#tw babybat fucking swears

[babyspacebatclone]

A reply from one of @spop-romanticizes-abuse ‘s posts.

It’s old, was ignored at the time, and I’ll follow their lead by not engaging with the poster directly and ask you all to do the same.

Catra lives rent free in my head?

You know what, fuck, yeah, she does.

You know who else lives rent free in my head?

Let’s see…

Note: Check out the trigger warnings at the top of under the cut.

I am only referring to them obliquely.

But I mean every one.

Trigger warnings:

Domestic Abuse, Spousal Abuse, No-Contact Orders, Traffic Accidents, Alcohol Abuse, Drug Abuse, Rehab, Arrests, Infidelity, Implied but not confirmed Child Abuse, Aggression in Children, PTSD, Night Terrors

We can start with the parents of one set of siblings at my daycare.

And the time the father was arrested in front of them.

Because he was caught speeding.

With his unmarried partner and their three kids in the car.

When she had a no contact order on him.

Or how about the mother of another set of four kids I’ve worked with, now mother of five?

Who was arrested and put into rehab when she crashed her car with the then-four kids in it. While intoxicated. Weed or alcohol, it could have been either.

The four siblings were separated between the then two baby-daddies.

Well, the second one took the younger two kids and has been an amazing father to them despite the fact the youngest in the most cliché way possible does not look like his White Hillbilly ass.

Actually, the months she was in rehab were the best for those kids, her reintegrating with the still-separated kids has gone better than I feared but, well, with the new baby (who doesn’t go to my daycare), you can imagine the bar I was expecting.

How about the mother of the preschooler we had to kick out of our center for aggression against staff and kids? The kid who openly lied about adults attempting to hurt him when they didn’t let him get his way, in a manner all the staff agreed felt if not coached then encouraged from said mother, potentially in regards to visits from the father…

And I never met him, so I live with the question - rent free in my head - if it had been justified or not.

Oh! How about the other kid we had to kick out for aggression, who would hit kids with a closed fist as a toddler??? Spoiler, that’s not the natural way a kid hits people.

…. I only have second-hand rumor about why the mother left biodad, but I’m sure you can imagine.

Oh, wait! I almost forgot!

The kid that left our center because her family had to move.

Into a shelter for domestic abuse victims.

The one that had screaming night terrors three times a week at nap time. For months.

Spoilers: While night terrors at that age can be caused from non-trauma sources, those are usually short term.

That one left pre-COVID, I haven’t actually spent time being enraged by that one in a while.

What with the previous ones all being 2021 to currenr.

So yeah!

Catra lives rent-free in my head.

I wonder fucking why??????

#tw babybat fucking swears #tw babybat is fucking furious #tw domestic abuse #tw spousal abuse #tw child abuse #tw ptsd #tw alcohol abuse #tw drug abuse #tw rehab #tw night terrors #tw arrests

[babyspacebatclone]

Oh.

Oh.

Oh FUCK.

….

Wow, this was a revelation.

I just saw a stupid repost of a stupid Twitter thread saying how stupid it is that there is an Agender Pride day, that “wanting to opt out of Gender Identity shouldn’t be a Gender Identity” and literally calling Asexual a - cult? religion?

Stupid fucking shit.

The revelation was:

I was fucking furious, and personally offended.

I just….

I have never been this angry about imagining people misgendering me before.

I will have a ‘moment’ when I get referred to by male pronouns online, but I go “Oh, yeah, they didn’t check my blog, they don’t know, yeah I can see them defaulting to male, that was confusing for a second, carrying on.” It’s equivalent to my confusion if someone I don’t know calls me by a different name, just “Huh, did they mean me? Ah, yes, I get it now.”

Wow.

I haven’t been sure about applying “agender” to myself, because seriously gender makes no fucking sense to me including claiming I don’t see myself as having a gender. It was just - it’s there, I guess??

But my experiences are real.

People do have strong, impactful, even furious rage about their gender identity.

And I don’t, and that’s a thing.

And I’m allowed to have that thing.

“Well, why do you always need to put a label on things???”

Because for 40 fucking years, I never knew this about myself.

I have always been fucking agendered, because “girl” was just a word to me. I liked being female in the geek space because that made me an outlier, and I’m comfortable in that role because as a long-undiagnosed Autistic AFAB with ADHD, having “outlier” defined made me safe. The more reasons I was obviously different, the more excuses I had to cover up all the unobvious but still impactful ways I couldn’t mask/conform.

But every time I looked at the list of things that I was “supposed” to be, or want, as a “female” (outside of romantic and sexual attraction), none of that mattered.

But neither did any of the list of things for “male,” so, that just made me a lame (as in weak) female, right?

No!!!

I’m not a “lame” female!

I’m agendered!!!!

And there are others like me out there!

I’m not “failing” at a gender identity, I’m just - not gendered.

But that is worth celebrating, because by celebrating - by having and showing my Pride at being Agendered - I make that safe for other people to be Agendered!!!!

So, um, yeah.

I was today years old - 42.6 years - when I realized yeah, I’m Agendered.

I will still present as a Ciswoman, and use that term in situations where more detail isn’t necessary, because living as a Ciswoman explains much about me and I seriously don’t care enough to make myself Agendered in public.

Because I Don’t Care.

And I’m allowed to have “Present as my assigned at birth gender” as my presentation of “don’t give a fuck about gender, so go with the easy thing I’ve done anyway.”

Ok now.

Gotta lower my heartrate from that epiphany so I can sleep so I can get up for work tomorrow.

#tw babybat swears #agender pride #lgbtqia+ #gender identity #we need to make these realities public #because other people have the right #to know the term and experience is out there #it’s not selfish #so fuck you #to the assholes #who treat us like we are

[babyspacebatclone]

I happened to find this interview transcript from ND Stevenson regarding a lot of his work while looking for something else.

And while scrolling down to find what I was looking for, I saw a gif of Catra with a captured Adora from “White Out,” and I had to read the paragraphs around it.

And just…. Stevenson is not a good showrunner. 😬

First of all…

Catradora being endgame???

I’m not sure the rest of the crew had been told that!!!!

ND: …But is also, I think, a good thing to see representation of characters making the wrong choices and doing the wrong thing. And Catra is defined by that. This was [something that] the crew [asked about as well]. People would come and they'd be like: "so, you told me that she's gonna join the good guys again, right? She'll be OK? When is that going to happen?" And people started to stop believing me that it was going to happen.

I’m sorry….

What the actual boiling salt???

The other people helping you make this series…

Started to stop believing you that Catra was ever going to be redeemed?????

I don’t care if that actually happened or not.

That’s not something you make up to sound cute!!!

There’s only two options: You didn’t tell the people helping you make the show what was happening in the show, or you don’t think acting like you would treat your fellow crew with that amount of disrespect and disregard for the product makes you look like anything but an idiot who can’t be trusted!

Either way: Bad showrunning!!!

This is not to talk against withholding plot points etc. on a limited basis: The Good Place did not tell most of the main cast a major plot twist until it was time to get ready to make the relevant ep:

(The article and enclosed video have spoilers for the first season of The Good Place)

But the season would not have worked if the writers didn’t know the twist the entire season was building towards. The audience wouldn’t have been able to watch it all again and say “Yes, this makes sense, I know why these background characters are doing this now.”

ND: AJ [Michalka], who voices the character, I would [tell her] "We have a big run for you today, Catra is going to do something new, but I promise that she's going to be OK in the end". And she'll be like: "yeah, sure, you say that every time".

Now, compare that to The Good Place cast reaction to learning they’d had enforced method acting:

In truth, the cast was forgiving after the deception. "It was good not to know until the very end," [William Jackson] Harper told EW earlier this summer. "It's just part of the character to not know. In a way, it's like Ted, Kristen, and Mike made me a Method actor against my will, which is great! Who knows what I would have done?"

Now, potentially, this is just a good PR lie for the press. Although the reactions show in the video support the cast being impressed with the twist, and understanding how it fit into the show, and their role in it.

But again: The Good Place example is not the same as ND withholding all the information relevant to the plot itself to themself. (apparently)

The actor playing the mastermind of The Good Place twist knew the plot, and could create a performance that worked towards that plot.

Michalka was, apparently, not told how Catra’s story was going to go. She had to take everything on Stevenson’s word.

And as someone currently working for a boss where I have to just accept whatever version of reality he’s decided is in play today - that’s fucked up.

(example of my boss: Apparently, we don’t need annual reviews. Except also apparently the sit down I had with him - the daycare owner - and my director after my surgery recovery time where we discussed how ready I felt to return to duties on schedule counted as my review. Except that was in May, and when I mentioned to my director in September I hadn’t had a review since the previous March she agreed with me. Since she was working literally two full time positions I didn’t want to push her to ask the owner about it then…. Anyway, just more of his bullshit.)

Also….

ND: And that, I think, in it's own way can be something that also tells us how to make decisions ourselves. So when you see somebody who we sometimes want to scream [at], sometimes we're compelled to do things that make us a bad friend or bad people. And it's important, I think, to know the consequences of those wrong decisions. [emphasis mine]

I agree.

It’s great to represent characters who make bad decisions, because of their personal traumas.

And if that happens, it’s necessary to show the consequences of those decisions.

I completely agree.

Why the boiling rain didn’t we see Catra suffer the consequences of her leading the war on Etheria?

The consequences of repeatedly placing Adora in deadly situations??

Trying to stop Adora from preventing the reality of Despondos from collapsing???

Edit: Oh, and actively blaming Adora for it, purposefully triggering Adora’s trauma??? The woman she later claims to have “loved the entire time”??????

Where were those consequences, Stevenson???

Can you fucking answer me there???

#salt #narrative structure #showrunner #what the actual fuck #tw babybat swears #because this is employee abuse #just #fucking employee abuse #if true #fuck this

[babyspacebatclone]

I am having a fight with my mother.

I’m Autistic with Anxiety (although she refuses to acknowledge any developmental issues, she sure as hell knows about the later).

And while this is all technically my fault, it’s because I won’t let her fucking walk all over me and that’s my problem.

I’m a 42 year old, and she still just - makes decisions about big things that ai’m just expected to go along with.

And this was the wrong week to say “I put a down payment on a car, clean out your old one you can pick it up after your 9 hour shift at the day care tomorrow.”

And now I’m the fucking bad guy for saying “I’m fucking sick of my opinions on shit not mattering.”

To clarify the timeline:

- Thursday: There is a car issue with my stepfather’s car.

- Friday: I am basically told we’re finding me a new car. I complain my car is fine, I’m exhausted from work, don’t make me do this.

- Saturday: I’ve accepted the inevitable, and say I’ll be fine getting a car. I emphasize (as much as I’m capable in this situation) that next week a coworker is gone, I’m going to be having 9 hour shifts, I really am not looking forwards to next week.

- Sunday: I get car photos sent to me. I’m freaking the fuck out, but still assume my mother knows me enough. I don’t fucking care in the slightest what car I get, so I say “Whatever you find I’ll be good with.” I try to again emphasize “This week is going to be shit for me at work.”

- Monday, 10:30am: I get a fucking text my mother had put a down payment on a car. When texting back, I’m basically “mollified” by being told “You can clean your car tonight, we’ll go to the car lot tomorrow.”

And I just - I’m been furious at work all day over this. I’ve been crying off and on, I have zero appetite, I had to buy the most ok food I can rely on so I’ll eat.

And when she completely blew of my “I’m not in a pleasant mood, I’m exhausted from work,” text, I snapped and finally let her know how I feel about this shit.

And I’m the bad guy.

Her: “I will not force you to get a new car. I thought I was helping you. Do not worry, I will get my down payment back and I will not buy the car. Have a good evening. I am honoring your wishes. I was not trying to steam roll you.”

Me: (trying to be optimistic) “Thank you. I am willing to go along with a new car if you think it's absolutely necessary. I just CANNOT handle it this week.”

Her: “ No I am not buying a car for you. I am hurt, frustrated and unable to talk right now. I have only ever tried to help you, not control you. You got the wrong parent for that one. You're not gonna like these words, and I'm probably crying. Well so am I”

Me: 😳🤬😭🤯😡

Just…..

Fuck this.

#actually autistic #so close to a fucking meltdown #don’t drop this shit on me so fucking fast #tw babybat swears #the family drama thread

[babyspacebatclone]

So, yesterday I had a huge fight with my mother over - at the core - me feeling like I have to sacrifice my own opinions in the altar of “family happiness.”

Today she’s still being exceptionally cold except for a bot of guilt tripping.

I was planning on being stubborn, because well I think I’m right.

But then I, completely logically and calmly, think, “Well, this sucks. Maybe I should just lie, act like I was the one at fault, and let her be happy and just do the same shit for the next couple of decades while I rationalize it all away so at least I can go back to the familiar, normal stuff I can deal with.”

Sounds like I was making a mountain over a molehill about “I’ve been trained by my family to sacrifice my own emotions for the sake of family stability,” huh?

You know what I would have appreciated? (If you’ve been following the drama)

A simple “Hey, we found a car we think you’ll like and want to put a down payment on it. I know you’re are work, but call us as soon as you’re on lunch break so we can talk! 😊”

Instead of what I actually got:

Important note: Them picking the car was my decision, I know shit about cars.

The decision I need to trade in my decade old but still good car? Made by her, on Friday.

Because she suddenly got a bee in her ass “You need a good car for when we’re out of town on retiree trips!”

“Yesterday” above being Monday.

Have I mentioned recently she both knows I have major Anxiety, and knew I was working a crap week with a full time employee on vacation???

#fuck this #fuck all of her bullshit #actually neurodivergent #don’t drop this sudden fucking shit on me #tw babybat swears #the family drama thread

[babyspacebatclone]

So, we have a new baby at the daycare today, i. my room.

Great baby, 3 months old, but has been exclusively breastfed and is still figuring out bottles.

Even with than it has been minimal scream crying, and we even have worked out if we use the smaller nipple bottle it can drip slowly into their mouth and they will swallow!

But I was so looking forwards to a nice, quiet lunch.

So, half way through, one specific staff member comes in.

On a video call.

I put in my earplugs and could still hear the entire conversation clear as day, including a few things that just made me want to smack her.

(This is the coworker that I had a Meltdown in front of, who when I wanted to talk with her about it just went “It’s a new day, forget about it!” That kind of “I’m obviously helpful and good!” kind of “completely oblivious to the needs of others” things.)

Anyway… Grabbing an extra minute on my half hour because she just left and I need it.

#tales from the daycare #basic common etiquette #fucking video calls #just bitch #you don’t need to be in the break room for this shit #tw babybat swears

[babyspacebatclone]

So, I was thinking about this Friday, where I’m scheduled to work from 7am until 6pm (don’t worry, the rest of the week is mostly shorter so I obly have 42 hours! And often get out around 5:40pm instead if 6! 😊).

And I’m like “You know, on my long days I usually only take 45 minute unpaid lunches (the usual is 30 min unpaid lunch), but I think I’ll take the full hour that’s offered! I can have a salad!!”

And this is relevant because my version of a salad starts with a bag of mixed greens, goes from there, and is eaten entirely by myself.

And I was imagining a new staff watching me prepare it, and ask “WTF?” and me cheerfully replying “Peep Chili!”

And you know, right now, as I am frustrated at reality for making it so three other staff have shit going on during May, when I hd scheduled my preventative hysterectomy for May 1 back in January, and now I am arguing back and forth with myself if I should just go for the fibroid removal so I have two days of recovery instead of 6 weeks.

And fuck it, Peep Chili is my mood right now.

All of it.

#the good place #peep chili #tw babybat swears #this is a fucking week #and i have a month #before i have to decide #to do the surgery i want to get over with #or keep fucking working #because i am 99.9% confident #my daycare #will #not #function #without me #Youtube

[babyspacebatclone]

Wow.

How the fuck am I sane???

I’ve been thinking about my employments between 2015 and 2018, and…

How the actual fuck am I sane???

I just….

I was talking with some current coworkers about a mutual ex-coworker. “Mutual” in an unusual sense…

They worked at Day Care A for a while, and was fired for (as an example) sleeping on the job. They then got hired at Day Care B.

I began working at Day Care B, had - quite a few problems, then began working at Day Care A where suddenly everything makes sense.

Later learning about how the ex-coworker preferred working (you know, with minimal effort), the extremely low number of staff in the smaller Day Care B, and how that particular coworker basically strong armed everyone who wasn’t me into accepting things…

Wow.

How the fuck have I gotten over my CPTSD in only four years of working under people with standards?????

Said CPTSD from working at an Adolescent Intensive Inpatient Treatment Center that….

Well, let’s leave it at “gave me CPTSD” and “technically worse than the place functionally run by a person who’s sleep on a job that involved supervising toddlers.”

Seriously.

How the fuckity fuck am I sane???

#babybat has trauma #actually traumatized #fuck #just really went over thinngs again in my head #ever have those moments #where you -actually- comprehend #how fucked over you were??? #tw babybat swears

[babyspacebatclone]

Ignore this, I just had to listen to an idiot rant front my egocentric-viewpoint money-obsessed idiot owner during my six month review (which was supposed to happen at the end of December) and I meed to exorcise the last of my rage.

Keep. Wearing. Masks.

I don’t fucking care if the COVID-19 virus is “smaller than even a N95 mask is designed to “filter.”

COVID is transmitted through our fucking saliva. It transmits when we breath because we have fucking super tiny droplets of saliva that happen. It transmits the worse when we cough because that’s a fuckton of saliva droplets.

And masks. Fucking. Block. Saliva droplets.

Fucking wear your mask, and to my owner specifically: shut your fucking mouth, you fucking sociopath. Other people fucking exist, and your comfort being brought down one percent is fucking worth it.

(I work in childcare. My owner got into childcare buying a daycare for his wife, who as far as I can tell is a decent sane human being who’s only flaw is putting up with this asshole. He was also bitching about how much overtime my director - who was on vacation this week, and therefore who I consider my boss was jot at my review, but fuck it I talked to her last week about shit - has been doing because we’re short staffed, because “she’s my most expensive employee.” Yes, the person you pay the most having to work insane fucking hours is a problem because that means you are spending more money. Yes, that’s the fucking problem here, asshole.)

#wear your mask #covid19 #fuck this asshole #tw babybat swears #again fuck this asshole

[babyspacebatclone]

You ever assume you’ve dealt with trauma, because you discuss it freely with people and have worked on it and actively take time to consider your triggers and your trigger response is reducing?

And it’s been several years since you, for example, have consistently worked with children capable of cause and effect thinking, but you’ve been doing great working with toddlers and babies, any lingering trauma from working with traumatized preadolescents has been dealt with.

And you’ve been working with defiant preschoolers for a month now, but all you see is how great you’re doing, how calm you are and how you’re able to be consistent about applying the general expectations to encourage emotional refutation and patience in your children?

And it’s great, you’re proud of your job, you’re proud of your work…

And then something makes you suddenly seriously consider the long-term consequences for these children if they don’t address these behaviors?

And you suddenly remember that time in January 2021 when a group of individuals who were not taught proper emotional regulation, patience, and basic consideration for others decided a group of “others” were trying to take away their rights?

And exactly what you’ve been fighting for five years, despite getting PTSD the first time you tried, suddenly feels all too real and giant?

…..

Yeah, I’m going through some things right now.

#babybat has baggage #please #do not bring politics into any response #there is definitely a correlation #between entitled viewpoints and politics #but that’s not my focus right now #it’s in teaching children #how to be fucking decent people #desite the fact #you’re suddenly feeling #very fucking broken #tw babybat swears

[babyspacebatclone]

I know when I’ve reached critical burn out when I get extra enjoyment from singing nursery rhyme songs using only swear words.

The fact profanity is almost always one syllable really gives you a lot of leeway for making stuff work in a simple meter!

#babybat is exhausted #tw babybat swears #fucking stupid #fucking stupid fucking shit! #fucking shit! #fucking fucking fucking #fucking fucking fuck-ing #fuck this shit!