#tw dec 18

[jjxngmoon]

eternally grateful to them for always sharing their memories of jjong, i will cherish the new pics we have always

#tw dec 17 #tw dec 18 #so grateful to them for always sharing their memories of him with us #it feels really special #they all love each other so much #we all love you jjong #i’m sure you must be so proud of how far they’ve all come #you did well #love you always #<3 #jonghyun #shinee #taemin #minho #key #onew #( sorry if this is a bit of a mess i am on the verge of exploding )

[gaykey]

it just hit me that Jonghyun was definitely the glue holding the group together, he was close to every single member, like the youngest three idolized him so much, they literally put him on a pedestal and then Onew was always the one with the same-level understanding with him. It just hit me that he was so young, and it's a wonder that the shared trauma between the members didn't left worse scars (and still we know that at least Taemin and Onew have been having struggles even though they haven't ever shared anything). I wonder how much different things would be if 12/18 never happened

it's a non-issue but i've always wondered why Jinki and Taemin never felt like sharing something, maybe they really were the ones who took it the hardest.

these are two are kinda related, so i'm replying to both.

i wanna address something first in regards to jinki & taemin here, because it gets brought up a lot, and these messages reminded me of it - i'm not saying this is what either of you are saying or not saying, but how much or how little they share isn't an indication of how they grieve, or who took it hardest y'know? like - we don't exactly know what scars were left, (same with kibum, minho, and anyone who know jonghyun) and we have no right to. we can't make any asssumptions on their personal feelings about jjong's passing, other than, it was obviously very tough on them.

again, i'm not saying this is what you are saying, but i've seen so many opinions flying around over the years about this because minkey choose to express themselves in a certain way on jonghyun's anniversaries, whilst ontae don't. i don't think we shpuld pass comment on that tbh.

and first anon, yeah jonghyun was their center, and he was such a vibrant and loving person, that really brought them together.

and of course yeah - i think a lot about what things would be like jf he was still here. i think that's inevitable with every new change shinee goes through.

#anon #tw dec 18

[ssvmptoms]

you know what- i’m not sure why those shawols hate newer ones. i think it’s because they most likely talk about… that, and it makes them uncomfortable or they’re anti jonghyun or ot4 in someway idk but this happened to my friend where he was bullied online and it was so bad that he would literally lie and say that he was a shawol of 10 years just to validate his grief. like bruh imagine having to proof that you had been a shawol for a long time just so people would take you seriously. i mean… this is awful and since we’re about the same age many people would assume that i also am a new shawol when i’m very old. fandoms are weird.

//talk of dec 18

this!!! i feel like the only reason some “shawols” will hate on babywols is just because theyre an ot4 in some way or need something to argue about. im so sorry about the way you and your friend were treated, i hope you guys are better now. wishing you the best

but also, why do you have to be an older shawol to grieve? whether you are a new shawol or a shawol since debut, you are very unlikely to have ever knwon jonghyun on a personal level.

all connections to him are through his beautiful music and nice messages via concert, or social media, or blue night. i believe that even if you were a fan of 14 years or a fan of 1 year, you have the right to grieve. admiring his beauty, his talent, everything he did for those around him, his kindess, his advocating towards communities in South Korea, his care, his sense of humor… those are all things you can cherish him for even as a fan who became a shawol after his passing.

though i do think that the rise of non-shawols around december does cause a bad stigma towards babywols — there are so many people who cant name a single song he wrote for shinee or a single solo song besides moon who claim how much they “miss” him… and then its the only shinee post they have on their entire page. those people can go fuck themselves honestly like maybe if you actually gave a fuck about shinee youd know thats not what the members would want…

i actually made an internet war edit and posted it on tiktok and someone told me to “not do jonghyun like that” like he didnt do that performance himself… when will they get a grip

but to end this rant, the first post i ever saw about jonghyun, about 2-3 years ago, was praise for his vocal talent, and not about his death. thats how it should always be

#vent? kinda #tw december 18 #cw december 18 #tw dec 18 #cw dec 18 #jonghyun #shinee

[sanstropfremir]

tw suicide

pls don't read that stupid article and give the writer any more clicks but she wrote "in 2017, the same year shinee's jonghyun committed suicide, bts had a partnership with unicef" or it was something like that and it's just so fucking crazy and disgusting how a self proclaimed "serious reporter" would mention someone death just to uplift bts...it's beyond fucked up and she also said that bigbang's TOP had a drugs scandal (it was a weed scandal but she tried to make it seem worse) and she gave credit to armys for their political involvement during the philippines elections and some filipinos got rightfully upset because of that because she completely disregarded the protest natives have been doing for days and acted like armys where the only people who cared about the issue. and when she got backlash on twitter she started complaining about kpop fans as if armys weren't sending death threats and racist messages to other kpop journalists weeks ago. it makes me livid how some people have no empathy or morals whatsoever.

(also it's so ironic how she's disrespecting jonghyun in an article praising bts when that man used to be one of the most politically active idols and to this day i haven't seen anyone who is as outspoken as he was he single-handedly had a law changed in korea because he talked about it on twitter and he showed support to palestine and had people make petitions wanting him to get kicked out of his group for being an lgbt ally but sure keep running your mouth and ignoring all his achievements just to feed your false narrative about bts paving the way for everything in this industry)

oh fuck RIGHT off. well that explains all the threads i saw of people bringing up all the topics jonghyun brought attention too. would it kill people to do a modicum of research. like come on, it feels like i do more research for my silly little opinions on this blog alsdkfs. tbh that just sounds like very irresponsible and ill-informed journalism and i can't believe that got published. well i can actually, but i'm disappointed it got published.

#tw dec 18 #making music for unicef doesn't actually DO anything u dipshit #the only laws they're actively getting changed are the ones that are exempting them from service lmao #also like. i don't like top all that much but like. the man clearly does not want to be in the public eye anymore leave him tf alone #text #answers #ngl western media does speak more callously about the deaths of public figures so im not entirely sure it was meant negatively #but that doesn't exempt you from having empathy and like. basic common sense abt the topic you're writing about #regardless of if it's more common it's still disrespectful

[badtzee]

. 

#tw dec 18 #bunch of trauma dumping #just some late night things but im just so emotional ive held onto kibum and shinee for dear life since jjong passed and thru that trauma #i disconnected myself completely from getting into anything or anyone else bc of that pure fear of losing another idol #ive never and will never recover and i took jonghyuns death so personally to the point where hes on my skin for the rest of my life #and i closed myself off from ever enjoying anything else nothing felt enjoyable i was always reminded that it could be ripped from me with #no warning #to heal enough to gain a new interest and admire someone with barely a hint of anxiety means alot and i think thats why ive attached myself #to atp so intensely #im grateful and he'll forever remain special to me for that reason #im starting new and im not longer suffocated by trauma

[blingerish]

.

I was just reflecting on how much I'm surprised that time has been the best medicine and how I can now look at gifs of jjong, how I can listen to him and not break down in tears anymore (obviously there's some that still make me cry) but it amazes me, how it took such a long time for this grief to transform from a painful wound to something so different ... today whenever I see anything related to him my heart is so filled with love and fondness. The love I have for him is so damn unconditional.

The fact today I was cooking and dancing happily to Neon ... to be able to come this far and be able to rediscover, go back to his and shinee music is like coming back home, to a safe space

And its all thanks to Minho and the boys and how they keep his memory alive, seeing them remembering him in a natural way lighted something in my brain that wasn't there and helped me so much to reconnect, even if I never truly stopped following them, that overflowing and pure feeling of enjoying shinee's music is back and soooo good to feel it again

#Monologues #tw dec 18 #no biggies just me thinking thoughts about time #I'm kinda drunk at this point

[losinqdogs]

i feel like i don't rlly know how to process the grief and everything that comes with it so here we are, i guess

#tw dec 18 #dec 18 tw #idk if thats needed but #thats what its abt #idk its just a lot i guess #personal #im thinking i should make a tag for these so u can mute it if u want lmao

[neonlovebelt]

I've been disconnected from shinee for the last year(I have many reasons one of which includes no longer being interested in fandom culture but I love them the same)and it's so funny because I'll go weeks without listening to them or seeing their face and then I see a picture and I feel so emotional and my heart swells. I periodically check in to see how they're doing and what they've been up to, and I love them so much and am always so so happy when I see them. I just find it incredibly hard to be an active fan these days, the biggest reason being that I miss Jonghyun, and it's been very hard recently knowing that every time I check in on them there aren't any new Jonghyun updates.

I'm excited seeing all the new solo music, I was super excited seeing Minho being a lead in a Netflix drama and I nearly cried in happiness once Taemin was discharged from the military. That means new Taemin music and a Shinee comeback!! But then 10 minutes later I see Jonghyun or the mention of him and I'm reminded that his presence is frozen in time. We'll never get new music, new modeling and mc gigs, new interviews, new lives, new instagram posts, new selfies, etc. Every image and video of him laughing, talking, singing, performing, lamenting about his interests and family and friends and Roo are all cemented in the past. I miss him dearly, and I know it isn't common to talk about these feelings as much anymore(at least from what I've seen) but I really wanted to talk about it.

I know wherever he is, he is finally at peace and despite the sadness I'm feeling, he brought so much love, light, passion, creativity, and joy to a world that needs a whole lot more of it. I love him, I love Shinee, and I know I'll get out of this rut. Sorry for the sad post!

#tw dec 18

[sparrowsparadise]

“늘 당신을 사랑합니다”

"I will always love you"

I love you, my dearest moon. I'm so proud of you and you did well. 💙

#shinee #jonghyun #i miss him so much #tw december 18 #tw dec 18

[sisyphuslnabyss]

sorry but i literally cannot imagine seeing someone excited about something harmless and thinking that they’re weird. a few days ago my friend said that some of the people in my kpop club thought i was weird when they first met me because i got “too excited” about jonghyun and it was...really hurtful. obviously on principle of my happiness being seen as strange and unwelcome but also because that happiness comes from something (someone) who means a lot to me and is connected to a deep well of pain. not to mention the amount of constant dismissal he gets from basically anyone who isn’t a shawol. it’s like saying, “aw, he died? that’s so sad what a tragedy” and then ignoring the fact that he was a human being -- a talented, intelligent, thoughtful and compassionate one at that. One that produced more than just a few sad songs. He smiled. He laughed. He was super fucking horny. He sang like an angel. He had a dog. He had a radio show. He helped people.

He helped me.

I never knew him before it happened. i will forever feel the void where he would be today in the ways that people forget him and the ways that i will never know him, past or potential future. But what I do know is that seeing a man so unconditionally compassionate and thoughtful and open with his pain, who used it to soothe others’, helped me retroactively. I saw him and thought, “that could be me.” not only his pain, but his compassion. not only his death, but his life. and to dismiss my attachment to someone who helped me so deeply is like ignoring everything about him, and everything about me, and all the violence it took for me to become this kind. and i’m tired of forever being the outsider. i think he was too.

#not to mention that these are the same people that like. tell idols to their faces on twt that they want to suck their toes and collect #photos of artists that sing about...hot sauce. not that those aren't valid attachments #it's just hurtful when i open myself to people and allow them to be themselves and enjoy it and they don't do the same #ive spent my entire life tweaking myself into a more lovable version of myself and dismissiveness is so hurtful #because it's like it's never enough #camus solidaire solitaire etc etc #dec 18 tw #tw dec 18

[disguisedcheezed]

#dirkjohn #johndirk #dirk strider #john egbert #ult dirkjohn #ult dirk #homestuck #tw blood #mine #disguisedbacklogs #dec 18 2023

[neotrances]

#dec 18 tw

[umlewis]

almave | lewis hamilton

#lewis hamilton #f1 #formula 1 #fic ref #fic ref 2023 #not a race #2023 not a race #post-season #post-season 2023 #tw alcohol #(note to self: not sure when actually shot. uploaded to vimeo dec 18 2023.)

[sanstropfremir]

from everything you've said about shinee I would like to get into them but I'm just so afraid of what I would see and feel when jonghyun shows up on screen

at risk of sounding insensitive, and please know that i mean this with kindness, but he's just a person. i totally understand that grief can be weird and uncomfortable, especially if one doesn't deal with it often, but both grief and death are a fact of life. in this particular instance, from the outside, it's a mountain that feels insurmountable because you can see all of it all at once; all the history and the reactions and the mythologizing. but underneath all that, he's just a person who really loved music in a group that also really loves music. the world didn't stop watching robin williams movies or listening to kurt cobain. it's important to confront and acknowledge those emotions when they happen, but the art is what they left us and it deserves to be appreciated, just as jonghyun deserves to be seen as a person and not a monument.

#tw dec 18 #understanding one's limits is important but that shouldn't mean excluding everything because you're afraid #if you'll forgive me for making an assumption anon but i'd recommend getting comfortable with grief. you don't have to like it #but eventually it will enter your life whether you want it to or not and the less you approach it with fear and trepidation #and the more you approach it with understanding and compassion the easier it will live with you #you can't ignore it forever. i've tried and it doesn't work #text #answers #it's a complicated topic and i can't be the one to tell you want works and what doesn't because it's a personal process #but you don't need to be so afraid of your emotions. everyone has them and accepting that they happen is important #if anyone wants me to tag this with anything else just let me know. i tend to speak somewhat blithely about this general topic

[vampyretaemin]

literally the first thing i saw this morning had me crying about jjong. i cant articulate in words everything im feeling but things have been so hard the closer its gotten to today and its just. Man. there really is a void without him here.

#tw dec 18 btw #personal #its not the 18th here yet but it is in korea so everyones talking about it. didnt consider that was going to happen 👍

[suncaptor]

Tw suicidality

how to explain how much doing poorly on a test does in fact make me feel certain that like. without the doubt that's just it like. like when I nearly killed myself when I got a b+ when I was 16 it wasn't actually about getting a fucking b+. it's like if I can have academia I can hold on but now. I can't. I've spent weeks this quarter in agony and every free second I'm not quite literally in intense debilitating distress I cannot escape what's inside my mind. Like sure it's not about academia actually it's about what's happened to me what's happening to me. it's about I can't escape my body. I can't escape my body oh my god I can't escape my body. I can't escape my body.

#tw suicidality #delete #vent #it would fuck me up less if i managed to apply to grad schools but its too late for the dec 1st ones. #i will apply to a couple but there's no way im getting in #its what ive been putting off since i moved out at 18 or whatever. its going to happen. the fucking end #there's no where i can go and no way i can make it i don't know what to do. I'm so tired #its so enraging because. i could have #if this year was different #i could have maybe done something #I'm so tired