchcraft. It figures all this freaky stuff started when you arrived.❞

❝Well, my head spun around and I vomited split-pea soup. How should I know?❞

❝Don't tell me you put on a black conical hat and spent the night flying around the neighborhood on a broomstick?❞

❝Look, I know what happened last night was weird and unexplainable, but we're not witches and we do not have special powers.❞

❝We're the protectors of the innocent. We're known as the Charmed Ones.❞

❝I thought breaking up with you was the best thing I'd ever done. But this definitely tops that.❞

❝Are you telling me that nothing strange happened to you today? You didn't freeze time or move anything?❞

❝With how much you hold inside, you should be a lethal weapon by now.❞

❝No, I'm not okay. You turned me into a witch.❞

❝You were born one. We all were. And I think we better start to deal with it.❞

❝Actually, a witch can be either good or evil. A good witch follows the Wiccan Rede. 'An it harm none, do what ye will.' A bad witch or a warlock has but one goal: to kill good witches and retain their powers. Unfortunately, they look like regular people. They could be anyone, anywhere.❞

❝You know I'm not afraid of our powers. I mean, everyone inherits something from their family, right?❞

❝Who wants to be normal when we can be special?❞

❝The Book of Shadows said our powers would grow.❞

❝The power of three will set us free.❞

02. I've Got You Under My Skin

❝News flash. Stop worrying, you'll get wrinkles.❞

❝Are you worried we're gonna be burnt at the stake?❞

❝Well, I tend to be on the persistent side. I usually get what I want.❞

❝Well, my life, it's gotten a little complicated and I just don't think that I should get involved in anything right now.❞

❝We had sex. It doesn't mean we have to elope.❞

03. Thank You for Not Morphing

❝You know, that is a sign. Let's turn back now before it's too late.❞

❝Okay, I came, I saw, I was perky. Now I just want my head on a pillow because I have to wake up early.❞

❝Oh, what a coinkidink. Look, who's here.❞

❝We've been through this. Okay, cop, witch, is not a love connection.❞

❝Now this is really creepy. If there were a dog in the house, then it had to have an owner. No dog I know can open that front door, let alone reach the top shelf.❞

❝Hey, maybe we should get a security system.❞

❝Well, either we could rely on our vicious guard cat to protect us or we could remember to lock the doors.❞

❝I don't know what kind of people you're used to dealing with but I'd lay serious coin that they aren't willing to rip you into a thousand pieces and dance on your entrails.❞

❝Ahh, so you're lawyers. And here I was assuming you were shape shifters.❞

04. Dead Man Dating

❝I was nowhere near the neighborhood, thought I'd stop by.❞

❝Maybe the ghosts need protection from me.❞

❝Yeah, well, I decided to break that tradition and start a new one.❞

❝A weekend of rest, rubdowns and room service. What's to think about?❞

❝This is not funny. Our powers are supposed to be a secret, not a marketable job skill.❞

❝Relax. They didn't hire me because they think I'm a witch, they hired me because they think I'm a psychic.❞

❝Hair splitting. You know you can't use your powers for personal gain, not without consequences.❞

❝I've tried communicating with every psychic in the city. You were my last chance.❞

❝Oh my God. I can see you but no one else can?❞

❝I'm dead, I'm a ghost.❞

❝Please, I don't have much time. Somebody has to find my body before it's too late.❞

❝It's a Chinese myth. At least I always thought it was a myth. It's called Thowhoi, when the gates of hell open. We're almost there.❞

❝If the gatekeeper, Yama, catches my soul before my body's properly buried, he'll take my to hell forever.❞

❝Yama doesn't care about good or evil. He just wants souls. I should've listened to my mother.❞

❝I'm a good witch, remember?❞

❝I don't know. I panic, I put up both hands and bad things tend to freeze.❞

❝Talk to her? And tell her what? That you're a witch in touch with the ghost of her dead son?❞

❝You of all people should know that bribery is a crime.❞

❝The first time I saw you I thought you were a ghost.❞

❝Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy.❞

❝It's an improvement. At least he wasn't a warlock.❞

05. Dream Sorcerer

❝Are your parents terrorists? ‘Cos baby you're the bomb.❞

❝When you fell from Heaven, did it hurt? ‘Cos I know an angel when I see one.❞

❝Hmm. I'm no angel. I'm a witch.❞ 

❝They have been going at if for almost an hour.❞

❝Um, I think there's been some kind of a mistake. I didn't order this.❞

❝You have a secret admirer. He ordered it for you.❞

❝You look beautiful in that dress. I knew you would.❞

❝It's your dream, but it's my fantasy.❞

❝Hehehe. You're dreaming. I'm visiting.❞

❝In dreams I can do anything. I can dance in your dreams, I can alter your dreams, and I can kill you in your dreams.❞

❝Did you know that if you die in your dreams, you die in real life?❞

❝Every bone in her body's been crushed.❞

❝The coroner said it's as if she's fallen of a twenty story building.❞

❝[name], here's the problem. You didn't read the fine print. See. It says right here. $19.95 for the video and twenty grand for the plastic surgeon.❞

❝That woman? Of course men want her. Men are not different from women. We all want what we can't have. Which is why we need to stop thinking about what men want and start thinking about what we want in a man.❞

❝Tons of fun, lots of heats and no strings attached. That's what I want.❞

❝I know this may not sound very P.C., but I want romance. Long, slow kisses, late-night talks, candle lights. I love love. I'd take what [name] has in a flat second.❞

❝There aren't any signs of external damage consistent with any type of fall. In fact there's not a scratch on her.❞

❝Yeah, well, maybe we were wrong. Maybe the body was moved.❞

❝Come on. There must be more to our powers than warlock wasting. I'm ready to have some fun with our magic.❞

❝How is it personal gain, if we're using our powers to bring happiness to another person. And in my case lots and lots of happiness.❞

❝Look, I'm not talking about marriage here. We have our 30s to freak out about that. This... this spell is about having good time.❞

❝I admit it's tempting. The dating scene can be a little frustrating. But bringing men into our life through a spell... correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that a little bit desperate.❞

❝No. How is asking for what you want being desperate? I say it's not. I say it's empowering. Besides, the Book of Shadows says we could reverse this spell at any time.❞

❝Ooh. Did I say spell? I... I meant recipe. We are so busted, aren't we?❞

❝You're seriously twisted. This is the spell we have to say?❞

❝We're lucky. If we were men looking for women the spell requires putting a piece of honey cake in a sweaty armpit for day.❞

❝Scream all you want. No one can help you.❞

❝I'm in your conscious. I know your every thought and desire.❞

❝I'm the man of your dreams.❞

❝You're not real. You don't exist.❞

❝I'm going to love you to death.❞

❝Don't worry. We had safe sex. A lot of safe sex.❞

06. The Wedding from Hell

❝At certain times in our life, a cold shower is probably a good thing.❞

❝Sorry the dead man on your driveway is such an inconvenience.❞

 ❝Welcome to the lifestyles of the rich and shameless.❞

❝That's why we get paid medium bucks. To figure it out.❞

❝Can you imagine watching the man you love marry somebody else?❞

❝She's a demon. She comes to earth every two hundred years. She has to find an innocent, put him under her spell, and marry him in a sanctified wedding.❞

❝That doesn't sound any different than most of the single women in this city.❞

❝Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't we trying to stop this wedding?❞

#rp starters #angel of darkness the world is in your hands ( Memes. )

[xreaderbooks]

Your thoughts on obx season 3 ???

Warning: SPOILERS Be prepared for a whole essay of my thoughts :)

I could not stand Big John, mf really just did not care about John B or at least cared more about finding el dorado and/or the treasure than his own son. Kind of made me think that John B was thriving when his dad was dead (yes, I know he actually wasn't thriving but it just hurt to see how his dad came back into his life and he was actually more toxic than you remembered).

Following up with that... IMO Ward is a better father than Big John lowkey.

John B needed to speak up! The daddy issues were real, I felt bad for him tbh

What is up with villains and their need to narrate their whole life story, I hated Singh, this short ass mf really thought he did something with everything that he did (that sentence might have made sense but in my mind it did)

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah... Get this girl a therapist! Please because what the actual fuck. Can I just say that I know she's human and people make mistakes, she went through some really tough shit. But this bitch really cheated on John B with Topper dude, like John B is the only one that's acknowledged that they are 'married'. They were not broken up, John B said some hurtful ass shit to her and she said 'come find me when you wanna tell me the truth' or something like that... so you cheated and you told your ex that you were broken up.

Fuck Topper and his feelings but if you know that he can get white boy crazy, like girl why would u do this? Mans is OBSESSED, and he wants to talk shit about the pogues when he's the problem. Literally, burned John B's house to the ground like???

Anyways... I still stan her though bec poor bby was hurt and ended up pulling through.

Kie's mom really did try to be supportive but HER DAD!!! he really thought that this girl was being lied to and manipulated by the pogues. he boiled my blood with the way he spoke to JJ and just did not try to be understanding at all- with the way he said that he was a pogue so he knows what it is to lie and shit? So that just tells me that you're really no better than JJ and the others as a matter of fact you were worse even.

If I was Kie I would have been RAGINGG dude that was so wrong of her parents, I know she was pissed but the moment I saw that van I would've ran!

Poor JJ, he really felt like he wasn't good enough for Kie (I don't necessarily ship them but they were cute). He was so self-destructive I wanted to shake him through the screen and tell him how he is more than enough for Kiara.

The no love club!!! did we really think that was gonna last though? Like they swore off love yet they have feelings for each other ahhhh okay but Cleo and Pope >>>

JJ and Kie had MOMENTS and they were pretty cute

I LOVE JJ but I am a slut for Rafe, he ate this season idc

It's the way that at the end of the season everyone gave the pogues a standing ovation for the award they received (was it an award? I can't remember cause at that point I was in shock at how this was ending) when they ALL thought so lowly of them, fake ass bitches I swearrr

I feel like they could've ended the show perfectly fine there, maybe they could have added an episode where they show how the group is doing while they live their new lives, I am excited for season 4 but I just hope they don't ruin the vibes yk?

So those were my thoughts I probably left out a few that I can't think of right now but for now let me know what you think in the comments or message me and we can discuss :)

#paradise on earth by xreaderbooks #obx #outerbanks series #outerbanks season 3

[sodiumlamp]

Picard

So this is actually where I came in, because I put the wrong disc in my DVD player, and it took me 10-15 minutes to figure out that it was Season 3 instead of Season 1.

My initial impression was that it looked kind of ridiculous for Dr. Crusher, now 70 years old if I'm not mistaken, to get in a crazy laser gun shootout. I mean, I don't know who's chasing her, but presumably they sent two of their better henchmen to get her, and she smokes both their asses. I could live with that, because the good guys always do a little better than they ought to in these kinds of situations, but there's a couple of moments where she just darts across the room to get to a better position, and the bad guys just sort of shoot at everything else in the scene while she's out in the open less than twenty feet away.

But now that I've seen Seasons 1 and 2, I realize this is just how the show rolls. Ridiculous gymkata battles, ridiculous BFG shootouts, it's all good on Star Trek: Picard. I guess I should be grateful Beverly didn't spin kick an alien, but there's still nine more episodes for that to happen.

Wait: Fantasy booking. Crusher and Troi have to stop a bad guy, and they lure him into a hallway with a mirror in it, and he's like "What the hell is going on here?" Then they come out wearing their backwards aerobics gear from TNG Season 3, and karate the shit out of him. I mean flips and kicks and elbows all over the place. Then the bad guy tries to open a door to escape, but Geordi rolls under the bottom of it and he's all "Going somewhere?" and bam! He kicks him in the nuts! Take that, alien bad guy! Then Geordi shoots heat vision from his cyborg eyes and he says "Take a look, it's in a book!" Then he says "fuck", because this is Picard and everyone swears.

Crusher sends a coded distress call to Picard and he takes like... a week to respond. First he gets the message, and Crusher explicitly warns Picard to "trust no one". He immediately tells his housekeeper to get her advice. Crusher also warns Picard not to go through Starfleet, so the next person he tells is Will Riker, his old buddy from Starfleet. Riker's idea is to get on a Starfleet ship and pull rank to get it to take them where they want to go. The ship's captain, a man named Shaw, tells them no, because he's not an idiot.

Okay, so the show goes out of its way to make Captain Shaw look like the biggest horse's ass in the universe. When they board the ship, they're greeted by his XO, Seven of Nine, who's now a real Starfleet Officer. But he makes her go by Annika Hansen. I thought Seven preferred Annika for a hot minute, but maybe I missed something. It's still weird that Captain Shaw can just order you to change your name and there's no Starfleet HR you can take that up with.

Shaw invites them to dinner in the captain's mess, but he's already eating when they get there, and he makes some weird joke about it to explain his behavior. Then he makes fun of Riker's musical tastes, and says a bunch of shit to Picard, who's a friggin' admiral for pity's sake. They really, really want you to hate this guy, but they overdid it. It just made me wonder how he got a command in the first place.

The idea is that you're supposed to think Captain Shaw's a jerk when he refuses to take Picard and Riker where they want to go, but no. He's a jerk for unrelated reasons. He's kind of within his rights to refuse their order for a course change, since he has orders from higher up to go where they're already going. So Seven does it behind his back while he's asleep, because she's the cool Starfleet officer who helps out the main characters when they're in a jam. Pretty sure she'll get court martialed for this, but no one seems to care. I think Shaw dies in a few episodes anyway, so it won't matter, but this is still incredibly dumb.

I mean... Picard had the exact same problem in Season 1. He needed to search for Bruce Maddox, but he couldn't involve Starfleet because he didn't work there anymore, so he made a few calls and hired Rios to take him where he needed to go. Why couldn't he just hire another private ship to do the same thing? Instead, they hijacked Captain Shaw's ship, and got caught the second Captain Shaw looked out the damn window. Then they stole a shuttlecraft to get the rest of the way. What were they going to do when they got back? Bring an injured Dr. Crusher onto the ship and pretend like they just happened to find her? She told Picard "no Starfleet" and now Shaw's going to file an official report to Starfleet about it.

All right, so they make it to Crusher's ship and they take their sweet-ass time searching for her, even though their sensors confirmed she's wounded. Fortunately, they find her in a healing tank. That's sad, because it'll take like fifteen episodes for her to get back to full strength, and Picard and Riker will have to fight Frieza by themselves in the meantime... wait.

The other guy on the ship claims to be her son? Everyone mumbles their lines on this show, especially whenever they state important exposition. It's not Wesley, since we just saw him in the last episode. It looks more like that guy who played Adult Wesley when Riker got Q powers and turned him into a grown man. I don't know if that's what they were going for, but it's the first thing I thought of.

The bad guy ship closes in on them, and Picard's like "Who's after you?" and the guy's like "See for yourself", and we see the ship, but I don't recognize it. Usually when they do that on a TV show, it's so the audience can see it's someone they recognize. Like you'd see a Cardassian ship and go "Oh, so the Cardassians are after her... but why?" But it's some new ship design which tells us nothing. Dr. Crusher's other son is a jerk.

While all of this is going on, Raffi is off doing her own separate TV show where she's trying to prevent a terrorist attack and fails miserably. She's all weepy and bitchy and annoying and it's impossible to tell what's going on with her. I remember being frustrated that we never got closure on her estranged son, but now I get why he was fed up with her bullshit. Cripes, imagine being her son. Man, nobody's got time for that.

Speaking of bitchy, I'm getting really sick of how everyone in this show has a beef or points a gun as soon as they show up. It usually happens to Picard, but that's only because he's the main character. Other characters will talk to people, and it immediately turns hostile. Picard goes to meet Raffi and she pulls a gun on him. Raffi goes to reconcile with her son and he tells her to get lost. Picard goes to find Guinan in the past and she pulls a gun on him. Guinan takes Picard to the Watcher lady and she pulls a gun on him.

Picard meets Captain Shaw and Shaw treats him like shit for no good reason at all. Like, you'd think Picard killed his wife or something. That's not even a hypothetical scenario, because Picard killed Sisko's wife and he still treated him more professionally than Shaw does here. Maybe Shaw had two wives and Picard killed them both? No, wait, he had seven wives, and Picard killed four and Riker killed three, and that's why he makes Seven of Nine use her birthname.

Sorry, I got off track there. Picard and Riker go to save the Crushers and Beverly's son... you guessed it... pulls a gun on them. It's a cool trick when used sparingly, but watching this show you'd think it's just a standard greeting in the 25th Century.

And it just keeps happening. Raffi and Seven were dating in Season 2, and all they did was bicker constantly. Rios and Jurati bickered a lot, but they were no longer dating. The key thing is to bicker, regardless of your romantic status. This might explain why Elnor hardly ever did anything on the show. His whole deal was "absolute candor", speaking honestly and without reservation. So it's hard to have him get in an argument with a friend or comrade, because if he was really hot at someone he would just say "I'm very mad at you" and leave. The writers didn't know how to write for him.

The biggest annoyance I have is when Picard first approaches Riker, and apologizes for taking him away from his family, and instead Riker notes that Deanna and Kestra would enjoy some time away from him. The fuck? We're doing a separation subplot with Riker now? We already did estranged Riker and Troi, and it was all seven seasons of TNG, plus two of the movies!

She'll be joining him before this show is over, so maybe they're just setting up some drama for later. It's not a terrible idea, but I don't trust this show to get it right, because they just have everyone mad at everyone else all the time. Worf and Geordi will probably show up later and they'll pull guns on each other and bicker about their failed marriage to each other. Then they'll see Picard and put aside their mutual loathing to point their guns at him, their common enemy.

This show is a tire fire. I don't like it.

#mike watches picard #sheer fucking hubris

[scarlet-salvias]

Leonardo Ending route AU thoughts...

An ending where,

* You and Leonardo go back to the present time (aka modern era)

* You go back to your usual work before you came to the mansion.

* Leonardo becomes the usual "to go to" of people who need items fixed during his free day!!

* He also works as a professor because he can't have his Cara Mia be the only one working.

* He goes off from work earlier than you and goes to your office to pick you up every day.

* What will he teach? He can teach anything tbfh... But him teaching painting or music is 🔥😳..

* He'd be one of those heartthrob professors ✨✨

* Imagine him being asked by his class to sketch something that he loves, then he sketches you 🥺👉👈

* But he still can't clean up after himself.. just imagine how his desk in the faculty room and the school art room are..

* You visit him at work one day to have lunch together and you end up cleaning the art room. Your lunch date became a cleaning date.

* He knows you're pissed so he hugs, kisses and cuddles you.. and you hate that you can't stay mad after he does that.

* One day you go to a park and see kids running around and suddenly thoughts of having kids of your own with Leonardo makes you smile. He notices and immediately knows what you're thinking about and kisses you on the head. Leonardo : "I want 3"

Sorry for my random ramblings!! 😂😂

This yrs' JP server anniv story was so good 🥺

I did the premium end and it really made my heart melt..

Event story spoilers below if you want to read!! 🥰

Because they legit got transported back to mc's time and Leonardo could see that Mc was enjoying being back. But MC was feeling guilty bec in Leo's route endings she promised that she'll be by Leo's side at Leo's present time.

Important part there was Leonardo says (note my translation isnt that accurate but the thought is about the same i hope haha)

"It's not bad to have feelings of wanting to keep living here because this is your time, where you were born."

"I don't mind you having a lot of important things in your life here, but I am your only lover." //Lmao duh haha

"Living in the 19th century or Living in this era, i don't care as long as I can live together with you."

"I'm happy to have met you. I love you. There is no one that I could love more and could make me happy like you do."

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp leonardo #ikemen vampire leonardo #ikevamp leonardo brainrot #ikevamp leonardo au thoughts #brain empty Leonardo only

[godidontevenknowwhat]

Genuine question here, what do you consider as anti Billy?

I wouldn't consider myself an anti but I don't excuse Billy's action like many pro Billy blogs do. Like when we discuss Billy's behavior and bring up Billy's abuse of Max and racism towards Lucas I was being called an anti even though I was pointing out Billy's canon behavior.

I get why he does act the way he does and recognize his abuse from Neil but it doesn't give him a free pass to be abusive to other people. Does this really make me an anti? Pro Billy people usually babify him to a point where he does feel like a completely different person than what is portrayed in the show and I feel like if you have to alter a character to a point where he isn't recognizable anymore you're more of an anti than people who don't try to excuse everything that makes the character the character.

First of all thank you for not being a shithead and presenting this question in a regular mature way, I appreciate you coming to me with this

Short answer: I consider someone a Billy anti when the blow his actions out of proportion and turn a complex character with a heart wrenching abuse story into what the duffers originally wrote him as: a racist antagonist and jerkwad bully. Note that I'm not saying his actions were excusable because of the abuse or that how he behaves isn't written with the intentions of him being racist towards Lucas.

Okay long answer now:

I'm definitely guilty of 'babyfying' Billy, mostly as a joke to annoy Billy antis, but I'm aware that I do it to the point that it's probably hard to gauge how I truly feel about Billy and his actions.

Billy is not a nice person. Billy is an asshole. But Billy isn't an irredeemable villain who is completely evil and everything he does is out of pure evil like a lot of Antis like to present him.

However I think being Pro Billy Vs Anti Billy is understanding that no one is truly evil. 

I don't think Billy treating Max the way he did is excusable nor will I try to pretend that he was good to her. But I will say that he most certainly is NOT treating Max like that because he's a nasty bully wah wah wah. 

Also despite how it might seem, when Billy was first introduced I actually didn't like him. Then the scene with Neil happened and it broke me.

The reason I'm pro Billy is because I see myself in him. I'm currently 21, I'll be 22 in March, so I'm by no means far off what age Billy was in season 2 where a lot of his actions inspire antis. 

4 years ago I was angry, I was mean, I would say nasty shit to people and I would do things that 4 years later I'm not proud of in the slightest and it was all because of the aggressive physical abuse I received from my mother and the emotional abuse I received from my sister. The physical abuse was so bad that at points my mum would hit me so hard my ears would ring and she would literally take out chunks of my hair from pulling on it. Seeing Billy pinned against that bookshelf by Neil and finally being able to see my abuse from a third party perspective I actually cried and nearly had a panic attack. So I began to see Billy differently, I can recognise a lot of his actions as the anger of an abused person trying to get control over an aspect of their life outside of the home because that's the only place he has control. I think a lot of Antis fall trap to hating Billy because he's angry and mean and they don't think for a second that it's a reaction to the abuse and they dub him irredeemable and say he deserved to die. 

So.. I deserved to die then? Every abuse victim who reacts with anger and mirrored behaviour and violent outbursts deserves to die? 

No, no fucking way. 

We deserve the chance to grow and become our own people independent of the abuse. In 4 years I've become a different person, I've grown and started shedding the anger and resent that has built up in me. I still see signs of it for sure, I get angry incredibly quickly to the point it's scary and it disgusts me every time it happens because I hate that part of myself but I'm working on it.

I'm pro Billy because I think he deserved a chance to work on it.

Also sorry if this seems like a brain fart ramble, It's 6am and I woke up and saw this and needed to respond asap while it was fresh

#anon #pro billy hargrove #thank you for being respectful and presenting your views maturely #much appreciated #tw abuse #abuse mention #personal I guess? I mean I have no problem airing my issues and past so read it if you want

[7-oh-ta1]

So I've never really talked about why season 4 is my least favorite TWD game, but I'm hoping I can sum up my thoughts tastefully though tbh I get a little spiteful at the end because I am adhfhgk

First things first, I don't hate the game, it's just that it's on the bottom of my list compared to the others. Narratively it's pretty heavy-handed with the "Walkers are still people" idea which isn't a bad idea to explore but it feels out of place or not fully realized. The best example is in the very beginning with the Walker couple in the train station. AJ suggests we kill them for the key, then Clementine tells him "but they used to be people. And as people, they asked to be left alone". Personally, I feel like the note and their hands tied together were enough to get that idea across but they felt the need to have Clementine explicitly speak the other side of the argument just to highlight their point. It wasn't needed, and this happens all the time throughout the game.

Even more frustrating is that Clementine has a set personality in s4 regardless of what your Clementine was like in ANF because ANF is was completely discarded by the narrative. Yet even my s2 Clementine would've killed the Walker couple, but all of a sudden she feels extreme empathy for them. Maybe if you're playing a soft Clementine, sure. But the hardened badass of s3 wouldn't have said that.

If you choose not to kill them, then yes by all means she could say that to explain her reasoning to AJ. But by saying before the decision it makes it seem like killing Walkers is against my Clementine's morals -- which it's not.

And therein lies the issue I take with s4. Unlike the other seasons, where you could do arguably cruel things but still feel justified (lying to Hershel & Shawn, protecting Duck instead of Shawn, saving Doug/Carley over the other, killing the St. Johns, stealing from the car, leaving Lilly, pushing Omid, threatening Vernon, killing Ben, the list goes on--) but in s4, if you're not a complete pacifist the narrative itself beats you over the head with "but what if you were nicer? Hm? Bet you feel like shit. You made AJ a monster because you didn't say thank you when someone held a door open for you." And it's like... no?? What?? Idk why Clementine is acting this way bec I certainly don't feel bad for the choices I made.

James is one thing, he's just one character, and I respect him for standing by his ideals even though I don't agree with them. But it feels like the game was written and coded by James. No one else has different opinions than him or contest him, no one agrees with Clem that sometimes you have to kill people to protect yourself, and the entire story is written saying that his ideals are right. I feel like the conversation was so nuanced in s1 & in s3, a bit in s2, but in s4 it just says, "this is right, this is wrong, and if you choose what we as the writers disagree with then we're going to make Clementine feel like shit" so I feel like my choices didn't even shape the narrative. I was wrong, that was that, and I'd need to play again to see the "good" end.

Aside from the narrative itself, I also did not get incredibly attached to the Ericson cast (Aasim was cool af but got put in a cupboard for the majority of the game & Mitch the Bitch was also cool but he died randomly) so when Clementine was kicked out I was like ... okay, I don't really care. I only feel bad for AJ cause he seemed to like it but personally I wasn't gonna miss it. Then I have to go back and help these people?? Prove myself?? Huh? I don't even like y'all. 🤨 I hardly know you TO like you! I'm hitting the road good luck with the kidnappers.

The community of teenagers also gave me a young adult series vibe, I'm getting Hunger Games, I'm getting Divergent, I'm getting that one with the girl in a crystal ball on the cover, and I don't like any of those series. It feels like s4 was written about a teenager for teenagers, and I'm 21. Even s2, with a 11 y/o protagonist, felt like she was in a very dangerous adult world, s4's world is a teenager's world. S4 doesn't even feel like it's the same world as the previous seasons. The pieces are there, but the way the narrative uses those pieces is just so lackluster.

They also did the "is life precious or not?" thing that ANF did, but this time simplified it to the point that it was literally in the dialogue asking you. ANF handled that theme with grace and nuance, weaving it into the story subtly but still very much present. You weren't beat over the head with the idea, you were quietly influenced by the storytelling until the story beats where you must ask yourself, "Do I hold the authority to decide who lives and dies? Is it my place to decide that? And in the end, do my decisions make an impact? Do I hold the god-like power I think I do?"

Apparently most TWDG players don't read like. Actual books because it completely flew over their heads. I think that's why s4 DOES just outright ask you over and over and over if killing is right because obviously the main audience needed it in big bold letters. This frustrates me to no end because it killed whatever stock I had in the story. Especially when I complied with all James's requests to not hurt the Walkers, but after my walk in the barn I stood by my belief that Walkers are not people, so he suddenly went from being my best friend to hating me and spitting vemon at me??? I never want to hear anyone hate on Jane or Kenny again after that. He demands you be open minded to his beliefs, but he's not open minded to your's!! It's so hypocritical that it's baffling. That's when it all clicked for me. "Ohhhhhhh. This game has a very strong idea of what the right choice is, and if I choose differently I'm going to get a shit ending..."

And so I got a pretty ehhhhh ending!! Because fuck em, that's why! I partly choose to shoot Lilly not because I wanted to, but because it felt like they were trying to force me not to! I ended the game exactly how I started it: Ericson's is eh, okay. The cast has potential but is never fully realized. At least AJ is happy. And that's.... not the feeling you want when you finish a game series.

#twdg #lindsay speaks #it felt so disconnected from the rest of the games that it didn't feel like a closing to the story. #it was just it's own thing. #i also know all abt telltale & the situation but that's not what I'm talking about here so i didn't mention it #I'm talking about the final product here & though i sympathize with what great lengths it took to even get a final product i also just #didn't really enjoy what they managed as much as the others & i stand by my right to not like something as much as smth else lol #// long post

[rantsandeepthoughts]

Sick

under the cut

I started feeling sick since last week - maybe 11th July. 2023.

(side note. my sister was sick too, i think a week or two before this. she told me a creepy story about what happened that week. so mother is on cold-shoulder mode with the younger siblings. and as usual, it's an elongated, drawn out, cold shoulder, cold war, over something that was relatively minor all things considered. but that's always been the case with any 'fight' that goes on with her. ... anyway, so this sister who is sick is one of them that mother is 'not talking to'. and. mother had cooked something - sick people food - and had dished it up and served it to her on a tray to her room. on her bed. like..... like. fucking creepy. ok... coz you know those sick abusive stories you hear. then the abuser suddenly flips a switch is is super duper nice and sweet. and it's CREEPY. yeah. anyway-)

I took a day off work last week. and mother cooked again.

honestly. this past month or so. the rare times that she comes back. she's cooked a meal. and that in itself is really really weird.

because for the past few years - that's what i can recall clearly - she has NOT cooked for us often at all. and by not often, I mean like, maybe she cooks for us like.... once or twice a month? at most?

the only time she cooks - and we get to eat her cooking - is because she cooks for my grandma. her mother. so usually there's not much leftover anyway, since it's for grandma. and she'll pack away extra for grandma later. or my father would eat it up.

honestly. father cooks more often than mother does. even though father's cooking is usually the same dish - and it's always overly oily and overly salty, because that's just him - but yeah. i'd say father cooks around once a week.

other times for meals. we'll always be eating leftovers that mother brings back from grandma's house. or food that other relatives cooked.

I cook, just basic dishes, usually for vegetables. I USED to cook. around 3 times a week. i can't remember when I started cooking frequently. but i know, it was at least 3 times a week. on the days i didn't cook, it would be leftovers. or maybe father cooked. or i would buy meals. some times my siblings would buy meals.

but i know I cooked 3 times a week. it was nothing great. im not a good cook. just vegetables stir fry. tofu. fishcakes. that sort. nothing fancy. but i cooked. so myself and my parents. would have fresh vegetables for dinner at least 3 times a week. because otherwise it's always salad. stuff you can eat raw.

i STOPPED cooking so often. after mother made a very hurtful comment.

i can't remember what she said, to who, exactly. but she said something like - I don't even cook once a week for them? i don't even cook twice a week? something like that. she basically just drastically reduced the number of times i cooked. EVERY. WEEK. and like.

im fucking tired. i hate cooking ok. it's a chore. and to do it. on top of a busy work week. and all the other shit. it's a lot.

this got really side tracked.

the point is. SHE. mother does NOT cook often.

so when she does it - specifically for you, because you're sick - it just makes me feel a lot more sick. it's creepy. it's just a really really BAD feeling.

.... I'm still sick. not quite well. the weird - residual sick feeling. it's not going away. but whatever. im fine. i know how to take care of myself. i don't really like eating when I'm sick anyway. just warm drinks and crackers and toast.

mother has been away, staying at grandmas for many days. in fact, i think this whole of July - coz father had went and flown off on his 'trip'... that's a whole other story - the whole of July. she has only been back for like. a night or two at most. during the 1st week. and . today.

she literally came back, for like four hours? less? just to 'check in on me'.... coz she had texted something, some nagging thing or what, then to ask me to do an errand or something. and i told her i won't be doing it because i was unwell. that text was early in the afternoon. and later in the afternoon, evening. she came back. to check in on me..... i saw her. then took a nap. then some usual things. n i was resting mostly. i heard the front door. at around 9 or something at night.

when i came out around 10. my sister told me she had left to go back to grandmas. i texted her. she said she only came home to - check in on me.

and. that just - it just made me feel more sick.

it felt like such a burden. like. im confused. because. it's creepy.

because - so many things. so much abuse. all the thingsss... it just keeps on pointing out the glaring fact that she DOES NOT care. she does not care about us. she only cares about herself and her title of 'mother' and all that is owed to her because she had that title. she has repeatedly lorded that title over us. she has used her title as mother to abuse us. she has misused it. abused it. and it is very very difficult for me to wrap my mind around any small inch of a concept that she has ever cared.

so when she does this kind of things. to show that "she cares" - it feels like a bitch slap to my face and a humongous WHAT. THE .FUCK?!

and it makes me feel sick.

I'm already sick. and it just makes me feel. more sick.

yeah. that's it.

im gonna go rest now. bye.

#deep thoughts #rants #toxic mother #sick and tired

[castle-dominion]

c1x8 ghosts I've watched a good amount of these!

Why was she submerged & then let out air & then she floated? Makes no sense.

Castle poker night; Espt dealing; Martha wanting to continue; "the working stiff" & then all the real cops laugh; Espt calling her "mrs R" <3; "Well, frankly, I prefer strip because even when you lose, you win." MARTHA (their faces XD); this entire scene is good. I love all their faces & the music playing & just everything here. KB: Man up, "bro" Martha! Shut up! The music I love the interactions between all of them. I think this is why I liked this scene, we get to see them as People. KR: Murder never sleeps, Ms. R. JE: Yeah, and neither do we. watching this entire scene again bc it's so adorable.

Motor oil is clear before it is used tho... in one-gallon jugs??? That sucks, lots of work.

KB: What about tonight? Anyone strange coming in or going out? Clerk: *shakes head* Jasmine, a deep voiced, bearded individual with long blonde hair, high heels, & a short skirt: Hey, Bill. Clerk/Bill: Jasmine. How's it hanging? RC: I think you just described half their clientele. lol I love the transcript, it calls Jasmine "tranny hooker" & tbh I wouldn't have it any other way. (Tho at the time the livejournal was written I don't think it was meant in a positive way.)

Castle, you move past the girlfriend no later than page 50. Love a good notebook.

Or so u think. Having seen this I know she had a LOT of secrets.

Ryan just making castle a coffee uwu, point for the rystle fans. There was an easier way of saying that espt. KR: Maybe Castle was right. Maybe this is about sex. JE: The lady was a soccer mom. RC: Come by my daughter's school at about 3:30. The place is like happy hour. (Ryan & castle share a look & ryan points at his nose) Their physicality, The nodding, the hands, the head shaking, the cocking & tilting, the turning, all of it.

Ah yes, grab a dead baby's ssn. Just like the first lesbian who got married in ireland. She was straight but legally married the man's dead sister.

MR: Kate Beckett is not some bimbo who needs big, strong you to look out for her. She's a real woman. And a real woman does not want to be patronized. AC: She's right, Dad. I love how he has these two beautiful women with him.

Ooh true crime. Neat.

Lol death over easy & the diner in the background. Did u want those yolks murdered? XD I'm (not) funny

RC: Yeah. Captain, the mayor, and Judge Markway. You know. Your boss. Your boss's boss, and the guy that signs your warrants.

Whose house is this? Lee Wax? the door is just open? sus. ngl I HATE stripes on a screen. Lol the shock at her being a woman. "I am the cops" Your publisher is so right. Murdered??? RC: Well, given your unhealthy obsession for her, I'm going to take a wild stab at you.

Oh yeah, Not a bad idea. RC: But you did anyway. LW: RC: Any true crime writer worth their salt is gonna check her story with other sources. KB: What for? LW: My book. RC: Whoa. You're gonna go through with it? But Cynthia's dead. LW: Correction. Cynthia was murdered. Which means her memoir just became a true crime story, Which is kind of my forte. You'd be doing me a huge favor. KB: You know, I-- I would love to, but I have a whole list of writers who are hanging around, looking for favors. So, thank you very much, though, for cooperating. And, um, catch you on the dark side. These two could totally have a fun night together & as another writer castle def feels for her.

Poor pike, talking to the family & prying up the past, for a book? for HER? I like adam. I like him a lot. Poor boy.

RC: It is a good story. It's a great story. Personally, I would just write a happier ending for that family.

At least he has a job. So you KNEW cynthia was writing the book? I like Swanstorm.

Ooh stories not matching up. She WAS writing for sympathy. Creativity is doing stuff, art is knowing what to keep.

KB: You talked to the publisher? RC: I am somewhat known in those circles????

Noooo not adam pike! AP: Because I wanted to look her in the eye. I wanted to tell her none of it mattered. Her blood money wouldn't buy our forgiveness.

Ah, they knew cynthia was alive, the money was coming.

Oh a random stranger. Pointing the finger to some rando. Wow castle lmao thru the glass.

Writer battle huh. If she was trying to get sympathy she would have told wax abt the money.

RC: Remind me if I ever decide to write a memoir, to never write a memoir.

They have a corkboard today not a whiteboard...?

Love the poker night. Castle is just... friends with these guys. Ooh it's their rematch. Judge: Oh, do us a favor, Detective. Beat his pants off. RC: Yes, please. Beat my pants off, if you dare. RM: Beckett, do me proud. Judge: To hell with "proud." Make him cry like a little girl. He said to call him bob. Castle is so... obnoxious. "Who's a good little boy? Who's a good little boy? You are. And you are. And you are." Judge: Don't you ever get tired of winning, Castle? Castle: Yeah, you'd think so, right? But no.

Yay all of them getting fancy coffees. Esposito has his coffee, & ryan made coffee for himself & castle, & beckett is getting her own coffee. It makes me think that ryan actually knows castle's coffee order. He's made esposito's before (or he does later in the series) & there was that time castle & beckett had their coffees but espt & ryan stole them & took a sip & then switched bc someone likes their coffee like the other. Castle gave beckett's coffee to ryan I think so beckett & ryan like the same coffee, but castle has also drank beckett's coffee before so maybe his order & beckett's are similar enough... idk bro. Do I care? Not actually that much. I just wish someone would watch thru the entire show, take note of all the coffee, & then present me with the facts & conclusion.

Wow they have houses? Thought they were living in NY. You did what you had to do to survive & that's ok! I have a friend from pennsylvania.

Didn't recognize her until castle said 20 years later & possibly scarred. Mail order to new york. I love the audio. I first watched this while recovering from a bad sunburn lol. I like her! She really is confessing everything. Tho Mary/Susan could be lying too ig. Suicide in the oil thing? really? Who is that dramatic? Audio <3 Part manslaughter, part self defense, part murder.

No rick, cynthia was the one who contacted wax. Altho ig you're theorizing well. r u two flirting or hating? Oh it is hate nvm. RC: Oh, and one more thing. One day, and one day not far from now, I'm gonna use this in a book. Weird vest she has there.

RC: Next time, I guess I'll just try that massage parlor on 2nd Avenue. BRUH

Just has a deck with him (was probs planning it tbh). I remember sneaking over to sit at the wrong lunchtable & playing cards with the 9th graders. I remember a story from my english teacher, she ran a poker ring gambling for who got to sit at the table. Lol mano a mujer hand to hand, (like head to head,) not man to man bro. Her gummy bears <3 it's probs what she has in the bowl on her desk. RC: Aside from my muscular arms? XD not funny (I say, having found it funny)

Aight that's it for now. TBH I'll probably watch an audio commentary version tonight instead of liveblogging bc I want to work out & it's hard to work out while you're trying constantly

#castle 1x8 #castle 1x8 spoilers #castle 1x8 quote

[lassie77]

What's wrong with me?

1. I'm almost completely incapable of watching new things

2. I dream about my traumas all the time (my mom getting arrested, me failing, my bf cheating, my family or others raping me)

3. I procrastinate a lot. I'm unmotivated

4. I'm not pretty

5. I'm not enough for anyone

6. I started hurting myself bec my bf hurts himself when we fight. I hurt myself whenever I feel bad now especially when we fight because I think that's how he wants me to do. To be punished.

7. I always put others first before myself.

Ex. My mom owes a lot of money to people. Even though its because of her bad decisions, I still set aside money for her borrowings just in case things happen.

I don't like it when the person I love gets hungry or sad or dissatisfied. I tend to eat less when we're together even though I know I paid for more because I want them to be happy when they're with me. Sometimes, its way over my budget but I make up for it by rendering extra hours at work.

Whenever there's food left over, I always ask other people if they want it before I get it. If someone wants it, then I feel I have no right to take it even though I paid for it.

8. I always want to please the people I care about

Ex. If my partner is trying to cut on costs bec of his fight with his parents, I sometimes pretend to be full even though Im still very hungry just so he can eat more without us trying to order morea because frankly I can barely afford it

I know I can solely decide when I can take my exam but I still feel like I have to justify it to other people

9. I am poor

10. I am fat

11. I'm hard to love. It takes so much effort from people to love me. Maybe I make it hard for them too because I really don't know how people can love me when my family can barely tolerate me

12. I hold grudges. I do not regret hating people especially when they've wronged the people I love.

13. I have always felt the need to explain how I see things in my perspective. I hate it when people say "you're always right. You always have to be right". I can honestly tell that I don't like being right most of the time. It hurts me. A lot.

When I found out my mom just spent our entire month budget in one night

When I found out my partner cheated on me and lied about it to my face

When I found out that he told his best friend and bragged about it

When I found out my brother knew this entire time what my mother had done

I do not enjoy being right but I also do not enjoy being lied to.

14. I give so much more than I receive when it comes to the people I love. Do I want new shoes? New dress? A laptop? Yes. Yes. Yes. Do I have the money for them? Yes. Will I buy them? Nope. Most of my earnings are allocated to my family and partner.

There are still a lot of things that's wrong with me now but this is what I can think of now

I'm aware how to solve my problems logically. Like how most of them will be solved by money. Im not naive.

I badly want my life to be over. I am sad and alone. I am tired of being like this. I am exhausted.

I feel like I am just living my life for other people. I want to feel that I'm living for me. I have never felt that ever. I wish I have the privilege other people have.